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when-we-drive-away-in-secret · 3 years ago

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The Ersatz Elevator - Quotes

Not a direct mention of the sugar bowl, but we did get the first reference to it! (you can always trust Esmé to bring up what was stolen from her). This post also contains literally the longest quote ever (genuinely took about three pages) but it’s an important one so I had to include it

“The word��‘bubble’ is in the dictionary, for instance, as it the word ‘peacock,’ the word ‘vacation,’ and the words ‘the’ ‘author’s’ ‘execution’ ‘has’ ‘been’ ‘cancelled,’ which make up a sentence that is always pleasant to hear. [...] Nowhere in this book will you find the words ‘bubble,’ ‘peacock,’ ‘vacation,’ or, unfortunately for me, anything about an execution being cancelled.” - Lemony Snicket; Chapter One

“Dark Avenue was just a few blocks away from where the Baudelaire mansion had been” - Chapter One

“ ‘Remember that time,’ Violet said, ‘when our parents attended the Sixteenth Annual Run-a-Thon, and their feet were so tired when they got home that Dad prepared dinner while sitting on the kitchen floor, instead of standing?’ [...] ‘We only had salad, because they couldn’t stand up to use the stove.’ ” - A conversation between Violet and Klaus Baudelaire; Chapter Two

“Your mother was adventurous, too. You know, she and I were very good friends a ways back. We hiked up Mount Fraught with some friends—gosh, it must have been twenty years ago. Mount Fraught was known for having dangerous animals on it, but your mother wasn’t afraid. But then, swooping out of the sky-” - Jerome Squalor; Chapter Two

“Klaus was delighted to revisit the Akhmatova Bookstore, where his father used to take him as a special treat, to buy an atlas or a volume of the encyclopedia.” - Chapter Three

“It’s terribly exciting. Your mother used to love them [auctions]! I remember one time-” - Jerome Squalor; Chapter Three

“We just moved in a few weeks ago” - Jerome Squalor; Chapter Three

“It was a word that still haunts me in my dreams as I toss and turn each night, images of Beatrice and her legacy filling my weary, grieving brain no matter where in the world I travel and no matter what important evidence I discover. [...] this word, I’m sorry to say, was ‘Olaf.’ ” - Lemony Snicket; Chapter Three

“Just the other day, for example, it was useful for me to have an unpleasant argument with a medical student, because if he hadn’t let me borrow his speedboat I would now be chained inside a very small, waterproof room, instead of sitting in a typewriter factory typing out this woeful tale.” - Lemony Snicket; Chapter Four

“There is nothing particularly wrong with salmon, of course, but like caramel candy, strawberry yogurt, and liquid carpet cleaner, if you eat too much of it you are not going to enjoy your meal.” - Lemony Snicket; Chapter Five

“ ‘Did he take an elevator when he left?’ Klaus said. Esmé’s eyes widened, and she open and shut her her mouth several times without saying anything, as if she were experiencing the element of surprise.” - Chapter Five

“The morning I am writing this chapter, I am wondering if the future will hold something that will enable me to saw through these handcuffs and crawl out of the double-locked window” - Lemony Snicket; Chapter Six

“Esmé has an important meeting with the King of Arizona today” - Jerome Squalor; Chapter Six

“Every problem has a solution. [...] At least, that’s what a close associate of mine says.” - Fernald; Chapter Six

“A terror so profound that I have slept with four night-lights ever since I visited 667 Dark Avenue and saw this deep pit that the Baudelaires climbed down.” - Lemony Snicket; Chapter Seven

“Every second we spend with him [Olaf], all he does is brag about his horrible plans” - Duncan Quagmire; Chapter Eight

“Gunther wants to smuggle us out of the city, and hide us away on some island where the police won’t find us." - Duncan Quagmire; Chapter Eight

“He’s told us so many haunting secrets, Violet. So many awful schemes—all the treachery he has done in the past, and all he’s planning to do in the future.” - Duncan Quagmire; Chapter Eight

“The three siblings were pleased that their guardian had not dismissed their findings, or argued with them about Gunther or the Quagmires or anything else, but instead had quietly and calmly listened to every detail.” - Chapter Ten

“Mt former acting teacher will finally get his hands on not one but two enormous fortunes!” - Esmé Squalor; Chapter Ten

“He’s [Olaf’s] not a terrible villain. [...] He’s a genius! I instructed the doorman not to let you out of the penthouse until Gunther came and retrieved you, but Gunther convinced me that throwing you down there was a better idea, and he was right!” - Esmé Squalor; Chapter Ten

“But I want to steal from you, [...] I want to steal from you the way Beatrice stole from me.” - Esmé Squalor; Chapter Ten

“One of my most prised possessions is a small wooden box with a special lock on it that is more than five hundred years old and works according to a secret code that my grandfather taught me. My grandfather learned it from his grandfather, and his grandfather learned it from his grandfather, and I would teach it to my grandchild if I thought that I would ever have a family of my own instead of living out the remainder of my days all alone in this world. The small wooden box is one of my most prised possessions, because when the lock is opened according to the code, a small silver key may be found inside, and this key fits the lock on one of my other most prised possessions, which is a slightly larger wooden box given to me by a woman whom my grandfather always refused to speak about. Inside this slightly larger wooden box is a roll of parchment, a word which here means ‘some very old paper printed with a map of the city at the time when the Baudelaire orphans lived in it.’ The map has every single detail of the city written down in dark blue ink, with measurements of buildings and sketches of costumes and charts of changes in the weather all added in the margins by the map’s twelve previous owners, all of whom are now dead. I have spent more hours than I can ever count going over every inch of this map as carefully as possible, so that everything that can be learned from it can be copied into my files and then into books such as this one, in the hopes that the general public will finally learn every detail of the treacherous conspiracy I have spent my life trying to escape. The map contains thousands of fascinating things that have been discovered by all sorts of explorers, criminal investigators and circus performers over the years, but the most fascinating thing that the map contains was discovered just at this moment by the three Baudelaire children. Sometimes, in the dead of night when I cannot sleep, I rise from my bed and work the code on the small wooden box to retrieve the key that opens the slightly larger wooden box so I can sit at my desk and look once again, by candlelight, at the two dotted lines indicating the underground hallway that begins at the bottom of the elevator shaft at 667 Dark Avenue and ends at the trapdoor that the Baudelaires managed to open with their ersatz crowbars. I stare and stare at that part of the city where the orphans climbed out of that ghastly corridor, but no matter how much I stare I can scarcely believe my own eyes, any more than the youngsters could believe theirs.” - Lemony Snicket; Chapter Eleven

“If I had been with the Baudelaires, I never would have opened the award-winning door. I would have considered myself lucky to have gotten out of the net suspended in the middle of the elevator shaft, and to have escaped Gunther’s evil plan, and I would have fled to some remote corner of the world and hid from Gunther and his associates for the rest of my life rather than risk another encounter with this treacherous villain” - Lemony Snicket; Chapter Twelve

“On one side of him was a small glass vase with blue flowers painted on it, and on the other was Esmé, who was sitting in a fancy chair and gazing at Gunther as if he were the cat’s pajamas, a phrase which here means ‘a charming and handsome gentleman instead of a cruel and dishonest villain.’ ” - Chapter Twelve

“ ‘Hey, boss!’ he [Fernald] said, and both Esmé and Gunther turned to look” - Chapter Twelve

“ ‘I’ve made enough money today.’ ‘I never thought I’d hear Esmé say that,’ Jerome murmured.” - Chapter Twelve

“by the time two detectives found the big black pickup truck, abandoned outside St Carl’s Cathedral with the motor still running, Olaf had already transferred the Quagmires from the red herring to a shiny black instrument case, which he told the bus driver was a tuba he was bringing to his aunt.” - Chapter Thirteen

“Your mother always said I wasn’t brave enough, and I guess she was right.” - Jerome Squalor; Chapter Thirteen

“Lemony Snicket’s extended family, if they were alive, would describe him as a distinguished scholar, an amateur connoisseur, and an outright gentleman. Unfortunately this description has been challenged of late” - Biographical Paragraph

#the sugar bowl archive #asoue

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mochuelovelli · 4 years ago

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ASOUE AU? ASOUE AU. Pt 1 (Characters)

Okay so I just posted a little doodle I did for an A Series of Unfortunate Events AU that I had been thinking about ever since I realized that Esmé was obviously Magica's VA (which was 3 days ago so oop). I don't have all the characters figured out right now (mostly bc quite frankly there aren't really enough adults that act so... neglectful towards the kids in ducktales). I'll list the ones I am pretty concrete on VS the ones I'm unsure or ones that I "reimagined" due to not everyone fitting perfectly in this world.

Characters that are Definite:

Glomgold as Count Olaf: Think about it, horrible actor/cosplayer (yes thats what he is). Both obsessed about riches, revenge and are generally incompetent. Really, Olaf is much more wicked in the ASOUE series imo (bc even tho Glomgold wants to kill Scrooge and steal his money. This anger only extends his wards if he wishes to use them against Scrooge and is less keen on the murdering of kids. Notice I said LESS). Not 100% if I want him to be as...well explicit as Olaf can be at times. Especially his characterization in the Bad Beginning if you know what I mean (pst it's child marriage)

Magicia DeSpell as Esmé Squalor: Like I said, this is a no brainer. She has the stage performance of Magicia with a bit of Mark Beaks Mom (forget her name) mixed in. Probably would downplay her love for fashion and replace it with an obsession with the occult. I would also not have her be obsessed with Glomgold, its more in character for Glomgold to be obsessed with her anyhow. It is also possible bc I tend to believe she is a more compelling villian in canon that she might take the place of Glomgold on the Island in "The End". But I also plan for Scrooges Number One Dime to replace the Sugar bowl so, maybe not.

Doofus Drake as Calmanita Splats: Duh, spoiled brat who is very creepy and probably has parents that want them dead? Instead of wanting to sing all the time he mainly wants to wreak things/people. He still definitely dresses up tho into a hodgepodge of things. It always changes and Glomgold is always annoyed by this but he likes him more than Magicia. She definitely wants him dead just like Olaf in the series (she really hates kids).

Duckworth as Larry your waiter: Yeah not much competition for this role. It was either him or Launchpad. Duckworth is too perfect for this role and he honestly will play a better spy than canon Larry. If I ever write it out a lot of the "fight scenes" and anime-esque "explaining how I fooled you" dialogue will definitely be reworked but still present. I will however not keep out the main theme of neglect or ignorance with the adults, they will still fail in that regard as always but will just not literally stand there and tell Olaf "We finally caught you, now let me explain why we are so smart oh no you set something on fire again". I mean...maybe for a Mr. Poe but not the VFD. Or...SHUSH I should say but more on that later (or in another post who knows?)

Scrooge McDuck as Lemony Snicket (sorta): Okay so OBVIOUSLY we can't have our "Lemony" have the hots for the McDuck siblings mom (yes another thing I must explain oh boy). Scrooge will still be gilted in love by, of course Goldie though I am still not 100% if she should play part of the the role of Kit Snicket (again NOT related to Scrooge) or should she be someone else entirely. Scrooge is basically the reason everything is happening in this AU just like the canon Lemony but writes sad letters to Donald and Della as well as Goldie. As you might of well guessed, Scrooge's Fortune is also the riches the McDuck's have.

Fethry Duck as Dr. Monty: Of course a snake lover will become a marine lover in this AU! Also of COURSE Mitzy will play the roles of the incredibly deadly viper AND the great unknown! Fethry and Dr. Monty not being mentioned by their family but also too enthralled with their studies to care all that much (but seriously thats fucked up ducktales). Totally made for this role. As far as setting goes this will be where the siblings will be underwater first but since the series already has plently of aquatic locals I will probably swap out the Lake Lacamose story with Peru or the Galapagos. Speaking of...

Ms. Quackfaster as Aunt Josephine: For narrative purposes it would make sense that Ms. Quackfaster would lose her edge as a brave and bold woman. For what exact reason I am still trying to figure out. Not sure if I still want to keep the "Ike" storyline, maybe she just got really spooked by FOWL. Maybe some creature from the Galapagos ate her leg or something.

Ma Beagle as Dr. Orwell: This particular role was sort of hard for me to cast due to the fact that Dr. Orwell is older and romantically involved with Olaf (at least its sorta there). I really didn't want to give this role to Owlson bc other than she isn't a bad person, she is also way too young. Ma Beagle already has a similar motivation im canon to want to reclaim Duckburg as Beagleburg so the Terrible Mills plot to frame the B for causing a fire in order to have control over the mill is very in line with Ma. I originally wanted the Beagle Boys be working in the Mill but since I am changing the setting to Egypt, I decided to use the people stuck in the pyrimid (idk what they are actually called) and will either use Amulet, Launchpad or Dijin as Cookie

Characters that are Mixed with others:

Huey Duck as the Narrative Role of Violet B.: I mostly imagined(?) the kid characters in a approximation of set characters from the books/series. For this reason, Huey plays the ROLE of Violet Baudelaire so that he can take the "inventor" occupation. I went back and forth on finding who would have Violet's quirk of using an object to help her think. My mind originally went to Webby since she has a bow and I wanted Huey's obsession with the Incomplete History of Secret Organizations to take the place of his JWG. However I reworked it so that Huey's JWG would act as Violet's ribbon with him having to flip through his beat up (and slightly burnt) journal to find a quick solution or just to calm his nerves. Something that applies to all the triplets and twins is that their last names are changed to "McDuck" mostly bc it sounds better that they are later called the "McDuck Murders" instead of the "Duck Murders" as well as Scrooges edited role in the kids lives. He has a mix of Klaus' social awkwardness and habit of talking at length about his special interests to whoever will listen. Huey is also the one who gets hypnotized in the Miserable Mill ep.

Louie Duck as the Narrative Role of Sunny B.: Pretty sure I swapped Louie and Webby for this role in my first post but whatever. I wanted to confusingly change Klaus' role into a "Charmer" or "smooth talker" (obviously still a work in progress) since I felt that Huey in DuckTales canon was always well researched as well a good mechanic and having two characters who pretty much fit the same role was... redundant. I also wanted to really make Webby's Sunny much more inline with her notorious/abnormal fighting abilities. However, I realized that instead of changing Klaus' role I should just change Sunny's characterization since I would have to rework it anyways since she was a baby. I also got the idea from recently rewatching the series and saw Sunny basically trick her way out of being trapped with the Hook handed man (i.e. Fernald). I will instead make Louie's role as what he functionally is in DuckTales (the guy who can talk his way out of anything). He would probably also say his occupation is "Defense Attorney" or something along those lines. He is also the one who gets captured the most but not by much. However while he still has Sunny's sarcasm, he also has Klaus' inherit skeptism and distrust of adults.

Webby Vanderquack as the Narrative Role of Klaus B.: Like I said in Louie's segment, Webby is changed to Klaus or more accurately the "Researcher" of the group. She is often the one who stays up late, researching ways to get out of Glomgold's schemes. Unlike Klaus though, she has more of the optimism of Violet but might not put as much belief into all authority as Huey might. She still has role models that she looks up to but isn't against bending the rules. She also unfortunately takes Violet's role of becoming "Olaf's bride" in the Bad Beginning. In the story she has always lived with the McDucks but didn't take their name and still had Mrs. B (until she was around 10, she was 12ish when the fire happened). However, she is still in the McDuck Will and therefore Glomgold hatches a plan to use her to get the fortune. She also tricks him by signing her name "Vanderduck" or "McDuck" instead of Vanderquack to make the marriage null in void. She is also a mix of Sunny since she is generally the most physically capable out of the children.

Dewey Duck as the Narrative Role as Quigley Quagmire: Okay honestly after a rewatch, I don't exactly know what makes Duncan and Quigley that different from each other. I'm pretty sure Duncan is the Klaus of his siblings but whatever. Dewey mostly just 1/2 of the reveal that two people survived the fire during the Carnival segment (which is changed to an underground wrestling theme for reasons to be explained). I am fairly certain that during the last part of the Village of Fowl Devotees I want Dewey be the one left behind with Webby and Lena that way we can have more time spent with him and Weblena/ Magicia v Lena drama. Dewey's occupation would be "Comedian/Host/Actor" . He also is the one the adults ignore during the first half and will be the subject of Triplet/only child jokes that the Quagmires face.

Gosalyn Mallard as the Narrative Role of Duncan Quagmire: Okay so like, no she isn't related or adopted by the Quagmires

Lena Saberwing as the Narrative Role of Isadora Quagmire: c'mon both these kids like poetry. Literally I can think of no other DuckTales kid that likes that (other than Webby but that was more of her liking Lena's stuff). She will still have her background as Magica's niece and might take some of the role of Fernald where he gets redeemed by betraying Olaf/saving Sunny. I am unsure by what extent though as she isn't going to be a henchperson of Glomgold or Magica. It might be that she is uses morally questionable ways to get what she wants/needs. Maybe she is "good" but has to commit a terrible act similar to how the Baudelaires have to burn down the carnival.

Characters that I am uncertain about or straight up don't have someone in that role:

Violet Saberwing as the Narrative Role of Fiona Widdershins: Like Fiona, Violet was also originally distrusted by a part of the cast (in this AU, it probably be Webby and/or Louie as Huey catches feelings lol). She is also obsessed with the occult not fungus and has to save probably Louie from losing his soul or something (wip). Violet more than any of the main cast of kids will probably act more like her canon self since she is naturally straight forward and booksmart. She probably gets forced to stay with Glomgold until her and Lena can escape again. Also since I didn't want it to be another underwater local and wanted it to relate to DuckTales17 a bit more closely I thought it be better if they were in the sky. Maybe Violet got the Sun chaser or maybe even the Spear of Selene. Maybe instead of going to look for their dads (since they are dead oof) they come back at The End to tell the McDuck Siblings et all that they might of found something...or someone important.

Boyd as the Narrative Role of Friday: This is definitely more of a stretch as really he is only Friday because in role only because I want him at the Island at The End so that he can save the siblings from whatever organic incident happens since he is still an android. I previously thought he could also fit the role of Fernald since he could go through a redemption arc easier due to him sorta going through one in the show. Its not out of the realm of possibility that Glomgold could have reprogrammed him to obey him (he might still do something similar I haven't figured it out 100%).

Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera as the narrative role of Hector: He probably won't faint as much as Hector but he will have to be pushed by the kids to be confident in himself during the Vile Village (which will probably change to a Capital city since I plan to rework FOWL into this). Maybe its similar to a military academy which makes having a set of rules make sense. Its also possible that Fenton escapes with some of the kids in the Sunchaser by the end of this.

Steelbeak as the Narrative Role of Fernald Widdershins: I mainly chose him because Steelbeak and Hookhanded man both most clearly are shown to be sympathic antagonists. They are still functionally villians, much more so than any of the children like Boyd or Lena who, yeah, have done bad things but in one case wasn't given the freewill to decide for himself or was but when she decided to stand up for herself she was literally tortured and had her freedom taken away (more so than in the beginning since. Steelbeak would, like Fernald, be making a choice as an adult man to be apart of a mad man's troop and was harden enough to commit murder if it meant he could impress his boss. But because he is not related to (by blood or otherwise) any protagonist I struggle to know where to put him. I might still have him defect during the end of what would have been the Grim Grotto ep and comes back with the Saberwings at The End. Maybe he brings Gosalyn back after finding her at some point, maybe he dies somewhere towards The End. Not sure.

Gladstone/Ghost of Christmas Past/News Reporter Lady as the Narrative Role of Mr. Poe/Mr. Poes Wife: wow this one is really confusing. My reasoning behind these picks is because The News lady would be a great pick for Mr. Poe's wife or at least a substitute as she has similar motivations in DT17. The biggest set back for her tho is that she has no reason to be on the Baudelaire case (or McDuck case anyways). Ghost of Christmas past is a bit of a stretch since why the fuck would he be in charge of making sure the kids had guardians? I mainly want him just bc of his motivation (or lack thereof) to do his job and being incompetent at it. Gladstone while making some sense that he also would be uncaring about where the kids go is also a stretch given he is a relative and he while he might not care 100% about their whereabouts he wouldn't lose them like Mr. Poe would simply bc he is so damn Lucky. Its possible to work that against him, maybe in a scenerios like where he drops off the kids but gets whisked away because some rando gifts him a boat. Still unsure.

Mrs. Beakley as either the Narrative Role of Jaclyn S (Mr. Poes Secretary/VFD spy)., Olivia C. (Librarian): I want Mrs. B to have a role which fits her being experienced and competent but also met a tragic demise. I might mix the experience of JS with the fate of OC. Poor Webby.

Justice Strauss as ???: I'll be honest, I am stumped with this one. This is a very important role to fill and I can't quite find an adult character that fits the bill of Justice Strauss. Mrs. B is too smart, Launchpad studying law while ridiculous, is something inline with the show but he doesn't have a DT17 motivation similar enough to Strauss where he's desires can be exploited nor has he really want kids in the same sense as Strauss. Drake Mallard is close since he is an actor but having him work with law is a bit of a stretch, I also think that making him somewhat bumbling is an insult to his character but Strauss is tragic since she WANTS to very much be the Baudelaires guardian but fails so much. Maybe in a safer world she could have been, maybe if they were luckier. She loves them so much, but they run away where she can't find them to at least try to be there for them and is left heart broken by the end. Whoever becomes JS is in for a world of hurt and I'm sorry. Goofy could also be a replacement, maybe Max died for more angst 😬.

Goldie or Daisy as the narrative role of Kit Snicket: This kinda gets really fanfic-y as neither of these characters really fit nicely into this role. Goldie definitely has the skill of Kit and her disregard for the rules but the pregnancy thing is... something. Not entirely sure if I actually want her to be pregnant but I also want a Beatrice II type character (of course she would be named Della II) but again very fanfic-y. Daisy I am more comfortable being the one who gets pregnant, she might take Olivias role as the new VFD recruit instead of Kits more seasoned one. All I know is that if either or both outcomes exist they will die also a Dewey Deanumont(?) Character wouldn't be the father it would of course be Donald or Scrooge depending who gets pregnant.

Jacques Snicket as ???: Another mystery for me. Functionally? Maybe Manny could play this role or even Launchpad (he really is just my go to for any character idk about huh?) Whoever it is will die but wont have a romance with the Olivia character(s). Maybe its Goofy lmao.

This is quite long enough, let me know if y'all got any more ideas. I'll edit this when I can since I am tired of writing. Please comment or reblog for suggestions and the like thx u. And please...Look Away while you still can.

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unfortunate-stranger-losers · 5 years ago

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⚡️🍃 hello!! idk if this has already been asked, but what numbers would lilac, nick, and soli be if they were in the Should I Stay AU? I’m just asking because I kind of wanted to make a moodboard for them, but only if that’s okay with you.

LISTEN DUDE I LOVE ANY AND ALL FAN CONTENT IT GIVES ME LIIIIIFE

Anyway with the new birth order, the numbers would go like this:

Jacques Snicket

Kit Snicket

Beatrice Baudelaire

Lemony Snicket

Count Olaf

Lilac Baudelaire

Ice Manipulation

Fiona Widdershins

Violet Baudelaire

Duncan Quagmire

Isadora Quagmire

Quigley Quagmire

Nick Baudelaire

Fire Manipulation

Klaus Baudelaire

Carmelita Spats

(Soli can understand any language, human and animal! She uses this only to talk to frogs)

#should i stay au #asoue #asoue netflix #a series of unfortunate events #six baudelaires au #mine #ask #anonymous

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vacuum-fluorescent-display · 5 years ago

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bond over slam poetry ofc

initially at prufrock isadora didn’t care for sunny and thought it was weird that she was a baby but also a person and wasn’t really interested in making friends (as opposed to duncan who was desperate for her to like him) but after like a week they realized they had a lot in common

they realized this when sunny roasted carmelita and then when klaus translated isadora was like “hell yeah fucking SAVAGE”

sunny liked isadora because she was the only one who didn’t treat her like a baby at all and just treated her like any other kid

isadora helped teach sunny to read while they were at prufrock

they read poetry together

sunny cared about duncan too but she was friends with isadora

isadora is surprisingly good at cooking and if/when the quagmires and baudelaires reunite sunny and isadora cook together

animal buddies: sunny was close with ink and isadora was close with the vfd crows sort of because I said so

klaus was tired at prufrock not from running laps but because sunny and isadora almost pushed him over the edge

seriously they were constantly roasting him

#i've never really thought about sunny & isadora friendship before #asoue #sunny baudelaire #isadora quagmire #unfortunate generation #unfortunate gen brotp headcanons #headcanons

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agaypanic · 6 years ago

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Prufrock Prep (Duncan Quagmire X Reader) Part 1/2

Story time: Y/N Baudelaire and her siblings, are at Prufrock Prep and they meet the Quagmires. Y/N takes a liking to Duncan. Y/N is Klaus's twin sister and he can get over protective.

****

Mr. Poe dropped us off at Prufrock Preparatory School. This place just made me feel weird. It was dark and gloomy.

We walked to a big bench in front of the vice principal's office. Violet sat down and put Sunny in her lap. Klaus sat down on the other side of the bench and I sat in the middle.

We waited. And waited. And waited.

"We've been waiting so long, Sunny's starting to look less like a baby and more like a toddler." Klaus said, breaking the silence.

"We've been waiting so long, your voice got deeper." I commented with a little smirk. Although, it quickly went away.

As I stared forward, a single tear slid down my cheek. I don't really cry much, not even when I was a baby. So when I did, it was serious.

Klaus noticed the tear and pulled me into a side hug, wiping the tear away.

"It's ok. We'll be ok." He said in hopes of comforting me as I quietly sobbed. Violet put her hand on my arm and rubbed up and down.

In the vice principal's room, I could hear rather awful violin playing. I think it just made my mood worsen.

I heard footsteps walking towards us and I quickly wiped my tears. I looked up to see a red haired girl in a poofy pink dress stomp towards us.

"Oh stop crying, cakesniffer! Mr. Nero wants me to give you the tour. So move it!" She screeched before stomping away.

Me and my siblings scrambled to our feet and followed the nameless girl. As we passed the bench, I saw two people sitting on the other side. A boy and a girl.

I turned my head to look back and my eyes met with the boy. We exchanged small smiles before Klaus grabbed my hand and tugged me towards the girls.

****

After getting the tour from the girl who was named Carmelita, who kept calling us cakesniffers for some odd reason, we finally talked to the vice principal and found out that instead of living in a dorm like the other students, we were going to be living in an "orphan shack".

When we got there, Klaus opened the door and pushed me back a bit. I looked over his shoulder to see what the problem was.

"Crabs. Our shack has crabs." He said disgusted. I looked up.

"And fungus." I groaned.

We walked inside our new home. But, it was barely that. It was more like a very small stall in a barn where animals reside.

It's official. I hate this place.

****

As me and my siblings walked into the cafeteria, I noticed something very odd. There was a table filled with children who were eating. But their hands were tied behind their backs.

I turned back to my tray and grimaced at the slop in front of me. There was no way I was eating this food. I'll just starve.

We looked for a table that was empty but we couldn't find one. So we went to a table that had two children in it.

"Hi, is it ok if me and my siblings sit here?" Violet asked that two children. They said yes and we sat down in front of them.

I sat next to Klaus who sat next to Sunny while Violet was on my other side. I looked up to meet a pair of brown eyes.

"I'm Violet Baudelaire and these are my twin siblings, Y/N and Klaus. And on the end is our little sister Sunny." Violet introduced us to the two strangers who sat on the other side of the bench we were on yesterday.

The boy stretched his hand out towards me and I grasped it. "I'm Duncan Quagmire and this is my sister, Isadora." He looked at his sister for a second before turning his gaze back on to me.

His hand was soft, but it had a firm grip. His eyes were an intense brown and his hair was mostly parted to one side. In other words, he was cute.

Our hands let go and I felt eyes on me. I turned to see Klaus looking between me and Duncan with a bit of anger in his eyes, but no one else saw.

"What's wrong, Klaus?" Sunny mumbled in her baby talk. Well, I guess she saw too.

"Nothing's wrong, Sunny." I interjected before turning my attention back to the Quagmires.

"Are you twins? You look very alike." Violet asked with interest in her tone.

"No, we're triplets. We had another brother, Quigley. But he perished in a terrible fire along with our parents." Isadora answered with a mournful look on her face.

"I'm so terribly sorry to hear that. The same thing happened to... our parents." I said, my voice getting quieter as I kept speaking.

Duncan glanced at his sister before turning his gaze back into me.

"We are also terribly sorry to hear that."

We exchanged small smiles. Maybe this place won't be so bad after all.

#duncan quagmire x reader #duncan quagmire #klaus baudelaire #violet baudelaire #sunny baudelaire #isadora quagmire #a series of unfortunate events

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sleepysnowglobe · 6 years ago

Text

Everyone in ASOUE plays Skyrim

Everyone

Violet and Klaus set up in a room on the couch, each with laptops and Sunny in between them, helping with decision making when they ask for it until she’s old enough to be allowed to play the game on her own (It doesn’t take long for her to be old enough, and she always plays as an orc because she likes the Berserk effect, and she’s an alchemist as well, because the recipes all feel familiar to her).

Violet has one of the most advanced blacksmiths of all time in the game, and she likes going around solving the different murders in the games. She mostly does sidequests.

Klaus always plays as a high elf and goes to the mage college, but sometimes he’ll join in with random other organizations if he’s feeling rebellious

None of the Baudelaire’s ever join the Dark Brotherhood, but they still all do the Innocence Lost quest, because they can’t even stand just the idea of Grelod the Kind

The Quagmire’s play in their beds before they go to sleep at night (Because they’re super boujey)

Isadora goes to the Bard’s College, but she also joins the cannibals because she thinks she’s a badass (She is but her brothers panic every time they see her play) although everyone else thinks it’s just goth instead of badass

Quigley doesn’t even really do anything, just starts at one corner of the map and walks through and finds EVERY SINGLE point there is so his map is completely full. He also likes to become a vampire (He usually starts as a breton and then turns from there) because then he can make jokes about being the sibling that died and then was alive anyway.

Duncan actually typically plays as like, a crazy dual wielding fighter, and he legitimately kicks some ass. He’ll do any random quest he can think of ever and he cackles when he plays all of them

All three of the Snicket’s always go to the Bard’s College. That’s all they do. Jacques is an archer, always uses enchanted bows. Strictly steel arrows. That one guy who has basically no armor but like three thousand health potions. Refuses to take the carriages anywhere (”They don’t show their driving, how am I supposed to know whether or not they’re reliable drivers?”) So he literally walks everywhere in the game. Won’t even get a horse. Just walks.

Kit always joins the Companions, too, and she thinks it’s some of the most fun on the planet. I mean, dude, she’s such a dork, she loves being a bard and a warrior for goodness and shit at the same time

Lemony is just... bad. Like, he kinda sucks at everything in the game. He’s the guy that thinks he can just climb over the mountain and so when he hits the point where it won’t let you go up any more, he still stands there and tries to run up for twenty minutes. When he finally stops, he’ll jump onto the nearest rock to look around and figure out how to get over the mountain, and then he’ll fall of the mountain and die. But he tries his best and he always gives coins to the beggars he runs into in the streets.

Esme joins the Thieve’s Guild, but she still gets very stressy about what’s in and what’s out and she won’t steal things that are out. She gets very edgy about it all, (”I can’t burn the bee hives! Bees have stripes and those stripes look like pinstripes and pinstripes are in so I can’t burn it!”)

Olaf has two games that he plays consistently. In one he has pulled up his magic very high so that he can use fire and flames very well. He’s a part of the Thieve’s Guild with this game and so he basically just torches everyone and then steals everything they have. He even steals stuff from the actual Thieve’s Guild and sells it back to the fences. In his other game, he’s a bard. He gets the best he can. He uses a shield primarily, more into blocking than fighting, and only has a couple small knives he carries with him. He won’t attack anyone who doesn’t attack him first, he won’t kill any of the animals, he won’t steal anything. He always kills Grelod the Kind, he always gives coins to the beggars, he does everything right. He’ll let people watch him play his Thieve’s Guild game, but he won’t tell anyone about this other game. Bertrand accidentally walked in on him once, freaking out because he’d accidentally killed the dog of someone who he was fighting, and Bertrand just stood there for a moment, taking it in, and then turned around and walked out.

Speaking of Bertrand: He and Beatrice both play separately, and they don’t know that they both play as basically the same character. They don’t do it on purpose, but they both play as either Khajiit or Argonian, both join Stormcloacks, both join the Companions, and both marry Mjoll the Lioness every time. Kit and Olaf each play with both of them independently and later discuss how weird their character similarities are.

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dingusandsmartypants · 6 years ago

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What are your personality headcanons about the Quagmire twins?

Isadora: Extremely protective of her brothers and friends, has probably started a food fight with Carmelita at least once, probably has some anger issues after the events that take place in the books/show, cat person, would rather have fun night in with the people she’s close to than go out to a party with someone she doesn’t know well/doesn’t like as much, can play the piano well.

Quigley: Probably makes annoying jokes and sarcastic comments a lot, has gotten lost in the woods on a hike at least once because he decided to try and make his own map of it by hiking the trails instead of taking an already made accurate map, will adopt literally every animal he comes across that needs a home if you let him, the most extroverted of the three, is a great artist.

Duncan: Has numerous notebooks that only have a few notes in them because he keeps buying new ones, hates conflict, is the one with the most common sense out of the three, also the most emotionally stable of the three, dog person, plays the violin well (which only made him hate Nero more), a good fiction writer even though he mostly focuses on fact as he’s a journalist.

#quagmire triplets #quigley quagmire #isadora quagmire #duncan quagmire #asoue #asoue headcanon #a series of unfortunate events #Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events #asoue books #asoue blogging #asoue netflix

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huffleporg · 6 years ago

Photo

At long last, it’s finally here... just in time for you to read before the third season drops.

The Coffeeshop Fire [T] Chapter Six || From the beginning

Down in the Beverage District, a work of investigative journalism into the rivalry between two coffee shops leads to four calls to the City Health Inspector's office from J.S., three detentions, two fires, and one broken sugar bowl.

The trolley was far more crowded than she had expected it to be this early on a Saturday morning. When she had boarded the trolley with Duncan, they had needed to stand for a couple of stops before there was enough room on the bench for the both of them to sit down. With a sigh, Isadora rested her head on her brother’s shoulder and closed her eyes, wishing she were back in bed. The next thing she was aware of was Duncan shrugging vigorously to try to jostle her awake.

“I’m up,” she said, groggily. “Are we there?” She rubbed her eyes and looked out the window at the still dark shops that the trolley rumbled past.

“No, next stop,” Duncan answered. As Isadora let out a yawn, he smiled and said, “You should get a cup of Joe when we get to The Firebrand.”

Isadora rolled her eyes. She felt the trolley already beginning to slow down. “Right, because that bathroom there looks like just the sort of place I want to spend the day in before getting taken to the hospital.” The thought of the cramped, smelly washroom was enough to make Isadora shudder. If there was one disgusting thing she hoped her boss did, it would be that he would never ask her to clean that room. She doubted anyone, even someone with an iron constitution and an arm with the strength of steel could do anything about the rust and lime.

Duncan got to his feet. “To be fair, the water does get boiled, so if you were to get a cup that was reasonably clean and just let the whole thing drip over into your cup instead of into one of those pots… then maybe you wouldn’t come down with dysentery. Maybe.” They started walking towards the front of the trolley, even though it still was moving on the track. “I want to know who he’s bribing in the Health Inspector’s office,” Duncan said, his voice dropping so low that Isadora could barely hear it over the breaks. “No way he can legally be allowed to keep the place that disgusting.”

Offering a small nod, Isadora agreed. “I’d lick that bench before I ate something made there.”

The trolley came to a screeching stop, and two triplets disembarked from the trolley and started their way down the roads that had become increasingly familiar over the past few days. They passed few people on the street: a couple shopkeepers opening up for business, some harried business people rushing by with shiny shoes and briefcases. As they crossed officially into the beverage distract, they were welcomed by the snoring of a man on a flight of stairs leading up to the second floor apartments from an establishment the two wouldn’t be allowed in for several years yet.

In the end, it was too much to bear, To bother climbing up that last stair.

She turned to her brother, eager to share her latest composition, but as the two of them rounded the corner onto final block, her mouth dropped open. “They can’t be…” she started. Even though each step brought her closer to the small line of people that lead out the door, she couldn’t accept that they were all waiting to go into The Firebrand.

“‘Curiouser and curiouser,’” breathed Duncan, quoting one of their favorite books. He pulled his commonplace book out and flipped to page that already had several barely legible notes hastily scribbled there. In a few quick strokes he added, Line. 6 outside. He returned the notebook to his shirt pocket - a worn shirt that he had technically outgrown, but could still wear when the situation called for clothing that was going to wind up wrecked.

Silently, the two continued towards the coffee shop, trying to avoid staring at those lined up the way that they had seen children gape at animals in the zoo. As they bypassed the line, there were a few grumblings. “We work here,” Isadora said, almost adding an ‘unfortunately’ after. She pushed open the door to find the line continued across the sawdust strewn floor all the way up to the register. Instead of Count Olaf waiting for them behind the counter, two unfamiliar men busily took orders, poured coffee, and managed the cash register.

The tall, bald one caught sight of them after handing a styrofoam cup to a pinch-nosed woman and nudged his companion. The shorter man spun around to face the Quagmires. Isadora had to exercise extreme self-control to not let her eyes widen or linger as she realized that instead of hands the man had two hooks. She forced herself to look up, meeting the man’s gaze.

“Twins!” he said. “Don’t just stand around.”

The triplets approached the men, sending up bits of sawdust with each step.

With his two hooks, the short man motioned for them to come around behind the counter. Duncan and Isadora obliged.

“Pour,” the bald one said, forcing a full pot of steaming coffee into Isadora’s hands.

Unprepared to properly hold the hot glass, Isadora instinctively grasped her hands around the pot, only to a moment later let out a cry of pain. The coffee pot plummeted to the floor with a clank and a shatter. As the scalding liquid seeped through her sneakers and soaked her jeans, Isadora heard the tall man say, “Boss isn’t going to like that.”

The hook-handed man glanced up from the cash register. “He did say not to expect much.”

Isadora could feel a heat building on the back of her neck that had nothing to do with the steaming coffee that now soaked her bottom half. Though they had not worked there long and she had found none of the work to her liking, Isadora instinctively wanted to defend the small dent she and her brother had made in the mess that was this establishment.

“Am I going to have to wait for another pot to brew?” whined the customer standing at the register. “I’ll be late.”

“Not to worry,” said the hook-handed man brightly. “We always have several pots going this time of day.”

The bald man took a styrofoam cup from the stack on the counter and handed it to Duncan before directing him to the several pots of coffee in various states of brewing or emptiness. “Give him the house blend,” he said.

Duncan looked apprehensively at the brews and glanced up at the bald man. “And that’s the…” He reached out and took the nearest pot. When the man didn’t object, he poured the coffee and walked over to the cash register.

“Now you,” said the man, returning his attention to Isadora, who still stood in the middle of the cooling puddle, “do you think you can grind the coffee without sticking your fingers in the grinder? We don’t need to lose any more hands.” With a nod of his shiny head, he indicated the hook-handed man who was pressing the buttons of the cash register as adroitly as if they were his natively.

If it was meant to be a joke, she wasn’t laughing. “I don’t think it will be an issue,” said Isadora with gritted teeth. Between the implications over her own abilities and the insensitivity of the comment, Isadora was fairly sure her newest co-worker was a fairly despicable man. But, she reminded herself as she took her position at the large coffee bean grinder, this was a fairly despicable place.

She knew better than to wait for instructions. No one here seemed to be interested in giving either triplet proper training, and she didn’t want to summon the bald man or his annoyance. Assessing the grinder, she thought it looked straightforward enough. A scoop rested in one of several glass jars of beans of slightly varying shades. She reached in and filled the scoop with beans, transferring them to the waiting grinder. She minded the blades, unsure whether the brown stuff on them was rust or coffee grounds. She closed the lid and pressed the button. Instantly, a vibration coursed through her arms, and she held the button down tighter with both hands until finally she felt a change in the movement. As she opened up the grinder, she paused.

The rich fragrance of the earthy grounds wafted up to her. She had smelled fresh coffee before – her parents drank it every morning, and the teachers’ lounge always seemed to have a pot brewing whenever she passed it on her way to Language Arts. The scent had always struck her as an acrid, sharp sensation, strong enough to make her wonder just why adults bothered with the stuff. The grounds she had just made, however, invited her in, asking her to breathe deeply to fill herself with more of the ambrosial aroma.

She straightened up and turned to her brother, meeting his gaze. From the bemused expression on his face, Isadora immediately knew that Duncan had come to the exact same conclusion she had. The Firebrand’s house blend was something extraordinary.

***

As the earliest inklings of awareness crept up on her, the first thing Kit noticed was the sharp coolness of the air around her exposed leg dangling over the side of the bed. She tucked her leg back under the warmth of the blankets and rolled onto her side, facing Dewey. She pressed herself against him so her face was propped up on his shoulder into the crook of his neck and squeezed her eyes shut tighter and listened to the steady rhythm of his breathing, hoping it would help her find sleep again. It was Saturday, and she had absolutely no reason to be up quite this early. Just as she had started to drift off, the alarm clock reminded her that that was not the case for Dewey. He stirred underneath her. Wrapping her left arm around his bare chest she murmured, “Dewey.”

The alarm clock rudely blared on.

Kit could feel Dewey shifting as he reached for the clock radio on the nightstand. The loud beeping mercifully ceased. Groaning, Dewey pushed himself up into a sitting position, forcing Kit to rest her head on the ridge of his hip.

“Kit,” the librarian said softly.

Kit hummed into the skin his thigh and tightened her grip around him.

“Kit.”

She could hear the smile in his voice.

“I know you don’t like it when I work weekends, but if the library is going to be open, somebody had to be there.”

“Can’t we just stay like this,” she mumbled, her lips kissing him with each syllable. “Just for a few minutes.” Mornings like this were supposed to be savored, not rushed through.

“Last time a few minutes turned into an hour, and Hal was beside himself.”

She forced herself into a sitting position, allowing Dewey to throw the covers off himself and planting both his feet down on the worn wooden floor. She watched as he walked to the chair where his robe hung. A soft sigh of disappointment escaped her lips as he wrapped himself in the dark red fabric, which earned an appreciative smirk from the librarian as he made his way to the closet. Ink snaked himself between Dewey’s footsteps, meowing to remind them of his favorite part of their morning routine.

“I’ll get him his breakfast,” said Kit, abandoning the covers that had become noticeably cooler without her bedmate. She picked up the sleep-shirt that had been forgotten the night before and tugged it over her head. As she freed her dirty blonde hair from the back of the shirt, she continued, “And make us some… are there eggs?”

“Did you do the shopping?”

Kit looked up at the ceiling and sighed, “Guess I’ll improvise something.” She had known she was forgetting something yesterday, but between teaching two classes, office hours, and a meeting with a first year who had failed yet another exam, she had lost her to-do list. At least she had remembered to go to the pharmacy and buy stamps. Two out of three tasks wasn’t bad. Then again, she had failed the student who gotten that same percentage on the exam. “I’ll be sure to go today.”

“I can pick them up,” said Dewey, arms now laiden with the outfit he had picked out.

“No, I’ll do it,” Kit insisted. She picked up the pen on her bedside table and after a few tries managed to scrawl out E-G-G-S on her forearm. “See.” She pointed to the large letters. “I won’t forget it now. I’ll be reading Lemony’s book, and I’ll look down and…” She feigned a theatrical expression of surprise that she knew was better than ones she had seen certain actors give on stage, “I’ll remember! We need eggs!”

Detouring towards her, Dewey shook his head and gave her a quick kiss. “We need eggs… and about ten other things. I’ll write you a list.”

An annoyed yowl came from the doorway.

“I know, I know,” Kit told the black cat as she headed towards the kitchen. “Let’s get you that breakfast.”

***

Weary monotony did not mix well with the sharp clip of the morning crowd at The Firebrand. Isadora emptied what had to be the hundredth soggy coffee filter out, and for the first time when she looked up, there wasn’t a grouchy businessman staring back at her, annoyed by how long it was taking to get coffee. She turned to Duncan. “What was that?” she said, leaning against the counter.

“Saturday morning,” supplied the hook-handed man.

“You should see a weekday morning,” said the bald man.

Duncan shrugged his shoulders and pulled out his commonplace book to make a few quick strokes before he shoved it back in his pocket. “You get a lot of business, then?”

Both men nodded.

“I’m… it’s a little… I’m,” began Duncan, casting his gaze from the overflowing trash bin to the grimy windows. “Surprised.” The word came out higher and softer than how he usually spoke.

Not seeming to notice Duncan’s implication, “It’s the best coffee in the city,” said the hook-handed man while the other nodded. The man spoke with such absolute certainty and pride that Isadora for a moment actually considered taking a cup for herself before she remembered exactly where she was and just how little she wanted anything from here inside her mouth.

“Boss has some of the best connections,” the man went on. “He knows which growers make the best stuff, knows the roasters and distributors, and every brew in here is an original.”

Isadora didn’t exactly follow what the shorter man was saying, but Duncan seemed to have caught on. “So they’re all unique? Uniquely crafted blends?” the investigative journalist asked.

Both adults nodded.

“Envy of all coffee shops in the city,” the bald man said in a deep voice.

“Even though it looks like this?” Isadora couldn’t stop herself from saying.

“Like what?” the tall one asked.

Isadora bit her lip and glanced over to Duncan who sighed. She hoped that she hadn’t said something that would jeopardize his ability to ask questions. “It’s not really… it’s not like the other coffee shops here,” she stammered. “Very… very unique.” She had no idea how they could not be completely aware of how unhygienic the place seemed. Even accounting for various standards of cleanliness, The Firebrand was still a mess.

“People like unique,” the hook-handed man said.

Perhaps Count Olaf paid them well enough so their loyalty was bought - even if they were completely aware of just how terrible their working conditions were, or they were somehow brainwashed. Isadora made a mental note to tell Duncan her theory as soon as they were alone as she watched the tall man excuse himself and make his way to the back room.

With no instructions as to what to do during this lull in sales - or return back to the usual level of business at The Firebrands - Isadora looked around for something to do. Making more coffee grounds seemed entirely pointless at this time, so she picked up a sad and soggy sponge from the sink. It was hard to tell if it was originally grey or if it had become grey. As she wrung the sponge out, she scowled at the color of the liquid that emerged. It was better than nothing though, and she quickly busied herself with wiping down the counter. A glance over at her brother, and she could see that he was putting a new garbage can liner in, the old bag already out and tied.

Done, Duncan picked up the full garbage bag and headed in the direction of the back rooms, only to nearly collide with the tall man as he re-emerged from behind the dirty sheet divider.

“Gunther’s here,” he said, providing emphasis on the unfamiliar name.

The effect on the hook handed man was instantaneous. His eyes widened before he let out a sigh. “Remember your omelets,” he said softly. At the identical confused expressions of his newest co-workers, he clarified, “You know the little-” he held up his arms and punctuated the air with both of his hooks, making a popping noise, “dots. On the u.”

“Do you mean umlauts?” Duncan asked. Isadora could hear the laughter hidden in his voice.

The man nodded. “Those. Remember them. Boss gets particular-”

“Who’s Gunther?” Isadora interrupted.

“It’s one of his characters,” sighed the hook handed man. “You know. Like Coach Genghis. Stephano. Shirley.”

“I think we’ve only met the coach,” Isadora said. “Does he have a lot of these characters?”

“Never actually counted, but -” the hook handed man turned around as the sheet was lifted up, revealing a man far too well dressed to be about to spend the rest of his day working at a filthy coffee shop.

His leather boots were pointed and polished, and the suit actually cut his figure close enough to have been tailored. His face stayed in a one sided squint as he approached the counter, keeping a monocle in place. Each step was matched by the staccato of a cane. Though the he had put effort into his personal appearance and wore a nametag that read “Gunther”, there was no mistaking the proprietor of The Firebrand. “Good mornings, all.”

Isadora had to bite her lip to stop herself from bursting into hysterical laughter at the vaguely Central European accent.

“I trust business good, yes,” he continued, joining the two men and teenagers behind the counter.

“Of course, Gunther,” the hook-handed man said. “Typical Saturday morning. Usual crowd. Usual-”

“But explain, please,” interjected Olaf, turning to gesture at the triplets with his walking stick, “why are children at counter.”

All four of his employees exchanged uncertain glances.

“To help with the crowd,” supplied the hook-handed man.

Olaf gave a disapproving frown. “Children are not for seeing or hearing, please. Helping in back-” he used his cane to point at the dividing sheet, “- please. They left, what’s the word, booby-trap of pots.”

At this point, Isadora could only roll her eyes and hurry towards the back with Duncan in tow, glad to finally be able to silently let the laughter out as they let the curtain fall behind them, blocking the adults from sight. When she finally stopped shaking from muted fits of laughter, she straightened up to see Duncan’s face twisted up in just as amused an expression as she knew she had to be wearing. ‘What the-’ she mouthed to her triplet.

From the other side of the curtain, they heard the tall man say, “I take it Esme is back in town.” There was a definitive whack of something distinctively cane-shaped colliding with a body. It was immediately followed by a yelp and a nervous giggle from the third man.

The triplets exchanged wide-eyed expressions and hotfooted the rest of the way to the kitchen.

***

“You can’t seriously be planning on eating that.”

Hal looked up from the container he was about to microwave to cast his co-worker an owl-eyed look. “It’s my lunch,” he said defensively. “I know you don’t think much of my cooking abilities, but I-”

“There’s mold.” Dewey had always tried to be diplomatic when it came to Hal’s cooking, but when it came down to a matter of health and safety, he knew it was time to be blunt.

Frowning, Hal bent down to peer through his thick glasses at the left over curry he was about to pour over rice. “Those are pepper flecks,” insisted Hal indignantly. “They’ve been there-”

“At least a week longer than you’ve had that in the fridge,” interrupted Dewey again, already slicing his apple in half. “If you really want, I can go find Fiona and see what the budding mycologist thinks.” Before he had gone on his lunch break barely twenty minutes ago, he had asked the library’s page to man (or ‘woman’ as she had said) the circulation desk. Every time he brought the girl a new specimen to identify - whether from the ghastly garden behind his and Kit’s apartment building or something he had encountered unexpectedly - her face always lit up with excitement, and she almost always was able to name the fungus. Sometimes she needed to check one of the atlases in the library, but invariably, she identified the mold or mushroom.

With a heavy sigh, Hal set the curry to the side. “I suppose it is on the old side.” He picked up his steaming plate of microwavable basmati rice and joined Dewey at the break room table. He accepted the half-apple from Dewey with a small nod.

Guilt weighed in Dewey’s stomach, unsettling the lunch he had nearly finished, as he watched his co-worker scoop up a spoon full of abysmally plain rice. “I couldn’t just let you get sick,” Dewey apologized. “People have died from eating spoilt food.”

Hal swallowed and said, “Don’t worry about it.” He went back to his lunch as avidly as if he were eating what he had intended to have today.

Dewey finished his apple half in silence and got to his feet. “I’ll go and send Fiona on her break,” he said before leaving the break room and the awkward scene behind. It hadn’t been wrong to stop his friend from eating something that would make him ill, Dewey knew, but he still felt awful insisting that Hal not eat his lunch.

As he approached the circulation desk, he slowed, a small smile on his face forming, washing away the uncomfortable thoughts. Klaus Baudelaire at the circulation desk, leaning on his elbows with a stack of books as he talked animatedly to the youngest library employee. Beatrice’s son was hardly an uncommon sight at the library - Dewey was fairly sure the boy had been coming in every weekend on his own since his parents had decided he was old enough to walk the several blocks to the library. Recently, however, the boy had been coming in more and more, and it hadn’t taken Dewey too long to connect Klaus’s visits with the shifts that Fiona had started taking as a library page. They took the same trolley some days and arrived at the same time; she always went off to shelve books or check the returned books back into the library, and he always found some excuse to talk to her at some point during her shift.

Dewey knew that he had looked just as ridiculous when he had been only a year or two older than Klaus and he had pretended to not know anything about the system that shared his name just to have his favorite leather clad librarian help him find a book on some obscure topic.

He reached the desk and greeted the two teenagers with a smile. “Fiona, if you want to take your lunch break now, there is some mold that wants to be identified that Hal might have not thrown out yet,” he said, brightly.

The future mycologist stood and smoothed out her sweater. “If it’s Hal’s curry, I already have a few ideas.” She gave Klaus a warm smile and a “See you later” before heading in the direction that Dewey had just come from.

Taking Fiona’s now vacated seat at the circulation desk, Dewey said, “Hello, Klaus. What can I help you with today?” He wondered what sort of excuse Klaus would come up with.

The teenager’s mouth still hung open in a shocked expression, staring after Fiona, seeming not to have even heard the librarian.

Dewey laughed a little and shook his head.

That got Klaus’s attention. “Uh, nothing, Mr. Denouement,” he said quickly, looking down at the fake marble pattern of the circulation desk, as if he suddenly found geology the most fascinating subject in the world. “I was just…”

“Just talking to Fiona.”

The boy fiddled with with glasses.

“She’s seventeen.”

A flush crossed Klaus’s features. “I know,” he murmured. His voice was weary, as if it carried all the times he had thought about just how little a seventeen-year-old considered a thirteen-year-old as anything more than an adorable mascot.

“I know,” Dewey sighed, offering Klaus a small expression of sympathy. He had tried to tell himself numerous times how it was a good thing that the librarian showed no interest in him, but it hadn’t stifled anything. “I can…” he gestured to the stack of books, “check these out for you.”

“Thanks,” Klaus said, eyes still fixed on the counter.

Dewey opened the cover of the first book. It wasn’t his place or at all appropriate for Dewey to share what else he knew having been in Klaus’s shoes, but he wanted to tell him how for another young bibliophile infatuated with an older librarian, the bibliophile had been able to come back, a librarian in his own right, and finally see just how ridiculous his teenage crush had been. And he knew that if Bertrand ever related the poorly anonymized version of Dewey and Dashiell’s short-lived relationship, Klaus’s father would be sure to emphasize just how amusing it had been to watch Dewey figure that out.

“And here you go,” Dewey said as he handed Klaus his stack of books. “They’re due back two weeks from today.”

“I know.”

“I know you know.”

Klaus gave a weak laugh. “I’ll tell my dad you send your regards,” he said before picking up his stack of books and departing.

***

“We’ve made a decision.”

Isadora looked up from her commonplace book at her identical brothers as they stood in the doorway of her bedroom. “About?” She leaned back against her headboard, already knowing what her brothers had discussed without her.

“Wade Academy,” Duncan said, stepping inside. His hair was still wet from his post-work shower, slicked into a perfectly neat part.

Her suspicions confirmed, Isadora let out a sigh. She set her pen down, frowning. “I thought we were going to talk about that together.” Their mother had told them that there was an expiration date on the matter of just who would take that one spot on the lifeboat away from the sinking Prufrock, but Isadora had been convinced that the three of them would discuss the matter.

“We knew you’d insist that we wait until next semester,” said Duncan. “Hoping there would somehow be three spots open.”

“That is what I think we should do,” Isadora said defensively. “We shouldn’t split up. It doesn’t make sense for us to go to separate schools.”

“We have to,” said Quigley, sitting down at the foot of Isadora’s bed.

“There’s no guarantee that there will be three spots for fall,” explained Duncan. “At least not at Wade Academy.”

��There might be one spot at one academy. Another spot at another. If we’re lucky there might be two at one place.” Quigley shrugged his shoulders. “We’d be separated then, and there’s no way we’re going to start next year at Prufrock.”

“You need to take the spot at Wade,” pressed Duncan. “Three spots opening up this close to the start of next term for a ninth grade class isn’t going to happen. Schools admitted students for next term months ago.”

Isadora pressed her lips together tightly, trying to find an argument to use, but she knew that if Duncan was saying it, he had actually researched the matter and knew what he was talking about. Duncan would have read the papers and seen the articles about the admissions cycle for the private schools. “Why me?” she finally asked. “Don’t you guys want to leave Prufrock?”

Her brothers both laughed.

“Of course,” Quigley said.

“I can’t wait to tell Carmelita which cake she can sniff,” chuckled Duncan.

“You could tell her to sniff a urinal cake on Monday and go to Wade on Tuesday,” said Isadora. “I don’t see why you think it should be me to go.”

The two brothers exchanged a quick glance before Duncan crossed his arms and said, “You’ve drawn the short straw so many times, Dora. With this project… you’ve decided to help me even if you don’t have to-”

“That’s what sisters do.”

“And this is what brothers do,” Duncan said firmly.

“What if I refuse? What if I call: ‘All for one, and one for all.’” Isadora folded her arms, mirroring her younger triplet. “What if-”

“Then we’d have to find someone else from Wade Academy to teach us the material,” said Quigley slyly.

Suddenly understanding the plot her brothers had hatched, Isadora had to laugh. All things considered, even Isadora had to admit that it wasn’t the worst plan given the cards they had been dealt. “I’ll do it,” she finally said. “But you should know, I’ll be the toughest teacher you’ve ever had.”

“We’ve been at Prufrock since elementary school,” said Duncan. “You don’t have much competition.”

All three triplets were in immediate consensus.

Notes: Thank you so much for reading this! Please let me know what you think. likes, reblogs, and comments really make me smile and put me in the writing mood.

Everything really takes off in the next chapter, and hopefully you'll have it a lot sooner than it took for me to write this chapter. You'll have a lot to look forward to: Olivia and Jacques, Violet and Isadora, Esme finally makes her entrance.

I hope you have a Happy New Year! -Huffleporg

#asoue #asoue fanfic #a series of unfortunate events #kit snicket #isadora quagmire #the coffeeshop fire #my fic #my fics

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poeticandvaguelysweet · 7 years ago

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Nosocomephobia (a Jacques Snicket x Olivia Caliban fanfic)

@ethala - One of the children gets sick (with a cold or the flu or something) and their siblings and friends are rightfully anxious concerned Olivia and Jacques are not only dealing with the sick child, but the protective children too

Still relatively unhappy with this. But #studystress

AO3

Nosocomephobia

‘No hospitals!’ Klaus announced abruptly, causing Olivia to jump as she looked up from the toddler in her arms. She and Jacques had been talking quietly about what to do with Sunny who had come down with a fever they couldn’t break and was barely keeping her head up. The youngest of their adopted children was lethargic, she could hardly keep her eyes open and hadn’t properly eaten anything in days.

The librarian had read everything she could about helping toddlers fight disease but nothing was helping Sunny. Their case was getting dire. ‘Klaus, I think we might have to.’ She grimaced at him, trying to give the boy some support as she pulled a hand away from the toddler to squeeze his arm.

‘No!’ He told her, making a fuss as stubborn tears started to blur in his eyes. ‘We’ll read more books. We don’t need a doctor or a hospital to help Sunny, we can help her ourselves!’ He was adamant, standing his ground with rolled fists and a stern look on his face despite the distress he was displaying.

‘Honey,’ Olivia started, hand reaching for him a second time as the boy pulled away. She flinched, hurt that he wouldn’t want her comfort. They hadn’t had a single problem with the children until Sunny had fallen sick and Olivia wasn’t sure if they had grown comfortable with time enough to start pushing buttons of is Sunny’s illness was rattling all of them.

She turned to Jacques with a helpless look in her eye. Olivia felt like she was out of her depth with the upset boy. They had helped the children through a trauma, one that Olivia was still trying to understand and never once had she faltered with them. But, Sunny, with her burning forehead pressed against Olivia’s chest, was draining her of the mental strength to solve Klaus’ problems before he could announce what they were. ‘What’s the problem, Klaus?’ Jacques asked, his hand sitting steady on the back of Olivia’s chair, eyes watching over her shoulder as Sunny’s eyes fluttered closed, fever still rosing her cheeks. ‘Your sister is very sick and no one here is a professional in medicine.’ He knew a few tricks of the trade for minor injuries and curing a cold when one had important secret organisation business to attend to. This was something else.

Nothing was going to stop them, two grown adults, from taking the baby to the hospital. Not even Klaus’ concerns but they felt the need to accommodate the boy who was getting increasingly upset.

The boy fidgeted, growing agitated with himself as the adults looked for an answer in the young teen. ‘I just, I don’t like hospitals.’

‘You don’t have to come, honey, that’s okay.’ They weren’t planning on carting all the children out there any way there was no use making them sit in the emergency room when only one of them was sick.

Klaus shook his head, his words earnest. ‘I have to protect her.’

His adoptive mother smiled, the look on her face melting with the same supportive grin she had been giving the children since she met them. ‘Klaus, it’s okay. We’ve got this now. You get to go be a teenage boy.’ She wasn’t telling him to not worry about his sisters but that he could let go of the reigns. This was her job now, Jacques too and they were doing a great job at keeping them safe.

He shook his head. ‘I don’t want you to take her to the hospital.’ He was still trying for stern despite the shake in his voice. ‘She’ll be scared.’

‘I won’t leave her side, I promise.’ Olivia offered. ‘We’re not going to let anyone hurt your sister, Klaus but she does need help. I am very scared of what will happen to her if we don’t get her to the hospital.’ She pleaded with him, trying not to scare the boy but also expressing her urgency. ‘I’m more scared than what she’ll be and it’ll be nothing like what you children endured after your parents died. I promise.’

Olivia had a habit of saying ‘I promise’ but so far in everyone’s experience she had not failed on a single promise yet.

‘You won’t leave her? Not for anything?’ He asked, holding Olivia’s gaze as he made her promise again.

She smiled at him softly, eyes quickly retreating to Sunny’s fever raddled face. ‘I love you children as fierce and as strong as your own mothers had. I swore nothing bad would happen to any of you but I can’t protect Sunny from this illness on my own. Jacques and I have our limits. Trust me when I say I won’t let her out of my sight, not for a single second.’

The young teen still looked concerned but he nodded, granting the adults permission to guard his sister into a place he did not want her to go.

The others looked puzzled when Jacquelyn arrived, smiling at them with excitement as Isadora and Duncan sat on the floor trying to teach the puppies to balance things on their nose. Jacques nodded to them, all eyes looking in his direction for affirmation while Violet stared at the side of her brother’s head. He helped his wife with her coat, Olivia juggling the toddler in her arms until she was ready to brace the old outdoors of the cities outskirts.

‘We’ll be back before you know it, children.’ She told them, dropping a kiss on each of their heads as they all said bye to Sunny, Isadora squeezing her little hand.

‘We’ll call.’ Jacques promised Klaus, nodding towards the boy while Olivia ran over emergency details with Jacquelyn. ‘C’mon, she knows what to do.’ He tugged at his wife’s arm, pulling her away from their five children and the sitter as he reminded her that they had one, in particular, they needed to focus on.

[…]

‘You’re making me worried now, Klaus.’ Isadora approached them, two eldest Baudelaire’s sitting on the couch and staring off into space. They were lost without their sister, unsure as to how they could conduct their lives even for a few hours. They were used to protecting each other.

Klaus looked the worst for wear, Violet putting her hand on her brother’s shoulder before she turned to their friend and now quasi-sister. ‘He has a fear of the hospital.’

‘Phobia.’ Klaus corrected. ‘It means an irrational fear. I know I shouldn’t be scared, that everyone needs hospitals — that Sunny needs the hospital — but past experience dictates all logic.’

‘Our parents left him unattended,’ Violet continued. ‘There was a clown in the children’s ward, there to make the kids feel better but Klaus woke up alone, no mom or dad and only this clown twisting a balloon into an animal.’

It seemed harmless. Barely an issue at all, but the incident of waking up to that balloon animal screeching latex against latex and finding both of his parents absent despite their promise not to leave his side. He worried for Sunny. Worried that Jacques and Olivia would step out for a second to get some fresh air or seek out a cup of coffee. He feared that Sunny would wake at that time, unwell and disorientated and she would panic just as he did. That feeling of abandonment had surfaced full throttle in the back of his throat — it was almost humorous now to think that his parents had left them, all of them, for good and that feeling barely wormed its way up his spine. Ironic that he had worried so much when the threat was barely there.

‘They won’t leave her.’ Isadora reassured, her smile soft and sweet on her cheeks. They wouldn’t leave Sunny not after what had happened to all six of them. Olivia wanted to protect them too fiercely to need a minute of fresh air while the baby was sleeping in a hospital bed.

Klaus nodded, accepting the other girl's words with a forced smile. He was still worried, nothing was going to stop that but Isadora’s words as soft as the promise was matched so sweetly with what Olivia had said.

[…]

Olivia was back in the morning, Sunny asleep in Jacques’ arms.

The hospital staff managed to break her temperature after a long night of struggling. Olivia felt dead on her feet, exhausted down to the bone as they shuffled through the door during mid-morning as the children were clearing off the table from breakfast.

‘You’re home!’ Violet was the first to notice, dropping the cutlery she was carrying to race over to her guardians and sister. ‘Is she okay?’ The girl didn’t stop, didn’t hesitate and didn’t ask before she was pulling her sister from Jacques’ hold as the man tried to tell her to leave the toddler be.

They knew they would never slip back into that house quietly. With five children there was no going unnoticed when one was coming and going or trying to do things without being detected. Each of those children had reason enough to be on high alert with every rustle and creak of the house. Although Olivia and Jacques had shown there was nothing to fear it was only natural that the kids were still checking over their shoulders.

Violet took her sister, transferring the girl into her arms as she cuddled her close, squeezing as she pressed a kiss to Sunny’s still warm cheek. ‘We were going to go tuck her into bed.’ Jacques offered flatly, frowning at the teen who had no care for what he said. She wanted to see that her sister was okay with her own hands and eyes.

It took a second flat before Klaus and the Quagmire’s joined them, each child reaching for Sunny, touching her or pulling her from the arms of the other.

Olivia watched Sunny move about the group, still sick, still lethargic, not protesting to the hands that kept changing her. ‘She’s doing better. It was a long night.’ Olivia sighed, her whole body shifting now that she was in the comfort of her own home. Would it be wrong of her to disappear to her bedroom for a nap now that Sunny was under the watchful eye of her siblings?

‘We’ll take her to her room.’ Violet answered Olivia’s silent question, offering her guardian a smile in the middle of a hoard of children. Each of them nodded, offering comfort to the adults with slumping shoulders.

Even Jacquelyn was nodding, promising with a wink that she would keep an eye on the children for a little while longer as the ruffled adults managed to get some shut-eye.

‘Children,’ Olivia called to them, their bodies moving up the stairs, Sunny in tow. Isadora was mindlessly chatting about the perfect book of poems to settle Sunny into a deep and restful sleep. They turned, each one stopping to look back at Olivia. ‘No more hospitals?’ She asked, half a demand as a smile cracked across their faces all of them promising it. She couldn’t lose any more sleep sitting in hospital chairs agonising over the young life in front of her. It hurt too much to see Sunny in pain. She was the youngest, still defenceless. It hurt the most to watch her struggle but it did not mean Olivia had the strength to watch the others through it too.

‘Go get some sleep.’ Klaus nodded towards their direction, leading his siblings upstairs, his hand holding on to Sunny’s.

#jacques snicket #olivia caliban #ASOUE #a series of unfortunate events #jacques x olivia #olivia x jacques #all our enemies have been defeated #my fics

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riveracheron · 6 years ago

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ASOUE warriors AU

i love both warriors and asoue, so here are my au ideas

- two clans: flameclan and rainclan

- flameclan are firestarters and rainclan are firefighters

flameclan:

- olaf - maskstar, leader

- fernald - clawfoot, deputy

- hpoid - sharpflower - medicine cat

- esme - goldenshine - warrior

- wfw - snowface + whitenose - warriors

- bmwtln - longmuzzle - warrior

- georgina - darkeye - warrior

- ernest - tallcinder - warrior

- ivan - leechclaw - warrior

- kevin - halfstripe - warrior

- collette - sleektail - warrior

- hugo - archback - warrior

- carmelita - shimmerpaw - goldenshine’s apprentice

- fiona - deeppaw - longmuzzle’s apprentice

non- fire starter members of flameclan:

- jerome - silverheart - warrior

- council of elders - ravensong, crowjaw and blackwing - warriors

- julienne - rosefeather - warrior

- bruce - mountainclaw - warrior

- poe - buzzardfrost - warrior

- elenora - flashdaisy - queen

- edgar - wingkit - flashdaisy’s kit

- albert - talonkit - flashdaisy’s kit

- bass - treeshine - elder

- nero - woodcall - elder

Rainclan

- lemony - yellowstar - leader

- jacquelyn - sparkwater - deputy

- kit - gingerwing - medicine cat

- isadora - songpaw - med. cat apprentice

- monty - snakeheart - warrior

- josephine - lakeleap - warrior

- sir - logclaw - warrior

- charles - twigpuddle - warrior

- olivia - featherdusk - warrior

- jacques - nightstorm - warrior

- larry - mousefoot - warrior

- widdershins - inletfang - warrior

- frank + dewey - reedash + stalksoot - warriors

- beatrice - mothwind - queen

- bertrand - spidergust - warrior

- mr + ms. quagmire - rockfall + mudleaf - warriors

- gustav - whispersight - warrior

- violet - violetpaw - nightstorm’s apprentice

- klaus - sprucepaw - featherdusk’s apprentice

- duncan - pinepaw - mousefoot’s apprentice

- quigley - frondpaw - snakeheart’s apprentice

- sunny - sunkit - mothwind’s kit

- bea ii - blazekit - gingerflight’s kit, nursed by mothwind.

- hal - clearshadow - elder

- justice strauss - flowershine - elder

non- fire fighter members of rainclan

- hector - ryewhisper - warrior

- babs - warmbreeze - warrior

Camp details

Flameclan

- flameclan camp is a scorched forest

- prey is rabbits, rats, snakes, moles, burrowing animals, small mammals and birds of prey

- leaders den is a large cave

- medicine den is a hollowed out stump.

- warriors den + apprentice den are burnt logs that was cut open

- nursery + elders den is a den of kindling and brambles

- they take great care of their leaders and senior warriors more than anyone else

Rainclan

- rainclan camp is a wetland/ rice paddy thing

- prey is fish, amphibians, lizards, birds and small mammals

- leaders den is a cave under a tree

- medicine den is a cave

- warriors and apprentices den are hollowed out hills

- nursery and elders den are bush-like structures of nettle and plants

- they care more for the non-warrior cats. in bad leafbares, warriors and leaders may starve themselves to feed the young and old cats.

- they like to decorate their nests with feathers and reeds

other locations

birdclan camp

birdclan (vfd village) was defeated by flameclan and driven out of camp. those who remained in the territory joined the other two clans. now it’s used as an herb garden for medicine cats bc not a lot can live in the wet/dry climates of other clans.

twolegplace

in the large twolegplace there are rouges and kittypets. they normally don’t do much with the clans but every so often cats will join the clans.

#a series of unfortunate events #asoue #asoue au #warriors #warriors au #warriors crossover #asoue crossover

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incorrectsnicketquotes · 8 years ago

Conversation

Sunny Baudelaire : [voicemail] QUAGMIRES! I swear that if you do not come back by sunrise I will haunt you like a filthy animal and bring you home myself. I have studied you habits extensiv/

Klaus Baudelaire : [voicemail] No, you idiot, you're just gonna scare them, they're simple! ...Duncan, you left one of your suits on a heating fan and it ignited and it set the whole place on fire! Violet came to rescue you but you weren't there, she's BURNED, so BURNED!!! You have to save her or/

Violet Baudelaire : [voicemail] You're both idiots, Duncan doesn't care about me! Quigley, some guy showed up and said you won some contest for a radical science experiment to give you, er... GILLS! But you gotta show up, like... Right now.

#violet baudelaire #klaus baudelaire #Sunny Baudelaire #Lemony Snicket #isadora quagmire #duncan quagmire #Quigley Quagmire #ASoUE #a series of unfortunate events

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unfortunate-stranger-losers · 5 years ago

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Six Baudelaires AU, Part Two {AO3} {Masterlist} {Part One}

Chapter Twenty-Three → in which Solitude steals some shit

The second Hal left them in the hall, Violet said, “So. Where the hell are we going to sleep?”

“Hospital could be searched at any time.” Lilac said nervously. “Olaf is here, that means any of his goons could be here, too.”

“Please don’t…” Nick began, backing up slightly.

“We could sleep outside in the unfinished wing.” Klaus suggested. “I doubt anyone will check there.”

“It might be a bit cold,” Lilac said, “But we can probably manage, right?”

Violet glanced sideways at Nick. “Yeah. Like that time we snuck outside during winter. Remember? We got locked outside after the window shut so we just slept in the old treehouse.”

Nick just stared at her blankly.

“You know?” Violet prodded. “We didn’t have blankets so we just huddled on top of each other? And it was snowing and you said we were gonna wake up under piles of snow and have to eat our way out or suffocate?”

Nick still didn’t respond, and Violet’s voice broke. “You have to remember. You couldn’t have been younger than… six or seven. Mother and Father were so mad, when they found us I thought they were going to explode… but you weren’t even upset, I cried but you just said you’d… you’d heard some kind of animal cry, and you thought it might need help, and I was the only one awake to help you… they got even madder, told you you should’ve stayed with them, but you didn’t see anything wrong, and… Nick, please tell me you remember that…”

Nick watched as she began to cry, looking like he was about to fall apart himself, his eyes going very wide and his grip on Solitude tightening. And carefully, he said, “I remember a lot of things.”

“But that? Tell me you remember that.”

Nick hesitated. “I… I remember cold.” He shut his eyes. “I… Mom and Dad really were mad?”

“Nick…” Violet began.

They heard a low buzz, and once again, Olaf’s voice came over the intercom. “New announcement. All hospital beds will be searched until the Baudelaire Murderers are found. Also, please bring all your valuables to the front office.”

Violet bit her lip and wiped her face on her sleeve, and then Lilac grabbed her hand and said, “Let’s go before someone finds us.”

The Baudelaires sat on the dirt-and-dust-covered ground of the unfinished wing, and Lilac carefully said, “Let’s spread out the Quagmires’ notes. See what we can find.”

Violet carefully pulled the scraps from her pocket, spreading them out in front of her, while Klaus turned to Nick. “Did they tell you anything?” he asked. “While you were… with them? About VFD, or this whole ‘Snicket’ thing, or Olaf?”

Nick didn’t look anyone in the eye. “There wasn’t… much time to chat. I only… Lilac, can we talk?”

Lilac glanced towards him, putting a soft hand over his. “Nick, really. They’re not going to judge you.”

Nick pulled away, scratching at his arm, “That’s not…” He trailed off, and then curled up and buried his head in his knees. Solitude leaned against him, looking about ready to cry, and Babbitt leapt onto his knee and chirped a little.

“Nick-” Klaus began, but Nick just shook his head. Klaus bit his lip, and then turned back to the Quagmires’ notes.

“Well…” Lilac said sadly. “Wh-what’ve we got?”

“Not much.” Klaus said. “Most of it is torn or ripped.”

“We’ve got some scattered notes, codes or poems that don’t seem to make sense.” Violet said. “Like this one- it just seems to be a map of Esme’s penthouse.”

Solitude leaned forwards and picked up a piece of paper, passing it to Violet. “What’s this?”

“It’s one of Isadora’s poems.” Violet said, and she read it aloud. “In photographs, and in each public place / Snicket rarely shows his face. Now what’s that mean?”

As Klaus picked up another paper, Nick curled up some more and let out what sounded like a muffled cry, and Babbitt jumped onto his shoulder. “This one,” Klaus said, “Is Duncan’s, and it says, ‘Jacques Snicket worked for VFD - Volunteer-’ and then it’s ripped.”

“This page isn’t ripped,” Violet said, “But it has a long list of dates. It seems to be about every twelve weeks. I can’t understand any of it.”

Lilac picked up a paper, and stared very sadly at it. “This one just says ‘fire.’”

They all gave her sympathetic looks, and then Violet picked up another page. “This one just has drawings of the Eye, over and over.”

“This one,” Klaus said, “Looks like it’s written in code, or else gibberish. I can’t make heads or tails of it.”

“This one’s just a rough sketch of the spyglass.” Lilac said. “You still have that, right?”

Klaus nodded, gesturing to his pocket.

Sunny pointed at one paper. “Rabave?” she asked.

“This page just has two names on it.” Klaus said, picking it up. “One of them is Al Funcoot.”

“Wasn’t that the guy who wrote the marriage play?” Lilac asked, shuddering.

“I think so, yeah,” Klaus said, “Though I can’t remember hearing his name before then. The other name is ‘Ana Gram’, but I have no idea who that could be.”

“Maybe henchperson?” Solitude asked, holding out her hands as Babbitt jumped back to her.

“It could be.” Violet said.

And then, quietly, they heard, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

The Baudelaires looked up in surprise, to see Nick staring at Klaus with complete incredulity. “Ana Gram?” he said, looking so disappointed. “Ana Gram? Really, Klaus? What kind of a fucking researcher are you? Ana Gram, must be a name- son of a bitch, in your thirteen goddamn years of living, you have never once come across an anagram? Letters mixed up to make a new word? Are you that fucking dumb? How the fuck are we even related?”

There was silence for a good, long moment, and then Klaus broke into a grin.

“Well,” Klaus said, wiping tears from his face, “It’s… it’s good to see you’re back.”

Nick paused, and then smiled a little as Sunny and Solitude rushed over to hug him. “I mean…” he shrugged, still flinching slightly when his sisters hugged him a bit too tight, “If anything was gonna get my attention, it was your pure dumbassery.”

Lilac beamed, also starting to cry a little, and she moved over to put an arm around Nick. Violet smiled a little, glancing between her brothers. Then she started gathering up the papers again and said, “In… in any case, these papers aren’t going to- to tell us what we need to know.”

“We could try to get into the library again.” Lilac said, holding Nick very close.

Violet shook her head. “Hal won’t let us in until tomorrow.”

“Break in.” said Sunny.

“We can’t pick the lock,” Violet turned to glare at Lilac, “And someone won’t let me make a flamethrower.”

“And Hal’s the only one who has keys.” Klaus said.

Soli shrugged, and Sunny said simply, “Steal keys.”

“Sunny,” Lilac said, “That’s morally wrong. Hal trusts us, and we… we shouldn’t just steal from him.”

“But we need that Snicket file.” Violet said.

Lilac shook her head. “No. We can do this without theft.”

“We already broke out of jail.” Solitude pointed out. “That’s a crime.”

“We were innocent, it’s not like we’re actually criminals.” Lilac protested.

“I…” Klaus considered. “I think I’m with them. We have to know.”

Lilac shook her head. “We’re not just going to steal from Hal. What would Mom and Dad think?”

Nick looked sharply up at her and said, “Mom stole from Esme. She wouldn’t give a shit.”

They fell silent, eyes wide, and then Nick clammed up again, curling up and trying not to look at anyone.

“Nick-” Lilac began.

At that, they heard a door open, and they jumped, looking up to see Hal coming out of the hospital, with a tray in his hands.

“Well,” Violet said. “That settles it.”

Lilac bit her lip. “I…”

Sunny and Solitude got up and raced off towards the side of the construction area, where some supplies were located. Lilac jumped up to follow them, and Violet and Klaus got up to run towards Hal.

“Hello, Hal!” Violet said nervously. “What are you doing all the way out here?”

“Well, I was looking for you throughout the hospital, until I realized you might be out here, observing the construction.” Hal said. “And I thought I’d bring you dinner. I made you some chicken soup from an old family recipe. Just the thing for a night like this.”

Violet and Klaus shared a glance as Hal carefully sat down, and Violet carefully moved over to Nick to get him to scoot closer. Klaus glanced over at the other girls, seeing that the toddlers were stringing bolts onto a wire to make an imitation ring of keys.

“That’s very kind of you.” Klaus said awkwardly.

Violet and Nick came back over, as did Lilac, very nervously shepherding the toddlers, who were holding hands as Solitude held her fake ring behind her back.

“Hello, Hal.” Lilac said, trying not to sound guilty. “Thank you for bringing that, you really didn’t have to.”

“It’s truly fine.” Hal said, placing the tray in the middle of the circle of children ahead of him, smiling as they took bowls. “My parents used to make this for me on cold nights.”

Quietly, Violet said, “Our Father used to make us soup, too. But he was never great at it, so we usually just ended up having cake.”

“That sounds wonderful.” Hal chuckled. “Where are your parents now?”

Everyone fell silent, until Nick said, “They’re dead.”

“Well,” Hal said, “I am very sorry to hear that. I know you children must miss them very much.”

“We do.” Violet said, holding back tears.

“It must be very hard, being all on your own out here.”

“We’re not really on our own.” Klaus said, putting a hand over Nick’s. “We’ve got each other.”

Hal smiled very brightly. “That you do! And you’re very lucky for that.”

“We are.” Lilac nodded.

Babbitt jumped from Solitude’s shoulder and onto Hal’s, looking up at him curiously. Hal laughed. “Well! Is this your pet?”

“That’s Babbitt, yes.” Klaus said guiltily.

“Well, they are a very charming frog.” Hal said. “Are they a gift from your parents?”

“From our uncle.” Lilac said. “He’s gone, too.”

“It seems like you children have had quite the unfortunate life.” Hal said sadly, as Babbitt jumped back to the ground. “But I hope your luck will turn here.”

“We hope so, too.” Violet said.

“Tank you.” Sunny nodded at him.

Solitude backed away from him, and said, “You’re very nice, Hal.”

“Thank you, my dears.” Hal said. “But I’m afraid I must be going. We have a long day tomorrow.”

“We’ll see you then.” Klaus sighed.

Hal smiled at them one more time and then stood up and left.

As soon as he’d gone back into the hospital, Solitude held up his keyring. “Got it.” she said.

Lilac bit her lip. “Wanna tell me where you learned how to pickpocket?”

“Nope!”

#asoue #asoue netflix #asoue movie #a series of unfortunate events #six baudelaires au #six baudelaires official fic #the hostile hospital #mine #my fanfic

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