#Dear Ijeawele

[evergreen-dryad]

going to try and put down any simple thoughts I have instead of staring into space with a clench in my heart and strong emotions.

all of it is wisdom. Sometimes it made me laugh a lot. Sometimes it made me laugh in a sobbing way for how things still were. Sometimes it made me angry too, in a way that says 'things must change'. Sometimes it made me go 'oh', in a way that says 'i recognise this in real life. She put it into words, the wrong feeling I had.'

It was always thought-provoking.

2 Feminist Tools:

First: 'I matter. I matter equally. Not 'if only'. Not 'as long as'. I matter equally. Full stop.

Second: Can you reverse X and get the same results? eg. If Chudi sleeps with another woman and you forgive him, would the same be true if you slept with another man?

The conversational, warm tone, as if you are a friend listening in (it was originally written for a friend whose daughter was just born, who asked 'how can I raise my daughter feminist?') works so well, and makes it so accessible for a topic as thorny as feminism, and one that can easily get lost in jargon.

The wry humour and occasional snark was delicious too, and added to the readableness of this (it's a really thin book!!)

She just says it simply. She says it as it is, with bravery and honesty.

That. Is the best ending for this book.

It's a lot of reflection and thought distilled into one book -- about equality for everyone, between men and women, bad and good, and the spectrum in between, and emphasises acceptance of all diversity. And to be honest, open-minded, and to question all social norms.

[haggishlyhagging]

You remember how a journalist unilaterally decided to give me a new name—Mrs. Husband's Surname—on learning that I was married, and how I asked him to stop because that was not my name. I will never forget the smoldering hostility from some Nigerian women in response to this. It is interesting that there was more hostility, in general, from women than from men, many of whom insisted on calling me what was not my name, as though to silence my voice.

I wondered about that, and thought that perhaps for many of them, my choice represented a challenge to their idea of what is the norm.

Even some friends made statements like "You are successful and so it is okay to keep your name." Which made me wonder: Why does a woman have to be successful at work in order to justify keeping her name?

The truth is that I have not kept my name because I am successful. Had I not had the good fortune to be published and widely read, I would still have kept my name. I have kept my name because it is my name. I have kept my name because I like my name.

There are people who say "Well, your name is also about patriarchy because it is your father's name." Indeed. But the point is simply this: Whether it came from my father or from the moon, it is the name that I have had since I was born, the name with which I traveled my life's milestones, the name I have answered to since that first day I went to kindergarten on a hazy morning and my teacher said, "Answer 'present' if you hear your name. Number one: “Adichie!”

-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Dear Ijeawele, or, A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions

[alexcabotgf]

4, 5, 14 & 18! ❤️

4. Movie of the year? already answered here, but the matrix baby!! where have they been all my life

5. TV show of the year? also answered here, but a runner up would be jessica jones. never expected to have this much fun watching it and YET

14. Favorite book you read this year? answered here, but another good one was dear ijeawele, or a feminist manifesto in fifteen suggestions by chimamanda ngozi adichie!

18. A memorable meal this year? can't really think of one specific meal but i, an avid sushi hater of 12 years, started eating sushi again and now i can't stop

[dont-justdont]

"This is the catastrophic consequence of likeability. We have a world full of women who are unable to exhale fully because they have for so long been conditioned to hold themselves into shapes to make themselves likeable."

Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions (by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie)

[hofculctr]

21st Annual Great Writers, Great Readings Series – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE was born in Nigeria in 1977. She is the author of three novels, Purple Hibiscus (2003), Half of a Yellow Sun (2006), and Americanah (2013), of a short story collection, The Thing around Your Neck (2009), and of three books of non-fiction, We Should All Be Feminists (2014), Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions (2017), and Notes on Grief (2021). Ms. Adichie’s work has been translated into over thirty languages. She has received numerous awards and distinctions, including the Orange Broadband Prize for Fiction (2007) and a MacArthur Foundation Fellowship (genius grant)” (2008).

She has also been named one of TIME Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People in the World in 2015, and in 2017, Fortune Magazine named her one of the World’s 50 Greatest Leaders.

Thursday, October 16, 6:30 p.m. The Fortunoff Theater, Monroe Lecture California Avenue, South Campus

This event is FREE and open to the public. Advance registration is required. More info and to RSVP visit https://tinyurl.com/4wmm8njs

[lboogie1906]

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (September 15, 1977) is a Nigerian writer whose works range from novels to short stories to nonfiction. She was described in The Times Literary Supplement as “the most prominent” of a “procession of critically acclaimed young anglophone authors [who] is succeeding in attracting a new generation of readers to African literature”.

She has written the novels Purple Hibiscus (2003), Half of a Yellow Sun (2006), and Americanah (2013), the short story collection The Thing Around Your Neck (2009), and the book-length essay We Should All Be Feminists (2014). Her most recent book, Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions, was published in March 2017. In 2008, she was awarded a MacArthur Genius Grant. #africanhistory365 #africanexcellence

[earthismommy]

“Encourage her to speak her mind, to say what she really thinks, to speak truthfully. And then praise her when she does. Praise her especially when she takes a stand that is difficult or unpopular because it happens to be her honest position. Tell her that kindness matters. Praise her when she is kind to other people. But teach her that her kindness must never be taken for granted. Tell her that she too deserves the kindness of others. Teach her to stand for what is hers. If another child takes her toy without her permission, ask her to take it back. Tell her that if anything ever makes her uncomfortable, to speak up, to say, to shout.”

“DEAR IJEAWELE, OR A FEMINIST MANIFESTO IN FIFTEEN SUGGESTIONS”

By Chimamanda Adichie

[evergreen-dryad]

xy's media thread 2024!

I'm going to count music (with story/series) as part of this. Books I'll try to actually write my thoughts out on. Try. Ongoing 'can't be finished' games:

garden galaxy

usagi shima

A Kinder World

Genshin

January

tress and the emerald sea

simon vs the homosapiens agenda (proper reread)

leah on the offbeat

corpse party (2021)

rise of the guardians (#3 rewatch!)

densha otoko manga

that Loveit? music vid duology ish (biz)

After Marchen [Tajima Ikuno] (i like it a lot!! aaa more chaps pls)

started:

Manga: Mushishi (again after watching an ep a couple years back! Here to try again!)

Started a webtoon, don't think I'll continue it (feels very cliche)

webtoon #2 The Pale Lady that looks really pretty

various books: red azalea, Becoming A Writer by Dorothea Brande, Steering the Craft [A 21st Century Guide to Sailing the Sea of Story] Ursula K Le Guin, Equal Rites by Terry Pratchett

NewNaratif short stories on queer ecology

February

finished snow flower and the secret fan, lisa see

animal farm, george orwell

Dear Ijeawele: A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (-the sudden caps for her in respect is deserved)

interesting song: Pilvet liikkuu, minä en by Yona. really want to check her out more

started: Nights into dreams

Dungeon Meshi

The Witch and The Beast

Kusuriya no Hitorigoto (watching with friends)

The Gene of AI (excited for this!!)

Cherry Magic!! the anime

Milgram

[absurdly-useful]

I decided to dig up the original post, in case anyone wanted to reblog that instead @liberalsarecool or @wilwheaton:

Identifying/understanding [GOP] misogyny.

[haggishlyhagging]

The shame we attach to female sexuality is about control. Many cultures and religions control women's bodies in one way or another. If the justification for controlling women's bodies were about women themselves, then it would be understandable. If, for example, the reason was "women should not wear short skirts because they can get cancer if they do." Instead the reason is not about women, but about men. Women must be "covered up" to protect men. I find this deeply dehumanizing because it reduces women to mere props used to manage the appetites of men.

-Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Dear Ijeawele, or, A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions

[judyconda]

“Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense. Do not ever tell her that she should or should not do something because she is a girl. ‘Because you are a girl’ is never reason for anything. Ever.” ― Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Book author of "Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions" Celebrated an yearly March 8, International Women's Day is one of the most important days of the year to celebrate women's achievements, raise awareness about women's equality. Furthermore, International Women's Day is a global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. The day also marks a call to action for accelerating gender parity. Significant activity is witnessed worldwide as groups come together to celebrate women's achievements or rally for women's equality. 🌸💐💕 Happy Women's Day to strong, intelligent, talented and simply wonderful women! Don't ever forget that you are loved and appreciated. * Like me. Only a woman can almost die and give birth at the same time. Be proud to be a woman. This day belongs to you. May you prosper and stood affirm in the course of life. : #internationalwomensday #womansday #womansday2023 #internationalwomensday2023 #womansmonth #womansmonth2023 #woman #empowedwomen #pinkWednesday #pinkWednesdays #mystique #spiritique #BABAEPOAKO #BABAEKA #BABAEAKO #VirgoWoman #virgo #virgozodiac #MysticalWoman #mysticwoman #Wednesday #WednesdayVibes #virgoenergy #equality #equalityisforeveryone #womansrights #womansright #sheher 💛 #girlpower #womanpower https://www.instagram.com/p/CphRucxyAIb/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[laceyrowland]

2022 Readings Wrapped Part I

This year I decided to participate in the Ultimate Book Nerd Challenge put on by the Boise Public Library. 50 books in 50 categories in one year.

I completed the challenge in August.

I'm a textbook overachiever.

As of writing this, I've read 77 books in 2022. I'm set to read a couple more by the end of the year, to hopefully end on a nice round number.

For those of you wondering how the heck I did it, here are some of my "secrets" to reading a lot of books:

Audiobooks 100% count as reading. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I listen to them when I walk, when I'm cooking, exercising, and sometimes when I'm doing tasks that don't require a lot of attention at work. Also, roadtrips. I don't recommend audiobooks for short car trips if only because it is hard to follow a plot when you're constantly stopping and starting. If that's something you're into, then go for it.

Graphic novels, comic books, poetry collections, novellas - these also count as books. I like to keep a nice balance of shorties and fat books in my reading practice. It's okay to read little quickies. Reading is reading.

Actually make time for reading. When I put it on my to-do list and made it a priority, I got the reading done. If at first it feels like a chore, keep at it and let your brain be tricked into the habit. It'll eventually kick in, I swear. It also helps to pick something that really grips you. Which brings me to my final tip...

Be ruthless with the 30-page rule. Life is too short to be reading what you feel obligated to read. If you want to read trash, go for it. No one has to know. If you don't want to read The Classics, don't. There are millions of better books out there. Don't let what you "should" read get in the way of what you want to read. If it doesn't blow your hair back in the first 30 pages, don't feel bad for putting it down and maybe never coming back to it. Not every book is written for every person. The book will be read, even if it's not by you. Let it go.

And now, for Part I of The List. Here's what I read January through March of 2022:

The Guide to Superhuman Strength - Alison Bechdel*

Proxima Centauri - Farel Dalrymple

This is How I Disappear - Mirion Malle

How to Read Nature - Tristan Gooley

The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake - Aimee Bender*

New Kid - Jerry Craft*

Redbone - Christian Staebler

Dear Ijeawele - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Undoing Depression - Richard O'Connor*

Intimacies - Katie Kitamura*

Yellow Bird - Sierra Crane Murdoch*

People from My Neighborhood - Hiromi Kawakami

The Man in the High Castle - Phillip K Dick

The Mist - Ragnar Jonasson

Imagine Wanting Only This - Kirsten Radtke*

The Art of Living - Thich Nhat Hanh

Trust Exercise - Susan Choi*

The Longer We Were There - Steven Moore*

Between the World and Me - Ta-Nahesi Coates*

Red at the Bone - Jacqueline Woodson

Good Talk - Mira Jacob

Stay tuned for Part II!

*Books that blew my hair back.

[radhyena]

I know it’s a basic choice but Dear Ijeawele is short, feminist, completely changed my life.

Hi! So I started reading Loving to Survive based off your excerpts, but I'm struggling a bit because my brain is just like, "too real! Too depressing! Put that down!". Do you have any recommendations for when it's all Too Much! Is there a book club for rad fem readings? Is there a rad fem lite book I can start with?

I read Loving to Survive pretty much all at once first, then in pieces. I was struggling with my boundaries and I think I needed the wake up call. If it’s too much for you right now maybe try something like Why Does He Do That and/or The Gift of Fear. Who Cooked the Last Supper might be okay, the beginning will be easier, but it gets progressively worse emotionally just fyi. You could also try Beauty Bites Beast (more about rape/self defense), Female Chauvinist Pigs (more about boundaries and raunch/porn culture), or liberal feminist books like The Purity Myth which touch on another side of the issue. Does anyone else have some recommendations? Oh and there is a book club on Facebook, I’m not sure about here. Also radfem.org has a bunch of resources you could check out

[reverie-quotes]

Teach her to reject likeability. Her job is not to make herself likeable, her job is to be her full self, a self that is honest and aware of the equal humanity of other people.

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions

[inquisitive-june]

Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions, is a modified letter written from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie to her childhood friend who asked how to raise a feminist daughter. She admits it's a hard question, and after having a daughter of her own she said it's easier said than done.

Tonight (Monday), I finished the introduction and the first six suggestions.  I plan on finishing the other half either later tonight or tomorrow.  It’s a quick read (~60 pages) and I recommend it to any feminist, regardless of whether she has or plans to have daughters.  I wrote a summary and notes of my own for each section in case anyone wants a TLDR.

Introduction

The premise of feminism should be “I matter equally” with no stipulations.  For example, she says to ask yourself “Can I reverse x and get the same result?”  If your husband cheated, is the feminist response always to leave?  Ask yourself if he would stay if you cheated.  If the answer is yes, then staying does not contribute to gender inequality.  The reality is that the answer is typically no, because there is a lower bar for men when it comes to infidelity.  Personally, I believe that focusing on an individual relationship as opposed to societal norms and trends is a mistake.  A woman choosing to stay with an unfaithful husband is not a neutral act even if he would to the same for her.

She remarks that her friend’s daughter is already so curious about the world.  Most people would remark on a newborn’s appearance, as they typically have few defining features beyond which parent they resemble.  Choosing an active rather than passive trait to complement set the tone for the rest of the letter.

First Suggestion

Be a full person, meaning don’t define yourself by your motherhood.  Don’t apologize for working and taking time for yourself.  Also don’t be surprised when you make mistakes and remember to ask for help when you need it.

People cite tradition selectively.  Her SIL suggested she be a stay-at-home mom because it’s “traditional,” despite the fact that double income families is an Igbo tradition.

Already from the first suggestion I can tell she has a wonderful sense of humor.  Adichie references their childhood and mutual friends in a way that makes you feel like an old friend as opposed to a stranger hearing an inside joke.

Second Suggestion

Your husband is just as capable of (and should be doing) everything short of breastfeeding the baby.  Equal childcare doesn’t always mean 50/50 every single day, but you’ll know when it’s equal because there will be no resentment.  Personally, I believe many men would resent having to do childcare because they still believe it is women’s work.  I also think the existence of the nuclear family should change, not just the expectations placed on the father.

Third Suggestion

Domestic skills benefit everyone and shouldn’t be exclusively taught to girls.  If we stopped viewing marriage as a prize for women, we would stop asking whether women should perform domestic labor in order to “earn” a husband.

We teach our children gender roles unconsciously, but it is easier to raise our daughters to be confident and reject gender roles than it is for them to unlearn it later.

Don’t assume your daughter can’t do something.  Even if she can’t yet, let her  try so she becomes confident in her ability and doesn’t feel restricted by gender roles.

Fourth Suggestion

Adichie defines Feminism Lite in a few different ways.  It’s when men say they “allow” their wives to have a career or they’re the man of the house but their wife is the one “really” in charge behind the scenes.  The examples she gives are better than any individual point I could summarize here.

We judge powerful women far more than powerful men.  The implication is that male dominance and power is natural, but women have to either earn or compensate for their power by being humble and domestic.

This is the section where I got the quote from earlier btw.

Fifth Suggestion

Teach your daughter to read, preferably by example but if she’s still not interested reward her for reading.  It will help her learn about the world and herself.  It’s also important that she read a wide variety, not just what is given to her at school.

Sixth Suggestion

Begin by questioning your language and then teach your daughter to question language.  What you say teaches her what she should value.

Terms like misogyny and patriarchy are sometimes too abstract for a child, so focus on specific examples.  Point out what is misogynistic about it and what can be done differently.  If someone criticizes X in men but not women, their problem is with women and not X.  Also teach her to recognize when men revere women (e.g. call them special, divine, superhuman) because this is based on chivalry and infantilization, not respect.

[tomework]

7(?)/10

“Dear Ijeawele or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions”

and

“We Should All Be Feminists”

By Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

***At the time of purchase and reading I was not aware of the issue of transphobia revolving around Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I have since done some investigation on it and am disappointed with what I’ve found but still unsure of how to feel about the subject because I do still need to do more research regarding this particular issue so I apologize if my review of this material upsets anyone, that is not my intention. I am a member of the LGBTQ community and consider myself a stark supporter, and ally, of the trans community, but we all have room to be a better human so please feel free to point out my shortcomings or my mistakes. I know I can do better.***

So individually these books fared well.

“We Should All Be Feminists” speaks on the personal experiences of the author as a black woman. Her struggles with the patriarchy, cultural and societal pressures to fit the status quo. Her approach to such criticisms and so on.

“Dear Ijeawele” was a moving adaption to a letter sent to a long time friend on how to raise her newly born daughter to be a feminist. This book is a must read, I think, for most new parents raising any child. Hell, a lot of people could benefit from reading this.

Both short essays are written well and moving from a the author’s personal point of view. These essays are personal and don’t just speak the truths, they move the truth deep into your soul. Take the time to seriously read these essays and reflect on yourself and the things you do on a day to day basis.

***At the time of purchase and reading I was not aware of the issue of transphobia revolving around Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I have sense done some investigation on it and am disappointed but still unsure of how to feel about the subject because I do still need to do more research regarding this particular issue so I apologize if my review of this material upsets anyone that is not my intention. I am a member of the LGBTQ community myself and consider myself a stark supporter, and ally, of the trans community, but we all have room to be a better human so please feel free to point out my shortcomings or my mistakes. I know I can do better.***