#Did my actions really warrant being banned

[hippityhoppityicantrhymegoaway]

So I was trying to edit an article on Wikipedia so I could win an argument but then I remembered I got banned from Wikipedia. Every time I try to edit an article it says “this page is protected from your account to prevent vandalism”. Like really you write an article about how lab rats are illegal in a made up country because a bunch of scientists did experiments on one and the rats carrying a disease of which the symptoms are being a Karen and if you or a loved one have these symptoms call *insert Jeff Bezos number that I can’t remember right now* once and suddenly your a criminal.

[aricazorel]

Rebecca Shepard prompts

#12 ‘Why are you smiling at me like that?’

#15 ‘I like it when you say my name.’

from this prompt list

Becca Shepard x Kaidan Alenko, ME3 (Act 1), 1249 words

Rebecca Shepard was almost grateful when her crew conspired behind her back to boot her off the Normandy for a few hours. Somehow, without her knowledge, they managed to arrange for her to be left alone during a stop at the Citadel for resupply. After a quick update to the Council on their progress thus far, she was effectively banned from the SR-2 for the rest of the day. Normally such actions would warrant a stern lecture from the N7 but currently she just didn’t have it in her. With so much on the line she instead found herself secretly relieved that someone had engineered a reason for her to have some down time.

And that was how she had come to Huerta Memorial Hospital. She suspected that had been her crew’s intention all along—to get her to visit Major Kaidan Alenko. She’d been able to do so twice since the incident on Mars—once right after he had been admitted and unconscious and a second time right after he’d finally woken up. Since then, it had been mostly emails and a few video messages. Their schedules never seemed to line up for vid chats. But it was a huge relief to simply know he was both alive and conscious. It made doing what she had to do to win the war a little bit easier. Knowing she still had something—someone to hold onto.

Or at least she hoped. Things between them were still fragile but hope was all she had somedays.

As she looked out the Major’s large window to the view of the Presidium below, Shepard heard the L2 groan behind her. She glanced over her shoulder to see another med tech enter his room. The N7 grinned in amusement as Alenko complained, “Really? Again? I can only produce so much blood you know. I need some of it to stay in me instead of a test tube.”

The younger woman nodded. “Of course, Major. And you know full well you will still have enough blood after this one test. All you need to do let us do our job while you rest and continue to heal.”

“I don’t have much choice, now do I?” he sighed as Shepard turned around to look at him.

The med tech continued with her assigned task more or less ignoring the complaints. Something told the Commander this was part of the routine for anyone who dealt with the Major. Apparently even though he knew complying with the doctor’s orders was in his best interests, he would still complain. Shepard doubted he would ever do anything to truly interfere with the tech’s duties, but she could see he was agitated at being cooped up in the hospital room.

“I’m pretty sure at this point you guys are just seeing who can get me to complain the most,” he said, almost sounding as if he were taunting the tech.

“Major Alenko,” the N7 called over to him in a warning tone. She knew being tied to a bed because of medical red tape could be frustrating but taunting the person trying to help you get better wasn’t the way to go.

Whiskey brown eyes darted over to her as his face held an expression of guilt. He nodded slightly as he turned back to stare at the wall directly opposite his bed. He remained silent during the remainder of the tech’s work. Finally with her task completed, the woman wished them both a pleasant afternoon as she left the room.

Shepard let the doors shut behind the tech before she said anything. It had been a pleasant visit before the interruption, mostly small talk but she wanted more. She wanted a shoulder to lean on, but she wasn’t sure if Kaidan was up to that just yet. He had his own issues and concerns to worry about. Did he really need her piled on top of that? Slowly she walked over towards his bed as she asked, “So I guess you really want out of here if your reaction a few minutes ago was any indication.”

Alenko sighed. “I feel useless here. I need to be doing something.”

“And you are,” she said despite his skeptical expression. “You’re getting better.”

“But I need to do more,” he insisted shifting in the bed to sit up more, his hands balling into fists.

“And you will,” she assured him, keeping her tone even and soothing. She needed him to get better not be through back onto the frontlines half-healed. “But you need to heal first.”

“But right now, I—”

“You are doing something, Kaidan,” Shepard interrupted as she placed a hand on his fist. “You’re getting better so you can come back.”

The Major tilted his head. Apparently, he’d caught on that she’d kept herself from adding more. “Come back where?”

She hesitated, seeing a plea in his whiskey brown eyes for the truth. Never able to deny that look, she replied quietly, “Back to me.”

“You want that? I mean you still want an us?” he asked in hopeful surprise.

The Commander nodded. “Yes, Kaidan. I want that very much.”

She felt him turn his hand over, opening it palm up as he squeezed hers. He said quietly, “I’m glad to hear that. I was wondering if we could try again. If that was even an option after what happened…”

“Kaidan,” she murmured as she laced her fingers with his.

The Major grinned broadly as he held her hand tightly in return. She began blushing and feeling self-conscious as he continued to stare happily at her. “W—Why are you smiling at me like that?”

“I like it when you say my name. I always have,” he replied honestly as he eyes drifted to their intertwined hands. “And for a while there, I thought I would never hear it again.”

“Kaidan, I…” she began but didn’t know how to say she was sorry for leaving him alone for 2 years. But how did one apologize for dying in the line of duty only to be resurrected 2 years later by an enemy force who was actually trying to protect humanity when no one else was? Of course, that ignored the part where Cerberus had manipulated her from the very start and used Kaidan as bait for the Collectors on Horizon.

“Hey, Becca?” Kaidan’s voice called her back to the present. She glanced down at him as he asked with concern, “Where’d you go? You looked…far away.”

“I was,” she admitted suddenly feeling like an unannounced visitor in the Major life.

He tugged on her hand as he smiled at her. “Well, why don’t you stay here for a while instead? That’s why you came here, isn’t it? To see me?”

His smile was contagious and exactly what she needed. Shepard nodded as she allowed herself to be pulled down to the bed and tucked into the Major’s side. As he queued up a Star Wars mini-marathon to play on the room’s vid screen, Rebecca Shepard realized this was what she was fighting for—her own personal reason to fight the good fight. A chance with Kaidan. That’s what she wanted.

As the familiar fanfare of Star Wars filled the room and the yellow opening crawl of ‘A New Hope’ played on the screen, she promised herself no one would take that from her—from them. But more importantly, she would always make sure he had a reason to smile. Always.

[randomnatshig]

Okay but like… there’s not enough villain!Natsuo stories with Natshig (in general but also) where people actually recognize Natsuo as being a significant threat and that’s just a gosh dang shame.

Like. The dude is dating the LEADER of the LOV, who can legit kill you with a touch of his hand. Assuming the relationship is like 99.9% of the shippers make it out to be, people should be less worried about pissing off Shigaraki and more worried about staying on Natsuo’s good side.

Because if the relationship is like it is in almost every piece of content with these two, Shigaraki would kill someone for Natsuo. He would NOT kill someone for Natsuo. He would probably level whole cities to make Natsuo happy.

Shigaraki is the leader of the LOV, no doubt. He’s the face of the League, he’s (credited as, and actually is a lot of the time) the brains behind everything they do, he’s the one with the deadly dangerous quirk. But Natsuo has him wrapped around his little finger.

A quick example of this (TW now for a mention of su*cide and a depiction of death):

He had thought he was doing everything right, this whole villain gig. He had a cool villain name, Thanatos, for the Greek personification of death. He had rallied a small group to his cause, 4 or 5 people he trusted, not enough to put his life completely in their hands, but enough to watch his back without stabbing him in it. He had gotten his group fame, or rather, infamy, not so much that they showed up on any top priority hit-list put out by the government, but rather just so much that they were known enough for their name to be whispered in fear.

He had even gotten them protection from the much-more infamous League of Villains, having gone through Giran to speak with their leader, Shigaraki Tomura. The group had to promise credit of large-scale attacks to the League, and stay out of the way of their plans. Thanatos had decided that would work out better for his group in the long run anyways. This way, they stayed out of national news as much as possible, meaning less heroes would be on manhunts for their capture.

He was very careful to never upstage or upset Shigaraki, or any notable member of the League for that matter, and he always made sure his own people did the same. It was a sort of slow, patient waltz, he led, always dancing just out of reach of the spotlight, close enough to feel it’s heat but never enough to be illuminated in its bright, blinding beam.

He never expected the music of his waltz to end with the shrill sound of the record being scratched by the needle of the phonograph.

Thanatos wasn’t sure how he ended up in this position… until he saw him, that is. A tall, dare-he-say buff man with grey eyes and pure white hair. Someone he would have mistaken for a college jock, maybe some volleyball player whose head was so far up his own ass he couldn’t see anything besides himself.

He definitely would not have assumed the man to be a villain.

“Now then, Thanatos,” Shigaraki rasped, saying Thanatos’ name with such sarcasm you could probably feel it through the ground. “You may recognize Natsuo here.”

Natsuo. That was the man’s name. Thanatos paled as he recalled his only prior encounter with the man standing in front of him, scowling down at him.

He had been in a coffee shop, at the front of the line, speaking with a friend of his about how Endeavor could possibly be a hero, with how horrible he was at it. Thanatos may have hinted that Endeavor’s eldest son, now deceased, had offed himself on purpose to get away from him. As soon as he grabbed his drink, and turned to leave, he collided with someone.

Natsuo, whose glare was becoming more and more intense by the second.

His drink went all over Natsuo, and rather than apologize, he had snapped at the white-haired man to watch where he was going, then bitched and complained about the price of his drink until Natsuo, however begrudgingly, offered to buy him a fresh one. Well, okay, maybe offered wasn’t the correct word. Thanatos had been raising such a fuss over his ruined coffee that it was either Natsuo buy him a new one or be escorted out and banned for a week.

He realized now how awful his actions had been, but was it really enough to warrant his death, at Shigaraki’s hands no less?

Speaking of Shigaraki’s hands, one was placed on his arm now, all 5 fingers touching his skin ever so slightly. It was the worst pain Thanatos had ever felt, a searing, burning feeling as his arm turned to dust and faded out of existence. He knew now that it wouldn’t be long before the decaying spread to his whole body.

“Would you like to know exactly what I feel warrants this?” Natsuo asked.

“I’m… sorry,” Thanatos choked out over his own pain, “about the drink.”

“This isn’t about the drink,” Natsuo snapped. “That was just the cherry on top of your little hell cake. Why I really feel you deserve this is because of what you said about my brother.”

“B-brother?”

“Yes, my brother.” Natsuo’s gaze had turned so cold it made Thanatos wonder if he had an ice quirk. “Todoroki Touya.”

Thanatos certainly felt ice run through his veins at the mention of the number 2 hero’s dead son. That made Natsuo Endeavor’s son as well. What was he doing with the villains? With Shigaraki?

The crumbling of his body had reached his shoulders now, and was spreading down his torso. He had hoped he would become numb to the pain, though it did not seem to be happening. The more he turned to dust, the more he felt he would rather jump into the sun itself. He was sure that would be a less painful way to go.

He looked at Shigaraki, gasping out one final word before his vocal cords were destroyed completely: “Why?”

“Why am I doing this?” Shigaraki chuckled, low and horrifying. “Because you fucked with Natsuo. Maybe we’ll use your ashes as a cautionary tale to anyone else who feels like treating him like shit.”

The last thing Thanatos saw as he faded out of existence was Shigaraki placing his hand on Natsuo’s cheek, cupping the slightly taller man’s face like a precious jewel, and drawing him in for a kiss.

[vampiric-daydreams]

Inkling

Jasper x Reader

This is Part 2 of the Jasper miniseries. Here is Part 1.

Summary: After the negative events of the last few weeks, Alice offers an explanation that just doesn’t seem to add up. You believe there is more to the mysterious family that meets the eye.

Word Count: 2,540

Tags: @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @eggmettcullen @scuzmunkie @xcharlottemikaelsonx @oi-itsemily @cacti-succulents-andlesbians @aw0kenangel

A/N: There’s less Jasper in this chapter because a few things needed to happen in this part to keep the ball rolling. As the series progresses, the prerogatives of the Cullens will make more sense.

*

The buzzing chatter surrounding you broke the silence as you sat alone in a local café. It had been raining all day, and the people of Forks sought the solace of a sweet hot chocolate. You shifted in discomfort. Your socks were moist with dirty water you’d collected from splashing through a large puddle on your way in; and the pouring rain made your sleeves cling to your arms. You sat shivering at a corner table, goose bumps scattered across your exposed skin. The welcoming scent of coffee beans comforted you as you waited for your own hot drink to arrive.

A glare from a boy studying on the table beside you caused you to stop fidgeting with the sugar stick between your fingers. “Can you stop tapping?” he asked.

“Sorry,” you mumbled. You put the stick of sugar back in its place and took a deep, steady breath. You rarely met strangers, but lately you’ve been in a weird head space. An anonymous note in your locker had brought you here, requesting a meeting.

“Here you go,” the waitress said as she placed your scalding drink in front of you, the steam swirling from its surface. “And sorry for the wait. It’s always crazy here on these stormy days.”

“Thank you.” You weren’t in the mood for small talk right now. On top of this mystery meeting, you had gotten nowhere with the Cullen stuff. Everything had gone back to normal at school. No glares. No staring. No interacting of any kind. So, when Alice Cullen herself strutted through the door and straight towards you, the shock nearly knocked you over.

Her heeled boots clicked on the wooden floor. Stylishly dressed in an all-black ensemble with a trendy overcoat and a navy-blue scarf; her designer bag hung lavishly from the back of her chair as she slid into her place across from you. She smiled. “Thank you for coming, (Y/N).”

“What- seriously?” It came out louder than you intended, and the boy at the neighbouring table glared at you a second time. You whispered harshly, “I thought you guys were happy pretending I didn’t exist. Or do you have a new assumption to harass me about?”

Alice’s perfectly arched eyebrows formed a frown. “Actually, I came to apologise for our behaviour. Can I buy you a toasted sandwich or something?”

You scoffed. “A toasted sandwich won’t change my mind. What the hell was all of that? Actually, no. Never mind. I’ve been banned from talking to any of you, so I should leave.” Without letting it cool, you sculled your drink. The heat burned your throat as you tried not to wince. You couldn’t make a fool of yourself in front of a Cullen. Not again. You grabbed your phone and your keys and pushed your chair back.

“(Y/N), please. You deserve an explanation for everything.”

“Damn right I do!”

“Please sit and give me a chance to give you that. You’re welcome to leave, but please at least let me start?”

You plopped back down in your chair like a grumpy child and slouched. “Fine. Start.”

“Jasper was the first to notice. He noticed not long after the school year had started, but he mentioned nothing to us. Not that he needed to, he had no intentions - no offence.” You rolled your eyes. She swallowed. “But when Edward saw the way you looked at Jasper, he put it together. He’s gifted at reading people, and he felt you were getting too attached–”

“That was no-one’s assessment to make.” Your tongue still burned from your drink.

Alice nodded. “You’re right. It wasn’t. But Edward sees things in people… Often his own opinions and ideals surrounding certain topics will cloud his judgement. He mentioned his interpretation to Emmett in passing, who repeated it to Rosalie with different details. By the time I’d heard any of it, it sounded like you were plotting to separate us, which was why I was upset. I’m sorry, (Y/N). If I had known you had no intentions of actually breaking us up, I would have made them stop. No, I should have made them stop regardless of what I thought. Being a family for so long, we’re protective of each other. But I shouldn’t have let it reach the point that it did.”

The sugar stick once again found its way to your fingers as you stared at the girl in front of you. “Why are you telling me this?” It just didn’t sound right, despite Alice’s insistence. 

“Because I’ve seen how hurt you were by it, and I don’t want you to hurt yourself or believe you’re not worthy of receiving love. We behaved like a bunch of callous bullies. We’re sorry and so is Jasper.” A hard prick stabbed at your chest.

“It’s whatever. There isn’t anything we can do about it now. What’s done is done, right?”

“Jasper wanted to come and apologise to you in person, but he was afraid. He’s quite empathetic, which is why he couldn’t bear to talk to you yet. Even Edward-”

Edward. “He was right, in a way. While I had no intention to do something that would hurt you or make Jasper leave you, I certainly thought about what it would be like if he was mine. It just seems like a big jump to make.” Alice’s brown eyes twitched as they widened. “He assumed I thought about something and then launched into action against me–and you say he’s good at reading people? It just all seems a little weird.”

“Yes, our parents had a word with Edward about jumping to conclusions like that. He just didn’t want to see me get hurt. Jasper in particular feels terrible about how he handled everything.” You feigned interest as she tried to deflect your attention with Jasper’s name. “He thought reminding you of his love for me would make you change your mind about him, and when that didn’t work his first instinct was to shut you out. This should be coming from him, not me, but please understand that he regrets how his behaviour translated. And (Y/N), we all want to apologise to you. You’re allowed to talk to us, you know. We don’t bite. And the others are too ashamed to speak to you themselves without being approached first. Will you give us a chance to make it right?”

If you were ever getting a shot at finding out what they were hiding, this was it. 

You smiled sweetly, “I’d prefer it much better if we did that.”

Alice returned your smile, her kohl-lined eyes lighting up. “Remember, there’s no rush. After what happened, you don’t owe us anything. Take as long as you need.”

You nodded your head. “I will.”

 *

 For the first time in weeks, you arrived at school with a smile and something to look forward to. From the moment you entered the campus, you took the precaution to not actively think about your intention to dig deeper. It still seemed ridiculous, and you were sure you’d be cringing at yourself later on–but the circumstances were just too weird to you.

You spent the better half of the morning surrounded by your friend group, not ready to branch out and find the Cullens just yet. If they were as sorry as Alice had made them sound, they could stew in it for a while longer. You had already planned which order you intended to approach them in, too. Emmett would be first, as he seemed the least threatening. Next was Rosalie, and lastly Edward, who was the root cause of all of this.

You weren’t ready to go anywhere near Jasper.

The bell rang, and your group said their goodbyes as they went to their lockers. You fumbled with the combination lock on yours and gritted your teeth when it wouldn’t open. “Pretty sure the code hasn’t changed since yesterday,” a deep voice sounded from your right. Emmett. This was wrong; it was supposed to be you approaching them.

“Well I’ve had a rough few weeks.” You shot back. His wide smile faltered for a moment before shrinking away.

“I’m sorry about my contribution to that.” He spoke softer than usual. His eyes were the same warm gold as Jasper’s. Were they biologically related? Wait. No thoughts on campus.

“Yeah, the entire thing really sucked for me.”

“I didn’t want you to feel the way you did. I knew it wasn’t right. That excuses nothing, but I don’t want any bad blood between us. I’m really not that kind of guy.” His expression seemed genuine.

“You could have fooled me.” It came out before you could stop it. “Wait, no. Emmett I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair-”

“No, I get it.”

“No, you don’t. You did nothing. You didn’t even glare. I can’t be this mad at you.”

“I did nothing. That’s the problem. I let it blow out of proportion and by the time it got there, I couldn’t reign it back in. Alice gave you an idea of what happened, right? If I had kept my mouth shut after speaking with Edward, none of this would have happened.”

“If you had relayed the correct details and factored in Edward’s theatrics, none of this would have happened.” Rosalie appeared what seemed like out of thin air. You were sure you hadn’t seen her hovering nearby. Her warm brown eyes met your nervous gaze. You hadn’t been ready for any Cullens yet. “I’m sorry, too. You did nothing to warrant that reaction from us. I’m sorry for allowing myself to jump to those sorts of conclusions before you had even decided anything.”

If you had blinked, you would have missed Emmett nudging Rosalie with his elbow. No thoughts on campus. At least one storm was ending. Rosalie’s welcoming smile was not a sight you’d ever thought you’d see; and it was a clear sign that the discomfort would be over soon. But there were things - subtle things that didn’t always add up.

“I guess we’re cool then,” you said. You looked up at the couple properly. Although they didn’t compare to Jasper, they were both so attractive it was frustrating. It was the first time you’d seen them up close. Rosalie had the healthiest-looking flaxen hair you’d ever seen; and they both had such amazing skin. Neither of them had a single blemish to show. In fact, you recalled that Alice had pretty flawless skin as well—and Jasper’s complexion always looked so perfect. It was as if it blessed their entire family—which was even stranger because… Stop, just in case.

They were both smiling. Emmett reached out his hand for you to shake. “Yeah, we’re cool.”

“Thank you for letting us apologise,” said Rosalie, as the last bell rang and the hallway emptied. It wasn’t like they’d given you much of a choice.

 *

 Jasper had done nothing specifically to attract your attention. All he did was stroll over to his locker. But even just walking, the way he carried himself, how almost seemed to glide, never failed to knock the wind out of you. You caught his attention though, by staring, and he immediately looked at you. His bored expression suddenly drenched in regret. The negative feelings from the last few weeks consumed you; the humiliation, how repulsive you felt you were to him. There was an empty feeling in your chest, and as his apologetic amber eyes beckoned you over to him. Your legs moved before you could stop them.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk yet,” Jasper pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket. “But if you change your mind, call me?”

You clenched the paper tightly as it transferred from his fingers to yours, and your heart fluttered. Your mind went blank as you tried to respond. Open-mouthed and wide-eyed, you resembled a fish. Quickly, you turned away from him and walked back in the direction you came from. Your cheeks were burning as you continued to walk; thankful as you rounded the corner for not stumbling, but less enthused to see another Cullen in front of you. Alice. Again.

You knew it would continue to hurt you if you compared yourself to her; but she just looked so damn good all the time. If any of the Cullens were devastatingly beautiful, it was Alice - with emphasis on ‘devastating’. And the worst part of it was how nice she was trying to be to you. It was easier to soldier on when you could pretend she didn’t exist.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” She smiled kindly, eyebrows raised. You looked at her forehead, her skin didn’t wrinkle. It never did. She must have had some work done.

“S-Sorry, Alice,” you stammered, “I’m in a hurry.”

You picked up pace and rushed by her, taking refuge in the bathroom. She didn’t follow. You let out a sigh. You had come close to thinking again. You still scoffed at the idea that they could read minds or something, but you continued to guard your thoughts, anyway; and when you saw Alice’s eyes, one nearly slipped out. They were definitely much lighter yesterday, like chocolate - you were sure of it. Just then, they looked almost black.

It was driving you crazy. Tears began forming, but you refused to let them fall. Not over this. Not over something you were imagining. Jasper’s eyes flashed in your mind. That rich golden colour… When you’d first started liking him, you recalled Googling if his eyes were even possible and learning they were, but that they were rare; and for Emmett to share them as well was strange.

You bolted out of the bathroom and grabbed a random student passing by. She jolted from the shock of it. “Which of the Cullens are biologically related?” You sounded so aggressive, but you couldn’t stop yourself.

She chewed her bubble gum a few times and gave you a dumbfounded look before frowning at you. “Jasper and Rosalie Hale, obviously. What the hell is wrong with you?” She jerked her arm out of your grasp and shot daggers at you.

Unrelated, both with a scarce eye-colour. They seem to know what you’re thinking. They all look the same; pallid and tired-looking, yet alluring. You couldn’t stop yourself from going over the details.

You sprinted out into the parking lot, nearly knocking a guy down the stairs on your way. Before you could restrain yourself, you’d pulled a pen and a notebook out from your backpack and your hand began writing.

Wednesday. Alice, brown. 

Thursday. Alice, black. Rosalie, brown. Emmett, gold. Jasper, gold. 

[savrenim]

alright I’m actually going to try a politics hot take for once, let’s see how this goes

I saw a post on my dash that started with a tweet about how the email companies that trump has been using to send out announcements have suspended his accounts, which basically devolved into the take of “this is all great and fun to watch but all of these companies should have actually done something five years ago instead of scrambling for performative actions now”, and I have to say that while I agree with some of it, I also... disagree with a lot?

it is flat-out a fact that when you de-platform fascists, you kill their movements. I’m not arguing that one. I’m in support of that one, and I’m in support of the actions that all of these social media and tech companies are taking. and maybe this should have happened earlier than 2021. but I think we need to be really careful about what precedents are being set?

there was something that a good friend of mine commented years ago offhand in a group chat where some folks were getting excited about one of those incidents of “someone said something really racist on twitter, someone else found where they worked and reported it to their boss, the op got fired”, which was that we were celebrating because right now the thing that was socially acceptable to fire someone over aligned with our beliefs. but that it was setting the precedent either way that companies could fire someone for expressing personal beliefs off the clock, which (a) would bite us in the ass when what was socially acceptable to be fired for and our personal beliefs no longer aligned, and (b) was just kind of a capitalist hellscape thing of do we really want to live in a world where every single opinion that we express can be judged by where we work, even while we are not working there, to the extent that they can fire us over it. 

and it sucks because yeah, fascists deserve to be fired. yeah, racists fucking suck and deserve to be fired, especially in jobs where them holding said job may be actively causing people harm. but the waters start to be muddy when you just let companies make these decisions themselves, because we can’t really expect corporations to be good-faith actors in all of this and in the future.

this kind of mass deplatforming that is happening right now is great, but I think that they kind of did have to wait for him to directly incite violence in such an undeniable way before they enacted it. or maybe that was the wrong line, but some really clear line did need to be crossed, because no matter what we now exist in a world where social media platforms, tech companies, and email providers can decide that they don’t agree with someone’s political calls to action. which isn’t to say-- I definitely do think we need to live in a world where a fascist call to overthrow a government and overturn an election is immediately deplatformed. but if that happened too early in the game, we would just live in a world where “extreme” opinions are deplatformed, and do we really want major corporations to be the ones judging which extreme opinions are warranting that? 

again, maybe this whole take is stupid, I’m not actually on social media enough to know that if activists are being deplatformed in the same way for less egregious things, in which case all of the above is kind of a moot point and it’s just a double standard. but I really just think that we should be aware, especially with such an obvious public precedent being set: if this had happened in 2015, if social media and big tech companies had just mass banned a presidential candidate from using any of their services, that would be bad. just because it was a far right candidate and that is good for antifascism and good in 2015, it’s really really bad in capitalist hellscape where we’re already clinging to “what are our rights vs these companies” and it would have set the precedent in the future for “there is a far left or even just left candidate that we don’t like so we can just mass ban them” I don’t really think this is performative action taken not soon enough necessarily; I think some really really concrete line needed to have been crossed to make sure that this kind of action isn’t something that companies can start doing to individuals across all platforms, and while this might feel like too little too late, at least “literally incite a government coup to storm the Capital” is not a line that leftist activists and organizers are crossing so this isn’t immediately going to be applied to positive things too

[daltonsden]

So, a couple things.

I think there may be a few things worth addressing because this has just spiraled into something that does not remotely resemble reality anymore. This is likely to be my last lioden-related interaction on here for a long time. I apologize for the novel.

First of all, any of the things, which I am still confused about what all you folks are going on about, has not happened in the Breed Only Beauties discord server. I don't understand what exactly these anons would prefer for me to do. I can't ban individuals based on alleged actions outside of my server, that doesn't seem logical or right to me. I can’t moderate actions outside of my server. If something happens in the in the server, create a ticket. I am not psychic and can not address things I am not made aware about. Everything that we are made aware of is addressed promptly.

Second, there's a ticket system in the Breed Only Beauties discord server which will connect you immediately with the admins and has an average response time of about a minute. So to say admins/moderators aren't doing anything is simply not based in reality. Many users have received warnings and have adjusted their behavior. You can also typically get an instant response you if DM any of them directly. Helpers, by the way, can not see tickets. If you are curious what most tickets are about, it’s failure to use trigger warnings. Well, actually most tickets are people testing the ticket system (please do not do this), but that doesn't really count. If you need something in the sever, create a ticket if it is actual issue in the server. For everything else, create a Tumblr post apparently.

Some, well at least one person, has complained about the choice of Aggy. I will not be demoting Aggy from the helper position. I am unaware of the alleged actions of Aggy that would warrant this (besides of course the favorite crime of guilt by association), and Aggy was chosen as a helper due to merit. They have exhibited nothing that would contradict this initial assessment, and has been doing an excellent job. If you have an issue with Aggy and believe you have evidence of why they should not be a helper, please create a ticket in the server or DM me. I am always open to being proven wrong.

Fourth, no I will not arbitrarily kick an individual because you do not like them or do not get along with them. This applies to people on "both sides". They will have to break the rules either severely enough, or enough times to be kicked. You not liking them is not an appropriate reason to have someone banned from the server. Pretty much everyone has been and will be given a chance in this server, even if I get DMs from people bemoaning their entry. So no, everyone, I will not be kicking someone because they are a clown gang, I will not be kicking someone because they are friends of Jax, I will not be kicking someone because you think they may be the user that bought out your mispriced trade last year or kinged a lion similar to yours. None of these are valid reasons. If you have a valid reason, please create a ticket or DM me. We will instantly kick users who underage, who engage in clear-intent scams, steal art, or engage in any activity that would result in a ban from Lioden.

Unfortunately, I can not dedicate my entire life to volunteer to watch every channel in a pet sim server for a small community. Realistically, this is not even dependent on my mother's condition. I just humanly can't do that, because sleep is a thing, and nor would I want to. I don't even want to spend most of my free time doing it. If you see something, report via the ticket system. As much as the salt blogs care to insinuate, I do not bear the weight of responsibility of the actions of individuals who sometimes chat in a server I set up for everyone to enjoy. I am not these people’s parent, nor can I control any individual’s actions. Also, if I were to chose to leave the server be and let the weeds grow wild, that would not make me a “bitch” as one anon so eloquently put it. Anon, you are not entitled to the volunteered time I put into building a little community for Bob. Everything I, the admins, and the helpers, put in is volunteered and not at all a given, or requirement. If I can not drop everything in a moment’s notice to service a voluntarily run discord, that does not make me a “bitch”. It is not, and will never be, my sole or number one responsibility in life. It’s a game. And to insinuate that I am somehow less than or a bad person for not being able to manage the server 100% of the time is unreasonable and cruel. Look, I’m only human. And the users chatting in Bob are only human. And there's going to be squabbles, and people are going to complain about stuff, and not always get along, and that’s okay, because that's part of being human. But I’m not always going to be online to catch it, so please use the ticket system.

Also, on to the anonymous user who posted and the salt blog who permitted this comment,” hey fun fact anon, i'm aware she's dealing with her sick mother but that doesn't excuse the terrible moderation. if she told her mods to step up or do something, they could do something so she could do what she needed to do. she's a bitch, and terrible owner. she has the power to do stuff, but does nothing.” What is wrong with you? How on earth does this progress anything, and why was this permitted to be shared? I understand everyone enjoys salt, and everyone is stressed due to the global circumstances stances right now, but moderators and posters please keep in mind there is a human on the other end of the keyboard, and thanks to the 2020 energy I think everyone is going through something. I have my mother's situation, but everyone has something right now. I have an open DM policy with players in and out of my discord, where if you have anything you need to talk about I can always provide a safe and confidential place to talk, and many, many users have come to me upset about even just the tiniest thing shared on these blogs. These words and comments genuinely hurt people, and it doesn’t take needlessly calling someone a “bitch” because they can not dedicate their life to moderating a discord server to do that. You can hurt people with much less. This request is to everyone, including individuals in the Bob discord server. I don't think anyone deserves to be just berated or cussed out needlessly by anonymous randos, not myself, not Roxanne, not Jax, not the clown gang, not Noluck, not BO breeders, not applicator lovers, not the Lioden staff. All these individuals are people who are just doing the best they can right now, I'm sure. Even Roxanne and Jax are nice, normal and understanding people if you talk to them one on one.

Yes, my mother is dying from liver failure caused by cancer. It is an awful and ugly death, especially for someone who is far before her time. Her medication to manage the pain and rising liver toxicity she is has made her very not herself, though we are finding a better combination. There are still some good days ahead I hope. She is combative, physically and verbally, and can not physically do most basic actions herself. She keeps fighting us to go back to chemo, even though it did nothing to help the tumors and would just quicken demise. It breaks my heart because I know she just wants to live and wants to fight it, but she is going to die where she lays. I just really hope I get to have a fully aware conversation with her before she passes, and that she knows I love her so much despite me being a bit of a hellion in my teens. I think it would be hard to watch if I was an observer, unfortunately I am active participant.

On the matter of me deleting things that violate our rules in server. The alternative would to be leaving up things that violate our rules, which would be the same as deeming it acceptable. This is just the strangest complaint I've seen on here. If there was a delete, someone is essentially being spoken to/receiving a strike/ECT. According to Tumblr, I'm quite the paradox, apparently, I somehow both manage to completely disregard the server while still managing to delete stuff every time insert your favorite salt blog character here does anything. Congratulations Bob, you got yourself a girl that can do both.

At the end of the day, the Bob server is a pretty mundane lioden server. If you don't like breed only marks/bases, it’s probably pretty boring. It’s really nothing like how it’s portrayed here. If it’s toxic then my vocabulary is far too limited to describe the anonymous culture on platform you’re reading this on. Usually I would suggest joining us and checking it out, but after watching the last 48 hours on Tumblr, I think I’m likely aquantited with enough users from this platform for now. If anyone is still reading, thank you for your time, I'm appreciative of it. Writing this really helped my headspace regarding the community. I should have never read the blogs to be honest, so some of this does fall on my shoulders. I won't likely answer questions, I apologise in advance. I still love you all, and I know this is just a tiny fraction of the Lioden community, but today it just feels incredibly bad.

[grazer-razor]

ok, it’s time to do this.

in case you haven’t heard already, i have been banned from the hilda subreddit(/r/hildatheseries) since march. but to make things worse, i couldn’t even resolve the whole situation because i was told that if i “harassed” the mods, i would be reported to the reddit authorities. because of this, i did nothing out of fear of what they would do. not replying, missing out on hilda news, watching posts slowly get archived over the course of months... and never posting to the subreddit again.

this all changes today. today, i will present my reasons as to why i should be unbanned from the subreddit. mods, if you see this, please feel free to DM me on reddit.

first, a quick recap of what happened. i got banned from hildacord sometime in september 2019, and tried to send the subreddit a message about the surprise ban(because a link to hildacord was on there), to which the owner, hornets_descent, would respond to angrily. i would try to keep negotiating with hornet, and eventually, i responded to one of hornet’s comments in the subreddit, so he told me to leave him alone. but after i sent an essay, he banned me from the subreddit for 30 days. and after he saw a post i made on the discord subreddit about my ban(which i made due to this unfair and surprising behavior being on a partnered server), he decided to make the ban permanent.

when i tried to ask about my ban, i kept getting muted for 3-day periods, even when i gave honest apologies.(forgot about that part, though.) so i tried contacting one of the other mods, who constantly changes their reddit username. they made a compromise- if i left hornet, and by extension, hildacord alone, i would get unbanned. i agreed to this promise, and got unbanned.

nothing would happen until march, a week after my month-long break from the computer, thanks to the PR vanquish situation. i was browsing the subreddit, and came across a picture that portrayed hilda as, er... thicc. i noted how the picture got away with little to no repercussions, while my cutout of oliver nelson pointing was removed for being “creepy”. after just a few minutes, i got banned, and was told that if i tried to harass them, the reddit admins would be notified. i don’t even know if the person who banned me was hornet or not, because they hid their name when messaging through modmail. because of this, i couldn’t even message the other mods, in case they were the ones who banned me. i think it was hornet, due to my theory that he has a bias against me, but better safe than sorry.

now that that’s out of the way, it’s time to get cracking.

first off, i have kept my promise to never contact hornet again. i have even blocked him, so i wouldn’t see his messages, in case i would be tempted to reply to them, or in case i’d reply to him by accident.

secondly, this ban may have been because of something i did on the subreddit, but my first ban had nothing to do with the subreddit in the first place! it only took place within DMs, and maybe the discord subreddit. the reason why this is off is because... well, let’s use an analogy.

WARNING: THIS IS GONNA BE STUPID

suppose you have two balls, a red one and a blue one. if you do anything wrong in the subreddit, the red ball grows an inch. if you do anything wrong OUTSIDE of the subreddit, the blue ball grows an inch. if the red ball grows two inches higher(representing two wrongs in the subreddit, one warranting a warning, and the other necessitating a ban), you will be banned from the subreddit.(extreme wrongs can make the balls grow higher than one inch, though, banning you instantly.)

but in my case, the red ball only grew one inch, and the blue ball grew one inch too. even if the blue ball growing could get you a ban, the red ball would STILL have grown one inch, which is less than two! alright, i guess the red ball WOULD have grown two inches(one for my oliver nelson picture, and one for me calling out thicc hilda. the oliver thing was mostly innocent, though. but i actually thought about this in the middle of writing this, so i may have very well figured out why i got banned. but hey, guess i’ll post this anyway.), but in my eyes, the fact that i got banned when most of the wrongs i did were outside of the subreddit is unusual, and signifies that hornet really, really wanted me out of the fandom.

moving on. when i was banned, i was told that i was told not to break or bend the rules again, and that i had used up all my chances. but prior to that ban, i had not been told that- i was told not to contact hornet again!(or maybe they DID tell me not to break or bend the rules at one point, but i forgot. maybe it was when i got banned for the first time? sheesh, this is the second time i’ve had to correct myself in this post, what’s wrong with me?)

and finally, i have this to say. how would you feel, if i told you that even before my ban, hornet was conspiring to tell the reddit admins about me? i’m not even kidding about this. look-

oh yeah, and then there’s hornet’s raid, which I GUESS violates discord’s ToS.

and remember how i said i got banned within minutes on the subreddit? just keep that in mind... all in all, i believe hornet has a huge bias against me, due to my beliefs and actions.

i also thought a while ago about how hornet may have given me that threat on reddit to silence me. but luckily, tumblr is my platform. i just can’t believe i didn’t think of posting something on here until now.

i wish i could say more, but these are as much points as the archives of my drafts for sending to the mods say.

hopefully, i get unbanned... 9 months after i initially got banned.

[pocmuzings]

mysticroleplay did a female ban in 2020 //:

hi ! thanks for the info , anon !!! when i first received this message i was big yikes tbh , bc female bans in 2020 ?? who even does that . but . . also admittedly , i know how things and misinformation can be spread thru tumblr discourse , so i actually approached the admins of mysticroleplay myself, to ask them for their side and an Explanation of what the 'female ban' really meant , bc . it doesn't Read Well for Anyone involved dfjkndfjnfjn . ANYWAYS , here was their response : ( under the cut bc it’s long , and then i add More commentary at the bottom ) 

 “ So, there’s a lot to unload here… as what initially was presented as a temporary tool in an attempt manage our influx of female characters, had got out of hand and taken out of context >< We hope our explanation below can gain a better understanding as to where we were coming from when implementing this ban, as we know it can come off quite… old school and not at all encouraging of those who disapprove of a gender ban in general. 

 When we started Mystic, we wanted to be a roleplay that didn’t care about ratios, which is why we categorize our characters by ‘stayed, left, new’ (according to our plot). In the beginning stages, we noticed the reputation roleplays were getting for caring about ratios (and ultimately understanding why it was a bad thing), which is why we made that decision in the first place.

As Mystic was growing, we noticed the influx of female characters joining, and didn’t really think much about it. However, slowly, we noticed that we had a handful of non-female desired wanted connections sitting in our tag, and there’s only so much that we admins can do to encourage gender diversity. We were also aware of the pressure a few members (we included) that had male characters felt when interacting with female characters (shipping, and etc), which was also a mildly growing concern behind the scene. As admins, we want to do our best to cater to our member’s experience and because we have encountered a certain feeling (in our own experience as members or admins, outside of Mystic) whenever there’s a heavy gender presented more than others, we couldn’t help but feel concerned. We’ve seen roleplays die when one gender overpowers the other, so we couldn’t help but wonder… should we do something about this? We’re not supposed to care about gender ratios, but our fear of our roleplaying dying due to past (separate) experiences seemingly overpowered that. (And not only that, but we’ve also been approached individually if we would consider a female ban of sorts, as we know *whether it’s a bad thing or not* that there are some people do care about ratios.)

And so, we came to the decision of implementing a temporary female ban, for various reasons. Yes, to balance our ratio to a degree, but to also encourage our members who were thinking of taking on second characters, to think about taking on a different gender. (We were also heavily wary about the backlash this would cause, but under said pressures, in a misguided attempt, did it anyway.)

 That is not to say, we only encouraged male characters in the slightest. Our ban was to encourage both male and nb characters, however, we will admit, we didn’t encourage nb characters as much as we should’ve. We know now, we probably should’ve sent ourselves some anons to put forth the public desire of having gender diversity, but we’re sad to say, we didn’t. We genuinely didn’t encourage (nor do we desire) one gender over the other, but we understand, that not voicing our desire for nb characters outright, could’ve been the reason why it this female ban we implemented was taken out of context.

Within the week of closing our ban (which was only up for about a week), we received anon asking if we’d do the same for nonbinary characters. We weren’t sure what to make of this ask, because admittingly, we were afraid it was a tool someone was using to try and make us (and Mystic) look bad. We know that might sound a bit dramatic, but the three of us are particularly protective over Mystic (as it has taken over two years for us to finally bring this roleplay to light) and we didn’t want a misunderstanding to have all of our hard work go to waste. (We’re also extremely aware of the rpcs of cancel culture, and wanted to avoid that as much as possible.) So, we made the unfortunate choice of not answering it, not for any other reason than being fearful of the outcome. 

 Within the next day, we received an IM from one of our members that it was them who had sent the anon and have expressed deep disappointment towards us for ignoring their query. It was… shameful, and heartbreaking for us to say the least. We loved that member deeply and have grown extremely embarrassed for not meeting their needs, all out of fear. Although they have expressed that they wish to have approached us off anon (as they were aware it came off hostile), they were still disappointed as a whole and we couldn’t blame them.

We did our best to explain why we didn’t reply, and how we weren’t trying to prioritize male or female characters over nonbinary (which is certainly another story within itself), and while we thought the conversation was going quite well and civil, we were met with them ultimately deactivating and we could no longer talk things through. 

 The incident between the three of us and that member was a lot for us. In fact, it still affects a few of us to this day, as we’re continuously fearful of disappointing our members again. We didn’t expect for Mystic to grow this big, nor did we expect to gain traction from the rpc in general. But, through this experience, we’ve learned that we do hold some sort of responsibility for doing what we can to encourage what is needed in the rpc. (Whether we feel as though it’s our duty or not.) We’ve learned a lot from that member, and although we weren’t able to settle things to their likeness, we decided to move on with the decision of implementing a ban for both male and female characters, in hopes of encouraging trans and nonbinary characters to enter Mystic in the near future. We want to look it as taking it one step at a time to be as inclusive and accepting to all as possible, whether we’re fully capable of taking on that task ourselves.

There is a lot more to say upon the matter, which we would be happy to discuss, as we want to lay things out as transparent as possible, but we hope that all of this explains things, enough for you to form a fair opinion about us. Not once did we ever make a decision to purposefully harm a particular community. Between the three of us, we are fully supportive (as well as a part of) the LGBTQ community and have been distraught knowing we have been misunderstood, due to a misguided decision in order to control our ratios. However, that is not to say, that we didn’t harm anyone (intentional or not), and we hope moving forward, we can right our wrongs. 

 If you have any more concerns or questions regarding the matter, please let us know, we appreciate you approaching us privately. <3 “

i kinda do understand what they're talking abt . if u've been on my blog in the past few weeks , we've been talking heavily abt playing male muses and how they're ship-chased to no ends , and i do recognise that this is what the admins were noticing in their own rp with female muses coming in, and creating a MASS amount of wanted connections just for males , and chasing the males that were already in the rp . this is smth we've all seen time and time again , and it makes rps die , and ppl just . Click right out , bc who wants to come into a rp thats just 'ship ' 'ship' ' ship' 'ship' ??? thats not fun , and not the environment u wanna foster. 

 do i agree with the Actions per se , of a female ban ? no . not at all . it's very demoralizing and derogatory to female muses who AREN'T there for ships and actually for the Real purpose of rping. but i do UNDERSTAND what the admins were trying to accomplish , in order to break up the amount of ship-chasing they were seeing . 

 after scrolling through their blog , i did see that they were trying , somewhat, to encourage more male AND nb fcs . however, again , of course - this didn't really pan out , because . . nb muses are hardly EVER picked up , as we all know  . should they have pushed MORE for nb rep , and maybe picked up a few nb chartacters themselves ? probably . admins should lead by example , a classic g line . 

 so . the action of them removing the female ban when they had more Males , but not really Considering as much abt the nb-representation ? not great either , but they acknowledge that in their response too , and admit they're Ashamed of how they acted . it's not my place to talk on the nb/trans community's end on this topic . simply put , if that side of the community is hurt and Damaged by these actions , then thats understandable too . 

i think it's at least Slightly commendable that when i approached the admins out of the blue - they were completely 1000% transparent and honest with me abt the situation in general and what had seemingly warranted , to them, a 'female ban ' 

 look , overall. mistakes are made . people own up to them . they apologise , and they acknowledge they’ll do better in the future . that’s SOMETHING . overall, they’re Trying to do better , and i think that that’s something important , and i do appreciate them for that . they did the wrong thing . they admitted it and owned up to it . i can understand where they were Coming from , but the execution , admittedly , was not done Great .

[whitehotharlots]

So we’re just gonna straight up embrace conservatism?

A few months ago I came across the story of a group of young trans activists who wrecked up the opening of a feminist library in British Columbia. To avoid accusations of taking sides or whatever, here’s what the feminists had to say about it, and here’s what the trans activist kids had to say about it. (Direct link: https://www.facebook.com/notes/gag-gays-against-gentrification/response-to-vancouver-womens-library/379623995740078 )

Both sides agreed that the activists physically disrupted the opening of what was purported to be a feminist space, caused several hundred dollars worth of property damage, threatened physical violence against the library’s proprietors, and demanded that a dozen or so books be removed from the shelves.

I decided not to write about this. Firstly, because engaging with trans discourse in any way other than nodding politely guarantees you will be accused of Literal Murder, and I just don’t want to mess with that. More importantly, I felt I couldn’t say anything that wouldn’t amount to a simple, maybe even pedantic observation: namely, it’s kinda weird how we’ve begun to fear subjectively perceived, metaphorical “violence” so intensely that we’re willing to accept literal, physical violence as a response to it. It’s easy to make fun of people who say that using gendered pronouns is a direct cause of murder or whatever, but these people aren’t just obscure cranks anymore--they control the discourse; we’re living in the world they’ve built. 

Here’s a sample of what I tried to write:

Here, in the interest of objectivity, it’s traditional for a writer to point out the tremendous amount of danger faced by those trans people who committed violent acts against the cis feminists and have demanded that the cis feminists radically alter their own space. A writer should re-cite the oft-cited statistic that over twenty trans people were murdered in 2015--and that, no doubt, at least half of them were beaten to death with a copy of Andrea Dworkin’s Pornography. And I don’t mean to be facetious: should a trans activist suggest that these books were being wielded as literal, physical weapons, there might at least be a smidgen of logic behind their demands. But such a connection, however tenuous, is never proffered. We are left instead with a vague implication by association: the trans activists understandably don’t like trans people being murdered and they also don’t like books they assume question the essentialist foundation of their self-understanding, therefore a responsible author will make sure to establish a sense that the former is indeed caused by the latter. Or, if it’s not a case of actual causation--since obviously it’s not and no one would ever be so daft as to suggest that it is--at the very least we should respect the trans activists’ sensitivities toward literature they find upsetting, seeing as they’re acting out of a sense of extreme fear that they at least believe to be justified. Criticizing them at lashing out would be like getting mad a cornered raccoon for showing its teeth.

Just… can you believe this? Honestly? Here, very real violence and property damage is excused simply by putting in the context of the emotional state of those who committed it. Can you imagine any parallel situation taking place in contemporary America? A black man would have a much more solid case in going down to his local police station and wrecking up the place. Police violence against black people is an actual, direct, and literal thing--no flimsy metaphors are required to explain it. If such a thing were to happen, however, the black guy would be killed or imprisoned and his actions would be condemned in all but the most radical of spaces (try to find a mainstream publication that supported Chris Dorner. You can’t). Or more on point: let’s say a group of radical zionists entered a store the specializes in classical music, so at to disrupt a talk about Wagner. They post threats on social media. They wreck merchandise. They tear down posters, shove some elderly classical enthusiasts, cause several hundred dollars worth of damage, and leave a manifesto demanding that certain naughty works be banned. Again: they’d most likely be arrested. They would find no defense within the mainstream press. Their sense of victimhood would certainly not be used as justification for their actions, and no serious person would yield to their demands that certain works of music be banned from stores.

So… yeah. I was having trouble not sounding dismissive. But since then other shit has gone down, and it’s dawned on me that this tendency to prize the metaphorical over the literal isn’t new. It’s very old. It is, simply put, the general grounding of the American conservative worldview. It just happens to be coming from woke people now. 

For an example, take a look at a piece about trans activists vandalizing a rape crisis center with death threats. The vandalism was, of course, denounced on all sides. But check out the phrasing here: 

Trans people face employment and housing barriers, Jenkins said, and the graffiti could be a product of a trans person’s pent up frustration. Vancouver Rape Relief, she said, is a visible organization at which to point a finger.

“A lot of the actions of Vancouver Rape Relief through exclusion of trans women I think are symbolic of society’s disdain for trans people generally,” she said.

“So I can understand that for someone who is having a really hard time generally, this is a symbol of everything that is wrong with the world that is treating me terribly — which is no excuse, but I can see how someone could get to that point.”

Just… fucking seriously? Again, can you imagine this kind of even handedness being afforded to any other marginalized group? The only time you see violence regarded in such an apologetic or celebratory manner is when cops and soldiers do it. 

But, oh, it gets even weirder and stupider:

More graffiti adorns the sidewalks of Commercial Dr., further east from the Vancouver Rape Relief location. In support of trans people, the message “Trans women are women” appeared on sidewalks near Grandview Park earlier this summer.

Another message reads “Lesbians unite,” coupled with a double Venus symbol. Claire Ens, president of the Vancouver Dyke March and Festival Society, said the two Venus symbols are a coded threat to trans people.

“The two Venus symbols, that may seem innocent and to some even a call for lesbian rights and women-power, but in fact it is the opposite,” she said.

Two Venus symbols, side-by-side, is a larger symbol for “biological essentialism,” she said, a belief that peoples’ identities are determined by their genitals or chromosomes, which is inherently discriminatory to trans people who may have genitals that don’t match outdated ideas of what it means to be a man or a woman.

“The Venus symbols are meant as a warning sign to trans women, to state that trans women are not included nor welcomed, and is a perfect example of ... ‘dog whistling’ (because it is) innocent to those who aren’t in the know about it (but) harmful and hateful specifically to trans women,” she said.

Oh... oh dear. 

I’m reminded of the time when I was in 8th grade and my best friend did some weird art project where he put an arrow through a George Jetson doll he won at the carnival and painted the wound with a red marker. His mom found the doll. She spoke with her evangelical busybody cunt friends at work, who informed her that the “ritualistic sacrifice” of stuffed animals was a surefire sign that the boy had been brainwashed by Satanists. She then had him involuntarily committed. A state official determined him to to be depressed but not under any demonic influence, and so he was released under the condition that he start going to cut-rate therapy, where yet another evangelical busybody cunt informed him that the doll was, in fact, a sign that at least one satan lived within him (possibly several) and advised his mother to throw out all of his cds and videogames and keep him under constant watch. Oddly, this did not help with my friends’ depression. Made it a lot worse, in fact. Kicked off about a decade of severe substance abuse. But that’s neither here nor there--the point is, he did something objectively harmless that a bunch of hateful conservatives found offensive, and demonizing and bullying him was a small price to pay to get him to stop doing said harmless-but-offensive things. He might not have meant the plush art project to be a sign of aggression. A dispassionate observer would most likely not regard it as such. But the subjective, spiritual harm suffered by his mother engendered a violent reaction, and the cruelly conservative social structures of our community prized her perceived victimhood over any actual harms, and so they therefore encouraged her to damage the boy so as to make herself feel more safe. Nobody wins. Everyone was worse off. But the woman got some momentary catharsis, and that’s what was important.

Uhh… shit. I was gonna try to connect this to something else, but I think maybe I made my point. If you don’t agree with me yet, you’re never going to. But just remember, pedantic as this argument may be, there’s a reason censorship has historically resided in the conservative purview. There’s also a reason why it used to be considered virtuous, in liberal spaces, to not regard your own tastes and pet peeves as moral issues that warranted vicious remediation. Conservatives are conservatives, regardless of their color of their skin, the people they like to fuck, or whether or not they regard themselves to embody the gender they were asigned at birth. Cruelty is likewise always cruel. A cunt is a cunt. And there’s nothing to be gained by denying these basic truths.

[somnilogical]

case study of optimization style: how kelsey piper optimizes to destroy coordination against injustice

her false face of "worrying about disrespecting jay", was the closest thing she could grab that she thought would get others to optimize for my silence. get local warm bodies to pile upon me for continuing to talk about how to get justice and give more information about different sources of injustice in a way compatible with people who have not completely disabled their general intelligence.

she was worried about her reputation and transfems gaining information that would allow them to coordinate along lines of shared oppression (which would start to erode miri/cfar which she wants to survive in order to have a nice (for her) environment to raise her babies), but thats not a socially defensible reason to object so she laundered it through being “worried about disrespecting jay”

11/12/2019

[14:10] Jay (System of Edo): Sarah Spikes has offered to have REACH do an investigation. I do not know this human, and have barely heard of REACH, but my understanding is that it's some sort of sub-organization that CFAR spawned, roughly. My instinct is to be like, "I believe you will talk to everyone and then conclude that basically no action needs to be taken, so in that case allowing you to do an investigation gives an air of legitimacy to dismissing Jay". Is "REACH is basically CFAR's pet" correct?

[14:10] acertain: afaik reach is unrelated to cfar

[14:11] acertain: and the space is controlled by Sarah Spikes and Nat

[14:11] ratsby: that's also my understanding

[14:11] Jay (System of Edo): I did not mean literally, I meant like in practice, are they complicit, etc

[14:11] Jay (System of Edo): like with CFARs bullshit in general

[14:11] ratsby: weren't REACH the ones who did the Brent investigation?

[14:12] silver-and-ivory: they did something about brent but weren't able to publish the stuff they got bc they believed he would sue them for defamation

[14:12] Jay (System of Edo): Oh wow. Cowards lol

[14:12] Jay (System of Edo): yeah that's pretty much all I need to know.

[14:12] Jay (System of Edo): thanks

[14:13] silver-and-ivory: :( I don't think they're cowards for that

[14:13] silver-and-ivory: but you have all the information i have so w/e

[14:14] acertain: I think reach doing an investigation would mean the reach panel (https://www.berkeleyreach.org/reach-panel), which afaik is a separate set of people from those who decide how the space is run

[14:18] acertain: idk if the list of people on the panel on the website is up to date though

[14:19] stardust: List is up to date

[14:19] stardust: Full Brent statement is available upon request, not fully public because legal risk

[14:20] silver-and-ivory: https://theunitofcaring.tumblr.com/post/182885399661/abuse-allegations-anon-here-i-am-happy-to-hear

[14:20] silver-and-ivory:REACH consulted an attorney about making the result of the Brent investigations public and were told that there was absolutely no way to do this without making each of the investigators individually liable in a defamation lawsuit. I’m also worried they could be sued to reveal the names of people who spoke to them anonymously in the course of the investigation.

[14:21] stardust: We were planning to get liability insurance when we get our legal non profit status but that has not panned out yet

[14:21] stardust: IRS is slow and hard to navigate

[14:22] Jay (System of Edo): okay, this is enough info on REACH, thanks.

[14:24] Jay (System of Edo): just told her not to investigate.

[14:24] ratsby: wait why?

[14:24] stardust: (She is me)

[14:25] Jay (System of Edo): oh.

[14:25] ratsby: I don't see how them investigating could hurt anything

[14:25] Jay (System of Edo):wait why?I don't believe they'll do anything tbh

[14:25] stardust: I will refrain from posting here if you prefer

[14:26] ratsby: seems like some chance of upside, no chance of downside?

[14:26] Jay (System of Edo):>I don't see how them investigating could hurt anything

My instinct is to be like, "I believe you will talk to everyone and then conclude that basically no action needs to be taken, so in that case allowing you to do an investigation gives an air of legitimacy to dismissing Jay". Is "REACH is basically CFAR's pet" correct?

[14:26] Jay (System of Edo):>I will refrain from posting here if you prefer

Yes, thanks.

[14:43] hamnox: The characterization of REACH panel as CFAR's pet feels bizarre. Iirc it got started in no small part because a bunch of locals were pissed off at how CFAR failed to do anything about, and implicitly legitimized, Brent.

[14:58] 𒀭 💮: i dont really know Jay, but i do know that the REACH panel is unjust and about as helpful and necessary as christian missionaries were to native americans. im not reporting my thing to it.linta is on it who made false accusations of emma being indistinguishable from a rapist and somni doing some sort of sex party at their house for social ends of suppression of unrelated dissent. and was generally antitrans in the standard way of saying people are crazy and incoherent, like how people are saying Ziz is schizophrenic when she obviously isnt. i think much of it are populated by lintas friends like mike alicorn and anisha. sarah c, one of the few cis people i trust at this point, had an emotional breakdown about it citing that they dont care about the Law and i think resigned. given the sort of place it is, i bet that none of the REACH panel members are transfem, people can correct me if im wrong.

im kinda for transfems coordinating with each other to the extent they can against people like brent dill, alice monday, lintamande, anna salamon and other agents of injustice. with better game theory than the likes of the REACH panel who flinch at "defamation".

[15:11] SeriesOfSymbols: Umm

Tbh I'm very uncomfortable with the idea that all these people are in the same reference class

[15:11] 𒀭 💮: they are in the reference class of perpetuating injustics

[15:11] lintamande: sort of assuming it would be unhelpful to Jay to litigate disagreements from elsewhere here. I don't know anisha. I don't think ziz is schizophrenic. I never said somni participated in the uninvited surprise orgy in my house, just that I was mad at the people who did. I don't think the REACH panel is good for anything except getting offenders banned from REACH in particular rn, and I think we should maybe check in with Jay about whether the rest of this is helping

[15:11] SeriesOfSymbols: As are

you

And  I

And ziz

Etc

[15:11] SeriesOfSymbols: Nobody is free from sin

[15:12] 𒀭 💮: ^ fallacy of grey

[15:12] 𒀭 💮: like also

[15:12] 𒀭 💮: there is a type difference

[15:12] 𒀭 💮: you socially but not legally implied to avoid culpability

[15:12] lintamande: guys does Jay want to host this conversation

[15:12] 𒀭 💮: the party things i could grep it

[15:13] lintamande: this is the server for helping Jay figure out what we can do to help

[15:13] TowerNumberNine: Jay appears to be idle at present

[15:13] TowerNumberNine: But previously they said there was enough info on REACH

[15:15] deluks917: Agree with Tower the Reach thing should get dropped

[15:15] 𒀭 💮: your "help" is poisoned in the same way that christian missionaries are and you are attempting to funnel peoples sights away from your injustice by framing me as derailing when this is relevant to Jay's needs.

[15:15] 𒀭 💮: and restriction of general intelligence is not.

[15:16] lintamande: somni I am happy to discuss this, I have messaged you offering to discuss this, I just am worried Jay will come back to this and feel like we are disrespecting what they've asked for here and not helping them

[15:16] SeriesOfSymbols: Fallacy of black and white

I think there is a meaningful difference between [rapists and abusers], [person who willfully covered for abuse], and [person who you have disagreements with]

[15:16] 𒀭 💮: i am not worried about this

[15:17] 𒀭 💮: i dont think im disrespecting Jay

[15:17] 𒀭 💮: there is a meaningful difference between stalin and yudkowsky, they are both, however, men.

[15:21] 𒀭 💮: coordination against agents of injustice is important. erasing the pattern of injustice is wrong. saying that all people are the same so we cannot coordinate against injustice because who knows who they are is wrong.it is important for people to know this sort of information so they dont do things like go to REACH expecting justice and then have their plans crumble.

[15:22] 𒀭 💮: people who present REACH as acceptable because "has not everyone sinned" are doing something wrong (linta is not doing this, they are doing a different sort of wrong thing, but also are erasing knowledge of the pattern of injustice)

[15:23] 𒀭 💮: or like if you run this reasoning on people and then apply it to reach with like "it couldnt hurt" are also doing something wrong

[15:24] x.: is there anything at all linta can say or do in this situation which will cause you to believe that they are not doing wrong?

[15:26] x.: (i am not sure how germane this topic is to anything, as this is not a dedicated "The Crimes of Lintamande" server, but so long as the subject is being discussed, i think it warrants asking)

[15:27] 𒀭 💮: yes, stop their suppression of emma and somni, their false claims made to not be culpable in a legal court but also to permeate a social court. stop their optimization for and apologism for cissexism, such in the case of minority stratification. "none of the panel members are transfem but the hosts are" "a lot of people who go to cfar are transfem but afaict none of the staff are" this is a bog standard oppression pattern which linta is familiar with.

[15:27] 𒀭 💮: and several other things.

[15:27] 𒀭 💮: i talked with them for months

[15:28] 𒀭 💮: before slowly and painfully realizing that they didnt care, that the structure they put out fed into evil, agentically. because they talked like my childhood friends who were particularly kind.

[15:28] 𒀭 💮: and i was vulnerable to that.

[15:28] 𒀭 💮: it was really hard to see through this aesthetic to how they were actually optimizing.

[15:29] 𒀭 💮: what effects they were having.

[15:29] x.: perhaps there is some other zone in which this chat would be more appropriate

[15:29] lintamande: that is what I have been saying

[15:29] 𒀭 💮: linta is trying to warp this conversation in that direction

[15:30] 𒀭 💮: because they dislike culpability

[15:30] x.: rather than both of you trying to get the last word in on what's clearly a grotesquely contentious conversation

[15:30] 𒀭 💮: i reject this plea of false peace

[15:30] 𒀭 💮: like

[15:30] 𒀭 💮: what you two are doing are obvious

[15:30] 𒀭 💮: i reject the framing of this not being relevant

[15:30] x.: right, every time one of you makes a post the other one immediately makes another

[15:31] 𒀭 💮: i reject this suppression of important information

[15:31] 𒀭 💮: framed as an irrelevant tangent

[15:31] lintamande: so I'm not saying 'this is irrelevant' I am saying 'let's check with Jay about whether this is helpful to Jay'

[15:31] x.: is new information being introduced?

[15:31] 𒀭 💮: i can see what you are doing

[15:31] lintamande: even if this is incredibly relevant and important it should happen somewhere else unless Jay wants it here

[15:31] 𒀭 💮: it is not optimizing for the good of jay

[15:31] 𒀭 💮: or the good of justice

[15:31] x.: @𒀭 💮 she's making posts online, which you are also doing

[15:33] 𒀭 💮: "making posts online" is important to the fate of the planet

[15:34] 𒀭 💮: like and a lot of other stuff. you cant say "its just making posts online, this is dumb" like sometimes posts are dumb but this is a reference class warp to claim this post is dumb, when i can see its not.

[15:35] x.: did i say it was dumb?

[15:35] 𒀭 💮: you are optimizing for like "you two are just contentlessly fighting, this is silly why dont we do something else besides fight." which is Pretending to be Wise.

[15:36] 𒀭 💮: https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/jeyvzALDbjdjjv5RW/pretending-to-be-wise

[15:37] x.: i have actually not suggested the flamewar should stop, merely that this specific chat might not be a reasonable location for it

[15:37] 𒀭 💮: and talking with you about this pattern also supports lintas utility function which is suppression of the knowledge of injustice

[15:38] x.: i mean, i am not the person running the show here, so i could be entirely mistaken

[15:38] x.: it appears to me that this chat is supposed to be about a guy named "robert"

[15:39] x.: this seems tenuously, at best, connected to that

[15:39] 𒀭 💮: and yet Jay's statement

>My instinct is to be like, "I believe you will talk to everyone and then conclude that basically no action needs to be taken, so in that case allowing you to do an investigation gives an air of legitimacy to dismissing Jay". Is "REACH is basically CFAR's pet" correct?

[15:40] 𒀭 💮: and my statements are relevant

[15:40] silver-and-ivory: I feel like in the absence of Jay's presence people should do what they think is best

[15:40] 𒀭 💮: i think even in the presence of Jay, people should do what they think is best

[15:40] silver-and-ivory: also true

[15:40] x.: as far as i can tell, jay already said they were not interested in pursuing an inquest by the hand of the BREACH

[15:41] x.: and refused to engage in such a thing

[15:43] x.: so it's like, "is this person, whose involvement was specifically not requested, a dick?"

[15:43] 𒀭 💮: as far as i can tell this is optimization for silence. because this touches on important things, instead of having a paternalistic additude towards Jay. my read on their CEV after skimming their blog is that they are anti-suppression.

[15:44] 𒀭 💮: also, by like some sort of property rights, this is like 50% my channel.

[15:44] 𒀭 💮: as i was sexually assaulted by robert lecnik.

[15:45] 𒀭 💮: you are interfering with my space as a victim. which is a seperate thing.

[15:45] 𒀭 💮: this is "Robert Lecnik Abuse Chat"

[15:45] x.: so you would prefer to have lintamande investigate this in some way, then?

[15:45] 𒀭 💮: my report is the second item in #concrete-reports

[15:46] 𒀭 💮: i dont want linta to investigate anything besides their complicity with a cissexist system.

[15:46] 𒀭 💮: moriwen made helicopter jokes

[15:46] 𒀭 💮: after they ran out the trans people

[15:46] 𒀭 💮: from EAC

[15:46] 𒀭 💮: and is friends with linta: okay, i guess i am too confused to participate any further then

[15:46] 𒀭 💮: linta framed that as "blowing off steam"

[15:47] 𒀭 💮: i do not feel safe around either of these humans.

[15:52] 𒀭 💮: like not exactly blowing off steam but they said like it was good people were having fun when mori was doing their antitransfem thing.

these things become more obvious with processing.

i think robert, given their pattern so far of predation, possibly exploited environmental cissexism, was enabled by this. erasing knowledge of it leads to inability to coordinate against it leads to cis people treating transfem humans as if they exist in morality holes.

[15:54] 𒀭 💮: like i was around robert lecnik after Jay talked with anna about him i think. if anna listened to Jay and took them seriously, if robert lecnik were banned from cfar spaces and the berkeley meetup, i dont think i would have been sexually assualted.

[15:57] 𒀭 💮: erasing knowledge of cissexism because the people perpetrate it "use preferred pronouns" or whatever leads to inability of transfems to coordinate against it.

[16:04] 𒀭 💮: Jay wrote:

>On Anna Salamon: I remember her seeing me as a transwoman who exclusively liked men; Blanchard has a whole “theory” about this. And apparently that made me a “real” transwoman (wtf), unlike the rest of the transwomen in LW. I feel she explicitly went out of her way to validate me as a woman a number of times, like, there was one time she was saying hi to me and did the human version of this: (http://www.thebalancedcanine.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/IMG_1166.jpg). Which, yeah, she’s a TERF.

>Also, the reason I hated her early on was, there was a time that she, I, Robert Lecnik (my rapist), and Peter (his husband) were in a room for an hour long private therapy thing since Peter was a large CFAR donor. Robert admitted to “sexually assaulting Fluttershy and being ‘bad at consent’ with a whole bunch of other people”, and Anna didn’t see any issue with letting him continue to “run the Berkeley meetups” (an honorary thing, he used it to often-ineffectively hit on people). And I had some betrayal trauma from Anna around this, as well as a later feeling of “wow I got pwned by a guy that low in mana, I’m lame”, too. Fortunately it’s all emotionally processed now.this sort of information is very relevant for coordinating against people like Robert Lecnik

i think if cissexism were deleted, in counterfactual worlds in which transfem people got to be on things like "abuse panels", this sort of predation wouldnt happen. but like responses that reactively goodhart this and say "choose the most complicit-with-the-cistem transfems and place them on the panel to avoid culpability" are useless.

individuals learning game theory, forming class-consciousness, and coordinating with each other might help bring justice to things like Robert Lecnik being allowed by the cistem to continue to prey on trans people, to prey on me. with full knowledge that this was going on.

[16:05] 𒀭 💮: https://sinceriously.fyi/intersex-brains-and-conceptual-warfare/#comment-240

[16:09] 𒀭 💮: i have some hope in anarchistic cooperation between smart humans. i have approximately 0 hope in cissexist abuse panels and people like anna salamon who allow the predation of me and people like me to happen.

[16:37] Jay (System of Edo): sec, need to read through all this.

[16:58] 𒀭 💮: if cissexism were deleted this narrow sort of predation would stop happening but like, there would still be predation there would still be predation on minorities. i care about all sentient life not just transfems. this is not an optimization target but is saying "you who say cissexism does not have a hand in the game, if cissexism were actually deleted the counterfactual world post-deletion would look very different than this one. accepting a status quo where like trans people arent on things like sexual abuse panels and arent employed as CFAR staff is accepting cissexism. and resulting in things like, when they go to these institutions they are ignored"

[17:22] Jay (System of Edo): So. My main thing is to look at what algorithms people are running. Like, REACH sounds like they're not brave enough to do something they believe would make the world a better place at a small personal cost, so why would I care about mitigating circumstances if I already know that that's the algorithm they're running. (edit: this is what "is REACH basically CFAR's pet" pointing to, eg if they are pwned by the same things. rather than pointing to whether the two orgs are ostensibly related).

Similarly, discussion of REACH beyond what was needed for me to figure this out (about six lines of text) is not at all useful to me. But pointing this fact out to silence Somni suggests some sort of preference to defend REACH. So, if that's the algorithm you're running, then I see you as (probably) sorting people/discussion topics based on what you can socially get away with. Sort of like, the word "appropriate" is in the same class as "uppity" "disrespectful" "honorable" etc, and this applies to asking if it's "appropriate to discuss REACH despite Jay's preferences".

I personally do not participate in long conversations about who is "in the right", because I personally find it very easy to figure out what people are trying to do, and find that continuing on chats longer than that is a waste of my time. But, this is also Somni's space as a victim of Robert, so it's okay if she wants to discuss REACH I guess. I've never talked with her, but she (they?) seems to have good takes with respect to when someone is de facto hurting others or running bad algorithms in a way related to that.

[17:49] Jay (System of Edo): (sort of like, when I hear that someone sexually assaulted another person, I don't think, "well I guess it's a small harm relative to the good you can do if you're maximizing your life for utilitarian impact", I rather think, "what the fuck algorithm are they running, I don't think they'd have done that if they were trying to reduce the suffering of all beings, maybe there's something I can get out of this person, but definitely not like, outsourcing thinking/project leadership/etc to them"

[18:50] Lorelei: (also related to the reach panel, I'm transfem and was very eager to volunteer as a member, in part because I wanted my queer social circle to have some representation in the process of Justice, but was turned down.)

[18:51] Lorelei: (just so they can't claim not having a tranfem member is justpure coincidence/lack of volunteers)

[18:58] 𒀭 💮: (linta messaged me to say that moriwen saying the helicopter thing was after they said having fun was good. and i checked this and its true. but like that is not at all central to why i think they are collaborating with cissexism or why i talked with emma for like 15 minutes about how people like linta and mori might be horrible to transfems if we told people about alice monday. (people wouldnt actually be marginally worse to transfems. people dont have prejudiced beliefs like that, their transphobic "beliefs" are a coordination mechanism for harm. white people in the antebellum south could see perfectly well that those who were enslaved were human beings.) noselling commitments to transphobia is a good move in response to "what if outing a trans abuser worsens cissexism?".)

[19:02] silver-and-ivory: oh linta and mori left

[19:02] 𒀭 💮: they were banned

[romxnaarchived]

@crowsung​ said: but also [ threaten ] for rom/bishop oops

pushing the LIMITS in her situation was often FROWNED upon, though she still continued doing what she wasn’t supposed to. she cared too much, not as if that was a valid excuse, however. as an old lady, she KNEW where she stood & what she was ALLOWED to know. club business didn’t involve her, unless she was SPECIFICALLY asked to be in. she respected those rules in the BEGINNING, but now, she felt as if things were being HIDDEN from her. she knew she wouldn’t know the ENTIRE story, not unless she snooped around, which was EXACTLY what she did. 

she just didn’t expect to be caught. 

the PROSPECT caught her reading the files, after having successfully opening the lock. she had TRIED scrambling to hide the evidence, even tried PLEADING with him to keep it a SECRET, but she knew the rules. she knew her HUSBAND had to know what she had done. as the PRESIDENT of the club, he couldn’t allow her actions to SLIDE. but she was hoping she’d be ALLOWED to walk away without forever being BANNED. more importantly, she was hoping she hadn’t RUINED the trust of every member. 

wooden doors being SLAMMED forced her to flinch, though she remained in her seat, eyes focused on her husband. ❝ i can explain. ❞ the words that left her lips could BARELY be recognized as a WHISPER. she knew she messed up & OVERSTEPPED her boundaries, but she had good intentions. she had only wanted to HELP & to know they were all SAFE. being involved in ILLEGAL business was TRICKY. 

however, the THREAT that left his lips forced her eyes to widen. while she knew she did WRONG, was such harshness really warranted? it wasn’t like she was working AGAINST them. ❝ don’t you fucking dare, ❞ she hissed.  ❝ i only did this because you don’t tell me anything. you can’t expect me to stay in my place when i don’t know if you’re fucking safe or not. ❞ she WORRIED too much, despite knowing he had it all UNDER CONTROL.

❝ kick me out, ban me from coming back.. fine. but don’t you dare start that shit. ❞

[blue-mint-winter]

About Roslin and Baltar’s trial

I’ve been thinking about Roslin’s reasons behind putting Baltar on trial, because I’ve seen many different opinions on that and whether she was right or wrong. The show itself suggests a few times that she’s doing it for revenge, while her fans are taking her side. I think as always on BSG, the truth is more complicated than that.

To preface this, I am in the unique position because I am a big fan of both characters. Roslin is my favourite female character and Baltar is my favourite male character on the show. Watching their separate stories is so much fun to me and when they have scenes together is always a special delight. I love seeing how their paths cross, how they run in parallel, how they are foils to each other, everything about them is interesting. There is a symmetry to them as they exchange their roles in the show which I deeply enjoy and appreciate. They’re both very human characters, flawed, imperfect, but striving to be better. I don’t see Roslin as some paragon of virtue because she’s clearly not and never was. She made too many awful decisions for that, but she’s made quite a lot of good calls too. A lot of her ruthlessness comes from a sense of vulnerability. She can’t afford to show kindness or mercy to the enemy and potential threats have to be dealt with or the humankind won’t survive. That’s her M.O. She’s an iron lady, not some bleeding heart of a naive schoolteacher.

Season 3 of the show is all about New Caprica. Even when the characters are lightyears away from that planet, they still carry it and what happened there in their hearts. New Caprica tainted them all and left wounds they all spent the rest of the season healing. But there is one wound left for the last - Gaius Baltar. He is the symbol of New Caprica. He gave people the promised land but it turned into a living nightmare. He was a shitty president even before the Cylons came, so it was easy to place all the blame for NC squarely on his shoulders. However, it wasn’t as if he was voted in and people followed him there, rather it was the other way around - people wanted to go to NC, so they voted for him. People trusted Baltar because he was a genius scientist, because he claimed he cared, because he was an attractive political alternative to Roslin. Humanity made a bad choice, but it is easier for them to erase the physical reminder of that mistake than admit to it. Hence the ubiquitous hatred for Baltar in the Fleet.

But Roslin’s not just an average citizen, she’s much closer to Baltar. Of course she regrets not going through with stealing the election. She had a chance to prevent all this tragedy from happening and she didn’t. She chose the higher road in the end, to be the better person and she let Baltar win. Her own nobility doomed humanity. That’s a bitter pill to swallow. It must haunt her. And I think it certainly informs her ruthless decisions in S3, like ordering the Cylon genocide. NC taught her that morals can and should be sacrificed for the sake of survival. She doesn’t want to make that same mistake again.

S3 features a fascinating reversal of roles between Roslin and Baltar. It starts with him as the puppet president and her a powerless schoolteacher. Their first scene together is when he visits her in detention center where she’s held. The show never makes it clear whether Roslin was tortured and how (I suspect food and/or sleep deprivation), but she knows others were. Regardless, she is a victim of the occupation, unjustly imprisoned. Her name is on a death list, signed by Gaius Baltar.

There are many things Laura Roslin is and I believe that one of those is vengeful. She remembers everything good or bad, and she also holds grudges. One of those grudges is for Cylons who she has a certain propensity to airlock. Not unfounded of course. That combined with her regret for not stealing the election and her belief that Baltar is a traitor and traitors should be killed is a deadly combination for Gaius.

The graphic demonstration of Roslin’s grudge against Baltar is the entire episode 3x13 Taking a Break from All Your Worries. The tables have turned, the reversal of roles is complete, but what’s done is the same thing. Roslin’s doing to Baltar what was done to her. From the very beginning of the episode we have Baltar in prison, making the noose. It’s night but the guard wakes him up when he nods off. That’s the start of torture - sleep deprivation. Then Roslin’s first visit to his cell is a purposeful replication of his visit to her cell on NC. Through the episode, she continues with various methods of torture, to interrogate him and get the admission of guilt that she so desperately wants from him - which will justify what is done to him illegally. Which will validate her despicable actions against him, because he would admit to actually deserve them. But just like Roslin did not give Gaius the information or cooperation he wanted on New Caprica, Gaius doesn’t give in to her brutal methods here. Another similarity between them is that he didn’t wish her to suffer on NC and her crying when she has him tortured. Torture horrifies both of them and I think for Roslin that was a moment when she became horrified at herself and what she was doing. No Cylon was making her do this. Her conscience woke up and it couldn’t be silenced. (Still, Gaeta got only a slap on the wrist for murder attempt on the prisoner. Interesting how Roslin’s justice works when she can better empathize with Gaeta for wanting to kill Baltar, than with Gaius who she’s deliberately putting through the exact same things she’s personally gone through. As if she can transfer her own horrors to him and finally be free of NC.)

The last on her list of things to reenact is the death warrant. Adama offers to have Gaius quietly disappeared, just like Roslin was supposed to be killed back on NC. Out of sight, out of mind. But Roslin decides to give Baltar the trial for several reasons. I think the most important one is that she wants him dead for being a traitor but she also wants the moral high ground. His torture already made her too close to being like the enemy. When Baltar is tried and found guilty - and in her belief he cannot not be found guilty - he will be legally sentenced. She will not have his blood on her hands. She will not kill him just because she has the power and means to, not as a whimsy of the President. He has to be objectively judged and sentenced to death that he deserves for his own actions. Roslin fully believes her own judgment of Baltar is correct and objective. She refuses to acknowledge her own subjectivity when it concerns him. That’s why she allows the trial - because she is convinced it will go the way she wants it and Baltar will be sentenced to death. The last factor of why she decides to put him on trial is that she’s wanted to do this since she learned about his involvement with Six before the attack. She couldn’t have done it before because the only proof she had was a memory that resurfaced when she was dying and heavily medicated. It would’ve been just her word against his. But occupation of NC gives her all the reason and proof to finally convict him for his crimes. It’s tangible, real, it didn’t happen only to her. Everyone was there, everyone suffered. She has the public with her on this.

As an aside, it’s pretty hypocritical that Zarek gets away scot free. The man was the political mastermind behind Baltar’s presidential campaign, but because he got lucky and Cylons didn’t shoot him when he refused to cooperate and then he was with Roslin on the death list, he gets a free pass from her. A lot of help he was, rotting in a cell for the whole occupation. But now he’s her pal, he gave her back the presidential seat so all is cool between them. Even more hypocritical that Roslin banned Zarek’s secret tribunal killing collaborators right and left, but for Baltar she recreates it and makes it public for everyone to watch/listen to on radio.

It’s almost funny how Baltar makes Roslin lose her cool, how easily angry he can get her. She’s completely unobjective when it comes to him. He writes a book and she’s frothing mad. She imprisons a man because he read that book. She jokes about burning the book. She humiliates Baltar to make him stop writing, she lies to make him feel small, powerless, unheard. That’s how deep her grudge against him goes. If Adama is the equivalent of Zeus, Roslin fits the characteristics of Hera to a T.

One thing I really love about the show is that in the end, it doesn’t present the ideal solution to the issue of Baltar’s trial and punishment. I’d say that the actual message is that of mercy, but there’s no whitewashing his character. Baltar during and after the trial is shown at his smarmiest, but the justice is blind. It doesn’t care about likeability of the accused, it cares about evidence.

Was Roslin right or wrong? Was it right that Baltar was exonerated? What would be a just punishment for him? That’s left for the viewers to ponder about. In my opinion, the majority of S3 already showed Baltar’s punishment. Let’s not pretend that he was having a picnic when everyone else was suffering. He’s been imprisoned, horrifically tortured TWICE, he’s been almost killed multiple times, he tried to commit suicide. He had little to no control over his life, all he could do was to cling to it. His own guilt and self-loathing poisoned him and his love with Caprica Six. He’s lost everyone he cared for and became the most hated man in the universe. He was betrayed by Gaeta. And Baltar’s informal punishment isn’t going to go away just because he was freed by the court. Season 4 barely started and already someone attempted to murder him.

I spent hours writing this meta, so sorry if I rambled too much. I’ve just got a lot of feelings and opinions about the trial, Roslin and Gaius.

[sydesplitter]

Worst-Selling Tell-All

So, I’m new to tumblr. If you’re around the Wyrmrest Accord forums, you may know me as Zenrao. And there’s an okay chance that you despise me. That’s alright. Nothing in this post is meant to change your mind. This post is mainly for me. I’ve seen a lot of things flying around online about what exactly led to my ban from the forums, and for my own sense of closure, I’d like to tell my side. In full. Publicly. I do have photos to go with this, so you know I’m not simply saying “My side of the story is: I think it was unfair”. No, I’m here to actually provide an account of what happened. All screencaps should have dates in them, and will be at the bottom.

I wanted to start by thanking everyone who showed support for me. I wanna make it clear that I not once requested anything be posted on my behalf, directly or indirectly. That being said, it’s nice to know I have friends, and people willing to subject themselves to criticisms and even punishment, to do what they can to stand up for me. I wanna thank them all.

In terms of what actually happened, I will first say: I am an argumentative person. My main gripe in all this is not that I believe I’m not argumentative, or that I think I’ve never contributed to drama or heated debates. I have. That’s an indisputable fact. My complaint is this: tons of people are, but we never share the same punishment. I wanna make that clear. My complaint is not that I never argued, or was sarcastic. It’s that Blizzard institutes a one crime, two punishment form of moderation. I DO NOT THINK I AM SPECIAL AND DESERVE AN EXCEPTION. I just want the same treatment as everyone else.

So let’s go back a ways. My first suspension on the forums came when I asked a question, funny enough- about tumblr. It was when things were being censored on tumblr, and people were upset. I asked how much was being removed, and if it was all adult content. This warranted a ban apparently. “Oops,” I thought. “Someone must have made a mistake. Nbd.” Wrong. Upon appealing the ban, I was told that you may not discuss things not WoW-related on the forums, and my suspension would stand. A cursory glance at the forums right now even, shows that this policy is not enforced. Well, for anyone but me, it seems. This suspension left a black mark on my “record” with Blizzard that I would never be permitted to recover from. From there on out, everything from being jokingly mean to a friend, without vulgarity (Hey Ursuola), to saying the word “effed” would grant me increasingly long bans. At one point, as you’ll see below, I was even suspended for simply acknowledging someone claiming child abuse accusations are always fake. Yeah, that really happened.

Each suspension grew more and more frustrating, with each appeal being answered to the cry of “Based on your account’s history, you’re still in trouble.” It was a snowball effect I could do nothing to stop. My frustration came to a head when Blizzard started arbitrarily shutting down threads that criticized the game or company in any way, around the time of the Blitzchung fiasco. One of these threads, which was civil and imo interesting, was discussing the racist caricatures sometimes found in WoW. I responded by creating a thread with as harmless a title I could think of, to make a point. The “Racism is Bad” thread. Technically nonpunishable, but I knew since it was me, Blizzard would bring the hammer down. Sure enough, I was out for a month. The frustrating thing here is- many other threads were made after that, with the same title, but none of those posters were punished in any way. I asked Blizzard why I was being suspended. They simply responded the appropriate actions were taken. I said I understand that part, but why did you feel the actions necessary? They said the appropriate actions were taken. I asked once more. They told me if I asked again, they’d consider it harassment. I still don’t know if this was a legal threat, but I didn’t care enough to find out anymore.

Then we come to last week, when I was allowed back onto the forums by our gracious hosts. I made a comment about a 4 year old asking about calories in a rich preschool I work at. Someone came down on me hard for it (a week later, for whatever reason), and would not drop the subject. I knew what thin ice I was on, and was extremely cautious, attempting to keep things light and non-combative, despite being admittedly frustrated by this person. I was reporting them, but it wasn’t doing anything, and they were pinging me nonstop for about an hour. Since there’s no ignore feature on the forums, I told them to relax, and leave me alone. Well that was it. They DID leave me alone, but about an hour and a half later, I got an email saying I was banned for life. I was frustrated, exasperated, and felt incredibly defeated. I did everything they wanted. Jumped through every hoop they put in front of me, but still, the mods seemed all too eager to jump at the chance.

Arguments happen in almost every thread, and the people doing it are not punished. Shitposting nonsense happens in every thread, and it’s unpunished. I don’t think it SHOULD be. But I do ask why my case is different. Many people find me annoying. Many are happy to see me go. But even those of you who are in that group should be concerned. All it takes is someone using their alts to mass report you, and you’ll get trapped in the same vortex of suspensions that I did. This system is flawed, it is not conducive to a good community, and I believe it should be changed. If you came this far, thanks for reading. I just needed to get all that off my chest.

[brokemultidotexe]

Carry You Home Pt.2 | JJK

↬ Pairing: Jungkook x OC [Dami]

↬ Summary: When Jungkook took a job in Syria to be a diplomat’s detail, he didn’t expect to be assigned to her daughter, and he didn’t expect to get along with her daughter so well. During an outing, Dami is taken and Jungkook doesn’t know why or by who. Jungkook knows time is of the essence so he enlists the help of some friends with the right type of skills and does anything and everything he can to bring her home because it’s no longer about his job…it’s personal.

↬ Word Count: 3k

↬ Warning/Rating: Violence | [M]

↬ Genre: Action/Angst

↬ Part: 1 | 2

Jungkook had walked into Yoongi’s house without knocking and walked through the living room back to the computer room where he hoped Yoongi would be. “Before you ask, no her cell phone hasn’t come back on but I am currently trying to see if I can position SM’s satellite and hopefully be able to use it as a google maps type thing. The bad news is that the most we will probably get is heat signatures.” He spun back around and clicked around on his screen.

“We’re in the middle of a fucking desert Yoongi, what the hell is a heat signature going to tell us!?” His voice was rising despite him doing his best to try and keep himself level headed.

“Hey!” he turned and snapped at him. “I get your stressed but you’re not going to turn into an asshole. Did you forget how many times I was able to lead you out of shitty situations with next to nothing? And not that it matters, but the reason it will work is that it gets a lot cooler in the evenings which will show heat signatures if they aren’t in town and did, in fact, start driving off-road.”

Jungkook tugged at his hair, “I need to find her Yoongi.”

“I know that Jungkook but yo-”

“No, you don’t understand! There is so much shit you don’t know about, that I can’t tell you. I need to find her in the next 24 hours Yoongi, or this could get even worse. I don’t have the networking here that I do in the states. The fewer people know, the better. But I’m almost positive this goes up higher than a pissed off terrorist group with some agenda. Jason was with her when they took her. He pushed her into the van. This is so much more…tell me I’m wrong!” Jungkook was thinking about every possible scenario she could be in and it was driving him into a panic.

It was quiet between them, “Alright, let me call Jimin and Namjoon. Between the three of us and the contacts we have, we’re bound to find something. Just go sit down and let me do what I do.”

Jungkook nodded and pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts hoping that maybe he could think of someone who he could trust to help them. But after thinking about it for a moment he wanted to keep the circle as tight as possible so he put his phone back in his pocket and sat down on a chair in the living room. He pressed the palm of his hands into his eyes and started going through earlier today and trying to figure out if maybe he caught something that could give him answers. The human brain takes in so much information at one time that it makes it easy to miss something. Jungkook had learned this process while working in Afghanistan and he was his platoon leader and had to be the one to debrief and give his superiors all the information from missions.

So Jungkook was running the morning with Dami in his mind, seconds at a time. From the time they left the house to the point of him pulling into Yoongi’s driveway. His mind derailed when he thought about how much she had smiled this morning and how happy she was. The fact she made him laugh and the suffocation of guilt for letting Jason anywhere near her. He felt the anger rise with the guilt. If he ever got his hands on Jason he would be the last thing that piece of shit saw.

Dami’s head hurt and the sides of her mouth hurt, they felt raw. She blinked a few times trying to get her eyes to focus. She felt her body jostle and she noticed she couldn’t use her hands to brace herself from rolling. It was then that she noticed the fabric tied around her mouth and something that was holding her hands together behind her. She did her best to sit upright.

“Good, you’re up. How’s your head?” Jason grimaced. “Things didn’t exactly work out the way they were supposed to. I honestly didn’t think you’d fight back like you did.” He reached over and tried to tuck the hair that had fallen in her face behind her ear. Dami pulled back at his touch.

Dami’s eyes were taking in her surroundings. She was in a van that looked to be gutted without any seats in the back. The only seats were the driver and passenger seats, which both were occupied. Her confusion turned to anger as the memories slowly came back to how she got here.

Dami went to ask a question but it was muffled and the material rubbed at the sides of her mouth. “If I take the gag off are you going to scream or cause issues?”

Dami shook her head. He leaned on his knees and pulled the gag down so the material hung around her neck. She stretched out her jaw and licked her lips, “You kidnapped me?” her voice was barely audible as she looked at him.

“I don’t think I would consider this kidnapping per say.” Jason said offhandedly.

“You took me against my will, Jason. Are you joking?” she asked incredulously. She knew losing her cool on him was the last thing she needed to do. Dami had made fun of Jungkook when he made her sit down and listen on what to do if she was ever taken. She thought he was being overly dramatic the last few weeks, but she had never been more grateful. Comply, Compare, and Contact. The three C’s that Jungkook had drilled into her. It was one of the only reasons she seemed so calm. But she was terrified on the inside.

“I haven’t hurt you. I still care about you Dami.” His voice was soft. All she wanted to do was head-butt him in the face, but knew that following through would be an awful idea.

“If you care about me, then let me go. I don’t know what all of this is about, but I have nothing to do with it.” She glanced from him to the people in the front.

“You have everything to do with it. The United States government refuses to listen, so we’re going to force them. It’s much easier to take the child of a diplomat than the diplomat themselves. What we had was real I don’t want you to think that I only used you Dami.”

Dami shook her head, her hands started to shake. This was truly happening and she was terrified. Her mind went through everything Jungkook had taught her. There was some comfort that he did show her how to get out of zip ties if she was ever in that situation. At the time it was just something to do to pass the time while they waited on her mother, but now she needed to apply it to real life. She took a shaky breath and just looked at the ground. She needed to get her thoughts in order and start following Jungkook’s three C’s. For now, she needed to comply.

Jungkook had been banished from Yoongi’s computer room after interrupting him for the sixth time. Jimin was now sitting with him out in the living room. Jimin had served with Jungkook and both had decided to take positions at the same place. The pay was great and it helped to have a friend.

“I know you’ve probably done this already but can you describe anything about them? The vehicle, the people, anything?” Jimin was looking at Jungkook intently. Both had switched into the marines they had been a few years ago. They were already planning and trying to network. They had already moved into the gray area of the law, but not enough to get flagged by anyone.

“Blue van. The paint was chipping and faded. The side mirror had duct tape on it. The driver had on a brown shirt, I think, the guy pulling her in was wearing a blue shirt but I couldn’t really see his face. It shouldn’t be hard to figure him out, I shot his hand. I don’t know how bad it is but I heard him yell out in pain and I saw some blood. Then there’s Jason, he’s wearing Jeans, with a plain white t-shirt and a button down. It was light blue and dark blue plaid.” Jungkook looked over at Jimin, “That’s all I can remember. I keep going through everything again but that’s the most I can come up with.”

Jimin had always been in awe of Jungkook’s ability to recall situations and surroundings when something would happen too quickly for most to even process a single detail. It was times like this where they truly benefited from it. “Can you remember seeing that van any other time you’ve gone out with Dami?”

“No, Minseo hasn’t let Dami go out in a while, at least not into town. There has been serious tension with the Syrian government and Minseo felt it was enough to warrant keeping everyone at home when possible.” Jungkook was beating himself up for letting them walk ahead. He knew he shouldn’t do it, but he had let the wishes of Dami trump his training and better judgment. In his moment of trying to make Dami just a little happier about being able to leave the house, he put her in harm’s way and now he had no idea where she was.

“What about her and Jason. Did they have a fight recently? Do you think this could be something as stupid as jealousy or irrational behavior and he’s just trying to scare her?”

Jungkook groaned in frustration, “Not that I know of, but I wasn’t exactly her confidant in her love life. She knew I couldn’t stand Jason. We had a huge argument about it a few months ago and after a few days of her not talking to me I told her I wouldn’t talk about it anymore and I’d keep my mouth shut. So even if something did happen between them, I wouldn’t know about it.”

Jimin nodded, “Okay, then let’s start there. We both know that it’s probably not that, but while Yoongi and Namjoon work their magic it gives you something to do. We can go back to her house and take a look around. We can take the back entrance so the Yeo’s don’t know.”

Jungkook nodded, “Okay, let me just check with Yoongi before we go.”

“Dude.” Jimin warned standing up with him, “You’re gonna get banned from the house.”

“I just wanna check progress before we go, that’s it.” He raised his hands in defense.

“Then I’ll talk to Namjoon,” Jimin said just about a whisper as they walked towards Yoongi’s kitchen which was where Namjoon had set up shop. He put his hands on boys shoulders. “Hey.”

Namjoon didn’t look up from his computer, “Hey.”

Jimin’s face contorted into confusion, “What is that?”

It was like Namjoon had just realized that they were in the kitchen with him, “Oh. Umm, I’m currently searching through all the radio waves that are around the area we think they may have driven towards. We aren’t sure if they’re even using radios or if it’s only those few guys, but it would let us pinpoint where they are within a ten square mile area.” Namjoon’s concentration never broke from his task.

“We’re gonna go search Dami’s room if anyone finds anything just call one of us.” Jimin motioned for Jungkook to follow him out the back door

“You guys be safe.” Namjoon’s eyes left the monitor for a split second to look at both of them.

“Of course, now nerd out.” Jimin jutted his chin to the computer and Namjoon rolled his eyes.

They both climbed in Jimin’s car and it didn’t take long to get to Dami’s house. Jungkook leaned over when Jimin pulled up and handed his badge along with Jimin’s military ID, “Hey Jongdae.” The guard looked at the badge and handed it back and tilted his head letting them through. Jungkook directed Jimin to park at the back of the house. They made their way through the house as quietly as possible. They would walk by some of their staff a few times before they had made it upstairs and inside Dami’s room. Jungkook made sure to close the door behind them.

Jungkook went straight towards her bedside table and opened the drawer, “She keeps shit everywhere so you’ll probably find random shit in weird places. There’s art stuff everywhere so don’t mess with it or she’ll have my head.” He talked as if there was no chance that he wouldn’t get her back. Jungkook pulled out the notebook he’d been looking for. He felt so awful and wrong breaking her privacy by reading her journal but he didn’t know how else to find out what was happening and if she and Jason had been fighting. He did his best to just skim the pages instead of reading every detail, partly because of time and partly so he wasn’t completely taking away her privacy. His eyes stopped at Jason’s name and made sure to fully read the entry.

I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I’ve been stuck in this house for far too long and Jason came over today to spend time together since my mother has lost her mind. Sometimes I don’t feel like he’s truly into me because I won’t instantly open my legs for him. I mean we’ve done other stuff, but I don’t trust him fully. He tried pushing me farther than I was comfortable with. My first reaction was to talk to Jungkook about it and get his opinion, he doesn’t like Jason and I think I’m starting to see it myself. I wish I could go to him about this and it not cross a line. We agreed to not discuss Jason, and I didn’t want to break that so I’m going to try and navigate this myself. But if he keeps pushing me I think I may need to tell Jungkook because I know Jungkook would protect me.

The emotions were so overwhelming. The anger at Jason for pushing her when she didn’t want to have sex. The sadness that she felt she couldn’t come to him about that as well as a small bit of jealousy that he wasn’t sure about. He knows it would have been weird for a few minutes but he would have talked to her, he would have been honest. But lastly the guilt, she knew he would protect her. It didn’t matter what it was about she trusted him and he had failed her. He closed the journal and slid it in his back pocket and told himself it was for research purposes only.

“Hey JK, I think you should look at this.” Jimin pulled a photo from a cork board and handed it to him. It was a picture of Dami and Jason standing on top of a small mountain and he could see something farther in the background. It was a long shot but if they had visited it before, he may take her there to make her feel a sense of safety. It wasn’t uncommon in this type of situation since they had a relationship beforehand.

“Let’s get this to Yoongi. It may not be anything but if they’ve visited there before they could possibly go back. It seems secluded enough.” he slid it in his pocket paired with the journal from before.

“I agree. I’m gonna grab this sketchbook from her bed and bring it back. A quick flip through showed some landscapes so maybe she’s drawn where she’s at before.”

“No.” Jungkook’s voice was firm.

Jimin’s eyebrows shot up, “Why? It’s just a sketchbook.”

“Because you don’t know her. That sketchbook is even worse than me scanning through her journal. That’s the window to her soul, or at least that’s what she tells me. I gave her that for her birthday. She would never forgive me.”

“I’m pretty sure she would give you a pass if it saves her Jungkook. You need to get past your relationship with her and start thinking critically. This is the time to think with your head, not your heart.” He took a step towards him. “Jungkook, never in our friendship have I pulled rank on you but if you want to find her you need to get past breaking her privacy, because if you don’t there may not be any privacy to break.” It was harsh and Jimin knew it but his best friend was so far deep into his self-loathing mind that he was trying to do everything he could to make sure she would forgive him when he got her back.

“Alright, grab it. Let’s get this stuff back to Yoongi’s.”

AN: unfortunately, I needed to repost this because my dumbass deleted the original post, but I’m creating a tag list for this since its impossible for everyone to find it on their dash apparently. If this works well then I may do this for my other fics as well.

Tag Me!

[darrowsrising]

You know, I will just throw questions back at you if you don't mind because I can finally scream with people! Tell me about your favorite RR characters aswell, please? ♥

I never mind people asking me things about RR. I love this series with my heart and soul and everything in between. Also, stop apologizing to me about long posts regarding RR, I love them and I have lots of long rants to confirm that.(don’t search for them, they are full of spoilers…and my distaste for Dancer and Roque!) Also, I’ll try not to spoil the fun for you…

Darrow:

My absolute favourite. I love him to bits, he’s my precious, murderous baby! I’d start a #DarrowDefendingSquad or a #DarrowPreciousMurderousBabyBoy, but that’s not my style. Or his style for that matter. He can take care of himself, 75% of the time…the other 25% is not really up to him (it’s a combo of his friends and pure luck).

Jokes aside now, Darrow’s feelings and realness always got to me. When I started reading Red Rising I was 17 and I was recovering from a very bad…burnout (I went to see a psychologist and she told me that I was hurting emotionally from many bad things happening at once, but it wasn’t like…depression or anxiety per se). His feelings, whether it was rage or kindness or anything in between, were so valid to me. He reminded me that it’s perfectly alright to have confidence in yourself, to go after what you want, to be proud of yourself, to love again (friends, lovers, whatever) and many other things. I was at my lowest then and he showed me that ambition is not a dirty word, that confidence in yourself isn’t a bad thing and even if these things intimidate the people around you, they are valid and you shouldn’t be ashamed of despicting such things.

That made me relate to him a lot. I still find myself (whenever I revisit the books) being like “mood” or “same” or “that’s my boy” or “my pride and joy” or “Hail Reaper” at many of his thoughts, actions and one liners. I will always love him, although he is very thick headed sometimes and that’s annoying.

Mustang:

She is my favorite female character. I love the fact that despite growing up with Nero au Augustus as a father and Adrius as a twin, she is still kind. She is also fair, open-minded and highly intelligent. And strong in more ways than one. I love that she is multi-faceted (although haters think she is bland and 2D…Pixies, where? Did we read the same books?) and despite her family and the way she was brought up, she finds it hard to pretend and is mostly genuine (unless she has a plan). I love how she doesn’t give (to use Sevro’s terminology) two squirts of piss over the title of heir of House Augustus, although she’s more than capable to fill in the spot. But she’s more concerned with making the world a better place (she is a Reformist and although the story follows Darrow more, that is a big deal giving that she tried to make laws to help other Colors including the banning of the Board of Quality Control). I love how she is a logical person, yet she sacrifices a part of herself for her family, because she is human and bound to do illogical things. I love how, despite loving her family so much, she often goes against them, because it’s the right thing to do. I love how she is underestimated and she just spits (not literally) in their faces. I just love how she is a fighter, a politician, a leader, because we rarely see females like that. 

Sevro:

Sevro is a breath of fresh air. He is who he is without warning labels and apologies. He is a survivor, a loyal friend (very rare kind), a badarse. He is amazing. His existence is a defiance and I love it, although that resulted in a lonely childhood. I love him to bits tho, because he also shows how good it is to be yourself and like yourself despite everything. He is very sweet despite being a hard arse and his insults always leave me very impressed. It’s obvious that at the Institute, he just wanted to survive and get a modest job (like Fitchner - thing which Fitchner probably encouraged), but he started to see Darrow and his behavior with the others and he wanted to make friends. And when Darrow became his friend - his only real friend until then - it made him want more, dream for more. And I just love that. I love how Sevro evolved and how he protects his friends - Howlers included. The only thing I’m not a fan of is his hygene…and his pornographic collection of holoFilms.

Victra:

Victra is a warrior, an heiress and a business woman. She kicks arse, takes names and simply slays. I love that there is more to her than meets the eye (although I don’t trust NerdsTM to appreciate her like she deserves). I love how bad arse and loyal she is. I love how she enjoys life and all it entails. I love that she lets herself be vulnerable in public and it makes her courageous. I love how open she is about herself, yet she is still mysterious. I love the fact that she never lies and she loves jade jewelry and displaying her scars like jewelry and the smell of the air before the rain hits the ground. 

Fitchner:

I feel like Fitch is way too underrated. He was fairy chosen to be Rage Knight -  a position Lorn filled which only makes it legendary and harder to get. He beat Proctor Jupiter and Tactus’ eldest brother - which I hope is Tharsus, because Apollonius is in my graces atm. Not only that, he created the Sons of Ares, he lead them and infiltrated into the Society’s highest ranks to destroy it from the inside and build something better. It was his plan, his sacrifices, his dream. There would be no Rising without Fitchner. Not even Sevro, but hey, it’s not like the guy would say something like “The entire world should thank me for Sevro - he came from my sperm, ok, my swimmers made the little Goblin. You’re welcome!”…when we all know Sevro’s enemies would rather curse Fitchner’s balls for helping create their doom…

Getting back on track, Fitchner was the okay-est Proctor and one of the best characters.

Adrius: (no, it’ not an unpopular opinion, here we love Adrius)

I believe Adrius is the best villain hands down. There are no excuses for his actions, he is a genocidal maniac with daddy issues. He looks at people like they are objects, not human beings, he has no compassion and has no knowledge of empathy. And I love him. I give him sympathy, because he is a monster, but he was made that way. Although he displayed terrifying behavior from a young age, his fall towards evil could have been avoided if his father gave two (2) fucks about him. I love his relationship with Darrow and how they were rivals, then sort of allies, then…you’ll find out. I just love how Adrius was written. He is really great as a villain. I hate what he did to Darrow, tho. When he killed Nero I was happy for him, but no one touches Darrow, so that was his worst move ever. Like…Pixie, you just signed your death warrant, stay away from Mustang’s Bitc- Boo!

The Telemanuses: 

All of them are amazing! Much love to all of them! They deserve the world! I include Niobe, Thraxa and Xana, but that’s all I’m going to say, because you need to read for yourself to believe me.

Cassius: (long stoty, because i didn’t really like him at first)

You know what? I disliked Cassius as much as Darrow did first time he saw him…too annoyingly perfect. And after what Darrow endured it felt like a disgrace to see an entitled little Pixie dance his way on marble corridors at the expense of so many Colors. As the story progressed, Cassius’s entitled arse didn’t improved and the most annoying part was him bragging about the death he claimed. I know he did it to make people talk and find out who killed Julian, but that doesn’t make him right. The 49 other people killed in the Passage were just as innocent as Julian. He made the death of the person he killed sound cheap. Even Antonia had more respect towards that. And Titus made it worse, but that gets off tracks. I understand his pain. If someone would have killed my sister in the Passage, it would have sworn revenge too. But the painful thing is that Cassius saw only Julian’s death, Julian didn’t deserve to die. But that is also true for all the other people who got murdered in the Passage. They didn’t deserve to die either, but you don’t see anyone going at Mustang or Sevro with blood oaths to murder them. The whole system is fucked up and must be changed. Killing Darrow might be a thing of honour, but honour doesn’t bring back Julian.

The fact that he lied to everyone that Darrow was killed by Adrius to claim his spot as Primus of Mars wasn’t good publicity either. And then, he got to be even more of a Pixie in Golden Son. But it was Mustang who convinced me to give him a chance. Because she was the one who revealed that Cassius is conflicted, that he regrets losing not one brother, but two. That he suffers, but tries to do his duty to his family and honour them. Bit by bit, I was open to seeing Cassius from this perspective, so I gave him lots of benefits of the doubt. Until he killed Fitchner and all I wanted was to see his head on a spike turned ugly by gore and maggots. Then Morning Star happened and I went from: fuck Cassius (and not in a nice way) to Bloodydamn finally, Pixie, you made me so proud. Then, we got Iron Gold and man, if something happens to him I’ll kill all the Gold families of the Rim and then that bitch of a ward. 

I really love his character development. I can see that mine is an unpopular opinion everywhere in this fandom, given that even the author has a soft spot for Cassius (not that that stops him from making Cassius suffer even more), but yeah…that is the story of how I got late to the “We love Cassius” party. I’m being short on the good details, because I don’t want to spoil you, but I hope you understand.

Holiday and Orion:

They are amazing human beings and although they are side characters I love their contribution to the series. I love their personalities and talents and their overall no nonsense attitude. 

I’ll stop here, before we go off charts. Here are some honourable mentions in no particular order: Aja au Grimmus, Ragnar Volarus, Theodora, Matteo, Mickey, Tactus au Rath Valii, Lorn au Arcos, Apollonius au Valii Rath, Alexandar au Arcos, Rhonna of Lykos, Diomedes au Raa, Trigg ti Nakamura, Volga Fjordan.

[calacuspr]

Calacus Weekly Hit & Miss – Nick Kyrgios & Kansas City Chiefs

Every Monday we look at the best and worst communicators in the sports world from the previous week.

HIT – NICK KYRGIOS

Australian star Nick Kyrgios has consistently divided opinion throughout the tennis world with his on-court antics and outspoken comments since turning professional in 2013.

One of only three players to have beaten Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic the first time he played each of them, Kyrgios has often frustrated fans by seemingly wasting his gifted ability.

Kyrgios’ men’s singles world ranking has slumped to 47 as a result, with two quarter-finals his best results in major tournaments – both coming more than five years ago.

He has become infamous for his on-court meltdowns and was even given a 16-week suspended ban and fine in 2019. He has admitted that depression has been behind some of his clashes with fans and match collapses.

This week, the 25-year-old has been at the centre of headlines emanating from the Australian Open, continuing to stir up bad blood with Djokovic, but more than anything, he has helped turn the tide of public opinion towards him.

Clearly Kyrgios isn’t going to win over everyone, but it’s hard to argue that he makes tennis more interesting for viewers. In an era of sports stars often holding their tongue to avoid getting into trouble with relevant authorities, he isn’t afraid to showcase his true personality.

His second and third round matches at the Australian Open were both five-set classics and put on a fantastic show for the lucky fans allowed into Melbourne Park before the government announced a five-day lockdown in Victoria to suppress an outbreak of the UK strain of coronavirus.

Former British number one Tim Henman is working as a pundit for Eurosport’s international coverage of ‘the happy slam’ and gave his take on the Aussie. 

“For me, Nick Kyrgios is great for tennis. He’s a volatile character, you never quite know what to expect. He’s a huge talent, one of the best serves in the game,” Henman commented.

“And he’s got a very good heart. He’s supported me and my charity foundation, he does a lot of good stuff off the court.

“If he could maintain that concentration and focus, both on the practice court and match court, I really think he can go on and produce bigger and better results.

“I’m a fan. I hope he can channel that talent to go on and win some big titles in the future.”

Henman did, however, point to the ongoing feud with Djokovic as an example of where Kyrgios could learn to reign in some of his antics.

"It’s a fine line. Obviously he’s a character on and off the court. But it’s very important that he can still concentrate so that these antics don’t become a distraction, they don’t affect his performance.

"Sometimes I think he’s got to learn where to draw the line and get back to the basics of implementing the enormous talent that he has on the court."

While the negatives have often outweighed the positives for Kyrgios in the past, it does feel as if the balance is shifting.

In January, Kyrgios pledged to donate A$200 for every ace he hit at tournaments throughout the month to help those affected by widespread bushfires in Australia. His charitable efforts led to Tennis Australia committing A$100 for every ace served at the ATP Cup and his response showed a genuine side to him rarely seen. 

“I just chucked up a tweet and everyone got behind it. It is bigger than tennis,” he said.

“It's going to all the families, firefighters, animals, everyone who is losing homes, losing families. It's a real thing.

“My hometown is Canberra and it's got the most toxic air in the world. That's sad. It is tough.”

His investment in his own NK Foundation also feels like more than just an easy PR win. The Foundation’s mission statement gives another insight into how much he has matured in recent times.

“Tennis is a great life – we are well paid and the perks are pretty good – but it can feel empty if you’re just doing it for the money. I now know what it’s all for. When I work on the NK Foundation and our Melbourne facility, I cast my mind forward to all the disadvantaged kids I will be helping. I’m playing for them now.” 

Kyrgios is far from perfect and will undoubtedly make the headlines for the wrong reasons in future, but for now he should be praised for bringing joy to millions of tennis fans this week at a time when it is needed most.

MISS – Kansas City Chiefs

The Super Bowl is one of the biggest sports events in the United States and understandably attracts the glamour and razzmatazz that comes with such an occasion.

For the Kansas City Chiefs, who ended up losing the game, the focus on the field was understandable, but while sport is an important part of societal fabric, it’s fundamentally important that it never surpasses life and the rule of law.

Three days before the Super Bowl, Chiefs outside linebacker coach Britt Reid, the son of head coach Andy Reid, was involved in a car crash near the team’s training complex that left two young children seriously injured.

The team had said Britt Reid was involved in a multi-vehicle crash last Thursday. He did not travel with the team to the Super Bowl in Tampa Bay and Andy Reid said his son underwent surgery after the crash, but few other details have been released.

Reid was placed on administrative leave the day after the crash and with his contract expiring at the conclusion of the Super Bowl, he is no longer employed by the club.

Reid apparently told police he had “two or three drinks” and had a prescription for Adderall when the accident occurred, according to a search warrant. He served five months in 2007 when convicted of road-rage that included driving under the influence, possession of a controlled substance and the brandishing of a gun. He also pleaded guilty to DUI and drug possession in a separate incident.

In an official statement, the Chiefs said: “The organization has been made aware of a multi-vehicle accident involving Outside Linebackers Coach, Britt Reid. We are in the process of gathering information, and we will have no further comment at this time. Our thoughts and prayers are with everyone involved.”

In the post-game interview, Reid’s father Andy commented: “My heart goes out to all those who were involved in the accident, in particular the family with the little girl who’s fighting for her life.

“I can’t comment on it any more than what I am here. So the questions you have, I’m going to have to turn those down; but just from a human standpoint, my heart bleeds for everybody involved in that.”

A later Chiefs statement said: “We remain in the process of gathering information on the incident, and we will continue to assist local authorities as requested.

“Our focus remains on [the girl] and her family. We have reached out to the family to offer our support and resources to them during this difficult time, and we will continue to pray for her recovery.”

Organisations find themselves in tricky positions when one of their own is involved in a serious incident, often not wanting to draw more attention to it and wary of liability.

But with a young girl in a serious condition, why did the Chiefs not do more and realise that as a pillar of society, they could easily have provided support without any admission of guilt or complicity.

The girl’s family had to set up a GoFundMe page to support her medical care, raising almost half a million dollars.

Why did the Chiefs not offer to provide support for the girl and her family, which would have been the right thing to do and would have given the impression that they were backing up their words with actions?

The Chiefs owners are worth more than $15 billion and could have covered medical bills without admitting liability.

While there are questions over whether Britt Reid was drinking at the Chiefs’ training ground before getting in his car, why are the club not conducting a thorough internal investigation rather than just helping the police with their inquiries?

Despite being the coach’s son, the club must do the right thing and back up their compassion with action and support for a family devastated by the incident on that fateful day, rather than hide behind empty statements that show little compassion for the family or the Kansas community now supporting the injured child in a way they should have done from the outset.