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#Does anyone want/need this kind of thing tagged?
gemini-atz · 12 hours
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Seonghwa as your Boyfriend₊˚⊹♡
('Realistic Imagines' + Astrology Based)
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Background/Disclaimer: !!This is all my own interpretation based on my personal astrology knowledge and research. I consider myself an amateur!!
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✩Gemini Notes✩ IDK what happened but I ended up getting really into writing the NSFW part of this and it got long so I'm making a part 2 for it which I'll post tomorrow night! I'll create a link at the end of this post and in my Astrology Series Pinned post. If you'd like a tag please comment!
SEONGHWA SUN Aries MOON Cancer MERCURY Aries VENUS Aquarius MARS Aries
Dating Seonghwa is pretty much like being with your best friend. He's such a caretaker and protector in your life almost from the moment he enters it. You guys probably had a base of friendship for a bit before you started dating, and it would have probably (definitely) been you crushing on Seonghwa hard first before he even notices his own feelings for you.
Aquarius Venus and really anyone with their Venus in an Air sign tend to seek intellectual or stimulating connections with people before falling romantically. For Seonghwa his partner should be someone he also considers a close friend. He'd be like the guy you'd meet in your second year of college in class because you were put in a group for an assignment and of COURSE you two turned out to be the only two that even gave a shit and tried. Showing a sincere interest in his hobbies or likes would really endear him to you, and he would try to return the favor by getting into yours. For Seonghwa, a comfortable kind of friends to lovers thing is ideal. He loves spending quality time with you but his idea of quality time is very much giving parallel play, where you both do your own thing in the same room, maybe listening to a playlist you made together. With his three Aries placements, he has the potential to have a really explosive temper. It's a little diminished by his Moon in Cancer but he's probably the type of guy who holds in all his annoyances until he can just get them out at the end of the day either through his hobbies or physical activity. Basically, he likes to keep his mind focused and his hands busy. Air Venus signs can come off as aloof occasionally to other passionate signs who literally want to be with you all the time. He's the kind of boyfriend that will give you some space if you need it, because he'll need it too. You'll be soooo tempted to go an interrupt him when he's focused on his Legos because he's just so beautiful and cute when he's focusing but the thing he loves about you is how much understanding you always give him; its all you can do to just kiss his forehead and go to read a book while laying on the couch. Eventually he'd come over to you, bouncy and energized and flop onto the couch, wiggling up to rest his face into your chest and wrapping warm, solid arms around you. "Can I show you the set I just built?" He'd ask, and of course you say yes! His eyes get so sparkly while he shows it off to you, smiling so proudly at your reactions. If you're a person who loves being spontaneous or adventurous with your plans, having Seonghwa as your boyfriend means you two will genuinely have a lot of fun together. He's the boyfriend that wants genuinely does want to go to art museums and fashion archive exhibits with you, and you guys can chat excitably about your opinions of different works, be it games, anime, fashion or music. As a couple, you are always ready to try something new and probably always have weekend plans.
As a Cancer Moon Seonghwa might gravitate toward the caretaker role in your relationship and tends to anticipate your own needs before you do, just doing little actions to look after you, like preparing your coffee or tea in the morning while you rush around getting ready for work. He isn't super big on PDA, maybe holding hands in public is as much as he's comfortable with but once you're alone....he's your personal giant teddy bear. So many hugs, so many cuddle sessions where you both play on your Switches and pause occasionally to show each other something cool or cute in your game.
You'll end up thinking its funny that some people have the impression your boyfriend is quiet or shy; If he's not saying anything, he just might not be interested in the conversation. Once you get him talking about his interests he's a certified YAPPER. And, surprisingly one of the most stubborn people you have ever met. Like, good luck feeling like you can ever "win" an argument. With both a Sun and Mars in Aries, Seonghwa feels like he can give you energy just from being near him. Aries men tend to have a lot of physical stamina and can push themselves pretty far in that aspect.
Which brings me to my next point......
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NSFW
I see Seonghwa as someone who eventually gets into orgasm denial on his partner because of just how long he can go for. That Aries stamina feels like he's the type who can cum and be ready to go again faster than you were expecting.
Read More (WIP)...
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kanrix · 2 days
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AGE REGRESSION CLAY HEADCANON TIME OOO BOY.. I may or may not have some yapping to do about this..
First off, I saw the 2 tags specifically on the answer you gave that caught my attention. I do feel Clay definitely bites his nails or his thumb.. With age regression (spoken from someone who has an issue with this) I definitely think he does suck his thumb or gnaw at it a little if he's overstimulated in a way.. specifically in fetal position. I may just be saying this out of solely what I do but.. yeah.
The whole urine thing as well. I think like the bed wetting definitely has something to do with age regression and bladder issues due to overuse of alcohol, being a responsive thing that just kind of happens reflexively.. most likely with a nightmare or something.
Also think he does things subconsciously while he's asleep like for one, clinging onto his pillow as well as tossing and turning. I think he gets restless while asleep, and maybe that's why he ends up responding that way. (bed wetting, being restless, etc.)
There's another thing that could fall into the restless category but I may return to that sometime after this ask.
I don't really want to get into the egg thing because. first off since its uncomfortable a bit for me to talk about myself and. also since Sinvilles could do a better analyzation post about it than anyone, i fear.
with clays hair curl I have a few random things with that. that could very likely be tagged on with this in a way maybe. I think he may have had a habit of twirling that thing a bit..
I think he had issues at school with bullying and constantly tried to get attention and make himself the rage bait.. clearly it ends up working. He'd go home bloodied a lot to Aurther and he'd brush it off, not care, almost scold him for it, but then stopping himself, pretend not to notice, or just not notice entirely.
which made clays sacrifice rant happen, specifically because he wanted that attention again and wasn't able to get. which maybe could be why he kept his distance from Orel, just because of how his father was absent for a while after giving clay old gunny. and he didn't want to look at Orel because he felt mad at Orel and himself a little because he wasn't 'Man' enough and Clay himself couldn't make him something he saw himself in. so it made him feel the need to be distant with something he didn't feel connected to, felt more like Blobertas child than his own.
"weak, and passive. and ultimately broken by the ones who were made the fittest!! and that through your weaknesses you built up a poison.. that poisoned others around you.. that you loved. and the only true justice was to let those dominant jackals feed on you.. survive of you."
I truly believe he was age regressing here. back to when he would try so desperately to get his fathers attention that he craved and somehow failed no matter what he did. and he let everyone pick on him and make himself stand out specifically because it would make him feel at least some sort of affection other than being ignored. negative attention is still attention nonetheless right?
There's still more too it than that I just need more time to get my thoughts collected..
extra little side note ::
with clays hair curl I have a few random things with that age regression that could very likely be tagged on with this in a way maybe. I think he may have had a habit of twirling that thing a bit..
Clearly the more reasoned option being he snipped off a chunk of his hair when he was younger so it just never grew out enough and it just kinda just wouldn't stay back.. either that or he does his hair every morning and tries to make his hair perfect every morning cuz he's kind of a freak when it comes to that I think..
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bitchface24-7 · 19 hours
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A small idea that popped into my brain 💡
This is totally random but I would love to read a Jason Todd fic a la John Wick style. Everything is still the same (relatively)
Jason is adopted by Bruce the same way (stealing the batmobile tires)
Jason becomes Robin
He’s great at it! He’s happy, kind, and a great relief to see for the citizens of Gotham
He and Dick eventually get around to having a lukewarm brotherly relationship
He still gets murdered by the Joker and somehow miraculously wakes up 6 months later in his grave (somehow. That’s up to you)
Here’s where it differs: More below ⬇️
The League of Assassin’s still picks him up and Talia trains him, eventually becoming like a mom to him
and he is a brother to Damian
Jason subsequently gets sent on missions, The Continental Hotels are run by the LoA
Due to his extensive training with both Bruce and Talia, Jason is quite a formidable enemy; even more so since the Pit fixed his years of malnutrition
He’s efficient. So efficient that he’s made quite the reputation.
Like in the first John Wick film (all the films tbh), the antagonist goes to his son,
“I don’t care about what you did, son. I care about who you did it to.”
“Who? That fuckin’ nobody?”
“That. Fuckin. Nobody. Is John Wick Jason al Ghul.”
The “Pit Madness” is barely there, only flaring up when Jason is under extreme duress (such as rage or heavy fear)
Due to this reputation, Jason has no trouble overtaking the crime syndicates in Gotham. We saw how effective he was in UtRH (I did this in two hours. Wanna see what I can do in a whole evening?) imagine him now a la John Wick. Unstoppable.
He went back to Gotham both to kill the Joker but to make sure Damian was okay
Jason holds resentment towards the rest of his family (excluding Alfred) to him, his death was meaningless. Jokers still alive hurting people, there’s a new Robin.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Jason is going to change that.
Jason doesn’t attack Tim. He’s just a kid, a teenager. His anger is more directed towards Bruce (“You’re not my son. I don’t need your teenage rebellion.” and the fact it seems he so easily replaced him.), Dick (why does Tim get to be Dick’s brother but not Jason? What’s so bad about him?) and even Barbara when she resented him for replacing Dick as Robin. Misdirecting her anger into a kid rather than Bruce.
Damian is proud to call Jason his brother and only addresses him with the al Ghul surname. Not Todd. Not Wayne. Not Todd-Wayne. al Ghul. Jason is an al Ghul down to his bone marrow, he gets affectionately called Ahki (brother)
This makes the rest of the fam stir crazy. Who is he? Is he Bruce’s kid? What’s his goal, his plan? Why’s he in Gotham now?
Dun Dun DUNNNNN There’s an identity reveal
Idk what else to add but I’d DIE to have a fic with this concept. I love Jason so much. Especially all the Jason and Damian meet in the League fics on AO3.
If anyone wants to write this, tag me!!! Please! My AO3 handle is queenie__v. Just give me credit for the premise and I’ll devour the fic you write like it’s ambrosia from the gods. Ps. Please give Jason the white patch in his hair, thanks ❤️
Xoxo love y’all!
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prettyboykatsuki · 2 days
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u know im down bad when reading that barou post and paying attention to the "oliver loves pissing him off and posting him" tag and Thats what affects me. even tho i love barou too. WICKED SKJDHF i need him so bad what....... do u think he does this to u too or hes not much of a poster of his partner :33 idk myself
oliver posts a lot but not you if you are actually dating. this is not for jealousy or bc of his commitment issues but for a secret third thing (he knows his fanbase is kind of… well. weird about him. and doesn’t want u to be the target of their vitriol lol) so he usually casually manages to avoid even mentioning his relationship and it never slips either he’s very careful. i honestly don’t think anyone finds out until he’s like . almost retired or for years.
he also likes / prefers you not being in the public eye it makes you more special to him. likes your very personal instagram with a silly bio and all of your friends from hs on it he loves being apart of that uncorrupted
it’s like. physically impossible to have an easy relationship and i think he always sort of feels like he’s corrupted you simply being with him even if you don’t think that so he wants to preserve as much of you as he can. him and sae are similar in this light
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works-of-magic · 8 months
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Shedinja Mail. A flier for @the-wonderguard-project . "For a Traditional Experience, For the Future."
...
You know, for a moment I was really excited to see that Shedinja. Very neat little bug-ghosts! Shame the little guy's attached to these people.
I wonder if they know I'm nonbinary... Xe/xir user at that. Do they know I'm aroace and will never get married?
And I wonder if they know I specialize in ghost types? Because all the old-fashioned trainers I know believe in the superstitions about them... That was one of the reasons I used ghosts in contests way back when. I wanted to show people how beautiful they could be... That's why I give seminars on how wonderful ghosts are... That's why I run this breeding center with so much pride, because somebody has to love these guys, and Sinnoh's "traditions" of fear and superstition run deep.......
...Oh?
Mistress came over to see what I'm staring at, and after a brief explanation, she wants to curse them and use this flier as a taglock!
I think that's a grand idea. Let's call it "direct action". ;}P
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wickjump · 28 days
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grrr cross whump… grrrr making him suffer… grrrr giving him extreme amounts of injury and blood soaking his bones… grrr…
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californiaquail · 2 months
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was hanging out with someone today and she was talking about how she would shoot the hawks and eagles if they went after her indoor/outdoor cat and i had to struggle to keep a straight face. there is an EASY fucking solution to this problem that doesn't involve killing federally protected wildlife OR your poor damn cat. who got in a fight last night and left fur all over the place.
#by hanging out with i mean she is the owner of the quarter horse mare that was here and she wanted me to come down when the farrier came?#the farrier is cool but he did give her some stupid fucking fearmongering pamphlet written by this idiot racist ~whistleblower~ about how#“They” (?) are going to be rationing peoples water and the dude is like blaming the local tribe for it....get the fuck over yourself buddy#the entire state is in a drought. disrespectfully. go fuck yourself#trump ass county for fucking real this is why i wanted to move to the next county over or at least the next town over in this county#like. not to dox myself but i live in thee bellwether county for presidential elections and these cunts are not voting blue let me tell you#it's all these retired fucking republicans!!!! god damn it there are so manyyyyyyyyy i don't know if i can do it guys#also i was talking to this woman about biking/hiking on the olympic discovery trail and she was like oh i've had some bad shit happen to me#on that trail and i'm like oh like what? and shes like#oh well one time this guy was living in the woods and i called the cops on him but they didn't care or do anything about it.#and instead of saying “why the fuck did you call the cops on somebody who wasn't even bothering you” and “what the fuck is your problem”#and “can't believe i'm saying this but the cop was actually the correct one in this situation” i had to be like oh huh :/#anyway literally nothing bad happened to her on the odt and people are kind of just heartless about homeless people#ALSO she was talking about when she was very sick on her recent trip to hawaii (...) and “not caring” about people worrying about her havin#covid like well actually the way you say that does reveal that you Do actually have a little dust bunny of shame about your shitty behavior#somewhere deep under the laminate tile of your soul and you fucking Know that's a shitty fucking way to act but youre doing it anyway. lol!#and this is such a very standard example of almost everyone i've met here. i'm going insane none of you have basic compassion or decency#for people you don't already care about. We Live In A Fucking Society WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.#i have to stop bitching it's after midnight but this was my first real contact with another person for the last 12 days#(BECAUSE i fucking had covid and i was isolating like a normal person instead of being a dumb entitled fucking asshole about it)#and it was just soooo peppered with this selfish fucking libertarian nonsense the whole time it is SO frustrating holy shit#i have to be nice to this woman because she wants my help with her horse (who needs my help frankly) and she's lived here her whole life so#she has thee connections and has also offered to help me get a car which i can't tell how serious she is but we need to be on good terms#jesus christ. hey if anyone is reading this and you read the whole thing and you read my tag essays regularly we have to get legally marrie#you know too much. wedding in november#me
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skrunksthatwunk · 10 months
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aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)
#god they're the only healthy part of this unholy mind-palace love triangle/throuple aren't they#they could have been the worst qpr/throuple in your social circle. like just insufferable when they're not getting along#if griffith hadn't [oh god oh fuck oh jesus christ] all over everything even remotely good in his life anyway#poor casca's in love with a gay man and then falls for his not-quite-boyfriend and when not-quite-boyfriend reciprocates said gay man fucki#g. Does The Eclipse Stuff. at least partially to get back at you two. oh my godd#i'm sorry i'm so not normal about them. it's starting to leak out into the blog bc i'm finally having a Berserk Moment since starting tumbl#but whewwwww. gotta get this outta my system#hope this wall of text makes sense oops <3#berserk#berserk 1997#how do i even tag their thang. their disastrous just horrible agonizing 3 guy dynamic. hm.#gutsca#griffguts#don't even know if anyone tags for griffith and casca. fair because 1) he raped her. yikes 2) he just straight up isn't into her#and i don't know if there's a tag for the three of them but trial and error led to nothing#but i wanna talk about their dynamic. their. (gestures wildly) whatever. it's not about thinking griffith should kiss anyone it's about lik#the agony. the pining and the torment and whatever miura so beautifully crafted for me specifically. sheesh#hope it's clear that i Don't Want Them To Be An Uwu Little Polycule Bc Casca Should Not Be In A Cutesy Throuple With Her Rapist#it's more that i think they kind of are or almost are part of this (gestures wildly again). Thing. with each other and i wanna talk about i#same with griffguts like oh man they should NOT be in a relationship. but i have this deep intense Need to study them and frankly they're#kind of crazy about each other for a while. like they care about each other so so much it's crucial to all three of their characters.#so it's kind of unavoidable. and i wanna talk about it. and have this read by people who also want to talk about it. yeah? yeah.#(and yeah i think griffith raping casca was about her and guts. like 'fuck you for making him okay with leaving me' type of vibe. even#though it wasn't her fault he's just. god. but it sure as hell isn't Mostly about casca because griffith's making eye contact like the Whol#time with guts. he makes him watch. it's just. shooooooooooo aughhhhghhghh fucking. jesus christ. that or it's the fear that his two most#important pawns are going to leave him Together and he just. can't deal with that. especially after the torture internment thing.#he's so weak and he was so close to his dream and now it's falling apart and they're leaving him and he can't even move. it's about making#damn sure they can't escape him or forget him ever again.#or maybe it's even a 'you can't have her she's mine' to guts but it's still largely like. spiteful/about possessing her as a soldier/human#because i don't think you could convince me it's about having her as a lover or about controlling/hurting/possessing her body.)
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goldenpinof · 3 months
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#long talk in tags incoming i guess#i don't understand why people keep following me when everything i do is complaining lately#and not about dnp per se. but about how the work is done and how their team *coughs* martyn *coughs* is handling stuff#i'm just looking at all this mess and i can't agree with basically anything#everything goes against my beliefs when it comes to work organisation. customer focus and etc.#and i'm trying SO hard to mildly help for free. and i'm just getting ignored. but that's like.. basic fixing and shit#any decent company would do it and say thank you for noticing and letting us know#but not irl merch lmao#and it all feels and looks like a massive joke#and i'm so so tired to basically pay for existence of this mess#i'm rethinking a lot of tour related decisions i made. and i know the reason i made them was about travelling more than the show itself#so i don't completely regret it#i'm just so tired of being spat in the face (figuratively speaking) over and over again#and tired of no one taking their job seriously ffs#neither martyn nor dnp nor their fucking editors#and i'm doing all that not for attention or whatever. but because I really care for the words to be correct and for the fucking text..#.. to be in the middle. like idc about the credit or WHO i need to ask for it to be fixed. i just want it to be fixed#so it looks good and how it should look#like. it's not that hard to put a little care into the things you do and getting paid for#I don't understand how it became so normalized. how being a bad manager is okay if you work with a fanbase and you're a 'small company'#a small company who has more than enough money to hire people to check things btw. if only anyone cared#i'm just so so tired of caring. because apparently it's not something everyone else does.#and i can let it slide when it comes to dnp. they are not being literally hired to do it. but others..... yeah#today was a moment when i thought 'that's a perfect opportunity to leave. enough.'#but the tour is in 1.5 months and i have tickets so i can't leave lmao#what kind of joke that is? oh and i know i'm fully responsible for this mild breakdown#personal
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cinnamon-bunni · 28 days
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NOT okay right now im thinking abt pokemon leaving scars on their trainers + everyday, domestic problems.....
#this is abt my top gun au btw <3333 which will forever haunt me even though im less likely to write it everyday </3333#like.....getting thin scars from rowlet as a kid which have now all basically faded to time#(though the ones gained as a teen from dartrix can still be seen)#while in the other hand always having angry red scratches along both arms because hes always holding up rufflet who fights like no tomorrow#(believe me; its better to hold him up and take the damage than put him down and let rufflet pick a fight with someone)#OR like....getting electrical burns because elekid doesnt know how to control its discharge yet. and the scars that stay bc of that#(which tbh is an ash + pikachu thing i would love to see)#or how one accidental poison jab from toxicroak will leave you utterly sick for days#(like serious he should probably go to a hospital or smth) and toxi just has the biggest saddest puppy dog eyes in existence it feels so ba#(its fine this has happened before he'll be fine. probably)#bruisings on your shins bc pawmot punches your legs to grab your attention or to get smth it wants....#rooms always being like ten to twenty degrees colder (or even more) when he has his ice pokemon out for whatever reason...#the reverse of that with fire types..... ough...#having to BEG flygon not to fly rn bc it starts a sandstorm every fucking time and it does it anyway#(PLEASE i took you out of your ball to eat dinner why cant yiu behave this one time)#and then dragonair fixing it to be clear skies again.....the never ending cycle....#any trainer who have pokemon that start sandstorm needing a pair of safety goggles for when they battle#(maybe even bringing a spare just in case or--if theyre kind enough--for their opponent to wear so they can see too)#dont even get me started on mythical pokemon interacting with the tg characters.....#anyway tried to stay as vague as possible for the characters lolol#bergmite is just a lil guy who wants to be carried around like all the other small 'mons....i am so sorry sweetie you are over 200 pounds#you cannot be perched on your trainers shoulder like someone else's rufflet can#having ice burns bc froslass tried to freeze him.....#anyway. can you tell i love pokemon#sorry to anyone who sees this in the pokemon tag </333#delete later#i feel like im begging on my knees for someone to ask abt my au....but also if they did id die of embarrassment from answering it...#the pros and cons of having a dumb little au </3#sigh maybe one day i'll write a fic... (<-keeps saying it but has written nothing for it (yet))
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indi-glo-archive · 3 months
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ppl who only conditionally care about child abuse based on whether the victim makes them uncomfy while they're being abused contribute to a real life child's abuse by sending hate asks regularly, attempting to gaslight them, calling them terrible names, accusing them of terrible things, telling them directly how much they hate the characters the child relates to and enjoys talking about, and being generally racist and ableist in a way that seriously might have scarred me for life, making a literal teenager hate their hobbies, favorite shows, and the people who enjoy those things, and ultimately cyberbullying a child out of multiple fandoms because they don't want to think critically or acknowledge their own faults, all while being 35 and really embarrassing themselves because someone half their age has a better grasp on the concept of nuance than them: more at 6
but noooo, y'all "love neurodivergent/disabled people," have "racists/ableists DNI" in your bios, and don't say slurs, which is all you have to do to not be racist/ableist, so *I'm* some psycho black bitch and you're a wittle angel like the fictional character you infantilize
(P.S. I swear to fucking god if people respond to this post with "but he sexually assaulted someone" and ignore literally every other personality trait/experience he had that could've been relatable to a child abuse survivor and the way people mistreated me, a real human being, which Charlie is not by the way, I will start doing the things you wanted to do to Ben)
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Perverse intrusive thoughts manifesting themselves in dreams is the actual worst.
#Especially with the timing of this one#Brain… have some fucking respect for the dead#ugh ugh ugh#[throws up]#The worst thing is I’m so used to them that I barely feel disgusted anymore#I’m not sure if I can properly tag this as OCD anymore because I’ve kind of kicked the worst of it with incidental exposure therapy#and straight up ignoring everything until it went away like a petulant child’s attention-seeking behavior#At one time this would have distressed me about one hundred times more than it is right now#Like if I still do have it: it’s more in the form of “just right” in which I talk to myself in the mirror#and constantly correct my sentence structure and say the same things over and over again so it comes out “normal sounding”#but that could just be scripting too??? so idk#I mean talking to myself in the mirror is pretty disruptive when I need to go to sleep (the mirror is across from my bed)#or generally do things#but it’s kind of a fun activity#The activity itself does not cause me distress and it’s pretty useful sometimes#I use what I’ve said to myself in the mirror in real conversation; my speech is smoother and less choppy as a result#Because if I don’t plan what I want to say; I get so hung up on certain details that I fuck up the chronological order of events#This way I have an outline if anyone mentions certain subjects#Plus I can vent and be ugly (uglier than I am on here) and no one gets hurt#I also vent on here because I don’t have a captive audience; people can choose not to read it#It’s impersonal#It’s my thoughts and feelings with my presence removed from the situation so no one is locked into conversation#vent post
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girl-bateman · 2 years
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Intense nausea at work, feel like pure shit 🤢
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girlgen1us · 4 months
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feel so stupidly horribly miserably painfully Bad . Lol
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neverendingford · 1 year
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#tag talk#I've started using music to fall asleep to. because if you watch a video and start to feel sleepy but then stop once you close the video?#the answer is to leave the video running while you fall asleep of course#I'm using music not talking so I don't dream funky and sleep restlessly.#it probably says horrible things about my ability to calm down. rest. and not need distraction. but anything that helps right?#idk. the brain's inability to sit with any sort of quiet. any sort of space to think.#I can't stand when nothing is happening because then I have time to think my own thoughts.#I'm just high school again. which... yeah I'm stressed to hell so it makes sense. but it's annoying and a little disappointing#disappointing that enough stress can just revert me back. I know I'll bounce back faster and more healthily because of the work I've done#but it's still annoying to be back in this same place#how can you move on when you're constantly visiting your old self?#is it nostalgia? trauma? a secret other thing? perhaps all of them at once? I don't know.#I can never be estranged from my bio sex because I'm him all the time.#things get bad and I'm just that terrified little kid who's convinced everyone can read his mind and hates him and wants to hurt him.#and then I'm older me. angry and ready to hurt anyone who touches us. because I'm fucking done with getting pushed around#but I want to get back to me. I want to get back to smiling and laughing so hard I have to lie down on the cold kitchen tile to calm down#one of my minecraft kids told me yesterday that his face hurt from smiling so much while talking to me. that's the kind of person I am now#and I want to be that. I want to be her. I want to be me. I'm so tired of bouncing between past and present.#what does it say that my protective mode is a man and my emotionally honest mode is a woman? idk#trans men often live more emotionally honest and authentic when they transition. obviously my experience will be limited data#I don't think it means anything except the inherent fear that is perhaps characterized so often in trans-women experiences#the fear that becoming myself is somehow reductive of gender roles. the fear that I'm confirming some deeply held bias#which is bullshit. I can be who I want. and I certainly can be who I AM. I just. I want to be me. I want to lose the pressure#because sharing my experiences with others in a way that improves other people's lives is what I want from life.#hmmmm. just had a thought about how minecraft allows me to express whichever side of me I want.#the eager insufferable know it all kid who just wanted to create the world in his own image.#the paranoid and nervous maniac who just wanted everything ordered properly and for it to stay predictable for even just two fucking minutes#and me. the one who wants to create things with others. to engineer collaborative experiences and to build others up and make them happier#idk. I vibe with a lot of stuff I read about did but I really don't match so none of this is trying to pretend or co-opt identity.#but idk. I'm so tired of being split between these eras of my life and getting thrown back into one of those people when things get bad
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angelltheninth · 2 months
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Love and Deepspace Men Dealing with Jealousy
Pairing: Zayne, Rafayel, Xavier, Sylus x Fem!Reader
Tags: fluff, slightly suggestive, kissing, jealousy, marking, protectiveness
A/N: Kind of an a LADS high right now.
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Zayne doesn't see his jealousy as a bad thing, he sees it as him protecting you from men who want to take advantage of you, which happens to be a many cause he has the cutest, sexiest girlfriend. He drags you into the bathroom, into one of the stalls, pulls your shirt down and sucks so many hickeys on your neck and the top of your breasts. If any man looks at you now it will be more than obvious that you're taken by someone who means business.
Rafayel gets in between you and those he is jealous of, he asserts himself right away, not wanting anyone to miss how his arm wraps around you. Clearly he needs to give some more clear signals that you're his girlfriend, if you're okay with it, from now on he will kiss you a lot more often. Well he kind of planned on it already but this a convenient excuse as he has possible deniability of his jealous and possessiveness.
Xavier insists that you are his and he is yours, there's nothing and no one who can change that, he won't let anyone tear you apart. Admittedly that does sound a little dramatic but in his work he can never be too sure of things, like how long he will be gone for or if someone will catch your eye while he's gone. He likes sending lots of voice messages and texts, and video calls at night, he misses you, he misses your voice, he wants you to know he loves you.
Sylus never pulls any punches when it comes to showing his jealous side, be it in private or in public. He can get very possessive, pulling you in his lap, calling you his girl, licking your neck slowly before kissing you deeply and trailing his hands up and down your back, stopping just short of going under your shirt. Likes it when he notices other men getting jealous of him being the one who gets to do these things with you, the only one.
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