#EDIT yes it does. to me (avoiding doing my job)

[varreblogger]

i’m going to be honest the real enemy is people who saw a grown adult man using feminine speech/mannerisms and were like oh well that means i have to draw him soooo thin and tiny and waifish. obviously

[cardo-de-comer]

soo helloo and i think it's time for me to explain the deal with my characters and this whole "you're not supposed to be here" thing. EDIT: just fixed some stuff. thank you folks for your support, i really appreciate you all <3

i made these characters way back in june and by today they have a lot of lore around them in my head. i even have a dream to make a game with them but it's just a dream for now so i'm gonna try to explain the main things about this story. Obviously this is a long post, although I tried to keep this stuff short. and excuse me for my writing and any mistakes, I don't usually write this much text.

It starts with the world. Alternate 15th century, humanity is almost gone and what's left of it shares quite a big city with demons and angels. However, demons and angels are usually being treated like servants - eventually one gets tired of it all, so everyone knows an uprising is just around the corner. Let's just ignore that for now.

The City has a catch of it's own - it's alive. The walls have eyes and ears and the City knows every resident by heart and soul, both figuratively and literally. Usually City acts through the King, it chooses protectors for itself, ones who have strong minds to comprehend it - they will be called the royal knights, each of them have a company of a /more wiser than the rest of them/ demon and angel to help with their tasks. Only the King and ten royal knights know that the City is alive and very talkative but they don't understand fully what it's trying to tell them. Most of them choose to ignore the voices in their head because hey, that's what you do usually in this situation, otherwise they drive you nuts.

City is also extremely emotional and appearance depends on its condition. Usually it's a sunny day out and the city looks welcoming, but you don't want to be there when the City is scared: it might eat you alive by accident. Now that the environment is aside, time for the main three characters.

Imri is a young lad who will soon be a royal knight. He actually wanted to be a painter when he grows up but well, you cannot disobey the king's orders. Quite emotionless and a man of a few words, he tries to stay on a neutral ground between good and bad - a perfect candidate for manipulation to all three sides, demons, angels and the City.

look at him

Royal knights get to know their angel and demon companions at least a week before they get knighted to avoid any misunderstandings. Imri doesn't mind his friends at all, although one of them caused quite a fuss.

Angel /they name themselves Lyra/ is an overly positive, naive and blindly kind entity. A bit childish and very fond of justice, they try to act as a voice of conscience, not understanding that sometimes this can make everything even worse than it was. There is a feeling that they're trickier than it seems but you can never quite tell.

the latin text all over them is just a part of their design

The demon though... That's not even a demon, that's the Devil himself. Yes, everyone knows who this is, everyone avoids him and he's not supposed to be here at all. Despite being THE Devil, he didn't try to do anything horrific yet and, when he's not joking around, he tries to be the voice of reason, the voice that no one listens to. He seems to know a lot more about this whole world than anyone else but he talks about it only when he wants to.

no one likes him at all, expect maybe Imri who just tolerates his presence like he always does

That's the main three. There is a few secondary characters, Imri's father being one of them.

sir Jastrab /or just Dell/ is one of the royal knights, he's a bit naive, loyal, and a soul so kind that his demon hung himself. Oh well. He lost one hand in what he calls "a work accident" which is partly true but he never goes into details.

He never wanted for his son to be a part of the knights because he knows by experience that it's not an easy job and not every father wants for their child to go insane from the voices in their head.

few people said that the angel accompanying him looks like d20 and so be it

The others are Sun and Moon - local deities, despite being on the sky every day and night, usually they don't really care about what's going on down below. You can still talk to them but don't expect much action. Regardless of all this, they are still loved by almost all living things. They can rarely meet each other but humans always depict them together no matter what. Although maybe humans are right...

creators of the Stars - some part of a human soul that i can't talk about :)

Angels and demons come in all forms and sizes but those are the main population - lesser demons resemble the Devil in some ways and lesser angels look like clovers. Rivals usually but when the revolution happens, they learn to tolerate and work with each other. Humanity doesn't really have a chance.

they hate everyone equally And there is another being, that Imri meets a few times through the story - it's Death. Death is just having fun in this end of the world and there is a lot of work to be done.

this is an old and rough design so maybe it'll change The whole story begins at that day when Imri is supposed to be knighted. Everything seemed fine until Imri gets to hear the City for the first time and realizes that he hears and sees a lot more than everyone else. Completely overwhelmed he blacks out - even the toughest of minds often can't take it - and wakes up later only to find out that the King got killed somehow, angels and demons saw this as the starting point for a revolution and the City starts to panic.

Now Imri, guided by his companions and the voice of scared City that's crumbling and slowly drives him insane, shall travel to the center of it to find out what really happened, getting through demons and angels who are busy destroying the rest of humanity. Fun.

There is a lot more to this whole thing but I cannot tell the entire plot because spoilers, in case if i actually will make something out of this story. Think of it as a game lore. I'm not sure about making sth yet because i operate only on hopes and dreams and i barely have any strength lately but who knows... But now you have at least some context! And yeah, thank you if you actually read all of this, you're a hero.

Now i need to get back to drawing. Thank you all for your support. <3

[jinwoosbabyboo]

𝙸𝚜 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚃𝚛𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚍𝚢?

You're an actor and you finally got your big role in a hit TV show. Unfortunately your character only made it to Season 2 before they killed you off. This is how I imagine the lads men react to watching that scene [Requested by: Anon]

𝚉𝚊𝚢𝚗𝚎

calm cool and collected on the outside; whole time he's really having an internal breakdown

grips your hand a little tighter in his as the scene progresses

“are you dying? is this a tragedy?”

is very aware that it’s just a show, but can’t stop his heart from pounding at the thought of losing you

rubs his eyes to keep himself from tearing up

stares at you after the episode ends “What?” “The thought of losing you has always terrified me; watching you perform that scene does not help” “it’s my job Zayne besides im right here”

finds himself staring at you more often just trying to commit every feature of yours to memory

never willingly watches that episode again

skips over that part every time or just turns the show off “You still can’t watch it?” “No”

praises you for the phenomenal performance although he claims it was a little too realistic

𝚁𝚊𝚏𝚊𝚢𝚎𝚕

is great at slipping in and out of character so he was the one helping you with your acting skills

sits up straight when he realizes what's happening “is this the scene you've been keeping secret?”

falls out immediately in your lap

bawling his eyes out goes as far to curl up in your lap

would be so proud of not only you, but himself as well for helping you perfect your craft

“Do I get credit as the acting coach?” “Yes would you like a reward?” “You know I do”

Although he’s proud of you he can’t bring himself to watch the episode again also doesn't continue watching the show in general "they killed off my favorite character how can I continue watching it now?"

keeps pushing you to work on crying on command so if you need to cry for your next roll it’s even better

acted out the scene with you at home for fun once and had a mental breakdown

𝚇𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚛

Fell asleep in the middle of the show and missed it

“just watch it when you get a chance” “no replay it”

immediately turns the show off in the middle of the scene

“im not watching this” “Xav…” “No”

drills you with questions about why you didn’t tell him you were dying in that episode

“I can’t watch that don’t make me watch it” "You're being a little dramatic don't you think?"

pouts, pouts, and pouts some more

won’t watch it no matter how much you beg

although he never finished watching the whole scene he holds your hand tighter now these days

asks for a warning next time so he can prepare himself …… to fast forward

𝚂𝚢𝚕𝚞𝚜

watches quietly giving away nothing

“You even shed a few tears for your own scene?” teases you for crying at your own death scene “it looks different after the editing okay!”

won't admit it, but one time was enough

“it made you sad didn’t it?” “Well I don’t take pleasure in watching you die onscreen sweetie” “im alive though” “Let's keep it that way”

weasels his way out of watching the scene again

his voice slightly wavers whenever you bring it up

avoids eye contact when you tease him about it

held you tighter at night for at least a month

Bonus: the twins bawled their eyes out and tackled you to the ground with a bone crushing hug

[chimcess]

Waterlog || pjm (4)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader Other tags: Olympic Swimmer!Jimin, Ex Olympic Swimmer! Reader, Swim Coach!Reader Genre: Strangers to Friends to Lovers!AU, Coach!AU, Swimming!AU, HEAVY Angst, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, fluff, eventual smut, I'm so soft for these two it's crazy. Word Count: 11.8k+ Synopsis: After a car accident ends her athletic career, Y/N has slowly started rebuilding her life again as a high school swim coach. That’s until she gets a request from an old friend and finds herself back in the spotlight as the new coach of Olympic swimmer, Park Jimin. Warnings: ANGST, crying, mental health issues, talking about mental health, I'm so soft for them it's actually wild, best boyfriend Jimin, did I say angst????, past drug use, past alcohol addiction, past trauma talk, crying, anxiety, hand holding, touching as a love language, Jimin can't keep his hands to himself, he does try his best though, pining, sexual tension, banter, I love these two A/N: I know we're a couple of weeks late updating, but I've been very busy with moving so I haven't had the energy to write. I did a very quick edit, so this might not be perfect. I'm planning on coming back once I'm in my new place to do a full proofread. Hope you like the update!

prev || masterlist || next || playlist

Hand clutching my phone, I sighed. All around me the airport buzzed with life. I had almost forgotten how hectic the Denver Airport was. A few feet away I saw a mother struggling to keep her children together while her husband scrolled on his phone. I must have made some sort of noise, subconsciously voicing my annoyance, because Jimin laughed.

“What’s going on, gran?” He teased, voice light. “See a couple of youngins on your lawn?”

I scoffed, tearing my eyes away from the family. “Just a shitty husband ignoring his children.”

He hissed, sucking in air through his teeth, “The worst kind of dude. Are you alright?”

Softening, I finally spotted my luggage on the conveyor belt. Twisting my torso, I did a light stretch and then quickly snatched the heavy bag up. “Not too anxious, right?”

He had been very worried about letting me come home for a visit. When I had originally brought it up he offered himself up for the job, but I was not a fan of that idea. My friends would definitely bring up our date and I did not want to deal with the awkwardness that would cause. Especially since we had yet to go on it. That would not matter to Hoseok, however, and the teasing would have been endless. Better to spare Jimin from their wrath for just a little while longer.

“I’m cool,” I replied, softening. “Just got my stuff from baggage claim. I’m going to let you go so I can call Andy.”

“Okay bug. See you in a few days.”

Harper had recently started calling me that, forgetting my real name and not caring enough to ask for it. Eloise had tried to scold her for it, but I told her I did not mind it. It caught on with Cameron not too long after that, and soon the entire Park family had started using the little nickname. Jimin thought it was adorable from the beginning but had only started using it after our talk the other night.

I laughed, “I’m going to call you tonight.”

“Aw,” I knew he had that stupid smile on his face. “Miss me that much?”

“Someone needs to make sure you’re staying out of trouble,” I replied, a confident pep in my step I had not had in years. “But yes, I do miss you.”

There was a pregnant pause. 

“I miss you too.”

I could feel my heart melting. I was still getting used to our new dynamic. On most days we were strictly business, and were able to set aside the very large, very apparent elephant in the room. It was not until we had finished with work that those roles dropped, and we were able to just be us. 

Ever since my confession in the car Jimin spoke a hell of a lot more. Apparently, he had a hard time keeping his feelings to himself and chose to talk a little less in order to avoid a slip up. He wanted to give us both a little bit of time to get to know one another before springing his crush on me.

“Going soft, kid?” Playing things off with humor was Jimin’s thing, but it had slowly started to rub off on me. “It’s only two days.”

“I know,” He pouted. “Call your friend. It’s cold and you’ll get sick.”

“Hey,” I cut the teasing tone I had, “You’re not upset I came here by myself, right?”

“No,” He chuckled with an unmistakable fondness. “I’m just messin’ with you. I’m not ready to meet your friends and you need some alone time. We’re good, I promise.”

I sighed in relief, “Okay. Good. I’m going to go now. Talk to you later?”

“Call me when you can,” He replied, voice light.

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye, bug.”

I was disappointed to hear the line go dead but knew I could aimlessly walk around this airport all day if given the chance, so long as he was there with me. Trying to get my thoughts back on track, I sent a text to Andy asking if she was here yet. If not, I was already making plans to call Jimin back.

Andy: I’m parked in 5 near C Gates

Andy: Be careful

Andy: Saw a lady almost get hit by a car just now

Me: See you in a sec

Me: Should I be worried?

I knew she was trying to make a joke, but car accident punchlines never went over all that well with me. Even if I knew the chances of that happening to me were almost zero, I really did not want to have a panic attack in the airport parking lot. 

Andy: Not at all. I’m so sorry for even saying anything. I can come meet you at the doors if you want.

Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Sigh of relief. I was fine. 

Me: I appreciate you

Me: Is babygirl here?

Dani would help the spike of anxiety dissipate. The girl was fearless and was sure to be distracting enough to keep me from paying attention to the oncoming traffic. I suddenly wished that Jimin was here. He always knew what to do.

Andy: Jin and I are weak

Andy: We let her play hooky

Bobbing and weaving through bodies, I tossed my phone into my purse and made my way out of the airport. The arrivals station was packed, and I would need to take the automated train to where Andrea was parked. It was my least favorite part about this airport, but it beat Dallas-Fort Worth by a landslide. I had gotten lost in that airport more times than I could count. 

Three minutes later I was getting out of the train and stepping into C Gates. I could smell Auntie Anne’s and felt my mouth begin to water. Checking my clock, I decided it would not hurt to make a quick spot for lunch. Andy would appreciate it and I knew Dani loved their pretzel dog. 

There was a little less traffic in C Gates. More of the expensive airlines let out here, and all you could see were business professionals pacing back and forth. A family on vacation bumped into me while I was waiting in line, and I almost gave up my spot when their toddler started screaming. 

“No, no,” His mother insisted, her hair a mess on the top of her head. “Between the girls and my mom, we’ll be here all day. Go ahead, sweetie.”

Two little girls danced around me as we waited, the line moving at a snail's pace due to the airport being understaffed. They asked me questions incessantly, and while their mother had tried her best to keep them in line, I told her I was fine with the extra attention. I loved kids and the girls were harmless. The boy in her arms kept repeating “pizza” and soon an elderly woman joined them. 

If the girls talked a lot, they had nothing on grandma. Not only did she never shut her mouth, she was loud and obnoxiously laughing every few seconds. The boy was quick to beg to be in her arms and mom got a break. She was back to attempting to corral the girls, but again they did not really listen. 

“They’re only like this when my mom’s around,” She sighed, frustrated and tired. “We’re meeting up with their father and they’re all a little restless.”

“It’s no bother,” I lied. The girls really were not that bad. Just a couple of four-year-olds having fun. The only person who was really getting on my nerves was her mother, but I was not about to say that. “Better to get it out now than in the car, right?”

She cracked a tired smile, “Right.”

Finally, it was my turn to order. The young girl behind the counter gave me an award-winning smile while another young blonde was in the back getting all of the orders out.

“Hi, welcome to Auntie Anne’s. How can I help you today?”

“Can I get one original pretzel, one cinnamon sugar pretzel, and a pretzel dog combo with a lemonade and cheese,” Glancing behind me, I sighed. “Throw in a pizza pretzel, two orders of pretzel nuggets, and whatever else the family behind me wants.”

She smiled, blue eyes twinkling prettily in the bright lights. Turning around I waved the mother over and told her to get something for her and her mother. She put up a small fight, but eventually gave in when she realized I had already put our orders together.

“Thank you so much,” I thought she might burst into tears when my card was approved. “You really didn’t need to do that.”

I shrugged, “It was nothing. Have a nice vacation.”

Walking to the pickup area, my order was already waiting for me. With nothing more than a simple wave, I left the dysfunctional family behind. The grandmother’s loud thank you seemed to echo off of the airport walls, but it was a little less grating now that I knew I would never hear it again. 

Andy threw herself at me when I finally made it outside, little Dani wrapping her arms around my legs with squeals of delight louder than her mother’s. Taking her pretzel, Andy gave me a fat, wet kiss on the cheek and told Dani she could eat in the car. 

“How’s gymnastics, girlie?” I asked the little girl once we were in the car. “Still kicking ass?”

“No,” She laughed. “I quit, like, forever ago. Appa put me in ballet classes.”

I gave Andy a look. The red head rolled her eyes, fixing me with a knowing look. I had been telling Jin to put her in dance for years.

“It’s been two weeks and she’s already trying to talk him into figure skating.”

“You’re a little hustler, huh?” I reached into the back, squeezing her knee. Dani giggled, angling her body away from mine. She was very ticklish. “Keep at it. You know your dad’s a sucker.”

Dani laughed, “My vovó says the same thing.”

We listened to Olivia Rodrigo on our way to the Kim house. Hoseok and Matilda had planned a huge coming back party for me, and from what it sounded like, I was going to meet Tilly’s new boyfriend. 

“Anything I need to know about Max?” I asked.

Andy was almost as in the dark about the guy as I was but was able to tell me he was a tattoo artist from California. The two of them met at Frank’s bookstore and by the end of their conversation Max had managed to get her out to dinner and in his bed. It was a whirlwind romance, one that made me feel uneasy about its foundation, but I was still obligated to be happy for my friend. They could be soulmates for all I knew, and I was not about to judge anybody else for their version of a first date.

“I don’t want to talk about tattoo guy anymore,” Andy whined playfully, turning up the radio when “Good 4 U” came on. “I need to know more about your little boyfriend.”

I groaned, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

This was why I was so adamant Jimin stayed away. We had yet to have a real talk about what we were, choosing to wait for our first date to iron out those details, but no one in my circle seemed to understand. All they heard was the word date and suddenly wedding bells started going off. 

“Stop deflecting. We both know he’s your boyfriend, official or not,” She laughed, stealing looks at her daughter in the rearview. “What’s he like?”

It was a hard question to answer. On the one hand, I felt like I knew him better than anybody else, but I was self aware enough to know I didn’t. His body language, the way he looked when he beat his best time, and all of his preferred gear were seared into my mind. The movies he liked, his favorite albums, and all of the best tv shows ever made. He went to college. He was the sweetest, kindest, most understanding person I had ever met, and yet… he still felt far away. The shadows that oftentimes clouded his vision were still a mystery to me, and when he came into practice with a lost look on his face, I felt helpless. I knew him and yet I didn’t.

“He’s quiet,” I finally landed on. “Very nice. Always willing to help other people out if he can. You’d like him.”

Andrea scoffed, “That’s it? The first guy you’ve dated in years and all you can tell me is I’d like him?”

“We’re still getting to know each other,” I sighed. “What do you want to know?”

We spent the rest of the car ride going over the last two months' worth of pining. I told her about Fiona, Jimin’s family, and all of my new friends. She almost pissed herself laughing when I told her about the night he asked me out, making so many Hoseok and Tilly jokes I had a difficult time focusing on the story. Andrea seemed to be finished with her interrogation when we pulled up at her house. 

Dani ran to the front door, her excitement about the party making any discomfort I had disappear. It was hard to feel uncomfortable with her around. Taking my hand in hers, the little girl shifted her weight from foot to foot, shouting at her mom to hurry up, and opening the front door anyway. Andy told her to calm down, and I just chuckled and went along with it.

The living room was filled with all of my favorite people, a large ‘welcome home’ sign hanging on the large, backwall. Underneath it was a huge table covered in food, a cake in the middle of it, and I had a feeling Sarah made it. Both her and Frank were the first people to notice me, their faces lighting up, and I let go of Dani’s hand in favor of embracing the elderly couple. The rest of the party comers erupted their voices loud and filled with love as they took turns passing me around. 

“Missed you, Otter,” Hoseok murmured in the crook of my neck, hands secured around my waist.

“Missed you more,” I replied, releasing him and catching Tilly. “Jeez, girl. Trying to kill me?”

“Come meet Max,” She replied, dragging me away from Hoseok.

Max was a tall, lanky guy with black hair that fell down his back. His clothes were on the baggier side, all black, and I recognized the band on his t-shirt from the shit Matilda liked to listen to in the car. He smiled at me, and I was surprised to see him rocking adult braces. He introduced himself, his voice deep and warm, and shook my hand. They were baby soft and covered in tattoos. 

“It’s great to see you,” I replied, genuinely meaning it. If I had to picture a guy more perfect for Tilly, I would come up empty handed. “Thanks for coming.”

He flushed, impossibly pale skin turning a bright shade of red reminding me of Jimin. 

“Anything for Mattie,” He replied.

Huh, he had his own nickname for her and everything. I would need to hang out with Max more before I could say if I liked him or not, but so far, I had a good feeling. Andrea’s worries seemed a bit silly now. They really liked each other, and Tilly’s heartbreaking, dimpled smile made me feel more confident in her partner. They would be just fine. 

The party was fun, and I ate more spinach and artichoke dip than was healthy. Hoseok and I talked about my afterschool visit tomorrow. The boys had a swim meet Saturday and the two of us were hoping we could tag team in order to iron out any issues they had been having. I was being placed in charge of the freshmen while Hoseok made sure the other kids were feeling confident and ready for the meet.

"Let's party!" Frank boomed, lifting a beer into the air.

I laughed, "Be careful, old timer. Don't want you to hurt yourself."

I thought of Jimin again. That sounded like something he would say. Surrounded by the people I loved, I laughed hard and partied harder. The plates of food came one right after the other, and I was happy that I still had a place here. Falling back into my step, I fit seamlessly back into the fold.

"Dance with me," Hoseok demanded, tipsy and red-faced.

"It's your toes," I replied, taking his head and letting him take the lead.

The other couples were already dancing and hooped and hollered as I awkwardly followed the steps. I was not always a bad dancer but lost some of my rhythm in the accident. Hoseok never minded and let me step on his feet without a single complaint.

"You look happy," He commented, spinning me around.

I smiled, "I am."

He smiled back, wincing when I stomped down on his toes again. I apologized, but he just held my hand a little tighter and kept moving. I hummed along to the song, filled with joy. He spun me again, and finally let me go when I slammed into Jin.

"Go get some cake or something," He laughed. "You're too dangerous to be out here."

I rolled my eyes, "I tried to tell you. It's your fault you don't listen."

"Don't need you anyway. I have enough swag for the both of us."

I watched, thoroughly amused from the sidelines, as he moon-walked around the living room.

I left just before midnight after staying behind to help Andy and Jin clean up. The others left a few hours before to get back to Denver at a decent time. My house looked the same as always, dark and empty, but I could tell the landscapers had been around. The grass was recently cut and edged.

The silence inside was deafening. I had always known my place was too big for one person, but after spending so much time in my little she-shed at the Andersons’ house, everything here just felt excessive. Tossing my keys in the bowl beside the door, I wiped my eyes and decided to just head to bed. I would only be here for three days. I would be back in Saline before I knew it.

Dragging my body upstairs, this sudden depression-filled fatigue made my shoulders feel ten times heavier. A chilling, almost insidious, hollowness began to spread across my body. I knew this feeling all too well and it made me feel pathetic. Could I not be on my own anymore? Had I really grown that attached to my life in Michigan? Finally getting into my bedroom, I realized that I had.

Saline was perfect. Living in Colorado Springs has always bothered me. The people here held more traditional values and making friends was difficult. I had Andy and Jin, but they were both very busy people. Andrea was a full-time nurse, Jin’s schedule was somehow even more erratic than his wife’s, and when they were off, they wanted to spend time with Dani. I was lucky if I saw them once every two weeks. 

Hoseok, Tilly, and Minho all lived in Denver, and while I saw them more often due to the meetings with Frank and Sarah dragging me into the city, it was not like we hung out every time I was out there. Days would go by with me speaking at all, and most of my weekends were spent in bed sleeping. Working at the school helped, but I would never claim anyone from the swim team to be a friend. I was not in the habit of befriending children.

Living in Saline was different. Jimin was always there to make me laugh, and when he wasn’t, I had people like Taehyung and Sam to keep me company. Giselle was young, but we got along so well I often forgot about the difference in age between the two of us. Megan and Yoongi were Michigan’s own version of Andy and Jin, and I could see myself becoming good friends with them given enough time. No one had kids, no one was too busy trying to keep up with crazy expenses, and I could find a little house away from the rest of the world to spend my life in.

I thought of the Parks, a family who I had come to love more than I thought was possible, and the Andersons who took me in and always tried to make me feel comfortable. Eloise and her kindness. Luna and Cameron. All of them. I loved and adored every single one of them, and it was then that I finally let myself really think about what I wanted.

Did I want to come back here after I was finished with the season? Did I really want this massive house if it meant I had no one to share it with? No, I decided. Stripping out of my clothes, the numbness was being replaced with a different strange feeling. It felt suspiciously like hope. Excitement came to me so rarely it was foreign and odd, but nice all the same. Jittery, I took my phone out of my pants pocket.

“Hello?” Jimin’s voice was scratchy when he finally picked up.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “Did I wake you up?”

“Yes, but it’s okay,” I could hear him shuffling around in his bed. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah,” I breathed, climbing into bed. Then, without thinking, I blurted, “I think I want to move to Michigan.”

I held my breath as I waited for his response. There was no telling how this conversation would go, but I was hopeful. Even if this whole date thing did not go very well, I was positive that we would be able to move past it with a little bit of time. We worked well together and if he was comfortable with it then we could continue working together. Regardless, there was always coaching at a school.

“Like, permanently?”

I nodded but after a moment of silence remembered he could not see me.

“Yeah.”

My stomach started to churn. As the silence on the other end began to stretch, the excitement I felt before faded. Even if I said Jimin and I could get past a potentially awkward break up of sorts, I would not pretend that the thought did not make me physically ill. We would never be the same if that happened. It would be something to think about if it came to pass before the Olympics was over.

“Did something happen?” He finally asked, and I could hear the genuine worry in his tone. “Are you okay?”

The fear shifted to hurt, irritation, and anger, making my eyebrows knit together.

“I’m fine,” I could not keep the bite from my voice. It was petty and wrong of me, but his insinuation that I was not in my right mind was insulting. It made me feel like a child. “Just- forget I said anything. I don’t know what I’m even talking about.”

“Don’t do that,” His steady calmness made me even angrier. “I’m only asking you because it came out of the blue, not because I’m not happy with the idea.”

Now I just felt silly. Here I was making these small revelations, waking him up from his sleep, and then getting snippy because he did not respond the way I had wanted him to. Ugh, I wasn’t even his girlfriend yet and I’m acting like Darcy. A shiver went down my spine. That was an insult above all others.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured, the attitude from a few seconds before gone as quickly as it came. “I got defensive for no reason. Sorry.”

He chuckled, the sound barely audible over the phone.

“I forgive you. Now, why do you want to pack your life up for good?”

That made me laugh. It was a sad, pitiful sound. One that did not hold my usual spunk. One I don’t think Jimin had ever heard before. It was impossible to feel sad when he was around.

“I forgot how quiet my house is,” I admitted softly. “I love my friends, but I think coming back just reminded me of how easily I was able to fall back into the routine of it all. Jin and Andy are parents, Tilly has a new boyfriend, and Hoseok and Minho are always so busy with their own lives that I don’t see any of them as often as I would like to.”

Turning on my side, I blinked back a few tears.

“It might sound stupid, but I really do love Saline. I like how busy I am and all of my friends. I bought this place with the hopes of kids and a dog one day, but I don’t think that’ll ever happen, and now it’s just rooms collecting dust. I just-” I let a tear fall, my emotions starting to bubble over. “I don’t like how lonely it feels out here.”

“Doesn’t sound like you like it there. Have you always felt like this?” He asked.

I shook my head, the tears free falling in between sniffles and shaky breaths.

“Not always. Ever since Namjoon died things have been weird. There was a point when I felt suffocated because no one would leave me alone, and then one day everything resumed, and I just got left behind. It was like I woke up and two years just passed me by.”

Jimin comforted me while I cried, telling me how much he hated to hear me so upset, while I worked on calming down. There had been a time in my life when I was not so emotional, but therapy had opened up a whole new side of myself I didn't know existed. Rubbing my face, I sniffled and sank deeper into my mattress. For now, the waterworks had stopped.

“You were recovering,” He soothed. “Your body needed time to heal, and you were traumatized. I don’t think anyone can blame you for zoning out for a bit.”

I hummed, “I know. Doesn’t make it easier to swallow.”

“I know how you feel. When I pulled out of the Olympics last time there was a part of me that felt like a huge failure, but my dad was there to help get my head back on straight. He doesn’t seem like it, but he’s a really great shoulder to cry on.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” My voice was like sandpaper. “James is the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

I felt heavy. Worn. Used. My eyes begged for me to shut them, but we were just getting back into safer waters, and I didn’t want to burst the bubble. I yawned, covering my mouth and hoping Jimin could not hear the sound. He had gone quiet.

“Can I ask you something?” Jimin’s voice broke through the comfortable silence that had formed around us. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“Shoot,” I forced myself to smile.

“What happened to Namjoon?”

I closed my eyes. This was something I knew would come up sooner or later. My lip wobbled uncontrollably as the second wave of tears crashed over me. I hated talking about this, but I knew it was going to come up sooner or later. Jimin deserved the truth, and honestly, I wanted to tell him. Being vulnerable with someone felt good. Being vulnerable with Jimin was divine. He was always so ready and willing to go along with things, listening and watching my every move, and trying his best to understand me. It was refreshing. It was nice. It was familiar.

“Was he in the accident with you?” He asked and his voice was so, so gentle. 

“Yeah,” I croaked, finally finding my voice. “I went out with some of my friends and got pretty drunk. I was tired and ready to go home, but my ride didn’t want to go home yet. So, I called Joon.”

I sucked in a deep, loud breath. Jimin told me I could stop, that I didn’t owe him anything, but I ignored him. This wasn’t about owing him. This was about letting the guy I liked get to know me. This story was a part of who I was, as fucked up as that may sound, and I wanted him to get to know this facet of my life as deeply as he knew the present day one. 

“Anyway,” I continued. “He offered to come and pick me up. Twenty minutes later I’m getting into his car and we’re on our way home. We’d just gotten engaged and bought our first house together- things were perfect. I had never been happier.

“We ended up taking the long way home because of an accident on the interstate. It was my idea, and Namjoon had a knack for going along with whatever I wanted. We were only two minutes away from the house when we got hit.”

I took a few deep breaths and wiped my face. Jimin was quiet on the other end. After a minute or two, I jumped back into the story.

“There was a four-way intersection around the corner from our place. Our light was green when we drove up. I don't think he thought to check if there was another car coming. He never even saw the truck. He, uh, died on impact.”

“Jesus,” Jimin breathed.

“The other guy was drunk as hell behind the wheel. Not paying attention. Funny thing is, he was the only person who didn’t get critically injured. Just a broken arm and a concussion. He wrapped our car around a light pole. My leg was pinned between the car and the light, and the airbag is what caused the brain injury.”

Jimin cursed under his breath, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry that happened to you.”

“Yeah,” I gritted out. “Me too.”

He let me cry for a little while, saying over and over again how sorry he was and how he wished he was in Colorado with me. I did not have anything to say to him. It felt like my chest had been ripped open and my heart was on full display. 

I never questioned how quickly we went from barely talking, to joking around, to sitting up late at night on the phone talking about life. It just happened. Clutching my phone in my hand, I let out a deep breath and held back any more tears from falling. I never said it, but I wished he was here, too.

“Hey,” His voice was gentle when he spoke, so fragile and sweet, that I had to force down the sobs threatening to come out. “I just want to say I’m sorry for how I reacted earlier. You wanting to move here is probably the best thing I’ve heard all fucking year, but I just didn’t want to sway your decision.”

Sniffling, I tried to tell him I wasn’t upset, but he shut me down almost immediately.

“Let me finish,” His voice did not leave room for argument. “I know I don’t act like I’m insecure, but I am. I can be selfish and self-centered, and I’ve always had to really work on those parts of myself.”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with anything,” I mumbled, curling into a ball beneath my blankets. 

“Like I said, I can be a very selfish person,” He sighed. “There was this part of my brain just wanting to hear you say you were coming here and staying with me for forever. I didn’t want that to take over the narrative. And- no offense, but if you did move all the way out here just to date me, I think I’d be a little creeped out honestly.”

I snorted. Hearing that he felt the need to explain any of that to me felt like a small win, even if it did make an alarm go off in my head. It took courage to be that open and honest with another person, especially someone who just cried their eyes out. His compassion and understanding never failed to amaze me, and I was grateful he trusted me enough to let me into his mind for once. Still, it did not make the creep comment any less funny.

“Don’t laugh,” He whined, unable to stop himself from chuckling. “I’m being serious.”

“So do you want me to be a creepy stalker or not?” I joked, hoping to lighten up the mood. “Make up your mind, kid.”

“I think I just want you to be yourself,” I melted. “That’s been working out just fine so far. I mean, if you are a creepy stalker, you managed to get me to like you.”

“Mission accomplished,” I breathed, still reeling from his sweet words. “You better watch out, 007. There’s a new spy in town.”

“So, I’m Bond and you’re Joe Goldburg?”

“Exactly,” My cheeks hurt from how much I was smiling. “Penn Badgley would be a decent James Bond. He was really great in Margin Call.”

I bit my lip, trying to suppress my smile.

“Holy shit, you actually watched it?”

Margin Call was one of Jimin's favorite movies from 2011. He kept a very large notebook filled with all of the movies he’s ever seen, along with ratings, and if he should ever watch them again. He went through it one day and came across the action film, rewatched it, and then spent most of the day talking my ear off about how great it is. 

“Someone I know was very passionate about it, and it managed to pique my curiosity.”

Jimin sighed, but I could not tell what emotion was behind it. Definitely was not anger or frustration. Not sadness either. 

 “What time are you getting back on Sunday?” He asked, and I could definitely hear the affectionate tone his voice had taken on.

“Um,” I thought about it for a moment. “Six, I think.”

“PM?” 

“Yeah,” I curled up under my blankets. It was beginning to get really cold inside, but I did not want to get up to turn the heat on. “I have to double check my flight times, but I know it’s somewhere around there. Why? What’s up?”

“I know we already made plans for next week, but I was thinking I could pick you up from the airport and we could go out.”

My face grew hot, “I don’t think I’ll be dressed for a date.”

“You always look great,” He assured me.

I laughed, nervous and embarrassed, “Thanks.”

We had originally planned our first date to be the weekend after I got back. Jimin was adamant about giving me an experience, and I had been more than happy to indulge him a little. He was just so cute when he got excited. We were running on a limited timeline right now, though, since he had an upcoming swimming fundraiser with Swim Across America in Allendale. The team was raising money for cancer research, and I was very excited to be there to show my support.

Moving the date up meant we would have less to do next weekend, unless Jimin still wanted to keep our plans in place, but it meant we could focus on the fundraiser instead of trying to juggle a date at the same time. 

“I hate to go, but I’m really tired,” Jimin yawned. Pulling my phone away from my ear I was startled by how late it was. “I’ll text you in the morning, okay?”

I apologized for keeping him up so late. “Promise I won’t do it again.”

He hummed, already beginning to fall asleep, “Don’t mind. You’re always welcome to bother me in the middle of the night.”

“Night Jimin,” I whispered, blood pumping.

“Night bug.”

There was one thing I missed about Colorado- how quickly the snow melted. Michigan was seeing more snow as each day went by, but here in the mountains they would not start seeing the worst of it until the spring. For the first time in a month, I was able to forgo my large, puffy jacket in favor of a long sleeve and jeans. Jimin found my excitement over this endearing, sending a slew of heart-eye emojis in response to the mirror photo I sent him.

It was almost the end of the day when I pulled into the high school parking lot. The entire front office erupted in excitement when I walked through the front doors, hugs and well wishes overwhelming me. Sandra, the receptionist, could have talked all day if I let her, and after signing in, I politely told them all I needed to meet up with Coach Jung. I lied about stopping by on my way out and only felt a little bad about it. They were way too much for me.

“They’re going to be so excited to see you,” Hoseok mumbled, a smile stretching across his face as loud teenage boys got closer and closer to the pool house. 

“I’m happy to see them, too,” I replied. “Should we wait until they change to make the grand reveal?”

He shook his head. “Would you rather hug now or when they’re in speedos.”

I shivered, disgusted by the mental image.

“Thanks for putting that in my head, you sick fuck.”

Choking on his spit, Hoseok bent over, laughing so hard he started to screech. His laughter reminded me of a ghost's wail and was contagious. We were both so wrapped up in our little bubble we did not notice the doors opening.

“Coach?”

Wiping my cheeks, I caught my breath and made eye contact with Jordan. Baby blue eyes widened while a large, dimple smile overtook his face. Behind him, Gabriel announced that I was here, and the room was filled with excitement. I was not much of a hugger, but I was happy to greet each boy with one. Gabriel hadn’t stopped speaking since catching sight of me and had a few accidental slip ups about how much he disliked Coach Jung.

Hoseok had alluded to that being their main issue right now. The boys were having a hard time adjusting to a new face and missed me dearly. To his credit, Hoseok admitted that he was still getting used to the coaching thing and made a couple mistakes his first few days here. He had made it a point to apologize to them for being a dick, but the teens hadn’t forgotten or forgiven him for his snappy attitude. Especially the two oldest.

“When are you coming back?” Marcus asked. 

I smiled sadly, “I’ll be out for the rest of the year.” The tall boy deflated, sending a nasty look Hoseok’s way. “But,” I was quick to fix my mistake, “I’m planning on making trips to assist Coach Jung throughout the year. I wanted to be here for your last meet, but something came up.”

That something had been Jimin’s birthday, and I was not going to risk missing his party.

Regardless, Marcus and the team were very happy to hear they would be seeing me. 

“I promise I’ll be here for graduation, too,” I added.

Gabriel offered to give me one of his tickets and I gratefully accepted the extended offer. We stood there and talked for at least fifteen minutes before I finally told them to get changed and into the water. Without protest, all twelve of them went to the locker room.

“You know,” Hoseok chuckled. “You're going to have to teach me how you manage to do that.”

“Cinnamon buns from Mountain Shadows,” I put on my whistle and grabbed my clipboard from my duffel bag. “They’ll be eating out of your hand in no time.”

The team was glowing. Jordan stood in the middle of the boys, a large smile on his face, as he praised them for giving the meet their best effort. Having another win under their belt, all of them were buzzing with excitement at a chance at nationals. They only needed to win three more competitions to qualify. 

For the first time since I arrived, the icy contempt they held for Hoseok seemed to thaw. It brought a smile to my face. If I did not come back next year, I had a feeling the boys would be getting along much better. 

“What’s for dinner?” Marcus asked, looking at me for an answer.

“Coach said something about burgers,” I replied, gesturing towards Hoseok. “You should ask him though. I could be wrong.”

Gabriel chimed in, “Yeah, we’re going to Bingo.”

My mouth watered. Bingo Burger was one of the best spots in town. Their fries were hot and crispy, and I loved their shakes. Mulling over my options for dinner, I always found myself stuck between the Gone Shroomin’ Burger and the Happy Hippie. For a vegan burger, that thing was really fucking good. Then again, a thick, juicy beef patty smothered in bacon, cheese, and mushrooms would hit the spot. Indecisive and bored, I fiddled around with my phone and somehow ended up texting Jimin.

Me: Gone Shroomin’ or Happy Hippie?

The noise on the bus was just in the background now and easy to tune out. Hoseok was laughing loudly with the freshmen while the two seniors were in a quiet conversation in the seat in front of me. Marcus and his girlfriend broke up recently. I stopped paying attention once my phone vibrated.

Jimin: No idea what that means

Jimin: Gone Shroomin I guess

I bit my lip, suppressing a smile.

Me: We’re going for celebration burgers

Me: The boys won and Hobi is treating them since we’re out in Pueblo and not getting back to the Springs until after dinner.

Jimin: Speaking of food… I was thinking we could get some BBQ on Sunday

“Y/N!” Hoseok called, making me look up from my phone. “Tell your boyfriend you’ll call him later.”

“We need you to be the tiebreaker,” Twig chirped.

“What for?” I sighed, glancing down at my screen.

Jimin: Have you been to Union Rec yet? It’s BBQ and a taqueria

Me: No but I’m always down for a burrito

“Do mermaids have gills?” Twig asked.

Fully pulled out of my phone, I flipped it around and gave the boys my undivided attention. 

“Of course not. They’re mammals, so it would be a blowhole.”

Hoseok clapped his hands, “Thank you! That’s exactly what I said.”

Sliding further down in the booth, I closed my eyes and drowned them out again. Colorado’s air was so dry and crisp I was having to get used to the altitude change. I missed how wet and cold Michigan was. Smiling to myself, I remembered how much I hated it when I first landed. So much has changed…

Shuffling, I made myself more comfortable. We were only thirty minutes out from the Springs now, and we would be at Bingos right on time for Hoseok’s reservations. Feeling myself growing tired, I sunk even further into the booth. Eyes heavy, I let them slip closed, and slept for the rest of the bus ride.

Standing in front of my bathroom mirror, I smoothed down my skirt for the millionth time. The gray sweater I had thrown on seemed too casual now that I was looking at myself, but I did not know what else to do. It was a laundry day, but when I went to put my clothes in the dryer it refused to turn on. Violet said they needed a new one anyway, but that did little to improve my mood. The pretty red dress I wanted to wear was soaking wet and hanging from the shower rod to dry. I played with the skin on my lip, willing the black and gray outfit to somehow look nicer. On the other side of the phone, Andy sighed.

“You look fine,” She insisted, running her hand through her auburn hair. “Do a cute hairstyle and put on a nice pair of earrings, and you’ll be golden.”

“You don’t think it’s too plain?” I had asked her this five times now, and each time I got that same reply. “I mean, do I look like I’m going to a funeral?”

“The guy has seen you in sweats and no makeup and still wanted to take you out. Do you honestly think he cares about the color of your outfit?”

She had a point. Finally deciding to cave in and give up on my obsession, I took her advice to do something with my hair. A few of the strands were beginning to look silver, and my sideburns were looking paler every day, but after Hoseok told me he was starting to see a few grays, I decided to leave them be. If we were both going to be silver foxes, I liked the idea of doing it together.

“Are you wearing heels?”

“No,” I shook my head. I picked my phone up and went to my bedroom to find a pair of earrings. “It’s too icy. Silver or gold?”

She thought about it for a second, her face scrunched up cutely. 

“Silver.”

I landed on some thick, gun-metal hoops. They matched the color of the sweater perfectly and did not take away from my face too much. I had spent too much time on looking this nice to have an accessory dominate. Andy was happy with my choice.

I had gotten back a little earlier than I originally thought I would, and asked Jimin if it was okay that I meant him at the restaurant out here instead of making him drive all the way to Detroit to pick me up. He had put up a bit of a fight about it but relented when I said I was hoping we could hang out at his house after dinner. I said I wanted to get myself home, but I was really trying to see how bad the drive was from his place to mine. The thought of spending more time in his space made me feel like a teenage girl.

“How’s ballet going?” I slipped on a pair of black tights. It was freezing outside, and I wanted to have as many layers on as possible. “Has Dani made any progress in getting her figure skating career started?”

Andrea laughed but said that her daughter was getting closer to her goal every day. Jin was weak and did anything the little girl wanted if he could. This was the only issue they were both bull-headed about. Jin wanted to teach her to be responsible and follow through on things, and Dani was tired of preparing for figure skating. She wanted to be on the ice and her dad was afraid of pushing her too far too young. I was most definitely a team Dani instigator, and it was a point of contention between Seokjin and I.

“What did you think of Max?”

I smiled. That boy was definitely a character. The gang and I had a nice dinner before I left Colorado, and Tilly brought along Mr. Tattoo guy. He was quiet and when he did talk, he always had something completely random and out of the blue to say. He fascinated me and when everyone started huddling in their own groups to chat, I turned most of my attention to the new guy. 

He was a sweetheart, and it was a nice change of pace getting to know him. He hated being called Peter (his first name), went to college for nuclear engineering, and became a tattoo artist on a whim. A buddy of his wanted a new piece, paid Max to draw it, and trusted the guy with a tattoo gun. He was an apprentice in San Francisco for three years before moving to Denver to open up his own shop. For all of his eccentricity, he was very successful and down to Earth.

“He’s good for her,” I finally replied, zipping up my Doc Martens, I checked the time. I would have to leave soon. “I’m just happy there’s no drama between her and Hobi.”

It had been a year since they officially broke up, but I knew they fell into bed with one another a handful of times since then. Hoseok and I had talked about their weird relationship on one too many drunken nights, the swimmer the only person able I liked enough to force a glass of whiskey down. Tilly knew that I knew and would vent to me sometimes. They loved each other, knew one another better than anybody else, and it was easy to fall back into each other since we were in the same circle.

 I doubted Andy knew anything about that, we tried our best to keep her out of the loop, but she always said that they still had lingering feelings. I hoped Hoseok was handling this news well. He seemed fine, happy even, so I just rolled with it. If he had a problem, I was sure I would have heard about it by now.

“Speaking of Hoseok,” The humorous tone in Andy’s voice caught my full attention. “Apparently, Jin saw him at The Rabbit Hole with some blonde girl before you got into town. He just remembered to tell me last night.”

This was news to me. Wracking my brain, I tried to figure out if he had brought up a date, or even a person he might be interested in, but nothing came up. Shrugging, I let it go. It was probably just some girl he picked up at the bar. Still, that would be an expensive date.

“He hasn’t told me anything about that,” I murmured.

“Might be why he’s not bothered by new boyfriend.”

I laughed, “Or it could be that they’ve moved on.”

“Oh, please,” She pulled a face, eyes rolling to the back of her head. “We all know that’s not true. At least, not until recently.”

“Regardless,” I sighed, grabbing my purse and walking out of the front door. “It’s none of our business. If they’re happy that’s all that matters.”

Andy raspberried, “Boo. I hate it when you’re all mature and adult-like.”

“And right,” I joked. “Don’t forget about that part.”

Locking up my little house, I made my way through the Anderson’s. Violet was watching the Golden Girls on the couch while Calvin was reading a book beside her. It was a sweet scene that made me smile. I wanted what they had. 

I gave them a smile and wave as I passed by. Violet returned it in full, her eyes kind and gentle, before going back to her show. Calvin put his book down and asked what time I was planning on coming back. He wanted to keep an eye out for my car.

“Around midnight,” I replied, moving my phone away from my mouth. Andrea was rambling about the new doctor on staff. I trusted her disdain enough to know he was a huge dick. “See you two tomorrow.”

“Be safe out there,” He replied, going back to his copy of The Catcher and the Rye.

Andy and I were on the phone for the entire car ride into Ann Arbor. I enjoyed hearing her voice, the small distraction welcome when I felt my anxiety spike. Thankfully it was a Sunday night, and the streets were somewhat empty.

Once I got into the downtown area, I drowned out her voice completely. Andrea never minded. She just kept talking like I hadn’t stepped out of whatever conversation we were just having. Never got mad when I kept asking her to repeat herself either. She was a wonderful friend to me, and I was grateful to have her in my life. If I moved to Saline, she would be the person I missed the most.

I still hadn’t talked to anyone else about the possibility of moving. I was not sure how they would react, and I needed to have my mind made up before giving any of them the news. While I knew Andy and Jin would be supportive, and Tilly and Minho wouldn’t really care all that much (it just gave them an excuse to vacation in Michigan), it was Hoseok I was most on the fence about.

With him it could go either way. He would either be really happy and supportive or call me crazy. It came from a place of love, and I respected his opinion more than any of the others, so I had to be completely sure of myself before getting into something like that with him. If he thought for a second I was rushing into things he would go into overprotective, big brother mode and kill all of my excitement. He might even be able to change my mind if he fought hard enough. 

Pulling up to the restaurant, I was impressed by the sheer size of it. One half looked like an old warehouse while the other half was a small, white bricked building. A red neon sign glowed in the night and a large party was hanging out outside of the building. I could see Jimin in their little group and smiled. He was a very popular man in this area and was able to make new friends wherever he went. If I had to guess, he knew someone and is now best friends with all of them.

“Hey, I just got to the restaurant. I’m going to let you go.”

“Okay, baby,” Andy replied. “Have fun. Talk to you later.”

“Text you when I get home,” I replied. 

Andy was as hypervigilant about getting texts as I was. She was on staff at the hospital when Namjoon and I first arrived. I can’t remember anything from that night after getting in Joon’s car, but when Jin and I spoke about it he said Andy was one of the nurses having to help triage me. She had to be physically pulled away from my body once the doctors found out about our connection, but the image of my body that night is burned into her mind. She was the person who took care of me the most upon release and quit her job at the hospital for a little while in order to make sure I was well taken care of. Calls and texts were just our thing now and I always felt horrible for being part of such a traumatic event for her.

“Love you,” She said.

“Love you too,” I replied, hanging up.

Getting out of my car, I locked the doors and made my way over to Jimin. He caught sight of me before I reached the small group and broke out into a huge, heart stopping smile. Unable to stop myself, I smiled back and waved awkwardly. He said something to the group before meeting me halfway. 

“Hey, you,” He said, wrapping his arms around me. “You look really pretty.”

I laughed nervously, squeezing his waist. “Thanks. I tried my best.”

Pulling away, I was able to admire him a bit better. He was wearing light jeans tonight, a rarity as he preferred sweatpants and slacks, and a black t-shirt. A leather jacket was a staple in his wardrobe, and he always said they kept him warm enough. I never believed him. As always, everything was a tight fit and showed off his body perfectly. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” I said once my appraisal was finished. “Nice boots. Where’d you get them?”

He looked down at the black, Chelsea boots and shrugged, “Nordstrom, I think. Taehyung got them for me a few Christmases ago.”

Of course he did.

“Let’s go inside. I’m cold.”

Jimin laughed, “My apologies, ma’am.”

The restaurant was packed, but Jimin had arrived thirty minutes early to get us on their waitlist, so I only had to wait five minutes for our table to be ready. Jimin brushed off the gesture as first date etiquette, but I knew better. The kid was late to everything and yet he got here early so I wouldn’t have to stand outside in the cold. It almost made me reach out and hold his hand, but my nerves got the best of me. We were at our table before I could gather up some courage, leaving a disappointed, bitter taste in my mouth.

“I’m feeling Disco Fries as an app. You?”

Searching the menu for them, I nodded. “That sounds really good.”

We were quiet for a few minutes as we decided on what we wanted. The menu here was rather large, filled with Mexican foods and copious BBQ items. Having never been here before I had no clue what was good and what hasn’t, but from how many people were here I had to assume nothing was bad.

“Know what you want?” Jimin asked, breaking the silence.

I shook my head, “No idea. What about you?”

“I get the same thing every time I come,” He laughed. “The Korean BBQ Burger is really fucking good. I also like the enchiladas.”

Finding both items, my mouth watered. Everything sounded amazing, but I wanted to get a little out of my comfort zone. I just had burgers yesterday, so I was not feeling that. Maybe BBQ? Looking at the options, I shook my head. I could not eat a half pound of anything. Biting the dry skin on my lips, my brain felt like it was working on overdrive. Too many options.

“Welcome to Union Rec,” I jumped a little, startled. “I’m Annie and I’ll be your server tonight.”

My eyes locked with a pair of baby blues, and I immediately recognized her. She was the brunette from the bar a couple of months ago. Eyes sliding from me, she landed on Jimin and the bored expression on her face morphed into one of pure bliss. I did not understand why she had given me that nasty look back then, but it was much clearer to me now. She had a thing for Jimin. Remembering she had a boyfriend, one she screamed at over the phone, it made me feel nauseous. Poor Tom.

“Oh my gosh, Christian. What are you doing here?” She asked, sneaking a look at me.

“Got a hot date,” He replied cheekily, gesturing his hand my way. “You remember Y/N, right?”

She gave me one of those tight-lipped, fake smiles. I returned the favor. I was not really jealous per say, Jimin’s declaration making any possibility of that disappear, but I did not appreciate anyone trying to make me feel small. I was a gold medalist. I was a fucking Olympian. Whoever the hell this chick thought she was, I would make sure she never thought for a second she got under my skin. 

“Yeah, we met at Brecon’s,” Annie replied, completely ignoring me. “Thought she was your coach.”

Jimin either did not catch the insult or he was choosing to ignore it. His smile was still just as pleasant as it was when we first sat down. I envied his ability to keep his emotions so controlled. I knew I must have been glaring at the poor girl.

“She is,” He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean she’s not my girlfriend. Are you taking our order or…?”

Annie spluttered for a second before regaining her composure. All affection in her eyes was gone and replaced by irritation. It was definitely directed at me, but Jimin’s dismissal must have stung. I was happy to be rid of her. Putting in our order for Disco fries, Jimin got a Sprite and Annie left before I could ask for a drink. Sipping on my complimentary water, I forced myself to breathe in and out. She was just a petty, annoyed girl with a crush. That was all. So, what if she was being rude? I was fine. Everything was fine. After the fifth sip, I actually believed it.

Trying to keep my tongue in check, I went back to looking through the menu. Finally able to make a choice, I decided on the birria beef ramen and closed the menu. Hopefully little miss Annie wouldn’t spit in it. Hot again, I took another long sip of water.

“Excuse me.”

Jimin flagged down another waiter, a pleasant smile on his face. Confused, I put down the glass and raised an eyebrow. He winked at me before laying the charm on thick. 

“Hey Marty. Would you mind if we got a different server?”

The young girl nodded frantically, “Of course. Is everything okay?”

Jimin smiled, eyes like crescents. “Everything is fine. Just Annie on her bullshit. Don’t want to get her fired by talking to your dad.”

Marty rolled her eyes, “Figures. I’ll tell her I’m taking care of you guys. Just don’t expect me to be running around for you, man. I have an entire section by myself.”

“I want privacy anyway,” Jimin replied, smirking at me. “Thanks. I’ll tip you well.”

She laughed, “Just make sure you put it in my hand. That bitch has been stealing tips. Cosette is trying to convince pops to fire her, but you know how he is about the girl.”

Jimin shook his head, “I already know. Can you get my girl a drink? Annie ran off without taking her order.”

Marty looked at me, her deadpan stare making me burst into laughter. Apparently, it wasn’t just me. That helped. 

“Sorry about her. She’s a massive bitch. What can I get you?”

I smiled, my mood a million times better, “Iced tea, please.”

“You got it, babe. You ready to order?”

Marty took our orders and promised to be back with my drink soon. 

“How do you two know each other?” I asked Jimin, finishing off my water.

“We were in the same class back in high school. Her mom owns that flower shop on Michigan Avenue.”

That was surprising. I was positive the girl was no older than eighteen. She reminded me of a porcelain doll, her chubby cheek and big eyes adding something angelic to her overall look. Then again, Jimin did not look all that old either. It was easy to forget he just turned 24. The age gap was really messing with my brain.

Annie was back with Jimin’s drink a few minutes later. She said nothing when she practically slammed his cup on the table before stalking off. It was then that I knew who she reminded me of. Darcy. I wondered if they were friends. Definitely had the same attitude problem, that was for sure.

“Ignore her,” Jimin told me once she was out of earshot. “I’ve been doing it since middle school.”

The rest of our dinner went back without a hitch. With Annie out of the way, and Marty’s small and infrequent check-in’s, we were able to be in a bubble of sorts. He asked about my trip back home and filled me in on what happened over the weekend. He had finally told his parents about our date and said that his mom thought it was a great idea. James called me perfect a few times, too. I had a hard time believing it, but Jimin had never lied to me before. It was nice to know the people around him accepted me even if I was a few years older.

“My mom’s 9 years older than my dad,” He revealed in between bites of food.

Shocked, I stopped eating all together. I had no idea they were that different in age. Ne-Yeon looked so youthful and pretty it was hard to guess just how old she actually was. Even fighting cancer, that woman did not look a day over 40. James was also in great shape for his age. To hear they had their own age gap made me feel a little bit better. 

“Wait,” Something else occurred to me. “Your mom was in her forties when she had you?”

Jimin nodded, “45. She had Haru at 48.”

It made sense to me now. To Jimin, our age gap was nothing special. It was smaller than his parents’, and having an older mother did not bother him at all. In his eyes, we had all of the time in the world for marriage and kids. A small weight came off of my shoulders. It really did not mean anything to him. He was not just saying that to make me feel better either. 

“Do you want dessert?” He asked, his plate empty in front of him. 

I was almost done with my bowl, “What do they have?”

He squinted his eyes, thinking.

“I know they have this horchata banana pudding. It’s literally the best dessert I’ve ever had in my life. There are a few other things, but I can’t remember what they are.”

I chuckled, “Then we’ll have the banana pudding.”

Jimin was not exaggerating either. The pudding was delicious. I almost wished we had each gotten our own serving, but after seeing the bill we were happy we hadn’t. Jimin paid this time. We had a back-and-forth deal when it came to meals. I got us breakfast last Wednesday, so he was picking up this bill. This was, unfortunately, much higher than Denny’s.

“I’ll put gas in your truck,” I offered on our way out. “To make up for the difference from Denny’s.”

He scoffed, “Don’t worry about it.”

“But-”

“We’re together now,” He interrupted me. “If I want to pay for a meal, then I will. You don’t have to pay me back.”

“We’ve always done that,” I argued.

“That was before,” He countered, walking me to my car door and opening it. “This is now. And right now, I’m trying to take a pretty girl, in a pretty dress, on a nice date. That includes paying for her meal.”

Getting into my seat, I pointed out that I let him do the gentleman thing all of the time. Opening my door for me, pulling chairs out at restaurants, and even walking on the curbside when we were out together. The list was endless. The least I could do was pay for half of a meal.

“I don’t do those things to get on your good side,” Jimin replied. “I do them because I want to. This isn’t transactional. So, stop worrying about being a burden. I enjoy taking care of you. You deserve to be taken care of.”

I could not think of a good enough comeback, so I just decided to drop it. If he wanted to pay for me then he could. It was his money to spend. 

“Send me your address.”

“You still want to come over?” He seemed surprised.

“Yeah,” I nodded, already pulling up the GPS. “What is it?”

He sounded like Charlie when he won the golden ticket as he gave me his address. 

“Don’t get too excited now,” I joked. “Just because I’m coming over doesn’t mean anything.”

Jimin laughed, “I pretend I don’t even know what sex is until after date three, so don’t worry about it.”

That made me laugh, “Get in your truck. I’ll meet you there.”

Looking back at him, I felt giddy. His eyes were so alight, his joy written so clearly across his face it took my breath away. A happy Jimin was the only kind I wanted to see. Blowing caution to the wind, I finally reached out. Touching his stomach, I felt the muscles clench beneath my fingers.

“Thank you,” I said earnestly.

“What for?” He rasped, placing one hand over mine, pressing my hand further into his skin. 

“For-” I broke off, taking my hand away. The feeling of him underneath me was too much. “For being so accommodating. I really appreciate it.”

He laughed, the sound strained and airy. I was too embarrassed by my actions to look at his face, but I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my eyes. Unlike me, Jimin was always brave. Hopefully some of that confidence would rub off on me. Maybe then I could reach out and hold him whenever I wanted to. 

“You’re welcome,” He replied, and my thighs clenched together at how rough he sounded. Did touching him do that? Or was it the praise? It could be both. “Drive safe, okay? You can follow me if that helps.”

I nodded, swallowing. The icy air outside did nothing to put out the blistering heat coursing between us right now. It was overwhelming how hot it was. Turning up my A/C, I pointed the vent directly at my face.

“See you in a few minutes,” I breathed, still unable to look at him.

Jimin closed my door, and I leaned back in my seat breathing heavily. I watched him as he rounded the front of my car, those pants sticking to his legs like a second skin and groaned. I had never felt this level of desire for anyone before. 

He reminded me so much of Namjoon. His beautiful brain and love for music and poetry so reminiscent it managed to bring me back to happier times. In the beginning I was afraid my attraction to him stemmed from that link. Because he reminded me of something I had loved so dearly that meant what I was beginning to feel was just a projection.

I was wrong. So unbelievably wrong. Jimin had a passion that Joon could never replicate. If Joon was a warm blanket, then Jimin was like the tide in the sea. On the surface it was calm, steady, and beautiful. Underneath that was life like nothing I had ever seen before. He was refreshing and filled with this fire for life that reminded me of my own from years ago.

Namjoon was perfect, a boy-next-door, and soft spoken. Back then I had enough of that passion for the both of us. Now I saw more and more parallels between us than ever before. I was uncertain, waiting for someone else to bring excitement back into my life, too afraid to reach out and take what I wanted anymore.

And then Jimin was there with that big smile willing to take me on whatever adventure I desired. All I had to do was ask. It was exhilarating, fun, and I was happy to be a part of the ride. His softness, his kindness, his understanding- all of it wrapped up in a pretty red bow. A gift that kept on giving.

I did not love Jimin, but I knew then that I could. With his sharp tongue and charisma, it was impossible not to. Everyone else did. Who was I to think I could be any different? I was a slave to his happiness. It was in that moment, sitting in my car, that I finally understood what was happening.

I was falling in love and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Taglist: @ownthesunshine @screamertannie @lovelytaes-blog @pernesianparapio @tae-with-some-suga @sumzysworld @chimmisbae

© chimcess, 2024. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Falling Part Five | Jeon Jungkook

Summary: Jae tells Lana about the party but you get nervous, not knowing what his intentions with her might be... Pairing: Guardian Angel f!reader x Fallen Angel Jungkook Word Count: 1.5k (sorry I know it's short and horribly edited) a/n: Hey guys so I know I haven't updated this story in months and a few of you have been asking for it so I'm sorry about that. I know this is short but I wanted to put something out for you guys. I'm still stuck on figuring out what's going to happen at the party so that's why this is still a little short but hopefully I'll figure it out and post it soon! Thanks for waiting 💜 Start from the beginning

"Jimin I don't know what to do" I whine, dragging out the last word, "I've been able to avoid the headache of her going to any high school parties but of course when this tall, mysterious, intelligent guy and his friends come around she suddenly decides to go" I complain to him. 

"I mean to be honest I don't blame her. They seem like they're fun and Jae is charming and to be honest out of the lot he's definitely a lot more her speed. I feel like that's why they work so well together" he responds, trying to get me to calm down a bit which helps but I still don't know how I'm going to help her. 

"Maybe you're right. He does seem like a really nice guy and he hasn't done anything wrong. I think just the fact that this is the first guy she's actually shown interest in is making me a bit more nervous" I admit, plopping down on Lana's bed while she continues to study. 

They've known each other for a few weeks and he hasn't shown any signs of really wanting to lead her astray so that's promising. At this point though I don't really know what he does when he's around Jungkook which stresses me out at the very least knowing that Jae has messed up enough to trade his guardian angel for a fallen one. 

"Just keep a close watch and maybe then he'll show his true colors. Lana sounds like a smart girl and you'll be materializing in a few weeks right?" Jimin reminds me. "That's only if she doesn't start to stray and I'm afraid that if she goes to this party that it'll be the beginning of the end for us" I voice, letting all of my worries and doubts out. 

"Just keep praying that she'll stay strong and that she'll focus on staying on the straight and narrow" he say, making it sound easy. "I wish it was that simple" I mumble, turning my head to look at her while she picks up her phone to no doubt, text Jae back from the looks of it. 

"You've been with her since she was conceived and you know her better than anyone. Just put your faith in her and I'm sure you'll make it to materialization. You've done a great job watching over her so, don't doubt yourself" he encourages. 

"I'm sorry but I have to get going now. Let me know how everything turns out alright?" he say before ending the call. "Yes don't worry I will" I reassure him and say our goodbye right as Lana's phone starts to ring.

"Hey!" she greets excitedly, instantly letting me know who it is without even trying, accompanied by the feeling of butterflies in her stomach. 

"I miss you" he says and I instantly gag while she has the polar opposite reaction watching as her cheeks start to warm up. "I miss you too" she says softly. "I wanted to tell you the details of the party tomorrow and also I just wanted to hear your voice" he admits.  

'Could he be any cheesier?' of course Lana is eating it up though. Chances are he's gonna be her first love so I guess I'll just have to get used to this lovey dovey behavior from them. I drown their conversation out, still listening in but only enough to sense if something bad will happen but it's pretty innocent at this point thank God. 

Thinking about all this love stuff is taking me back to when I was young and falling in love with Jungkook...

Eons ago...  

"Go talk to her" Jimin says, elbowing Jungkook in the side and he groans at the contact still with his eyes fully trained on me. 

"She's probably already with someone else" he says, making excuses and tries to walk away but his friend grabs him by his shoulders and turns him around, making him face me again

"She doesn't have a bracelet yet" he points out, looking at my wrists, neither of them adorned with and sort of jewelry. "Just go talk to her" Jimin repeats, pushing on his shoulder and making him stumble, grabbing my attention. 

Jungkook and I make eye contact for a second and he smiles bashfully and I return it before going back to my conversation with a few other female angels. 

"Look he's coming over here!" one of them says once I've turned back towards the group giving the handsome angle my back making me straighten out my wings from their slouched position into a more graceful one. 

"He's probably looking at one of you guys" I say in a hushed tone, all of them having clocked the way he was looking at me, leaving me feeling insecure and pushing away the thoughts that someone as handsome as him would be interested in a lowly angel like myself. 

I hear a man clear his throat behind me and my body goes rigid praying it's not who I think it is having truly thought my friends had been teasing me. 

They all make eyes at me, wordlessly telling me to turn around but when I don't he chances speaking to me to get my attention. 

"Hello" is all he says and the smooth baritone of his voice is more heavenly than any other melody I'd ever heard. "Hi, um we've actually gotta go" one of older angels says and pushes the other girls to the side, herding them over somewhere else and my protests die in my throat once he tries his luck again. 

"I haven't seen you around here before" he says and at that I turn around to face him. My breath is taken away from seeing him up close, his features working in perfect harmony. 

"Um yeah I'm one of the new borns, I guess" I say, still unsure of how everything works around here, referring to my recently aged up status. "Oh, well it's very nice to meet you..." he trails off waiting for me to fill in the blank. "Y/n!" I say quickly, embarrassed to have left a longer gap between his question and my answer. 

"That's a beautiful name" he says, testing how my name sounds on his lips. I swear I never want anyone to address me by my name ever again unless it's by him or God. "Oh and you are?" I question, forgetting to return his interest. 

"Jungkook" he says, a name that I had never heard before but pray would be one I would utter again and again. "It's nice to meet you Jungkook" and I can see how his eyes light up and his wings slightly raise behind him, obviously happy to have heard his name from my lips as well. 

And from that moment onwards we started falling. Madly, deeply and hopelessly in love. That is, until he fell...

"JK said the party starts around 8 so I can pick you up around that time if you'd like" I hear Jae's voice say through the speaker. "Oh okay, yeah that works!" Lana says but she sounds a bit wary. 

"What's wrong?" Jae asks, clocking her change in demeanor. "It's just that my curfew is 10 so I wont be able to stay for very long and because you're the one JK's throwing the party for I wouldn't want you to have to deal with leaving early to take me home or anything" she says and he nods his head, thinking for a second. 

"What about this. Why don't we just go and hang out there for like an hour and then we'll leave and spend the rest of that time together on our own before your curfew" he suggests and she lights up at the idea. "I'd like that" she smiles shyly, a fluttery feeling in her stomach again, no doubt from the thought of spending true alone time with him for the first time.

"You sure you want to miss out on the party?" Lana questions, starting to feel guilty about it all. "The party is gonna go on all night so if I feel up to it I can always go back later on. You're the only one I really want to spend time with" he admits and again I can't help but roll my eyes. 

At least he's honest though but I really hope this night ends with a simple goodnight kiss. 'Please Jae for the love of God don't pressure Lana into losing her innocence' I offer as a silent plea. 

Lana is someone I've been entrusted to and I will do everything in my power to make sure that she stays safe. One boy is not gonna ruin this for her, she's stronger than this and I know that. I just need to keep reminding myself and stop doubting her. 

I've gotta put my faith in her just like Jimin said, and pray to God Jae's intentions are pure. Please Jungkook, don't encourage him to do this, I know it's your sole purpose to lead him astray, but please, not Lana...

prev / next Series Masterlist

Taglist: @jkslipppiercing @trina864 @kaitieskidmore97 @goddesofimortality @coolbluedude @00frenchfries00 @bangtans-momma @coralmusicblaze @pastelpinkjoon @joonwater @marvelbun @j3nni-rs @evidive @beomieboi @forevrglow @jesssssmaybankk @teugiie @chaconnelatte @whoa-jo @snehal @xumyboo @mindurbuzznezz @diorh0seokie

Join my Taglist!

Feel free to fill out the form or just comment on any of my fics to be added :)

[vhyunjinverse]

Purple Converse

gn!reader x mgg (fluff)

summary: the first time you saw him was on a Tuesday- your first day. he came into the store smiling despite it being so early in the morning..

warnings: none !

“Excuse me, do you guys have this in a size 11?” You knew that voice, it was Matthew (or so his rewards account said). He held a box up of a purple converse shoe with a small awaiting smile. You smiled back of course, it was your job after all, but one from Matthew was surely contagious.

“Let me check, yeah? I’m sure we do, though.” you chuckle. He nodded, pursing his lips as you took the box.

You leave him be to go to the back of your post. You’ve worked at this shoe store for nearly a year, and you haven’t seen anyone walk in there almost regularly as Matthew. When you first met it had been your first day when he strode in all tall. In fact, he was the first customer to arrive- early in the morning when the store opened. He seemed to be in a hurry as the converse on his feet were about to fall apart. They were red and tied in a way you’ve seen before. With every step you could see the outline of two completely different socks on his feet. What a weirdo, you had thought.

All you could see was his fluffy hair and glasses over the shelves as he went straight for the isle of converse shoes. More people started to walk in and it made you nervous. Before then, all the other jobs you’d have weren’t exactly working with people face to face. Normally you’d be editing or designing some work online as commissions. Only online work, never in person.

With your eyes trained on the man scanning the isle, your hands nervously fidgeted with the name tag on your shirt. Moments later he was in front of you, tapping on the box lightly. “I’d like to get these please” His voice was soft, professional-like. It made your heart flutter in a bit of a panic.

“Oh! yes of- of course. Will that be all sir?” you cleared your throat feeling it run dry. You avoided eye contact with him, and instead grabbed the box to scan it. They were a high top pair of red converses, size 11.

He hummed before grabbing a pack of shoe laces from a rack on the counter. “These too, thank you.”

“Of course” you whispered. After scanning his items and placing them into the store bag. “Do you have a number or an account with us?” You say the words slowly and carefully, the practice you’ve done the night before seemed to vanish. “You can earn points and discounts.” you smile. He nods and leans in very closely- shocking you.

“I’m sorry for the lack of space, i didn’t want anyone else hearing my number out loud.” he giggles before calling out the numbers to you. You nod and pull back slowly to type it into the computer. The name “Matthew Gubler” pops up.

“Well, Matthew, you have a discount for $20 off, do you want to use it today?” You watch him pull out his wallet while shaking his head. “Not today!” he hands you the money and does a little bow before taking off.

“Wait your change-“

“Keep it! See you next time.”

And you did see him next time. It was a week later when he was coming in to get another pair of converse- low top and green. They didn’t have them in stores so he got them ordered and sent to the store for pickup.

When he came in he was all smiles again, this time wearing sunglasses. The store was crowdy. By now you were used to work the register and such so it wasn’t much of a hassle. It was only when that head of hair was in your view and Matthew’s beautiful smile loomed over you that you felt a little nervous. “Hey there Matthew. You..have an order actually.” You click your tongue to pull up his account in the computer.

“That I do. How’s your day going…Y/N?” he reads your name tag.

“Busy much. You?”

“Same here. I’m actually on my way out of town in a few hours for work. Wanted to get my shoes first.” he laughs. You smile and nod, holding up a finger to go and grab the perfectly wrapped box of converse.

“You know, i’ve only ever seen you wear these- or pick them up. How many pairs of converse does one man need huh?” You attempted at joking. Matthew laughed however, taking the box from your hands. “You can’t never have too many. They’re also very comfortable.”

“And the socks?” you pressed, “You’re a bit strange you know?” You check off his order, watching the line pileup behind him.

“I’ll tell you another time, how about that?”

And he did, and your relationship with Matthew started. You anticipated his arrival to the store you worked at. It made you happier. He had told you many things from your small meetings at the counter- what he did job wise, acting (which got you hooked on the show he acted in), painting, directing, being an author too- and a model? You were shocked really, how someone so energetic did so much and still had the time to buy shoes in store whenever he wanted.

You told him about yourself as well, how you’re also somewhat of an artist, and your small hobbies of crafting. You told a lot- from your favorite foods to your favorite style of clothing (his style of course). When you didn’t work you found yourself sitting with Matthew as he tried on sweaters from a thrift store not far from your apartment. If you weren’t thrifting, it was painting pottery with Matthew when he wasn’t working and free, being sure to grab food afterwards and hanging out.

He become an amazing friend to have. You even sat and watched the show he was in together (him laughing while you tried to piece together who the unsub was). You grew closer by the months that passed by. And so did Matthew’s converse collection.

He had FINALLY showed you after a month of asking (and him being away because of work). It wasn’t what you expected however- they were all stacked on top of each up messily with the strings hanging out of them, but ready to be worn. You remember telling Matthew he needed to take care of his shoes and no wonder he came in so much. But in that moment he said something..well, crazy.

“I only came in because just sitting there talking to you would’ve made me look suspicious and kept you from work. I’ve donated lots of these shoes, i wear them, yes, but they don’t last forever.”

The thought made you chuckle to yourself as you reached up and grabbed the size 11 box of purple converse, Matthew’s name written on it from you personally just for the occasion. When you came back to the front he was tracing a picture framed at your station of you two hugging.

“Will this be all?” you held out the box. He straightened up and smiled,

“For now?” he leans in and pecks your lips, “Yeah.”

[fixing-bad-posts]

I looked around and didn't see anything about this on your blog but I apologize if I missed it.

I was wondering, what does doing the work behind this blog...feel like? I guess what I'm asking is if it does anything to you. Like, I had a thought. For a flash, I imagined you as Butters from South Park in that episode where he is tasked with filtering out all the negative comments on Cartman's social media. It ended up really messing with Butters, what with him having to see all that negativity.

You're definitely not being affected to that extreme, I assume, but I wonder if you would have anything to say about the process of finding these negative posts and reading them several times to edit them. Has it exposed you to unpleasantness that you wouldn't have otherwise seen? Or is there perhaps a kind of catharsis in editing such filth?

I'm making a lot of assumptions here. Maybe I'm also asking about your process. I just think what you're doing is neat and would love to hear about your experience with it.

Thanks for reading and I hope you have plenty of reasons to feel joy <3

oh boy, i love talking about myself haha—so thank you for giving me an excuse to do so! i have answered similar questions in the past, though never at length. every once in a while, someone pops into the inbox to ask about my mental health (which, rest assured, is just fine—i don’t put this blog’s operation above anything; it’s honestly pretty low on my list of life-priorities), and it’s always quite sweet. having a mob of strangers following one’s sideblog has its perks: one being that sometimes parasociality results in some well wishes, kind thoughts, and general goodwill. which is very nice, and probably an unearned vanity-boost for my ego.

what does the work behind this blog feel like? in turns: mundane, challenging, vindicating, annoying, amusing… and probably other things that i’m forgetting. most of the work i do on this blog is actually me procrastinating! i am a certified adult with a job™, and i’m definitely guilty of slacking off at work sometimes to queue posts submissions from my inbox, which is more fun than like… proofreading financial documents and making spreadsheets. other times, i’m sitting in a café with my partner, and allegedly i’m “writing” fanfiction. but, uh, if you know any writers, you know that sometimes “writing” means, ‘looking at a blinking cursor’. so it’s in those moments that i open up tumblr and start writing image descriptions and adding tags to prep posts for my queue. that’s mainly when the blog feels mundane.

something that i think helps me avoid negative doomscroll-spirals is that i don’t actively seek out bad posts for this blog. being a citizen of the internet delivers fodder to me naturally. that, and running a semi-popular sideblog on tumblr. when i see a bad post in the wild, that’s when the feeling is annoying/challenging. challenging, because ever since starting this sideblog, hateful posts don’t feel as vicious to me. once i see them, they stop being posts and turn into word-puzzles. and i love word puzzles!

solving the word puzzle is amusing for me, as is getting to look at my resulting “blackout poem.” it makes me laugh, it stretches my brain. when i started, i used to have to read a post several times to find the ‘good post within the bad post’ so to speak. these days, i’m so used to it, i barely read the bad posts more than a handful of times. but as i was saying to my partner, one of the reasons i love found poetry (erasure poetry, and cut-up poetry) is that it uses the same part of my brain that loves scrabble (the board game). then, of course, it's vindicating to see my posts get so many notes, sometimes surpassing the original bad post. that's more of my own vanity, i'm sure.

as for the last part of your message: yes, i have plenty of reasons to feel joy. i work with people who respect me, i live walking distance from a bubble tea café, and have friends and family whom i love. i have the good fortune to be safely out as a queer person. i’m a fanbinder. i’m currently working on a long fanfiction which is getting some very nice comments on ao3. and i’ve recently decided to become a poet (like, for real).

i must admit, i’m fascinated by how you imagine me. i often wonder how i am perceived, especially because i keep many cards close to my chest here on my sideblog.

anyhow, thank you for this excuse to ramble about myself and the process of running this blog. i hope you also have plenty of reasons to feel joy 💛

[someshakespearequote]

Random speculation about Taash and Qunari in general: (no real spoilers, but I talk about Tevinter Nights and some of what we've seen in general previews)

In DAO, Sten was our first look at the Qunari, a simple but deep believer. This was like if you dropped a blue-collar soldier into another country. They'd be giving you the basics of their country's belief system.

In DA2, the Qunari were more alien and antagonistic, and we got to dive into the mind of the Arishok in some places, really seeing how his thought process worked. A commander who has had more time to philosophize but is still a soldier, a different view.

In DAI, we get Bull, who gives us our most sympathetic look at someone grappling with whether to leave the Qun. He's a former soldier broken by his experiences (Trick Weekes compared Seheron to Afghanistan and said that while they didn't give Bull full PTSD (to avoid stepping on the toes of Cullen's arc, I think), Bull does talk in some places about hyperawareness and always knowing where the exits of a building are.) He's cynical and seems to feel that people are just people, and the Qunari philosophy is just rules to make people not kill each other, like the Chantry is supposed to do for humans.

Some people have complained about that, and I'm honestly on the fence. Do I want the Qunari to be more alien and unique, with a really different philosophy, or do I want them to be "just people"? I can see both sides. It reminds me of the arguments that have been circulating about the revised edition of D&D 5e. In the original 5e, you had ability score bonuses locked to certain races, and you had strongly worded suggestions about how to play those races. Yuan-Ti should always be evil. Half-Orcs should probably be evil but at least be chaotic and hot-tempered. In the expansion books to 5e, the devs seemed to listen to feedback and untethered ability scores from race, and in the revised edition, race (now "species") doesn't affect ability scores at all (it's tied to backgrounds, which are like jobs), and the rules make it clear that there's room for a genius scholar half-orc or a softhearted Yuan-Ti. You might have a nation of evil Yuan-Ti, but that stuff wasn't genetic. D&D heard what its players wanted, which was less "Your personality is innately tied to your species," and modified the rules accordingly.

And this feels like Dragon Age doing the same thing. Bull is humanizing the Qunari. Do they still have all the fancy Qunari stuff? Yes, in the same way that humanity in Dragon Age has the Chantry and elves have the elven gods and their stories. But the Qunari who act like Sten or the Arishok did are now over on one side as true believers/hard-liners.

So what are we getting in Veilguard from Taash?

Given that the events of the Tevinter Nights novels set up the Qunari Antaam as breaking away from the Qun and invading the south, it seems likely we'll be fighting them in some places. So these are our hard-liners, although they've broken away from the Qun, so if anything, they're the equivalent of evangelical "Christians" who talk about God's Army destroying the heretics and really just mean "fellow white people" when they say "Christian" -- the Antaam aren't following the Qun anymore. They're just using it as a handy guide to identify members of the in-group. They're Sten or the Arishok with all the tribalism and none of the philosophy (or at least, they are in Tevinter Nights, to the point where one of them gets killed by a Ben-Hassrath for giving Qunari a bad name).

My initial theory was that Taash was going to be the flip side of the Antaam -- the philosophy without the tribalism. It doesn't look like Taash is a formal follower of the Qun, though, which made this initially tough to believe.

She (they? we'll know in a week and a bit!) does have a Qunari name, though, likely something related to "dragon" or "glory", since it looks likely that the name Taash relates to Ataash (glory) or Ataashi (dragon). Taash also wears the arm-ropes, so either those ropes are just terribly comfortable, or Taash still keeps some elements of Qunari tradition. It feels like we can assume this isn't a complete "human with horns", culturally (a vashoth, to use the formal term), like Inquisitor Adaar if you made a Qunari Inquisitor in DAI.

My best guess at trying to figure out the little contradictions from what we've seen so far is that Taash is a first- or second-generation immigrant -- someone who left the Qun young or was raised by someone who left the Qun before Taash was born. (That also fits with Rivain, which had a peaceful, even friendly, relationship with the Qunari, at least before the Antaam broke off and attacked.) If Taash's story is an immigrant story, then that lets us look at the Qun in a new way -- someone who left (or was born having already left) the Qun formally, but who (unlike Bull) still keeps many of the cultural traditions while living in a new country.

Maybe Taash begrudgingly keeps a few of the Qunari traditions taught by family, but doesn't don't think much of them?

Maybe Taash was raised with no Qunari traditions but has grown more interested in exploring Qunari heritage as an adult (while not being willing to actually join the Qun)?

Whatever it is, and I'm confident that it's going to be something in that neighborhood, I hope it gives us a new way to look at the Qun and make Thedas a little more complex. (And also that however it does that works with a fun cool character exploration of Taash!)

Or possibly I have just smashed my keyboard a whole bunch while making no sense whatsoever, which wouldn't be the first time I had thoughts that made sense in my head but not here.

[neuroticbookworm]

Step by Step Episode 10, A Retrospective Analysis

I have been a staunch supporter of the writing in this show (here and here), even when the pacing and editing have felt a little stilted in places. I have always maintained that the show understands its characters and does an excellent job of connecting them to the audience via some brilliant writing. But episode 10 felt like it was from a completely different writing crew, and I was left feeling bereft and confused. I took some time to understand why, and I'm gonna share my observations in this post.

Disclaimer: I am actually okay with the place the plot is currently at. I think that it is logical that Jeng and Pat are having these problems from the outside world that are affecting their relationship. My friend and BL Ajahn @bengiyo pointed out in his rapid fire takes that Jeng is exhausted and just wants to ignore the shit that's happening around him and enjoy his time with Pat. @shortpplfedup echoes the same sentiment that JengPat are lost in each other and desperately ignoring the rest of the world. And I agree.

What I want to explore here is that while the episode did leave me at an agreeable point in the narrative, it left me there feeling incredibly unsatisfied (my bestie @lurkingshan talks about the lack of emotional catharsis here) and how very easy it would've been to course correct and preserve that audience-character connection.

The episode opens strong, with Chot telling Pat exactly why the way he is responding is hurtful to Jeng's feelings. "Saying that you don't believe him, it's like you were looking down on his feelings." Hits the nail right on the head. Pat then runs to Pearl & Oliver to meet Jeng on his birthday with *shudder* a carrot cake.

At the restaurant, Pat meets Jeng, and we hit the first snag. Pat asks Jeng if he still likes him, and when Jeng responds with a head nod, Pat breaks down. So Jeng makes his feelings clear one last time, and this makes Pat fire off question after question: "Why are you avoiding me?", "Why are you leaving the company?" and "Why can't I be the one who resigns?". Jeng takes a second to collect himself and answers "I'm not avoiding you" (a bald-faced lie, he is avoiding Pat because Pat told him to stay away), "I'm not leaving, I'm only changing positions" and "I started it, I should have to fix it myself".

I'm typing out this exchange word for word because it shows where Jeng and Pat are emotionally at the moment. Jeng has already made moves to make himself scarce around Pat, and seems to be on the path to moving on after Pat's rejection. He also feels responsible for this mess, he is aware of the pain and confusion Pat was processing before his confession, and he has now added to it. Pat is visibly distressed that he has made matters worse by not articulating his thoughts better.

And now Pat says "But I also like you" and leans into Jeng's shoulder, crying, and Jeng takes a moment, smiles, and says "Now we're together". And this is where the show starts to lose me. Jeng desperately wants to be with Pat and is still pining over him, yes, but he has also made concrete decisions to step away from this situation, which takes deliberating on the effect the events of episode 8 have had on both him and Pat, and concluding that the right and healthy thing to do for the both of them is for him to step away.

This is why I think Jeng would have uttered more than a "Now we're together" at that moment. He would've shown concern, or at the very least, he would've wanted to ask again, if Pat was sure. I hate an unnecessary "Are you sure?" moment that holds no weight as much as the next person, but here it would've made all the difference. Pat is sobbing, tears and snot running down his face, when he confesses to Jeng. Didn't the show go to painstaking lengths to show us the differences between Put and Jeng? I want to believe that the Jeng who was established for the last 9 episodes, even while nursing a broken heart, would've stopped and taken a moment to make sure that Pat is alright, he has thought this through, and this is not an impulse decision made on Jeng's birthday due to guilt.

An "Are you sure?" and a full body hug with both of them deep exhaling all their worries away for a moment, in each other's arms would've transformed the tone of this scene completely, and would've brought the characters in line with their established personalities, without compromising the direction the plot wants to take in the rest of this episode.

According to popular consensus here on Tumblr, Jeng's arc in this episode seemed to be one where he is overwhelmed by the complications his relationship with Pat will bring, and that makes him want to disassociate and only focus on Pat and his desire for him. I would've happily taken this read, if they had shown Jeng TRYING in the beginning and THEN rapidly failing. We know (by implication) that his previous relationship played a role in his leaving the company before. So we saw him make very careful strides in the past episodes, and crossing boundaries when his brain is overwhelmed by desire (re: sharing a bed, filming Pat when he's drunk, the speakeasy).

When Pat rejects him, his mind gets clouded. He had been so focused on doing it right this time, and it has still gone wrong, somehow. And when Pat tells him to stop pursuing him, he now has to focus his energy on making it right and keeping the workplace comfortable for Pat. And finally, when Pat comes to confess his feelings, Jeng is mentally exhausted from the back and forth, yes, but he has no reason to feel it yet. There are no eyes on them yet, no judgements that need to be navigated. He must be elated, to have Pat reciprocate his feelings. So when Pat asks him "So from now on. what are we?" and Jeng doesn't loudly proclaim FAEN, it fells ..off. He just had sex with the person who was living in his mind, rent-free for a whole year, on a kitchen counter surrounded by glass walls; he has no reason to feel melancholia yet.

If we had been gradually let into Jeng's mental state, shown how the fear of judgement from the others AND his logical but tired brain overworking to figure out how to make this work, how to circumvent his past mistakes and failings, were getting to him, the episode would've hit a completely devastating emotional beat. And we could've watched Pat's regression in parallel, struggling with his newfound emotional stability in the workplace, because he couldn't help but notice how Jeng was choosing to ignore problems rather than deal with them.

This gradual descent would've also explained Jeng's communication blackout with Pat. Had we gotten two scenes with them at the dinner table at home or a restaurant, one at the beginning of the relationship, with Jeng and Pat enjoying each other's company, and one near the end of the episode, with Jeng hazy and quiet? It would've sunk me to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably.

And I don't want the explanation that the new relationship haze is clouding their minds. I'm always on Team "Fuck Through Your Problems". Them going at it like rabbits was not the issue in this episode. The issue is that we did not get to see ANYTHING ELSE. We did not see the domesticity shine through when the relationship was new, and slowly tarnish as time passed. The message that queer relationships face undue pressure from society that may affect every couple, regardless of how well matched they are, could've been conveyed with such an amazing contrast, between PutPat and JengPat.

We could've screamed and squealed at the fluff and smut, at P'Jeng and Nong Pat, and weeped as the episode slowly tore our hearts open from our chests. We could've had it all, Tee Bundit. Instead, this is what you chose to give us.

tagging my besties @waitmyturtles, and @lurkingshan who are in the trenches with me and @wen-kexing-apologist who wrote the post that gave me a lone ray of sunshine in all the madness

[sgiandubh]

Hey, Miss Marple

You posted this "lesson" (your words) roughly three hours ago:

...when you probably already knew I posted also this, by the time you were wasting precious energy that could surely be better used towards compiling new timelines:

How do I know you couldn't help but still go for it?

Precedents exist. And your army of terracotta sock accounts, too. You used it before: last winter, to be exact, the last time somebody (SHW) challenged you openly. Since she does not take asks and submissions, you or your minions had to send DMs. Too bad.

The same thing happened to me ever since I dared blocking you. At least 5 to 10 sock accounts are blocked on a daily basis. Particular Anons: very telegraphic, quite nasty and different from the usual Mediterranean circus. Most never make it in here.

You then proceeded with velvet poisoning. A slow enterprise, very satisfactory, I think. You first compared me to Emily and almost called me a lunatic, with a sort of cold violence that speaks volumes. Afterwards, you managed to mention me, always in a faintly derogatory way (fair's fair, I suppose), but always altering the truth.

You did it again today:

Just a reminder, geachte mevrouw. I wrote this a while ago and it pissed off many, many people on your side of the trenches:

Yes, that pretzel logic post:

Where I did not analyze anything, let alone a video I never watched. What I did, is expressing an opinion and (isn't it ironic?) pleading for decency. That yes, I very much did and I hope you realize that writing down what you think about something is not punishable by law in a democratic country.

You also manage to call me arrogant, hungry for clicks, stupid and intolerant. All in one post that, objectively speaking, gathers less notes and reblogs than a Scottish ballad being shared on this blog. But this is not a pissing contest, madam and I will stop here with this kind of arguments.

You do you. I do me.

I always own my actions and I always edit my posts or amend my judgements when proven wrong. Always. It is a matter of morality.

Do you?

Thank God I am not always right. Thank God I have a wonderful job and a formidable family. Thank God I have many friends and a very rich life and past, already. And thank God for all the kind people on this side, who are not 'my sheep' (I think you might know very well what I am talking about) and whom I very rapidly grew fond of. All of them and despite our clear differences in understanding the mechanics of SS SamCait.

And if I can do something good for this terrible place, so be it. Your very deep, very ugly, gratuitous hatred will not stop me.

Your obsession with S is not my problem anymore. Cynically speaking, it was fun to watch for a while. I now have the full map of your character and I am very sorry to say: the thing that always bothers me the most is a lie.

I do not guarantee I will not mention you anymore. That would be an empty promise. But I now know more about the person behind the page and will stick to very cursory reference. Not a pretty picture and I am very sorry to say that: I never do it lightly.

[hunieday]

Yuki - Daily Life Rabbit chat part 4 - Re:vale and flower crowns

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 - PART 5

Please note that I am not a professional translator and I'm only doing this to share the side materials to those who cannot access them, if you notice any mistakes please let me know nicely. Enjoy!

Yuki: Maneko-chan, do you like going on drives?

Takanashi Tsumugi: Thank you for your hard work. I do enjoy driving, so I go on drives quite often!

Takanashi Tsumugi: Is there something I can help you with?

Yuki: Momo and I both managed to get a day off together this weekend.

Yuki: We thought it’d be nice to go on a drive.

Takanashi Tsumugi: I’m glad you managed to take a day off! Good for you…!

Takanashi Tsumugi: 

Yuki: Thank you.

Takanashi Tsumugi: Have you decided on where you’re going?

Yuki: Not yet.

Yuki: I'm considering several options

Yuki: Maneko-chan, do you have any recommendations?

CHOICE:

1) What kind of places do you like?

Yuki: I prefer quiet places with as little populace as possible. I feel most at ease at home, but if I'm outside, I like places that aren't too crowded.

2) What did you do during your last day off?

Yuki: Momo's acquaintance had a live performance in a different band, so we went to the live house to watch. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to enjoy that kind of vibe.

3) Where does Momo like to go?

Yuki: Anywhere I go?  "As long as Yuki’s there, it's a world heritage-level power spot!" he says

Takanashi Tsumugi: In that case, how about a roadside station?

Takanashi Tsumugi: I visited one during a location shoot, and they regularly held some markets where local farmers sold fresh vegetables!

Takanashi Tsumugi: There were food stalls and limited edition sweets as well, and everyone seemed to really enjoy their time.

Yuki: Ohh, sounds nice.

Yuki: Apparently roadside stations in some regions are getting really popular recently

Takanashi Tsumugi: Those are precisely the places we were filming at! There was a flower field nearby as well and they held a workshop class teaching people how to make flower crowns. Tamaki-san and Sougo-san tried their hands at making them.

Yuki: That's cute

Yuki: Did they manage it?

Takanashi Tsumugi: Yes! Tamaki-san already knew how to make them, so he did an excellent job!

Takanashi Tsumugi: Sougo-san learned from Tamaki-san and managed to make a beautiful one in the end.

Yuki: I think I’m gonna make some with Momo as well

Yuki: A flower crown would look good on Momo, don’t you think?

Takanashi Tsumugi: I think it would suit him perfectly...!

Yuki: Exactly. The only problem is if I can make it

Takanashi Tsumugi: Sougo-san said that it's not hard once you understand the structure.

Takanashi Tsumugi: Apparently the workshops are less crowded on weekdays, so please give it a try!

Yuki: Thanks. I'll ask Momo about it too

Takanashi Tsumugi: 

Takanashi Tsumugi: You have a drama shoot after this, right?

Takanashi Tsumugi: I won't be available today due to other engagements, so please take care of Yamato-san for me.

Yuki: Oh

Takanashi Tsumugi: Is something wrong?

Yuki: Yamato-kun just came to greet me backstage

Takanashi Tsumugi:

Yuki: I told him about the trip I’m planning with you

Takanashi Tsumugi: Th-that might cause some misunderstandings...!?

Yuki: Misunderstandings?

Yuki: I don't know what you’re talking about

Takanashi Tsumugi: He might think we’re going on a road trip together…

Yuki: I’m doing it on purpose ^^

Takanashi Tsumugi:

Yuki: "Whatever, you’re going with Momo-san", he said.

Yuki: He’s so not cute for not falling for it

Takanashi Tsumugi: I'm glad we avoided any misunderstandings…><

Yuki: My manager scolded me and told me not to tease him too much, so I’ll leave it at that.

Takanashi Tsumugi:

Yuki: Yamato-kun looks very botherable right now, so I'll go play with him

Takanashi Tsumugi: Thank you for your hard work!

[tartsinarat]

To continue with that battle of the bands! Luz post, here’s a Pip edition,

He’s obviously modeled after David Bowie in his design, I particularly took inspo from bowie’s ziggy stardust era because of the fact that the band that Nimbus, luz, Willow and him are apart of is completely inspired by after 70s glam rock musicians and bands (also the story behind Ziggy fits pretty well in specific parts to Pip but anyways)

I’m probably going to do Willow next which I’m pretty excited for

Also yes he did dye his hair for this and regretted it immensely after finding out the hair dye was permanent rather than just being temporary which is the context behind the Bowie edition of “oh, Ariana were really it now” image from the good place redraw, he eventually just makes it brown again by using a concealment stone until it fades out

Fun fact, his eye make does in fact foreshadow something that I’m currently working on properly planning it out and eventually posting it

Another fun fact, Raine was one of the judges of the battle of the bands (this is because they were the only witch ever to win single handily without another band member,Eda was supposed to be alongside them but got banned for some silly antics that snowballed heavily) so when they saw Eda who was attending to see her two favourite knuckleheads and after some high jinks of trying to avoid each the eventually get forced to talk to each other so both Raine and Eda then have to have the worlds most awkward conversation as Raine puts two and two that the kid with bright orange hair is probably Eda’s kid and the conversation would probably go along something like this:

Raine: Eda, I didn’t think I would see you here after what happened last time, did the ban get lifted?

Eda: nope, but if you see the the security around my name isn’t Eda it’s Evelyn *winks*

Raine: *laughs*

Eda: so your judging, right?

Raine; yeah… but it’s not something I personally wanted to do, I kinda got forced into it by kikimora because it’s something to do with finding the best members for the bard coven and she didn’t give me a chance to say no :/

Raine:*sighs*

Eda; yeah that makes sense, you know I thought they finally got to you and brainwashed you into doing this *snorts*

Raine: *laughs* nope just peer pressure for now

Raine: soo what brings you here?

Eda; you see the the kids up there dressed like a unicorn vomited glitter and rainbows on them?

Eda: *points at luz and Pip* Those two in particular are my knuckleheads and I couldn’t pass up a chance to watch them beat a bunch of stuffy band kids *snorts*

Raine: *has finally clicked that the kid with ginger hair who got caught by them while trying to cheat by setting up traps in the arena is probably Eda’s kid*. . . I didn’t know you had kids?

Eda; oh titan no, they’re actually my two weird workers who mooch off of me

Raine: really? The kid with ginger hair looks a lot like you and he even tried to bribe me after I caught him boobytrapping the arena stage

Eda:*snorts and bursts out laughing*

Eda: you mean Pip? no he’s not my kid, he’s not a natural red head that’s a really bad dye job he did to look like some human musician

Eda: and not to brag but I taught him all my secrets and tricks well.

Raine: oh

Eda: I get the confusion but nah I found the kid in the trash haha

Raine; o h?

au masterpost link? or is it? it is /gen

[pechaberriesandsoju]

Don't You Dare

This is a re-upload of the original Don't You Dare lyric fic I wrote back when I originally did my self shipping on a side blog. I finally decided to edit it up some more and put it here. I only finally decided to say fuck it and finish it up recently cause I got a bit stumped on my newest lyric fic and I thought this would help. And it kinda did. Also, for those who remember this from my old blog?? HIIII READY TO BE SAD AGAIN?????

Anyways, just like before, this is before Echo changed her name to Echo. Before she became an nsr artist. But it does take place after the main events of the game. And yes, there is a slight crossover mention here because your girl is addicted to crossovers, and it's incurable.

Pink italics are lyrics like before. The song used is Don't You Dare(Make Me Fall In Love With You) by Kaden MacKay.

Anyways, tw: Self Depreciation, blood and injury mentions, lots of angst, character a not noticing and acknowledging the signs that character b genuinely likes them. And possible grammar errors because grammar was never my strong suit.

Divider by @/cafekitsune

Pro.ship and com.ship and what not, do not interact. Respect my boundaries.

Don't you dare make me fall in love with you

Kore knew better. Or she should know better. He's an NSR artist for crying out loud - she's just an assistant.

Her job is to work on security drones and new tech with her father. His job is to sing and dance and make people swoon. He was literally programmed for it, after all. Maybe that's what this was - he was being kind due to his programming. These gestures of kindness are nothing but actions from his "perfect boyfriend" programming. Nothing more, nothing less.

Don't you dare enchant me with those eyes

Yet here she was, still enchanted by those eyes. Those damn glowing green android eyes. Curse Neon J for making them so expressive. She had to give him credit, though. They almost gave her a sense that there was genuine care and curiosity in his eyes. But that could just be her mind tricking her. She shouldn't be getting close anyway.

If I fell through your skies,

There's no way you would catch me

She stopped in her tracks when a hand gently pulled her back, eyes glancing back over her shoulder in time to make eye contact with bright glowing green ones framed by green curls. Shit was all she thought, as he carefully reached for a box she was carrying, a warm smile on his face. "Here, let me help. You looked like you were about to fall." His robotic voice still made her heart soar - she hated it. Kore didn't respond. She kept a straight face and nodded before continuing on, maybe even speeding up a little. She wanted to avoid small talk as much as possible.

There's a tear in my heart,

But your patch wouldn't match me.

She wished he didn't fret over her like this. She wasn't fragile. Yes he was an android and she was...human. Yeah, human. Another reason why they couldn't be together. They're too different. It could lead to issues in the future. Besides there are better humans he could fall for. Ones that weren't as short as her, not as scarred and battered as her. Physically and mentally. Eloni deserves better than her after all.

Being near you still adds to the size of my sighs,

Kore didn't get why he insisted on being near her when they visited. The other 1010 units would stick near by but not as close him. For the fifth time that day she let out a heavy sigh as she moved her line of sight back to the circuit board before her. She couldn't focus with him being so close to her. It made her mind wander to what ifs and maybes- things that wouldn't be possible. Not with him anyways. Not him with her to be exact.

There's still seismic events at hellos and goodbyes,

She hated how her heart ached seeing him have to leave. She hated how her mind tricked her into thinking he genuinely looked disappointed that he was leaving her behind. It wasn't real. It couldn't have been real and she needed to get it through her mind that it wasn't real. They wouldn't match anyways.

She especially hated how her heart leapt when he entered the room. The way it raced when he gave her that damn smile and waved at her like he was genuinely excited to see her. He was just being nice- it's all his programming she reasoned. It's not real.

And I still need reminders of why it's unwise

To stare

Kore cursed to herself when she realized she was staring at him. She only caught herself cause they made eye contact and he immediately smiled and winked at her. She had to pull herself together- this wasn't professional of her. She had to remind herself that it wasn't wise to be falling for him. To not fall for his damn programming. Not read into it. He was just being nice. She needed to pull it together.

So don't you dare

         ⋅⋆∘✯∘⋆⋅

Don't you dare make me fall in love with you

Don't you dare do something so cliché

"Oh stay still." She froze as he reached up to her face, heart racing as he gently pushed back some of her hair out of her face, fingers barely grazing her skin as he pulled away, a warm smile on his face. "There we go, wouldn't want that to get in the way as you work." He teased lightly, her chest growing warm from the action.

How long had these feelings been chewing away at her? They definitely got worse over time. She hated how it got harder to fight off. When he would make silly faces across the room to try and make her smile. She hated when it actually worked. And she hated how it made her heart race when he gave her that smile every time they saw each other. She hated how he genuinely brought a smile to her face and made her laugh. She hated how it made her fall for him more. It wasn't fair.

Just get out of my daydreams,

You're an unwelcome guest

Kore jolted with a start as she realized she was spacing out again. Her thoughts had turned into daydreams of what ifs again. Another dangerous habit she's developed ever since these feelings showed up. She couldn't let them distract her this much. It was bad for her work. Gold eyes glanced down to her sketchbook in front of her, widening at the sight of a small faint beginnings of a sketch of Eloni on the corner of her work. She muttered a curse under her breath as she quickly erased it. Her cheeks warm as she got rid of the evidence of her feelings.

And stop making me miss you

'Cause you leaving's for the best

She hated how she missed him. How she longed for him to walk through the door during those long weeks. How she wished he was there to make silly faces, and send absurd memes and videos to her during meetings, anything to make her break into silent giggles or snickers. She hated how her heart ached for him during these periods of time. It lead to more distractions. Distractions lead to more errors and more errors lead to more work.

'Cause I just couldn't stand having you as my crutch

The idea of blaming him for her errors felt unfair. But the emotions he was putting her through made it feel like it was justified. But Kore kept fighting it. She kept fighting the feelings. She should know better. She knows better. She'd hold him back. He didn't deserve to be held back.

You're a simmering stovetop, I was tempted to touch

But god, did she hate how she felt how relaxed she felt when he showed up the next day. She wouldn't admit how her heart almost leaped out of her chest when he sat next to her during the meeting. She wouldn't admit how she struggled to pay attention to Tatiana, Neon J, and Tony talking over the next upgrades and blueprints. She would definitely refuse to admit how her heart stuttered for a second when she felt his hand brush against hers under the table. How she fought back the blush the grew on her face when she saw his smile grow in the corner of her eye. How part of her wanted to reach for his hand, and just hold it, but then it came rushing back. She shouldn't. She couldn't. It wasn't real. It's the programming, Kore, she reminded herself. She would never admit how her chest ached when she pulled her hand away, and how she swore she saw his smile falter when she pulled away. It was more than likely a trick of the light. Why would he be disappointed about it? It's not like he actually really cared about her. It's more than likely a game to him anyway.

If you ever return, it'll burn me too much

To bear

Another distraction was another mistake - she hissed when she pulled her hand back, tools going scattering to the table as she stood up abruptly. Her hand stung from the hot metal. Even if it was touching her for a second, it burned. As she quickly made her way to a sink in the warehouse, it reminded her of why it wouldn't work between them. She was too accident prone, more these days now that he occupied her thoughts. It would be disastrous for him to be with someone who got injured as much as her. No one would want to be stuck with someone like her. She ignored how her chest and eyes burned at the thought as she ran her hand under cold water. It was a fact, after all. And you can't argue with facts.

So don't you dare

      ⋅⋆∘✯∘⋆⋅

And I know it's all so shallow, but a shallow cut still stings

Watching 1010 performances and interviews made her chest hurt. Alot. It was selfish of her to feel a type of jealousy when others held his attention. She knew it was selfish of her because he didn't return the feelings. She knew this by now. He just wanted to be friends. And she had been a shallow, selfish person for falling for him and that programming of his that made him this nice. For reading into it too much. She hated it, but it stung her heart so much. And she hated how it stung.

And before my heart becomes Amelia's heir, I need to clip its wings

"Fuck fuck fuck.."She cursed to herself as she stared at the page,  filled with sketches of him. This was getting out of hand. She couldn't be in love with him, she shouldn't be in love with him. He didn't even feel the same way towards her.  She swallowed her heart for once and ripped the page out of the sketchbook. She ignored how her heart started to ache as she crumpled the page and tossed it out. She ignored the tears that filled up her eyes as she slammed the sketchbook shut and stormed out of the warehouse. She ignored the ache all the way back home. She ignored it as long as she could. She had to after all.

So don't you dare keep mocking me with those

Thousand little things that I adore

Eloni made it hard to ignore these feelings every time he and his brothers visited. He'd always try to stick by her side when he wasn't rough housing with his brother or talking to the other NSR artists or B2J. He'd be sitting nearby as she sat on the ground, elbow deep in a bouncer drone, immediately handing her a tool she was reaching for when she didn't ask for it. Always helping without prompting. He kept talking to her about his day or about something that reminded him of her or showing her memes and videos that he thought would make her laugh. And it always brought a smile to her face no matter how much she tried to fight it. He made it difficult when he always helped her up from the ground when she didn't need it. Everything he did....she adored it. And she hated it. It made it harder to distance herself from him. From her feelings for him.

Let me ignore you, don't let me care

She tried to ignore him. Tried to distance herself as much as possible. She ignored how it it hurt her. How it made her feel awful doing this to him. But she had to stop this somehow. It was a difficult task but she had to if she wanted to spare him from her one sided attraction. She was almost successful for the day. Until the turrent drone they were testing started to malfunction. Mostly everyone got out of the way in time- except for him. She knew he could be easily repaired but she couldn't stand by and watch.

She acted before she could think. She didn't even realize she shouted his name as she tackled him out of the way. It only sunk in what she had done when she opened her eyes too look down at him, almost in the same position they were in when they first met. This time was different. She was the one above him this time, bright green eyes staring up at her in shock. Her heart stopped for a second when she saw a red droplet fall on his face, but then she remembered. Androids don't bleed. But she does.

The adrenaline started to fade, the stinging in the back of her neck came rushing in, the feeling of warm blood dripping down her neck registered not too long after. She swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared down at him with a straight face, ignoring how her body shook as she started to push herself backwards to sit on her legs, hand reaching to cover the shallow cut on the back of her neck, fingers brushing past what was left of her hair to try to stop the bleeding.

"Guess we're even now." She stated, ignoring the pain in her neck as the blood seeped through her fingers down her back, and how the ache in her chest came back. How guilt consumed her, dread of what would come next slowly creeping in.

    ⋅⋆∘✯∘⋆⋅

And don't you dare leave me still in love with you

It had been a week or so since the incident. Her neck had healed a few days after it had happened, but Tony insisted she rest longer. It was probably him worrying over her as her father, but more than likely, it was to keep the others from worrying and wondering about such a fast recovery. She was grateful for the time away, though. Yet it was also hell. The aching feeling came back when she realized she missed him. Kore tried to distract herself from how much she missed him as much as possible. It worked until he started texting her. Then it got harder. He'd check up on her, send her updates on what his brothers and his day were like, and wish her a speedy recovery. It warmed her heart yet made the ache so much worse. She hated it. She hated how she was still in love with him.

Nothing's fair when love is war

She responded to the texts at first, but it made her hurt more. So she gradually started to keep quiet. It made her feel guilty. It made her feel sick. Not as sick as the thoughts of how this was more than likely him being kind out of pity. It must have been. Or this was some sort of sick game. Some bet he lost or something. It didn't feel fair though.

And I just can't endure any more of the fight

It felt like a losing battle the longer she went on. The aching pain in her chest wouldn't leave, the doubt that he ever cared dug it's claws deep in her and refused to let go.They both made it hard to sleep. Hard to focus on anything. Made it easier for her to space out and think of those damn what ifs. They got cruel over time, reminding her of how they were never meant to be, should never be and could never be. She was exhausted from it all.

When the casualties rise with my heart rate each night

Then the gift came in. It made her heart sink and race all at once. Especially when Tony confirmed it was from Eloni. Part of her didn't want to open it. The other part was consumed with curiosity and was touched by this. Yet she was hesitant to open it as it sat on her bedroom desk. Her heart felt like it would burst out of her chest as she carefully opened it. Gently removing the soft grey and green tissue paper, her eyes widened at the sight of a plush bunny. It looked familiar to her. Then she remembered. Eloni was with her when she was looking at the listing for it. They talked about it for a while - she never got it in the end. Kore claimed it probably wasn't a good idea anyway, so why give into another childish desire.

Her eyes began to water, she acted quick and blinked them away as she gingerly took the plush out of the box, as if it would fall apart if she wasn't careful, like it was an illusion somehow. It was bigger than she thought, much softer too. Her fingers ran over the grey fur, gliding over the transition to pink fur on the left side of its face. She let out a sigh as she moved to sit on her bed, thoughts of doubt starting to speedily sneak up on her again. They sunk in faster than she expected, tears filling her vision as her mind raced with the thoughts and shame for even believing something like this would mean anything more.

Though I know I'm to blame for the glances I'd steal,

For the time I kept spending pretending it's real

She knew it was her fault as the tears streamed down her face, dripping down her chin. Her grip on the plush tightened as she brought it closer to her chest, body shaking as she let out a strangled sob. This was all her fault, for believing any of her hopes of being with him could be real. That there was a chance that he truly loved her the same way she loved him. The "perfect boyfriend" programming he had did its job- it made her fall for him no matter how hard she tried to convince herself she wasn't in love. She had fallen for an fantasy and now she was paying for it.

And now that it's ending, I still have more feelings to spare

The sobs slowly started to become to much for her, she fell backwards onto her bed, hold on the bunny plush still tight as she laid there staring at the ceiling with blurry vision. Kore mentally cursed at herself for falling for him, wishing she only saw him as a friend like he saw her. She wished it didn't hurt as much as it did. That her heart didn't ache so much over him. And she dreaded how the ache would haunt her when she goes back to work, and would double every time she saw him. She wished it had been easier to ignore him, to just not care. Maybe then her heart wouldn't be broken if she had just kept her walls up.

The wishing turned into hoping as she hoped she would be able to keep this under wraps. She didn't want to ruin what they had. Even if part of her was tempted to ruin it, just for a chance to admit how she truly feels about him. She didn't want to risk it. It wouldn't be fair. But it already wasn't fair, he had made her fall for him inadvertently just by being kind to her. It was too late now.It wasn't fair for him. It wasn't fair for either of them.

But don't you dare

How dare he, no- how dare she fall for him like this. How dare she fall for someone as perfect as him when she knew the risks.

Don't you dare

[thewayuarent]

When things start to fail

SandRay edition

Yes, me again talking about SandRay as I’m their personal therapist good for me I guess. Disclaimer: I do not judge nor Sand or Ray, the most important thing to remember is that all of characters are young stupid insecure boys so everything happening makes a lot of sense. Also let’s remember that it is not about good/bad or right/wrong, it’s about complexity people and their relationships have.

So, this week they’ve reached an interesting point, haven’t they? The point when their mostly surprisingly good communications stars to fall apart. And it was inevitable. Nick and especially Boston don’t minding their own business certainly accelerated the process, but at some point it was going to happen anyway. Because the ultimate question “who are we to each other” been hanging over their heads for some time now and do my boys tried their best to avoid it. But let’s start from so-so good things.

SandRay day together. Ray goes for it like it’s an adventure, not someones real life experience. And of course he is - Ray lives in a different world and Sand’s hardships are not something he’s familiar with. @lurkingshan made a great post about how Ray constantly sees Sand as someone beneath him at well of course he is. And I love what @neuroticbookworm says here that Ray does it unintentionally - that’s just not something he ever experienced in his life. Ray is shamelessly rich and he was like this all his life. I would very surprised if he behaved differently.

That’s interesting tho - I think Ray sincerely enjoys every experience he has with Sand. And in some way he sees Sand as embodiment of freedom. For Ray a lot of it is about wind in a face, and listening new music, and laughing, and drinking, and kissing, and flirting and almost jerking off but no and not thinking about his real problems. For Sand it’s his life. It’s tough and exhausting, but still worth living.

Sand’s 24 hours. I truly appreciate Sand’s approach to life. He tells us that he has 24 hours in a day to work, sleep, being alone and - what I love about him - to dream. And I’m not saying that his life isn’t hard, it absolutely is. But despite that he still has some little things to enjoy. He dreams big. He makes beautiful breakfasts and knows places where to find good music. He has fun in a secondhand store. He finds his happiness in discovering new bands. He allows himself to get drunk and get high.

And I don’t think he never does any of it before Ray. But Ray is important, because Ray is someone he can share all this things with. And while Ray constantly being a bit jerk about that he is really into everything Sand gives to him (subtext here was unintentional but yes, sex is obviously a part of it too). And maybe Ray’s presence allows Sand to let himself go with a flow a bit more. Maybe Ray also symbolizes freedom for Sand.

And I believe that freedom is something both of them desperately need - Ray from his painful past, Sand from his exhausting present. And it all would be so good, it was mostly good for a lot of time, but. Hints were all there since the beginning.

Communication falling apart. So we see them generally enjoying each other. We see them being open and honest with each other. The whole scene where they discuss parents is about trust and vulnerability and it deserves its own post.

Very good-friends-behavior happening here. But also kind of not. And not only because them being ready to fuck each other on a constant basis. Which was hilarious by the way - three attempts to get nasty and all being ruined (1. Thank you Nick; 2. Sand being not so into public sex I guess I don’t believe him for a second he’s clearly into it but whatever; 3. Thank you Nick again and now you bring the whole drama with you good job). But all this cute boyfriends stuff happens left and right? Hugging and smiling on a ride?

Being so into each other that random girl said bye bless you?

Fucking serenade?

Like, guys, you’re not even trying. And they don’t talk about it at all. The last attempt to clarify their relationship was in episode 3 with Sand asking what kind of friends doesn’t stop kissing each other. And than they just. Moved on and never questioned it again?

They are the only couple (of the main three) in the show who doesn’t discuss their status. Even Nick and Boston do it! They are suck at it but it’s at least something. And it’s like Sand and Ray played a bit too much in going with a flow thing.

Sand tells this to his mom

And he seems really upset when Ray says that are friends

And again when Ray says not boyfriend fuck off Nick

And I get it, it really sucks. He is totally in love and his heart breaks a little bit twice in a row.

But it’s Sand who said that

And that

And that one like couple hours ago

So I feel for Sand and I am really sorry for him - my boy fell fast and hard but it’s not like Ray has any idea what Sand wants from him. Oh, wait, he has. Kind of. And he actually tries to make amends and clear the situation. Kind of.

It’s Sand this time who closes up, loosing to his fears and insecurities - and I would guess his last relationship has something to do with this. And of course Ray doesn’t push him into that conversation after one failed attempt. Because he is totally scared of ruining things. And it is so much easier to continue to pretend, for both of them, isn’t it?

It’s also smart thing to not having that conversation before they sober up but will they talk? I doubt it. Also is Ray ever sober, he has a serious problem, my poor boy. Him finishing two glasses of liquor in a row after fight was painful to watch. But I digress.

And the thing is - it isn’t even that tragic. Yes, Ray has feelings for Mew - he tries to move on, he doesn’t expect anything, but feelings (especially so long-lasted) doesn’t go away in a moment. And Ray has a right to falling for Sand while still falling out of Mew. Shit like this happens a lot in real life. It doesn’t mean Sand isn’t special to him only because someone else is.

And I kind of think that they would work it out somewhat fine. Not great, but fine. But here it is, our Boston card. Yes, I blame Boston, that’s my conclusion.

Conclusion. Judging by what we saw in trailer I’m gonna predict that this episode was a start for both Sand and Ray being miscommunication mess. Because both of them are falling for each other. And both are very scared of it.

This is not going to be easy. They will pretend they don’t care for each other and most importantly - that they have no expectations towards each other. They clearly have. We see it with Sand and the moment Sand decides fuck it I’m done we will see it with Ray.

This shit needs a lot of hard work. Will they be able to go for that? Do they even need it? I don’t know. Let’s hope that they will. Or at least that they won’t ruin each other totally over failed relationship.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Can I ask you questions about Locorro?👀How do you think Spider and Lo'ak's first kiss went?

Yes you can, that's my full-time job now, apparently. Spent so long staring at this ask only to accept a drabble was needed. Dear God help us if we are doing drabbles now.

Please note: if you ask me for one, give me like a week or so to write it. Please I'm busy. And you run the risk of just getting headcanons back I can't promise anything. Also I have not edited this at all. But I hope it is what you were looking for. @boringgirl2 this is a drabble.

There are a lot of things Spider will do for Lo’ak. Apparently, pa’li herding isn’t one of them.

“It’s stupid,” Spider says, as if that ends the matter. He turns his attention back to his weaving, tightening a knot on the arm band he’s making for Tuk, but Lo’ak is not that easily deterred.

“If Kiri liked it, you wouldn’t think it’s stupid,” Lo’ak says. Kiri looks up from her own weaving at the sound of her name. 

“Yes, I would,” Spider says, still not looking at Lo’ak. Kiri is, though, and her eyes are narrowed.

“No, you wouldn’t! Admit it, if Kiri thought it was cool, you’d think it was cool with her and do it!” Lo’ak says, frustrated. 

“I think plenty of things Kiri likes are stupid. Like cloud gazing, or napping, or how she always has to eat the seeds of any fruit first and how she won’t let us look for herbs unless we ‘let Eywa guide us there.’”

“Stop listing things about me you find stupid,” Kiri scowls, leaning over and shoving Spider hard enough that he drops a bead. He gasps dramatically, retrieving and tossing the fallen bead at her. 

“You do all of those things with her all the time,” Lo’ak points out. It’s true, Spider took a nap with Kiri in a meadow after cloud gazing just yesterday. He thinks they even stumbled on some herbs on the way back. Spider sighs, finally, finally, putting his weaving down and giving lo’ak his full attention. As soon as he has it, Lo’ak forgets why he wanted it in the first place. It’s easy to forget Spider is older when they’re running through the forest, teasing each other and pushing each other off of tree limbs. It’s harder when Spider looks right at him like this, and Lo’ak feels pinned in the spotlight of gaze, remembering there is careful intention behind everything he does. 

“Fine. Nash is making me go back early today.” 

Lo’ak blinks, and he knows his surprise is written all over his face. Kiri snorts. Spider doesn’t usually share much about the living at the base with his foster family, not when he’s with them. Only Kiri’s direct questions get answers. It’s only through tone and body language; whispered tidbits in the dark, that Lo’ak has developed any opinion of the McCosker’s themselves. To get this response means Lo’ak had caught him, not quite in a lie but in the avoidance of truth. It feels like a victory to get this concession, but a loss all the same to see Spider’s tiny frown. 

“For what?” Lo’ak asks, because he can never keep his mouth shut. Kiri uses his shoulder to push herself to her feet and heads for the Hometree. Their clearing is just outside it, near enough to be easily accessible and far enough for private chatting. A popular weaving spot. He doesn’t take his eyes off of Spider, but Spider glances up to watch Kiri leave. Another win.

“I don’t know,” Spider says, eyes on Kiri’s retreating form.

Lo’ak frowns at him. He can’t imagine Spider not asking; he was there last when Norm asked Spider to help watch the links and Spider had questioned him on every aspect until Norm had gotten annoyed and told him to just leave. Spider had then thrown Lo’ak a grin, grabbed his mask and dragged Lo’ak outside. 

“They want me to focus on school more,” Spider elaborates, Lo’ak’s silence apparently giving voice to his skepticism. School was what the humans all called giving Spider books and packets to complete, hoping that one day lightning might strike and he would discover and heretofore dormant love of sitting in a lab chair all day and exclaiming at tubes with Max. 

“For how long?” Lo’ak asks. Spider shrugs. 

“Forever, I guess.”

Forever would be how long it would take for Spider to enjoy petri dishes for more than the thirty seconds of joy Norm’s face brings on every time someone calls them penis dishes in front of him. Still, Lo’ak doesn’t give that much thought. 

“Ditch then. Who’s going to stop you?” he asks. The solution is simple really, and Lo’ak would have thought Spider would know better by now. He’s not typically a strict rule follower like Neteyam. But, instead of thanking him for this insight and graciously joining Lo’ak in an afternoon of pa’li herding, Spider rolls his eyes and snorts loudly enough to be heard even over the rhythmic hissing of his mask. The action makes Lo’ak flinch. 

“I have to listen to them, bro. Where else can I go?”

Lo’ak opens his mouth to say of course, Spider can come stay at the Hometree with them, but then he takes in the glass on Spider’s face, so familiar he’d almost forgotten. Spider gives him a smile, like he can read Lo’ak’s mind. He hears a twig snap behind him and whips around to see Kiri abandoning her trip back to them halfway through, skittering back towards the Hometree. He whirls back to see Spider in the same position, still watching him. Damnit, he thinks wildly. 

“Why do you want me to come so bad?” Spider asks, and he tilts his head to the side ever so slightly, like Lo’ak’s dad’s ikran waiting for a slice of meat. Lo’ak does not like feeling like meat. 

“I always want you around, bro,” Lo’ak says, unfolding his legs to tap at Spider’s knee with his foot. Spider sways with the movement but does not break eye contact, eyebrows raised, so expressive, like Lo’ak has always hated his own for being. Fine then, if Spider doesn’t believe him. 

He shifts his legs back under him and braces his palms on his knees, pushing himself forward into Spider’s personal space. Spider’s eyes barely have time to widen in surprise before Lo’ak is there, pressing his lips to the front of his mask. He falls back and waits for Spider’s brain to catch back up. He goes crosseyed looking at the space Lo’ak had just occupied.  

“That is going to smudge,” Spider says, and Lo’ak is gratified to hear he sounds a little breathless. 

“Well, don’t be a baby about it. Are you going to come help herd or not?” Lo’ak shoves Spider’s half finished armband into his pouch and rises to his feet. He knows he has won when Spider jumps up after him.

“Warn me next time!” 

“Warn you?”

“Yes!” Spider nods. “No smudges.”

“Next time?” Lo’ak asks, and he tries to keep from grinning. Spider scowls at him, but his eyes are shining. 

“Oh, shut up or I’ll scare the herd in the wrong direction.”

“You’re coming now?” Lo’ak’s face hurts, his smile is so wide. Spider aims a kick at his shins.

[sugoi-writes]

aaaaaye I edited #25 because I refuse to hear you say any part of your adorable anatomy is not adorable

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Hazel I'm gonna kick kiss??? your ass GDHDHDHDS HOW DID YOU KNOW

What are your 5 favorite songs rn?

**heavy breathing in Sleep Token** JK, Jk, here is my real answer, my love (one that does not include Ascensionism. Keep in mind my favorites shift around a lot):

Cracker Island - Gorillazs (IDONTCAREIFPEOPLEHATETHEIRNEWSOUND. IMLOVETHEM). THE BASSLINE GOES HARD. I FUCKS WITH IT)

The Loneliest - Måneskin

(THE GUITAR SOLO. ITS SO TRAGIC AND HAUNTING, THE WHOLE SONG. I Honestly think of Autumn and Alastor to it sometimes ((Yes yes, Autumn from A Doe in Fall, yes~ I just KNOW we are about to get hit where it HURTS))

Long Nights - Eddie Vedder

(I LOVE LOVE Into The Wild ((the book and movie)), and... GOSH this song soothes me in a way that is almost INSTANT. I'm talking livid tears and self destruction to catatonic. On my bad days, this song gets me to sleep. It's an Earthy song that reminds me that I'm just a person and to go Touch Grass). Could also be a good Alastor song, too, imo. Him just... Being comfortable with Long Nights, and just getting the chance to be himself when he's alone. Gdshhsjs EVERYTHING IS ALASTOR CODED IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH???

Never Meant to Know - Tally Hally

(for similar reasons as the song before; but also reminds me of one of my D&D characters!)

Danny Don't You Know - Ninja Sex Party

(HIGE dweeb/fan of NSP. This song is also just... Personal for me and wifey. It's a moral booster. Ever since I've been going by my preferred name, it just gets me more in the feels ❤️)

Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I believe in... Hmm. How do I explain this... There's kind of a balance with the world? Equal weights of good and bad. I believe that putting good energy into the world always comes back to you somehow, but also, on that same hand, no matter how hard someone tries, the bad luck has to come back eventually. Life embs and flows, and we can't always have it good... The world just balances things back out sometimes? Ex: For every 3 good things, 3 bad things will happen. It never has to be major or anything, but like... It could be as mundane as 'I found 5 bucks in my pocket!' to 'I spilled coffee on myself'. This isn't related at all to your question FYCK MEgdhdhdhdb

Luck... Yes, luck certainly exists. Some people come by it more honestly. Some people just stumble face first into it. I also believe there are just some people who are so devastatingly unlucky. I always try to work for what I got, but you'll still find me picking up pennies when Heads is facing up. I'm always looking for a lil bit of luck (and avoiding bad luck).

Miracles, well, the fact that Earth and life on Earth exists is a miracle in itself. It's also a miracle we haven't all killed each other yet. So life is fragile, but by golly, we are lucky and fortunate to be here. Space is weird. ❤️

Do you think there is life on other planets?

I would believe it! Small organisms, plants, and similar things for sure... But, in the infinite expanse of our galaxy, there's GOTTA be a handful of idiots like us who don't know what they're doing. Or even better, an alternate reality of here (which would be neat). Hi Alternate Me!

Favorite part of my daily routine

TMI, but taking my fucking bra off. I can't wait for a possible future where I may not have to worry about that. But, aside from that, Robin, who usually makes us dinner. Shes a really good cook, imo ❤️ And, well, it's nice to see her smile when I tell her she's doing a really good job.

What part of my body am I most comfortable with

I think 'eyes' is a cop-out, so I'll go ahead and say my hair. I really do enjoy the way it is rn. It's softer, much curlier and healthier than a few years ago... BUT I definitely want to redye it to a funky color soon, haha. But if I had to say most LIKED, it would definitely be my eyes. Lmao

Probably fair you don't ask the inverse of that question, because you would be SOOOO cross with me, hehe ❤️

--

Expect similar questions asked to you, Pookie Bear 🫡❤️