#Def feel like I’m posting into the void but it’s ok | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

igbylicious · 3 months ago

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ack i feel you, posting things is scary! you’re sharing a piece of yourself; it’s vulnerable, it makes sense to be nervous, but it is never smth to be embarrassed abt!!! ♡ asdkjadskj i wish i had some sage advice on how to magically make it easier, but honestly i still feel like i’m trust-falling right into the void almost every time i post ^^;; hwaiting!!! (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

(vampire ramblings under the cut again!)

haha with the way Seonghwa’s character is taking shape in my head, i’d say he’s actually the most likely to turn her! he’s the only one not obsessed w/ her human blood, and he enjoys collecting things that are pretty & interesting… and reader is very interesting indeed ( ⓛ ω ⓛ *)

but if San or Yunho turned her, i think it’d be out of petty spite or possessiveness; SO averse to the idea that others might feed from her, that they’d rather take the option off the table entirely ^^;; (or maybe a “if i can’t have her (blood), no one can” type of deal)

as for thoughts on her afterwards;

i think Yunho would have an easier time putting the whole thing behind him. he was not obsessed w/ her blood for very long before Seonghwa got involved, so she simply had less of an impact on him (and he on her.)

like, he wouldn’t feel good abt himself and how he acted! but Yunho can rationalise it better than San bc he just wasn’t in as deep for as long, which helps w/ processing. his thoughts might wander back to her from time to time, but mostly bc of San tbh

bc San…

San would struggle a LOT more w/ guilt

he does see humans as inferior to vampires, but he has no deep disdain for them. he enjoys humans! he’s indulgent towards them in a slightly condescending way lol. he likes playing w/ his food — and he likes it when they enjoy it too (.❛ ᴗ ❛.) (that’s a bit of his ego talking there lol)

anyway the point is; once San comes back to himself and fully realises how far he took things with her?

oof

yeah it’s a good thing vampires are immortal bc San will need more than a hot sec to unpack all of that ;;;; he doesn’t think lowly enough of humans to just be ‘whatever’ abt it!

(he would be too nervous to feed alone for a loooooong time, needing others of the coven to come w/ him and check that he doesn’t go out of control again ;;)

-> ok but this got more thoughts churning so brace yourself for more rambles;

there could actually be a story here if Hwa DID turn reader into a vampire

bc then she and San would have to grapple w/ co-existing in the same coven now, and since vampires live on such different timelines, she could easily spend the first 100 years fuming in angry bitterness before she’s even willing to stand in the same room as San

meanwhile, for San it would be harder to move on if she remains alive. if she dies (either killed by a vampire or an eventual natural death of old age/disease/etc), then her memory fades and that gives a chance for San’s thoughts like ‘i didn’t mean for any of this to happen, i wasn’t in control’ to replace those memories. when she’s alive, that keeps San’s guilt alive as well, a constant reminder of what happened

but as enough centuries pass, she is slowly forced to acknowledge that San literally had no control over himself through any of it. and that hurts! it hurts that she can’t fully blame him anymore!! her anger is an important coping mechanism!!! — but again, decades pass by, and perhaps it might tilt over into a strange, uneasy comfort that she wasn’t the only ‘victim’ through that ordeal

it def wouldn’t lead to a wholesome romance, but she and San could potentially develop an incredibly complicated dynamic of ‘we both went through the same thing in completely different ways, but both of us came out wounded by it’

they are, in a twisted way, bonded

(not romantic, not platonic, but a secret third, more messed up and potentially toxic thing)

would she ever forgive San? i don’t know. maybe if enough centuries pass by. would San ever fully forgive himself? who knows. maybe if she provides him w/ absolution

(…okay, i have now loaded up these rambles into a wip doc welp. no idea if anything will come of it, esp bc these are real complicated and loaded themes to write abt, but… ack. i’m kinda invested now asdkjadskj +_+ )

consumed [san x reader]

pairing: vampire ! San x f reader

rating: 18+

genre: smut, angst, vampire au, darkfic

summary: After getting a taste of your blood, San dedicates himself entirely to you — whether you want him to or not.

wc: 5.6k

general warnings: non-con elements, pheromone-induced ‘consent’ but reader resists at first, blood drinking, reader’s blood literally drives San crazy, he is delusional and obsessed and thinks it’s love, abduction, mention of San killing a nameless stranger to feed on

smut warnings: somnophilia, praise kink, body worship, vaginal fingering / sex, creampie, spanking, cum feeding, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, biting, scratching, petnames for reader (darling, sweet girl, angel, love)

a/n: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!! reader is afab & she/her pronouns are used

“You’re not supposed to keep them around this long, San.”

Yunho does not speak the words unkindly, though his disapproval is plain to hear.

“She’s different,” San says quietly, shaking his head. He doesn’t understand why Yunho can’t see that.

They’re standing in the wide, spacious living room of San’s penthouse; decorated in an elegant, bare minimalism that leaves no doubt over the many digits in his bank account’s credit balance. Yunho hangs back by the exit to the foyer, like he already knows he’ll outstay his welcome with this topic of conversation.

San is not looking at him, staring out the floor-length window with his forearm leaned against the glass, tinted with a special filter for his safety during daylight. But the sun has not risen yet, though the city is already bustling with activity in the early morning. From this height, San can barely make out the specks of people on the sidewalks and in their cars; their minute size reflecting their significance.

No one else in this city matters. Only you.

“She’s already growing immune, isn’t she?” Yunho remarks, annoyingly astute.

The corner of San’s lips twitches.

Yunho’s objections are irrelevant, he tells himself, deafening his ears to the truth in that question. He has to, if the alternative is to give you up. He can’t.

Ever since San found you, a chance meeting at a hotel bar, he has been enamoured by you. Your tinkling laugh, the sway of your hips, that wicked glint in your eyes when you realised his interest. You made him work for it, to persuade you up to his room, but not too hard. Just a little game, both of you pretending that you hadn’t decided to fuck yourself senseless on his cock from the moment you laid eyes on him.

Yes, he’d been taken with you from the start — but it wasn’t until the elevator ride up to his hotel room that San realised you were more than just a simple, if particularly delectable, meal.

There San had gotten a proper whiff of you, undiluted by the smells of food and drinks and other patrons.

You’d moaned when he pressed his nose into the crook of your neck, nerves creeping into the edge of your voice. You had also finally realised that San was more than just a simple, if particularly delectable, one-night stand; some primal part of your brain warned you of danger.

It hadn’t mattered at that point. You mumbled something about having left your phone down at the bar, trying to untangle yourself from San’s grip — but all he had to do was grab your waist tighter, yanking you back against his body as he testingly lapped at your jugular. San’s hunger was growing, and you had been powerless against the instinctive push of pheromones dousing your susceptible human brain. From then on, you were a willing banquet for him to feast on.

(Still, San was generous. He still let you fuck yourself senseless on his cock.)

The longer he’d fed on you, the more he was dizzied by your scent; like he was breathing in oxygen for the first time in over six-hundred years. Your voice, sweet in your cries, pleading for him like he was the only lifeline still binding you to this mortal coil. Your taste… San never tasted anyone like you before.

Like you are his lifeline, your blood hot in his gut, saturating his veins with essential nutrition. Liquid sunlight, warming him from the inside. No one else tastes like this. No one else feels like this.

All of his plans were thrown out the window; to wipe the questionable details from your mind and abandon you before morning light. Instead he had taken you with him, given you a home, devoted himself to you with every fibre of his being.

His dedication never wavered, even when you began to resist the haze of his subjugation; when you no longer understood that everything San does, he does out of love for you.

But it’s not your fault — and San is not so fickle as to abandon you now. His loyalty is stronger than your blindness to it.

So how dare Yunho tell him it’s time to let you go?

“For fuck’s sake, at least turn her if you’re so attached to your little toy,” Yunho continues, and San’s face twitches at the blatant disrespect of you. A toy? “It’d be a kindness, and not only to her. Sannie, I’m worried about you.”

“It’s time for you to go home, Yunho. The sun is about to rise,” San says coolly, not even taking his eyes off the city skyline to see his oldest friend off.

Yunho lets out a frustrated sigh, but concedes to San’s stubbornness — for now. “This isn’t the last we’ve spoken of this,” he warns, and with that, Yunho turns away and leaves. He does not take San’s bad mood with him though; he leaves that behind to fester in San’s cold, deficient blood like a rot.

San stands alone in his luxurious penthouse, resisting a sharp urge to put his fist through the filtered glass of his window. He settles for digging his nails into his palms, a low growl escaping past his gritted teeth.

He needs you. Now more than ever.

The thought is all-consuming, hunger blazing through him. But right now, his devotion is tainted by rage, and he cannot risk to have you touched by it. San did that once, mercilessly rough as he took you; not even to feed, just to know you are his. He still has not forgiven himself for it. He never will.

But Yunho’s incessant meddling is not the only thing that has soured San’s mood — and it only makes his need worse.

San knows he has to be mindful of your health, allowing you time to recover between feedings. And so he hunted fresh prey, just a few days ago. It had been a brutish affair, sloppy and violent. San had almost gagged on the young man’s blood, a vile and repugnant liquor compared to yours, and left a scene of savage destruction behind.

(Hongjoong had arranged a clean-up afterwards, for which he’d heatedly told San off. Come to think of it, Hongjoong probably sent Yunho today too. He needs to stop fucking coddling San just because he is a few centuries younger. San could’ve handled it himself.)

Days later, the taste of inferior blood still lingers on San’s tongue, streams through his veins, and his craving for you becomes too powerful to withstand. He yearns for a sustenance and a comfort only you can provide; his previous feeding has proved as much.

No, San cannot go back to an existence without you.

Restlessly he paces across his home, through the spacious living room past the gallery and the master bedroom, all the way to a wide terrace that looks over the bay. Sometimes he takes you there, at night when the stars are bright, but the sun is already out. San ignores the terrace, heading to a relatively modest bedroom tucked into the corner of the penthouse.

A small, delicate silver key hangs on an equally delicate silver chain around his neck, resting on his chest. He takes off the necklace and uses the key to unlock the door to your room.

With his hand resting on the doorknob, San takes a deep, grounding breath. Already he can smell you through the white-painted wood, and just a faint whiff is enough to blunt the edges of his frustrations, while sharpening his hunger.

He opens the door.

Inside, he finds you laying motionless on a large mahogany bed underneath a wide, open skylight. Your nude body is sprawled over the velvet sheets, bathed in the warmth of the morning sun. At peace in your sleep. There is a golden cuff fastened around your ankle, with a long narrow chain to the wall; sometimes your confused mind beckons you to flee, to make some misguided escape attempt, but the chain protects you from making such mistakes.

San closes the door behind him as quietly as he can, careful not to wake you. Reverently, he watches your sleeping form, drinking in the sight of your steady breathing, how your skin glows in the unfiltered sunlight. Light that is deadly to him, but nurturing to you.

His eyes find the three scabbed-over bite marks on your naked body; on your neck, your inner thigh, and your wrist. San is partial to your thigh, mingling the sweet flavours of arousal and blood as he feeds, but every single one of them sings to him right now — angelic temptation.

Still, he resists a moment longer. He likes watching you sleep; the slow rhythm of your chest as you draw breath, your steady heartbeat thumping through peaceful dreams. He hates watching you sleep; to see you in a state of blissful serenity that only the oblivion of unconsciousness brings. He tries to give you that same peace in the waking world, tries so hard, but you struggle against it more and more.

He yearns to touch you, to remind you of true bliss, but even a mere step forward would make him burn in the sun’s light.

Some days he wants to. Wants to burn for you. Perhaps if you saw the true depths of his devotion, you would finally stop forgetting.

“She’s already growing immune, isn’t she?”

Yunho’s words echo through him, mockingly. Now that Yunho is gone, San can begrudgingly admit their truth. Your body is instinctively building a harmful resistance to his pheromones, like a dangerous bacterial strain resisting antibiotics. All San wants to do is cure your hurts, but your own physiology is cruelly sabotaging your happiness.

San’s fingers itch as he gets antsy. He’ll fix it. He’ll fix you. He will find a way.

He flicks a switch on the wall and the solar blinds go down. You stir at the faint whirring noise, whimper instinctively when shade encroaches on your naked body. You do not wake. Not yet.

Soon the room is engulfed in darkness, but San sees you clearly. Still, for your sake he lights a few candles, bathing the room in a different warm glow. Then he slowly shucks his clothes, dark eyes pinned on your slumbering figure.

The mattress dips as San joins you, the sheets still warmed by the sun. It makes San’s skin itch, but all discomfort fades when he turns you onto your side and curls up behind you, finding refuge in your body heat. San groans as you envelop his senses, and he noses at the bite mark on your neck.

You belong to him. It’s time to remind you of that.

Peaceful dreams still have you in their clutches, so you do nothing except sigh softly when San runs his palm over your plush thigh, then hooks your leg over his to open you up for him. A sigh becomes a moan when his fingers part your lower lips; sleep renders you almost as pliant as San’s subjugation does — even if it does not taste as sweet.

By now, San has mapped out your body’s every pleasure-point through his thorough explorations. Knows exactly how to press down against your clit to have your muscles twitching under his insistent touch. He hums in satisfaction at how easily his devoted fingers coax forth the slick between your thighs. It gives him hope.

San’s breath picks up at your heightened arousal, his otherwise useless blood rushing down to his cock. How wonderful would it be, if you are already brought under his spell once you awaken? He groans at the thought, muffling his sounds with an open-mouthed kiss against your neck. You squirm against him; your body is starting to wake, even if your mind is not quite there yet.

He suckles at the precious scab on your neck, canines elongating as he grinds against your backside. His razor-sharp teeth scrape against the scar that he has reopened over and over again — but San hisses, somehow finding the strength to pull back.

He mustn’t feed on you, not yet. Only when you want him to.

Two of his thick fingers have moved down, now buried knuckle-deep into your sopping heat. The faint squelch of it threatens to drive San mad just as much as your scent does, his every sense overwhelmed by the existence of you. He whines, barely able to keep himself from rutting into you when your hips jerk involuntarily against his fingers.

San knows immediately when you wake.

He senses the jolt in your heartbeat, hears the sharp catch of breath, feels how you stiffen in his arms. A muted shock rushes through your body as your mind tries to process what is happening to it.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” San shushes immediately, pressing a soft kiss against your temple. “It’s just me. You’re safe with me.”

But San’s dreams that you would awaken safely under his influence are shattered when you let out a pained whimper. You weakly shake your head, trembling as awareness of your current situation swiftly dawns on you. Feeble hands push at his arms.

“No,” you croak out, voice hoarse from sleep. “Hm, n-no— hmm, hmgh—“

You gasp as San’s fingers return to your clit, rubbing slow circles intended to soothe. “Yes,” he purrs. “Just let it happen, my love.”

He grunts as your nails claw at his wrist, some strength flowing back into your body as your consciousness comes back to you. Your other hand reaches to push at his face — but San’s sharp teeth nip at your fingers in warning when you almost scratch at his eyes, and you flinch away to yank at his hair instead.

Irritation and heartache pang through San’s chest at your incomprehension, and he helplessly listens to your babbled, futile protests. Soon. It will all be better soon.

“Please, stop—”

You break on the word with a wretched sob, a tear escaping your lashes. San’s heart wrenches at the sight. He does not like to see you cry, not when it’s like this. “No no no, darling,” he murmurs gently, the glide of his fingers easy through your sodden folds. “It’s okay, it will be okay… Don’t cry, you feel good — aren’t I making you feel good?”

You merely sob again, twisting against his hold, but San has you pulled too tightly against his chest. He feels your body tense, smells the unwanted pleasure buzzing through your veins. You gnaw at your bottom lip to bite down the moans rising from your lungs, but San will not allow you to fight it. He leans over your shoulders, licking into your mouth until your jaw slackens and your moans spill free. (You dare not bite his tongue. That’s a lesson you did not forget.)

“That’s it, that’s my sweet girl,” San praises. “Let me hear you.”

Your protests have died down to nothing but hitched breaths and hiccups, unable to back away from the inevitable precipice that San pushes you towards. All your instincts contradict one another, wanting to escape, wanting to chase this bright, fiery thread of pleasure until you are unravelled into nothing but pure rapture.

You choke back a throttled cry, grinding back against San’s cock. He whines at the friction, but stays focused on you; you come first. You always do. It won’t be much longer now.

He can tell by the way your thighs tremble, how your legs try to lock around his fingers. Your scent is overwhelming now; dizzying San’s mind with no thoughts of anything but to shatter your existence into bite-sized pieces. Still you try to resist, but San overwhelms you in turn, mouthing at your neck and working your puffy clit. The pitch of your moans rise, chest heaving with shuddering gasps, until you seize up with a strangled sob. Fresh slick gushes onto his fingers and San does not stop, thrusting three glistening fingers inside you to fuck you through your unwilling release.

“Please, please stop,” you sob, mewling with every aftershock that jolts through you. You beg him endlessly, convulsing in his arms — but then your scent changes, and the nature of your pleas shifts into something else entirely. “S-Sannie… please…”

The fear and nausea in your scent make way for your natural sweetness, embracing San in warm welcome as you finally call his name. He whimpers in relief.

You’re here. You’ve come back to him.

“What is it, darling?” he hums, nosing at your cheek. “Tell me, what do you need?”

“San, please, n-need…” You grasp at his wrist again, keeping him firmly in place as you falter for words. Your brain is in a haze. What do you need? Why can’t you think? One moment, everything was all wrong, panic searing through your aching nerves, and now… now…

San.

You need San.

You turn your head to look at him with tearful eyes, and smile dazedly at the fondness in his gaze, filled with heated affection. The flickering candles cast a halo of light around his face, shadows dancing over his high cheekbones and chiselled jaw.

“You… Need you closer,” you whine, aching as he smiles at you with crinkled eyes and a faint dimple. “Inside, p-please, want you inside me, San…”

The desperate yet demure request pleases him, a low noise of approval rumbling in his chest. He presses a tender kiss on your cheek, then takes out his fingers and pulls away from you.

You let out a pained moan at San’s sudden absence; to be without him hurts, the mere thought bringing about an excruciating burn inside your head. There is a strange pressure inside your skull, like a deeply buried thought tries to claw to the surface. But the pain is replaced by equal heights of bliss when San gathers you into his arms again, wrapping around you like a protective blanket.

He only moved to sit up against the headboard, now guiding you into his lap. You come willingly, eagerly, sighing in relief as his hands run over your feverish skin.

“There you go, my angel,” San rasps, restlessly grabbing at your waist to rock you into his hard cock. “So sweet, so good to me. Come, take what you want. I’m all yours, love.”

You whine at his offer and San’s lips spread into a slow, satisfied smile at your neediness. This is how it is supposed to be.

His eyes are drawn downward to your hands, and he grunts as you stroke him slowly, as though testing the warmth and thickness of him in your palm. Already he is leaking from the tip, a primal frenzy nudging at the back of his skull. Hunger.

Thankfully, you don’t make him wait long before you lift your hips and finally sink down on him. San throws back his head with a low growl, the pulsing wet heat of your cunt threatening to tear his self-control to shreds. His fangs have protracted fully, itching to seek out your veins.

Not yet, he reminds himself again, straining against his own impatience. But he needs to watch as you ride him; to see you use him for your own pleasure. To know his all-encompassing desire for you is returned in kind.

You provide him exactly what he craves.

Within mere moments, the candle-lit room is filled with your unabashed whines and the lewd slap of skin-on-skin as you bury San’s thick cock in your tight heat over and over again. Your pace is frantic, shameless in your desperation as you cling onto San’s wide shoulders, your nails close to drawing blood. The irony of that is not lost on him.

San’s head has fallen back, his jaw slack as he draws heavy breaths, utterly entranced by your depravity.

He lovingly admires the glow of sweat on your skin, beads trickling down the valley of your breasts that bounce with every snap of your hips. San is of half a mind to add a fourth bite to his collection on your body, draining you right over your heart. He licks his lips, groaning tightly when you grab his hand and move it from your hip to your backside.

San gives it an appreciative squeeze, but you shake your head and whine loudly.

Ah… message received.

You don’t flinch when San’s lips spread into a wide grin, his fangs on full display. He loves you for that.

He also loves the way your entire body jolts when his palm sharply lands on your ass. Your rhythm falters when he strikes again, your arms trembling as you struggle to remain upright.

“Want more, my love?” San croons, and draws his tongue across his deadly canines. A hot wire thrums through him when you mewl in confirmation, though he can tell you are getting tired. Stamina is not your greatest strength, not with your necessary confinement — but you always give him everything, wearing yourself out on his thick cock until your muscles give in.

Every smack of San’s hand against your rear is received with your loud keening, eyes squeezing shut. Tears streak down your cheeks, and San’s cock twitches inside your throbbing cunt. The shimmering wetness on your skin is a thing of beauty to him now; so overwhelmed by pleasure that your body seeks release anywhere, even in your tears.

San bucks up at the same time that his hand connects with your ass again, and you wail at the impact, crumpling against his chest. Weakly you cling onto his shoulders, moaning pitifully when San continues to roll his hips.

“Good, feels so good… Sannie…” you babble against his collarbone, the words tripping over your clumsy tongue. “Want… want…”

Your tongue darts out against his neck and without further warning, your teeth sink into his skin.

San grunts in surprise at the sudden sting, but then he chuckles breathlessly at your precious attempt to bite him. Your canines are uselessly blunt compared to his, only capable of breaking skin with the greatest effort — and you are already far too fucked out for that.

“Oh darling,” he coos, tipping up your chin. “Is that what you want? Then show me, my love.”

You snivel adorably, tilting your head to offer up the mark on your neck to San’s hungry mouth. Your quiet submission sears through his body, down to his crotch and his stomach, and San presses his nose against the old bite, breathing in deeply.

You whimper as he drags the flat of his tongue over the half-healed scab. Just a faint scrape of his teeth first, not enough to break skin, only to revel in the anticipation. Your heartbeat quickens, blood pulsing under his lips. San can wait no longer.

His eyes roll back with an animalistic snarl as he descends, fangs piercing through skin with ease. He growls at the first pull of blood, metallic sweetness coating his lips and tongue as your essence floods his senses.

“Yes, yes— Ah, ah, ahhh…” You arch your back into him, slowly rolling your hips in time with San’s noisy, messy slurps. Your fingers tangle into his hair, holding him in place as he drinks deep.

Euphoria.

Pure euphoria.

Drowning in you, in the sublime intoxication. San can barely feel his body anymore, only distantly aware of you rutting tiredly into him, of how he humps upward with increasing force as he loses himself in your taste.

He does hear your cries of delirious ecstasy, right by his ear when his hand slides between your bodies to find your clit on pure instinct. With his cock and fangs buried inside you, you reach your zenith with violent force, convulsing underneath his blood-stained mouth.

San grabs tighter onto you as you writhe, forcing you to stay in place as he drinks unrelentingly. He groans at how you clench around his cock, hips stuttering as he finds release — but even that is drowned out by the frenzy of his feed, mindlessly fucking his seed deeper into your cunt while he sucks at your wound, trying not to spill any of your precious liquor.

Slowly your whines die down and you start to go limp in San’s arms, just as he grows lethargic in the aftermath of his indulgence, his hunger finally sated.

You let out a weak moan when his fangs retract with a wet sound, and for a moment San thinks you passed out; but your eyes flutter open when he pulls out and manoeuvres you onto your back. A weak rivulet of blood drips down your shoulder, but you smile up at him with glassy eyes. He must look monstrous, redness smeared across his lips and chin, but there is nothing but want in your gaze, and San thinks that perhaps his hunger is not completely sated after all.

“Did so well, my love,” he murmurs, running his fingers up your inner thigh to catch the trickle of cum leaking out. “Always taking such good care of me.”

He offers up his glistening fingers to you, and you accept with no hesitation. Tiredly, your tongue swirls around the sticky digits, taking all that San feeds you. It only seems fair to him; exchanging one bodily essence for another. He cannot give you his blood, cannot risk accidentally turning you, but at least he can give you this.

Soon his fingers are sucked clean, but you whine as San pulls his hand back, your mouth chasing after him. “N-no, San…” Your eyes glitter with unspoken pleas, and a fond pride swells inside him at your insatiable urges.

“My sweet girl needs more, does she?” San asks, bearing down on you with a pleased smile. He drapes himself over you, humming in approval when your legs reflexively part to make room for him.

You giggle when his nose brushes against yours, his sweaty hair tickling at your face. “San, you’re a mess,” you tease, running your thumb across his lips. It comes back red.

San just moans in contentment, pressing a bloodied kiss against your cheek as he slowly grinds against your cunt. Your giggles quickly turn to gasps, wiggling underneath his persistent hips. His cock is so sensitive the friction almost hurts, but it’s all worth it when you grab onto his shoulders to pull him into a kiss, heedless of his tainted lips.

Your tongue slides against his, and San laughs into your mouth when your nose scrunches up in discontent at the strong taste of blood. As insatiable as you may be, only one of you is a true vampire. Instead San kisses a trail across your jaw, down your neck. He laps at the dried blood, the wound already closed, then suckles at the surrounding skin once you are clean. His hands wander over your body, relishing your heightened responses to his touch as he slowly works you up again.

You sigh at the soft squeeze of your breasts, back arching when his thumbs play across your nipples. San luxuriates in the curves of your body, sliding down to envelop a hardened nipple in the wet heat of his mouth. He takes his time, clever but unhurried fingers teasing deftly between your thighs.

Breathy moans echo through the quiet bedroom, languid pleasure gradually shifting to something more urgent. You start grasping at his shoulders, tell him to fill you up already, and San has never been one to deny you.

He hisses as he gives his cock a few more strokes, but ignores all sensitivity to please you, to plunge his thick length back inside your sopping cunt, drenched with seed and arousal. San bottoms out in one smooth thrust, knocking the air out of your lungs. You gasp for breath as he starts a steady rhythm, careful to find the exact angle he knows will have you seeing stars behind your eyelids.

The lethargy of his feed forces San to take it slow, settling for deep, intense thrusts to have your toes curl into the sheets. He cages you between his elbows, pressing shallow kisses on your lips; but the taste of blood has faded enough that you can happily accept his mouth, tongues gliding against each other in a sloppy tangle.

You moan as San’s pace picks up, wrapping your legs around his waist. The cuff on your ankle presses against his lower back, and a tinge of bittersweetness invades San’s palate at the reminder that it’s is not always like this. But he shakes it off, choosing to stay submerged in pure sweetness for now. Enjoy the moment. Enjoy you.

The slow roll of his hips turns to powerful thrusts as his sluggishness fades, his strength now boosted by the fresh, invigorating effect of your blood. Soon the bed is rattling at the onslaught of his force — he is fucking bruises into your hips, he is sure of it, but still you beg for more, for him. He gives it all.

“So good, fucking me so well,” you keen, and San glows at your praise, spurring him on harder.

He does not slow down when you seize up around him; fucking you through your orgasm, through your body’s attempts to clamp down on him. He hisses at the tightness of your cunt but does not stop, does not relent until you’re sobbing underneath him, your hands clutching at his sweat-slicked back. His muscles ripple with every merciless thrust, low grunts escaping him as his own release draws near, but San pushes through with gritted teeth, fixated on the unrestrained pleasure that contorts your face.

Sweat drips from his hair onto your cheeks, your body jostled helplessly by the rough snap of his hips. Your voice fails you, moans catching soundlessly in your throat as you tense around his cock again. San reaches down a hand to find your swollen clit, groans when it barely takes a touch for you to release a choked up cry — and this time San can’t fight the way you clench around him. He buries his face in your shoulder as he whines, filling you up just as you’d begged him to. He grabs onto your hips to hold your squirming body still as he bucks into you a few more times, his cum leaking past his cock and mingling with your juices, smeared across your thighs and his pelvis.

With a final whine, San pulls out and collapses by your side, his legs tangled with yours.

He recovers slowly, gasping for breath, and his heart clenches when you curl up into him, wiggling yourself between his arms for his embrace.

San is not sure how long you lay there like that, with him gently patting your hair, your quiet breaths falling on his chest. Your heartbeat steadies slowly, and it pains San when he decides it is time to pull away.

As he predicted, you babble tired protests at once, weakly clutching at his arm as you beg him not to go. He allows himself a contented smile, but shakes his head at your pleas.

“You need to eat,” he points out, though he can’t help but shower you with kisses. He smothers you in affection until you’re breathless and whining — which is one way to silence your protests, he supposes — but San cannot be so selfish to stay and do it all over again. He needs to take care of you. “I’ll be right back with some breakfast, alright? You need to regain your strength,” he soothes. “After, we can take a bath together, how does that sound?”

San’s tender kisses have put a dopey smile on your face, and you nod sluggishly at his proposal. “That sounds perfect,” you admit. “Just… come back soon, okay?”

“I will,” he promises, raising your hand to his lips to press a last kiss to the scab on your wrist.

San puts on a comfortable robe that he keeps in your room for just this sort of occasion, then exits, locking the door behind him out of habit. He tries not to rush himself, but still he can’t help but hurry his steps as he picks up an already prepared breakfast from the kitchen. He does not want to return to find you have abandoned him again already.

An uneasy sense of foreboding fills him as he returns to your room. The waft of sex and blood still hangs heavily in the corridor, masking your scent as he unlocks the door again in frustrated impatience. San swallows thickly, praying his bad feeling is just that; a feeling.

But the door swings open, and San knows at once. He does not even need to smell you; your freshly tear-stained, puffy cheeks already tell him that it is too late, your heartbeat spiking harshly at his return. Your arms tremble as you inch back on the bed, subtly as though you do not want to anger him, but still putting as much distance between you and San as possible.

It takes everything for San not to recoil from your sudden rejection of his gift. His fingers clench around the breakfast tray, grief burning behind his eyes. He swears, it did not used to wear off this fast.

“She’s already growing immune, isn’t she?”

Shut the fuck up, Yunho.

San shakes his head, collecting himself. It’s no matter. He sets the tray down on a side-table, and gently approaches your shaking form on the bed. He will drag you back to him again, as many times as he has to.

#consumed #q #health and happiness to you too!!! (≧◡≦) ♡

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mimiri22-6 · 4 years ago

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Let's do this. One last time.

Ducktales 2017. I didn't think I was ready for the end, but the finale was too perfect to be sad nor angry.

There's so much to say-too much to say...and I'm going to try my best to say all of it.

EVERYONE IS HERE!! ENDGAME WHO?! DUCKTALES!!!!!

Seeing Webby and Scrooge interactions now, after watching this once, is just-They're So Soft! AND everything is just-AH I love it. It's so weird, but when is the family tree not screwy(also, Webby=Scrooge's clone? Webby=female? Trans Scrooge=Cannon?! I think Fucking So!)

Aaaaaaannd that's all we get from Gladstone and Fethry. If there's one thing I wish was in this episode more it would be more cousin interactions and Daisy. Though, Daisy not being too into it makes sense. Loved what we got of her tho. At least we got a little bit of them this episode, it was already pretty character packed

Well...Launchpad is only half wrong.

Oh wow. Oh Wow, I love this dynamic between LP, Drake, and Fenton...ot4? because I refuse to leave Gandra out. I love how Drake doesn't know about Fenton and Gizmo while it seems like everyone else in the world does. Still, LP/Drake and Gandra/Fenton some of my faves. So good

OH YEAH! Even the other 2 Caballeros are here!!

And the last adventure STARTS

I find it Fantastic how Dewey and Launchpad will probably die thinking F.O.W.L used the last level of a videogame as their secret layer layout

*sigh* This is why I avoid previews and wish I was better at avoiding theories from after those previews. I would have been more surprised and probably would have enjoyed this ep even more if I had Nothing to expect. But the theories were right. Tho, I did not expect how (or should I say Who) Webby was cloned from...though also I was spoiled by that when I was looking for the ep. Some ass used "Scrooge is Webby's dad" as a video title. I didn't think it was real, but I was wrong.

Awwww. Don has such a soft spot for kids

I love Lena and her development.

...*sigh* ok. "you've already got sisters" with this line, I am obligated to drop the Webby/Lena ship. I'm sorry, but it's one of my many rules for being ok with a ship. If the characters Ever say, even just once as an afterthought, they see each other as siblings or something similar, I will see them as that. It's why I've never been ok and have been uncomfortable with Shiro/Keith since Keith saved Shiro from...his clones...huh. So, from now on, I'm going to be Very uncomfortable with anything Weblena...even though the thought of them in the future was cute

HOW does a show about building ottomans have plot???

I wasn't sure how to feel about the clones All throughout this

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO HUEY JUST FIRST NAMED BEAKLEY!!!!!

GOLDIE AND DAISY ARE ON THE BOARD!!! SCORE!!

Oooooh. That picture of Webby's parents...is fake. It's like some picture Beakley took off the internet.

I saw a post saying how Della had to convince Donald to go on one last adventure and how she had to watch him almost die, but she really Didn't. She helped him pack and she was ready to let Donald go on his adventure("but Daisy's my adventure" They are too damn cute for their own damn good. I love them. donsy for the win), but an actual Crisis came up and he had to stay. Donald nearly dying by void was not Della's fault and if I see any more posts about how she roped Donald into a death mission, I will go up a wall and break a neck on my way down

Man, it's weird hearing this and knowing that Webby's parents don't exist

Wow! Beakley just knocked out Scrooge! Damn!

Oooh! The girls are fighting

...Woah. I just realized, the blood and brain of Scrooge McDuck and the training of Bentina Beakley. Webby is even more of a beast than we knew.

IS THAT DEVELOPMENT I HEAR!!! YOU KEEP THOSE KIDS BEHIND? YOU LOSE!!! GOOD DAY SIR!

Pepper. Just Pepper. She seems like one of your parent's nice coworkers that brings you brownies and pinches your cheeks

"Look after your brother." YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I JUST WANNA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DADRO YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS OFICIALLY BOYD GEARLOSE NOW!! YEEEEE!!!!

I also really like that you can't tell which Gyro is telling that to

God, I Fucking Love the concept that is Manny. He's one of those things that if someone asked you about him outside of the fandom, you wouldn't even know where to start. It's absolutely FanFuckingTastic. He's the most magical thing in the universe? Fuck Yes, give that to me Now!

HE SPEAKS!!!!!!(I couldn't place his voice actor, but I when I looked him up I realized recognized him for Glossaryck from SVTFOE)

(Edit: Just found out that the scene with Manny was a Gargoyles ref. Nice!)

Once again, I love everything about LP, Drake, and Fenton

And then Lena Died

Aww, they both have such soft spots for children

LUDWIG VON DRAKE?!?!!!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

(that had to be a different font because really, what the fuck)

He really did just say he was too busy to die. This duck is too powerful

(I really just don't have too much to say between all of this. I just love all of it)

Woo! Louie with the motivation!

Pft-how both of them are singing? Love to see it...wait, we don't see Don Karnage after this...DID HE DIE IN THAT CRASH?! DID DEWEY COMMIT HIS FIRST MURDER?!

"Welcome home, April." I hate you.

Of course he dabs

"he was like this when we found him." Nice to know Gos knows what to do in the event that she kills someone

Oh that's horrendous. I hate that

"Now, let's get down to business." TO DEF[get's shot]

Why is Manny like actually the best?

God, Drake and LP really are two halves of a whole idiot huh? They're soulmates, your honor

"I. Am." "Not alone in this." That was so sweet, but also JUST TELL HIM!!

And now Glom is dead

Oh, that's a lot of mind control

"Even by our standards, this is a weird day." Couldn't say it better, Lena

"How do you think Della found out about the Spear of Selene?" OH, YOU MOTHERFU

"Oh, Bradford, how villainous." DAMN! HE REALLY DID JUST DO THAT, HUH?!

"MOOOM!" "NOOO!" OH NO, MY HEART! IT FUNCTIONS!

"Do you know how replaceable clones are?" Oh yeah, that's right. You're probably not the og Gyro

Man, we don't ever have Von Drake for long but I always love him

Those lights are really only there for dramatic effect, aren't they?

...Close enough.

Launchpad moment! Yeah!!!

HEY! I just noticed. While wearing the suit, Launchpad didn't crash...idk what to do with this info

The fine print is usually good to read...we people just don't do it apparently

"...your most trusted ally?" *picks Donald* Wow. That's right there with the feels ain't it

"it's not worth the risk." Fuck, I love them

Oh that sounds so weird. Scrooge has never been a dad, always Uncle. So Weird

And Gandra, Gyro, and Von Drake are dead. There is a Body Count this episode

"Donald Duck." "Uncle Scrooge." I SEE YOU! I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE! AND I LOVE IT!

Hehe. From Bitchford to bird brain.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS ENDING SCENE IS THE BEST!

Beakley thinking she's no longer accepted? Nah, she was granny first and foremost

ANOTHER FENRA KISS?! DON'T MIND IF I DO!

DADRO AND GOSALYN AND DRAKE?! LOVING IT!

MORE FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS?! WOO!

DONALD IMMEDIATELY ADOPTING JUNE AND MAY?! ONLY THE BEST FROM HIM!!!!

PROTECTIVE SCROOGE?! YOU DON'T SEE ME COMPLAINING!

"We're smarter" "We're tougher" "We're sharper" And we'll earn our way square." AH-I'M GOING DOWN LIKE THE SUNCHASER, GUYS

AND THE END CREDITS WILL NEVER BE MATCHED!!!!!

I don't know what else to say.

This show was amazing from beginning to end. I may not have cried, but I didn't need to cry. It wasn't sad and there was nothing bittersweet about it. Just pure perfection, just like the rest of the show.

Perfectly Preen, not a fether out of place.

Goodnight Ducktales, you were perfect

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littleholyterrors · 3 years ago

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Spare KrustyBob headcanons/thoughts? 👀

oh do i HAVE spare krustybob headcanons/thoughts . i have a whole storyline in my little little noodle but it’s still very much disjointed and priming to be fixed so i will share the important stuff

ok first off i like to think that bob and krusty were 100% having some sort of secret fling behind the scenes when bob was still on the show. i wouldn’t call it “dating”, it was more like ... sometimes when they’re both drunk and/or desperate enough they’d fall into that sort of banter that progresses into hooking up. it didn’t matter if krusty was married to someone at the time bc his marriages were miserable or for publicity anyway. when said affair becomes less just a matter of convenience and more an emotional crutch to fill in the voids they bear from their own vices (krusty’s shit-apart habits and bob’s dwindling sense of dignity), that’s when things get....... Intimate and Codependent. however it’s defs krusty that breaks off the affair, probably bc the man can’t maintain Any sort of relationship without getting too overwhelmed or distracted by something else that leaves the other person in the dust. it’s enough to make bob bitter and drive the final nail in the coffin for his revenge to begin brewing >:/

i’m also of the firm belief that krusty is attracted to men but has no idea how to come to terms w it bc he was raised in a very strict conservative upbringing, he’s got a porn addiction that definitely informs what he seeks out in his sexual escapades, and he’s also. uhhh. “unwoke”, i guess is the best way to describe it. he canonically says offensive stuff and is a jaded old man, u know exactly what flavor of man i’m talking about. so i like to think that bob was krusty’s gay awakening that he was very in denial of for a long time bc he’s never let himself experiment like that before. meanwhile, bob’s pretty comfortable with his sexuality and very sure of who he is as a person so he welcomed the chance to flex on krusty by offering to talk through his feelings. but like in the NBC hannibal way. also krusty’s gay crisis is all pre-krusty gets busted, i think after bob leaves the show and they reconcile he’s more chill about himself (let’s not forget them sharing a bed in wedding for disaster.....)

despite krusty’s on-screen-stunt abuse of bob and the resentment that followed post-robbery, it’s pretty obvious that krusty respects him to some degree. in brother from another series, he lauded bob’s propensity to be funny just by being hit by pies as soon as they met, which was more than enough for bob to join the show. then there’s day of the jackanapes which is. that was the game changer. where to begin w that ep

meanwhile, bob’s feelings for krusty are pretty visibly complex throughout the course of the show — like yeah he hates krusty enough to frame him for robbery and then try to kill him, but then he’s also very hurt when krusty reveals he’s erased bob’s old episodes, and then he’s genuinely touched when krusty publicly apologizes to him through a tribute. day of the jackanapes really set the whole “bitter exes who actually still miss each other” dynamic in stone and i am eternally grateful people should pay this episode more respects it’s gay rights

#i hope any of this makes sense #the thoughts r very abstract #asks

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aswellingstorm · 4 years ago

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taylor swift x catradora playlist

in honor of evermore dropping tonight (midnight, EST) i humbly present the following by album break down of songs that miss swift wrote solely for catradora

taylor swift (2006)

tied together with a smile--the struggle adora faces being the hero/put on a pedestal from her horde days to becoming she ra

invisible--catra facing jealousy over adora’s new friendships

i’m only me when i’m with you--young catradora/growing up in the horde

fearless (2008)

forever & always-- broken promise. need i say more

white horse-- catra’s resentment for adora’s hero complex

breathe-- mutual catra & adora--struggling to cope with the other choosing the opposing side

you’re not sorry--adora coming to terms w post s3 catra & having to accept her former best friend has gone too far this time

change-- post s1 victory for adora

speak now (2010)

the story of us--princess prom catradora vibes

mean--unfortunately.........could see the best friend squad singing this therapeutically & adora thinking of catra

better than revenge-- ‘stealing other peoples toys on the playground won’t make you many friends//i’m just another thing for you to roll your eyes at honey’....jealous catra really comes thru here

innocent-- feel like this could be applied to adora but more specifically catra losing herself and her innocence in this war/getting caught in the cycle of abuse shadow weaver set her in at a young age

if this were a movie-- adora’s naïve hope that catra might make the right choice one day

haunted-- ‘all this time you and i have walked a fragile line, never thought i’d live to see it break’, easily fits into adora leaving the horde, but def has the angsty vibes for ‘save the cat’

back to december--regret. longing. wishing u could take something back but knowing you really cant

enchanted--ok hear me out. not necessarily a ‘meet cute’ for them, but could def see this song playing at a princess prom post s5 and being a cute look for them over all.

red (2012)

treacherous--post ‘save the cat’, catra learning redemption is....something she Wants

the last time--post-portal. def reminds me of the scene where catra saves glimmer and apologizes to adora

sad beautiful tragic-- break up sadness

the lucky one--more adora becoming she ra/learning the truth of mara

i almost do--catra & adora missing each other on opposite sides of the war

come back...be here--^^

state of grace--end of/post s5

1989 (2014)

out of the woods--i mean..........those ladies entered the whispering woods in s1 on a stolen skiff and did not leave until the end of the series

all you had to do was stay-- aside from the title... “let me remind you this was what you wanted // you ended it// you were all I wanted //but not like this”. def catra yearning

i wish you would--all of the lyrics. all of them

bad blood--warrants no explanation

this love-- “when you’re young, you just run// but you always come back to what you need”......................the defense rests

clean--s4 adora accepting and coming to terms w catra’s decision

wonderland-- really captures the betrayal/hurt of s1 catradora

you are in love-- adora POV// subtle moments leading up to realizing she loves catra

new romantics--”we need love, but all we want is danger//we team up then switch sides like a record changer”

catra’s personal memoir reputation (2017)

i did something bad--a title that could (unfortunately for everyone else) summarize a large majority of catra’s decisions. the song is very justified/righteous anger/revenge. basically a ‘fuck you, i know i’m bad’ & embracing that. reminds me of her kicking sw & hordaks ass (the rebellion could never) and her just...war criming it up in the crimson waste

Look What You Made Me Do-- void!catra void!catra void!catra void!catra void!catra void!catra--

getaway car--could see this from adora’s perspective to catra solely for the whole leaving/betrayal bit. but might be more fighting for double trouble & catra’s relationship

dancing with our hands tied-- i mean...lyrically. everything. but esp ‘I'd kiss you as the lights went out//swaying as the room burned down//I'd hold you as the water rushes in//If I could dance with you again”

dress-- “i dont want you like a best friend”. period. end of sentence.

this is why we can’t have nice things--s1 promise feels. the lack of forgiveness, the shade. u know.

lover (2019)

cruel summer-- “i scream for whatever it’s worth, i love you--ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard?” the heart. the longing. the ‘i dont want to keep secrets just to keep you’

the archer-- ‘who could ever leave me, but who could stay?’ + the rest of the song is v fitting for both catra/adora

afterglow--making up, admitting wrongs--catra perspective

miss americana & the heartbreak prince--idk just the narrative of the song reminds me of them

it’s nice to have a friend--whooooh boy this post is not about glimbow but this song works equally as well for them

daylight--enjoy the healing

lover--enjoy the healing pt 2

death by a thousand cuts-- warrants 0 explanation

folklore (2020)

finally

the 1-- definitley adora POV, reminiscing on maybe what they could have been. maybe in a world where catra never redeemed herself or they never reunited and adora watched her friends pair up/get married/build lives w each other, she might realize there is a whole in her heart. a part that’s missing and cant be explained, but she feels it every time she looks at glimmer&bow.

cardigan-- feels like catra writing a letter to adora. reflecting on the feelings of hurt and betrayal after time has passed and the anger fades

exile -- lowkey the premise of my fic but. ‘i’m not your problem anymore/ you were my crown/ now i’m in exile seeing you out’ catra was raised to feel like she was adora’s problem to fix. she feels cast aside by her for a majority of the series etc

my tears ricochet-- “i didn't have it in myself to go with grace//and you're the hero flying around saving face//and if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?//cursing my name, wishing I stayed//look at how my tears ricochet” tswift explained this in the doc about how no one can hurt you like your best friend turned enemy. so i think in that sense this song works from adora’s perspective--but there’s so much bitterness and anger that i feel like it fits more from catra’s POV

seven-- “love you to the moon and to saturn//passed down like folksongs//the love lasts so long” i feel like this is so young/child adora and her feelings of protectiveness over catra. their bond through trauma and abuse

august--lmaoooooo i know. ok i KNOW what the deal is. i KNOW that cardigan, august and betty are a narrative story and really there are 3 POVs--james, betty & august. but i will do with that what i please. i just see catra’s pov from this song just as much as i see it for cardigan. her losing adora/feeling like adora doesn’t want her back or will choose other ppl over her.

this is me trying--can fit adora’s need to be everything for everyone/fear of failure--leading to burn out. also works for what i assume how catra’s redemption arc continued post s5. progress isn’t linear and this can show both of them struggling to recover from abuse

invisible string--if u strip out the imagery of taylor and her mans then sure

mad woman--i MEAN...is this not catra’s villain origin story? so often she was just poked/kicked/provoked into continuing down the dark path. not always by adora but regardless.

epiphany-- ‘with you i serve, with you i fall down’ reminding me of them both fighting/practicing/training together pre-s1 as well as them finally teaming up

betty--betty betty betty. the worst thing these two have ever done is what they did to each other. i see it more catra to adora, but it can go either way. gotta admire catra’s range for fitting into the role of betty, august + james... who else is doing it quite like her?

peace-- adora to catra. she can never not be she ra. is that enough for catra?

hoax--def more of a catra POV

evermore (2020?)

tbd......

#not me including almost the entire folklore album on here.........not my explanation solely devolving into brain rot......................#catradora #catra #adora #spop #tswift #long ass post my b

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peachycoreroo · 3 years ago

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ok this is just a long ass rant bc i need to scream into the void somewhere, feel free to ignore

i just,,tumblr is so confusing to me, like don’t get me wrong, i’m so happy to see all the people that enjoy my work!! and i most def was the silent follower that basically just used my likes as a bookmark for fics and as soon as i read them, i disliked again. i feel like a complete dipshit now that i started my own blog and know what it means to a content creator. but like,,it’s so strange to see e.g. my first morning wood post do so well?? like it literally just hit 700 notes and i’m over here like?? how?? i didn’t know shit about morning woods before that and it was my first ever req. i was so nervous, i was sure nobody would care for it and suddenly it got like really big?? but yesterday i posted pt.2 to that since somebody wanted to see that and it’s not even at 100 yet and pls don’t get me wrong, i’m thankful for literally every single note!! but, why did the first one do so well and the second one so poorly? was it bc of the characters used? did my writing suck? did people not enjoy it? ig my insecurities and anxiety are just really kicking in

also, as much as i appreciate the likes, i love reblogs where somebody tags it with what they thought or smth. i only got like,,2?? reblogs that had some type of feedback and i also only have like one anon who interacts with me and one really loyal supporter that i even exchange dm’s with. again, don’t misunderstand. i literally started this blog 22 days ago and ofc i’m not gonna have people talk to me 24/7 like on bigger blogs, i know that. i just really wish that i would get more feedback so i know what other people think. i know i can’t expect too much, and the fact that i have an anon that wants to chat regularly and a follower who enjoys everything i post and even tells me privately how much they love my characterization?? best thing ever, it makes me so happy. would just love to see more people speak up ig so i know i’m on the right track.

another thing i’m just?? about are mutuals. like pls how does one interact with them or ig even get them?? i feel like i’m just a small little fish in a world that’s already filled with sharks and i’m just stuck. again, i’m not saying i want to be huge and give me more followers yada yada yada. ig i just want people to recognize my work and interact. but at the end of the day, i’m writing for myself and i’m having fun, if people end up enjoying what i write then that’s great!!

sorry to whoever was brave enough to open this, i just wanted to get this off my chest. i repeat once again to whoever might end up reading this: this is not a complaint. i’m not saying i want more notes and followers, bc the fact that people even read my works is insane to me. i’m just wondering about how all those other blogs do it bc i’m sure as hell lost after only three weeks skskks

#ayo can't talk about this with anyone so i just ended up writing this #just ignore it pls #i feel like a bitch but i wanted to get it off my chest:(#lera.talks

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megafaunatic · 4 years ago

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also no pressure 2 respond to this but i was wondering if u have any advice for being new to publishing fic? i’ve been rly inspired by how vibrant & fun mdzs fandom is but i am a little (lot) terrified of just sending my work out into the void lol (i literally only remade my fandom tumblr/twitter for mdzs….It Got Me). ok sorry i’m rambling now but yeah if u have any advice abt publishing stuff or getting more involved in writer fandom community generally i would be v grateful, thank u so much !

OOHHH!!! well first of all welcome back 🤩💛 RIGHT ON it's so great that you feel inspired!!!! i feel the same way 🥰✨ reading and writing f*nf*ction has done way more for my prose writing than my english degree did so 🤪

TIPS... tips... let's see! i have em

first off, let me preface this by saying: a LOT of fandom popularity is circumstantial. my personal Fandom Trajectory has a lot to do with timing and the people i knew, and/or who knew me! plus, i happened to be one of the first wave of english language writers for BOTH jjba AND mdzs, so i already had fics posted when respective fandoms ballooned. this isn't something you can rly engineer, it's just smth to keep in mind as like. a structural aspect? i think it's probably harder to break big in mdzs fic as a new writer now than it was in 2018 - which def isn't to say it can't be done, just that it says nothing abt the quality of your fic if it DOESN'T explode.

ANYWAY on to practical Tips

first of all: yay mdzs twt!! idk if you've seen this yet, but there's a pretty common thing on mxtx Content Creator Twitter where every wednesday, people post short excerpts of their WIP fic!! just enough to be mysterious and drum up interest 🤨 that's a rly good way to start interacting w writers!! there's a hashtag #mdzsww but i just say "wip wednesday" somewhere in my tweet. i'm way more active on mdzs twitter than i am here tbh so i'm not certain whether wip wednesday had migrated over to tumblr, but tbh worth doing even if it hasn't!

in general just making yourself a friendly & interesting person to interact with is a good way to make friends!! esp when u've just made a new acct, it's kind of like. if you don't say hi first, who will, u know? but also a weirdly efficient way to get ppl to follow you is to just throw funny character thoughts out into the universe. to this day ive gotten more followers from this tweet than from any non-new-fic-tweet ive ever made

when you post your fic, tag accurately and write the summary with confidence!! my tagging strategy is generally to go from "genre" (fluff? angst?) to "premise" (canon divergence? 5+1?) to "themes" (intimacy?) to "specifics" (sharing a bed? family tension?). my summary strategy is to pick 1-3 lines from the fic - often dialogue, but not always - that capture the general tone, and then a SINGLE line describing the general premise ("they go on a road trip"). that's all! no apologizing!!!!

once your fic is posted on ao3, talk about it!! i make promo tweets with 2 screenshots of the ao3 page: 1 that shows the title and description, and 1 that shows the tags and warnings. then a link, and the text of my tweet has the words "new [ship] fic" in it somewhere - for a while i used hashtags, but then i realized... when i'm trying to find something on twitter, i never check hashtags! i just use the search function, which picks up on any text in the tweet.

i don't make promo posts on tumblr anymore bc i have way fewer followers here and i cant be assed LOL but when i did, i basically just replicated all the warnings/tags/description in the text of the post, so people would know what they were clicking on! and then just tag all the necessary fandom/ship tags

OK I THINK THAT IS... ALL FOR NOW... i hope this is helpful!!! imo like 2/3 of fic popularity is "writing what people want to read" (whether your strength is scenario, characterization, beautiful prose, weird horny, etc), and the other Full Third is just. circumstances. luck. word of mouth. sometimes you post something and it gets attention right away! sometimes you post it and then an ao3 collection gets posted ALL AT ONCE and 25 new fics immediately bump yours off the front page. IT'S A WEIRD WORLD OUT THERE!!

#HOPE THIS IS HELPFUL!!#if there's more specific things u have questions about i am always happy 2 answer #i love . TALKING

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fencesandfrogs · 4 years ago

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“i love you”: ambiguity in media

spoilers for she-ra. the entire show. especially the last season. but if you don’t care i’ve also added context. so it’s not mandatory watching.

spacer gif for spoilers. also cause its cute.

okay so i’m still thinking about the scene where glimmer says, “i love you,” and bow kisses her on the temple, and it’s just the cutest thing and my heart says “squee”.

i wrote something about gay media & the necessary differences in gay tales and ATM it has not been posted bc i routinely shuffle my queue but the basic thesis of it is: gay romance stories are inherently different from straight ones, because it is impossible to separate them from homophobia. and i kind of ran into a wall writing it because homophobia is really hard to ignore on earth because its omnipresent and it dramatically affects gay youth growing up.

and then i watched she-ra, which has lesbians*, in case you didn’t know, and also basically zero homophobia.

*also gays, but the titular character is a lesbian, so.

which damn, was very refreshing. like. yeah. sign me up for that.

so. adora and catra are adorable lesbians w/ shared traumatic experiences and their character arcs are interesting and wonderful and there’s a lot of great analysis of that already and here’s one that sums it up better than i ever could:

youtube

love that. they’re adorable. i love them.

bow & glimmer are also best friends who get together at the end of the show & have a lot of parallels to catra and adora minus the trauma and also including crushing weights of responsibility.

uhh so catra & glimmer both make a mistake at one point during the show that basically irreparably wrecks the world and requires sacrifice of life to solve. adora is the intended sacrifice each time but this isn’t about adora, i just want to give context for this.

so catra has the explanation of trauma and the scared behaviors of a traumatized teen. like. she makes mistakes for an understandable reason. again. not about her. just giving context.

glimmer on the other hand basically throws a fit that her friends have other friends. i mean. glimmer has problems but her mistakes are not like, “you know if you were raised in a loving home this prob wouldn’t have happened” because she was raised in a loving home. it’s more like “you know if you didn’t become queen at age, like, 17, this probably wouldn’t have happened.”

(side note, i don’t know how old the characters in she-ra are. i read them as 15-17 in the beginning of the series and 18-20 by the end, and i’m just not really sure. because you know, cartoons & child soldiers do not accurate age placing make. catra and adora’s arc speaks to me ages 15-18ish because that is when i had a similar arc.

according to the wiki adora starts around 17 and ends around 20. which is w/in my own estimations i’m just commenting.)

right so glimmer apologizes to bow and is all “look you don’t have to forgive me, i don’t have a right to that, but i’m not going to stop trying to earn your forgiveness,” and bow, well, he says “okay”

and. you know. i feel that.

(more side notes: i, age 17ish, broke up w my boyfriend. for reasons. we got back together. for other reasons. repairing the bond of trust is hard. because i was not secure that he loved me, and he was not secure that i wouldn’t leave if something went wrong. so you know. i feel glimmer, here.

yes, she made a mistake and no, she does not have a right to forgiveness. but she’s also a kid, who has had one friend for her entire life, and is only just beginning to learn how to share friends, and she thinks she lost him, and that desperation and rejection is painful. she was lashing out, and she never intended this to happen.)

so glimmer & bow throughout the show have romantic tension, but in a soft way. in a, bow goes to a ball with someone else and glimmer gets jealous but it’s also directly stated she’s jealous because she’s sharing her friend way.

plus there’s a scene that definitely has some strong glimmer x adora vibes is what i’m saying

it’s not this specific scene but idk what to search for to find it & i’m not fighting w tumblr to include external images again i’ve been hurt before.

anyway.

so when glimmer says, “i love you,” my heart pounds in a new way, because what does she mean by that? does she love him?

and at some point in this adora has a fantasy future where bow and glimmer are together & it’s adorable but i’m mentioning to explicitly say that it’s not relevant because bow and glimmer r def not together before this moment.

anyway bow kisses glimmer on the forehead and my heart go “thumpthumpthumpthumpthump” real real fast and it’s cute and i text my boyfriend a bunch of hearts because that’s what i do when i see cute couples i’m a soft gay nerd.

and the thing is? i’m also thinking, “wow there is so much ambiguity” there.

and then. i realized. this is why gay romance is fundamentally different. because american culture is not very touch-y, especially across gendered lines.

& i have a very physically affectionate family. i will cuddle the homies. i will kiss them on the temple. (ok i won’t do that bc my boyfriend would not like that n i respect that it’s legit i kiss him on the temple instead. mb i’ll write about boundaries in relationships where people have different understandings of physical affection.) so like? did not occur to me before to discuss this.

but there’s a huge ambiguity in gay romance. it’s hard to write gay romance that’s explicitly gay (especially wlw since men r less affectionate & more stereotyped in media imo and that’s another discussion but there’s a reason i’m focusing on catra and adora in she-ra’s gay relationships) without slapping a huge “THEY’RE LESBIANS, HAROLD” on it, so like.

yeah. it does get a label.

& i mean. she-ra is the big gay. it could have gone hard queer baiting, but even if that was a possibility, adora and catra are too hard-coded to Love Love each other. they have a best friends to rivals (to enemies) to lovers thing going on, it’s hard to miss. there is no doubt in my mind what catra means when she tells adora she loves her.

this is from before the confession and just. look at them. they are gay.

& meanwhile glimmer and bow have the soft affection, the feelings which could be read either way.

objectively the same hold, but he’s saving her life. catra leaps into adora’s arms, bow catches her. (after he just caught her before:

& it does not escape my attention that bow was the one who caught her from the void of space, not the stronger & arguably better adora/she-ra.

okay so bow & glimmer = adorable, and i’m v happy they got together. but it was an interesting application of tropes in that i don’t think you could tell this romance in a very different context. it just. it doesn’t work right.

i think glimmer & bow end up a will they/won’t they couple in a different context. and that works, yeah, but that’s the point. gay tropes r just...different.

and it’s really hard to switch them because you kind of need a fantasy world where physical affection is much more common and we don’t have the baggage of gender in friendships.

just for fun, here’s one last couple. mermista and seahawk. i’m not gonna spend a long time on them i just wanted to say maybe i’m gay but it took me until season five to realize they’re together and i think they’ve been together the whole show.

& i think that’s because she-ra does a really good job at depicting the post-homophobia, post-sexism universe. (sexism plays a big part in all this ik i didn’t talk about it but some other time)

so you get the opportunity to have these fantastic stories of relationships through new lenses. & i appreciate that. i appreciate getting to have a “he’s my friend” (i love him) “he’s mine” character moment with a new kind of angst. (glimmer: the gay, who loves her best friend but also loves her best friend, vs glimmer: the hypothetical straight, who loves her best friend, and her best friend loves her. the difference is subtle but it’s there.)

anyway yeah a lot of words. forehead kisses kill me because i have a weak, gay, heart. uhhhh media & tropes & telling explicitly gay romances requires us to be able to shake around what role friendship plays in the relationship arc, and something we’re not entirely up for yet, as a culture.

i leave u with this bc no one has made a gif of their actual kiss

#glimbow #she ra #she-ra #media analysis #romance #q #mine #txt #13th #December #2020 #December 13th 2020 #rant #essay

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sillyfudgemonkeys · 4 years ago

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Didn’t want to post this but I just realized it was more than one tweet so eh (I only checked to see if it was deleted cause a tumblr reblog got deleted that I was replying to so fkldsajfljfd didn’t know if the the tumblr/twitter user were the same person, but considering it happened within 24 hrs of each other, but yeah I saw they made a few other tweets about it b4 the one I saw and I’m like “mmmmm I wanna set a few boundaries for future ppl that come on this blog”) And it was bothering me and I dunno if it was an accident on their part, but in case it wasn’t yeah....wanna set a few boundaries.

Listen if you don’t like my opinions it’s fine (I know I’m not exactly screaming into the void I now the void can scream back), and if you want to openly disagree and open a discussion that’s totally cool too! Or if you want to privately complain to your friends (aka I’m not following you or it’s a private message, or really just any way I won’t see it like even stumbling upon it) that’s neat too!

But uh.......I never thought about it till now, but I don’t think I like ppl complaining about me in private (name cropped or not) and then tagging me so I can see their complaints. I dunno that makes me a bit uncomfortable. Like go ahead, tear my 3 am rants apart or bad mouth me, that’s fine, I don’t care. I don’t care cause it’s outta sight outta mind. But you do that and then tag me? So I can see it? Kinda makes me uncomfortable. Esp if it’s not to open a discussion.

I’m gonna give them the benefit of the doubt that it was an accident (probably meant to do “@/” so as to not directly at me but forgot the “/”). But in case it’s on purpose and other people think of doing it, please don’t (this goes for Twitter and tumblr). Want me to see something? Want to ask me a question? Want my input? That’s ok! Want to rag on me/my opinions/something related to me, then at me, and leave it at that? No please don’t.

I’m not mad, just uncomfortable (and paranoid in case it happens again). And I also don’t want a witch hunt, I just wanna set boundaries.

Ah......also, again cause I’m paranoid (constantly paranoid about this tbh), I really hope that I don’t come across as hostile. I know I can get heated in my rants (never aimed at any anon or any person, just at P5 or whatever is angering me at that point.....usually P5), and I figured y’all are here for my long winded ness and my harumph harumph-ness or the fact it reads like a fever dream....it def feels like one when I type kelfjsadfja (when it comes to those kinds of posts at least), but even at my most salty I don’t want anyone feeling like “ah def don’t feel comfortable countering her or asking questions.” Obviously this isn’t a “positivity only~!” place, but I want it to at least feel like people feel respected. orz

#they didn't bad mouth me but I'm saying like....you can i can't stop you klsdjakfljakfj #it's just suppose to be a measurement is what I mean like 'you can go that far'#i'm adding that in the tags cause I wanna try to keep this post short orz #as for the person who reblogged and then deleted......orz ;w; was excited to have an open convo but that's ok #also sorry I'm always flaky on here guys #just.....really busy......#(like if I allude to working on something I mean I'm working on it 5 min at a time each day that's how much time I haven't had in awhile orz #and there's also been no new game (that's not a mobile collab) announced for me to just go balls to the walls theorying on so 8U #silly talks #also I know I cant' stop you from doing that ksajfdkajf it's just a request #'what'll you do if I do it?" i dunno be uncomfortable for like 3 days and then move on? like to not feel uncomfortable but k #shit i tried keeping this short and I still made it long gdi gdi #but yeah the person I don't think did anything wrong but I just don't want that happeneing again #damnit I feel whiney ngl and I know it's not a big deal I just want one less stressor in my life #ah gonna regret this tomorrow but-que sera sera

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whyashton · 4 years ago

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i was tagged by @calumcest to post five of my music/tv/movie crushes!! hard decisions but we did it so lessgoooo

1. dylan o’brien. like are you KIDDING ME i was weak for him in teen wolf, the first time is one of my favorite feel-good chick flick movies, i just. i’m out of breath. also bonus: void stiles. also? the american assassin look? whew!

2. ashton. do we need an explanation. i’ve been on this train since 2013 and i can’t get off please send help (although luke??? has had me torn more than once can u blame me like i’m still an ashton girl but truly it’s like 60/40 at this point between them) (also def one of my favorite ashton pictures look at him)

3. john o’callaghan PLEASE okay i’ve been? in love w the maine since 2016 i think and let me tell u. john is an amazing lyricist/writer and singer and i’ve seen them twice and his stage presence is INCREDIBLE and i got to touch his arm lmao listen he is somethin’ else and i’m so happy for his engagement he deserves nothing but the best

4. ok i know this is like ~basic~ but tom FREAKING holland he is too cute and so talented and just. such a goof and so fun and good and i am ON FIRE, CONSTANTLY, IT’S FINE

5. sigh gonna wrap this up with niallandharry because niall was the first major celebrity crush i had that’s lasted for this long and i’m so proud of him and the music he’s put out and how he’s really made it for himself yet i can’t ignore harry cause i can vibe w his music anytime and he’s so ~himself~ and i could rant for ages but basically i’m torn so alas niallandharry

#ok so i cheated a little #its hard to decide #me

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wrenchyyyy · 6 years ago

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Leaving

It’s time

It’s time for me to move on. My depression has grown to be a bit stronger than expected...I feel like this site is dying and since i have no one to talk to this is the perfect place to go. I will not be going back to tumblr . Maybe ill check in a year on this post to see my progress but I doubt it. Twitter and snapchat. I’ll stay on those. Social Media is toxic.

Anyway yes I have been depressed for the last 2-3 years and honestly I don’t think anyone but John, Ade, and Irene know. It sucks because i will never kill myself but I honestly don’t want to live anymore. I just feel like I have no purpose and that’s bad to say. I know.

My depression is just something that just won’t go away. It definitely got worse in like 2016-2017. I saw somewhere this quote and it stuck with me for a long long long time.

“You will always remember the people that were there for you during the lowest shittiest times of your life. Whether friends or family, whether they’re in your life today or not. You will always remember. “

This ^^^^^^^^^^^ times 8000000. Family I keep saying it. I envy anyone who has family members that they are really close with. It’s so obvious in my family any way who the favorites are. My sisters are clicky and so are my cousins. They always have inside jokes all of which i can never relate to them. My parents love my sisters and not gonna lie they love me to but they for sure favor my sisters. I guess it’s cause they know I can handle shit thrown at me? Who knows.. all i know is in my family I can’t openly express myself which is sad. They def don’t know I’m depressed. They probably think all I do is play videogames, watch sports, or work.

Friends wise I can’t deny. I have friends in all stages of my life. GSA, QP, and MSU. But do I see them ? no? Do i connect with them on THAT level? Sure. Depending on the people. In grammar school, I had John and Grace. In Qp, I had Ade. In college, I had Cassie. THAT level. I’m talking life, finances, careers, family, friends, relationship, religion, people, etc.

I know for a long period in my college career, I drifted from Ade and Grace. Trust me when I say this changed my outlook on life, it really did. That’s when I knew the word depression was REAL. John, who’s pretty much my best guy friend, was always there but the fact that he isn’t in NJ is hard. We can’t just meet up and talk. Any way during this drift, I got super close to Cassie at MSU. Not going to lie, if it wasn’t for her, my college experience and my life wouldn’t be the same. She indirectly in her own way helped me cope with losing Ade and Grace.

Any way in about 2016-2017, Cassie stopped talking to me. This devastated me more than even I knew. I had to talk to Ade about this. If you know me, you know I value friendship more than relationships. Maybe it’s cuz I truly feel like I have no family and that Cassie (at the time) was the closest thing i had to a real true friend that made me feel like I had reason to live to the fullest). Like I said before I had THAT type of relationship with her. The type where when we talk, I feel enlightened lmao. Really. The crazy part now. I am at ease with Ade. We both matured. She in her own right is humble and now worked hard to get where she is. I truly believe that she is genuine and honestly it makes me so happy to know she is doing ok. It’s what I always wanted. Any way back on point.

Cassie was one of my real true friends and she just stopped talking to me. The talks on family, life, careers, everything. gone. The part that Ade told me which is true is that she owes me NO explanation. I’m not entitled to know why she left. I just have to accept it. It’s true. I’m stubborn and i kept triple double texting her and all that annoying shit. I have to see it from her point of view. She prob thought I was crazy lmfao. but in reality I guess i just was scared that the one person who made me feel happy and genuine was gone. Any way it took awhile to accept that she really wasn’t my friend anymore. Obviously the only way I know how she’s doing now is social media. I mean she looks super happy with her bf and it makes me happy because i know she was struggling at a time too. Any way I told Ade I was grateful for everything she has done for me and honestly I wish I can tell Cassie that too but I aint going to quadruple text and message her like 6000 times lmao. The crazy part again is that this girl wasn’t my girlfriend. She wasnt even my best friend tbh. She was a really good and important friend that I needed and appreciated in a hard time in my life. Thank you Cassie. I truly wish you were still in my life but I need to respect myself enough to say this girl doesnt owe you an explanation on shit and she doesnt. Also that she was a great friend to you.

A huge part of my depression journey, was trying to “Forget” Cassie and i get it. Move on Chris. The girl doesn’t even give a ratt’s ass about you anymore. One of her close friends Krenzy even noticed that i was “depressed” which is crazy. I don’t even talk to that girl. I guess in a sense I did get closer to Irene and reconnected with Ade so there’s the only positive that came out of it. Irene i will forever be grateful for. This girl showed me everything and I am so glad I worked so that I can go to Cali to see her. It really helped me mentally with that trip. Ade is ade. She’s a good person. She even told me she didn’t mean to be the way she was in college and I respect her for that.

I guess it’s crazy how it works. Ade helped me get through Grace. Cassie helped me get through Ade. Ade and Irene helped me get through Cassie. lmao . In a sense, Ade really is a true friend and we aren’t even that close anymore. Irene is well Irene. I fucking love that girl.

The next hard part was losing Jackie and Rich. They moved away and it hurt me alot. Another group of friends I met at MSU that I truly connected with. It sucks...No one can talk to me about deep stuff. Again looking back, I just felt alone. Sad. and just depressed. I actually resorted to working more to forget and just cope with my pain. It did not work. I actually quit my job like 2 weeks ago haha but that’s another story.

I always try to tell myself. What do people see you as? What do they see you doing? Honestly people probably think when they look at my social media, Dolphins/Mets rants, Snapchat of stupid shit, he travels alot (Even tho i really don’t), and i dont know if that’s a good or bad thing.

2018 was a good year. I can’t deny it. I did alot of things I never thought I can do. 22/30 Baseball parks, maxing out my 401 K, starting grad school, get a steady gym schedule going, learn to be on own. Like financially, mentally, and like just a routine wise. In 2019, I want to find purpose again. I really do. I keep thinking at least there are people who want to see me. Like Irene and Ade. Like my GSA friend. Like Kim and Jan and nick. like I do have friends. I just wish i didnt feel so sad and alone.

For anyone who has felt so lost alone and depressed like me, it’s okay. You will survive. That void hurts. I get it. As someone who still is surrounded by so many people I feel so alone and sad. Trust me, if I ever texted you, Hey lets hang out or catch up. I genuinely mean it and i prob needed it. but if you don’t respond or answer. I get it. It took me 2-3 years to fully accept that I can’t be friends with everyone. My heart has been broken to the point where honestly the people left are the ones helping me pick up those pieces. Any way.

Farewell to anyone reading this. If any one reads this.

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