#Day 91 of hiding from my friends

[anotherferalrat]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DILUC

My love, my son, my boy, I wish nothing bad happened to you evr<3

Dw the character development makes you hot tho

Pun not intended... i say like a liar

[love-bugsy]

meet cut(e) | jason todd

the worst thing about love

you’re just trying to get through your surgical residency, but this masked vigilante keeps showing up half-dead on your fire escape and reminding you of your dead best friend. oh well, at least he's cute.

one | two | three | series masterlist

tw: allusions to character death, depictions of grief, mentions of blood and injuries, swearing, completely ooc Jason but he’s like my own lil character now and I’m protective, i learned my medical terminology from grey's anatomy don't hate me

only jerks steal other people's writing (just don't repost, mate)

You’re awake when he stumbles into your apartment two weeks later. You stare at him owlishly; knees tucked up against your plush, non-indented couch, glass of Merlot in your hand kept carefully away from the carpet you just scrubbed the bloodstains out of. You set it gingerly on your coffee table, half convinced he’s not real.

“I got… a cut.” It seems strange for this masked vigilante - you may or may not have been doing some tipsy research on the hooded hero - to look so sheepish. All six feet of him stooped in your cramped apartment, one hand clutched to his side, that emotionless mask staring straight through you. You get up from your couch wordlessly, walking down the hallway to rummage through your bathroom. 

First aid kit and isopropyl in hand, you return to his awkward stance in the middle of your living room; his gaze intently focused on your overstuffed bookshelf. His attention snaps to you when your sock-clad footsteps meet the edge of the plush rug separating you. From this angle, you can see the stubborn, brown bloodstain that you tried to hide under the leg of your armchair - little marks… stains or rusting memories… You gesture to your couch, and he sits, taking off his jacket.

Yanking a stool over to sit in front of him, you pull up his shirt, brows furrowing at the slice in his side. He’s undressed the cut you stitched up for him before he should have, and you examine it while you clean his most recent knife wound. Your stitches are far from perfect - the scar bulging in some areas - but for such a high tension wound, it’s healed well.

Your eyes flicker up to his blood red mask for a moment, and it occurs to you - distantly - that you should probably be terrified. I mean, seriously. A part of you screams that this is how people get murdered. Another part of you thinks that this is the most vulnerable he ever gets; his shirt off, gritting his teeth through the pain of 91% isopropyl alcohol. 

Another - buried - part of you thinks this seems familiar.

Your gaze darts back down to his chest, lingering unconsciously on the end of the scar that cuts out from underneath his shirt. Your eyes catch on the ugly bruises decorating the tan expanse of his torso, some angry and purple, others a sickly yellow. He clears his throat awkwardly and your cheeks heat, returning your attention to sterilising his wound. Real classy, birdie, ogling a guy whose face you’ve never seen. He breaks the thick silence first, low voice crackling through his modulator.

“How’s it look, doc? ‘m I gonna survive?” You hide a smile beneath your exasperated look, brows knitted. Still, you can’t fully conceal the amused edge in your dry tone.

“You’re not nearly as charming when you’ve been stabbed.” He cocks his mask; unreadable. For a long moment, you think you might have actually offended him, until he huffs out a staticky laugh.

“Slashed, actually.” You scrunch your nose. Pedantic asshole. 

“Look, I’ve had a long day, which wasn’t exactly made better by having to patch up a freak in a super-suit, so just… save the witty ironicism for someone who didn’t have to clean up baby vomit all day.” You can hear the smile in his voice when he responds, mask’s gaze still fixed on your face.

“Ouch, doc, and here I thought you were happy to see me.” A little pause as you meet his gaze briefly, unable to shake the familiarity… the instinctive fondness that warms your chest. His next words seem more guarded. “So, why’re you helping me then?”  Good question. Your focus never falters from the slow concentric circles you’re rubbing around his wound with an alcohol soaked hand towel. 

“I took an oath.” He laughs again and you quash the little spark of pride that hearing it gives you. You swap the towel in your hand for a roll of bandages and a plaster, applying the latter first before starting to wrap his waist.

“My bad, doc, I thought you were helping me out of the goodness of your heart.”

You scrunch your nose, trying to suppress the smile that tugs insistently at your mouth. Reaching for a clip, you secure his bandages and help him pull his shirt down so it doesn’t catch. You get up from the stool, shuffling it out of the way for your future self to move back in front of your kitchen island. Yawning, you stretch your hands above your head, a little noise of relief leaving your mouth when the tension in your shoulders loosens. You pretend not to notice how his mask tilts, lingering on the sliver of skin exposed as your shirt lifts.

He settles backwards, leaning his shoulders over the arm of your couch so that his legs don’t dangle over the edge. You watch as he yanks your throw blanket haphazardly over his torso and crosses his arms over his chest. You’re sure he must be keeping you in his peripheral as you startle out of eyeing him warily, but he doesn’t acknowledge any of it. Maybe to save you some dignity. Padding back to the hallway, you make it halfway before pausing, words spilling from your mouth unbidden.

“You can have some coffee, you know.”

“What?” The question comes out slurred, a full night’s worth of adrenaline finally dwindling. It brings back a flash of a near empty coffee pot - last dregs dripping slowly into a blue mug held in lethargic hands. You blink.

“In the morning.” He tilts his mask, and you stumble to elaborate, “When you sneak out. You can have some coffee.” Cautious, you study his reaction, but your vigilante doesn’t move an inch - his mask’s white slits boring holes into you like he’s trying to figure you out. Or waiting for a catch. You think he might trust you more if you give him one.

“You have to wash the mug, though. And the coffee’s old.” If you focus hard enough, you can hear something percolating - the coffee in your makeshift warmer or… the tenuous thread of something like dependency. He shifts on the couch and you suppress a wince at the stress it will put on his injuries.

“I like old coffee,” he hums out blurrily, hushed static of his modulator nearly rendering the words unintelligible. You flinch, turning off the living room light instead of responding.

You’re seventeen, he’s sixteen. You give him shit for being two months younger than you. It’s so late at night you’ll start to call it morning soon, and the two of you sit on opposite sides of a diner counter.

You lean over the counter, arms outstretched, dropping your head into your clasped hands. He reaches over you, pouring out another cup of old, lukewarm coffee. He follows it up with an unholy amount of cream and sugar - just how you like it - nudging it over to you with that wry grin of his.

“Tired, birdie?” You are tired, but not as tired as he is. You think maybe Wayne Enterprises should be funding his college tuition, not this superhero shit. Superhero shit that he never talks about, except. He used to tell you everything. You used to tell him everything.

Because he’s smart. He’s really smart. Smart enough to not risk his life every night. You want to tell him that but you know he doesn’t see it that way. In that mask, he’s infallible. Instead, you hum in agreement, dragging the mug closer and taking a sip. You scowl at the bitterness.

He frowns petulantly, looking at you with tired, amused eyes. “You don’t like my coffee?” You set down your cup, wrinkling your nose at the unexpectedly loud ‘clink’ it makes against the counter.

“You’re so dramatic, blue, only you like day-old coffee.” He gives you a dry look, one that says he’s too tired to mock-argue with you. So instead, you turn on the sink behind the counter, rinsing cutlery to load the dishwasher. You both sit in near silence, broken only by his fingers tapping carefully on the counter and your absent-minded hums. 

~

You spend days agonising over a present as his birthday rapidly approaches, though you know he hates the fuss. You settle on a gunmetal grey lighter, shakily hand engraved with a bluejay. Something to replace his shitty BIC one, with its smudged sharpie lettering that barely spells out ‘JT’. 

Secretly, you look forward to the sardonic comment he'll make about how he thought you disapproved of his cancer sticks. The truth is, you don't think you could stop enabling him.

~

A month out from his birthday, he drops by after patrol with your copy of Wuthering Heights. You ask if he liked it and he says he didn’t. Something, something, overly maudlin. He’s lying. He always gets that little specific crease between his eyebrows when he lies to you.

It feels like all you see lately.

Are the nightmares getting worse?

Lie.

Stayin’ out of trouble?

Lie.

Are we always going to be like this? Am I always going to lose you when you put on that suit?

Lie.

Over and over until you snap, poking a finger straight into the crease and smoothing it out. You tell him you want the truth and he tells you he can’t give it to you. You yell at him for ten hour-long minutes, sweeping angry gestures with your arms. One of them knocks over his half-full mug - blue shards shattering in the slow spill of murky coffee. You wish you remembered what he said to you, but all you remember is watching him leave. The last time he ever did.

You wait two weeks for him to come back, recording apologetic voicemails that he dodges with clipped, sullen phone calls. Then, he stops picking up at all.

His death isn’t reported on the news.

Alfred visits you once after he dies, carrying Jason’s old leather jacket like a sleeping animal that might come alive at any second. You don’t talk - not even when he hands it to you - you don’t know what you would say. You don’t know each other, you have nothing in common, except that you loved the same person once.

Your life shrinks - going through the same mechanical motions for months on end, school, work, home. It feels blasphemous to do anything but stare at the jacket - to lift it from where it hangs on the back of your door, to make it yours instead of his - until, one day, you can’t bear to be distant from him anymore. You put it on, shove your hands in the pockets like he always did, digging around. You find an old hairtie of yours in the inside pocket and a stick of apple pie flavoured lip balm you lent him last winter. 

His lighter is in the front pocket, blue as his pale, dark eyes. Carefully, you place it on your desk, next to the one you meant to gift him. 

Two lighters and you don’t even fucking smoke.

oof okay, this one was a bit of a monster (don't know if it bodes well for this series for me to have struggled with this chapter so much lol) but i hope you guys like it. :) i might have to take a little break over the next month because of my final exams, but rest assured, doc and jay will be back again come november. tysm for reading!

with love, bugsy

[ijuliet]

calc tutor hyuck

paring : lee donghyuck x gn!reader

warnings : college!au, mature, kissing, sexual innuendo, mark and jaehyun are mentioned TT

 wc : 600~ words

isaac newton was your worst enemy, because who in their right mind would have the time of day to create calculus! sadly, with a D+ on both midterms, you forced yourself to sign up for the tutoring program your professor recommended with a tear in your eye. it killed your pride, but you didn't want to end the class with anything lower than a C.

luckily, you were paired up with the cutest dork ever, and you began to thank your brain for having a hard time with the course.

lee donghyuck had dark brown hair and sun-kissed skin. the first time you met him, his glasses were black, and he wore a neatly ironed crew neck. but as the days went by, hyuck would wear his clear glasses and loose graphic shirts (you loved these sessions because you could see the moles littered on his collarbones, which left you wondering how much more he was hiding).

and as you got closer, hyuck would bring you lunch and tell you the gossip between his best friends and their latest fuck. the way he exaggerated the stories always made you giggle.

i’m serious y/n! jaehyun hooked up with his sociology professor, he has a noona kink

or

the last girl i tutored stopped showing up because mark rejected her, too bad she ended with a D in calc… wait… you wont ditch me if i introduce you to mark, right?

oh and of course, hyuck was a great tutor.

not only did his inner-circle-drama and OOTDs encourage you to meet him at the library every thursday, but his promise to gift you with a surprise if you got above a 90 on your next test did too.

surprisingly, when test day rolled around, you landed a 91! hyuck was so proud of you and picked you up from the ground and into a hug in the middle of the fiction aisle. when he put you down, his smile never disappeared, and a light blush covered his face as he muttered apologies, i knew you could do it y/n.

for your gift, hyuck invited you to a movie night at his apartment. although it didn’t seem like much, it felt as if you were becoming a part of his life.

his home was comfortable and expected from the clever boy, and the way hyuck happily showed off his gaming setup made him live up to his nerdy persona.

tutoring you helps pay for my double monitors, he’d say as you playfully push his shoulder.

you both popped popcorn in the microwave and laughed together, confessing you might’ve written the formulas on your hand.

when suddenly the electricity shut down. the quickly turned dark setting took you both by surprise as you jumped towards each other's bodies for safety. hyuck quickly held your hand before clicking the flashlight button on his phone.

soon enough, you were both sat on hyuck's bed, knee to knee, shoulder to shoulder, while his birthday cake candles are lit around the room. he apologized for a ruined celebration, but you insisted being with you hyuck is just enough.

despite the room being dimly lit, you could feel hyuck relax beside you, taking his hand off of his lap and behind your back. now inches away from you, you turned your head and began to shape the figure of his face and move towards him, locking eyes and staring at his lips.

hyuck pulled you into a kiss as his hand crawled up to the back of your neck, pulling you in deeper. his lips were soft and tasted like the perfect buttered popcorn you get at the movie theaters. your hands played with the hair at the nape of his neck, slightly pulling and earning you a whimper.

you straddled his lap and could immediately feel his bulge beneath you. breaking off of the kiss with a smile on your faces, you reached out to touch his wet lips with your thumb before moving up and removing his glasses, whilst cracking a question:

"what if i get a 95 on my next test?"

sitting in my drafts for months, imy haechannnnnn

[rippleclan]

RippleClan: Moon 32

Rustshade and Downstar see each other in a different light and have become mates.

[Image ID: Rustshade and Downstar face their living children. Under Rustshade, it says + MATE: DOWNSTAR. Under Downstar, it says + MATE: RUSTSHADE.]

“This can’t continue,” Rustshade grumbled.

“What are you talking about?” Mousepaw huffed. The pair shared a meal Rabbitjoy and Rattlepelt claimed would become a culinary staple of RippleClan some day; salted, kelp-wrapped meat. It was nothing like any of the other Clans made, and Rustshade wasn’t too sure if he liked it, despite the positive feedback from the rest of the Clan. Then again, his mind was not on food that day. Instead, his eyes were stuck on Downstar’s den.

“I didn’t mean to say that aloud,” Rustshade gulped, hiding his expression in his kelp wrap. “Just some private concerns. No need for you to worry, Mousepaw.”

“Since when do I worry about anything anyone else does?” Mousepaw scoffed. Rustshade sighed and stood, shaking sand and snow off his belly. 

“You can eat my leftovers,” Rustshade muttered, heading for the leader’s den. 

He weaved between the masses of Clanmates gathered to share their own portions of the salty new treat. He slipped into the shadows of the shipwreck and the depths of Downstar’s den. Downstar laid in her nest, quietly eating her small kelp wrap. She looked up as soon as Rustshade entered.

“Is something wrong?” Downstar asked, hurrying to her paws.

“Not with me,” Rustshade grunted, marching to Downstar’s side. He squared his jaw and said, “Downstar, as your friend, I am ordering you to leave your den.”

“You’ve never had a good sense of humor, Rustshade,” Downstar muttered, sitting back down.

“This is not a joke,” Rustshade snapped. “Your leg has been fine for over a moon. You’ve avoided half a year’s worth of Gatherings and holidays. This isn’t like you.”

“I haven’t been in a social mood, Rustshade,” Downstar growled, curling her lip. 

“The Clan is worried,” Rustshade hissed, meeting Downstar’s sneer with his own bared teeth. “You haven’t been yourself since the darkhound attacked.”

“Leave me alone, Rustshade!” Downstar snapped. “Go back to your apprentice.” Downstar flicked her tail at Rustshade and turned her back.

“You know better than to believe this is healthy,” Rustshade grunted. He stomped around and faced Downstar, despite the way her amber eyes focused on anything but him.

“What am I supposed to do?” Downstar huffed. “You’re out there, enjoying yourselves, when all I can think about is what we need to do to prepare for the next challenge StarClan will throw at us. Staying in here has been easier.” 

“I understand, I do,” Rustshade insisted. “When my kits died, I wanted to put all my energy into making sure my others thrived. I forgot that I had to thrive too for a while there.”

“You did?” Downstar asked.

“I keep it hidden better,” Rustshade sighed. He sat next to Downstar and said nothing for a while. Downstar’s quiet breaths filled the den. 

“I don’t quite know where to go from here,” Downstar admitted.

“Just know you’re not alone,” Rustshade said. His paw slipped next to Downstar’s. A little-felt spark passed through him. A moment later, Downstar rested her tail over his. Rustshade leaned into Downstar, and Downstar into him.

(Rustshade: 76, male, codekeeper, sneaky, learner of lore)

(Mousepaw: 9, female, codekeeper apprentice, loyal, oddly observant)

(Downstar: 91, female, leader, adventurous, trusted advisor, very clever)

James confessed his feelings to Weedfoot and they have become mates.

[Image ID: Weedfoot and James stand together, facing Oilstripe. Paleshade’s ghost stands next to Oilstripe, transparent. Oilstripe says, “Paleshade couldn’t be happier.” Under Weedfoot, it says + MATE: JAMES. Under James, it says + MATE: WEEDFOOT.]

---

Oilstripe wasn’t sure what to think of her father’s new relationship. He liked Downstar? Oilstripe knew they were close, all the founding members were to some degree, but Downstar? Didn’t she still hate Oilstripe? Her opinion seemed to have softened since Oilstripe revealed her secret sight to the Clan, but still… did she have to consider Wildclaw and her brothers as her own siblings? Did she have to call Downstar her mother? Please. She had no idea where her real mother’s spirit even was, she wasn’t going to get another mother. At least they had the good graces to quickly inform their children.

“Good for Rustshade!” Applepelt chirped. Her ghost spent a lot of time around camp, keeping an eye on Oilstripe and Carnationspeckle. Currently, she and Oilstipe sat by the oven, enjoying the leftover scent of Rabbitjoy’s kelp dish. “If they think they’ll be better off together, I say this is something to celebrate.”

“I’m allowed to be a little grumpy,” Oilstripe scoffed, flicking her tail through Applepelt’s transparent back leg. Applepelt’s star-speckled whiskers twitched. A shiver ran down her back.

“Oh, oh, Oilstripe!” Applepelt chirped. “Pay attention. More cats are visiting.” Star-studded cats slipped out of nearly every den in camp. Wasppaw, a bright golden tom, charged out of the apprentice’s den. Lavenderleaf, in all her soft brown glory, rubbed past Rabbitjoy as she made her way into the heart of the camp. Even more warriors whom Oilstripe almost never saw joined the more familiar faces, with everyone eagerly chatting. But it was Paleshade, emerging from behind the Shiprock, who caught Oilstripe’s attention. Her gray and cream pelt glimmered against the snow lining camp. 

“They’ll be here in a few moments, everyone!” Paleshade cheered. She caught Oilstripe’s eye and called, “Oilstripe! Join us! You will want to celebrate.”

“Applepelt, do you know why they’re here?” Oilstripe asked.

“I have no idea,” Applepelt chirped, as obnoxiously positive as ever. “The Ashes in the Water are always doing something together.” Of course, the cats Oilstripe didn’t recognize were other members of the Ashes in the Water! The old red tom laying between Burdockcreek and Clammask had to be Redcloud. The gray and brown toms were Finstrike and Sprucespring. And the fawny molly trotting around camp was Burdockstream! Everyone Weedfoot lost in AshClan was gathering in camp, eagerly waiting for… something.

Oilstripe hopped off the rocks and weaved around her living Clanmates (mostly her siblings and the Downstar litter, still discussing their parents’ announcement). Wasppaw bounced around Paleshade, straining to look over the rocky borders of camp.

“Where is she?” Wasppaw groaned. “I can’t take it!”

“Patience is a virtue, Wasppaw,” Paleshade purred. “I think I hear their pawsteps in the snow outside.”

“Who exactly are we waiting for?” Oilstripe muttered. Even though the Clan knew she saw ghosts, she still held hushed conversations when others were in ear-shot.

At that moment, Weedfoot and James strolled into camp. They walked in sync, pelts together and tails interwoven. StarClan cheered as James nuzzled Weedfoot’s cheek. 

“Are those two finally together?” Mousepaw scoffed from where she shared tongues with Shadowdrop. Her blunt question caught the attention of the living cats. RippleClan’s eyes rested on James and Weedfoot.

“A rather rude way to phrase it,” James chuckled, “but the two of us have grown closer these last few moons, and after a long discussion… yes. We are together.”

“StarClan, two in one day!” Burdockcreek groaned. The living and the dead swarmed James and Weedfoot. Rustshade and Downstar peeked out of the leader’s den and investigated the hub-bub. Oilstripe stayed outside of the crowd. To her surprise, Paleshade stayed with her.

“Shouldn’t you be congratuating your old mate?” Oilstripe asked. She winced and said, “That’s not a sore subject, is it? I don’t know how you manage having one mate in StarClan and another alive.”

“I’m overjoyed for Weedy,” Paleshade purred. “James is a charming tom. I know they’ll be happy together. I also know that I’m certain to become close friends with James once he joins our ranks.” Paleshade winked and Oilstripe couldn’t hold back a snort. “But how about you? Weedfoot is your closest friend. Congratulate her.” 

“I don’t know if that’s true anymore,” Oilstripe muttered, staring at her old mentor. Weedfoot laughed and joked with the cats around her, utterly unaware that her old friends were a part of the festivities. “I always knew other cats thought I was weird before they knew I spoke to the dead. But Weedfoot thought I was sick and said nothing. If she really cared about me, why didn’t she talk to me?”

“She thought Fennelspot was helping,” Paleshade explained. Her misty tail passed through Oilstripe’s body. “She didn’t want to overstep. She didn’t know how to approach the subject.”

“How much of our friendship was her taking pity on me?” Oilstripe gulped. “Did she even see me as an equal?” She couldn’t bear to look at Weedfoot any longer.

“The only way you can answer those questions is if you have the conversation you’ve been avoiding for moons,” Paleshade huffed. “It doesn’t take the wisdom of StarClan to know that communication is the greatest tool a friend can wield to heal a relationship. I can’t tell you how many hours Weedfoot and I spent hashing out disagreements and ideas when we were young. You’re both mature enough to work through this. Now why don’t we see her together? I believe the crowd is thinning out.” 

Paleshade waved her tail and sure enough, the Clan drifted away from the second new couple of the day. Weedfoot made eye contact with Oilstripe. Oilstripe held her breath. Weedfoot nudged James and the pair slowly approached Oilstipe.

“I’m glad you finally said something to him,” Oilstripe stammered as Paleshade’s tail phased through her own.

“Actually, James brought it up first,” Weedfoot purred, bunting her new mate. “I’m glad, though. We’ll be stronger together.” Paleshade stood tall and nodded to Oilstripe. Oilstripe steadied her nerves.

“Paleshade couldn’t be happier,” she said, barely breathing. Weedfoot stilled, blinking slowly as she processed what Oilstripe said. “She, uh… she’s really proud of you.” Weedfoot glanced around, as though hoping she could see Paleshade herself. The molly in question moved to Weedfoot’s side, purring. Weedfoot stepped away from James and got closer to Oilstripe.

“I’m sorry I upset you, Oilstripe,” Weedfoot said. “I should have told you my concerns moons ago.”

“I was scared to tell others, because I thought they wouldn’t believe me,” Oilstripe said. “I don’t want to be the odd cat out.”

“You’re the best apprentice I’ve ever had,” Weedfoot said. She pressed against Oilstripe with a deep purr. Oilstripe pressed back, burying her face in her dear friend’s warm pelt.

(Oilstripe: 36, female, historian, charismatic, ghost speaker)

(Applepelt: 31, she/they, historian, rebellious, lore keeper)

(Mousepaw: 9, female, codekeeper apprentice, loyal, oddly observant)

(James: 108, male, caretaker, charismatic, den builder, formidable fighter)

(Burdockcreek: 26, male, historian, competitive, lore keeper)

(Weedfoot: 81, female, deputy, charismatic, steady paws, formidable fighter)

Fennelspot and Oilstripe have a long conversation about goals and aspirations and discover they have a lot in common.

[Image ID: Fennelspot and Oilstripe face each other.]

(Fennelspot: 89, male, cleric, insecure, trusted advisor, incredible runner)

(Oilstripe: 36, female, historian, charismatic, ghost speaker)

Weedfoot organizes a mock battle to keep RippleClan’s skills sharp.

[Image ID: Weedfoot watches a large crowd of cats, including Fennelspot, Parsley & Scrubmask, and Oilstripe, James, & Carnationspeckle.]

---

The entire camp was a part of Weedfoot’s big training exercise, even those who were never expected to fight. Wildclaw was stuck to Rattlepelt’s side, showing her some swift defensive tactics with Halibutdusk’s help. Parsley and Scrubmask practiced some basic manuvers on the rocks surrounding camp. Rustshade and Mousepaw were arguing about who to spar with, held back only by Rabbitjoy and Downstar (who had finally started participating in Clan activities again). Oilstripe’s moves were off that day, but James and Carnationspeckle both took the time to work through some kinks with her. Fennelspot and Shadowdrop were the only ones not participating; Fennelspot kept an eye out for any overeager fighters while Shadowdrop had to keep his front leg still so the bone could heal.

Weedfoot directed the practice from a comfortable spot by the oven. The Clan had some excellent fighters in their ranks! Everyone rolled and tumbled about, unaffected by the late winter chill, putting their all into showing their strength. It reminded Weedfoot of AshClan in some regards. It was the perfect distraction.

At least until Oilstripe broke off from James and Carnationspeckle and joined Weedfoot.

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong today,” Oilstripe groaned. “I can’t focus on anything! Can you spar with me for a while? You always had great things to say in battle training.”

“Oh, I’m sure James and Carnationspeckle are more than enough to help you,” Weedfoot stammered, shaking her head. “I want to make sure everyone is getting their practice in. LynxClan has been stirring up such a fuss about access to our salt resources, I want everyone to be prepared if they make a move.”

“Carnationspeckle gets nervous when she pushes too hard,” Oilstripe groaned, “and James doesn’t want to push at all. You’re still the best fighter in RippleClan, paws down.”

“Thank you, Oilstripe,” Weedfoot gulped, “but I’m sure, I don’t want to spar right now.”

“Why not?” Oilstripe asked. Her curious gaze drifted over Weedfoot’s fur. “Are you not feeling well? You devoured that bass like you haven’t eaten in moons.” Weedfoot glanced at her Clanmates, but they were all focused on their own tasks or disagreements.

“Step outside with me,” Weedfoot whispered, flicking her tail to the exit. Oilstripe quietly followed her out of camp. Weedfoot led her to the thin coast south of camp, far enough away that no one could hear them. She sat where the sand met the snow-speckled grass.

[Image ID: Weedfoot and Oilstripe face each other. Weedfoot says, “I don’t know if I can be a mother, Oilstripe. I only just decided to be a mate again.”]

“You aren’t the sort to be so nervous,” Oilstripe hummed. “What’s wrong?”

“Are there any ghosts listening in?” Weedfoot wondered as the fur on the back of her neck stood up.

“Weedfoot, just tell me what’s bothering you,” Oilstripe snapped.

“I can’t spar because I’m pregnant,” Weedfoot blurted. It was like the words exploded out of her. She subconsciously tucked her tail over her belly. Oilstripe’s whole pelt stood on end.

“Is this something we’re excited for?” Oilstripe gulped hesitantly, unable to tear her eyes off Weedfoot’s stomach.

“I don’t know,” Weedfoot groaned. She stared out at the ocean, which blew salty drops into her face. “I think I want these kits. James and I talked about parenthood half a moon ago. He would love to be a father. He said it would give him more excuses to stay in camp.” Weedfoot chuckled at the memory and looked back at Oilstripe, whose whole attention was stuck on her. “I don’t know if I can be a mother, Oilstripe. I only just decided to be a mate again.”

“You have a whole Clan of cats who adore you,” Oilstripe insisted. “We won’t put this all on you. We’ll drown your kits in love and attention.”

“I know,” Weedfoot purred, curling around her stiff belly. “I want these kits. That doesn’t stop me from being scared.”

“Does James know?” Oilstripe asked.

“Only Fennelspot and I,” Weedfoot admitted. “He told me this morning. I’m still overwhelmed.”

“It might make you feel better to see James lose his mind,” Oilstripe suggested, flicking her ears back toward camp. 

“I don’t want to stop the battle early,” Weedfoot said, settling down. “Could you sit with me for a while? We’ll go back soon, I promise.” Oilstripe scooted close and settled pelt-to-pelt against Weedfoot. It was hard for Weedfoot to form a complete thought as her mind fluttered through half-finished words and vague memories. As a large wave crashed onto the shore and stretched to meet Weedfoot’s paws, however, one word clarified itself like the shimmer of salt water on sand.

Wonderful.

(Weedfoot: 81, female, deputy, charismatic, steady paws, formidable fighter)

(Oilstripe: 36, female, historian, charismatic, ghost speaker)

[tarahardcore]

TEMPTATION - ONE

Pairing: yoongi x original female character

Summary: Roos doesn't get along with Yoongi. But she's intrigued. She's curious alright. Some would say she's tempted. Some would say the same for Yoongi.

Warnings: this content is for mature audiences only.

Tags: Mature themes, (not so good) friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff, angst, suggestive sexual themes, drug use, mental health themes, open relationships, emotional cheating, immigrant!yoongi, musicproducer!yoongi, named original character lead, original female character.

MASTERLIST ÷ next >>

Author note: I published the masterlist post by accident hahaha, but since it got some notes I guess I should drop the first chapter and just get it out of the way. I'm still in the very early stages of editing this story and I need to figure out a schedule because there're ninety one chapters to this story (although many are on the shorter side) and I really, really don't wanna take 91 weeks to publish it. So I hope I can settle for at least two parts per week once I'm finished with editing the first part of the story. I wonder which days are best for new chapter drops.

I opened the door, already putting the cigarette in my mouth and feeling my pockets for the lighter. I wasn't even thinking, I just needed to get out and take a deep breath, with the help of my best therapist.

From time to time, and more often than I would like to admit, I wonder whether I am making the right choices for my life. Living with generalized anxiety disorder and yet to be in an endless routine of night outs is not so easy and even with everything under control I sometimes feel it: I feel like I need to escape the hustle and bustle, the people leaning against me, the loud music, the enclosed space... just so I don't lose control.

I finally found the lighter in my hoodie pocket, lit my cig and took a deep breath inhaling it at the same time as my mind started to clear.

"Smoking is bad for you, you know?"

Damn it. My sense of calm evaporated as soon as I recognized the familiar voice and felt his eyes on me.

He had this stupid smile on his lips and was leaning against the wall next to the door I had just left. I saw it all as soon as I turned to look at the owner of the voice.

He also smoked a cigarette.

"OK. Thank you for letting me know."

He continued to smile and didn't take his eyes off me. Out of instinct and experience, I moved away. A few steps took me closer to the street and I kept my back to him, curled up by the cold as I tried to enjoy my cigarette in peace. But again, his voice found my ears.

"You should have put your coat on before you came out to smoke."

That tone again.

"Are you my mother?" I asked, unable to hide the irritation and frustration in my voice.

He got the message and said nothing more until he finished his own cigarette, put it out on the wall, turned towards the door and entered without looking back.

I was finally alone.

The night was freezing and I should have put on my coat before coming out for a smoke.

He was not wrong, but at that moment it was not a question of whether he was right or wrong. I went out to find some calm when it became oppressive inside; I had neither the time nor the disposition for meaningless conversation. I wasn’t even able to make meaningful conversations.

It didn't take long for me to finish my fag too and I contemplated lighting another one.

I looked behind me and through the big windows in front of the bar I could see what was going on inside. Everyone was excited, the music was loud enough to be heard from the outside, and I could hear the muffled sound of the conversations that took place over the loud music.

It was not yet late enough for people to start dancing, but neither was it so early that people were completely sober. It was that transition moment in the night, when you can go home well or you can stay and let the night and alcohol be responsible for your choices.

Tonight, I already knew what my choice would be.

I looked at my watch and, checking the time, I decided I wouldn’t light another cigarette. I buried my hands in my hoodie pockets that weren't enough to keep me warm and balanced myself on the curb, taking one step after another.

I looked through the bar window again, shook my head slightly and, taking a deep breath, walked towards the door.

After dodging several groups of people who were distracted enough not to hear me asking permission to pass through, I finally reached the big table in the back of the room, the captive spot where my friends and I sat almost night of the week.

I stopped by the table and they looked at me with interest. I signaled that I would leave and some asked me to stay. Lotte, who was the closest to me, got up to check on me. With a whispered yes, I reassured her.

On the way back to the door, I felt that I was being watched and out of the corner of my eye I saw his eyes on me once again, but I did not turn to meet his gaze.

[paralyze-fic]

Paralyze.

Chapter 91

The next day before class, Aizawa stopped by to tell us that a news channel wanted to have an interview with Katsuki and Shouto about what had happened yesterday.

And well, judging by the sight and screams coming from Katsuki, that interview wasn't going as planned.

However, it was done quite fast so we got ready to head out to U.A. and start class for the day. Everything was fine until the first break, when Kaminari and Sero watched the posted interview on the news website, both of them crying laughing at the fact that Katsuki only showed up on the corner of a camera change, and the interview was just Shouto.

"Even though they were there for an hour!" I didn't find it funny, but Kaminari's laugh and squeaky voice was funny, so I had to bite the tip of my tongue to hold in a chuckle.

I appreciated my head attached to my body.

And I could see Katsuki was pissed, whether it was about the teasing or the edited interview, I wasn't sure, but it was blantly obvious. Well, the Bakusquad was known for not being afraid of teasing the explosive blond, so I understood why they were comfortable with their comments.

Katsuki once, under a forced oath, made me swear I will never say a word about how much he actually liked having friends that would tease him back and not just do what he says in fear of his reactions.

I watched him shaking in anger as the KamiSero duo continued to laugh, and I walked closer to the spiky blond, dropping an arm around his shoulder, a small casual gesture that Sero didn't miss, but I just ignored his knowing stare.

"It's alright, Katsuki, who cares about the press anyway?" He looked up at me, kinda relieved at hearing my comment, but the duo just kept on teasing and made him angry again, so in the end my words didn't do much to help. I sighed and patted his shoulder, before heading over to my seat since break would be over soon and class would continue.

I sat on my desk, and I couldn't help but listen to what Izuku was watching on his phone. The incident at Deika City, something bigger than what occured at Kamino, with a lot more damage but less victims involved. It's been nine days since Deika.

Iida and Mineta approached Izuku to watch the news report with him, followed by Uraraka, "They view us differently thanks to the 'look at 'im' guy," yeah, I do remember seeing him in the news replay the day after Kyushu.

"It's all thanks to Endeavour." Mina said to Shouto and the door slid open right after so I sat on my chair. We watched as Midnight and Mt.Lady walked in and, like always, I remained respectful and stared at their faces as they talked and explained what the Hero training for today involved.

Turns out we had to practice dealing with the media. The bit I dreaded the most about being a hero.

///////

With everyone suited up and on the school P.E yard, a stage awaited us, along with fake cameras and Mt.Lady holding a microphone. I was really hoping those two cameras weren't real.

Well, Shouto was the first up on stage, and it was hilarious to say the least. "If I smile, they die?" This whole thing -doing interviews and press talks- actually scared me, and I had to put my hands on the pockets of my jacket to hide how much my hands were shaking, and it wasn't exactly because of the cold.

I knew this was just practice and we were playing pretend, but fuck, did it make my anxiety skyrocket to abnormally high levels.

Everyone that went after Shouto did pretty well, though that only made me a lot more anxious, and I could feel Katsuki's stare on me as I nervously nibbled on my lip. He inched closer to me and slowly slid his hand in my pocket, his fingers gracing my palm as he held my wrist, unable to do much because of his gauntlets. His silent reassurance made me a little more at ease, but soon it was his turn on stage.

"I won't blabber stupidities! Shut up and follow me!" I muffled a chuckle and looked at Katsuki with a grin. Of course he wasn't gonna put on a facade with the press and pretend to be someone he isn't.

And Shouto brought up their interview earlier today.

Well, he finished right after and I noticed Izuku stiffly walking up to the stairs and up on stage. He was stiff as hell, shaking and sweating profusely, his voice coming in small squeaks. I had never seen him so anxious before, it honestly brought a laugh out of me, which I muffled in the collar of my jacket.

Knowing someone was even more scared than I was brought me some relief. If Izuku could do it, so could I, right?

Well, his stiffness went away the moment Mt.Lady mentioned All Might and I could see in her expression how she was regretting opening that Pandora's box, listening to his unstoppable muttering. He ended up mentioning being able to do something new with his quirk, and we all knew what he meant.

Well, Katsuki and I had a better insight of it.

The expectation was high, the atmosphere tense, worried that he might go out of control again, but... He didn't. He barely even managed to release one measly tendril, and I had to close my eyes with contained laughter. He was beyond content with his progress and that made me happy for him.

"Okay, last one for today, (L/n)," Aizawa called out to me. For a moment, I tensed up, my breath catching in my throat. I let out a shaky sigh and made my way to the front of the class.

Going up the stairs felt like I was moving in slow motion, each step heavier than the last. I couldn’t quite figure out why I was so anxious—it was just hero training, and these were my friends... But anxiety doesn’t care about logic. It messes with your head, making everything feel more intense, more daunting, triggering that fight-or-flight response.

Mt.Lady smiled warmly as I stood in front of her, but all I could focus on was the nervous energy swirling in my chest. My fingers fidgeted restlessly, searching for something- anything, to anchor me amidst the sea of eyes staring in my direction.

"So, Paralyze-kun," she began, holding the mic up to me, her voice as bright as her smile. "We've seen you fight before, but everyone is curious about your quirk. Could you tell us about it?"

A simple question. Just answer it, I told myself. "S-sure, I..." The stutter slipped out before I could stop it, and a wave of self-doubt washed over me. I almost cringed but quickly took a deep breath, pinching my palm as I focused on the sensation. It helped, grounding me in the moment. "My quirk allows me to stop muscle activity of anyone I see, and transforms it into energy to help me fight."

I kept my gaze locked on her pink eyes, pretending it was just the two of us on the stage. That made it easier... just a bit.

Her smile widened, and there was a spark of genuine interest in her eyes. "Sounds like a strong quirk!"

For a brief second, I felt a flicker of pride, but it was quickly overshadowed by the familiar knot of insecurity tightening in my chest. I was damn sure my smile didn’t quite reach my eyes as I looked down at my hands, the skin on my palm reddening from the repeated pinches.

"I hope I can think so as well," I mumbled, my voice barely audible over the buzzing in my ears. The murmurs from my classmates felt distant, like I was underwater, but I noticed Mt.Lady shift slightly, catching the movement out of the corner of my eye.

"Hey," she said softly, lowering the mic for a moment. Her tone was different, turning gentler, more personal. I glanced up at her, curiosity mixing with my anxiety. "I'm sure you will," she added, her voice steady and sincere. For a moment, her eyes seemed to reflect an understanding that made me wonder if she had ever felt insecure about her own quirk.

The thought eased some of the tension in my shoulders, and I lifted my head to meet her gaze fully.

"Would you tell us some of your special moves?" she asked, the mic back in front of me.

I nodded, the corner of my mouth twitching upward in a small, genuine smile. "Of course, I have a rather recent move which is an energy beam released after I've enhanced my vocal cords. I called it 'Dead Silence'," I watched as her expression shifted, she winced slightly, clearly reacting to the description.

"Doesn't that hurt your vocal cords, though?" she asked, her concern evident. I couldn’t help but chuckle, nodding a few times.

"Yeah, it does, but... It's a move that saved me, two friends, and a little girl's life, so I want to use it whenever I can," I said, my voice firmer now. The memory of that day flashed in my mind, and I noticed how Mt.Lady’s eyes shone with something akin to admiration. The whole atmosphere seemed to change, my classmates reacting to my words with -what I kinda hoped was- newfound respect or understanding.

"This is our last question; why do you want to become a hero?" she asked, her voice back to its more professional tone, but still warm.

If I had been asked this before meeting Katsuki, I wouldn’t have been able to answer. But now... Now, I had one clear goal in mind.

"To... save the people who can’t save themselves and give them a chance at a better life," I answered, the conviction in my voice surprising even me.

Mt.Lady held my gaze for a moment, and then she smiled, a genuine, proud smile that made something inside me feel lighter. The kind of smile that made me believe that, just maybe, I was on the right path.

"Well, that's it for today. Mt.Lady, anything else you wanna say?" Aizawa spoke and I turned around to head back to the ground, standing in between Katsuki and Izuku.

"The most important thing to keep in mind is... Be confident." She began while crossing her arms, her stance showing pride and confidence, "Confidence is key when presenting yourself as a Hero, whether it'd be in front of the media or in the field. However, remember that confidence should never across over into arrogance," Katsuki grunted under his breath when our classmates glanced at him briefly, "Stay grounded, be aware of your strengths, but also acknowledge your weaknesses."

She continued, briefly explaining us various things, like 'knowing our story' and 'staying calm under pressure', before moving over to more direct and personal advice for all of us. Everyone who were told they could improve nodded eagerly at her advice, determined to get better at something as random as talking to the media.

"Deku," he flinched and stood stiffly again, trembling under Mt.Lady's stare, "You're incredibly knowledgeable and passionate about heroes, which is fantastic, but try not to overthink your responses," Izuku nodded at the advice, and Mt.Lady added something about his habit of muttering and going on tangents, and added he should try to keep his answers short and precise, "Practice on that."

Now, Katsuki was under her pink stare.

"Bakugou, you're strong and driven, but your aggressive tone might come off the wrong way to the public, it's important to channel that passion in a way that constructive rather than confrontational," as if completely ignoring her advice, he scoffed and looked away with a scowl, "Work on softening your approach when it comes to speaking to the media, you can be aggressive and confrontational when you're fighting villains."

That got him to show a small grin.

"Paralyze," hearing my name being called made me snap my head forward since I was too busy staring at Katsuki, "You have a strong quirk and a strong sense of purpose, which is incredible, I can see that you're passionate about helping others, but don't let self-doubt hold you back," I nodded at her, bitting my bottom lip as I took in every word she spoke, "Work on bulding your confidence, specially with public speaking, but remember, the more you believe in yourself, the more others will too."

She smiled and clapped her hands, proceeding to hop down the stairs.

"Well, that's all I have to teach you for today, kids!" She exclaimed as she stopped next to Aizawa and Midnight, "Hope you learned something useful today."

///////

It's several days later, and I honestly didn't feel like getting up from bed at all. However, the class had different plans, as they had already announced a Christmas dinner the day before.

As someone who isn't big fan of holidays -neither does my family- I found it quite bothersome. This wasn't about not wanting to spend time with friends or family, it was just the fact that I didn't need to celebrate a holiday to do it.

And of course, Katsuki had to drag me downstairs the moment he realized I wasn't coming down on my own. Mina was on us as soon as we came in around the corner, holding two Santa jackets, one for each. I didn't wanna seem like an asshole, so I grabbed the red one and put it on while Katsuki absolutely refused to wear it, although Kaminari ended up putting a Santa hat on him.

Everyone was talking about the hero internships that were coming back, and I remembered going over to Nighteye's office -now under Centipeder- and asking them about it. I had tried calling but they weren't picking up so I had to go over. Unfortunately, they were packed with paperwork all by themselves, so they were unable to take both Izuku and me again, so I ended up asking Shouto if he could tell Endeavour that I would be coming over for my internship.

Shouto seemed kinda happy about it, though it was hard to notice any kind of change in his usual stoic expression.

"Bakugou, you'll be going with Jeanist, right?" Wait, why was this the first time I heard about Katsuki doing his first internship under Best Jeanist?

He had asked for me as well... What would've happened if I had gone with him instead of Nighteye? Interesting.

I got distracted by Katsuki's face, he was staring at the ground with an empty expression, "I haven't decided yet," he replied after a few seconds of silence, reaching his hand up to his hair and dragging the hat off.

He began walking off, and Mina sneaked up behind, trying to get him to wear a jacket. He turned around with his honed senses and yelled at her to get away.

"What about you, (M/n)? Midoriya told us about Centipeder," I looked at Eijiro as he looked at me with a smile, Shouto standing to his left and Izuku sitting on the couch on his right. 

"I'm going with Endeavour," Izuku stared at me, as if he just remembered something.

"Right, Endeavour asked you to be his intern, I forgot about that."

Our small chat was interrupted with Aizawa coming in through the front door, Eri coming in with her with a Santa dress, "Trick or... Treat?" She hesitated as she turned to look at Aizawa.

I smiled as I watched her, still learning and getting used to having a normal childhood.

"That's another holiday."

//////

With our new two guests, we had dinner and chatted for a while. The night was full of delicious food, laughter and music until we got to the gift exchange. Since we were gonna be picking gifts at random, buying something that would be general was difficult, but I managed.

Something that everyone in the world enjoyed -or the vast majority-, was listening to music or maybe podcasts, so high-tech and durable headphones were my option for a gift. Whether I purposefully picked one that was black and orange, was only my concern.

Sero tapped all the gifts, and they were all put in a pile, each of us picking one of the tape trails and pulling on them, unwrapping our gifts with excitement.

I got an All Might themed notebook, which surprisingly was not a gift from Izuku since he told me he bought an All Might keychain, which Uraraka ended up getting.

I honestly liked it, despite having a lot of notebooks for my (writings/drawings), there was no such thing as 'too many notebooks' in my dictionary.

"Oh, you got my gift, (M/n)," looking over my shoulder, I saw Shouto staring down at me as I was sitting on the couch.

"Well, I'm glad I did, kinda needed one," I smiled at him and he sat on the armrest of the couch, "What did you get?"

"A Crimson Riot phone case," he pulled his phone out and showed it to me. Not gonna lie, that looked cool as fuck.

"Is this your gift, Bakugou?" I heard Kaminari ask, so I looked over, seeing in his hands the headphones I bought. He definitely noticed the colours and small 'x' plastered under the name of the brand.

"Shitty hair got my gift," glancing the way he pointed, I saw Eijiro wearing boxing gloves with an explosion design on them.

He looked down at the headphones with confusion on his face, so I raised my hand for a second, "That's my gift, Pikachu," he looked at me, something akin to surprised plastered on his face.

"Really? I've been saving my allowance to be able to buy one of these," well, it made me happy to know he liked my gift despite how we picked them at random.

"Well, I'm happy you like them," he smiled at me and tried them on while slightly bouncing on his spot.

I sighed and stood up, taking my jacket off as I was getting kinda warm with it on and walked over to the tables to drop it off, but I caught sight of Katsuki, with his arms crossed and discreetly rubbing his arms with his hands.

I walked up to him and gently dropped the jacket around his shoulder without a word, gently shuffling his spiky hair.

"Love you," I mouthed at him and went back to the couches, picking up the empty plates off the coffee table to bring them over to kitchen. Soon enough, the rest started cleaning up as well, getting the decors off the wall or swiping the floors.

There was a comfy silence between us, only the subtle sound of music playing in the background.

"Midoriya, Bakugou," Shouto's voice caught my attention as I was cleaning the tables and I looked up at him, "If you don't anywhere to go, do you want to come over with the number one? Be Endeavour's interns."

After the partial shock, Izuku asked Shouto if it really was okay, to which he said 'yes, he will do it if I ask him to', and Katsuki scoffed, "At least I'll be able to learn something from that old man."

With that being said, we all went back to what we were doing, then heading to bed as soon as we were done with the clean up of the common area.

Back in my room, I spotted the gift I bought specifically for Katsuki. It was kinda dumb, but I saw it, I imagined Katsuki with it and it was too cute not to buy, so I did. It was a Stitch onesie. It was that one or a Toothless onesie, so I did an eenie meanie to pick, otherwise, I would have ended up buying both.

I grabbed the bag it was still in and walked out of my room, the lights were off and there wasn't a single sound. Everyone must have been really tired to have fallen asleep pretty much immediately after lying in bed.

I walked the few steps from my room to Katsuki's and knocked on the door, "Can I come in?"

The door opened without an answer and Katsuki went back to his desk.

"You don't need to ask, just come in," he was doing something on his laptop, which only lasted a few more seconds before he turned it off and closed, "Why are you...?"

I extended my arm out to him, holding the bag in front of him. He stared at it before looking up at me with a quizzical look on his face.

"Merry Christmas, it's your present," he looked at me as if he couldn't believe I bought something for him specifically, but his lips soon pulled up into a smirk, and he snickered, reaching down to the side of his desk. He pulled up a plastic bag and turned to me.

"Merry Christmas to you too, idiot," we laughed and exchanged gifts. I sat on his bed, and opened the bag, taking out the black thing inside. It was a soft material, felt cozy as shit, so it was clothing. I took it out and held it in front of me.

It was a hoodie version of his skull shirt. And I loved it.

"Thank you, Kat-," I couldn't finish my words.

Standing there before me, was Katsuki, wearing the Stitch onesie, the hood almost fully covering his face. He looked so fucking cute!

I covered my face in the hoodie and held in a squeal, "So? How is it?" Peeking at him, I saw him doing funny poses as if he was a model, I laughed as I watched him, and his smile grew.

"I take it you liked it?"

"Are you kidding? I've been wanting one of these onesies since I was a little brat," he replied with a giggle, playing with the ears on the hood, "What about you? You like my gift?"

I looked down at the hoodie and I hurried to put it on. It fit me perfectly and I realized I was right, it's so damn cozy, "Yep, now we can have matching outfits, love."

That night, I was unable to stop looking at Katsuki's smile.

//////

New Year went by uneventful, like any other year. I went back home for the day accompanied by the Pro-Hero, Shishido, and the car ride was quite chill despite him being a lion, or well, having a lion quirk. I expected him to be more intense.

While I didn't get to be with Katsuki, I was able to have some bonding time with the little monsters, we played a lot of videogames, talked about how school was and anything fun that might have happened.

"Oh, (M/n)," I looked up at my mom as she walked in from the yard, "U.A. notified us the internships were back, do you know where you're going? Because I know some heroes who could take you..."

I chuckled at her comment, remembering both her and my dad met because they both worked creating support items for heroes, and they still do. "It's okay, I'll be going over to Endeavour with my friends."

The twins paused the game and turned to me at the sound of the number one hero.

"Endeavour?! For real?!" I smiled and nodded at their excited smiles, "Can you get us an autograph?"

Their twin telepathy sometimes scared me, "I will try, do you have anything you want signed by him?" They nodded and stood up, running to their room, "Since when are they fans of Endeavour? I thought they were scared of him."

Mom chuckled and nodded, "They still are, but it's more of a... 'He's so cool and strong', kinda scary." Yeah, I understood where they were coming from.

"My exact thoughts when I met him, mom."

[hannahlovesluca]

So i heard about u doing nijisanji matchups so why not :DD

Nijisanji male matchup pretty plz w cherry on top

Gender:Gender is nothing but a social conCepttTttt(jk cis female but there were times ppl mistook me as a guy once LMAO)

Pronouns:I don't have any in particular,i don't mind any of them as long as its not they/them

Sexuality:....i..don't know actually.Like.Women.But Men.But women.i'll just say bisexual..

Zodiac:Aquarius

Appearance:Shoulder length black hair,i'm kiiinda tall?Im taller than most of my friends.Black fox-like(i think thats what they call them??) Eyes,and i wear literally anything.Like imagine someone in a black turtleneck and some random ass floral button up shirt with the most obnoxious pants ever(for clarification this isnt my attempt at getting in r/builtdifferentfromothergirls i just get cold easily).Oh and im as blind as a bat without my glasses,i only put them on when i wanna put myself in the attractiveness scale for shits and giggles sometimes i wear random jackets i find in my room like that one hot pink jacket i covered in the bee movie stickers for some reason

Mbti:Entp

Idk my ennagram sorry :((

Personality:im pretty laid-back but based on sources(aka my mutuals) i am the embodiment of a living cockroach because of me almost dying like 5 times(vibe checked by god 5 times and he did NOT approve of me...like mf be frfr) i procastinate until like a day before the deadline cause i only work with pressure cause my brains just built like that(rushing calculus my beloved) I LOVE MATHS SO MUCH U CANT IMAGINE(and the cries of my discord besties cause the moment they go back on vc they see the discord whiteboard filled with god knows what) and im preeeeetty confident in myself unless someone genuinely compliments me,if that happens im just gonna disintegrate into dust

Likes:that one meme where the green guy from avengers goes "why is galora",yugioh,jumping into my friends random vc comedically 4 shits and giggles,resident evil,taking care of everyone(and not taking care of myself cause im a self aware hypocrite),DEBATES I LOVE THEM SM THEY GIVE ME SO MUCH ADRENALINE

Dislikes:when someone gets into my persona space toooooo much.oh and the fact that u can divide 91 by 7.literally unreal.and thunder??dunno it sets uncomfy in me i probably offended zeus in my past life or smth

Love language:

I dont know what that is....i mean like,id send whoever i get random memes i found at 3 am,shower thoughts??and hugs??and cuddles??and giving them reassuring words??does that count?

Extra:im bilingual(swedish,russian,korean,german) so i can make ppl say what seems like romantic words when its a deez nuts joke this is a flex btw.i pace around tasks pretty fast,sometimes im too lazy to get up sometimes i go around doing literally everything at once

Im sorry if this is confusing to u this is my first time doing this :((

i pair you with…

Ver Vermillion!

hear me out…

• you guys will absolutely nerd out over yugioh and will probably end up playfully arguing and malding over the other (i dont know much ab yugioh im sorry 💔💔)

• if you let him nerd out to you and rant to you about the most random things he will immediately fall in love

•likewise if you nerd out/rant to him he will fall in love bc the fact that you confide in him???

• similar to shu yaminerd, he is a huge nerd but hes better at hiding it

• call him a dork. he says he hates it but he loves it.

• YOU GUYS WILL HAVE MEME BATTLES.

• youll sit in discord vc, no sound except the little giggles erupting out while you read each others memes and random messages that you just keep on sending

• will randomly whip out the “why is galora” meme to make you laugh out loud in vc with others, on stream, etc even in public

• god, he loves your hair

• your cuddles up in his arms, half-asleep, and hes running his hands thru your hair AHHH

• will also send you hot-takes out of nowhere so you guys can debate on it solely because he knows how much you love it

• “banana pizza is good.”

• “soggy socks feel nice.”

• will also throw you random compliments because he knows its the only thing that will get you

• “are you a hot mom because damn mama you hot.”

• will assist you in sending deez nuts jokes to your friends in korean

• “내 불알을 빨아.”

RUNNERS UP: Shu Yamino, Doppio Dropscythe

[profoundtyrantharmony]

I posted 406 times in 2022

That's 76 more posts than 2021!

38 posts created (9%)

368 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@spaghettificationandpretzels

@fandomficsnstuff

@lokisprettygirl

@istorkyou

@mylifeisactuallyamess

I tagged 397 of my posts in 2022

Only 2% of my posts had no tags

#ivar x reader - 94 posts

#bucky barnes x reader - 88 posts

#fluff - 82 posts

#loki x reader - 72 posts

#bucky barnes - 70 posts

#bucky x reader - 66 posts

#ivar the boneless - 59 posts

#vikings - 58 posts

#loki - 56 posts

#ivar lothbrok - 49 posts

Longest Tag: 59 characters

#multi-chapter is a preference but i won't say no to oneshot

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Title : A Touch of Affection

Pairing : Modern!Ivar x Reader

Words : 4001

Warning : Fluff, Smut and slight Angst

Note : Roommate to Bestfriend to Lover. I made it soft!Ivar cause it’s my favorite. Probably some medical innacurencies.

Chapter Plot : Ivar talk about his difficulties in the sexual department and Reader offers to help him.

Tags : @youbloodymadgenius // @draculasbride-blog // @ivarhoegh // @black-repunzel99​ // @theanxietyqueen17​​ // @litleepigisaa

Masterlist // Request  // PromptList // Serie Masterlist

Chapter 10 : A Discovery of Feelings

See the full post

71 notes - Posted April 9, 2022

#4

Title : What a Game

Pairing : Loki x Reader x Thor

Words : 3354

Warning : Fluff and a bit smutty at the end.

Note : Everybody is alive, Endgame happened without permanent casualties

Plot : A game of fu*k marry or kill with alcohol leads the Avengers (original 6 + Loki, Bucky, Sam, Wanda and Vision) and reader to admit dome hidden feelings deep inside of them.

Tags : @im-a-satanic-ritual

Masterlist // Prompt list request

We’ve been on a mission for several weeks now. Since the events with Thanos we could have thought that the human nature would have been less evil...we were wrong. There will always be an other monster wanting to do bad things to innocent in the sole purpose of being richer, more powerfull or just because they can. That’s why we, the Avengers work so hard to preserve the lives of millions of innocents.

This is not easy everyday but fortunately we can count on each other, Steve Sam and Bucky united by their military past, Natasha and Clint bonded years ago when he decided to not kill her, Tony and Bruce over science, Wanda and Vision... it’s a bit fuzzy for now but we can say they’re linked by their appreciation of one another -If I had my say in this, I’d just tell them to get together already- and finally there is me Thor and Loki. At the beginning the two brother were always together -since the redeeming of Loki they got a lot of time to catch-. 

At first I befriended Loki over my interest of literature and calm nature. I was coming back from a trip to the library with my arms full of new books when Loki walked by me and helped me to settle them in my room. He looked over my collection and asked me if he could borrow some -which I obviously accepted-. Since that day we could be found in his room or in mine, sometime in the living room reading our own book, sometime reading to each other. After that we started to talk together about everyday life, the further we talk and more personnal our conversation had become. We were now friend and proud to be.

Then some weeks later I befriended Thor over some pop tarts -Yes I love pop tarts too especially those with weird flavors like root beer, pumpkin pie or even maple bacon- this day, I’ll remember it till the day I die. I just finished training with Nat and Clint when my stomach told me it was time to give him some sustenance or else... I went to the kitchen, grabbed my personnal stash of snacks -full of weird flavors snacks that no one in the tower wanted to taste- when suddenly I felt a warm presence behind me, it was too late fo me to hide what rightfully belonged to me. I turned around and without surprise saw Thor with eyes full of mirth and ecstasy at the sight of all the different treats. He asked me what was all of this, I let him try some, he liked it and that’s basicaly how the three of us became really good friends. Our bond is like nothing I ever experience before, it’s more like a fraternal kind of bond, without being blood related.

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎●●●▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

The quinjet landed on the Avengers compound, the roars of the engines wake me from my slumber. I’m tired, sweaty and in dire need of a hot shower. I thought we would have to go to the med bay see if everything and everyone were alright then go to our quarter and be free fromany Avengers duties. Clearly, as I hear Tony speaks through my foggy head, I understand that this is not what’s going to happen.

“Guys we need to celebrate our victory !!” Tony happily says.

“Come on Tony, give us a break !” Steve says a bit defeated knowing well Tony won't listen to anyones plea.

“Don’t you think it will be better to celebrate tomorrow, when everyone feel rested ?” replies Bruce trying to coaxe him into reason.

“Bruce is right, we need to rest this mission was physically and mentaly draining !” Adds Bucky with tiredness clouding his eyes.

“Listen up everybody, we’re all going to the med bay, we’re all going to rest for a bit...But tonight at 8:00pm we’re going to spend some time together as a team bonding, to be together as friends more than work colleagues. Is that understood !” Tony explains with seriousness in his tone not wanting to be contradicted.  

“Seriously Tony ! I’m tired, sweaty, I look like an old dry cod sticking on the side of the road !!” I start to yell a bit frustrated with him.

“Don’t be too harsh on yourself sweet flower.” Says Loki smiling at me.

“An old dry cod ?! You’re not that old !!” Says Thor laughing at his own joke.

“I hate you both ! I tell both of the gods. And I hate you too Tony, making me stay up when I only want to sleep, that’s mean !” I couldn’t contain the slight smile that wanted to break free from my psudo angry face.

“Yeah yeah I love you too y/n/n ! See you all tonight, there will be acohol an there will be games !” Exclaims Tony with a renewed genuine smile.

“Games ?” Ask Clint and Natasha at the same time.

“A game actually, not plural.”

“May I ask mister Stark what this game, singuar, will be ?” 

“You’ll see for yourself tonight Vision !”

“You know I can read your mind Tony ? You can’t hide anything from me.” Says Wanda with a sly smile that make her even more gorgeous than she already is.

“You wouldn’t dare violate the one that offers you a chance to be a better version of yourself in such a rude way would you !?” Tony is almost laughing, it’s all for fun, we ove each other so much that we can laugh and joke about almost everything.

See the full post

99 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

#3

Loki Oneshots I Recommend ~M~ to ~Z~

~M~

Airport (from @meganlpie)

Shiver (from @muertawrites )

Late night cravings (from @maiden-of-asgard)

Have fun (from @multific)

Spellbound (from @mygfloki)

~O~

Curiosity kissed the cat (from @odinsonsobsessed)

Winning (from @ohhhmyloki)

~R~

Craving her (from @revengingbarnes)

~S~

One more habit (from @shotsbyshae)

A cage of golden glass (from @sserpente)

Mint (from @surrounded-by-superheroes )

Asking Loki dirty questions (from @starscreamloki )

Squishes and Kisses (from @sugars-fluffy-escapes)

Reliable liars (from @scandalous-chaos)

~T~

Li’l Lou (from @thegoddamnfangirl)

I could just drink you up ( from @thosekidswhohuntmonsters)

~U~

Braid (from @uncomfortable-writers)

~W~

You snake (from @wickednerdery)

The curious incident of the doppelganger (from @wolfpawn on AO3)

Last Updated : 09/11/22

135 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

#2

Serie Masterlist

Title : A Touch of Affection

Pairing : Modern!Ivar x Reader

Warning : Fluff, Smut, Angst

Notes : Roommate to Bestfriend to Lover. I made it Soft!Ivar because this is my favorite. Slow burn for the first few chapters. 🔥=smut / 💗=fluff / 💧=angst

General Plot : Y/n a young journalist decide to quit to pursue her ambitions of travel vlogger/blogger. Ivar works for the familly business and wants to leave the familly house. They’ll have to share an appartment and maybe more than friendship will arise.

Tags : @youbloodymadgenius // @draculasbride-blog // @ivarhoegh

Masterlist // Request

Chapter 1 : First Meet 💗

Bonus #01 : What Does the Loft Looks Like ?

Chapter 2 : Moving In 💗

Chapter 3 : Home Alone 🔥💗

Bonus #02 : A week in Oslo

Chapter 4 : What the Future Holds 💗++

Chapter 5 : A Familly Reunion 💗

Chapter 6 : Half a Truth to Set You Free 💗+

Chapter 7 : It’s My Gift to You 💗+

Bonus #03 : Ancient and Glorious is Quebec💗

Chapter 8 : Under the Sunlight slight🔥

Bonus #04 : What about some Burgers ?

Chapter 9 : In the Land of the Rising Sun 💗💧

Bonus #05 : How to Spend Halloween in Japan 💗

Chapter 10 : A Discovery of Feelings 💧💗🔥

Bonus #06 : Strangest Love Hotel... 🔥💗

Chapter 11 : Stuck on an Island 🔥💗

Chapter 12 : I Can’t Believe You ! 💧

Chapter 13 : Perditious, Jealous Vipers 💧⚡

Chapter 14 : Sweet Revenge (Part 1) Semi🔥

Chapter 15 : Sweet Revenge (Part 2) 🔥💗

Chapter 16 : Someone Has to be Held Accountable semi🔥

See the full post

172 notes - Posted January 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

 Title : Defending Honor

Pairing : Poly!Avengers x Reader

Words : 8130

Warning : Smut (check the kinks) and Fluff

Notes : As usual Endgame happened without forever departure. None on the movie couples exist in this fic. F/B means famous backery.

Plot : Request from @im-a-satanic-ritual :  Can I ask for No. 19 that leads to 26 on your prompt list? And can I ask for No. 9, 13, 14, 22 and 30 or 29 on your kink list? For female!reader x all Avengers? I love your writing so much and anything will be amazing but I love good background to go with smut so if you could make this as long as you can? Thank you, I hope you have an awesome day!

Tag : @im-a-satanic-ritual

Masterlist // Request // Promptlist

Prompt scenario list : 

n°19 : Reader defends character(s) from mental/verbal abuse 

n°26 : Being worshipped by character(s)

Prompt kink list :

n°9 : Praise kink

n°13 : Group sex

n°14 : Dry humping

n°22 : Outdoor sex

n°29 : Cock warming

n°30 : Double Penetration 

Working for Pepper Potts as her personal assistant as its perks. I have the pleasure of working with one of the most impressive and hardworking woman from this century, as well as meeting the Avengers on an almost daily basis -as an assistant I’m sometimes, let’s say often, needed to help them with paperwork and planning meeting and stuff- it’s a hard work but I won’t change it for anything. Each morning I wake up from my bed happy to go to work, even on harder day -when there is a mission meeting for instance- I’m glad to be of any help.

That’s because of those friendship that I’m here right now, early in the morning, outside my room -as Pepper’s assistant I got to have a staff member’s appartment in an other wing of the compound- wearing a deep blue sport bra and dark short just to run and do some training with none other than the one and only Bucky Barnes ! Don’t get me wrong I love that guy and all, he’s sweet and funny a bit on the grumbly side sometimes but it’s part of his charm. The problem is that we don’t have the same stamina or even the same training routine. 

Working alongside the Avengers allows me to be on first name basis with all of them. I developped some sort of friendship with them over the course of the year I’ve been employed. First it was Thor with his overly warming attitude quickly followed by Wanda with whom I might share a hobby for cooking. Then I befriended Tony and Bruce as I was the one bringing them food and drinks because they both forget it when they’re to engrossed in their work. The next ones to fall for my friendlyness are Steve Bucky and Sam during my training -even if I’m not an Avengers I do a bit of workout to stay in shape-, the two spies Nat and Clint are close behind, my supposedly dorky and blunt attitude got me in their good grace. Finally I got to call Loki my friend, I didn’t think it would happen though, but we both love sitting in silence while reading a good literature book so it made our friendship obvious.

“Man why are you asking me to train with you ? Why not Steve or even Sam ?!” I ask him already tired in advance.

“Steve went on a mission early this morning and I don’t want to work out with birdbrain.” Answers Bucky calmly.

“I swear to god the both of you are like a married couple that can’t stand the sight of the other !” I laugh.

“Stop laughing at me and focus on the training, today we’re going to run to improve your stamina so get ready !”

Running is not my favorite thing to do I admit but with him it’s always relaxing, he even slow his own pace so I don’t feel like a failure, such a gentleman and a real pedagogue, he instantly understand how my mind works and what to do to get me focus.

We start from the compound and he then lead the way through small streets that few people use, until we arrive to bigger one. He keeps me focus, my mind goes everywhere, what am I gonna eat tonight, is it gonna be a hard day or not... I don’t see the time passe, I don’t get overly tired -which I’m proud of-, my training must have work then !

Almost an hour and a half later, we finish our run and start to walk back to the compound, we’re both sweaty so Bucky decide to take off his sweatshirt to only stay in his tank top, his metal arm visible for everyone. It’s not a problem, nor for me nor for the other Avengers...but for the public’s eyes apparently it still a bit early...or too much I don’t know. He contributes to protect and save their lives but he’s still treated as a villain, a monster devoid of a soul. I will never understand that, I will never tolerate that !

“Have you seen his arm ? And those scars ?! This is hideous !!” A mid-thirties woman whispers to her husband not knowing that she is not that discret.

“Don’t tell me about it, I don't even understand why he’s still walking free after all the wrong he did ! Guess being friend with mister Captain America can get you out of jail.” The man answers his wife with such venom in his words that I can see from the corner of my eyes Bucky bowing his head in shame and disconfort. How dare they !!

See the full post

491 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[dicepunzel]

I posted 33 times in 2022

That's 33 more posts than 2021!

3 posts created (9%)

30 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@askcupsandcasinos

@starlightmeadowbloom

@dicepunzel

@madfantom

@starlightmeadowbloomthesecond

I tagged 33 of my posts in 2022

#the cuphead show - 31 posts

#cuphead - 31 posts

#king dice - 31 posts

#cuphead don’t deal with the devil - 31 posts

#cuphead king dice - 29 posts

#casino cups - 27 posts

#mugman - 18 posts

#the devil - 15 posts

#disney tangled - 12 posts

#disney - 11 posts

Longest Tag: 40 characters

#day of the little candles with starlight

My Top Posts in 2022:

#3

☀️Princess Rapunzel x King Dice🎲

This is my first digital art for my ship and I do hope you like this as I did worked so hard for making this beautiful

1 note - Posted October 7, 2022

#2

☀️I’ve made this and I’m super broad of my work; A perfect blend of digital, traditional and edit art for Rapunzel and King Dice almost kiss for the first time.🎲

2 notes - Posted October 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

King Dice and His Charms to Everyone in the House of Mouse

☀️(This is challenging number one: King Dice singing Why Don’t You Do Right from Roger Rabbit and his charms took over under his spell only because Rapunzel dare him to do it for fun.)🎲

🎶 You had plenty money, 1922 🎶

As King Dice began to sing ‘Why Don’t You Do Right’ that was once performed by Jessica Rabbit, he clicked his fingers that transformed his suit into a sparkling purple that shines all over by the spotlight. The room was filled with a royal colour of purple that shading from light and dark with the romantic calm music played.

🎶 You let other women make a fool of you 🎶

All the males and females were all stunned and kinda surprised/shocked on this turned of the event for the House of Mouse, but then few of them were melted in awe as his singing voice was spreading across one table to another.

Timothy Q. Mouse wasn’t sure what’s going on until he started to fell for that melody, Jiminy Cricket wasn’t sure either until he took his glasses to take a closer look at King Dice, Sheriff of Nottingham shook his head and just stared at King Dice in shock. Cheshire Cat just giggle slightly before lifting his head up to take a perfect view of King Dice.

“What a man…” Phoebus mumbled, smiling as he stared at King Dice. Quasimodo smiled before chuckled nervously when Esmeralda looked at the boys while smirking.

“Yeah…” Thomas O'Malley mumbled, kinda agreed with him.

🎶 Why don't you do right, like some other men do? 🎶

King Dice walked across the stage where he was standing and leaned against the wall before sliding down a bit, giving them a innocence look on his face.

Cinderella’s mice and birds were eating their food when they stopped to hear this song, Cinderella smiled at King Dice while her husband Prince Kit was confused with the whole show.

Aurora smiled as she noticed that her three fairies were blushing all pink, green and blue that got Blue Fairy and Merlin smirk at them and chuckled a bit when Merryweather hide her face with her hat.

Gremlin Jamface’s smiled as his eyes started to sparkles while Gremlin Markus tried to hide his blush with his hands and Gremlin Gus’ face was turning red as the Devil smirked at his old best friend and new worst enemy.

🎶 Get out of here and get me some money too 🎶

King Dice then left the stage with the stairs in front of him, so he could put his flirting skills on the spotlight for Rapunzel’s dare she was giving him for.

Lumiere gazed at him and Belle rolled her eyes before smiling as she knew what French men would easily fell for the song that was so beautiful and easily to be charmed by the King Dice himself.

🎶 You're sittin' down and wonderin' what it's all about

You ain't got no money, they will put you out 🎶

King Dice walked up the DuckTales table, placed his hand on Scrooge McDuck’s shoulder while gazing at Della Duck who give him a small smile. He then went to Donald Duck and placed his finger under his chin before giving him a tickle that caused Donald’s face relaxed from his touch.

“Now, that’s a man alright.” Goofy mumbled, “Who’s got a sparkling purple suit. Who’s the Devil’s Right-Hand Man. Oh, and who’s have a tons of hearts!”

🎶 Why don't you do right, like some other men do? 🎶

King Dice then walked up to the Disney Brothers table and give Minnie and Ortensia a wink that got them giggle before giving a flirting looks while Mickey and Oswald just glared at him, furious that he flirting with their wives in front of them.

🎶 Get out of here and get me some money too 🎶

Magic Carpet swaying to the music and Jasmine smirked at him while Genie’s mouth dropped and Jafar just stood there in shock.

Anna and Elsa giggled when King Dice walked up to their table placed his hands on the sisters’ shoulders before winking at them and Olaf who blushed while chuckled slightly.

Merida stared at him while her mother placed her hand on her chest where the heart was and her father stared at him in confusion.

“Unbelievable,” Gremlin Prescott said while rolling his eyes.

“Tell me about it,” The Mad Doctor replied while blushing.

“Yeah…” Daisy said, swaying to the music. “He is one lucky guy with that singing voice like that.” She then giggled at that part.

See the full post

5 notes - Posted October 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[7r0773r]

Upstream: Selected Essays by Mary Oliver

In the beginning I was so young and such a stranger to myself I hardly existed. I had to go out into the world and see it and hear it and react to it, before I knew at all who I was, what I was, what I wanted to be. Wordsworth studied himself and found the subject astonishing. Actually what he studied was his relationship to the harmonies and also the discords of the natural world. That's what created the excitement. (Upstream, pp. 3-4)

***

Do you think there is anything not attached by its unbreakable cord to everything else? Plant your peas and your corn in the field when the moon is full, or risk failure. This has been understood since planting began. The attention of the seed to the draw of the moon is, I suppose, measurable, like the tilt of the planet. Or, maybe not—maybe you have to add some immeasurable ingredient made of the hour, the singular field, the hand of the sower. (Upstream, p. 5)

***

Attention is the beginning of devotion. (Upstream, p. 8)

***

But first and foremost, I learned from [Walt] Whitman that the poem is a temple—or a green field—a place to enter, and in which to feel. Only in a secondary way is it an intellectual thing—an artifact, a moment of seemly and robust wordiness—wonderful as that part of it is. I learned that the poem was made not just to exist, but to speak—to be company. It was everything that was needed, when everything was needed. I remember the delicate, rumpled way into the woods, and the weight of the books in my pack. I remember the rambling, and the loafing—the wonderful days when, with Whitman, I tucked my trowser-ends in my boots and went and had a good time. (My Friend Walt Whitman, p. 12)

***

In the mystery and the energy of loving, we all view time's shadow upon the beloved as wretchedly as any of Poe's narrators. We do not think of it every day, but we never forget it: the beloved shall grow old, or ill, and be taken away finally. No matter how ferociously we fight, how tenderly we love, how bitterly we argue, how pervasively we berate the universe, how cunningly we hide, this is what shall happen. In the wide circles of timelessness, everything material and temporal will fail, including the manifestation of the beloved. In this universe we are given two gifts: the ability to love, and the ability to ask questions. Which are, at the same time, the fires that warm us and the fires that scorch us. This is Poe's real story. As it is ours. And this is why we honor him, why we are fascinated far past the simple narratives. He writes about our own inescapable destiny. (The Bright Eyes of Eleonora: Poe's Dream of Recapturing the Impossible, p. 91)

***

There is a rumor of total welcome among the frosts of the winter morning. Beauty has its purposes, which, all our lives and at every season, it is our opportunity, and our joy, to divine. Nothing outside ourselves makes us desire to do so; the questions, and the striving toward answers, come from within. The field I am looking at is perhaps, twenty acres altogether, long and broad. The sun has not yet risen but is sending its first showers over the mountains, a kind of rehearsal, a slant light with even a golden cast. I do not exaggerate. The light touches every blade of frozen grass, which then burns as a particular as well as part of the general view. The still-upright weeds have become wands, encased in a temporary shirt of ice and light. Neither does this first light miss the opportunity of the small pond, or the groups of pine trees. And now: enough of silver, behold the pink, even a vague, unsurpassable flush of pale green. It is the performance of this hour only, the dawning of the day, fresh and ever new. This is to say nothing against afternoons, evenings, or even midnight. Each has its portion of the spectacular. But dawn—dawn is a gift. Much is revealed about a person by his or her passion, or indifference, to this opening of the door of day. No one who loves dawn, and is abroad to see it, could be a stranger to me.

Poe claimed he could hear the night darkness as it poured, in the evening, into the world. I remember this now and think, reversing the hour but not the idea, that I will hear some sound of the morning as it settles upward. What I hear, though, is no such sprawling and powerful anthem, as it would have to be, but the rustling of a flock of snow buntings, high and wild in the cold air, like seeds, rushing toward me, and then away. Seeds that sing. I see, on this morning, nothing else, or nothing else moving. Fox tracks are ahead of mine, dimpling the frost, but the fox is nowhere in view. (Wordsworth's Mountain, pp. 109-10)

***

What Wordsworth praised thereafter was more than the arrangement of concretions and vapors into appreciable and balanced landscapes; it was, also, the whirlwind. The beauty and strangeness of the world may fill the eyes with its cordial refreshment. Equally it may offer the heart a dish of terror. On one side is radiance; on another is the abyss. (Wordsworth's Mountain, p. 113)

***

Through these woods I have walked thousands of times. For many years I felt more at home here than anywhere else, including our own house. Stepping out into the world, into the grass, onto the path, was always a kind of relief. I was not escaping anything. I was returning to the arena of delight. I was stepping across some border. I don't mean just that the world changed on the other side of the border, but that I did too. Eventually I began to appreciate—I don't say this lightly—that the great black oaks knew me. I don't mean they knew me as myself and not another—that kind of individualism was not in the air—but that they recognized and responded to my presence, and to my mood. They began to offer, or I began to feel them offer, their serene greeting. It was like a quick change of temperature, a warm and comfortable flush, faint yet palpable, as I walked toward them and beneath their outflowing branches. (Winter Hours, p. 151)

[anotherferalrat]

U kno what.

I'm gonna say it.

FUCK HOYOVERSE for making a home design mechanic. Let me tell you, the YEARNING i felt for a home like that. Fuck quests, imma be out here gathering wood and plants for dyes for my funky lil teapot.

[star2fishmeg]

≡ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛ ʟɪsᴛ

Big ass list my apologies, haven't made one of these in yonks. Feel free to use any of these however you wish!!

—ғʟᴜғғ

1. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

2. “Is that my shirt?"

3. “We’d make such a cute couple.”

4. “Are you flirting with me?”

5. “Well, since you aren’t feeling too good, maybe this could help?”

6. “I could kiss you right now.” 

7. “You gave it your best shot. That’s all anyone could ever ask of you.”

8. “Can we just stay in bed?”

9. “Let me kiss it better.”

10. “Stop moving I’m almost done!”

11. “You look like shit.”

12. “Just pretend to be my date.”

13. “You came.” “You called.”

14. “I’m right here.”

15. “I like you just the way you are.”

16. “Please, stay.”

17. “You owe me a favour.”

18. “Can I ask you a favour?”

19. “Would it be okay if I kissed you?”

20. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

21. “Can I come over?”

22. “Why don’t you take a picture? It’ll last longer.”

23. “That is by far the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”

24. “How much did you drink?”

25. “How drunk was I?”

26. “You make me want to be better.”

27. “Come back to bed.”

28. “You’re lucky I love you.”

29. “You kissed me last night.”

30. “They’re coming. Kiss me!”

31. “I really need you right now.”

32. “Wanna bet?”

33. “Let me take care of you.”

34. “Say that again? But slower.”

35. “Going somewhere?”

36. “I heard that!” 

37. “Why are you awake?”

38. “This isn’t what it looks like!”

39. “Go to sleep.”

40. “Why are you looking at me like that? Something on my face?”

—sᴍᴜᴛ

41. “I’ve never done this before.”

42. “This stays between you and me.”

43. “Will you stop talking for ten minutes?” “Why don’t you come over here and make me.”

44. “We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”

45. “Look what you did to me, I’ve had to deal with this all day.”

46. “Give me a little show.”

47. “Stop teasing!”

48. “We’re in public, you know.”

49. “We can’t do that here.”

50. “All you had to do was ask.”

51. “Do you think they heard us?” “Yes, we did.”

52. “Could they make you feel this good?”

53. “Do I make you nervous?”

54. “We have to be quiet.”

55. “Bite me!” “If you insist.”

56. “Oh my god, do that again.”

57. “We’re going to be late.”

58. “You taste so good.”

59. “Don’t hide from me, you’re beautiful.”

60. “I know you can be louder than that.”

61. “Mine.” “Say it again.”

62. “Let them know I’m yours/you’re mine.”

63. “This is wrong.” “So wrong.”

64. “Oh, you like that.”

65. “It’s so hot when you talk to me like that.”

66. “Make me shut up then.”

67. “Who knew you were hiding such a dirty mind.”

68. “I’ll put that pretty mouth of yours to work.”

69. “You’ve never been fucked before? How?”

70. “This is exactly how I imagined it.”

71. “I like it when you tell me what to do.”

72. “Look at me.”

73. “You want to cum? Beg.”

74. “Show me how much you missed me.”

75. “I keep thinking about your body against mine.”

76. “I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t remember his name.”

77. “I’ve been wondering what it feels like to…”

78. “Makes me want to wreck you.”

79. “I thought this was a one-time thing?”

80. “You look so fucking hot right now.”

—ᴀɴɢsᴛ

81. "Is this the end? After everything we’ve been through?.”

82. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

83. “I needed you, and you weren’t there!”

84. “You’re always leaving me.”

85. “Why do you hate me so much? What did I do?”

86. “It wasn’t your fault.”

87. “The fuck was that?”

88. “It’s not you that I don’t trust, it’s them.”

89. “You’re kidding, right?”

90. “Open your eyes!”

91. “Can you please come get me?”

92. “I’ll stay as long as you need.”

93. “Ssshh, it’s okay, I’ve got you.”

94. “I don’t deserve you.”

95. “I should’ve expected this.”

96. “We used to spend every day together. Are you telling me that staying the night in the same place is too close a proximity for us to share?”

97. “Maybe the fact that we have such a hard time staying away from each other is saying something.”

98. “I thought we were more than whatever…this is. But clearly, I was wrong.”

99. “Interesting, isn’t it? Two days ago you were a fumbling, blushing mess and looking at me like I hung the stars out for you, and now you can’t even look at me. Real fucking interesting.”

100. “Why can’t you admit to anything? This is your fault!”

101. “What are we?”

102. “Things would be fine if you didn’t go and run your mouth!”

103. “I didn’t know you felt this way.”

104. “Do you know how stupid you made me feel?”

105. “Why don’t you love me back?” “You’re drunk, let’s get you home.”

106. “I don’t think I can do this anymore. Not with you.”

107. “I can’t do this anymore. Sometimes…sometimes I really need you and you’re just not there.”

108. “I’m not allowed to be upset because they were hanging all over you?”

109. “You’re supposed to be mine!”

110. “I’m not jealous, fuck off.”

111. “Are we going to be okay? I don’t want this to change anything between us.”

112. “You deserve the best. And that’s…that’s not me.”

113. “Don’t cause a scene, please.”

114. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, I really didn’t and I’m sorry.”

115. “I don’t want to be the second option anymore.”

116. “It’s starting to feel like you don’t want to be seen with me.”

117. “What about me? What about my life, my feelings? Where do I come in all this?”

118. “I will always find you.”

119. “I love you. I will always love you, but I’m not sure you love me.”

120. “You always do this!”

—sᴄᴇɴᴀʀɪᴏs

121. Seven minutes in heaven

122. Car sex

123. Sneaking away/around

124. Getting handsy on the dancefloor

125. Oral, but one person is trying to concentrate on something else

126. Situationship/friends with benefits but it’s requited feelings

127. Situationship/friends with benefits but it’s unrequited feelings

128. Morning sex

129. Only one bed

130. Phone sex

131. Cockwarming

132. First time

133. Bffs ‘practising’

134. Inexperienced gets a ‘lesson’

135. Mutual masturbation

136. Hot tub sex

137. Sex while camping

138. Shower sex

139. One night stand

140. ‘I can’t sleep’ sex

141. Making out

142. Semi-public quickie

143. Skinny dipping

144. Pussy/cock drunk

145. Oral fixation

146. Getting caught (by partner or by someone else)

147. Drunk sex

148. Make up sex

149. Fingering

150. Fake dating

151. Childhood friends to lovers

152. Enemies to lovers

153. Friends to lovers

154. Best friend’s brother/brother’s best friend

155. Taking care of sick partner

156. Opposites attract

157. Roommates to lovers

158. Work colleagues

159. Forced proximity

160. Second chance

161. Secret dating

162. Girl/boy next door

163. One that got away

164. Soulmates

165. University

166. Tutoring 

167. Unrequited love

168. Love at first sight

169. Summer fling

170. Patching up an injury 

171. Mutual pining

172. Exes to lovers

173. It’s always been you

174. Right person, wrong time

175. Meet-cute

176. Meet-weird

177. Neighbours

178. ‘We both don’t want to be here’

179. Fake enemies

Banner and divider belongs to @/saradika

[annbourbon]

Day 91. (spoilers)

That's it. I offically lost it. I'm jealous of a fish...

\\`へ´//

This is ridiculous. I don't hate the fish of course. I'm just jealous of the attention he/she is receiving from Harry. I tried to name her/him August. Because it's very cute. Goldie was also cute....

But it ended up being Poseidon. That's... a bit too much. But I'll play along. ヾ(◍´▿`◍)ﾉﾞ

Once Harry called the fish "my girl" I knew it was officially over and I was horrified: The fish is like Elly... sorry, Elizabeth the 3rd for Jumin.

What's up with these damn rich guyss and their pets? So I'm a frigging fish!?!? Am I being too entitled to it?

Yesterday I was melting into his way of flirting with me, like when he asked me to sag something about his photo, and he was badly injured. Even for someone who is usually oblivious like me, that was making my heart beat really fast. And it still makes me smile a lot just by thinking about it. Which is nice considering I spent several days worried and crying because of that Angel and what he said to me about Harry hating me.

I know I might never be.... and we might never be anything because duh~! The guy already rejected me. I took it and moved on. Or at least tried to. From time to time Harry does things that make my heart flutter. It's okay. It's my fault. Not his. We're friends. He's not interested. And I'm trying to not be interested. Still hurts but whatever. I survived MM. I can survive this. I think. Anyways;;; back to the fish...

The fish... good grief.... it's really ugly lol but I'm trying my best to not be mean to Harry... I just can't be mean to him... I love him so much. So let's let him be.

Dinner time destroyed me though.

"Can't you come~?" Says so lightly. I try to misdirect by suggesting to invite his acquaintances and friends, maybe Rachel.... but he does not allows me to. I'm bitter and hoping not to cry. I of course, ended up crying.

"But... there's no one to invite. there's no one I'm close to. You are the one closest to me." Says he. Through my tears I tried to hide my frustration, kind of happy that he could not see how much my heart was breaking for him. For me. For us...

"What about Malong? Tain? Your sister? Big Guy? I... I'm sure they'll come if you asked them to."

Ah Harry... believe me, if I could I would. But we live not only in a different country, but a different world, maybe a different universe. I would cross continents for you, without even thinking. In no time. But I still cannot cross over worlds. No matter how much I want to.

Then he played the piano for me. And now I'm still crying. But I'll be okay. I'll be fine. Eventually. I still wonder how some people enjoyed through the Angel because surely I can't. I hate seeing Harry so... disgusted. Although I don't understand why but still it's not fun for me. All I want to do is hug him and calm him down. Besides the Angel is scaring me. As someone who has a lot of stalkers irl. The Angel seems not only scary but it's getting on my nerves and under my skin. I despise it because I feel truly triggered by it. Dunno if it's a real angel or not but it doesn't matter. It scares me. I spent three days crying because of it. That's how much I do not like it.

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this Week #128 (Year 3/Week 24):

Nils Malmros’s Tree of knowledge (”Kundskabens træ”) has always been my favorite Danish movie, and also one of my general All-time Top-Five favorites - Ever. Together with Truffault’s ‘Small Change’, it’s also the best movie about the pains of puberty and the joys of adolescence.

It was hard to find online, and seeing it again after many years, is like meeting an old lover after 40 years apart, and they hasn’t age a day. It’s a perfect masterpiece without a single faulty frame.

A nostalgic trip to provincial Århus at the end of the 1950′s, Malmros spent two years filming a group of teens as they struggle with first loves and heartbreaks. A tragic story of innocent lost. (Photo Above).

Later Edit:

A second viewing the next day confirmed that it is indeed an impeccable classic, subtle and precise. So many Friday night jazz parties where for their first time the kids are allowed to dance in the dark cheek to cheek to Gershwin’s ‘The man I love’.

“You probably don’t get that there’s only has to be very little for people to talk”:  The misery that befalls Erin as she turns from the popular girl into a pariah is crushing. 10/10.

🍿   Lourdes, my 1st film by Austrian filmmaker Jessica Hausner, starring the incomparable Léa Seydoux as a young nun with a twinkle in her eye. A rarely seen subject of Catholic cripples and handicapped pilgrims who flock to the Sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes, searching for a miracle. With priests who look like Cardinal Mahoney, Holy water sprinkled around and piously praying invalids, it feels very much like a blanding of Buñuel and Haneke. It must have been shot with the permission of the church, as much of it looks like part of the real rituals going on there. However, it hides a certain unorthodox subversiveness. 7/10. 

🍿   

2 more by British director Michael Radford:

🍿 “...If you want a vision of the future, Winston, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever...”

Nineteen Eighty-Four, the original hopeless dystopia. Orwell’s frightening vision of totalitarianism, mass surveillance, thought-police and total repression was anti-Stalinist when he wrote it, but it became a real-life blue-print for today’s hyper-Capitalist societies too.

Many of the scenes were shot on the days noted originally in the novel. The scene where Winston Smith writes in his diary, dating the entry April 4, 1984, was filmed on April 4, 1984. It was Richard Burton’s final film, and was photographed by Roger Deakins. 9/10.

Terry Gilliam’s ‘Brazil’ came a year later and also described a doomed love story in a cheerless bureaucratic nightmare. But unlike Brazil, 1984 had only dark and painful reality to deal with, no flights of surrealism and fancy.

"...Oranges and lemons, Say the bells of St. Clement's.  You owe me five farthings, Say the bells of St. Martin's...”

🍿 Lovable 80-year-olds Shirley MacLaine and Christopher Plummer fall in love in New Orleans in Elsa and Fred. He’s reserved and bitter, she’s exuberant and over-whelming, and there’s a Picasso drawing of her that is used as ‘Chekhov’s gun’.  Also, it was George Segal’s last film. 5/10.

I love it when an unusual musical note in a movie signifys an emotional high-point, and when checking the clock, it’s exactly 47:30 minutes in - the middle of the movie!

Maybe it’s time to watch Fellini’s ‘8 1/2′ again [The Anita Ekberg dive in the Trevi Fountain is the film’s driver].

🍿

The Farewell Party (’Good Death’ in Hebrew) is a tragic-comic story about old age and mercy killing. A group of seniors at an assisted living home develop a machine for self-euthanasia. They reluctantly use it on one of their dying friends, but once the word gets around, more and more people want it. 7/10. 

🍿   First watch: Bergman’s magnetic, early romance film Summer with Monika. It was considered scandalous at the time, because of “frank” nude scenes. Star-making vehicle to young rebel Harriet Andersson (still alive and 91-year-old). 100% score on ‘Rotten Tomatoes’ and no argument from me there. Terrific Mise-en-scène, crisp cinematography and rich visual story-telling.

It featured Åke Fridell (’Plog’ from ‘The Seventh Seal’) as her father. On the official Bergman site, there’s a good list of many of his other collaborators.

[There are some early Bergman’s films I haven’t seen yet, which I have to remedy ASAP] 🍿

2 more with Robert De Nero: 

🍿 Sergio Leone’s last, overrated film, Once upon a time in America, the 229-min. Cut. It’s a crime saga about Jewish gangsters, a Spaghetti Godfather if you will, but it doesn’t hold a candle to Coppola’s. ‘The Godfather’ is perfect in spirit and execution, and every element in it works. Leone’s facsimile is epic and stylish, but most of it feels like a vacant rip-off. Some good performance from De Nero, and some great romantic scenes (Jennifer Connelly reading the Psalms, and reuniting with Deborah again), but the young characters (and many of the others, including wooden James Wood) are bland and unauthentic.

Without Ennio Morricone’s swiping score elevating every scene it plays with, the film wouldn’t get half the accolades it received. And the brutal, unprovoked rape scene was shocking and uncalled for. Not a superb film - 5/10. 

RIP, Treat Williams!

🍿 Ellis, a short (15 min.) poetic evocation of the large hospital complex in Ellis Island. Basically it’s Robert De Nero, “The immigrant”, walking slowly in abandoned corridors, accompanied by some vaguely-moody piano chords, reciting in a somber voice-over some vaguely impressionist lines about dreams and immigrants and yearnings. 1/10.

🍿 

2 very different documentaries:

🍿 Close to Vermeer is a very moving Dutch documentary about the staging and preparation of last year’s Rijksmuseum Vermeer exhibition, the largest ever mounted. Only 34 paintings are universally attributed to him today, and the museum’s curators were able to bring a total of 28 of them for this magnificent event. Scholars and researchers, collectors and art historians participate in this sober, quiet and passionate exploration of the enigmatic 'Sphinx of Delft‘.

Close to transcendence - 10/10.

(The trailer in inferior to the film itself.)

[This is the 3rd Vermeer film that I’ve seen (after Penn & Teller’s documentary ‘Tim’s Vermeer’ and Scarlett Johansson’s ‘Girl with a Pearl Earring’, both terrific!). As a completist, I now discovered 6 more films that I will watch in the near future: ‘All The Vermeers In New York’, ‘Brush with fate’, Dan Friedkin‘s ‘The last Vermeer’ (That one sounds odd!), the Dutch ‘A real Vermeer’, and two more documentaries, ‘Vermeer: Master of Light’ narrated by Meryl Streep, and the newest ‘Vermeer: The Greatest Exhibition’, about this same exhibition at the Rijksmuseum. Can’t wait!]

🍿 The art of the prank is a fun 2015 documentary about provocative Culture Jammer Joey Skaggs, who had been staging elaborate media pranks since the 60′s. Like previous hoaxers ‘Coyle and Sharpe’, and later ones ‘Yes Men’ and ‘Improv Everywhere’, he builds ‘Fake news’ performances art events, designed to stir shit and embarrass the inane world of television news. Things like ‘Cathouse for dogs’, ‘Celebrity sperm bank’ and ‘Comacocoon’.

🍿  Hacksaw Ridge, my first film directed by known homophobe / antisemite Mel Gibson. [Watched after encouragement from Ahmad]. I’m not big on war dramas, even when they’re about a real-life conscientious objector. Trying to combine the opening from ‘Saving Private Ryan’ with ‘Full Metal Jacket’ boot camp hysterics. But I still can’t stand Andrew Garfield, Vince Vaughn is no Lee Ermey, and the war parts were simply not interesting. 4/10.

🍿 

“I Really Don’t Like Netflix” X 2:

🍿 Inside the mind of a cat, a typically-trash Netflix documentary, narrated by a highly-irritating “pleasant” voice. The only way to endure it is by turning of the sound and reading the subtitles. Lazy and un-inteligent, but “Hey: Cats!” - The second most-common reason to go on the internet.

🍿 After years of anticipation, Season 6 of Black Mirror finally dropped. Was it as good as some of the previous ones? An Emphatic No!

Episode 1, ‘Joan is awful’, was awful. An average woman is stunned to discover that Netflix has launched a prestige TV drama adaptation of her life, in which she is portrayed by Salma Hayek, and taking a shit in a church. Inception-like Meta-Netflix labyrinth with an unlikable cast making fun of themselves. 3/10.

Episode 2, ‘Loch Henry’, a meta-making of a True Crime series about a notorious serial killer who tortured his victims in a quaint faraway Scottish village. Unoriginal horror tale. 2/10.

Episode 3, ‘Beyond the sea’ too was sub-par on every level. A sadistic sci-fi, all superficial with no depth of emotions. Using Charles Trenet’s “La Mer” improves any movie immeasurably, from the opening to LA Story to the ending of Mr. Bean. But here, in a typical Netflix appropriation, it felt 100% fake. 2/10.

Episode 4, ‘Mazey Day’: Another hit-and-run thriller + unscrupulous paparazzi + LA Thomas Guide (which means it’s the early 2000′s!) which turns into a gory ‘American werewolf in London’ fantasy-thingy. 4/10.

The set up of Episode 5, ‘Demon 79′ was ridiculous: “A young Indian Sales Assistant accidentally frees a ruthless and handsome demon-in-training who is required to damn a soul to hell in order to become a full-fledged demon. The sales assistant is told she must kill three people for the demon-in-training, with the demon threatening to cause a nuclear apocalypse if she refuses”. But it was the only episode in this season that worked, and the only one that will be worth re-visiting. It was directed by the guy who also did ‘USS Callister’, another absurd concept that he got right. 8/10.

🍿 

2 shorts from ‘Nag:

🍿 Morocco Arise, by nomadic vlogger Brandon Li. His ‘Director Commentary’ was just as captivating.

🍿 Greenpeace takes aim at “fossil fuel party” with Don’t stop, a star-studded Fleetwood Mac cover. Exec-produced by Steve McQueen.

🍿 

Throw-back to the "Art project”:  

1984 Adora.

Adora with the pearl earring.

Black Mirror Adora.

🍿  

(My complete movie list is here).

[dfroza]

Today’s reading from the ancient books of Proverbs and Psalms

for june 18 of 2023 with Proverbs 18 and Psalm 18, accompanied by Psalm 91 for the 91st day of Astronomical Spring, and Psalm 19 for day 169 of the year (with the consummate book of 150 Psalms in its 2nd revolution this year)

[Proverbs 18]

Whoever pulls away from others to focus solely on his own desires

disregards any sense of sound judgment.

A fool never delights in true knowledge

but only wants to express what’s on his mind.

When wrongdoers arrive, disgrace is right there with them,

for shame is the companion of dishonor.

Words bubble up from waters deep within a person;

a stream gushes from the fountain of wisdom.

It is wrong for a judge to show partiality to the guilty

or to rob the innocent of justice.

When a fool’s lips move, a fight breaks out;

it’s as if his mouth is begging for a beating.

The mouths of fools are their destruction,

and their lips entrap their very souls.

Whispered gossip is like a delicious first course:

it is devoured with pleasure and penetrates deeply.

Those who slack off at work

are no different from vandals.

The Eternal is known to be like a sturdy watchtower;

those who do right flee to Him for protection.

The rich think their wealth is their sturdy fortress;

they imagine it to be an invincible wall of security.

A proud heart precedes destruction,

and before honor is humility.

To respond to a matter before you hear about it

shows foolishness and brings shame.

The human spirit can endure a long illness,

but who can survive a crushed spirit?

Clever people go after knowledge to obtain it,

and wise people attune their ears to hear it.

The right gift at the right time can open up new opportunities

and gains access to influential people.

The first ones to tell their side of a story seem right

until cross-examined by their peers.

Casting lots can settle conflicts

and decide between powerful opponents.

Winning over an offended brother is harder than breaching a strong city’s defenses;

such fights are as tough as the iron gates of a castle.

Good words satisfy like a fine meal;

yes, good conversations are sure to satisfy.

Words have power in matters of life and death,

and those who love them will savor their fruit.

The man who finds a wife finds something good,

and the favor of the Eternal is indeed his.

The poor plead for help,

but the rich respond harshly.

Someone with many so-called friends may end up friendless,

but a true friend is closer than a brother.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 18 (The Voice)

[Psalm 18]

For the worship leader. A song of David, the Eternal One’s servant, who addressed these words to the Eternal after He had rescued him from Saul and his other enemies.

I love You, Eternal One, source of my power.

The Eternal is my rock, my fortress, and my salvation;

He is my True God, the stronghold in which I hide,

my strong shield, the horn that calls forth help, and my tall-walled tower.

I call out to the Eternal, who is worthy to be praised—

that’s how I will be rescued from my enemies.

The bonds of death encircled me;

the currents of destruction tugged at me;

The sorrows of the grave wrap around me;

the traps of death lay in wait for me.

In my time of need, I called to the Eternal;

I begged my True God for help.

He heard my voice echo up to His temple,

and my cry came to His ears.

Because of His great anger, the earth shook and staggered;

the roots of the mountains shifted.

Smoke poured out from His nose,

and devouring fire burst from His mouth.

Coals glowed from Him.

He bent the heavens and descended;

inky darkness was beneath His feet.

He rode upon a heavenly creature, flying;

He was carried quickly on the wings of the wind.

He took darkness as His hiding place—

both the dark waters of the seas and the dark clouds of the sky.

Out from His brilliance

hailstones and burning coals

broke through the clouds.

The Eternal thundered in the heavens;

the Highest spoke; His voice rumbled [in the midst of hail and lightning].

He shot forth His arrows and scattered the wicked;

He flung forth His lightning and struck them.

Then the deepest channels of the seas were visible,

and the very foundations of the world were uncovered

At Your rebuke, O Eternal One,

at the blast of wind from Your nostrils.

He reached down His hand from above me; He held me.

He lifted me from the raging waters.

He rescued me from my strongest enemy,

from all those who sought my death,

for they were too strong.

They came for me in the day of my destruction,

but the Eternal was the support of my life.

He set me down in a safe place;

He saved me to His delight; He took joy in me.

The Eternal One responded to me according to my goodness;

I kept my hands clean, and He blessed me.

I kept the ways of the Eternal

and have not walked away from my True God in wickedness.

All His laws were there before me,

and I did not push His statutes away.

I was blameless before Him;

I kept myself from guilt and shame.

That’s why the Eternal has rewarded me for my right living;

He’s rewarded me because He saw my hands were clean.

You are loyal to those who are loyal;

with the innocent, You prove to be innocent;

With the clean, You prove to be clean;

and with the twisted, You make Yourself contrary.

For You rescue humble people,

but You bring the proud back in line.

You are the lamp who lights my way;

the Eternal, my God, lights up my darkness.

With Your help, I can conquer an army;

I can leap over walls with a helping hand from You.

Everything God does is perfect;

the promise of the Eternal rings true;

He stands as a shield for all who hide in Him.

Who is the True God except the Eternal?

Who stands like a rock except our God?

The True God who encircled me with strength

and made my pathway straight.

He made me sure-footed as a deer

and placed me high up where I am safe.

He teaches me to fight

so that my arms can bend a bronze bow.

You have shielded me with Your salvation,

supporting me with Your strong right hand,

and it makes me strong.

You taught me how to walk with care

so my feet will not slip.

I chased my enemies and caught them

and did not stop until they were destroyed.

I broke them and threw them down beneath my feet,

and they could not rise up again.

For You equipped me for battle,

and You made my enemies fall beneath me.

You made my enemies turn tail and run,

and all who wanted my destruction, I destroyed.

They looked everywhere, but no one came to rescue them;

they asked the Eternal, but He did not answer them.

I beat them to sand, to dust that blows in the wind;

I flung them away like trash in the gutters.

You rescued me from conflict with the peoples;

You raised me up to rule over nations.

People who did not know me have come to serve me.

Strangers come to me, afraid.

As soon as they hear about me, they serve me;

Strangers who have lost heart

come fearfully to me from behind their high walls.

The Eternal is alive! My Rock is blessed,

and exalted is the True God of my deliverance—

The God who avenged me

and placed the peoples under me,

Who rescued me from all my foes.

Truly, You raised me up above my enemies

and saved me from the violent ones.

For this I will praise You among the nations, O Eternal,

and sing praises to Your name.

He is a tower of salvation for His king

and shows His enduring love to His anointed,

to David and his descendants forever.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 18 (The Voice)

A note from The Voice translation:

This Davidic psalm is also found in 2 Samuel 22. It expresses gratitude to God for saving him.

[Psalm 91]

He who takes refuge in the shelter of the Most High

will be safe in the shadow of the Almighty.

He will say to the Eternal, “My shelter, my mighty fortress,

my God, I place all my trust in You.”

For He will rescue you from the snares set by your enemies who entrap you

and from deadly plagues.

Like a bird protecting its young, God will cover you with His feathers,

will protect you under His great wings;

His faithfulness will form a shield around you, a rock-solid wall to protect you.

You will not dread the terrors that haunt the night

or enemy arrows that fly in the day

Or the plagues that lurk in darkness

or the disasters that wreak havoc at noon.

A thousand may fall on your left,

ten thousand may die on your right,

but these horrors won’t come near you.

Only your eyes will witness

the punishment that awaits the evil,

but you will not suffer because of it.

For you made the Eternal [your] refuge,

the Most High your only home.

No evil will come to you;

plagues will be turned away at your door.

He will command His heavenly messengers to guard you,

to keep you safe in every way.

They will hold you up in their hands

so that you will not crash, or fall, or even graze your foot on a stone.

You will walk on the lion and the cobra;

you will trample the lion and the serpent underfoot.

“Because he clings to Me in love,

I will rescue him from harm;

I will set him above danger.

Because he has known Me by name,

He will call on Me, and I will answer.

I’ll be with him through hard times;

I’ll rescue him and grant him honor.

I’ll reward him with many good years on this earth

and let him witness My salvation.”

The Book of Psalms, Poem 91 (The Voice)

A note from The Voice translation:

Psalm 91 is a beautiful psalm of trust in God. But how does God take care of all His people, all at the same time? Well, keep reading because Psalm 91 is one of just a few places in Scripture that describe what we might call “guardian angels” (Exodus 23:20; Psalm 43:3). Though rare, these passages teach that God is not alone in maintaining and protecting His creation and His people. He has made a host of heavenly messengers ready to do His bidding, and His bidding is often to guard His people throughout their lives and protect them—sometimes from dangers they are not even aware of.

[Psalm 19]

For the worship leader. A song of David.

The celestial realms announce God’s glory;

the skies testify of His hands’ great work.

Each day pours out more of their sayings;

each night, more to hear and more to learn.

Inaudible words are their manner of speech,

and silence, their means to convey.

Yet from here to the ends of the earth, their voices have gone out;

the whole world can hear what they say.

God stretched out in these heavens a tent for the sun,

And the sun is like a groom

who, after leaving his room, arrives at the wedding in splendor;

He is the strong runner

who, favored to win in his race, is eager to face his challenge.

He rises at one end of the skies

and runs in an arc overhead;

nothing can hide from his heat, from the swelter of his daily tread.

The Eternal’s law is perfect,

turning lives around.

His words are reliable and true,

instilling wisdom to open minds.

The Eternal’s directions are correct,

giving satisfaction to the heart.

God’s commandments are clear,

lending clarity to the eyes.

The awe of the Eternal is clean,

sustaining for all of eternity.

The Eternal’s decisions are sound;

they are right through and through.

They are worth more than gold—

even more than abundant, pure gold.

They are sweeter to the tongue than honey

or the drippings of the honeycomb.

In addition to all that has been said,

Your servant will find, hidden in Your commandments, both a strong warning

and a great reward for keeping them.

Who could possibly know all that he has done wrong?

Forgive my hidden and unknown faults.

As I am Your servant, protect me from my bent toward pride,

and keep sin from ruling my life.

If You do this, I will be without blame,

innocent of the great breach.

May the words that come out of my mouth and the musings of my heart

meet with Your gracious approval,

O Eternal, my Rock,

O Eternal, my Redeemer.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 19 (The Voice)

[chattahoochiecoochie]

Listen y’all. I haven’t watched Volume 2 but I’ve seen bits here and there. It doesn’t end well, that much I know for sure. Soooo, this is how it should have fucking gone for them. No debates. 

- Prom came and went. They weren’t official then, and she went alone, but by graduation they had a label, and he swung her around his room to some stupid pop song she liked.

- School ended and he crossed the stage with a smile on his face, rewarded only by the sight of her cheering for him in the crowd.

- She took up her job as a lifeguard again to make money before college started, and he picked up a few hours at Thatcher tire–not because he wanted to work, but because spoiling Chrissy was running up a tab.

- They spent every night together, in his van, whispering in her bedroom, partying in his.

- June rolled by and July followed, before long, August was upon them, its hand outstretched to take her away.

- Eddie didn’t get a class ring, a diploma was more than enough. So instead, he drops her at the airport with a suitcase full of band tees, and his favorite ring on a chain.

- “You don’t have to wear it.” He says. “I’ll wear it every day.” She says back.

- He spends the next week on the phone with her, laying on the floor of his room in quiet misery.

- She’s excited, cheerful every time they talk, and it takes everything inside him to sound happy for her.

- Her classes start August 31st. September 1st, he takes a job at the plant with Uncle Wayne. Thatchers is fun, but it doesn’t pay like he needs it too.

- She’s gone now, making something of herself. He’s going to do the same. He’ll be ready when she comes back to him.

- Six months later, every penny saved, he buys a ring. When she comes for Christmas that year, he hides it in Wayne’s room. It’s been in his top drawer, but she’s planning to go through that for more of his tshirts.

- “Maybe I could send them back to you, when they stop smelling like you. And you can send me some more?”

- They spend the holiday apart. It will be the last time he lets that happen, he swears.

- When she comes for Spring Break, he introduces himself to her parents, and makes it over for Easter.

- His hair is too long, her dad says, he has no manners, her mom says.

- Sending her away the second summer is harder than the first. They have something now. He cries in his van outside the airport, and watches through red eyes as her plane takes off.

- It’s the spring of her junior year when he finally has the money to fly out.

- She shows him off like a trophy, parading him through the sorority house like a show pony. Everyone has heard of him.

- “This is my boyfriend, Eddie.” She blushes down to her toes every time she introduces him and it makes his heart ache. The ring is back in Hawkins, and with every word, it burns a deeper hole in his dresser.

- He flies out with her parents for graduation. They buy his ticket, a graduation gift to her. The three of them have conspired to surprise her, she thinks he can’t get the time off work, and bursts into tears at the sight of him at the airport.

- That June, summer of ‘91, he finally digs the ring out of his room, and on a late night walk to their old table in the forest, he pops the question.

- “Oh Eddie, of course.”

- They are married in July.

- It’s a quiet affair, close friends and family only. The kids, recently graduated themselves show up, teeth finally straight, nerves settled. A few old cheer friends come over for the reception, but a sorority sister fills in as maid of honor. Gareth, now used to this new version of Eddie, grins when asked to be best man.

- August, they take back the month, wrenching it free from the clock to make it their own.

- There’s an apartment in Chicago waiting for them. She’s got a graduate degree to get, and he’s transferred to a plant inside the city limits.

- “Nintety one baby. It’s our year. It’s our life.”

- He’s got a new car now, a Honda Accord that just barely fit the budget, and on the drive out of town, he lets her pick the radio station. They’ve hit the city range when a new band comes on. Nirvana. His world is rocked, and they stop at a record store just outside of town.

- The bleach album plays over their move, the soundtrack to the beginning of their new life.

- “I can get a job down the street, before school starts, at that bakery we saw? They had a sign in the window, for a counter girl!”

- “I’ve got a friend at a bar across town, said he’ll let me play a few nights as backup to start out.”

- The year is 1991, they are alive and married and fresh eyed. It will be their year. It will be their life.

I’ll be back to write this fic, in due time. It’s the story they fucking deserved.