#Droog army

[nosydetective]

Still working on some drawings but I wanted to share some ideas for the Gamtav Good Omens AU.

I've been thinking about how, on Alternia, angels are considered the scary evil ones (like how we consider demons), as explained by Sollux, and while we don't have anything specific with demons, at the very least the Dark Carnival in Hiveswap Friendsim has vaguely demonic motifs, and since that's technically clown heaven...I guess demons are good?

Anyways, I decided that the roles of Heaven and Hell in Good Omens should stay the same, but they should have the angel/demon wings and titles (like archangel) be swapped. It sounds really confusing but essentially angels and demons are just swapped in name, not in narrative role.

Essentially, Tavros, Eridan, Cronus and Rufioh (the last two because they're Hopebound, Tavros and Rufioh because it's funny) are the demons who are trying to sway humans in the right direction.

Meanwhile, Gamzee, Kurloz, and Meulin (Maybe? Aradia and Damara too? Jury's still out on the angels) are trying to get people to turn evil and start Armageddon.

I decided to go a bit more canon-adjacent with Tavros and decided that if this man was immortal and could decide what to look like and what to do, he'd look like a perpetual young man (not a child because he wouldn't be able to do whatever he wants but also...Pupa Pan reference??!) who runs a GameStop and his reason for not wanting humanity gone is that he likes movies, videogames and Pokemon.

Plus Gamzee gets to cry with grief in front of a GameStop on fire.

Gamzee is pretty much the same character as in canon, but he also doesn't want humanity gone because then he'd have to fight Tavros and be in the army.

Gamzee's role is to swap the child of the American ambassador, Jake English, and his wife Jane Crocker (both in their closeted era) with two Cherub twins, but by accident Caliborn ends up with them while Calliope ends up with Dad Egbert and Mom Lalonde.

To avoid them starting Armageddon, they disguise themselves as Nanny Makara and the Gardener. They don't realize Calliope isn't there because Mom's void powers hide her, so they literally just forget she exists.

They only realize on their 12th birthday, after Caliborn's spoiled ass makes fun of Tavros' magic act, and Gamzee gets a call about a Guardian choosing one of the twins to start Armageddon and uh-oh, it's not here, it must be with the other twin.

In the meantime, the Four Horse-people of the Apocalypse are riding together to start Armageddon, and those are War (Spades Slick), Pollution (Clubs Deuce), Famine (Hearts Boxcars) and Death (Diamond Droog).

That's it for now lol.

[libertineangel]

The Adicts were always the most unabashedly fun band of the punk movement.

[sonic-gonzo]

Last Thursday night at the Gramercy Theatre NYC: Adicts (160120) 

British punk with panache and chaos! 

[bembelbande]

Bockenheim.

[6i]

Hi, I love your music taste and blog so much. Can you hook me up with some underrated rappers?

i got you:

• Roc Marciano

• Aceyalone

• Tragedy Khadafi

• Eyedea & Abilities

• Slug

• Canibus

• Murs

• Kno

• Pharoahe Monch

• CunninLynguists

• Hus KingPin

• Crimeapple

• Rigz

• Murs

• Le$

• Rome Streetz

• Tsu Surf

• Stove God Cooks

• Flee Lord

• Daniel Son

• Ka

• Run The Jewels

• Tha God Fahim

• Skyzoo

• Blu

• Apollo Brown

• Your Old Droog

• billy woods,

• Boldy James

• Planet Asia

• Quelle Chris

• 38 Spesh,

• Joell Ortiz

• KXNG Crooked

• Struggle Mike

• Westside Gunn

• Royce da 5’9”

• Crooked I

• RJ Payne

• B Don

• Black Geez

• Estee Nac

• Big Kahuna OG

• Grip

• Dead Monarchs

• Chris Crack

• Eto

• Ransom

• Che Noir

• Rapsody

• Larry June

• Trust Army

• Elcamino

• Fred the Godson

• Knxwledge

• Big Ghost Ltd

• CHEWSTICK‬

• Pink Siifu

• BLESS E$CRO

• Thurz

• Fly Anakin

• Black Soprano Family

• Rasheed Chappell

• Rick Hyde

• Bogie Bam

• Casket D

• MIKE

• R.A The Rugged Man

• Apathy

• Vinnie Paz

• Evidence

• Jamo Gang

• Meyhem Lauren

• Jorun Bombay

• Phill Most Chill

• Third Root

• Armand Hammer

• Cambatta

• Eastern Sunz

• ShrapKnel

• Preservation

• Sankofa

• Odd Squad Family

• R.A.P. Ferreira

• ANKHLEJOHN

• Iron Wigs

• D Strong

• Giallo Point

• Bronx Slang

• MC Eiht

• Leaf Dog

• Enemy Radio

• Bishop Nehru

• The Musalini

• Killah Priest

• Sy Ari Da Kid

• Charlie Smarts

• Sons Of Yusuf

• Shabaam Sahdeeq

• J57

• Bowery Bruisers

• MH The Verb

• Jay Electronica

• Pruven

• Ray Swoope

• Cas Metah

• Blast Mega

• C. Ray

• Supreme Cerebral

• D.Mar

• Moemaw Naedon

• 4-IZE

• Wisecrvcker

• Kyo Itachi

• Eleven

• Jason D

• D-Cypha

• Recognize Ali

• Stu Bangas

• Chokeules

• CJ Fly

• D Smoke

• Quelle Chris

• Chris Keys

• The Four Owls

• Jahi & Configa

• The Leonard Simpson Duo

• Rejjie Snow

• Diamond Lung

• Dizzy Dustin

• Kool Taj The Gr8

• Irie-1

• Whichcraft

• Kool Keith

• Bolt Seminar

• ULTRA BEAST

• Azariah

• Peter Rosenberg

• The Good People

• Ilajide

• DA Donnieboy

• Devine Carama

• Mimz & Dunn

• DøøF & Graymatter

• Sharkula & Mukqs

• Vic Spencer

• Kota The Friend

• I Self Devine

• MF Grimm

• Sankofa

• Bang Belushi

• G4 Jag

• Mephux

• Mike Fish

• TEK

• Termanology

• Juga-Naut

• Giallo Point

• Jaximus

• Hologram

• Zilla Rocca

• Da$H

• LOOK DAMIEN!

• M.A.V.

• Swab

• Creatures Of Habit

• Uncommon Nasa

• Abstract Mindstate

• Agallah

• Da Flyy Hooligan

• Teslas Ghost

• Tanya Morgan

• TekForce

• Amadeus

• Savage Messiah

• IDE

• THE GRIM SL3EPER

• Vagabond From Beyond

• Ramson Badbonez

• Taiyamo Denku

• BoFaatBeatz

• Roc$tedy

• Slaine

• Chris Crack

• Myka 9

• Profound

• Pseudo Intellectuals

• Substance810

• O Finess

• Paul Willis

• Nyck Caution

• Illa Styles

• Meph Luciano

• Observe Since 98

• MAVI

• Knowledge the Pirate

[eyeballjazz]

First of all I've been binge reading your fics whenever I get some free time so huge kudos to ya <3

Second, I've got a fun lil ask for ya: domestic headcanons for HB/PI and SS/DD :D

how do they share all their houses' chores? We all know HB is probably an amazing cook and DD looks like an organization freak but what about the rest? Does anyone besides HB knows how to cook a proper meal? We need to know!!

Well, hell!

First of all, thank you so much this is so sweet! Absolutely makes my day to know you’re enjoying my work. I hope you get lots more time to read soon, bro!

And second I’m about to go ON so I’ll chop the post here, but I’ve got headcanons old and new cooked up for you:

As I’m sure you’ve noticed I like writing about buildings so I can tell you exactly what everyone’s houses are like. The whole Crew lives across from each other on a block in the center of their territory, Slick and Droog in a Victorian townhouse and Hearts and Clubs in a duplex that’s broken into two railway style spaces. Slick would live shoebox if it was up to him, so thankfully Droog has very opinionated taste and likes spending his husband’s money enough to buy a whole antique for them to live in. 

I don’t have to tell you that cooking is huge for the Crew. They’re a small family of Italian uncles, so cooking is a major factor of their lives. 

As skill goes Droog is the best cook out of anyone. He’s self taught but for the very basics and some old family recipes his mother drilled into him back in Tuscany. And like everything with Droog, he’s someone who grew up dirt poor and now desperately wants to show off taste and affluence by being a highbrow snob. That means his skill for cooking has driven towards very elegant, subtle cuisine, lots of French influence (he says it must have been Italian, originally, but the French got famous for it somehow), and small portion size. Think of the fanciest restaurant you've ever been to and how teeny the serving sizes were and then imagine it was cooked by someone who is ferociously closeted and you’ve got it. 

Despite all that, Droog has not had working taste buds in at least thirty years because he’s smoked two packs a day since he learned to walk. Slick, likewise, had a bad smoking habit and quit for the kids so he’s not swimming in buds either. Add to that the fact that he’s had his nose broken so many times he’s functionally lost his sense of smell and you’ve got a match made in heaven. 

Lucky them, Karkat and Aradia get the spoils of Droog’s great cooking and are the picky eaters their fathers wished they could have been as boys. Droog is very proud to have snotty kids. So it is his great displeasure when, instead of having a single scallop lightly seared in browned butter then dusted with rosemary and thyme, the kids just want peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But both happen regularly. 

Hearts is a close second but of a very different school. He learned to cook primarily from his mother, who is a master of Southern cooking and made sure her boy knew how to do for himself before she let him leave her home. The rest he learned as a cook in the army, and then later from Droog after Hearts insisted he learn some real Italian recipes since his father never cooked when Hearts was a boy. Hearts still has a habit for cooking for a literal army and so he often cooks for the whole family. 

His food is mostly soul food/American southern and he seasons hard and often. One might even say it is dangerously flavorful, and everyone agrees it is extremely fortifying. It’s even strong enough to get through to Droog, who can (with the addition of hot sauce) taste it and secretly wishes Hearts would offer to teach him a thing or two.

Too willful to learn, Slick is a very low third place. He doesn’t care about food much and burns most things he tries to cook out of impatience. Plus, he hasn’t needed to learn since he married Droog so why start now?

Pickle Inspector, dead last, can’t so much as fry an egg. He loves food and knows the locations and operating hours of every restaurant and pub and gas station hot bar in the city. But cooking itself eludes him. He does occasionally try to go vegetarian but folds immediately when offered the chance to have a big beautiful meal he didn’t have to cook himself.

This matches up perfectly with Hearts’s master plan, which is to feed Pickle Inspector to within an inch of his life. And Pickle, like a stray cat, loves the attention and knows where the free food is. Hearts insists he’s too skinny and will often say ‘Just have a little,’ and then hand him a plate with half a lasagna on it.

HBPI is a ‘you cook, I clean’ split. Self conscious of his lack of cooking knowledge Pickle does every dish in the house whenever he sneaks in (read: breaks in) to spend time with Hearts and Tavros. And very often when he breaks in he tries to carve out some time to spend playing DnD with Tavros, with an ambition to get him and Hearts in a game so they can show Hearts a more kinetic version of fantasy than having a read a lot of books by nudists from the 60’s.

Because they may or may not be out as a couple to the Crew, Pickle and Hearts don’t get to spend a lot of time out on Hearts’s front porch together, although kicking back on the porch is one of Hearts’s favorite things to do. But, every so often, they take their coffee together out on the porch way before anyone else is awake. They watch the city all in blue together, right before the sunrise.

SSDD and chores are much more complicated.

Droog is fastidious, meticulous, and intense about cleaning. He also uses it to avoid or ignore any emotions he may be feeling so their Victorian is constantly spotless. Droog does all the kitchen chores, all the rewarding dusting of art pieces, mantles, and mirrors, and looks after the kids to make sure they learn how to keep their own spaces clean.

He dumps all the chores where you actually chance getting dirty on Slick. Taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, cleaning the bathrooms, washing the cars, touching anything weird, bugs, that’s all Slick.

Slick also looks after their garden, not for any love of plants but because he’s gotten himself into an all out war with a warren of rabbits that want to eat Droog’s spices and tomatoes. The war has been multi-generational for the rabbits and they’re too invested to pull out now. Slick is the only person who really looks after the garden, Droog assumes ownership of the plants but doesn’t care about them beyond having fresh basil to cook with.

Slick’s contempt for the bunnies and ferocity in keeping his husband’s plants alive have made him an unwitting expert on what a good spice garden needs. Like Droog, his feelings for the whole thing aren’t tied to love for the plants but instead pride and anger. Droog, meanwhile, loves seeing Slick do violence in his name and will often watch his tantrums in the backyard whenever one of the tomato plants gets chewed up.

Whew, this got long quick. Since it’s already so long, I’ll leave you with one more hc which is that Pickle Inspector knows how to juggle. Thank you again for the great questions, this was so fun!!!

[haxyr3]

I’m in the US Army, and there’s a Russian guy in my squad. We are pretty good buddies so is there anything I could say to him to express this feeling of comradrie?

Hi! I believe, words are not necessary. At least, Russians are often shy expressing their feelings verbally. 

However, if you want to say something in Russian to that guy, ask him if you can call him друг /droog/, a friend. He will either like this word or offer you other specific terms for comradrie*  that he considers more appropriate for your relationship. 

I’m glad to hear that you’ve found a good Russian buddy!  

*приятель, кореш, друган, дружбан, корефан - just like in English: pal, buddy, guy etc 

[emperor-of-blood]

Could we have one for Spades Slick?

Spades Slick, the exiled Jack Noir of the trolls session. He forms the midnight crew, alongside Hearts Boxcar, Clubs Duece, and Diamonds Droog. They have rebuilt society on the ruined Alternia and spend their time being mobsters and fighting The Felt, another gang inhabiting the city. 

Exile seems to have not affected Spades much, as his character remains mostly unchanged. Though one notable one is his hatred for clocks, something not apparent in Jack Noir. Likely due to his interactions with The Felt and their time based shenanigans. Otherwise being freed from boring paperwork has freed up his time so that he may use it wisely. That is to say, by stabbing people. He’s mostly rude and rarely a bit silly. His motivations focus mostly on his desire to fuck up Lord English for wrecking his casino back on revived Alternia. Slick has a tendency to not fucking die, surviving first a temporal distortion strong caused by him cracking Lord English’s safe with Crowbar’s crowbar. Second, losing and eye and an arm to Snowman and then being locked in a safe and losing the key to the treasures within. Third, the destruction of the entire universe when he kills Snowman. Finally, surviving the assault of Hussie’s apartment by Lord English. 

All of these events very likely to kill him, but he managed one way or another to sneak out of deaths grip. He pretty much just keeps on doing what he does at every chance: stabbing people or going after Lord English. He even revives the felt to this end (Who follow his lead for some reason, don’t ask too many questions). One last important note is that he was Karkat’s exile during the trolls game session. So with that I think we’ve covered most of his character and are ready to answer the classpect question:

Prince Of Life

One who destroys [Life]/destroys using [Life]

Seeing as his whole purpose relates to some variation of destruction, I think it makes his class pretty easy to narrow down. His aspect on the other hand has some leeway in my eyes. Life specifically jumps out at me due to a few things. His desire to rule is one thing. All other Life players have been destined to rule. Two fuchsia bloods destined to be monarchs of Alternia and Jane being the heiress of Crocker corp. The desire to depose the biggest player in the game (A Lord of Time) alludes to being a Prince of Life. Slick’s desire to destroy he who holds all Life in his hand makes a lot of sense as being his sole mission. His sole hobby/general response being stabbing people adds to this. Him being the one who shot Snowman, who no one else dared to. Him opening the safe and killing everyone else (Other than Snowman). I’d even say him reviving the Felt and using them to try and kill Lord English. 

I have reasons to say that he’s a Prince specifically rather than a Thief or something too, who could also very easily have those same goals/feats/story. Life players in general are empathetic and nurturing while Spades is very much.. not. Much like how Dirk is Heartless and Eridan is Hopeless, Slick is Lifeless. Tho it’s less in the ‘undead’ meaning of the word and more the values the aspect embodies. That being said, by the end of the adventure he is more machine than man so maybe it also works that way. Funny how that works out.

In his session I assume that he’d be pretty destructive. Maybe he trys to take down the black king and queen earlier than intended. Maybe it fucks stuff up or maybe he just takes control of the black army or snags the ring and becomes some AU Bec Noir. Per usual, pointing him in the right direction is borderline nessesety for a functioning session. Seeing as he’s probably the leader of a 4 man session... it probably won’t work out like that. I imagine it’s a dead session (Hehe) in the first place, without both a Time and Space player. I could see his land’s quest going something like painstaking work to open the door to his denizen. And the obvious solution is to finish the long tedious work normally, but Slick’s solution intended by his denizen is for him to just kill everyone involved and bust his way through.

Thanks for the ask!

[carmineclock]

Dead Man Blues

Doc Scratch 4:28 PM

Its been an hour or so since your big meeting with the others, hopefully things have cooled down somewhat since then. You'd like to think you kept it quite calm and tasteful, despite your overall annoyance. Most of this time you spent updating your journal. You really have to do something about all these journals, its not safe to keep so many. And yet... With a sigh you set your pen aside. Time to do yet more damage control. You still think theres a chance you can get through to Trace, though perhaps you might be as bad as Clover in taht regard. Hoping is one thing, some men just dont change. Still, you make your way down to the holding cells. Perhaps your chat with Trace just needed a more dire backdrop. A broken arm and a cold concrete room with metal bars could be just what the Doctor ordered. Hoo hoo.

Trace 9:01 PM

Dire backdrop is an understatement. Your arm is long swollen, wrapped carefully in your shirt to give it some stability. You know a bit of first aid, but that is surprisingly difficult when it's your own arm and the only means you got available are what you have on your person. The new wound on your chest is just as aching, red and bloody with a hint of gold. You may have managed to pass out for a few hours, but you could hardly call that sleep, especially with that nightmare. Her body, stabbed and strung up - not Aradia's, but Nepeta's. A message to the one closest to her - Fin, angryy setting fire to your very self. The images linger, even long after you finally come to. And then the nightmare after you wake up - Snowman and how she dragged Fin in for your mutual punishment. How she used your wedding rings to violently erase the tattoo on your chest marking your love and relationships. When Scratch enters, you're wide awake, as much as you loathe it. Your mind still feels foggy and worlds away, definitely not prepared for a talk with him.

Doc Scratch 2:28 AM

You study him as you walk in, taking note of the remnants of Snowmans lesson. As graceful as she is deadly, as always. The gold makes a nice addition in your opinion. You take a chair from the nearby table and move it to in front of the bars in silence. After you moment you sit backwards with your arms resting over the back of the chair sit down normally, like a gentleman. This isnt an interrogation, or a call for confession, its just a conversation. "So, lets have it out, Trace. Whats this Droog business really all about. Dont you realize what youve cost yourself?"

Trace 9:51 AM

It never not feels like an interrogation with Scratch. You look up and watch him as he gets comfortable, then stare off to the side when he speaks. The muscles in your jaw tense, and when you reply, your hoarse and cracking voice clearly shows your exhaustion and pain. "Sir.. Do we really need to do this now? I'm not exactly the best for a talk right now and I'm really not too keen on netting me another scar for mouthing off..." Of course, you're aware he wouldn't have it any other time then when you're broken and at your wit's end.

Doc Scratch 11:27 AM

"If you're worried about your mouth, then I suggest you keep a civil tongue. I'm not concerned, though. Theres a kind of freeing honesty that cement walls and metal bars bring that can be found nowhere else. At this point, I would rather you speak freely, its just us now." Just the two of you. Man to man, or whatever Trace can be considered. Its an interesting thought, his classification may change as his DNA did. You'll have to look into that later. For now, your eyes are solely on him. His broken body, his pain. "Tell me true, Trace. I want to hear it. All of it. I wont punish you for speaking truthfully when asked. Its lies I hate the most."

Trace 3:03 PM

You give him a sour smile. You'll believe it when you see it. "What this is about, you really gotta ask?" Feels like you already talked plenty enough about this, and you doubt you got anything else to say that could placate him. Only plenty of frustration that has built up over everything, and you're way too tired to filter your words. Lets see who of the two of you is going to regret that more. "I.. am sorry that any of this ever reflected back on you, Nepeta or any of the Felt. It should never have been anything but personal. Which, I realize...  there's not really a personal in this outfit, is there?" you begin, actually honestly. "This... it was nothing more than a brawl between two guys heated up on a little too much emotion. But then this bastard.. abducted Nepeta, tortured and abused her, and then me. Cause he was pissed he got decked in the face. And he kept going, provoking us again and again, paralyzing her, seducing another, hurting us, as a whole, again and again. How could you expect me to do just nothing? You've been sending a signal, to them and to us, that they can just pick members of this very house off the street and do with us what they want." You try to sit up properly to face him better, wincing from the pain shooting through your arm again. "How has this not been a war yet for fuck's sake? How come Snowman can take the god damn white queen hostage, but we sit idle when the Crew come to pick us apart bit by bit? How come Snowman can take the god damn white queen hostage, but we sit idle when the Crew come to pick us apart, bit by bit?"

Doc Scratch 6:17 PM

You sit in silence, letting him say what hes going to say. You dont blame him for his views, and if anything, this lashing out may prove beneficial to you. No matter what happens from now on, Droog will have the reminder in the back of his mind. Certainly he wont forget it. Idly, you pull at the edge of your gloves, nodding every so often through his heated speech. Well, hes partially right on certain fronts. It really should have been war by now, whether you wanted it to be or not. The crew have gotten bolder and bolder, could it be your fault? Through inaction, have you allowed the crew more purchase on this slippery slope than you'd intended? "To start off, I'll answer your question. The reason it has not been war yet is because we did not have the numbers to win a war." You let out a silent sigh. "In truth, I'd hoped to collect our full set before provoking the Crew into an all out battle. I dont know how many wars you've seen, Trace, but I've seen enough to know that as much as you and all the others may want to go to war, young men that you are, we are not in a favored position for it. The Crew will always have the love of the common people, they built this city, and those that reside here are their kin. They have the better defenses, and most importantly, they have magic. True magic, the likes of which I cant begin to match." You pause to stand, arms folded behind your back as you pace, speaking more to the open air than to Trace now.

"Snowman is an army in her own right, its folly to compare anything or anyone to her. This little brawl you've had with Diamonds, its beyond reason and a waste of resources besides. If you were provoked into action, then you're a fool, because thats what Diamonds wanted from you. But more than that, you've allowed him to take the higher ground. The city is going to bleed now, I'll see to that, but you've allowed Diamonds to make it personal. And a man on a revenge mission doesnt care for the ruin he causes. I did not take what I've taken of this city for the last fourty years just to see it burned by some self righteous bastard in an Armani tuxedo." Another sigh, louder this time. You rub your temple, pausing in your pacing to look back at him. "Provoking. Abusing. Hurting us. All of us. You're right on that front. What one of us suffers, we all suffer. It was my mistake. I took this for play, the usual violence between men at odds, petty revenge for the sake of sleeping better." “But no, this has gotten well and truly out of hand. And its too late to go back. You’ve signed us up for a a war we were not prepared for, against an enemy whose eyes you’ve spit in, and now you say it should have been sooner. Hmph. Maybe you’re right. I dont hear the heckling of those underneath me, but it would only make sense that you do. So, then, its to be war. Do you have any plans for this war you’ve longed for, Trace? Any soldiers for the army? Connections to supplies and trades? Or did you expect that all you had to do was start it, and that I would finish it?”

Trace 8:05 PM

Well, obviously, you don't have any of these. You didn't plan for a war, let alone prepare for it. This was a selfish and careless act of revenge and he knows that. You're slowly starting to realize that you feel more bewildered about Nepeta's reaction than the prospect of war. This life has already been hell and you're tired of playing along. How little you care about Scratch's achievements and goals. Still, that is not an answer to give your boss and, unfortunately, owner. You close your eyes and think. The least you owe the others is to try  And if you've doomed all of you to die and burn, maybe you can at least rip a big hole into the crew. "..How much longer is he gonna have the favor of the common people if he's burning them? If he lashes out without remose and care, use it against them. With fires burning purple, it's not hard to besmirch their name. You have sucked the people dry under threat of violence and torture if they don't pay up. If you lack manpower, offer then alternatives. The crew is torching Felt warehouses. If it's supplies we lack, take theirs. We may be lacking time to prepare, but so do they. It's not too late to gain the upper hand."

Doc Scratch 1:40 PM

You stand and listen as he rattles off his ideas. Theyre not all without merit, but theyre naive, blunt, though its something you've come to expect. How could he possibly have known what he was getting himself, and the rest of the Felt, into. "Hes not burning them, he's burning us. True, it was careless, but Droog wont stay careless. Hes distraught over his daughters death, but he wont stay that way forever. He has as at least as much of a tactical mind as I do, he was built for war." You run a hand over your head, eyes closed in thought, trying not to imagine plumes of purple smoke eating their way through the Felt manor. Purple and green clash too much, it would be hideous. "I have ways of retaking the people, though its not the dregs of society that I'm worried about. All  I need is a shiny coin and a loaf of bread to win their loyalty back. We need to spread out. We need bases of operation throughout the city, safe places that arent glaring green mansions on a hilltop. If the Crew want war, we have to play their game." Yes, this is sounding more like a plan every passing second. You almost get carried away, before remembering where you are. This is no time to get caught up in nostalgia. "You know, it would be much easier planning if we had our trackers back. You and Fin have skills that will be of paramount importance coming very soon. Yet, I hesitate to bring you into the fold. Why should I trust that you can stay your hand? That your loyalty to this organization will trump your lust for revenge? You've proven the exact opposite is the case. Give me a reason why I shouldn't just let you sit down here and rot until the war is over with."

Trace 7:47 PM

Hey, can't blame you for trying, considering your situation. The night in here didn't exactly allow you to do your homework. Neither does it help with the next question. You look at him, tired as you are, trying to muster up the energy to defend yourself. Can't say you're, heh, dying to prove your loyalty to him, but wasting away down here in this cell doesn't seem like a solution either. "I... can't live without this organization. And neither can those that I care about. I know that my actions didn't exactly show it, but I want to do what I can to help it succeed and keep us all safe where possible." You'd like to assure him that your thirst for revenge is well-quenched - and for now it is. But should anything happen to Nepeta and Fin in this war you've apparently summoned, things could get ugly really fast. You won't tell him that. He's probably well aware. You'd like to not have to come to that though. "You gave the reason yourself. We're good at what we can do, and without us, this is gonna be much harder to deal with. Sure, it's a risk for you, but I'd be the one out there, risking my neck. It's my blood they're after. I'm not expecting your trust. I'm sure if you send me out there again, you'll be keeping a close eye on me, until I'll maybe have proven myself someday. Not sure what else I can give you besides my word, and I don't think that's much worth to you right now."

Doc Scratch 1:35 PM

"Hmm, its true enough." You sit back down, leaning back as you think. If you were a lesser man, you might consider handing him over to the crew and suing for peace. That would only be a short term fix, though, and probably cause more problems than itd solve. Not to mention youre loathe to lose one piece of the set. "In truth, Trace, I dont blame you for your actions. Not fully. Droog brought his suffering upon himself. We're just lucky he was good enough to burn all the  evidence." "At the very least you'll be going back to work soon, though as far away from Fin as possible. Perhaps Crowbar can take up the handle of your keeper. I cant have a mad dog running around doling out a childs version of vigilante justice." "For now, though, youll enjoy these accommodations. Im just having your room prepared."

Trace 1:48 PM

You should probably feel relieved at that response, could have gone much worse, after all. But the feeling of anxiety and dread keeps lingering. "I guess that's only fair." You lean back as well, which sends another pain shooting through your arm. A quiet hiss escapes you. Cursed thing. "Before you leave.. with all due respect, not trying to tell you what to do, but I don't think you'd find having me lose my arm or my life to an infection practical..."

Doc Scratch 1:55 PM

You were aleady on your way out when he makes his request. Now you pause, and turn slightly. "Does it hurt? Good. Its supposed to. Someone will be down soon to tend to it. Think on your mistakes, and how you can do better in the future." With that, you take your leave, closing and locking the door behind you.

[doomonfilm]

Ranking : Stanley Kubrick (1928-1999)

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that time has come... I’m stepping outside of my comfort zone, and I’m officially putting down rankings for the directors I like.  I’m sure that, one day, I will contradict myself, and forever be shamed by my vain desire to document my musings, but that’s life eh?  If I’m going to start ranking, I may as well go with my hands down favorite director : Stanley Kubrick.

For this particular ranking group, we will focus on his films that received major distribution and theatrical release.  All films in his filmography prior and up to Killer’s Kiss will be omitted for the purposes of this list.  A.I. Artificial Intelligence will also be omitted, as this was not directed by Kubrick.

11.  Spartacus (1960) I don’t know, at this point, what number one will be, but I know with great certainty that Spartacus will be at the bottom of this list.  From what my fan-based research has taught me, Kirk Douglas took an opportunity to hitch his wagon to a rising director-shaped star, but Kubrick was not given the freedoms normally associated with his projects.  In my opinion, it shows, in spite of the fact that Spartacus is a much better film than many other Hollywood offerings.

10.  The Killing (1956) While a great film in its own right, The Killing falls low on this list due to the fact that the story is nowhere near as unique or controversial as a handful of the films that followed it.  The ending twist is a nice balloon burst of a moment, and top-notch performances across the board make it noteworthy, but it does stand within the shadows of giants within the canon of modern day cinema when placed against Kubrick’s latter work.

9.  Lolita (1962) The first true controversial offering in the Kubrick catalog.  He took what was already controversial material and embraced it fully, hiring Sue Lyon to portray Lolita at the age of 16.  The film pre-dated the ratings board, but pressure from the Hays code and the Catholic church forced Kubrick to tone down much of the story, opting instead for visual humor and symbolic moments to substitute for the outright eroticism portrayed in the original book.  Due to these restraints, the film does not pack quite the wallop it wants to, and is mostly controversial more so in nature than in execution.

8.  Eyes Wide Shut (1999) In the eyes of many fans, this was the true final film in Kubrick’s canon.  A heavily mysterious production preceded the release of this film, with then married stars Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman being famously quiet about the project when asked.  The film, like most Kubrick fare, found controversy in its erotically charged Bohemian Grove-esque scenes, but the film itself is a riveting tale about love, trust and commitment in the modern day marriage.  A fitting final statement from a true legend.

7.  Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) Although Lolita was a funny film in its own right, this was the film that truly showed me how intelligent a sense of humor Kubrick possessed.  It actually took me several viewings to truly understand the depth of the comedy, as many of the laughs are played as straight as the military men the cast portrays.  The subject matter itself is extremely dark, and at the time so relevant that it actually seemed to be occurring via the Cuban Missle Crisis.  Well before 2001 : A Space Odyssey made it crystal clear Kubrick was a genius, this film was a bold announcement of that fact.

6.  Paths of Glory (1957) Stanley Kubrick knew how to make a war film, and Paths of Glory was proof of that right out of the gate.  The film was only his second in terms of feature length full scale productions, but the elements he shows mastery of hint to the skill level of a seasoned veteran : the trench shots are a spectacle to behold, the tension of the trial (and subsequent executions) delivered both visually and within the narrative is pitch perfect, and the ending is one of the most tear-jerking and heartbreaking endings captured on film.  The young woman who would sing the song that scores this ending, as a matter of fact, later went on to marry Kubrick.

5.  The Shining (1980) Not many films can be an instant box office success upon release, only to find another life nearly four decades later as an endless source for interpretations, conspiracy theories and visual trickery.  The film famously took on a life of its own from the Stephen King novel in the hands of Kubrick, and people to this day debate the fallout of the production and the lasting effects it had on star Shelley Duvall.  What cannot be debated, however, is the fact that the film disturbs, frightens and intrigues in ways that few horror films can.

4.  Full Metal Jacket (1987) This film gets such a high placement on my list strictly because of sentimental value.  One late night on Cinemax, I stumbled across army recruits getting haircuts to the song Goodbye My Sweetheart, Hello Vietnam, and as a budding fan of Vietnam cinema I was hooked.  The following journey was one that changed me forever, particularly right around the halfway mark when who I then thought was the protagonist blew his brains out, and before I could process what happened we were waist-deep in Wei City.  Almost everything that was an earmark of Kubrick style was present in this film : deeply punctuating score for compelling moments, stark usage of color, unique framing (purposefully not done in widescreen format), a wholly intriguing story, and a significant connection to the real world.  This film, in my opinion, may be the best film to introduce someone to the films of Stanley Kubrick with.

3.  Barry Lyndon (1975) When I finally purchased the Kubrick collection in its entirety, this was the film I was least familiar with.  I never was a big Ryan O’Neal guy on top of that, so my expectations were pretty much non-existent.  The impact this film had on me, therefore, was more than likely magnified due to my lack of knowledge.  This is by FAR the most beautiful of all the Kubrick films... the story behind the lengths he went to for creating a camera that could shoot indoors and outdoors with natural lighting is legendary in its own right.  Every frame of this film is truly a painting, and the story is perhaps the most heartbreaking portrayal of Murphy’s Law I’ve ever seen committed to film.  Truly a spectacle to behold.

2.  A Clockwork Orange (1971) The most controversial of all Kubrick films, hands down.  Not only was the film controversial enough to cause public outcry due to copycat criminals emulating Alex and his Droogs, but Kubrick made the controversial decision to remove the film from British theaters in the midst of several high-profile court cases that directly attributed their actions as influenced by the film.  On its own merit, the film is a brutally straightforward and honest tale of a young monster’s criminal and sexual exploits, the monsters that try to take advantage of him for their sake, and the monsters created by opportunity when given the chance for revenge.  Kubrick took a standout book and made a nearly perfect film out of it, and a film that will undoubtedly stand the test of time despite production choices that make it instantly recognizable to a specific time period.

1.  2001 : A Space Odyssey (1968) Of all the films out there, and not just those made by Kubrick, this is one of the closest attempts and executions of what could be considered pure art that there is.  This film is astonishing on monumental levels : visually, it was way ahead of its time, and is scientifically sound on top of that... in terms of story, the tale is incredibly expansive, but flows effortlessly between incredibly long cycles of time while handling incredibly lofty concepts... as an experience, not many films force you to ask (and attempt to answer) deeply ambiguous questions about mankind, the nature of existence, and artificial intelligence, and I argue that no other attempt at an experience would be nearly as entertaining.  This is the true signal of genius in a catalog full of genius level work.

It’s not hard to see why many people, including myself, consider Stanley Kubrick to be the best to ever grace a director’s chair.  His catalog is truly unparalleled, and even his worst work is miles ahead of the best work of many contemporaries and directors that have emerged since.

[graywyvern]

( @crookedcosmos / "sunflower clown lying dead, hyperrealist maximalist detailed painting" via nightcafe )

Specimens.

with aid from my droogs of Nixonian days tundracrossing ship of furls

and what if i do flinch as a bomb finds its spot in Nixonian days our army put that wood to torch

Dynamic molecular cryotentacles erupting from resonant god rays undulating in a polluted quarry at dusk, in motion.

start being what we already know else we will have to ignore you as too radical

all the hard choices were fumbled long ago by someone else

Charlie Jane on Left Hand. (via Mefi)

morbid convoy into fraught Carcosa and all blurry words ring this void ring this void

"it's basically combat" sky high and always and all blurry words spill its story spill its story

Marginalia search.

[stamnummer3]

Het nieuwe stadion van Club Brugge: geen dertien in een dozijn.

Nu de laatste pennentrekken worden gezet aan het ontwerp voor het nieuwe stadion van Club Brugge, ontstaat bij nogal wat voetbalromantici de vrees dat Club straks in een zielloos stadion zal spelen, niet te onderscheiden van alle andere nieuwbouwstadions in de 21ste eeuw. Maar u mag gerust zijn, het Club-stadion zal wel degelijk zijn eigen smoel hebben. Graag geven we u hier dan nog wat verduidelijkingen, toevoegend aan ons vorig bericht.

Het is natuurlijk wel zo dat als je vandaag een nieuw stadion wilt bouwen, je aan 1001 regels moet houden: http://www.ejustice.just.fgov.be/cgi_loi/change_lg.pl?language=nl&la=N&table_name=wet&cn=2013070601. Dat zorgt vanzelf wat voor grote gelijkenissen met recente stadions. Daarnaast kan de omgeving waarin het stadion geplaatst wordt, ook al heel wat mogelijkheden uitsluiten. De specifieke eisen van de opdrachtgever moeten dus in dit groter kader passen, anders krijg je simpelweg nooit een omgevingsvergunning …

De roep van sommigen naar het oude model van stadionbouw met 4 aparte tribunes en open hoeken is zoiets wat bij onze locatie, in een woonwijk, totaal niet vergunbaar zou zijn. Zelfs met afsluitend glas ertussen, houdt dit nauwelijks de lichtvervuiling en geluidsoverlast tegen. Het opvullen met het visueel veel lelijkere beton zou daar enigszins een oplossing voor kunnen bieden, maar de hoeken niet opvullen met zitplaatsen heeft uiteraard grote gevolgen op de hoogte van je vier aparte tribunes om aan de nodige 40 000 zitplaatsen te komen. In een woonwijk is het echter aangewezen de perfecte combinatie te vinden tussen een zo laag mogelijk stadion en zo weinig mogelijk inname ervan qua grondoppervlakte. Sowieso kan je de vraag stellen of de charme van oude stadions hem niet juist in die oudheid zitten. En of een nieuwbouw met de modernste materialen in oud ontwerp niet als bijzonder fake zou overkomen. Om nog maar te zwijgen over de soms erbarmelijke zichtlijnen die je als toeschouwer in oude stadions hebt.

Rekening houdend met dit alles, zal Club er toch in slagen om zich te onderscheiden van vele recente stadions. Uiteraard geen gracht tussen veld en tribune. Door de koptribune in de Noord geen volledig eenzijdig doorlopend tweeringenstadion. Geen businessgedeelte ook dat zich tussen de twee ringen volledig doorloopt of verspreidt over de twee lange zijdes zoals je zo vaak ziet, maar dus alles in één tribune, zoals bij Juventus. We haalden Juventus overigens aan bij ons vorig bericht, maar daar is wat verwarring over ontstaan. We wilden daarmee enkel maar aanhalen dat ten opzichte van Jan Breydel de benedenring imposanter zal zijn omwille van meer zitjes en vooral een hogere hellingsgraad, wat logisch is, gezien de benedenringen op Olympia vroeger staanplaatsen waren. We gaven daarin ook mee dat dit mede ook is dat bij uitbreiding bovenaan de onderste ring niet extreem klein zou lijken, genre Stadio San Paolo van Napoli. Da’s niet echt een zicht. Uiteraard zijn er bij eventuele uitbreidingen bij Juventus wel veel ingrijpender bouwwerken nodig en zal bij hen het dak eraf moeten. Maar dat zal bij ons dus niet het geval zijn, die ruimte wordt al voorzien achter de laatste rij zitjes, maar dus net onder de iets hoger gelegen drank- en eetstanden in de nok van het stadion, onder een sober en gelijklopend rechthoekig dak. Met die bemerking dat onze koptribune (Noord) hoger zal zijn en enkele rijen extra zal tellen t.o.v. de andere tribunes en indien nood aan capaciteitstoename voor de gewone supporter in eerste plaats naar oost en zuid zal gekeken worden voor het creëren van extra zitplaatsen.

Een maatregel om, ondanks al te voorzien in snelle uitbreiding in het bestaande ontwerp, toch nog alles zo compact mogelijk te houden, is om geen toegangspoorten halfweg de onderste ring te verwerken, want dit gaat uiteraard ook ten koste van zitplaatsen. Supporters zullen van bovenaan de onderste ring de trappen kunnen afdalen naar hun zitplaats, maar hebben dus net als supporters van de bovenste ring het genoegen om het zicht op het veld te bewaren wanneer ze zich aan de eet- en drankstanden staan aan te schuiven. Een mooi recent voorbeeld hiervan vind je terug in het Stade Matmut Atlantique van Bordeaux, ontsproten uit de geest van onze goede vrienden Herzog & de Meuron. Zij zouden ook zomaar eens onze ontwerpers kunnen worden … Enkel de mensen die onderaan de noord staan en niet helemaal naar boven willen klimmen, maar dan kiezen voor de toegangspoorten in de noord (die zich op gelijke hoogte van de toegangspoorten in de tweede ring van oost en zuid zullen situeren), gaan voor een drankje en een hapje dan (vrijwillig) dat zicht niet hebben. Iedereen die al eens het genoegen heeft gehad om op de rand van een vulkaan rond te lopen, zal het idee kunnen beamen hoe machtig het moet zijn om rond te lopen op een promenade waarbij het stadion van jouw favoriete club aan je voeten ligt!

Het ontdubbelen van drank- en eetstanden (maar ook sanitair) over twee ringen heeft natuurlijk het grote voordeel dat er veel meer spreiding zal zijn in de catacomben van het stadion, met snellere bediening tot gevolg. Dit zal uiteraard een positief effect hebben op het puren van inkomsten hieruit voor Club. Door ook alle voorzieningen (droog) in het stadion te houden, zal er voor supporters niet veel reden meer zijn om lang rond het stadion te hangen. Iets wat de buurtbewoners zeker zullen toejuichen! Buiten het stadion zal er enkel park en (groene) parking zijn.

Ook in het aanzicht van een leeg stadion kan er door de keuze van verschillende kleuren van stoeltjes gespeeld worden met letterpatronen. Ik denk dat niemand echt wild wordt van het onsamenhangend huidige kleurenpalet in Jan Breydel, maar daarom hoeft het in een nieuw stadion nog niet allemaal 40 000 blauwe zitjes te worden. Als het al niet wordt meegegeven in de voorstelling van het ontwerp, is dat iets wat qua binnenafwerking in overleg met supporters uiteraard ook nog kan aangepast worden na het indienen van de omgevingsaanvraag. Waarom geen ‘Blue Army’ verwerken in de koptribune? ‘Est. 1891’, ‘FCB’, ‘No Sweat/No Glory’, het Club-logo, mogelijkheden genoeg om met zitplaatsen mooie combinaties in de tribunes tevoorschijn te laten komen en de zoveelste saaiheid van zovele moderne stadions te doorbreken.

Club Brugge heeft al ruim een decennium de tijd gehad om over de hele wereld stadions te bezoeken en ideeën op te doen. Goed wetend wat er bij hun supporters leeft, mag u er dus gerust op zijn, alle omstandigheden en regelgevingen in acht genomen, dat zij straks het best mogelijke stadion voor ons zullen voorstellen. Gewoon al de reden dat het ons stadion zal zijn, zal de aantrekkelijkheid ervan en de fierheid erop vanzelf al veel groter maken dan wanneer een andere ploeg hetzelfde ontwerp zou voorstellen. Dat moet ons supporters dan ook inspireren om er de beste sfeer te laten heersen!

Uw Club-dienaar,

Giorgio Marchetti.

[eyeballjazz]

Hearts Boxcars ;)

Headcanon A: realistic

Hearts grew up in the hills of Georgia but also spent some time with family out in Texas as a boy. This means that he knows a few rope tricks and can, will, and does meet the requirements of being a cowboy, thanks to some summers working on his uncle’s ranch.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Always a fighter, Hearts didn’t actually learn any fighting technique until he was in the army and later joined a boxing gym after the war. Until then he had just been relying on his impressive natural strength to win fights, usually by grabbing his opponent by the neck and throwing them.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Hearts lost more war buddies than any other Crew member. Most in the final days of the war, when fighting was scattered into small, desperate skirmishes. He is one of the sole survivors of a battle that erupted when his troop was pushed out of forest cover onto a long stretch of coast. Most of the men were picked off there, while survivors watched from the tree line and could only hope to stay hidden until the enemy moved on. This battle is the basis for all Hearts’s nightmares, to the point that the horror he witnessed has been worn down into deep self-scorn for being too much of a coward to go and die alongside his friends.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Hearts is, within the confines of a late 40’s menswear catalog, a garish dresser. So much so that Droog has stolen and destroyed some of his louder pieces, but nevertheless Hearts is always on the look out for new clothes to piss him off with. The combination of loud patterns and a back as broad as the side of a barn means that Hearts is even easier to pick out of a crowd than you’d already guess.

[incorrectintermissionquotes]

Diamonds Droog: You need to know more about your enemy. About what you're up against. What are you gonna do if Lord English has a frog army?

Spades Slick: kill lord english

Diamonds Droog: Okay, but, what about the frog army?

Spades Slick: they can help kill lord english

Diamonds Droog: Do you even understand how much sense that doesn't make?

[youngandhungryent]

Introducing The Hip-Hop Wired Certified Fresh Find Playlist Mix Hosted By J-Live

Source: J-Live / Mortier Music

Hip-Hop Wired has entered the realm of audio curation recently by way of our Certified Fresh Finds playlist, featuring the best of the newest tracks to grace the airwaves. With the help of Triple Threat MC, DJ and producer J-Live, we present to you the Certified Fresh Finds mix!

Our latest playlist features the songs of Future and Drake’s “Life Is Good,” “BDE” from Your Old Droog with Mach-Hommy and MF DOOM on the help out, Planet Asia torching Trust Army’s “Trust Planet” joint, “The Light” from Mick Jenkins featuring Dreamville’s EarthGang, and “Good News” from the late, great Mac Miller among other notable joints.

J-Live has joined the Hip-Hop Wired team in creating a quick mini-mix of our bi-weekly playlists, perfect for those folks who have things to do and can’t devote a whole day to an hour-long playlist. Trust us, we understand.

Check out the Hip-Hop Wired’s Certified Fresh Finds mix from DJ J-Live below.

And don’t sleep on the actual playlist below.

—

Photo: J-Live/

source https://hiphopwired.com/835828/certified-fresh-finds-playlist-j-live/

[sburbian-sage]

Prospitians and Dersites

A small list of all those cute carapacians and what role they have.

Artillery Deputy/Ace Dick/Angelic Dude

Alignment: Prospit

A short stout Prospitian, and one of the 3 agents for the golden planet. He, like the others, is willing to jump into action, and does a damn fine job of it, but is rather peculiar. He is very strong, but has an incredibly poor imagination and is not creative at all. Talking to him is poking a brick wall to find the Magicant. But he has his upside. Particularly, an access to lots of guns. He usually totes a tommy gun, a shotgun, or in some cases, a minigun. Don’t bring him for utility, befriend him for the dakka. He’s also great as a tank. But watch his health, because his special move is taking a shot directly in the gut.

AD’s imagination is so poor, the game doesn’t even know his recruitment parameters. Just try asking politely. I think you should try tootsie rolls?

In certain cases, AD will take the identity of Ace Dick when exiled and join a gang of investigators, which is really ridiculous, but still cool. His lack of imagination shows here because he makes a name instead of a title like his friends, but at least it fits the theme of being named AD.

If AD gets the Ring, he becomes the Angelic Dude, and will be very powerful. Unfortunately, his low imagination means he won’t use any of his powers to any great extent. He’ll still be hardy though.

Authority Regulators

Alignment: Any

What is pretty much the police. If you break the law, they’ll bust down on you. There’s 3 types, each with a rating matching the level of crime they solve. The first one is Petty Guards, for petty crimes like littering and squabbles. They look like regular carapaces in a suit. They are cutely inefficient, and actually kind of fun to mess with. The second type are Standard Guards, for standard crimes like assault, theft, and vandalism. They look a bit rougher, and will go to great lengths to finish the job. This makes them great allies, aces in the sleeve, and occasionally monkey wrenches. Then we get Serious Guards for serious crimes, like murder, mass destruction, and unpaid parking tickets. That might be a bug. They will solve problems with violence and guns if they have them. They also tend to be more of a problem for the player than anyone else. Keep in mind that the guards are called based on the seriousness of the crime, but if one is in the area they will come, regardless of their level. This results in Serious Guards threatening to kick your shit in for missing the trash can, and Petty Guards trying to stop a Rampaging Player.

These guys are made for comedic sociopathy.

If any of them come across The Ring, they will return it to the proper Royalty. However, Derse Guards will take a WK/WQ ring to Derse, while a Prospit Guard will take a BK/BQ Ring to Derse. Talk about lawful stupid.

Black King

Alignment: Derse

The main villain. He leads the Derse armies on the Battlefield and can always be found there. His armies are always destined to win and the game reaches its peak when the players challenge his claim to The Ultimate Reward.

Black Queen

Alignment: Derse

The Queen of Derse. Despite being presumably being married with the King, she seems to cavort with Jack Noir quite a bit. However, the SGRUB version explicitly states that Jack and Queen have a Kismesissitude, which includes polyamory, so she’s not cheating in SGRUB, while might be in SBURB. But nobody is stopping her, because the Queen is very powerful. In fact, a fully prototyped Queen will sometimes be more of a challenge than a fully prototyped King. Killing the Queen then the King is a challenge in Replayer circles. But you may want to do that later, as the Queen can give favours and even be asked for assistance. Just keep in mind that she is a vain beast, so be sure to be humble and compliment her every other sentence.

Courtyard Droll/Clubs Deuce/Capricious Demon

Alignment: Derse

One of the Derse Agents, but don’t worry. All he does is sit around and dance with his stupid hats and umbrellas, and get bullied by the other Agents. DD is probably the nicest because he just puts his cigarettes out on him. This one is marked with a Clubs, and he tends to settle disputes. SGRUB refers to him as a loose Auspistice, so him stopping you and a friend fighting is actually somewhat lecherous. Kinda. Regardless, he doesn’t look much, and his unassuming nature is his strength, as he can get by undetected and unexpected and do some serious damage, including theft. And if he gets his hands on explosives, you’re severely disadvantaged, if not dead. Knocking off his hat will stun him, so take advantage of it. And whatever you do, don’t get hit by his cane. It’s... upsetting.

You can actually recruit CD temporarily by wearing a hat and showing interest and knowledge in hats. Just don’t get addicted to hats. That’s a documented mental illness and it fucks up everything.

If he gets exiled, he will probably join a gang with the other Agents as their powder monkey. But if he gets the Ring, he becomes the Capricious Demon. If this is the case, he usually follows a plan of doing empowered tasks for the other agents, realizing he is more powerful, murdering all of them out of revenge, and then claiming The Ultimate Reward for himself. He will also gain a bit more pyromaniacal traits, and will blow up The Ultimate Reward. Stop him before he does this. Recruiting the other agents if they’re alive is best for this, but make sure they don’t betray you. 

Filching Rapscallion/Filthy Roughneck

Alignment: Derse

A lowly thief who lives in alleyways. He’ll probably steal things from you and the royalty, but mostly out of survival. Hell, if he gets the Ring, he won’t even think about putting it on, he’ll try to sell it. Despite his criminal nature, he’s actually nice, and can be called upon for help and even recruitment. You can trade your items and boondollars for his black market/stolen/illegal items, and feeding him a feast’s worth of food means he’ll be in your debt. In battle, he fights with a knife and can score brutal sneak attacks and backstabs. A little bit of a glass cannon, but an expert dodger. Any kills he lands also pays out more grist. He’ll eventually ask you to help him steal his Thief Armour from Prospit and Thief Knife from Derse, and doing so will net you lifetime loyalty, discounts, and his best armour and weapons. He’s one of my go-to NPCs. The only disadvantage is that he won’t enter jailhouses, buying from him is a Standard Crime, and him following you is a Petty Crime.

Draconian Dignitary/Diamonds Droog/Destructing Duke

Alignment: Derse

One of the Derse Agents. He’s the classy one marked with a Diamond. He is a slacker, and spends most of his time smoking and reading his newspaper. Please do not read the newspaper. On that note, troll girls, stay away, and human girls, don’t paint yourself grey. However, despite his slacking off and odd interests, he is a powerful man. He’s Jack’s second-in-command, and in SGRUB versions, his Moirail. He’s extremely charismatic, and can sweet-talk anyone, even some players! And if all fails, his pool cue and twin automatic rifles even the field. Be careful of this one. Even if you exile him, he does the same thing, just as Diamonds Droog, and he’s dressed better.

You can recruit DD by being a grey lady for uncomfortable reasons, but the more respectable way to do it is showing good taste in fine jazz, and lighting his cigarettes every once in a while. In addition to his regular traits, he boosts fraymotif power.

If DD gets the Ring, he’ll either hand it to Jack, or wear it himself and become the new boss, Destructing Duke. He’ll be Orcus on his Throne, and if he has to get up, he’ll salt the land. But SBURB is a game about chess. You’ll have to beat him at wits to get the drop on this man.

Hackneyed Genius/Hi-jinks Gunman

Alignment: Derse

A crazy dersite inventor, identifiable by his mustache (which he always pronounces as MOO-stash) and wearing of two monocles. He can be found in bunkers and other isolated places where he works on inventions. HG will never wear the Ring, instead choosing to study and test with it. He can be recruited by giving him some alchemy equipment. Doing so will allow you to buy alchemized equipment for Boondollars, but he also has combat use. He chooses to hang back and use guns, except they shoot weird things. This usually results in trick bullets and status effects. HG also does more damage against robotic targets.

Hegemonic Brute/Hearts Boxcars/Hulking Berserker

Alignment: Derse

The biggest Agent. Identifiable by how damn big he is by his Heart marking. He is not big on brains. This isn’t to say he’s a moron, but he knows where his strengths are (in his strength). He uses axes, but has also been known to use any big object around. Or cannibalism. He’s big on cannibalism. He’s mostly the muscle, and there isn’t much else to him. He is however really into flushed romance, and will ship the players and everyone else, so be wary.

You can recruit his strength by fulfilling his fantasies by acting lovey dovey with the person he ships you with, even if you fake it.

If he gets the Ring, he will put in on out of curiosity. If it fits his giant armoured sausage fingers, he will become the Hulking Berserker, freak out, and destroy the Incipisphere. It is nearly impossible for him to burn out. Just kill him. He is oddly weak to decapitation.

Jack Noir/Spades Slick/Sovereign Slayer

Alignment: Derse

The Big Man hass... the knif...

Jack Noir is the head of the Derse Agents. The only weapons he needs are his knives. If you anger him, it’s death by stabbing. Most Dersites have grown to fear that shadowy black Spade he wears. Jack Noir is going to be one of your biggest enemies. He thrives off violence and maybe even gets off of it, as he represents Kismesissitude. He’s even pining in black over the Queen. And you’re going to need him. He’ll help you take out the Queen, but make sure she doesn’t die, or he’ll stick your head outside his office as a testament to other players. He’ll also ask you favours to dismantle the Prospit royalty, and hands out infinite Regiswords that do more damage to royalty. Yeah, he just has infinite amounts, it’s a bug that he capitalizes on. As sharp as his knives.

If you exile him, he’ll just start fresh, but this time at the top as Spades Slick. He oft forms a gang known as The Midnight Crew, and they are cruelly efficient.

If Jack gets the Ring, mercy be upon you. The Sovereign Slayer will take the throne. All the thrones. The dead royalty pile will stack in a fast manner. And then he has all the power to take you lot out. It’s widely recognized that a Noir takeover is one of the hardest challenges in SBURB.

Recruiting Jack is a good option as he is powerful in the early game, respectable in the late game, and you’re close enough to betray him. The easiest way to recruit is doling out licorice scotty dogs. Yeah, I don’t know what those are either. So just take one for the team and get shanked. After you’re gushing blood, show reverence and respect for him, and you’ll get on his good terms. Humans and Red-Blooded Trolls have better chances as he’ll be inclined to shed his own blood and show how you two are the same. If you’re a troll session and you’re mutated, just flash him some hemoglobin and threaten the others with Jack if they get all cully.

Jack hates Clowns, will be enraged by them, and does extra damage to them.

Madame Domino

Alignment: Prospit (Zizi)/Derse (Zebra)

The Madames Domino are a a pair of twins. The Prospitian one lives on Derse and dresses in black and the Dersite lives on Prospit and dresses in white. HUH? I think they’re doing a switch or an “exotic musician” thing, because nobody notes them besides how good they are or how nice they look. The Dersite is named Zizi and the Prospitian is named Zebra. They’re pretty cool and make good jazz and pop respectively. Hanging out near them is good stress relief. They can also help make good fraymotifs on their downtime, but are otherwise unrecruitable.

Ms Paint

Alignment: Prospit

She’s a rather cute Prospitian who carries a bucket of paint. Humans think she’s just cute girl. Trolls are either disgusted or turned on. It doesn’t help that whoever made this game gave this single carapace boobs. Sometimes dimorphism is good. She also has a weird trait in that nobody can harm her. They all can’t harm such a cute person. Even Jack Noir, who can only feel hate and bloodlust, will go red for her.

Miss Taylor

Alignment: Derse

A timid lady in Derse who works in a clothing shop. Doing favours for her results in new outfits for you Dream and God Tier clothes. A fan favourite. However, there’s another aspect about her people like. She can be recruited, but has no combat capabilities. This is probably a glitch or bug or just mistake, but Guards and Dames can protect her and get bonuses for protecting someone. In fact, GodsGiftToGrinds, author of the SBURB Glitch Faq, actually noted that he survived a case of being the sole survivor of a Session Wipe by utilizing Miss Taylor. Listen to the real pros here.

Parcel Mistress/Parcel Mister

Alignment: Any

Not one carapace so much as multiple carapaces. These guys are WILD. The Mailing companies evidently hire ninjas because these guys will walk across Battlefields, angry Dream Moons, and places like the Land of Glaciers and Magma (because fuck convection) to deliver their mail. They will deliver. The mail will never fail. They also hand out mail-delivery quests, and these are some of the deadliest quests out there. In addition, they’re largely free spirits and will do anything. They can wear the Ring. They can kill players and royalty. They will deliver. Respect these guys.

Prospitian Sheriff/Problem Sleuth/Pulchritude Saint

Alignment: Prospit

The de facto head of the Prospit Agents. He walks around and investigates crimes from Petty to Serious in a hard-boiled manner. But he has a weird quirk in that he treats the petty crimes as Serious and the serious crimes as Petty. Still, good work ethic. He’s handy with a gun, and is otherwise average at everything else. He’s also been known to form a band of detectives and call himself Problem Sleuth.

PS can be recruited by giving him candy corn which is delicious fuck you, finding his flask for him, and unlocking him from his office. He is also fond of racially diverse murals. If you’re an all Alabaster Human session, that option is blocked. Troll Sessions give him an appreciation for hemospectum diverse murals.

If PS gets the Ring, he becomes the Pulchritude Saint. This is extremely powerful, as he also unlocks the [Sepulchritude] Hope ability and uses it. He can potentially use it in his regular form, but it’s hard to unlock. This man will become a beast. He will also eat every candy corn in the universe.

Psychic Initiate/Pickle Inspector/GodHead Pickle Inspector

Alignment: Prospit

The tallest Prospit Agent. He often spaces out and probably has some sort of mental issue or something because he isn’t entirely upstairs. However, he has access to magic powers, and is willing to help you focus your Aspect powers, as well as help the Royalty and assist PS when needed. 

He can be recruited with copious amounts of candy, but be careful, because he will burst with power.

If he gets his hand on the Ring, he becomes GodHead Pickle Inspector (regardless of if he ever was Pickle Inspector) and will quickly become beyond morality and just sit around, provide indirect help, and also regard the Universe. Note that he messes with the session and now you have to breed the Genesis Pickle, and everything gets made out of Pickle Inspector. Don’t worry about it. It’s also better to have a useless GodHead than an empowered Derse Royal/Rogue Agent, so don’t worry about him. He’ll do his own thing.

Relations Officer/Romance Official

Alignment: Prospit

An older Prospitian who is as weird and obsessed as HB, but without the muscle. He knows all about how people interact and facilitates what he calls a “shipping wall”. He’s mostly useless as he will only use the Ring to marry people off, but he does have one cool feature. The shipping wall can keep track of how everyone feels about each other, and Humans without access to the Replayernet can learn about Troll Romance from him.

Stupefied Warrior/Shambling Wrecker

Alignment: Prospit

A big man who stands around the halls of the Prospit Castle. He does guard duty, but if you bribe him with big legs of meat, say hello to some hired muscle. He’ll put anything in the ground with some brutal combat, and is a great tank. Just be aware that he will get stuck in doors.

Warweary Villein/Weakened Vanguard/Whelpish Viscount

Alignment: Any

A class of carapaces more than one person. They live on the battlefield, but they aren’t soldiers. They’re just trying to live, and will hide and starve all the while. They can be counted on to be help in tactician duties if you want to engage the Black King in war, but don’t hold up in combat. They can also experience trauma and PTSD. Help them, let them help you, but don’t break them.

White King

Alignment: Prospit

The leader of the Prospitians on the Battlefield. He’ll ask you for favours in the war that can be done for Reputation and other boons, but he is destined to lose. He may not always die, but he will fall, and his scepter will break. But in your times of need, if you assist him, he’ll be there to catch you.

White Queen

Alignment: Prospit

The Queen of the Prospitians. She stays on the golden planet to provide help and comfort to her subjects. She is a powerful ally, and can provide boons for help. Mutual assistance. She’s also central to a lot of quests, and responsible for most of the Festivals and Celebrations on Prospit. If she dies, the gold planet dies a little, irreparably. When asking things of her, be polite and courteous. She won’t reject or banish you, but she has a long memory.