#Dreamers ganondorf | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sonicasura · 2 years ago

Text

This is so cute and so symbolic. Dream therapy unlike any other as our dear bunny boy really needs it. None of his incarnations know that he's out adventuring or venting to someone throughout the dream world.

Dreamland: He's hanging out in Cappy Town to unwind with a slice of strawberry cake. He play some games at Merry Magoland alongside the Waddle Dees or Kirby and Co. Legend likes playing Magolor's Tome Trackers alongside Samurai Kirby. Egg Catcher is his least favorite cause he gets blown up quite often.

Nightopia: Chilling with Nights throughout the various scenic areas. He usually Dualizes as there are times where Legend doesn't want to fly alone. When the Vet feels like flying by himself, it's usually in more vibrant forested areas like Spring Valley, Mystic Forest and such. He avoids Splash Garden or island areas unless Nights is with him.

Dreamy Pi'illo Island (Mario and Luigi): Legend likes hanging at various parts of the island and goof off. Dreamy Wakeport is where he goes to indulge 'modern society' from it's real world counterpart. Legend often visits Dreamy Pi'illo Castle to participate in the Battle Ring, a good stress reliever when he wants to hit something.

Dreamy Somnom Woods is where he goes to snark or gossip with the Zeekeeper as those two are ladies in the hair world. Juicy topics to discuss and catch up on. He often visits Dreamy Mount Pajamaja to see he can transverse a volcanic mountain better.

Dreamy Driftwood shore is a big fat nope cause he gets Koholint Island flashbacks but also the Dream Seahorses are irritating as hell. Dreamy Dozing Sands is also a no as it's a hot desert that he rather not explore alone. Dreamy Bowser Castle feels too much like Ganondorf's Lair.

Sleeping World(Kingdom Hearts): Blowing off steam by caring for various Spirits(benevolent type of Dream Eaters). He has a lot of bunny and bear variants such as Magik Lapin, Meme Bunny, Ursa Circus, Kooma Panda. Legend likes to participate in the Flick Rush Tournament to see how far he progress with raising his Spirits.

He often likes to visit other Sleeping Worlds such as La Cité Des Cloches, Country of the Musketeers, Traverse Town and Prankster's Paradise. The World That Never Was unnerves him to no end, he hated Monstro's belly, absolutely doesn't like visiting Destiny Island either. Legend braves it to unlock or craft new Spirits and spells.

(Any area that gives a Koholint Island aura is something he wouldn't go to until Legend is ready to fully conquer his trauma. Personal growth which the Veteran works through bit by bit.)

There's one thing I forgot to mention in my original post. In Mario and Luigi Dream Team, there are parts of the Real World heavily connected to the Dream World. These are called Dream Points.

Anything that happens in one world where affect its counterpart when it occurs on these unique spots. It is however unadvised to sleep on a Dream Point as a dreamer could end up trapped in the dream world unless someone can wake them up from the inside. This is done by convincing that person to wake up, have a dream dweller let them out or someone versed in dream magic.

Another thing about Dream Points is certain items can let a person connected to the Dream World in some a portal from the waking one. These often appear as colorful thought bubbles over the sleeping medium's head and can allow people (visitors) to travel into the dream world without falling asleep.

Visitors can bring objects from the dream world into waking one. However, it is important that Visitors don't fall asleep in there or else they risk not waking up again or worse fall into Dream's Deep. This is the deepest part of the dream world and isn't a place you want to explore unless someone can lead ya out.

Btw, the story is still cute.

I gonna say this now. Legend (A Link To The Past/Link's Awakening/Triforce Heroes/Oracle of Seasons and Ages/Link Between Worlds Link) would be a magnet to dream based entities.

First you can't leave a literal god's dream world scot-free without some otherworldly aura stuck on your very being. And two, he REALLY needs a break alongside a shit ton of hugs. Legend is in the top three when it comes to traumatizing adventures alongside Time (OoT/MM) and Wild (BotW/incoming ToTK).

Now what do I mean by dream based? Basically any being who can interact or live inside the Dream World. For fandom enthusiasts, Nightmarens(Nights into Dreams) like Nights, Dream Eaters from Kingdom Hearts, Dreamland inhabitants such as Kirby and co or Pi'illos from Mario and Luigi Dream Team.

I can imagine after Link's Awakening, Legend tends to accidentally drift into other different parts of the dream world. A byproduct from being stuck in the Wind Fish's dream for too long. Like a magnet, they sorta just approach or gather around him in the Dream Eaters' case.

Legend definitely be a bit on edge until he realizes none of these guys mean any harm. Although this Link probably won't realize why he keeps attracting them unless someone very well versed about the Dream World explains it. (El Dream seems like the one as the Elder Pi'illo is already friends with an ancient dream guardian which is the Zeekeeper).

Legend is gonna get a shit ton of hugs and comfort cause no dream inhabitant ain't letting him sulk. Especially Kirby since that little Star Warrior wouldn't let any potential friend stay sad. Although it'll take awhile before Legend can purposely drift into what dream world he wants to visit.

This does lead to a change of behavior and abilities depending on when this exactly starts. Most likely, Legend would only share his true thoughts or personality to people who earn his trust. The rude cynical attitude being a mask as he's more of a stoic softy. Kinda like Chad from Bleach, someone who may look intimidating but is actually a loyal sweetheart.

(Even canon Legend has trust issues but I don't see him being a full on dick. He's really a person afraid of getting hurt again as people he gets attached to don't last long. He literally lost someone he deeply cared about at the start of Link to the Past.)

As for his abilities, I won't be surprised if he began to delve into dream based magic. Summoning can become an option thanks to the Pi'illos since objects from the dream world can be brought into the waking one and Dream Eaters can be summoned as well. Forming a functional summon spell wouldn't be so difficult with multiple angles to work with.

There's also unique combat in the Dream World that Legend can easily take advantage of, especially if he can drag others into it. Three different options specifically as Kingdom Hearts, Nights and Dream Team have their own unique styles in dream world fights.

Kingdom Hearts: Flowmotion, Link/Dual Style, Link/Dual Attacks (if anyone can find a shorter video for this that would be appreciated)

Dream Team: Bro/Luiginary Attacks (Legenary would be better as the name scheme is just a combination of a name and imaginary) and Giant Battle

Nights: Dualize (couldn't find a video)

Legend has one hell of an arsenal when it comes to dream magic combined with his imagination. Not even including the various allies who can assist if shit hits the fan. The Chain are in for a hurricane of surprises with this Legend.

Four and Time no longer have the most secrets in their closet. Legend would definitely use his dream magic if shit hits the fan or seek one of his dream companions for advice and a hug. Adventures like this are stressful for anyone especially him.

That's all I have for now! Until next time folks, I'll see you back in the dream world.

#sonicasura reblogs #sonicasura #bokettochild

114 notes · View notes

srah-the-violist · 2 years ago

Note

OOT ZELINK HEADCANNONS 👀👀

If you wouldn't mind sharing <3

Thanks so much for the ask, @tired-twili! (Sorry it took me so long to get around to it, school's been keeping me busy oof... 😖😅)

Anyways, I've spent the last month or so making myself cry with OoT ZeLink headcannons, so here are a few of them! (They are very much based off of MajorLink's Hero's Purpose because crying is good I guess 🥲) Most of these headcannons detail the development of their relationship.

Just a warning that these headcannons get ANGSTY, but there is a happy ending, and I tried to balance the angst out with some mischief and fluff lol 😁

While I'm not quite sure wether or not Zelda kept her original memories, she certainly relived them in dreams. The poor baby is plagued with nightmares about a war that could have been... So long story short, she has anxiety...

That being said, she and Impa decide that it's best to prepare for war since it is likely Ganondorf will strike again soon. So Zelda still trains as Shiek (although she isn't in any immediate danger), and the Castle Town is fortified.

Link stays out of Hyrule for the next 7 years following MM. The sad memories would be too much for him, and he's still trying to hold onto hope that Navi could be out there somewhere. Zelda guesses that this is why Link hasn't returned yet and blames herself.

When Link finally does return, he and Zelda both note (independently of one another) that they feel safe--a little more at home... Thus, (angsty) mutual pining ensues.

Link is gentle, kind, and optimistic. He's a dreamer and a fighter. But he's also very jaded. He's tired, grieving, angry (mostly at himself), lost, and so horribly alone. He's the type of guy that would give everything he has and then some for another (specifically Zelda), to the point of self-denial. (His return to Hyrule has to do with realizing that he's been completely numb this whole time, so he's decided to go home and face his past, hoping to "wake up" and start anew.) I forgot where I was going with this whole bullet point...

Anyways, Link and Zelda both blame themselves for what happened. Link believes that this whole timeline dilemma is because of his failure to protect Zelda the first time (as in before he even jumped forward in time). He couldn't protect her, so Ganondorf destroyed Hyrule, causing horrific trauma to both himself and Zelda. Because he failed the first time, he had to go back and do it all over again better. He succeeded in protecting Zelda the second time, but he regrets that there even had to be a second time, especially since he assumes he's the only one who remembers the other timeline. On Zelda's side, she feels like she failed to protect Hyrule because of her childish plan. She unwittingly played right into Ganondorf's hands, and Link went along with it. She feels like she should've known, even if there was no way she actually could've. (She also regrets even sending Link back in time. Even if they had to rebuild Hyrule, they could've been together, and they wouldn't be so alone.) So she sees all of Link's trauma (as well as her own) as being all her fault.

Link is happy to see that Zelda was able to grow up without the shadow of war, and is so thankful that she's safe. He would do anything to protect her, even if that means protecting her from himself. He doesn't know if she remembers the other timeline, and if she doesn't, he doesn't want to put that awful burden on her, especially when it was all his fault to begin with. A part of him secretly hopes she does remember so that he wouldn't feel so alone, but he hates himself even more for that. How could he wish such awful memories on her? And all the MM trauma is another awful burden that he wants to protect her from. She deserves better than someone like him, who couldn't protect her when it counted...

And Zelda knows he's sad. She can see it in his eyes. And she feels like it's her fault. He deserves to rest and live a happy, peaceful life, far from any war. She knows she'll need his help if Ganondorf comes back, (and she can't deny that she wants him) but how could she ask that from him after everything she's already put him through? He deserves better than her, the source of his pain.

Anyways, eventually after lots of awkward mutual pining, this all gets out in the open, along with love confessions. (I imagine it happens in kind of an argument. That would be interesting to see two characters who seem to be kinda quiet and conflict-averse in an argument...)

After that crazy conversation, there's lots of tears and lots of hugs and comforting. For a while after that, they rarely leave each other's side. (It's kinda in secret since the princess and some guy who just showed up out of nowhere doesn't fly in the royal court, although Zelda appoints Link, who's been a knight for a while now, to her personal guard or whatever she could get away with without looking sus so that they can still be close.) Lots of healing for the babies.

And now for some fluffy headcannons because that was some ANGST right there!

Link and Zelda spend lots of time jamming. Harp and ocarina duo for the win! Lots of singing and dancing happens too! (They are Jam Buds)

Lots of Shink shenanigans because that's how they can get away with being together in the open. They investigate local mysteries and break all the pots. They eventually reach cryptid status. The other knights have some questions.

Honestly, my fluffy OoT ZeLink headcannons start getting into y'all's 100% canon secret marriage territory after this (which I still really need to draw but being a music major is very time consuming), so I'll also share a few of those ideas too 😁

Link definitely plays Sun's Song when he's not ready to wake up and part ways with Zelda so he can do his knightly duties and she her queenly duties. (He also uses the Inverted Song of Time for stuff like this.)

If they want some time alone together, they can literally warp wherever. They're favorite place for a date tends to be in the Sacred Forest Meadow, much to Saria's annoyance or amusement, depending on the day. (She and the other Kokiri have definitely pranked them before.)

Impa has to keep coming up with excuses as to why Zelda might be absent at certain times. One such cover story is that Zelda was trying to make a peace treaty with the Dekus. Zelda later shows up with Deku Link (who's acting all grumpy) to further prove this.

Zelda has a "ghost" bodyguard. (It's Link in the stone mask.) Any man who gives her a hard time may or may not be completely demolished by a "ghost."

Anyways, these have been my OoT ZeLink headcannons. I tried to balance the angst with some fluff, so hopefully the angst isn't too overwhelming lol 😁 Anyways, I hope you enjoy!

(Also I love mischievous ZeLink headcanons and I'd love to find a few to draw, so if you have any ideas, please let me know 😁)

#asks #loz #oot #loz oot #zelink #headcannons #the violist speaks #i still really wanna do art for the 100% canon secret marriage but there is no time 😖#but the hcs i posted for it are what i'd think about drawing 😁#also wanna draw some cryptid shink lol 😂#link and zelda become very mischievous so i wonder what all they get up too 😁#anyone catch my reference with the jam buds?

53 notes · View notes

sweetbitgaming · 4 years ago

Text

Zelda Wind Waker 2 Brief History

Wind Waker 2 was first teased in March of 2004 during a Game Developers Conference entitled “The Evolution of a Franchise: The Legend of Zelda. Eiji Aonuma confirmed the sequel in a timeline picture showing “Wind Waker 2” is being set for a 2xxx release. IGN would report on this and mention several times that a 2004 release was possible for the game. Eiji Aonuma would mention during this conference that more information about the Wind Waker 2 would be revealed at the upcoming e3 event.

E3 2004 would come, and a new trailer would be unveiled; however, it wasn’t a trailer for the Wind Waker 2, instead, it was for a more realistic Zelda game similar to Ocarina of Time. The trailer seemed to fit the same tone of the Zelda Space World 2000 demo video which featured Link going one on one with Ganondorf in a sword battle. Fan reaction was electric to say the least as Miyamoto came out on stage carrying a replica of the Master Sword and Hylian Shield; however, where was the sea? Where was the King of Red Lions? Where was Toon Link? Well to put it simply, they were gone now.

During a presentation during GDC, Aonuma would speak about what exactly happened to Wind Waker 2. Here’s an excerpt from that presentation “Let me backtrack a little. As I was busy working on the connectivity project, it wasn’t as though the Wind Waker 2 project that I spoke of earlier came to a halt. Not at all. As some of you know, at E3 2004, we unveiled the game that would become Twilight Princess, the realistic Zelda game, and we announced that it was developed by the team that had been developing Wind Waker 2. Actually, there was a reason that that decision was made at the time. At one point, I had heard that even Wind Waker, which had reached the million mark in sales, had become sluggish in North America, where the market was much healthier than in Japan. I asked NOA why this was. What I was told was that the toon-shading technique was, in fact, giving the impression that this Zelda was for a younger audience and that, for this reason, it alienated the upper teen audience that had represented the typical Zelda player. Having heard that, I began to worry about whether Wind Waker 2, which used a similar presentation, was something that would actually sell. In addition, because we knew how difficult it would be to create an innovative way of playing using existing GameCube hardware, we knew what a challenge it would be to develop something that would do well in the Japanese market, where gamer drift was happening.

That’s when I decided that if we didn’t have an effective and immediate solution, the only thing we could do was to give the healthy North American market the Zelda that they wanted. So, at the end of 2003, I went to Miyamoto and said, “I want to make a realistic Zelda." Miyamoto was skeptical at first. I was so focused on changing the look of the game as being the solution we were looking for without coming up with a breakthrough game idea, and he advised me that “If you really want to make a realistic Zelda, you should start by doing what you couldn’t in the Ocarina of Time. Make it so that Link can attack enemies while riding on his horse using the Wind Waker engine, and make your decision based on how that feels." This is something that went against everything that the staff had been working on and I expected to come as quite a shock to the team. Surprisingly, my entire staff was enthusiastic about this change, and the project on which progress had slowed was given a much-needed jumpstart.

Four months later, development had progressed to a point where Link could swing his sword in battle against enemies while riding on his horse in a realistic looking environment. When it was announced as a surprise trailer at the 2004 E3, it received a standing ovation by the media audience. This was a very exciting moment for us, but we were still very much in the early stages of converting the game into something more realistic. We knew that we had to create a Zelda game that would live up to expectations of fans in North America, and that if we didn’t, it could mean the end of the franchise. But I also trusted the ability of the team, which was able to bring the game so far in just four short months, and Miyamoto and I announced that this Zelda would be released in the fall of 2005.”

So, the project was canceled and was converted into Twilight Princess. Toon Link would continue his adventures on the Nintendo DS hardware and things would be at peace. However, it would be revealed many years later that a group of game developers was working on pitching a version of Wind Waker for the Gameboy Advance. David Soliani, developer of Mario+Rabbids Kingdom Battle, another Nintendo game using first-party characters revealed in a Twitter post back in 2017 revealed that back in 2003 he and a fellow colleague were close to getting a demo version of Wind Waker on Gameboy Advance by their manager. The colleague mentioned was Fabio Pagetti. This is what Soliani had to say about the project "Long time ago, I guess it was the 2003, me and Fabio Pagetti (the artist who made the pixel art below) almost convinced our managing director to let us produce a demo for a GBA version of Wind Waker. No luck that time, but it was running nicely. We were dreamers,"

Nothing more has ever come out about Wind Waker 2 other than game developers wanted Link to be able to ride through Hyrule on horseback. This concept easily carried over to Twilight Princess which features an extensive amount of horseback combat. There was also talks of making an adult version of Toon Link to better suite the horseback riding mechanic; however, no footage of this has ever been leaked. As mentioned earlier, Toon Link will live on forever through the two DS titles he starred in; however, it’s always fun to think “what if?” when thinking of a direct sequel to the Wind Waker on GameCube.

#zelda #wind waker #lost media #beta #game development #beta game #link

5 notes · View notes

ifridiot · 6 years ago

Text

Fortune

Commission for @starfireglow about Ingo from the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

No warnings :]

There is nothing worse, in Ingo’s opinion, than laziness.

Coming from nothing, whelped by a poor washer woman with too many kids as it was, youngest of seven; Ingo had known hard work all his life. His siblings had all scattered, seeking fortune in the wider world as soon as they could. Ingo had been a lad of a bare fifteen summers when he’d left Castle Town and traveled afield looking for prospects.

When he’d met Talon, the man -- two years Ingo’s senior and a dreamer -- had seemed sturdy, capable, trustworthy. He’d been strong, then, or perhaps Mavea, his wife, had been strong. Certainly Talon had leaned on her. Ingo hadn’t minded; the pair of them had been kind, and they’d encouraged his willingness to work, teaching him how the ranch was run, fostering his passion for the horses.

Then Mavea had gotten pregnant. It had been difficult for her, and she’d been weakened by the child in her belly. It didn’t surprise Ingo when, the child only barely old enough to talk, Mavea had begun to sicken. For a while, Talon had rallied. He and Ingo had worked side by side, picking up the slack left by the loss of Mavea’s hands.

It had been the only way to keep food on the table, and with a sick wife and a child too young to even lug a pitchfork, Talon had thrown himself into the work. They had been hard years, rough on them all, but in many ways, they’d been good years too.

Ingo had felt part of something valuable, part of something close and kind and warm. If he closed his eyes and tried very hard, he could still feel Mavea’s hand on his, his palm pressing to the wood of the table; Talon’s hand on his shoulder, pressing flannel into his skin, both of them telling him how glad they were to have him while Malon played on the floor, oblivious to the stresses of adult life.

He’d hauled milk with Talon, mucked out stables with him, shoed horses, arranged and finalized purchases. As Mavea had gotten sicker, he’d willingly taken on more and more, letting Talon care for his wife. Letting him raise his daughter.

Mavea’s death had affected them all. A beautiful woman, her flame extinguished, she’d left all of them cold. Without her, suddenly that sense of being part of something disappeared. Ingo had watched something in Talon die when they’re buried his wife, and he’d hoped to all the gods that it would resurrect itself, for Malon’s sake if not for the sake of the ranch itself.

Ingo knew hard work and Ingo knew greif.

The Temple of Light is big and drafty, cold, but stepping through the doors had always brought a sense of peace. As a boy, small and dirty, Ingo had never let himself touch anything, afraid of smearing his filth on the clean, brilliant beauty of the place. In the light, in the peace of that quiet, still place, where no one shoved him, no one yelled, no one snarled and struck; in that place, it had been safe to grieve a sibling lost to sickness and another to drowning and a third to the blade of the headsman, caught stealing from the market. He’d been safe, there, to grieve the childhood he’d never really had, the mother he was abandoning, the certainty of the rhythmic life he’d lead those first fifteen years.

Fifteen years old, Ingo had knelt in that holy place and felt peace well up through him, certainty that he would go out into the world and find not ruin, not death, but his fortune.

This life, now, this was not his fortune. Maybe it had been, once. Maybe his fortune had been that sense of belonging he’d felt, before Madea died, before Talon started sleeping the day through, never rising once but to ask if there was supper. Talon preferred the bed he’d shared with his wife to the company of his child and his hired man.

Malon was a child, hurt by the loss of her mother and too willing to forgive her father his shortcomings. She thought him silly, his sleepiness a simple quirk, not the malaise of grief. When Ingo had tried to be stern with Talon, when he’d gotten heated by the man’s weary passivity, she’d vilified him in her mind. Nevermind that his labour was what was keeping the place running, never mind that the sweat of his brow flavored the bread on her table.

She was a child. It wasn’t her fault, and he’d try to remember that.

But the ranch was going to fail if things didn’t change. Talon was killing them all, refusing to pull himself out of his grief.

The world was changing. A new king, a new era, a new world. Ganondorf was said to be a sharply logical man, willing to listen to reason if he saw profit in it. He took petitions. If Ingo threw his case before him and was clever, perhaps there was time for him to get the ranch before Talon drove it into the ground with his laziness.

He had left Castle Town to seek his fortune, and by god, he was not going to let a grieving man’s laziness steal that fortune from him.

Malon might see him a mean-spirited bastard, but the girl was willing to work. Bright, capable, unafraid of doing things that are complex, difficult, or strenuous. He’d leave her in charge and cross the field to Castle Town, seek an audience when petitions were to be heard. He’d take the case to the king, and justice would be done.

The ranch belonged to the ones who did the work. Ingo had carried Talon as far as he was willing.

It was past time he see his fortune come.

consider commissioning me for your own custom fic!

#neoma writes #legend of zelda #tloz #loz #ocarina of time #loz:oot #ingo

8 notes · View notes

mikebigby-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Netflix Legend of Zelda full season 1 outline

I am pants-shittingly excited about the possibility of a live-action Legend of Zelda series on Netflix. You’ve heard the rumours. I’ve heard the rumours. And I have shitted all of my pants. I only have pants with shit in them now. I know what you’re saying out-loud to your computer like a weirdo as you read this blog alone; you’re saying “Mike, just wash your pants” but then I wouldn’t be wearing the pants and the shit would go on the floor. Think before you speak.

Anyway, this is a serious blog. Please don’t be put off by my shitty pants, I won’t mention them again from here on out.

Just imagine. An actually good live-action Legend of Zelda TV show.

I have dreamed of this since I was a 11 year old kid when I “wrote” and “directed” an Ocarina of Time movie using my dad’s 20kg VHS cam-corder. I never finished that movie, so this is literally unfinished business for me.

As the title of this blog suggests, for fun, I’ve put together a treatment for what I think a Legend of Zelda series could be.

If you don’t like it, no worries. It’s not much more than fan-fiction. If you DO like it, I dunno, share it with your friends or something.

Format, tone and general thoughts

I think the tone of the show should be light-hearted, weird, occasionally funny, and ultimately epic. That’s what Zelda is. I see it as Game of Thrones meets Dirk Gently, kinda.

I personally think this should be live-action, but it doesn’t have to be, a cartoon would be cool.

I’m suggesting ten eps per season and as many seasons as possible. In my opinion we should stay with the same Link, Zelda and Ganondorf, but there’s no real reason why the show couldn’t jump multiple generations with each season like the games do.

This treatment consists of a scene-by-scene of the pilot, and outline of episodes two and three, and basically extended log-lines for episodes four to ten. Sorry they’re not all scene-by-scenes, it was already a lot of (fun) work to draft this and besides, I don’t think you’d want to read that much anyway.

Please bear in mind that it’s all about the execution. These are still just ideas. If the show was developed, things would get more complex, ledes would be excavated and everything would be amped up to make every episode as compelling as possible. So imagine everything I say is better than it is lol.

Finally, I’ve tried to draw from / reference as many of the games as possible. I think the show, and even this blog post, should absolutely reward fans of the franchise.

Context

We need to start off with some Hyrule Historia to set this pitch in context. One of the things that most grounds Game of Thrones is its world’s rich history and that’s something the Zelda franchise shares. So I want to set up some legends and lore upfront.

NB In the actual show this should not be revealed in narration or an opening scroll. It’s primary purpose is to inform the world of Hyrule and its characters’ motivations. It will be revealed to the audience slowly and sparingly through reference and allusion over the season.

Here we go:

Two thousand years before the events of our story, the last person to wield the power of the Triforce unified the warring tribes of the land into one principality; Hyrule. This is not your average divide-and-conquer legend, this is something far more incredible; a conquer and unification. The legend of an absolute badass. The legend of Boudicca and King Arthur and Alexander the Great and William the Conqueror all rolled into one. This is the in-world Legend of Zelda.

That’s right, the first monarch of Hyrule was a Queen named Zelda (Breath of Wild fans: I consciously chose not to make this character the Goddess Hylia for the sake of simplicity). Zelda brought decisive peace to the land by being unquestionably awesome, ending an ancient war between the country’s great races. Together, the leaders of these once-warring tribes - the Gorons, the Zorras, the Ritos, Sheikah, Gerudo and the Hylians - worked with Zelda to capture the titanic, elemental monstrosities and demons they each summoned to fight on their behalf and contain them in purpose-built stone enclosures. That’s right. Temples. Dungeons. You get the idea.

Flash forward two thousand years and this awesome history is relegated to the status of myth. Yes, the temples still stand, but they are decrepit and overrun with flora and fauna.

These days the ancient Zelda’s direct descendent, Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule, sits upon the throne. A wise and just ruler who, in his youth, fought bravely to quash an uprising from the worshippers of Din the Destroyer, and successfully restored his subjects rights to religious freedoms without threat of persecution. The three major religions worship alongside each other in peace once again.

But, in recent years, the king has grown old and feeble.

OK that’s all the history stuff out of the way so we can get on with the episodes! It’s exciting isn’t it? I’m excited! Are you excited? IT’S EXCITING!

Episode 1: The Phantom Menace I’m Just Kidding That’s Not The Title Of The Episode

FADE IN on a beautiful white ship (10 history points if you get this reference) as it sails the night-time waters of the Great Bay of Hyrule Channel. There’s no moon so it’s particularly dark, and the wind is so calm the sailors have taken to the oars.

The ship is like an island of light and life in the vast, dark nothingness - think of those wide night-time shots in James Cameron’s Titanic. But this is more jovial. The hundred or so passengers and crew sing and whoop and holler by the light of the ship’s candles. Everyone’s clearly having a good, wine-fuelled time. We catch a glimpse of a young / strong / handsome / regal looking dude, singled out by his unusual pensiveness in the face of all this merriment. This is Daltus, son of King Daphnes and heir to the throne of Hyrule.

CREEEAAAKKKKK what the hell was that? For a moment, the party is silenced…..

Nothing. Phew. The singing soon continues… But for us the soundtrack subtly clues us into a feeling of unease.

We zoom out to a wide-shot far enough away that the ship looks like a toy and the noise of the passengers is reduced to nothing. From here we can just about make out the coast, more than a few miles away - too far to swim - and a great stone temple, half submerged, wholly forgotten.

SUDDENLY - punching out from the black depths without warning, a great tentacle looms up over the ship. The party is thrown into silence for a beat before screams and panic erupt like an explosion.

It’s absolute pandemonium on board as a second tentacle rips into the sky on the other side of the ship. Daltus, cool as a cucumber, pulls out his sword. But what can he do? Nothing. We all know what’s coming.

The tentacles crash down onto the deck, each with the weight of a London bus, cleaving the splintered ship in half.

We get a glimpse of the great leviathan as it pulls the crumpling ship down under the newly formed waves. For you die-hard fans, this is GYORG.

CUT TO a young princess holding court in her father’s throne room, hearing the plights of the townsfolk she has granted an audience to.

Yea you guessed it, this is Zelda, and she’s clearly a smart cookie and is fair and respectful to the townsfolk she speaks with. At her right hand is her guardian and teacher, the Aristotle to her Alexander the Great, Impa. A middle-aged Sheikah woman.

By the sunlight streaming through the stained glass windows (which, by the way, tell the story of the ancient Zelda (an Easter egg, not obvious)) we know it’s the following day.

In comes this dishevelled old dude who urgently recounts the story of a sunken ship… Our sunken ship! But wait, no, his account is wrong. He says Daltus supplied the crew with drink, that doesn’t sound right. Woah woah, what’s he saying now? The ship’s port-side hit a submerged rock because the crew was drunk? That’s not at all what happened! He is the only survivor he says, well… that part could be true.

An emotional Zelda beseeches the man “What happened to Lord this and that? did he survive?” The old man shakes his head. “What of lady blah blah?” he shakes his head. She’s building up the courage to ask the question. It’s clear from her foggy eyes, she knows the answer. “…My brother?” HE SHAKE HE DAMN HEAD.

Devastation. Stoic, suppressed, sure, but devastation nonetheless. She takes a moment to swallow her grief.

“What of Lord Ganondorf?” WELL, says the man, some disembarked before the ship set sail, not confident of the drunken crew’s ability to sail. Ganondorf among them.

Oh SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!

Boom. Next scene. We’re getting rural now. We are nowhere near the regal Hyrule castle, this is a luscious woodland on the other side of the kingdom.

We’re looking at a badass silhouette of a heroic figure, mounted on horseback, with a sword in one (LEFT) hand and a shield in the other. The horse takes a few steps forward into the daylight streaming in through the canopy… not so badass. Wooden sword, toy shield. This is not much more than a kid. Maybe 16 or 17.

BUT SUDDENLY the horse bolts, the kid hollas a very Link-like battle cry as he jumps off the horse and descends upon what can only be described as scarecrows, crudely mocked up to look like Moblins.

He batters them in a fun-to-watch but technically unskilled brawl, slipping over here and there. This is not a hero. This is a kid. This is a dreamer. This is, you guessed it, Link.

He’s interrupted / embarrassed by his uncle, Alfon, and reprimanded for not getting on with his chores. We see a glimpse of farm-life and, although Link clearly loves and respects his uncle, we know for a fact Link would rather be out there adventuring. This is Luke Skywalker in the Act I of A New Hope.

We also meet Malon, a milkmaid with whom Link has an adorkable relationship. She fires seeds at him from a homemade slingshot in the same way kids pull pigtails on playgrounds. It’s cute.

Back in Hyrule town Impa is sleuthing. She doesn’t buy the old man’s tale because she’s SMART as HELL and follows him using her Sheikah skills as he goes about his business through our Flea-Bottom-equivalent. He goes to a dive-bar inn, a dingy brothel… gross but, as of yet, nothing out of the ordinary for a creepy old dude.

But then, strangely, he slips into an abandoned house, looking over his shoulder more times than an honest man would. Impa follows. We witness him in conversation with a shadowy figure with a woman’s voice, he asks for payment - presumably in return for lying about Daltus’ ship - and holds out his hand in expectation. Schwing. He drops to the floor. We’ve just witnessed this guy’s sudden and brutal execution at the hands of the shadowy figure, who is revealed to be… a Gerudo assassin (!!!) ostensibly tying up some loose ends. I promise I won’t use the word ‘ostensibly’ again.

Now we get some real action. The Gerudo bails and Impa launches into full-on chase mode. They duck and dive across rooftops. They fight in the streets. It’s clear that Gerudos aren’t as skilled as the Sheikah in this kind of ninja acrobatics. In her prime, Impa would own this fight, but the Gerudo assassin is younger and fitter, evening up the odds.

Before you ask, no this is not a no-stakes CGI extravaganza like a Daniel Craig Bondtage (just invented this word, it means Bond montage) or the Assassin’s Creed movie. This is real. It feels real. When they jump down off even 6 foot walls, it hurts. Remember, Impa is a middle-aged woman.

What I’m saying is: it’s a thrilling, evenly matched fight which ends when Impa seizes an opportunity to dump tackle the sucker. The race is over. The interrogation is ON!

Meanwhile, in the castle the aging King is sitting top-table, with Zelda at his right hand in a privy council meeting. All of the major races are represented around the table.

Daphnes is looking frail. He’s clearly too weak to be out of bed, but he’s found the strength from the loss of his son and the urgency of the situation.

In light of recent events, he’s attempting to secure Zelda as successor to the throne. The Gerudo representative vehemently protests the idea of a woman on the throne, demanding that “your cousin, Ganondorf, is next in line.” Plot. Thickened.

As you might expect, this goes down about as well as a piss flavoured milkshake, especially with Darunia, the Goron representative. Zelda makes an incredible, impassioned speech, invoking the story of her ancestor and damn she’s good. She’s an orator on Henry V’s level. She wins over passionate Darunia and the cold, logical, but ultimately nice old Rito dude.

But despite having the loyalists round the table convinced, ultimately, the consensus is an unmarried woman, even a woman descended from the great Zelda of old, cannot inherit the throne. Out-fucking-rageous.

Just as we’re feeling that all is lost and Ganondorf will inherit the throne, Impa BURSTS into the room - thank GOD! She’s badly beaten and bloody, but it doesn’t slow her down. She has proof of a plot against the crown, Daltus was murdered… by Ganondorf! Dun dun DUN!

Voices are raised around the table, shit is hitting the fan and emotions are running high. Impa tells the story of Daltus’ voyage as we saw it only with one added detail - forces under the command of Ganondorf intentionally released a great beast of old into the bay. Everyone is stunned. It’s hard to believe. The beasts… from the stories? They’re real? They’re still alive after two thousand years? WHAT?!

When the question of cross examining the assassin inevitably arises, however, Impa sheepishly admits that she’s dead. Oops. The Gerudo rep feigns offense and bones the fuck outta there. No one really knows whether to believe this or not, but Darunia is convinced.

Back at the farm we catch up with Link after his chores are all done. He’s back in his makeshift training area, this time under the supervision of Uncle Alfon who’s equipped with a real sword and Hylian shield. OK so maybe he isn’t the helpless Uncle Owen Skywalker of this story (is that his last name? Is Uncle Owen Anakin’s brother or Padme’s? Don’t look that up, it’s not important. Keep reading.)

It’s apparent that, after witnessing the woeful display of swordsmanship earlier in the day, Alfon has finally acquiesced to Link’s repeated requests for training. And guess what? He is skilled. And we get to watch him FLEX in an exciting training sequence.

Malon, just like us, is spending her free time watching this, firing the occasional seed at our hero to distract him from the spar at inopportune moments.

This really is worlds away from the capital.

In Hyrule, ya boy Ganondorf and his followers make a play for the throne, big style. He’s obviously caught wind of the talk at the privy council, a la the Gerudo rep who left in a huff, so he’s making a move less subtle than he would have liked but he’s still keeping it within the confines of the castle. He doesn’t yet have the forces to fight an all-out war.

This is the first time we see Ganondorf on screen and let me tell you, it’s frightening. He’s a mountain of a man / Gerudo - the absolute personification of intimidating. And his coup is bloody. Everyone either dies or submits. The king is slain. It doesn’t seem like anyone has made it out the castle alive, as is Ganondorf’s plan.

We find out Ganondorf’s motivations and the source of his followers undying devotion to him; religion. The worshippers of Din the Destroyer were apparently unhappy with the outcome of the recent civil war, which, as we know, granted all three major religions - worshippers of Din, Nayru and Farore - the freedom to do so. The Gerudo’s, led by Ganondorf, have been drawing plans against the crown for a generation. But we get the sense this is just a vehicle for him, his true motivation is pure, unbridled lust for power.

Ganondorf makes it clear that he intends to force Zelda to marry him to consolidate his rule. Impa defends her with all her might but is bested by him and tossed aside, presumed dead. The mere fact that Zelda wasn’t immediately down to clown is enough to send Ganondorf into brutal rage and he slaughters the kindly Rito man from the privy council. Zelda is imprisoned as the new regime takes hold.

Daaaaaamn son.

Back on the farm. Rumour of the coup has already got around, but no one much cares except for those who remember the civil war, and yea that includes captain badass Uncle Alfon.

A traveller arrives, an old war buddy of Alfon’s. He speaks of a rebellion led by the Goron, Darunia. He must’ve made it out of the castle alive! Alfon is totally up for knocking some heads and packs up his shit, takes the sword and shield and the horse Link was riding when we were first introduced to him. This is an emotional moment. Link is desperate to join but Alfon shoots him down, he is, after all, only a kid. A kid who sucks at fighting. Gotta commend him for his bravery though.

Alfon goes to war once again, entrusting the farm to Link and Malon.

Some time later, at the castle, Ganondorf is out quashing the uprising. We follow a mysterious figure as he, or she, makes her way through the castle ninja-Sheikah-style, dragging a limp body along for the ride. Fans of the series will recognise this character from their clothing. This is Sheik. And Sheik is rad.

Sheik fucks up some guards and escapes the castle in a stealthy-cool sequence leading all the way out to Hyrule field, where he witnesses Ganondorf return victorious with prisoners in tow - including Darunia and Uncle Alfon.

Ganondorf orders the prisoners be taken to a concentration camp at Kakariko Village, and Darunia be sealed “in the mountain”. As the prisoner convoy leaves, Sheik and her limp friend surreptitiously hitch a ride.

Meanwhile, at the farm, there are clearly wide-ranging consequences as a result of the coup. Taxes have been raised. Goods are seized by Ganondorf’s marauding forces. Shit’s bad son.

Link is doing his chores half heartedly, head clearly stuck on the fact he’s not heard anything of his uncle’s rebellion. He thinks about setting out to find Alfon but Malon talks him down.

All of a sudden, a ripple of shock / horror rips through the little rural community they’re within. The traveller - Alfon’s war buddy - has returned, on Alfon’s horse. Everyone who looks upon him is stunned. He looks like shit.

He shares the fate of the rebellion with Link, including that they have been taken to the concentration camp at Kakariko Village, and abruptly dies of his wounds.

That’s it. Link’s mind is made up. He packs a bag with food, grabs his wooden sword a shield and gets ready to set off on an epic quest.

Just before he leaves, Malon, tears in her eyes, tries one last time to beg him to stay. But she sees there’s no use in it. She tosses him her slingshot.

“It’s dangerous to go alone. Take this.”

FADE OUT

DAAAAAMN son.

If you’ve stuck it out this far, good work. Thank you. I appreciate your attention.

Honestly, I’m amazed you made it past the first paragraph, you know, the one about the shit that’s in my pants.

Let’s keep going. And sorry for bringing up my shitty pants again.

Episode 2: Attack of the Clones ok I guess we’re sticking with this Star Wars thing, sorry, I hate it too

Link travels through the dangerous open land of Hyrule in the direction of Kakariko village but is pretty much immediately discovered by Ganondorf’s (human) marauding forces. He draws his wooden shield and they are immediately destroyed by the biggest, meanest marauder in the gang. They erupt in laughter. He draws his slingshot. The marauders absolutely crack up, they can’t breathe, who is this kid? Link fires, straight up blinding the grizzly one.

Not so funny anymore.

Link is overpowered and bundled into a mobile-cell with a young Goron, Darbus, and a sheikah child named Granté. Crucial allies going forward obviously.

Anyway, as prisoners, guess where they’re going? That’s right, the concentration camp at Kakariko village – exactly where we wanted to go. Lucky…. Kind of.

We arrive at Kakariko, a village on the foot of Death Mountain, and it’s like nothing we’ve seen yet. It’s a totally ransacked settlement, entirely overtaken by Ganondorf’s forces a la Tywin Lannister’s occupation of Harrenhal. But it’s not just a prison, it’s clearly the base of operations for some kind of mining / weapon smelting operation with armed workers travelling up and down Death Mountain trail.

Link learns the hard way that there’s consequences to blinding people that are bigger than you and is beaten, bloodied and bruised. He’s about to give up hope as he is thrown into a squalid little cell, overfull with other prisoners. One of whom is ALFON! WE LOVE THAT GUY! HELL YEAH!

But Alfon has been badly injured and in such disgusting conditions, without any form of medical treatment, his wound has become infected. It’s pretty clear this dude is gonna die, and boy is it emotional. Link’s crying, you’re crying, I’m crying. There’s not a dry eye in the house. Or even outside the house.

With his dying words, Alfon manages to instill in Link a powerful need to avenge him and an immense sense of duty to ‘save Princess Zelda’. Alfon urges Link to escape and raise another rebellion. To do so, he is told, he will need Darunia’s support.

With renewed enthusiasm, Link makes an attempt at escape. And, you know what? He’s actually successful, making it all the way to the armoury, where he grabs his slingshot and leaves his wooden sword and shield in favour of his uncle’s steel equivalent. Oh shit, my boy EQUIPPED.

Covert as hell, he saves Darbus and Granté and together they make a break for the gates leading to the Death Mountain trail. Meanwhile, in the darkness and unnoticed by our heroes, shadowy figures silently take out guards here and there.

The gang is on the home straight now, they’re about to make a break for it when suddenly they spot guards up ahead. Slowly and quietly they try to pass them without being noticed when a chicken trots up and pecks Link’s boot. He tries to wordlessly shoo it away, but it keeps pecking. In a moment of frustration, he boots it one.

Bad idea.

Scores of chickens swoop in and go nuts attacking Link, drawing the attention of the guards. The chickens flutter off and the real fight is on. This time, equipped with a real sword and shield, Link is actually pretty effective, as are Granté and Darbus (who is literally a walking rock). You’d have thought they just might win if it weren’t for the 15 extra guards joining the fray. OH SHIT!

Just as it seems all is lost, the guards drop dead. What the hell? The shadowy figures emerge and are revealed to be… a Sheikah clan led by SHEIK and IMPA!

The prisoners are liberated and everyone rejoices. Big Act III party and debrief. You get the idea.

FADE OUT

Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith I guess

Some days later, the Sheikah have set up something of a honey trap at Kakariko village, where marauders bring their prisoners only to be ambushed by the liberated milita. They are running a pretty tight ship and have blocked passage to Death Mountain.

It’s immediately apparent that the Sheikah in charge - i.e. Impa and Sheik - do not think much of Link.

Fortunately, Granté is able to convince them to grant him and Darbus passage through to Death Mountain trail. Granté elects to stay behind for the time being to help this little resistance movement and be with his people. Goodbye Granté, it’s been nice.

Our B story in this ep splits off here. After Link and Darbus leave, we follow Sheik, who is revealed to be Zelda in disguise. As she deftly interrogates Ganondorf’s forces, she uncovers some stake-raising info about a prophecy Ganondorf is trying to fulfil that sees her head off in the direction of Dragon Roost, homeland of the Rito. But while she’s gone, the Sheikah lose control of the village and there’s a big ol’ brawl on. This is weaved in throughout the episode; I’ve just summarised here for time.

Back to the A story. The Death Mountain trail is testing. It’s increasingly steep. The paths are old and treacherous. They pass a lot of huge boulders. They encounter some of Ganondorf’s forces who have been trapped up the mountain since the Sheikah revolt.

They eventually make it to the entrance of one of the ancient temples but It’s blocked by a big – and I mean big rock – that is just impossible to move. I know what you’re thinking, If only Link had some magic gauntlets… well HE DOESN’T FOLKS. This is insurmountable. He’s not going to surmount this one. Because it’s insurmountable.

As night falls, the two dejected friends set up camp and we get to know our characters a little better as they share stories around a campfire. Time for a LIGHT touch of exposition which will be worked in really well:

Darbus explains that Gorons, like the Gerudo, worship the fire-god, Din, but they were happy to live in peace with the worshippers of Nayru and Farore. This is why Darunia took Ganondorf’s seizing-of-the-throne-on-religious-grounds so personally.

We also find out that Goron’s are really hard to kill, they are rocks after all, and this is why Ganondorf has elected to lock Darunia away instead of doing the obvious thing. But this fact is weird because, there’s almost no Gorons left, they’re kind of an endangered species.

While Darbus is telling a particularly demonstrative story, dramatised by the long shadows cast by the torch he hold in his hand, he accidentally holds the fire too close to the big rock. Not normally an issue, but this time…

THE BIG ROCK WAKES UP YO. IT’S A GIANT GORON! HELL YEAH! OH WAIT, shit, he’s a bit grumpy about being woken up / burnt on the ass cheek. Cue a massive, awesome stomp and dodge sequence - well Link dodges, Dalbus gets stomped right into the ground. It’s cool and funny and we’ve never seen anything like it on TV before.

Anyway, once the giant goron has properly woken up, we find out his name is Daruk and he’s actually a nice guy. He’s been asleep since not much after the first age (near the time of the original Zelda) and he’s pretty mad to hear about Ganondorf and Darunia etc. and the thought that he might have been picked up and moved to block the entrance is particularly offensive to him.

He let’s them pass and goes on his own quest to wake up his brothers - all the boulders lying around the place.

FADE OUT

OK folks we’re moving onto much shorter outlines from here on out, should be quicker to get through. Hope you can stick with me!

Episode 4: A New Hope

A Story - the fire temple: Link and Darbus face a road of trials in the fire temple as they try to find and recover Darunia. They discover a large boulder and Link does everything he can to wake it up, including whispering sweet things to it. But it turns out to be just a boulder. Darbus calls him a racist. They eventually find Darunia, who is crushed by his recent defeat and doesn’t believe he can raise the forces to take on Ganondorf. Together they fight a giant Dodongo, one of the titanic beasts of old. It’s extremely cool and difficult but they somehow pull it off. They emerge victorious to find Daruk has raised something of an army of Gorons. Game on.

B Story - Her name was Rito and she dances in the sand: Zelda makes her way to Dragon Roost which, by the way, is like, another mountain, slightly smaller and different in shape to Death Mountain, and with a giant egg on top of it. She’s there to parley with the Rito Queen, Medli - who is only about 10 years old - about being granted access to their records (Rito are like, natural librarians) to learn more about this whole prophecy thing. But Medli is a capricious little brat who’s pretty annoyed about her father, the kindly old Rito dude, being killed in Zelda’s presence and blames her for it.

C Story - Ganondorf’s diary: Some political-intrigue here as the new administration makes plans to unify the land under Ganondorf. We get an insight into Ganondorf’s plan. Something about the Triforce, a shadow realm, and something about him being a vessel for something something, I think he said… Ganon.

Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back yep we’re still doing this star wars thing

A Story - off to see the sea: Link and the Goron army head down to Kakariko and CRUSH the revolt of Ganondorf’s forces, saving Impa and the rest of the Sheikah. They hatch a plan to raise armies all over the land to rebell against Ganondorf. The Gorons stay behind to build their numbers and strength in that area of the map. Link visits Alfon in the slightly-over-flowing Kakariko graveyard before setting off in the direction of the Great Bay with Impa where they find all Zorra-hands are on deck trying to deal with the GYORG situation.

B Story - Des-pa-Rito: Zelda is charged with the murder of the Rito king and fights extremely effectively in a trial-by-combat. By winning, she gains the respect of Medli and is granted access to their records. Zelda discovers a prophecy about GANON, an other-worldy beast of great power and the enemy of the Zelda of old. She suspects Ganondorf plans to summon him into our realm and she’s dead set on stopping him. She also learns of the Master Sword, the only worldly sword that can damage the beast and which once belonged to her ancestor. It was last left in a sacred temple what is now an overgrown ancient woodland.

C Story - Going Ganon: In a sick, bloody ritual, like the dead body parts of wildlings in ep 1 of GoT, Ganondorf unseals Ganon’s ethereal prison, and is possessed by it, granting him absolute knowledge of the Triforce and how to attain it.

Episode 6: Return of the Jedi

A Story - water temple: Impa intuitively believes there’s something in the temple that can be used to restrain GYORG and sends Link in after it. The whole place is booby-trapped to hell because, you know, you’re not supposed to go in there.

B Story - More like burRito: Zelda presents her findings to Medli but, although she has forgiven Zelda, she refuses to aid in the upcoming war against Ganondorf. Zelda sends a messenger bird back to where she thinks Impa is - Kakariko - and heads off in the direction of the ancient woodland. Before she can get there, she is accosted by a band of Gerudos. They don’t recognise her in her Sheik gear so she pretends to join them and it works for a while, but, right at the end of the ep, her secret is discovered. Cliffhanger.

C Story - a mission from a god: Ganondorf / Ganon now knows he needs to unite with Zelda and Link to seal the deal and take control of the Triforce.

Episode 7: The (Tri)Force Awakens see what I did there

A Story - gone fishing: Impa’s hunch was right and Link is successful in retrieving an ancient, gigantic trawling net. Together they engage GYORG and ultimately recapture it.

B Story - Getting Gerdoed: Zelda makes a break for the ancient woodlands. She fights, runs, fights s’more and is ultimately captured by the Gerudos before she can find the sword. She is marched to Hyrule castle.

C Story - an army and a leggy: Ganon’s machinations get interrupted when he gets wind of a large Goron army at Kakariko. His own forces have grown in strength and number by now so he’s not too worried. They march.

Episode 8: The Last Jedi (we’re running low on ep titles)

A Story - team building: With GYORG back in his play pen, Impa and Link attempt to secure the Zorra’s support in the upcoming war with Ganondorf.

B Story - home sweet home: Zelda is returned to Hyrule castle and locked up a bit tighter than last time.

C Story - war boys: Ganon’s forces march to Kakariko en masse, ready to break necks and cash cheques, when Ganon receives a message that Zelda is captured. He leaves the army and heads back to the castle.

Episode 9: Episode IX yea I know but this is genuinely the working title of it though

A Story - the master sword: Link and Impa set off to Kakariko, arriving as Ganondorf’s forces get there. The war is about to begin when Impa receives Zelda’s message which has been waiting for her there since two episodes ago. She learns about the prophecy and sends Link to the ancient woodlands to find the Master Sword. In the woodlands, Link is accosted by a Yoda-on-Degoba-level-annoying Skullkid. The SkullKid is mischievous and annoying but ultimately leads Link to the Master Sword.

B Story - the smell of napalm in the morning: The war kicks off. Filmed like the Battle of the Bastards but following Link’s various allies from throughout the season. Even with their rock-hard bods, the Gorons are being overpowered. But then the Zorras arrive and it evens out the odds.

C Story - creepy cousin: Ganon and Zelda have an intense chat. He reveals his plans, but not in a traditional James Bond villain way. In a cool and also sensical way. LIGHT exposition.

Episode 10: The Force Shits its Pants I made this title up but it’s what the tenth star wars film should be called imo

A Story - Tri forced: Link arrives. This is the first time he gets to be face-to-face with Ganondorf and even Zelda out of her Sheik costume. Zelda is like “YOU? You’re the hero Ganondorf’s been going on about? The dumbass from Kakariko?” Link is like “Well… excuse me, princess.” The fight starts and Link is battered. He immediately loses. Of course he does. He’s not even that good at fighting. Ganondorf takes possession of the Triforce and his physical form takes that of Ganon’s. A shockwave explodes out from the castle, terraforming the world into the Dark Realm (think: the Upside Down from Stranger Things)…

B Story - the big fight: The Goron, Zorra, Sheikah alliance is winning when a wave of darkness envelopes them. Marauders turn into moblins like a werewolf in the full moon, Gerudo transform into flying beasts. The air support in particular gives the forces of evil an edge and the balance sways yet again… fuck.

A Story: Link refuses to stop fighting, even though Ganondorf has become the great beast that is Ganon. But he’s still getting his ass handed to him.

B Story: The Rito arrive and even up the odds again.

A Story: Zelda distracts Ganon and Link is able to drive the sword into his mouth and win. Ganondorf dies, the Dark Realm recedes back into itself taking Ganon with it.

Epilogue: Order is restored. Zelda becomes queen. Race relations are at an all time high. Link returns home to Malon. Big party.

Post credit sequence: In the woodland, the Skullkid accosts another traveller in the same way he accosted Link. But this traveller is… a creepy mask salesman.

FADE OUT!

Phew, wow. That’s a wrap folks. Well done. If you got this far, seriously, thank you. Now follow me on twitter.

Mike xxx

7 notes · View notes