#DONT SAY U FAILED HIM
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
mothstiel · 1 month ago
Text
watching a destiel divorce now for the like sixth time 😮‍💨 still going through it
37 notes · View notes
citrusai · 1 month ago
Text
some shippers when solas has had important relationships from thousands of years ago and he can't just forgive himself for failing those closest to him then and go "okie dokie!" when his wife tells him he can come back home
Tumblr media
#dragon age fandom critical#solavellan#im sorry some of you are not serious he literally says in the cutscene i wish ur forgiveness soothed my faults but unfortunately#hes been on this path for CENTURIES before lavellan was even born like yes he would like to apologize to mythal#AND HE LEFT LAVELLAN CLUES BC SHE WANTED HIM TO TRACK HIM SHE WANTED HER TO STOP HIM#unfortunately sometimes you kinda need your best friend turned master turned opp to say it's ok#like she literally came in went well lolz we both fucked up teehee i release u from indentured servitude PCE#and some of u are still mad#RELATIONSHIPS DONT EXIST IN A FUCKING VACUUMM!!!!!!#mind you mythal got betrayed by her own deranged husband who then got locked away and she was lobotomized#and then after she protected her people in this new world solas showed up and went well im bombing it#LIKE UNFORTUNATELY. SINCE HE KILLED FLEMETH HE KINDA NEEDED TO ATONE FOR THE NUMEROUS GRIEVANCES HE CAUSED IN MYTHALS LIFE TOO#also like even tho it was mythals choice to follow her husband and it was her own undoing#solas as a spirit of wisdom who knew better and warned her still thinks he failed her and not vice versa bc it was his Nature.#i also think it would be largely out of character for solas to just go okie after lavellan forgives him#he literally broke up w her bc he felt he was betraying this path of repentance he made up for himself#he wished it was as easy to just cast aside & get over it and adapt like mythal clearly has but#in his core he feels deeply. his regrets his losses his pain. he is a spirit#he is not a man. he is weighed down by emotions the mortal coil cannot comprehend#it is also why he did not want cole bound or inq drinking from the fountain#he made a choice and he failed and he carried that burned for centuries#he would not have that thrust upon someone else#and he also cannot wash away the guilt without confronting it. and he hasnt been confronting it until hes trapped#and even then his last confrontation w mythal b4 vg was when he gutted her to seize power and do what HE thought he must
19 notes · View notes
tetzoro · 3 months ago
Note
Aiimmmssss,
We both know Zoro holds a lot of guilt on his shoulders for a variety of things, how do you help him through it? 👀
just rip my heart from my chest next time, it’ll hurt less /j .. ily ෆ
often times, the words of others does not ease the immense weight of guilt that rests on our shoulders. they can help — a temporary fix, a small bandaid over a wound in desperate need of stitches.
but what zoro needs is deeper. he needs someone to keep him company as he tries to stitch himself up with a slightly shaky hand. thread by thread, mending himself in the way he’s always known, trying to erase the shame he feels for his failures — the ones that taunt him every time he closes his eye for too long.
i’d like to think that my presence would give him a little reassurance. i’d help him whisk away all of the impure thoughts that threaten him, chasing them far, far away. there’s not much i could really say to make him feel better, but knowing that i’m there and i love him for every single piece of him, helps soothe his mind a bit.
so his hand becomes steadier, the threading becomes quicker, and the wound begins to heal.
12 notes · View notes
ningensorrow · 1 year ago
Text
can't believe lana del rey wrote born to die for the hit manga bungou stray dogs
45 notes · View notes
electragapi · 4 months ago
Text
I’m so over the dismissal of Louis as a character on his own, the constant misinterpretations of Louis, the unwarranted villainizing of Louis (not saying he’s an angel, but blaming him for things that are not his fault), the sidelining of Louis, all of it!!!!!!!!!!! and it’s almost always just in service of boosting Armand or Lestat🙄🙄🙄🙄 Stop it!!!!!!!!
4 notes · View notes
inkats · 3 months ago
Text
is it autism or is it a symptom of previous longterm social isolation and lack of agency ?
#i think. im not good at being a person.#ive finally gotten some alone time and i am reflecting. and well.#i dont think you can make me socially aware ^-^ i dont think i'll ever get good at it.#i donknow why ^-^👍 and i dont think it matters 👍#i think hes getting tired of me alreadyyyy......#and i think. lots of other ppl . dont see me wout him already also.#ive managed this already... impressive ^-^#but the japanese international girls like me so !!! it doesnt matter !!! i have. two nice friends. and 1 intimidating friend.#i will not get bullied or made fun of or be in ungetoutable bad situations bc of. mafia friend.#and then i will recharge and be silly around. nice friends.#i think the fact that im actively thinking about this. doesnt do anything for my case.#i think. im getting masking lessons. when i hang out w him. if it really is the autism. and im failing a little bit.#he thinks ive got anxiety. 💭💭 psych major ass. sorry. my roommates also psych major. why are they. talkers.#theyre scawy.#they both got adhd too. whats with that#anyway.#i want to get a haircut.#and hes like. well. hes literally 4 real a model. and his mom was a model. and all his friends were. guess what. models.#so. scary. so i will go to a shitty salon w a nice normal level of social skill friend and then not say anything i think.#i love yapping on here this is awesome. i can just say anytging.#non u know me in real life#how did i end up making friends w the most 'popular guy' guy in the world this is so stressful.#everyone likes him. there are ppl who only talk to me to get an idea of where he might be at. what happened.#howd i go from friendless loser to. loser but in a completely different friend environment. friends w guy who is too good at making friends#but chooses to hang out w me ? does he choose to do that. is it all coincidence?#how did i get here. it really doesnt feel real#i want. to . explode.#yknow i never even really talked to boys before this also. wtf. wtf..#i have only been saying nice things so far i think but i think its important to know that he. scares me. hes so from bc.#i have always been scared of island ppl theyre. all so mad always. and guess what he is too. and yet here i am.
2 notes · View notes
fightwing · 10 months ago
Text
continued from here / @bruz3r
dammit. maybe dick should've stayed quiet because while he was generally very good at pop quizzes --- there was just no way bruce had a secret, sixth finger. " four. " he answers instead. vaguely proud of himself for being able to deduce what his eyes couldn't translate. he must've failed that too though, by the way gloved hands come to frame his face. instinctively, he leans into it for a second. it's gentle --- the feather light touch of an examiner with practice but eventually the mounting pressure still makes dick's lips twist in displeasure and his body jerk to escape it. the room was spinning, his head felt like a trash compactor slowly but surely crushing his brain and WHY was he suddenly under a spotlight? nightwing hadn't realized he'd closed his eyes with the discomfort until he tried to open them again. he withdrew entirely, like he could escape what could outrun the flash (on a bad day) and yet the movement doesn't feel great either (and the light miraculously still catches him). distantly, he's aware he needs to focus but right now that was like trying to write a letter on an etch-a-sketch in an earthquake. bruce's voice always did cut through the static --- even now. it takes him a second to process what said words mean, and it's that same moment that bruce apparently decides dick needs an incentive to stay still. he's too slow right now --- the fog too strong for his instincts to kick in so it's only by the time he's already chained up that he's trying to evade it, eyes sloppily opening and closing when the lights simultaneously became too much and not enough at alternating intervals. voice more like a whine when he says: " no, no, give me a second b, i'll be fine. " he's walked off worse. MUCH worse even, and a little lucky shot to the head did NOT constitute bruce going back into the fight ALONE. but of course, batman's call. he's gone before dick's heavy lips can form another protest. luckily, dick grayson was raised to know all of batman's little tricks. had used a cuff similar to this in a thousand and one scenarios on his own and had trained extensively on how to get out of them. silly bruce. with a smug feeling blooming in his brain it's only when he realizes he can't see the latch, nor are his hands steady enough to precisely find it that he realizes the flaw in his plan. RIGHT. despite what his vision is telling him he does not in fact have three right hands. Hmm, new plan. when the lights go back out he sighs in relief --- a small bit of pressure loosening. but alfred's voice --- a voice he loves and cherishes and hopes to hear far more often than he does is currently drilling into his skull like a construction project on a deadline, he doesn't even think about taking his own earpiece out until he's already done it, last understandable words a simple " i can't --- " that doesn't really have an object. that of course just makes it so he can hear the fight he's not currently apart of and he pulls, uselessly at the chain once again. think, grayson, THINK. (ow.) he's sitting with his forehead against the cool metal of the bat-cuff, trying to will the concussion away when he feels the air shift. either it's batman or dick's going to have a very awkward conversation with a gun man. " i'm almost out. " maybe mentally, but the bat-cuff was as good as the day b built it. " just give me a second. "
3 notes · View notes
castielfucks · 8 months ago
Text
dude actually i think I really don't like my mom
#her dad was disrespectful toward me and keeps trying to contact me through her and my cousin#even though i asked him to stop#my mom sends me a message saying “i know you told me not to pass on his messages but” and proceeds to pass on this nasty old dudes message#i tell her its disrespectful to my boundaries and im not interested in any contact or convo with this dude#and she sends me a vouce message CRYING ????? saying she hates being the middle man???#girl.... you are supposed to be the middle man for your child ? youre a parent ? thats not being a middle man thats parenting???#youre SUPPOSED to protect and defend your child from people they dont want to talk to#and your child getting frustrated when you fail to do so is not “throwing rocks” as she put it oh my GOD#get those fuckin tears out of bere man like i havent been the middle man the peacemaker for our family#since i was able to walk and talk#bitch PLEASE just be a parent!!! be normal about being a parent !!!!!!#how are you 50yo in a different state than your 80yo father and youre still scared of him ????#how do you let your father say some transphobic shit to your child and u shrug with “oh thats just how he is sorry”#youre grown as hell how does someone disown a 50 YEAR OLD ADULT CHILD LMAOOOO#please talk to your theraoist about it and not your youngest child !!! for once !!!!!!!! FOR ONCE !!!!!!!!#*****editing to add i just sent her a vm asking her to clarify what and who she meant by beung a middle man#if she says me im throwing hands verbally
4 notes · View notes
mishtershpock · 8 months ago
Text
.
2 notes · View notes
henrychengtual · 11 months ago
Text
.
#snapped at my mom because im stressed about my preboard results and then i apologized and explained that i was rly stressed and accidentally#lashed out and she started saying that im always rude to her and taking my stress out on her ??? and that i never do this to my dad#and then she said i never talk to her about anything even though she's the only one who does everything for me yet i still dont talk to her#and well. maybe if she didnt tell my brother 'if u do this u will end up like ur sister in the future. u dont want to fail in life right ?#then dont do this' (nearly exact words) when she was scolding him . i mean maybe then i would actually want to talk to her#and it sucks because i cant rly talk to anyone irl about this because i still feel scared that they'll like. judge my mom#because i still love her a lot and dont want people to think badly about her#but its getting harder ! to exist here ! and the fact that i am constantly used as an example of what my brother should NOT be#especially when i work this hard partly because i want to be someone my brother can look up to#and to have that come from my own mother . it's really hurtful and makes me feel like nothing i ever do will be enough for her#not to mention the fact that i have come out to her 4 times and she still constantly asks me if it's just a phase#<- i thought that part was getting better but apparently not#but i've stopped expecting anything from anyone in that respect so it doesn't really come as a surprise lmao#anyway rant over i just needed to get that off my chest because i really dont know how long i can keep crying and then forcing my voice#to be normal so that no one asks what happened because wow it is taking a toll on me! who knew#do noooot perceive this
2 notes · View notes
zorkaya-moved · 1 year ago
Text
gbf zarina literally wants to do NOTHING with the big plot, belial, lucilius, lucifer, sandalphon. she just wants to fuck around as a primal, watch mortals, and just chill. she does NOT want to go back to the days before ok let her have funny goofy times she's been overworked by lucilius before it's enough ok. her shift ended, her boss was dead and he should've stayed dead but no some goofed and brought him like why.
3 notes · View notes
bobzora · 2 years ago
Text
starting 3rdsem overleveled is fun because akechi will act like hes hot shit but actually hes like 5 whole levels behind everyone else. "my skills exceed yours" no they dont. they dont actually
3 notes · View notes
nastasya--filippovna · 4 months ago
Text
reblogging again with @aq2003 's tags bcs they're literary fire
I know that Richard2Shakespeare is played as an obnoxious little twink for political and drama reasons (you’re telling me a queer coded this tragedy etc) and to let the actors chew the scenery a bit, and the indecisiveness is a tragic flaw that sets him apart from the clear penetrating masculinity of eg Bolingbroke etc etc. it’s great that there is a whole play about “the deserved downfall of cunty little maximalist who changes his Starbucks order 3 times with a huge line behind him.” However, I have forgotten what I was great revelation I was going to write here, so here are some richard2shakespeares I found while trying to remember
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
#i need to actually pick apart the text and annotate it cuz i probably missed a lot but i WILL play devils advocate for one second#and say that richard ii works both as a character and a play FOR ME because bolingbroke isn't exempt from the criticism#and richard becomes more and more sympathetic and more in touch with his humanity as he loses his power#at least this is what i got from the dt version. richard's flaws do not come from him being a gay little freak! i agree#his flaws all stem from how he was crowned king as a small child and held above everyone around him. unable to relate to/connect w others#the problem is not richard and his fail twink swag it's the system of the monarchy itself#that is inherently flawed. 'god given right to rule' doesn't mean anything they're both just some guys w a crown on their head#he quite literally shines a mirror onto bolingbroke and says the brittleness of glory in his own face is the same as bolingbroke's#the mirror is powerful imagery because it seems to convey richard's vanity on the surface but it's actually#him looking at himself and seeing how fragile and shallow the position of king is. like in general. outside of his own devastation#or maybe i'm just reading into stuff that isn't there and/or watched it wrong idk#regardless to keep the story relevant in a modern era i feel like you would want to make a point of criticizing the monarchy as a system#rather than having ur thesis statement b ab one monarch being worse than another. richard can stay a gay little freak if u keep that in#ricky 2#you can take all these tags w a grain of salt btw. again i have not eaten the text like i did w hamlet#i dont know it like the back of my hand or anything i just watched the dt version and had a gender crisis over it
3K notes · View notes
acourtofquestions · 2 months ago
Text
🚨 SPOILERS🚨
Kingdom of Ash Chapter 50
Rowan's hands tightened on Aelin's shoulders as the words settled into her, hollow and cold.
"Maeve is a Valg queen?" he breathed.
Aelin said nothing. Couldn't find the words. Her power roiled. She didn't feel it.
Nesryn nodded solemnly. "Yes. The kharankui told us the entire history."
And so Nesryn did as well. Of how Maeve had somehow found a way into this world, fleeing or bored with her husband, Orcus. Erawan's elder brother. Of how Erawan, Orcus, and Mantyx had torn apart worlds to find her, Orcus's missing wife, and only halted here because the Fae had risen to challenge them. Fae led by Maeve, whom the Valg kings did not know or recognize, in the form she had taken.
The life she had crafted for herself. The minds of all the Fae who had existed that she had ripped into, convincing them that there had been three queens, not two. Including the minds of Mab and Mora, the two sister-queens who had ruled Doranelle. Including Brannon himself.
"The spiders claimed," Nesryn went on, "that even Brannon didn't know. Even now, in the Afterworld, he doesn't know. That was how deep Maeve's powers went into his mind, into all their minds. She made herself their true queen."
The words, the truth, pelted Aelin, one after another.
Elide's face was white as death. "But she fears the healers." A nod toward Yrene. "She keeps that owl, you said—an enslaved Fae healer-should the Valg ever discover her." For that was the other piece of it. The other thing Nesryn had revealed, Chaol and Yrene adding in their own accounts. The Valg were parasites. And Yrene could cure their human hosts of them. Had done so for Princess Duva. And might be able to do with so many others enslaved with rings or collars. But what had infested Duva ... A Valg princess.
Aelin leaned back into her chair, her head resting against the solid wall of Rowan's body.
His hands shook against her shoulders. Shook as he seemed to realize what, exactly, had ripped into his mind. Where Maeve's power had come from that allowed her to do so. Why she remained deathless and ageless, and had outlasted any other. Why Maeve's power was darkness.
"It is also why she fears fire," Sartaq said, jerking his chin to Aelin. "Why she fears you so."
And why she'd wanted to break her. To be just like that enslaved healer bound in owl form at her side.
"I thought—I managed to cut her once," Aelin said at last. That quiet, ancient darkness pushed in, dragging her down, down, down-" I saw her blood flow black. Then it changed to red." She blew out a breath, pulling out of the darkness, the silence that wanted to devour her whole. Made herself straighten. Peer at Fenrys.
"You said that her blood tasted ordinary to you when you swore the oath." The white wolf shifted back into his Fae body. His bronze skin was ashen, his dark eyes swimming with dread. "It did."
Rowan growled, "It didn't taste any different to me, either."
"A glamour-like the form she maintains," Gavriel mused.
Nesryn nodded. "From what the spiders said, it seems entirely possible that she would be able to convince you that her blood looked and tasted like Fae blood."
Fenrys made a sound like he was going to be sick. Aelin was inclined to do the same.
And from far away—a memory-that-was-not-a-memory stirred. Of summer nights spent in a forest glen, Maeve instructing her. Telling her a story about a queen who walked between worlds.
Who had not been content in the realm in which she'd been born, and had found a way to leave it, using the lost knowledge of ancient wayfarers. World-walkers.
Maeve had told her. Perhaps a skewed, biased tale, but she'd told her. Why? Why do it at all? Some way to win her-or to make her hesitate, should it ever come to this?
"But Maeve hates the Valg kings," Elide said, and even from the silent, drifting place to which Aelin had gone, she could see the razor-sharp mind churning behind Elide's eyes. "She's hidden for this long. Surely she wouldn't ally with them."
"She ran at the chance to get hold of a Valg collar," Fenrys said darkly. "Seemed convinced that she could control the prince inside it."
Not only through Maeve's power, but because she was a demon queen.
Aelin forced herself to take another breath. Another. Her fingers curled, gripping an invisible weapon.
Lorcan had not uttered a word. Had done nothing but stand there, pale and silent. As if he'd stopped being in his body, too.
"We don't know her plans," Nesryn said.
"The kharankui have not seen her for millennia, and only hear whisperings carried by lesser spiders. But they still worship her, and wait for her return."
Chaol met Aelin's stare, his gaze questioning.
Aelin said quietly, "I was Maeve's prisoner for two months."
Utter silence in the tent. Then she explained—all of it. Why she was not in Terrasen, who now fought there, where Dorian and Manon had gone.
Aelin swallowed as she finished, leaning into Rowan's touch. "Maeve wished me to reveal the location of the two Wyrdkeys. Wanted me to hand them over, but I managed to get them away before she took me. To Doranelle. She wanted to break me to her will. To use me to conquer the world, I thought. But it perhaps now seems she wanted to use me as a shield against the Valg, to guard her always." The words tumbled out, heavy and sharp. "I was her captive until nearly a month ago." She nodded toward her court. "When I got free, they found me again."
Silence fell again, her new companions at a loss. She didn't blame them.
Then Hasar hissed, "We'll make the bitch pay for that, too, won't we?"
Aelin met the princess's dark stare. "Yes, we will."
A Valg queen.
That's who had held his Fireheart. What sort of power had tried to break into her mind.
What power had broken into Rowan's mind.
All their minds, if she could glamour her blood to look and taste ordinary.
He felt the tension rising in Aelin, a raging storm that nearly hummed into his hands as he gripped her shoulders.
Yet her flames made no appearance. They hadn't shown so much as an ember these weeks, despite how hard they'd trained. Occasionally, he'd spy Goldryn's ruby gleaming while she held it, as if fire glowed in the heart of the stone. But nothing more. Not even when they'd tangled in their bed on the ship, when his teeth had found that mark on her neck.
Elide surveyed them all, their silence, and said to their new companions, "Perhaps we should determine a plan of action regarding tomorrow's battle." And give them time, later tonight, to sort through this colossal mess.
Chaol nodded. "We brought a trunk of books with us," he said to Aelin. "From the Torre. They're all full of Wyrdmarks." Aelin didn't so much as blink, but Chaol finished, "If we get through this battle, they're yours to peruse. In case there's anything in them that might help." Against Erawan, against Maeve, against his mate's terrible fate. Aelin just vaguely nodded.
So Rowan forced himself to shove away the shock and disgust and fear, and focus upon the plan ahead. Only Gavriel seemed able to do the same, Fenrys staying where he was, and Lorcan just staring and staring at nothing.
Aelin remained in her chair, simmering.
Roiling.
They planned it quickly and efficiently: they would return with Chaol and Yrene to the keep, to help with the fighting tomorrow. The khaganate royals would push from here, Nesryn and Prince Sartaq leading the ruks, and Princess Hasar commanding the foot soldiers and Darghan cavalry. A brilliantly trained, lethal group. Rowan had already marked the Darghan soldiers, with their fine horses and armor, their spears and crested helmets, while they'd strode for this tent, and breathed a sigh of relief at their skill. Perhaps the last sigh of relief he'd have in this war. Certainly if the khagan's forces hadn't yet decided where they would take this army afterward. He supposed it was fair-so many territories were now in Morath's path-but when this battle was over, he'd make damn sure they marched northward. To Terrasen.
But tomorrow-tomorrow they'd hammer Morath's legion against the keep walls, Chaol and Rowan leading the men from inside, picking off enemy soldiers.
Aelin didn't volunteer to do anything. Didn't indicate that she'd heard them.
And when they'd all deemed the plan sound, along with a contingency plan should it go awry, Nesryn only said, "We'll find you ruks to carry you back to the keep," before Aelin stormed into the frigid night, Rowan barely keeping up with her.
No embers trailed her. Mud did not hiss beneath her boots.
There was no fire at all. Not a spark.
As if Maeve had snuffed out that flame.
Made her fear it.
Hate it.
Aelin cut through the neatly organized tents, past horses and their armored riders, past foot soldiers around campfires, past the ruk riders and their mighty birds, who filled him with such awe he had no words for it. All the way to the eastern edge of the camp and the plains that stretched past, the space wide and hollow after the closeness of the army.
She didn't stop until she reached a stream they'd crossed only hours ago. It was nearly frozen over, but a stomp of her boot had the ice cracking. Breaking free to reveal dark water kissed with silvery starlight.
Then she fell to her knees and drank.
Drank and drank, cupping the water to her mouth. It had to be cold enough to burn, but she kept at it until she braced her hands on her knees and said, "I can't do this."
Rowan sank to a knee, the shield he'd kept around her while she stalked here sealing out the cold wind off the open plain.
"I-I can't—" She took a shuddering breath, and covered her face with her wet hands.
Gently, Rowan gripped her wrists and lowered them. "You do not face this alone."
Anguish and terror filled those beautiful eyes, and his chest tightened to the point of pain as she said, "It was a fool's shot against Erawan. But against him and Maeve? She gathered an army to her. Is likely bringing that army to Terrasen right now. And if Erawan summons his two brothers, if the other kings return—"
"He needs the two other keys to do that. He doesn't have them."
Her fingers curled, digging into her palms hard enough that the tang of her blood filled the air. "I should have gone after the keys. Right away. Not come here. Not done this."
"It is Dorian's task now, not yours. He will not fail at it."
"It is my task, and always has been—"
"We made the choice to come here, and we will stick to that decision," he snarled, not bothering to temper his tone. "If Maeve is indeed bringing her army to Terrasen, then it only confirms that we were right to come here. That we must convince the khagan's forces to go northward after this. It is the only chance we stand of succeeding."
Aelin ran her hands through her hair.
Streams of blood stained the gold. "I cannot win against them. Against a Valg king and queen." Her voice turned to a rasp. "They have already won."
"They have not." And though Rowan hated each word, he growled, "And you survived two months against Maeve with no magic to protect you. Two months of a Valg queen trying to break into your head, Aelin. To break you."
Aelin shook. "She did, though." Rowan waited for it. Aelin whispered, "I wanted to die by the end, before she ever threatened me with the collar. And even now, I feel like someone has ripped me from myself. Like I'm at the bottom of the sea, and who I am, who I was, is far up at the surface, and I will never get back there again."
He didn't know what to say, what to do other than to gently pull her fingers from her palms.
"Did you buy the swagger, the arrogance?" she demanded, voice breaking. "Did the others? Because I've been trying to. I've been trying like hell to convince myself that it's real, reminding myself I only need to pretend to be how I was just long enough."
Long enough to forge the Lock and die.
He said softly, "I know, Aelin." He hadn't bought the winks and smirks for a heartbeat.
Aelin let out a sob that cracked something in him. "I can't feel me-myself anymore. It's like she snuffed it out. Ripped me from it. She, and Cairn, and everything they did to me." She gulped down air, and Rowan wrapped her in his arms and pulled her onto his lap. "I am so tired," she wept. "I am so, so tired, Rowan."
"I know." He stroked her hair. "I know." It was all there really was to say.
Rowan held her until her weeping eased and she lay still, nestled against his chest.
"I don't know what to do," she whispered
"You fight," he said simply. "We fight. Until we can't anymore. We fight."
She sat up, but remained on his lap, staring into his face with a rawness that destroyed him.
Rowan laid a hand on her chest, right over that burning heart. "Fireheart."
A challenge and a summons.
She placed her hand atop his, warm despite the frigid night. As if that fire had not yet gone out entirely. But she only gazed up at the stars.
To the Lord of the North, standing watch.
"We fight," she breathed.
Aelin found Fenrys by a quiet fire, gazing into the crackling flames.
She sat on the log beside him, raw and open and trembling, but … the salt of her tears had washed away some of it. Steadied her. Rowan had steadied her, and still did, as he kept watch from the shadows beyond the fire.
Fenrys lifted his head, his eyes as hollow as she knew hers had been.
"Whenever you need to talk about it," she said, her voice still hoarse, "I'm here."
Fenrys nodded, his mouth a tight line. "Thank you."
The camp was readying for their departure, but Aelin scooted closer, and sat beside him in silence for long minutes.
Two healers, marked only by the white bands around their biceps, hurried past, arms full of bandages. Aelin tensed. Focused on her breathing.
Fenrys marked her line of sight. "They were horrified, you know," he said quietly. "Every time she brought them in to … fix you."
The two healers vanished around a tent.
Aelin flexed her fingers, shaking the lightness from them. "It didn't stop them from doing it."
"They didn't have a choice."
She met his dark stare. Fenrys's mouth tightened. "No one would have left you in those states. No one."
Broken and bloody and burned—
She gripped Goldryn's hilt. Helpless.
"They defied her in their own way," Fenrys went on. "Sometimes, she'd order them to bring you back to consciousness. Often, they claimed they couldn't, that you'd fallen too deeply into oblivion. But I knew—I think Maeve did, too— that they put you there. For as long as possible. To buy you time."
She swallowed. "Did she punish them?"
"I don't know. It was never the same healers." Maeve likely had. Had likely ripped their minds apart for their defiance.
Aelin's grip tightened on the sword at her side.
Helpless. She had been helpless. As so many in this city, in Terrasen, in this continent, were helpless. Goldryn's hilt warmed in her hand.
She wouldn't be that way again. For whatever time she had left.
Gavriel padded up beside Rowan, took one look at the queen and Fenrys, and murmured, "Not the news we needed to hear."
Rowan closed his eyes for a heartbeat. "No, it was not."
Gavriel settled a hand on Rowan's shoulder.
"It changes nothing, in some ways."
"How."
"We served her. She was ... not what Aelin is. What a queen should be. We knew that long before we knew the truth. If Maeve wants to use what she is against us, to ally with Morath, then it changes things. But the past is over. Done with, Rowan. Knowing Maeve is Valg or just a wretched person doesn't change what happened."
"Knowing a Valg queen wants to enslave my mate, and nearly did so, changes a great deal."
"But we know what Maeve fears, why she fears it," Gavriel countered, his tawny eyes bright. "Fire, and the healers. If Maeve comes with that army of hers, we are not defenseless." It was true. Rowan could have cursed himself for not thinking of it already. Another question formed, though. "Her army," Rowan said. "It's made up of Fae."
"So was her armada," Gavriel said warily.
Rowan ran a hand through his hair. "Will you be able to live with it-fighting our own people?" Killing them.
"Will you?" Gavriel countered.
Rowan didn't answer.
Gavriel asked after a moment, "Why didn't Aelin offer me the blood oath?"
The male hadn't asked these weeks. And Rowan wasn't sure why Gavriel inquired now, but he gave him the truth. "Because she won't do it until Aedion has taken the oath first. To offer it to you before him ... she wants Aedion to take it first."
"In case he doesn't wish me to be near his kingdom."
"So that Aedion knows she placed his needs before her own."
Gavriel bowed his head. "I would say yes, if she offered."
"I know." Rowan clapped his oldest friend on the back. "She knows, too."
The Lion gazed northward. "Do you think ... we haven't heard any news from Terrasen."
"If it had fallen, if Aedion had fallen, we would know. People here would know."
Gavriel rubbed at his chest. "We've been to war. He's been to war. Fought on battlefields as a child, gods be damned." Rage flickered over Gavriel's face. Not at what Aedion had done, but what he'd been made to do by fate and misfortune. What Gavriel had not been there to prevent. "But I still dread every day that passes and we hear nothing. Dread every messenger we see."
A terror Rowan had never known, different from his fear for his mate, his queen. The fear of a father for his child.
He didn't allow himself to look toward Aelin. To remember his dreams while hunting for her. The family he'd seen. The family they'd make together.
"We must convince the khaganate royals to march northward when this battle is over," Gavriel swore softly.
Rowan nodded. "If we can smash this army tomorrow, and convince the royals that Terrasen is the only course of action, then we could indeed be heading north soon. You might be fighting at Aedion's side by Yulemas."
Gavriel's hands clenched at his sides, tattoos spreading over his knuckles. "If he will allow me that honor."
Rowan would make Aedion allow it. But he only said, "Gather Elide and Lorcan. The ruks are almost ready to depart."
#Chapter 50#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Rowan Whitethorn#Aelin Galathynius#Rowaelin#Fenrys Moonbeam#Maeve#Gavriel#Chaol Westfall#Yrene Towers#Nesryn Faliq#Lorcan Salvaterre#Elide Lochan#no spoilers please this is my first read to go along with me there are chapter spoilers in post and tags with more reacts notes quotes etc#Mantyx(these names)it settled the known hurt2hear-what the world now is this war is so big-each accounts & stories told-what Maeve had done#true tale-she leaned on him like she had from the beginning2stop her from falling from running from failing from drowning in the ice-Fenrys#will say it-isit a Valg glamour?-mountains-memory thats not a memory-real or not real-“world walkers”-why tell her?-Elide&Annieth-whitedemo#hed broken2-what really happened-we will-break my heart-I know-Im tried-we fight-the way he just goes okay then it shall Bthat & done-Storm#held fast-no embers but the Ruby knows-old marks remade-like the hof days-brilliantly lethal-no one could leave u like that-he hated that#t had smothered her no spark just grief-fear-drinking the river feels mythology esc-his shields-never alone again-defending her2her-blood-#staining gold-gently2k her hands-crying-u survived this but but I didnt feeling-he hated the word but said the truth-I will never get back#who I was am-the way this chapter knows grief-just long enough-something cracked in me reading it-I dont feel me-so he held her-challenge#summons-lord of the north standing watch-shell pass it on as their queen-Fenrys again-Gavriel knew-hes giving Carlisle Cullen vibes-Rowan i#her steady equal but yes their horrified even of what it meant occured-they defied4her-bought oblivion so they could-that owl-but healing-#hurt2 even that was a scar-what he saw happen2the girl was worse-never the same-it changes nothing-what a queen should b-not defenseless-sh#will not always fear the fire&healing-why no oath4him?oh its4him… kindness-she needs Aedion2know hes needed before her own-he cant live if#she doesnt-Im dying here-HIS Queen-good ole Yulemas-lidia&Lyria#For him the truth would be the most horrendous.—shock—I fucking love Hasar & her reply joining defend Aelin squad-quiet words-YES WE WILL#At least Theres a backup plan. A storm. Fate is feeling heavier-good thing Elide learned to read it-
1 note · View note
fat-fem-and-asian · 10 months ago
Text
i enjoyed night country and most of my criticisms with the show can be summed up more development for its female (especially supporting) characters
#STEPDAUGHTER DYKE I NEED LIKE . A WHOLE NOTHER PLOT W U#esp considering the finale like. idk. i didnt mind the ending i guess but GOD some more stuff about the women#the show was at its best. by far. when it was foster and reis going at each other#fosters character esp. like. i just...i wasnt compelled by her otherwise#i love u miss foster i think u did the best u could#idk idk it felt like they never reallllly finished the protesting arc and just kinda slammed it in#when like. i would have maybe refocused that to be the crux of the show#also i dont think that reis' sister should have died im sorry it just felt cruel#like i guessss it provided an interesting beat for reis but . like i struggle to see how it says anything that isnt kinda...bad.#or beyond like yeah the system fails ppl ! like bummer!#idk idk i never fully clicked with this show and i think it sagged a LOT in the middle#also qavvik . i love him hes such a sweetie but you could cut him out and have almost no impact on the plot#okay i think reis should have been fuckin foster BUT if u really wanna keep him#like idk he felt SO sidelined to me like he was truly there for the one shack scene to get some emotional exposition#im done im done#justice for him justice for the sister justice for the stepdaughter !!!!!#i like the tongue being ambigious btw like. a bit of mystery....as a treat#me 'i liked this show' as i list my many issues with its pacing and dialogue and plot and characters#honestly i think im riding this show's ass so hard bc i realllyyyyyy think it could have been like. life changing
0 notes
strab3rr · 2 months ago
Text
(long story and no short sorry) GUYSSS I DID ITT
I INDUCED IT!!!!! I WAS PURE AS A FUCKING BABY
IDK WHAT TO SAY (ok enough w capslock)
i have so much to say and not a thing at da same time idk how
anyway i want to begin with thanking you @b4ddprincess bc youre the reason i realized why i started this thing. thank you for making my life better and make me realized what i need to do: nothing. (its same for you guys, all u have to do is nothing)
two fuckn years ago i said to myself that i need a better life, quiter life, less fight with everthing bc everything was so loud and not clear i was feeling lost like a child in the market, and i wanted to make things better for myself in every way, but the main idea of my reasons to wanting to get in the void was: making anxiety go and having better people in my life. but the ''voidlist'' just never stopped bc im kinda greedy(having the idea of controling on your life, the idea of that power makes you greedy. yes thats a thing) anyway the more i add to the list the more i feel like im movin away from my desires then i feel depressed bc ive overcomplicating it bc theres so many things to do but i dont do anything so nothing happend bc i was waiting to be someth happen. and then i started doing awkwardly silly things such as: void routines and challenges and (im embarrassed of this one bc i was too desperate) drinking water
youve read it correct drinking water.
i was sooo desperate for having those things id do anything to get them.
i am simple. i want what everyone wants🎀🎀🎀: shifting realities bc i have so many crush and i need them to be crush me in bed(for 2020 girlies)
being an academic weapon is so easy for me🎀(bc of the urge to make my family proud) +dream collage
being the girl that everyone gets along w(basic needs)
being the girl who is pretty not cute(trauma response)
glowing aura(cats loves people w glowing aura yes thats a thing too)
dream body n hair(bc i deserve this🎀)
healthy (girlyfriend)friends(basic needs)
and of course him, my sp(i cant tell wich one at that time but i releived that its not him now, bc MY BELOVED CURRENT BF. guyss he is the one. dont u dare ask me how you know? i literally manifested him🎀)
then i realized i can have everything bc its my reality so why not add these:
new phone, +macbook air
dream apartment of my own
pinterest closet
lifa app for this reality
financially free-money(a lot. like really a lot)
knowing 4 languages like a native person(bc i want to be diplomat so bad) +sign language(its in general)
a little drama(its not gonna hurt anybody)
my parents being more lovable and away from me
every time i try to get in, either i was failing or falling
and im sick of it, sick of it so much i quit.(for a year)
then i go to the theraphy(ofc no im jk ilove being crazy)
one day i saw a post ss from tumblr about pure consciousness on pinterest and i was like whaat is thiiss. no mention of void so i thougt its a diffrent thing and i download the tumblr again and search everything abt it. and same excitement again after one year same thougts and same list popes up in my head. and i was like ok maybe this time itll happen.
still waiting to be someth happen so nothing happend, it was such a waste of time trying to get in while i was already be, i was already what i want to become. i was that girl that everyone gets along with but i couldnt even see bc i was too focused on wanting to be. but still tried every night and failed. and again tried-failed-quit circle bc.. have you ever met me🎀
4 month ago i saw the girl, iconic blogger and the goddess of my dreams, her @b4ddprincess thx again love u so much
a post pops in my fyp and i see the words ''pure consciousness'' i was like noo not again. and i was serious abt it i wasnt gonna read the whole thing but it attract me n i couldnt resist it so ive read it from the top to the bottom. and she got my interest so i stalked her page from the last and to the first post. it was quiet a beautiful journey for me. lasted like 3 days, the end of the 3rd day i was ''woaw it was this easy all along? u cant be serious.'' she was. i tried one last time, no breathing exercise, no ridiculous routines and no waiting something to be happen. it was just me being real me chilling out asf.
and it was this easy and it should be this easy bc being your 4d self is being nothing also being everything at the same time. if u wanna be everything you should be nothing first(as wizardliz saying: drop the old story, leave the victimhood, for being better stop being bitter etc.)u should make a space for everything first and then u can be everything.
for being 4d self of yours stop being your3dself.
sooo long story (no)short i am writing this from my mac in my new apartment(in middle of the night bc i couldnt sleep and then one tumblr notification reminded me i have a success story to share too) and my phone buzzing two minutes a time bc of my friends while im writing this, so if theres anything wrong ignore it pls.
oh u asking my bf how cute, hes sleepin in my bed now, exhausted from the work n school balance.
YWS SCHOOL!! im in my dream collage and im going to be in paris for a week. i deserve a vacation i guess(its for another conference), i kinda hate french men bc theyre so mansplaning(not like how i imagined, its hard to be friends w them)girls are cute but i feel like theyre aware im not permanent there so we just con buddies still cute and hepful for this foreigner.
and i canceled the lifa app thingy bc i can be my purest consciousness anytime i want, so i am my lifa app.
and thx to 4 languages i make a lot of money and that brings us to the pinterest closet, yesterday i realiased that. theyre not comes to me w an imaginary way like i imagined! i go outside for shopping casually and theyre there luckily i have enough money to buy them.
and my family theyre living in our hometown now so as i want it to be, we are away from eachother.
and the most magical thing: SHIFTING REALITIESSS
i did 5 world before i met w my bf. it was such a wonderful experience. if you have doubts abt shifting you can go fuck urself
because sir i did it and i am very sure that dean winchester being my husband is not a daydream, fantasy nor lucid dreaming. believe it or not he kissed me GOD HE KİSSED ME(someone should stop me i have a bf)
is there anything i missed let me see.. cats i have 2 cats now and theyre adorable. glowing aura-check
the girl who is pretty not cute- check +make anxietygo-checkcheckcheck
dream body and hair- check and check
i wanna give u a info i didnt have all my desires by being my4dself
not directly actually. but i have them all. and thats the point.
im not trying to be a blogger but if you have any question abt anything, id be happy to help
now i need to upgrade things in my farm byeess
loves, siena.
1K notes · View notes