#Did I mention I’m not normal about them?

[ladsonlads]

Impartial Hearts | Sylus - Part Two

Pairing -> Boss Sylus x Non MC Reader

Parts -> Part One | Part Two

Synopsis -> You’ve been working as Onychinus’s accountant for two years, and you’ve been carrying two heavy secrets for a third of it. You were in love with your boss, and your mother was dying.

A/N -> I'm sorry it took so long. I have been obsessing over trying to make part two perfect but I don't think I can. It's time I share my baby with you, and I really hope you enjoy it.

Tags -> Angst, fluff :)

Trigger Warnings -> Character death, heavily mentions grief. Some parts are suggestive but there is no smut.

Word Count -> 18.8K (it got kinda crazy)

Late October

It was cold, dark and gloomy; the weather a perfect pathetic fallacy to the narrative of your life. The freshly disturbed patch of grass failed to convey the significance of who laid underneath it. It was vexing, how the world continued to spin on it’s axis despite the fact that it stopped spinning for you. 

It hurt to think about the events that led to your undoing. The weeks prior to the moment your mother drew her last breath. You were a cracked vase filled with wilting flowers and overflowing regret. Every breath you took consumed more energy than you could spare and yet the world just. Kept. Spinning. 

“I brought you flowers. Yellow tulips, by the way.” The words felt like lead on your tongue. It was one thing to accept your mother was never coming back, it was another to try to act normal about it. “I know you never cared for them, but I didn’t think leaving a pack of cigarettes on your grave was very tasteful.” You bitterly smiled to yourself at the memories of your mom sneaking a cigarette in the backyard when she thought you were asleep. It was a nasty habit you did everything to rid her of. A fruitless attempt to protect her from the inevitable. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t figured out your epitaph yet. It’s just so hard to condense your entire life into a few words. Plus, they charge by the letter, so I’m trying to be really selective.” It felt weird, speaking into empty space, but you read online that it helped with grief, so you tried anyway. 

That was how you approached most things nowadays. Eating, drinking, sleeping, they all seemed meaningless. But, you knew you couldn’t survive on just antagonism and mourning, so you did it anyway. 

“Zayne called again. I know you told me not to hate him and that it wasn’t his fault, but I can’t bring myself to agree.” 

The moment Zayne told you that the heart that could save your mother’s life was going to someone else replayed in your mind like a scratched vinyl stuck on an aggravating note.

“I got so frustrated by his constant calls that I threw my phone into the ocean.” You let out a sad laugh. “Guess that’s the last time I bring anything with me when I’m walking along the coast.” 

You paused for a moment, feeling stupid. But you had so much to say to her, it all just began spilling out.

“I know you don’t want to hear this, but I might lose the house. I burned through all my paid leave, and the idea of going back to work for Sylus makes me want to put my head through a wood-chipper. I know I have to, but how can I focus on work when I have nothing left to work for?” You tasted the tears before you felt them, the saltiness reminded you of your weekends at the beach with your mom. You did everything to get out of joining her, you hated the beach, but it was her favourite place to be and in a desperate attempt to cling on to whatever was left of her, you forced it to be yours too.

“I’m sorry I never got you that house you dreamed of, or the dog. I’m sure there are lots of dogs in heaven, and at least the dogs there have been screened. With my luck any dog I would’ve gotten you would’ve been evil.” You teetered around the grievance you truly wanted to apologise for. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t spend much time with you before you passed away. I was so sure you would get the transplant. I tried so hard to save for it. I should’ve been with you. If I knew—” The sobs raked through you with a force that knocked the air out of your lungs. You sat down next to her tombstone, leaning your head against the chiseled rock. 

There were moments when you’d wake up, and in the haze of your muddled mind you’d forget she was dead. But then the ache in your body is deciphered by your mind, and you’re reminded of just how much you’ve lost. Maybe that’s why they called it mourning. Grief dawned on you like the rising sun.

Life had a way of being entirely unfair, and there was nowhere to hide from fate’s piercing claws. And as if to ensure you hadn’t forgotten just how cruel life could be, your head whipped around at the sound of footsteps behind you to find the last person you wanted to see.

Sylus was dressed in a long black coat hanging effortlessly off of his broad shoulders, a black dress shirt that really should’ve been buttoned up to the top, and a pair of black slacks that made his long legs look impossibly longer. He looked every bit the cunning grim reaper, and it wasn’t just because he was surrounded by graves.

“I didn’t know you were back in the N109 Zone.” The words came out harsher than you intended as your head returned to it’s position against the rock. 

Sylus stopped in front of you, lowering himself to his haunches so that you would be face-to-face. It stung to look at him, so you focused on picking at the grass instead. 

“I only got back a few hours ago. I heard about your mother. I’m sorry.” Having been deprived of his voice for over a month, you cursed the butterflies that coursed through you like muscle memory. Part of you wished he’d returned disfigured, but you knew it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. Ugly or devastatingly beautiful, the storm that was Sylus could not be stopped, only weathered. 

“Sorry that she died or sorry that you weren’t there?” The bitterness in your tone was unfamiliar to you. Even though you knew it was unfair of you to expect him to have stayed, he left immediately after he dropped you off at the hospital and you hoped he’d have been there just a little longer. It didn’t help that you didn’t hear from him until two weeks later, and by then you were too engrossed in your battle against Akso hospital’s medical board to respond. 

“You haven’t been answering my calls; they’re not even going through anymore. You haven’t blocked me, have you?” Sylus countered your question with one of his own. If you cared enough, you might’ve called him out on his diversion. 

“No, my phone broke.” That was an understatement if there ever was one. 

“How long ago?”

“A week.” That much was true and since you couldn’t afford a smart phone, a shitty $30 flip phone weighed down your pocket. 

“And all the times I called before then?” Sylus’s eyes perused you with intensity, and you suddenly felt self-conscious. You weren’t dressed well, in a pair of black sweatpants that were too big on you and a matching hoodie. Grieving people were allowed to dress terribly without judgement, Y/N. It’s okay.

“I didn’t feel like picking up.” The grass continued to bare the brunt of your nerves as you answered. The you that wasn’t effectively an orphan would’ve made up some excuse to protect his feelings, but you were resolved to change that. Your mother was strong, independent, and she never backed down from a fight. Not against men like Sylus, and not against her illness. If you wanted to honour her memory then you had to live your life the way she’d want you to.

“Do you have a phone now?” 

You reached into the pocket of your sweatpants to take out the grey flip phone. You watched as Sylus bit back a laugh.

“I’ll get you a new one.”

“I don’t need you to get me anything.” You quickly retorted.

“You’re going to need a phone from this century if you’re working for me, Y/N.” He said it so casually, as if you were put on this earth solely to serve him as his accountant. 

“Right, about that…” Your determination to be confident and unapologetic began to dwindle as you wondered how to tell Sylus you needed more time.

“No. Resigning is not an option.” Twelve minutes. It took Sylus twelve minutes to return to his usual controlling self. You were impressed, truly, it was a new record after all. 

“We don’t have a blood pact, Sylus. I can resign if I want to. Besides, that’s not what I was going to say. I need more time off.” You didn’t sound very convincing, but it wasn’t like you could change who you were overnight. It would take a lifetime to unlearn your bad habits. 

Sylus looked conflicted, as if he didn’t know what to say. When he chose to finally open his mouth, you wished he hadn’t.

“I’ve given you a month, Y/N. That’s enough.” His statement came out so matter-of-factly, you wondered if you had imagined it. A month was not nearly enough to recover from losing your mom, but you figured a man who killed people for a living wouldn’t understand. 

“It’s only been two weeks since she died. And I’m sure the temp you’ve got is perfectly competent.”

“The temp doesn’t know the company like you do and I haven’t bothered teaching him on the premise that you were returning. If you’re not back soon I can’t promise you’ll have a job to come back to.” 

The tension in the air dissipated as you began to laugh. Loudly. Obnoxiously. Hysterically. 

“You— You seriously think I care whether or not I have a job? I can barely will myself to eat right now—employment is not my priority.” You wiped back the tears that began to spill out. Their origin unknown, between your hysteria and sorrow, your eyes were constantly puffy.

“People die all the time, sweetheart. It’s no reason to throw your future away.” Sylus stood up straight at the end of his statement, holding his hand out to you. 

The angel on your shoulder whispered that in his own peculiar way, this was his attempt at comforting you. But you stopped listening to that angel when they buried your mom under six-feet of dirt, and you couldn’t help the word vomit that escaped you like water barrelling out of a splintered dam. 

You pushed away his hand, and stood up to look at him with a ferocity you didn’t know you possessed.

“I get that something really dark and twisted must have happened in your youth to make you so heartless, but most people have shitty childhoods, sweetheart. We choose not to be terrible, insufferable people because of it.” The unbridled rage you’d spend so long trying to suppress seeped out of you uncontrollably as you screamed at Sylus. You walked toward him, your anger taking hold of you as you began to push him away. A few months ago you would’ve given anything to touch him, now all you cared about was making him feel a semblance of the pain he instilled in you. 

“Some of us choose to feel our emotions in their entirety, regardless of how much it hurts, because we’re not scared to love and lose. You’re a coward, Sylus and you may think that my mother dying is just an inevitable consequence of life, but my world will never be the same.” In an attempt to calm down, you took a deep breath.

“You can judge me all you want, but it won’t change the fact that when you die, no one will mourn you.” The word vomit continued, and when you saw the hurt flash briefly within his eyes, you felt the arms of regret begin to sink their claws into you. 

You shouldn’t have said that. It wasn’t you.

But before you could take it all back, Sylus’s phone began ringing and you figured from the urgency in which he answered it must’ve been her. 

“I lost track of time, I’ll be right there.” He spoke in a low voice in what you could only assume was an attempt to mask the fact that he was leaving you for something more important, again. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it.

“Just go.” You waved him off and turned back around to face your mother’s grave, though now the tears welling up in your eyes couldn’t be entirely attributed to the grief. 

Early November

You weren’t sure time could heal the gaping wound your mother’s passing left behind, but grief had settled into your life like an imposing aunt. It was in your home, touching your things, ruining your food, and never once leaving you alone. It didn’t feel so all-consuming anymore, but it clung onto you constantly like a shadow. 

You were watching the third Harry Potter movie at 8am when you received the eviction notice via Email. You’d been expecting it, ultimately you were behind on rent, but the reason plastered on the paper was exponentially worse than your own incompetence.

…Selling to developers���suburban expansion project…

As if losing your childhood home wasn’t bad enough, they were planning on destroying it. Memories were bound to decay with time, that was an inevitable consequence of being human. Sooner or later you’d forget the way your mom dressed, or the smell of her perfume. Tangible things like photographs, places, they kept those memories anchored. You couldn’t lose the house, it wasn’t an option. 

You spent the next hour trying to reason with your landlord over the phone, but he was committed to selling. He rejected every single one of your proposals, though even you knew they were weak at best. The developers were offering significantly more than market value, there was no way you could beat that. Stupid gentrification. But, your landlord told you he was sympathetic, and the deal hadn’t been finalised just yet. If you could match the developer’s offer by the end of the month, he’d gladly sell it to you instead.

Of course the developer’s offer was $800,000, and by the looks of your financials, you were about $796,312 short. 

Desperate for a catharsis for your unending frustration, you screamed into the throw pillow on your couch until your throat felt raw. Then, you opened up your laptop to figure out a plan. 

30 minutes later you had:

Sell your kidney to an organ broker and use the money to get a loan from any dodgy bank that would accept your mediocre credit score. 

Dabble briefly in prostitution and use the money to get a loan from any dodgy bank that would accept your mediocre credit score.

Become a squatter and protest the demolition of your home environmental-activist style. 

“Wow, Y/N. Graduated top of your class and this was all you could come up with, huh?” You muttered to yourself as you stared at the list of terrible ideas. Your mind hadn’t come up with something so horrific since the bed-in-breakfast Mother’s Day fiasco when you were 11. 

The only option that didn’t end in bodily harm or a prison sentence was to work as many jobs as humanly possible for the next few weeks in hopes you could somehow manage to accumulate the deposit for a loan. You could probably sell some appliances too, and maybe revisit the kidney idea if it came to it. 

Despite it being a long-shot, you had to try. You changed into a pair of flared leggings and a sweater. It was basic and borderline mismatched but traversing your explosive closet was a large undertaking you tended to avoid. You dug a copy of your old resume out from your file drawer, after all, it wasn’t like your experience as Onychinus’s accountant was going to do you any good. Further, listing Sylus as a reference would ensure you never got a job again. 

You figured the easiest place to start was the central district of the N109 zone, bars and restaurants there were constantly hiring and from what you’d heard their only requirement was that you had two functioning legs and arms. But when you tried to leave through the door to begin the job search you collided with a formidable wall. 

Since when was there a—

“Where you headed to, Y/N?” The familiar voice was so surprising it made you jump, the action accompanied by a shrill scream.

“What the fuck? Why are you just standing outside my door?” You rarely ever swore and you were sure that if your mother was still alive she’d throw her shoe at you for using the devil’s language. But of all the things you expected to see that morning, Sylus outside your door was not one of them. 

“Is that any way to welcome your old employer?” Sylus stepped into your home without an invitation. Conclusive proof against your theory that he was secretly a vampire. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked again, still staring at Sylus like he sprouted a second head. You couldn’t think of a single reason why he’d show up at your place of residence, he never did while you were still his employee.

“I need you to come back.” You choked back a laugh at his ridiculous request. Was he insane?

“Go to hell.” Your vicious response didn’t sway Sylus. 

“I’ve fired an accountant every week since you left. The accounts are in complete disarray, half my businesses are behind on their bills, the other half have been paying the wrong amounts to the wrong companies. My investors are unhappy, my debtors are one week away from assuming I’ve gone bankrupt and I haven’t slept in weeks. Come. Back.” While it stroked your ego to hear that the organisation was suffering in your absence, you couldn’t just forget the terrible way he’d treated you in and out of the workplace. 

“You insisted I was especially replaceable and now you’re saying you can’t replace me?” You chose to remind him of just how horrid of an employer he was, an action he didn’t appreciate. 

“If you’re going to dwell on the semantics I’d rather just cut to the chase. What’s it going to take to get you back?” Sylus’s tone suggested he was truly trying to negotiate with you. Of course a man like him didn’t know how to take no for an answer. 

“Pigs to fly.” You quipped, opening your door in hopes he’d get the hint and leave. 

“Y/N, I’m serious. We can’t survive without you.” His desperation went straight to your head, but you stood your ground. 

“Then die.” You tried to shove him out of your doorway, but he was about as easy to move as a truck. 

“Everyone has something they desire, sweetheart. Name your price.” While you were ready to fire up a quick retort, his suggestion reminded you of the very reason you were about to leave the house. 

Perhaps this was a sign; you could swallow your pride if it meant you got to keep your home. 

You pretended to give it thought, sighing loudly in contemplation. “Fine. I want a sign-on bonus. Or in this case, a re-sign-on bonus, I guess…” You trailed off, unsure if he would agree. 

“Alright, how much?” He was quick to accept your terms, and you decided to test the waters of just how desperate he was for your return. 

“A million dollars.” 

“Done.” 

Dammit, you should’ve asked for more. 

“I want a personal driver too, I’m sick of biking to work.” You would’ve been okay with just the bonus, after all, it was insanely generous. But you’d be a fool not to milk this opportunity for what it was worth.

“Anything else, princess?” The condescending nickname only added fuel to the fire as you fired off more requests. 

“I don’t want to share my office with the twins anymore, they’re loud and annoying and they have no respect for the sanctity of my monthly budgets.”

“Okay.”

You masked your shock at his sudden magnanimity. “One last thing. Since you’ve come to the realisation that I am, in fact, a valuable asset to your organisation, you’re not allowed to be a dick to me anymore.” 

“Elaborate.”

“No more calling me stupid or other degrading insults, threatening my job security, threatening my life — just no more threats in general — and if you’re going to assign me extra work that is beyond the scope of my job description, a please and thank you would be nice.”

“You’re pushing it, Y/N.” Of course treating his employees like human beings was the most difficult request. 

“You just agreed to give me a million dollars and being nice to me is where you draw the line?” 

Sylus sighed, deliberating in silence for a moment. When he saw that your resolve was unrelenting, he begrudgingly agreed. He wasn’t sure where your newfound confidence was coming from, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t find it the slightest bit attractive. 

“Alright, you’ve made your case. I’ll agree to your conditions. Now, please fix it.” 

It took every fibre of your being not to break out into song and dance at your victory. “Let me get my coat.”

______________

You stared at the horrific mess your beautiful spreadsheet had turned in to. This was a disaster. A colossal, unfathomable disaster. “How could you let it get this bad?” Your voice was dripping with fear, it was like staring a train wreck. 

“It wasn’t like it happened on purpose. Besides, if you’d never—” Sylus interrupted his own sentence which you were sure contained an insult, and you could almost hear the evil chuckle resounding in your head at the sight of his obedience. This was going to be fun. 

“This is going to take forever to fix.” It would actually only take the day, but you didn’t need to tell him that.

“I need it fixed by the end of the week. Please.” He looked pained as he added the nicety. Soooooo much fun.

“Add on a massage chair for my office and I’ll get it done by Wednesday.” You wondered just how far you could push his desperation. 

“Deal.” He held his hand out for you to shake and when you did, you felt a strange sense of accomplishment. Now you could tell people ‘How to Tame Your Dragon’ was loosely based on your life. 

“You know, Sylus, I’m liking this new dynamic.” Your shit-eating grin couldn’t be wiped off of your face no matter how hard you tried.

“Oh I can tell. Now, get to work.” Sylus made a show of pulling out your office chair for you, and when you sat in it for the first time in two months, you felt an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. And for once, the recollection of your past didn’t hurt as much as it usually did.  

Mid-November

This time around, your employment under Sylus was much more pleasant. Surprisingly, he’d actually adhered to your conditions. 

The twins were slightly offended that you no longer wanted to share your office with them, but their gratefulness for your return trumped any antagonism they had for you. You were kind of a celebrity in Onychinus’s executive team, their saviour, if you will. 

But, the enjoyment of your newly established status could not be savoured. Undoing months of mistakes was turning out to be positively exhausting. You were an accountant; socially awkward, stuck to her Excel sheets, spent most of her free time indulging in shitty rom-coms. You were not built for briefing CEOs, Chairmen, investors, subsidiaries and of course, debtors, on your commitment to stability via video call.

Sylus insisted it had to be you, even though he usually handled the bureaucratic part of the organisation. Something about him not being able to answer their questions regarding the numbers. You told him you would tell him what to say through an ear piece like a spy movie, but he responded with a resounding no. 

It was more like ‘hell will freeze over before I turn into a glorified puppet, Y/N, blah blah blah’.

Every single one-on-one conference call made you feel like you were getting hives. Not to mention the active effort it took you to refrain from making stupid jokes at every opportunity. When the last one with the representative from Onychinus’s main bank was over, you had officially smoothed over all bad blood between Onychinus and it’s stakeholders.

Giving yourself a moment to recalibrate from the sheer amount of social interaction you had been subjected to, you glared at the shared calendar event. ‘Miss Hunter’s Birthday in 13 days’.

You tried to distract yourself from that familiar sinking feeling in your gut with your work. Sylus never remembered your birthday, but it wasn’t like it mattered. You were his accountant, he was your boss. That was the extent of your relationship, even though you’d both said things to each other that would cause your HR department, if you had one, to self-emulate. But in the chaos of buying your home, going back to work and learning how to navigate life with your unwanted companion; grief, you’d forgotten all about your feelings for Sylus.

They weren’t gone but they were muted, like a voice screaming out to you while your head was underwater. Most of the time they were easy to ignore, but in times like these they were too loud to overlook.

You couldn’t dwell on your self-pity for long because there was a knock at your door. No one ever knocked on your door, people just tended to barge in.

“Come in?” Confusion dripped from your voice. When the door opened to a pair of twins with shameful smiles, you knew they were about to ask you for a favour.

“We… fucked up.” Three words you never wanted to hear coming out of either Luke or Kieran’s mouth.

“What have you done?”

“Long story short. Boss sent us to pick up a gem for Miss Hunter’s birthday. It’s really rare. The man who owns them is this older, heart of gold type old guy who refuses to sell to nefarious people because of his outdated principles. He wouldn’t give it to us, said something about us being part of Onychinus. We knew if boss didn’t get this gem today he’d have our heads displayed on mantels in his office, so we threatened the old man with a gun and then an entire arsenal of security appeared out of thin air and we were blacklisted from the property.” Kieran’s explanation left you astounded. 

The twins had their fair share of asinine mistakes, but this one might have taken the cake. 

“You threatened an old man with a gun…” 

“Yes.” Kieran responded. 

“Over a gem?” You asked in disbelief. 

“A very rare gem!” Luke corrected. 

“Huh. How am I supposed to help?” It was a genuine question, you didn’t really see a way out of this one. 

“Can you go and convince the old man to sell the gem to you?” Kieran’s request made your eyes widen in protest.

“No way! I’ve had my fill of uncomfortable business meetings.” And wasn’t that the truth. If you had to see one more man in a business suit ask you ‘if you even knew what you were talking about’ you might throw your laptop into the first body of water you could find. 

“Please, Y/N. Sylus will kill us. Do you want our deaths to hang over your conscience?” 

Luke’s question was an innocent hyperbole, but at the mention of deaths hanging over your conscience, you were reminded of your mom. Your face dropped, your fingers slowly forgetting what they were supposed to type. Kieran, the more observant twin, elbowed Luke.

“Fuck, Y/N. I’m sorry, I forgot.”

“No, no, it’s fine. You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me, I’m not going to burst into tears.” You weren’t sure that was true quite yet, but fake it till you make it, right? 

“Will you help us? Please. We’ll owe you big time.” The line was clearly rehearsed since they said it in unison, or maybe it was some weird twin telepathy thing. Either way, it freaked you out so much you agreed. 

“Fine, what’s the address?”

_____________

You knocked on the large wooden door of a beautiful home. It was classically designed, a perfect intersection between modernity and the timeless complexity of archaic house designs. It was rare to see homes like these in a society that prided itself on progress. 

When you heard the sound of soft feet shuffling toward the door, you felt the guilt eat at you internally. You were tricking an old man into selling a gem to people he very reasonably did not want to sell to.

“Y/M/N?” 

Did he— why did he call you by your mother’s name?

“That was my mother, I’m her daughter, Y/N.”

“Oh, thank god, I was beginning to think I’d finally lost it. Come in, come in.” 

Your interest had been piqued, and you forgot all about the gem as you entered the old man’s home.

“I must say, I’m surprised you’re here. Did your mother send you?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “She passed away just over a month ago.”

“Oh god. I’m so sorry, dear. Are you alright?” The question was filled with so much warmth it made tears well up in your eyes. Your mother never had any friends, and you were estranged from your extended family. You were all alone in your grief, and hearing someone who knew your mom in some capacity ask you if you were alright felt bittersweet.

“Yeah. I’m doing okay. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you know her?”

“You don’t know? I figured that was why you were here.” 

Right. The reason you were here, the gem.

“No, I’m actually here entirely coincidentally, I came to acquire a gem.”

“Which gem were you after, dear?” He asked the question as he looked around his living room for something.

“The Painite one.”

He stopped pacing and turned to you with an accusatory stare. “This wouldn’t happen to be related to those two rowdy boys who came by earlier, right?”

“Well…” You couldn’t lie to him. He looked like the old man from ‘Up’, it was entirely unfair. 

“I’m afraid I can’t sell to you. I’m concerned you’ve even gotten yourself wrapped up in such a terrible organisation.” He shook his head, his disappointment evident in his tone. 

“Look, I know what you’ve heard, but most of the rumours you hear about Onychinus don’t have a modicum of truth to them.”

“Then why hasn’t your boss cleared them up?” A great question. 

“In this business its good to have a reputation that instills fear in others. You’ve seen what people do for Protocores and black-market items. Onychinus serves as a… regulatory body of the underworld, the only people they harm are those that harm others.” The practiced speech came from years of listening to Sylus give it to yourself and others. 

“I don’t know dear, I’ve heard some horrific things about their leader, Sylus.” You were probably responsible for a few of those rumours…

“The only horrific thing about him is his sharp tongue. Seriously, he has a way of finding your worst insecurity and then using it to drag you through the dirt.” Recognising the unhelpful tangent, you digressed.

“But when it comes to business, he’s fair and when someone hurts the people he cares about, he’s merciless. He has a good heart, it’s just encased under a very thick layer of stone.” When he didn’t look convinced, you continued. 

“In fact, he wants this gem for a woman. She’s special to him and its her birthday in a few days. She’s a hunter, by the way, she saves lives. So, even if you don’t want to sell to Sylus because he’s probably half demon, you should sell it to her. You know, by proxy.” The argument was a stretch but you couldn’t help your rambling. 

“You are the spitting image of your mother.” 

The comment caught you off-guard.

“You think so?”

“I knew your mother when she was your age. She used to sing live at a bar I frequented with my friends. It was a simpler time, before wanderers attacked. I was head over heels in love with her, and I knew she felt the same way about me. But, she got wrapped up with the wrong guy, a real bad man, and it took finding out she was pregnant with you to break it off with him.” He recounted his past as he continued to search his drawers for something, when he came back to the couch in front of yours, he handed you a photo.

It was of your mother, except she was much younger. She was on a stage performing, a part of her life she never told you about. She looked happy and was glowing with the kind of ethereal beauty that never dwindled with time. He was right, you looked a lot like her. 

“Can I keep this?” You looked up at the man, and he gave you a small nod. 

“Of course. You know, I offered to help her when I found out, said I’d raise the baby as my own, but she told me I was destined for more than she could give me. Said she had to do this on her own. She was stubborn but she loved boundlessly, Y/N, just like you.”

You were confused, this man hadn’t known you for very long, how could he know such a thing? “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know what that Sylus man has done to deserve your adoration, but I can tell you love him. And for you to come here on his behalf to convince me to sell him the rarest gem in the world for another woman? You truly do have your mother’s heart.” 

His words sprouted doubt and introspection. Why were you trying so hard to get Sylus such a romantic gift when it was meant for someone else? Were you secretly a masochist?

“If it’s alright with you Y/N, I’d love to get to know you. Your mother was my first love, and it’s nice to have someone to talk to about her.” 

You gave him the sincerest smile you could come up with. “I’d like that. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about her either.”

“As for the gem, I’ll sell it to you but only if you promise to love a man who will go to these lengths for you, not someone else.” 

“I promise.” You’d promise to try, at least. You told the man, who you now knew was Dr Jeffery Hunt the geologist, that you needed to get back to work. You exchanged contact information with a promise to catch up later and trade stories about your mom. 

You left the house with the rarest gem in the world in one hand, and an infinitely more valuable picture of your mother in the other. 

___________

You walked toward your office where Luke and Kieran should have been to find the door slightly ajar. You stopped just outside the door when you heard Sylus’s voice from inside your office.

“You sent Y/N to get the gem? Was the task too difficult for the two of you?” You tried to sympathise with the twins, but it was kind of funny to see Sylus berate someone else for once.

“The owner said he wouldn’t sell to Onychinus—” Kieran’s attempt at an explanation was shot down instantly.

“So you pick some random person off the street and send them in instead. You don’t send the girl the gem is for to go retrieve her own present. You have completely ruined the surprise.”

Wait, what?

“No, it’s fine, we sent Y/N not Miss Hunter.”

“Miss Hun— why would you assume it’s for her?” The question hung in there for an uncomfortable moment, after all you assumed the same thing. 

“Her birthday’s in a few days.” Luke timidly added. 

“How do you know that?” 

“It’s in the shared calendar.”

“Fuck.” 

With your ear plastered shamelessly against the door, you smiled to yourself. He had a bad habit of putting personal events in the shared calendar.

“The gem was for Y/N. Thanks to you imbeciles I have to figure something else out.” 

Why was the gem for you? Was it poisonous? You started down at the velvet box in your hand and wondered if the gem was secretly a teeny tiny bomb. 

“Is it Y/N’s birthday soon too?” Kieran’s question offended you. Your birthday was in March and both he and Luke were at your celebratory birthday dinner last year. 

“No, that’s in March. It’s to celebrate her 3rd year with Onychinus. Although now I’m wondering if your time here has come to an end.” It was kind of sadistic, but it was comforting to know that Sylus threatened other people’s job security over minor inconveniences too. 

“No! Please, we promise we’ll make it up to you.” 

You stopped listening to the conversation as you opened the box in your hand. The gem glistened under the artificial lights as questions fired off in your brain. He wanted to give this gem to you? How did he even remember the day you started at Onychinus? And he knew your birthday?

Before you could search for the answers, the sound of footsteps approaching the door made you panic. You tried fruitlessly to escape the long hallway but Sylus stormed out before you could.

“I um, got that gem for you.” You pretended you weren’t eavesdropping and held the gem out to him, but he pushed it back toward you. 

“Thanks. I was going to have it turned into a necklace, but since the cat’s out of the bag, you can decide what to do with it.” He clearly knew you’d heard everything and gave the twins a pointed glare as they scurried out of your office. 

“It’s really too much. Most employers get their employees a gift card or something.” You tried to hand it back again, but he was unrelenting. 

“I’m not most employers, and you definitely aren’t most employees.” The loaded compliment made you bite back a smile. 

“In that case, a necklace would be nice. I have a photo of my mom when she was my age, she wore a necklace with a similar looking gem. Do you think you could find someone who can copy the design? It would mean a lot. I’d pay for it, of course.” You kept the photo in your wallet now, it quickly became one of your favourites. When you passed the photo to him, he looked at it for far longer than necessary. 

“Consider it done, and your money’s no good with me. Save it for something else.” He paused for a moment, took a photo of the necklace on his phone and returned the photograph. “I see where you get your beauty from.” The comment was so nonchalant and inconsistent with Sylus’s usual dialogue that you were left speechless. Your heart battered against your ribcage as if it were trying to escape and mount itself onto him instead. Traitorous organ. 

You watched him turn around and walk toward his office. The sight of him walking away from you brought back memories of that day in the graveyard and what you’d said to Sylus before he left. 

“You can judge me all you want, but it won’t change the fact that when you die, no one will mourn you.”

The guilt was eating away at your conscience, and you knew you had to let him know that you didn’t mean what you said. Especially not now. 

“Sylus, wait.” He stopped just as his hand reached the doorknob of his office door and looked up at you expectantly.

You raked your mind for the right thing to say, and Sylus didn’t make a sound as you prolonged the silence. 

“If you died, I’d mourn you.” And you meant it. You maintained eye contact despite the urge to look away from his intense gaze in an attempt to convey your sincerity. 

He shook his head with a slight chuckle in response, and walked into his office wordlessly. 

You figured he hadn’t given what you said a second thought. It was foolish to think you could ever hurt the impenetrable Sylus’s feelings. You weren’t even sure he had feelings. 

But, unbeknownst to you, when Sylus closed the door behind him, he felt himself let out a breath that alleviated a pressure in his chest he didn’t know he’d been carrying. What you’d said to him in the graveyard weighed on him like an uncomfortable tumour. 

Sylus knew you were right, but the idea of no one caring for him never bothered him before, not until you said it. It dawned on him that the only person who’s idea of him actually affected how he thought of himself was yours. 

Late-November

“Finish up, we have a reservation at six.” At the sound of your boss’s  voice, you looked up from your computer screen. Your eyes were watery from staring at the ledger for hours but you still couldn’t reconcile the $15.70 that was missing. It was driving you insane.

“Was there a meeting I forgot existed?” The calendar looked empty from where it stood on your second monitor. Well, it was empty now that Sylus deleted the shared calendar event for Miss Hunter’s birthday which should’ve been yesterday. 

“No, it’s just us. I’m taking you to dinner. Now hurry up.” You couldn’t help the frown on your face. There was surely an ulterior motive. 

“Taking me to dinner? Are you asking me out on a date?” You were teasing; hell would freeze over before Sylus would ask anyone out on a date. Though, maybe he already had, after all he was busy yesterday…

“Don’t be ridiculous. We’re celebrating your third year with Onychinus. As an employer I believe rewarding long-term employees can strengthen their loyalty to the company.” He regurgitated the words like they were toxic. 

“You stole that from the last issue of Forbes magazine. I would know since I was the one who gave you the article.” It was titled ‘Ten foolproof ways to make your employees like you’ and you thought it would be funny to leave it on Sylus’s desk. 

“And I’m responding to your feedback like number 4 on that list suggested. Now, do you want to go to this dinner or should I ask someone else?” 

You quickly scrambled out of your seat, you couldn’t miss out on a chance to see Sylus actively try to be a regular boss. Who could say no to dinner and a show?

“No, no, I’ll go.” You grabbed your bag off of the floor and followed Sylus out of the building. You asked him a series of questions about where you were going, when you’d be back, if you were getting paid for the time you were forced to spend with him, but he answered none of them. 

Sylus was driving for all of 2 minutes before you began to draft an appreciation letter to the inventor of seatbelts in your head. 

“You know, you may be harder to kill than a regular person, but I will die if you crash this car.” Pleading for your life in an expensive sports car was not how you expected to go. 

“It’s a little early in the night for your theatrics, Y/N.” Sylus’s deadpan tone did nothing to soothe your concerns as he turned yet another sharp corner with aggressive speed. 

“It’s also a little early in my life to die.” You unhelpfully added.

“Relax, will you? I’ve never crashed before.” 

Well, there’s a first time for everything. You thought as you tightly gripped the handle of the door. You found yourself suddenly missing the middle-aged man who would grouchily drive you to and from work. At least he drove like he valued his life. 

 _______

When you arrived to the place in one piece you felt severely under dressed. Sylus was wearing his regular attire, a suit without the tie, and you were dressed in linen pants and a turtleneck. Sylus never enforced a business dress code, though in that moment you found yourself wishing he did.

The restaurant was multi-level and sat at the top of a mountain. The exterior screamed affluence and you were sure everyone who dined there was in a different tax-bracket. Sylus reserved a table on the rooftop which unfortunately meant you had to ascend four levels in your mediocre outfit that made you stick out like a sore thumb. 

When you eventually reached your table, you quickly hid in your seat. While it was unrealistic to assume anyone would pay you any attention but your embarrassment was usually irrational. Nor, did it help that Sylus naturally made heads turn wherever he went. He was freakishly tall and unnervingly handsome; next to him anyone struggled to look attractive.

“You’re in a rush. Hungry?” Sylus asked across from you as you buried your face in the menu. You didn’t feel like explaining how being out with him made you feel insecure, so you forewent a response. 

The waiter quickly returned with a bottle of wine. Of course Sylus’s favourite wine was known universally. Why wouldn’t it be? He practically ruled the N109 Zone.

“Thanks, she’ll have a mojito.” Before you could tell the waiter not to bring you your favourite cocktail, he was gone.

“I’m not drinking.” Your protest fell on deaf ears. “Drinking with your boss is like number 1 on the list of things you shouldn’t do if you value your job.”

“You don’t have to worry about embarrassing yourself in front of me, Y/N. You’ve done that plenty of times sober.” Sylus smirked as he made the dry joke and you held back the urge to step on his foot under the table.

Never mind. You needed a drink pronto.

“Asshole.” You muttered under your breath.

“What was that?”

“Artichokes! I said the artichoke salad looks good.” You could tell Sylus wasn’t convinced, but he dropped the matter anyway. 

“Order whatever you’d like.” 

“There’s no prices on the menu.” You flipped it around every which way but not a single price appeared.

“Sweetheart, the people who can afford to dine here aren’t too concerned with prices. Don’t worry and order what you wish.”

Aw, how sweet. Sylus thought you enquired about the prices because you were concerned about overspending. As if. You knew that man’s financials inside and out, if anything, you wanted to order the most expensive things on the menu. 

“Jeez, my bad Mr One-Percent.” Your joke was not well received.

“Can we have one night without your incessant sarcasm?” The plea sounded genuine, but it was denied. 

“We could, but that’s no fun.”

“I find you painfully unfunny, Y/N.” You smiled to yourself at his blatant lie. Everyone found you funny. 

Before you could think of a retort, Sylus pulled out a large velvet box and slid it toward you on the table.

“What’s this?”

“The necklace.”

You opened it up eagerly and the sight of it brought pure bliss to your heart. It was exactly like the one your mother wore, and it was even more beautiful in person.

“It’s perfect. Thank you.” Feeling slightly remorseful for your attitude prior to the gift-exchange, you gave him a sheepish smile.

Sylus watched you lift it up to put it on, but quickly interjected. “Allow me.” He stood up, walking toward your seat. Flushed, you clumsily turned around so your back was facing him. You felt goosebumps on your skin when his cold hands bunched your hair away from your neck, the tips of his fingers leaving a trail of wired nerves in their wake.

You took your hair from his hand to hold it up, the mere feeling of your fingers brushing his gave you heart palpitations. The act was way too intimate, and despite how it good it felt to have him so close, your brain knew it was safest to pray it would be over soon.

When Sylus was done he spun you around to face him and shamelessly observed his handiwork. “It looks good.” Your brain short-circuited the moment your eyes met his, so you sat in front of him in complete silence.

The moment was rudely interrupted by the sound of a familiar voice.

“Sylus? Y/N? Fancy seeing you here!” You both turned to the source of the voice to see Miss Hunter in a beautiful baby blue gown. As if you didn’t feel bad enough about your choice in attire. You began to smile until you noticed that the arm linked with hers belonged to your mortal enemy. Dr Zayne. 

You got up to greet them, despite your primal urge to push Zayne off the roof, but Sylus beat you to it. “Miss Hunter, always a pleasure.” You tried not to gag at the sight of Sylus being so gentlemanly. It became particularly hard when he kissed the top of her hand. 

“I didn’t know you knew Dr Zayne.” The comment slipped out of Sylus’s tense smile with a twinge of what you thought was hostility. Was he jealous that she was with Dr Zayne? Were you jealous that he was jealous? Are you in a soap opera?

“Oh, he’s a childhood friend andmy doctor! I’m very lucky. How do you know him?” Before you could whisper to Sylus to make up some excuse, he was firing off information about your personal life to the last two people you wanted to discuss your personal life with. 

“He was Y/N’s mother’s doctor.” Everyone went tense, everyone except for Miss Hunter, of course. 

Your eyes followed her as she turned to you, praying she wouldn’t ask about your mother’s health. Instead, she praised your nemesis. “He’s brilliant, isn’t he?”

You wanted to scream in protest. You wanted to swing a chair into Dr Zayne’s head, and then use the broken scraps to beat him to a pulp. But you opted to force a painful smile instead. 

“He’s definitely something.” You looked right at Zayne, hoping he’d understand the implications of your backhanded compliment.  

“Well, we were just here to celebrate my birthday yesterday, but the hostess said it was all booked out and silly Zayne forgot to make a reservation. We just came up to the rooftop to get some pictures, but you guys should enjoy your dinner!” Miss Hunter’s polite dismissal was the perfect opportunity to end the painfully awkward interaction and move on with your night. 

“Thanks.” You were about to return to your seat when Sylus decided to continue with his commitment to ruining your life.

“You guys should join us, the more the merrier, right Y/N?”

The question you had no idea how to answer only poked at the jar of pent up murderous rage you were trying to suppress. It wasn’t like you were subtle about your hatred for the Doctor, why the hell was Sylus inviting them to stay?

“Right.” You couldn’t have sounded less sincere if you tried, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You had to focus on making it out of this building without a homicide charge.

When Miss Hunter happily agreed, Sylus quickly waved down a waiter and made them transform your two-seater table into a four-seater. Unfortunately for you, the seating arrangements somehow ended up with you next to Zayne and Sylus next to Miss Hunter . 

Zayne could feel the hostility radiating off of you in waves, but he was too scared to do anything about it. 

“Happy birthday, by the way.” You offered Miss Hunter the nicety, since she was really the only innocent person at the table. Your unfounded hatred for her took the back-burner when Zayne was around. 

“Thanks, Y/N. I love your necklace, where did you get it?” Yet another question you didn’t know how to answer. If this was how the entire night was going to be you might as well cut your losses and take your chances with jumping off the roof.

“It’s um, custom made.” You avoided Sylus’s glare. 

“Well it’s beautiful.” You couldn’t help but smile at her compliment. Her sunshine-y attitude could rival yours. 

“Sylus knows the guy who made it, I’m sure he could get one for you too.” You glanced at him only to see him quirk an eyebrow at your response. Was he seriously mad? You were practically the world’s greatest wingwoman. 

When Miss Hunter turned to look at him, he quickly shut her down.  “He retired right after making that piece, actually. Something about getting arthritis.” 

He was definitely lying. You weren’t sure why he was gatekeeping this jeweller and you never got the chance to ask. 

“Oh, that’s unfortunate. Hey Zayne, you’ve been awfully quiet. Say something!” Miss Hunter gave him a playful push on the shoulder as she teased him. The sight would’ve been adorable if it weren’t for satan’s incarnate sitting inches away from you.

“Yeah Zayne, how was work? Steal anymore hearts lately?” You asked the deceivingly innocuous question while breaking apart a piece of bread. The double-entendre was like a secret you both shared; though the idea of sharing anything with that waste of space made you inscrutably angry. 

Sylus silently observed the interaction with curiosity. Your passive-aggressiveness was a trait he thought you only reserved for him. You were always nice, to everyone. Seeing you treat Zayne so coldly was like witnessing a beaver play the piano. It was unnatural. 

“Work went as well as expected.” Zayne’s clipped reply left no room for further discussion. The conversation came to do a lull, and you took it as the opportunity to excuse yourself to the bathroom. You immediately beelined away from the table that currently situated your nightmare blunt rotation and toward the women’s bathroom that was positively Zayne-free. 

The bathroom was just as extravagant as the rest of the restaurant but you didn’t get to admire it before you splashed water on your face in an attempt to cool down. There was no way you could last an entire dinner next to Zayne. Maybe you could say you were feeling sick. Probably a bad idea when he’s a doctor. Work emergency wasn’t plausible, your boss was at the table. What if you just ran away? You could live with the shame and embarrassment.

You looked up at the ceiling and silently cursed the heavens for your terrible luck. Seriously, you must’ve been a serial killer in your past life to deserve this fate. It was a never-ending series of unfortunate events, and you were desperate for a break. 

When you eventually left the bathroom, Zayne was standing right outside the door. He startled you, but the moment the shock wore off your face morphed into a deadly glare. 

“Look, I know you think I’m a terrible person but—”

“Monster is the term I’d use, but go on.” You rudely interrupted Zayne. He chose not to acknowledge your comment. 

“I rarely get to spend time with MC and I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t ruin her birthday dinner because of me.” It didn’t take long for you to realise that MC must’ve been Miss Hunter’s first name. 

Zayne ruined everything he touched, he needed no help from you. 

“I’m sorry, does the fact that I’m angry at you for letting my mother die put a damper in your dinner plans?”

“Yes it does, actually.” Zayne responded quickly. He either didn’t understand sarcasm or was an even bigger dick than you thought.

“Then might I suggest you take her someplace else. It’s your fault you couldn’t get a table here. Why should I have to suffer because your incompetence knows no bounds?” You couldn’t think of a time you’d insulted someone so much in such quick succession. Dr Zayne brought out the worst in you, but you could reflect on your actions later. Right now you were at war. 

“We are perfectly capable of having an amicable dinner.” 

You rolled your eyes at his condescending tone. “You might be, I’m not that mature.” 

“Y/N. We’re both adults.” He pleaded.

“Bite me.” 

Before Zayne could open his mouth again, Sylus interrupted.

“Everything all good here?” For once in your life, you were grateful for Sylus’s interruption. 

“No.” You said.

“Yes.” Zayne also said, at the exact same time.

“Zayne you should head back to the table. Miss Hunter's waiting for you.” Zayne didn’t think twice before taking the out and you internally flipped off his retreating form.

Sylus grabbed you by the forearm, his grip tight as he dragged you to a secluded part of the rooftop and away from the bathrooms. 

“What’s going on with you?” He asked the moment you stopped moving, his hand still gripping onto your arm like a vice. 

“Can you let go? You’re hurting me.” He quickly released you, his eyes washing over with something you couldn’t recognise as you soothed the part he’d rubbed raw. 

“Why are you acting so childish?” His question would've angered you had you not been angry already.

“I hate his guts.” The response did not help your case, but you weren’t very articulate when you were upset. 

“What did he do to you?” Sylus’s eyes narrowed, and he spoke in a low tone that was laced with danger. You didn’t think too much of his strange reaction, Sylus acting strange was pretty much the only consistent thing in your life lately. 

You gnawed on your lip, unsure of how to respond. Your grievance against the world-renowned doctor was one you’d always kept to yourself. After all, everyone had nothing but praise for the brilliant Dr Zayne. 

“Y/N, if he touched you I’ll—” Your eyes quickly widened in shock at his interpretation.

“No! Nothing like that. It’s just, a few days before my mom died, a heart came in that was a match. But there was this other guy who was younger and needed it just as badly. The policy was that the hospital's medical board would vote on who got the heart and the entire board, Zayne included, unanimously agreed that the heart should go to the other guy.” They said it wasn't personal, that it had everything to do with survival rates, but there was no way to detach personhood from medicine.

You realised that when you said it out loud, your hate seemed unfounded. “I know it wasn’t entirely his fault, but he didn’t even try to give my mom a fighting chance. He didn't say anything to sway them, he just silently agreed. He was supposed to be her advocate.” The frustration began to boil over, and before you knew it there were tears welling up in your eyes.

“God, I spent every last dollar of my paycheque to make sure she got the greatest medical care money could buy. Everyone said he was the best, but when it really mattered, he did nothing for her. I was such an idiot.” There was an uncontrollable fountain of tears streaming down your face, and you were grateful for Sylus’s decision to drag you to somewhere secluded. 

The familiar tendrils of an oncoming panic attack began to wash over you as you began to hyperventilate. No matter how much you wanted to blame Dr Zayne, or the universe, or your shitty luck, the only person you could really blame was yourself. You sent her to that hospital, you convinced her to hold on for a transplant, you spent her last months on this Earth slaving away in another city instead of by her side. There was no way to get that time back. 

“Y/N, look at me. It’s not your fault.” Sylus’s voice was like a beacon of light that led you through the dark tunnel you were trapped in. He cradled your face in his hands, wiping away your tears as they continued to stream down your face. But when your tears showed no signs of slowing, he pulled you into his arms, his hands holding your tear-stricken face against his chest.

He ran his long fingers through your hair as he whispered everything you wanted to hear. "It’s not your fault. It’s okay to hate him. It will get easier."

You weren’t sure how long you spent with your face buried in his chest, but by the time you’d returned to reality, his white dress shirt was slightly transparent where your tears soaked through the material. 

You laughed a little at the sight, and the corners of Sylus’s lips raised ever so slightly at the sound. When he saw you were okay, Sylus began to speak. “Don’t move. I’ll grab your bag and we’ll get out of here.”

Before he could leave you tugged on the sleeve of his suit jacket. “Hey, I’m sorry I ruined your dinner.” You truly were. Sylus did not deserve to be subjected to yet another one of your meltdowns, but he seemed to have a habit of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. 

“No it's my fault, I ruined it by inviting them to join us. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Sylus then manoeuvred through the restaurant toward the nightmare table. When he returned with your bag in one hand and the other outstretched toward you, your heart skipped a beat. Or two. He played the role of the knight-in-shining-armour quite seamlessly, and he looked every bit the handsome prince charming. You tried to remind yourself why it was so dangerous to be attracted to a force like Sylus, but when he smiled at you like you were the only two people in the room, all caution was thrown to the wind. 

_____________

In the spirit of making things up to you, you made Sylus take you to a restaurant of your choosing. It was a hole-in-the-wall dumpling place that charged so little one would question if they were serving real meat. But you never found better dumplings, so you took the risk anyway.

The dynamic was completely subverted as you sat on the table that was slightly sticky with cheap cleaning chemicals. Sylus was the one who looked out of place, his suit was unarguably the most expensive thing in the room and it brought joy to your miserable night to see him out of his comfort zone.

“How did you find this place?” The question was warranted, other than you two, the only other occupants in the restaurant were a few middle-schoolers.  

“I used to come here a lot with my friends in high school.”

“Did they all die from food poisoning?” Sylus seemed proud of his quick-witted joke. You gave him a pointed glare to convey just how unfunny that joke was. 

“Funny, but no. We just drifted apart after we graduated.” The clipped reply shut down any further inquiry. You thought back to the fond memories you had in that restaurant. Things were different when you didn’t yet know the cost of failure; before you knew what you’d be losing. And while everyone may have moved on from this small town in the N109 Zone, you never left. 

“Do you even have any friends?” You choked on your drink at the question. He was genuinely asking and the worst part was, you really didn’t.

Your constant struggle to make ends meet and maintain a high GPA for your academic scholarships made it impossible to have a social life. It didn’t help that you went to a college you couldn’t afford. It was hard to find people to relate to when everyone had grown up with silver spoons. Then after you graduated you landed at Onychinus, and it wasn’t exactly a friendly environment.

“Of course I have friends.” Your lie was a feeble attempt to preserve the last of your dignity. Sylus had seen you at your absolute worst, but there was something extremely dehumanising about letting him know you were insanely lonely.

“Really, who?” His genuine surprise only made your insecurity worse.

“You don’t have to sound so shocked. Plus, you wouldn’t know them.” 

“Try me.” Of course he wouldn’t drop it. When has Sylus ever let something go?

“Well, there’s Mr Demir, and Luke and Kieran, and my newly acquired friend Dr Hunt.” In a desperate attempt to keep up your lie, you pretty much just named all the people you knew. 

“Y/N, that’s the man who sells you your sandwiches, my assistants, and a geologist who sold you a gem.” 

“Has anyone ever told you that no one likes a know-it-all?” 

“I think you should get out more. Maybe tone down the sarcasm and you might just make a friend or two.” Your jaw-dropped in faux shock at his unsolicited advice.

“You’re one to talk, your best friend is a mechanical crow.” You snuck a dumpling off of his plate while he was distracted.

“I don’t need friends, they’re unnecessary burdens.” He took a swig of his beer. You thought he’d burst into flames if he drank anything other than red wine, but he adapted to his surroundings with little effort.

You put a hand on your heart as if in pain and jokingly gave him a solemn look.“Then why would you wish such a cruel fate onto me?”

“Because I hate seeing you this miserable, Y/N.” The amusement from your banter died a quick death at his confession. You thought you kept it together most of the time, though bawling your eyes out in the N109 Zone’s hottest restaurant probably didn’t do that facade any good. But for the most part, you handled the death of your mother relatively well. 

“I’m not miserable. Not all of the time at least. Like right now, I’m only mildly annoyed!” You tried to change the topic the only way you knew how, with humour, but Sylus wasn’t budging.

“You take care of everyone but yourself and all it’s done is isolate you. There needs to be a give and take, sweetheart. People don’t like feeling useless.” He spoke to you softly, as if he was scared the timbre of his voice would cause you to shatter into a million pieces. 

There was a sinking feeling in your stomach that followed his oddly specific guidance. He seemed to know more about you than you thought he did, and you were torn between feeling seen and feeling judged. 

“That’s sound advice. Guess you’ve been reading more magazines.” You were grasping at straws, willing to try anything to get the unwanted spotlight off of your inadequacies. 

“You also need to learn how to accept help without downplaying your problems.” 

“Okay, okay. You sound like my mother. Has her soul possessed you?” There you go Y/N. Play the dead mom card, that’ll work. 

He chuckled at your joke. You knew he found you funny.

“You don’t know when to quit, do you?”

“Yeah, the manufacturers didn’t include an off-switch. No refunds, sorry.” You stuffed a dumpling in your mouth as the tension subsided. 

“Oh, I’m not returning you, sweetheart. They’ll have to pry you from my cold dead hands.” While you knew he was probably referring to the value you brought his company as his accountant, you couldn’t stifle the butterflies that wreaked havoc in your stomach.

You didn’t move when Sylus’s car stopped outside your house. 

“Thanks for tonight, I had fun. Sorry it didn’t go to plan.” You turned to him after you unbuckled your seatbelt and the tight confines of the car felt even smaller.

“It’s fine, I liked this version of events better anyway.” His low voice reverberated through the small distance between you, nestling in your heart that was beating unhealthily fast. 

“Me too. Next time you take a girl to dinner you ought to let her know if she’s supposed to dress like she’s going to the met gala.” Your advice had a bitter undertone because part of you still wished you could be the only girl he’d take to dinner. 

“I usually do, but this particular girl doesn’t need a fancy dress to be the most beautiful girl in the room.” The candid compliment made the butterflies do summersaults, and while their gymnastics routine continued, you found yourself at a loss for words.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” Sylus leaned over the centre console and opened the door for you, completing the chivalrous act of opening the door for you in his own unique fashion. He was so close, all it would take was one small move and his lips could’ve been on yours.

“Goodnight.” You barely got the word out through the sudden bout of breathlessness you were experiencing. And when you were finally encased in the familiar four walls of your home, you thought about every moment you shared with Sylus and how different he seemed from the man you knew before. 

The weekend passed by in a blur. The necklace that looked like a carbon copy of your mom’s was nestled on your neck. A permanent reminder that made ‘Operation Sylus: No More’ infinitely harder to achieve. 

Perhaps you shouldn’t have asked him to stop being a dick, because what you thought would be an easy feat was beginning to feel like climbing a mountain with a peak you couldn’t even see. 

You were staring at the list on your notes app on your brand new phone in hopes of searing it into your memory. 

Operation Sylus: No More

The foolproof guide of getting rid of all feelings Sylus related by the end of November. 

Step 1: avoid Sylus and all thoughts of him at all costs.

Step 2: no more funny jokes, his laugh is seriously deadly. 

Step 3: force yourself to remember Miss Hunter in moments of weakness. She’s the one he really wants. 

Step 4: try to find love elsewhere, like the corner shop owner, he may be in his 50s and happily married but he’s kind of a silver-fox!

Step 5: do not, under any circumstances, allow yourself to be alone with Sylus for too long.

You violated step 5 that Friday when you let him take you to dinner and you were reaping the consequences of your mistake. There was no way you could survive the free-fall if you couldn't get your heart to obey your mind. The disconnect between the two vital organs might be the thing that kills you.

When you heard something shatter in the hallway, you quickly put your phone down and went out to investigate.

The door opened to Mephisto standing on a side table where an empty vase used to sit. The vase was now on the floor in pieces in front of your feet. 

“You did this on purpose.” You pointed an accusing finger at the bird, but all he did was tilt his head to the side as if he couldn’t understand you. You knew he could understand you perfectly well.

The cold war between you two started in your first week at Onychinus when he would swoop at your head spontaneously for no reason. Sylus told you he did it to everyone he didn’t trust and that he’d be over it in due time, but you were too vindictive to let it slide. 

Several back-and-forth pranks later, the bird seemed to have remembered the tradition you managed to forget. “If this is your way of saying you miss me then you take an awful lot after your owner.” Your words faded as you made your way to the kitchen to find the broom. However, upon your return you saw that the floor was flawless and the door to your office was closed.

You rushed in with unparalleled speed to see your worst nightmare; Sylus leaning against your desk in his usual model-like fashion with your phone in his hand.

Panic coursed through you like never before as you remembered what had been left open on your phone when you set it down and the painful fact that you left it unlocked. 

Prayers for a sinkhole to open up and consume you in that very moment went unanswered as Sylus looked up at you with a smirk on his face.

“Is my laugh really deadly?” He looked amused. 

Come on sinkhole. Anytime now. 

When you didn’t answer, Sylus moved toward you. When he was close enough to touch you, he leaned down to make sure your eyes were on his.

“Your deadline is fast approaching, Y/N. Care for a progress report?” The taunting question made heat rush to your face.

“It was stupid, I wrote it months ago.”

“Then why did you have it open?” 

You couldn’t exactly tell him that his willingness to change his cold and cruel demeanour just to keep you as his accountant revived the feelings you thought were long dead. You definitely couldn’t tell him that the necklace that suddenly weighed down your chest made your heart skip a beat every time you touched it. And there was no way you were telling him that the dinner you shared was the happiest you’d felt in a long time.

“I was going to delete it when I heard Mephisto break something in the hallway.”

“Delete it? Guess you don’t need it anymore.”

“Nope.” You popped the P on the word for emphasis. “Can I have my phone back now?” He placed the device into your outstretched hand. 

“So how do you feel about me now, sweetheart?”

You tried your best to appear unperturbed by his taunting. “Mad at your blatant violation of my privacy.”

“Forgive me. I saw my name on your phone when I went to check in on you and I was curious.”

“Mephisto told you I broke the vase, didn’t he?”

“Don’t deflect. Do you still have feelings for me?”

“No, they’re gone. Can we please drop this? It’s embarrassing.” You lied in favour of self-preservation and hoped he wouldn’t be able to see through your act.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Y/N. Many women confess their love for me every month.” You rolled your eyes at his ardent display of over-confidence and narcissism, though you knew he wasn’t exaggerating.  

“Okay, brace yourself there bachelor. No one said anything about love.” It was true, you never said you loved him. Whether or not you did, well that was a secret you’d take to the grave. 

“So then which feeling are we discussing?” The loaded question came out of his mouth so casually, like someone ordering a latte. A display of power that reminded you of just how little this mattered to him. 

Your feet felt like they were grounded in their place by an invisible force and you were sure your cheeks were beet red. You knew your mouth was slightly agape in shock, but you couldn’t even close it. Meanwhile, Sylus was unfazed, treating your feelings like a game. 

“Since when do you even care about how I feel?” The sudden outburst was accompanied by your hand running through your hair out of frustration.

Sylus’s jaw clenched and for a moment he said nothing. There was no hint of amusement left on his features. 

“You think I don’t care about you?” He seemed irritated by the premise, but you couldn’t figure out why. You thought Sylus was proud of his clear disregard for other people’s emotions. 

“You treated me like gum stuck to the bottom of your boot for years. What reason did you give me to think otherwise?”

“I don’t know, maybe the fact that I pay you more than my highest ranking footmen. Or that I had Mephisto tail you when you used to bike to and from work to make sure you got home safe. Hell, I invented the lunch budget when I hired you just to make sure you were eating— I even banned mushrooms from my kitchen in case you wanted to eat here. Not to mention the bullshit extra work I’d assign you just so you would stay longer.” 

Choosing not to dwell on the implication of his silent acts of kindness, you interjected. “Hey, I took those tasks seriously!” The twins thought you were crazy when you asked if Sylus was making those assignments up. You knew you were right. 

“Don’t interrupt me.” Your mouth clamped shut at his rather reasonable request. Sylus wasn’t a big talker, so when he monologued, it was important. 

“Your kindness, your humour, it all caught me off guard. No one ever treated me like you did and I had no idea how to feel. The little doodles you sent back to me on the notes I left you delineating tasks? I kept every last one. When Mephisto complained to me about that time you put corn-starch in his water fountain and almost destroyed his wiring, all I could do was laugh. I treated you like I treated all my men because I didn’t want people to find out that you were my weakness.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, but the pressure wasn’t budging. There was so much you didn’t know about Sylus, so much you completely misunderstood. This revelation caused a series of chain reactions to go off inside your brain and the weight of what he was trying to say felt suffocating.

You dreamed of a time where Sylus would reciprocate your feelings, but the reality of it was more daunting than you realised.

“All my threats are empty with you, Y/N. You’re the only one who gets away with the attitude you give me. You tell me you crashed a car worth over half-a-million dollars and all I could think about was if you were okay. I even offered to buy your house for way more than it was worth just to get you back. Do you seriously think I don’t care?” 

All sound came to a stifling halt. 

“Wait, you were the ‘developer’?”

The inklings of betrayal wove their way through your skin as the pieces began to fall into place. The timing of the eviction notice, the fact that he’d shown up at your house the day you received it, the way he was so quick to agree to the ridiculous bonus. 

He manipulated you like a puppet on a string and let you think you were in control the entire time.

“Don’t look at me like I’m some traitor.” His audacious demand made your blood boil.

“You are a traitor! How could you do that to me?” You yelled.

“You were going to leave me like I was nothing!” For the first time since you’d met him, Sylus raised his voice to match yours. Your entire body went cold at his vulnerability. He was afraid of being abandoned, and that was a fear you both shared.

“Not seeing you every day made my heart feel like it was being ripped out of my chest. I could barely focus, all I could think about was what you were doing, who you were with. So imagine my surprise when I come to find that while I’m being tortured every minute I’m away from you, you needed more time.

“I knew I was being selfish, I knew that your grief had nothing to do with me, but I’ve never been good at putting my feelings into words. That day in the graveyard when you wouldn’t even look at me, I thought I’d lost you for good. It ate at me like a parasite. I had to get you back and I won’t apologise for not playing fair. There isn’t a rule I wouldn’t break for you, Y/N.”  

It was hard to hate him for what he did when you understood where he was coming from. You were two sides of the same coin. While you overcompensated for the lack of love in your life by becoming the ultimate people-pleaser, he avoided it at every turn, saw it as a weakness. But at the core of every human being was an innate desire to be loved and an inherent fear of being abandoned. 

People couldn’t leave your life if you never let them in. That was a philosophy you saw both your mother and Sylus live by. It was lonely and difficult, and if you had the power of hindsight you would’ve tried harder to convince your mother she was worthy of love. You couldn’t make that same mistake again. 

You loved Sylus, that much was ingrained into the flesh of your heart. For all his rugged edges, he had a way of making things happen that was akin to magic. His determination, his grit, it was admirable.

His intelligence was infuriating, you couldn’t get anything past him. If he received the Greeks’ horse instead of the Trojans, you were sure he’d have seen right through their ruse. 

His desire to make the N109 Zone a better place stemmed from a sense of altruism you could only hope to possess. And when Sylus did things for others, he never expected anything in return. 

But for all his greatest traits he had some difficult ones too. He’d hurt you more times than you could count, and even if he’d changed drastically since your mother’s death, you couldn’t quite trust that he wouldn’t hurt you again.

“You already know how I feel about you.” You confessed. It was no secret you wore your heart on your sleeve, despite your mother’s constant reminders that the world was filled with terrible people who’d take advantage of your candour. You chose to see the good in others, it boded better than the grim lifestyle that came with perpetual pessimism. 

“Then why are you fighting this?” His question came out pained, and it was one you could answer. 

“I’ve loved you for a long time, Sylus. I loved you even though you insulted me, ignored me, reminded me I was replaceable every chance you got.

“I told myself it was just how you were, that it wasn’t personal. But when you walked out on me in the hospital when I needed you the most, I loved you a little less.”

Sylus felt an unfamiliar twinge in his chest, like someone took a needle to his heart. He left that hospital because he wasn’t sure you’d even want him there, and it pained him to see you so distraught over a problem he couldn’t fix. When MC came to him with an important mission in Skyhaven, he saw an out, and like the coward he was he took it. If he knew that you’d lose your mother while he was away, he never would have left your side. 

“When you didn’t call until weeks later, when you showed up only to tell me I was being dramatic for grieving, I loved you even less. Every time you screwed me over you made it easier to live without you.”

It hurt to remember the pain you were in back then, the immense pressure of the burdens you carried. But if there was ever a chance of you and Sylus working out, he needed to know the truth. 

“I’ve only ever loved two people, Sylus, and in one month it felt like I’d lost them both. I still love you, I’m afraid I couldn’t stop if I tried, but I don’t know if I can be more than your accountant right now.” You couldn’t survive another heartbreak, that much was for sure. 

Even though Sylus looked like he was going to be sick, you continued. 

“I thought I was okay with you treating me like everybody else, thought I was strong enough to take it. But when I saw you with Miss Hunter and the softness with which you spoke to her, it broke me. I saw that you were capable of being gentle. You just didn’t think I was a worthy recipient of your kindness.”

He was quick to correct you. “That’s not true, sweetheart. Not at all. She has something I need, something I can’t take with force. It’s why I’ve had to adopt unusual methods. If I’d known it was causing you so much pain I would’ve explained. Fuck, Y/N, you deserve so much more than just my kindness, more than I could ever give you. I can’t even think of a person on Earth who deserves you at all.” 

When Sylus saw the tears begin to slide down your cheeks, he resisted the urge to wipe them away.

“I’ll give you anything you ask for, anything but letting you go. There’s nothing so broken it can’t be fixed, Y/N. You taught me that. Let me fix this.” He tested the waters by taking your hand in his and when you let him, he pulled you into his arms. 

For a moment, the room was silent. You listened to his heartbeat through his chest and it might have been even faster than yours. It felt like deja vu, reminding you of that moment in the restaurant, or that time in his hallway after Zayne’s phone call. Sylus was there to comfort you more often than not, why were you so scared of letting him in?

“I want to believe you, I just don’t know that I can.” Your voice was small, timid. As if you were afraid something you’d say would shatter the sanctity of this moment and you’d find out it was all a dream. 

“I won’t stop trying until you do, sweetheart. You’re it for me, there’s no one else.” He kissed the top of your head with a softness you didn’t know he possessed and the words were like bandages wrapping around the wounds inflicted by your own envy.

In the comfortable silence, Sylus made a vow. “I don’t have regrets — you know that quite well — but I regret the way I treated you. I’ll spend every lifetime repenting for my mistakes, Y/N, and I promise I’ll never let anything hurt you again.” He squeezed you tighter and the comfort his warmth brought you was a welcome change to the cold you lived in all the time. 

Desperate to diffuse the overwhelming angst of the situation, you pulled away from his embrace and clapped your hands together. “Okay then, as of today we commence ‘Operation Sylus: The Redemption'.”

His loud laugh resounded through your office, and it was a sound you’d never get tired of hearing. He grabbed your chin. “Have you always been this corny?” 

“I watch a lot of movies, okay? Now, shake on it.” You shook his hand off your face and held out your hand with an invitation that he instantly accepted. With his warm hand encasing yours, you whole-heartedly hoped this operation would be a success. 

Late December

You assumed the dynamic between you and Sylus would drastically change following your impromptu heart-to-heart. But the changes came in small waves. 

It started with the middle-aged man who silently drove you to and from work with a permanent scowl on his face being replaced by Sylus himself.

Then there was the sticky notes he’d usually place on documents explaining the task and deadline, now with an added addendum.

— That necklace was the best decision I’ve ever made.

— Your hair looks especially nice today.

— Did you switch perfumes? I like it.

— That new lipstick suits you. Your lips are all I can think about. 

You saved all of them in a drawer at your desk. 

He had someone bring you your lunch every day and spent your entire lunch break with you. Somedays you talked until your tongue felt like it was going to fall off, other days you just sat and ate together in silence. And every Friday afternoon, instead of taking you straight home, he’d take you to visit your mother’s grave with a new bouquet in his hands. 

You were glad he was taking things slow. His small gestures made your heart flutter without overwhelming you, but it had been a month since your confrontation, and he didn’t even try to touch you. 

While your inexperience with love, lust and romance never impacted any significant aspect of your life before, it was growing increasingly difficult to wait for Sylus to make the first move. He didn’t want to scare you, that much was understandable. But you were growing angsty waiting for him the tension between you two hit a boiling point.

The glorious plan came to you while you were shopping with Luke and Kieran for Onychinus’s annual Christmas gala. It was a networking event masked under the guise of a holiday celebration where the people hiding in the shadows of the underworld could spend one night communicating on the surface.

Every year, Sylus insisted he couldn’t outsource waiters for the event because of potential security leaks, so you, the twins and a couple other of his staff were forced to fill in as the help. Sylus told you that you wouldn’t have to participate this year, but you began to look forward to the event. It was like an unorthodox Christmas tradition.

Your eyes drifted to the costume section of the party store, and when they landed on a short red Santa’s helper dress, you felt a lightbulb turn on in your head. Maybe you had to give Sylus a little nudge.

“Hey, aren't you guys kind of bored of the slacks and the dress shirts he makes us wear?” You sowed the seed of doubt into your unwilling accomplices.

“Duh. I hate dressing like a butler.” Luke’s eyes continued to scan the aisle for decorations. The hall was professionally decorated, but you added your own little details every year. It made things less drab and it gave the twins an excuse to spend hours in the party supply store. 

“What if we went with Christmas themed costumes this year?” The twins turned to look at you with confusion, but they quickly warmed up to the idea when you pointed at the wall of seasonal costumes.

“I’m Rudolph!” They made their declarations in unison before breaking out into an argument in the middle of the party store.

“Just flip a coin!” You desperately suggested, taking a coin out of your wallet and placing it on your thumb, ready to flip. People were beginning to stare.

“I’m heads!” They said in unison, again.

“Kieran you’re heads, Luke you’re tails.” You assigned them the parts of the coin alphabetically and watched it flip through the air. When it landed in your hands, it displayed tails. You silently hoped they would move on from this unnecessary battle and restore peace to your shopping trip again.

“Sorry Kieran, Luke’s Rudolph.” Kieran complained for the rest of the day about how annoying being an elf was, and how, since he was an inch taller than Luke, it only made sense for Luke to be the elf instead. 

They argued like the siblings you never had, and for all the pain and suffering they caused you, there was no denying you loved having them around. Besides, working for Sylus left the three of you trauma-bonded for life. There wasn’t really an out from this unconventional friendship. 

_________________

You failed to remember to clear the costume idea with Sylus before the gala. He was just so busy trying to organise the event, and you were similarly swamped with ensuring all the invoices were sent out on time to the right vendors. You barely saw each other in the days leading up to the big event.

The dress was shorter on you than you anticipated. Coming up just above mid-thigh, it was nothing like anything you owned in your closet. The little hat it came with was cute though and you pinned it to your hair. The make-up you wore was the same as your everyday makeup, barring the eyeliner you’d spent way too long trying to perfect and your lipstick. 

Other than the dress, you really did look the same as you did most of the time. Would Sylus even notice?

Right on cue, a knock on your door snapped you out of your train of thought, and you took a deep breath before opening it. 

As you expected, Sylus looked unfazed by your choice in attire as you moved out of the doorway to let him in.

“I see we’ve foregone the uniforms this year.” His comment was a welcome distraction from your insecurities.

“Whimsy is part of the Christmas spirit, you know.”

“It’s cute. Did you get that dress from the children’s section?”

The question came so out of left-field it left you were stunned. Once the shock settled in, you suddenly felt self-conscious.

“No… Why? Does it look childish?” You couldn’t help the vulnerability in your voice. 

Sylus closed the distance between you in a few long strides, his hands were on you in an instant. His palm was holding onto your waist the other tracing alone the edge of your dress. 

“Quite the opposite, I’m just wondering why they’d make a dress so short for adult women.” 

“Adult women can dress however they want, Sylus.” You chided.

“I know, but I’ll have my hands full if I’m trying to host this event and take care of the hoards of men that will be chasing after my girl at the same time.” He whispered the words seductively into your ear, the hand on your thigh slipping ever-so-slightly under the dress.

You ignored the warm, fuzzy feeling that bloomed through you at the sound of Sylus calling you his girl.

“There won’t be ‘hoards of men’. This will be the third time I’m working your annual gala and I’ve only ever gotten hit on like four times.” You knew from the way his eyebrows furrowed that you shouldn’t have told him that.

“Four times? Men hit on you four times while I was in the room and you didn’t tell me?” He was clearly angry, his rage unwarranted since it happened right under his nose. 

“I didn’t think you’d care. Most of them were like fifty, anyway!” That was true, and every time one of them placed a hand on your shoulder or your forearm, it made you grimace. 

“If men approached you in long pants and a dress shirt with a plate of refreshments in your hand what do you think they’ll do when they see you in this get up?” He walked you back until you were standing against the wall.

He had a point. Maybe it was too suggestive.

“I can change—”

“No. You never have to do that with me, baby. Just stay where I can see you, alright?” 

“Okay.” You felt a blush paint your cheeks. The tension was bubbling up between you. His hand was searing into your waist, his other one moving dangerously high on your thigh. You really thought this would be the moment he kissed you. But then the warmth of his hands was abruptly gone. 

“Okay. You ready to go?” He held the door open for you. That was it? Frustrated at your lack of results, you silently walked out of your house.

__________________

“Did you see Sylus’s date?”

“Of course, she’s definitely the hottest girl here.”

“I bet she’s had work done.”

“If so, I need the name of her surgeon.”

You eavesdropped on the hushed whispers of a group of women who were gossiping in a corner near the kitchen. The second you walked through the doors of the extravagant event hall, you both went your separate ways and you hadn’t seen him since. So much for not letting you out of his sight. 

All you heard about the entire night was his mysterious date and her envious beauty. He never told you he was bringing one, nor did he ever ask you to fill the spot. But before you could completely spiral, you reminded yourself of Sylus’s promise. He wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. There had to be a perfectly reasonable explanation. 

“Now what’s a pretty girl like you doing working here?” Your train of thought was interrupted by the voice of a man. You turned around, expecting to see one of the many sleazy old men who frequented these events and saw you as an easy target, but all you saw was a young, attractive guy in a three-piece suit. Huh.

“Hors d’oeuvre?” You offered the plate to him in place of a response. 

“No thanks. I’ve had my fill, though I must say, the other servers aren’t quite as easy on the eyes as you.” His eyes shamelessly scanned every inch of you, head-to-toe, and you felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny of his gaze. 

“Oh, um thanks.” The blush on your cheeks was an unwanted biological reaction, you weren’t used to attention from men within your age range. It wasn't like you thought you were ugly, you were just a bit of a hermit.

“What’s your name, beautiful?” You were about to answer his question when someone did it for you.

“Y/N.” The voice belonged to the man of the hour who seemed to have appeared out of thin air. 

“Sylus, hello. Hors d’oeuvre?” Clearly you were running out of things to say if your default reaction was to offer everyone a snack, but it was hard to find the voice to speak when you saw the girl who had her arms wrapped around his. 

Miss Hunter. You should’ve known. Your eyes passed over her beautiful dress and pinned up hair. She lived up to the rumours, she was definitely the prettiest girl in the room. Next to Sylus the pair reminded you of a renaissance painting. They made sense, and clearly not just aesthetically if he brought her as his date instead of you.

Sylus saw the way your eyes trailed off to MC standing next to him. He saw the self-doubt turn your eyes glassy, and all he wanted to do was whisk you away to a private room where he could show you just how badly he wanted you, and no one else.

But his enemies were in attendance tonight, it was part of the reason he didn’t want you there. Sylus’s only weakness used to be his mortality, and even that was debatable. But now his biggest weakness was tangible, and she wore an adorable Christmas themed dress that made every man in the room brim with desire. Miss Hunter may have been the focus of all the women in attendance, but all the men could talk about was the sexy server in the little red dress. It was driving him insane. 

But MC was a hunter and if he endangered her, she could get out of it unscathed without his help. Their enemies were the same, which made them perfect allies, but it also made their loved ones easy targets. Sylus would never forgive himself if he let someone hurt you. So despite the excruciating pain that coursed through him at your hurt expression, he did nothing to quell your concerns.

But he couldn’t idly stand by and let this man make a pass at you either. It was clear Henry was not aware of Sylus’s newly established no-fraternising-with-the-staff policy. 

“Henry, not distracting my staff, are you?” Sylus directed his attention to his business associate. Henry ran a security company which supplied a large portion of their weaponry from Onychinus. The contract they shared was a substantial source of revenue that Sylus couldn’t afford to compromise. 

“I’m just wondering where you found such delectable staff.” Sylus felt his jaw clench at the way Henry undressed you with his eyes and your consequential discomfort. Fuck the contract, he was going to make that man pay. But he couldn’t inflict his revenge quite yet, so he played nice. 

“Unfortunately my staff are exclusively mine. I’m sure you understand how difficult it is to find loyal help.” Well, at least he tried to play nice. The subtle jab at Henry’s recent whistleblower scandal was a low blow, but he wasn’t above kicking below the belt.

Annoyed and slightly confused by the exchange, you rolled your eyes at the testosterone-fuelled men bickering and cleared your throat.

“I think I’m needed in the kitchen. Nice meeting you, Henry.” You gave him the kindest smile you could muster and gave Sylus no smile at all. It was the least he deserved for blindsiding you with his date. 

“I should check on the catering, excuse me.” Sylus followed you to the kitchen and the second he caught up to you, he pulled you into a nearby storage closet.

There was barely any room for the both of you in there, so you were pressed up against his body. You tried to create some distance between you two, but he just pulled you back in by your waist.

“What are you doing? I’m supposed to be working and you’re supposed to be socialising. We can’t do those things from here.” You berated him quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. You didn’t really need anyone from the staff discovering you in this compromising position. You’d had enough embarrassment in one night for a lifetime.

“Miss Hunter is just here with me on business.” Sylus’s statement did little to comfort the tumultuous storm in your mind. 

“I don’t care.” In a sense, it was true. It seemed your mind didn’t care whether Miss Hunter was there with him on business or not, it still hurt all the same. 

“Don’t lie to me, I can tell when you’re upset.” Sylus tried to caress your cheek but you pushed his hand away. 

“Okay, fine. I’m upset. Now will you let me leave?” You tried to wriggle out of his grasp but to no avail. His hand squeezed your face as he forced you to face him. 

“If you’re upset, talk to me about it. Don’t antagonise me by flirting with other men. It won’t end well for them.” The fire in his eyes swore retribution and you did not want to be Henry right now.

“I wasn’t flirting!” You tried to defend yourself but you knew he’d see straight through your ruse. 

“That sweet smile of yours is reserved for me and me alone.” There was no way Sylus would’ve let that over-the-top smile slide and this was exactly how you expected him to react, but it only made you more upset.  

“Right, but I just have to make do with sharing you with Miss Hunter.” The irony of the situation was not lost on Sylus, but he had a laundry-list of crimes, hypocrisy was the least of them. 

“I’m all yours, baby. I promise it’s just business.” He sounded sincere, and you trusted him to tell you the truth. Sylus never lied unless it was out of omission, but when you asked him a direct question, he never failed to answer honestly. 

“I can help you with business.” You tried to reason, your palm resting against his pounding heart. 

“Not this kind, sweetheart. I’m just trying to protect you. I need you to trust me.” You trusted Sylus with your life, with your heart. Which was why you knew you wouldn’t like the answer to the question you asked next. 

“Did you sleep with her?” The mere thought of it tasted like acid on your tongue. It wasn’t like you weren’t aware of Sylus’s past, but where the other women in his life came and left like the tide, Miss Hunter’s presence was persistent. 

You needed to know just how far they’d gone, even if it might destroy you. 

“Yes. It was one time when we first met in September. Before I realised how I felt for you.” The words pierced straight through you like bullets of radiation. Your palm slowly slipped off of his chest and you diverted your gaze to your heels. “Y/N, you know I only want you. It meant nothing to me.” 

Perhaps it wasn’t the fact that they’d slept together that hurt you so deeply. Maybe it was the way he looked at her, the way she got under his skin. Sylus may love you, but what if he wasn’t attracted to you?

The thought slipped out of you before you could mull it over. “How am I supposed to believe that when you were all over in seconds and you won’t even kiss me?!” 

A hint of recognition flashed through Sylus’s eyes as he realised the catalyst behind your frustration. For some odd reason that he could never figure out, you were insecure. Even though your charm bordered on lethal and your beauty was unparalleled, you still felt inadequate. It perplexed him how someone could look so divine and not be aware of it.

“I haven’t kissed you because I wanted to make sure you were ready, sweetheart. I was worried I’d scare you away, because I’m sure if I got a taste of you I wouldn’t know how to stop.” He sounded strained when he spoke, as if he was recalling his frustration at having to hold back. 

You watched him intently, his words dripped with a desire you both shared. With his body so close to yours, it was hard not to wish he’d just act on his primal instincts. 

“You’re entirely unaware of your affect on me. You have no idea how precarious the string holding me back from insanity has become. When I saw you in that dress, I was sure I wouldn’t be able to hold back. But then you'd look up at me with those angelic eyes and I realise I can’t risk losing you.” 

Before you could even think it through, your desire became overwhelming and your lips were on his in an instant.

It was nothing like you expected, nothing like the chaste, sweet kisses you saw in your movies. It was heated, messy, desperate. His lips ravaged yours like a man on death row devoured his last meal. You felt his desire with every movement and all the doubt you had dissipated instantly. His hands were all over you, one softly held on to your neck, while the other held on to your waist like you might disappear. 

His lips moved to your cheek, your jaw and eventually the sensitive skin on your collarbone. When he bit a particularly sensitive part of your neck, you let out a whine. You hoped he hadn't given you a hickey. His face came up to yours as he looked at your lips which were red from the impact and the desire running rampant in your eyes. It might’ve been the most beautiful you’d ever looked.

“Well? I’m still here.” You whispered against his lips before giving him a chaste peck.

Sylus knew you weren’t just talking about this moment. You never left, even when he gave you a million reasons why you should. He didn’t know what he did to deserve such luck, but he knew he’d never give you a reason to walk away from him ever again.

“We should get out of here.” Somehow you knew he didn’t just mean the storage closet. He shifted to lead you out but you quickly stopped him.

“You can’t leave your own party! What about your date?” As much as the idea of MC hanging off his arm made your skin crawl, it wasn’t right to just leave her alone. 

“She’ll be fine. The only woman I care about is right in front of me, and I want to do so much to her than kiss her in a storage closet.” There was an underlying promise in his tone, and you felt the slightest bit of fear that you might’ve bitten off more than you could chew.

“You’ve lasted this long, what’s one more night?” Your last ditch effort to escape the dangerous situation was unsuccessful. 

“Sweetheart, I can't wait another second.” He gave you a soft, gentle kiss that conveyed his fraying restraint. Your fear felt inconsequential when he was with you, you knew you could trust him wholly with every part of you. 

So, when he led you out of the storage closet and all the way to his bedroom, you never once felt scared. Or insecure. Or inadequate. Sylus worshipped you like you were his salvation and he never once let you doubt yourself again.

Later that night, as you laid in his bed underneath his covers, staring over at his peaceful sleeping expression, you realised he was your salvation too.

Christmas Day

“What’s the surprise?” You asked the same question for the umpteenth time. 

“Just be patient, we’re almost there.” You let Sylus lead you through what you thought was a building while you obediently kept your eyes shut. Eventually your feet came to a halt, and you were bursting with anticipation. 

“Alright, open your eyes.” When you opened them you were in the living room of a charming beach house. It was so bright it took your eyes a while to adjust, but when they did you noticed that it was decorated with splashes of your favourite shade of yellow. The large balcony doors opened to the sight of a familiar beach, and you felt a range of emotions wash over you all at once. Sadness, nostalgia, yearning. 

“Merry Christmas, baby.” Sylus’s voice behind you snapped you back to reality. 

“What is this place?” The awe in your voice could not be concealed.

“It’s yours. I know how much you hate being on the beach, but I also know it meant a lot to your mother. From this balcony it’ll be like you’re right there without actually being there.” He sounded almost nervous while presenting his gift to you, worried you might hate it. But there wasn’t a word that could describe the pure gratitude and love you felt for the man standing in front of you. 

“You bought me a house on my mother’s favourite beach?” The disbelief in your voice was almost tangible. 

“Yeah.”

“Sylus, all I got you was a pocket watch!” You thought that since you were both not very big on Christmas, you would exchange small gifts. Clearly small wasn’t a word Sylus kept in his vocabulary. 

“You gave me so much more than that.” The suggestion in his voice did nothing to soothe your guilt. 

“This is too much.”

“Y/N, you’re more familiar with my assets than I am, if this made a significant dent in my bank account I think you would’ve noticed when I bought it a month ago.” 

“You’ve had this for a month?” The shock persisted, but he was right. His expenses ranged from a box of paperclips to the purchase of a two-hundred-million dollar industrial complex. 

“Yes, I bought it the first time you asked me to take you to the beach after work.”

“But what if we didn’t work out?” A month ago that seemed like a palpable possibility, but now you couldn’t imagine your life without Sylus in it.

“I’d find a way to trick you into taking it anyway.” 

You all but rolled your eyes at the memory of his less-than-graceful plan to acquire your house until you ended up working for him again. 

“Right, of course. You’re quite good at that I hear.” 

“I’m good at many things, I’ll remind you later.” He drawled against your ear, but before you could force him to act on his promise he spoke up again. “For now, there’s one more surprise.” 

You let Sylus lead you out to the balcony with his hands on your shoulders, driving you forward. He stood behind you, his chest to your back. He pointed to a hill on the left of the house where a beautiful willow tree sat atop the beach on a cliff.

“I bought that plot of land too. I don’t want to overstep, but if you’d like, we could move your mother here. Have her final resting place be at the place she loved the most.” His voice kept you anchored as memories of your mother threatened to pull you away. It still filled your chest with overwhelming sadness when you thought of her, but the thought that she could spend forever in the place that brought her the most joy filled you with relief. You didn’t get to give your mother much, but at least Sylus helped you give her this. 

You couldn’t stop the tears streaming down your face if you tried.

Sylus had come a long way from that day at the graveyard, an even longer way from the day you met him. The fact that he grew to care about your mother as much as you did made your heart swell with love for him that expanded every day. Something you didn’t even think was possible.

“She would love that.” Sylus wrapped his hands around your waist, placing an ever-so-gentle kiss on your temple. “I wish you could’ve met her when she was alive, you would’ve loved her.” They were both the strongest people you knew, and it pained you that they never got to meet. 

“I’m sure I would have. After all, I am a huge fan of her work.” You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you at his cheesy joke. You were rubbing off on him, that was for sure. He peppered kisses all over the side of your face at the sound of your joyful laugh and you had to squeeze out of his grasp to make him stop. 

While you wished you didn’t have to lose someone so important to you to gain another, things always had a weird way of working out. Your future was still murky, but what you did know for sure was that ’Operation Sylus: No More’ could officially be declared a massive failure. And even though the physical hole in your heart still existed, the proverbial one shrunk to half it’s size; and you had the silver-haired man with the stone-encased heart of gold to thank for that. 

Tag list: @blue-sky336 @sei-chuun @astolary @luna-looniesblog @rainkissedberries @syluslittlecrows @escape-your-nightmare @mangooes @bibistarx @kathypellar @stxrrielle @mansonofmadness @babygirl-panda19 @wegottastayfocus @zoezhive @futurecorpse92 @diabolichii @chocolatepalacecloudhoagie @cathuggnbear @blue-serendipity @huuvu @thisbitchreallyneedssleep @sh3sa1dwhat @justpassingdontworry @sylustoru @poptrim @mikachux3 @thargelalia @eolivy @vyntheria @dana-nite @miffysoo @babyx91 @fealy @sillyfreakfanparty @cassiesversion @serenity-loves-red @nommingonfood @sylusgirlie7 @browneyedgirl22 @silverbrain

Sorry if you were tagged but didn't get a notif, I think some of you might have your tags off because your blog wasn't coming up for me >:c

[xanofmercia]

Not a huge fan of some of the later notes roasting this. Of course what you choose to do with your own body is valid, and people trying to shame you into a different choice, however well-intentioned, are not doing a good thing. You’re expressing concerns or stating your choice for yourself and you don’t deserve to be made fun of just for that.

That said, draconym is right that you can still be yourself, The Real You, on pills! I can’t speak for all meds, but I’ve never had a problem with the “regressing because meds ran out” with ADHD meds. I’ve ran out for reasons mentioned in the previous reblogs. With ADHD meds, I did actually worry a lot about losing myself or my chaos while on them, or not being able to be as creative, or becoming some kind of more boring version of myself. Luckily that didn’t happen! I’m literally me with the only difference being that I feel like I have more energy and I can actually just decide to do things sometimes instead of spending hours psyching myself up to do them. There’s not really any other difference. The ‘versions’ of me are the same. And the ones I take aren’t actually supposed to be taken every day; you’re supposed to avoid doing them too often so you don’t build up a tolerance. I only take them when I feel like I could use the boost. Running out sucks because I can’t get a focus/executive energy boost when I need it, but I don’t “regress” back into a previous version of myself. It’s not a huge comedown or massive drop between my normal state when I have them versus when I’ve run out.

Depression’s a bit different because withdrawal can give you brain-zaps which scared me when they first happened, and stopping too quickly can cause some bad side effects, which has happened to me a fair amount because pharmacies and medication in my country are terrible. If that’s a serious concern for you, depending on the medication it could actually make sense to decide you don’t want to have to deal with things like withdrawal symptoms if you forget and miss a few days, or having to always remember to get to the pharmacy on time. I did also get concerned about taking this one because I heard it could level out your moods a lot so you couldn’t feel as happy as you did before. But I didn’t really feel like it made a significant enough impact on that front for me to stop taking it.

I know people who dislike the idea of manufactured chemicals altering things in their brains. It doesn’t matter if that’s rational or logical or not; it is what it is. You don’t *have* to take meds. You don’t *have* to do anything you don’t want to.

But it’s always good to have more information about important decisions like this, regardless of your ideas or reasons. You’re welcome to talk to me, or you can check out some forum testimonials or do some research on specific disorders and their treatments and the effects people experience with each. This isn’t intended as pressure to change your mind or anything; you’re absolutely free to do whatever you want with the information. It’s just better the more information you have, no matter how much you already know. And if not going on meds is definitely the best decision for you, then that’s also valid! Either way, it won’t hurt to have more information about them.

90s movies: Psychopharmacology is as good as a lobotomy. If you take pills to treat your mental illness it will literally murder your imaginary friends and you will become a boring, lotus-eating conformist drone.

Me after taking my meds: drives the scenic route home to see if there are any geese on the pond and does a little dance in line at the grocery store and comes home to throw everything​ in my fridge into a stew pot because I can finally taste food again while singing songs at my birds in which I replace all the instances of "she" with "Cheese" and doing a Dolly Parton impression on the phone to my sister

[aventurineswife]

Reader flinches during an argument😩🤚

You cna make it just flinching or them actually accidentally hurting reader, whatever you're more comfortable with

Characters: Jing Yuan, Aventurine, Dan Heng, Kaveh and Therta (get it? Cuz The Herta can be shortened to Therta... haha... ha)

Trust Reforged in the Quiet

Tags: Jing Yuan x Reader, Dan Heng x Reader, Aventurine x Reader, Kaveh x Reader, The Herta x Reader, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Emotional Vulnerability, Arguments, Flinching Reaction, Apologies, Reconciliation, Romantic Tension, Communication, Soft Moments.

Warnings: Emotional conflict, Raised voices, Accidental intimidation, Mentions of guilt and emotional vulnerability. (No physical harm or abuse.)

A/N: yeah... I totally got it, ahahaha.. ha 🧍‍♀️

The peaceful glow of the Luofu was overshadowed by the tense atmosphere between you and Jing Yuan. The General stood in his study, his eyes fixed on you, frustration flickering behind their usual calm. The argument had started small, but it spiraled into something you hadn’t anticipated.

“You don’t understand the weight of these decisions,” Jing Yuan said, his tone sharper than usual. “Every action has consequences—not just for us, but for the entire Alliance.”

“I’m trying to help you!” you shot back, voice trembling. “But you keep shutting me out like I’m just an outsider!”

Jing Yuan ran a hand through his long hair, visibly exasperated. “It’s not about shutting you out—it’s about protecting you. Don’t you see that?”

When he suddenly stepped closer, his voice louder than before, you instinctively flinched, taking a step back. His eyes widened, his anger evaporating in an instant.

“Wait…” His voice softened. “Did you just flinch?”

You looked down, ashamed. The moment hung heavy in the air. Jing Yuan’s heart ached at the sight of you retreating from him, and he cursed himself for letting his emotions overwhelm his judgment.

“I’m sorry,” he said gently, his hands hovering before dropping to his sides. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.” He took a step back himself, giving you space. “I would never hurt you.”

You hesitated before nodding, your eyes still wary. Jing Yuan took a deep breath, his usual calm returning. He walked to his desk, retrieved a cup of tea, and set it down in front of you.

“Let’s talk—properly this time,” he said, his voice steady but laced with remorse. “I want to listen to you, truly.”

And for the first time that evening, you felt safe enough to let him in.

The opulent office felt suffocating as Aventurine paced back and forth, his normally suave demeanor unraveling. You had challenged one of his high-stakes decisions, and he hadn’t taken it well.

“You think I didn’t calculate the risks?” he barked, his voice sharp as a blade. “You think I don’t know exactly what I’m doing?”

“I’m saying it’s dangerous, Aventurine!” you shot back, your voice rising to match his. “You can’t keep gambling with people’s lives like this!”

His eyes burned with frustration. “You don’t understand the game I’m playing! Every move I make is—”

When he spun to face you, gesturing emphatically, you flinched, your body reacting before your mind could catch up. The slight recoil stopped Aventurine mid-sentence. His hand, frozen mid-air, dropped to his side.

For a moment, silence reigned. Then, his voice came out softer, almost unsure. “Did I… scare you?”

You didn’t respond immediately, and that was answer enough. Aventurine’s usually confident mask cracked, revealing the guilt underneath. He stepped back, running a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his tone devoid of its usual bravado. “I let my temper get the better of me.”

You crossed your arms, your voice shaky. “I just want you to see that I care, Aventurine. You don’t have to face everything alone.”

He chuckled dryly, his smile weak but genuine. “It seems I’m the one who needs a reminder of that sometimes.” He reached out hesitantly, his fingers brushing yours. “Can we try this again? No shouting this time.”

You nodded, and as he led you to sit beside him, the gambler seemed determined to show you he was more than just his sharp words and risky strategies.

The gentle hum of the Astral Express felt distant as you and Dan Heng faced off in the library. He rarely raised his voice, but tonight, his frustration was palpable.

“You can’t just rush into danger like that!” Dan Heng exclaimed, his voice uncharacteristically forceful. “Do you have any idea how reckless that was?”

“I was trying to help!” you defended, equally upset. “You always act like I can’t handle myself!”

“Because you don’t see the risks!” He stepped forward, his hand clutching his spear. “What if something had happened to you? Do you think I could—”

When his voice rose further, and his spear clinked against the floor as he adjusted his grip, you flinched, taking a step back. Dan Heng immediately froze, his sharp eyes widening in realization. The air grew heavy with the weight of what had just happened.

“You…” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. He set his spear down, his hands shaking slightly. “I didn’t mean to… I would never—”

You looked away, biting your lip. “It’s fine. I just… wasn’t expecting you to—”

“No, it’s not fine,” he interrupted, his voice steady but filled with guilt. “I lost control. That’s on me.”

Dan Heng lowered himself to sit on the edge of the table, his posture uncharacteristically vulnerable. “I don’t want to push you away. I’m just… scared of losing you.”

You hesitated before stepping closer, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’m scared too, but we need to face this together. You don’t have to carry everything on your own.”

He nodded, his usual calm slowly returning. “You’re right. I’ll… do better.”

In that moment, you saw the real Dan Heng—not the stoic guardian, but the man who carried the weight of the past and feared losing the one person who made him feel safe.

The grandiose living room of Alhaitham's home felt oppressive as your argument with Kaveh escalated. He stood in the middle of the room, his expressive eyes alight with frustration. You had challenged one of his decisions, and his idealistic nature didn’t take it lightly.

“You don’t understand what this means to me!” Kaveh exclaimed, his voice shaking. “I worked my entire life to make a difference through my designs! And now you’re questioning that?”

“I’m not questioning your work, Kaveh,” you said, your voice tinged with desperation. “I’m worried about you! You’re pushing yourself too hard, taking on too much—”

“Because I have to!” he shouted, his hands flaring in an animated gesture. “If I don’t, who will? Do you think anyone else cares as much as I do?” He stepped closer, his tone growing sharper as he continued. “Stop acting like you—”

Your body reacted before your mind could catch up. You flinched, taking a small step back as his voice rose and his movements became more animated. The action stopped him in his tracks, the weight of the moment crashing down around him like a crumbling structure.

His arms dropped to his sides, and his face fell. “Did… did I scare you?” he asked, his voice suddenly quiet and laced with regret.

You didn’t reply immediately, your throat tight with emotion. “I—I didn’t mean to—” you started, but Kaveh shook his head, cutting you off.

“No,” he said firmly, his tone filled with self-reproach. “This isn’t on you. I… I shouldn’t have yelled like that.” He took a step back, giving you space, his eyes filled with guilt. “I never meant to make you feel unsafe.”

“Kaveh…” you began, your voice softening.

He turned away briefly, running a hand through his hair. “I let my emotions get the better of me. Again. It’s just… everything feels like it’s falling apart, and I’m trying so hard to hold it together.”

You stepped forward hesitantly, placing a hand on his arm. “I know you’re trying, Kaveh. But you don’t have to do it alone. You don’t have to carry this weight by yourself.”

He looked at you, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I just… I don’t know how to let go. But I don’t ever want to hurt you, not even by accident.”

“You won’t,” you assured him, squeezing his arm gently. “But you need to let yourself rest, Kaveh. Let yourself breathe.”

He nodded slowly, his usual dramatic flair subdued by the gravity of the moment. “You’re right. I’ll… I’ll try. For you.”

And as the tension eased, you saw in his eyes the vulnerability he often tried to mask with passion and idealism—a man who cared so deeply, it sometimes consumed him.

The sterile halls of Herta’s spaceship echoed with the sharp edge of your argument. Herta stood before her console, her fingers tapping impatiently on its surface as she glared at you.

“Do you even understand the magnitude of what I’m trying to achieve here?” she asked, her tone biting. “This isn’t just some experiment—it’s a breakthrough!”

“I do understand,” you replied, your voice raised. “But you’re so focused on the outcome that you’re ignoring the risks!”

Herta’s eyes narrowed as she whirled around to face you, her movements swift and deliberate. “Risks are inevitable in science! If I stopped every time something was dangerous, we wouldn’t even have the Simulated Universe! You—” She gestured sharply, stepping closer as her voice grew louder.

The suddenness of her movement made you flinch, your shoulders tensing as you instinctively stepped back. The reaction was subtle but unmistakable. Herta froze mid-sentence, her eyes widening in realization.

She stared at you for a long moment, the tension in her posture dissipating. “Wait… did I just… scare you?” she asked, her voice unusually soft.

You looked away, unable to meet her gaze. “It’s fine. I know you didn’t mean to.”

But Herta shook her head, her usual detached demeanor cracking. “No, it’s not fine,” she said, setting her clipboard aside. “I might be a genius, but that doesn’t give me the right to… intimidate you like that.”

You glanced at her, surprised by the remorse in her tone. “Herta…”

She crossed her arms, avoiding your eyes as she spoke. “I get so caught up in my work, I forget about the people around me. I’m sorry.” She sighed, her sharp wit returning slightly. “It seems even I have room for improvement.”

You chuckled softly despite the tension. “You think?”

She smiled faintly, stepping closer but keeping her movements slow and deliberate. “Let me make it up to you. I’ll explain everything properly this time—no yelling, no dramatics.”

You nodded, the knot in your chest loosening. “I’d like that.”

As she guided you to her desk, the usual confidence in her demeanor was tempered by a quiet sincerity. For the first time, you saw the side of Herta that wasn’t just a genius or a scientist, but someone who valued your trust more than any experiment.

[thefandombringer]

Season 3 Milkvan is not nearly as cute as I remembered it being 4 years ago

So I’m rewatching s3 for the first time in a hot minute because I remembered that being the most milkvan heavy season but what I’ve realized in this rewatch is that there is not a single scene between Mike and El where Mike does not have to put up some sort of facade. We see a lot of Mike’s genuine character in the first two seasons, especially when he is happy (playing D&D with the party, spending time with his friends and Will) so we as an audience can tell that all the times where Mike appears happy in season 3—especially in scenes with El—are NOT Mike’s genuine personality.

Im not sure quite how to explain it, but the main scenes that come to mind are the opening scene with them making out in El’s bedroom, Mike’s phone call to El when he lies about his Nana, and the scene in the pool with that human dummy thing. Two of these are scenes where Mike is supposedly happy and joking around with El, but they have a very superficial vibe to them—which will be the first . I’m pretty sure that anyone can clock those moments if they watch those on their own but, as someone that does a lot of acting, mannerism and vocal inflection shifts are key when playing different characters. The way Mike holds himself and delivers his lines do not feel like the same Mike that we grew to know and love in the earlier seasons and, since Finn is obviously not a terrible actor (he is, in fact, quite a good actor), we as the audience are meant to realize that Mike is not being his true self or, in other words, playing another character. He can’t be his genuine self around El (which is also demonstrated very very clearly in season 4 but this shows that these issues did not come out of nowhere), which heavily contrasts the other significant relationships in the show, especially throughout season 3 (Jancy, Jopper, Lumax) who are their authentic selves with each other and are able to bicker and match each other’s energies while still very clearly loving each other. Milkvan is not like them, and not in a good way.

The second portion of this (and why I mentioned the phone call scene) is the fact that Mike talks to her like he has to dumb himself down/like she is much younger and unable to understand how he would talk to her normally. I really don’t has a way to describe this other than just recommending that you watch those scenes again to see what I mean. It’s obvious that he cares about her and really does enjoy talking to her, but in a way that I would talk to my younger siblings/cousins. Is this how a healthy relationship should seem? I certainly hope not. This is doubled by the fact where in that one interview (I have no idea where to find it so if someone has it please link it!!) Finn says that when he first met El, it was like taking in an alien like in ET. Again, not very romantic. It is also explicitly shown that this is not how everyone talks to El, so it’s not like she can’t understand the standard level of conversation. Such a big emphasis on El and Max’s friendship and the fact that Max treats El as an equal and helps her find her own personality instead of babying El and keeping her sheltered and controlled. She can be treated like a regular person and is so much better for it. She’s not you pet, Michael.

Notice how both of these major problems are never found between Mike and Will. All of their conversations and interactions within the show are 100% genuine and authentic and never feel superficial or forced. Their relationship is also taken much more seriously throughout the whole show when contrasted to Milkvan, but that’s a whole separate post. Mike and Will’s fights are serious and real, while Mike and El’s (with the exception of the “From Mike” fight, which is pretty telling) are comedic and surface level and played for laughs.

BYLER ENDGAME BYLER ENDGAME

[mcuamerica]

Biscuits & Jam | Cassian x Reader

Pairing: Cassian x Fem!Reader

Summary: Dawn Court's best tinker/blacksmith and the Night Court's Lord of Bloodshed work on weapons together... but spending all that time together leads to something more. Requested by @runnergirl234 here.

Warnings: pure fluff, soft Cassian, mentions of battle

The bell above the door to your shop chimed once and you glanced up from the weapon you were boxing. “Hello.” You said, noticing the wings and the leathers on the male. He most certainly is not from the Dawn Court. From his wings alone you know he is Illyrian. And Illyrians don’t travel to the Dawn Court for many reasons. “How can I help you?” You asked, smiling at the warrior. 

“You’re not going to step back and cower?” He asked and raised his eyebrows. His gravelly voice does something to your knees, but you stand your ground. 

“No… is that a normal occurrence with females for you? Because that sounds like a problem.” You said, your heart seizing when he let out a loud laugh. 

“Oh, you’re funny.” He said and sent a breathtaking smile your way. If you didn’t know better, you would think there was a tug on your ribs, towards this male. But… it couldn’t be. “It’s a common occurrence for anyone outside of my home Court.” He said. 

His dazzling smile, the stubble along his jaw, the golden flecks in his hazel eyes. You shook your head slightly, taking in his leathers again. “You must be General Cassian.” You said, pushing the box to the side. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. How can I help you?” You asked again, though your heart rate picked up since the first time asking. 

“I was tasked with finding the best blacksmith to recreate some weapons.. Thesian directed me to you.” He said and set the bag he was carrying down on one of the work tables. You walked around the counter, noticing how much he towers over you as you looked at the weapons. His body heat radiates towards you. You are a dawn court resident, you’re used to the heat in the summer. In these circumstances, you can’t help but feel a little overwhelmed by it. Why is he so attractive? 

“I’m honored that Thesian has such faith in my abilities.” You said and looked at the weapons. Your eyes widened slightly. “Is this Iridam?” You asked. “Where did you find this?” 

“These have been in our supply rooms for quite some time. And it so happens they are perfect weapons to killing Attors.” He said. “Is there a way to replicate them? I can provide more of the stone.” He said. 

“Metal… it’s metal.” You corrected as you looked at the craftsmanship of the sword. “I can… but… can I ask why you want swords?” You asked. 

“Because it’s what we’re trained with for the most part. Why? Do you have a better suggestion?” He asked, but with no condescension in his tone. 

“I think a shotel would work better for Attors. Especially if they are flying. Easier to catch on the curve.” You said. “I suppose that’s what I would make for ground soldiers… but I assume you are wanting them for more Illyrians.” You said.

“No… a shotel actually might be better… especially with the… metal. I know it’s more prone to bending anyway.” He said. “How many can you have ready by the end of the week?” 

“I’d say about 20, if I finish the orders I have today.” You said. “It’s only me.” You said and shrugged. 

“I could help… make it 40?” He asked and you looked up at him. 

“Oh… I couldn’t ask you to put your own labor-“

“If it means I get to spend more time with you, I’d very much like if.” He said. 

Heat rushed to your neck as you stumbled over your next words. “Oh… okay.” You said and gave him a small smile. “I would like the help… but do you have the metal?” You asked, changing the subject so your heart doesn’t leap out of your chest. 

“I’ll go grab it. And… I have a few other ideas for a couple mechanisms. Thesian mentioned you weren’t just a blacksmith. Maybe I can run them by you?” He asked. 

“I’ve never really been to war. But I’d be happy to help.” You said and smiled softly. 

Cassian came back later in the day when the shop was closed. You had finished all your orders and closed down for the week, knowing it would take most of your time with the order. Plus, if a certain General was going to spend his time with you, you didn’t want any distractions. 

“So, how did you get into this business?” He asked. 

You looked over to him and gave him a small smile as you took the metal from his hands, careful not to make contact out of fear you may scare him. 

“My father was a blacksmith. And believe it or not, he was very happy when I decided to take over the business.” You said. “My mother and him are living their lives out on the coast now, along with my younger brother. Plus, when I was a child, I loved to take things and put them together. It was always a lot of fun for me. Challenged me. My teachers hated that I would change the way they taught us how to make things. But it always turned out I made it a better way. And quicker too.” 

“The Master Tinker…” A soft smile came to his lips.  “Does your family survive off of what the business made?” He asked. 

“I send them money every now and then, but they’re well off. My mother was the daughter of an emissary. When he passed, she received all his funds.” You explained. “But, she was never close with her father. And we didn’t live that well when I was growing up. This shop was all that I knew.” 

“It’s honorable for you to continue the business. Even if you didn’t need to.” Cassian said. “Do you get a lot of business?” 

“Yeah, I do. Ever since Thesian came back from Under the Mountain, he decided that I was his #1 recommendation for a blacksmith.” You said. “And I also love to make new concepts for designs. I’ll spend all night up just thinking of exactly how to make something work.” You explained. 

“Like what?” He asked, leaned a little closer to you. 

And so you went off on a tangent, rambling to Cassian about the new device you were trying to create. Something like an easy device to carry a faelight when someone with less power needs it. “Like the lights on the wall. But portable. I just can’t get it to bind quite yet. But I’m almost there.” You said happily, turning around. You stumbled and held onto the mold in your hands as you ran into Cassian’s chest. 

“You are incredible.” He whispered. 

Your breath hitched and your eyes widened as you looked up at him. 

“Oh… sorry.” He said and stepped back, clearing his throat. That would have been incredibly creepy… if you weren’t undeniably attracted to the male. “I just.. I’d love to hear more about your devices.” He said. 

You gathered yourself as you set the mold on your work table. “Sure.” You said quietly, then proceeded to talk about all of the inventions you had helped make. “I’m terrible at making potions though. And burning magic and metal is difficult work.” You finally finished. 

He was still staring, but continued to work on the mold in front of him. “You know… if you’re ever wanting somewhere else to reside… I think there may be a place for a Master Blacksmith in the Night Court.” Cassian finally spoke. 

“Oh… I appreciate the offer. But I love being in Dawn…” you said. “I always have been one to work late into the night and not in the early morning like most residents.” You corrected. 

The thought of you being so far away once Cassian went back home hurt. He couldn’t describe it, but he was going to miss you. 

By the end of the week, you had been enthralled by Cassian. He opened up to you about his childhood, how he made his way to General of the Night Court armies. You also learned that his favorite food was biscuits that Rhys’s mother had made one time. And he loved them even more if they were covered in homemade jam. 

While you weren’t an expert baker, you had some skill when it came to the kitchen. You also had a close friend that had a farm on the outskirts of the city. So, you left a note for Cassian when he would arrive later and made your way there. You picked up the jam that you requested. Your friend happened to have his favorite on hand, etherberries. They were similar to the strawberries that you loved, but had a slight tart aftertaste that Cassian said he found interesting. 

When you made it back, Cassian was already there and working on the shotels. 

“I have a couple things to do upstairs.. Why don’t you come up when you’re done with this one?” You asked him. 

He shot you that breathtaking smile and nodded. “Of course.” He said. 

You knew it would take at least 2 hours for him to finish what he was working on, so you had just enough time to make the biscuits. You wanted to thank him for the company he gave you during the week. His kindness and his helpfulness. The people of Dawn were sweet, and always nice to you, but having Cassian around was different. It was like his praise and attention meant more. And maybe it did. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but you wanted his constant praise and amazement all the time. When he left, it would be bittersweet. He would be leaving to help defend his Court but he would be leaving you. And you weren’t sure you were ready to say goodbye. 

You made sure to hide the smell of the biscuits so Cass couldn’t smell them, and when he came upstairs finally, you had a clean towel draped over them. The jam was hidden precisely so he couldn’t see either. You were nervously bouncing on your heels when he made his way up and washed his hands. 

There was something endearing about him being the one covered in soot, smelling like fire and metal. It was only ever you here before. You never got the chance to actually have anyone other than friends over. And even that wasn’t too often. You were so busy, especially now that Thesian decided you were the best tinker and blacksmith in the Court. 

But Cassian being here was different from when your friends were here. This meant something. What, you couldn’t place. But it did nonetheless. 

“So… what have you been working on up here all the time?” He asked as he sat down at the counter, leaning his strong forearms against the stone. 

“Well… I wanted to thank you for your help this week. And I know you’re going to say it’s for you and your Court anyway… but it was very kind. I.. I enjoyed your company while you were here.” You said and pushed the bowl towards him, then lifted the towel off of the biscuits along with revealing the jam. “So I wanted to make this for you. I hope you like it.” You said, a warmth creeping up on your neck. 

“I can’t.” He said, his tone slightly more serious than you had heard it before. 

Your gaze snapped up. Maybe you had presumed that he would like these. This was something dear to him. You overstepped in thinking he would like these. Especially coming from you, a female he only met a few days ago. “Oh… okay.. That’s.. That’s fine.” You said, a knot working its way into your throat. “I’ll set them aside for myself - later… someone.” You cleared your throat and shook your head. 

“No.. (Y/N) that’s not what I meant.” He whispered and stopped you from pulling away the bowl, his hand on your forearm. “I can’t accept food from you.” He said. 

You furrowed your eyebrows and tilted your head. “I’m sorry if I overstepped-” 

“I can’t accept this because you are my mate.” He said gently, his eyes bearing into yours. “And considering the look on your face, you don’t know that. I wouldn’t want to accept it without you knowing-” 

“Eat.” You stopped him, staring right back into those gold-flecked hazel eyes. 

He paused, searching your eyes. “What?” You hadn’t seen him this stunned yet. 

“I may have not realized… but I know it. Deep down, Cass. I know you’re my mate. And the Mother has blessed me with you as a mate. I’m not going to sit back and wait. Eat.” You whispered. “If you want-” 

Before you could even finish the sentence, Cassian was uncapping the jam and spreading it over the biscuits. You felt the bond snap completely into place as he took the first bite, letting out a ludicrous sound of delight. 

“These are fantastic.” He whispered, finishing the biscuit and moving the bowl aside. “And I can finish these later… But I need to have a taste of my mate first.” His voice was low and gravelly. Like he needed water. But you weren’t going to question what he needed as you rounded the counter. You giggled as he pulled you close to him and his lips landed on yours. You could taste the buttery biscuit and sweet, but tart, jam on his lips. And when you opened your mouth for his tongue, you could taste him. You sunk into his hold, wrapping your arms around his neck as he pulled you on his lap. 

Lets just say that neither you, nor Cassian, left your shop for the next month. 

A/N: I'm picturing this takes place after Frost & Starlight.

Also, there is going to be one more part to this just because I want to develop them actually being mates and working together. Not sure when that will come out, but soon hopefully!

[tkomptgoedluv]

tear you apart.

grumpycafeworkervampire! joost x f! reader

tags: dead dove do not eat, f! reader, internetcafe & vampire au, very much the ‘he hates everyone but her’ trope, even more so the ‘who did this to you?’ trope, reader’s boyfriend is an asshole and deserves everything he gets, joostie has a crush and it’s bad, light stalking, hurt angst and comfort all in one, all characters are dutch and speak in dutch but dialogue is written in english for obvious reasons.

word count: 5,040.

warnings: descriptions of an un-specific mental illness, cheating, descriptions of self harm, mentions of & scenes of DV, violence, gore, rpf.

notes: hello!! thank you guys so much for waiting on this even though it’s been over a month since we all lost our minds a little over vampire joost. i’m very proud of this one, even if the ending is kind of rushed, and i may or may not have already planned out parts 2 & 3 as well so please lemme know if you want a series out of this! (if you don’t say yes then juno might kill you btw). this fic also comes with a MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING so please read at your own risk and stay safe!

love you all lots — enjoy!! 💋

── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ──

the whole point of joost setting up his little internet cafe was that he needed something simple, for a while. something quiet, something normal. he needed to get away from his life with the band, and away from all of the blood and guts that came right along with it. for once, he wanted to be invisible.

that’s what the cafe was supposed to do for him; become an escape, of sorts. he wanted to spend all day, everyday, sat behind that desk of his, with earphones in his ears and a magazine in his hands. if someone needed help with one of the computers or something, then he’d do so, but only with a roll of his eyes and a scowl on his face. anything more than that and he’d flip them off, flash his fangs at them maybe, and laugh as they’d run out the door, screaming.

he didn’t want to talk to these people, his customers — a lot of them he actually couldn’t stand. they were messy and far too loud for his liking, always leaving their rubbish on the floor and shouting at each other. but at the very least they were simple, so he could handle teaching them how to find youtube and cleaning up after them if it meant that they’d all leave him alone. besides, he still had his ways of disposing of the ones that just wouldn’t behave themselves.

but then you had to come along, didn’t you?

you, with your big sad eyes and your soft, soft smile that was such a rarity to see. this plan of his, you were ruining it and you didn’t even know it.

joost could never admit it to himself, but he was a little infatuated with you. all you ever did was just sit in the corner, as far away from everyone else as you could possibly get, and stare at the computer screen until your eyes would grow too heavy. it made you such a stark contrast to the rest of them that joost couldn’t help but feel something towards you, even if he wouldn’t show it.

he found himself quickly learning your routine, making a note of how you only ever came in at night, no earlier than nine o’clock, and always left before the early hours of the morning. he had no choice but to notice how you always had the same heartbroken look on your face, with red-rimmed eyes and a frown pulling down at your lips. and he could never ignore how you only ever seemed to wear clothes that were at least a few sizes too big for you, always drowning in the fabric of old hoodies and sweatpants.

all of these little things that he couldn’t stop himself from knowing about you…well it was all a little bit weird, wasn’t it? because joost, he was yet to speak to you, to even acknowledge you, really. only when your back was turned would he ever dare to glance in your direction, and even then it was quick, only ever from the corner of his eye.

whatever this was, this thing joost had for you, it was starting to blur the lines between a normal, human crush and borderline stalking. that was why no matter what, it could never be anything more than just a few glances here and there. no matter what, he had to stay away.

joost wanted simple, and you just weren’t that.

but like all of his other plans, you had to go and ruin that one too, because then you started to smell.

not of anything bad, of course, just of blood. and to joost, everyone smelt like blood to some extent; it was one of the many consequences of his particular…lifestyle. he should’ve been used to it by then. the sweet, sweet smell of you shouldn’t have almost knocked him off of his chair when you walked in that day.

at first he just assumed it was nature taking its course; you were a girl after all, and it explained the constant grimace on your face. but after a week, the smell hadn’t gone away — now four months later, it was still there. if anything, it was only getting stronger.

like tonight, there you were, sat in your usual spot right by the window, and joost could smell it. he could barely concentrate on reading his magazine the way it was making his head spin and his heart race. for a human,

a scent like that wasn’t normal; despite his better judgment, joost found himself worrying about you.

even more so when you started to cry at your desk.

your head was down and your hands were hiding your face, muffling the sound. no one else around you could hear it, they were too engrossed in playing their silly little video games to really notice. but joost wasn’t like them, was he? he could hear it. he could hear it over the sound of a ‘SUM 41’ song playing on full blast in his ears, in fact.

it made him freeze in his seat, his hands grip the pages of his ‘SPICE’ magazine a little too tightly. then he looked over at you only because he knew that you wouldn’t see it, and caught a glimpse of your shoulders shaking slightly. the sight alone made his eyebrows crease and his knuckles turn white, but it was your small gasp of breath that made him growl.

everyone’s head turned at the sound as the click-clacking of the keyboards ceased, and suddenly joost had sixteen pairs of eyes all staring at him. the only one that hadn’t looked up was you, who merely flinched at the sudden noise as you finally lowered your hands, only to wipe your nose and go back to staring at your computer screen.

in slow movements, joost slammed his magazine down and kicked his feet up off of his desk, muttering a low ‘we’re closing, everyone get out.’ with a cigarette still hanging from his lips. when nobody moved he rose from his chair and stubbed out his cig into his garfield-shaped ashtray, his jaw clenched and eyes narrowed.

that was all it took to get everyone up, shoving their shit into their pockets, and heading out the door. you went to stand as well, having already pulled your hood well up over your head in preparation for the hard-falling rain outside. but you stopped when you heard the guy at the reception desk clear his throat not just once but twice, his attention only on you as everybody else made their exits.

“not you, grey hoodie. you stay.”

joost could hear a ringing in his ears from how silent the room became once the last person had left, the cafe door swinging shut behind them, it’s sign now reading ‘closed: come again soon!”

there was a certain…hesitation behind the way that he moved closer to you. behind the way that he grabbed a new cigarette from his pack, letting it dangle between his lips as he pulled up a chair next to you. the absolute last thing that he wanted was to wind up scaring you, somehow, even if the look on your face told him that you already were.

joost could see you shaking, could see all of the tears welling up in your eyes no matter how many times you tried to blink them away. he could hear your heart hammering away inside your chest, the rush of warm blood inside your veins. for once, maybe for even the first time, joost was starting to regret having the reputation that he did.

“i know i’m not exactly known for my ‘outstanding customer service’, but i just want to make sure that you’re okay.” he paused only to take a drag of his cigarette, the ash falling down and dirtying the denim of his jeans. “are you okay?”

no, you really weren’t.

without a word you turned away to press the ‘on’ button of your computer screen, its cold, blue light casting a dark shadow across your face. it showed him exactly what you had been looking at before you’d tried to leave, having forgotten to properly log out first. whilst the receptionist leaned forward and squinted at the screen, you let your head hang low to hide the fresh tears that burned along your waterline.

you’d been scrolling through facebook rather aimlessly when you came across the picture. at first, you thought that it was just an old one someone had reshared simply for nostalgia sake; one of those ‘on this day five years ago’ type things. then you had seen that it had only been posted an hour ago, so you tried convincing yourself that it wasn’t actually him in the photo — even though he’d been tagged in the fucking thing.

whether you could accept it or not, it was very much him. it was him sucking on the neck of your best friend, at a party he insisted that you couldn’t go to.

“what exactly am i looking at here?”

but to joost, it was just a picture of what he guessed was a house party. the girls were half dressed, the guys were clutching onto their beer cans, and nobody in sight looked sober. not exactly something worth crying over, he thought.

“that’s uh, that’s my boyfriend right there…and that’s my best friend next to him.”

he didn’t say anything for a minute; he didn’t really know what to say. joost just kept glancing back and forth between you and the computer screen, with his lips ever so slightly parted and the cigarette between his fingertips long forgotten about. he understood it now, and couldn’t blame you for any of the tears running down your cheeks anymore.

“for what it’s worth, i’m sorry. dude’s a fucking scumbag for doing that to you.”

you merely chuckled, the laugh coming out all dry and hoarse. “you have no idea.”

it was a small comment, maybe just your own way of saying ‘yeah, i know’, but something about your choice of words made joost frown. he didn’t like the gut feeling it gave him, nor did he like the way he saw you flinch again, this time at the way he raised his hand, though only to toss his now burnt-out cigarette into the bin.

it was making him think, making him realise that, that definitely wasn’t the first time you’d reacted to something so minuscule like that. how even the slightest of movements normally had you ducking your head and cowering, with your shoulders all bunched up by your ears. and it was making him wonder if there was maybe another reason behind the clothes that you wore, besides how you just ran a little colder than the average person.

the crease in joost’s eyebrows deepened as he swivelled his seat more to face you rather than the computer, and rested a careful hand on your knee. as you looked up, he swapped his frown for a smile that you just about managed to mirror.

“i’m here if you wanna talk about anything, okay? i’m joost.”

when you told him your name back, he acted as though he hadn’t know what it was already.

the sudden ringing of your phone cut through the soft silence like a jagged knife, the sound of your shitty, pirated ‘AFI’ ringtone bringing a genuine smile to joost’s face as he got up to walk away. it was merely a formality at this point, stepping away to give someone a bit of ‘privacy’ whilst they took a phone call. joost could be all the way across the street and he’d still hear it, whether he was trying to or not.

although admittedly, this was one he was purposefully trying to eavesdrop on. he caught a glimpse of the caller ID — saw the bright red love heart next to the name ‘levi’. since it matched the name tagged in the photos, it was a safe assumption to presume it was the boyfriend calling.

he hoped to hear the guy grovel, begging on his knees for your forgiveness or at the very least offering you some kind of explanation. anything to prove this gut feeling of his wrong. but even the shouting from the other end of the line made joost wince, his palms starting to sweat as he began tidying up the other desks.

it started out as just pure name calling, accusing you of facebook-stalking his friends and not trusting him, that you were ‘fucking crazy’ and a ‘stupid little bitch’. then it became about how he’d already made it clear that you weren’t to go to the cafe tonight, not under any circumstances, and he could see online that you were.

joost really did try to busy himself, tried to grit his teeth and bear with what he was hearing this asshole scream at you. he wasn’t supposed to have been listening, anyway. he was supposed to have been staying away, like he was always meant to.

but he just couldn’t take it though, could he? he couldn’t handle hearing this boyfriend of yours threaten to beat you black and blue, and not for the first time this week. he had to storm across the room and snatch the phone right out of your hands, flipping it shut to disconnect the call. honestly, he probably would’ve smashed the fucking thing had you not taken it back from him and slipped it into your trouser pocket.

“tell me he didn’t mean that.”

you weren’t given a chance to scold him for his eavesdropping, even though you weren’t entirely sure how he was able to hear your conversation in the first place. joost was already staring you down, his arms crossed and chest heaving as he towered over you. you could almost feel the anger he radiated; see the darkening of his eyes and flare of his nostrils.

it was no wonder that you couldn’t look at him; you didn’t have the guts to.

“tell me he doesn’t fucking hit you.”

you couldn’t.

you couldn’t lie to him like that. you weren’t quite sure why, you were lying to everybody else in your life about it. he wasn’t the first to ask you that kind of question, and he wouldn’t be the last, either. but you just didn’t have it in you to try and feed him the same old bullshit that you always fed anyone else that asks you about it. chances were, he wouldn’t have believed it anyway.

so instead, you showed him. still with your eyes focused on the wall behind him, you peeled off that god-awful hoodie and let it fall to the floor, leaving you to shiver in a thin, white t-shirt. it exposed each and every single one of the bruises that levi had given you, both old and new, as well as those half-a-dozen little cuts that you’d given yourself.

you felt joost’s fingertips trail along every single one of the marks, gently brushing along the skin of your arms and only stopping once he reached your wrists. he hesitated then, though only because he didn’t want to hurt you anymore than you already had yourself. it was with such a delicate hold that he took your arms in his hands, turning them over in the light just so that he could see it all a little easier.

“this wasn’t him, was it?”

you already knew what he was referring to and so you shook your head, still too scared to meet his eyes. if you had, you would’ve seen his own tears welling up in his.

this was what he had been smelling. all those spots of blood pooling underneath your skin, slowly turning into bruises. the thin, red lines that ran up and down each one of your arms; some old and scabbed over, some not. all of it, every single mark, was why he could always smell so much blood on you.

joost didn’t even know he still knew how to cry, it had been so long. he hadn’t shed a tear in years; not since way before the…change. and you were the reason that streak was broken now, because he soon found himself dropping your arms to wipe the wet from his face, further smudging the dark eyeliner around his eyes.

“fuck, okay, we’re gonna…there’s a pull-out bed in the back, we’re gonna make you a bed for the night — for as long as you need. you’re not going back there.”

he was pacing around as he rambled, wiping the snot from his nose as he did so. by the time you’d pulled your hoodie back on he had a whole plan laid out for you, the kind that had you moving into the cafe, sleeping in the staff room, never to see your boyfriend again.

it was getting harder and harder to believe that this was the same guy that you’d heard so many horror stories about. all the gossip, the whispers, the rumours, they all painted joost out to be some kind of monster. yet here he was in tears over you, doing laps of the room with his hands pulling at his hair in a panic, all because he knew your secret now. knew that you’d been dealing with enough monsters of your own to know that he wasn’t one.

“why do you care, joost?” your voice betrayed you as you spoke because with each word it waivered, coming out all cracked and broken until you could barely say anything at all. “you don’t know me.”

“i do! i mean, i know enough to know that a guy like that is gonna fucking kill you one day and that can’t happen, okay? it can’t. do you understand that?”

in a moment of weakness he made his way back over to you and placed his hands on either side of your face, gently tilting your head up so you had no choice but to look at him. under the warm, yellow lights of the cafe you could see every ounce of fear in his eyes, feel the shake in his hands as he tucked loose strands of hair behind your ears.

“i’m sorry. i know that this is a lot and you don’t really know me like that but i need you to trust me, liefde. i’m gonna keep you safe, i promise.”

just like that, every single one of those little promises that he’d made himself about staying away from you, gone.

you found yourself nodding before you’d really even given a thought to what it was you were actually agreeing to. just as long as joost kept looking at you like that, you’d probably agree to anything.

“okay, okay, that’s good. just…stay here, alright? i’ll be right back.”

you blinked, and you were alone.

the staff room door was open ajar now, with a dimmer, yellow light spilling out. there was a lot of faint rustling around; a few little bangs and crashes followed by some muffled swearing. besides that and the rain hitting against the cafe windows, it was silent — almost eerily so.

it gave you the space to actually try to understand what it was that was happening. joost was back there setting up that bed for you, turning the cafe's staff room into a makeshift bedroom, just as he promised. you wouldn’t be going home tonight, not tomorrow, maybe not ever. as for levi? it was hard to wrap your head around the fact that you weren’t ever going to see him again.

you took a seat back at your desk, closing each one of your tabs and logging out of whatever websites that you needed to. myspace, youtube, facebook; you had to stop and stare when that fucking picture popped up again.

calling her your best friend was a stretch, she was always more his friend than she ever was yours, but still, it stung. besides joost now, she was the only one who knew your secret, who’d been in the wrong place at the wrong time and seen him hit you so hard it knocked you clean off your feet. she still convinced you to stay, giving you the exact same excuses for it that levi did.

he was always stressed and going through something that you just wouldn’t understand, and you were always the one making him feel worse, so it really couldn’t be his fault then, could it?

you were just about to close that very last tab, the cursor hovering over the big red ‘x’ in the top right-hand corner, when the front door swung back open. the sudden ding of the electronic doorbell made you jump, as did the bang of the door frame slamming against the wall. you heard his voice before you saw him standing there on the worn-out welcome mat, soaking wet and seething.

“i fucking knew you were here.”

levi.

even from where you were sitting you could smell the alcohol on him, see the glazed-over look in his bloodshot eyes. peaking out from the collar of his jacket were small, dark hickies dotted all across his neck and there was a faint smudge of pink smeared across his bottom lip. he hadn’t even had the decency to clean himself up, to wipe the last speck of her literal fucking lipstick from off of his face.

“you little fucking bitch, what did i say to you, huh? i told you to stay home. why is it that you can’t ever fucking listen?”

“i’m not doing this with you, levi.”

he laughed at what you said, more so chuckled, darkly underneath his breath. he always found it funny when you tried to talk back to him, refusing to do whatever it was he demanded or throwing back any of his endless insults right back at him. it didn’t happen often because when it did, you’d pay for it.

“oh yeah? you’re not gonna ‘do’ this with me? who the fuck do you think you are to say that to me?” when you didn’t say anything else and turned away from him, deciding to instead face the now black screen of your computer, he continued. “cmon, get the fuck up, we’re going home.”

you didn’t move. you focused on your breathing, focused on the feeling of the grey cotton between your fingers as you played with the fraying threads of your hoodie’s sleeves.

“i’m not talking to myself here. i said get up!”

levi’s voice bellowed from all the way across the room and you could’ve sworn that it made the keyboards shake. still, you stayed exactly where you were, making it clear to him that you weren’t going to be going anywhere tonight — especially not home, especially not with him.

being ignored like this was almost worse than anything you could’ve possibly said back to him. you've never done that before, never tried to disobey him quite so outrightly. you had always been one to break as soon as he’d raise his voice, a shadow of a smirk curling the corners of his lips as he’d dare you to say whatever it was again.

only this time, you weren’t saying anything at all, and he really didn’t like that.

his strides over to you were so quick that you didn’t have any time at all to react before you were being yanked out of your seat and dragged back over to the door. you were tripping over all of the other chairs as you tried to pull your arm free, begging for him to stop and to let you go whilst he dug his nails deeper into the flesh of your forearm.

it hadn’t even occurred to you that the background noise of joost moving furniture around couldn’t be heard anymore, that the staff room door was no longer closed ajar and instead now wide open. it hadn’t even occurred to you, not until levi was being teared away from you, leaving behind a small rip in your hoodie and faint claw marks in your skin.

from where you were standing now, you couldn’t see much anymore. tall, broad shoulders became the barrier that separated you from levi, keeping you hidden away from him. you weren’t sure how long joost had been back there listening, how he was able to intervene so quickly or how he had the strength to toss your boyfriend almost to the other side of the room. you were just grateful for it, for him, and tightly clutched onto one of his arms so that he couldn’t disappear on you again.

“woah, what the fuck is this? who the fuck are you?”

levi had knocked into a couple of desks as he stumbled but eventually found his footing, his leather jacket hanging off of his shoulders from where joost had yanked at it. he shrugged it back on, eyes glued onto and glaring at the man you were cowering behind. neither of you expected him to start laughing like how he did, a deep, bitter chuckle that somehow made the air around you feel colder.

“so this is what she’s been doing here all this time, huh? been fucking around with some freak behind my back?”

“get out.”

there was no laughter in joost’s voice, no humour peaking through the cracks of his expression. there was only a silent begging behind his anger, a slight pleading in his words because joost already knew how this would end if levi didn’t turn on his heel and run.

but levi just wasn’t one to listen, was he?

instead he made a beeline for what was now your bedroom, supposedly, with no regard for the ‘staff only’ sign that was stuck to the door. without even taking a full step inside he could see the sofa bed that had been pulled out for you, decorated with scattered cushions and a messed up, old white duvet. it didn’t matter that it actually wasn’t what it looked like, because he’d already made his mind up and seeing that was all the ‘proof’ that he needed.

so levi wasn’t laughing anymore as he slowly turned around, now in a position where you were in his full view. he could see how you had yourself wrapped around joost’s arm, almost hugging it, and was starting to shrink under his gaze. he stared you both down for a moment before he locked eyes with you, his teeth gritted and jaw twitching.

“you fucking whore, you’re so fucking dead -”

he’d charged at you with one hand balled up into a fist and the other stretched out, a single finger pointing right at you. you jumped back and away from joost, your arms up and shielding your head as you turned away and readied yourself to feel it. a hard knee to the stomach, a sharp pull at your hair, something.

you only moved again when you heard a small whimper; an impossibly pathetic sound that you’d never heard before, but one that only levi could have made. you lowered your arms and raised your head, and immediately crashed into the desk behind you, choking on a cry that became lodged in your throat.

joost; sweet, misunderstood joost had his hand plunged inside levi’s chest, his fingers wrapped around and squeezing at his heart. those once soft blue eyes of his were now a deep, glowing shade of red, and as he grinned, you caught a glimpse of two long, sharp fangs. blood stained his lips and dribbled down his chin as he took a chunk out of levi’s neck, swallowing down every last piece of flesh and spitting out the odd little bone.

and he started to moan into it with each large gulp that he took, becoming so lost in the pleasure of it all that for just a moment, he seemed to forget that you were there. it had just been so long since he’d last indulged like this — feeling that warm rush of blood slide down the back of his throat, the heavy pulse of his prey slowly growing weaker and weaker.

joost didn’t stop until whatever was left of levi’s head was in one hand and his still heart was in the other, his body already turning cold at his feet. he easily could have stayed there for a little while longer, gone in for seconds and thirds perhaps, when he finally hears you. he hears you choking on your tears, on the single breath that you were holding.

you hadn’t been able to look away even though you had so desperately wanted to; you could feel the image of levi standing there all helpless, his mouth bobbing up and down as he tried so hard to scream out, burning into your eyes.

“liefde?…”

his voice was so gentle, sounding almost frightened, and yet you still jumped when joost finally spoke. he was just standing there staring at you, eyes all wide, with blood smeared across his face and splattered across his button-up shirt. even as he stood above the body parts of your boyfriend, joost somehow looked small now, like a dog that had been found chained to a fence for a few too many days.

for every step that he tried to take towards you, you took another five back, carefully inching your way closer and closer towards the front door as you did so. you could see it start to click in his head, the welling up of tears in his eyes as he glanced back and forth between you and the door.

“no no no, please, please don’t do that. i’m sorry, i’m so so sorry. please, i’m not gonna hurt you, please don’t go.”

joost took another step forward and you shrieked, bumping hard into the wall behind you, scraping your elbow against the brick. you hadn’t needed to say anything after that, hadn’t needed to beg for him to let you go because you watched him recoil, his hands held up in surrender.

you took one last look at levi, at what was left of him.

“fuck, i didn’t…i’m so sorry, liefde.”

and you ran, without ever looking back.

[owiil]

Sterek prompt:

Phonecall where one of them accidentally falls asleep

I'm so sorry that this took so long! 😥 I got hit by inspo for my current WIP and kind of, flitted over to focus on that for awhile. Also... uh... my initial thought for this prompt was so cute and fuzzy. Like, Stiles at college, Sterek night time phone calls, Stiles exhausted while studying, adorableness. And then I wrote this:

"Where are you?”

Stiles sighed, feeling woozy and dizzy and a bit like he was both floating and very, awfully heavy at the same time. His teeth were numb and his cheeks felt hot while the rest of him felt rather cold and he was really, just, kind of holding on to Derek’s voice because it was the only thing that seemed really real.

“Stiles.”

“What?”

“Where are you?”

Oh. Right. Location. Location.

His eyes slid across the world like molasses. “An alley. Between two dumpsters. One’s green and the other is white.” He snorted. “The white one has a recycle logo on it. In what world is the white one the recycle? It’s always green. It’s supposed to be the green one. For nature.”

“Stiles.” There was an edge to Derek’s voice, sharp and hard enough to cut through Stiles’ indignation about the recycle dumpster being the wrong color and bring him back to the conversation. “An alley where?”

With a hum, he leaned forward. Grunted at the tearing sensation in his gut. Leaned a bit more until he was panting ragged breaths but could finally see past the dumpsters. “Can’t see a street sign. No people.” Until and unless Trent, or whatever his actual name was, unless it was Trent, which—ugh, Trent—managed to track him down.

“Anything that’s not a street sign? Anything?”

“Orange and yellow neon across the street.” He squinted his eyes, found it didn’t help clear his vision, and finally had to lean back because the pain his stomach had grown too much, also, he was loosing strength in his arm, could tell from the way he felt a wash of wet warmth down his front, soak into his pants. “Maybe a palm.” He panted a ragged breath. “Palm reader? Why does it matter anyway? Use your nose.”

“We’re still recovering from the grenade yesterday.”

Or what Stiles had called a grenade. It had been a magical explosive, not a literal one. Good for Stiles. Less good for the wolves who could barely get into a beta shift and whose senses were cut down to a pittance of what they normally were at.

“Right.” Shit. “Maybe I should call 9-1-1 instead.”

“What.” Not even a question, just a straight up demand.

Stiles’ eyes rolled in a very slow circle before landing on himself and immediately darting away with a haste he hadn’t managed to achieve up to that point. “I am bleeding,” he said, strained and a little nauseated, “a lot.”

“What?” A question that time, snappish.

“I— Did I not—?” His tongue darted out to wet his lips only to be as dry as them and he frowned. “I may have gotten stabbed. Sorry I didn’t mention that.”

“Shit.”

“’s okay. I’m positive I’ve been worse off before.” He thought. Was pretty sure. He took a deep breath, winced, and let his too heavy head thump back against the concrete wall behind him. “I could try that teleportation spell, probably. It’s blood magic. I definitely have enough of it.”

“You are not trying teleportation magic for the first time while you are…” Derek snarled.

Stiles’ lips twitched into a small, amused smile. Always leave it to Derek to be skittish and nervous around new magics. It was kind of hilarious. Stiles didn’t tease him about it nearly as much as he needed to. “Alright.” He took another breath and shivered. “Alright.” God his phone weighed a ton. Pulling it away from his ear he put it on speaker, though between the blood and his jittery fingers and the trouble he was having with his vision it took a few tries. When he did, Derek’s voice came through, mid sentence.

“—e Black Rose?”

“Where I started?” Stiles asked back, letting his hand and the phone drop to his side. “Yeah.”

“In the back alley.”

“He was such a good kisser before he stabbed me…”

A beat of silence and Stiles thought maybe he’d fallen asleep for a moment or the line cut out because Derek wasn’t one to takes beats of silence on phone calls, not unless he really had the time, then he was very much a beat of silence kind of person. Too many beats of silences.

“Did you…” A beat.

Weird.

“Did you take your shirt off?”

“Yeah, the make out was great before the knife showed up. Aside from being a psycho witch, his heavy petting game is really top notch.” Lids terribly heavy, Stiles let his eyes slide shut. Besides, the sound of Derek’s voice seemed to be dulling the— “Oh.”

“What?”

“Think I’m gonna pass out soon.”

“No.”

Stiles tried to open his eyes. It was a genuine fight. “I’m cold,” he said, taking another laborious breath. “And the pain’s starting to dull a bit. So, you know, you might want to call an ambulance.”

“Stiles,” was the last thing he heard before his eyes rolled up and he slumped over, sliding limply along the concrete wall into the pile of garbage bags to his left.

⟪more of my tumblr fics here⟫

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

How did you like her interview in People? I wonder, when this attempt fails, what mask will she put on next time...

I'm reading the article now...typing my thoughts here in real time.

People was on site when Harry was still in Vancouver for the Invictus Games - meaning that Meghan 1,000% lined up this article after she forced Netflix to postpone the release from January 15th, along with the NYC billboard and her NYC trip. Meaning she had ZERO PR planned for the original launch date because there's no way - with how much this article cost and the price of billboards in Time Square - Netflix would've just eaten the cost.

"Mama, don't work too hard" -> The real Prince Charles: Future king is a workaholic who 'falls asleep at his desk and wakes up with paper stuck to his face' says Harry (November 2018)

“I love that that is something that Archie, Lili, H and I all have together. It means a lot to me.” -> Devaluing phase!

The Sussex name, she adds, “is part of our love story." -> just say yessssssssssssssss AGREE WITH ME DAMMIT. Seriously - aside from Taylor Swift (who is contractually obligated by her fans to keep singing Love Story), is there any woman over the age of 19 who keeps bleating on about her love story the way Meghan does?

“As a woman, a mom and a wife, to be able to find yourself again...is a wonderful feeling.” -> Too bad instead of finding this grace towards another woman, mom, and wife, you went for the jugular and talked about her hormones.

this time there’s no mention of anything royal -> Reading between the lines: they're completely cut off and don't have anything to share but they're going to make you think it's their choice.

“Whenever Harry visited set, he was always super polite and friendly,” -> tracks with Vanity Fair. Also this is not Meghan saying Harry's name; it's a Netflix staffer.

“My husband met me when I had The Tig, and I see this spark in his eye when he sees me doing the thing that I was doing when he first met me,” she says. -> Sounds more like "thank God now she'll leave me alone" relief

Chinese food delivery is a favorite, “but even when I get takeout, I will try to plate it beautifully,” -> “It’s so beautifully arranged on the plate, you know someone’s fingers have been all over it.” -Julia Child...aka keep your filthy paws off my food unless you wash your hands (with soap) in front of me.

In the process, Meghan says, Montecito has become protective of the Sussexes: “Once you know us, I think you want us to have the same normalcy as parents and for our children as they do, despite however unique our situation is.” -> Royal expert reveals how 'protective' Norfolk locals help Kate and William enjoy date nights (September 2021)

The family’s sprawling estate is their sanctuary, which is why Meghan chose to film her show in a nearby rental that echoes their own space. -> But she has noooooooooooo problem inviting People Magazine into her bedroom where her child is sleeping.

so I’m normally up at 6:30 -> So much for that 5am go-getter lifestyle, huh?

“My husband and Archie both love fried eggs," -> in this economy?!

I want my kids to have those same formative memories of things that I cook. We call them Mama Meals...[a]nd it’s the same roast chicken I’ve been making since they were little.” -> Reading between the lines again...it sounds like a blink-and-miss-it confession that she doesn't cook as much as she claims to. Are they ordering takeout that much? Do they have their own chef or meal kit service? No shame if they do, but if you have a special name for the meals your mom cooks...she's not cooking that much. Also this would've been much better if she said she was making roast chicken since before they were born, you know, considering how it's their engagement story. Well, one of them. She probably forgot that, let's be honest. It's hard to keep them all straight.

They would also come with my husband -> still can't bear to say his name.

“Being able to have my own little girl, as I’ve spent so much of my life championing the rights of girls and women, and to be able to see this as a multigenerational story — Archie is of course included in that, my husband is of course included in that — but I love the heritage feeling of it and knowing this is something that I can create in front of my daughter and teach her what it’s like to be a working mom,” she says. “This is something that hopefully can be part of her legacy too.” -> Maaaaaaaaaaybe if you want her to have ownership...name something after her? You named your charity organization, production company, and podcast company after her brother. What does she get? A name scandal.

rinse and repeat,” -> Hey, remember when she had this phrase in nearly every single PR article? Remember when this was her username in the DM comments section?

“Anyone who has children will tell you, it’s a huge evolution as a woman during that time.” -> Hey, you know what would be really cool to show your evolution as a woman? Apologizing to Kate for insulting her because you didn't know how exhausting a motherhood journey could be.

“And my gosh, in 10 years, Archie will be driving!” -> Really? That's what you think of? Your kid being your chauffeur in 10 years?

Why are all the photos exclusive from June 2024?

So overall thoughts: This is a classic People story. Someone launches a new chapter of their lives, and they sit down for a "my life now" intimate tell-all interview. Like so:

I did a google search of "People magazine my life now", clicked over to Images, and these are the top results. That's 12 People covers of "my life now" intimate tell-alls. This is not groundbreaking in any way, shape, or form. Well, the amount of photoshopping on the cover photo is probably groundbreaking.

And lastly, once again proving there's never an original bone in Meghan's body:

Kate wears a hat on the cover, so Meghan wears a hat on the cover.

Kate brings her dog to the photoshoot, Meghan brings her dog to the photoshoot.

I'm honestly shocked Meghan didn't bring out her bike for this one too.

[very-gay-poet]

Scapegoats:

Scapegoats are a person or a group of people that are blamed for anything bad happening in a space (a country, state, town, family, etc).

In between the first and second World War, Germany had a terrible economy, so bad that parents regularly gave their children stacks of money to play with instead of toys. Soon, Jews were to blame for the economic crisis, with the help of Hitlers campaign. He pointed out a demographic for people to blame so they don’t start blaming the government.

I also want to highlight that in 2023 alone, there were almost 10,000 reports of antisemitic incidents in the US, comparing that to just the year before, 2022, with around 3,700 reports from the US, and under 2000 reports in 2008. Over the course of just a year, the oppresion of jewish people had risen at over 100% in just a year. Antisemitism beliefs are rising again, Jewish people are being met with hostility again, and it’ll just keep on getting worse if we do nothing about it. Especially with Elon Musk's little “stim” at Trump's inauguration. I’m no conspiracy theorist but It feels like him doing the Nazi Salute, Trump signing an executive order to make it legal to discriminate against people and canceling all D.E.I programs (also mentioning that the KKK were spotted recruiting people in Kentucky) seems to be a whistle to Neo-Nazis to let them know that they’ll get away with whatever they do, and give them the confidence to be more bold than they already are.

I don’t believe that this is a coincidence, and, I really hope I’m wrong here, I don’t believe that these people (Trump, Elon) are above antisemitism, saying it’s for not promoting christian values or something stupid like that. I’ll be getting into weaponizing religion later, but I feel that this is important to mention, considering that the stats mentioned above were of 2023, God knows what that number was in 2024 and I don’t think we’ll be getting the true number anytime soon. This is all my personal speculation so take this with a bit of salt, but I find it concerning with how we’re all calling the right and Elon Nazis and Trump a Hitler reincarnate (which is justified don't get me wrong), but aren’t mentioning all the antisemitism as a result of the rise this type of bigotry. Jews were the main target of the Nazi party, don’t forget that.

So the next time you hear that the reason why people can’t get a house is because immigrants are taking them, the Chinese made COVID 19, minorities are taking jobs away because they tick a diversity box, remember who's truly to blame. The Chinese didn’t kill all the people who died during COVID, your government did, because they didn’t take COVID seriously as they should’ve, saw the consequences, and don’t want the responsibility that comes with it. They base it on preexisting stigma to magnify it, many Asian people in America were treated with more hostility than ever during COVID, because the American Government needed someone to blame, and what better than a group that aren’t white and are "commies".

It’s acceptable discrimination so that no one will turn an eye on what the government really wants to do; be discriminatory. They base it on their own prejudice so they can get away with bills and laws further normalizing the prejudice in the country, and thus get away with it. We’re already starting to see this now, with the plane crash; Trump blaming diversity and “the right people not being hired”, is the perfect cover story to take away rights of minority workers, and publish it as acceptable discrimination. Remember, not being hired because of your race (including skin colour) , religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, pregnancy, national origin, age, or disability, is illegal, unless they have an agenda to push and have an excuse to make it “the right thing to do”.

If you find yourself feeling hatred for a certain group– ask yourself: will anyone benefit from this anger? The answer is always no. No one benefits from prejudice or discrimination. No one, except the rich pigs at the top. America is already turning into a plutocracy and it hasn’t even been a year yet, so remember: if you’re not already a billionaire, you’re never gonna be a billionaire, so don’t act like you ever will. Division is their favorite game, don’t let them win it.

this is a snipit from an essay I'm writing that's taking longer than I thought it would. So now I'm going to post some snipits of it in hopes that it can help people.

[namgyunation]

Li, OH MY GOD, when I saw Roh Jae-won say that Nam-Gyu just wants to be loved, I literally almost passed out because THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT WE’VE BEEN SAYING. We called it! He’s not some cold, evil villain—he’s just an angry, hurt man who lashes out because he doesn’t know how else to cope. 🥹 When I heard that, I was YELLING 'I CAN FIX HIM, Y’ALL.' Like, my baby just wants love, and I swear, I will personally fight the writers if they keep trying to make him out to be the ‘villain’ when all he really wants is a little validation and stability.

Honestly, after hearing that interview, I feel like I need to reread everything we’ve analyzed about him because we were kind of on point. It makes me want to dig even deeper into his character, especially knowing that his actor sees him the same way we do. We always knew he wasn’t just some ‘born evil’ antagonist—it’s all in the little details. The way he laughs in the background when Player 007 gets scolded, how he’s all smiles with Thanos when they talk to Player 333 about losing money, the fact that his first instinct after the first game was to check on Thanos before even knowing about the drugs—like, if he was just using him, why would that be his reaction? That moment alone proves so much. I really think he admired Thanos, maybe even saw him as someone stronger, someone to follow. The way he clings to him feels less like manipulation and more like desperately seeking validation, like he doesn’t know how to navigate life without attaching himself to someone more confident than him.

And the food scene??? That moment alone disproves that says he’s emotionally cold. He literally bounces a little, smiles, and even thanks the guard in a really playful tone. That’s not someone who’s dead inside. That’s someone who still finds joy in little things, who still feels. He acts like someone who never had stability and is clinging onto any small comfort he can get (please tell me if I’m too biased and I might interpret this wrong). The fact that the writers might not even explore that in S3 is literally criminal.

Also, I finally got to read your last fic last night, and let me tell you, I was THRIVING <333. You captured everything so well, and I was eating up every moment. And I also saw you mentioning me in that reply to the anon about my fic idea—THANK YOU. <3 I was so happy reading that! Without any pressure at all, I cannot wait to see what you’re working on. I already know it’s going to be incredible. ☁️

P.S. I tried to attach a TikTok edit here but it showed an error😭 dunno if the message was sent but if you see two just so you know why💀(thank god I wrote this in my notes ahahaha)

HIIIII!!!! ☁️ <333

and RIGHTTT that interview made me so happy. i know that it's just a small detail, and it likely won't ever be expanded on in the show (i don't expect them to), but it makes me happy knowing that rjw gave us some sort of insight into who nam-gyu is as a person outside of the show and there's something to shut down the fact that ppl think he's completely heartless and insane and dgaf about other ppl. trying to keep my nam-gyu bias in check rn when i'm talking about him and not woobify him or try too hard to make him out to be deeper than he is bc i'm NOT trying to do that, even tho i'm really happy for rjw's statement supporting the way we viewed him lol! i acknowledge he's just a side character... he's just my fav </3

he most definitely is not the deepest character when compared to a lot of other characters, nor do i think he will be explored much in canon. but at the end of the day, we know that that's just a normal ass dude in a desperate situation with a lot of issues that wants to be cared for and loved just like any other person in the world

he's mean as fuck and difficult to be around, but he's not a heartless villain with no humanity. he's not a good person, either, by any means. he did and said a lot of horrible shit, but it's the games that drove him to kill. the drugs, the desperation, the fear.

no one in the games is there without having been pushed to the absolute edge first, to the point that they're willing to gamble their life away for the chance of relieving their debts. naturally, people that desperate are gonna do some horrible, desperate things.

like bruhh gi-hun's always talking about how the games prey on vulnerable ppl and change them, driving them to do things they likely would've never ever done in their life in the name of money and the promise of relief from whatever horrible shit was going on in their lives before </3

the whole point of the show is that the players, even the ones that kill—and even the guards—aren't villians (though obviously there's some gray area here, seeing the guards that were threatening no-eul. not gonna get into it but yk what i mean when i say the guards aren't all villains, just more desperate ppl dealing with their own shit), at least from what we see from no-eul's situation. the actual villains are the filthy rich VIPs who set up the games for entertainment and find enjoyment in watching desperate, working class ppl kill each other for money. they view these people as expendable and even bet on them for fun.

the players are all ordinary people put into a desperate situation where they genuinely believe that potentially dying in the pursuit of money is a better fate than whatever tf they got going on outside!!! obviously, nam-gyu was one of those ppl! NOT excusing his actions. he's not a good person, but he's still a person that did what he did because he was pushed to the edge and in a horrible situation, just like everyone else.

also with thanos, i made this post on how i viewed them, and i agree! their relationship really showed that nam-gyu's lowkey just a loser who wants validation, recognition, to be seen as cool, and a friend, lmao. makes sense with the fact that rjw thinks he's been disrespected his whole life and constantly feels the need to prove himself and feel 'special', but he can't do it. i could see him outside the games being a lonely loser riddled with insecurity, rather than the heartless monster or even 'serial killer' that i see ppl envisioning him to be

in the subtle ways he acts in the show: trying to come off as tougher, more confident, and more sure of himself than he really is, how insecure and easily bruised he is, and just how pathetic and desperate he is for a connection with thanos (someone who couldn't even get his name right or treat him with respect), it's clear that there's a little more to him than "the thanos-obsessed guy that did drugs and went crazy"

also yeah the food scene! and i wanna add and talk about the pentathlon scene, too. though the food scene was brief, i was like aw :) he is capable of being polite and like. fucking normal, lmao.

one of my favorite nam-gyu scenes (or just scene in general) was the montage where everyone was going and cheering for each other in the pentathlon!!!! i forget the specific interview, but hdh talked about that scene and how he really liked it since it was a nice break in the tense environment of the games and acted to show everyone's humanity.

for that moment, it's not the players competing against each other for money. they're all working together and cheering each other on. they WANT each other to win. even in-ho was cheering, and hdh said his emotions there were genuine.

i really liked this scene because everyoneee, even nam-gyu and thanos, was cheering and going crazy for the other players, despite the two of them being the clear antagonists among the group. it's such a small scene, but it's a nice little moment to remind you of everyone's humanity, even those that have done / will go on to do horrible things. that at the heart of it, these people don't want each other to die. they want the money that'll save them from their situation, which unfortunately, is attached to people dying for the VIPs' entertainment.

also including pics and indenting this shit bc i love it so much

in short, YAYYYYY nam-gyu!!!!! i'm taking the details we were given and running with them to craft my own backstory for him if we're not gonna be getting shit lmao

also i'm so glad you enjoyed my latest fic haha <3 i enjoyed writing something a little more lighthearted. and i'm slowly chipping away at your rq! i'm having a lot of fun with it so far :) i really hope i can get it done within this week!

and unfortunately the tiktok link didn't show up </3 maybe you can try sending it through my submission box?? i don't know how tf tumblr works when it comes to sending links, but it might work better there (i'll go fix my submission box after posting this, and hopefully it lets you)

edit: also little side note. idk if you've watched daily dose of sunshine, but rjw saying that if nam-gyu were to meet da-eun—the sweet nurse from the show—all he'd want is to be loved by her.... :/ that shit was kind of sweet i'm ngl, and bc it's rjw that said that, it's basically canon to me that he would fall in love with someone like her. my cross-franchise crackship now, idgafffffff!

[scarabsinthestardust]

Right on Time // Ch. 7

MASTERLIST

word count: 3400+

Please forgive me.

***THIS STORY CONTAINS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND PHYSICAL ABUSE - IF THESE TOPICS ARE TRIGGERING FOR YOU, DO NOT READ OR PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK***

CHAPTER WARNINGS: language; injuries from a domestic violence incident; physical injury; broken/fractured bones; blood; I am not a medical professional, have no formal medical training; mentions of hospitals, police, & medications; mentions of using a gun; a tiny mention/talk of sexual assault but it does ***not*** happen; let me know if I missed anything

I didn’t think I could have been happier with the turn my life had taken since Josh came into it. I fell deeper in love with him every single day. He could make me melt with a simple touch, stop me in my tracks with just a glance, make my heart swell with his laughter. I told him all the time he was perfect; he’d shake his head and say, “No, no, no,” like nothing I said could ever make him believe it.

But I got complacent. No, I think we both did. I should have known that something would happen soon, something that would bring my entire world skidding to a halt.

I’d worked through the night, the last text from Josh being around 10:30 PM. I didn’t get the usual goodnight message, but I assumed he had just fallen asleep. My shift ended and I made it home to shower and change. I figured he’d be up soon, considering the band had a meeting with their manager planned, but I still hadn’t heard from him. I tried to call him, just to make sure he hadn’t overslept, but it went straight to voicemail. That was odd, but I was sure there was a perfectly normal reason for that. Right?

I opened my text thread with him and considered trying to call one more time. As if on cue, my phone rang, but it wasn’t Josh. It was Daniel. When I heard his voice, it was blatantly obvious that something was wrong.

“Danny? What’s going on?”

“I… something happened last night.”

“What? Danny, is it Josh? Is he okay?” When he didn’t answer right away, I started to get irritated. “Danny, answer me. What the fuck is going on?”

“Josh got hurt. He… he spent the night in the hospital. We’re at Jake’s now, but—”

“What do you mean ‘he got hurt?’ What—” My breath caught in my throat, and I prayed he would tell that it wasn’t that bad, but I think I already knew that wasn’t the case.

“He… his ex…”

If he said anything else after that, I didn’t hear him. “I’m on the way.” I hung up and rushed out the door; I don’t think I even bothered to lock it. My heart was pounding so loud I could feel it in my ears. Everything I knew, and everything I didn’t, hit me simultaneously like a freight train. “Fuck. Please be okay. Please, please be okay,” I repeated to myself like a mantra, like if I begged enough, I could make it true.

I drove as fast as I could, and when I swung into Jake’s driveway, my brakes squealed. Jake was already walking toward me. “Jake, what the fuck happened? Where is Josh? Is he okay? Is—”

“Hang on.” I ignored his words at first, continuing to try for answers while I attempted to skirt around him. “Cairo, stop! Just wait a second!”

“What did that motherfucker do to him?!” Every muscle in my body was tensed up as I stared at Jake, begging for a response. His eyes were bloodshot, dark circles underneath them.

“He’s… he’s pretty beat up. Uh…” He closed his eyes for a second as he thought about what to say. “Four fractured ribs, broken hand, broken nose. He’s got a fractured, um, whatever this is called.” He tapped near his temple, right next to his eye – the orbital bone. “And Finn, he…” Jake swallowed, and his jaw tightened. “Finn strangled him.”

My own vision went blurry, and I thought I might pass out. Or vomit. “What the fuck,” I gasped, having difficulty catching my breath. Everything was spinning. I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned unsteadily against the hood of my car in an attempt to ground myself. It was not working.

“They wanted him to stay at the hospital longer, but he wouldn’t. He’s inside, resting. He’s… he’s not in a good headspace right now. I just don’t want you to take it personally if he doesn’t want company or doesn’t want to be touched.”

“Finn. Is he in the fucking wind? Or is he—”

“No, he’s locked up. They arrested him last night, when…” Jake trailed off and shook his head. “There’s still a lot I don’t know, things that don’t make a lot of sense. But listen, I need you to understand that none of this is Josh’s fault.”

I shot him a glare. “None of it ever was.” He didn’t stop me as I stormed past him and into the house but followed close behind.

Sam and Danny were seated at the dining room table. They both shared a solemn look. “I’m sorry nobody called you earlier,” said Danny. “Everything was just so—”

“It’s fine.” I brushed it off. That seemed so irrelevant at this point, and I wouldn’t dwell on it. Daniel pointed me in the direction of the room Josh was staying in and I made a beeline for the door.

All the lights were off, but there was enough of the morning sun coming through the windows to illuminate the room a bit. I could see Josh, lying on his right side, curled up under the comforter. I didn’t see how comfortable it could have been with four fractured ribs, but I can’t imagine much was. I quietly closed the door behind me and whispered his name, unsure if he was awake. But he flinched, almost seeming to curl up tighter, if that was even possible. I carefully sat on the edge of the bed, but I hesitated to touch him; I didn’t know where he was injured other than what Jake told me, and I didn’t want to hurt him any further. “Josh, baby, you don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know I’m here.”

His back was to me, so between that and the blanket cocoon he’d created, his face wasn’t visible. His right arm was sticking out from under the blanket, resting in front of him, and he had a plaster cast on his wrist, rendering his pinky and ring fingers immobile.

“Is it okay if I stay here with you for a little bit?”

I didn’t expect him to answer me, and I certainly wasn’t prepared for how broken and raspy his voice sounded. He didn’t sound like himself at all. “Please stay.”

“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” I kicked my shoes off and, very cautiously, laid down next to him. I had to ignore the urge to wrap my arm around him, but I got as close as I could. When I lightly ran my hand along his upper arm, still covered by the blanket, he tensed up, so I retreated.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I didn’t know what else to say, nor what I could possibly do to make this any easier for him, and I so desperately wished I did.

With all that was going through my head, I hadn’t expected to be able to fall asleep, but I somehow did. It was fitful, though, and I dreamt about Josh, my troubled mind inventing stories, creating the events that happened the night before. In my dreams – no, nightmares – I was forced to stand by and watch as he was brutally beaten, unable to move, unable to intervene.

I was nauseated when I woke up a few hours later. Josh was awake, sitting on the edge of the bed, his back still to me. His hand was clutched to his side, and he took a few pained, shuddery breaths.

“Josh, are you okay?” What a stupid question; the answer was obvious. How could I expect him to be okay right now?

“M’ fine. Gotta go to the bathroom.”

“Do you need—”

“I’m fine,” he snapped.

Don’t take it personally. “Okay,” I said, pulling back, despite only wanting to pull him closer, for him to lean on me for support. I watched him as he struggled to stand and walk to the attached bathroom. It wasn’t until he came out and was facing me that I, for the first time, got a good look at him.

Both of his eyes were blackened due to his broken nose. His left eye was swollen shut, framed by more dark bruising along that side of his face. His lip was split open and there was a decent sized gash on his chin. What hit me the hardest, though, was the collection of bruises along his neck, showing clearly where that motherfucker had wrapped his hands around Josh’s throat. My stomach lurched at the sight, and I choked down the gasp that tried to escape me. He wouldn’t look straight at me, so I was surprised when he came towards me and slowly reached for my hand.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” he rasped.

“No, it’s okay,” I tried to reassure him. “Just tell me what you need, baby.”

“Just wanna sleep,” he muttered.

“Do you want to try to eat something first?”

He shook his head and moved to crawl back into bed, eyes squeezing shut in pain as he laid down. I helped him as much as I could and pulled the blanket over top of him. I rested my hand on his hip, and he didn’t shy away this time.

He fell back asleep fairly quickly – I imagine a side effect of whatever pain medication he was on – but I wasn’t able to. I think I was still in shock from the visual, seeing how badly he was actually hurt, and the realization of how close he’d come to dying. Tears stung my eyes when I considered the possibility that I could have received a very different phone call. I could have lost him, and the reality hit me like a bullet straight to my chest.

~

It took way more time than I was comfortable with for Josh to finally agree to eat something. He’d meekly ventured out of the bedroom, and Jake was quick to whip up some soup for him, something warm and easy on his damaged throat. He was so uncharacteristically quiet, and it filled the room with such an eerie feeling. Anything that was said to him or asked, he responded to with one-word answers or shrugs.

He retreated to the bedroom almost immediately after eating; he didn’t have to say anything for me to know he was exhausted. It wasn’t just the physical aspect of his recovery, but the healing he would need to do on a psychological level that was draining him.

I stayed behind to check in with Jake; he hadn’t seen much of his brother since I’d gotten there.

“He been sleeping okay?”

“It’s all he’s been doing. I… don’t know what to do,” I admitted sadly.

“I don’t either,” Jake sighed. “All we can do right now is be there for him.” He lowered his voice to a whisper and checked to make sure the bedroom door was closed. “I reached out to one of the cops that arrested Finn. He doesn’t think there’s much of a chance of him getting released anytime soon, and nobody’s gonna post bail for him. But they said they’d let us know if he does get out. Safety reasons, I guess.”

“If he gets out, he’d better disappear. If he shows his face, I might be the next one going to jail.”

“I’m right there with ya, man,” he said without hesitation. “Hey, uh, has he said anything about it to you? About what all went down?”

“No, he’s barely spoken to me at all, to be honest. Why?”

“I don’t know, I’m just trying to make sense of it. Josh’s phone is busted. They said Finn’s the one that called 911 and then stuck around. He pretty much admitted to everything… why would he do that? I don’t—”

“It doesn’t matter,” I interjected. “I don’t give a shit why he did anything. He almost killed my boyfriend, your brother, and I wouldn’t lose a wink of sleep if Finn got stabbed in the goddamn throat while he’s locked up. I’m not gonna sit here and speculate on the reasoning or mindset of this psychopathic, abusive piece of shit.”

Jake didn’t have a chance to respond before Sam and Danny were walking in the door, carrying a large bag. Danny placed the bag on the ground and they both sat with us at the table, glum looks on their faces.

“How bad is it?” Jake asked.

They had been to Josh’s house to collect some of his stuff, and to see how much damage had been done inside during the fight. “We cleaned up a bunch of broken glass, but we’re probably gonna have to steam clean the carpet to get all the… the blood out.”

I chewed on my lip and considered how much evidence might be left there, more proof that everything that had happened there was real. “He’s not gonna want to go back there.”

“Do you blame him?” replied Jake. “You, uh, you can stay here with him as long as you want. Unless he wants to go back to your place…?”

I shook my head. “I got someone to cover my next few shifts, but I have to go back to work eventually. I don’t want him to be alone right now.” It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Josh wasn’t in a good mental state, and I was convinced he needed to be with his people, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

I went home at some point, just long enough to grab some more clothes, and went right back to Josh. Being away from him felt so wrong; despite knowing he was safe at Jake’s, not being by his side made anxiety bubble up in my chest. But I was more than willing to put as much as I could on hold for as long as possible to focus my time and attention on him, to do whatever I could to make sure he was okay.

He was so withdrawn, unwilling to do much more than eat and sleep. He barely spoke, continuing to answer questions with a silent shrug, if anything at all. I had so many things I wanted to ask, so much I wanted to know about that night, but I couldn’t bring myself to. Not only because I knew he wasn’t ready to talk about it, but also because I was afraid of what I might find out.

I woke up sometime during the night to the sound of the shower running. I managed to resist the desire to get up and check on him. I told myself to give him time, and that if he needed help, he would ask. A little while later, the water was shut off and the shower door opened. I waited and listened to him shuffle around in the bathroom, until I heard him hiss, “Fuck!”

I made my way to the door and knocked lightly. “Josh? You alright?” When he didn’t answer, I decided to just open the door. “I’m gonna come in, okay?”

He sidestepped to give me room to join him but kept his eyes straight ahead. It was the first time I had been able to get a good look at the rest of him, bruising along  his sides where his ribs were fractured, and numerous cuts from broken glass marring his flesh, some deeper or longer than others. On the back of his right shoulder, there was a spot covered by gauze and medical tape. The gauze was wet from the shower, and based on the supplies laid out on the counter, I figured he was trying to change it out.

“Here, let me—”

“No.” He turned so he was facing me, although he avoided my eyes. “I can do it.”

“Baby, it’s okay—”

“It’s gross. I don’t want… it’s really bad.”

I almost laughed. “Did you forget what I do for a living?” I very carefully drew my hand to his jaw and coaxed him to look up at me. “Josh, honey, do you remember what I told you? That you don’t have to do this alone.”

He nodded, appearing to swallow down the urge to cry.

“I want to help you. You just have to let me. I promise it’ll be alright. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what, okay?”

He stood mutely for a moment while he pondered my words, before nodding again and turning to give me access to the bandage. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured.

“Shh. You don’t have anything to be sorry for, baby.” I started to peel the tape off, moving slowly. “I’m sorry if this hurts, but it’ll be easier to do while it’s wet.”

I thought I’d be ready for anything, but when I pulled the square of gauze off, it felt like the breath was sucked from my lungs. In the middle of a patch of dark bruising and red, inflamed skin, was a very clear and distinct human bite mark. His skin had been punctured, and I already knew it would scar, leaving a permanent reminder of this battle he was fighting. I couldn’t keep my mind from darting to how this happened, and what it really meant. Did Finn do more than just break some bones? But I didn’t say anything. I wouldn’t put more pressure on Josh than he already had; he was struggling enough as it was. He attempted to stay still while I cleaned it up and put a fresh bandage on it, but his body shook as he cried.

“Shh, it’s okay,” I repeated in an effort to calm him. He turned and buried his head in my chest, gripping my shirt, and kept muttering apologies. I wrapped my arms around him, as gently and cautiously as I could so as to not hurt him.

“I’m so sorry,” he sobbed. “I should’ve listened to you. You were right—”

“No, don’t do that. It doesn’t matter. You didn’t do anything wrong. None of this is your fault, okay? The one person responsible for this is him.”

Sometime later, I laid with him, gently rubbing his back while he absently traced along the tattoos on my other arm. There was some soft music playing from my phone; it was soothing for him, giving him something to focus on other than silence. But when my own thoughts got too loud, I had to ask him the one question I didn’t want to, and I was terrified of the answer.

“Josh?  I need to ask you something. But… no matter what the answer is… I love you. I love you so much, and nothing is going to change that.”

He slightly lifted his head to look at me but barely gave me a chance to get the question out.

“Josh, did he—”

“No.” He laid his head back down and sighed. “I know what you’re gonna ask, and the answer’s no. He didn’t… he didn’t rape me or anything.”

I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Somehow, I just knew he wasn’t lying, and it was the most relief I’d felt since this had all happened. “I’m sorry for even going there, I just—”

“I know. S’ okay. It looks an awful lot like that’s what happened. The… the bite…” His voice cracked when he spoke. “It was just Finn’s fucked up way of trying to make sure I can’t forget him.”

‘Fucked up’ was an understatement. Not only had Finn beat the ever-loving shit out of Josh and made a pretty valiant effort to end his life (not that I would describe any of that asshole’s actions as ‘courageous’), but he also marked him. He attacked Josh, bit him like a goddamn animal, in some feral attempt at marking what he thinks is his territory. A small part of me, a miniscule part, had its own animalistic urge to hunt him down like a dog and put a bullet in his head. But shooting a caged beast is just as cowardly. However, on the off chance Finn got released and had the balls to show his face… well, I’d make good on my promise to Jake; I considered making sure the gun was loaded, and keeping it somewhere much easier to access.

“Cairo?” Josh’s voice pulled me back to reality. “I need to tell you about it, I think.”

“You don’t have to explain any of it, if you don’t want to.”

“I do, though. I want to tell you what happened.”

///

TAGLIST Let me know if you want to be added!

@hollyco @fleetingjake @musicislove3389 @hailthegodsong @josh-iamyour-mama @katuschka @lilbitx @gvfstuddedmajesty

[milzone]

fever pitch - l.jy

SYNOPSIS: Juyeon knew how wrong it was to think of you — his fellow idol — in such a lewd and filthy way, but he just couldn't help himself. He was obsessed with you, and he needed a release.

CONTENT WARNING: 18+, male masturbation, mentions of blood & biting, idol!au, basically this is loser juyeon fantasizing

WORD COUNT: 1.7k | oneshot

A/N: a bit rusty since i haven't written in like… two years... so pls bear with me! though this isn't my first time writing, it is my first tbz fanfic ^^ (as well as my first time posting here) but anw, this isn't proofread :p happy reading!

His breath catches in his throat when your eyes meet from across the stage, cheeks flushing red from being caught staring.

“Great, how obvious could I be?” Juyeon scolds himself, bringing his focus back on the freshly debuted boy group on stage. They were good at what they were doing, no lie. He thought those kids had a bright future ahead of them, but in spite of that, he couldn't bring himself to fully place his attention in their performance.

Juyeon swallows the lump in his throat, fixing the collar of his shirt that suddenly felt too tight. Shifting in his seat, he sneaks another quick glance to your figure clad in a tiny black pinstripe dress that hugged your body so well it left little to his imagination. The way the fat of your thighs spill over your white knee-high stockings and how the buttons of your dress seem like they’ll pop with just one wrong move sends his mind to places it shouldn’t be.

The rational part of him knew it wasn’t right to think of you this way — a co-idol, no less, but it was difficult for him when you were just so, so fucking erotic. Your performance earlier had Juyeon rushing to the restroom to rub off a quick one, gaining weird looks from the other boys as he stumbled on his own two feet. It was embarrassing how tight his pants felt, even more with how quickly he came when he thought of how your eyes met for a fleeting moment as you danced on stage. The tip of his cock was an angry red, pulsing in his hand as he hissed from how sensitive it felt — and never in his life did he feel so pathetic.

“You good, dude?” Kevin asks, patting his back as Juyeon once again squirms in his seat, “You’ve been acting weird since you came back.”

Juyeon nods his head, releasing a shaky breath as he addresses the concerned man. “A-ah, yes,” he loosens his tie. “I’m fine, don't worry.”

But Kevin isn’t convinced, not one bit when he sees how Juyeon’s pupils are blown and how the beads of sweat rolled down the man’s forehead and down to his neck. This was the first time Kevin saw the usually calm and collected Juyeon this way — the first time he saw him so… out of it. Normally, he’d press on and ask Juyeon if he really was okay, but something in his head told him to leave the man be, and if there’s one thing that Kevin could trust with his life, then it was his gut.

It’s long past midnight yet Juyeon was still wide awake. He remembers getting home at around 11:27pm with the other guys but no matter how tiring the day was, he just couldn’t sleep. He’d been trying for hours now, tossing and turning in bed to no avail. From simply closing his eyes, watching boring videos, and counting sheep. Juyeon had tried everything to put himself to sleep, but clearly, nothing was working.

The thought of you kept him wide awake.

The air-conditioner was turnt up to the coldest setting and yet his body felt like it was on fire, his cheeks burned red and the clothes he was wearing felt so unbearably constricting that he had to take it all off save for his boxers. He’s near naked now, and yet everything still feels so hot. Sweat dripped down his body in buckets, and Juyeon felt like he was about to have a fever with the way things were going.

He knew what he needed — knew that a release would do him wonders, but he already felt bad enough from doing it one time earlier at the show. Felt even worse when you bumped into him after and he got a hard-on from seeing your tits bounce within the confines of your skimpy top.

“Fuck!” He hits the wall next to him, rubbing a hand over his face as if it would help rid him of the shameless thoughts running through his head.

He was so down bad to the point of it being embarrassing. What makes it worse is that the both of you weren’t even friends in the first place. Sure, you’d greet each other time-to-time when passing by each other at music shows out of respect. He’s heard of you and you’ve heard of him. He shows up on the news often and you do too. He’s watched a lot of videos of you online (he's not sure if you have), and you could even say he was a fan, but having a proper conversation in or outside work?

No. None at all.

Juyeon felt so disgusting and pathetic to think of someone he barely even knew this way. A sinner, that’s what he was — his morals, values, and beliefs being thrown out the window just because he couldn’t control that thing between his legs that stood up at just the thought of you. Juyeon truly didn’t know what was wrong with him, he normally didn’t have such a high libido, and yet…

A strained moan slips past his lips, hand trailing down the expanse of his torso leading to the waistband of his boxers. Juyeon felt how hot his body was beneath his fingertips as he reached under and wrapped a shaky hand around his throbbing cock. He knew it was wrong — knew it was so, so wrong to touch himself to someone who’s only shown him good.

You were so pure, so innocent. Everyone sang you praises wherever he went. An angel, that's what you were.

But Juyeon was desperate. And he needed a release.

He sucks in a breath, moaning your name as he traces the tip of his cock with the rough pad of his thumb. The feeling sent shivers down his spine, throwing his head back as he digs his nail into the slit of his length. His body was so hot. Everything felt so hot he'd think he was in hell.

Shit. Was he coming down with a fever?

“Mm, please…” He starts with slow languid strokes, body tired and weak from the events of the day. He squeezes at the tip with each pump of his hand, biting his lip to tone down the whimpers trying to slip past his lips. Juyeon felt so naughty, so dirty knowing that only a thin wall separated him from the other members.

What would they think if they found out he touched himself to the thought of you? The nation’s sweetheart, loved by all for her charm and kind personality… Would they look at him with disgust? Contempt? Would they kick him out of the group?

“A-aah!” Juyeon slaps a hand around his mouth, cursing himself for being unable to control his moans. Every time he looked your way, all he wanted to do was bite. Bite until your skin bled red — bite until you were covered in purple. Juyeon wanted a taste of your skin — your flesh. He wanted to know how sweet you would taste beneath his tongue and teeth.

Would you taste like caramel? Vanilla? Or strawberries? He quite liked fruit.

The skin of his lip under his teeth start to rip from how hard he was biting it, the taste of iron on his tongue making him cringe, and yet while all of this is happening, the pace at which he’s thrusting into his hand never falters. Juyeon felt nauseous as he reached for his sack with his other hand, massaging it between his fingers while imagining you.

The thought of you was torture to him. You ran through his mind at every minute of every day, and yet still — how ridiculous it is that you are still all he’s ever wanted. He knew that this desire — this obsession of his was unhealthy. There were so many things he wanted to do to you, but many more that he wanted you to do to him.

Even during the day, he let his fantasies run wild. Juyeon has imagined you on top of him, warming his cock as your hands wrapped around his throat until he couldn't breathe, till he was suffocating and till he turned blue and passed out. He thought about pounding into you missionary while you scratched at his back and pulled at his hair, nails digging into his skin until they oozed crimson — until the scarlet color of his blood was ingrained into the tips of your fingers. He wanted you to suffocate him with your legs, face wet with your juices as he ate you out until he couldn’t no more.

At this point, he’ll take anything you gave him. Juyeon was hungry, so hungry that just a brush of your shoulders would suffice. It would be enough to make him cum for the next year or two. It was so bad, so, so bad how much he wanted you — needed you to be all his that he was tempted to get down on his knees the next time you met to beg for just a taste. 

The strokes on his length quicken as a heavy feeling starts to form beneath his stomach, trailing a hand up his warm body to tease his nipples. His cock throbs in his hand, begging for a release as your name slips past his lips like a prayer. Juyeon was crying now, tears cooling down his body that felt like it was on fire. He felt delirious, the world around him was spinning and yet he still couldn’t stop himself from thrusting into his hand, pre-cum dripping from his slit and lathering his dick.

As Juyeon feels his release creeping closer and closer, hands sticky as he pumps his cock, it was the thought of the eye contact you made earlier in the day that has him cumming rope after rope of cum. The white coats his hands and stomach, dripping down his waist and ruining his bed. And at that moment, Juyeon couldn’t find it in himself to care about the condition of his bed or how pathetic he looked — naked with cum all over him.

He was tired and spent and he just wanted to sleep.

When Juyeon wakes up the next day, he finds that he came down with a fever.

[chaosduckies]

Friends in Small Places (6)

Long story short: hit a writing block, had trouble editing, school, but we're so back and I'm excited to write all of the ideas that I've been thinking about for forever! (and thank you to the people who gave me so many ideas for future chapters and scenes) Oh man I love writing size shifter stories. So anyways I hope you enjoy this very short chapter!

Word count: 2.5k

CW: None!

It was safe to say that things were slowly getting back to normal. Things weren’t as chaotic anymore. I was allowed to keep on seeing Cas, and I did every day after my classes. He seemed to like the company even if we never really did anything. 

I was still working on getting permission to at least let him see his parents. It wasn’t exactly going so well if I were being honest. Anytime I mentioned it they said that the idea was absurd. I tried asking several of the nurses what it would take to get his parents or someone he knows down here... They said that as long as he was still unstable then he wasn’t allowed to see anyone. But I didn’t understand. Cas seemed perfectly fine. That entire situation two weeks ago was a big thing but he’s doing so much better now! If anything he’s somehow even more cautious about his movements. I don’t understand why they don’t just let him have one nice thing. 

Even if Cas wasn’t able to have any other visitors besides me and a few nurses and doctors, I managed to get them to agree to another therapist coming in for a few days. Ryan had asked me tons of questions about what was going on, and I had to answer all of them. Of course, being the great friend that he is, he offered to help out by trying to get Cas either out of there or get his brother to come. Either one would be great, and since he’s older and more experienced they might listen to him more than me. 

After classes, Ryan said he had to go check up on his partner before we left.  I asked why he didn’t have to stay with her all the time, and he just explained that she was doing so much better under his care that they were already about to get him a new “patient”. If I were being honest I envied him. He was so much better at this than I was, and he gets along with pretty much everyone. I wondered why I couldn’t, but that was an obvious answer.

I hadn’t expected any of this to happen while watching over Cas. I mean I thought I was doing a good job up until the incident, but to be fair there wasn’t much I could do in that situation other than just try and calm him down after they lied to him. I would be upset if I wasn’t allowed to see my parents anymore and they kept me pretty much isolated for the entirety of my life. Who wouldn’t be? Cas has apologized more times than I count for “making things harder” for me. One it wasn’t his fault, and two, he’s so careful and gentle there was no way he’d make things harder for me. Of course, initially, I had thought it would be impossible to even do something like this, but I’m learning a lot about this broken world we live in.

Ryan came back a few minutes later, ecstatic as always. Of course he wasn’t scared. Why would he be? He was a shifter too. Hopefully the two will get along, I already told Cas that I might be bringing a friend sometime this week, so there weren’t any huge surprises. I just had to hang onto hope that nothing bad would happen. 

“You said he’s really anxious a lot of the time right?” He asked me as we walked along the sidewalk to the huge hospital building. 

“Yeah, it’s mostly him worrying about hurting me, or really anyone in the room with him.” He nodded his head, seemingly excited about this. It was almost like he had a plan. Maybe the same thing he did with his partner? Well.. maybe a little different since his partner shrinks. Meanwhile, mine is a literal skyscraper. 

  The awkward silence stretched on between us, but that was quickly put an end to, “Hey Liam, about that incident, you said that no one tried helping him at first? Just straight lockdown?” Ryan looked a little uneasy, but I had to nod my head. I had wondered why he asked the question, but I wasn’t going to question him. But it was a little strange why he was so troubled. For as long as I’ve known him he was the kind of person that hasn’t been afraid, so it was making me worry a little. What was he scared of? 

“Ah well, I’m glad to at least help! I can’t wait to meet him either.” The nervous look on his face disappeared almost as fast as it came. Another reason why I was jealous of him. It’s like he could just brush off any inconvenience, any tiny little negative thought he’s ever had in just an instant. Though, I guess that’s what makes him such an amazing friend. 

“Yeah, he’s extremely nice. Fun to be around.” I smiled. I wasn’t lying either. He was the nicest person I’ve met, and that’s saying something. After a while, you get used to being around someone who’s much bigger than you, and then you realize they’re more scared of themselves than you are of them… I took a deep breath, finally making it onto the ground of the hospital. 

Ryan has never been here before, so I had to help him get through checking in, and of course any new people that aren’t related to or working with Cas have to do a deep and thorough search for whatever reason. Ryan kept on joking about all of the safety measures he had to go through, even making him take off his hoodie. Seriously, what were they even looking for? I didn’t have to go through as many of the checks since I come every day and actually have a connection with Cas. 

After about ten minutes of finally getting Ryan to be able to come in the room with me, we were finally walking down the huge hallway as the nurse led us. We reached the door, the nurse opened it and gave us both a smile. Well, here's to hoping Cas isn’t too spooked by Ryan. I mean I did warn him. 

I walked in front of Ryan, slowly walking in, and seeing Cas finish one of the books that were on the bookshelf. When the door slammed behind us, he looked up and lightly smiled, eyes trailing behind me and I could tell that his nerves shot up almost immediately. Especially when he fumbled while trying to place his book on the ground, instead landing with a loud thud. It made my anxiousness get the better of me before I brushed it off and stopped in front of them. 

“Uh, remember when I told you that I’d be bringing a friend here? Well, this is Ryan.” I introduced them, watching Ryan confidently walk a little ahead of me. 

“Hi! It’s nice to meet you. Casper, right?” Cas stared, almost like he was shocked at how confident they were. 

“H-hi. You can c-call me Cas.” His eyes darted to me, as if asking what he should do, but not even I had an idea. If I were being honest I was just going to let Ryan figure these things out. Usually Cas and I just played a few board games even when the pieces were as big as I was, or watched whatever movies he was allowed, which weren’t that many. I know it doesn’t sound like much but if I were being honest it seemed to be helping a lot with his confidence. It helps me get used to it too. He still seemed a little scared to move sometimes though, even if he doesn’t admit it. 

“Well Cas, we’re gonna get you out of here once and for all!” Ryan claimed. Cas looked at me, a little shocked at the outburst but gave his best nervous smile he could manage. I didn’t know what Ryan had planned but I trusted that he would make the smart decisions. I know Cas gets a little scared of new things, especially with these new pills they have him on. Paroxetine? I could tell that it was a strong one. I guess they added whatever makes him hurt so much in it because every time he takes it I notice how he cringes at any movement he makes or how shaky his hands get. I want his pain tolerance, but I don’t want to get it like how he did. It was inhumane and didn’t even seem to be helping him control his height. 

“Uh hey, you won’t be doing anything too much right?” I whispered. 

“Yeah don’t worry I’m not gonna do much. You know me.” He smiled. I did know how he worked, and it always seemed to work no matter the person. It was kind of pathetic of me that I needed so much help, but I was doing this so Cas could have a real life instead of being cooped up in a house without being able to see his parents. I felt so bad, and if this was the one time I could do something worthwhile well then I’d do what I could. 

I walked over to Cas, sitting by him to let Ryan do his thing. I just had to watch as Ryan sat and played 20 questions, asking questions about each other. It really kind of seemed like they were getting along a lot faster than Cas and I did. Maybe that was because they could both kind of relate, and Ryan was a lot more of a people person than I was. This was a good thing though. Things would move along faster and we could get Cas out of here and able to see his family again. Now I just had to figure out how I was going to repay Ryan for helping me out. I wasn’t so confident that I would’ve been able to do this on my own, even if Cas and I were getting really close. 

At some point I think I fell asleep, and when I woke up it was getting late. I groaned, sitting up and yawning. One look around and I realized that I was still in Cas’s room, even in the same place. 

“Mmm… Cas?” I rubbed my eyes before catching his hand in the corner of my vision. I whipped my head around, seeing that he had a book in hand as usual. 

“You’re up?” He quietly whispered, his attention focused on me now. 

“Yeah. Where’d Ryan go?” I lazily stood up, searching around and not seeing him anywhere. 

“Oh uh, he left a while ago. He didn’t want to wake you up.” He laughed softly, wincing when he thought he was speaking too loudly. Guess I’d have to talk to Ryan tomorrow or something. Just to see what he thinks I should do. I trusted his judgment more than I trusted mine. 

“How’d it go? Sorry I fell asleep.” I asked, stretching a little bit and packing a few things up. I knew that the nurses would come in eventually and force me out, but I’d just like to use whatever time I had left to check up on him. 

“N-no. You’re all good,” He started, nervously smiling, “Um, he was nice. I liked him. I’m glad you’re trying to help me get out of here, but I don’t think that they’ll let me.” He sighed sadly, eyeing the cast around my leg and cringing. I looked down, sucking in a deep breath. 

“Could you help me up, please?” His eyes widened, hesitantly lowering his hand by me. I struggled to get on without moving my cast around too much but managed before holding me above his knees. I could tell he was nervous, maybe even a little scared but this wasn’t the first time I’ve been in his hands and I trusted that he wouldn’t drop me. 

“Well, I think they’ll let you out of here. They’re just being stubborn.” I shrugged my shoulders. I think it was ignorant that they wouldn’t let him out of here already. To me, he’s doing a lot better than when I first met him. 

“¿De verdad lo crees? You really think so?” His tone was sad like he was just losing hope of getting out of here at all. Well, if I just left him here alone I would’ve never lived with myself. That would just be too harsh. Plus, I like to think that we were friends. I mean, we hang out pretty much every day unless I had schoolwork to catch up on. Why would I want to leave him here alone in the first place? 

“Why wouldn’t I? Someone as nice and nervous as you shouldn’t have to be watched over.” We both laughed. 

“Nervous? What? I’m not nervous.” 

“I can literally feel your hand shaking right now.” I joked, getting a soft laugh out of him. He looked away for a moment, the silence stretching between us. 

“Liam, tha-” 

Cas went quiet whenever we heard the door slam open, a nurse walking in. For some odd reason, they just looked a little troubled with something but motioned for me to go. I sighed as Cas lowered me back down, watching carefully as I climbed down and walked towards the door, the nurse eyeing my crutches the entire way.

“See you tomorrow!” I waved bye to him, getting a tiny wave in return before the nurse closed the door behind me. She escorted me out, but instead of towards the exit, it was towards another room I’d never been to before. I was about to question her before she walked into the room, grabbing a piece of paper and sighing, a nervous look on her face. 

“I have no idea if I’m making the right decision, but don’t make me regret it.” She sighed, signing what looked to be a ton of important information, but what caught my eye was the bold print at the top. Allowance of family members. My eyes widened in shock, my heartbeat growing faster from excitement. I… did it? Was she letting him see his family? 

“This paper allows Casper to see one family member for one day. The professionals cannot know about this, but… I do believe that after hearing from you two earlier that he should be allowed this. So, here you go.” She handed me the paper and pen, with only one more place to sign to officiate that we were allowing this. I quickly grabbed the pen and signed, not even hesitating for one moment, “Thank you! I don’t know what to say!” I smiled, hugging the nurse. She sighed, hugging me back and telling me that I could go back to tell Cas. 

I was surprised that I didn’t trip on my way there out of excitement, and when I opened the door I couldn’t hold in my excitement for him. 

“Cas! How would you like to see your brother tomorrow?” I smiled, seeing the shock and surprise in his eyes, and it was priceless.  ——————

TAKE THAT WRITING BLOCK!!! Oh man I can’t wait to continue writing this. And so sorry for it being like five months since I’ve actually updated this but WE’RE BACK!!! Thanks for reading! :D

Taglist: @da3dm @smolboiremy @box-beanz

(if you would like to be added or removed from the taglist please let me know!)

[bugonalog]

Actually I’m not done talking about this.

First of all, Grayson mention? I have to wonder if Nora knew when she wrote this in trk who Johnson would turn out to be in the later books? Did he have a first name or a story, did she know yet what this character would do or who he would become?

Second, knowing the kind of monster he is and what he does to Jean, having them on the court together at the same time, being forced to play together is making me actually sick. I don’t know why that thought is affecting me so badly. Maybe because with them being on the same defense line means that they have to work together, trust each other even? It makes my skin crawl knowing that in this moment Jean has to trust and rely on his second biggest abuser after Riko. But Riko is also on the court with them right now adding a whole other layer to the being forced to work with and trust your abuser situation that has been wreaking havoc on Jean’s psyche for years at this point.

Then there’s the statement that Jean is the Raven’s strongest backliner.

Jean who is only 18 at the time, is the Raven’s strongest backliner.

Jean who should be a freshman, is the Raven’s strongest backliner.

Jean who has not played a game without being in serious, excruciating physical pain in at least 5 years, is the Raven’s strongest backliner.

Jean who is forced every day to live with and play on the same court with his abusers, is the Raven’s strongest backliner.

Then there’s just the knowledge of the physical conditions that Jean is forced to play under in general, coupled with the fact that we know Riko’s abuse gets worse as his mood gets worse and you can’t convince me that he wasn’t mad as hell at Kevin leading up to this game and as such taking it out on Jean. So this is just conjecture but Jean is probably worse off than he even normally is during this game.

Neil being concerned about the psychological toll Jean was going to have on Kevin, WHAT ABOUT THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TOLL HE’S TAKING ON ME?!?!!!

The amount of psychological damage this one page has inflicted on me after reading tsc and tgr should be studied in a lab

[dragon-gem]

Sometimes I’m normal. Other times, I’m internally screaming about the brotherly relationship between Kai and Lloyd and giving myself a whole Ted Talk I’ve been developing for like three years about why I love them so much.

[konoharfts]

Look Alive Sunshine ~

New Bulletproof Hearts AU lore just dropped

Here, have Kakashi and Genma’s character intros and thumbnail designs and notes for 6 out of the main 7!!! (I’ve already posted Anko ;) )

(If this is the first Bulletproof Hearts AU post you’re seeing, for context this is my Danger Days inspired AU featuring the tokujo squad and also Kakashi :) )

And now for the official intro:

In the fallout following the Resource Wars , and shortly after we lost Kiri to the waves, the Senju company in collaboration with the Red Fan company establish Neo-Konoha, the new capitol of the remnants of the Land of Fire. A shiny new city free from the troubles of post-war faction life, and the dizzying desert heat.

Here in the city everything runs on chakra energy. No more nuclear or fossil fuels, that’s for the old-world now. By tapping into the “dragon veins” flowing through the earth chakra can be cultivated and converted into the fuel that powers all of Neo-Konoha’s beloved bright lights, hover-cars, gadgets, and gizmos. It’s even opened up the doorway to cybernetics and body-modification. With chakra being an energy source that resonates with life it’s never been easier to merge man and tech. Now, many new companies wanting to make their mark on chakra-tech industries have sprouted up, and Chakra City (Neo-Konoha) is very kind to those wanting to contribute to the expansion of the city, and the growth of the economy.

The city is split into three main branches. The tall buildings and neon lights of the inner-city, the seedy bars and backroom deals of the under-city, and the plastic smiles and white picket fences of the residential district. Everything inside the city walls is labeled as Neo-Konoha, and everything outside in the wide open desert plains is labeled as the Outer-Ring, where many live in the little non-radiated pockets of barely habitable land. Made barely habitable thanks to the over mining of chakra, causing the land to be drained of its vitality. Life in the O.R is rough, it’s a lawless wasteland filled with criminals, thugs, and the kindest and realest people you’ll ever meet. It’s the home of all of those who don’t belong inside the city walls. Those who were cast out, or those who chose to leave, and those who had no choice but to be born.

After the tragic death of chairman Minato Namikaze the Golden Era of Neo-Konoha has been replaced my Sarutobi Hiruzen’s age of radio silence, aided by president of ROOT Danzo Shimra who’s company specializes in keeping the people “in line”. A powerful regime threatened only by a newly established pack of desert rats out in the Outer-Ring consisting of two of Minato’s former bodyguards, the previous head of the intelligence division, a woman who’s more machine than human, a sickly smuggler, and more recently a once-double agent turned pink hearted. These anarchists call themselves Wildfire.

Operating out of an abandoned gas station from back in the old era of gas powered vehicles Wildfire’s unofficial leader Genma Shiranui runs a 24h radio station - titled S.E.N.B.O.N radio - where you can tune in to all of the greatest punk-rock hits AND get all the information you need regarding the movement of Neo-Konoha’s exterminators, soldiers, and SCARECROWs out in the O.R. How to best avoid them, and how to best blast ‘em to one of the four respectable levels of dead without sending yourself sky high with ‘em. Unintentionally Shiranui becomes somewhat of a guardian angel for the people struggling against the chains of oppression out in the wastes. What was once a station created to provide some musical escape with just a sprinkling of survival tricks turned into the stage in which the revolution is set.

In that same gas station that’s home to such an iconic station are all of the other main members of Wildfire. We’ve got Anko Mitarashi, who has a mechanic shop where she can do just about anything given the proper materials. Anything from mods to prosthetics, vehicle repair and customization, making whole new gadgets, and making cyber-cycles from scratch. Meanwhile, when he’s not out on an assignment Raidō Namiashi’s running the “convenience store” that’s really just a front for the whole fence thing they’re running. Ibiki Morino is used as the group’s ‘intimidation and muscle’ but when he’s not scaring Konoha dogs shitless he’s slaving over his pride and joy, a car that’s more modifications than car. Hayate Gekkō manages their connections to the smuggling routes and also makes it his life mission to act like the station’s cat. Agent Yūgao Uzuki, former SCARECROW assigned to take down the rebels, turned double agent, turned Wildfire loyalist tries to take charge of planning as much as she can. After witnessing the state of the leadership in the revolt rocking konoha she’s flabbergasted they accomplished as much as they did.

On the side of Neo-Konoha Kakashi Hatake, Mad Dog, agent #07, and Hiruzen’s top SCARECROW, is assigned to take Wildfire down. The group consisting of his old comrades and friends, before they turned traitor. With his soldier prowess and the use of the advanced AI program ‘B2’, created by Obito uchiha, Kakashi is the only individual able to stand against Wildfire, the question is, does his loyalty to Neo-Konoha and his trust in “Obito” outweigh the ache he feels. The niggling feeling that there’s something very wrong, something he’s missing.

This is not a tale about heroes. This is not a tale about glory. This is a tale about people. People living, and people dying, and people clawing their way through life, and people snapping at the hand that tightens the leash. There is no victor, there is no clean cut, just what is left when the fire burns through. The embers that sparked the Wildfire are doomed to fizzle out and die in the infancy of the flame. But as long as you stick around to witness the trees burn, they cannot claim it hadn’t happened at all. When a tree falls in a forest, tune in to the sound. Because remember, they can’t control you if you don’t give in to the silence.

Orrrrr

The tokujo gang fight against the oppressive fascist regime of Neo-Konoha while spreading chaos through the wastes and making Kakashi’s life way harder :)

So yeah, I hope that makes sense T~T it’s so late at night when I’m writing this I fear I may be too cryptic…. BUT PLEASE TELL ME YOU GET THE VISION!!

If anyone is interested in more lore feel free to ask anything <<33 I’m going to try and post some mini comics and blurbs for this AU often-ish (for art practice and also I want to push my brainworms onto y’all) so stay tuned?

Alright I think that’s enough yapping (for now ;) ) if anyone read all of that I shall give you one (1) soft little forehead kith :) 😙💋

Okay byeeee~~~