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thealiaamir · 3 years ago

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Lilith

History:

Lilith was the original Eve, created from the same soil as Adam. Her name comes from the Babylonian “Lilitu” meaning “female demon” or “wind spirit”. When Adam insisted that he should be dominant, Lilith dared to question him. After all, they were crafted from the same Earth. She wished only to be equal, but was demonized for this. She was, thus, cast out of Eden. Allegedly, she created thousands of demon spawn and devoured infants by the bucketful. These accusations are falsehoods, crafted by those fearful of her righteous autonomy. Any havoc Lilith wrought was only out of woundedness, like the actions of a feral animal. She was shunned for speaking truth.

The “me too” movement is an expression of Lilith, where women show solidarity for the abuses they’ve suffered in silence. It is Lilith who exposes patriarchal corruption. Women become likened to banshees when they dare show rage. However, it would be limited to interpret Lilith only from the perspective of gender-based conflict. She is pure gut-instinct and extends far beyond sexual independence.

Lilith represents one’s ability to say “no” to what doesn’t feel right. She is pure root-chakra wisdom. The knowledge of the earth, muddy and messy. In one’s chart, she shows where you can become in-touch with your own body-wisdom. It’s this feeling in your stomach that says “heck yes!!!” or “this person makes my skin crawl.” Such intuition doesn’t align with left-brained, scientific modes of analysis.

The Signs/Houses:

Much like the asteroid chiron, Lilith represents a rejection wound in one’s chart. It’s where you speak your truth and no one wants to hear it. You put your heart on the line, but your desire for connection made someone cringe. You state your needs, and people ask “why do you have to be so difficult???” All you want is for someone to see the ferocious warmth beneath your intensity.

*if you have Lilith aspecting a planet, read the description for the sign it rules. Ex: sun would be Leo, Mercury would be Virgo or Gemini*

Aries/1st house: Daring to express oneself. The human embodiment of Lilith. Carnal. Someone who is known for butting heads with others. Notorious warrior. Fighting for the underdog is a part of one’s identity. Poster-boy of rejection wounds. Someone who feels like they’re “too much”, either bottling themselves up or living up to the expectation. Starting fights and then running to lick your wounds. Riling people up to get the negative attention you’re accustomed to. Truthfully, desiring authentic love that’s not based on filtering your personality into something more palatable.

Taurus/2nd house: someone who was told their desires are wrong. Being told you’re gluttonous for taking care of basic needs. Primal, all-consuming hunger. Eating disorders and shameful indulgence. A desire to consume one thing until you get sick of it. Ferociously guarding personal belongings and beliefs. Hoarding. A strong need to listing to one’s body, even if what it asks for doesn’t match conventional wisdom. Bullied for one’s weight. Earthly intuition. An unadulterated love for oneself that makes others uncomfortable. Intoxicatingly stubborn. Harsh & deep-set standards of morality.

Gemini/3rd house: saying things about people that hit a little too close to home. The thought process is primal. Knowing why people say the things they say. Reading people like a book. Ruthlessly pointing out falsehoods. Lilith is the trickster here, wearing many masks. Infamous for being inconsistent. Obsession with social dynamics, due to past rejection by “the tribe”. An outcast during school years. Extreme fear of missing out. Hiding taboo thoughts for fear of rejection. Unable to learn in a conventional fashion. Reading about the occult, depth psychology, myths, and anything else focusing on the core of human nature.

Cancer/4th house: the mother as an untamable Lilith figure. Standing up for one’s relatives. Someone with a dubious past. Mother was deemed insane or illogical. Black sheep. Feral obsession with comfort. Finding comfort in brutal honesty and ruthless emotional depth. Being deemed “impossible to live with”. High standard of living. Needing to set boundaries with one’s family and living situation. Controversial self-care. Knowing what truly matters. Fierce protector of the young and helpless. Savage goddess of the hearth. Periodic seclusion within one’s cave. Emotions take on a life of their own, going in bestial rampages.

Leo/5th house: Being ruthless becomes a game. The sin of unfiltered selfhood, becoming demonized for having fun. Toying with people’s hearts. Love/hate relationships. Compulsive validation needs. Hobbies may be taboo or the parents could’ve encouraged them to keep to themselves. Flames of desire emanate, pulsing like pyrotechnics. Rejected during childhood games. If they have kids, they’re likely the brutally honest sort. Children provide surprising bits of wisdom. This is someone who feels guilt for wanting to live a little. Unfiltered emotional expression can be too much for others. Heart swells at the slightest provocation. Needs to do what is simply in their nature, as those who matter will honor their authenticity.

Virgo/6th house: Compulsive organizational systems that seem illogical to others. Angry cleaning. Power of the gut-brain connection. Nature’s way of healing itself, clashing with the business of modern medicine. Disagreeable coworkers, or disagreeing with them yourself. Infamous at your place of work. The intestines strongly reject certain foods, so that you have to listen carefully. The diet may fluctuate daily. Acquired knowledge about nutrition and health may be of the controversial variety (carnivore diet, intuitive medicine, low oxalates, etc). Routines which may appear feral, but ground one in their body. People may take your high strandards personally, as they don’t know how to set boundaries themselves. A knot in your stomach tells you if something isn’t good for you.

Libra/7th house: Others are a mirror for the part of you that possesses unabated self-knowledge. Attracted to people ruled by irrational instinct. Must be careful to set clear boundaries in interactions with others. Compulsive need to interact and form partnerships, which may overwhelm others. Wild charm. Demonizing others. Wanting someone to teach you how to think for yourself. Partner helps you return to & nourish your body. Guttural wisdom exchanged in daily interactions. Best friend is someone incredibly grounded, who lives authentically. You demonize or idolize those who think for themselves.

Scorpio/8th house: psychoanalyzing others before they can do they same to you. A lifestyle that allows for a great deal of secrecy. Obscure & impenetrable. Unreavealing of cavernous depths of feeling, because they fear no one is brave enough to explore these shadows. Making people uncomfortable by purging every secret at once. Being abandoned once you reveal your true self. People offering “gifts” with treacherous strings attached. Unhealthy relationship dynamics- one person is running while the other is chasing. Being stalked or doing the stalking. Unearthing other’s rejection wounds. Shamanic. Concealed impulses. Instinctual need for closeness, where everything is shared. Their “soul mate” is someone ruthless.

Sagittarius/9th house: Too much to handle. Cycles of binging and purging. Living a life of excess. May attract questionable travel companions. Worldview is based on sharing hard truths to all who will listen. This is not someone who minces their words, though they’ve been told time and time again to keep their mouths shut. Their opinions are of the controversial variety, though they are rarely wrong. Arguments are a playground. Saying “no” to the religious doctrine pushed upon you as a child. A skeptic, because they know better in their gut. Higher education brings out compulsive tendencies. May confront teachers & all traditional knowledge. Tearing self-proclaimed gurus down with sharp wit.

Capricorn/10th house: Social pariah. Sex symbol. Businesses that involve female empowerment. Glitzy. Destined to become infamous. Dense and frenzied energy remains when you leave the room. Man-eater. Insatiable need for recognition, tearing one’s way through the corporate ladder. Symbol of truth. Breaking out of the box society has placed you in. The father/dominant parent may have been a “difficult” person. Lack of respect for false or corrupt authority. Innate power. “Bad cop”. Sticking it to the man. Fear of subordination. Intimidating competence and confidence. Cimmerian. Public symbol of authenticity. Honest evaluation of societal structures. Organized chaos.

Aquarius/11th house: Friendship isn’t taken lightly. May associate with controversial people. Freaks. Love/hate relationship towards humanity. Scaring aqaintances. Inundating society with knowledge they’re not yet ready for. Untethered. Jealousy towards those who meld into groups, causing them to further isolate. A reject, estranged from reality. Diabolical. Deep desire to be included. Obsession with what everyone else is doing. Violent subcultures. Strangers invading the native’s personal space, or vice versa. Electric compulsions, jolting the native out of old ways of being. These sudden consciousness shifts perturb others. Radical awareness of the body. They’ve been told to keep their visions of the future to themselves. The divine feminine is crowned in a fluorescent blue halo, lifted above the earth by undulating nimbus clouds.

Pisces/12th house: Beastial dreamscape. The Feminine Wild is both feared and revered. Fantasies of standing up for yourself. Trouble accessing your instinctive and earthy side. Conduit for collective delirium. Dissolution. Substance abuse. Ignoring instinct is your self-undoing. Surrendering autonomy. Deemed too hysterical, sensitive, and irresponsible. Freedom comes from claiming spiritual dominion. Knowing what your dreams and subconscious yearnings mean, becoming defensive when people dismiss your interpretations. Crawling out of your skin. Arcane knowledge via escapism. Odd methods of psychological mending.

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canvasofthecosmos · 5 years ago

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Lilith- Truth Coming out of Her Well to Shame Mankind

(Painting by Jean-Léon Gérôme)

History:

The Signs/Houses:

*if you have Lilith aspecting a planet, read the description for the sign it rules. Ex: sun would be Leo, Mercury would be Virgo or Gemini*

Scorpio/8th house: psychoanalyzing others before they can do they same to you. A lifestyle that allows for a great deal of secrecy. Obscure & impenetrable. Unreavealing of cavernous depths of feeling, because they fear no one is brave enough to explore these shadows. Making people uncomfortable by purging every secret at once. Being abandoned once you reveal your true self. People offering ��gifts” with treacherous strings attached. Unhealthy relationship dynamics- one person is running while the other is chasing. Being stalked or doing the stalking. Unearthing other’s rejection wounds. Shamanic. Concealed impulses. Instinctual need for closeness, where everything is shared. Their “soul mate” is someone ruthless.

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crusherthedoctor · 5 years ago

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The Lutrudis Hadeer Characterization Masterpost

A while back, I made a big post about the thought process that went into the design for Lutrudis, as well as her name, species, and choice of weapons. In the midst of doing a bunch of other stuff (like the Eggman Sweet or Shite review, which is definitely still coming guys I swear, please don't leave me D':), I recently figured I could do the same for the character's... well, character, and provide some further insight into how her personality was shaped together. Cause why not, right?

Obviously, we won't be covering literally every single personality trait that Trudy has, like her hobbies and whatnot. If we went over all of that, we'd be so far into the future that Tumblr's search system might actually start working again. No, we'll just be keeping it to the central ingredients that make up the overall package.

1. A cool head? In my Sonic OC?

The recurring cast in the Sonic universe is filled with fiery, hot-blooded sorts in one way or another. Sonic might as well be the love child of Mentos and Diet Coke with how full of energy he is, Knuckles and Amy are both prone to letting their temper do the talking, Eggman... is Eggman, and the list goes on. And while there are a number of characters who are more low-key or even outright introverted by comparison, they still tend to exhibit a trait or two that makes them more in-line with the rest of the crowd, be it youthful excitement (Tails, Cream), a fiery temper (Blaze), or the odd bit of cockiness (Shadow).

So what better way to help make Trudy stand out... than by not really having anything like that at all? Contrary to most of the hot-blooded cast, it takes a lot to truly enrage her, and even then, you'll be lucky to get anything past tranquil fury. She's not particularly hammy either - flowery with her language at times, certainly, but not hammy - nor is she a cocky type, even against the weakest or most ridiculous of opponents, and although she does grow as a person over the course of the story she's involved in, all of this remains fairly consistent.

That's not to say that Trudy is not a passionate person. Far from it, in fact. She has a lot of passion. She just shows it in a different way than the average Sonic character.

2. Lutrudis? More like Unsureofdis.

Uncertain characters are also somewhat rare in Sonic's recurring cast (at least in the game universe), and just like with the previous point, even when they're there, they'll usually have something to counter it. Blaze may have been a bit insecure before meeting and befriending Sonic and Co, but as mentioned, she’s got a fierce temper, and even when she started off on her own, she felt that only she could take care of the threat of Eggman and Inferior Eggman Nega. Likewise, while Silver may have doubted himself about Leslie the Crack Dealer’s Iblis Trigger ruse cruise, he still got cocky when he had Sonic on the ropes, and he could be quite full of himself in the Rivals duology as well.

The point being, they still tend to show some semblance of the same “yep, I'm the one for the job, no questions asked” confidence and swagger that nearly everyone else has, no matter the flavor. Trudy, suffice to say, does not have this mentality. Trudy accepting Sonic and Co's help in dealing with sinister affairs in Viridonia without any haughty protest on her part isn't just because she knows they can handle it, or because they're Sonic Heroes and they'll show 'em the real superpower of teamwork... it's also because she's genuinely not sure if she would be able to take care of the matter on her own.

When she saved Cream from the wrath of the Wraith for example, she wasn't thinking “This looks like a job for Miss Hadeer!”

She was thinking “This could very well get me killed, but I have to help the poor bunny somehow...”

In other words, Trudy doesn't consider herself to be some sort of destined protector who has to do this herself. She constantly second guesses herself, and frequently believes her friends are more qualified and competent than she is. Her only reason for doing her best and helping out regardless is simply because she wants to.

3. A light at the end of the tunnel.

For the sake of tact, it's not shoved in your face relentlessly, but reading between the lines, it can be easy to get a sense of melancholy from Trudy. Particularly due to past experiences, she does indeed have an element of depression within her, and this can occasionally show in her body language and facial expressions, even if she's currently feeling positive emotions.

And yet, notice how she continues being a friendly pony. Notice how regardless of her experiences, and her thoughts on said experiences, her actual behaviour is (mostly) free of bitterness or cynicism, and that she doesn't hide the joy that her new friends make her feel. She's not outright ignoring her experiences or pretending they don’t affect her, because they clearly have affected her, and she's never ignored her scars (metaphorically and literally, the latter being a permanent side-effect of her condition), but she knows better than to let it consume her, so she tries her best to look at the bright side of life even during the darkest days.

It's Sonic's opinion that Trudy's inner spirit is a lot stronger than she thinks, with or without his help. Her refusal to give into misery and lash out at the world foreshadows that he's not unjustified in that belief. That, and it ties into the franchise’s usual taste for optimism and idealism against the odds.

4. Hadeer? More like Hadork.

So, everything thus far helps set Trudy up as a mellow, down-to-earth sort of personality. So far, so good. However, it's still the Sonic the Hedgehog universe we're talking about, filled with many colorful characters of all shapes, sizes, and eccentricities. When a franchise has a larger than life cast in a larger than life world, the characters who are meant to be grounded often risk coming off as boring and could end up easily overshadowed, because the creators or writers often neglect to give them any quirks of their own, usually out of fear that it'll disgrace the character's gracefulness. In fact, I personally feel this was a common problem with Sally, in both SatAM and Archie (mostly pre-reboot admittedly).

IMO, these writers are just being plain old silly. Just because a character is quirky doesn't mean they forfeit all their dignity altogether. Like a lot of things in life, you just have to balance it out, and that's what I did (or tried to do...) with the green equine.

So yes, Trudy is elegant, but she's also a really goofy dancer. Yes, she's gentle and motherly, but she also goes back and forth between being a heavy sleeper and being an insomniac. Yes, she serves as a warmhearted auntie figure for Cream (and a big sister figure for Amy), but she also spends a quarter of her time looking like a ninja with the way her bandana covers her face (whether it be due to cold weather, strong scents triggering her sensitive nose, or doing it in the presence of villains as a mildly theatrical way of visually conveying her disdain for them).

And of course, in the right situation, she can be just as much of a dork as the titular blue hedgehog is.

Which leads me to my next point...

5. “You might know everything I'm going to do...”

Trudy was created with the intention of having a character who is actually like Sonic himself in a lot of ways, but it's not apparent initially.

This sort of yin-yang contrasting routine has been done before a few times in the series, with Knuckles, Shadow and Blaze being the most obvious examples. But with them, their similarities are easier to spot from a distance. Knuckles is more earth than wind, but you can tell he's as stubborn as Sonic is. Shadow's methods and outlook differ, but you can tell he's still a mirror of Sonic (cause you know, he looks like him). Blaze is more distant, but you can tell how she can easily be just as worked up and angered as Sonic.

With Trudy however, if you take her at face value, you would think she's the exact opposite of Sonic. She's an introvert, he's an extrovert. She's got a calm temperament, he can get impatient even at the best of times. She's quite fancy, he's more rough and tumble. She takes things slowly, he leaps ahead without a care in the world... You would think that, outside of them both fighting for good, they would have nothing in common, and that their dynamic would be more akin to Sonic's relationship with Sally, which although they were friends, their relationship could often be somewhat rocky due to their differences in... basically every area and opinion imaginable.

But then you get to know Trudy, and the unfolding of the adventure reveals the rest of what she has to offer. The aforementioned soldiering on in spite of any depressed moments is in itself a small hint that Trudy shares Sonic's philosophy of never giving up. She believes that most people are good at their core, and while she won't excuse especially evil people or actions and will punish them appropriately (albeit with regret that it had to come to that), she's willing to give a chance to those who are willing to take it, just like with the Blue Blur. Not only does she NOT find Sonic's jokes and hijinks annoying, she actually has a similar sense of humor herself. And while reasonable people generally tend to loathe injustice and oppression, Trudy shares Sonic's uniquely intense contempt for it, and believes in one's own personal freedom just as much as the hedgehog does, let alone freedom in general.

In short, Trudy is what you get when you take Sonic's deeper qualities and general outlook on life, and apply them to a more introverted and taciturn personality. The exact same beliefs, but from a different perspective, so to speak.

6. A different kind of intelligence.

Tails and Eggman are the resident kings of scientific prowess in Sonic's world, and it goes without saying that I wouldn't want to do them a disservice by having Trudy one-up them in that department. But that doesn't mean your character can’t be talented in other areas, right? Contrary to what all those Mary Sue tests dictate, your character can in fact have a high IQ without intruding on an official character’s territory.

Therefore, Trudy is pretty good at innovation and craftsmanship in her own right, but whereas Tails and Eggman do it through technology, her field of expertise is more to do with arts and crafts, and to a lesser extent geology. For example, both her bow and her whip were crafted by the lady herself, using nothing but her decorative knowledge and flair.

Outside of that, she tends to know a fair bit about a lot of things in the world, largely attributed to her photographic memory, meaning she's bound to have a few answers no matter the subject of discussion. Granted, she's unlikely to be the absolute number one expert on any of those things, but she's at least a useful jack of all trades in that regard.

7. Feeling a little horse.

I very much approve and flat out adore the idea of Sonic characters having characteristics that remind the audience of what species they're supposed to be, so I made sure that Trudy had a wide selection of little mannerisms that would reveal her for the little horsie that she is. These include, but aren't limited to...

- When she’s fascinated or concerned by something, she’ll lean a little forward with her hands close to her chest, which subtly mimics the act of prancing.

- When she wakes up, she briefly stretches her arms and legs (albeit not too recklessly so as to risk straining her sensitive limbs).

- Her tail has a number of quirks. If she's happy, it might slowly swish to and fro. If she's REALLY happy, it might flick...

- And if she doesn't approve of someone or something, it might stiffen and raise a little bit, as if to helpfully inform the bad guys where they can kiss, if ya know what I'm saying.

- When she's being affectionate with her friends, she might give them the ol' nuzzle.

- When she's in a playful mood, there might be a little skip in her walk, the anthro equivalent of trotting.

- When she's annoyed, she might humorously let out a snort that sounds identical to a real life horse snort. And while she certainly doesn't neigh in the traditional sense, when she finds something hilarious or Sonic's making her laugh with his antics, her laughter can't help but take on a neigh-like touch to it. (The latter was actually a headcanon suggested by @darklightheart, and I immediately agreed with it because it's cute and funny in equal measures.)

Naturally, she gets all shy and embarrassed when the neigh-laugh comes out, thinking it sounds silly. At least Sonic finds it endearing.

Note that I'm well aware that some of this differs from how real life horses react to certain things. (Eg: tail swishing tends to happen when a horse is agitated rather than happy.) But I freely admit that it's more for the sake of giving the character that extra bit of soul than it is for utmost accuracy. That's the way it goes with fiction sometimes. :P

Interestingly, Trudy tends to get Sonic indulging in a funny hedgehog characteristic of his own. That being, he might curl into a ball if Trudy's being particularly... ~complimentary~ towards him.

And there we are! These are the core elements that make up Trudy’s characterization. If you ever wanted a general list of what makes her tick, then hopefully this post will help in scratching that itch. And if it doesn’t, then hopefully it still proves that more thought was put into her than Scourge. :]

#Lutrudis Hadeer #Sonic Character Design

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funkymbtifiction · 5 years ago

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Hi there - not sure if this is the proper use of Submit vs Ask, but Ask didn’t allow enough characters for my question! Please forgive me if I’m out of line.

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately and only recently returned to trying to actually figure out my types in the various personality systems. Enneagram was relatively easy - I read through the descriptions again after a break, saw 9, and had an “oh f, that’s me” moment. Good. Easy. Done.

Investigating MBTI still is (and historically has been) significantly harder for me, in particular because my “9-ness” seems to obstruct my ability to accurately evaluate my judging axis (on the other hand, my perceiving axis is much clearer - I can track my use of Ne pretty easily not just throughout a given day but also throughout my life, and can point out a lot of my Si shortcomings as well).

The problem that arises for me is two-fold:

On the one hand, I find that my 9-ness requires that I don’t stir the boat, that I blend into the background, that I do the “easiest” thing that requires the least amount of attention from others and has the smallest chance of making others even the slightest bit displeased with me. In practice this can look SO MUCH like unhealthy Fe - “What do others want? What would make others happy? What do other people value? How can I take other people into account in literally every single decision I make throughout the day? How can I convince people that I really don’t care and don’t have an opinion, even when I do, because its just so much less cognitive stress to leave everything up to other people?” - that I’m unsure how to distinguish between what might be unhealthy 9 vs what might be unhealthy Fe. On the other hand, I almost never relate to Fi, because I interact with the world in such a way that the choice of what does and doesn’t matter is effectively never “mine” to begin with - never mind how my actions flow from there.

On the other hand, I find that I have the ridiculously annoying 9 trait of “chameleoning” my personality either to what I want to be or to what I expect others to want me to be. This is of course awful for trying to figure out your personality type - especially when you perceive some type as more desirable at a given moment and warp yourself to try to fit that trait. With this in mind, the more I try to understand cognitive functions, the more difficulty I have, because my relation to the system almost seems to change with whatever personality I’m consciously or unconsciously “trying to be” at that time. Because of this, I am almost never confident about my thoughts and feelings about my type.

I think my question, then, boils down to this: do you have any advice for confidently distinguishing cognitive functions - particularly the judging functions, and even more particularly the feeling functions - in people with personality struggles like these?

I apologize for the long question and thank you for any reply!

Given your tremendous focus on relationships, I’m guessing you’re an ENFP. 9-core NTP types typically just want to keep the peace so they can focus on what truly matters to them (their non-people-related hobbies) in peace. But if you truly want to know for sure, stop focusing on Fe vs Fi and start looking for evidence of Te. You can’t be an NFP without Te and it’s identifiable. You should also think about how 9 interacts with “stubbornness” and how that would play out in a TiFe type vs a FiTe type. 9 stubbornness in TiFe -- forgetting to do something that will intentionally irritate the other person and provoke them on an emotional level; 9 + Fi stubbornness -- shutting others down and/or leaving the room / chat room / conversation when your beliefs are violated.

- ENFP Mod

#question #enneagram #enneagram 9 #entp #enfp #mbti #submission

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fallencomrade-a · 5 years ago

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MUNDAY FACT SHEET.

NAME: kristen. NICKNAME: kb, kay, ten. AGE: two - nine. SEX/GENDER: f / f. PRONOUNS: she / her. EYES/HAIR: blonde / blue. HEIGHT/WEIGHT: 5′2″ / within recommended bmi. BUILD: somewhat athletic body type. pear - shaped. TATTOOS: nada. i’m way too OCD to figure out what to permanently put on my body. SCARS: a few here and there. two on my scalp from two different incidents which required stitches. a nasty one on my ankle that every girl has from shaving. one on / above my upper lip from my loving cat ( biting me). one down my shoulder from my loving sister (scratching me). PIERCINGS: earlobes. used to have my lip pierced, but it’s closed now.

MYERS-BRIGGS: infj ; the advocate.

the advocate personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population. advocates share a unique combination of traits: though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight for an idea they believe in. advocates will act with creativity, imagination, conviction and sensitivity - not to create advantage, but to create balance. egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to advocate personalities. few are as passionate and mysterious as advocates. advocates can easily get tripped up in areas where their idealism and determination becomes more of a liability than an asset - whether it is navigating interpersonal conflicts, confronting unpleasant facts, pursuing self - realization, or finding a career path that aligns well with their inner core. they may face numerous challenges, that at times can make them question who they really are.

ENNEAGRAM: type 6 - the loyalist. wing 5 - the investigator.

LOYALIST. conflicted between trust and distrust. people of this personality type essentially feel insecure, as though there is nothing quite steady enough to hold onto. at the core of the type six personality is a kind of fear or anxiety. this anxiety has a very deep source and can manifest in a variety of different styles, making sixes somewhat difficult to describe and to type. what all sixes have in common however, is the fear rooted at the center of their personality, which manifests in worrying and restless imaginings of everything that might go wrong. this tendency makes sixes gifted at troubleshooting, but also robs the six of much needed peace of mind and tends to deprive the personality of spontaneity. the essential anxiety at the core of the type six fixation tends to permeate the personality with a sort of ' defensive suspiciousness. ‘ sixes don't trust easily; they are often ambivalent about others, until the person has absolutely proven themselves, at which point they are likely to respond with steadfast loyalty. this loyalty is something of a two edged sword however, as sixes are sometimes prone to stand by a friend, partner, job or cause even long after it is time to move on. sixes are generally looking for something or someone to believe in.

INVESTIGATOR. thinkers who tend to withdraw and observe. people of this personality type essentially fear that they don't have enough inner strength to face life, so they tend to withdraw, to retreat into the safety and security of the mind where they can mentally prepare for their emergence into the world. fives feel comfortable and at home in the realm of thought. they are generally intelligent, well read and thoughtful and they frequently become experts in the areas that capture their interest. fives are often a bit eccentric; they feel little need to alter their beliefs to accommodate majority opinion, and they refuse to compromise their freedom to think. the problem for fives is that while they are comfortable in the realm of thought, they are frequently a good deal less comfortable when it comes to dealing with their emotions, the demands of a relationship, or the need to find a place for themselves in the world. fives tend to be shy, non - intrusive, independent and reluctant to ask for the help that others might well be happy to extend to them. fives are sensitive; they don't feel adequately defended against the world. to compensate for their sensitivity, fives sometimes adopt an attitude of careless indifference or intellectual arrogance, which has the unfortunate consequence of creating distance between themselves and others. trying to bridge the distance can be difficult for fives, as they are seldom comfortable with their social skills, but when they do manage it, they are often devoted friends and life long companions.

ALIGNMENT: lawful neutral

a lawful neutral character acts as law, tradition, or a personal code directs her. order and organization are paramount to her. she may believe in personal order and live by a code or standard, or she may believe in order for all and favor a strong, organized government. lawful neutral is the best alignment a person can be considered because it means they are reliable and honorable without being a zealot. however, lawful neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it seeks to eliminate all freedom, choice, and diversity in society.

TEMPERAMENT: melancholic.

the melancholic temperament is fundamentally introverted and thoughtful. melancholic people are often perceived as very ( or overly ) pondering and considerate, getting rather worried when they cannot be on time for events. melancholics can be highly creative in activities such as poetry and art - and can become preoccupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world. they are often perfectionists. they are self - reliant and independent. one negative part of being a melancholic is that they can get so involved in what they are doing, they forget to think of others.

KINSEY SCALE: F the test failed to match you to a kinsey type profile. either you answered some questions wrong, or you are a very unusual person. hah, go figure.

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: romantically - hopeless / romantically - INSECURE. idk, maybe grayromantic ? who knows. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bi sexual. IQ: 132. OCCUPATION: IT systems administrator for an insurance company. RELIGION: agnostic PETS: an imprinted kitty cat named haley. SCHOOL: bachelors degree in information technology. LANGUAGES: english. MEDICAL: physically ? the fittest i’ve ever been honestly. mentally ? downward spiral. NEUROLOGICAL: anxiety / depression. agoraphobia. boarder line personality disorder. developing symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder. metathesiophobia. poor self - esteem / sense of self - worth / identity. ETHNICITY/RACE: caucasion / american. HOBBIES: writing. video games. music. movies / television. working out. kickboxing. amusement park enthusiast. being outside. INTERESTS: writing. reading. video games. sight seeing. being outside. food. documentaries. music. television / movies. animals. psychology. astrology. science fiction. BLOGS: just this one. SOCIAL MEDIA: i have discord, an instagram and a snapchat for mutuals, if interested.

TAGGED BY: @builtagain ages ago. ( ♡ε♡ ) TAGGING: @dustxrgcld ; @danversiism ; @earthshakcr ; @brooklynsoul ; @xiongsi ; @geislun + first three lovelies on the dash ( at time of queue ) : @peaceinourrtime ; @torturewon ; @warwearysoldier

#✪ ❮ B E H I N D T H E M A S K ．❯ // ❛ 𝚘𝚘𝚌.

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sonerajhaveri · 4 years ago

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Self Esteem in Romantic Relationships

Low Self Esteem in Romantic Relationships

Often we think that relationships, especially, personal, intimate and romantic one’s, would nurture and nourish us and in turn boost our self-confidence. However, sometimes, this is not the case, if we have inadvertently spiraled off into a destructive or passionless or simply dead and boring relationship quagmire. What drives one to persist in (and with) a painful and unsatisfying set of circumstances, in what was once a romantic relationship that was supposed to give you pleasure and joy? As when we get into a relationship, we are generally not signing up for prolonged physical, emotional and sexual neglect or abuse.

What then could be the motivation to subject oneself to the agony of continuing to be willfully involved with a violent alcoholic or a sex addict or an emotionally unavailable workaholic who just does not have time for you? In other words, what is that kernel within ourselves that enables us to remain, consciously and unconsciously, in self-damaging situations with a dysfunctional partner while staying frozen in a maladaptive relational pattern?

How we embody low self-esteem

On some level, the reason why we choose to persist, and I would reiterate the choice in the matter, is perhaps, on some deep level we believe that we deserve no better, having a low opinion of ourselves and our capacities to be an independent and likable individual. These kinds of negative assumption of ourselves tantamount to a subliminal form of self-hatred. Latently or even manifestly, the voice of one’s inner critic, ensures that we remain embroiled in emotional anguish ad nauseum, while we continue to live our lives as gluttons for punishment as we feel that we deserve to be slapped, cheated on or mistreated because we might be ugly, fat, old, stupid, unattractive, unintelligent etc.

We make excuses about why we cannot leave a painful and harmful dynamic which is anything but romantic because we have a fear of being alone, that we are financially dependent, that we have children with the person who abuses us or that we nurse a fantasy that our partner will change. However, over a period of time, these assumptions show themselves as examples of self-defeating delusions and fears that undermine ourselves. Bluntly put, the foundational core for these emotionally unintelligent assumptions is low or very low self esteem that sabotages us from living a better life and fashions a self-fulfilling prophesy of victimhood. Low self esteem is a requirement to tolerate unpleasant relationships because in some sense one is habituated to being treated badly and may at other times actually be a license for one’s partner to treat one shabbily.

Reasons why we develop low self esteem

Perhaps we grew up with an absent or an emotionally unavailable parent or experienced damaging developmental trauma that destabilized our sense of self or we were simply bullied at school. Admittedly, there might have been pain in our lives but to blame ourselves for bad things that happened to us or to wallow in them indefinitely and play the victim is self-destructive. Often the roots of low self- esteem lie deep in a wounded child within us who feels “not good enough.” As children we feel accepted only to the extent we feel unconditionally loved and supported by our parents. If we felt conditionally accepted or constantly criticized by our caregivers we started believing that we were not adequate and begin to develop an inadequate sense of self.

The persecuted child grows up into a battered adult who stays paralyzed in the face of abuse, retarding her sense of agency or self-efficacy, which is the ability to take control and transform one’s life. The crux of the low self esteem issue is that when we let ourselves remain in a situation that harms and destroys our last remaining shreds of our self, health and well being, it reflects a great deal about how we feel about ourselves and about how we let ourselves be received in the world by others.

Psychophysiological Consequences of Low Self Esteem

Over a period of time, continued low self esteem and sense of victimhood will grind us down both psychologically and physiologically pre-disposing one to suffer from clinical depression, high anxiety, and stress. Chronic low self-esteem may lead onto more severe mood disorders ensuring that one has very low life satisfaction.

Since the mind and body are intimately connected from a psychobiological perspective, prolonged relational stress will wear down our immune system, cardiovascular system, gastrointestinal system, neuroendocrinological system and set us up for potentially harboring carcinogenic cells or auto-immune reactions. Apart from taking serious tolls on our mental and physical health, low self-esteem prevents us from living the life we would want which is a happy well-adjusted life with a partner who loves and cherishes us.

How to work with Low Self-Esteem

If you identify yourself as having low self-esteem, which in turn keeps you, locked in an unhappy romantic situation start doing something about it immediately! It is good to begin to create scenarios and experiences that give you a sense of self worth. Below is a list of activities that help bring up one’s self esteem

1) Cultivate an attitude of self acceptance and self care

2) Take some space and time away from your partner

3) Create independent activities with your friends or start socializing sometimes separately from your partner

4) Make new concrete life style shifts in your life – – e.g. start exercising, loose weight; become healthy; get a job

5) Create a new self image by changing your hairstyle and fashion sense

6) Develop your hobbies

7) Practice yoga and meditation

8) Travel alone or take a holiday with friends

9) Create new social outlets such as joining a book club or a NGO or even a dance class

All the above suggestions are to allow and curate a sense of self- confidence and enjoyment where you feel good about yourself and validated and appreciated by other people. However, despite trying all the above suggestions, you do not feel better because of overpowering feelings of helplessness, it is beneficial to speak with a qualified therapist or mental health professional about how you can either emancipate yourself from the relationship or shift your emotional reactions in or to the relationship.

Since low self-esteem is in fact a psychological problem to deconstruct low self esteem one needs to pursue psychotherapeutic interventions that create cognitive and behavioral shifts. By doing psychological work one can trace and ultimately dis-identify with the wounded inner child and discipline the inner critic within one’s thought processes. Where one learns to replace negative thoughts with more self-affirming ones, and where one learns to create boundaries against abuse as a form of self-care.

I, personally, feel a combination of psychotherapeutic work with self-awareness practices works best with my clients with low self-esteem. By supporting them in their mindfulness practice and psychodynamically engaging and challenging their unconscious core beliefs and assumptions about themselves, clients are able to eventually dis-identify with their negative assessments of themselves. Conversely, they generate more self-acceptance and self-compassion for themselves and in turn translate this into wholesome actions in their lives and relationships.

#Self Esteem in Romantic Relationships

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symbianosgames · 8 years ago

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The following blog post, unless otherwise noted, was written by a member of Gamasutra’s community. The thoughts and opinions expressed are those of the writer and not Gamasutra or its parent company.

Outlast 2 has recently been released and has spurred a lot of discussions around not giving the protagonist any means to fight back. I haven't played enough of the game to be able to give an overall impression of it (I'm just 30 minutes or so in), but I think I've seen enough to weigh in on the discussion. We at Frictional have been knee deep in this problem since 2006, and I've been up against the problem myself ever since I made my first hobby horror game in early 2000. This is something I've been thinking about for almost 20 years, and hence something I have a strong opinion about.

The discussions around weaponless protagonists is often focused on horror games. It's really a question that concerns narrative games in general, though, and isn't just about what sort of horror you want. It's really about what sort of approach you want to take to storytelling. It also has a lot to do with my recent post on mental models, which makes this a good time to go into it.

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Let's start with the main reasons why you would want a game with a defenseless protagonist. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it brings up the most important reasons.

1. It makes the player assume the appropriate story role To someone with only a hammer, every problem will look like a nail. The same is true for the tools that we give to a player. The actions that we let the player use informs them about the role they are supposed to play within the game. It's really hard to make the player feel like a detective if they never get to do any actual detecting.

Why is this the case? Because the way we interact with the world around us is via a mental model. This mental model is built from a network of connected attributes, all having do with the various aspects of our world. When taken together this gives us a sense of how the world behaves and what we are dealing with. So when we see a character looking for clues in a crime scene, interviewing witnesses and trying to piece together evidence, it'll point towards the idea that this person is trying to solve a crime. This creates a strong belief that the character is indeed a detective. If we are simply told a character is a detective but only see him chopping wood it is really hard to take the first statement seriously. You will never model this character as a detective. No matter how many times you tell me that a pile of sharp glass is a chair, I will not perceive it as one. It simply lacks any of the attributes that I associate with things that are chairs.

In the same way, in order for the player to feel like they are inside a horror story they need to have access to the actions of the protagonist of a horror story. In horror the protagonist is supposed to be vulnerable, uncertain, and out of their depth, and to get this across to the player you need to restrict their available actions to support this. A really simple way to do this is to simply skip any means of fighting back. Sure, you can always make weapons less effective in the game, but the moment you give them any sort of weapon it's likely to awaken deeply rooted mental models in the player. We humans are really good at generalizing and unconsciously judge many situations on the first pieces of evidence we can get our hands on. So when you introduce a weapon in a horror game, the player will view the game as one where the primary action is combat and then by assumption add a variety of other attributes to the experience. This is something we experienced firsthand when making Penumbra: Overture where player would even treat an old broom as a potential weapon.

2. It make monsters feel like threats Just as the actions at your disposal informs your role, so do your interactions inform what sort of world you are in. If the player's main action is to shoot down monsters, the monsters become target practice. Again this is mental modeling. Just like we determine something to be a chair by determining its shape, how well it can be used for sitting, and so forth, we also evaluate any dangers by what attributes we can assign to them. When "thing that I shoot to generate fun gameplay" becomes a strong attribute for a monster, a lot of the horror is lost.

If, instead, monsters are things that the player interacts with only by running away and hiding from them, the mental model becomes quite different. You start to draw connections to other things that you would run away from, and this jacks much better into your primal fear response. The monster is no longer a game object connected to a core combat loop. Instead it becomes an unknown entity that you have no means to fight. This makes a huge difference to how the player perceives the threat.

3. It leaves more to the imagination Another problem with being able to fight any creature is that this requires many close up encounters. You need to aim at the creatures, see feedback of them being hit and so forth. Most importantly, in order for this gameplay to work you need to have lots of actual confrontations. This goes against one of the most important rules in horror: leave the monsters as vague as possible.

When your gameplay doesn't rely on combat, it's much easier to keep the monster out of sight. When you are running and hiding, the monster doesn't really need to be visible at all. You can just rely on the player seeing quick glimpses, hearing sounds, watching a motion tracker and so on in order to sustain the gameplay. This gives a lot more room for the player's imagination, and allows them to conjure up far scarier monsters than what could be rendered using polygons.

4. It makes the player paranoid Checking how much ammo you have left, thinking about what gun to have available, planning for ammo usage, looking for items and so on - all of these are activities that the player constantly has on their mind when playing a shooter. And all of these take up mental resources that could have been used for other things instead. It's very important to know that the player has a limited amount of focus and whenever you tell the player to give something their attention, something else will have less attention. Remember this as a designer: whenever you say yes to something, you say no to something else.

What this means is that when you remove any form of combat, the player has a lot of mental focus to spare. In fact, many players will have too much. This almost leaves the player is a state of sensory deprivation. The outcome of that is that they start to pay a lot of attention to small details. It makes players more paranoid, more prone to invent reasons for small sounds and so on. This is an extremely good state in which to play horror. It's also something you lose if you give the player too much else to think about. We noticed this ourselves in Amnesia: The Dark Descent, where many levels where made better by giving the player less to do. This encouraged them to fantasize more and gave the unintuitive result of increasing their engagement,

5. It makes it harder to optimize away emotions A combat system is something that the player often has played hundreds of hours of before. Sometimes much, much more. There are lots of well-known tactics for dealing with encounters, and players often come with a huge instinctual toolset on how to bypass various dangers. What this means is that there is ample opportunity for the player to figure out ways to beat the monsters. In turn, this means that the monsters lose their core attribute, to be horrible threats, and instead just become standard gameplay objects.

It's much harder to do this in a game without combat. When you don't have a set loop that the player uses to interact with the game's world, it becomes much harder to figure out underlying systems and to optimize. This means that the player has to rely more on their imagination to make a mental model of the world and its inhabitants. If the systems that drive the monsters are obscure, you have to think of them as living, breathing creatures and this greatly heightens any emotions that you associate with them.

Of course, if you use non-combat oriented gameplay in the wrong way, you will fall into the same trap. This is something I'll go over in a bit.

6. It is a great design constraint As I noted before, games are often too much fun for their own good. This is most certainly true for combat. In fact, combat is probably the most common core mechanic in games. It's really easy to come up with engaging ways for you to do it. So the moment that you decide that you will have combat, it makes it so much simpler to come up with engaging scenarios for a game. This means that you are very likely to overuse combat and to drop focus on the narrative you are trying to convey.

When plot dictates that the player has to go through a sewer, how should we make this section engaging? With combat this answer is easy: just add some monsters and have the player fight them. Problem solved! You see this over and over in games that use combat, especially horror games. Even though it is clear that the focus ought to be on delivering a certain end experience, there are tons of areas that, by being satisfied with just having simple combat, counteract this goal.

If you don't have combat, you don't have this option. If your basic gameplay is just running and hiding, it's actually quite the opposite: your core mechanics are not much fun. This means that you need to think of ways to vary them, you need to be careful when to use them and there need to be other activities involved. This forces you to avoid any easy solutions. Simply relying on "add some monsters for the player to encounter" will not work in the long run. It will soon become very tiresome to play the game, because you are relying gameplay that is, at its core, not engaging enough to be the driving force of the experience.

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That concludes the list of the most important reasons why a defenseless protagonist is really good to have in a horror game. Now I will go over a few common counter-arguments, and respond to them.

Claim 1: "Without combat, the game becomes boring" I think this is both true and untrue.

It's true in the sense that in order to get the player to experience certain things, such as the paranoia that comes with sensory deprivation, your game simply cannot be too much fun. This is how narrative works in other media as well. Certain experiences cannot simply be made into a super-engaging package. There needs to be a certain level of "boredom" for it all to work. The experience as a whole must of course be engaging, but not every game can have the moment-to-moment excitement like something like Doom.

It is untrue in the sense that we haven't yet seen what can be done without having combat. Many people simply compare the current state of games with defenseless protagonists to the current state of games with combat, and then take this as how it will always be. I think there's a lot that can be done in order to make interesting defenseless horror, or other narrative experiences for that matter, and still have a level of "gaminess" on par with that of a shooter. The problem is that combat gameplay comes naturally and has had 40 years to evolve; gameplay without combat is much harder and has had much less time to evolve.

I have to admit that I am growing quite bored with the standard "run and hide"-gameplay. I think it can work when used in short bursts, but it's far from an ideal solution. We need to think harder and dig deeper in order to improve gameplay for horror and other narrative games. That is basically what this whole blog is about and something Frictional Games is investing heavily in. This is uncharted territory and there is huge room for improvement.

Claim 2: "No combat leads to lots of trial and error" If you look like a game like Outlast 2, this is certainly true. There are a bunch of sections where you have to replay over and over in order to continue. This all boils down to Outlast 2 using the "run and hide"-gameplay as a foundational element of the game, and it's interesting to discuss why this must give rise to so much trial and error.

The first reason is that it is very hard to have a good analog feedback system. In a game with combat it's much easier to have stats for things like health and ammo which you can vary during an encounter and use as feedback. But in a game where you are trying to not get caught, the situation is much more binary. You either get caught or you don't. So the moment you need to give the player the feedback that they are "not playing correctly" that usually means killing them off, and forcing them to start over again.

The second reason is the fact that player failure means death and restart. This doesn't have to be the case. Few things break our immersion as much as having to replay the same section over and over. In fact, in order keep a level of presence you are almost obliged to make sure this never happens. Every time you pull the player out of the experience, you break the illusion and force them to build up the fantasy from (almost) scratch again. Player death is a huge problem in narrative games, and despite this, very few games try to deal with it.

Again this is something I think that has lots of room for improvement. It is also something that we at Frictional Games are trying to solve in both of our upcoming games. The goal is to have an experience where you never see a "Game Over" scene, yet feel a strong sense of being able to fail and is very anxious about not letting that occur. This is not an easy challenge, but it is also one with huge potential. Staying immersed and feeling your actions have consequences are big reasons why interactive storytelling is so interesting, and even small improvements can come have great impact.

Claim 3: "Not having combat is unrealistic" This claim is highly dependant on what sort of experience you are trying to create. Sure, if you are doing a videogame version of Aliens or Deep Rising, it's a great fit. But as I have outlined in this ancient blog post, there are many different ways in which combat is featured in horror movies. If you want to do a videogame version of The Exorcist then combat will play a much smaller role - probably none. Most of the time, weapons are there as a last line of defense for the protagonist(s). From that angle it makes sense that you should have at least have some form of defense. But you also have to consider all of the negative aspects, many of which I listed earlier, that come along with having combat. If a horror story should "realistically" let the protagonist use a weapons in two or three places, then it might make more sense to try and make these places go away somehow.

Another way to approach this is to have combat in ways that doesn't imply your standard combat mechanics. Weapons could be puzzle items that the player have to be careful about when they use them. It's also possible to use the environment as a means of defense. The point I'm trying to make here is that it's possible to retain a sense of realism without reverting to full-blown combat mechanics.

Either way, I think the most important question to ask is: "What is the best way to achieve the intended experience?". If combat is the best way, even if you take all of the downsides into account, then by all means go in guns blazing!

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Most of these discussions have centered around horror games, but really most of these things apply to any narrative game. It's not just horror games that strive to keep the player's imagination going or want to avoid players that optimize away emotions. These are foundational issues for any game that wants to try and tell a story. The problem of not being able to rely on an engaging set of core mechanics is also something that goes beyond horror games.

Thinking about why we want a defenseless protagonist in the first place and then figuring out means to make it better feels like a really important question to me. It connects to many of the core issues that face a game that wants to focus on narrative, and any improvements are bound to be helpful to interactive storytelling in general.

Next week I will present a system that will allow us to more easily think about these issues, and will hopefully also make it easier to find solutions.

#IFTTT #Blogger

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sonerajhaveri · 4 years ago

Text

Self Esteem in Romantic Relationships

Low Self Esteem in Romantic Relationships

How we embody low self-esteem

Reasons why we develop low self esteem

Psychophysiological Consequences of Low Self Esteem

How to work with Low Self-Esteem

1) Cultivate an attitude of self acceptance and self care

2) Take some space and time away from your partner

3) Create independent activities with your friends or start socializing sometimes separately from your partner

4) Make new concrete life style shifts in your life – – e.g. start exercising, loose weight; become healthy; get a job

5) Create a new self image by changing your hairstyle and fashion sense

6) Develop your hobbies

7) Practice yoga and meditation

8) Travel alone or take a holiday with friends

9) Create new social outlets such as joining a book club or a NGO or even a dance class

#Self Esteem in Romantic Relationships

0 notes

symbianosgames · 8 years ago

Link

---

Let's start with the main reasons why you would want a game with a defenseless protagonist. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it brings up the most important reasons.

Of course, if you use non-combat oriented gameplay in the wrong way, you will fall into the same trap. This is something I'll go over in a bit.

---

That concludes the list of the most important reasons why a defenseless protagonist is really good to have in a horror game. Now I will go over a few common counter-arguments, and respond to them.

Claim 1: "Without combat, the game becomes boring" I think this is both true and untrue.

---

Next week I will present a system that will allow us to more easily think about these issues, and will hopefully also make it easier to find solutions.

#IFTTT #Blogger

0 notes