#Dooku is Obi-Wan's master AU

[ironborealis]

"I take Anakin Skywalker as my Padawan learner." The words rip themselves from his throat before he even has time to think them.

He's not cut out to be a Master, he knows this. The Council knows --

"It wasn't even ten years ago, as I recall, that you swore before the Council that you'd never take a Padawan again." Mace's eyebrow rises with skepticism, as he looks to the other council members for the confirmation that he doesn't actually need.

Qui-gon remembers perfectly what he said then.

"Much fear, I sense in the boy -- and long time it has been since the responsibility for a Padawan you have had." Yoda adds, eyeing both Anakin and himself with skeptical eyes.

"The boy must be taught." He insists, digging his heels in, something that only works with the Council a little over half the time.

"We're wandering off topic," Depa announces, breaking off the silent stalemate between himself and his grandmaster. "If Qui-gon is right and he did encounter a Sith on Tatooine and is targeting the Queen, then Qui-gon must go with her back to Naboo." Depa's lips purse momentarily as she scrolls through her data padd. "Knight Muln is an excellent pilot, the obvious choice for your second during the attempt to negotiate between the Trade Federal and Naboo -- but if this is a Sith, you'll need a second much more skilled in combat against other lightsaber users --" The corner of her lip curls upward with pleased surprise that sours Qui-gon's stomach because there are only a few possibilities -- "Fortunately, it seems that Knight Kenobi is available to join you for this mission."

"Absolutely not --"

"Why not? Knight Kenobi is a skilled duelist, and if anyone could help give us an accurate assessment of your readiness to take on a Padawan, then surely it would be your own lineage brother." Knight Kenobi's ability to assess Anakin's suitability as a future Padawan goes unsaid in Mundi's harrumph.

He's not seen the boy -- the man? -- since he left him on Bandomeer, after the boy had helped him defuse the bombs (had offered his own life to help him escape), in order to pursue Xanatos.

He'd sent a message to his estranged master after he departed, urging him to take the boy on as a Padawan, ignoring the fact that his master's own Padawan had fallen only a few months earlier.

It shames him now to think that the fall of Xanatos all those years ago has left him mired in such grief that to this day he feels unready to take another Padawan; yet he had been quick to throw a child at his own master, no matter their strained relationship, whose own wounds at the time were more recent.

"Then it's decided: Knight Kenobi will accompany you and the Queen to Naboo in order to confirm the your sighting of the Sith and assist in defending the Queen." Mace looks pleased as he makes his announcement.

Qui-gon has a bad feeling about this.

///***///

Anakin is frustrated (NOT angry!) and confused, as they stop briefly at Mr. Qui-gon's quarters (so small, so full of green) and the "quartermaster" to get supplies and fresh underclothes for Anakin.

The Council doesn't want him to join the Jedi because he's too old and too angry (too powerful?).

Mr. Qui-gon seems to have summoned an Idiot's Array from thin air by declaring Anakin as his Padawan, forcing the Council to accept him.

The Council has decided upon adding yet another test, for both him and Mr. Qui-Gon, involving a brother of Mr. Qui-gon's -- even though Jedi aren't supposed to have families...

He'd ask Mr. Qui-gon, but the man is in a mood that Anakin knows from hard experience to avoid in Masters. Whether that rule also applies to Jedi Masters Anakin is unsure and not eager to find out.

When they arrive at the dock where the Queen's ship is moored, there is only a Jedi standing stiffly in front of the gangplank. This must be Knight Kenobi.

Knight Kenobi appears human, and seems to present as male. His hair is much lighter than Qui-gon's, a dark sand-like color with a red tinge that hangs around his chin. He's short -- at least compared to Mr. Qui-gon who is very tall. His face is rounder and his eyes much grayer than Mr. Qui-gon. Some of that may be because Knight Kenobi is so much younger than Mr. Qui-gon -- like at least half his age.

They must have different fathers.

"Master Jinn," Knight Kenobi bows to Mr. Qui-Gon, and Mr. Qui-gon makes a face like he just took a drink of black melon milk as he nods in response. "Mr. Skywalker," Knight Kenobi turns and gives him a smaller box.

Anakin doesn't know what is stranger -- being called 'mister' or be *bowed* to of all the things.

"Knight Kenobi." Anakin makes a clumsy attempt at the bow Knight Kenobi gave Mr. Qui-gon. It's not like a slave's bow at all - the Jedi bow is all straight lines and sharp angles instead of the curved back and hunched shoulders that he's used to. It feels so unnatural.

When he comes back up there's a sparkle in Knight Kenobi's eyes, like he might be laughing at Anakin -- but as much as Anakin would like to tell him off, he knows that his future with the Jedi will depend on gaining Knight Kenobi's good opinion, so he'll hold his tongue.

"You and Mr. Qui-gon are brothers?" Slips out of his mouth instead before Anakin can stop it.

"Yes," Knight Kenobi says, at the same time Mr. Qui-gon says, "No."

Mr. Qui-gon gives Knight Kenobi a hard look before he marches up the gangplank and disappears into the ship. Anakin knows he should follow the man, but frustration (...and anger?) he feels from Mr. Qui-gon make him freeze in place instead.

He's been so busy worried about impressing the Council and now Knight Kenobi, that he's never considered what might happen to him if he upsets Mr. Qui-gon. Can a Jedi Master reject a Padawan?

Knight Kenobi has turned his head to watch Mr. Qui-gon leave. Then he, shockingly, crouches down until he's at eye level with Anakin. There's a slight smile Knight Kenobi's lips, but it doesn't reach his eyes, which are hard to read but maybe look sad?

"It's complicated; nothing for you to be concerned with." Knight Kenobi says.

The man stands back up, his grin growing a bit broader, a bit faker.

"Now, as we are the last two to board, we had best hurry before the Queen and Miss Padmé decide to leave us behind," Knight Kenobi's voice is cheerful as he steps to stand alongside Anakin and gestures towards the gangplank.

Padmé would never leave him behind. He's not so sure about Knight Kenobi though.

Knight Kenobi lets out a soft snort that's almost like laughter -- but Anakin is sure he didn't say anything this time -- can the Jedi really read minds?

[muyru-iru]

Obi Wan Kenobi: why do I see my master's former master in Dexters having a discussion with your brother? Cody: which brother? Obi Wan Kenobi: red one, reversed colours, the one that beat me at sabacc, my rivalist in being sarcastic? Cody: FOX?!!!! Meanwhile in Dexter: Fox: you came with a proposition...you're up for the chancellor seat and will grant us vacation, you say? Count Dooku: don't you need a jedi? I can be of your assistant and so do you. I have striking intel to give. You seem competent enough for me to take interest. And what do you mean the chancellor seat is free? Fox: well...you know...accidents happen. Master Yoda: no accidents there is, Fox. Greet you, little grand padawan. Count Dooku: excuse me?!

[kitcat22]

Okay, okay so I’m thinking of an au mashup in which Obi Wan gets de-aged in the middle of the clone wars, except Obi Wan is now at the age when his prophetic visions and slightly offputting nature were at they’re height.

I tend to follow the belief, in Seer!Obi wan fics, that Yoda took one look at the 8 year old Obi Wan who keeps telling him increasingly creepy little snippets of his future and the looked at Sifo-Dyas rocking back and forth in the corner doodling the same face over and over, with slight variations, muttering insanities as Dooku tries to lure him out with a trail of biscuits and tea, and just went. No. Absolutely not. Not doing this again. And the council at the time just sort of agreed to put a mental block in place to stop Obi Wan from growing up into Sifo-Dyas Junior.

This is was all fine and dandy, until Obi Wan is suddenly 7 again without this block in place and planets away from anyone capable of rebuilding it again. Force forbid they allow Skywalker a go at it.

Now there’s an unsettling redheaded child making very worrying, very creepy comments.

Anakin: awww, aren’t you a cute!!!

Baby!Obi-Wan: Your hands drip with the blood of trillions, Your arrogance veils the sins you wish not to confront, Your decrepit body shall live on long past your own death, in a cage of its own making.

Anakin: : - 0

Baby!Obi-Wan: but thank you : - )

Ahsoka and Rex are very reluctant to be near the baby after he tells them how everyone they love will die and they shall continue on, surrounded but alone all the same.

Cody and the 212th choose to endure the comments on how they will die enslaved, put down by the masters that created them, deprived of personhood and kindness because creepy baby or not, that’s they’re general right there, they can figure all the freakiness out after the they’ve comforted the child. (They are immensely worried over this, though)

It’s not like Obi wan is enjoying this either. He doesn’t want to predict all this, it won’t stop!

Dooku, on the other hand is thrilled. He kind of regrets not keeping his lover Sifo-Dyas around as his own personal fortune cookie machine / Magic 8 ball. Not cause he misses him or anything. Not at all. He just thinks the tactical advantage would be wonderful! (This is slightly ignorant of how unstable and harmful Sifo’s visions were) To have his Grandpadawan back in this impressionable, powerful state would also be wonderful!

He changes his mind after about 10 minutes with said grandpadawan.

He wants the adult one back please. The 7 year old is dissecting his soul and telling him how pointless his life decisions have been :-(

Shit really hits the fan when baby!Obi-Wan accidentally bumps into Sheev.

Obi wan returns to adult form in a galaxy that sort of resembles this

He can’t do much complaining though considering it was him that caused this.

[roosjem]

New Years is almost here which feels crazy. Anyways, hope you enjoyed, let me know what you thought and I will see you all in the new year (Unless I decide to post more because we all know I impulse post whenever I want and keep no schedule which I should probably work on but ehh)

[padawansuggest]

Obi-Wan: *shows up to Dex’s diner with a Space Gucci (Spucci) bag and new sunglasses* Some guy outside the senate just offered me several G for a foot photoshoot and I had a few free hours so everyone’s tabs are on me for the next hour.

Dex: …who?

Obi-Wan: Who what?

Dex: Who offered you for a foot photoshoot? *looks worried for some reason*

Obi-Wan: idk man some senator from the edge of the inner rim, I think- *turns corner to get to his usual booth only to find Qui-Gon and Dooku already there looking supremely annoyed about this* oh…

Dooku: Give me a name or I’ll go figure it out myself, Grandpadawan.

Qui-Gon: *hauls Obi-Wan across his lap and into the corner of the booth so he’s trapped* You keep asking why you’re not allowed out of the temple without an adult, this is it!

Obi-Wan: I am an adult, I can make my own decisions!

Qui-Gon: Absolutely not. Not allowed. Grounded. Forever.

Obi-Wan: *loud groaning and flopping all over him in protest*

Dex: *comes over to put a milkshake on the table in front of him, pats his head* It’s okay, kid, you’ve obviously got snack credits.

Obi-Wan: You’re the only one on this planet that can handle me.

[moodboards-aesthetics]

Jedi Master Dooku & His Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi

[redbean-nom]

au that's the opposite of a time travel fixit. angry baby boba ends up in phantom menace and blows up the temple trying to kill windu. revan, malak (alek/squint), and cassus get deposited into the mandalore arc in tcw. jedi dooku and qui gon get launched into the middle of the death star throne room.

[viablemess]

Formula 1 AU

Obi-Wan and Quinlan as racers on the same team. Cody, Fox, and some of the 212th as pit crew. Anakin and Ahsoka as racers on the same ream, Rex & 501st as their pit crew. Palpatine as the shady principle. Maul & Savauge as racers with Palpatine as principle. Each track is in a Star Wars planet. Qui-Gon and Dooku are administration. Padme as PR.

I just really really really need this.

I'll allow Wooley to be a racer only if he can break the 1st place trophy Lando Norris Hungary style rip

[rainintheevening]

Also, reading Dark Rendezvous is giving me SO MANY IDEAS about what Dooku and Vader's relationship looks like in my raised-as-a-Sith Anakin AU.

[direwolfrules]

Star Wars As Star Trek AU: The War

So, the war between the Federation and the Confederacy is supposed to be an important part of this AU, but I've been neglecting it in favor of writing some bizarre (and terrible) hybridization of Mandalorian-Klingon culture/history that no one's read. Like, seriously I spent four hours that could have been spent sleeping on that.

Anyway, the war is a thing that's been brewing for a while now. The Confederacy started as a Separatist movement a few centuries ago. The founding of the movement is widely credited to the Sith, who found the Federation's ideals and priorities to be in conflict with their own. The worlds that would become the Confederacy were allowed to secede no-contest because of a clause in the Federation charter.

Then there was a minor war (by minor I of course mean billions died), which was resolved by the Treaty of Coruscant, and the creation of the Neutral Zone.

Starfleet Admiral Dooku shocks everyone when he resigns his commission and retires to his homeworld of Serenno, where he claims his family's ancestral title. This is made possible by the convenient death of Dooku's elder brother via a previously undetected heart condition two days before his arrival (Maybelline commercial voice: maybe he's born with it, maybe it's Palpatine). The Serennan people under his leadership proceed to defect to the Confederacy.

A few months later, a Federation vessel's running a standard border patrol near the Neutral Zone before suddenly falling out of contact. The next thing anyone knows, the ship's destroyed along with a Geonosian City, and President Dooku of the Confederacy of Independant Systems is declaring war upon the Federation.

The Confederacy still uses battle droids, but also uses more organics than in Star Wars. A ship could have a mostly droid crew complement but organic officers in charge. This is mostly because I want Lux Bonteri's dad to be a reoccurring character. Captain Aavus Bonteri of the CSS Zakkeg keeps showing up and battles between him and the Resolute normally end one of two ways, either the Zakkeg is limping home or the Resolute is. He's not a Grievous level threat, more like he's there to pad out the organic officer count and I still need him to be a threat so, competent military man it is!

And like, having Lux's dad live and be an active antagonist to the crew of the Resolute kinda makes the whole Heroes on Both Sides thing be even more interesting. Lux is basically Ahsoka's "what could have been, we'll always have Risa" relationship. We all think he's bad for her, but god damn does this girl not think with her head when he shows up. Rex and Anakin are left shaking their heads because goddamnit their baby sister has terrible taste in romantic partners.

At one point Satine shows up as a neutral mediator, and she's hanging out in 79's after a grueling day of negotiations, and she overhears Anakin and Rex commiserating about how Ahsoka really just needs to date someone bland for a bit. For all their sakes. And Satine, who managed to convince bartender/mystic Fay to break out the actual alcohol, jumps into the conversation with tales of Bo-Katan's failed romantic endeavors. They just start comparing the dumpster fires that are their little siblings' love lives. 10/10, the next morning hungover Anakin tells Obi-Wan he should marry Satine.

[nintenderniere]

A small continuation to my Skywalker Maul AU because I love them sm guys pls

I wholeheartedly believe that Obi-Wan and Anakin are always atleast somewhat connected in every universe and I have no doubt that a sith Obi-Wan would try and convince Anakin to become his apprentice at some point because the force is pushing him towards this one kid with a bazillion midichlorians and who is he to disagree??? Especially with the boys master who eats hatred and anger for breakfast, he would make a wonderful sith apprentice right?

WRONG Anakin hates this fool. He hates him sm he’s not gonna fall to the darkside out of pure spite.

Obi-Wan is preaching about how the force has brought them together to be a team and that he’s certain they must have a force dyad or something meanwhile a fourteen year old Anakin is frothing at the mouth because he fucking HATES this guy. Unlike Obi-Wan in canon Maul would not have bothered to hide his hatred of Obi-Wan so Anakin would’ve grown up despising him.

In this au Anakin is the one who grew up keeping his master somewhat grounded in the light and to do that HE had to be light and HE had to be the responsible one as well so of course he hates this asshole who caused his master so many restless nights, who hurt him so badly, of course he’s gonna be pissed off when Obi-Wan walks up acting like none of that happened, like it doesn’t matter.

This Anakin’s still feral like canon he’s still just as unhinged if not more but because of Maul he’s had to pull his shit together because they can’t both be ‘fuck around’ one of them has to be ‘find out’

So this Anakin is just trying SO hard to be hinged here he is clinging to those hinges like a madman. He is the normal one in this master padawan duo force damnit but he is so fucking bad at it. So it’s just Obi-Wan being like ‘:D this is so fun right future apprentice <3’ and Anakin’s eye is twitching, he is repeating ‘I am one with the force and the force is one with me’ and going ‘hahaaa yeah (:’ while trying not to judo chop this guys head off like his hand just keeps twitching to his lightsaber it is so bad.

Like you see Maul and Anakin as the mean and the nice one and that could not be further from the truth Anakin is sm scarier and meaner then Maul he just had to reign that in or else he and Maul would’ve both been kicked out of the order. You know how Obi-Wan and Anakin always bounce off each other with sarcastic comments? Maul just kinda swears and yells at people while Anakin passively aggressively encourages him until he gets mad and starts yelling too.

[ironborealis]

Lineage Cousins AU pt. 3

aka Missed Connections on AO3

Part 1 and Part 2 on Tumblr

Anakin has fixed a lot of dejarik boards before.

Well... Mom did all the soldering of the broken circuit boards because she said that the fumes were bad for growing boys, BUT it was his responsibility to take everything apart and carefully label it, test the circuits and mark the ones that Mom needed to fix, and then put it back together again when she was finished. He even tested the projectors and commands to make sure everything was in working order before Watto put it in the shop's inventory to sell.

So... He's mostly fixed a lot of dejarik boards and tested them afterwards, but he's never actually played dejarik before.

He hopes Mr. Kenobi hasn't noticed that Anakin is just making things up as he goes, figuring out how the pieces move by watching the projection stall for a split second every time he tries something that the rules don't allow.

He must have fixed a hundred, a thousand boards since he was old enough to start helping -- and the boards always sold quickly because everyone and their great grandma plays dejarik...

Everyone except Anakin and his mother... he doesn't think any of his friends on Tatooine had played either.

There's something sick growing in his belly as he thinks about it all, tears pricking at his eyes -- but he's pretty sure that Jedi don't cry, and he's a padawan now so he can't cry -- if Mr. Kenobi doesn't ruin everything by telling the Jedi Council to send him back to Tatooine.

Mr. Kenobi hums after Anakin's last move, stroking his beard and appearing to be deep in thought.

Mr. Qui-Gon had explained that Mr. Kenobi wasn't his brother-brother, like Kitster and Kassu who had the same mother, but a 'lineage brother' because the same Jedi Master had trained them both to be Knights.

Anakin thinks his Jedi grandmaster must be very old, to have taught both Mr. Qui-Gon and Mr. Kenobi.

Not that it matters, because apparently Master Dooku left the Jedi after Mr. Kenobi was knighted, so that only left his great-grandmaster Yoda... The green person with big ears on the Council who had thought he was too scared to be a Jedi.

He misses his mom.

Mr. Kenobi's foot taps the base of Anakin's chair, and Anakin realizes that Mr. Kenobi is waiting for him to play, but Anakin was so busy gathering eopie chips in his head that he'd missed Mr. Kenobi making his move.

He can feel the tips of his ears grow pink with embarrassment. Surely real Jedi don't become distracted or miss their moms and of course they all know how to play dejarik --

He reaches to move the big white monster, but Mr. Kenobi purses his lips and hums.

"That's an interesting choice -- I would have used the Grimtash's -- the gray one -- special attack," Mr. Kenobi keeps his eyes on the board.

"...Why?"

Anakin uses his best sabacc face, like he's only interested in Mr. Kenobi's strategy and not desperately trying to figure out how to win a game he doesn't know how to play.

"It's special attack is powerful enough to defeat my Ghhhk, which you've been abusing," Mr. Kenobi points out the dark green creature on his side of the board.

Anakin debates for a moment whether or not to take Mr. Kenobi's advice. If they were on Tatooine, it'd be a given that Mr. Kenobi was trying to trick him -- but they're not on Tatooine and besides he's pretty sure Jedi aren't allowed to lie unless it's really important.

He makes the move that Mr. Kenobi suggests and watches as his piece battles and destroys Mr. Kenobi's.

They continue to play, with Mr. Kenobi occasionally talking about what his strategy would be. He thinks Mr. Kenobi must be a horrible sabacc player, with all his obvious facial tells and the way he literally just tells you what he's going to do.

Maybe that's why Padmé's handmaidens like playing with him every night -- he's such an easy mark they must have taken every single credit he has by now.

Anakin doesn't always do what Mr. Kenobi would do, but he starts feeling more confident about how the game works and most importantly, how to win.

Soon, it's just Anakin's Grimtash against Mr. Kenobi's K'lor'slug (the purple one), and then it's over and...

Anakin won. He won! He didn't even know the rules and he won anyway, AND he beat a Jedi who's probably been playing dejarik since he was in diapers --

"Good game, Anakin." Mr. Kenobi holds his hand out over the board for Anakin to shake. His tone is jovial, like he hasn't just lost, and he's got that same amused glimmer in his eye like he did when Anakin tried bowing to him like a proper Jedi.

The sick feeling is back in his stomach.

"You let me win, didn't you?"

Mr. Kenobi's expression falters for a second, before becoming even faker than before.

"No, I didn't --"

"Jedi aren't supposed to lie!" Anakin jumps out of his seat, his heart pounding in his ears. "Did you think it was funny? It's not my fault that I don't know the rules! Dejarik is a stupid game anyway!"

Mr. Kenobi's face goes unnaturally calm, and Anakin knows now that Mr. Kenobi has a sabacc face that could rival some of the best on Tatooine -- and he hates it. He hates being made into fool by someone who's supposed to be deciding whether Anakin is good enough to even be a Jedi, it's not FAIR!

"What's going on?"

Mr. Qui-Gon appears, coming out of their room, and glaring at Mr. Kenobi like he did something wrong.

"He let me win!"

Anakin tries to put as much weight as he can into his accusation, to convey the seriousness of the situation in a Jedi-like manner, but when he hears himself, he sounds more like Kitster's little brother Kassu whining whenever he lost at a game.

The confused look on Mr. Qui-Gon's face only confirms that he thinks Anakin is acting like a baby.

The anger, humiliation, and homesickness are all boiling away inside of him -- ready to explode at any second. Anakin can't do that here, in front of these Jedi, he's already embarrassed himself enough.

He pushes past Mr. Qui-Gon and goes into their room. He can feel electricity arcing underneath his skin, forcing him to pace the room to burn off some of the energy before he does something un-Jedi-like.

He can hear Mr. Qui-Gon and Mr. Kenobi talking outside, their voices growing louder until he can clearly hear some of what they're saying.

"...won't hold it against him..."

"Well... pretty hypocritical of me... didn't you tell me..."

"Knight Kenobi why can't... in the moment."

Anakin climbs the ladder into his bunk, trying to get away from something he knows that he definitely doesn't want to be hearing. Even the walls back home were thicker than this.

"Tell me... dangerous, they all sense... what changed?"

Anakin pulls his pillow over his head and screams to drown out the noise around him and inside of him.

[darth-prequelist]

How adorable!

Team Republic or Team Empire? ;)

[iobsessoverfictionalmen]

[threebea]

Okay I love the fanon Dooku and Obi-Wan dynamic and all of them getting along and being a great master and Padawan pair.

But consider...

Au where for whatever reason Dooku has to take on Obi-Wan's apprenticeship and they absolutely hate each other.

Dooku (68 and trying to get seduced to the dark side): are you going to tattle to the council again?

Obi-Wan (19 and not having it): are you going to drop protocol and try to choke someone out with the Force again?

Like Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon always had their moments of friction but the level of ice that can develop between Dooku and Obi-Wan is legendary.

Obi-Wan: Master I don't think siding with capitalists and billionaires will help the people of this planet like you think it will.

Dooku: the red tape of the republic-

Obi-Wan: is there to ensure walkways have guard rails. Do you see a guard rail here? If knighthood doesn't pan out I'm applying for a job with Space OSHA.

Dooku: Padawan the Jedi are the attack dogs of the Senate.

Obi-Wan: hey I am not the one using the force to choke people on my missions. I use my words. I think you'll find you're the one attacking--

Dooku: are you ever going to let that go?

Obi-Wan: of course Master! I know how to let go! Unlike you when you're crushing someone's windpipe!

Dooku: why you little-

Obi-Wan: *choking sounds*

Mace: you've been together for a month, surely this is just a rocky first step.

Dooku lifts his arm, Obi-Wan is biting him hanging off by his teeth: I'm going to level with you Master Windu. I was considering leaving the Jedi and joining a Sith Lord who plans to destroy the Jedi and take over the galaxy, but now my only desire is to get as far away from Obi-Wan Kenobi as I can and never speak to him again.

[jedi-starbird]

A happier galaxy where the disaster lineage is somewhat less on fire constantly and senior padawan Obi-wan has developed a fixation on Mandalorians:

Sometimes Feemor regretted just how much he had given away when he had spent 5 expensive months bribing a traumatised Obi-wan to call him brother when he was 14. His dignity, for one, his access codes and shadow cloaking techniques, another. So he had a very dignified reaction when he was awoken to the shine of his younger brother's eyes in the dark at the foot of his bed. "I wou-stop screaming it's just me-I would like a Mandalorian. How do I procure one?"

"How the fuck should I know?"

Obi-wan scowled as if Feemor was being difficult, he wasn't, he wasn't quite awake enough for that yet. "You're a shadow, you're supposed to know things."

Ah, if being a shadow granted you the secrets of the universe instead of just a great many planetary governments, Feemor wouldn't spend so much time wondering what dark rituals Dooku had committed to result in Qui-gon Jinn. (He already knew what regular rituals Qui-gon had committed to result in Obi-wan)

"I know that I'm about to punt you out of my room right now."

"...My birthday is coming up, I believe I deserve compensation for all the traumas."

Obi-wan's eyes were very big now. Feemor sighed. He flopped back down into bed. He resisted the urge to pull his blankets back up and roll over. 'Oh sure when it's time to see mind healers everything's fine but now-'

"Shouldn't you be asking Master then?"

"Master would not approve of how I plan to use the Mandalorian."

He squinted at Obi-wan for a long moment. Obi-wan stared back. He did some quick mental maths and tried not to feel old. Eh. Fine. Feemor swung his legs out of bed. "You had me at 'Master wouldn't approve'."

"Do you think I could get one by walking into little Keldabe and asking very nicely?"

As it turns out, yes he could. A few too many in fact, apparently Jedi, their ancestral enemy, in the Mando district attracted attention, who knew? Feemor knew, Feemor would have known if only he had been properly awake when this semblence of a plan was proposed. He stalked through the cantina towards Obi-wan who was leaning slightly forwards against a pillar, ah...speaking, to a Mandalorian with painted orange armour while surrounded by a larger crowd of Mandos. At least they seem mostly amused. He ignored the youngers squawk as he yanked the back of his robes so that he moved away from the Mandalorian and spun him around.

"You cannot solve centuries of animosity by batting your eyelashes."

"I'm not batting my eyelashes " Obi-wan sniffed," I'm shaking my ass, there's decidedly more effort involved."

"I miss when I was an only child." Feemor sighed deeply. He used the force to scruff the neck of Obi-wan's robes and dangle him slightly in the air. He ignored the shouting from beside him and bowed politely to the staring Mandos. "My apologies for the disturbance, this will not happ-" He considered his brother who was now yelling out his personal comm code with a wink. " Please excuse us, this very probably will happen again, we shall workshop it. May the force be with you all."

I don't have a fully planned AU but it is Codywan!!! cause I love those bitches but have some more dialogue I came up with for this AU. I'm imagining them both as like 20-23, Obi's close to knighthood. He's still a padawan for this because I think him causing Qui-gon headaches is funny. Feemor fully thinks this complicated courtship dance Obi's created is funny, he likes studying his little brother like a bug, he just wasn't prepared for him to just waltz into little kelbade and start hitting on people, though he really should have been.

Hand wavy timeline with Jaster alive but the clones are still clones, Jango was kidnapped and held in stasis or something, Jaster claimed them as Mandos. This is really just about Obi's first and biggest diplomatic achivement being friendly Jedi-Mando relations purely cause he was in his thot era. This also somehow saves the galaxy from the sith.

I like to imagine that Cody's brothers recorded that little exchange between Fee and Obi on their helmets and uploaded it online where it went viral on MandoNet before going viral galaxywide because wait holy shit is that a Jedi saying that????. Qui-gon gets called in for a very weird meeting where the council's like ok so the entire holonet has seen your padawan being horny on main but also this is like the biggest jump in our diplomatic relationship with the Mandos in centuries so like can we keep this up somehow? This results in Obi-wan being holonet famous, first through vode recordings but then he starts a space tumblr and twitter account and he's famous now. Then his friends and other jedi start accounts because wait we're allowed to do that? and those become big as well and this is literally the best PR the jedi have had in hundreds of years. the holonet loves them. the sith are fuming.

Obi-wan, scoffing: What were they gonna do? Shoot me? Feemor: Yes. Obi-wan: I don't believe in blasters. Bly: ...like as a concept...? Obi-wan: No, spiritually.

Obi-wan: I'm sure there's a nice Mandalorian we can find for you Feemor: I'm not sure those 2 words belong together Obi-wan: No of course not, we can't find a nice one, then they'd be all alone, we need to find an absolute bastard of one so that you two match :)

Obi-wan: Oh so Master gets to take in pathetic life forms but I don't? This one's already domesticated! Wolffe: Debatable. Feemor: Cody's a person! Not a stray tooka! Obi-wan: Master takes in stray people all the time! That's how he got me!

Qui-gon: How do you explain this behaviour Padawan ? Obi-wan: The force pushed me towards the Mandalorians Master, it was quite insistent on me developing better relations with them given our difficult history. Feemor: Fascinating, please do elaborate, I'd love to hear the theological implications of a force-assigned kink.