#Dose Tracking
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Failure to adhere to medication instructions happens when individuals do not follow their prescribed treatment plans, resulting in negative health consequences, heightened healthcare expenses, and a diminished quality of life. Berlin Pharmacy, an independent pharmacy in Camden, NJ, is dedicated to enhancing patient well-being through education and support.
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Fellow neurodivergent ppl, do you ever get shocked at how fucking autistic you are
#I just spent like half an hour tracking down and downloading an old PBS cartoon I used to watch as a kid (Redwall)#so that I can eventually clip out sections of my favorite character and scenes that I can watch when I feel like it#this will take hours and will have little overall benefit except for me feeling a lil dose of nostalgia#honestly I really do think all my data hoarding and archiving is just an extension of my autism lmao#personal#actually autistic
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#bob dylan#shelter from the storm#blood on the tracks#i bargained for salvation and she gave me a lethal dose
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ppl who have used T in topical gel form, how many days of application did it take before u started feeling/seeing changes?
ETA: specifically low dose T, specifically looking at stuff relating to chronic illness & pain but anything else is fine data too
#i just started a v low dose for EDS/fibro/migraine stuff and im keeping close track of everything bc there's so few studies right now#but i know plenty of u probably have been on it for gender reasons i am happy to hear about that also as long as it was topical gel!!!#sick
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CALL ME FIGHTER (I’LL MOP THE FLOOR WITH YOU)! CALL ME LOVER (I’LL TAKE YOU FOR A DRINK OR TWO)!
#I’m losing track of what I’ve posted and what I haven’t#You’ll get older and maybe then you’ll feel some control 💔#I mean as long as y’all get your daily dose of Hanako right?#jibaku shounen hanako kun#toilet bound hanako kun#tbhk#jshk#kou minamoto#hanakou#hanako kun#kouhana#hanako x kou#kou x hanako#jack stauber
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Tomorrow Is Election Day And I Am So Fucking Stressed
#marzi speaks#marzivents#hi folks. i haven’t been making much art lately. apologies! i want to be#unfortunately shit is Stressful in both my little world (i’m starting to get overwhelmed with my meds and refills and driving)#and on a broader more societal scale (if trump gets re-elected shit is going to go so fucking bad oh my god)#PLUS we’re in the It Gets Dark At 6PM Zone now#i think i’ve lowkey been catastrophizing a bit with all that’s been going on#i should probs look into those psych referrals my doctor gave me#she offered them bc the almost-dying earlier this year was Traumatic and i was showing signs of anxiety/depression#but i think they’ll just be helpful in general#god though i hate being on prescriptions. it feels like there’s a constant timer hanging over my head#refill these pills before this time so you don’t have to miss a day. woops! the pharmacy’s out of stock on this one#so you’ll have to come back at another less convenient time. fail to do so and the medication goes on hold#which requires a phone call where you speak to a Robot that may not understand the nuances of ur situation#grrrgh it sucks so bad. thankfully i refilled my prednisone the other day and have like 3 months’ worth now#and that’s the one i really can’t afford to miss bc steroid withdrawals could really fuck me up#but uggghhh i hate it. so much. bc it looms over me always#i hate keeping track of when i’ve taken my pills too. i keep a checklist for every day#so i remember what i have to take and if i’ve taken it#but god it sucks. i’m at the point where it’s basically routine now so i do it automatically#but i know if i stop monitoring i’m gonna forget if i’ve taken my steroid one day#and either double dose or skip the day. and that’ll fuck me up pretty good#anyways. hoping hoping hoping this election goes well bc idk if i can take it if our country tis of thee elects the fucking fascist#this one’s fine to rb. i think many of us share this sentiment lmao
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Blake Lively is really not a movie star the way Hollywood wants her to be and that’s okay lmaoo I think her and Ryan’s downfall as an IT couple is that they want to be quirky 2005 brangelina and it’s just not giving that
#they’re both better in small doses#she was on the right track with that lifestyle website#before we found out she got married on a plantation#she’s not Margot Robbie levels of likable where she can be highly visible for like 2 years and still feel refreshing
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So, I started working at a sheltered workplace on Monday and although I'm soooo exhausted, I'm actually enjoying it too. I feel like more of a normal person now. Get up early in the morning. Go to work. Have breaks. Wish everyone a Schönen Feierabend™️. Go home. Go grocery shopping. Chill until it's time to go to bed. Have a real weekend. Nice.
#personal posts#i immediately feel more useful#also my support worker mothered me today lmao because i'm in a depression hole#when i told her i haven't been eating healthy she went grocery shopping with me#then helped me water my plants and gave me some tasks to do so that my room is less of a mess#she also wants to go to the PIA with me so that I can get a higher dose of my antidepressants for winter#she really is like a mom#well#definitely more of a mom than my mom has ever been so stings a bit#but honestly she is so lovely#she's a tough like kind of person and told me that she will kick my butt to get me back on track and tbh i need that
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nobody asked and its not relevant to anything im just traumadumping for fun but im thinking about the time i was leaving [redacted]'s room and he was like "here take this" and put a pill in my hand and i was like. "what. is this" and he was like. "dont worry abt it just take it" and i was like. seriously what is this im not taking a random unmarked pill??? and i had to like Argue with him and he was like "but don't you trust me??" like no not if you try to give me an unknown drug and get mad and guilt trippy when i ask what youre trying to get me to take! he eventually told me it was melatonin but it's the Principle of it. i'm not taking your unmarked pills bro idc if we're friends! show me the bottle it came from and let me read the label what the fuck!!
#text#drugs tw#ask to tag#this is the same guy from the 40mg of edibles incident btw . and the 'counting calories out loud' guy and the guy who made me feel like#- direct quote from me at the time - 'like im more of a suicide hotline than a friend' and the guy who cyberstalked me And--#You get the picture#not a great time in my life#anyway ive never been an 'okay yay' guy when it comes to substances of any kind- like down to tracking my caffeine intake when i was younge#(until i could estimate it better) and i used to know every med id ever taken and the dose i took it at etc#and none of my other friends have EVER had a problem with me being like. 'hey can i see the label on those edibles' or anything#because thats a REALLY NORMAL BOUNDARY TO HAVE it turns out#and theyve never Shredded the label after i asked to see it either. that was crazy#SORRY. RANT OVER NOW
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since im on a low dose to start off, the adderall only lasts about four hours, though honestly I think it still helps for a little while after. It’s like all the brain noise takes a few hrs to seep back in if after it’s done being active ig???? But it’s kinda hilarious when I can tell it’s fully worn off and im like back to my default bc im literally such a mess again. Now that I can compare it’s literally like me unmedicated is like every single thought I have thinks it’s the most important and relevant one so they all try to be at the forefront of my mind, and when I am medicated somehow my brain knows which ones aren’t relevant and I can just stay in the present.. it’s really interesting but now I think I definitely need a higher dose bc there is so much going on in my mind rn lmao I enjoy the peace and quiet
#doesn’t* ->#Don’t rly bum me out like how ive heard others feel when it wears off bc ik ill be at a good dose soon and im talking to the medication#well i think so there is like A Solution#taking* not talking lol#if that makes sense#just me thinking#also helps me track the effects if I’m writing it down somewhere#text#This is all good stuff I’m happy I did look into adhd since I’d been suspecting it for a while now
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Anybody order an Evil Emilie Au?
Hello there everyone, and welcome! I'm back on my bullshit and 99% sure I talked about this before, but who cares? This, this wonderful thing is the Games of Innocence Au! Did you ever want a world where Emilie is a psychopath? Did you ever imagine her being as morally grey as they come yet still trying to be a mother to her son? What about if it was Gabriel who used the Peacock instead? What if she's replaced him as Hawkmoth? Empress actually, but still! And what somewhere down the line, she tries to manipulate Nathalie into helping her?
What if Emilie accidentally falls in love with her best friend? This absolute masterpiece is one of my favorite show re-write ideas of all time, and I've got some sweet 9.5k words for you guys to enjoy right here! Thing is, since I already have an Au that's over 300k words long, and rapidly approaching 400k...not to mention the next huge project on my list (a conservative estimate of 500k words)...I will not be writing the Evil Emilie Au in it's entirety. Most of it is a show rewrite anyway, and I simply don't have the time go through each individual episode and change it so that psycho!Emilie is there instead of mr Mothballs. I'm currently trying to write the finale, since it is the single best part and my personal favorite scene, hopefully to post it both here and on the Archive when I'm done.
However! I can and will rant about it until the end of time, assuming someone asks! And since the voices in my head did, here's an entire analysis about this version of Emilie! It's right below the cutoff, but I'd highly recommend to first read the fic! So here's the Ao3 link, hope you enjoy!
Alright then, welcome back! I hope it was a good read! Now as a disclaimer, I am not a mental health specialist, and might be confusing the terms "sociopath" and "psychopath" here, but I did read that sociopaths often struggle to control their emotions and act erratically (which Emilie doesn't, she has great self-control), where psychopaths have difficultly forming any emotional connections, so I feel like the latter term describes this Au's Emilie much better. Let's get right down to business, and explore (this) Emilie Agreste's mind, shall we! Obvious spoiler warning for the above fic.
Firstly, I'd like to make sure we're all on the same page with what kind of person Emilie is! Whenever I refer to her I'm obviously talking about this Emilie, so don't confuse it with canon. I have another upcoming post abt that. Her main attribute is that life as a concept is permeated by a general sense of boredom. Wake up, do tasks that only matter because she's told they do, sleep, repeat. Emilie was born into a rich family, which immediately means expectations. I'm assuming that she was kept pretty isolated aside from eventually starting school, so the only emotional connection Emilie formed in her early life was her sister, Amelie. She does genuinely care about her sister in a way that Emilie just can't bring herself to for her parents or staff, though she is nice to the latter and appreciates the work they do for her. Her parents are just stuck-up snobs but who cares? And so, Emilie shows this care the only way she knows how. Being perfect. Excelling at everything she does, getting the top grades in class, you all know the drill. The only thing she doesn't have is friends, and hangs out mostly with her sister. But even with Amelie, who she feels very strongly for...Emilie has a hard time expressing these feelings. For an example, see this flashback when they are sitting together in the garden:
“Sister…do you love me?” Amelie asks in a soft tone, her voice barely loud enough not to be carried away by the wind. Emilie recalls that she must have been... ten, maybe closer to eleven? And in all her admittedly few years, she never felt her heart stop beating as suddenly as when she registered Amelie’s words. “It’s- it’s just- …m’ sorry, Em. I… I don’t know, but whenever you smile at me...” the girl lets out a tiny sigh, nervously fidgeting with a stray strand of platinum-blonde hair. “It’s the same smile mum has when people are coming over…”
Emilie remembers it as clear as day—the way that the soft blades of gray grass between her fingers felt as if they’d been sharpened enough to draw out blood. Why…why would Am ever think she didn’t love her? Emile had done everything she was expected to do! She kept up her good grades like father wanted, always smiled and politely socialized with mum’s friends and family whenever they came over, and- …and she’d been nice to Amelie. Her twin sister, the constant presence in her life that truly felt like family…did not seem to think so. Or, maybe, Emilie had messed up somehow and given her the same bland niceness that the world would present her with day in and day out. But what else could she do? Wasn’t this what family meant? Just... be nice to one another and keep up with what was asked?
And over here, notice the way Emilie thinks of herself as a corpse, as not alive, even at such a young age:
“I- I’m sorry, Am,” she manages to whisper, even as confusion washes over Emilie’s mind. But…this is her sister. The one person who might understand how she feels about all of this, how the world itself registers only in dull shades of gray, how she can barely tell cold and hot apart, or how her heart sometimes feels like it’s stopped beating for hours at a time. “It’s hard for me to feel,” Emilie says, in the same reserved tone that’s always marked her sister’s voice.
And yes, obviously I know I'm the writer of the whole Au. I'm not patting myself on the back with these scenes, I'm just trying to get the point across. Emilie's life has always been that same dull grey, and the only people who can make it go away are Amelie, Adrien, Nathalie, and (to a lesser extent) Gabriel. She's been wearings masks her whole life, trying to be accepted by others but knowing that nobody would ever like who she truly is. And when she's alone...the thoughts come back, she can't tell if she is alive to begin with. Quote from the fic:
"Oftentimes, Emilie isn’t even able to feel her own heartbeat, never mind registering the expanding and collapsing of her lungs with every breath. When left alone and with nothing to catch her eye, Emilie could easily fool herself into thinking she’s some kind of undead or a ghost haunting the manor’s halls with twisted, quickly-fading memories."
Just to be clear here, Emilie suffers from deep depression. She feels isolated and alone, depending on the very few people who are perceptive enough to see even a tiny bit under her many masks, and she gets extremely attached very quickly. She isn't unable to love, since she (at the timeframe of the fic) has started to fall for Nathalie despite actively trying to manipulate her, but it's an extremely difficult mental situation to even begin dealing with. Emilie has hyperfocused on her family, and especially Adrien, her son. She isn't possessive and does genuinely love him, but there are obvious complications with their relationship. I'll get to that in a bit, but let's backtrack to her childhood one last time.
Emilie has absolutely no moral qualms with murder. Wow, that is a special combination of sentences right there! But in all seriousness, she thinks in a purely black-and-white kind of way. Emilie's #1 priority are her people, and for them she would burn the world to cinders. If anybody even looks at Amelie wrong, they will be wiped off the map for no reason other than the fact that this person was percieved as a danger. Emilie is that level of extreme in her protective streak. To give a few examples related to her sister, right after that flashback between the two of them, Emily recalls finding out that a slightly older girl was bullying her sister at school. And in a move that would make Ashley Graves proud, she straight up murders that child. No hesitation, no grievances, no regret. That girl was a threat to Amelie, and got swiftly eliminated. No questions asked, even at the grand-old age of 11.
Furthermore, Colt Fathom is straight-up dead in this Au. Emilie killed him when she came to visit her sister and nephew, staging a company emergency and sabotaging both his car engine and breaks, just to make sure. Can't take any chances with Colt of all people. Again, another threat to her sister eliminated, with Amelie's (implied) knowledge and support. The only reason she didn't kill him before the wedding is because Amelie personally convinced Emilie that she was willing to take on the burden for their family's sake. And also to use Colt's connections behind his back. Who doesn't love a good scheme?
Now...Gabriel and Nathalie never realized who exactly they were dealing with. It's worth mentioning here that Nathalie was actually Emilie's college roomate, and Gabriel was studying in the same university. Little detail, but I wanted to add it because Emilie canonically went to France to further her education. And Amelie got to work making friends in high places while Colt was busy in the 'murican bars downtown or something. Listen, all my homies hate Colt Fathom, and all you need to know is that the police didn't find enough of him to put in a casket. Anyway, Nathalie was studying business and finance, Emilie and Gabriel studied creative arts, and they met during their college years. The thing is, Emilie did love Gabriel. Only...not exactly the way he loved her. Quote again:
"Ever since she’d met him, Gabriel had been downright lovely. Polite, bookish, and a little nerdy, but with a creative spark powerful enough to bring forth an inferno of passion for his work. And he was also very loyal, most of all to the pretty popular girl who’d taken an interest in him and decided to befriend him in their first few days of college. Gabriel Agreste had turned out to be far more than just an interesting critter, and he was admittedly one of the extremely few people in this world Emilie had ever felt for, even if she was not fully able to reciprocate his feelings. Well…not in the way that Gabriel wanted, at least. Of course she loved him, hence why she obviously married him later on in life, but the man was…more of a cute, adorable puppy than a husband. If she were to put it crudely, Gabriel was far too easy when it came to matters of the heart."
Yeah...poor guy didn't notice the Yandere even after he married her. Also, another detail is that the reason why Emilie even took interest in Gabriel is because he saw through almost all her masks, believe it or not. Aside from the rampant psychopathy and slightly murderous tendencies, Emilie Graham De Vanily was an open book to him. Oh well, sometimes she ends up being crazy! What can you do? But anyway, worth mentioning that this Gabriel is far closer to his Reverse!Gabriel counterpart in terms of personality, and never acts in the callous, cold way we see in canon. Granted, we don't see what he was like before Emilie's canonical demise, but I don't like leaving room for implications on this matter. So you get your Good Parent Gabriel Agreste tag and you'll like it too!
As for Nathalie...there's an entire four and half posts' worth of ranting to do, so I'll just leave you with what the fic already has for now. Suffice it to say, she's very much into Emilie but knows she shouldn't be. I'm sure that with Empress trying to emotionally manipulate her into keeping the basement fridge life support pod thing a secret, that's going to go very well! Especially when the villainess herself is accidentally falling in love with Mayura! The Eminath is extremely strong with this one...
But anyway, about Adrien! Considering that even in canon, Emilie still wore his Amok-ring inside her sleeping pod, it's obvious that this Emilie will be wearing it too, right? Absolutely! And guess what? Thanks to a little help from an Akumatized Nathalie (prior to Origins in this Au), she magically enchanted the ring to make it literally impossible to unwillingly remove from her finger for as long as she's alive. Control issues, much? Seriously though, she does love Adrien very deeply, and does her best to be a mother. Emilie knows that he loves her back, and absorbs that love the same way a starved wolf devours fresh meat. She isn't oppressive and does her best to give him certain freedoms...but Adrien also never went to school in this Au. In her defense, she'd have little issue with it normally, but Emilie also wants to start her supervillainess career on the same year...and the thought of Adrien being caught in the crossfire genuinely terrifies her. Plus, in canon he does get involved in several Akuma attacks because of Gabriel, so... He still manages to get out of the house long enough to bump into Fu, hence Chat Noir, but doesn't ever meet Marinette and co. Not even for the Gum Incident.
In that case...hello Marichat! But again, that's for another Games of Innocence post. Today we focus on our resident Yandere! Believe me, it will become extremely evident why I call Emilie that once I post about her relationship with Nathalie/Mayura. Just trust me on this one. Back to Adrien, his dearly beloved mother is very much that. Beloved. But he is slowly starting to understand that something might be wrong with his home life, and tries to talk to Emilie about it.
This, I think, is an excellent time to talk about the color-coding in this Au. In a lot of my works I incorporate color theory and those meanings into stuff like aura colors, presences, Luka Vision™ (listen my hc is he has Synesthesia), etc. Obviously Adrien is supposed to be a vibrant green. Fresh start, new life, we've heard this all before. And Emilie...as Empress, she is a dark purple, because she's embracing her mystic side, and going absolutely wild with any and all magic shenanigans involving the Miraculous. But like I said above...in those moments where she's alone, not clinging to Adrien's side, or talking to Nathalie, or spending time with Nooroo...she's a dull, dead grey. The same tone that's haunted her since childhood. As a side note, Emilie doesn't abuse her Kwami. Nooroo actually thinks they could be good friends. You know, if she'd drop the quest for ultimate power and all.
Speaking of that, as far as Nathalie knows, this is all for the sake of bringing Gabriel back to life. Which...is true, yes. He's Adrien's father and Emilie did marry him, even if as "just a friend". She did actually have feelings for him by the way, just supressed them to avoid hurting herself when she realized he wasn't seeing her psycho side and then convinced herself that said emotions were better off locked up in the back of her mind. Never again...until Nathalie. But anyway! Emilie's main goal is Unlimited Power!!! Why? Shits and giggles, of course! She can do it, it's really fun to play this game with Ladybug and Chat Noir, and Akumatizing people just feels so intimate!
Do not get me wrong here! The reason why Emilie is obsessed with Akumatizations is because she loves going into people's heads and manipulating them! It's not weird, just the only coping mechanism she had in her entire childhood! Bless Amelie for giving her at least that... But yeah, Emilie basically treats the whole Akuma Shenanigans™ is her personal reality tv show, coupled with as much drama and action as anyone could ask for! And she gets to control the narrative! Plus, there's times where Emilie lets the Akuma do their thing just to see what might happen. Evillustrator is a prime example here, but that's part of the Marichat post so I won't get into it here.
Okay, okay. This rant is getting way too long. TL;DR: Emilie Agreste is kinda insane but still a better parent that canon Gabriel! I am currently working on the finale for this fic, because the ending is the best part and I want to share it with you all! In the meantime, feel free to send me as many asks abt this Au as you want! I'll be more than happy to have an excuse for more ranting! Anyway, I'll be seeing you all soon, but until then, Stay Miraculous everyone!
#miraculous ladybug#ao3 fanfic#games of innocence au#emilie agreste#evil emilie agreste#butterfly emilie agreste#yandere emilie agreste#nathalie likes her when she's murderous#marinette dupain cheng#she's here believe it or not#adrien agreste#he needs a hug#and a gosh darn break#but hey it is what it is#i'm sure emilie will be happy to hug him#can you tell i want to write this au?#but can't#yolo rants#listen i have to keep track of these rants#master skywalker there are too many of them!#what are we even doing#personally i daydream about this au as an animated series#idk about anyone else#look just read the damn fic#it's good i promise#now if you'll excuse me#that finale won't write itself#and i need my daily dose of angst to function!#but yeah#i'll see myself out
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starting isotretinoin today oh great medicine gods please dont let the side effects be too severe
#im doing low dose iso so it should hopefully be okay but well you never know#the nolo track tag#lau posts
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Your weekly dose of Percy with puppies 🖤🥺
#i lost track of the weekly doses but I felt like posting it#percy hynes white#phw#pretty percy#our smol casanova#percy with puppies
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hiiii quick question. the fuck is going on w my brain
#chirping#need a five hour therapy session to get thru this WHAT.#yk that one post that's like i got on antipsychotics and now i'm not obsessed w bts anymore#or however it goes#that's me but antidepressants n vltron. like i miss a dose or two and my brain just Fully reverts back to five years ago#or at least that's my current theory#it could be something completely unrelated but i mean. it would track
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#so uh#turns out#there's a non-zero chance that the CBD I take daily#is too high of a dose#and because it's a full-spectrum blend#and because our bodies are designed to store cannabinoids#I may be accidentally#you know#hitting the bottle a bit too hard#which would explained why my neural pathways are GREASED UP right now#and why I can't actually fuckin' keep myself on track despite it#whoops#anyway#brains sure are neat aren't they
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omg im like 5 months in hormones and seeing ur pics gives me so much confidence for my transition bc ur so good looking!!! gosh
tysm ^_^ i'm glad. biomolecules are awesome
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