#Dear Evan

[snortoborto]

Ik this is the only place that anyone will care about my musings about (super culturally relevant in 2024) musical Dear Evan (Hansen).

Idk anyway, it's not really ever been one of my favorites per say, and I know the time has passed, but, I kinda wanna talk about Connor Murphy. (These are all just my takes as someone who likes musicals but doesn't participate in like, musical fandom.)

I think it's very obvious that Evan is supposed to be a pretty relatable character, because of his struggle with mental illness. Feeling anxious and unsure of ourselves, especially in relation to other people, is a feeling we've all experienced, especially a lot of teenagers. That feeling of isolation leading Evan to an attempt, is really raw and resonates with a lot of people. Still, the narrative shows us all of Evan, messy or not. He's young, he's mentally ill, he's human. He makes mistakes that end up hurting people, and we see that all. But I ultimately believe that the narrative eventually portrays him in a very human, forgiving light, by the end. He's a kid who made mistakes. He's well rounded and ultimately sympathetic, while still flawed and uncomfortable. I like that.

I wish Connor got the same grace tbh. All we know about him, the REAL Connor, is that he's a troubled kid, who's perpetually stoned, and nothing more than a bother to his family. He's mentally ill, just like Evan, but where Evan failed an attempt, Connor succeeded. Where I see a difference is in the way their mental illnesses surface, in terms of behavior. Being mentally ill isolates both boys, but in a different way.

Evan closes himself off. He's passive and shy, but has a mom who's constantly trying to be there to encourage him and provide for him. Connor's mental illness surfaces in a different way. He's violent. He's angry. He copes by using drugs. His mental illness is not quiet, does not present passively, and his family rejects him because of that. Even his mom, who wants to love him, only can once Evan presents a version of Conner that wasn't so difficult. Connor is too messy to get the understanding he deserves.

The way that Connor essentially has his voice and expirences taken from him, and softened, sanitized (by Evan) in order to finally gain acceptance from his family and peers is genuinely fucking crushing. The way he couldn't be loved as the person he was, because his coping mechanisms were taboo and his mental illness wasn't docile enough for understanding, kills me fr.

I'm not really sure how much of this is actually planned, thematic commentary, but, just the fact that Connor isn't even THE REAL CONNOR for most of the events of the plot (just Evan's idea of him) feels so fucking sad. Yeah, sure, sad for Evan that this is his only shot at friendship, but mostly sad for Connor that he could never be loved as he was, even by his own family, and only in death, was he sanitized enough to win sympathy and understanding.

He wasn't worthy of love or help when he had loud, violent, ugly mental health episodes. Or when he was using drugs and self medicating on a daily basis, cause all that stuff is uncomfortable. That's the ugly side of mental illness. His family didn't help him, they pushed him away and labeled him as a monster, unworthy of support. The fact that the only thing that softed Connor's family to him was a classmate completely rewriting his life, to make it more palatable is so disheartening.

It makes me wish that the focus was more on Connor and his family, that we got to spend more time with him. Some people are mentally ill in a way that's socially permissible, and some people are simply too sick, so we might as well just treat them like the bad people they were born to be.

Evan does (obviously, it's the whole point of the show) grapple with his actions, caused by mental illness. He finds himself acting immorality and being manipulative, but he's allowed that space to make mistakes. He has to opportunity to learn and begin on his path to forgiveness. Not Connor. He's already too far gone.

His mental illness isn't quiet. It doesn't make him act meek or anxious, like Evan. It makes him violent and angry and I can't help but feel like the narrative is punishing him for that. For having ugly symptoms that hurt people, most of all, himself. I can't help but feel like the way that Evan took full control of Connor's voice in order to make him more manageable is like a condemnation of who Connor was in life. Same with making his family hate him. I feel like I'm being told that this kid was a burnout piece of shit, not worth being remembered for who he was, but Evan's heart is in the right place by trying to whitewash his life, for the comfort of the family that rejected him.

Obviously the point of the show is that what Evan did was wrong, but it's wrong because he lied to his crush and her family, not because he took Connor's voice for his own, when Connor deserved to keep that agency for himself. It's framed as wrong cause he lied to the family, not because he spoke over someone who suffered greatly.

I just feel like the narrative really props Evan up as "one of the good ones" who's just lost his way. I feel like it uncritically frames Connor as a lost cause, scumbag who's family (especially his sister) are right to feel the way they do about him. Its almost framed as like, a fool's errand that Evan wants to clean up Connor's image, post death, and the narrative confirms this by never really giving the real Connor any humanizing moments. He doesn't have the right kind of mental illness to be sympathetic to an audience.

At the core of Evan's wrongdoing is deceiving Connor's family and the public for personal gain. It's the feelings of Connor's family (who hated him) that are the ultimate concern. Connor, himself, hardly even matters. I'm not sure if that's intentional or not, but it still feels...dismissive and malicious towards anyone who has a more stigmatized form, or outward expression, of mental illness. It feels like saying: "here are the traits of mental illness that you're allowed to have and can heal from," whatever Evan has going on, "but these ones (violence, anger, substance abuse) make you a lost cause and justify your family and peers hating you."

There's so much there with Conner as a character. So much wasted potential. Idk, I just always imagine the narrative from his side whenever I re-listen to the soundtrack. Cause I'm not an Evan, in terms of how mental illness has affected my life and relationships. I'm a Connor.

[astal-art]

Been rethinking about my cringe musicals days….

[thejadeofc]

I'm just a girl in the sense odysseus sings "I'm just a man" in epic the musical while commiting war crimes

[chanaleah]

photos from Ben Platt and Noah Galvin's Jewish wedding

[roastedsloth]

Everybody thank Pinterest and clipboard buck for existing

[jm-2406]

Please let me know that I am not the only one who has read [& continues to do so] fanfictions about the characters whom I know nothing about; I haven't seen the movie/series or read the books about them but I am crushing hard on them because one of their fanfictions landed on my "for you" page...

[charlesoberonn]

[biteofboredom]

"fuck it we ball" *cries to oddly specific musical theatre songs*

[fandom-s0up]

Reblog for larger sample size

[asraindarkness]

ok pouty boy😭

+

[hawster]

Dear Evan Hansen??? Dear Castiel Novak!!!

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[mazzystar24]

Okay but picture this a couple of eps into s8 Eddie shows up at bucks all happy I mean downright giddy and just BLABBING but we the audience can see buck looks sad but we don’t know what about (and Eddie doesn’t notice at first cos yapping) then Eddie reveals the reason he’s so happy is cos Chris wants to come back and basically being like pack your bags we are driving to Texas (according to Google it’s an 11hr and 49 minute drive and also Eddie canonically just assumes buck would be involved cos why wouldn’t he) and obviously when he says the Chris coming back thing we see buck instantly brighten up

But then Eddie’s brain catches up and he’s like wait a minute what was up with his vibe before I said that and he looks around realising the loft is in ‘buck is sad’ mode and then buck drops that him and Tommy just broke up and before he asks that he doesn’t wanna talk about it (and we the audience hadn’t seen this so we spend the ep as much in the dark as Eddie is) so Eddie (while concealing his conflicted happy bt are done but concerned for buck emotions) is like even better we’ll take your mind off it with the road trip! 🤩

Maybe Buck tries to be like oh I’m not gonna be good company or oh I don’t wanna impose and Eddie’s just looking at him like he grew two heads and is like what are you on about you dumbass (affectionate) I literally always want your company and you never impose

And boom it’s a Texas road trip episode

Shenanigans ensue on the way to get there maybe, flat tires, people needing help,etc

Maybe they stop at motel on the way cos it’s a long drive or cos of one of the little things that happen (and there is only one bed <- damn who said that???) and they go to a bar (preferably cowboy bar for cowboy hat Eddie reasons- and when I say cowboy bar I use that loosely because the vibes we want is save a horse, ride a cowboy not be gay, get shot - we are a pink pony club not republican club) and buck is acting weird the whole trip but they’re still their drunk affectionate selves but there is a vibe that we and Eddie are both meant to think is cos of the breakup, maybe buck even gets hit on and drunk buck is a yapper and starts talking abt loving a guy who’s never gonna love him, etc, etc and Eddie overhears and thinks it’s tommy and hello complicated feelings again

As the trip goes on buck starts getting more at ease

Eddie is still concerned tho

Buckley Diaz family reunion and all the feels

And this is when you guys get to choose your story:

Either once buck and Eddie go home and they have a moment that’s like their usual ones (very romantic but gaslighting is saying it’s platonic) and when buck is alone we get a flashback to the bt breakup and its revealed that buck has feelings for Eddie (whether that is realised during the breakup or he broke up with tommy cos he realised etc)

Orrr

Diaz parents being dickheads, we get a will mention AND an Eddie confession that is overheard by buck, (then either buck acts on it before the ep is over or we are left on a question mark) AND THEN we get the flashback

[melancholicmelanin]

SHOW ME TO ME REACHEL (the video of mike faust singing my humps) I BEG 😩🙏

Ask and I shall deliver. You so lucky Twitter was behaving cause I did not like the original tweet.

Can we take some time to appreciate Grammy winner Mike Faist giving us an impromptu performance of The Black Eye Pea's My Humps.

[hauntingoldhouses]

his muse.

[ifyoucandaniel]

Alright! So I finished hand binding Crimson Rivers by @mayzarbewithyou :) this was my first time bookbinding so excuse the mistakes I am far from great, but all in good time! This fic basically changed the trajectory of my life so I thought I’d give it the love it deserves! the spine is regulus standing looking up at the tree and he is purposely put on the last book because he finally learned how to climb and grow. I’m so emotional over the end of the fic so this is very emotional to me. I did the typeset myself and there are some cool details I’ll try to put in another post, but basically I added all of Zar’s end notes as footnotes to the specific scenes he talks about! All very fun and the dingbats match the theme for the books and the backs each have quotes the correspond. I split it into 5 just because it didn’t feel right to have the epilogues in the same book as the war. They were two completely different parts of the story so I separated them. Anyways I’ll make another post. This was a labor of love and I hope I did it Justice :)