#Does this sentences even make sense...???

[shadyr4m]

REWATCHING SEASON 2 EPISODE 7 OF ARCANE

+ some of my highlights and notable moments that I enjoyed bc people can’t understand media anymore

This is mostly an infodump of stuff I can fit into a twitter thread/didn't rly want to make into a thread. I'm not great at words so I apologize in advance, I am sure there are many people much better at analysis than I.

I want to start off by saying I am heavily invested in timebomb so this is very much going to be a ship analysis. If you're looking for someone unbiased i am very much not the person for that 😭

FIRST OFF:

The disc on the music box is adorable!!! It features au Powder (who I am going to refer to as just Powder for the duration of my analysis) and au Ekko

Compared to the normal Disc

This is very obviously because it takes place in a different universe, one without Vi or "Jinx".

The first scene starts off with AU Ekko writing in his notebook. (Cute mention is Powder's doodle in his notebook!!) Then we see flashes of the wild rune. This is when AU Ekko switches to canon Ekko.

Also one of my favorite silly images from this episode is this one.. Powder is being so adorable and Ekko is just scared out of his MIND. it's so silly.

In the Last drop, Powder asks Ekko. "What is up with you? You've been out of it all day?". One thing I noticed in my rewatch is that i think Powder is aware this Ekko isn't HER Ekko. This is just one instance of many that makes me think this.

This hideout seems so much more vibrant and loved, similar to Jinx's hideout after Isha. It's colorful. There are guard rails that I like to think was pushed by Vander. We can see Ekko's art scattered around. It just shows how much more support and family Powder has compared to Jinx, which i mention a lot.

Id also like to note Ekko being shocked au him went to powder for help. In his mind at this time he believes Jinx to be all that is left, no more Powder. Through out the episode we see that change.

Notice how Powder gets upset at Ekko in this scene. However, she doesn't react explosively like Jinx would've. She handled it in a way that shows she had support. She told him to leave instead. Again, the main difference between Powder and Jinx isn't only Vi but also the existence of multiple support systems that Jinx simply didn't have.

THIS FLASHBACK! Oh my god this flashback. The fact it happened after he upset Powder? I think it shows just how much he truly cares about Jinx/Powder. He remembers VIVIDLY the day that he thought he killed her. Jinx was his childhood best friend, and I don't think that kind of feeling ever truly goes away. He doesn't want to hurt any version of her, not even the alternate universe her. We see that showcased more later on. Also, random probably insane note. He is interrupted by small children playing, having fun. This isn't a coincidence, it shows he does miss the moments from when they were kids.

While talking with Heimerdinger, we see Ekko look at Powder multiple times. Watching her laugh and be expressive, he smiles. When she doesn't return it we see him get upset. Once more this brings me to my point that he doesn't want to hurt her. Considering he hasn't known this Powder very long you can see where I gather my point that he doesn't want to hurt her in GENERAL. Any version of her.

THIS SCENE!! He is such a bad liar it's adorable. This brings me to my earlier point, Powder knows what's up!! She suspects something 100%. He is talking about this dream her like it was real.

"You aren't the kind of person who helps other people with their projects. Your ideas change the world. I can't shake the feeling that that's who you're supposed to be."

Are you LISTENING TO THIS? He is obviously talking about Jinx. You can tell this by the first sentence because obviously Powder IS that kind of person. He's starting to see that Jinx is just a part of Powder, one that is unavoidable and that he unknowingly appreciates in a sense. Like two sides of one coin he can't see Powder without Jinx and that is good. I think it is here he realizes truly just how much he cares about Jinx.

This whole montage is beautiful but I want to zero in on two things. Powder's reaction to the notebook and how she looks at Ekko after. NOW THIS. This is the nail in the coffin for her. She knows that this is not her Ekko. She has fully gathered that he isn't from this universe.

Also heimerdinger totally knows how Ekko feels you cannot tell me otherwise. Pushing him to go to the party? yeah he knows what you are.

THIS WHOLE SCENE. I AM NOT ANALYZING THE WHOLE THING HERE BUT IT IS GORGEOUS. I saw someone talking about how it was animated on 4's to signify the way Ekko can only go back 4 seconds and I honestly shed a tear. THE SONG TOO? I encourage everyone to look at the lyrics because they're beautiful.

Okay now for my favorite part of this episode so much to dissect and i'm totally going to mansplain but yk..

"I used to dream the undercity could be like this" — That sets the tone for the whole conversation and just what world he is talking about. The canon one.

"But somewhere, I got consumed by all the ways it wasn't. I gave up on it. Gave up on YOU." — Heavy emphasis on this line. Once more he is talking about Jinx. He is talking about how he got so consumed by the way that Jinx wasn't good, and he gave up on her. Believed she was irredeemable. Powder showed him that Jinx is capable of love and happiness, it's just under that tough protective shell. The undercity in the metaphor is Jinx, from my interpretation.

"I promise i'll never forget this." — Now time for my insanity. He doesn't forget this. That's why he saves Jinx from ending her life in the first place. He remembers Powder and knows that with the right support Jinx doesn't have to be the way she is. It's not that she "needs to be fixed" she just needs to be LOVED, like Powder. He sees that now. He sees how in the au the love that everyone shares for one another shaped the undercity beautifully, and made everyone in it much healthier mentally despite going through hardships. That is beautiful. People with mental illness are not unlovable they just need more support, it can't be cured, or fixed just healed. Mental illness is always there it is how you DEAL with it that matters.

Nothing too major to talk about with the kiss. It's sweet I love it, but nothing too notable for me to say about it.

Finally, Ekko leaves the au. I have seen people say that this is a sacrifice, he could've had everything he wanted and he gave it up to save the people at home. But i take insanity to another level. I see this as him appreciating his home. He knows he can never truly love this Powder because she isn't the version he fell in love with. He learned to appreciate Jinx even through her flaws, and that while this world has everything he could want and more he can have that home too.

I am experiencing HEAVY timebomb brainrot if you can’t already tell. I was tired of people taking things in the complete wrong way with this episode, if anyone has different views pls tell me I love hearing how other people took certain scenes. there are a few scenes I love but I would’ve made this post way too long..

[monamipencil]

🧍‍♀️i can't even describe my emotional state rn

i was so happy to read pt.2. i thought it'd be happy. v, you weren't lying when you said angst, no comfort. THIS HURTS. THIS IS SO ANGSTY BUT ALSO SO SOFT, AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TYPE OF EMOTION I FEEL ATP

but my god, your writing skills??? i love that so much. and i love LOVE your world building. this was so fun to read. i can't wait to read more from you!!

annotations;

avoiding his reflection in the mirror as usual.

oooh, this makes me curious

Upon the first splash of water hitting his face, he thought of you. It was inevitable. The image of you sitting on the ground, surrounded by trees. That night, he left you for good. That night nothing made sense.

🧍‍♀️it does make sense honey, you're just in denial.

“Jeonghan, don’t go.” He recoiled, shaking his head and mentally reprimanding himself for thinking of you. But your last words to him were a curse, echoing inside him every night, refusing to leave.

ow ow ow, ok. that cut, deep.

How come he did not think that by killing every single demon within the town’s radar he was putting a target on you for other hunters?

since when have you used your brain? (yes im insulting him, how dare he?)

Jeonghan missed you.

THIS IS ANGSTY BUT ALSO SOFT AHHHHHH

The pull. The feeling he got every time he closed his eyes, the need and deep craving for you that made him go insane. He let himself feel it. It tugged inside him, like a thread that was tied to his very core.

your descriptions >>>> i actually felt the pull. v, i love your writing

The same thigh he had been rubbing since he woke up. It made no sense.

IT MAKES SENSE, YOU IDIOT

A sheen layer of cold sweat covered your face and neck, breathing hard. “Fuck you,” you sighed when he stopped squeezing your flesh.

lmfao. i love her 🫶

“Why haven’t you fed?” he asked, and it took you a while to understand that he was reprimanding you.

he's worried.

“I’m not talking about human food,” he said with annoyance, shooting you a look that made you shrink in your seat. “Why haven’t you been feeding?”

HE'S WORRIED. eating my fist rn, this is soo ughhhh, adorable and heart breaking at the same time. idek what emotion im feeling atp.

You saw him walking away from the car, putting his hands in the pockets of his black leather jacket, his long hair tied in a messy ponytail.

PONYTAIL JEONGHAN ?!?!

You knew him well enough to tell when something was bothering him. And you knew what it was.

this is ... domestic and soft.

With a sigh, you walked inside the room.  “One bed?” you turned to him with an exasperated look.

qsadfghjnmhngbfrdszghyjuhn, AHHHHHH-wait, you guys have fucked countless times.

Jeonghan frowned, not at you but at the thing stirring inside his chest. That feeling he got only when he was with you. “When is the last time you fed?”

HE'S WORRIED WHAT IF I THROW MYSELF OUT OF THE WINDOW

“You’ll die,” he sentenced after some seconds. “Are you insane?”

me when a man does the bare minimum, but my bar is in hell.

“Why do you want to become human?” the words sounded ridiculous as he uttered them.

oh ... 🧍‍♀️she's down bad

Jeonghan had never seen a demon cry, let alone one that wanted to become human. It made no sense.

IT MAKES SENSE HEXSBKNDFMGFHGVFCDSFGH YOU IDIOT

“Is that necessary?” you asked, narrowing your eyes at him as he sank under the covers with you.

lmfao, this guy is slick

He found himself entirely pressed to your body, his front to the back of yours. His nose buried in your mane of hair, an arm draped over your waist.

fuck, this is so domestic, and soft, and cute, and lovely, and sweet, and-i can't.

Jeonghan pressed his fingers on your chin gently, tugging you so you locked your pretty eyes with his. “Does it not, really?”

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 🦅🦅🦅

“Did you think I would want you more if you were human?” he asked without heat in his words, his gaze reading your features over and over. “Did you think that would give you a shot at a normal thing happening between us?”

🧍‍♀️she's just down bad, ok? go easy on her.

By this, you meant, the out-of-the-ordinary need for him, the desperate craving that refused to let you live. Maybe then, the bond between you would not be so unbearable.

asdfghjkl i love this. so angsty and so soft, and i dont even what the fuck im feeling

“What?” he bit back, holding your face with both hands, squishing your cheeks. “What will you do, eh?”

AHHHHHHWDSNHAOVFUBRHJL DFCVMDSCVBNHDNHTBGFVDC AH YOON JEONGHAN THE MAN YOU ARE

Nothing in existence would make him stop wanting you, damned to hell or not.

But did he miss you the same way you did? Did he crave to hear your voice like you did his?

fucking hell, oh he fucking did.

“Scary baby demon, what are you going to do?” he teased again, kissing the apple of your cheek, his breath caressing your ear. “I want to see that,” he said mockingly. “Make me suffer.” “I’ll be mad at you.” “I ache for you,”

“You fucking brat,” he spat, pressing his face on yours, giving you a hard kiss in the process. “Delusional little demon. Did you think you could get rid of me that easily?” “Did you really think… I’d stop wanting you?” he panted in between his hard thrusts, the strain in his voice telling you how close he was to his release. “I’ll never stop wanting you.”

this is my live reaction. im actually dead, this is my soul typing

“I won’t do it again,” “That’s it… that’s my girl,”

WTF OMG IM JUST A GIRL, I CANT- I CAN'T

“Jeonghan,” you started, your tone reducing itself to a whisper. “There is a reason why we can’t get rid of each other.”

say it. SAY IT

“It makes no sense,” he whispered dejectedly. It made perfect sense.

im killing myself if my soulmate goes through stages of grief instead of happiness when it is revealed.

Jeonghan sighed, touching your forehead with his. “That’s a high price to pay,” he whispered.

well, what do you expect? this is the third time, SHE'S DOWN BAD

“I like you the way you are.”

oh my FUCKING GOD I LOVE THEM, YOUR HONOR.

“Don’t go,” he mumbled. Fool. He was a fool.

whyyyyy NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

FOR ONCE, JUST ONCE, WHY CNA'T THEY BE HAPPY

the traitor | yoon jeonghan

› pairings: yoon jeonghan x female reader › aus: demon hunter jeonghan, supernatural au, demon reader › genres: angst, smut (18+) › word count: 8.4k

› 🎧: mood – dpr ian | shameless – yuni | symphony – highvyn ft. jey | read your mind – meloh | dive – jooyoung | dead man running – seulgi | for us – v | moonstruck – enhypen | war-r-r – colde

› this one shot is part 2 of the curse - hannieween fest

› warnings after the cut! READ THEM CAREFULLY 🗣️

› warnings: smut with plot, unprotected p in v sex, oral sex (both receivers), pussy drunk jeonghan, cockdrunk reader, cum swallowing, creampies, cowgirl, mating press. pet names: baby, baby demon (hers)

› disclaimer: minors dni this post is intended for 18+ readers. please have your age stated in your description and try not to look like a bot please 🙂.

› author's note: this is part two of my demon hunter hannie! hehe i loved writing it sm and thought to give you a follow-up part!

› additional note: this isn't proofread

the traitor

JEONGHAN WAS WOKEN UP BY A TINGLING FEELING. As a hunter, he needed to pay attention to a few things, like sudden surges of emotions. Hunches. Tingling sensations were not particularly something he would consider in the bunch. But alas.

He pushed himself up, swinging his legs at the rim of the bed and stared at his knees for a long second. He took a deep breath, rubbing his leg. It was pointless, he thought when he could not find a reason to leave his bed in the middle of the night.

But being a hunter also meant he needed to be on high alert nearly all the time. In his experience, sometimes it was a good idea to pay attention to those moments when nothing made sense at all, such as this.

Sucking in a breath, he got up, stretching his arms over his head as he went over to the small bathroom, avoiding his reflection in the mirror as usual.

Upon the first splash of water hitting his face, he thought of you. It was inevitable. The image of you sitting on the ground, surrounded by trees. That night, he left you for good. That night nothing made sense.

Needless to say, he was exercising all of his will not to go back to you.

Stop trying to make sense of everything.

After that, he debated whether to go back to bed or not. He could take a bottle, try to numb his senses and finally get a good night of sleep. But he needed to stay sharp.

It was a lost game. He got dressed, throwing his pair of black pants and a long-sleeved shirt. Finally strapping his chest harness on with his knife. Going out in the middle of the night meant to him that he was out for blood.

That was his way to distract himself.

“Jeonghan, don’t go.”

He recoiled, shaking his head and mentally reprimanding himself for thinking of you. But your last words to him were a curse, echoing inside him every night, refusing to leave.

Jeonghan let out a long exhale as he wandered through the night. The streets of the town were completely deserted, he knew he would have to stay out for some hours before he found a target.

These nights, he had been hunting until he travelled three towns over. All because he cannot find it in himself to sleep, he has to fight the urge to seek you out somehow.

Maybe this will be the night he breaks.

There was nothing in this town. It was too safe, too clean. He knew it would not be long until he had to move to a different town and start over. He had been commissioned to travel to different parts of the globe to find something to hunt down, so maybe he was doing his job right.

So why did he come back to this shitty town? 

Something spiked in his nightly walk. There was something unusual in the air and it was not good. Jeonghan had really good senses, but his intuition was something that discerned him from the rest. Sometimes, people would tell him that his intuition was something out of the ordinary for hunters. So he paid more attention to that rather than his other senses.

He subconsciously rubbed his leg and caught his hand just as it dawned on him.

“Jeonghan, don’t go.”

Fear set in, and adrenaline kicked in as he started for a run. He had been stupid. So fucking stupid. How come he did not think that by killing every single demon within the town’s radar he was putting a target on you for other hunters?

Jeonghan knew the town by heart, but he could travel to your apartment with his eyes closed. Countless were the nights he stumbled upon your front door, burdened with misery all over. This cannot be the way he finds you dead.

“No, no, no, no…” he had been repeating the word like a prayer as he climbed through a labyrinth of stairs, panting, sweating until he burst the door open, already knowing you would not be there.

He called your name, either way, his voice bouncing back the walls. There was something off. A glass was shattered, pushed against the corner of the room. One of the chairs was drawn back, in the middle of the way. Jeonghan painted a scene of what could have gone down.

You were probably having the bowl of cereal that was abandoned on the table when the other hunter burst in. Jeonghan could not catch the scent of the other hunter, so that meant whoever that was, they masked themselves well.

No, you would have felt his presence before he could even breathe in your direction. Even if you were young, you were not completely inexperienced in the world of hunters. He made sure of that.

Another possibility was that you were asleep when the other hunter came. The sheets of your bed were tossed to one side. Jeonghan crouched next to the mattress, a terrible feeling sinking inside him upon getting your scent lingering on the pillowcases.

Jeonghan missed you.

“Where are you?” he whispered, closing his eyes to focus on your scent.

You smelled like freshly picked flowers. The smell he would get in the early morning after a night of rain. The fact that you did not smell like death, or blood made it hard for him to focus sometimes.

He opened his eyes, his focus falling on the open window. Then, he knew why he could not make a story from his surroundings. He had been wrong to assume it was just one hunter.

Someone had also come through the window. You were trapped from the beginning. His chest contracted painfully. But somehow he knew you were not dead yet. Have you been taken? For what end?

The possibilities were endless. Even if hunters had a long history of hating demons, some of them were missing some screws in their heads too.

Jeonghan needed to find you, soon.

Making his way down the stairs, part of him wondered why try at all. He could be rid of you once and for all. He could probably turn a blind eye to this and wait for your name to appear on the ledges. He would be free from the fucking pull that lead him to you every time.

The pull.

The feeling he got every time he closed his eyes, the need and deep craving for you that made him go insane. He let himself feel it. It tugged inside him, like a thread that was tied to his very core.

Jeonghan had refused that feeling ever since he met you, thinking it was some kind of trick you played on him. Silly little hunter got all wrapped in a demon’s finger.

But if he dared to give in to the pull, everything smelled of you. Every gulp of air he took as he walked in the direction his senses told him, he saw your face, your teary eyes as he walked away. Fool, he was a fool.

He was led to the forest, the same path he had gone through when he saw you last. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he should go back and hunt you down.

But then he heard noises, leaves rustling, and a small intake of breath. The sweet way you drew air into your lungs.

He thought of risking calling your name, but he did not know if the hunters were around. So he just followed the sound of your movements until he could get his sight on you.

You could barely walk right. Something had brought you to your knees, your arms were shaking as you forced yourself to stand up, with a low grunt.

Jeonghan called your name this time, making you lift your head.

He stopped abruptly at the sight of something shiny in your fist.

“Don’t move,” you said, punctuating each word painfully.

“What happened?” he asked, his tone declining in sickening worry, his gaze coasted at each of your limbs, zeroing in on your thigh. The same thigh he had been rubbing since he woke up. It made no sense.

“Step back, Jeonghan,” you panted in pain, raising the knife at him when he made a motion toward you.

“You didn’t notice me coming,” he muttered, analyzing the situation quickly. He sent his gaze around, seeing if there were signs that there was someone lurking by. “Let me take a look at that.”

“How did you find me?” you asked, letting yourself plop back to the ground, letting go of the knife.

Jeonghan got to your side, dropping to his knees to look at your thigh. “I don’t know,” he mumbled, eyeing you. “I’m going to touch you now.”

You nodded and braced yourself for the searing pain in your leg. “Two hunters came for me,” you said, clenching your jaw tightly to resist the pain throbbing in your skin, around the gaping hole that was turning black.

“I know,” he said, examining the open wound. “Did they stab you?”

You shook your head twice. “They were using a crossbow. Silver arrows,” you explained despite the need to rest your head on the ground and sleep through it. “I feel dizzy.”

Jeonghan shot you a look. He was worried. “It’s the poison, they must’ve poisoned the arrows to neutralize you,” he said at once. “What did you do to the arrow?”

“I used it on one of them,” you replied with half a smirk that slowly vanished as Jeonghan started to press on the wound, seeing any signs of anything odd or unfamiliar.

“Sorry,” he breathed as you tensed in pain. “I need to see if there’s anything in there,” he explained, but what did not satiate the doubts running in his mind.

“I can’t heal it,” you repeated and now he could see that beneath the pain and the need to deflect it with humour, you were scared.

“I know, I know,” he told you, giving you a stern look. “I can help you but you’ll have to be quiet.”

“Are you missing this opportunity to gag me?” you quipped but your tone was made weak by the fear of feeling pain.

Demons were used to pain, yes. But you were a fairly young demon and lived for most of your life in the human world. Such pain was not welcome for you.

“Breathe,” he instructed and used his hands on your thigh to squeeze the blood that had gone black and tacky around the wound.

You gritted your teeth, writhing in pain on the cold ground. “Stop, stop, stop,” you cried out, trying to get his hands off you.

But Jeonghan was quicker, and stronger than you at that moment. He did not deter from his task to squeeze the poisoned blood out of you despite your desperate cries for him to stop.

You lied, nearly limp from the exhaustion the pain had put you through. A sheen layer of cold sweat covered your face and neck, breathing hard. “Fuck you,” you sighed when he stopped squeezing your flesh.

“I’m not done yet, I need pressure on the wound,” he said, moving back to unfasten his belt with his bloodied hands. He strapped the belt around your upper thigh, forming a tight tourniquet.

“Hurry,” you said through heavy breaths. As you eased your back on the ground, Jeonghan caught sight of the dark wings splayed beneath your body, a clear sign that you could not conceal yourself any further.

Jeonghan made no comment about the weakened state you were in. A knot was set in his stomach upon realizing that you were dying. He grabbed one of the vials he kept in his hunter’s belt, it contained a white liquid. “This is going to sting a little,” he murmured, unstoppering the vial with his mouth and not pausing before pouring the antidote on your open wound.

Your hand flew to clench at his wrist, letting out a scream that was quickly muffled by his hand clasped in your mouth.

“I’m nearly done,” he said with a composure that you could see through. Beneath that, Jeonghan was worried you would not make it.

“Am I going to be all right?” you asked in a daze, slurring out your words.

“Drink this,” he pressed the vial to your lips, pouring the rest down your tongue, which you gulped willfully, it tasted like white vinegar.

You rested your head on the ground, taking slow and deep breaths as though you had just finished running a marathon.

“You’re going to be all right,” he said after a quick examination of the wound. “But you’ll need to feed soon.”

“Right,” you mumbled in understanding. By feeding, Jeonghan did not mean human food. Although you could eat human food just all right, it did not sustain what your soul craved.

He meant sins. You needed to feed off human sin. They made you stronger, and faster. They gave you the fuel needed to fight hunters. Going off sins for a while made you just as strong as an average human.

“Why haven’t you fed?” he asked, and it took you a while to understand that he was reprimanding you.

“Been busy,” you sighed, closing your eyes for a moment.

The last thing you heard was Jeonghan mumbling, “We’ll need to move soon,” before you fell into a deep sleep on a floor covered by dead leaves. 

Upon regaining consciousness, you noticed with some slowness that you were not surrounded by trees, and you were moving. Your wings were cradling you, so that meant your horns were on sight too.

You tensed up, drawing in a shaky breath, palming your body in search of the knife that you stole from your attackers.

“Easy,” Jeonghan murmured next to you, a hand on the wheel, the other on the shift stick.

“Where are we?” you said, looking around.

“Radewood town,” he replied nonchalantly, eyes set forward on the road.

“Why?” you asked slowly, hiding your wings, from his view, then your horns.

“How’s your leg?” he asked instead, glancing at your thigh.

The wound had stopped bleeding, it was no longer oozing that black substance that had Jeonghan looking worried. You hissed painfully upon searching it with your fingers. The blood had dried, but it was not healing at the speed you would normally have.

“It hurts,” you mumbled, biting your bottom lip. “It’s not healing.”

Jeonghan nodded. “You need to feed,” he reminded you with the same tone of reprimand of earlier.

“Well, I fled without stopping to grab my purse so,” you sighed. “I don’t have money.”

“I’m not talking about human food,” he said with annoyance, shooting you a look that made you shrink in your seat. “Why haven’t you been feeding?”

You blinked slowly at him and shook your head after deciding that there was no answer that would please him. “I have–,”

“Don’t say you have been busy,” he cut in.

“Well, it’s the truth,” you said with a clear tone that gave away your lie.

But Jeonghan could feel it. Whenever you told a lie, there was a change in the air that only he could notice as a hunter. No human could ever detect your lies, only people like him.

“You know I know when you’re lying,” he said flatly, throwing you a dark look.

“Be content with that,” you bit back. “I’m not telling you anything else.”

Jeonghan shook his head, deciding not to press any further on the matter. He licked his lips, filling his lungs with the fresh midnight air that swept in through his rolled window.

“Jeonghan,” you called softly and did not proceed with your question until he glanced your way. “Why are you helping me?”

Jeonghan turned on a different street again, checking his rearview mirror, pretending to ready his answer. “I don’t know,” he replied.

There it was the empty void extending between you and him. If he lied, you would have sensed it too.

“How did you find me?” you pressed, trying to the best of your ability to analyze him. You were still weak, but you could still observe him despite your foggy brain.

“I don’t know,” he repeated with a low tone that barely cut through the noise of the engine of the car.

It made no sense. The way he found you in the woods was not done with any of his training. He simply closed his eyes and let him be taken to you. He did not even think twice as he carried your body to his car and started it, taking you far away from the town where you would be at risk of being hunted down.

“We have to lay low for now,” he mumbled, avoiding your eyes as he cut the engine on an empty parking lot.

You raised your gaze to the motel sign, flaring in red neon light. “Is this your version of laying low?” you said with a sarcastic huff. “We could’ve done that back in the forest.”

Jeonghan opened the door, not bothering to look at you or give you a reply. “Stay here.”

You saw him walking away from the car, putting his hands in the pockets of his black leather jacket, his long hair tied in a messy ponytail.

You could run away. You did not know if Jeonghan was even aware of this. Maybe he was, you had a bad leg, and you were growing weaker.

Plus, there was the fact that he was now aware that he could trace you with his eyes closed.

You swallowed hard, waiting for him in the passenger seat of his old Mustang. You were going nowhere.

Some minutes later, you saw Jeonghan exiting the building and walking towards your door, which he opened to retrieve his belongings, which were his belt and his knife.

“This way,” he mumbled, motioning to one of the doors with a jerk of his head.

Reluctantly, you exited the car, closing the door behind you. Jeonghan turned and walked over to the door, introducing the key, and opening it for you.

You knew better than to fight it. There was a quiet storm brewing in the man’s head, and you were in its eye. You knew him well enough to tell when something was bothering him. And you knew what it was.

With a sigh, you walked inside the room.  “One bed?” you turned to him with an exasperated look.

“I didn’t think you would mind,” he froze by the doorframe.

“Whatever,” you waved a hand dismissively before he could offer to change it.

As soon as Jeonghan closed the doors and the blinds, you started to the bathroom, taking all of your clothes off in front of him. You made no invitation, no offer but you still left the door open, the sound of the shower filling the tiny room.

Jeonghan made another small inspection, looking out of the window through the blinds before deciding to relax. He took his jacket off, leaving it neatly by the chair that was pushed to one corner of the room. He took his boots off, sitting down on the chair with a low grunt of exhaustion.

As he sat up straight, he caught sight of his hand, only noticing because he had started moving it, rubbing his palm on the exact spot where you had been injured.

“What the fuck?” he whispered to himself, raising his gaze as you returned to the bathroom, wholly naked, pressing a towel to your hair.

“You okay, hunter?” you eyed him curiously, like a cat that just noticed a flashy light.  

Jeonghan frowned, not at you but at the thing stirring inside his chest. That feeling he got only when he was with you. “When is the last time you fed?”

“Here we go again,” you rolled your eyes but continued towel-drying your hair without bothering to respond.

“Answer me,” he muttered when you turned your back on him. Your reluctance to answer his question might have given him the answer.

“The last time we saw each other,” you said, your words echoing his own thoughts.

“Why?” the word was sharp like it took everything in him to suppress the dark emotion pulling on his every nerve. “That happened months ago.”

“Why do you care so much?” you spat, turning around to face him.

The question seemed to make him return to his senses, his eyes flickered with an emotion that you were to weak to catch. “I don’t,” he replied, stepping back from his initial anger.

“I’ll feed whenever I want to,” you said and this time you did not lie.

Jeonghan stood up, commanding your gaze to lift up to find his. “So you’re not hungry?”

You bit your tongue. Your eyes were dead, and despite the hot shower you had just taken, you were cold to the touch as Jeonghan curiously raised a hand to your shoulder. It was pointless, your plan had crashed and burned miserably.

“I’ve heard stories…” you whispered, closing your eyes to repel the sensation firing inside you. “Stories of ways a demon can become human. You can’t become human if you’re feeding off them, right?”

When Jeonghan did not reply, nor move you opened your eyes again. He was still rigid in the same trance he had been upon finding you injured and bleeding in the forest.

“You’ll die,” he sentenced after some seconds. “Are you insane?”

You brushed his hand off. “I knew you’d say that,” you whispered with a pained look, turning around to sit down on the bed.  

“Why do you want to become human?” the words sounded ridiculous as he uttered them.

“Not your business, Jeonghan,” you replied impishly, throwing the towel to him, which he saw coming, catching it with ease.

“It is if you’re running away with me,” he said. Your temptation to feed could become dangerous. And he was toeing that line too deliberately.

“I didn’t choose to run away with you,” you bit back with an indignant huff.

“That’s the thanks I get?” he rolled his eyes in annoyance. “What was I supposed to do, then? Leave you to die? To be found by them?”

He did not need to explain who he referred to. The two hunters must have noticed that Jeonghan ran away with his things, his car, leaving an empty place behind. And you are nowhere to be found. He was a traitor.

“Maybe,” you whispered, lowering your gaze to your lap. You skirted the pads of your fingers around the wound that still refused to heal completely.

Jeonghan stood before you, using a hand on your chin to force your teary eyes on him. A finger scooped your tear as it rolled down your cheek. The tear glistened on the pad of his thumb as he showed it to you, a shocked expression plastered on his face.

Demons felt emotions, yes. But nothing like sorrow. Jeonghan had never seen a demon cry, let alone one that wanted to become human. It made no sense.

“It’s possible, Jeonghan,” you whispered shakily, letting your tears flow freely.

“Humans are weak. They get sick, they die. Besides, the guilt of everything you’ve done as a demon will crush you,” he said, dropping his hand from your chin. “Why would you want something like that?”

“I’m done talking,” you said childishly, turning over to draw the covers of the bed and tucked yourself in. “Goodnight.”

He blinked perplexedly at you. The best option was to wait for another opportunity to bring up the matter, but for now, he needed to rest. He disposed of his chest harness, and his knives, leaving them on the old and battered bedside table, where he could reach out if needed.

A smile threatened to break on his face when you turned slightly at the sound of him taking his pants off, then his long-sleeved t-shirt, discarding his clothes at the foot of the bed.

He paused, tugging the band of his black boxers with his fingers. He took them off, making things fair.

“Is that necessary?” you asked, narrowing your eyes at him as he sank under the covers with you.

“Just playing your game,” he said, tugging the hair tie loose before lying his head on the pillow next to yours.

“I’m not playing any games,” you huffed with annoyance, turning over so your back was to him once again.

There it was the ripple in the air between you and him. Jeonghan did not need to comment on it, but you hated it.

Hunter abilities or not, Jeonghan would be able to read through your lies blindfolded. He was just that good at reading people, reading you.

Jeonghan stared at the ceiling, his heartbeat going a mile per hour, like a bird’s wings batting frantically inside his chest. He swallowed hard, resisting the urge pushing him to raise his hand at you, to reach out and touch your skin.

You closed your eyes, commanding yourself to sleep. But it was nearly impossible. Jeonghan’s scent was too distracting. The hunger caved a hole deep inside you. It was no ordinary hunger, it was one that had your soul twisting.

You balled your hands into fists, sinking your face into the pillow. His lust was nearly palpable, looming over you like a monster preying on you.

However, you were too weak to actually act upon it. Soon, you fell asleep, not noticing when or how.

Jeonghan however, was too riddled with questions to do the same. He turned his head on the pillow, seeing your wet hair, your naked shoulder. His thigh throbbed in something that reminded him of pain, though his flesh was fine and did not hurt.

Why would you want to become human? What could be a good enough reason to want to abandon your life full of pleasures? It made no sense. Jeonghan had never heard of a demon becoming human, but he saw you crying, so that must mean that it could be done.

Still, it meant that there was a price to be paid. There always was.

Wandering through endless questions, Jeonghan fell asleep. Now and then he was reminded of your presence in the bed, feeling your warmth or hearing you move beneath the sheets.

Even if he were not a light sleeper, the distraction of your warmth was enough to stir him awake. He found himself entirely pressed to your body, his front to the back of yours. His nose buried in your mane of hair, an arm draped over your waist.

And he was hard. Fuck, he was so hard it was starting to become annoying. It would be so easy to slip himself inside your pussy, waking you up in the process. He had done it countless times before.

He let out a silent sigh through his nose, only getting the scent of your hair when he breathed in. Your hand found his arm parked on the curve of your waist, you were awake. Jeonghan pressed himself another inexistent inch further, his hard cock wedged on your ass.

“Jeonghan,” you mumbled sleepily, turning over to see him. You threw him an innocent look, big eyes, pouting lips. “What are you doing?”

He responded by giving you a confused look. In other times, you would not even ask questions, you would just let him take you, take whatever he wanted, for however long.

Jeonghan brought a hand to your chin, his touch igniting your skin, making you blink dumbly. “How long are you going to keep resisting it?” the words flew out of his mouth before he could even comprehend his own question.

But he knew what you were doing. He was an expert in pushing his feelings down, particularly, he knew what it felt like to resist this pull.

“However long is necessary, Jeonghan,” you replied, but your tone wavered in the urge to press yourself against his hand, to feel him.

“Why?” he asked, his eyes skirting through your reaction. He knew you wanted this, why were you refusing him?

“If I keep this for long I might get what I want,” you whispered, avoiding his eyes in utter shame.

“Why do you want to become human so desperately?” he asked again, looking at you with an obfuscation that was hard to mask.

You shrugged, keeping your sunken gaze on his chiselled chest. “That doesn’t concern you.”

Jeonghan pressed his fingers on your chin gently, tugging you so you locked your pretty eyes with his. “Does it not, really?”

Your brow furrowed, your gaze darkening. Feeling like you were being mocked, your eyes watered again. “Fuck off, Jeonghan,” you scoffed weakly, trying to free yourself from his grip.

He did not want to see it, but your reaction told him everything he needed to know. It took him some seconds to shake the perplexion off. It made no sense. “Did you think that being human would change things?”

You made no verbal reply, scoffing as you brushed his hand off you one more time.

But you knew him well enough to expect that would not work on him. He needed an answer now, and he would stop at nothing to get it now that he knew it fully concerned him.

“Did you think I would want you more if you were human?” he asked without heat in his words, his gaze reading your features over and over. “Did you think that would give you a shot at a normal thing happening between us?”

“No, Jeonghan,” you rolled your eyes, but he could see how much his questions had pierced through you. “Quite the opposite.”

He made a motion to pull his head back on the pillow as if that gave him a better frame of your face. “What?”

“I want this to stop,” you whispered, rolling over the bed to sit up with a sigh.

Jeonghan looked at your back, you let your head drop forward, sniffling softly but you were fully crying now.

“Maybe being human will make this stop,” you whispered, motioning a hand between his body and yours. By this, you meant, the out-of-the-ordinary need for him, the desperate craving that refused to let you live. Maybe then, the bond between you would not be so unbearable.

Jeonghan sat up too, trying to read any signs of your words being insincere. But he found nothing, the quiet tension falling in the room startled him, and it made him uncomfortable. Even more, the battering inside his chest was making it difficult to even breathe.

“That makes no sense,” he mumbled with a hollow tone.

“It makes perfect sense,” you bit back, throwing him a sad look.

You were weak, nearing a state that you did not comprehend. Becoming human meant that you also had to deal with human emotions, and they were flowing freely through you, giving you a taste of what you were about to face as a human.

However, making yourself human condemned you to a myriad of threats. Not just mortality. You would become a demon that betrayed its own kind. A traitor, too.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked, trying to hold your gaze to read you better.

“I want to be rid of you by whatever means necessary,” you hissed, coating your words with venom.

“Liar.”

There was a shadow of a smile on his face, and before you resorted to a crazed fit of violence, you decided to crush your mouth with his, kissing him with enough vehemence it would hurt him if he were human.

But he was tough enough to take you. He released a grunt in your mouth that was from half arousal, half annoyance at you.

“You’re a baby,” he grunted between hard kisses. “A bratty, fussy, melodramatic demon.”

“Shut up, Jeonghan,” you hissed. “Shut up or I swear–,”

“What?” he bit back, holding your face with both hands, squishing your cheeks. “What will you do, eh?”

“Don’t try me right now,” you said, kissing him repeatedly you were running out of breath.

“That’s exactly what I want to do,” he chuckled. “Did you think that making yourself human would make me stop wanting you?”

“Yes,” you hissed, pushing him back onto the bed with all the strength you had.

Jeonghan was stronger than you at that moment, but he allowed you to handle him with a triumphant smirk on his face. Nothing in existence would make him stop wanting you, damned to hell or not.

Though it made him curious to know. “Do you want to stop wanting me, then?” he leaned his head to his shoulder.

“It would be nice to stop craving you all the time,” you said, sinking your face in the crook of his neck to kiss him.

“Liar,” he grunted, holding your hips as you made a trail of kisses down his beautifully scarred chest. “Even worse, you’re a masochistic one at that.”

The guilty giggle escaping through your lips gave him all the reassurance he needed. You were now soaking up his need for you.

“Gods,” he breathed when your lips reached his hipbone. Your touch would never satiate the craving need inside him, but this night he would at least attempt to.

His fingers tangled in your hair, keeping his grip light but it would become difficult as you gave him a long lick from his ball sack to the tip of his cock. “Fuck,” he gritted, tensing as you wrapped your mouth around the bulbous head of his cock. “Yes, baby, just like that.”

The room fell silent again, but now all that surrounded you and him was lust and bliss. It had your blood revelling, sizzling beneath your skin to take him into your mouth. His fingers thread in your hair, caressing you as you bobbed your head up and down on him, sucking him off eagerly. You were tasting him, not only his skin, his arousal, but his lust. It drove you crazy.

“Gods, I fucking missed you,” he drawled, closing his eyes briefly before he lost all control. He wanted to push his hips, to drive his cock into your throat. But he also wanted to take this patiently.

You explored him with your mouth, just like your hands were exploring his body. Not that his nakedness was new to you, but you had just gone months without touching him. And not for a single second did you forget the taste of him, you also missed him.

But did he miss you the same way you did? Did he crave to hear your voice like you did his?

Your transition from demon to human was painful, and you were throwing it all away in one night. And Jeonghan was willingly letting you feed off his lust, you were relishing the taste of his greed, sucking off the last bit of the self-restraint he had in him.

His fingers curled around your hair, clenching his jaw as he moaned in pure pleasure. He let out a gasp when your tongue swirled around his cockhead. “Keep doing that, baby,” he said languidly, following the movements of your head on him.

A strangled moan bubbled in your mouth, and you followed his command, rolling your tongue around his blunt head.

Jeonghan smirked knowingly. You weakened whenever he treated you with softness, so words like baby drove you crazy. He threw a look down at his body, capturing your eyes, darkened with a lascivious greed that only fueled his. “Touch yourself,” he said with a gruff tone. “I want you to come with me.”

You sneaked a hand between your thighs, moaning salaciously when your fingers stroked your clit.

Jeonghan sighed, blinking slowly at the sight of you, thinking of your drenched pussy, your fingers coated in your arousal as you rubbed fast swirls around your clit. “That’s it, baby, just like that,” he praised, brushing your hair back with his long fingers. “You’re such a good girl for me, you don’t even know it.”

You moaned around his cock again, succumbing to a fast orgasm, your body trembled slightly.

“Coming,” he whispered, his mouth falling open as ropes of cum spurted down your throat, moaning at the sight of you drinking him off completely, licking to the last bead of his cum. You littered the reddened cockhead with sweet pecks trailing down to his shaft, eliciting a raw chuckle from him.

“That was amazing,” he whispered, enjoying the twinkle in your dark eyes upon being praised by him.

Jeonghan sat up, hooking one arm around your waist to throw you back onto the mattress. “Your turn,” he said with a wolfish grin.

You had recuperated the color in your cheeks, but you were still weak enough to fight his strength. You grunted as your head hit the pillows, but returned the smile at him. “You’ll see when I get my strength back.”

“Ooh, scary,” he said, grazing his lips on yours.

“You’ll see,” you remarked.

“Scary baby demon, what are you going to do?” he teased again, kissing the apple of your cheek, his breath caressing your ear.

“I’ll make you suffer,” you mumbled faintly, closing your eyes as his lips reached the underside of your jaw, making you tilt your head back for him.

“I want to see that,” he said mockingly. “Make me suffer.”

You sighed a moan when he kissed your throat, giving you a broad stroke with his tongue, tracing your collarbones. “Jeonghan…”

“Don’t throw another tantrum like that again,” he murmured against your skin, leaving another kiss on the plain of your breasts, before adding, “I’ll be mad at you.”

A spark of wrath got mixed along with greed and lust, it was not new to you, but it was rare.

“It wasn’t a tantrum,” you argued, though your tone was made weak by his lips, his tongue licking one of your nipples, making you arch your back.

He paused, “I don’t care,” he decided at once. “You’re not doing it again.”

“You don’t get to decide what I do, Jeonghan,” you mumbled breathily, moaning as his mouth wrapped around your nipple, suckling at it softly once, then swirling the tip of his tongue around it.

Jeonghan did not respond verbally to your obvious lie. He did not have a say in your choices, but there was a force greater than him or you that tied you to him. So every choice you made, every choice he made, was bound to affect you both.

“How’s your leg?” he asked, moving your thighs gently to slot his waist between them. His fingers traced a circle around the scar that was beginning to form.

“Better,” you sighed.

“Mmn,” he smirked at you, leaning over to kiss your lips. “Will it heal completely by the time I’m done eating you out?”

“Why, are you in a rush?” you quipped, arching an eyebrow at him.

There you were, he smirked. “I ache for you,” he whispered, letting his forehead fall upon yours. The shame coursing through him made you recoil but sensing it, he added quickly: “You have not only starved yourself but starved me with your stupid little plan.”

“You avoided me too,” you accused.

“I know, I was a fool,” he confessed, running his palms all over your body as if he could not do anything else. He sank down, leaving wet kisses down your tummy, his hands palming your breasts, his fingers lingering on your sensitive nipples.

You bit your lip, only in your most crazed fantasies did you dare to imagine him saying this. “You were,” you whispered. “The biggest fool.”

“Uh-huh,” he hummed, kissing your mound generously, his hands grabbing your thighs with the lightest of touches before licking your pussy with a broad stroke.

“Jeonghan!” you cried out, brushing his dark hair gently as he ate you out like a starved man, licking your folds thoroughly, his tongue sliding up to your clit to then suckle at it.

You arched your back, not caring about the light pain throbbing on your thigh. Jeonghan was giving you everything you needed, giving your pussy open-mouthed kisses, drinking your arousal in with pleased moans.

“Fuck-k,” you gritted weakly, letting yourself be swept away by the gentle waves of your orgasm building inside you. “I m-missed you too, Jeonghan,” you mumbled.

He raised his gaze to yours, blinking slowly at you, pressing his tongue on your swollen clit, moving it swiftly in figure-eight motions, driving you to the edge. You gripped the bedsheets with one hand, the other flying to grab at the railings of the headboard.

“I’m close,” you gasped, breathing rapidly, welcoming the pleasure barreling through your body. “I’m close, I’m–, Jeonghan…” you closed your eyes, repeating his name over and over as you climaxed in his mouth.

But Jeonghan was not stopping. He continued making out with your pussy, enjoying the taste of your arousal pooling in your entrance, licking your folds with raunchy moans. His hands held you down as you shook with the aftershocks of your orgasm, caressing your tummy languidly.

“Jeonghan,” you called, shuddering when his hand caressed your thigh as he littered it with kisses.

“See? Healed,” he placed another kiss, right where your scar used to be.

You used your newly regained strength to push him, flipping the positions over so you were now straddling him. You let out a pleased sigh, effortlessly pinning his body down on the mattress.

“I take that you’re all set now,” he smirked, his hands roving all over your thighs.

Gods, you were a sight to behold. Your wings were at full display, resting freely at your sides. Your dark horns, curving back from the crown of your head, were on sight too. That meant you were comfortable around Jeonghan. You trusted him.

“Not yet,” you said, grabbing his hardened cock in one hand, planting the other on his abdomen for support as you eased your pussy down his length.

“Fuck,” Jeonghan gritted, his hands flying to grab your hips as you started rolling them on him.

“What’s wrong, hunter?” you teased, leaning down so your face was close enough to prop kisses on his lips. “Lost your footing?”

“You got me for a second there,” he admitted with a smirk. “Didn’t think you’d recuperate your strength that quickly.”

“Mm, keep that in mind next time you kiss it better,” you said, trapping his bottom lip with your teeth, nibbling it softly.

Jeonghan moaned, your hips picking up the pace mercilessly, knowing the exact pace and motion that drove him insane. He closed his eyes, sighing out the euphoric feeling of being with you, like this, consuming each other.

“It won’t happen again. You’re not doing this to yourself again,” he said with a faint tone.

“You don’t make choices for me,” you retaliated, sinking yourself down on him with pleased sighs, planting your hands on his chiselled chest.

In a blur, Jeonghan grabbed your wrists with one hand flipping your bodies over, pinning your body with his hips on yours, his hand holding your arms above your head. Jeonghan moved his hips slightly, finding your entrance with his hard cock quite effortlessly.

Jeonghan gave a few shallow thrusts, stretching your walls, making your mouth part, giving way to a long moan. “Fuck, Jeonghan,” you groaned lewdly.

“Say it,” he hissed, rolling his hips on yours slowly, but pushing his cock inside you deeper each time he thrusted in. “You won’t do it again.”

“Fuck you,” you gritted, falling deeper into the puddle of pleasure he was slowly submitting you into.

“Say. It,” he commanded, his thrusts gaining strength, becoming harder at each motion of his hips on yours.

You wrestled his grip on your wrists, without using your full strength. “No,” you said with a hollow tone, the pace of his thrusts knocking the wind out of you.

“You fucking brat,” he spat, pressing his face on yours, giving you a hard kiss in the process. “Delusional little demon. Did you think you could get rid of me that easily?”

“Stop,” you gasped, shame heating your cheeks.

Jeonghan released his grip on your wrists, not letting you regain control by grabbing your thighs, throwing them on his shoulders before resuming with his near animalistic thrusts, groaning on your mouth as such, like an animal.

“Jeonghan!” you cried out, his cock reaching inside you deeper… and deeper.

“Did you really think… I’d stop wanting you?” he panted in between his hard thrusts, the strain in his voice telling you how close he was to his release. “I’ll never stop wanting you.”

“Jeonghan…” you moaned.

“Say it.”

“I won’t do it again,” you said, trembling on the bed, reaching out to hold him right before you came undone beneath him.

“That’s it… that’s my girl,” he gasped, his bottom lip parting, releasing a raw grunt. Jeonghan moaned your name as he came, fucking his cum inside you with sloppy thrusts until he stopped, breathing hard on top of you.

Jeonghan eased your legs from his shoulders, deciding to rest his head on your chest. The sound of your heartbeat resonated through his head as he took a long breath. Your fingers caressed his nape lazily, shuddering under him when Jeonghan ran a fingertip on one of your wings.

This made no sense. To Jeonghan, everything had been black and white. His world was rigid, surrounded by unbreakable rules that made him into the person he was until he met you. Now, he was but the shadow of the man he was. He used to hate himself for wanting you. You were the thing he was raised to hate, to kill.

He did everything to keep you away. He bedded other women, he drank himself to sleep to not dream of you, he flew himself to different parts of the world.

And there he was, blissfully nestled in your warmth, in your embrace.

“Would you hate it if I became human?”

“No,” he replied after some seconds. “But I don’t want you to do it because you think that’s going to change something between us. Some things aren’t meant to change.”

“How can you be so sure?” you asked with a tiny tone.

Jeonghan raised his head, curiously looking at you. Even back with full strength, you still clung to some human vulnerability. “I’m not sure,” he confessed. “I don’t understand many things. But I know that changing yourself won’t bring you happiness, only misery.”

“I’m just tired of this,” you said, and it did not matter that you could not cry anymore, he knew that the statement hurt to say.

Jeonghan got to his knees, pulling out of you gently to slump his body next to yours. He took one long look at you, reminiscing of what he felt when he knew you were slipping away. It was fear, that was undeniable, he was too familiar with that feeling. But never like this.

“I don’t know what to say,” he said with a light frown.

“How did you find me, Jeonghan? How did you know I was in trouble?” you dared to ask again, now your words taking another meaning.

Jeonghan paused. “I just did,” he said but rolled his eyes when you saw through his lie. “I felt something.”

“Jeonghan,” you started, your tone reducing itself to a whisper. “There is a reason why we can’t get rid of each other.”

He went rigid, his eyes coasting all over the features of your face.

“Have you ever tried to… kill me?” you asked, hating how your words came off while lying naked next to him.

“You’d know it if I had,” he said, taken aback by your questions. “Why are you asking me this?”

“There is a reason why you can’t kill me,” you said, despite how crazy you were sounding. “I know you’ve felt it…”

Jeonghan sat up on the bed, gripping the bedsheets to steady himself. He felt lightheaded. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Liar,” you whispered, sitting up next to him.

He ran his hands on his face harshly. “Stop that. This isn’t a game.”

“The last time we saw each other, you felt something,” you pressed, searching his eyes as he faced you.

“It makes no sense,” he whispered dejectedly.

It made perfect sense. The grip that you had on him was unlike anything else he had faced. Time after time he tried to run away, to put distance between you and him. He always found his way back to you somehow, either by greed, by lust or purely by fate. He never knew why, he was bound to you.

“Look at me,” you said, and his gaze found you. “There’s no point in fighting this. I know you’ve tried it before, I tried too.”

“It’s–,”

“Impossible?” you scoffed with a mocking smile.

It was a sick joke. A demon and her hunter. The lamb and the wolf, chasing each other endlessly.

“Is this why you thought becoming human was an option?”

You paused but nodded slowly after some seconds of pondering.

Jeonghan sighed, touching your forehead with his. “That’s a high price to pay,” he whispered.

He knew your next words before you uttered them, “I’m willing to pay it, Jeonghan.”

“I don’t want you to,” he gritted out his words, even if he did not understand, he could not stop fighting it any longer. “I like you the way you are.”

Demon or not, you felt something in your chest, tugging at you. “That’s not the problem,” you shifted back, looking at his confused face.

“I can’t have any ties to anyone,” he said. “Someday I’ll end up dead fighting something stronger and quicker than me.”

“After today’s events, I think it’s clear that I am chased by the same danger.”

“I’ll grow old, and slow,” he added.

“I would too, if I were human. No one would hunt me down,” you countered, not convinced by the obfuscated look on his face. “I wouldn’t have to feed from you.”

“You could die in the process,” he said, and that was the final reason he needed.

“Jeonghan–,”

“No,” he shook his head.

At that, you stopped fighting. You got out of bed, slowly picking up your torn clothes and putting them on without looking back at him.

His heart faltered, looking at you as you sat down on the edge of the bed, next to him. “Don’t go,” he mumbled.

“Give me a reason to stay.”

Jeonghan swallowed his words, taking a last look at your eyes. Something tugged at his heart, urging him to stop you. But you were slipping through the door before he could spring to action.

Fool. He was a fool.

› author's note: heyyyooooooo

once again i have nothing to say. i just need jeonghan on his knees, begging for forgiveness and mercy

anyway, stay tuned for my next hannieween fest piece!! next post will be loser hannie!! hehe

toodles!

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[kalinara]

(All-New X-Men #6)

I've kind of blogged something about this before but I never get tired of seeing posts about Logan/Scott/Jean as a throuple (I will literally die of spite before I use a portmanteau) that talk about them as two godlike, immortal beings and "just some guy".

Because on some level, of course, it's absolutely true. Jean is the living embodiment of a Universal Cosmic Force. She can sneeze and wipe out entire star systems.

And Logan is basically immortal. There are a good number of timelines that go forward hundreds, if not thousands of years (see: Powers of X in the Krakoa era) that still show Logan at the prime of his life, always fighting and surviving.

Scott, is, by that standard, just some guy. He's got lasers coming out of his eyes, which is kind of cool admittedly. You could do some interesting analysis on the fact that they seem to be infinite - the only time we see them give out is when HE gives out. Or doesn't get enough sunlight or whatever. But for practical purposes, they've got one real use, the guy's just a very decorative portable cannon.

But what makes Scott special, and on level with the other two, isn't what he is, but what he does.

This is a dude who's led the X-Men since he was a teenager. And as a teenager once talked an entire fleet of Sentinels into attacking the goddamn sun.

This is a dude who co-led a guerilla war against Apocalypse in the future for 10-12 years (admittedly with his goddess wife), then came back as though nothing happened.

He's also the reason for his own last name, because in ANOTHER time traveling bout with the goddess wife, he managed to inspire his own orphaned ancestor to take the name "Summers" in his and Jean's honor.

This is a dude who got possessed by Apocalypse, and repressed him to the point of amnesia, got a sliver of the Void stuck in his head, and repressed that too. Even Phoenix possession took a while to shake that guy.

This is a dude who became the "Boy King of Utopia", uniting the entirety of the mutant race under one banner. Magneto KNELT to him and named him Caesar.

There's also that time he stared down Dracula. Was it a bluff? Dracula thinks so. But he still backed the fuck down. And for a brief period of time, even Namor followed this guy's lead. NAMOR.

This is a dude who, after becoming possessed and ostracized, led a "mutant revolution", becoming a household name among bitter college students everywhere.

He's the kangaroo trial symbol of the entire mutant race, sentenced to death, and his only response is a call to arms published through his lawyer, She-Hulk.

This is a man who's slept with Jean Grey, the Phoenix (back when they were considered separate entities), the Goblin Queen, Emma Frost, and Frenzy, and every single one came back wanting to fuck him again.

Speaking of Frenzy? That dude's sub game redeemed a fucking acolyte!

"God took less time than that to make the world!". Okay, take a fucking breath, Joanna. (X-Men Legacy #248)

His kids are practically gods in their own right, and he was only involved in the conception of one of them. The others just kind of showed up one day with a DNA test and got invited in for dinner.

The closest thing he has to a hobby is plotting how to kill dinosaurs:

(Uncanny X-Men #495 - and he's fought a LOT of dinosaurs.

Sinister's been obsessed with this man's DNA for years, and yeah, if you're just looking at it in terms of powers, it doesn't make a lot of sense. There are much more powerful mutants out there after all. But when you start thinking about the rest of this, yeah, I kind of want to put him in a petrie dish too.

Heck, he's even argued with the narrator! In another timeline, he could have become an incredibly boring variation of Deadpool!

(Uncanny X-Men #96).

I'm just saying, yes, by one point of view the Moon Throuple is two godlike immortal beings and dude who is "just some guy".

But on the other hand, if you had a chance to fuck the unholy combination of Mr. Rogers, Alexander the Great, and the Death Star wouldn't you?

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Mystery of love

Previously / Next chapter

a/n I came from the dead to write this. So sorry for the wait. This is a heavy one… so buckle up.

summary: when two lost souls meet at their mutual friend’s party sparks fly, the question is if whatever they feel can actually bloom into something more? But that’s the mystery of love.

warning: toxic, abusive ex, blood, fighting, injuries, hospitals, manipulations.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

10 months ago

“Thank you for inviting me over”, Matt smiled at you. The room was cozy, light with candles, smell of freshly made meals surrounded you all. “Got to feed Emmy’s double date fantasy”, you teased, touching her hand across the table as she rolled her eyes. “I'm happy you are here Matt”, you threw your best friend’s boyfriend a smile. Deep down needing this sense of normality. Normal life. Normal relationships. You didn’t have much. Emmy had been the only one who stuck with you after it all went downhill.

“Can we eat?”, Dan’s cold tone, made a shiver run down your back but you had mastered a fake smile by then. One that pleased him enough to not start a stupid argument. “Sure, help yourself”, you handed him one of the bowls before turning to your guests once more.

“You guys went on to Paris, how was it?”, you chirped, putting food onto your plate. “I could gush for ages”, Emmy squealed, clasping her hands around Matt’s arm. It was the look of pure adoration on his face that made your heart ache. You could tell that he loved her. That what they had was real. “Matt was the tour guide, planned the whole…”, she was mid-sentence when Daniel quickly cut in, “You’re eating that?”, he motioned to your palate. “Dan”, you said through gritted teeth, feeling embarrassment creeping up your neck. He said nothing. Didn’t even react as he reached for your plate, switching it with his empty one.

“Wtf dude”, Matt cut in, eyebrows knitted together. “It’s okay he’s just messing around”, you chuckled, “Right, Dan”, your pleading eyes watched his concert-cold face a bitter smile on his lips, “You should follow Violet's diet”, he tapped your hand as if you were a toddler. Your stomach sank. You could see Emmy’s face across the table, the shock and disgust, written all over it.

“I'm sorry, I’ll refill this, don’t wait for me”, you pushed your chair back, reaching for a still-full pasta bowl. You needed to breathe for a moment. Pull yourself together. “Why the fuck are you causing a scene?”, Dan hissed beneath his breath, eyes wild as he followed you into the kitchen. “Why the fuck are you being an asshole?”, you pointed your finger at him angrily. “Bitch”, he grunted, “know your place do you hear me?” He was right in front of you now. Towering over your frame. “Or what?”, you hissed back at him.

“You walk out and not make a peep or tomorrow might be a hard day for you”, he lifted his hand, muscles tense. But you just watched him. “Sorry Emmy wanted water”, Matt’s voice filled the kitchen. “Help yourself dude”, Dan mused, eyes still on you, before he turned back, walking back to the table. You closed your eyes for a moment letting yourself breathe. “If you need help squeeze my hand as you walk past”, Matt muttered. You met his eyes then. A different look there than you were used to. “What are you on about everything is fine”, you laughed softly, feeling the sting in your eyes, “here I’ll grab the water”, placing a hand on his upper arm, fingers digging into his skin. He simply looked at you nodding softly that evening.

present time:

“Missed me?”, the sight of him alone made you nauseous. “Get out of my apartment”, you bit back, trying to keep your trembling hands as steady as possible. “Is that how you talk to the love of your life?”, a smirk spread across his lips. “Daniel, leave”, you shook your head, shoulders slumping. You were so tired of this. “What did you tell him?”, he asked firmly. “What?”, frowning you shook your head. “That boy of yours what does he know?”, and here it was, the thing that had you in a chokehold for months. His fear. “He knows nothing”, you clipped back bitterly.

“I have pictures of you two”, the six words made your stomach drop. “I can sell them for a pretty penny he’s pretty private isn’t he?”, he loved this, knowing that once again power over you. “You don’t have shit”, you spat back, praying that this was just once again another toxic game for him. Cold sweat ran down your back as you watched him slowly pull his phone out, scrolling till a satisfactory grin spread across his lips.

“Like this one the most”, he mused turning the screen to you. And here you two were. Last coffee date, your fingers in Noah’s hair, his hand holding onto your hips. You couldn’t see your face but you could tell it was him. You could see the love there. Something that had been missing between you and Daniel from the start. Anger bubbled within you as you lunged forward trying to grab his phone only to be met with a harsh shove.

“What did you tell him?”, gripping your upper arms Dan shook you. “Nothing you paranoid freak”, you barked back angrily. He reached out taking a fistful of your hair, “You will leave him or I will ruin him”, angry tears burned your eyes, “Fuck you, you’re not taking him from me as you did with everything else”. Dan let out a bitter laugh,“Oh, here we go again. Saint Y/n, the martyr. Always the victim. You never let anyone forget how much you’ve sacrificed.” You clawed at his hand reaching for a kitchen knife that wasn’t all that far away from you, “And you never let anyone forget how much of a selfish, spineless—-“

But you don’t get to finish your sentence as Daniel’s grip tightens around your upper arms. You move to push away, palms pressing against his chest and in the heat of the moment, he let go. In that brief, frantic moment. Making you lose your balance, your elbow brushed against the kitchen counter as you try to steady yourself. But the movement only sent you crashing into the not-yet-finished bookshelf lying on the floor. The sharp corner of the wood slammed into your temple with a sickening thud. Your vision blurred for a second, a wave of dizziness overwhelming you. Sounds turning fluffy as you tried to blink.

You reached out to touch your head, feeling warm sticky liquid trickling down your fingers. A blurry figure loomed over you. Squinting your eyes you tried to make out a face. Anything. Was he calling to you? Looking? You let your head fall into the fluffy rug. Slipping in and out of patches of black.

Noah always wanted that domestic feeling. Never had he thought that getting screws with a smile on his face would be in the cards for him. To have someone you were ready to climb mountains for. The bleak, repetitive reality was what he had been living in. Wake up. Write. Record. Sing. Sleep. Yes, he had his friend. Friends who had been family for years but he always yearned for more. For a person that was his. That made you want more. Who made it more.

A wash of blonde hair made Noah do a double take as he made his way back to the apartment complex. Emmy’s worried face filled his eyes before Matt stepped right beside her both clearly in a rush. “Hey, what are you both doing here?”, Noah called out making the pair turn. “Oh thank goodness you’re here”, Emmy let out a deep sigh, clasping her hands over Noah’s. “What’s going on?”, he couldn’t help but frown, sensing the urgency. The stress poured out of both of them in waves.

“Some mutual friends said that Daniel was causing trouble”, Emmy shook her head. “Usually that means that he ends up here”, Matt nodded towards the apartment building with that same unapproachable tightness on his face. One Noah knew was a sign of shit being seriously fucked.

“I’ve been with Yn all day”, Noah pointed out. “It’s just that…”,’ Emmy stated right as the front door swung open. “Shit..”, Matt grunted through clenched teeth, “Hey”, called out, making none other than Daniel do a double take. The fright in his eyes made Noah’s stomach turn. “Motherfucker “, cursing beneath his breath Noah lunged forward. Ripping at the door. Fingers tapping the elevator button relentlessly before giving up. Hand on the railing as he took three steps at the time.

“Yn”, he called into the dim hallway. Not giving two shits about the neighbors. “Yn”, he muttered, eyes falling on the ajar door that led to your apartment. He had been there. He had been there and Noah wasn’t. The ringing that echoed in his head made his stomach twist. It felt as if he was no longer in his own body. Watching it all from the side, urging himself to step forward. Books were scattered around the hallway. Some stacks were barely holding up. Noah stepped over them, heart hammering so loudly that he couldn’t hear himself calling out your name. “Baby”, he turned the corner and it’s as if someone sucked all the air out of his lungs. All he saw was blood. Red and red and red.

“No, no”, he muttered beneath his breath, sinking to his knees, as his hand reached to lay on top of yours. Pressing onto the open gash. “Hey, love, look at me, darling”, Noah coaxed softly, pushing the strands of hair that had stuck to your forehead. “Fuck”, Matt’s voice rang from behind, followed by a pained gasp, “Oh my god, what did he do”, Emmy kneeled on the other side, hands pressing against your shoulder. “Don’t move her”, Noah warned her.

“We need an ambulance”, Matt’s steady voice was drowned once again by the panic drumming within Noah. “It’s all okay, it will all be okay”, he soothed, trying to at least. Not sure what one should even say in situations like this. “Noo”, you grunted, squeezing your eyes shut. “I'm here it’s all okay”, Noah muttered, his other palm softly brushing your cheek. Trying to block out everything else. Emmy crying. Matt on the phone. Himself.

Five stitches. Three hours in the most atrocious hospital chair. He hated hospitals. Now even more so. Noah wasn’t sure what he was feeling. It went in circles. From anger to fear. Anxiety to numbness. What pissed him off further was that they knew. Matt and Emmy knew shit he wasn’t looped in on.

“we’ll play protectors of one's truth later”, Noah grunted as Matt handed him yet another cup of that bitter water they called coffee here. “He wasn’t good for her”, Matt sighed, lifting his cap off to brush his hair back. “No fucking shit dude he’s an abuser”, Noah grunted through gritted teeth, throwing the cup of coffee straight into the bin. “He also owns a big company”, Emmy muttered wrapping her arms around herself.

“Do I look like I give a shit? He needs to be behind bars”, Noah gestured. “They signed an NDA she can’t speak about the shit he did”, Emmy blurted out, bottom lip quivering. Noah blinked slowly, “What?”, surely this all had to be a joke. “He managed to bankrupt her last store”, Matt sighed, Emmy just shook her head beside him, “I’m so sorry we couldn’t tell anyone she didn’t…”, a sob made her clasp a hand over her mouth.

“Come here”, Matt wrapped his arm around her bringing her closer to his chest. “He will go after you”, Emmy whimpered. “Oh, please”, Noah rolled his eyes. “We do need to consider the band here as well, Noah “, Matt warned him. “What would he have?”, Noah grunted, “a picture? Look at me and tell me that you give a shit about a picture, Matt”, his chest was rising and falling rapidly now. A part of him wanted to just punch someone. Something. Pack you up and take you with him. He was about to say just that when a nurse with a clipboard stepped into the hallway, “For Miss Yn?”, all three of them instantly jump up, turning to her.

He was standing in front of yet another door. Breathing in deeply before pushing the handle down. The beeping instantly made him nauseous even if the nurse had told him that it was simply a precaution. Your skin was a lot paler. It made Noah sick that the sweet night you two had planned had turned into this. You blinked slowly, tired eyes looking back at him. A slight smile spread onto your lips as you saw him. Noah pushed his anger down, letting the corners of his lips curve up ever so slightly as he crossed the distance between you.

“Hey”, you muttered, voice groggy as you reached for his hand. “Hi, gorgeous girl”, Noah mused, clasping your fingers through his as he kissed your knuckles. “How are you feeling?”, he carefully leaned in kissing your cheek. “There’s no longer three of you”, you tried to joke but Noah didn’t find it in himself to laugh alongside you. “Yn”, he murmured under his breath. “That was quite a tumble, I’m so clumsy”, you shook your head slightly. “Don’t lie to me”, Noah mused, watching as the look in your eyes shifted.

“Noah”, you sighed. “No, don’t cover for him 'cause I saw him leaving your apartment building”, he pushed on. “I slipped Noah”, you clipped back way firmer. “And the door to your apartment opened exactly how?”, Noah mused, crossing his arms over his chest. There was a moment of silence. Your eyes drifted away from him. He could feel it. Felt it right there and then. He was slowly losing you. You were slipping away.

“You should go”, your voice was barely a whisper but hit Noah just as hard. “No, I’m staying because I’m not letting you rot in this toxic environment”, he argued back. Reaching for the button by your bed you let your fingers brush over it. “Whatever he told you… it’s just another handful of lies”, Noah moved to stand beside you, brushing his fingers beneath your chin, but your eyes didn’t meet his.

“Miss, you called?”, a nurse stepped into the room. Making Noah clench his jaw. “He’s leaving”, you stated. “No, I am not”, Noah instantly shook his head. “Sir, hospital rules…”, the nurse warned him. “I know you don’t want this”, Noah pleaded. “Thank you for visiting”, you muttered, turning your face towards the window. “I love you”, he breathed out, “I’ll sit outside your door 'cause I want us do you hear me? I want US, and I'm not going anywhere”, he swallowed thickly trying to keep his emotions at bay. Catching a glimpse of you closing your eyes as silent tears fell down your cheeks, ripping Noah’s heart even more.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

@broken0mens @supersquirrel1996 @lma1986 @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @private-vampire @mayaslifeinabox @niicolelynn

[purple--queen]

What is it with marvel always let their characters falling to their dead???

[srslylini]

I'm so sorry to tell you this OP, a micro expression that I need to pause the show for to see does not equal good writing. A show, and media in general, has to take our hand and guide us through it, I hate this stupid fucking sentence "you just want the show to take your hand" YES I DO, YES MEDIA NEEDS TO.

I don't want it to put everything infront of me and just carry me through it, I want it to fucking MAKE SENSE and GUIDE ME AS IT SHOULD. I do not want to sit here and decipher some weird fucking ass background to see "oh look the curtain split in the background indicates how this character is actually split in their decision🥺". That is NOT how this is meant to work. It is a nice addition but should not take away from actual character development.

Saying people rightfully calling this madness out "have an inability to read in between the lines" when what you are doing is adding your own context the show never gave or just straight up ignoring how "character" in media works

Them fucking in a cell was quite disturbing and disgusting. I'm a lesbian. I should be glad we got a lesbian scene. Yes, it has weird as fuck implications. Why are you talking as if your interpretation is the only one that can be right and now everyone needs to yield to it? Huh. Implications can and will happen unwillingly and willingly, by the way.

Caitlyn has war crimed her way through the Undercity, ruthlessly threw people into prison for no reason (they did actually show that, woah sick right), was ready to SHOOT someone with a child on their person that either would have hit the child or would have left the child with serious trauma, HIT VI INTO HER STOMACH AFTER SAID FACT, TOLD A PERSON WHILE SHE DIDNT YET WANT TO, SHE WOULD THROW HIM INTO THE DEEPEST DARKEST DUNGEONS, called people of the undercity animals, etc.

and you say 🥺actions mean more guys uwu🥺 shut up, genuinely.

Oh plus glorified suicide is never justifiable, wtaf. Do NOT dare to even say "but she lived". They SHOWED HER, a suicidal character, WILLINGLY JUMP WHILE PLAYING THE MUSIC SHE PREVIOUSLY TRIED TO KILL HERSELF WITH. They also made the other 2 characters that attempted sacrifice themselves. I watched this shit. I saw them imply a suicidal characters worth is to die as a sacrifice. This is not redemption. Redemption means a character getting better and hey, I think a character getting better kinda means they have to live, woah insane concept, right? I do not owe anyone any kind of private information about my person to talk about this, BY THE WAY.

They acted as if classism is a thing that simply disappears 🥺when faced with a bigger fiend guysssss die with us in our clothes, ignore how we treated you for years and years and how we killed and imprisoned you injustly and acted as if you were less🥺 yes, they fucked up Implications between Caitlyn and Vi never being addressed is insane. No "actions" (literally huh) do not mean more than words here.

edit: I'm gonna repeat, implication happens and will happen unwillingly and willingly and implications will also not be the same for everyone. If people tell you the implications of episode 7 with Vi's death was weird then that holds as much value as what you say it implies to you.

I knew we would eventually reach a point where masses of people would misinterpret Arcane, but I never imagined it would be this bad.

Yes, I absolutely agree that season 2 was rushed, especially Act 3, and it is undeniable that the series would have benefited from at least one more episode if not an entire act. However, the current discourse about the show is so superficial that it's impossible to have a conversation about anything deeper but a mere synopsis of the characters and story.

So many of you expected this series to hold your hand and dumb everything down so you can understand it. But when it wasn't the case, you all started rioting and calling the characters vague, the plot bad, and the ships underdeveloped.

The amount of people who value spoken text more than the actions of the characters is worrying. And more worrying than that is the amount of those who interpret the said actions so superficially. I can't believe it needs to be explained that it wasn't Vi's death that led to the "good" timeline, but the lack of hextech. The result would have been the same if either of them had died. It wasn't about Vi, but about the child that died because of dangerous technology and that therefore that technology must not be used. The mischaracterization of Vi in general is insane. Call me biased and unfair, but the moment I hear you don't like her I will assume you didn't understand the show.

Also, the whole discourse around Caitvi scene in episode 8 is giving brainsmooth. No, Vi didn't choose Cait over Jinx, quite the opposite. No, Cait didn't plan all of it to fuck Vi. No, Vi didn't do it because she felt forced or because she is a horny animal who doesn't care about her sister. No, them fucking in a cell is not about the class difference, but about the fact that Vi felt an insane rush of emotions after realizing that Cait would let go of her revenge and help Jinx escape, all for her. Yes, I do agree that it would be nice if we got a longer conversation between Vi and Caitlyn and it would feel great to hear Cait apologize, but I'll always value actions over words. Her talking to Jinx, recognizing that she is just as bad as her, and choosing to trust Vi that her sister can change, thus letting Jinx escape will always mean more than any verbal apology and I'll die on that hill.

Also, it was Jinx's decision to let go and walk away. It was not about Vi trying to get to Vander, but about Jinx being tired of everything. Even if that fight didn't happen, the result would be the same: Jinx would leave because she knows that Vi couldn't do that. She knew that the two of them couldn't have a normal life together and that Vi would never give up on her. Jinx didn't "die" because Vi pushed her or failed her, but because she loved her too much. Whether you believe that she is dead or that she escaped, it's her decision either way.

Again, I agree that too much happened too quickly, but stop confusing your stupidity and inability to read between the lines with the quality of the series.

Arcane is flawed but still brilliant.

[inkskinned]

i love my therapist but i hate being in therapy. 10 minutes before my appointment, i'm in a meeting with my boss - we discuss my artistic choices; my boss recommends i artistically choose less. 10 minutes after therapy, i wash my hair and think about everything that was said, and then i have to switch it off, like a lamp, and go back to work again.

i was on a walk the other day and someone had the perfect combination of his cologne and whatever-else. it was almost exactly his scent. i fucking hate that. after all these years, i remember that? i tell my therapist - i feel like a fucking wolf. try telling a middle-aged blonde lady. oh i scented him on the air. i'm 30, and i'm having a panic attack over something that would be a plotline in the omegaverse.

what they don't tell you about mental illness is that if you are lucky enough to survive it into adulthood; it becomes a weird slice of your life. because you do, eventually, have to build a life. i realized in a panic somewhere around 22 - oh. i don't know what i'm fucking doing, because i always assumed i'd just go ahead and die. i didn't die, and i'm grateful for that, and i'm very happy about that choice. but it does mean that i am an adult in an apartment, living with my conditions side-by-side like. oh, that's my roommate, adhd. ignore the glass, bytheway, that's ocd.

so you pick your stupid life up by the scruff of the neck and you're, like glad for it (so much laughter and light and friends you would have never thought possible, when you were in the worst of it). but it feels so strange to be dancing around these odd little microcosms, these patchwork moments of your symptoms. if you have a panic attack at night, you still need to wake up and walk the dog in the morning. if your depression is making everything boring, well, you don't have any sick days left, and a job's not really supposed to be that exciting anyway. your ocd tears out each individual leg hair, and then, an hour later, you sigh, patch up the bloody bits, and go get dinner with friends. and the life is kitten-quiet, mewling and pathetic, but it's also like - it's yours, so you're fond of it.

and it's like - you're real. so you still enjoy pushing the shopping cart really fast and then riding on the back of it down an empty aisle. and you're not, like, so sick anymore that when you accidentally drop a mug you burst into tears (except for the days you do that. which are bad). and no, you're not allowed around certain items anymore. oops! but you've learned to be good about brushing your teeth most days of the week. and yeah sometimes in the middle of the day you have a little freak-out about how fucking unfair it all is, how fucking hard, how other people can just do this without having to fucking hurt the whole time. and then you sigh and force yourself to sit down and fucking journal about it so you can tell the nice middle-aged blonde woman yeah i had a hard day but i practiced grounding. you still sometimes want to burst out of your own skin, but you force yourself to eat kind-of healthy and to take your vitamins. you let yourself chop off all your hair in the sink in a dramatic poetry of control and relief - and you also have developed good hobbies that help you move your body more frequently. you feel helplessly behind, lost in the shuffle - but you also practice gratitude, taking stock of what you have garnered. because you're trying. even if you're never gonna be normal, you have something... close enough.

and the little kitten of your life, this mangy, starlit tigercub, this thing you expected to rot so young: in your arms, it turns itself over, belly-up. exposing this new soft part, all the organs and guts. like it's saying i trust you now. you won't give me up.

[mossytrashcan]

is it considered “new” art if I just repost the gideon update that no one liked the first time

[canneddolts]

unforeseen…….dining

[curlygrant44]

He doesn't believe his ears. He really, really doesn't believe them, but he listens patiently and hopes to find something in what Sunshine says that will make sense.

And then it does.

He laughs, a breathy little puff of air that's laden with astonishment -- and relief.

"You...don't tell me, that's what you meant? About...kissing me anywhere I'd like?" He flushes, trailing off into a mumble and tracing the collar of Sunshine's shirt with his eyes to avoid having to make eye contact while they're so close and he's so flustered. "...when you say it like that it sounds like you're offering to..."

No. He absolutely can't finish that sentence. His face is burning with the embarrassment of even saying as much as he did, but...

At the same time, Pumpkin doesn't feel cold anymore, and the ache is gone. It's been replaced, by a tentative, fluttering warmth.

It doesn't matter what he was offering to kiss. Even if it's only his cheek, the fact that he feels the same...and he does, doesn't he?

He...does understand, right?

The mention of friendship worries him, forcing him to meet Sunshine's gaze again, as apprehensive as he feels still.

He has to take a chance, and lay his cards bare. Maybe he'll be lucky enough and it will still be true...and even if it isn't, at least he knows that he's still cared for, that he's loved in some way.

"...you know I'm not talking about a friendly kind of love, don't you? That...that I mean...desire, Sunshine. Every kind."

Perri stares miserably at their can of soup. They fish through it with a spoon, but every time they think to try eating it, a wave of nausea hits her. After a while of just sitting there sadly he drops the spoon and looks up at Wolfrum. "Want mine? I can't eat." He mutters.

He can't stop thinking of Jimmy, of watching the life and air leave him so quickly. Silently, he's glad for this moment of respite. They haven't meaningfully spoken to each other since sitting down, aside from occasional questioning about the food. They'll need to talk soon, though.

After all, there's a corpse on the ship, and captains to question.

She sighs and pushes the can over to Wolfrum. "We'll need to find them soon, figure out what they knew, and we'll need to..." Dispose of the body. He can't finish the sentence; the words linger unsaid and he buries his face in his hands. "We'll need to finish here soon."

In such a centralised area of the ship, it's probably more likely that the captains find them rather than the other way around, but it doesn't matter. It's not like they know what happened, yet.

( @surprise-its-safety-violations @curlygrant44 @the-captain-of-the-tulpar )

[justfriendsbestthings]

If I were Linda and my 16 year old son was sitting at home, with red rimmed eyes, both his friends there, when I was meant to pick him up from school to go to the police station to report a crime done to him, refusing to go now and saying ‘if everyone’s just going to protect themselves and their families, then I’m going to do the same’ I would have so many questions. Soooo many questions. Come on Linda, I know you don’t like confrontation but come on!!

[quaranmine]

On Wednesday before I gave my presentation I confessed to a new employee that I was worried it would be too long and she brightly told me her life hack was to just let AI rewrite things for her. She said I should put in all my talking points and ask ChatGPT to give me a five minute exactly presentation. I was like....how is the most polite possible way (since this is a new colleague I shouldn't get off on the wrong foot with) that I can express that I will Not be taking this advice. Ever. I told her that I didn't think we were allowed to use ChatGPT at this job (we most certainly are not, it is a nightmare for any type of protected information) and also that I prefer to write all of my own work. Despite my best efforts the last part of that was still passive aggressive, lol.

Something about being a writer makes it so that it's almost offensive to me for someone to suggest I use AI to do my work instead? Like, the day I reach the point where I let AI write something for me is the day y'all need to be checking me for brain damage because clearly I'm losing it

[romcomxdd]

anyone else just kinda need bradley bradshaw being an asshole in a biblical sense? no? just me? okay

[worldisahouseonfire]

This really helps to read. There's a lot of pressure in institutions and congregate living situations to make friends with the other people there. But I don't do well with this sort of nonconsensual setup, where I can't actually get away from the would-be friends if I need a break from them to evaluate how I'm feeling about an interaction or connection.

Reminds me of something from a RealSocialSkills post called 'Autism awareness for aides,' something like "honest loneliness is better than being surrounded by people who everyone says are nice but don't treat you well or think you are real."

And something Terry Pratchett wrote in 'I Shall Wear Midnight,' about how sometimes two people are both outcasts but come to find out, painfully, that they're not outcasts in the same/compatible ways.

In my experience Autistics can be way more different to each other than non-Autistics are to each other. All of us being outcasts, or treated as 'weird' by normative society, does not necessarily mean that we have anything in common other than our exclusion. And that by itself can be a very painful thing to bond over. Especially in the absence of any independent enjoyment of spending time with one another.

But it still hurts and feels extra-isolating to be in congregate settings with other socially rejected people, and see that they are able to make friends and connections with one another. Especially with the overwhelming (sometimes unspoken) narrative that the whole reason we're isolated and stuck in these places is some lack of arbitrary and universal 'social skills,' so failure to get along with people who have been arbitrarily thrown together with me feels like a sort of universal social death sentence. Like I will always be surrounded by people I don't want as friends, and this social failure will be All My Fault.

This is why, though, I am so glad that most of my life I have had a computer and reached out online for social connection. My closest friends are sometimes two or three timezones away, or even on the other side of the world, but they remind me that with the right people, I'm not a total social failure. And that spending time with other people doesn't have to feel like being in a car wreck -- uncertain what happened, afraid it was somehow my fault, wondering what lengthy consequences I might be facing, not even sure if I'm hurt or how badly.

My friends far away show me how it feels to be myself with people, to let the soft animal of my body rest in the (virtual) presence of others. And we do more for each other than anyone I know in meatspace, not because we feel obliged to, but because it makes sense.

Without my laptop, I would not survive congregate and institutional living situations. I would not keep fighting and striving to get out and stay out, and support my friends in all their efforts to break free and stay free from coercive shared living situations.

It makes sense to not always be able to make friends in settings and places not of our choosing. Where the only thing we may have in common with others there is our inability to leave, to make different choices who we spend our days with. In school, in employment, in families, in neighborhoods and sometimes housing, we often have limited pools of people with whom we interact. The chances of them being My/Your/Our People are ludicrously small.

I think it's okay for it to be harder to find friends. Especially as an adult, and especially when going through rough times. It's okay to not make friends with people you have to spend a lot of time around.

(I hope so, anyway. 'Cause where I'm living, and who I'm living with right now, is *not at all* where I want to be.)

“Because I could see that all these kids were weird and even they didn’t accept me, I knew I was the strangest one of all.”

—

Sean Barron, There’s A Boy In Here

Describing what happened to him in institutions.  I once attempted to describe this phenomenon in a book review of someone autistic who’d managed to make a lot of friends in institutions.  I was trying to just say our experiences had been different, but he somehow managed to take it as an insult, and to get his blog followers to write about how wonderful he was for being able to do something I hadn’t been able to do.  Which, of course, made me feel even worse: Other autistic people were able to make friends in institutions, so why were such experiences so few and far between for me? Was I defective somehow, even for an autistic person?  Was I showing how i wasn’t the right kind of autistic person, the kind who in their teens could somehow manage to make friends because they were so sweet and nice? 

I wasn’t sweet and nice, I was weird and strange and sticking out in all the wrong directions.  And many times, I would come to a mental institution and within seconds everyone would judge me to be the ward outcast.  I’ve talked to lots of autistic people who had this experience.  It turns out it’s not rare after all, and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us, it just means we’re not among the rare autistic people who do manage to make lots of friends in such places.  And they aren’t better than us, and we aren’t better than them, we’re just different.  But it took me a long time to be able to see this, especially with grown parents of autistic children, who should’ve known better, harping on a very young adult autistic person for saying hir experiences were different than someone else’s.

(via autiequotes)

[dreamlandcreations]

Imagine getting into an arranged marriage with Shanks...

Imagine getting into an arranged marriage with Shanks. Your business rival. Your nemesis...

Just so you could secure your claim on the inheritance of the company from the woman that practically adopted you but whose yellow-eyed devil of a son is suddenly hell bent on keeping it for himself.

[all-i-do-is-live-in-daydreams]

I can't get over every little thing spencer reid does. like his little mannerisms are EVERYTHING TO ME. The way he talks with his hands, how he presses his middle finger to his thumb and rubs them together sometimes or moves it as if he's writing when talking, the way he scrunches his face up sometimes, the way he wrings his hands at all really like just playing with the fingers of his other hand or sometimes I've seen him just press his knuckles together and rub them together, the thin lipped pressed together smile he does as he awkwardly waves to new people he's being introduced to, when his hair is a long enough length and he tucks it behind his ears all the time. I think he does both sides sometimes and and and UGHHHHH I LOVE HIM