#Didn't really care about the show anymore

[werezmastarbucks]

of those who found out

in which yoongi protects you

fluff, hurt/comfort

yoongi x nonKorean!f!reader x established relationship, husband!yoongi, protective!yoongi

word count: 5439

warnings / tags: violence, bodily harm, wound description, parasocial, mentions of hypothetic suicide, angry yoongi / angry jungkook, fuckboy jungkook, street fighting, married members

1.

Newly married. When Yoongi told you he managed to claw not two, not three weeks for the honeymoon, but four, you spun about the room. The world tour after the reunion has been all kinds of unexpected, gruelling and exciting, and lonely, for an inexperienced you. Now, you got to marry the person you loved, and not have to share him with the rest of the world, for a full month. Osaka is unusually fresh and beautiful in early April: cherries in full bloom, blue skies, mild wind. And your dream boy would be with you this whole time; as you watched his preoccupied face, frowned by the pressures of his work, his second life, the need to pretend, the need to smile, change to relaxation; the weather outside the plane window changed as well. Osaka had the special kind of blue in its sky, the almost dream-like color, as if you weren't really there. Every time you happened in that city, it always seemed like you layered into parts and not all of you was present, but in a good way. People in Osaka didn't care about faces; Yoongi would always drop his shoulders comfortably, making his wide and tough frame a little softer. He didn't wear a mask in Osaka, and didn't pull his cap so far down that he couldn't see where he was going. Seeing him become nonchalant like that, looking around instead of straight ahead and down, swing his arms as he walked, and swing his head to look at buildings and trees; it was just happy. Your left hand was pleasantly and unusually heavy with the new ring; you would raise your palm against the bright sky to look how the sun sneaks in between your middle and ring finger; and catch Yoongi looking at you. You knew intuitively, as it always happens when you feel on top of the world, that it would only get better and better with time. As if nothing bad can ever happen to such people as you: young and happy and so strong. Whatever parts of him weren't healed yet, he was now at least okay with them, and was learning to embrace them. He wasn't screaming in his songs anymore. His voice acquired the soft murmur again. He smiled so much nowadays, showing his small delicate teeth, as if he finally learnt to click and switch, from Suga to Yoongi, and back again.

"You always looked kinda Tokyo to me", you noted, studying his face. Yoongi's eyes were narrowed as he watched the streets slowing down behind the window of the train.

"Shin-Imamiya", he hummed, as if he didn't hear you at first, seconds before the soft faceless voice announced the station. Yoongi's hand squeezed yours, and you ouched out of habit; he couldn't get used to the rings, either. Was accustomed to holding your hand very tightly, pushing the engagement ring with briar rose gemstone into your nearby fingers. His hold loosened immediately.

"Sorry", you got off the train, and your head snapped to look around at the unconventional urbanistic rundown architecture around.

"Japanese, huh?"

"About twelve per cent Japanese".

"People usually tell me, once I hit thirty, I started looking like a Chinese crook from a nineties movie", he confessed, with just not enough indifference.

"You would love to be one, huh?" you grinned. You could see it, too, now. Your thought adjusted. His high cheekbones and sharp, unforgiving slant of the eyes, and without makeup to smooth his face, he did look like he was capable of bad things. Yoongi nodded, quite content. He led you through the pedestrian tunnel into the wide sleepy street, with tall, dishevelled buildings, pieces of clothes hanging warily from the balconies, bright grey shining in the spring sun. In this weather, even the less attractive districts looked rather like locations from a video game, with its special greenpunk charm. Yoongi's short black hair moved lazily in the light wind; he cut his royal mane right after the wedding, elated like a puppy who caused mischied and knew about it. He did leave two wavy strands to frame his face though. Both you and his mother were glad.

You walked down the street looking at people living his life; someone adjusting a flower pot on their balcony, or thrashing a sheet furiously; some voices flew down from the top floors as the tall houses grew and grew on above your heads. Some kids left the building, hands in their jean pockets, caps, chains on their thighs. Yoongi checked the map on his phone:

"To the left at the end of the street".

He clocked them first; but you didn't even notice. The years living in safe Seoul all but killed your spacial awareness skills; and as far as you knew, Japan was even safer. Crime rates low on the ground, you always hopped like a butterfly on the Kyoto streets even when you were alone. So now, as you heard a whistle coming from one of the entrances, you attributed it to some internal conversation among a group of people.

"Oh, no way", Yoongi grumbled, and you finally paid attention. He was looking at the group of young people huddled together in between two broken up flower beds in front of the building. Your natural instinct finally kicked in: three men of moderate height but sick built. Wide shoulders, thick legs, they looked like people who were looking for trouble.

"It's not even evening", you mumbled, frustrated. Yoongi couldn't break the lock with them as he watched the group that gestured something towards you.

"Tourists?" you heard. One guy motioned his hand. The other two started babbling something in Japanese assuming Yoongi would understand them. One of the guys was looking at you the way drunk Itaewon men usually did. You pushed against his body but tried not to show your growing anxiety.

"Don't fuss", he advised, his fingers caressing the back of your palm reassuringly. Amidst the conversation the three peace breakers engaged in, you could make out something like 'pretty boy'. Sure your boy was pretty. But, as they set off from the flower beds and started cutting your way across the street, he also got angrier.

The thing about Yoongi was, he was like a battery that liked to snap. His large storage could contain a lot of annoyance, a lot of disrespect and exhaustion, but when the time and space was up, someone who tipped his peace at last would always get a handful. Yoongi used this internal fuel well in his work. Hooding his eyes, dangerous stare from behind the long locks falling onto his face, he would slouch his shoulders in a way that made him look much, much bigger than he really was. Perhaps he learnt this method from cats: the small, clawed and unpredictable carnivores that were unhinged enough to scare away bears. Yoongi was that kind of a person. You have never been scared when you were with him; it's the raging optimism of knowing that your fiancé, now husband, was ready to throw hands at anyone which could easily be read on his face. The years of neglect, condescending nods and underestimation helped him be spared of fear of bodily harm. You noticed this weird feature with every one of his six brothers, too. They were successful and beautiful, and still, they were desperate to prove themselves.

You tugged on his hand when Yoongi tensed towards the three people stopping you in your tracks. A short exchange in Japanese sounded hostile to you. You were half-through with your Korean, the language occupying all your attention, so you haven't thought of starting Japanese yet. Yoongi knew just enough of it to be able to tell people to fuck off.

The tallest, buff guy, undoubtedly, the leader of this pathetic, bored pack, stepped from side to side, and pointed his finger at you. Yoongi's left arm which was attached to you, pushed you slightly, and you read the cue to step back. The blank faces in front of you. Nothing behind the eyes, just sheer boredom of the Saturday afternoon. Someone yelled in Japanese from the above balcony, perhaps calling their nineteen-year old jobless son to leave tourists alone. He paid no attention. You felt your heart pumping blood in your chest. There's three of them after all, and this is not a dream anymore. You looked at their arms and shoulders; one, buff, the other kind of in the middle, and the third was totally thin, but still a fighting force. Yoongi said something, a bit louder, and you realized that your husband was crazy. His face was his asset, and it couldn't be broken. Instead of acting timid and saying you don't need trouble, he was stepping up and grilling them. You clutched his hand, poking him with your nails, but he didn't feel it at all.

The fallout was very quick. With that hand, he pushed you away, making you stumble a little, while with the other, he already aimed for the nose. From four steps away, you watched as his hair shone in the bright April sun; Yoongi ducked and punched the buff guy in the throat. The leader's friend stepped up to him from the side, grabbing his shoulder, and he kicked. Bam! It was over. One boy on the ground, the second, swaying in hesitation, the third decided to run. Yoongi turned around, his face relaxing as if he didn't just reenact his nineties movie dream, and grabbed your hand.

"We should get through another station", he panted, a little bit happy. You ran together, hand in hand, and by the end of the street, the fright was leaving your mouth in the form of breathless giggle.

2.

Jungkook just had too much energy. The boy never ran out of it. He could do a two and a half hour concert and then go clubbing because the performance didn't drain him; on the opposite, it energized him. Seeing all these people, bouncing with them, dancing in synch, being in the spotlight - he was a natural. Where Jimin fainted after every fourth show, and Yoongi became unnaturally grumpy after outpouring all his might into it, Jin, retreating into the hotel room to ron in bed, Jungook would beam brighter than the sun. During the training, he was the one who would do twice as much as needed, straining his body to the extreme maximum, only to outperform himself every time. His mind wandered in all directions and his body moved, like he was a shark. He had love for everyone. He loved his members to death, and yet he loved to babble away, sometimes not listening to himself and what he's saying. He loved the crowds, his fans, and people around, and yet basked in their reciprocated love so self-indulgingly sometimes that it seemed like he thought he was the only one in the world. Jungkook loved the love, and he loved women, and it was obvious he needed them, because they were beautiful, and he was handsome, and young, and always needed to release his energy somewhere, or he would burst like a blood bubble. He was the golden maknae, everybody's favorite, and more often than not, he got away with things that weren't allowed for the others.

During the tour, the standard procedure was thus: in the morning, everybody got up almost always hungover and with wrinkled faces, Jin, usually with insane bed hair, and slowly set off for the airport. There, on the apron, you would all wait, the members and the team, while the crew was loading the luggage onto the plane. You all usually preferred to wait outside because the air was fresher, and most of you were afraid of flying.

You'd normally be enveloped around Yoongi as the flights were undertaken at ungodly hours. Wrapped in a hoodie, in the tight circle of his arms (he would actually lean onto you like onto a huge pillow and try to sleep upright for a minute), in the wicked wind, you peeked out and saw Jungkook's girl doing the same as you. She'd look better, dolled up even at seven or six am, with nice hair. They'd murmur to each other or kiss quietly. Almost every other city the girl would be new. You stopped the efforts to memorize the names when you realized Jungkook wasn't serious about it. Of course, there's beauty in consensual, situational one-night stands; he'd pick up a pretty and lively girl at a bar after the show and pull her along for a couple of days, sometimes she'd even fly to another city with the band. That's how he recharged. He was an adult now, and you caught it in the way Namjoon and Jin looked at him. They still couldn't believe he had slipped through their fingers, all the while being proud of their MVP Jungkook. They always let him be, and the others did, too. You had fun hanging out with his girlfriends while on tour as you soon got too anxious attending every show every other night. While they performed in a new city, you'd stay in a hotel and play boardgames, drink, or even wander around the city with the girl. Most of them were actually amazing. Always very beautiful, funny, effortlessly perfect with their appearance, and easy going. Of course, there were no conversations about 'our boys'. Jungkook belonged to everyone, he belonged to no one. And most of the girls understood that.

Parasocial was dangerous. It's a good thing that you, like your batshit husband, could put up a fight.

One of the girls, Laura, or Lara, was more complicated to get along with. Simply speaking, she wasn't interested in anything apart from Jungkook, and wouldn't leave him alone. The middle of the tour, you already forgot where he picked her up, and how long ago. Was it France? No, that one was Marie, and she got off in Rome. Then that was the next one, but she didn't speak Italian. You remembered because you tried to get her to teach you the hand gestures. She frankly paid no attention to you at all which was an okay break. You've been a little under the weather all week, and was happy to spend a quiet day at a hotel while everybody worked their backs off.

You were trying to figure out what time it was after the sharp knock dragged you out of a nap. The movie was still on the TV which showed you hadn't slept much. Swaying a little bit, you hiccuped once and looked into the peephole. Laura. You were under the impression she went to see the tonight's show, but okay. You opened the door and noticed she looked a little worn out, her face puffy from crying. Something dawned on you unpleasantly: they probably had had a fight. And her time was almost up.

"Y/N", she whined, letting herself into your room. There was no contiunation, so you closed the door and tried to assess her condition.

"How are you?"

"I think I love him", she slurred. Drunk. Crying and drinking and not attending the show.

"Why aren't you at the arena? I thought you wanted to see the concert", you offered. Laura shook her head and then ran the fingers of her right hand through the lush curly hair. She sniffed. She was a full mess. You were considering filling her a bath.

"He just doesn't take it seriously. Tell me the truth, Y/N, you think it's not serious? I asked him about what after the tour, and", she was messing up her words, "he just smiled at me and changed the subject, you know how it is..." her mouth formed a painful O and her eyes pierced you. Suddenly, Laura was angry for no reason. Well, there was a reason. Jungkook fucked up and took in a girl who was in love with him. In love panicking, desperate.

"He told me not to think about the future", she whispered. You just stood there, unmoving, not sure what to say. "But the thing is, he is my future. I need him".

"I think..." you faltered, "you should really talk about it with him, and not let him off the hook until he lets you know..."

"I already know!" she yelled. In the silence between, a character yelled from the TV. There it was, the cue to leave. As her eyes grew in size, beautiful green, but a little mad right now, you realized she was breaking down. You wanted to give her a hug, but instead, Laura shook and raised her other hand that you hadn't seen previously. It was conveniently behind her back and you failed to pay attention. There was no chance you could expect her holding a razor.

"I said, he is my future", she pressed. You quickly went from compassionate to annoyed.

"Give me that", you ordered. You were older. And was already used to the convenient Korean tradition of younger people doing what they're told. But she was European, drunk, and didn't give a shit. Your outstretched hand with the palm open was almost closing on the sharp elongated blade. Where did she even get a dangerous razor. On a private jet, you can bring all kind of shit with you nowadays.

"Laura, give me the razor. You're not killing yourself over Jungkook", you felt comical saying that. Laura's eyes went completely round.

"I am Lauren", she hissed, totally offended. "You don't even know my fucking name".

She probably wanted to throw her hands up, like, nobody here thinks anything of me! kind of way. But, several glasses of Jungkook's fine whiskey from the mini bar affecting her, she must have fogotten she's holding a sharp razor in her hand. God know what she was intending to do with that; probably practice threatening suicide so that you could tell her if the peformance was convincing enough. Now the weapon of the naive was slashing your forearm which you put out instinctively in front of your face. Sharp pain downed the yelp inside of you as the rage kicked in. You straightened the arm which was yet to be engulfed in burning ache, and threw a fist towards her face. Lauren produced a gentle 'ah!' and stumbled back, but stayed on her feet. Hissing with the coming sensation, you knew that you had to disarm her before you collapse. Bright narrow stream of your blood was flying as you moved your arm. The hotel room spun due to adrenaline shaking you completely awake. You stepped to Lauren carefully, trying not to give her time to undestand what's happening, and grabbed her hand with the razor.

"Let go!" you yelled. You had to bash her palm onto the wall to make her sturdy fingers uncurl, and, as the weapon fell on the carpet with a thud, you slapped her across the face again. Then, took her by the neck, making her bow and walk. Lauren was bawling. You opened the door, already moaning with pain, and screamed into the corridor:

"Help, please!"

Jungkook's rabbit eyes were staring into the designated spot on the tip of Jin's shoe. He always had this astounded look when he was uncomfortable; a natural manipulative trick which made him look like an adorable owl baby, making you want to protect him. One gaze at this face, his jaws clenched, the rings in his lower lip giving him the doll shine, eyes transfixed, and you already forgave him. You weren't mad anymore, but you were, indeed, in pain. The razor cut the exact spot on your arm which you offered; the amount of skin and fat there covering the bone was laughable, so it cut until it got stuck on that. As the medics were wrapping up the arm, you could actually see your own bone which you didn't think you'd ever get to. The pain was phenomenal: going into the wrist, to the tips of fingers, and up, until the very neck, at first you worried that you were somehow mortally wounded. But no, it was just how it was: deep cut.

Yoongi was livid. Jungkook was terrified, and yet, his pride wouldn't let him budge in front of everyone. You all grouped into logical units. Yoongi stood with his back to the door, making it impossible for the youngest to escape. Behind him, Namjoon and Jin paced and nibbled on their fingers. You were propped against the wall on the side, head low as if you were the one who fucked up. Jimin, the pacifier, was at your side, his silent support making you not feel alone. While you just needed Suga to take off his stage clothes and comfort you, he was busy fuming at Jungkook, seemingly releasing the built-up annoyance with his affairs. Taehyung and Hoseok were judging silently on Jungkook's side; nobody wanted to join, scared that Yoongi will blow up and start screaming.

You could understand about 70% of what they were saying already. Yoongi was scolding Jungkook for being reckless, and interrogating him about the girl. Jungkook was replying that no, he had no idea she'd be so broken up about the casualty of the relationship. Yoongi was being sarcastic, calling Jungkook to admit it was stupid to begin with, to expect that a new girl every fourth night would cause no drama sooner or later. Then he dragged you into this, pointing his finger at you, saying something like,

"And now Y/N is hurt, someone who is actually supposed to stay".

You checked the wedding band on your finger. That was correct. Jimin sighed. He was anxious about the moment when the management barges into here, with penalties, insults and things to say. They all knew they had to sort this out quickly, and then reform and protect Jungkook together, no matter what each of them thinks.

Jin said something quietly, and Yoongi started speaking so quickly that finally you stopped understanding. His finger pointing accusingly at Jungkook who seemed to grow, hurt by the resentment his ever protecting hyung was now directing. He chewed on his rings, eyes targeting Yoongi, his brow lowering. Soon, it was an exchange. Don't you think you are being a little too dramatic about this? Is there anything deeper that you want to tell me?

Yes, I wanna tell you that your fuckery now led to my wife being slashed to the bone by your psychotic one night stand, you're behaving like a baby, you're losing your caution and act with no regard for people around you, and so on, and on, like an old man scolding a youngster at a fish market for shoplifting. You were breathing heavily because it was hard; you craved a painkiller of some sort, and only Jimin noticed. But he was quiet, frightened of getting in the middle of it. Taehyung rolled his eyes and covered his face with his hands. Hoseok seemed struck on the head, his eyes resting on the carpet. Everybody was hesitant to look at you, as if you could shout at them, as if it was their collective fault. The blood on the carpet was washed out by the time they returned after the show, and even the medics left; Lauren was locked up in Jungkook's room with the hotel staff, and this overdue outburst was tiring.

But of course there was something warm about Yoongi not being able to shut up about this. He's never seen you wounded like this and was probably in shock. Thought of what could've happened if you failed to outpower her. Pictured coming to the hotel to find your body with throat slashed. All due to this unhappy coincidence, because of Jungkook's carelessness. He was wiser and more paranoid naturally, he knew how small things led to big tragedies. He was the one stopping at the intersection for a fraction of a second only to then be chewed by the wheels of a car. He was scared.

What if she stayed in the room and waited for you? With the razor? What if she killed you while you slept? What if she killed herself in your room?

Namjoon winced painfully, trying to stop him from spinning this further and further. He tried to intervene by saying:

"It's generally not a good idea to date so many girls all the time".

You noted how rough he formulated this, trying not to sound too judgemental, but to express the firm desire to ban groupies.

"Not my fault Yoongi managed to only pull one", Jungkook spat, still looking like he was about to faint, like he was surrounded by wolves, and not by friends. Your brows flew up, as Jimin facepalmed, while Yoongi would've jumped him across the room. Would have, but the older ones caught him by the shoulders, visibly having been prepared for something like that.

"Aahh", Hobi added, sounding like he was being tortured.

The room was jumping in your vision field as pain quickly drained you of energy. You managed to see Taehyung push Jungkook in the shoulder, distraught.

"Don't listen to him", Jimin mumbled, "sometimes he says things just to say something".

"I am also married, so what are you gonna say to me?" Taehyung demanded. You loudly moaned with pain in order to pull the teeth from this fight. It worked. Yoongi deflated immediately, his eyes snapping to you, and before you knew it, you were in his arms. His breathing was in his chest, still agitated, and he led you out of the quietened room. You managed to steal one last look at Jungkook who looked like the sweet baby he was; you couldn't fight the maternal instinct this twenty-nine year old guy awoke in you. He was seemingly about to cry.

"It's been three hours, right?" Yoongi was preoccupied. His lips were pressed together firmly even when he was speaking. His face was very pale, and you, dizzy with pain, almost drunk-like, touched it to see if he still had makeup on. This gesture, taken by Yoongi as a distress sign, made him look at you intently. And you knew you loved his eyes and everything about him; when he was fussy and angry like this, as well. Simply because he was never angry with you. It was abnormal; he tended to always put you on a special place and act like a rabid dog if someone crossed you, even if it was in his imagination. You could never make him angry, and you tried. But he was too collected for that, only allowing himself to crumble on the moments like this. He had a good outlet for emotions in the shape of music. That was his sewage drain.

"You okay? We need to change the band, right? The doctors told me to change this every three hours".

You winced, expecting immense pain again. The wound just barely seized torturing you just now, when you held your forearm bent, and you had to bother it again.

"Why don't you take a painkiller?" he murmured. You nodded, unable to speak. He left the bathroom for less than a minute and returned with a pill and a glass of water. While you drank, he studied your face.

"Okay?" for the eighth time in ten minutes. You nodded yes and put your head on his shoulder to feel his warmth and feel his breathing. He was probably very tired, he is always sleepy after the shows. The tips of his hair tickled your face, and it smelt wonderful. Like hairspray and perfume. You realized you weren't really shaken by the altercation. It ended relatively well, you weren't scared. Rather,

"I am a bit heartbroken for her".

Yoongi chuckled ironically.

"I would've probably broken her fucking arm if I was there", he replied grumpily. "I know I would've regretted it, but still".

"I mean, I understand a little", you continued, as if not hearing him, "she is very in love with Jungkook and I wish he hadn't hurt her like that".

"You are too kind to some people".

Perhaps by 'some people' he also meant his youngest, for tonight.

He said nothing else and got to the procedure, whispering to you when you whimpered with pain. Yoongi hissed when he looked a the open wound; stitching it was impossible as skin was so tightly wrapped around this spot that it simply tore and pulled away after the cut. He had to wrap it up tightly, to make skin connect again, which meant he had to make you scream. Painkiller wouldn't help here. You rested on his chest after, panting and greatful, as his hands held your head. His big palm on the back of your head, and the violent beast of pain, still playing your bones like a guitar, had to retreat a little. The relief of being with him every day was powerful.

Someone knocked on the door. You smiled madly at the thought of round two, now, with an axe. Yoongi sighed and looked at you, asking silently if he should get the door.

"You aren't going to faint, are you?" he asked, bewildered.

"No, it just hurts".

He pressed a kiss on your forehead and went, dragging his feet, one hand in his long hair. It was too late by the time you realized that, if it's Jungkook, he might get punched as soon as the door opens. You pushed yourself off the bathtub edge and walked behind him to see. He stood, his head in the slit between the door and the frame, low voice saying something.

Then, a dispassionate, evaluating look at you, the look of a bodyguard. Do you wanna see him? Sometimes you could read his mind. Then Yoongi finally gave in and moved slowly away from the door and stood by the bed, observing. Jungkook appeared, the old version, sincere regret in his eyes, angel face concerned. Even his frame looked younger again.

"Y/N, I am so sorry", he started immediately, "I never meant for you to get hurt, I never thought it would happen. If I had known she'd do anything like that, I... I never, never wanted you to be hurt..."

He was apologizing feverishly, like a child, like he thought he only had thirty seconds before the door shuts on him, and it made your eyes water. You blinked the unwanted tears of tenderness. Yoongi was darker than night, his hands crossed on his chest. He wouldn't let it go that easily, and it scared you. It was Jungkook, his boy. The boy he protected all these years, that he watched grow, that he taught to cook. The boy he comforted when he got homesick and missed his mum, when he fell sick on tour and wasn't allowed even one day off, so he had to train with fever, and faint; the boy who Yoongi used to rage for like he raged tonight. Something changed. Yoongi was prone to tough love. The child wasn't a child anymore, and they all had to get used to it.

"It's okay", you whispered, moving quickly to Jungkook, and wrapping your good arm around his bent neck.

"It's alright, it's not your fault", you said quietly so that Yoongi wouldn't hear, but he did.

"It is", your husband barked from behind you. Jingkook sighed with an animalistic tremble, like a dog shaking off water. You knew he was looking at his hyung.

"I'm sorry", he repeated, and you tried to console him by stroking his head. The soft uncombed hair tickled your palm,

"I know you are also shaken".

"I am mortified. Are you in a lot of pain? How bad is it, really? Will you be okay?"

"Of course. It's just a big cut".

"I could see her bone", Yoongi intervened again, and you had to turn around to give him a look. He didn't budge.

"I'm sorry", Jungkook buried his face in your shoulder, "I didn't mean any of it", he said, his voice muffled.

A little more patting on the back and convincing him he was okay, and you were okay, and everything was okay, and he retreated, completely devastated. As soon as the door closed behind him, you turned to Yoongi again.

"I hate to see him sad".

He wanted to say something, but just rolled his eyes instead.

The cut left an elongated half-moon scar and became a reminder of three things:

you can throw a punch;

always protect your face;

Yoongi loved you the same way he loved his skin and bone.

[maddascanbe-blog]

Nice to see you again Ma'am. This is the only redesign I'm going to both posting new for and not just update the original picture. Some of this was simple changes in style, and due to resizing issues Chloé's line art got really grainy. But more importantly I want to change Chloé in terms of my re-write, and I want to acknowledge my improvment.

Before we get to that lets talk small design changes. I likes my Anti-bug design originally but it waned on me over time. Recently I did a doodle of Chloé with the actual Ladybug miraculous (a hypothetical heroic) if you would. And translating that to Anti-bug made me much more satisfied with her.

I gave Queen Bee rounded stripes on her OG-redesign, but after looking at cannon again, she just is better suited for sharper shapes. So I changed her legs to something closer to her cannon design, the thigh-high boots feel much more Chloé.

Similar with Queen Wasp, just small changes, this time with her leg stripes just getting wider. I also decided to change her wings back to blue albeit a much darker color than Queen Bee's

Civilian Chloé and Zoé are the same, I already updated kid Zoé a bit for her page so I was able to just keep that asset and move it here.

Re-write. I've changed my opinion on Chloé a bit since I initially planned her re-write. Put simply, the only way I could think to redeem Chloé before was to make her an entirely different person.

Well not anymore. We're gonna rebuild her story from the ground up. First and foremost, Chloé is still a bully. She wants what she wants and doesn't care who gets hurt to help her get it. Now, she's not a full blown villain, because she doesn't need to be. But she does need to be selfish.

Chloé has a very short list of people she cares about. At the moment that includes Adrien, her Father, and Sabrina. Specifically she needs to care about Sabrina for the sake of her downfall and turn around, and later this list would include Ladybug, Chat Noir, and Zoé. She cares about them, and shows it, but everyone else isn't worth her time. This Chloé wouldn't insult Sabrina for not wanting to go through with a plot but she would still go and steal Marinette's diary.

But she also isn't oblivious, Chloé knows the class doesn't like her, he just doesn't care. She can still get what she wants, Marinette's seat, the Class Rep position, Ms. Bustier's favoritism, without the class liking her. Oh uh- small change her though, Chloé was bad at the student complaints and suggestions on day to day school stuff but I head cannon she was good at event organizing. As much of a pain as she was to work with, the school dances 'til now were spectacular. Mostly because I think Chloé needs to be good at something, and event planning is probable.

The first time she realizes her actions may have consequences (at least ones she cares about) is when she gets akumatized. She likes Ladybug, and Chat Noir if not as much. Her actions, her tantrum, not only didn't get her what she wanted but actively hurt two people she actually likes. This doesn't super change her behavior, but it does trigger the realization that she can't get everything she wants, and will in fact do things she doesnt want and cant fix in her wake.

The next is Lila showing up. Because she's spent her whole life around businessmen and politicians. She knows a liar when she sees one. But hey, if her class are idiots its not her business to educate them, its a little frustrating that Sabrina doesn't believe her. She just makes sure Adrien knows, and is surprised to know Marinette also already figured it out.

Then Zombizou happens, and everyone in the class are refusing to leave her alone and are protecting her. On one hand, no she doesn't want to be a zombie. But two, she thinks their idiots for sacrificing themselves over and over. They aren't friends, so why would they care? Then in a split second decision, Chloé gets between the zombies and the heroes. At this point she's acknowledged she's more a burden than a help, and that the heroes will be able to work better if she's out of their way. It's fine, they'll save her anyway. And they do.

This is where her character arc is actually going to start. Not with just with Bustier, but with her just gradually getting less antagonistic. She has her low moments of course. Since she hasn't exactly gotten better, just quieter the incident with the fire department causes Adrien to break off their friendship. And Lila successfully pulls Sabrina away from her. Now Chloé has no one.

And this is when she meets Pollen. Unintentional, but Chloé still loves Ladybug, so of course she wants to help. She doesn't give Pollen back at first, but she wasn't stupid enough to reveal her identity. Chloé is specifically not an idiot. She's actually one of the few who seems to regard Hawkmoth with as much fear as the heroes. She isn't expecting Marinette to turn down the opportunity and for the first time, Chloé see's her mother the way everyone else does. Flighty and Vicious, and uncapable of loving anyone but herself. And at the same moment she realizes that's the direction she's going.

Chloé realizes she's got to change. And she'd going to have to do it alone. Ladybug can support her, but not carry her. Marinette still doesn't trust her has far as she can throw her, and Adrien has his own stuff to worry about.

Then Zoé happens.

[crustyfloor]

Honestly, I had questions when HyunA died, most of them just being why. After everything, after the pain Luka left her with, and the immense guilt over Hyunwoo's death, knowing what she's been through, why would she willingly take a bullet for Luka or even embrace him? It felt contradictory for a while, but now that I think about it, it feels very true to what we know about her for HyunA's character to have gone in this direction because of the person she is.

HyunA is the character who lived the "freest" life after escaping Alien stage. She got to experience what living freely was like outside of that environment and learned how to grow beyond being a pet human into her own person.

She was determined to keep pushing herself to move forward with each day because she would not let the struggle or her past stop her from continuing to live. Luka might've thought of Hyuna's rebellion as avoiding the situation, but she was building a life for herself, and we can see just how much HyunA grew during her time with the rebellion, how much she was loved and loved in return

HyunA didn't dwell on her past too often. Even so, her attachment to her childhood is significant; naturally, it makes her who she is today. The happy memories from her time in Anakt Garden that shared space in her heart with her moments with the rebels show she's reluctant to let that part of her go. But alongside this comes a burden she has to carry for years because she's constantly reminded of Hyunwoo's death; the child in her was still, always grieving him, feeling to blame for something that wasn't her fault. The pain of remembering it all weighs on her heavily.

Luka is the last living symbol of her past and her trauma that she couldn't let go of. The lasting sentiments and fondness she has for him clash with the complicated feelings he left her with after her brother's death. She couldn't bear being close to Luka anymore because knowing he was the cause of her brother's death hurt her. She regretted ever even getting close to Luka. She resented herself even more because she didn't want to let go of him

HyunA is brave for having worked so hard to get to the point where she could laugh again after escaping. There was a time when she was overdrinking and smoking to cope with the full force of her emotions when she first arrived at the rebellion.

After time passed, she could act as if she were confident and already resolutely moved on on the surface.

But really, Luka remained an everlasting and lingering presence in her life. The way Luka haunts her brings her back to the past she doesn't want to address. The way she used to see him as this harmless lonely boy who'd cling to her and follow her around. Now, she avoids his gaze or freezes when she sees him. He's a constant obstacle in her journey. She resents that undeniably. But she's guilty that despite that, and after everything, she still cares about Luka enough that he is a weak spot for her.

HyunA isn't a vengeful person. She is a justice seeker, but she isn't angry. She wants peace; she wants peace for herself and the people she cares about, and you can't find that in anger or hatred. Many people's first response in her position would've been to be angry, and rightfully so. But HyunA doesn't let anger dictate her next actions no matter how justified she would've been. That isn't the kind of person she is. This doesn't mean she accepts the pain she went through, but she always wants to keep moving forward in the right direction.

HyunA's humanity and love are strong aspects of her character; they've guided her to this point, and since she is effortlessly compassionate and selfless, always putting what she cares about before herself no matter how foolish it may be

It didn't even take her a minute's thought to save Luka the moment she realized he was at risk. She just moved. Despite her appearance of disinterest moments before, when she realized what he was doing, that look in his eyes (she knew him better than anyone there did anyway), that part of her from childhood that was always caring for and looking after him naturally resurfaced instantly. And like the impulsive, self-sacrificing person she is, she protected him.

Even with HyunA's extremely mixed feelings and lingering affections for Luka, it is not acceptance of all he did to her or forgiveness that makes her save him. The pain and discomfort Luka put her through is inexcusable. Regardless of however much she might disregard/dismiss it, she still suffered. She never forgot that, that's why she can't forgive him.

But it is HyunA's love, compassion, and humanity that have always guided her. At heart, she has a beautiful and kind soul. She fights for others because of her many experiences and the death of her closest loved one. Even though she 'could've' let Luka die, her strongest core values override the resentment she has in her. She doesn't forgive him, but it represents how HyunA cares about humanity. It represents how HyunA has always cared about Luka no matter what happened between them.

Love is twisted in every aspect of this series as it is fully intertwined with humanity. and it shows. Despite her complicated feelings that are deeper than even terms like love or hate can accurately apply, Luka is still HyunA's biggest weakness, despite the moments when she was angry with him and maybe even wanted to hate him; it's a testament to how much she cared about Luka. She couldn't. In fact, her love was so great that she wanted him to live.

It's incredible how this is her most selfless and selfish act yet. There was so much on the line. The rebellion still needed her, and Mizi still needed her. She still had a life to live for. but she died for Luka because she couldn't see him die. After all, she still cared about him so deeply. She even sees that Luka should still have a chance after everything and passes down her soul to him through the words she'd been told before, urging him to find peace within himself and live on without her, knowing he has never had that chance. And that is so fittingly human of her.

But really, why does he deserve it? Why does HyunA think Luka deserves it?

HyunA didn't want to live in self-hatred and anger over things she couldn't change. She wants to look beyond it, grow, and experience life to the best of her ability while she's still alive and working with the rebellion.

-

"HYUNA is the kind of kid who carves out a path for herself that she thinks is right."

"She doesn't look back when she feels weak or hurt; she keeps moving forward, and that's what HYUNA is today."

-

It's because of the person she is that she even rescued Mizi. Because HyunA recognized herself in the lost, distressed girl who was carrying a burden like no other and needed guidance. That's why she rescues Luka. Because she recognizes him as a human who deserves a life worth living with happiness and peace like any other. The narrative doesn't excuse Luka simply because HyunA feels that way for him, but it does provide insight into her reasoning for saving him. Optimistic or foolish as it may be, it's very HyunA in its way of execution

do you know how hard I prayed hyuna would say Sike and revive at the church today... its been a whole 2 days I've been crying nonstop

[mari-lair]

You know what i'll be petty, this will be my complain time, feel free to skip this post:

I don't like how easily Nene got inside the clock keeper's boundary.

They made a big deal of how hard it is to get there in the last arc, of how time needs to be stopped for the entrance to even show up.

And even then, only Akane, Teru, and Tsukasa had been able to move while time was frozen.

Nene could not. Even Hanako could not.

So her just following the cat (regardless if the cat is just a familiar or a yugi twin, it doesn't matter) I don't like it.

Cause the clock keepers should still be powerful (or else they would lose the op power of rewriting the world). And Aidairo is at least pretending their rules are the same, considering Akane was right and only he could use the clock/key.

So it feels less like weaving a new set of rules in this brand new world to explore, and more like "this is convinient to move the plot were i want" with no care for consistency.

Why did Aoi never remembered about the new timeline even when everyone explicitly told her during their dinner hang out? Is it because she wasn't in the keepers boundary? Then why did Mitsuba and Kou did? Neither of them were inside the keeper boundary when it reset either. What about Hanako and Tsukasa? They were in the clock keeper's court, but they don't have the clear memory Teru and Yashiro do of the old timeline, is it because they are ghost? Twisted into brand new forms compared to their old selves? But then we are back to wondering why mitsuba (who was a supernatural stitched up by remains) remembered.

The sad thing is that Aidairo spend so many months building up interesting ideas in this new world, ideas for things that wouldn't be able to be explored in the old one, and instead of giving the characters internal comflicts, moral comflicts (which we know they can do, picture perfect is right there) or exploring anything, they just used the dramatic "THIS WORLD IS BAD!!! NO NUANCE ANYMORE, IS JUST BAD NOW! LET'S GET OUT!!" solution to get everyone to go back.

Which isn't my personal favorite approach, but I usually wouldn't mind. I mean, everyone know they need to go back to the old timeline at some point! No problem there!! Except nothing was explored. We got the news the minamoto mom is back but we didn't get a single dialogue between her and Teru or her and a Kou that remember she used to be dead. We got the news Aoi and Teru are in an arranged marriage but didn't explore that wild comcept much. They set up a deadline of three days before the cast start forgetting the old timeline but it haven't even been one day in this new world before something conviniently awful happened.

Why set up a stage if you just want to move the characters out of it as quickly as possible?? Mitsuba and Kou whole relationship in this new world was basically sumarized to us in a single chapter, which was the same chapter where they died to rush the rest of the cast out. Yes is tense in the moment but the more time passes the more it just feels rushed. Like a million ideas thrown in a table and now that they are in the open is time to move on.

I bet a million dollars this won't be talked about.

Why would it? Aoi and Teru are probably dead, so who cares about their engagement and it shadyness? this world is 'fake' so who cares about anyone in it?

Sure, I want to go back to the original world too! but idk, I kind of cared about this world.

Wasn't that the point? To care about the world? If it wasn't the point then what was it? Yugi lore?? Show exactly how evil the entity that originally possessed Tsukasa is?? That's it? Brand new world created ONLY to focus on Yugi twins lore? No Minamoto family moment now that they are all together (an impossible feat otherwise!), no comflict or temptation at all? When Kou remember his old memories he goes 'omg sousuke was dead' but doesn't even bat an eye that his mom was dead too?? Was the mom reveal really just a cheap shock value moment for the audience??

I still have no idea where yooko and satou are, I guess mitsuba is Kou's only friend in this timeline? hard to say since we only focused on Kou and Mitsuba's relationship with each other, barely interacting with the world as a whole (what is Kou's relationship with Aoi now that she is his brother's fiance? Or with his brother now that Teru have more free time?? Who cares, am i right??). They made Mei alive but there is no interaction with her so what? is it a cute fanservice too? A way to show how powerful the 'curse of the house' is? Is that it? It feels so hollow. This rush will make them go back to their old timeline faster, sure, but it takes away the characters depth.

I am glad many people like this arc but I see it as a big waste of potential :/

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Are some skeletons celebrating Valentine's day? Who plans something big? Who thinks it's all commercial?

Well, I'm a little late lol.

Undertale Sans - It really depends on his S/O. If it's something important for you, sure, he can plan something and even make an effort in his choice of clothes and take you out somewhere. If you don't care, he's giving you the immense gift of buying the pizzas tonight lol. He's a simple man with simple needs.

Undertale Papyrus - Of course, he's celebrating! Papyrus is the King of Romance! He booked a table and a room at the new very luxurious MTT hotel a year early so you two can have the time of your life. Well, mainly the time of his life you realize as you don't exist anymore the second Mettaton is showing his robotic form on the stage. At least you have some fun afterward in the room. You make sure to ruin the bed just to piss off Mettaton. No, you're not jealous at all.

Underswap Sans - He's not celebrating, but he still brings home the biggest flower bouquet you have ever seen. You're not sure where you're going to put it, but it's pretty and with all your favorite flowers in it. Blue wanted to mark the occasion and show you that despite looking like he doesn't listen all the time, he really does.

Underswap Papyrus - Honey prepared a Netflix and chill night! He bought a ton of junk food, a nice cocoon blanket where you two can cuddle close, and a ton of terrible movies to entertain you all night. He just wants to spend some time with his S/O. Now, the only problem is that you're both little old people and you're both snoring in front of the TV at 9 p.m. It was short but intense lol.

Underfell Sans - He waits for you in bed entirely naked, a rose in his mouth. He's enough of a gift, right? It's not like he gave you obvious hints all day leading to this moment, insisting very loudly on the fact he's extremely interested in Woohoo tonight. He's not very subtle, but that's why you chose him, right?

Underfell Papyrus - He "borrowed" Red's motorcycle without him knowing and he takes you on a little trip along the beach during sunset. He planned a romantic picnic on the beach with candles and everything to end the night. It could have ended better than with Red screaming at him on the phone because he realized his baby motorcycle disappeared lol.

Horrortale Sans - Oak bought expensive chocolate for you. You're sharing it in bed during the night while you're cuddling. Oak doesn't care about Valentine's Day, all he cares about is spending some time with you and cuddling and eating chocolate. He's very happy right now.

Horrortale Papyrus - He takes you for a day to the health spa. It's one of the rare activities you can do together without his back screaming in agony. You spend the day getting massages, hanging out in the hot tubs, and relaxing in the sun. Willow gifts you some flowers when you both get out and takes you to have dinner somewhere. He's the perfect man.

Swapfell Sans - Well, Nox learned very painfully how to court with Toriel so, uh, he does the only thing he learned to do and takes you to a Valentine's Day ball. He bought you a very expensive ballgown and everything. Tonight, everyone is going to be jealous of you two. You quickly realize his way of dancing is very outdated though, but that's sort of cute. He's clearly not used to dancing either. He's showing big vulnerability tonight, and it's rare enough to be noted. It's fun though.

Swapfell Papyrus - Well. Being romantic and all this stuff is not really for him. Rus still wants to mark the occasion so he takes you to a random event in town. Ok, he didn't know the event was the longest burp contest. But, uh... It's funny at least? No? Listen, he tried his best, alright?

Fellswap Gold Sans - He has money, he wants everyone to see he has money, and he takes you on the shopping trip of your life. No limit, you get all the clothes you want. You're a bit embarrassed, but Wine is an excellent advisor in fashion and you get out of there with beautiful extremely expensive dresses, new shoes, and a new handbag, and to not make you feel uncomfortable, he buys a handbag too! You then go to parade in the city to make everyone jealous. You're not gonna lie, you're scared to scratch your new dress because of how much it costs lol.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - Coffee takes you bowling. He knows it's not much, but that is one of the rare activities he can actually impress you over than painting and he wants to show off a bit for once. He gifts you a portrait of you he did after that and you both end eating greasy fast food watching Disney movies on the couch and cuddling, obviously.

[low1key]

: ̗̀➛ALICE IN BORDERLAND

SHUNTARO CHISHIYA ———————————————————

about Chishiya, since the show watered him down ;p he actually was kind of heartless and never understood the concept of life and wasn't interested in it either. so if you're mad at someone for saying "awful" things he would have do, you're probably the one mischaracterizing him In his backstory (manga-based only), we learn that he was born into a family with no love and affection. his parents never showed interest in him; they only cared about work—actually, that much—that even if they didn't love each other anymore, they pretended to be happy so the hospital where the father worked—his father was the hospital head—wouldn't get into any scandals. chishiya basically grows up in a family with no feelings, and since he never got to know them, he still doesn't know them to this day. he wanted to check if he could feel anything by starting to work in his father's hospital as a student. he wanted to know if he could feel compassion toward any of the patients and if that would help him find an interest in life; guess what, it didn’t help, then he kind of gave up on himself and looking for any sense in life or finding a good in himself

but there was one thing that interested him since he was a child: it was the Mona Lisa painting. we see him looking at it, stating that he couldn't look away and that "everyone wants to be seen for who they are"; it is a reference to his history in various ways. first, the painting, in one of its meanings, is a visual representation of happiness. looking at what he said, it could be interpreted as him referring to his family, who are actually just pretenders and are "painted" happy. the second meaning refers to him, as he always felt different from others and viewed emotional people as stupid. because of that, other people couldn't understand him; he reminded himself of the painting when he tells arisu he just wanted someone to understand him. he said the Mona Lisa, in one theory, has been said to be Da Vinci himself dressed as a woman—which refers to people actually not knowing Da Vinci, just as people do not actually know and understand him.

in Borderland, his first game was 6 of Diamonds - a blackjack. there we could see how intelligent and observant he actually is. he never gambled before and was not only able to pick up the rules through observation but also invented a mathematical card counting method to decide how to bet. other players there couldn’t understand how a young man like him could act so calm and unbothered, but he simply had no concept of living and didn't care if he died or not. from the beginning, he only "helped" others when he saw they might be useful—that's why he helped Karube and gave him information about the beach since he was with Arisu, who he became interested in.

on the beach, he paired with Kuina, but they weren’t friends, as the show depicts; he had from the beginning planned to use her to steal the cards by himself when they were about to steal them together. he needed her to get closer to Arisu—to use him for his plan—he didn't care what was going to happen to them(arisu & usagi). kuina even asked him if he really didn't feel sorry at all, but of course, he doesn’t feel anything. Kuina later in the series even said she hates him just as much as she hates niragi 10 of hearts: after the start of the game, he leaves Kuina behind and is trying to kill Niragi; he says he's pissing him off since Niragi reminds him how awful he also is. both of them don’t care about other lives, killing and betraying them. Chishiya really hated niragi. he knew there was something wrong with him, but he couldn’t change and gave it up already in his backstory. he wants niragi dead so he won’t have to face the thought of how evil he actually is. also, when he learns Arisu is alive, he doesn’t try to solve the game; he knows Arisu will do it and that he doesn’t need to interfere. especially when it’s a heart game, he may be pretty good at them, but he doesn’t really like them since he isn’t good with emotions and never really understood other people's minds.

King of diamonds: there, as usual, Chishiya couldn't care less about his life and gives Kuzuryu the option to kill him. as i said, he never had the concept of life and was only in the borderlands looking for something interesting, like, for example, his beloved Mona Lisa painting. unexpectedly, Kuzuryu decides to sacrifice himself for Chishiya, which actually makes him wonder—how do people decide to sacrifice for others? Why do they do that? He contemplates the concept of empathy. Kuzuryu's sacrifice was like a breaking point for Chishiya because, before, Arisu's will to help others interested him, but what Kuzuryu did for him made him actually think about changing.

Arisu and Niragi: when the shooting started, because of what i wrote above and Arisu's speech before Usagi appears, he decides to take Usagi's bullet. He wants to do something nice in return, something out of character—as he said. he wanted to know how it feels to help others, to do something for someone instead of for himself. he then expressed thoughts about the Mona Lisa, stating he only wanted someone to understand him, and it happened to be Arisu and Niragi. He was glad to meet them and told Arisu his existence was just to show how empty humans can be—“I understand,” he responded. he came to the conclusion that he probably never wanted to learn about others and/or emotions because he was too jealous of them to think of it, viewing them as stupid instead. summarizing all his character: he was selfish, lacking humanity, and disinterested in life. so why, after all, did he decide to go back to the real world and survived the shooting? because of Arisu, Usagi, and Kuzuryu, he finally found a reason to live - to slowly change and try to understand what is humanity - i think that moment - him finding a reason to live - was the most beautiful part of his character. they were his new Mona Lisa, making him interested and causing him to think just like the painting did before; it was what he searched for in the borderland.

[symphonicsoul]

⋯✧・♪♫♪・✧⋯ He really doesn't care how sick to his own stomach is or how much effort went into getting this damn sugar line in his arm was; watching Aqua have a mental breakdown before his eyes is more than enough to have his left hand at his right arm to tear the damn thing out without a second thought.

His mind yelps but he doesn't let the sound escape him. Aqua doesn't need to think about his pain when he's obviously overwhelmed by whatever that fucking woman did to him and he swears that if she ever shows her disgusting face to him again, his previous threat to her will be the least of her worries. He'll do more than light her on fire. He'll render her to ash.

He doesn't know what she did to him, but he has ideas and that's enough.

He wastes no time getting himself up and out of bed only to go over to the window where his husband's hands shake and he struggles to get the latches open. Strong arms wrap around him and lift the man from the ground to hold him in his arms and rock him close to his chest.

Blood runs down right arm from the site of the wound, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Noting else matters. He just got Aqua back and he will not lose him again.

Especially not to that bitch.

"Shhh shh shhh. Olen täällä. Olen täällä. Olen täällä, Aqua. Se on okei." (I'm here, I'm here. I'm here Aqua. It's okay)

His hand moving to guide his bond's head to his chest and he holds him. He feels sick. His head is spinning and he hates how much his own stomach sloshes after being torn away from a sugar source for the first time in a while. He was sour. He knew he was sour even if it was hard to smell himself just because he's gotten used to the taste of it in his mouth.

"You don't have to go anywhere or do anything Aqua. I just got you back, please don't go anywhere."

Small quakes are shaking into his voice as he speaks.

"I need you. I need you here with me, Aqua. Please don't go anywhere. I need you. I need you I can't do it anymore. I just got you back, I can't be alone anymore. Please Aqua."

He can't sit here wondering where his bond is anymore. He can't stay still knowing the love of his life left to go back to a place that would only show him misery and pain. He can't sit idly by while his Aqua went back to a place that could probably kill him.

"Aqua I can't." He sounds as the tune of his voice trembles. "I can't let you leave and not follow. I promised we wouldn't get separated again. Where you go, I go, so please don't go. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Did I upset you? I'm sorry. Aqua, I need you. I can't be alone anymore. I need you here with me. Rakastan sinua niin paljon, Rakkauslaulu." (I love you so much, Love Song.)

He's holding him close. He's pressing a gentle kiss to the top of the man's head and he's shaking as he holds him. Trembling at the idea of the other leaving him behind. He's been alone for so long - he won't make it if he has to do it again.

He doesn't ever need to be told twice to do anything anymore, but it's especially true when it has to do with his prince.

Unfortunately, Sitriini has context and more to say. He's halfway between the beds when the words start to sink in, one after the other, anchors that cause his feet to drag against the tiled floor until they stop entirely.

So he wasn't just making up the smell.

Whatever happens to him if you leave is your fault, darling. You know you're filling his place.

His heart jumps up to his throat. The floor feels unsteady.

Still, he inches closer to the sleeping form, dragging himself through the air that now feels as thick as a wall.

The smell is fucking unbearable this close. Unbearable and familiar.

That damned sedative. And she was around Sitriini too - had she hit him with it?

Can his body even take it?

He knows his own can. It's done it at least a few dozen times.

It should have.

It should have, but he's been selfish. He's been running and now he's let her hurt the two people most dear to him.

Now none of them are safe.

Revon is going to be so angry. He has every right to be. Of course he does.

He's angry at himself. He's supposed to protect his liege with everything in him. He's supposed to keep him safe like he always promised, but he just keeps making everything worse for his precious boy. He should have just stayed there. How could he hurt his own bind? How could he let this happen?

He could have taken more. It wasn't to the brink of death yet. It wasn't to a point he couldn't handle another dose of some drug or another day without food. It wasn't bad enough to where he had to leave. He'd just convinced himself it was because he's selfish.

He'd just been tired, but there's not that much of a difference between being tired there and tired here. It's just that when he's tired here, he can curl up in a bed.

Bed isn't that great, is it? Bed isn't worth hurting his Pilvi. Neither is free access to water. And he doesn't actually really need comfort from anyone, does he? He doesn't need to snuggle anyone when he's scared. He doesn't need showers either. Or food, that much - he's used to going without it. He can go back. He doesn't need anything here.

He can go back and she won't hurt Pilvi until his time is actually expired. It isn't as if he's had very much to live for anyway. At least protecting them gives him something to do with himself.

Blue eyes shift up to the window. He hates it out there. He hates the plants. He can feel the vines that dug into his arms and legs, contorting his form at their will for nearly a decade. He can feel them creeping back again. He can hear how they beckon him. He has to leave, yet all he can seem to do is kneel as the sobs overtake him.

"But I don't want to go back," he cries.

What a stupid thing to say. It's not about what he wants. Pets don't get to have wants.

They are allowed whatever their handler chooses to give them.

And yet, he has desires anyway.

"I don't want to be the replacement anymore. I want -"

Care. Attention. Kindness. Sleep. Freedom. Company.

He shuffles further, past where his liege sleeps and closer to the window. His hands are shaking too hard to get the latches open.

"- it doesn't matter," he tells himself, though it still doesn't convince him to stop being so afraid to open the damn window. "Just fix it. Just go back and fix it and stop fucking everything up."

[kuno-korner]

[licorishh]

no way she's alive ?? yea those mental health breaks because social media makes people suck are wild huh

[dailykugisaki]

Day 347 | id in alt

Kugisaki hasn't been around Gojo enough to gaf about him LMAO.

[lilacella]

Okay there's more:

So. How will he get out of that? Because the woman (Lily, apparently) claims that Remus would have told her if he had someone new! And the man (James) shows obvious befuddlement about the fact that Sirius has already moved in.

Remus doesn't know the answer to any of their many questions so he keeps throwing Sirius looks, asking for help, because he knows, right? Tell them, babe! (Also. How did we get together actually? You didn't tell me that yet.)

Sirius is, to say it mildly, a little overwhelmed. He has just returned from murdering Peter and he really needs to take a shower and make sure his clothes don't have any blood stains on them - but now he has to have tea! And answer questions...

Luckily, Sirius has always been a quick thinker. He says that he is currently on the run - from his family! They are very wealthy and wanted to marry him off to some rich daughter for better business relations but he cannot stand that life any longer so he fled. [This is only partially true because Sirius has in fact murdered his immediate family during aforementioned flight - it was an unfortunate accident, really! He only wanted a little fire as a distraction for the guards in the yard... well, what's done is done right?😊]

He met Remus moping around the ice cream aisle at the grocery store (thank you @nocturnal-phantom I am taking that idea hahahaha) and they started chatting. Remus told him how lonely he was and Sirius needed a place to stay.

They started of as roommates but very quickly they developed a... more profound bond 🌝😊 That too, happens to be partially true.

As to why Lily and James didn't know any of this? Remus was a little unsure in the beginning and didn't want to put labels on anything! [James nodding here, that does sound like Remus] So shortly after the break up and all...

"So you were just a hookup then?," Lily asks.

"For Remus?," James asks with open disbelief.

Well, what can Sirius say, he has a soft spot for nice lanky men with dimples [horrifyingly this is also in fact true...Sirius doesn't know what to think about this new revelation about himself] and is also not opposed to having hookups at all -

"But now, we are not anymore!," Remus interrupts and grabs Sirius arm with a smile. He just wants to make really sure that Sirius is not leaving anytime soon. Not like Peter apparently did. Remus doesn't remember Peter, not even what he looked like, but from what he has been filled in again he was really mean to him!

To cut this short: James and Lily are sufficiently convinced. In fact they are glad that Remus has found someone new who seems to take such good care of him! The house has never looked this good and Remus seems to actually eat a balanced diet for once in his life so that's great news! Also...this Sirius guy is really charming and James has never met someone who he gets along with so well 😊 When they go home Lily and James keep talking about him and James even considers maybe getting Sirius a job, since he's still out of one. He's so tall and fit and seems to be quite intelligent, he'd make a great Profiler 😊😊😊😊

Hello, I have slept and have further thoughts about the Amnesia Chaos AU:

Back to where Remus hit his head.

At first, Sirius just wants to get him home and leave. He cannot take him to a hospital because there's too much chance he'd get caught (I have settled on the "broke from prison" agenda - or on parole but he kinda just murdered people so, he needs to be a lil careful you know 😊😇). But when he arrives at the house (checked Remus' pockets for the keys) he is absolutely horrified of the state of Remus place.

He barely has any furniture (Bedframe? Don't know her!), all his houseplants are dead and rotten, his fridge smells concerning and is basically empty, everything is kind of a huge mess. What is going on?

From observing Remus for the last weeks, Sirius knows that he does have some money - he's not rich by all means but he works as a teacher and should be able to live somewhat comfortably! So... why doesn't he??

Now, Sirius' interest is peaked and he decides to stay - once again - and just clean up a little while Remus comes to and then maybe ask him "What the hell is wrong with you, do you need any help?"

But when Remus comes to, he doesn't seem to remember anything. Not why his house looks like that, not why his head hurts so much - not even who Sirius is. But since Sirius is in his house, cleaning his kitchen and hands him a cup of tea as he carefully sits up on the sofa, Remus just assumes Sirius might be... a friend??

Remus doesn't remember if he has any friends. He can't even remember his own name. But Sirius remembers his name. Sirius remembers a lot about him and he is in his house taking care of him. So maybe Sirius is more than just a friend?

When Remus asks him so, Sirius has to make a quick decision. He can tell the stranger the truth and then probably get the police called on him or... or he can just smile and comb his fingers through that confused guy's wispy hair and wipe his thumb over his cheek as the stranger gives him a shy smile - and aww he has dimples! Sirius has a soft spot for dimples 😊

So he stays. Once more. Only this time he gets to see more of Remus' face. And of the rest of his body, as the days pass.

Sirius makes up some very elaborate lies about him being away for work for a while and Remus must have been robbed (hence the headwound and the state of the house) and that he already talked to the police so there is nothing to worry about! He makes Remus call in sick for work for a bit so he can recover (and to keep him from telling anyone about Sirius) and this all goes well until there's a knock on the door...

I'M LIVING THE BEST LIFE GETTING INCREDIBLE FICS DELIVERED TO MY INBOX THANK U FOR THIS TREAT SLOTHY BUT ALSO WTF WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME ON THAT CLIFFHANGER WHO IS AT THE DOOR??????

part 1 for people wondering what's going on

[aeolianblues]

I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life

[meownotgood]

i have so many thoughts about arcane but I'm so tired because it's 5 in the morning and I'm starving because i didn't eat and my brain is functioning at about 2% and all of my insides feel like mush.

[shirogane-oushirou]

no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.

i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.

[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!

also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]

[xanas-eye]

Earth did nothing wrong.

That's it. That's the post.

[rapidhighway]

Almost done with the 12th doctor