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grrside · 2 years ago

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Metaverse Mischief (Male to Snowman TF, Modular cock)

A police officer has to solve a mystery in the toughest crime scene he's ever been in: the metaverse.

Metaverse Mischief

-a grrside story-

CHAPTER 1

Oh god, Jack Stunning... Now THAT was a stud.

How else could he be described? He was just a rookie police officer but you can bet your ass nobody else in the station looked nearly as good on that uniform.

With muscles which looked like they’d burst out of the tight fabric that imprisoned them at any second, this 27-year-old muscle god left the older officers embarrassed of their own pudgy frames.

An internal rumor making its rounds on the police station said that a quick glance at the thick nipples protruding through his shirt was enough to make any woman have an intense orgasm on the spot, which is why Jack preferred to maintain a low profile while off-duty by ordering his groceries online. Supposedly, making women of all types lubricate their panties at the supermarket was fun at first but after a few weeks the endless moaning became quite repetitive and unpleasant.

That may or may not have been an exaggeration but there was no doubt about this man being goddamn sexy. And handsomely strong to boot. You just had to look at his masculine face. His precisely short haircut contrasted with the little rebellious stubble on his square jaw and his abundant forest of dark chest hair. His deep piercing gray eyes made him look rough. Any criminal would piss their pants if they saw his thick eyebrows get angry. Damn, Jack Stunning meant really serious business, baby!

In fact, local criminality rates had hit an all-time low since Jack Stunning started kicking ass. And it sure was noticeable in the police station.

“Isn’t it kind of boring lately?” Said Carl, one of the most veteran and therefore pudgier officers. “I mean, Jack’s a great cop and all, but since he single-handedly takes care of all the thugs in the city we are stuck here doing paperwork. We don’t even issue speeding tickets lately... It’s like we are living in the most peaceful city in the entire world!”

The rest of the officers silently agreed with Carl as they ate their donuts.

Just then a computer programmer (he wore glasses and carried a laptop below his arm so it was quite obvious what his day job was) came running into the police station. His face was full of tears, like he had been crying in despair for hours.

“Woah! What happened to you?” Asked Carl, surprised that a citizen actually needed their help.

“They... killed...” Said the computer programmer between tears.

“Holy shit! There’s a murderer loose in the city?!”

The scrawny programmer took a deep breath and finally said the rest. “They killed my penguin!”

“Oh, animal cruelty! That’s still quite horrendous!”

The programmer shook his head. “They killed my pet penguin in Frosted Lands(tm), the premier winter-themed world in the metaverse! It cost me a buttload of money in microtransactions!”

“...Oh.” Carl’s face filled with disappointment. “Sorry kiddo, we don’t avenge video game character’s deaths.”

“You don’t understand! Killing someone else goes against the Terms of Service of this massively multiplayer online world rated E for all ages! Bending the rules like this... This can only be the work of a hacker!”

“But seriously kid, we don’t solve virtual crimes...” Carl said.

“It IS our duty to protect and serve every citizen of our fine city...” Said a deep and masculine voice. “...That includes our citizen’s virtual avatars.”

Carl’s jaw dropped. “Jack?! You’ve gotta be kidding me, you already are the perfect cop in real life, there’s no need for you to be the perfect video game character!”

“Me, perfect?” Jack laughed. “I’m just doing my work.” He smiled and his teeth shone so brightly that Carl got blinded for a second.

“Oh thank you, mister!” Said the computer nerd. “You’ve gotta catch that bastard! Who knows who’ll be next!”

Actually, Jack Stunning didn’t know much about today’s online gameverses and meta-whatevers. Technology had seemed to evolve so quickly over the last few years he lost track of all the technological advancements.

According to the nerd, the days of heavy Virtual Reality headsets were about to be over. With Virtualizer cameras, you could venture into the metaverse, for real! They were still in heavy development but the most rich enthusiasts had already gotten themselves one. They looked like very expensive webcams that scanned your body image and created a 3D model that acted like a digital twin on the screen. Jack understood that part, but no matter how thoroughly the computer nerd explained, Jack couldn’t comprehend for the heck of it how a simple camera was capable of transferring his entire conscience into a computer file.

Eventually the nerd gave up on trying to explain. “Let’s just say that the Virtualizer lets you go inside the computer, even though that explanation is extremely inaccurate...”

“I’m not sure about this, Jack...” Whispered Carl. “While you explore that virtual world thingy you won’t be here to protect the real world...”

“There’s no need to worry.” Replied Jack. “I know the city will be safe with all of you.” He pointed at the group of fat cops sleeping on the job.

“But still...”

“I am ready.” Jack announced. He was standing at attention in front of the laptop with his black police uniform covering his muscles.

“Ok, here we go...” The nerd turned on the Virtualizer and pointed it at Jack. The machine looked futuristic and expensive as hell.

“Now that I think about it...” Pondered Jack. “Does the camera virtualize my clothes as well? Because-”

*FLASH!*

There was a bright light and just where Jack had been standing there was a police uniform levitating up in the air. For a few seconds it looked like there was an invisible cop in the room, but the clothes fell into a pile soon after. There was a clinking sound as the handcuffs and the walkie-talkie Jack had been carrying fell to the floor at the same time.

“Holy shit! Jack’s inside the computer!” Carl pointed to the tiny pink smudge that was now Jack on the screen.

“Okay, so all that’s left to do is to upload him into the server.” Said the nerd. “As I said, the brutal killing took place in Frosted Lands(tm), a winter-themed virtual world in the metaverse with fun minigames and where no sexual content or violence is allowed...” The nerd glanced at the tiny confused naked stud on his computer screen, more specifically at his humongous cock. “...We’ll need to edit Jack’s body a little bit before uploading him there, genitals aren’t allowed after all. The default avatar is a guy wearing ski gear, but there are plenty others.”

“What do you think?” Asked the nerd to Carl. “Should we make him similar to how he looks right now? Or should we keep him incognito? Once he’s uploaded to the server it’ll be harder to edit his appearance without spending real money on microtransactions, so I suggest you choose wisely.”

Carl nodded absent-mindedly. Then he opened his mouth in shock. “Wait, you’re asking ME?” The pudgy officer realized he was in control of the fate of the little naked man running around on the screen. He felt powerful but also very, very afraid of screwing everything up.

The fat officer’s unimpressive boner was leaking in his loins. Holy shit, Jack Stunning was there on the screen, completely buttnaked. His hands were covering his crotch and this only served to make his hairy pectorals stand out even more because his 9-inch cock was impossible to conceal.

It was the first time Carl had seen Jack Stunning this vulnerable. The tiny little man stood in the center of the screen. He seemed to be protesting but he barely could be heard. His cries sounded like those of a squeaky little mouse.

“Is the size reduction a side-effect of the Virtualizer?” Asked Carl to the nerd operating the laptop.

The scrawny guy started talking with his mouth full of chewing gum. This nerd was gross. “Uh? Nah, he’s not small. The camera’s just too far away.” The nerd rolled up the mouse wheel and suddenly a crystal clear rendition of Jack Stunning’s hairy chest filled the screen. It was impressive how every single body hair had been perfectly recreated. “But it kinda grosses me out to zoom in so much on a *guy*.”

“Oh, of course...! It’d gross me out as well to see a muscular man like him all up and personal!” Carl lied. “...Although we should spin the camera 180 degrees around. You know, to make sure he’s being faithfully rendered...”

The nerd pressed down on the mouse wheel and moved the peripheral to rotate the camera. “Yes, he’s been virtualized with 100% fidelity. By the way, he missed a spot when he wiped his butt this morning. You can see some tiny specks of shit right between these two butthairs, right below the anus. Want me to zoom in between the buttcheeks too, uh? Of course I can. Seriously, you old geezers and your fear of technology...”

Jack Stunning turned around in surprise inside the empty virtual world. He was covering his penis with one hand and his butt with the other, embarrassed at the fact that the nerd and Carl were able to see him in 360º with every single intimate detail faithfully recreated.

“So, have you decided yet? What do we turn him into?”

Carl thought for a good while. Maybe a penguin? They were cute but Jack as an online enforcer needed to look more authoritative.

“Mmm... I know!” Announced Carl. “Let’s turn him into a snowman. It’d fit the theme. But make sure he looks as *stunning* as he looks right now... You know... Like a badass police officer.”

“I think I know what you mean...Let’s give it a try. Hopefully my modeling skills didn’t get rusty.” The nerd pressed the “Edit Mesh” button and Jack was forced to adopt a T-Pose with his arms. He blushed when he looked down at his dangling cock but he couldn’t move anything other than his eyes while he was being edited, as if invisible chains were restraining him in place.

Jack tried to protest when an oversized mouse cursor appeared and started hovering all over his body as it pondered what part of the naked man to sculpt first, but his screams were muffled. He realized there was an output sound volume button on the nerd’s desktop and it was currently set at the bare minimum.

“First off, this has to go.” Said the nerd as the cursor pointed at the 9-inch piece of meat. The nerd right-clicked it, then the giant cursor tentatively hovered over various woeful-sounding options like “Resize”, “Delete”, “Flatten” until it nonchalantly decided to press “Cut”.

The moment the cursor clicked it, Jack’s cock was gone.

“Mmmppphhh!” or “You bastard, you cut off my cock!”, which was what Jack wanted to scream.

Then the cursor created a new yellow folder out of thin air, named it “Unnecessary” and pasted Jack’s cock inside it.

“Why’s he so mad? His cock will be just fine in my folder. My Solid Storage Drive still has one year of warranty left.” The nerd commented as he saw Jack Stunning’s thick eyebrows move into a no-bullshit frown.

“Maybe he feels uncomfortable with another person keeping his cock away while he’s undercover...” Carl said. He’d surely be freaked out as heck in Jack’s situation. “I’m sure he’d rather keep it close.”

“Oh...” The nerd chewed in thought. “Ah, I know!”

The nerd opened the folder and right-clicked Jack’s penis, then selected “Edit”. First he changed the cock’s color to orange and applied a carrot-like texture. Then he squished his balls and the tip of the shaft so it’d look more like a carrot.

“MMMMMF!” Cried Jack, feeling all the changes applied to his cock in real time.

The expressionless cursor then attached Jack’s cock...er...carrot to his nose. Jack could feel his cock and nose fusing as one body part that shared each other’s functions.

The cursor applied a snow texture to Jack’s body, overriding all of his body hair in the process. He now looked like a very muscular sculpture made of pure white snow.

Jack winced with pain. His nipples had been turned into little perky rocks which were masquerading as snowman's buttons. The virtual pointer next turned Jack’s eyeballs into expressionless, solid black marbles and his lips into smaller pebbles which were positioned in a cocky grin. His facial expression now possessed the same anatomical complexity as a stick figure's.

The cursor applied a wooden texture to Jack’s muscular arms. A regular snowman would have feeble sticks, but this snowhunk had strong muscle tree trunks instead. They weren't firmly affixed to his now larger muscular torso however, these wooden limbs looked like they could fall apart from his body at any second. They were sticks lazily put on a snow body after all, it's not like they were glued.

The next thing to model was his clothing. Well, just a sheriff’s hat and a police tool belt carrying handcuffs and a badge were the only garments the nerd actually bothered to model.

“Just a few final touches...” Said the nerd as the cursor applied a reflective shader all over Jack’s muscles slowly and with care. This is what a statue must feel when it’s polished, thought Jack. It felt kinda nice.

The white six pack on his torso now had a faint rough surface as if it was made of actual snow. Jack’s body was white and shaved completely clean. This, unfortunately, included his oversized glutes, his buttocks now looking like two pristine white bowling balls.

When the cursor clicked “Save changes” Jack could move once again. He reached down under his toolbelt, a shiny bulge was all that remained of this snowhunk’s manhood. Jack rubbed his blank groin between his muscular white legs and he didn’t feel anything, but then he pinched his button-nipples and got so aroused he got a runny nose...er...carrot, from the slight touch on his sensitive buttons.

“That should do it... Oh, I didn’t notice Jack was muted.” The nerd increased Jack’s voice volume.

“He seems ready for action.” Said Carl looking at Jack’s expression.

“I’m not, it’s just that my mouth’s default idle position is a grin.” Jack admitted, his 9-inch carrot pointing down all flaccid with fear. “Err... I’m actually having second thoughts about this whole plan...”

“As long as our connection to Frosted Lands’ servers is stable there should be no problem.” Said the nerdy guy. “We can retrieve your virtual avatar’s body and restore it to full health with an app I have here on my laptop.”

Jack didn’t like how the nerd had said “virtual avatar’s *body*”, as if he could end up a corpse. It was a game designed for all ages, right? What could go wrong?

“Ok, beam me down into the servers, nerd guy.” Said Jack, keeping his cool. As cool as a snowhunk with no pants could be.

“Will you guys please stop calling me ‘nerd’? My name’s Steven...”

Carl was excited. “I can’t wait to see Jack Stunning in action! Jack him up to Frosted Lands, nerd guy!”

The nerd guy sighed and opened the app portal to Frosted Lands. The snowhunk walked towards it and the moment he touched the portal Jack Stunning’s data left the safety of the nerd guy’s computer and traversed the wild, strange world that is the internet until he arrived at his destination...

...

“...Why has the screen gone black?” Asked Carl.

“We lost our connection to Jack!” Cried out the nerd in a panic. “Damn! That hacker! He must have disabled our firewalls, or...! Oh, wait. It’s just that the movie I was downloading ate up my data cap... Uh... What’s your WiFi password?”

CHAPTER 2

While panic reigned in the real-life police station, Jack’s login process into his new virtual existence had already been completed. The muscle snowman stud clad in just a police officer’s hat and badge was in awe at what he saw. “Wow, so this is what the fuss is all about. This is the metaverse...”

The mighty metaverse looked like an extremely generic winter wonderland except for the fact that every single object you could see carried a price tag. Candy canes stuck on the floor, 5$ each. An igloo hut that served as a home, 5000$. Hot cocoa, 4$. An emote to drink from a cup of hot cocoa, 66$.

“Wowzers, I feel like I could spend my entire life savings in just five minutes if I'm not careful.”

But there was no time to shop around, Jack Stunning had a criminal to catch. He better find some clues or vital witnesses. Jack first asked a man dressed up like Santa, but the conversation went nowhere as he turned out to be just a mindless NPC advertising a new cola drink.

After this embarrassing disappointment, Jack saw lots of characters performing the same robotic dance moves to non-existent music which he could only assume to be... Real players!

One of those real players, one who wore a male default avatar with ski gear, approached Jack. “Hey, are you a newbie?”

Jack’s inexpressive black marbles for eyes blinked. Was this random person talking to him? The cop is the one who should be asking questions!

The muscular snowman whispered to the other side of the screen. “Eh, Carl and nerd guy, a pedestrian is asking me if I’m a ‘newbie’. What does that term mean?” But nobody answered. The connection to the real world was still spotty. Figures. He would have to improvise.

“I’m not a newbie, I’m just new here.” Jack answered with a straight face.

“Cool, bro.” The stranger said and stood there, still and quiet, for a few long and awkward seconds. Jack wondered what expression the guy was making behind the ski balaclava. It was very strange talking to a virtual avatar which may or may not be an accurate representation of the actual player. Hell, the stranger could either be a fat greasy old guy or a hot chick using a male voice filter.

“My player name is NotAGrifter#34959.” The stranger said and performed a handshaking emote that caused him to handshake the air in front of him in an eerily, uncanny valley way. “I like your avatar, bro."

Jack looked down at his muscular bare torso made out of cold, pristine white snow. “Oh, thanks. By the way, have you seen anyone acting suspicious around here-”

The stranger took a step forward and pointed at his chiseled six pack. “So much attention to detail. Especially the muscles. Is it custom-made?”

“You could say so. But-”

The stranger took another step forward. “Who made it? Where did you buy it from?”

“Well, I didn’t exactly buy it, because-”

The stranger got extremely uncomfortably close to Jack. “How much would you sell it for? What payment methods do you accept? Would you trade it for this limited edition scarf?”

Jack didn’t know how he could explain to this stranger that the snowman avatar was all he had and that it had been modeled using his own real-world body as a literal material using state-of-the-art Virtualizer technology. “It’s... it’s not for sale...”

“Ok. What about the accessories? The handcuffs? The police badge? How much for the buttons?” The random stranger reached for Jack's hard pecs and squeezed the button that used to be Jack’s left nipple. Jack couldn’t help yelping in a shriek of unexpected pleasure. It may have looked like a round pebble masquerading as a button but to the snowman it felt like an extremely sensitive part of his own body. Jack's nipples had always acted like remote controls for his arousement level, and they were literally hard as a rock right now. The hunky snowman’s cock twitched and hardened in such an abrupt and exaggerated way it was cartoon-grade comical.

“Oh my *beep*ing god!” The stranger was so excited that he had triggered Frosted Lands(tm)’s patented censor beep. “The carrot has animations included?! How much do you want for that carrot?”

Jack blushed. He had almost forgotten his cock was now a carrot ‘nose’ visible to everyone. He instinctively tried to use his wooden muscular arms to hide his orange nine-incher from view, but his short wooden twigs did a very poor job at covering up the gargantuan erection that hung on his face.

NotAGrifter *NEEDED* that carrot. Wearables with animations were worth much more than regular accessories. He was sure it would fetch a lot in the black market of limited edition items were Jack to be unfortunate or gullible enough to lose it. He wondered if it included any other emotes...

Jack shrieked when the stranger suddenly and with no warning flicked the tip of his erect nose. The phallic carrot swayed up and down and hardened even more. Jack's poorly-made caricature of a human face blushed. “Please, don’t!”

“It even has mucus fluid simulation, so much attention to detail!” NotAGrifter said, completely unaware he had just touched Jack’s penis and that the dripping mucus was actually his precum. He reached for all nine inches of it and squeezed hard.

A giant user interface window appeared in front of Jack's eyes. “NotAGrifter#34959 has sent you a trade request for your currently-worn item, ‘Snowman’s Carrot (Nine inches-long)’, accept or decline?”

The big sign obscured the muscular snowman's line of sight. "Woah! How do I get rid of this thing?!" Jack panicked as he struggled to press the floating 'Decline' button blindly with those fragile and unnecessarily-complex-to-articulate twigs of his.

"Trade request accepted. You gave the following item(s) away: 'Snowman's Carrot (Nine inches-long)'. You received the following item(s) in return: 'Nothing'." The floating user interface window cemented the deal.

Jack was dismayed. "NO! That's not what I wanted to do!"

The system message vanished as fast as it had appeared. NotAGrifter grinned with satisfaction under his balaclava when Jack's cock ultimately detached from the snowman's face with a comical 'plop' sound effect.

"You bast*beep*ard! Give it back!" Jack tried to grab his former cock and balls but his upper limbs made up of tree branches passed through the obscenely large vegetable as if they were intangible. "What the?!"

"NotAGrifter#34959 is not accepting trade requests at this time." A small warning informed the snowman.

The metaverse didn't follow the same rules as real life. Players couldn't just take another player's items by force, no matter their difference in physical strength. It was meant to give players a sense of ownership over their virtual belongings as they wore the latest fashion cosmetics they bought with real currency, furnished their virtual homes with all the expensive furniture they had gathered in their adventures, or even speculate with them in the marketplace which functioned just like an auction house. Unwanted property that didn't fetch a good price could also be permanently deleted from existence so it wouldn't waste valuable inventory space on the server.

And Jack's genitals were now legitimately NotAGrifter's property, which meant that the shady player could do with them any of the above as he pleased.

"Impressive, bro. The texture work is incredibly detailed." NotAGrifter traced a finger on its surface. "It's slightly redder on the tip and there are veiny-like things along the shaft that give it a healthy and mature look. It's a damn fine vegetable, bro. I have seen a lot of snowmen's carrots but none as long and thick as yours, bro."

"That is... Uh... Nice of you to say, I suppose..." Jack blushed. "...But yeah, you've had your fun examining it, how about giving it back?"

The masked man was engrossed by Jack's thingy. "Oh, wow, it has a lot of animations, bro. When I squeeze it right below the tip it grows thicker! But how do I make it release all the sticky goo it has stored inside? It looks like it really needs to burst, bro!" The guy shook the huge thing around, squeezed it and tickled it.

All of this would be much easier on the undercover policeman if he didn't feel every single touch and prod on his cock with the same intensity as if it was still physically connected to him.

The poor carrot was so desperate for release that it twitched on the ski man's hands. It was a very sensitive, long and hard organ and all the constant teasing was making it go through a living hell.

"I want to see it blow a huge load!" The ski man said as he lashed all nine inches of it as if it were a whip. "C'mon! How do I make it sneeze?"

It was too difficult for Jack to keep his cool while being this turned on. "Please, ahhh, can you give me my carrot back already, ohhhh..." He began thrusting his muscular snow-white hips forward as his arousement was too much. But no matter how much the big policeman hilariously humped the ground and scratched away at his blank crotch, his erect genitals were still at NotAGrifter's mercy. Release was so close, yet so far!

"This carrot is so rare..." NotAGrifter was in love with the valuable item and seeing how desperate Jack was to recover it, the shady character knew exactly what he had to do.

...

"Thanks for showing me your carrot, bro. I'll work hard to earn one that looks as impressive someday. You can have it back." The ski man said against all odds.

"Phew, I thought for sure you were a grifter scheming to scam me." Jack said. "So gimme, gimme! And with haste, please!" Jack extended his arms, eagerly awaiting the orange dildo of a carrot.

"What? No, bro. I'm not a grifter. That's the reason I chose this username. See? I'm not a grifter, therefore NotAGrifter fits me like a glove, bro."

"Ok, ok, just give me my co- I mean, my carrot back!" Just a few seconds more and he would jizz all over the ski man's hands.

"Sure thing bro. Woah, bro, your face is so red right now. You got a fever? I don't think it's a good idea for a snowman to be so hot." The ski man adjusted his ski glasses with concern.

"We can discuss that *after* you give me my thingy back!" Jack danced with desperation. He was so close. The slightest tease could make him cum now...

"But snowmen melt if they get too hot, bro." NotAGrifter said as he casually squeezed Jack's hard dick.

"Man, I can tell you're strong and fit with your thick pristine white muscles telling everyone who's boss the moment you enter the room but behind that whole cold blooded facade what you really crave is the ice cold touch of a fellow male snowman that puts you in your place." He waved the hard cock around as he explained.

"Hot snowmen need to keep their temperatures low by embracing other snowmen. It's in their DNA, that's why you find so many wild snowmen wrestling against each other around here. I have seen them, bro." He squeezed harder and more passionately...

"Those snowmen bear hugging each other, the hot sweat on their muscles evaporating the moment they touch each other. You crave that, don't you? Snowmen who get too hot end up as white goop on the ground." ...And harder and harder...

"Yes, their snow bodies are so hot they melt into their own bodily juices. You don't want that happening, right? To feel so hot that you melt into your own white stuff because of craving too much the touch of hunky men all over you? Because that's what you are, a mindless muscle-craving snowstud...

Oh, you 'sneezed' all over. You ok, bro? You left quite a big mess."

Jack's detached cock had jizzed like a huge fountain. His muscles were losing definition as the snow that gave form to his body melted with pleasure. He needed a quick breather for his overloaded brain to 'unmelt' itself from the orgasm. "Ohhhh, man..."

"Oh right, I had to give this back to ya."

Jack saw another trade window. NotAGrifter had offered his cock back. The snowman didn't feel himself in a hurry to have his genitals back post-nut, but he groggily accepted and the carrot appeared right in front of him, floating and spinning mid-air.

"See ya, bro!"

"Yes... 'Bro'... Phew, that was intense..." The snowman could barely pull himself together. He couldn't believe he had gotten so hot and bothered by some anonymous rando's online nonsense!

Jack felt groggy, as if had drunk a lot of alcohol, his brain cells melting into hot water. Fortunately, it didn't take long for his body to revert to his hunky self of solid muscle.

"Oh, by the way, how do I equip my carrot?" Jack realized it wasn't as simple as just sticking it in. The damn thing didn't want to get attached back to his face. He probably had to use the equipment menu, but Jack was clumsy as heck with computers and user interfaces. He would need help, but NotAGrifter had already bolted off to stalk another new player.

"Well, let's try this. It can't possibly be too hard, could it?"

CHAPTER 3

Meanwhile in the real world, Carl was very scared. "What if the hacker has attacked Jack?" Carl pondered out loud. "Damn it! We should never have sent our best man on such a dangerous mission!"

"This should do the trick." Said the nerdy computer programmer as he restored the police station's connection to the virtual world and Carl practically jumped with joy, as he couldn't live a second more without seeing his hero.

However the screen greeted them with a very grotesque image instead.

The nerd was visibly disappointed. "What the fuck, Jack? We go away for less than ten minutes and you're already messing up the avatar I so meticulously designed?"

"Oh... Er... Hi guys..." Jack was very embarrassed. "Look, I can explain... I messed up dealing with the equipment menu and well..." He said with his mouth full.

The equipment menu had looked simple enough. But Jack still thought of his carrot nose as his cock so instead of equipping it into his face he mistakenly attached it to his groin. He tried correcting his mistake by selecting his face and his crotch and then pressing the "attach" button. The very next thing he knew his meaty snowhunk lips were sucking his own monstrous cock, still full of sticky goop after his recent nut.

"Dude! You're fucking self-sucking yourself in public! You look too obscene! What if the censor bots see you?!" The nerd furiously said.

"Sorry..." Jack apologized, his torso still stuck bended at 180 degrees, his anus wide open for everyone to see.

"Censor bots? What are those?" Carl asked the nerd, the fat man unable to shift his eyes away from the naughty snow hunk performing autofellatio.

"They're artificial intelligences that moderate the metaverse. If they catch you violating the Terms of Service they can ban you from the game forever... Or even worse still, reset your battle pass progress in order to make you play more."

"Woah, they're monsters! That's too cruel."

The nerd opened the equipment menu and in a flash unglued Jack's face from his crotch and restored his cock carrot back to a innocent-looking nose. But it was all in vain, because a big robot with a shiny black metal surface and a forbidden sign for a face had already made its act of appearance in front of Jack.

"YOU VIOLATED THE TERMS OF SERVICE. THEREFORE YOU ARE PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM ALL SERVERS AND YOUR CUSTOM ASSETS WILL BE CONFISCATED BY OUR GLORIOUS COMPANY." The robot said in a deep monotone voice.

"That doesn't sound good..." Jack said.

Carl was in full panic mode but the nerd was even more worried. "Custom assets? But Jack, *you* are those custom assets... Uh, oh..."

"Does that mean they're confiscating Jack?!" Carl yelped.

"Yeah, Jack will be turned into a file that belongs to the metaverse's president. Then most probably they'll churn out infinite copies of him that will be handed out as a battle pass reward next season. If they turn him into a pet he'll retain some degree of autonomy but if they turn him into a skin he'll just be an empty husk of himself for people to wear."

"What?! I don't want to be a prize for people to claim!" Jack protested.

"They can't do that to him! He's a human being, not some asset that can be copied and passed around!" Carl was pissed.

"Of course they can do that. It's all written down in the Terms of Service nobody reads but we all agree when we play." The computer programmer said.

Carl was sweating like a pig. "What can we do then?"

The arm of the robot turned into a big cannon, locked and loaded, pointing at Jack. "PREPARING TO TAKE OVER THE OWNERSHIP OF THE NAUGHTY ASSET..."

Jack prepared for the worst. He kept the inexpressive black marbles he had for eyes closed. "So this is my end. My consciousness will be erased and then the rich CEO who owns the metaverse company will profit out of my own corpse of a body forever and ever... I hope I become an uncommon battle pass reward, at least..."

An explosion erupted...

And then Jack opened his eyes. The censor bot had been demolished, only a pair of smoking robot legs remaining. "What? But how, who...?!"

There was a person. An individual enveloped in blue, standing like a sentient blue flame of bright burning fire. He was holding the censor bot's head in his hands. The celestial figure crushed the barely functioning thing with his bare hands like it was made of paper.

Jack was speechless. Whoever this thing was, it was his savior. "T-thank you...!"

The blue man turned around. He was completely devoid of hair and clothing. His body consisted of blue flames that shone brightly in the darkest of places. "I simply did what I must." His voice sounded distorted, like he was using some sort of filter or voice modulator. Talking about distortion, there was what looked like an aura of garbled graphic artifacts surrounding him.

"Jack, be careful! That graphical distortion and that overpowered strength... He must have modified his own code!" The nerd said on the other end. "That must mean he's..."

"That's right, you could say I'm a hacker." The figure said.

"Yikes! He can hear us!" Carl said with surprise and fear.

"But he doesn't strike me as a bad guy." Jack said. "He just saved me from becoming a simple game asset."

"That may be true, but..." The nerd said. "My pet penguin was killed by a hacker! What if this guy is the killer?!"

"I'd never use my hacking prowess to harm other players. I wouldn't want my living space to be filled with violence. However, I may know who killed your pet."

"Uh?!" The nerd pressed his face into the screen.

"The company who claims to own the metaverse is running a disprestige campaign against hackers. I wouldn't be surprised if they are blaming us for the bugs on their own software." The hacker put his hands on his sides, seemingly disgusted. "Not only are they shifting the blame to us, but it makes people more accepting of their censor bots blasting people around. It's a double win for them."

"So you're telling me... My pet penguin died because of them..." The nerd's face filled with tears. "Dammit! I was so invested in the metaverse, but in the end it was all just a lot of money thrown down the drain!"

Jack was thinking hard about the whole thing. They had solved the mystery of the killer of the nerd's virtual pet. But the killer was a much bigger enemy than he initially thought. It wasn't some random person, it was the richest company on Earth.

"That's it, I'm quitting the metaverse forever. It was all a big bunch of lies from the start." The nerd sobbed.

Carl looked at Jack. "Well, that's another case closed for Jack Stunning. Should we log you off now?"

"I'm going to stay a little bit longer... There's something that bothers me. Nerd?"

"Yeah, the nerd is annoying as hell for me, too." Carl retorted.

"That isn't what I meant." Jack tried to look directly at where he thought the nerd was. "I just wanted to say that I don't think the metaverse is all bad.

I've found weird people for sure, and the terms of service are dubious at best, but I've also found people that look like complete grifters at first yet don't turn out to be grifters but great roleplayers instead and I've also meet people with differing views to mine that are willing to help complete strangers, like this hacker.

What I mean to say is that maybe, just maybe, if we let the metaverse grow with the help of what matters most, that is, the people, it could turn out not to be a total load of bull*beep*shit."

"And that's the true meaning of the metaverse!" Carl added.

The nerd stopped sobbing. "...So what you're trying to say is that there's hope for this place?"

The snowman stuck his white chest out with pride and confidence and made a thumbs up with his tree branches. "That's right!"

"Of course there is." The hacker joined in. "I love the metaverse. As I mentioned, it's where I live." The hacker was being literal. He explained he had wasted all of his life savings to buy a Virtualizer and now lived as a permanent resident of the metaverse, his old real life self be damned. "And now, reborn as FlameBlue, I'll fight to the bitter end for a free and open metaverse... Or at the very least one that allows nudism."

"What a noble cause." Jack admitted. "If you ever need any help in your fight let me know, Flame. I have to return the favor after all!" He smiled warmly and shook the hacker's hand. He casually noticed that the nudist man's flames tickled but didn't hurt.

And that's how Jack Stunning's first case in the metaverse ended. However, Jack's fight for justice in this new world had just begun. It would be a long and hazardous journey, that was for sure, but the star policeman felt pumped and ready for action.

"By the way, Flame." The snowman eventually asked FlameBlue. "If you're a nudist, why didn't you choose a bigger willy for your avatar? Looks very embarrassing to be flopping that tiny thing around!"

"Err... It's based on my offline penis..." The nudist hacker responded, his blue face tinting red with shame. "I didn't modify it one bit..."

"Oh."

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