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collecting-stories · 4 years ago

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Scarefest - Topper Thornton

Request: Can I request a topper imagine where he overhears the reader talking about doing Halloween festivities but the pogues don’t want to do anything so he offers to take her 🥺🥺🥺like a pumpkin patch or a CARNVIAL OMG with haunted houses I love Halloween lmao

Autumn in the OBX | Outer Banks Masterlist

_ ⭐︎*.・✶ ☾ ◦*.⭐︎_

Topper came out of the gym in the country club, Kelce heading straight for the lockers to grab a shower, and stopped when he saw you down the hall at the smoothie bar, talking to the woman behind the counter. You had a uniform in the way of a pair of khaki colored pants and polo tee with the club insignia on it.

“You coming man?” Kelce called from the door to the locker rooms.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just grabbing a water.” He replied, “drank all of mine.”

“Whatever, but I’m not waiting around while you take five years to fix your hair.” Kelce joked, disappearing around the door before Topper could form any kind of comeback.

With him gone, Topper headed to the smoothie bar. He had seen you over the weekend at a party with your friends and he’d overheard you talking about Scarefest, something that none of your friends seemed even the slightest bit interested in. But overhearing it was like a godsend to Topper, he’d been trying to figure out how to ask you out without you completely shooting him down and this seemed like the perfect opportunity.

Not to mention, there were none of your pogue friends insight today, “Hey.” 

You looked up from your phone, surprised at the sight before you. “Uh, hey, Topper. Did you need something?”

While Rafe loved to make you run around the club on dumb errands for him, or send his food back a million times just so you could get in trouble, Topper seemed far more willing to just ignore your existence when you were there.

“No nothing, I was just...heard you mention like heading up to the farm this weekend for scarefest.” He said.

“I did mention it...to my friends.” You replied, emphasizing the word as a way to remind him that he was, definitely not, one of your friends. Besides, that had been Friday, at the boneyard, and it was Tuesday now. “Why?”

“I was just thinking if you still wanted to go, we could go together.” Topper suggested, leaning against the counter of the smoothie bar in a way that he hoped both made him look cool and showed off his arms. When you frowned and raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, he was tempted to turn right around and head back toward the gym. “What?”

“Nothing. I just...are you asking me on a date Topper? Am I being asked on a date by a kook?” You teased, “Are you Freddie Prinze Jr and I’m Rachel Leigh Cook?”

Topper rolled his eyes at the stupid movie reference. He’d been crushing on you for a while now, a couple weeks after he and Sarah broke up if he was actually trying to put down a timeline, but sometimes he couldn’t decide exactly why. “Do you wanna go or not?”

“I do. I just have one question...”

“I swear to god...” He warned, already knowing what you were going to say.

You raised your voice enough as you spoke to draw the attention of some members of the club that were in the lobby area of the gym, doing your best to act as dramatic as possible, “am I a bet? Am I fucking bet?”

“Shut up,” Topper pressed his hand over your mouth, looking around the room apologetically. He could just hear his mom later, telling him how someone at the club had seen him with some girl making a commotion, “you are the loudest person I have ever met.” 

“Louder than that god awful green shirt Rafe works out in?” You said once Topper moved his hand off your mouth.

“Yeah, louder than that.” 

“Pick me up at 5 okay, I don’t wanna get stuck waiting for the ferry.” You said, agreeing to the date that he was asking you out on. You had heard plenty of shit about Topper simply because he was a kook but you didn’t really know him and you had to admit you kinda wanted to. He was definitely cute even if he wasn’t your usual type. “Will your jeep drive in the cut or does it come to a screeching halt when it senses pogues?” 

“You’re really fucking annoying.” Topper muttered.

“You’re the one who asked me on a date.” You pointed out, taking a water bottle from behind the counter.

“And what...you wanna see if you can get me to change my mind?” He joked.

A voice came over the walkie that was attached to your hip, asking for your help down in the restaurant area and you radioed back that you would be right there. “Well, duty calls, I’ll see you on Friday.” 

Topper showed up on Friday at 5p, just when he said he would, and your mom stood at the front window yelling to you in your bedroom about ‘who were you going out with’ and ‘how does a kid afford that kind of car’. You ignored all of her questions in favor of running out the door and getting in the car as soon as possible.

“Have you done scarefest before?” You asked as you walked through the gates of the farm with him. It was still light out, too early for the haunted house or the hayride but just in time for the other festivities.

“No,” he shook his head, looking around as he followed you up the hill toward the large barn and pumpkin patch.

“So, if you’ve never done scarefest before, why’d you wanna come? Tired of the kook parties and felt like changing it up?” You joked, grabbing his hand as you led him through the crowded giftshop and out into the pumpkin patch.

“You wanted to go and I wanted to go on a date with you, seemed like the logical choice.” Topper replied.

“You seriously wanted to go on a date with me?” You asked, letting go of his hand to inspect a large barrel of medium sized pumpkins.

“I asked you out, didn’t I?”

“Who knows why you do things Topper,” you teased, grabbing a pumpkin out and holding it up as you turned around to him, “here, take a picture of me.”

“With a pumpkin?”

“Yeah...uh excuse me!” You called to a woman walking passed, when she turned to look over you held out your phone, “would you take a picture of us?”

“Sure, of course.”

You grabbed Topper’s hand, pulling him close to you, unable to stop smiling when he put his arm around your waist and posed with you while the woman took your picture. It was cheesy, and you would never say it out loud, but you had always wanted to do some basic couples’ thing like this and get your picture taken by some random soccer mom there with her family.

“Thanks,” you took your phone back, swiping through the three pictures the woman took and zooming in to make sure you looked nice in them.

“You two are so cute,” she mentioned as she walked off, Topper nodding as if he agreed and replying with a simple ‘thank you’, not bothering with any sort of explanation. Technically you were here together but you weren’t quite together, together.

“Alright, picture in the pumpkin patch, what other mandatory things do you have written on your list?” Topper asked walking with you through the small crowd. You’d put the pumpkin back, insisting that the local farmer’s market sold them for less and you weren’t wasting money, even Topper’s, on an overpriced pumpkin.

“There’s food, that’s always a necessity. Or the corn maze...it’s technically for kids, I’ve been tall enough to see over the actual corn since I was thirteen but it’s still fun. Or, the petting zoo, that’s always open. Or we could take the tractor ride down to scarefest, it’s starting to get dark.”

“Scarefest sounds good to me.” He replied, standing up a little straighter and you smiled at his change in posture.

“Do you scare easily?” You asked, walking toward the tractor with him, still holding his hand. You’d taken it again as you left the crowded pumpkin patch and you had yet to let go.

“No.” Topper lied. He could barely sit through a scary movie let alone the idea of walking willingly into a haunted house. He didn’t even want to think about the haunted hayride. You climbed on the tractor ahead of him and he finally let go of your hand to wrap his arm around your shoulders as other couples and groups climbed in.

“Not gonna lie, I am really happy you asked me to come here. And not just cause I wanted to go to scarefest.” You admitted, turning into him a little so he would hear you.

“Wow, that’s some compliment.” Topper joked.

“I’m serious...out of all the kooks, you’re my favorite.”

“There it is.” He said, rolling his eyes at the comment. The pogue and kook dating thing seemed to be working for Sarah and John B, as much as it hurt to see them together in the beginning, and Topper had to admit that it made him wonder if that was possible for you and him. If something more than him being scared out of his mind would come of tonight and the two of you could date.

Maybe that was too much to hope for.

“What? I’m serious. You’re my favorite.” You replied, smiling, “but only because I’m not counting Kie as a kook.”

“Naturally.”

“Then it’s gotta be Kie.”

“I appreciate that.” Topper said, “nothing like being second best.”

“Well, I’m here with you.”

“Cause I asked you.” He pointed out as the tractor rambled along toward the gate of the haunted house.

“Yeah but I said yes.” You replied. “I was like...how many chances am I gonna get to see you freak out over people in costumes.”

Topper laughed, shaking his head at you while you smiled at him, so tempted to kiss him right then but you kept yourself in check. You were not going to blow this entire date by throwing yourself at him in desperation.

The tractor left you off at the gate and you dragged Topper through, eager to get in line for the haunted house. While you stood in line with him people outside dressed in costume lurked around, creeping up on people and making them jump. When a guy in a werewolf costume caught Topper by surprise he nearly jumped and you laughed.

“Just...didn’t expect that.”

“Kinda the point of the haunted house,” you teased, “but you’re scared face is very cute.”

“Great. I’ve always wanted to have a girl compliment me the same way my grandma does.” He groaned as the two of you moved further up in line.

“I could pinch your cheeks too. Just for good measure.” You said, yelping when he prodded your side with his fingers. You smacked his hand away and laughed, “stop.”

“Me? You’re the one antagonizing me the whole night.” He replied. When it was your turn to go inside, he stepped behind you, hands on your waist as you both walked through the door to the haunted house. The immediate flickering of the lights had you reaching for his hand. Even if you weren’t easily scared you hated being disoriented. “Scared?” He asked.

“No.” You promised.

As you and Topper came out the back door of the haunted house he let out a relieved breath, shaking his shoulders and trying to regain some composure. You turned to face him, walking backwards towards the concession stand that sold hot chocolate and apple cider, smiling at him happily. You looked unfazed by the haunted house and he couldn’t even comprehend how that was possible.

“Wasn’t that awesome?”

“Yeah, awesome. I’m coming back every weekend.” Topper replied sarcastically, following you.

“We can skip the hayride if you want?” You offered, knowing that he had clearly lied when he told you that he didn’t scare easily.

“Nah, I’m good.” He insisted. You wanted to go on the hayride and he wanted this to be a great date so that you would go out with him again.

“Okay.” You waited until he caught up with you, taking his hand and walking normally beside him to the concession, “you want some apple cider or something before?”

“Sure.”

As you stood in another line with him, arms around him this time as you stood against his side, you leaned up and kissed him on the cheek, “I am really enjoying tonight, all antagonizing aside,” you said.

“We can do something else next week if you want?” Topper chanced and you smiled.

“Yeah, absolutely.”

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thebonerpit · 5 years ago

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tip of your tongue [fic]

tip of your tongue

Rom Howney, 2213 words, [E], read on Ao3 here

Tom has a terrible gag reflex and Robert just wants to help, aka, 2020: the year that inspires us to make mouth swabs sexy. (Cannot believe an Instagram video of Tom gagging on a swab would help get over my writer’s block...)

“Happy to see you’re being safe, even if that looks very uncomfortable. Awful gag reflex, by the way. Miss ya underoos.”

Most of the time, Tom assumes Robert never even sees his Instagram posts. He figures he’s too busy with other way more important movie star type things, or hanging out with his family, or doing literally anything other than browsing Instagram for hours like Tom does when he’s bored. But of course he happens to catch the one where he gags about two seconds after having that evil fucking swab shoved down his throat. It’s embarrassing, to say the least. He can practically see Robert’s smirk as he reads the DM.

Tom feels his cheeks colour slightly. Emboldened by the two beers he has just downed, he quickly types out a response and hits “send” before he can change his mind.

“It was horrid, but worth it. And yeah, haven’t had much chance to practice. xoxo.”

He throws his phone down on the couch so hard it bounces off and hits the floor.

“Fuck,” he hisses, grabbing for it and sinking back into the cushions in relief when the screen doesn’t show any visible cracks. Then he stares at it for a good ten minutes, totally NOT waiting for a response from Robert. Not at all. But when one doesn’t come he groans and buries his face in one of the big, soft pillows beside him.

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” he says into the fabric. “I wonder how long it would take to suffocate myself like this.”

“Are you saying something?! Why d’you sound like you’ve got your head in a jar?” Harry yells across the house. Tom groans again but launches himself off the couch and in the direction of Harry’s voice, leaving his phone on the coffee table, hoping for a distraction.

Ten o’clock that evening there’s a notification blinking at him. Tom nearly drops the phone again in his haste to check it.

“Didn’t think so, a good boy like you. Take it from someone who knows… practice does make perfect. I hear bananas work well. You have those in England, don’t you?”

Tom makes a painful, strangled noise that has Harry running to see if he’s broken something.

For some reason, they keep texting. It moves from Instagram DMs to actual text messages and Tom thinks that’s meaningful in some way… maybe… or not. Sometimes they’re flirty, sometimes they’re completely benign. Tom’s working on Uncharted and it keeps him too busy to dwell on it most of the time, until there’s a break in shooting for a week and he’s responding to Robert’s texts WAY too eagerly and he’d be mortified for himself if Robert wasn’t responding just as fast.

One night, after a few beers (again, god, he really needs to stop drinking) he sends a video. Because he has been practicing, actually. Not with bananas but with his toothbrush every morning, so that’s what he uses. He smiles at the camera and then opens wide and slides the handle into his mouth, taking care to concentrate on his breathing. His tongue pokes out underneath it and if he curls it slightly around the handle it was only to hold it steady, of course. The brush goes in a respectable distance until he feels his throat spasm and he gags slightly as he pulls it back out. His eyes water but he smiles again and does a completely dorky thumbs up before cutting the video off.

He cracks open another beer to wait with but the response comes almost immediately.

“Jesus, you’re pretty. Working hard, I see? Very good, I’m so proud.”

Tom blushes at the praise and squirms happily, kicking his feet a little. He’s alone in his hotel room, who fucking cares, Robert makes him giddy and he’ll kick his feet if he wants to.

“Aww you really think I’m pretty? I am working hard. Can even do it with the banana.”

“Show me.”

Fuck. FUCK. Tom hasn’t even attempted the banana yet but he didn’t expected Robert to respond… like that. He hops off the bed, grabs it from the bowl in the kitchenette, and immediately sticks it in his mouth.

“Peel it first, you absolute fucking moron,” he says with a grimace, and takes another swig of beer to wash away the taste of banana peel. He only has one banana, though, so if he’s gonna do this he has to film it right away or else it might start falling to bits after, er, repeated use. So he sets up his phone at an attractive angle and hits record.

He smiles again, less cheesy this time and what he hopes is more seductive, before turning slightly to the side and opening his mouth. The sweetness is almost overwhelming on its own, never mind how much thicker the banana is than a toothbrush, but he takes it slowly and slips it over his tongue. He has to close his lips around it, there isn’t really any other way, so he takes the opportunity to glance at the camera when he does, eyes lidded and slightly hazy from the alcohol. He stops about halfway down and makes a pathetic little sad noise because he knows he’s almost at his limit but fuck he wants to impress Robert so badly… so against his better judgement, he keeps going. Tom pulls out every trick in the book: breathing through his nose, squeezing his thumb in his fist, pressing up with his tongue. He makes it further than he did with the toothbrush before he chokes and slides the saliva-slick banana back out of his mouth with a wet gasp. There is a silvery thread of spit connecting his bottom lip to the end of the banana, and he stares directly in the camera as he licks it away.

This time there are actual tears in his eyes, and one slides down his cheek as he leans in to rasp out, “Did I do a good job?”

When the FaceTime notification pops up he nearly falls off the edge of the bed. There is absolutely no time to make himself look presentable or cool in any way, so he sets up the phone on the nightstand and answers with a tear-streaked face and a little bit of banana in the corner of his mouth.

Tom assumes Robert is in L.A. but it’s dark in whatever room he’s calling from, his face lit up by the soft glow of a desk lamp. A small thrill shoots up Tom’s spine at how blown his pupils are.

“What are you trying to do to me, hm?” he says, his voice quiet and half-wrecked.

“I’m just doing what you told me to… sir…”

Robert growls – actually GROWLS – and Tom feels it in every nerve of his body.

“Is that so?”

“Mmhmm. Practicing.”

Tom’s always been terrible at dirty talk, and he doesn’t think he’s ever had phone sex before, but he is an actor, so he lets himself slip into the role of someone who knows what the fuck they’re doing. It’s a lot easier with a scene partner like Robert.

“Practicing… yeah, I’ll bet. Practicing for something even bigger?”

“I… I don’t know. Am I?”

Did he really just ask Robert Downey Jr. how big his dick is?

Robert smirks and bites at his plush lower lip.

“Show me your hands,” he says.

Tom furrows his brow, confused, but raises his hands up anyway.

“Perfect. Lovely, long fingers. Put them in your mouth.”

It’s an order, and an order given so confidently and almost carelessly, like he knows Tom is going to obey. It’s devastatingly attractive.

“H-how many?”

“Start with two. As deep as you can.”

He does it. He tastes faintly of banana but it’s quickly washed away down his throat as he gags on his own fingers.

“Easy, sweet thing, no rush. Work them in nice and slow, close your lips around- yes, perfect, just like that…”

Tom’s eyelids flutter closed and he just lets Robert’s words wash over him as he slides his fingers over his tongue, deeper and deeper into his throat. His teeth knock against his knuckles and he moans when he realizes they’re in as far as they can go.

“Perfect,” Robert says. “Now suck.”

A whine escapes around his fingers, unbidden, and Robert answers with a low groan. Tom hollows his cheeks and does exactly what Robert tells him. He slides his fingers back out a bit only to suck them back in, almost petting his own tongue. He tries to go a bit faster, almost fucking his own face, but the repeated motion makes him gag again and he wrenches his hand away, coughing and sputtering and wiping spit off his chin.

“S-sorry,” he gasps, more tears spilling over his cheeks.

“Oh, no, you’re doing so good, baby,” Robert reassures, “so fucking good.”

He sounds breathless, and Tom wipes at his eyes so he can see him better. Robert shifts in his chair and Tom can see his arm moving under the desk and oh holy fuck he’s jerking off, he’s jerking off right now on the phone and Tom is about to DIE.

“Lemme see,” he blurts out, his eyes desperately focused on Robert’s arm.

Robert pauses and raises an eyebrow.

“Ask nicely.”

“Please! Shit, please, please lemme see.”

“Are you sure?” His voice is more serious this time. He knows that this is a line that is about to be crossed. It’s almost sweet, in a way, that he’s concerned about getting Tom’s consent and all, but really Tom was already winding up to fucking pole vault across that line so he just nods furiously and shoves his fingers back in his mouth to whine around them again.

Robert exhales through his nose and pushes his chair back from the desk. His fly is open but his trousers and underwear are still mostly pulled up so all Tom can see is his cock. And fuck, it’s a gorgeous cock. Thick and dark in his hand, wet at the head where he’s been leaking during their little conversation, one prominent vein that is just begging to be traced with his tongue.

“There,” Robert practically coos, “is that better, sweet thing? Can you imagine this in your mouth instead of those pretty little fingers?”

“Mmhmm,” Tom answers around the digits in his mouth. God, he can practically taste it. He’s rock hard in his jeans and part of him wants to touch himself too but Robert didn’t say he could, so he settles for rubbing against the mattress as he sucks on his fingers. There’s more saliva in his mouth and it’s starting to make everything sound incredibly wet and filthy, slurping and popping and squelching, but Robert seems to love it.

“I bet you’d look so damn good on your knees in front of me… those big eyes… fuck.”

Tom shifts around on the bed so he’s facing the camera, so he can look directly into the lens. Robert’s eyes flash when he realizes what he’s doing.

“God, you’re such a good boy, aren’t you? So obedient. So eager to please.”

He nods and continues to suck on his fingers, adding in a third to stretch his lips even wider.

“You’re gonna make me come, baby,” Robert mutters. His hand is flying over his cock but his eyes are laser-focused on Tom’s mouth. “Gonna make me shoot all over that pretty face.”

Tom is fairly certain he’s never been this turned on in his entire life. He lets his fingers slip out of his mouth.

“Please, I want it,” he gasps, and opens his mouth wide, tongue out like he’s waiting to taste everything Robert is willing to give him. He looks up at him through the lens, fluttering his eyelashes and petting his tongue with his slick fingers, and Robert comes with a harsh shout. Robert comes because of him. It makes him tremble and rut against the bed and within a few seconds he’s making a mess of his own boxers like he’s a teenager again.

There’s an echo of harsh breathing for a few moments as they both ride out the aftershocks, and then Tom hears shuffling from Robert’s end. He looks back up to see him tucked under the desk again which makes him pout. He misses that dick already.

“It’s gonna be a while before we see each other again,” Robert says. He’s trying to look casual, but Tom can tell when he’s acting. God knows he’s seen it enough. “We should stop texting. You’ll forget about this by then, and I won’t feel like as much of a creep. Hopefully.”

“Or…” Tom starts.

“Or?”

“Or, we keep texting, and I keep practicing, and when I see you I won’t have forgotten ANY of this and I’ll be able to suck your brains out through your gorgeous dick.”

Robert’s eyes widen, and then he throws his head back with a ridiculous sounding guffaw of a laugh. Tom laughs too and blows a kiss to the camera when Robert’s face is back in frame. He shakes his head but mimes catching it and pressing it to his lips.

“I could be ok with that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

#rom howney #marvel rpf #tbpwrites #nff

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tabloidtoc · 4 years ago

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National Enquirer, January 18

You can now buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Bill and Hillary Clinton

Page 2: Katie Holmes’ friends are warning her to wise up about her hot-tempered beau Emilio Vitolo Jr. after he went on a profanity-laced rant -- Emilio’s been in an edgy mood over his family New York City restaurant losing money while they’re forced to stay closed because of the pandemic and he’s definitely let his nice guy mask slip and it’s affecting their relationship and everything was all peaches and cream before but now it’s strained and difficult at times -- Emilio showed his ugly side when he raged against New York Governor Andrew Cuomo for shutting down indoor dining on his Instagram Stories

Page 3: Tom Cruise’s chemistry with his latest Mission: Impossible co-star Hayley Atwell has spilled over to real life but it’s no surprise because the British beauty is the mirror image of Tom’s ex-wife Katie Holmes and Tom deliberately hunted down a Katie clone to be his on-screen leading lady and Hayley is everything Tom is looking for in a partner and more -- physically Katie was Tom’s definition of total perfection which is brunette with an athletic build and he’s been quietly looking for a girlfriend for some time who had the features he loves which is brown hair and a squarish jaw and hazel eyes

Page 4: Stressed-out and scandal-scarred Ellen DeGeneres in binge eating her way toward an early grave and Ellen is burying her sorrows by bingeing on junk food and milkshakes -- she’s packed on 30 pounds in 30 days after Kelly Clarkson beat her in the ratings for the third week in a row -- Ellen is convinced the world has turned on her and hides in her dressing room and locks herself in her bedroom and eats until she can barely breathe and it’s the only thing that gives her any comfort these days and the results speak for themselves because she’s bursting out of her clothes

* Radio shock jock Howard Stern has blasted back at former staffers who painted him a cheap and petty monster -- the King of All Media said at the end of night he sleeps fine

Page 5: Concerned mom Andie MacDowell is fearing for the safety of her starlet daughter Margaret Qualley after she was caught canoodling with accused abuser Shia LaBeouf -- no one can understand why she’d be with this guy after he’s been accused of such horrible things and Andie is beside herself with worry and she fears Shia may have staged his PDA with her daughter to polish his tarnished image

Page 6: TV couple Chip and Joanna Gaines have prepped for the reboot of their wildly popular Fixer Upper reality show by undergoing extensive renovations on their looks and they spared no excuse in getting personal makeovers for the show’s return -- they are splurging on trainers, stylists, new clothes, designer makeup, at-home spa days and pricey hairstyling plus other indulgences

Page 7: Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani have called of their spring wedding plans after they were caught on camera in a vicious street fight -- they’ve been fighting about everything since they got engaged and all that tension finally exploded in a brutal screaming match -- the ruckus erupted over groomzilla Blake’s feeling that Gwen has given him little support after he’d spent endless hours and millions of dollars planning their over-the-top nuptials and after all his plans Gwen suggested they simply elope and Blake blew his stack -- Blake was already bristling because Gwen seemed more focused on jump-starting her career than their wedding plans

* Jennifer Lopez recently confessed she and retired slugger Alex Rodriguez are mulling never getting married after benching their wedding plans amid the coronavirus crisis and she’s been spotted without her engagement ring

Page 8: Barbra Streisand and James Brolin have bounced back from the brink of a $400 million divorce and now they’re even talking about making a movie together with Babs feeding him directing tips -- they’ve had their ups and downs but they’re getting a second wind and believe doing a project together will give their relationship the kick-start it needs -- James has seen his career revitalized with his role in the sitcom Life in Pieces and directing several TV movies and his recent success is pretty exciting to both of them -- James’ dream is to direct a big-budget feature starring his son Josh Brolin and Barbra wants to help him realize that goal

* Barely a year after leaving Britain broke and beaten Meghan Markle has regained her Markle Sparkle with Hollywood flooding the former D-list actress with movie scripts and big-bucks deals -- the wife of Prince Harry is savoring her triumph as Hollywood’s newly crowned queen and thumbing her nose at the royals -- since leaving the cable TV drama Suits Meghan has missed acting and now she’s looking for the right big-screen project to relaunch her career

Page 9: Sex and the City is on track for a reboot only this time without black-sheep cast member Kim Cattrall -- Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis are all reuniting for what Sarah has called a revisit of the hit series -- Kim who has had widely publicized spats with series star and producer Sarah over the years has complained about the fan backlash she received for bowing out of a third Sex and the City movie follow-up

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Tiger Woods hit the links at a Florida tournament with son Charlie, John Legend and Chrissy Teigen walked hand-in-hand during a hike with pals in St. Barts, Pete Davidson took a stab at knitting, Paris Hilton with white roses

Page 11: Bill Cosby is refusing to shower with his fellow prisoners because an outbreak of COVID-19 in the SCI Phoenix prison has caused the fallen funnyman to steer clear of the showers

* Martha Stewart turns 80 in 2021 but the scrappy senior’s been working her farm like an energetic 20-year-old -- the domestic diva has been riding out the pandemic at her 153-acre farm in Upstate New York but she’s doing anything but taking it easy as she’s up early milking cows, shoveling snow and even chopping wood for the fireplace and she hasn’t ignored her Martha Stewart Living lifestyle empire

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Ryan Seacrest personally tapped Billy Porter as his co-host on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve because Ryan is Billy’s biggest fan

* Kanye West and televangelist Joel Osteen have parted ways -- Joel loves the spotlight as much as Kanye but he wasn’t prepared for the backlash after they were criticized for their walking-on-water stunt and that was when things started to sour

* The Kardashians’ new show on Hulu promises to spark even more controversy as it will show a much more X-rated version of the family

* New Bachelor Matt James gets in a round of golf near his home in Jupiter, Florida (picture)

Page 13: Michael Douglas was over the moon after becoming a grandfather again at 76 and has big plans for the Douglas family dynasty -- reformed bad-boy Cameron Douglas and longtime partner Viviane Thibes welcomed son Ryder nearly three years after their daughter Lua -- making him a grandfather again is the greatest gift Cameron could have given his poor old dad and Michael hopes he loves to be 103 like his dad Kirk Douglas so he can watch Lua and Ryder grow up

* Reba McEntire’s new beau Rex Linn is a junk food junkie and she’s worried he’s digging his own grave with a knife and fork -- Reba loves Rex and he’s the sweetest guy in the universe but it’s just troubling the way he eats everything in sight -- Reba’s worried he’ll be six feet under if he doesn’t change his ways soon and she’s desperate for him to lose 25 pounds and she’s determined to put him on a sensible mostly vegetarian diet but Rex keeps sneaking chips and sweets when he thinks she’s not looking

Page 15: Four years into their brutal divorce battle Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are entering into a new custody battle this time for their pets -- the fractured couple’s clash over their five youngest children remains at a standstill as Angie refuses to budge on her demand for full custody -- while Brad continues to battle for shared custody of the kids he’s now making moves to ensure he has equal time with their critters as well -- Angie’s house is full of animals many of which Brad helped choose and raise and while he doesn’t want full-term custody of them he’d like to at least have them accompany the kids when they visit because Brad has noticed the children miss their pets when they’re with him and he wants to rectify that and he thinks they’ll want their visits to be longer if they have their pets with them

Page 16: Scandal-tarred Prince Andrew faces a shocking new investigation into how he lives like a billionaire despite being cut off from British taxpayer funds -- the disgraced playboy stripped of royal duties in 2019 over his involvement in the Jeffrey Epstein sex scandal has no steady stream in income to explain his lavish lifestyle of private jets and ski chalets and luxury cars -- but Randy Andy has apparently been secretly trading on his blue-blood roots to sponge off Arab princes and score lucrative deals with shady tycoons and cash-rich international oligarchs like Qatar’s Minister of Economy and Trade Sheikh Mohammed Bin Ahmed Althani and Secretary General Issa Abu Issa -- a probe of his financial dealings could see Andrew further shamed and banished from the royals forever

Page 19: Taylor Swift’s heady brew of mysticism in her new album Evermore has fans wondering is Tay Tay a witch -- in a music video for her song Willow she pursues a magical glowing thread through an enchanted forest and joins in with a witchy circle of cloaked revelers -- Wiccans are rushing to embrace her but others are wondering whether Taylor’s interest in witchcraft is merely to boost sales

Page 22: Devastated Lisa Marie Presley struggled through Christmas as the heartbroken mom is still coming to terms with the suicide of her only son Benjamin Keough -- her holiday was somber after she wasn’t included in her mom Priscilla Presley’s holiday plans -- Lisa Marie arranged to spend one night at Graceland to be with Ben at his final resting place

Page 26: Health Watch

Page 34: Kat Von D has made herself at home in a haunted house -- she left L.A. with her husband Leafar Seyer to give their son a more normal environment and instead they wound up in a seven-bedroom Victorian mansion in rural Vevay, Indiana that has 13 fireplaces and a local reputation as a retreat for ghosts

Page 36: Grateful Dead fans have been dying violent and mysterious deaths for decades sparking fears the hippie band’s superfans are being targeted by a bloodthirsty serial killer

Page 38: John Mulaney chatted up young girls on sex sites and sent nude selfies that suggested he was doing cocaine before checking into rehab -- the married star decided to get help after girls who partied with him online threatened to expose how he’d broken his 15 years of sobriety

Page 40: Garth Brooks confessed his life in lockdown with wife Trisha Yearwood hasn’t been in perfect harmony because he’s driving her bonkers with his nonstop whistling

* Hollywood Hookups -- Joe Giudice showed off his new squeeze who is a lawyer, Tyler Perry and Gelila Bekele split, Ariana Grande and Dalton Gomez engaged

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Duchess Kate Middleton in 2020

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Tichina Arnold and Beth Behrs on the sitcom The Neighborhood

Page 47: Odd List -- two months after hoofing it from a New Jersey slaughterhouse a runaway goat was captured and given a new lease on life according to the animal rescue that snagged the fleet-footed critter, a Texas man helped his boss turn the page on an old debt by settling his 48-year-old library fine as a joke

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thelovelydreamer17 · 5 years ago

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The Lost Adventures - Teaser

Summary: Starting junior year in a new school halfway through the semester was already hard, but after you and your biology partner make an alarming discovery it was starting to look like a walk in the park.

Relationships: Robert Downey Jr. x Daughter! Reader, Eventual Tom Holland x Reader (As in later in the series)

Word Count: 1,932

Warnings: Slight mentions of anxiety

Prompt: “I’m sorry, you’re what now?”

A/N: Here is my part in @afictionaladventure16 2K Celebration Challenge! It is loosely inspired by their series Safe and Sound, one of my all-time favorite stories. I haven’t posted anything in a long time, so go easy on me, please! This is sort of a prologue/teaser for the storyline. I have a lot of ideas on where to take this, should anyone want to read it. I hope you enjoy and have a Happy New Year!

You paced back and forth in front of the couch, biting on the side of your thumb. Indio was supposed to be here five minutes ago, you only had so much time before Robert was done filming and would be coming back. The minutes were counting down as your worry went up. As you crawled into the fifteen-minute mark you decided that this was ridiculous. Grabbing your bag off the counter, you swung it over your shoulder and hurried to the trailer door to get the hell out of here before anyone came back. Just as you were about to open the door, it swung open nearly hitting you clear across the face.

“Shit, Y/N.” Indie waited until you had moved back before pushing it open enough so that he could slip in. He set the small cardboard box he was holding down on the little kitchen table and kicked the door shut with his foot.

“You’re late.” You started to pace again, not being able to sit still.

“I know, sorry.” He opened the box and started to pull out what you were going to need. “Mom was home and it took longer than I thought to sneak it away from her and then Andre stopped me at the front gate to talk about school.”

“He’s going to be here any minute.” You let him take the bag out of your hands, crossing you then freed arms against your stomach. “This is a horrible idea.”

“It’s a great idea, and I got Holland to try and stall him. It should work for a few minutes. Now come sit down and please stop pacing. You’re making me anxious.”

You looked at him incredulously, “I’m making you anxious? How are you not already anxious?”

“Because I know this is a good idea and I’ve been wanting to do this from the start.” He sighed and stood up, halting your steps as he placed your hands on your shoulders, grounding you. “I can remember the few years after you were taken when he was so full of grief and worry that he would drink himself into a haze, and then when that wouldn’t work he would switch to drugs just to make it a little easier. It took him years to finally come to terms with what happened, and get clean, but I know that he still struggles with it.

“Every year on our birthday we light a candle for you, mom always will make a small little cupcake and we light the candle and make a wish that even if you don’t come back to us, that you are happy and safe and loved.” You wiped your eyes with the heel of your hand, letting out a sniff.

“If only that wish came true.” He wraps you up in a hug, the solid six inches he had over you making it feel like a warm blanket.

“And that is why we are doing this, so that can be true.” Giving you a kiss on the top of the head he pushed you away, “Now, let’s get this show on the road. Holland won’t be able to keep him away much longer and we need to get your nerves under control and get a plan together.”

You wiped your eyes once more and nodded. Indie gave you a soft smile before handing you the box you kept in your bag.

“I honestly don’t know what half the shit in here is,” You let out a laugh and took it from him, walking over to join him at the table. He had started to lay out the papers and documents that you were going to use as both proof and evidence. You still hadn’t decided if you were going to press charges, but Indie was sure that Robert would want to.

You had just placed down your copy of adoption records when the door burst open once more, this time without nearly knocking you out. Your eyes shot up and you felt your throat clench when you saw Robert standing in the doorway, a confused look on his face. Tom popped up over his shoulder, mouthing an apology to the two of you. Quickly putting down the papers, you took a half step away from the table as Indio tried to fix the situation.

“Hey, Dad. How was filming?” He ever so carefully slid the papers under each other behind his back, and your thumbnail ended up between your teeth once more.

“It was good, now does someone want to tell me what’s going on?” He fully entered the room, crossing his arms as he raised his brows at his son. “I’m assuming this has to do with Holland trying to get me to taste everything at the buffet table?”

You shot Tom a look of wonder, and he just shrugged, stepping into the trailed and closing the door behind him.

“You guys said to stall him and I ran out of ideas.” You stared at him a moment longer until he added, “And I was also hungry.”

Indie let out a chuckle and was about to add to the conversation when Robert interrupted him again.

“Aren’t you the biology partner?” He was looking straight at you and you felt your face heat up without your approval. You nodded, your eyes flashing between Indie’s and Tom’s. If you were anxious before, you were damn near a heart attack now. This was not how this was supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to happen this way.

“Yeah, she is.” Indie said slowly, “But there’s something else that she is as well, something that we need to tell you.”

“Are you two dating?” You let out a high pitched laugh that sounded slightly on the verge of hysteria.

“Dating, oh my god what is happening.” Your voice had risen three octaves and you run your hands through your hair before sitting down on the edge of the couch. You could feel their eyes on you, and Indio inched closer, letting you know of his unspoken support.

“No, we’re definitely not dating.” He let out a sigh, turning around to grab all the papers behind you in an unorganized clump. “You’re probably going to want to sit down.”

He walked over and sat next to you, leaving Robert to the armchair directly across from you both. Neither of you noticed as Tom snuck out of the trailer to give the three of you time to talk.

“Do you have the test results?” Indie asked you, mentioning the DNA results that started this all.

You nodded and grabbed the box off the side table, digging through it until you produced the two thick pieces of paper. They were the official DNA results, you had both figured that the classwork would not suffice in this situation.

“Okay, so I’m not really sure where to start this.” Indio glanced at you, and for the first time that day, he looked unsure of the situation. You gnawed on your lip, looking down at the papers that were just out of view of his dad.

“Dio, what’s going on. You know you can tell me anything.” Robert said softly, making you both look up at him. Seeing the truth in his face, you made the decision for both of you. Grabbing the papers out of Indie’s hands you arranged them into a way that would make sense and passed them over to Robert. He took them, his eyes not leaving yours as he scrunched his forehead in confusion.

“Just read them. We can explain anything else afterward.” He nodded and started to look through them, switching pages every few seconds. You felt as though the air had been sucked out of the room as you waited for him to finish. When he got to the DNA results, his eyes flashed upward, looking between the both of you with suspicion. Finally, he set them down on the table between you and crossed his arms over his chest. Your gaze met Indie’s as you both wondered what the older man was thinking.

It was silent, the tension in the room building until your leg started to shake again on its own accord.

“I don’t understand what this means.” One look at Indio’s face told you that he wasn’t going to be any help, and you were forced to bite the bullet yourself.

“I’m your daughter, his twin.” There was a moment's pause and when no reaction was made you continued on. “I was taken for what I think was this illegal black market adoption ring, people would steal kids and them sell them for a lot of money for this ring who would them sell them to other people who would think it was a legit adoption company. Usually rich, desperate people.

I would have stayed there with them, but they were in a car crash a few years after they adopted me and I was put into foster care. I bounced around for a while until I ended up at the school that was partnered with Hamptons Bay for a Bio project, a DNA comparison project. Indie and I happened to be paired up, and we figured it out but then there was the contest, and then the Thymes and I wanted to wait but Indie and Tom said that we shouldn’t, and we were going to do this in a smoother way where we could ease you into the idea, but then Indie was late and you were coming and so we just had to blurt it out and,”

He cut you off, making your mouth close with a clank of your teeth.

“I’m sorry, you’re what now?” He looked at you, then changed his gaze to his son who had been awfully quiet since the conversation started.

“She’s what now?” Swallowing Indie flipped through the papers on the counter before pulling out the two DNA results and your original birth certificate and the fake copy that the adoption ring had made.

“She’s my twin, your daughter.” He laid all four out in front of Robert, “She’s Y/N.”

This time, Robert took in the information and understood what he was looking at. You could see his eyes start to water and when he looked up at you again you could see that he understood.

“It really is you.” He said it softly, a tone that you had never heard in the movies and interviews you had seen of him. It was a tone that was reserved only for his family. “You came back.”

He stood up and moved over to crouch in front of you. Gently, he unraveled your arms and took your hands in his, his grip loose enough to allow you to pull away should you choose. When you didn’t, his grip tightened slightly as he rubbed his thumb over the back of your hand.

“We’ve missed you, Kid. You might not remember us, and to you, we’re probably strangers, but I have never stopped loving you or believe that you were still out there. Never.” You felt your own eyes water slightly at his words. Nobody had ever told you something with so much love and trust. This as a man you barely knew who had shown you more kindness in the last half an hour than anyone had in the past ten years. Sure, you had some good homes, with some nice parents, but they had never loved or cared for you as Robert claimed he did.

#afictionaladventure16celebration #robert downey jr x daughter!reader #robert downey jr x daughter #robert downey jr x reader #tom holland x reader #rdj x daughter #Marvel cast x reader #Marvel x reader

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bella4rosy · 5 years ago

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Record Player

Description: In which Steve Rogers discovers that his neighbor shares his taste for big band/swing music, and she plays him some records of her own. Mildly inspired by the french movie Blind Date. Set between Winter Soldier and Civil War.

((Contains: Domestic Steve Rogers. Old movie references. The Rat Pack. Bucky taught Steve how to foxtrot. Tony Stark making old man jokes. Tony Stark and Natasha playing matchmaker.))

The first time he heard the music, he thought he was having a stroke. He spent at least five minutes scrambling around his apartment trying to figure out how he was hearing a big band even though his record player was off. He was one more minute away from calling Tony, thinking he was under some kind of attack, before he realized it was coming from a different apartment.

He wasn’t sure if this revelation confused him more than the mysterious source of the music itself. Not a lot of people listened to the stuff from his time, this he knew. Playing those songs or requesting one or two of them at Tony’s galas had often earned him a mocking joke or two from his teammates. “Old man” or “grandpa” were the most popular, albeit uncreative, nicknames.

But here he was, hearing one of his favorite albums being played by someone else loud and clear.

It was coming from behind the bathroom wall. The building had been laid out so that the bathrooms of most units were back to back, meaning tenants shared a bathroom wall. His neighbor had never made much noise before, and he was rarely reminded that there was another person with their own life and routines occurring on the other side of that thin plaster. Until now.

He racked his brain trying to figure out if his neighbor was someone he’d met before. Maybe in passing in the stairwell, or in the laundry room? Was this a man or a woman? Were they a real neighbor at all? He remembered bitterly the time his neighbor in the last apartment building had turned out to be a Shield agent. Maybe Tony or Sam were playing a joke on him? He briefly considered calling the scientist again. Regardless, whoever this neighbor was, they were familiar with the old soldier’s music taste.

It was seven in the morning. Tony probably wouldn’t be awake yet, if he’d even gone to bed at all. Steve made coffee and started some housekeeping he’d put off during a mission.

The neighbor let the whole album play before the music ended. They didn’t replay it afterwards.

The second time he heard the music there was singing with it. That’s how he found out his neighbor was definitely a woman. A lovely mezzo-soprano voice lilted through layers of orchestra and running water.

Steve, upon the discovery that (1) his neighbor was female, (2) she could sing beautifully, and (3) she was currently singing in the shower, had the decency to blush like a gentleman. He sat like that on his couch, legs propped up, book in hand, face red as a tomato for six minutes until his gaze could refocus on the printed words in front of him.

She sang through the whole album, a different yet familiar one this time, continuing after the shower stopped running. When the album was over, there was a brief pause until he heard the door down the hallway open and shut. She was leaving her apartment.

It was eight in the evening.

He looked up from his book towards his own front door. It was at that moment that a seconds-long daydream, like something from a Gene Kelly film, played out in Steve’s head. A daydream in which he hopped off his couch with an appropriate degree of urgency, book discarded. He would open his door to see the flash of her hair disappearing down the stairs. He would call after her and ask for her name. He would stop at the top of the stairs and lay eyes on her for the first time, and she would be beautiful, probably dolled up to go out with her own friends. She would look up at him with a dazzling smile and say--

Steve shook himself. His heart was pounding in his chest. The heat returned to his cheeks. What a silly thought.

The third time, he had started it. He hadn’t been aware she was in her apartment or he wouldn’t have played it so loud. He had spent the day cleaning the apartment and listening to some records of his own. He was up to his elbows in bleach, scrubbing his bathtub when the current album finished in the other room. He wasn’t in a hurry to switch discs.

It was maybe two minutes before he heard her voice on the other side of the wall. It was distant, like she wasn’t in her bathroom, but rather, deeper in her apartment. She was singing the words to the last song he’d played, unaccompanied. The rhythm was perfect, and she imitated the vocal tone of the time period in a way he didn’t know was possible. When she came across a line or two that she didn’t know, the lyrics faded into light humming.

Steve realized he had stopped scrubbing to listen better.

He wondered briefly if she knew how to dance to this kind of music. Evidently, it was something she had an interest in; surely she could have the musicality to dance. Then his thoughts were bombarded by the revolutionary notion that if she couldn’t, he would love to show her how.

Before the serum, Steve had trouble finding partners to go to dances with. Bucky, of course, had been kind enough to teach him a couple dances anyways, for practice. It wasn’t until after the serum that Steve had been confident enough to actually invite a girl or two onto the floor for a foxtrot. And by the time he went into the ice he wasn’t half bad at it.

Peggy would have been impressed with it, he thought bittersweetly.

It had taken him a long time to make peace with the dance he missed with Peggy, but he realized by now that it wouldn’t be fair to deny himself the chance to dance again. Or fall in love again, for that matter.

Steve’s thoughts came to a halt.

He had stopped scrubbing a while ago. The singing had stopped too, although he couldn’t place when.

As confusing as these thoughts and feelings were, when he took up the scrub brush again, Steve wished with unmatched desperation that she would sing some more.

The fourth time, she was playing an artist he did not recognize at all. The big band style and the songs were the same as the ones the two neighbors had listened to before, but he couldn’t place the singer. This troubled Steve greatly.

It was practically routine by now. She would play music and sing at seven in the morning, presumably while she got ready for work; and every once in a while, she would do the same in the evening while she got ready for bed or maybe to go out with friends. If Steve was home to hear either, and he usually was, he spent the time in a trance, listening attentively while drawing, reading a book, or drinking his coffee.

The songs however were typically ones he’d heard before, so this new voice was decidedly not part of the routine. After the fourth or fifth track, the curiosity ate the supersoldier alive, and he picked up his cell phone.

“Cap-sicle. Are you calling me from your rotary phone? How long did it take you to dial this number?” Tony Stark was relentless.

“Shut up, I have an important question for you.”

“Is it something you could Google? We’ve shown you Google,” Tony rambled. “Pepper, haven’t we shown Cap Google?” He could hear Tony yelling, aside.

The phone couldn’t pick up Pepper’s response. There was the sound of a toolbox falling followed by explitory grunts.

Steve padded closer to the bathroom door, and continued, “Do you know who this is?”

He held the phone out, microphone first in the hopes that it would pick up the music through the wall.

It was Pepper who answered, “Oh, that’s Harry Connick Jr. We hosted him at a fundraiser once, I think. He’s wonderful”

“He’s alive?” Steve asked curiously. He didn’t know people alive today still made music like this.

Steve was scribbling the name into his notebook when the neighbor started to sing again.

“Oh my god, Cap, is that a girl? Pepper, that’s a girl!”

Steve’s heart skipped a beat at Tony’s question. He pressed the phone back to his ear and ran as far from the bathroom as he could. Yes, it was a girl. Steve wanted to say, But not one I’ve met.

Pepper’s voice floated through the phone, “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend.”

“I don’t,” Steve said before hanging up.

After the fourth time, Tony teased Steve about the music as often as he got the chance. They would be gearing up for a mission, and Tony would ask if Steve needed to play a pump up song and then suggest some sappy track title by The Rat Pack. Natasha caught on the fastest, as did Clint shortly after that. As far as Steve could tell, though, the others on the team didn’t quite know a girl was involved. Tony had enough respect not to let that cat out of the bag yet. But it was only a matter of time.

The mockery and chuckles would die down as soon as they got on-site for their missions, and by then Steve would be pushing any thoughts of thin walls, showers, and record players far from his mind. For the sake of his survival, of course. He couldn’t imagine what would happen in his line of work if he was caught daydreaming.

It wasn’t until he was on his way back to headquarters that Steve let his mind wander to thoughts of his neighbor’s voice or her showering habits. (Bucky would have elbowed him if he’d heard that thought, either proudly or disapprovingly, depending on the day.)

It hadn’t taken long for Steve to realize that he looked forward to coming home to the music a little too much; but it was taking longer for him to acknowledge that coming home and hearing her was so relieving to him because it meant they were both safe and sound again.

That wasn’t a bad thing to look forward to, right?

The fifth time Steve heard the music, Natasha and Tony heard it too. The minute it started, Steve knew he was done for.

The two avengers had come over to his place, he wasn’t sure what for specifically; maybe they had just been bored since their respective partners were preoccupied with work and thought bothering Steve would be a good use of their time. They were standing in Steve’s living room bickering about some bet Tony had made with Clint the previous weekend, when an enthusiastic, syncopated band intro played audibly from behind The Wall. Natasha and Tony’s words died on their lips as they slowly turned their gazes towards the bathroom doorway. Then, as the lyrics began, they turned their heads perfectly in sync with each other to look at Steve, who (until now) had been turning the pages of a newspaper mindlessly while they argued.

It was too late to duck behind the pages. Natasha’s critical gaze had already caught the pink undertones overcoming the supersoldier’s cheeks. As embarrassed as Steve was, he was fighting hard to keep a smile off his face at the sound of the voice.

Tony pointed a hand at the offending Wall, and said, “She’s your neighbor?”

“Is this what you do now?” Natasha asked Steve. “You don’t go on dates, because you have a crush on the record player from the apartment next door?”

If Steve didn’t know any better, he’d say she sounded offended.

“You’re dating your neighbor?” Tony asked again, his hand still pointing.

“We’re not dating,” clarified Steve. “I’ve never even talked to her.” He hadn’t meant for that to slip out.

Now Tony and Natasha looked even more shocked.

“You’re joking?” Tony yelled.

Steve winced. He hoped his neighbor hadn’t heard that.

Tony started marching towards the front door. Steve leapt off the couch to stop him before he did something Steve would never recover from.

What ensued in Steve Rogers’ apartment in the next few minutes could only be described as a superhero, sibling-style brawl. The object of the game was simple. Tony and Nat did everything they could to get out the front door to meet the mysterious jazz singer, embarrassing Steve in the process. And Steve did everything he could to stop them. Everything.

He and Tony exchanged kicks and punches. There were some illegal bites and scratches on Romanoff’s part. Headlock, armlock, leglock. Steve tried it all. The coffee table got smashed to bits under Steve’s weight when Nat thought it would be smart to flip him over her shoulder. He was just pulling himself back on his feet when he heard the unmistakable sound of Tony’s Iron Man suit repulsor. Then silence.

Sure enough, his arm was outstretched, the Iron Man gauntlet encasing his left hand. Steve’s gaze followed the direction of the blast from his position on the floor.

There was a hole in Steve’s wall. His bathroom wall. Which also meant Tony Stark had just put a hole in his neighbor’s wall.

Steve’s eyes rolled, and he let his head fall back onto the floor with a thunk. At least the shower isn’t running this time.

Nat was stepping over debris from the living room fight to the bathroom to peer through the hole, her boots on the floor making the only sound in the two units. The hole was about the size of a teacup saucer and was smouldering at the edges. She straightened up and looked at the boys.

“Well, you better go apologize, Steve,” the redhead exclaimed, not without smugness.

“Yeah, Steve, that doesn’t look good,” Tony said, delighted.

Steve, jabbed the back of Tony’s knee with his elbow. It wasn’t enough to knock him over, but it was enough to make Tony stumble and scowl.

Steve wasn’t too quick to get back on his feet. His heart was pounding in his chest, and his face felt hot. These nerves reminded him of when he’d asked girls out before the serum, when he’d been nervous because he knew they’d say no. After the serum, it was easier, because he knew they would say yes. Now he was nervous because he didn’t know what his neighbor would say at all. He’d just put a hole through her bathroom wall!

Tony was already in the hallway, gauntlets retracted and concealed. Steve approached the door, as Tony lifted his hand to knock. Steve looked over his shoulder at Natasha who was leaning nonchalantly against his own door frame.

The door in front of him swung open.

“Hi,” Tony began, charmingly, “Sorry to bother you, but my friend here has been enamored with your music tastes, and hasn’t had the guts to talk to you.”

Steve tried to ignore the fact that Tony had just used the word “enamored”, and that the word “taste” made Steve’s eyes drop to the woman’s lips.

“Sounded like there was a fight,” she said, almost teasingly. Almost.

“Anyways, I put the hole in your wall, which I can pay for by the way. But it’s all his fault.” Tony gestured plainly to Steve.

There was quietness in the air as the two neighbors laid eyes on each other for the first time.

The woman’s body language came across as confident but curious. She’d opened the door ready to argue with whoever had done that to her wall, common love for music aside. The fact that it turned out to be Tony Stark hadn’t made her irritation vanish. She did look like she wanted to know more, though. Her arms were at her sides, and her lips were slightly parted, ready to make another teasing quip.

The woman’s hair was the color of chocolate and dripping water onto the shoulders of her shirt. She had flushed cheeks which were dotted with freckles. Her eyes made Steve’s heartbeat stutter a little bit. They were dark and framed by naturally thick lashes, but they danced the line between being green and blue. He wondered to himself if they ever changed color and decided in that moment that he would love to find out. She was average height and build for a woman in her twenties, which he surmised she was.

She observed that Steve’s blond hair was slightly mussed from the roughhousing, and there was sawdust stuck to the back and shoulders of his shirt from the shattered coffee table. His hand was rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly, and his complexion was having a hard time hiding his shame. Sure, she’d seen Steve Rogers’ pictures in the news before, but none of the pictures did him justice. He was gorgeous. Despite his nervous body language, he exuded fortitude and strength, and she decided she wouldn’t mind if this neighbor of hers did a little bit of fighting on her behalf sometime. She hoped her breath hadn’t caught too audibly when her eyes met his ocean blue ones. He had the kind of eyes that could give away any emotion she asked them to.

Steve and the neighbor broke out of their trace when the door down the hall clicked shut. Tony and Natasha were gone, they’d disappeared into Rogers’ apartment. Neither neighbor had even noticed.

Steve let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “He will fix the hole from the repulsor blast,” he assured her. She gave him a funny look at his vocabulary.

“I’m Steve.” He offered his hand to her like a gentleman.

“I’m Rita.” They shook hands. “Can he fix the record player too?” she asked.

Steve grimaced, and muttered an inaudible “oh no”.

She left the doorway and came back a minute later with the record player. It was completely mangled from the energy blast, vinyl Harry Connick Jr. album practically fused to it.

“It was within the line of fire, I guess.”

“It’s a good thing I have one you can borrow,” Steve quipped, respectfully.

Rita chuckled, and they both looked shyly at their feet. “Won’t you miss it?” she asked.

His gaze snapped to her face. “I like what I hear from your side better anyways.” The words spilled out before he could stop them, but once they were spoken, he decided he liked her reaction far too much to ever take them back.

The record player almost slipped out of her hands completely. While she fumbled, he caught it from the bottom with one hand easily. She tried not to notice the way her heart leapt from fleeting fright or the way his arm flexed under the machine.

“Can I take you out for dinner sometime?” he asked earnestly.

“To say sorry?” She baited, meeting his eyes.

“The first time, yes. I would use the dates after that to say other things, if you would have me.”

“Yes.”

They smiled at each other, as she hefted the defeated record player back into her own arms.

Just then Tony yelled from Steve’s unit, “Did you do it? Did you ask her?”, followed by a muffled grunt that was undoubtedly from Natasha hitting him on the stomach.

“Yeah,” Rita and Steve yelled back together.

“Atta boy,” Nat called proudly through the hole.

Tony really was going to fix that.

#Captain america #steve rogers #tony stark #natasha romanoff #fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction #vinyl #records #neighbors au #blind date #the rat pack #gene kelly reference #marvel #writing #steve rogers x oc #mine

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rhetorical-ink · 5 years ago

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Rhetorical Ink Reviews - “Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba” Season 1 - Episodes 1 to 5

**SMELLY SPOILERS BELOW**

As I struggle to fill the hiatus Haikyuu!! and My Hero Academia have left behind this spring, I keep seeing a lot of people losing their minds over Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba -- seeing as how I saw the manga just ended, I figured it’d be worth a viewing!

I was going to write a full review of Season One, but then, five episodes in, I thought -- oh no, this going to need more than just a Top Ten Thoughts for the whole season. So, that being said, I’m splitting my review into five parts! Here is Part One:

My Top Ten Thoughts on Demon Slayer: KNY, Season 1 - Episodes 1 to 5:

10. Episode One, “Cruelty,” really sets so many things perfectly. The opening alone showcases its gorgeously unique animation style, the heart of the main character Tanjiro, and the direness of the situation he is in. Despite the instant parallel I saw to Luke Skywalker when he goes home to find his aunt and uncle murdered (though burnt to a crisp, so there’s no blood), I found an instant sympathy and connection to Tanjiro’s character and his desperation to keep his sister alive. My only question was how that gag staying on without her just taking it off...I’m guessing there’s some kind of demon slayer magic to it that will maybe get explained later?

9. I’m instantly drawn to this Giyu character, an apparent Demon Slayer, as there seems to be more on the surface with him, as it turns out there was with the wise trainer, Urokodaki, who seemingly trained Giyu. I appreciate that Urokodaki and Giyu didn’t just kill Tanjiro’s sister, Nezuko, whose become a demon, but rather actually watched over her while Tanjiro trained. My brother watching with me, kept calling her a “Gremlin,” especially when she hid from the sun, which I thought was adorable. Please don’t kill anyone, Nezuko. The foreshadowwwing...

8. There’s little details that really make this show stand out to me already: The animation behind Tanjiro’s sense of “smell,” which isn’t really explained, but I’m assuming we will learn more about it later; there is surprisingly a lot of blood in this anime, but it’s not gratuitous or without reason.

In the opening episode, we’re shown Tanjiro’s hands being red and raw after burying FIVE of his family members, That was a rough scene, and then later in Episode Three, “Sabito and Makomo,” we see the opened blisters on his hands, and that visibly hurt, y’all. I know that feeling.

Also, the passage of TIME. Tanjiro trains with Urokodaki for a YEAR. And then for 6 months on his own before he Sabito and Makomo “train with him” and then ANOTHER 6 months before Tanjiro confronts the boulder/Sabito finally. That’s two years of time passing! In the first three episodes? Shippuden be damned!

7. Speaking of which, let’s talk about Sabito and Makomo, because that was a twist. I honestly did not see them being ghosts coming until he cut the boulder in half -- which, can I add that anytime Tanjiro decides to grow his hair back out again, it’s fine with me. Good look, man, good look. -- and then when Urokodaki talks about not sending anymore children off to die, I was like, “Oooooh....” Which is really sad when you think about it...Giyu, what the heck? Have you been sending all these kids to train and then get killed? Hmm...

6. Episode Four, “Final Selection,” had a LOT of creepy, horror vibes to up the ante from the start: We have confirmation that Sabito and Makomo are ghosts and have been basically “Sixth Sensing” our boy Tanjiro, we have the creepy Shining-esque twins that I don’t trust for a single second, the trope of “seven days,” which is made fun of a lot in conjunction with American Horror movies, a la The Ring, a definitive revelation that as there are demons in this world, so there is a connection to a spiritual afterlife, as if ghosts were evidence enough.

5. I appreciate that unlike Naruto and My Hero Academia, this initial trial to even become a Demon Slayer is pretty ridiculous in terms of difficulty. Out of twenty kids, only FOUR make it out -- the rest die. It adds actual stakes that our protagonist may not make it to even START as a Demon Slayer.

We also see a grizzly death as Tanjiro confronts a demon that we discover is the killer of Sabito, Makomo, and at least a dozen other students of Urokodaki. Even though I knew he was going to decapitate the demon, the fight itself was great to watch with the animation, but what was more compelling was the aftermath:

Tanjiro praying for the demon, as he does with others, shows its actual effect, as the human that was possessed by the demon does seem to pass on, which I really liked. It made me like Tanjiro’s character even more, too. There are times he reminds me of Izuku Midoriya from My Hero Academia, but really, he strikes me more like Mirio from the same show in his conviction and compassion.

4. There are moments of humor in the show, mainly provided by Tanjiro, but I also feel the blonde boy that made it to the Final Selection is going to be fun, too. When they all are given “crows” a la Hogwarts, the blonde gets a little sparrow! Adorable! I also am terrified of Butterfly Girl (the quiet ones can’t be trusted) and was rolling my eyes so hard at Bakugo Jr. over here; Tanjiro, I’m SO proud of you putting him in his place!

3. Can I also say that the scene where Urokodaki dropped the wood and instantly went to hug Tanjiro as he came back made me misty-eyed? I’m only five episodes into this show and having an emotional moment? Okay...ya got me, Demon Slayer.

2. And finally, in episode Five, “My Own Steel,” Tanjiro gets his newly made sword delivered. I loved how enthusiastic the swordsmith that delivered it was -- it reminded me of a cracked-out Olivander from the Harry Potter universe, down to guessing the color it would change. I thought it was VERY interesting that Tanjiro’s sword has been emitting very much “water” vibes, but his family creates fire...interesting...I wasn’t too surprised his sword was black, though, because he DID haul coal all over the place for a living. A red sword wielding water, though, would have been interesting.

1. I’m only five episodes in, but I really feel emotionally connected to the protagonist and this story so far! There’s not been much “revealed,” so I do have questions I hope are answered in the next group of episodes I watch:

- Is there a connection between the ghosts and demons -- can they see/interact with one another, or are humans the middle man, only?

- Can Tanjiro ACTUALLY save his sister? Or is this going to end how we all kind of sadly think it’s going to end?

- Will we get to see the other three inductee Demon Slayers soon? I hope.

- Who the hell was that Haku-looking dude and his sweet crow WITH THE ASCOT/SCARF? Crows with scarves, so you know he’s bougey...

- I wonder if the blonde dude’s sparrow will talk with a weird voice like the crows?

Regardless of if these questions get answered in the next few episodes, I am REALLY looking forward to continuing this series!

Review of Episodes 6 - 8

Review of Episodes 9 - 14

Review of Episodes 15 - 20

Review of Episodes 21 - 26

#Demon Slayer #Demon Slayer Season One #Rhetorical Ink Reviews #Demon Slayer Review #Tanjiro #Urokodaki #Giyu #Makamo #Sabito #Kimetsu no yaiba #KNY #Demon Slayer episode 1 #Episodes 1 - 5

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papermoonloveslucy · 4 years ago

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GEORGE NEEDS A RAISE

October 7, 1949

"George Needs a Raise” (aka “George Tries for a Raise”) is episode #57 of the radio series MY FAVORITE HUSBAND broadcast on October 7, 1949.

This was the fifth episode of the second season of MY FAVORITE HUSBAND. There were 43 new episodes, with the season ending on June 25, 1950.

The script was later adapted for television as “Ricky Asks for a Raise” (ILL S1;E35) first aired on February 16, 1953.

Synopsis ~ Liz tries every trick in the book to convince Mr. Atterbury to give George a raise. To get results she even resorts to selling apples in front of the bank where he is employed.

“My Favorite Husband” was based on the novels Mr. and Mrs. Cugat, the Record of a Happy Marriage (1940) and Outside Eden (1945) by Isabel Scott Rorick, which had previously been adapted into the film Are Husbands Necessary? (1942). “My Favorite Husband” was first broadcast as a one-time special on July 5, 1948. Lucille Ball and Lee Bowman played the characters of Liz and George Cugat, and a positive response to this broadcast convinced CBS to launch “My Favorite Husband” as a series. Bowman was not available Richard Denning was cast as George. On January 7, 1949, confusion with bandleader Xavier Cugat prompted a name change to Cooper. On this same episode Jell-O became its sponsor. A total of 124 episodes of the program aired from July 23, 1948 through March 31, 1951. After about ten episodes had been written, writers Fox and Davenport departed and three new writers took over – Bob Carroll, Jr., Madelyn Pugh, and head writer/producer Jess Oppenheimer. In March 1949 Gale Gordon took over the existing role of George's boss, Rudolph Atterbury, and Bea Benaderet was added as his wife, Iris. CBS brought “My Favorite Husband” to television in 1953, starring Joan Caulfield and Barry Nelson as Liz and George Cooper. The television version ran two-and-a-half seasons, from September 1953 through December 1955, running concurrently with “I Love Lucy.” It was produced live at CBS Television City for most of its run, until switching to film for a truncated third season filmed (ironically) at Desilu and recasting Liz Cooper with Vanessa Brown.

MAIN CAST

Lucille Ball (Liz Cooper) was born on August 6, 1911 in Jamestown, New York. She began her screen career in 1933 and was known in Hollywood as ‘Queen of the B’s’ due to her many appearances in ‘B’ movies. With Richard Denning, she starred in a radio program titled “My Favorite Husband” which eventually led to the creation of “I Love Lucy,” a television situation comedy in which she co-starred with her real-life husband, Latin bandleader Desi Arnaz. The program was phenomenally successful, allowing the couple to purchase what was once RKO Studios, re-naming it Desilu. When the show ended in 1960 (in an hour-long format known as “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour”) so did Lucy and Desi’s marriage. In 1962, hoping to keep Desilu financially solvent, Lucy returned to the sitcom format with “The Lucy Show,” which lasted six seasons. She followed that with a similar sitcom “Here’s Lucy” co-starring with her real-life children, Lucie and Desi Jr., as well as Gale Gordon, who had joined the cast of “The Lucy Show” during season two. Before her death in 1989, Lucy made one more attempt at a sitcom with “Life With Lucy,” also with Gordon.

Richard Denning (George Cooper) was born Louis Albert Heindrich Denninger Jr., in Poughkeepsie, New York. When he was 18 months old, his family moved to Los Angeles. Plans called for him to take over his father's garment manufacturing business, but he developed an interest in acting. Denning enlisted in the US Navy during World War II. He is best known for his roles in various science fiction and horror films of the 1950s. Although he teamed with Lucille Ball on radio in “My Favorite Husband,” the two never acted together on screen. While “I Love Lucy” was on the air, he was seen on another CBS TV series, “Mr. & Mrs. North.” From 1968 to 1980 he played the Governor on “Hawaii 5-0″, his final role. He died in 1998 at age 84.

Gale Gordon (Rudolph Atterbury) had worked with Lucille Ball on “The Wonder Show” on radio in 1938. One of the front-runners to play Fred Mertz on “I Love Lucy,” he eventually played Alvin Littlefield, owner of the Tropicana, during two episodes in 1952. After playing a Judge in an episode of “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour” in 1958, he would re-team with Lucy for all of her subsequent series’: as Theodore J. Mooney in ”The Lucy Show”; as Harrison Otis Carter in “Here’s Lucy”; and as Curtis McGibbon on "Life with Lucy.” Gordon died in 1995 at the age of 89.

Gordon also played the boss Alvin Littlefield in the television version of this script on “I Love Lucy.”

Bea Benadaret (Iris Atterbury) was considered the front-runner to be cast as Ethel Mertz but when “I Love Lucy” was ready to start production she was already playing a similar role on TV’s “The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show” so Vivian Vance was cast instead. On “I Love Lucy” she was cast as Lucy Ricarodo’s spinster neighbor, Miss Lewis, in “Lucy Plays Cupid” (ILL S1;E15) in early 1952. Later, she was a success in her own show, “Petticoat Junction” as Shady Rest Hotel proprietress Kate Bradley. She starred in the series until her death in 1968.

Ruth Perrott (Katie, the Maid) was also later seen on “I Love Lucy.” She first played Mrs. Pomerantz, a member of the surprise investigating committee for the Society Matrons League in “Pioneer Women” (ILL S1;E25), as one of the member of the Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League in “Lucy and Ethel Buy the Same Dress” (ILL S3;E3), and also played a nurse when “Lucy Goes to the Hospital” (ILL S2;E16). She died in 1996 at the age of 96.

Bob LeMond (Announcer) also served as the announcer for the pilot episode of “I Love Lucy”. When the long-lost pilot was finally discovered in 1990, a few moments of the opening narration were damaged and lost, so LeMond – fifty years later – recreated the narration for the CBS special and subsequent DVD release.

GUEST CAST

Frank Nelson (Waiter) was born on May 6, 1911 (three months before Lucille Ball) in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He started working as a radio announcer at the age of 15. He later appeared on such popular radio shows as “The Great Gildersleeve,” “Burns and Allen,” and “Fibber McGee & Molly”. Aside from Lucille Ball, Nelson is perhaps most associated with Jack Benny and was a fifteen-year regular on his radio and television programs. His trademark was playing clerks and other working stiffs, suddenly turning to Benny with a drawn out “Yeeeeeeeeees?” Nelson appeared in 11 episodes of “I Love Lucy”, including three as quiz master Freddy Fillmore, and two as Ralph Ramsey, plus appearance on “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour” - making him the only actor to play two different recurring roles on “I Love Lucy.” Nelson returned to the role of the frazzled Train Conductor for an episode of “The Lucy Show” in 1963. This marksed his final appearance on a Lucille Ball sitcom.

EPISODE

ANNOUNCER: “As we look in on the Coopers it is morning. Katie is singing in the kitchen.”

The song Katie is singing is “Some Enchanted Evening” written by Rodgers and Hammerstein for their 1949 hit musical South Pacific, which had just opened five months earlier on Broadway and would continue until 1954. “Some Enchanted Evening” became a pop standard and was covered by many artists, including Frank Sinatra and Perry Como, who’s version hit #1 in 1949.

The stage show would be a punch line in “No Children Allowed” (ILL S2;E22). Ethel allows the Ricardos to stay in their apartment despite a clause in the lease forbidding children. She later repeatedly brags about her good deed. “My friendship with the Ricardos means more to me than all the money in the world…” She repeats the speech so often that Lucy quips: “That scene has had more performances than ‘South Pacific’!“ Authors and producers Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II dominated Broadway from 1943 to 1959 and were frequently mentioned on “I Love Lucy,” often as just ‘Dick and Oscar.’

Liz enters and wants to know why Katie is so cheerful. Katie attributes it to Mr. Nagy, the mailman.

LIZ: “Katie, have you been playing post office?” KATIE: “No, but I have been giving him a cup of coffee every morning. That’s three kinds of coffee I have to make every morning. He’s Silex. I’m an old-fashioned boil drinker, and you and Mr. Cooper are drip!”

Katie is referring to a coffee brewing system marketed by the Silex Company (now Proctor Silex). The name Silex is almost synonymous with any glass vacuum pot. At the 1939 New York World's Fair, the Silex Company's exhibit was dominated by a seven-foot replica of a Silex glass coffee maker in operation. It was considered superior to boiled water, drip coffee, or metal percolators.

Liz is desperately waiting for a bill from Miller’s Department Store that is due in today’s mail. Liz has overspent on a red velvet suit she couldn’t resist. George confronts her about the $98 expense and her history of her over-spending. Both Miller’s Department Store and Mr. Nagy the Mailman are running references on “My Favorite Husband”.

Liz encourages George to ask for a raise. George says he hinted at wanting a raise from Mr. Atterbury. Liz wants George to bring it up at dinner, as they are dining with the Atterburys that night. Liz begs George not to pick up the check and let Mr. Atterbury do it.

LIZ: “Every time the check comes he’s looking down at his fingers. You’d think he just discovered Uranium under his fingernails.”

Uranium is a very heavy metal found in most rocks that can be used as a source of concentrated energy. It was first identified in 1789 and named after the planet Uranus. As early as 1949, Popular Science Magazine started highlighting uranium hunting as a hobby using a device known as the Geiger Counter. In 1958, “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour” joined the scores of other television shows and films by presenting “Lucy Hunts Uranium”.

The Coopers resolve to order the most expensive items on the menu and let Mr. Atterbury pay. That night,while Rudolph and Iris are waiting for the Coopers at the restaurant, Iris laments that George never picks up the bill. They resolve to let the Coopers pay tonight’s check and to order the most expensive items on the menu.

The waiter (Frank Nelson) comes by and they start with four bottles of imported Champagne. [Note: All Champagne is imported. Domestic is called sparkling wine.] Liz orders a Porterhouse steak and Iris orders a double lobster thermidor. The waiter feigns excitement about waiting on such big spenders.

Of all the roles Frank Nelson played on “I Love Lucy,” only once did he play a waiter: in "Lucy Changes Her Mind” (ILL S2;E21), repeating the role he created in “Liz Changes Her Mind”, episode 50 of “My Favorite Husband.”

Lobster Thermidor is a French dish consisting of a creamy mixture of cooked lobster meat and brandy stuffed into a lobster shell with a mustard sauce. Due to expensive ingredients, it is usually considered a dish primarily served on special occasions. Porterhouse Steak is a T-bone cut of beef. The origin of the term "porterhouse" is disputed, with several cities and establishments claiming to have coined it. Owing to its large size and the fact that it is one of the most prized cuts of beef, Porterhouse are generally considered one of the highest quality steaks, and prices at are accordingly high.

After dinner, everyone is stuffed and the waiter wants to know who will pay.

WAITER: “Will this be cash or do you want to finance it?”

Rudolph drops his fork and George claims he left his wallet in his other suit, fulfilling Liz and Iris’s predictions about how the men will avoid paying the bill.

Next day, Liz preps George on asking for a raise. Liz role plays with George giving him the bravery he needs to ask for a salary increase.

In Mr. Atterbury’s office, George can’t get out the words. Mr. Atterbury tells George he just fired Joe Ridgley for asking for a raise. Instead, George sheepishly asks for the key to the washroom! At home, Liz is dismayed to hear that George didn’t have the guts to ask, and vows to Katie to do her utmost to campaign on his behalf with Mr. Atterbury.

LIZ (about George): “Oh, he’s so wishy-washy. And if he doesn’t stop being so wishy I’ll have to take in washy.”

Later, Mr. Atterbury calls George in to his office and tells him of Liz’s ‘campaign' consisting of four anonymous phone calls, and three telegrams, one of which said:

“I think you should give my brother a raise - signed Gary.”

Gary Cooper (1901-1961) was one of the most popular and successful actors in Hollywood. In 1949 he could be seen in the Warner Brothers picture It’s a Great Feeling. Cooper was mentioned in two episode of “I Love Lucy” but never acted opposite Lucille Ball. She did, however, impersonate him in “Lucy and Harpo Marx” (ILL S4;E28) in 1955.

As George and Rudolph are leaving for lunch, a rock comes crashing through the window with a note tied to it:

“Dear Mr. Atterbury - George Cooper deserves a raise. Signed, an important depositor. PS: Sorry, I thought the window was open.”

When the men go to lunch, Liz is on the street disguised as an apple seller!

LIZ (in a trembling voice): “Apples! Apples! Buy an apple, Mister. Buy an apple and help a starving vice president and his wife!”

Liz’s apple seller was inspired by the Damon Runyon story “Madame La Gimp” which was made into the 1933 Frank Capra film Lady for a Day, starring May Robson as Apple Annie. It was remade in 1966 as Pocketful of Miracles starring Bette Davis. In 1972, Lucy Carter went undercover as “Dirty Gertie” (HL S5;E10), a direct nod to the story and films.

Later George phones home to tell Liz he’s been fired! It seems Liz sent 10 rag-tag children to his office yelling “Daddy I’m hungry!” Liz says she borrowed them from Mr. Wood next door.

In “Lucy Plays Cupid” (ILL S1;E15), Lucy Ricardo suddenly invents ten children, to dissuade an amorous butcher (Edward Everett Horton) and push him toward an elderly spinster (Bea Benadaret) who is sweet on him! Coincidentally, Bea Benadaret played the spinster, and plays Iris Atterbury in this radio episode. Liz says her ten were borrowed from Mr. Wood who was usually played by Hans Conried. In other episodes he had 11 children, so one is either too young or otherwise engaged!

Katie reminds Liz to cancel her sky-writing order. Liz gets an idea. Instead of writing out “George Cooper Needs A Raise” she will send a new message. She phones the skywriter:

LIZ: “Hello. This is Mrs. George Cooper. What? No, I didn’t order ‘She’s lovely. She’s engaged. She uses Pond’s’.”

As the skin-care business became more competitive in the 1920s, Pond’s tried to boost sales through an extensive advertising campaign based on testimonials. The new campaign, which began in 1924, attempted to give Pond’s cold and vanishing creams more cachet by having them endorsed by socialites and members of aristocracy. Pond’s continued to use testimonials through the ‘She’s Engaged, She’s Lovely, She Uses Pond’s’ campaign of the 1940s and beyond. [For plot purposes only apparent at the very end, the writers reverse the order of the slogan, putting “she’s lovely” before “she’s engaged.”]

Liz tells the skywriter to spell out “MR. ATTERBURY IS A STINKER” in letters a mile high! Liz goes down to the bank to assure Mr. Atterbury sees it.

At the same time, Mr. Atterbury tells George that instead of being fired, he’s being promoted; from third vice president to executive third vice president. Liz arrives and at first refuses to acknowledge Mr. Atterbury.

LIZ: “Come on, George. Get your things and let’s leave this marble sweatshop!”

George breaks the good news to Liz of his promotion and all three go off for a celebratory drink. Outside on the street, Mr. Atterbury sees some skywriting starting and stops to see what it will spell out. A shocked Liz let’s out an “Aye-yia-yai-yai-yai!”

Coincidentally, this a Spanish exclamation of surprise often let out by Ricky Ricardo on “I Love Lucy,” so it is odd to hear patrician Elizabeth Elliott Cooper use it. In real-life, Lucille Ball had been married to Desi Arnaz for nearly nine years, so she was quite used to it!

The skywriting starts with “MR”...

LIZ: “It’s probably just an ad for that show, ‘Mr. Roberts’. Come on, let’s go.”

The show Liz is referring to is the Broadway adaption of the 1946 book Mr. Roberts by Thomas Heggen. The play opened in February 1948 and went on to win a Tony Award for Best Play (the first ever) and closed in August 1950. Henry Fonda, who dated Lucille Ball briefly when she first got to Hollywood, played the lead and got a Tony as well. The play opened at the Alvin Theatre, where Lucille Ball would star in Wildcat a dozen years later. Fonda repeated his role in the 1955 film. There was also a radio adaptation in 1953, and a short-lived NBC television series in 1965.

The skywriting continues: “MR. ATT...” Liz asks Mr. Atterbury to tie her shoelaces. George points out that she is wearing pumps.

More skywriting: “ATTERB...

LIZ: “It’s probably an ad for that piano player, José Atterby.”

Liz is referring to José Iturbi (1895-1980), who was a Spanish conductor, pianist and harpsichordist. He appeared in several Hollywood films of the 1940s, notably playing himself in the musicals Thousands Cheer (1943) with Lucille Ball, his first big role.

The final letters of the name are spelled out: “ATTERBURY”. Liz still tries to convince him the skywriting has nothing to do with him.

LIZ: “It’s that soft drink. (Liz sings) ‘Atterbury hits the spot! Five full ounces, that’s a lot!”

Liz is paraphrasing the Pepsi-Cola jingle written for radio in the 1930s by Austen Croom-Johnson and Aland Kent. Liz says “Five full ounces” instead of “12 full ounces”. Most soft drinks sold a 6 ounce bottle for a nickel. Pepsi sold 12 ounce bottles for the same price. It was recorded in 55 languages, played in Symphony Hall, and more than one million records were released to jukeboxes.

Finally, the full message appears in the sky: “MR. ATTERBURY IS LOVELY!” Mr. Atterbury is touched and Liz is (to say the least) surprised. They all go off happily for a drink! End of episode.

[Although it isn’t overtly stated, we must assume that the skywriters got the Pond’s ad mixed up with the Cooper ad, explaining the sudden message change!]

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weekendwarriorblog · 5 years ago

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The Weekend Warrior Feb. 14, 2020 – SONIC THE HEDGEHOG, FANTASY ISLAND, THE PHOTOGRAPH, DOWNHILL, OLYMPIC DREAMS

It’s Valentine’s Day on Friday and President’s Day on Monday, which means that this weekend is going to be absolutely nuts in terms of getting four new wide releases. Last week’s Birds of Prey did not do even remotely close to where I predicted/projected – almost half!! -- and here I thought all those raves reviews might help, but apparently not. It will still make money with its global release but it’s gonna fall short even of last year’s Shazam! and many have already started questioning whether an R-rating is the way to go with a movie semi-targeted towards younger women. (Warner Bros. has already sent out a mandate to theaters to change the title of the movie to Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey. I cannot believe that it took this long for them to figure out what a terrible title they had previously!)

With the four-day weekend, it’s very likely that Paramount Pictures’ SONIC THE HEDGEHOG, will prevail, as it brings the beloved SEGA video game character to the big screen with James Marsdenand Jim Carrey, the latter starring in one of his first big-screen appearances in a while. It should be an easy victor this weekend in a market that could desperately use another strong family film.

For those unfamiliar with SEGA’s flagship video game “mascot,” Sonic has appeared in all sorts of other media including animated series and comic books, so one can say that the character is almost but not quite as well known and popular as Nintendo’s Pokemon, which has had a much wider reach in terms of both games and cartoons.

Of course, it’s impossible not to look at Sonic the Hedgehog and completely ignore the relative success of last year’s Pokemon: Detective Pikachu, which had the added benefits of a popular A-list star in Ryan Reynoldsand a summer release. That opened with $54.4 million and made $144 million domestic and $429.7 million worldwide.

On the other hand, Sonic does have Jim Carrey, who hasn’t been in an American wide release since the 2014 sequel Dumb and Dumber To, which only made about $156 million worldwide. At one point, Carrey was one of the biggest box office stars with multiple $240 million plus domestic blockbusters. Maybe the kids won’t be as invested in Carrey’s Mr. Robotnik, but many parents who grew up with Carrey’s comedies will be happy to see him in such a perfect role.

The Presidents Day weekend allows one extra day for parents with kids needing something to do with them sans school. Even so, the biggest movies on the weekend have been superhero movies, including Black Panther, Deadpool and Fifty Shades of Grey, the latter two definitely not for kids. (Daredeviland Ghost Rider also fared well on the weekend.) In fifth place for the weekend is Warner Bros’ The LEGO Movie, which made $62.5 million over the four-day weekend, but that was in its SECOND WEEKEND! So yeah, lots of money to be had for a family movie even though the biggest opener was Christopher Columbus’ Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (now on Broadway!), which opened with $38.7 million ten years ago.

I have to imagine that Sonic is more popular, and even with the tragic misstep of that first trailer last year which got such a negative reaction to Sonic’s appearance, Paramount delayed the movie and went back to the CG drawing board, there will be enough fans interested to see how he translates to the screen that $40 million over the weekend should be doable even with three other wide releases. I also don’t think reviews will be so bad, so it should be good for $100 million plus.

Mini-Review: For whatever reason, Sonic the Hedgehog is the kind of movie that lazy critics love to dump on, maybe because it’s a kids’ movie or because it’s a movie based on a video game they played as kids, or more likely, a character their kids know from popular cartoons and comic books. It doesn’t help that judgments were mostly cast when the first trailer hit last year and Sonic looked different than what people expected. Regardless, I went into the movie with very low expectations, maybe because I really had no passionate connection to the character despite being generally familiar with some of the games.

We meet Sonic as he’s being chased by robots, and we flash back to him as a kid on a planet where he’s able to zoom around freely, until he’s discovered by predators that are hunting him (it’s never explained why), so his mentor owl gives Sonic gold rings that can take him off-planet. Sonic ends up in a small town called Green Hills where he watches the townsfolk in hiding for years, including a local police officer (James Marsden) and his wife Maddie (Tika Sumpter). The former eventually discovers Sonic after he causes a major power outage that gets the attention of the government and its genius robotics scientist, Dr. Robotnik (Jim Carrey).

Despite not having much previous connection to Sonic, it’s hard for me not to appreciate this character, because I’ve been known to zip around myself. I also enjoyed Sonic’s haste since who knows when we might see that movie based on one of my favorite comic characters, The Flash. Sonic does a good job capturing the intensity and yes, speed, of having speed powers in quite a masterful way compared to previous attempts, giving me hope that a Flash movie is possible. (Granted, they do rip-off the fun thing Quicksilver does in the recent X-movies by slowing everything around Sonic down to a halt, but it’s still amusing.)

Probably the most genius idea by Sonic’s filmmakers was to convince Jim Carrey to return to the big screen as Dr. Robotnik. He quickly reminds us how hilarious he can be when going as fully into a character as he does this one, and it’s prime Carey vs. the semi-lazy Carrey that made movies in the early ‘00s. Robotnik is a super-genius with no patience for anyone on a lower level of intellect (aka everyone), and Carrey takes that idea to the utmost extreme. (It’s hard not to compare what he’s doing in this movie to what Ewan McGregor does in Birds of Prey and see how Carey does it effortlessly whereas McGregor was clearly trying too hard.)

That’s not to take away from Marsden and Sumpter, Sonic’s other prominent human co-stars, who bring such a warmth and humanity to those characters that you rarely even think that you’re watching them interact with a fully CG-character. (Kudos to Ben Schwartz and what he brings to Sonic as his voice.)

Sure, the plot can be a bit predictable with certain parts clearly geared to kids, but there’s also slew of pop references that display some real talent in the writing of the movie so that it can be watched and enjoyed by people of all ages.

Is it possible that Sonic the Hedgehog is the first thoroughly entertaining movie of the year? Yes, indeedy. (Definitely stay through the first bunch of credits if you are a Sonic fan!)

Rating: 8/10

One of the more interesting releases of the weekend is BLUMHOUSE’S FANTASY ISLAND (Sony Pictures Releasing), which as you can guess is a PG-13 horror version of the popular ‘80s show, starring Michael Peña as Mr. Rouke, the head of a program in which people can pay lots of money to achieve their greatest wishes… with a catch! Since this is Blumhouse, you probably know that the catch involves some sort of horror/thriller premise, and if you’ve seen the trailer, you might get some idea how it works… or not. (I wish I can say more but I’m under embargo!)

The rest of the cast is decent including Maggie Q (from Mission: Impossible 3), Lucy Hale, Portia Doubleday, Michael Rooker, Ryan Hansen, Jimmy O . Yang and more, plus it’s directed by Jeff Wadlow, who last did Blumhouse’s Truth Or Dare (a very bad movie!) and then Kick Ass 2 before that. (He was supposed to direct Sony’s upcoming Bloodshot movie but he left that to do other things, like this.)

Unfortunately, Sony Pictures Releasing (another specialized imprint from the parent company?) seems to have taken a cue from Screen Gems by deciding not to screen the movie for critics until Thursday afternoon (just like with The Grudge!), plus there won’t be ANY Thursday previews for this. It’s a shame since… well, I can’t really tell you if I liked the movie or not since I’m under embargo until Friday. J

Either way, it seems like a strong enough counter to Sonic and Birds of Prey that it should be good for $15 million plus over the four days. Personally, I think it would have opened even bigger if Sony and Blumhouse had shown some balls and screened it for critics in advance, but what do I know? I’ve only written about this stuff for ALMOST TWENTY FUCKING YEARS! (Not sure I’m gonna review the movie but we’ll see.)

I know far less about Universal’s Valentine’s Day offering THE PHOTOGRAPH (Universal), which I guess is a romantic drama that’s targeting African-Americans looking for something to see on the biggest date nights of the year. In fact, we’ve seen some interesting hits on this weekend just by putting “Date” in the movie title, as was the case with Adam Sandler-Drew Barrymore’s 50 First Dates ($45.1 million four-day opening) and even Date Movie ($21.8 million), which satirized romantic movies. But the real winner has to be a movie that went all out for Valentine’s Day by actually going with the title Valentine’s Day, which helped it open with $63 million over the four-day weekend ten years ago. ($23.4 million of that was on Valentine’s Day alone!)

Since I won’t see The Photograph until Weds. night, I can only talk about the little bit of marketing I’ve seen and what’s out there. Apparently, this is more in the vein of Valentine’s Day in that it’s a series of intertwined romantic stories, but it has an impressive cast of African-American actors who are on the verge of breaking out such as the great LaKeith Stanfield and amazing Kelvin Harrison Jr., as well as Rob Morgan (from “Daredevil” and Mudbound) and Courtney B. Vance. I’d be neglect if I didn’t mention any of the women involved and having Issa Raefrom the TV show “Insecure” as the primary female lead is something that shouldn’t be ignored. Stanfield isn’t the only connection to Jordan Peele, though, asLil Rel Howery from Get Outis also in this movie as is Peele’s actual wife, Chelsea Peretti!

I actually had to double check to make sure Peele wasn’t one of the film’s producers, but no, this is from Will Packer, a producer who is responsible for so many huge hits among African-Americans that one of these days I won’t underestimate his drawing power, even though all three of his 2019 movies underdelivered, including the comedy Little (co-starring Rae), although did well compared to their lower budgets.

In that sense, The Photograph could be compared to Packer’s Screen Gems comedy About Last Night, which opened with $27.8 million in just over 2,200 theaters in 2014, but that also had the power of proven box office draw Kevin Hartto bring in audiences. I certainly don’t want to be accused of underestimating Packer again, but with such a generic title and premise (and next to no marketing?), I’m just not sure the movie will deliver despite being decent counter-programming for AA audiences. With that in mind, I think the movie will probably make somewhere between $12 and 14 million.

Then there’s DOWNHILL (Searchlight Studios), the new movie from The Way, Way Back directors Nat Faxon and Jim Rash (who also won the Oscar for cowriting Alexander Payne’s The Descendants), this one being a direct remake of Swedish filmmaker Ruben Östlund’s 2014 film Force Majeure.

In this version, Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus play a squabbling couple who travel to the alps with their kids, but after barely escaping an avalanche – one in which he runs away leaving his family behind – they start questioning their lives. The film also stars Zach Woods (also from “Veep”), Miranda Otto and Zoe Chao, and though it premiered at the Sundance Film Festival (just like the duo’s previous movie), it did not receive great reviews, as it currently sits at 48% on Rotten Tomatoes.

I don’t think that will matter since like Carey above, Ferrell hasn’t been oversaturating the market with movies in the past couple year, maybe because his last movie, Holmes & Watson, reteaming him with John C. Reilly from Step Brothers bombed with $41 million worldwide after horrifying reviews. Fortunately, Louis-Dreyfus is far more loved thanks to her run on “Seinfeld” and her Emmy-winning run on HBO’s “Veep,” and that should help get people into theaters despite all the competition aboe and below.

Searchlight (no more Fox!!) will be releasing the movie into roughly 1,500 theaters, a moderate release to see how it fares, and the extended holiday weekend (plus the chance of it attracting older moviegoers on Valentine’s Day) should help it make $5 million plus over the extended weekend.

Mini-Review: If you’re reading this review hoping for a play-by-play of how Downhill differs from Ruben Ostlund’s Force Majeure, then you’re bound to be disappointed, because a.) I don’t really remember it, b.) I wasn’t as big a fan of the movie as so many others, and c.) I’m going to assume that a lot of people never got around to seeing it.

In this version, it’s Ferrell and Louis-Dreyfus as Peter and Billie Stanton, and there’s much more focus on their roles as parents and the responsibility that goes with that. Once again, Peter runs off when a controlled avalanche comes their way, but they don’t really talk about it so much even as it hangs over their heads.

Nat Faxon and Jim Rash once again find a manageable way of making “dramedy” out of a situation, making sure not to go for constant visual laughs or the zaniness Ferrell usually goes for. (Granted, we can totally believe him as a careless father/husband who does dumb things.) In fact, Ferrell plays his role fairly toned down, which allows Louis-Dreyfus to shine in what’s, oddly, a quite rare movie appearance. How they deal with the aftermath of the avalanche comes to a head when Pete’s work-buddy Zack (Zach Woods) arrives with a ladyfriend (Zoe Chao) allows the two to go at each other. It doesn’t get quite as intense as Marriage Story, but it’s obvious that they both have reached the point in their marriage where they need a separation.

It is kind of amusing that Miranda Otto almost steals her scenes with the two leads because she’s so funny as a hot-to-trot European guest they keep running into and who sets Billie up with a hot Italian ski trainer. There’s a few other funny characters but it mostly stays on Ferrell and Louis-Dreyfus either alone or together, and that’ll be enough for most people.

Faxon and Rash find interesting ways to play with the basic premise, although Downhill is very much comedy with a lower-case “c,” and like the original movie, it should lead to some interesting conversations.

Rating: 7/10

This week’s Top 10 should look something like this… (bearing in mind that the below are all four-day projections). It’ll be interesting to see if the name change for “Birds of Prey” will make a difference, but look for NEON’s Parasite to make its first foray into the top 10 this weekend after 19 (!!!) weeks in theaters, thanks to its Best Picture win last Sunday.

1. Sonic the Hedgehog (Paramount) - $44 million N/A (up $1.5 million)* 2. Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey (Warner Bros) - $20 million -39% (down $1.5 million)* 3. Blumhouse’s Fantasy Island (Sony) - $15.8 million N/A (up $.3 million)* 4. The Photograph (Universal) - $13.5 million N/A 5. Bad Boys for Life (Sony) - $8 million -35% (up .2 million)* 6. 1917 (Universal) - $7 million -23% 7. Downhill (Searchlight) - $5.6 million N/A (up .2 million)* 8. Parasite (NEON) - $5 million +300% (up .4 million and one place) 9. Dolittle (Universal) - $4.5 million -30% (down .4 million and one place) 10. Jumanji: The Next Level (Sony) - $4.2 million -24%

*UPDATE: A few minor updates based on actual theater counts with Parasite being expanded into 2,000 theaters, the widest its been so far. I feel like most of the new movies will do well, including Downhill (which will be in 2,301 theaters vs. the 1,500 estimated earlier in the week). Anyway, it should be a fairly hearty and robust weekend at the box office.

LIMITED RELEASES

Before we get to the regular limited releases opening Friday, I want to mention two special releases for Weds. night, Trafalgar Releasing is giving a one-night screening of The Doors: Break on Thru - A Celebration of Ray Manzarek, which I haven’t seen but I’m definitely interested in as a fan of the ‘60s group (and Manzarek’s keyboard work). You can get tickets for that here. Also, Kino Lorber is giving one-night release of Emily Taguchi & Jake Lefferman’s doc After Parkland to commemorate the second anniversary of the shootings at the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida that killed 17 people and began a nationwide student movement for gun control. It’s a fairly sobering and emotional doc, as you can imagine, especially since so little has been done to prevent incidents like this even two years later.

My favorite movie of the weekend is Jeremy Teicher’s OLYMPIC DREAMS ( IFC Films), opening at the IFC Center Friday. It stars Nick Kroll (who you’ll know from “The League,” “Oh, Hello” and other things) and (actual Olympian distance runner) Alexi Pappas, who you may or may not be as familiar with. Pappas plays Penelope, an American competitor in the 2018 Winter Olympics in South Korea, who is feeling lonely and unable to connect with others until she meets Kroll’s volunteer dentist, Ezra. While at first, it wouldn’t seem like they would have anything in common, they spend a night hanging out and while some might be expecting something romantic, since this is opening on Valentine’s Day, well I won’t ruin what does or doesn’t happen, k? Either way, it’s a wonderful film co-written by Teichter, Pappas and Kroll, and if that sounds like a familiar formula, then it is indeed the one Richard Linklater used for his sequels to Before Sunrise with Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy. Olympic Dreams isn’t nearly as deep and philosophical (or wordy), but the two actors are so wonderful together, and they actually filmed this in the Athletes Village at the Olympics (the first film to do so) which adds some authenticity to the sweet little movie. (There will be a sneak preview Weds night at the IFC Center with Teicher, Kroll and Pappas all in attendance!)

Danish filmmaker Lone Scherfig returns with THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS (Vertical), a star-studded ensemble piece starring Zoe Kazan, Andrea Riseborough, Caleb Landry Jones, Jay Baruchel and Bill Nighy (who appeared in Lone’s previous film Their Finest). This is a New York City story about six strangers whose lives intersect and mingle while trying to find help, hope and love. I know it sounds like the Crash-style movie we’ve seen far too many times before, but I have faith in Ms. Scherfig and hopefully I’ll have a chance to watch it in the next day or two.

I also still haven’t gotten around to watching Kenji Tanagaki’s action-comedy ENTER THE FAT DRAGON (Go WELL USA), starring the always-amazing Donnie Yen as police officer Zhu, who is sent to Japan on a routine police escort of a suspect… who mysteriously dies, forcing Zhu to call upon a former undercover inspector to help solve the murder. I’m assuming the latter is the “Fat Dragon” and Yen didn’t gain 200 lbs. for the part.

Opening at the Quad Cinemaon Friday and in L.A. on Feb. 21 is Dimitri de Clercq’sFrench/Belgian film You Go to My Head (First Run Features) about an architect who finds a young woman lost, alone and in a fog in the Sahara after a mysterious accident, but when he takes her to the hospital, he claims to be her husband. As she gets better, he creates an elaborate life to fill in the life they shared which she can no longer remember. It also sounds perfect for Valentine’s Day, so you have plenty of options!

I didn’t have too much to say about Céline Sciamma’s PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE (NEON), because I think I wrote about it last year, and I haven’t seen the movie since the New York Film Festival. Set in the 18thCentury, it’s about a woman painter who travels to a remote island where she’s commissioned to do a painting of a grieving widow, who she ends up falling in love with. I probably should see the movie again as it didn’t really connect with me the first time, but I can totally understand why others love it so much. (Unfortunately, the 7:10 screening on Friday night at the Angelika with a QnA moderated by my pal, Valerie Complex, is already sold out!)

The second documentary in the last year about a man named “Cunningham” (a different one this time) is Mark Bozek’s The Times of Bill Cunningham (Greenwich) about the famed photographer who died in 2016… and whom I know even less about than I did dancer/choreographer Merce Cunningham. Apparently, he was a New York Timesphotographer for four decades and had a long relationship with First Lady Jackie Kennedy, and this doc is even narrated by Sarah Jessica Parker! It also opens at the Angelika and City Cinemas 1, 2 & 3, and maybe L.A.?

Due to the usual conflicts and circumstances, I wasn’t able to see Lisa Barros D'Sa and Glenn Leyburn’s Ordinary Love (Bleecker Street) as planned, but it’s an appropriately-timed romantic drama starring Liam Neeson and Lesley Manville as a middle-aged couple who must deal with her beast cancer diagnosis. I actually am interested in seeing this, especially to see Neeson back in serious drama mode (it’s been a while), so hopefully I’ll have a chance to see this down the road.

Also opening Friday is Tanya Wexler’s Buffaloed (Magnolia), starring Zoey Deutch as Peg Dahl, a young woman living in Buffalo, the debt collection capital of America but hopes to get out of town and into an Ivy League university. When she’s accepted to her top choice but can’t afford the tuition, she gets pulled into the rope of debt collection. Also starring Judy Greer, Germaine Fowler, Noah Reid and Jai Courtney, it will open at New York’s Quad Cinema, the Loz Feliz 3 in L.A., Buffalo’s North Park Theater and more theaters.

Another SXSW 2019 movie is Richard Wong’s Come As You Are (Samuel Goldwyn), starring Gabourey Sidibe, Grant Rosenmeyer, Ravi Patel, Hayden Szeto and Janeane Garofolo. The three guys in the middle play men with disabilities who go on a road trip to a Montreal brothel to get away from their suffocating parents. Sidibe (from Precious) plays their travelling nurse who drives them across the border to help them lose their virginity. This is an English remake of the Belgian Film Hasta La Vista about the real-life adventure of Asta Philpot.

Sara Zandieh’s indie rom-com A Simple Wedding (Blue Fox Entertainment) also opens in theaters and On Demand on Valentine’s Day, this one following an Iranian-American named Nousha (Tara Grammy) whose hopes for a Persian wedding are dashed when she falls for a bisexual artist/DJ named Alex (Christopher O’Shea). She has to make sure her parents don’t realize they’re living together before marriage. The film also stars Shohreh Aghdashloo, Rita Wilson, Maz Jobrani, Peter McKenzie and James Eckhouse.

LOCAL FESTIVALS

Some cool festivals and series in New York are happening this weekend to offer competition for all the choices above.

Let’s begin with the “Winter Showcase” for one of my favorite annual film festivals, the New York Asian Film Festivalsubtitled “Love at First Bite,” since they’re including a special Valentine’s Day screening of the Korean hit Extreme Job followed by a reception including delicious Korean food. The rest of the line-up is probably more appropriate for the rep section as it will including Asian classics like Stephen Chow’s God of Cookery (1996), Ang Lee’s Eat Drink Man Woman (1994),Tampopo (1985) on Saturday, as well as Ritesh Batra’s amazing The Lunchbox and more on Sunday.

Up at Film at Lincoln Center, there’s the annual “Neighboring Scenes,” the annual celebration of “New Latin American Cinema,” opening Friday with Joanna Reposi Garibaldi’s Lemebel, a documentary about writer/visual artist Pedro Lemebel and his controversial performances amidst Chilean upheaval. Of course, I’m most interested in the Brazilian offerings, but sadly, there just isn’t enough time in the day/week to see as many of the films in this series I’m curious about including the New York premiere of Ema from Chile’s Pablo Larrain (Neruda, Jackie). Click on the link above and check out that line-up.

Further North (in terms of global geography) but South (in terms of New York City geography) is this year’s “Canada Now” series, taking place at the IFC Center from Thursday through Sunday. It will kick off with Guest of Honor, the new film from Canada’s Atom Egoyan, starring David Thewlis and Laysla De Oliveira as father and music school teacher daughter whose lives become complicated when she’s put in prison for earlier crimes. There are seven other movies in this series, most of them getting their U.S. debuts, so that’s another alternative for what could be a busy movie-going weekend.

STREAMING AND CABLE

Lots of stuff premiering on streaming services this weekend including the British animated sequel A Shaun the Sheep: Farmageddon on Netflix, as well as the rom-com sequel To All the Boys: PS I Still Love You, which will premiere on Weds and may end up being the “Netflix and chill” choice for many young people on V-Day. (I honestly never got around to seeing the first movies of either of those yet!)

Over on Hulu, they’re premiering the gender-swapped series loosely based on Nick Horny’s High Fidelity, this one starring Zoe Kravitz, the daughter of Lisa Bonet, who appeared opposite John Cusack in Stephen Frears’ adaptation of Hornby’s book from 2000 that was one of my favorite movies that year! Wait a second, even though Kravitz plays a character named Rob, just like Cusack, is she meant to be the daughter of Cusack and Bonet’s characters in that movie? That would be intense! (But probably not. I’m sure I’ll check it out.)

REPERTORY

METROGRAPH (NYC):

The Metrograph’s Valentine’s Dayweekend offerings include Casablanca (1942), Howard Hawks’ 1944 film To Have and Have Not, the 1932 film Trouble in Paradise, Douglas Sirk’s Written on the Wind (1956) and another screening of Makoto Shinkai’s animated Your Name. The “To Hong Kong with Love” series continues through the end of February, this weekend screening Yellowing (2016), which I haven’t seen.This weekend, the Welcome To Metrograph: Reduxwill offer two more screenings of Edward Yang’s 4-hour 1991 film A Brighter Summer Day, while Late Nites at Metrograph will screen Nagisa Oshima’s 1978 film Empire of Passion, also which I have never seen! Rounding out the weekend’s Asian offering is the Playtime: Family Matineesoffering of Yoshifumi Kondo’s 1995 animated film Whisper of the Heart, which guess what? I haven’t seen that either! Clearly, I need to try to get to one of the four movies, right?

ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE BROOKLYN (NYC)

Tonight’s “Weird Wednesday” is the Susan Sarandon-James Spader romantic drama White Palace (1990). Oddly, the Alamo is CLOSED on Valentine’s Day.. is this true?!? On Sunday is a special “Drew Believers: Drew Barrymore Movie Marathon” with four of Barrymore’s movies in 35mm! (As of this writing, there are a few seats available near the front.) Monday’s “Fist City” is Sam Raimi’s The Quick and The Dead from 1995 and that’s quickly selling out as well. The “Terror Tuesday” is James Gunn’s hilarious Slither and then next week’s “Weird Wednesday” is the 1987 Ken Russell film Gothic.

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Wednesday’s “Afternoon Classic” is the 1961 Oscar-winning musical West Side Story. Weds and Thursday night’s double feature is Robert Altman’s 1971 film McCabe & Mrs. Miller and Sydney Pollack’s 1972 film Jeremiah Johnson, starring Robert Redford. This week’s “Freaky Friday” offering is the classic The Bride of Frankenstein (1935, while Friday’s midnight movie is True Romanceand Saturday’s midnight is 1978’s Mean Dog Blues in 16mm! This weekend continues the “Kiddee Matinee” run with the Alfonso Cuaron-directed Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Monday’s matinee of David Lynch’s Wild at Heart is already sold out but that night is a Robert Clouse double feature of The Pack(1977) and Darker than Amber (1970). Tuesday’s Grindhouse double feature is 1976’s Sky Riders and 1981’s Force: Five.

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

Thursday is a “Black Voices” double feature of Car Wash (1976) and Cooley High (1975) with guest including Bill Duke in person. John Sayles and Joe Dante will be on hand Friday night for a “John Sayles: Independent” double feature of Piranha (1978) and The Howling (1981). This weekend is the “HFPA Restoration Summit” including a Saturday afternoon presentation called “Serge Bromberg Presents from the Silent Era” with the Lobster Films founder, while the one and only Jane Fonda will be on-hand Saturday evening to present a 4k restoration of the 1972 film F.T.A., which she produced with Donald Sutherland. Saturday night is a screening of The Black Vampire, the 1953 Argentine adaptation of Fritz Lang’s M, and there’s more classic cinema on Sunday as part of the series.

AERO (LA):

Thursday’s “Antiwar Cinema” matinee is Richard Attenborough’s Oh! What a Lovely War from 1969 with an all-star cast, while that night is a Eugene Levy/Christopher Guest double feature of A Might Windand For Your Consideration. The AERO is ALSO showing Casablancaon Valentine’s Day and then Saturday is another Levy/Guest double feature of Best in Show (2000)and Waiting for Guffman (1996) with Levy doing a discussion between films. John Sayles and Frances McDormand will appear in person for a Sunday afternoon double feature of 1996’s Lone Star and 1999’s Limbo.

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

MOMI is going a bit crazy with its Valentine’s offering but it’s a good one…Jane Fonda in 1968’s Barbarella as part of its new 2001-inspired series “See It Big! Outer Space”! (If MOMI wasn’t all the way in Astoria, I’d totally go.) It will play again Sunday with Tarkovsky’s Solaris (1972) playing on Friday and Saturday and 1979’s Star Trek: The Motion Pictureon Sunday. Sunday will also be a repeat of Kubrick’s 1969 film 2001: A Space Odyssey in 70mm with a discussion before the movie between Doug Trumbull and Piers Bizony. There’s also the usual DCP screening of 2001on Saturday afternoon, as part of the exhibition. On Saturday, they’ll screen Marjane Satrapi’s excellent Persepolis(2007) as part of its “World of Animation.”

FILM FORUM (NYC):

Starting Friday, the Forum will be screening a DCP restoration of Luchino Visconti’s L’Innocente (1976), starring Giancarlo Giannini. This weekend’s “Film Forum Jr.” is Guys and Dolls from 1955, starring Marlon Brando, Jean Simmons and Frank Sinatra. (If you read this on Wednesday, you can catch Joseph Strick’s 1963 film The Balcony, starring Shelley Winters, Peter Falk and Lee Grant, in 35mm.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

The Quad’s run of Pandora and the Flying Dutchman continues through the weekend, and there will be Valentine’s Day screenings of Alex Cox’s Sid and Nancy on Thursday and Friday night. (How romantic!)

ANTHOLOGY FILM ARCHIVES (NYC):

The Anthology’s great “The Devil Probably: A Century of Satanic Panic” continues this weekend with screenings of Robert Eggers’ The Witch, Alan Parker’s Angel Heart, another screening of Rosemary’s Baby, as well as screenings of Race with the Devil on Weds. and Thursday night. I missed it last week but they’ve been showing Mark Rappaport’s 1975 film Mozart in Love the past week, as well.

ROXY CINEMA (NYC)

The Cage-athon continues Weds. with Neil Labute’s The Wicker Man (2006) and 2009’s Knowing on Thursday. Valentine’s Day sees screening of Baz Lurhmann’s Romeo + Juliet, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes, as well as the 1987 Nicolas Cage movie Moonstruck, co-starring Cher. Spike Jonez and Charlie Kaufman’s Adaptation (2003), starring Cage, repeats on Saturday.

NITEHAWK CINEMA (NYC):

Williamsburg‘s “Uncaged” series continues Friday with last year’s Mandy at midnight and 1983’s Valley Girl on Saturday morning. Casabalanca is also playing at the Prospect Park on Thursday, and unrelated but Back to the Future will play there on Monday night. Billy Wilder’s 1954 film Sabrina, starring Bogart, Hepburn and Holden will play on Saturay morning.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

Weekend Classics: Luis Buñuel is back with Belle de Jour from 1967, starring Catherine Deneuve. Waverly Midnights: Hindsight is 2020 will screen the animated Ghost in the Shell, while Late Night Favorites: Winter 2020 will also go with an Anime film, Paprika.

MOMA (NYC):

Modern Matinees: Jack Lemmon is off Weds. and Thursday but will return Friday with Billy Wilder’s Irma La Douce (1963).

BAM CINEMATEK (NYC):

BAM will continue to show Horace Jenkins’ 1982 film Cane River through the weekend.

Next week, the second to last week of February (man, it flew right by!) will include Fox’s The Call of the Wild, starring Harrison Ford, and the horror sequel, Brahms: The Boy II.

#TheWeekendWarrior Movies Reviews SonicTheHedgehog FantasyIsland Downhill ThePhotograph OlympicDreams Repertory Streaming

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nat-20s · 6 years ago

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Top 5 Breakdowns over David Tennant- any fandom/show/ play you've seen? I really liked the dw one you did, just hoping you could expand over/ include other things he's been in.

Oh anon you are QUITE the enabler thank you.

So this is like half actual breakdown list and half just like David Tennant recommendations in general because I love that funky little scot.

+1. This isn’t going on the official list because I already did the previous list you mentioned (i’m glad you liked it, btw!!!) but yeah. Doctor Who. He plays the doctor in a very fuckin uhh mercutial way (he plays a lot of characters that way and I am 100% enamored by it every fuckin time he just does it SO WELL AUGH) and like highs were so high and the lows were so low and he was so FURIOUS AND CRUEL but also so GENTLE AND KIND and like oof!! The multifacetedness bitch!!!! That’s what it’s all about babey!!!

5. Good omens. I mean, duh. There was no fucking way I was gonna survive good omens. Like, honestly, even without miss tennant I wouldn’t have survived it because HA HA HA HA H O L Y SHIT MY FAVORITE BOOK FOR THE LAST DECADE WAS GETTING AN ACTUAL SCREEN ADAPTATION I GENUINELY DID NOT THINK WE WOULD EVER BE HERE THIS SHIT IS LIT. but then but THEN it was like. The way that he portrayed crowley definitely fit into a particular niche that david tennant KILLS. Like god okay I could spend an whole fucking essay on this point so I’m gonna distill this down to just. THE moment that I was like “okay okay okay okay fuck I’m GOING THROUGH IT” was when his voice cracks as he tells aziraphale that he lost his best friend because like in context OOF and out of context I have been Pavlovian trained for the past decade to Utterly Lose My Shit when David Tennant is like this close to crying and he expresses that with his whole body THE ASSHOLE! LET ME REST. I THOUGHT I WAS OVER THIS MISTER!!

4. The Escape Artist. Lesser known (I think?), but a VERY GOOD miniseries! The tone is much darker, and he’s a much more serious character. Similar vibes, role wise, to broadchurch. I’m not sure how much rewatch value it has but watching it for the first time had me like MISSION STATUS: SICK!!!! It’s like a cat and mouse mystery and like. I’m not gonna go to in depth into the story because I think it’s more enjoyable to go into it not knowing much and too me it was one of those things that took like 3 hours to watch all of and a full week or two to like. Process. Also I’m not usually one for drama and I was ABOUT it so I would recommend!!!

3. JESSICA JONES (season 1). Holy FUCK dude. Definitely his darkest and most evil role, and the subject matter is VERY heavy and I definitely would NOT recommend it for everyone because it could be, how you say, triggering as fuck or even just because it is incredibly dark and that might not be your thing. Funnily enough, it’s DEFINITELY not my thing, personally, I tend to avoid narratives about sexual assault because so many of them are, uh, ya know, bad, but Jessica Jones season 1 really is done FANTASTICALLY! The David Tennant breakdown was just a level of cognitive dissonance because I had never seen him play like a VILLAIN villain. I mean, yeah, he was Barty Crouch Jr., but that was for like 30 seconds and while the dude was creepy there was a layer of campy over the topness that is present in most fun fantasy franchises. I remember when he was cast as the purple man me and my parents were like. Yeah he’ll obviously crush the role because he’s talented but in the back of our minds we’ll probably still be thinking of like the doctor and I wonder if we can fully accept him playing the role. Yeah there was fucking NONE OF THAT. When he played Purple Man I never ONCE thought of his other roles and I didn’t even, like, think of David Tennant, ya know. I was just like oh shit this man is evil and terrifying and I want him dead! Please die!!! And yes, I know that that’s how acting works or whatever but also ACTING ya know!!! Of any of the roles on this list this one definitely made me be the most like SHE HAS THE RANGE because I really think it highlights how INCREDIBLY GOOD at his job he is!!! I have not ever rewatched Jessica Jones season 1 though because while it is honestly like a triumph of television it is also A Lot to deal with and I am very rarely in the kind of mindset where I’m able to watch it. But yeah. David Tennant knows what the fuck he’s doing and it is very good.

2. MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING BABEY. Literally I knew nothing about the play or why I should care but the promo material was like. Catherine Tate and David Tennant are costars again and I was like OKAY SIGN ME THE FUCK UP HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH. For real I think on screen chemistry Catherine Tate and David Tennant are one of if not just straight up my favorite duo of all time. They are just so DELIGHTFUL and ENCHANTING and BEWITCHING and basically I want them to costar in everything ever. @azirafeathers was like “sherlock holmes adaptation where she’s sherlock and he’s watson” and I haven’t stopped thinking about that since!!! I would give my left thumb or at least like a solid $60 to see that. Like PLEASE it would be PERFECT. I LOVE THEM. And god this production of much ado is definitely like. “Here’s Benedick and Beatrice. They’re two chaotic dumbass bisexuals that are like fives on the kinsey scale and they fall in love much to their surprise” and it’s TERRIFIC. That’s exactly what I like to see. Like it’s set in the 80s and the set design? The visual gags? The costumes? The soundtrack? THE PHYSICAL COMEDY? It all SLAPS. David Tennant really balances “fun and funky slut” and “utterly PINING idiot” so fucking well. I have said it before and I will say it again David Tennant peaks when Catherine Tate is being mean to him. Also really iconic to give him the role that is like the only man in the play that is (after a bit) CHUGGING his respect women juice. I mean LOOK at this utter buffoon.

I’m in love. This play made me a proud morosexual. Plus it’s all FREE ON YOUTUBE THE NEXT TIME YOU HAVE THREE HOURS AND WANT TO HAVE A GOOD FUCKIN TIME GO WATCH MUCH ADO!!

1. H A M L E T. So imagine that you’re 14 and it’s 3 am and you’re casually watching David Tennant’s hamlet on youtube or at least the parts they put up and you’re painting stars on your ceiling with glow in the dark paint and it makes you realize that you have an excess of black bile and a melancholic temperment and you’ll understand why, while this might not be my all time favorite david tennant role (though it definitely is high up on the list) , this is absolutely my number one David Tennant Related Breakdown. Hoo boy. This probably doesn’t come as a shock to literally anybody that knows me irl bc I Will Not shut up about Hamlet and it is this productions fault. Different people will respond differently too it, and I’m definitely 1000% biased because a: I love him and b: it was the first production I ever watched and it’s what got me On My Bullshit, but this production honestly makes me like. Get Hamlet. Or not get hamlet, personally, as a character, we’re never meant to fully understand him honestly, but it made me understand the ALLURE of the play. I watched it and I was like oh. Yeah. Okay. I can see why people have been obsessed with this for 400 years. I know why it’s considered one of the greatest roles and one of the greatest plays of all time. And I went absolutely feral for it. It solidified Horatio permanently as one of my all time favorite characters in anything ever. David Tennant has this tendency to put manic and desperate energy into the characters that he plays, and that of course works extremely well for hamlet. Plus, like, he plays characters that are drowning, that need the assistance and kindness of love to try and float, and even with that might not be able to keep their heads above water, and the characters that are opposite him are basically always wonderful. Because I am deeply deeply predictable, the core dynamic of Hamlet and Horatio’s relationship is probably like THE most appealing and interesting and important aspect of the play to me, and Peter de Jersey (who is absolutely INCREDIBLE in this production) and David Tennant pull it of breathtakingly beautifully. Every time I watch this I have to lie down for a while. Every time I THINK about this I have to lie down for awhile. So, yeah, number one David Tennant based breakdown is over his hamlet.

Honorable mentions

this gifset-I have not seen what this is actually from but it made me have a conniption. I’m in love with her. She’s my idealized self. I don’t know what to do with myself. I spent 5 hours looking at this now. What the fuck.

The Decoy Bride- I didn’t have a breakdown over it BUT it is a recommendation. Very silly rom com, very much a comfort movie like music and lyrics or singing in the rain for me. Great for sleep overs or rainy sunday afternoons.

Richard II- I haven’t seen it but based on one (1) clip and some stills I would be lost in the sauce for a week after a viewing.

Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger- watch nativity 2 danger in the manger.

Fright Night- jesus fucking CHRIST mister tennant went full slut

Casanova- Mister Tennant Goes Full Slut part 2- has blue colored contacts and it’s weird

#anon #replies #sorry this took a hot minute but i wrote uhh #squints at the screen #1700 words on david tennant making me lose it jesus christ #Anonymous

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elenafisher · 6 years ago

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chelsea watches (read: is agonized by) “avengers: endgame”

i just got home from endgame and i have a lot to say about it!

OVERALL:

i... liked it? i think? i can’t tell.

there’s probably going to be a lot of complaining in this post, yet i didn’t actually hate the movie. but there was a lot to digest, so i’m sure my feelings will change over the next couple of weeks.

this movie was edited weird and i think it gave me whiplash.

the tone was dramatic and desperate, then lighthearted and fun, and then back to dramatic and desperate before i could so much as blink. it was very jarring!

it also made me cry.

robert downey jr. has always been very earnest in his portrayal of tony stark, but he gave all he had in this one. i was on the edge of tears watching him the whole time, really. there’s definitely a sense of finality to his performance.

those last 20 minutes had me weeping a bit. when they put the arc reactor on the bundle of flowers... oh, my heart. :’(

THE GOOD:

(most of) our characters are back!

but was there ever any doubt? the stakes were made to feel high, but they never really were. you always came away with the feeling that they were all gonna make it.

no word on vision, though! pretty confused about that one. i know he was killed after the snap occurred, so i don’t think they actually can bring him back, but i always thought that he would, since they have this to film still.

it was very well made. i hope they keep bringing back the people who work on the sets, the cinematography, and the lighting, because it was all so well done.

we need to raise one for alan silvestri and his amazing soundtrack.

oh, did anyone else notice the emphasis on DAUGHTERS?

tony’s daughter morgan

scott’s daughter cassie

clint’s daughter lila

thanos’s "daughters”, nebula and gamora

to me, it felt like they were setting up these girls for potentially taking up their father’s mantles, which would actually be cool as fuck.

morgan stark is absolutely the cutest little bean i’ve ever seen in my life.

I LOVE YOU 3000!

her scenes with tony were so sweet.

that cheeseburger parallel... oh man.

really, every scene that every person shared with tony was really good. you can just feel that everybody was giving everything they had because they knew they only had so much time left to play these characters together, and they wanted to get these final performances right.

tom holland, you heartbreaker. the audience in my theater went absolutely nuts when he finally returned. but when he was crying as he was talking to tony for the last time, oh man.

“i lost the kid.” please...

THE BAD:

i still don’t really get what they’re doing with thor.

i don’t share this opinion much because this is tumblr and everyone loves this movie, but i didn’t like ragnarok, and i don’t like what’s become of thor or bruce. i wasn’t really checking on these two before, but now they’re just the comedy reliefs of the MCU.

chris hemsworth is funny, of course, and thor is a badass, of course, but they were just trying so hard with him.

it kind of feels like they’re just pulling him apart, like one group still wants him to be the noble leader of asgard and the other just wants him to be the court jester. so, rather than decide, they just mushed their ideas together.

captain marvel: i knew she wasn’t going to be in the movie much, because she would’ve done everything in, like, 30 minutes, but they really, really underutilized her. seriously, she was only in this one, at most, for five minutes.

but, in those five minutes, she got a new haircut and kicked all kinds of ass, which are both wins.

THE UGLY:

STEVE ROGERS, SIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

i can’t believe they hit the undo button on cap’s story.

rather than have him grow and develop in his new role in the future he never wanted or expected to receive, they just had him go back in time to marry the one that got away.

but don’t get me wrong y’all; steve and peggy hurt me so good. i live for their angst. but they weren’t supposed to get together like this!

it’s gross because peggy moved on. she was able to pick up the pieces and create something wonderful for herself by having a fulfilling career and a happy marriage with another man.

steve should’ve accepted her choice. if he loves her so much, he should’ve accepted that he lost her and, since she moved on without him, he has to move on without her.

i can almost get the poetic cinema that they were going for: after tony loses his chance at having a family and living his life, steve is woken up and realizes how much he’s been missing out on, so he decides to go out there and discover what he’s been running away from all this time.

but, rather than do those things, or literally anything else, steve goes back in time to... marry peggy.

like, he could’ve traveled the world with sam and bucky, or gone solo for a while, or even hit up sharon again.

sharon carter, what a waste. they really couldn’t commit to the idea of her and steve together, could they?

but as soon as they confirmed sharon to be peggy’s niece, there was just no way a romance could blossom. it’s kind of hilarious how in a cinematic universe where raccoons talk, characters time travel, and AIs can be 3D printed, kissing the niece of your former flame is still considered to be the weirdest thing about it.

seriously: i find it all so vulgar and manipulative.

the one good thing that came out of this was sam wilson, the only worthy captain america, receiving the shield.

i’ve read that some people are upset that sam got the shield instead of bucky. like, did y’all watch the last movie? let bucky have his plums and his goats. he’s done fighting other people’s wars.

THE EVEN UGLIER:

i got problems, y’all, and those problems have two names: natasha romanoff and clint barton.

i ship these two because everything in the avengers (2012) led me to believe that these super cool assassins who were fighting each other were actually in love with each other and it was them against the world (which doesn’t sound familiar at all, i know).

the characters had history and scarlett johansson and jeremy renner had chemistry. i saw it and i know all y’all saw it.

so, y’all can imagine how goddamn appalled i was when i first read that natasha and clint were not only not lovers, but that clint actually had a secret family, with a secret wife, on a secret farm, and that we were going to be told this with absolutely no build-up whatsoever.

but y’all could tell that the russos were as tired as i was when it came to accepting those facts!

they decided to throw caution to the wind and show some more intimacy between natasha and clint, which was delicious. finally, some good fucking food.

i mean, the necklace? she was wearing her necklace again!

to me, it seemed like natasha had fallen in love with him all those years ago, but he was either already married or had turned her down (or both?), and she was never able to act on her feelings for him. i think that clint was also in love... and perhaps knew that he could never be with her, because of their lifestyles and her past, and chose laura instead. or something agonizing and unfulfilling like that.

(i really hope her upcoming movie expands on this.)

and i do think that she loved him. like, romantically. she couldn’t stop touching him the whole movie (HER HANDS ON HIS FACE!!! she’s so worried for him i’m crying) and was shaking, she was so relieved, upon being reunited with him.

it is some consolation that no matter what, you are never able to deny that natasha and clint love each other: even when they’re not romantic partners, they are definitely platonic life partners. their mutual devotion to one another, in almost every universe in the comics and in these movies, is incredibly strong and moving.

so, rather than endure clint’s death, natasha chose to sacrifice herself so that he could get the stone and, ultimately, be reunited with his family. and, on paper, it sounds okay... except, it really isn’t.

y’all wanna know why it’s not okay?

it’s not okay because natasha was an original avenger, and we were never given the chance to spend time with her, or become emotionally invested in her journey, or to care about her reasons for making the ultimate sacrifice.

like, i cared about natasha, but i felt that i would’ve cared so much more (and that the audience could’ve, as well) had we’d been able to have a front row seat to her “atonement” arc.

because, as an audience, we sort of started in medias res: while she was not initially forthcoming with who she was or what she was doing, natasha came to be seen as a reliable and capable ally by the avengers, her second appearance onscreen. we are given no real reason to distrust her because she’s so desperate to find redemption, which she’s made apparent in almost every movie, and it’s hard to hate somebody working so strongly for another chance.

i mean, this journey would’ve been made so much more badass by us experiencing it firsthand, rather than relying on the hearsay from the directors, writers, and actors. we should’ve gotta a miniseries starring natasha romanoff as the black widow, so we could finally see what she did to become so disgusted with herself and so feared by everyone else.

this is (partially) why so many people adore bucky. we’ve seen him as the best friend, the fellow comrade, before he was forced to become a mindless killing machine. we’ve seen him kill and cause absolute mayhem. but now we’re watching bucky grow out from that and become something more (and, hopefully, something better).

basically, natasha romanoff should’ve received that same treatment. we needed to explore all of her facets, not just some of them.

tl;dr: we should’ve had more time with natasha.

it’s also not okay because natasha’s sacrifice, one that was both irreversible and absolutely pivotal to the fate of the final battle, was not given nearly the same amount of respect that tony received after his demise.

while we all owe a lot to robert downey jr. for his choice to portray, and continue portraying, tony stark / iron man, he is not the most important avenger.

it’s also worth noting that he did not have to be the one to snap his fingers. i mean, anyone could’ve been given what tony was wearing and then wielded the gauntlet. but, like natasha, he made a choice to sacrifice his life for the greater good.

yet, only tony was given an elaborate funeral. no matter how you slice it, it’s enormously disrespectful to a veteran team member. for this ultimate sacrifice to be made by the only woman on the original crew is doubly insulting.

AND ALL OF THIS IS MADE WORSE BY THE FACT that natasha’s death mirrors gamora’s. they’re identical, right down to the music that plays and how the camera focuses on their bloody bodies.

the russos were probably trying to invoke poetic cinema again here, but the scene comes across as somewhat lazy and insincere. like, they can’t even kill her right!

as terrible as this scene is, i want to give scarlett and jeremy a round of applause for it. you really got the sense that these characters were more than ready to die for each other, and that’s only because scarlett and jeremy were able to sell the emotional intimacy of the scene so well.

all of it is too little, too late, however.

allow me to conclude this rambling nonsense by stating that i also think they condensed her character arc too much. like, i know this branches off of what i was just talking about a dozen bullet points ago, but even if natasha were to receive this ending, i feel that she received it too soon, y’know?

there should’ve been more scenes in the previous films dedicated to her, and her feelings, and how she relates to any given situation, because another problem that drags this scene down is the lack of any information about natasha.

like, even when assembled with the other avengers, she feels remote.

perhaps that’s intentional, given that the character’s a spy and has been enigmatic about every other area of her life for so many years. but i think she’s been written to be too enigmatic.

#endgame spoilers #chelsea.txt #this is so long lmao kudos to anyone that reads it #and yeah i probably have more thoughts swimming around in my head #but i've been trying to write this post for three hours now and i can't think of anything else to write lol #i need to watch the movie again

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tabloidtoc · 4 years ago

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OK, March 29

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Panic at the Palace -- Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles, Prince William, Duchess Kate Middleton

Page 1: Big Pic -- Kevin Bacon and Juliette Lewis were among the many artists who put on a performance for Linda Perry's Rock 'N' Relief Live Stream Concert Series, benefitting Sean Penn's CORE Response organization

Page 2: Contents

Page 3: Contents

Page 4: Sparks are flying between Sandra Bullock and Brad Pitt on the set of their new action movie Bullet Train and not just when the cameras are rolling -- their chemistry is through the roof and Sandra lights up whenever she's around Brad and some of the cast and crew could swear they've seen him blushing in her presence -- Brad and Sandra have been hanging out more than your typical costars and they have a lot in common and seem to really enjoy each other's company and they'll frequently spend their breaks socializing and they can often be heard laughing over each other's stories and topics of conversations range from mutual friends and house repairs to more personal stuff, like kids

Page 6: Bruce Willis turned 66 on March 19 and as he celebrates the occasion, he has been reflecting on his life and it's been quite the journey but Bruce looks back at it all with that classic smirk

Page 7: Producers of the Gossip Girl reboot have been begging Blake Lively to join the cast of the new show but she's turned up her nose at the idea -- she's not ungrateful, because the original show made her star, but she closed the book on that part of her life a long time ago -- she's blissfully content in her role as a mom to daughters James, Inez and Betty whom she shares with her husband Ryan Reynolds and being a stay-at-home parent and filming an occasional movie sounds way more appealing to her than returning to that hothouse Gossip Girl universe -- she says she had her show and wants the new team to have theirs, but to die-hard fans, it still feels like a major snub

* After calling it quits on her romance with Ben Affleck in January, Ana de Armas is ready to play the field and Hollywood's heartthrob du jour, Rege-Jean Page has caught her eye and she was over the moon when the Bridgerton hunk recently signed on to her new thriller The Gray, which also stars Ryan Gosling and Chris Evans -- of course, Rege is gorgeous, but Ana also likes that he isn't your typical Tinseltown success story and comes from a rich cultural background, just like she does and she's hoping to get to know him better once they start shooting in L.A. -- while Ana has been warned that won't sit well with Rege's live-in girlfriend, Emily Brown, that doesn't seem to bother Ana

* Janet Jackson's life story is set to get the full documentary treatment next year, and no stone will be left unturned when it comes to her famously dysfunctional family -- the family is freaking out, as well they should be -- Janet will be brutally honest about her late father Joe Jackson, who bullied her and made her feel like she was nothing with out him but her siblings say they had it much worse especially when it came to Michael Jackson, who suffered verbal and physical abuse from Joe throughout his childhood -- Janet, who became a mom at 50 with her businessman ex, Wissam Al Mana, is also ready to tell all about their divorce and custody battle -- doing this documentary has been incredibly cathartic for her and she can't wait to shed light on her family's deep, dark secrets

Page 8: Angelina Jolie has been legally single for two years, and now she's finally ready to mingle -- she's been laying low since her 2016 split from Brad Pitt and she's feels it's time to get out there and she's eager to meet some new and interesting men and the mom of six is open to being hooked up by Hollywood pals like Ellen Pompeo, whom she was seen dining with in Beverly Hills and Angie likes the idea of dating a fellow A-lister who can relate to her about living in the spotlight and Ellen's been helping out with suggestions -- Angie is even open to joining an elite dating service and now the hunt is on to find a suitable bunch of candidates -- she wants fun and adventure again and after months of just being Mom, dressing up, putting on some perfume and engaging in stimulating conversation sounds good to Angie

* It's only been six months since Drew Barrymore launched her chirpy daytime talk show, but behind the scenes, she's on the verge of a major meltdown -- the multitasking mom who shares daughters Olive and Frankie with ex-hubby Will Kopelman, has no idea that juggling work and family would be this hard and she's feeling pressure from every side -- she desperately wants to be there for the kids, but she's trying to make her show a hit, and with her production company, she has a million others things on her plate as well -- the stressed-out star has also been chowing down on junk food and drinking too much caffeine so she can't get more than a few hours of sleep a night -- Drew doesn't want to let anyone down, but if she doesn't dial it back, she's going to collapse from exhaustion

* Matthew Perry announced his engagement to his on-off girlfriend Molly Hurwitz in November, but he seems to be having second thoughts -- he's crazy in love, but he's scared of messing up a good thing by making things official and he also worries what kind of husband he'll make given his health woes and battles with addiction -- Molly has faith in Matthew, but she can see wedding planning is stressing him out, even more so now that the Friends reunion is set to start shooting and he's pushing himself to go through with it, but his doubts are gnawing away at him

Page 10: Red Hot on the Red Carpet -- stars show some skin in dramatic decolletage-baring frocks -- Nicole Richie, Aja Naomi King

Page 11: Kate Hudson, Becky G, Mindy Kaling

Page 12: Who Wore It Better? Kat Graham vs. Nicole Kidman in Erdem, Oliva Wilde vs. Bella Hadid in Ralph Lauren

Page 13: Danielle Bradbery vs. Paula Abdul in Hamel

Page 14: News in Photos -- Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox stepped out for dinner in West Hollywood

Page 16: Ariel Winter brightened up her monochromatic look with a pink face mask during a trip to the hair salon in West Hollywood, Justin Theroux went for a walk with his beloved dog Kuma in NYC, Arnold Schwarzenegger was spotted on his daily bike ride in L.A.

Page 17: Susan Sarandon stopped to get her caffeine fix while shopping solo in Soho

Page 18: Lea Michele proved to be quite the doting mother while walking with her son in a stroller in Brooklyn, Lucy Hale and her dog Elvis were inseparable during an outing in L.A., Krysten Ritter took her RadRover electric bicycle out for a spin in L.A.

Page 19: John Stamos and his wife Caitlin McHugh stopped by an antique shop where they purchased a bunch of old goodies in Santa Monica

Page 20: This year, instead of a traditional runway show, Moschino released a 12-minute film featuring Karen Elson, Shalom Harlow and Amber Vallera wearing new styles from the Fall/Winter 2021 line

Page 21: Alessandra Ambrosio caught up with a pal while walking dogs in L.A., David Harbour eating a treat while out and about in NYC, Daisy Ridley stopped by The Graham Norton Show in London

Page 22: Amelia Gray Hamlin and boyfriend Scott Disick caught some rays while vacationing in Miami, Katie Holmes and boyfriend Emilio Vitolo Jr. color-coordinated their gray-and-black outfits for a lunch date in NYC, Rebel Wilson taking a walk around the neighborhood in L.A.

Page 24: While on the set of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Rachel Brosnahan shielded herself with a see-through umbrella, a newly brunette Lady Gaga in a white suit as she left her hotel in Rome to film the upcoming Gucci biopic, The Masked Singer panelist Jenny McCarthy gave herself a last-minute touch-up before posing for some promo shots

Page 26: Inside My Home -- Chelsea Handler's sleek setup -- she is checking out of her longtime L.A. home

Page 28: In 2009, LeAnn Rimes made headlines when she was caught hooking up with her costar Eddie Cibrian while they were both married to other people and now, more than a decade later, she is opening up about that time in her life and spilling secrets that she's never shared before -- looking back, LeAnn thinks it's unfair that she got raked over the coals like that and the public shaming caused her to suffer panic attacks and all LeAnn did was fall in love -- of course, there are likely big regrets about the way everything happened, but she and Eddie never meant to hurt anyone and they just had this connection they couldn't walk away from and a few months after their romance was revealed LeAnn parted ways with then-husband Dean Sheremet and Eddie filed for divorce from Brandi Glanville and they wed in 2011 -- while LeAnn has been a great stepmom to Eddie's sons Mason and Jack, she'd love to have a child of her own someday and she and Eddie have tried and tried with no success and now that she's pushing 40, they know time is ticking and they could always go the surrogate route, and they just might do it if it doesn't happen naturally in the next few months

Page 29: Liam Hemsworth has been dating Gabriella Brooks for 15 months, and he's so smitten that he could put a ring on it any day now -- Liam's made it clear that he's ready to walk down the aisle again after calling it quits in longtime love Miley Cyrus in 2019 -- everyone is thrilled because Gabriella is so sweet and easygoing, which is just what Liam needs -- Gabriella has already gotten the stamp of approval from the Hemsworth clan, who had long been skeptical of Miley and when Liam brought Gabriella home, his parents thought, that's more like it -- now that Liam's settled in at his new $5 million spread on Byron Bay, all signs point to him popping the question because he's never been happier

* Shedding post-pregnancy weight is never easy but luckily Katy Perry has a secret weapon to help her get back in shape which is Orlando Bloom -- Katy had already dropped 35 pounds since giving birth to the couple's first child, Daisy Dove, thanks to her fitness-obsessed fiance and Orlando has her eating five small vegan meals a day and he follows the same diet to make it easier for her, and Orlando makes sure she hikes or swims at least five days a week and those are the type for fun activities where he can join her -- Orlando's also her biggest cheerleader: during their recent Hawaiian getaway, Katy was nervous because she felt she hadn't lost enough weight but Orlando told her she was one sexy momma and he really is her biggest supporter

* Despite the pandemic, Nicole Kidman's remained one of the busiest women in Hollywood, which is getting under her stuck-at-home husband's skin -- while Keith Urban was forced to cancel his concert tour last year, Nicole had a whirlwind 2020, shooting her miniseries Nine Perfect Strangers in Australia and her historical thriller The Northman in Northern Ireland back-to-back and it's been incredibly hard on Keith because it drives him crazy not being able to get out there on stage -- Nicole hates seeing him the dumps, but she's told him he's lucky to be able to spend so much time with their daughters Sunday and Faith -- with Nicole set to play comedy legend Lucille Ball in Being the Ricardos, which starts filming this spring, that can only put more stress on the marriage but Nicole has no plans to slow down, and she's not making any apologies

Page 30: Patrick Duffy and Linda Purl went from zero to 60 practically overnight, but their turbo-charged romance appears to be slowing down -- ever since Patrick and Linda reconnected last summer, the late-in-life lovebirds have been joined at the hip at Linda's Colorado home, where things have gotten too close for comfort because Patrick's a laid-back guy, but he hasn't had a moment to himself because Linda is always pushing him to get outdoors and do stuff with her and Patrick feels the need for more space and some along time -- spending every moment together and hanging on each other's every word was fun for a while, but they don't want to lose their independence and they realize they need to bring their relationship back down to earth if they actually want to go the distance

* After nearly five blissful years together, Britney Spears and Sam Asghari are still going strong, and it looks like a baby could be in their near future -- Sam recently sent tongues wagging when he revealed that he wants to take their relationship to the next step and be a young dad and Britney is totally on board because she has always wanted another child and now with Sam raring to go, she figures it's the perfect time -- growing her family would be a welcome distraction from Britney's bitter battle with her father Jamie Spears over her controversial conservatorship

* Love Bites -- Jenni "JWoww" Farley and Zack Carpinello engaged, Morena Baccarin and husband Ben McKenzie welcomed a son named Arthur, Nicolas Cage and Riko Shibata married

Page 32: Cover Story -- Palace in Crisis -- the Royal Family is in disarray following Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's bombshell tell-all -- what really offended them was how much Harry and Meghan said they love Queen Elizabeth in one sentence and attacked the institution, everything she stands for and works for, in the next -- it's going to take a miracle for Harry to reconcile with his family after what he and Meghan revealed

Page 36: Celebrity Hall Passes -- stars reveal the Hollywood crushes their partners have granted as freebies -- Eric Decker gets Jessica Alba and his wife Jessie James Decker gets Post Malone

Page 37: Lisa Vanderpump gets George Clooney, Seth Rogen gets Charlize Theron while his wife Lauren Miller gets Brad Pitt, Mark Consuelos and Kelly Ripa both get Cynthia Bailey

Page 38: Taron Egerton gets Rachel Weisz while his girlfriend Emily Thomas gets Daniel Craig, Kyle Richards wouldn't let her husband Mauricio Umansky near Eva Longoria or Demi Moore but he gets a hall pass for Betty White, Beau Clark gets Bethenny Frankel while wife Stassi Schroeder gets Joaquin Phoenix

Page 40: Interview -- Queen Latifah -- the entertainment icon is having a blast kicking butt in her new TV crime drama The Equalizer

Page 42: The Great Outdoors -- these stars know fresh air and fitness make a killer combo

Page 46: Style Week -- Hailey Bieber has been named global ambassador for Superga's Spring/Summer 2021 season

Page 48: What's Hot Right Now -- lifestyle brand Sporty & Rich just launched chic athleisure pieces to help you look effortlessly cool this season -- Amber Valletta

Page 49: Stylish Shades -- shop Ashley Graham's flattering frames the model's new collection with Quay

Page 50: Chic House Dresses -- trade knits for airy frocks that will make you feel beautiful all through spring -- Whitney Port

Page 52: Girls' Getaway -- planning a safe spring break with a few BFFs? Pack these stylish essentials to easily look fab on the fly -- Rita Ora

Page 54: Entertainment

Page 55: Q&A with Wayne Brady

Page 58: Buzz -- Lady Gaga sent the internet into a frenzy after sharing a behind-the-scenes photo of herself with Adam Driver from the set of their Ridley Scott movie, House of Gucci

Page 60: Sound Bites -- Cardi B on staying away from celebs, Mary Steenburgen on husband Ted Danson, Kate Hudson on her iconic yellow dress from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Page 61: Paul Bettany on his stunt with Tom Hanks in The Da Vinci Code, Jada Pinkett Smith on not focusing on exterior beauty at age 49, Nikki Bella on being intimate with fiance Artem Chigvintsev, Charlize Theron on homeschooling, Julia Garner on her roles of choice

Page 62: Horoscope -- Aries Jessica Chastain turned 44 on March 24

Page 64: By the Numbers -- Paris Hilton

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mst3kproject · 6 years ago

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The Cyclops

If you asked me why this movie was never on MST3K, I would guess that it was simply too obvious. I mean, we’ve got Bert I. Gordon. We’ve got Lon Chaney Jr from The Indestructible Man, we’ve got Gloria Talbott from The Leech Woman, we’ve got Dean Parkin from War of the Colossal Beast, we’ve got superimposed bugs trying to look big, we’ve even got a giant radioactive guy with only one eye! There’s nothing here we haven’t seen before - except for Bert I.’s attempt at a really cheap sci-fit adaptation of The Odyssey.

Yes, you read that correctly.

In Guayjorm, Mexico (Guayjorm?), Susan Winter is looking for her fiancé Bruce Barton, a pilot who went missing three years ago. Along with her are Lee, another pilot; Russ, an old friend of Bruce’s; and Marty, a shady prospector who’s funding the expedition. The Mexican government thinks they’re up to no good and deny them permission to enter the area, but of course they go in anyway, and land in a valley which Marty declares to be full of uranium. Maybe that’s why all the wildlife there is twenty times the normal size… and wait until you see what’s become of Bruce!

I’ve seen enough of these movies that I was honestly surprised the plane didn’t crash. It was certainly set up to crash: a voice on the radio warns of dangerous downdrafts, and there’s the laughable bit where Marty freaks out and punches the pilot. The characters need the plane to escape again and Bert I. Gordon couldn’t afford to destroy even a model of one, and yet this sequence is shoved in to make it look like we’re going there, apparently just because movies are supposed to have plane crashes in them.

The effects here span Gordon’s usual range, from surprisingly convincing to absolutely risible. The first giant animal in the movie is a big skink that crawls through a gap in the rocks, and the shot in which we see Russ staring at it is very nice. The eyelines match up well, and things like the actions of the giant hawk we see a little later are timed perfectly with the actors reacting to them. Then mere minutes later, we’re treated to a transparent iguana straight out of King Dinosaur. The skink and the iguana then fight, in a scene that’s shot like it’s the T-Rex vs Spinosaurus fight from Jurassic Park III but is actually just two lizards rolling around.

The makeup that transforms Dean Parkin into a one-eyed monster is awful… I’m not even sure what’s supposed to have happened to the right side of his face. Did the radiation actually melt it or what? The prosthetic the same actor wore as Glenn Manning in War of the Colossal Beast was infinitely better. The giant’s roaring is just somebody yelling “rawr!” and the bits where he’s supposed to be touching and picking up the smaller humans are absolutely dreadful. On the other hand, the part where he fights a giant snake is clearly an actual boa constrictor wrapped around the actor’s body, and I’m glad the opening credits listed a ‘Snake Fight Supervisor’ who kept either party from getting hurt.

Performances run a similar gamut. Most aren’t great. Lon Chaney Jr. is full of enthusiasm, cradling his scintillator as if it’s the One Ring, but comes across as a man with no idea what he’s doing. I don’t think this is the way Marty’s character was written – he was meant to be a criminal mastermind, rather than a buffoon – but it does work. The characters of Lee and Russ are too bland for the actors to do much with them, but Gloria Talbott does her best with what she’s given and makes Susan’s obsession both touching and a little creepy.

Poor Susan gets belittled by just about everybody in this movie. The Mexican official we meet in the opening scene straight-up tells her to her face that she’s crazy and that her companions will betray her. The men talk about her in similar terms behind her back, and make snide comments about women’s intuition. At best they feel pity for this poor soul, clinging to lost hope. Even Russ, who knows her best and understands her need for closure, talks down to her about her quest, calls her hysterical, and treats her as something that really ought to belong to him if only she could understand that Bruce is dead! The idea that she might not be interested in him is never suggested and I do wonder what this love triangle was like when Bruce was present.

At the same time, the movie treats Susan with a surprising amount of respect. She’s very much the same sort of ‘helplessly watching woman’ narrator as Audrey Aimes or Joyce Manning and she does a lot of screaming and running, but she wears practical clothing and we’re clearly expected to sympathize with her desperate hope even as we, too, suspect it’s a lost cause. After being told over and over that she’s borderline delusional, the end of the movie vindicates her faith in Bruce: he is alive, just not in the form she expected. At the end she finally gets the closure she needs, able at last to grieve and move on.

If I’m talking about -isms I should mention that Lee keeps bragging that he’s good at tracking because he’s ‘one sixteenth Indian’, later upping this to a half when he manages to sneak by the giant unseen and finally to ‘full-blooded Indian’ when he finds the way back to the plane after they get lost. ‘Primitive’ peoples don’t have skills or knowledge, they’re good at these things by instinct, because they’re basically animals, right? ‘Native American’ isn’t a set of diverse cultures, it’s just being good at finding your way in the woods!

You guys don’t care about any of that, though. You want me to get back to the Greek Mythology stuff.

Gordon’s script takes a number of things from The Odyssey. First of all, we have the premise of venturing into an unknown wilderness in search of one’s way home to a lost love. On the way our heroes encounter storms, madmen, and monsters, and end up as prisoners in the cave of a one-eyed, wilderness-dwelling giant who blocks the way out with a giant stone. Before escaping, they must blind the giant with a fire-tipped spear. This is certainly the best-known part of the Odyssey, and people who haven’t come near reading the poem are still familiar with it from sources as diverse as The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad to Ducktales. The allusions to it are obvious and intentional.

But it doesn’t stop there. Gordon also seems to have visited another ancient poem that discusses Polyphemus the Cyclops – Ovid’s Metamorphoses. This contains a sequence (Book XIII, lines 738-897) in which the monster falls in love with a beautiful woman, the sea-nymph Galatea. She rejects him because of his ugliness, choosing instead to run off with the handsome river god Acis. This story presents the Cyclops in a much more human, even tender, light – his romantic advances towards Galatea are awkward, but they are sincere. What makes him a monster is how he responds to her rejection by killing her chosen lover.

Several parts of The Cyclops seem to reflect this legend. The giant Bruce is certainly as gentle as he can be towards Susan, while hostile to his romantic rival, Russ. There’s also the fact that when Susan sees the giant she immediately rejects him. She must know that the giant disfigured man living among the wreckage of Bruce’s plane and hanging on to objects like his watch can only be Bruce himself, but she refuses to accept it, even when she sees how he responds to her. She needs Russ to tell her what happened before she can finally bring herself to face it.

Which brings us to the fact that in another way, this is of course a remake of The Amazing Colossal Man. We have the fiancée searching for her lover whom she knows has come to harm but not what form that harm has taken, only to find he’s been irradiated and grown huge because his cells won’t stop dividing. Unfortunately, it’s not nearly as thoughtful a movie as Colossal Man or War of the Colossal Beast. Both those films tried to make Glenn Manning’s plight a metaphor, the first for cancer and the second for social problems. Neither fully succeeded, but they did give you things to think about. The Cyclops uses the same premise to put a twist on some well-known mythology, but unfortunately it doesn’t do anything with that.

The Metamorphoses was something of a comment on The Odyssey. It suggests that the reason Polyphemus was in such a foul mood the day Odysseus showed up was because Galatea had just rejected him, thus giving the monster feelings, motivations, and a story of his own. Bruce in The Cyclops is just a big, ugly, angry guy, and without seeing his descent into monsterhood he’s not the tragic figure Glenn Manning was trying so hard to be. Susan’s denial and her need to have somebody else tell her what she’s encountered are touching, but don’t say much about the mythological motifs they’re tacked onto. The idea of Penelope going out to search for Odysseus rather than quietly weaving a shroud and waiting for him could be interesting, but again, it’s not really used. Gordon had some great ideas but all he really wants to show us is superimposed lizards.

The ending also leaves a couple of important questions unresolved. I think we’re supposed to believe that everybody got back to Texas okay and Russ and Susan lived happily ever after… but part of me worries they all got thrown into prison in Mexico for flying over restricted airspace, and after all that radiation they may not grow huge but I bet their tumors did. How sweet.

#mst3k #reviews #the cyclops #mister big #episodes that never were #50s

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violethowler · 6 years ago

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Top 14 Favorite Pairings

I don't personally like romance as a genre, but I'm a sucker for a well written romance arc in another genre like sci-fi or fantasy. So in honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd post my top 14 favorite relationships. Not all of them are canon, but these are the big ones that I actively ship and seek out content for. These are in no particular order and I'm laying down a blanket spoiler warning for Young Justice, Kingdom Hearts, Red Rising, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Gargoyles, The Great Library, Star Wars: Rebels, Green Lantern: the Animated Series, Check Please, The Song of Achilles, DuckTales, TRON: Uprising, and Voltron: Legendary Defender.

1. SoRiKai (Sora/Riku/Kairi; Kingdom Hearts): Tehcnically not a pairing per se, but Kingdom Hearts was my first fandom and SoKai my first OTP. In recent years I’ve started to see the appeal of SoRiku, but at the same time didn’t want to see SoKai broken up for that to happen. Eventually, I discovered the third option taken by other fandoms of just shipping all three of them together in a polyamorous relationship.

2. Spitfire (Wally West/Artemis Crock; Young Justice): I’ve been obsessed with these two ever since I started watching Young Justice and I refuse to believe that Wally’s not going to come back from the dead at some point during Outsiders. Greg Weisman wouldn’t have been so cagey about explaining what happened to him if they weren’t going to go somewhere with this.

3. Razaya (Razer/Aya; Green Lantern: The Animated Series): Razer and Aya were a pairing that snuck up on me. The kind where you're not actively shipping the characters, but by the time the final episode ends, you're sobbing over them. I really hope that with the successful return of Young Justice, that Green Lantern: The Animated Series can return as well and give us closure on Aya's fate.

4. Rustang (Darrow of Lykos/Virginia au Augustus; Red Rising): The Red Rising saga is one of the best book series of all time and if you haven’t read it yet then you need to because this is amazing. In any case, Darrow and Mustang’s relationship is so beautiful that I can’t imagine him with anyone else. Their dynamic is so beautiful and I desperately hope that they patch things up in Dark Age and that Darrow survives the Iron Gold trilogy because I cannot bear the thought of Darrow dying.

5. Golisa (Goliath/Elisa Maza; Gargoyles): Most romantic couples in fiction I don't actively get invested in. I tend to just quietly watch and see how things go, and then not really think about it much afterwards. But after finishing the second season of Gargoyles, I reached a point where I couldn't talk about the show as a whole without talking about the love story between an manhattan police detective and a Gargoyle from 10th century Scotland. Their first kiss in the last episode and the post-series comics' dealing with the realities of an inter-species romance cemented these two as one of my favorite fictional romances.

6. Chrisanti (Christopher Wolfe/Niccolo Santi; The Great Library): Wolfe and Santi was a relationship I didn’t see coming, both because of the fact that they kept their relationship a secret from the narrator character for most of the book, and because it was the first time I’d ever seen a character’s sexuality being treated so casually. And with each succcessive book in the series, I became more invested in these two. Since the end of the third book, I’ve been holding out hope for them to tie the knot at the end of the series.

7. FitzSimmons (Leo Fitz/Jemma Simmons; Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.): Most of the pairings I ship in a given franchise I only become invested in over several seasons, books, or movies. With FitzSimmons, I was rooting for them from Day one. I have been sailing this ship through every single season and I cried my eyes out when they finally got married in Season 5.

8. Kanera (Kanan Jarrus/Hera Syndulla; Star Wars: Rebels): I started shipping Kanan and Hera around the end of Rebels' first season. I've been quietly rooting for them ever since, and I was absolutely thrilled when they officially got together in Season 4, only to be crushed when Kanan died in the middle of the season.

9. Patrochilles (Patroclus/Achilles; The Song of Achilles): I read The Song of Achilles last December and it was the first time since that summer that a book made me cry. The relationship between Achilles and Patroclus is so beautiful and so tragic that I still cry when I re-read the book.

10. Zimbits (Jack Zimmermann/Eric Bittle Jr.; Check, Please!): I got into Check Please a few months after I realized I was Bisexual. I'd been seeing fan art and meta about it all over my Tumblr feed, so I decided to give it a shot. Aside from Chrisanti, Jack and Bitty were one of the first canon mlm pairings in a comic that I'd read, and there was just so much to love about their relationship and the story in general that I've been a fan ever since.

11. Tuna (Tidus/Yuna; Final Fantasy X): I’d seen clips of Tidus and Yuna long before I actually played Final Fantasy X for myself, so when I finally got the chance to play, my heart melted at how adorable they were together, and I spoiled myself on the ending of X-2 just for the satisfaction of knowing that he came back and they got to have their happy ending together (I refuse to acknowledge the Will audio drama as canon).

12. Scroldie (Scrooge McDuck/Goldie O'Gilt; DuckTales): I was in love with this pairing from the moment Scrooge and Goldie started dancing together in “The Golden Lagoon of White Agony Plains”, and I keep watching all of their scenes together whenever I can.

13. Beige (Beck/Paige; TRON: Uprising): Beck and Paige were a pairing that quietly grew on me over the course of the show’s one season, and even though they broke things off after one date (and before the show could get to a point where she learns Beck’s secret identity as The Renegade), I loved the chemistry they have together and I firmly believe that if the show had continued they would have become a couple.

14. Sheith (Takashi Shirogane/Keith; Voltron: Legendary Defender): I wasn’t really concerned with shipping in the Voltron fandom for most of the series. I thought Hunk and Shay looked cute together, but I didn’t really think much of any of the other pairings. As all the nastiness in the fandom started escalating, I kept myself out of it. I could see things in canon that were vaguely shippy between Keith and Shiro and between Keith and Lance, but I didn’t personally care one way or the other who ended up together romantically. After Season 7, I started to ship Shiro and Keith primarily to spite the antis who had spent the last two years harassing anyone who didn’t ship their OTP, and as Season 8 drew near, I actually started to like the pairing on its own. Season 8 was a low blow because even though the odds of Shiro and Keith actually being an on-screen couple were slim considering how long the crew had to fight to be allowed to acknowledge that Shiro, who was technically an original character, was gay, his and Keith’s dynamic was still the most emotionally impactful part of the story even if you read it as platonic. So when Dreamworks’ cut of Season 8 completely removed any reference to their friendship and then paired Shiro off with a random extra whose name you’ll only know if you watch with subtitles, it stunk of a blatant effort by the higher ups to no homo their relationship because Keith can’t possibly be anything but straight. [/sarcasm] My salt over Season 8 aside, I at least have fanfic to soothe the frustration, and their relationship in the first 7 seasons is still one of my favorite parts of the show.

#long post #shipping #valentines day #favorite ships #my otps #my ot3

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inifitywar · 7 years ago

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flower //kyle spencer

pairing: post-death kyle x reader

word count: 1537

warnings: mentions of kyles moms abuse but no detail whatsoever. and mention of the titanic idk if that even needs a warning ndnxjssh??? but i’d rather be safe than accidentally trigger someone so

a/n: lowercase intended. hope you enjoy x

kyle’s accident and the aftermath of it all had changed your life in ways that someone could only imagine. but of course, that kind of thing would change anyone. the night of the accident itself had been absolute chaos. you hadn’t even caught news of the accident before franken-kyle was showing up on your doorstep with a girl you had never seen before, but you just assumed it was a friend of his. guessing kyle was just dressed up for another one of his crazy frat get-togethers, you ignored his weird appearance, writing it off as makeup for a costume, and opened the door a little wider like any other night and leaned in to kiss his cheek. he jerked back, eyes filled with bewilderment. you glanced at the girl once more, she looked pained, conflicted almost.

“we need to talk”, she declared before gently passing me and entering my house, kyle trailing behind her with his head held low.

she sat, staring at you with hesitant eyes and tapping her fingers against her knee while she waited for you to respond. and after a few moments, filled only with the noise of kyle scratching the carpet with his fingers, your eyes shifting back and forth between meeting her gaze and watching kyle mess with the fuzzy rug, you finally did. in fact, you had told her to “get the hell out of my house”. not exactly your nicest moment but honestly, who could blame you? you turned to kyle and yelled at him too, demanding that he stand up and leave, angry with him for attempting to play such a messed up prank on you. the moment you raised your voice at him his eyes filled with a fear that you’d only seen a few times before.

the fear in his eyes was as prominent as it had been during the nights you guys spent together when he hesitantly opened up to you about the hardships he faced with his mother.

recognizing this look, you knew something wasn’t right. you dropped to your knees and held his cheeks in your hands, softly shushing his cries and wiping his tears. he was hesitant to let you hold him, given that you’d just yelled at him, but he eventually let himself relax and lean into you. the girl, who you’d later learned was called zoe, gave you a knowing look and it hit you that this was all real.

the months following had been full of baby steps. children’s books, children’s ciriculum, random tantrums from kyle, scars from getting in the way when he lashed out and bags under your eyes from not only taking care of the giant toddler you called the love of your life, but from nights of laying awake wondering how everything could so wrong. but those months were also filled with significantly more ice cream dates, food fights, re-reading your favorite childhood books, and teaching kyle everything from how to comb his hair to how to tie his shoes.

to anyone else, it might sound fucked up. like really fucked up. from the outside, it just looks like a girl who’s in love with a man with the brain of a 4 year old. but it really wasn’t like that. obviously kyle had changed. he wasn’t the same kyle but he was still your kyle.

he was different in the way he walked and talked but he was the same in the way he liked 6 marshmallows in his hot choclate and in the way he loves the color orange. he was different in the shows and books he liked but he was the same in the way he gave big bear hugs and in the way he had to pet every single dog that we passed on the street. he was different, but he was also the same, even if it was only noticeable in the little things.

but there were certain days that reminded you so much of why you kept pushing for him. you really never worked long shifts anymore because you never wanted to stay gone for too long but luckily kyle had reached a point where he could stay home alone for small periods of time, so you could at least work.

on the days you had to leave the house and you couldn’t take kyle with you, you’d usually leave him at home with snacks layed out and turn on nick jr. or whatever other kids program he’s interested in that day.

today was one of those days. an hour had barely passed since you left for work when kyle had managed to accidentally turn the channel by knocking the remote when he sat on the floor. at first he was upset but that was soon forgotten when he got distracted by what was now playing on the tv.

kyle’s wide eyes stared at the screen while the titanic played. to say you were surprised when you entered the room to see your boyfriend watching the titanic would be an understatement. luckily you returned home before the movie had gone down hill. you changed the channel, saving him the inevitable emotional turmoil that is the death of leonardo dicaprio.

that evening, while eating your 5 star meal of kraft mac n cheese and apple juice in wine glasses, kyle kept staring at you. this wasn’t anything too unusual considering he’s easily intrigued but something about his gaze made you stare right back.

“you alright ky?” you questioned.

he slowly stood up and made his way to your side. you sat down your fork and stared at him with curious eyes, awaiting his next move. watching as he lifted his hand, you expected his fingertips to brush the ends of your eyelashes, as they often do. it always makes him laugh when your nose scrunches up when from this.

but your expectations were proved wrong when his hand moved past your eyes and his fingers brushed a small strand of hair behind your ear. you stared at kyle with wide eyes while he stared right back.

“flow..er. flower….”, he whispered.

“what ky?”

“flower. you..flower”

“ky i don’t understand what you’re-“

he started to get worked up, frustrated that you didn’t understand. he desperately looked around the kitchen for anything that could help him get his point across. suddenly he jumped up and ran away, leaving you sitting there in absolute confusion. but this didn’t last long because he was back in a matter of seconds with a book in hand while his eyes darted around the kitchen again, in search of something else. his eyes lit up when he saw the roses in the vase by the window. he quickly walked back over to me, now with a rose in one hand and a book in the other.

his chest rose and fell quickly with the adrenaline of running around the house so quickly. you continued to just stare at the determined blonde boy. your eyes flicked to the book he had retrieved, the little sailor. now that he had his book and rose, he went right back to trying to explain to what he meant.

“flower” he repeated.

you glanced at the rose again, assuming that’s what he was referring too.

“yeah ky, that’s right! you’re so smart, good job!”

“no!” kyle shouted.

you lifted your eyebrow at him, insinuating that you still didn’t understand. he then held up his book. you looked at the cover, seeing an illustration of a big ship in the water. kyle was getting desperate at this point. he held the book and rose right in front of your face, “g-girl, rrr, ro-se”. finally it clicked.

“you mean like rose, the girl from what you were watching on tv earlier?”. he broke out into a grin, glad that you were finally catching on. “yes!”, confirmed kyle. you..my. you. flower!”

it hit you. and it hit you hard. you finally understood. actually understood. he was calling you his rose. his flower. kyle’s grin immediately faded from his face when he saw your eyes getting watery, thinking he’d done something wrong. you caught saw this and immediately pulled him to you, wrapping your arms around him.

“no, ky babe. these are happy tears. i’m happy to be your flower. so so happy”

that night you layed in bed and thought. but this time, you weren’t thinking about the bad things. you were thinking about the best things.

kyle hadn’t said he loved you since the accident, but you knew that this was the next best thing. he literally called you his flower. in his mind, you were his rose and he was your jack. you could’ve laughed at how cheesy it sounded. but none of that mattered. it didn’t matter if it was cheesy. it didn’t matter if the only people that truly understood were kyle and you and it didn’t matter that still you had so far to go before he’d be back to being the same kyle as before the accident and that even then, he’d still be a changed man. the only thing that really mattered were you two. in the end, that’s the only that that would ever really matter.

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