#Dominick the diesel
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moonkit60633 · 11 months ago
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Happy Holidays from the gang!
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perri-the-caboose · 1 year ago
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“Freights are always fun, Cod likes a wild ride so it can get very bumpy very fast, I don’t think she’s quite cut out for passenger service” Perri grinned at the idea of the poor humans getting thrown around their coaches “Not that thats a bad thing, just not her thing” “Its too bad you didn’t get along Rusty, but I do imagine the shock” From what hes told her, a very very big (physically too) shock “if you don’t want to make a scene when we get to my yard Rusty I understand, its downhill. I could coast along the rails and make it myself” Her shed is on the outskirts anyways
"Hello?" Rusty calls out, slamming his breaks to a stop, causing his train to jostle a bit behind him. Rusty turns around and apologizes quietly before standing up as tall as he can and calling out to the fellow piece of rolling stock who seemed to be by themself on the rail. Rusty was uncertain of how to proceed. This wasn't just some debris he could pick up and move...this machine could be hurt. He didn't want to travel any further until he was certain they were okay. "Are you alright?" Rusty calls out again, and for good measure, he whistles loudly. The kind of whistle used as an attention getter by little switching engines...he hadn't quite grown out of that habit.
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newsbites · 1 year ago
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News from NL, Canada, 8 June
Convicted killer Brian Doyle has been granted more freedom by the National Parole Board despite concerns over his evasive answers during the hearing.
Doyle had previously allowed an innocent man to go to jail for his crime and had broken release conditions on his first attempt at parole.
The victim's son expressed concern for the community where Doyle may end up and believes he should be under stricter watch.
2. The skyline in Placentia Bay, NL looks a little different these days following the completion of the slip form operation on the West White Rose project.
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This added 92.35 metres to the existing project structure, bringing it to a height of 139.2 metres. The slip form took 69 days, working 24/7, and used 8,000 cubic metres of concrete – the equivalent of three Olympic sized swimming pools!
3. Three individuals have been arrested and charged in connection with seven break-ins in St. Anthony.
The trio was identified by the public and alleged to have been involved in five break-ins in a week.
Dominick Igloliorte faces multiple charges including break and enter, theft, and mischief, while the other two face charges of break and enter and breach of probation, and theft and mischief.
4. Water bomber pilots in Newfoundland and Labrador are facing a staffing crunch with the lowest staffing levels in the province's history.
The shortage of pilots is having far-reaching impacts as neighbouring provinces rely on their assistance during disasters.
Despite government accolades, the pilots are urging politicians to address the staffing issue, as they currently only have enough pilots to operate on a full-time basis with just three pilots.
5. The regulated price of gas has decreased by up to 5.2 cents a litre and there is a break on diesel, furnace oil, and propane in Newfoundland.
6. The Bank of Canada has raised its key lending rate by 0.25 percentage points.
7. Smoke from wildfires in Canada has caused air quality alerts across multiple US states, highlighting the threat of harmful microscopic particles to people's health even hundreds of miles away from fire sites.
Western Canada's dozens of fires have prompted some oil production to be curtailed, impacting the region's economy.
8. The Newfoundland and Labrador Housing Corp. has issued a request for proposals for the creation of new affordable homes in the province’s rental market.
9. The Folk Arts Society has announced the lineup for this year's Music @ Concert Series in St. John's, featuring 16 concerts across three venues over three months.
10. NL Pet Expo is taking place in Mount Pearl this weekend.
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jayde-jots · 2 years ago
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My favorite YouTuber is back and with a bang for the spooky season! Good on ya Victor for capturing me in to these stories already! Okay but seriously I've already been doing an analysis on the one video and I'm about to spill my thoughts, spoiler warning! More under the cut.
The first guy who died in the cave was a guy named Rocky, keep a pin in this because we're going to come back to it. This man died in the cave in 1957, then the SCP foundation show up. A man by the name of Dr. Pierce seems to be the manager of the study on the cave. Next guy to go in as a test subject is someone who I'll refer to as prisoner 1, or P1. This guy sounded to have a welsh accent like Duck, and was referred to as D7426 by Dr. Peirce and I've been trying to recall back to any of the other faced machines that were built after 1957. This also has another pin in it, we're coming back to it as well. After P1 dies in the cave a spirit/soul is seen leaving it, this spirit/soul was Alexander Jeffries, the late station master of Elsbridge who had passed away years prior at his own workplace. He was revived right down to his living flesh and bone. Toby was the first person to come across him and assumed at first he was a ghost, at first Jefferies didn't realize he was alive again until Toby brought it up. He had an interesting reaction that was eerily similar to this one-
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From 23:00 to 24:00 Brian had the same freak out that Jeffries did, if the brake van had been human I'm sure he would of had a heart attack as well. And he had the exact same story to tell, he remembered dying to the blitz on London but is miraculously still alive as the ending of the episode spotlights on. Now we start getting to the good bit, this is another pin I'll ask you to remember. Prisoner 2 or P2 was referred to as D5702 by Dr. Percie, but it was revealed his name was Bobby Cooper. P2 went into the cave and perished and another soul left, we unfortunately did not see who it belonged to. 3 more prisoners are sent into the cave. P3 went in and we did not see who the soul was that left the cave, P4 did not go into the cave and when they tried to run back they were shot and killed, P5 went in and again we did not see who the soul was that left the cave. In 1958 we see a familiar face with a familiar number. Boco with the number D5702 on his cab side, and a familiar voice to match P2s. The foundation interviews him and it is revealed that Boco is a nickname for Bobby Cooper, this confirming the revenant theory that has been mentioned a few times in the series by now. Afterwards with this revelation the foundation continued experiments for a while before they had to stop since they couldn't track the souls that were leaving the cave. We have no clue how many more were killed and how many more revived souls are on Sodor, and that's just with the foundation. It has been said that many people have gone up hiking to the top of Culldee Fell and have never returned, even after it was made illegal to do so. At the end of the episode we see an imposing-looking man hike to the top of the mountain despite the fines and enter the cave. He perishes and another soul escapes. This soul is seen to be the spiteful brake van Dominick who was found by none other than Douglas. I have a personal theory that the last man we saw enter was the man who will become Diesel 10, or as he's named in this series, Joshua or Josh. The year the foundation seemed to leave was 1958, and the class 42 that Diesel 10 was modeled after was built from 1958 to 1961. So it is plausable. And the first man Rocky is also the name of a ttte character we see, Rocky the breakdown crane. I'm wondering if we might see him someday. But on another note, we have 3 unaccounted for free souls that have been revived along with the other souls from off-screen, I'd like to think that any of these could be Colin, Lily, Adam, Alfred or maybe even Mr. Star. But I doubt it as Edward would have probably mentioned it by the end. So we have a confirmation that every living person that goes into the cave becomes reincarnated, and every soul we see leave revives someone from the dead. And this was only the first episode! I'm so excited to see more!
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quinnjohnny · 3 years ago
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Sir Joseph Banks wasn't just 'that plant guy', but a celebrity playboy botanist who decided Australia was just the place for a penal colony.
Sir Joseph Banks wasn't just 'that plant guy', but a celebrity playboy botanist who decided Australia was just the place for a penal colony. The lady on the zapatillas de tacos futbol $20 note, Mary Reibey, was deported to Australia for horse theft and cross dressing, but what she did next will surprise you. And, who circumnavigated Australia first a French monkey legjobb kutyaruha esőkabát or a South African llantas 4x4 online cat?. This is no marketplace for modesty. Some market movers and shakers zoom along in the conveniently timed Monte Carlo Rally. Others drive down in their Ferraris and leave the support Bentley to carry the golf clubs, leaving their motors outside the casino to be gawped at and photographed by tourists.. Moncler jackets As a rule, once into the sales process, each unit will need to pay even if the vacancy rates (ie property tax), which increased the developer cost of ownership. 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The Morning Call May 17, 1988, 79, of Palm Beach, Fla., formerly of Allentown, died Sunday in his home. He was the husband of Frances (Croog) Saunders. Born in New York City, he was a son of the late Clara and Israel Saunders. Indie fever: Capsule Design Festival, one of San Francisco's biggest indie fashion events, with 140 clothing and accessory designers, product designers and graphic artists showing work, returns for a sixth go round, from 11 a. M. Today at the Hayes Valley Park, Hayes and Octavia. The event comes at a busy time for the buyers, editors and celebrities who attend fashion shows: on the heels of Fashion Weeks in London, Milan and Paris. "We're very aware of the fatigue that may exist," says Kolb. "But we've created an exciting roster of designers. 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And we found that 3,278 people are serving life without the possibility of parole for nonviolent crimes, but these numbers actually underrepresent the true state of extreme sentencing in this country. Press for pre and after school care clubs, also known as the detention of the innocents. Share your innovative and imaginative ideas at meetings. Staff are bound to mutter: "Who on earth's mum/dad is that?".
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aion-rsa · 6 years ago
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Legends of Tomorrow Season 4 Episode 9 Review: Lucha De Apuestas
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Legends of Tomorrow returns from the midseason break with a table-setting dud. But at least there's lucha libre!
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This Legends of Tomorrow review contains spoilers.
Legends of Tomorrow Season 4 Episode 9
After hitting a hot streak that covered just about the entire first half of the season, Legends of Tomorrow had its first miss with the midseason finale. Now the show has dropped its first outright turd of the year with the first episode back. And to screw up a Lucha Libre episode...I'm not angry, just very disappointed.
"Luchas de Apuestas" is essentially a Mona episode. It starts by picking up on strands left from the first half of the season - the team is led to believe that Mona broke Konane out of monster jail and the time bureau has to get him back. Gary is sent to fire Mona, but she swipes his Men in Black mind eraser, zaps Gary, and helps Konane escape to Mexico City, 1961 where he becomes an unbeatable luchador on the Lucha Libre circuit.
Mona gets picked up by the Legends, who agree to help her look into her problem quietly. The team pulls Konane and Mona out of the '60s, only to discover that removing El Lobo from that moment led to anti-government protests from the Mexican people who assume that the government was silencing the voice of one of their most popular wrestlers.
Further Reading: What to Expect from the Arrowverse's Crisis on Infinite Earths
Zari discovers that Nate's dad altered security footage, and they go to a gala his mom throws that evening to lift Hank's phone and view the original footage. Meanwhile, Ava is begging Sara to stop looking into it and gets furious with the Legends for doing their own Legends thing with Konane and Mona. Even after being confronted with the evidence that Hank is rendering mythical creatures, Ava stays mad and breaks up with Sara.
Here's the crux of my problem: Ava's a rigid rule follower, sure, but that makes her double the type to not let something like what Hank is doing slide. Hank is having people in her custody kidnapped and then covering it up, and we're supposed to believe that not only is she going to reluctantly passively support it, but that she's going to end her long term relationship over it? That makes no sense.
The show tries to justify this decision by making it about funding the Time Bureau - that rocking the boat with Hank would jeopardize the billions in funding that the Bureau receives through him. But without even jumping to Legends logic, I can solve the problem for you in three words (extratemporal asset forfeiture). If we loop in Legends logic, I can rattle off five more (invent currency; compound interest; murder Steve Jobs and replace him with Ray Palmer; delay the US departure from the gold standard by a decade and buy up all the gold while time resets and hardens around you; do Boiler Room, only with Gideon as Vin Diesel) without batting an eye. All that is a way to demonstrate that this show has already stretched logic to its breaking point and relies entirely on confident, consistent character growth. They threw some of that character consistency out at the expense of the plot, and the episode suffered for it.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back when Zari was first introduced, we figured out that this show was balanced on a razor's edge - if you blow a hole through the core of the show, all the other things wrong with it that don't matter suddenly become a bigger deal. That very much happens here. In another episode, it wouldn't even raise an eyebrow that the announcer at a 1961 wrestling match in Mexico City would be speaking Spanglish. The Mr. & Mrs. Smith tango at the gala would have still felt derivative, but it would have been more fun too. I wouldn't have been rewinding when Mick and Mona show back up for the finale in Mexico City without us ever seeing them go there - they just appear, and I don't know where they came from.
"Luchas de Apuestas" is still a fun episode, but only because it's impossible not to pull a little enjoyment out of these actors having a blast on camera. When measured against other episodes, against Legends of Tomorrow's usual quality, it's just not very good.
DC Universe Time Bubbles
- Also, while we're close to the tango scene, I would like to know what Jes Macallan does on arm day and how I can incorporate that into my workout. She's pretty cut, man. P.S. My arm workout is "lifting coffee to my lips 150-200 times a day." Please advise.
- Mindwiped Gary screaming, "WHERE'S MY NIPPLE" is maybe the best line of the entire series.
- Dominick Purcell's "What kind of gun is this?" after hitting Mona with a tranquilizer dart is also up there.
- I don't know how fair this is, but it feels like a missed opportunity that nobody got thrown through the announcer's table in the climax.
- So Mona's a werewolf now. I can't actually find anybody she might be an analog of, in part because there's no big name werewolf in the DC Universe. There's Timber Wolf, the member of the Legion of Super-Heroes who turns into a wolf because of mad science gone wrong. And there's Warren Griffith, the Creature Commando who serves in S.H.A.D.E. with Frankenstein and Father Time. And that's about it.
-Next week! It's the National Lampoon's Vacation/Frost/Nixon mashup you never knew you wanted.
3/5
DC Entertainment
Legends of Tomorrow
Legends of Tomorrow Season 4
Review Jim Dandy
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Apr 1, 2019
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pninjurylaw · 6 years ago
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$1.95 Million for I-55 rear-end auto accident by Will County Deputy
The blog post $1.95 Million for I-55 rear-end auto accident by Will County Deputy was originally published to: Parente & Norem Chicago personal injury attorneys
29-year-old driver suffered back injury in highway collision
BY JORDYN REILAND Law Bulletin staff writer
A man who sustained a back injury after a Will County sheriff’s deputy rear-ended him has settled his suit for $1.95 million.
The settlement entered on Thursday was reached roughly two weeks before the case was scheduled for trial, according to plaintiff’s attorney Christopher M. Norem of Parente & Norem P.C.
In June 2014, Justin Wojtkowski was driving north on Interstate 55 near Bolingbrook when traffic came to a stop and he was rear-ended by Will County Sheriff’s Deputy Anthony J. Hofer.
Norem said in an interview his client’s vehicle sustained “significant” rear-end damage and the front of the squad car was equally damaged with airbags deployed.
Wojtkowski, then 29, sustained herniation of the disk between the L5 and S1 vertebrae in the lower back, also known as the lumbosacral joint.
Wojtkowski went to physical therapy and received epidural injections to treat the injury. Norem said his client’s doctor recommended a lumbar fusion, but he declined given the risk he would no longer be able to continue work as a pipe fitter and welder.
Regardless of the operation, Wojtowski’s doctor determined his “work life” has been shortened by 10 years as a result of the injury, Norem said.
Wojtkowski previously worked as a diesel technician and trailer mechanic but trained to become a pipe fitter and welder for ExxonMobil in 2015 — giving him the ability to earn more than $100,000 a year.
Will County admitted negligence by its deputy but contested the seriousness of the plaintiff’s injuries.
Norem said the county’s neurosurgical expert contended Wojtkowski’s injury was degenerative and that he only experienced symptoms related to the crash for nine months after the crash.
While his client is still able to work in his field, Norem said the settlement compensates him for a potentially shortened career.
He said the case shows “you don’t necessarily need a huge operation or high medical bills to be fairly compensated.” Wojtkowski was also represented by Joseph D. Parente and W. Jason Gatzulis of Parente & Norem.
Will County and its deputy were represented by Thomas J. Condon Jr. and Dominick L. Lanzito of  Peterson Johnson & Murray — Chicago LLC. They could not be reached for comment.
The Will County Circuit Court case is Justin T. Wojtkowski v. Anthony K. Hofer, et al., 15 L 120.
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subitoauto · 8 years ago
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Jeep cherokee - Toscana - Lucca - € 1 Subito Auto
SUV jeep cherokee, 2800 cc,turbo diesel , Ha il motore bloccato, per il resto è tutto a posto vedendo foto allegate . Trattativa privata cell[Num. Tel. Nascosto]. Chiamate dalle 8.00 - 20.00 grazie, by Dominick ... Pubblica subito auto in vendita
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rulinarulina · 8 years ago
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Προσδεθείτε! Ένα Nissan Skyline GT-R R32 1.500+ ίππων απογειώνεται!
Προσδεθείτε! Ένα Nissan Skyline GT-R R32 1.500+ ίππων απογειώνεται!
Όταν, το 2001, ο Dominick Toretto (Vin Diesel αν προτιμάς) έκανε εκείνη την… σούζα με το Dodge Charger R/T του 1970 σ’ εκείνη την επική κόντρα με την Toyota Supra, όλοι είχαμε εντυπωσιαστεί. Έχουν περάσει 15+ χρόνια από τότε και τα άλογα είναι… στραγάλια, αφού δεν είναι κάτι πλέον να ξεπεράσεις τα 1.500 άλογα. Το […]Προσδεθείτε! Ένα Nissan Skyline GT-R R32 1.500+ ίππων απογειώνεται!
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newstwitter-blog · 8 years ago
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New Post has been published on News Twitter
New Post has been published on http://www.news-twitter.com/2017/01/22/huffington-post-zakis-review-xxx-return-of-xander-cage-14/
Huffington Post: Zaki's Review: xXx: Return of Xander Cage
In today’s age of studios looking to turn any dormant IP into a chance for synergized, sequelized glory, I suppose it was inevitable that we’d circle back around to xXx. For those of you too young to remember back to fifteen years, this franchise had its first go from Sony during the summer of ’02 as star Vin Diesel’s follow-up to his first (and at the time only) Fast & Furious installment. Starring Diesel as extreme sports enthusiast/secret agent Xander Cage, xXx was such a clumsy assemblage of boardroom-concocted “cool” and “edgy” cliches that I referred to it at the time as “Poochie: The Movie.”
Though it did well enough at the global till to warrant a follow-up, Diesel bolted in favor of 2004’s The Chronicles of Riddick. And while Sony tried to keep the fires lit via 2005’s xXx: State of the Union (with Ice Cube in the lead), it didn’t land with audiences, which would presumably have been the end, were it not for the sustained success of Universal’s Furious franchise (which has its eighth installment dropping in a few weeks) convincing studios that audiences will turn out to watch Diesel play anyone other than his street racer alter ego Dominick Toretto.
Now, while you’d think the recent failures of both 2013’s Riddick sequel and 2015’s The Last Witch Hunter — star vehicles built entirely on the ineffable appeal of Mr. Diesel — would have divested the money people of that notion, here we are with the belated xXx: Return of Xander Cage, arriving about twelve years past its sell-by date. Directed by D.J. Caruso (of The Salton Sea and Disturbia) and released by new studio Paramount, xXx 3 isn’t so much a fully-formed film as it is an $85 million celluloid monument to Vin Diesel’s image of himself.
We begin the story this time around with Diesel’s retired superspy believed ead, and living off the grid in Central America while doing the Robin Hood thing for poor people (and by “doing the Robin Hood thing” I mean giving them access free cable, because screw those corporate cable company CEOs, or something). Anyway, when the United States government’s satellite control device called Pandora’s Box is stolen by a group of spies that are just as extreme as Our Man Xander, the NSA is forced to find him and draft him back into duty. Will he do it? Can you say, “To the extreme”?
(By the way, does anyone else find it amusing that the government would actually call their “evil will be unleashed upon the Earth if this gets out” device Pandora’s Box? A little on the nose, no?)
Serving the “exposition” role this time alongside series regular Samuel L. Jackson (whose Augustus Gibbons character was sort of like the 1.0 version of his Marvel Studios spy honcho Nick Fury) is Toni Collette as NSA director Marke, whose platinum mane and white pantsuit evoke a kind of technocratic nightmare version of Hillary Clinton. Also along are such global stars as Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone, and Kris Wu, on whom the studio is presumably leaning to bring in those international box office bucks.
Unfortunately, other than Yen (who’s imminently watchable in just about everything he does), every other actor is adrift in the backwash of Diesel’s ego exercise. In fact, it’s hard to figure out which audience this picture is even aimed at, exactly. I doubt the folks who made the original ’02 flick a moderate hit are holding much nostalgic attachment to the property, and I also don’t think kids today are particularly interested in seeing fifty-year-old Vin Diesel skateboarding down a mountain, or being told again and again how desirable he is by women half his age.
The script by F. Scott Frazier is so awash in action pic cliches that it would probably be the most brilliant parody of the genre since Team America: World Police if it had the self-awareness to go all in on that. But then, that was never really the mission statement behind the xXx franchise, so why switch things up now? There’s no expression of artistic intent in Return of Xander Cage. It’s a Frankenstein’s monster lab creation constructed from focus groups, dial tests, and the Peter Pan fancies of its outsized star. Let’s hope this “return” is a brief one. D
For more movie talk, including our favorite flicks of 2017, catch the latest episode of the MovieFilm Podcast at this link or via the embed below:
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moonkit60633 · 1 year ago
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Last but certainly not least: Dominick the Diesel!
He goes by Nick or Nicky, he’s sunshine incarnate and kinda ditzy, big of heart and dumb off ass
He wants to know where his friends went after he woke up from a COMA?? Wheres Cod? Where’s Perri?
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moonkit60633 · 11 months ago
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Final,,,,,el creaturea
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moonkit60633 · 1 year ago
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They just dont make diesels like they used to
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moonkit60633 · 10 months ago
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Ignoring your problems makes them go away!
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moonkit60633 · 1 year ago
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Can I ask for some Periwinkle lore? 👉👈
Ok so Its 3 characters!
Perri the Green Caboose
Cod the goods truck (I'M GONNA DRAW HER I PROMISE)
And Somebody the diesel engine i haven't decided his name
Perri was made as a caboose, during the boom of them. She's sweet and slightly shy. She tries her hardest to help everyone in the yard. Mostly to counteract the….dubious reputation cabooses have gained.
Cod the goods truck is loud and annoying, just how she wants to be. Within the freight she's the friendliest to everyone, and super competitive. She dreams of racing, but she cant seem to find a partner…
So-and-so the diesel engine is a himbo, good and simple. He's tender of heart, strong of body and Dumb of ass. Not as quiet as Perri but not the level of loud Cod can get. He's mostly the face of the group, he's quite pretty.
The trio grew up together, and were assigned the same freight yard. 
One fateful day when just hauling the three of them, So-and-so’s throttle malfunctioned, causing him to be unable to slow down on a very squiggly track. Perri tried her best to break, since that's what she's for, but a small caboose is no match for a giant freight hauler, her brakes failed and broke. 
Upon her yell of pain, So-and-so realised what happened and took drastic measures. He uncoupled Cod (who was behind him) and pushed her and Perri back along the track. He crashed, rerailing and slamming hard into a tunnel wall, Cod and Perri where spared most of the damage, though they also crashed. Cod was knocked out while Perri tried her best with her medical knowledge, she was radioing for help
So-and-so was extremely broken, he almost died and would be in stasis for a while. Cod and Perri returned to work despite their engine.
Rumours started flying around about the pair. That (of course) Perri stopped her breaks on purpose, and that's why she was relatively unharmed. Engines started refusing to run with her, causing Control to get in this shiny new thing called an EOT.
Due to the implication of the EOT, Control also was debating on scrapping her entirely. Cod was not having this, and had herself retrofitted into a diesel/electric split (and also gained boobs, shes trans, trans train)  (also i don't care about the semantics about making a goods car an engine it happened and we are moving on) Anyways Cod starts *only* taking Perri as a caboose and refusing the EOT. However Control realised how much money they would save with just the EOT and was going ahead with scrapping Perri for parts anyways.
Cod wasn't having that, took Perris hand and booked it away from the yard.
After running away for a while, away from the coast, they came to a certain yard….(cough cough Apollo Victoria, Cough)
Theres more but thats the basic backstory, i really have to name that diesel i do love him a lot
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newstwitter-blog · 8 years ago
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New Post has been published on News Twitter
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Huffington Post: Zaki's Review: xXx: Return of Xander Cage
In today’s age of studios looking to turn any dormant IP into a chance for synergized, sequelized glory, I suppose it was inevitable that we’d circle back around to xXx. For those of you too young to remember back to fifteen years, this franchise had its first go from Sony during the summer of ’02 as star Vin Diesel’s follow-up to his first (and at the time only) Fast & Furious installment. Starring Diesel as extreme sports enthusiast/secret agent Xander Cage, xXx was such a clumsy assemblage of boardroom-concocted “cool” and “edgy” cliches that I referred to it at the time as “Poochie: The Movie.”
Though it did well enough at the global till to warrant a follow-up, Diesel bolted in favor of 2004’s The Chronicles of Riddick. And while Sony tried to keep the fires lit via 2005’s xXx: State of the Union (with Ice Cube in the lead), it didn’t land with audiences, which would presumably have been the end, were it not for the sustained success of Universal’s Furious franchise (which has its eighth installment dropping in a few weeks) convincing studios that audiences will turn out to watch Diesel play anyone other than his street racer alter ego Dominick Toretto.
Now, while you’d think the recent failures of both 2013’s Riddick sequel and 2015’s The Last Witch Hunter — star vehicles built entirely on the ineffable appeal of Mr. Diesel — would have divested the money people of that notion, here we are with the belated xXx: Return of Xander Cage, arriving about twelve years past its sell-by date. Directed by D.J. Caruso (of The Salton Sea and Disturbia) and released by new studio Paramount, xXx 3 isn’t so much a fully-formed film as it is an $85 million celluloid monument to Vin Diesel’s image of himself.
We begin the story this time around with Diesel’s retired superspy believed ead, and living off the grid in Central America while doing the Robin Hood thing for poor people (and by “doing the Robin Hood thing” I mean giving them access free cable, because screw those corporate cable company CEOs, or something). Anyway, when the United States government’s satellite control device called Pandora’s Box is stolen by a group of spies that are just as extreme as Our Man Xander, the NSA is forced to find him and draft him back into duty. Will he do it? Can you say, “To the extreme”?
(By the way, does anyone else find it amusing that the government would actually call their “evil will be unleashed upon the Earth if this gets out” device Pandora’s Box? A little on the nose, no?)
Serving the “exposition” role this time alongside series regular Samuel L. Jackson (whose Augustus Gibbons character was sort of like the 1.0 version of his Marvel Studios spy honcho Nick Fury) is Toni Collette as NSA director Marke, whose platinum mane and white pantsuit evoke a kind of technocratic nightmare version of Hillary Clinton. Also along are such global stars as Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone, and Kris Wu, on whom the studio is presumably leaning to bring in those international box office bucks.
Unfortunately, other than Yen (who’s imminently watchable in just about everything he does), every other actor is adrift in the backwash of Diesel’s ego exercise. In fact, it’s hard to figure out which audience this picture is even aimed at, exactly. I doubt the folks who made the original ’02 flick a moderate hit are holding much nostalgic attachment to the property, and I also don’t think kids today are particularly interested in seeing fifty-year-old Vin Diesel skateboarding down a mountain, or being told again and again how desirable he is by women half his age.
The script by F. Scott Frazier is so awash in action pic cliches that it would probably be the most brilliant parody of the genre since Team America: World Police if it had the self-awareness to go all in on that. But then, that was never really the mission statement behind the xXx franchise, so why switch things up now? There’s no expression of artistic intent in Return of Xander Cage. It’s a Frankenstein’s monster lab creation constructed from focus groups, dial tests, and the Peter Pan fancies of its outsized star. Let’s hope this “return” is a brief one. D
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