#DO YOU KNOW HOW FUNNY IT'D BE?
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ACTUALLY I'VE SEEN A FEW PPL MENTION IT MIGHT BE THE FIRST ECLIPSE THAT CAME BACK AND OHHHH MY GHOD. TSAMS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING THAT WOULD MAKE EVERY FANFIC WRITER FLOAT W0 FEET OFF THE GROUND
#xero says things#PLEEEEAAAASEEEEEE#THATD BE SUCH A GOOD VERSION TO BRING BACK#DO YOU KNOW HOW FUNNY IT'D BE?#TO HAVE TO CATCH UP YOUR ENEMH ON ALL THE SHIT THAT HAS HAPPENED WHILE THEY WERE PRESUMED DEAD????#LIKE YEA SORRY. UR BACKUP REPLACED U AND FOUND OUT ABOUT COSMIC HORROR BEYOND HIS COMPREHENSION#BLOODMOON DIED AND CAME BACK#SOLAR AND RUIN ARE TWO ECLIPSES FROM OTHER DIMENSIONS WHO ARE KINDA CHILLIN WITH US#OH YEA LUNAR HAS POWERS TOO#OH YEA. AND WE HAVE A SISTER NOW#HOPE U DONT MINDDHAUAHAIAHAJSKQ#tsams
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happy solvermas
#cause t. no actually if christ is the son of god and the solver is god then it'd be like uzimas#quick sketch i pulled out of my ass yesterday to see if i could get myself out of art block/burnout/whatever ive got going on#v was added after cause i had no idea how to work her into the scene#implied nuziv or something look man im just desperate about this ship#and i dont know how to draw fluff or whatever#im so bad at romance i dont know how to express it#but i've been desperately trying to draw nuziv for the past months#i think this is actually like some of my best linework yet im really satisfied with everything right now#been a long time since i've felt that#turns out the “stop overthinking every pixel of the expressions and just draw the approximation the audience will get the jist” approach wo#ks#something something n is the star of their life. tree light chrismtas#it is taking. All of my restraint right now#to not be So Mean to all of you#You Don't Even Know#I Could Do Something. I Might Still.#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#uzi doorman#murder drones n#serial designation n#murder drones v#serial designation v#murder drones cyn#i need liam to explain whether cyn and the solver are the same person already so i can tag them appropriately its driving me nuts#oh yeah cyn got a plush core to chew on by the way#the idea of giving her a chew toy was rolling around in my head and i think its a very funny visual so here we are
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everything is the same except Odile is the one looping
oh. heheheheh. muahahahaha. hold on *digs through my pile of disorganized sketches*
Odile loops au; a sketch compilation!!
Some old fic drabbles + associated sketches under cut (a6 secret spoilers):
hc: Since equipment carries over, as long as Odile uses her book in a fight, she can write down notes and have it carry over loops
toxic doomed yuri (for a more fleshed out fic I highly recommend The Sweetest Thing by soreimoon, it's amazing)
#isat#odile loops au#in stars and time#isat spoilers#isat odile#odile timeloop au#congrats on unleashing the hell gates of odile looping au!!! I've thought about it a bunch!!!!!#contexts:#candy is a reference to sasasap i think. not sure if odile likes candy though#i think it'd be funny if odile struggled with understanding how shields work for a bit. she spends several loops asking mirabelle for help#I think odile would actually spend more time in the loops once she's sure she can just loop again. They're not actually in a rush after all#and she might as well maximize her loops#under cut:#she leaves all of her excess books with loop. Loop has another thing to do while waiting#yes loop is still you know who in this one#toxic doomed yuri is just very self indulgent teehee thanks discord folks#not depicted: I also think that the more loops she does the more she views them as experiments#with variables to control and test#that's where she starts falling off the deep end and start testing stuff like. not warning siffrin about the rock#(instantly regrets it though. loops back the first time she tries)#day 26 today?#A big one! Have funnn#you can tell some of these are really old by the different colored background lmfao#isat au
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the 2nd half of death note should've just gone full comedy complete with a laugh track and had these two dissing each other the whole time
#THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTIIIIIING#death note#light yagami#near#nate river#death note fanart#anime#manga#digital art#moonriver#tagging that too idc#elle draws#they'd never get shit done if they were trying to solve the kira case together#they'd be too busy talking shit about each other it'd be so funny#I just know seeing that kira finger puppet alone would have light's blood BOILING#guys remember in that deleted scene where kira kills a large portion of the SPK and near calls light just to give him the silent treatment#they're soooo fucking funny#you've heard of real lovers well how about real HATERS#imagine near untying light's shoelaces while he's sitting on the floor#I can imagine them doing the thing where you don't wanna talk to the other person so you say it to someone else asking them to relay it#even though the other person is literally Standing Right There like “gevanni please tell light that his idea will never work”#“you can tell me yourself near I'm literally right here” “and gevanni please also tell him that we're not paying for his lunch today”#I'll be here all day folks
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Prompt 299
Hear me out- Ghosts have wings. They have wings, which are affected by their cores, and can make them disappear from sight if they want or need to. You got that? Good.
Ecto-contaminated people? Don’t have wings. Liminals and Halfas, who have developed cores? Do have wings, and they can’t hide said wings, because unlike ghosts? Their bodies are physical living flesh.
Now Gotham? Ecto-contaminated, there’s no doubt about it. The amount of portals that have been opened there and death pits and death cults… yeah it’d be surprising if it wasn’t. But again, no one really notices, because at most? Most just get a bit of eyeshine.
The Bats however? Oh man are they freaking out when they wake up with aches in their back and feathers starting to poke through their skin. Curse? Nope! Welcome to Liminality, enjoy the second puberty of wings, emotion-sharing, fangs, claws, and whatever else you might develop- also enjoy the whole eating fear thing. (Wait, the what-)
#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#Liminal Batfamily#Except for Jason who is straight up a Halfa#Halfa Jason#Comes out from the Pits with massive fuckin wings bursting wide from his back#Which is hilariously how the batfam figure out that Red Hood is Jason almost immediately when he returns to Gotham#And Jason is so wrong-footed the first time he gets utterly slammed with the rest of the fam’s emotions and utter Joy at him being Alive#Jason has albatross-shaped wings that have protruding bones & a glittering underside like an explosion or falling star#In human form they’re more naturalistic red-brown colors with black & white patterning#Bruce’s wings are massive black ones that fade to a gray on the top like a moving shadow#Dick’s is deep blues & flickering stars & dust#Do you see my vision#Shadow Core Bruce#Star Core Jason#Storm Core Dick#Wind Core Tim#Shadow Core Damian#Light Core Cass#Sun Core Duke#Sea Core Steph#Earth Core Barbara#yes this includes metals#yes Steph can control water & paints & has canisters full of glitter water for mischief#Remind me to describe the others’ wings#because I am worried about running out of tags or Tumblr eating them lol#but also imagine ghost chirp au too#And it could even be before the JL have formed or it could be after#But if it's before JL form or early JL I just think it'd be funny if they only know Batman with wings lol
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waiting for marvel to take you up as their comic artist so that we can have amazing art with cherik official storyline
marvel hire me to draw professor x and magneto making out sloppy style for forty issues straight you will get a BAJILLION dollars i promise
#fave#snap chats#'professor x' what are you a cop. moving on#vjeLKVJEALKV thank you much my friend one can only dream .....#you know whats so funny tho this just reminds me how like. My Number One Cheerleader was my highschool english teacher#she also ran the comic club in case thats relevant. because i was a part of that club OBVIOUSLY#i used to want to be a comic book artist but now i dont but anyway as a part of this club we'd have to draw comics sometimes#and alllll the time my teach would be so happy to get my stuff and she'd always be like#'[Snap] please promise me you'll never give up comics i want to read a comic from you one day' and stuff like that#i think id throw up laughing if i got to email her one day like 'omg hey teach 1.) im not a moody teenager anymore#2.) i got to work for marvel check it out <3' and i have to send her old man yaoi JLVKEJLKAEVJE#FUNNIEST TIMELINE IN THE WORLD I'D ACTUALLY DIE LIKE PLEAAAASSEE THATS ALL I COULD EVER WANT IN LIFE#on the realest note tho i didnt appreciate her enthusiasm enough. i wish i could tell her thank you someday#i think of her a lot whenever im in the dumps about my work she really is one of my biggest motivators#like i guess i COULD just shoot an email. maybe if i actually do something cool with comics or something#i dont even know if she remembers me so it'd just be bizarre wouldnt it#ANYWAYS. sappy story time's over theres a matcha crepe cake with my name on it BYYYYYEEEEE
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(Some) possible explanations for why the the marshals never seem to call Peter when Neal goes to his and El's house after that first time despite it being outside his radius:
Radius restriction automatically goes away or expands for Work Hours and Neal just... goes when it's down after that first time
At some point they just decided to expand the radius to El and Peter's house (who is 'they', you ask? Up to interpretation)
Writers conveniently forgot that detail for easier-writing purposes (understandable, mood)
Writers actually forgot the detail and somehow nobody caught it until it had been long enough they decided to just not address it (unlikely, but also a mood)
Wildly incorrect but objectively funnier explanations:
Neal actually calls Peter every time now so he can get the alert deactivated, but they're both committed to the bit so Peter just pretends to have not known he was coming and be exasperated, and Neal does his thing, anyway
It happens so often that when the marshals get the alert they just fully wait a good 5-10 minutes (aka until a scene cuts off) before even bothering to call Peter
It happens so often that when they get the alert they pull up his tracking data and if he's at the house and staying there they don't even call they just go 'Oh he's there again it's fine' and ignore it
Radius got expanded to be the two miles, and also El and Peter's house --- but just the house, so Neal has to Heckin' Zoom to cover the distance between the house and the edge of his radius (yeah I know the warning before an actual alert goes out, like he gets in Bottlenecked, wouldn't last that long but shhh)
#white collar#also think it'd be funny if peter actually did keep getting that call and eventually it replaced Neal knocking on the door#neal (secretly knowing but taking delight in the chaos): 'how do you always open the door half a second before I can knock??' peter: 😑
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top 10 worst celebrities ever
#Look at this freak#Saw that post talking about how in canon only see him in a t shirt but also the suits are a vibe#And mini Dave made like a ton of them#So#I think he can pull of both looks he's versatile like that#dave strider#homestuck#hom3stuck#My art#alpha dave strider#Does he switch it up to throw of the paparazzi? And if so... Which one is the Director Strider Look tm cus Logically#You'd think it'd be the suit#But..it's Dave so would be funny if he dresses up nice as a disguise#Idk alpha Dave is such a vague character we don't know much about him... There's so many different things you can do with him#And knowing Dave's relationship with clothes and fashion#Like... Kid has to learn to do his own laundry???? That effects a kid and how they view clothes?#It's an interesting contrast how the moment he can he makes a bunch of fancy clothes and then spends 3 years wearing the One Outfit#And as funny as the idea of him wearing the t shirt as a director is theres also the whole putting in a persona thing#And then finally getting home and just dropping it all n wearing a r shirt he's had since he was 16#Idk... Many many thoughts rattling around in here.. None of them coherent..
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happy bisexual day to those who celebrate
#dragalia lost#dragalia#orion#orion dragalia#I don't usually cross reference JP translations for Dragalia stuff but I was curious if some of the Really Gay Lines in English were#the same in the original text. Turns out some of them weren't#which just makes the localization funnier#Like. Grain of salt because I don't speak Japanese and rely on machine translations and friends who speak the language#But the really sus “receiving end” line was originally just. “Haha it'd be nice to be the one getting escorted for once :)”#I'm sure it's not an entirely indulgent translation but. Phrasing!!!#then there's the infamous(?) “I seek to have a relationship with everyone here!” where in JP it's clearer that by “everyone”#Orion means “every woman” and not literally “everyone”#bc JP Elly says “In your case won't just any woman do?” while in EN she just calls him shameless LOL#there's a few more#like the scene where Orion says “You're the first man I've ever wanted to protect” and Euden says “damn bro I thought you weren't gay?”#and he responds calmly like “You really are slow when it comes to these matters! I'm just saying you're more charming than you know.”#it's a letdown but it's kinda coy#meanwhile since JP has some extra animations#namely Orion jumping in shock and making a cringing face before responding#the No Homo vibe is off the charts 😭😭😭#and then theres that xmas seasonal line that's about picking up women ...when voices are set to JP.#The EN line is about being broke. For some reason.#But even with all that it's not like there's no gay subtext in JP Orion's dialogue. It's just deeply funny how the EN localizers went#Yup. This one. Bisexual. We gotta make it more obvious.
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today's keiji is: floormaster :)
#i've seen some people draw floormaster designs 4 the partipants so i thought i'd try 2 take a crack at making one 4 keiji......#this was a bad idea. i don't know how 2 design clothes </3#it was fun anyway though. maybe i'll try some of the others at some point#your turn to die#yttd#keiji shinogi#do you guys think it'd be funny if his floormaster name was something really stupid like. Dee Tecktive#my art#channeling my inner nankidai 2 make this design as obnoxious as possible (in a fun way hopefully)#daily keiji
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KILL!!!!!!!!!
#my post#this is so mean. why did i make this#but also....... the gun is in your hands now#i'll admit that it's my fault for putting the gun in your hand... however i've no say in what you choose to do with it#will you pull the trigger and accept whatever happens from now on? will you give yourself into the role forced upon you?#no one will know anything if you don't say anything. there will be no consequences or repercussions to this choice#but you will know. and you will need to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life#a gun not fired is like an itch not stratched#in the end i have no control over what you do... but free will is a funny thing#the brain is very susceptible to suggestion... everything we see and experience will remain with us in some way#if that's the case then how much control do we really have in our lives? how do we separate what we really want vs what we're told to want?#things like hunger... desire... they're all things the body asks for. but are they things that we truly want?#or are they merely a mechanism built into us for the sake of survival?#everything blends into everything. your past actions will inform your current actions. you're the only one who's ever lived your life#you're the only one who will ever live your life#little variables and experiences we all share... but the order varies greatly from person to person. everything is just a series of events#the way i see the world is different than the way you see it regardless of how similar they are#what choice will you make now? and how does it differ from the choice you would've made a week ago? a month? a year? does it differ at all?#does free will truly exist? i think it does... but not in the way most people think it exists#you and i... we might differ on that thought. or we might not.#regardless of whatever i've been rambling about right now... refusing to make a choice is still a choice you make. life is ironic like that#does one of them really have to go? that's for you to decide now#i've merely chosen to put the gun in your hand. to make you aware of the possibilities#so i hope you realize what power your choices have#dca fandom#daycare attendant#yeah sometimes i just say things that i think are deep but they're really not#i hope the choices i make have an effect on others. even if it's just one person...#if i can make even just one person think about something they wouldn't have normally thought about then isn't that a win?#life is a series of choices... ''it'd be great if you could see a figure of light by the time you die'' ♡
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my ideal Kira and Julian dynamic is the dynamic between an older sister and a younger brother in a 90s teen movie. Julian is the annoying nerdy little brother and Kira is the teen older sister going "get out of my room you little dweeb" and shoving him into lockers
#star trek: ds9#kira nerys#julian bashir#I respect the choice to keep their relationship to being friendly coworkers#but also I want them to be the kind of besties where people who dont know them think they hate each other#someone watching Kira grab Julian in a headlock: captain it must be so difficult when your crew dont get along#Sisko not even bothered by it: no thats just how they show affection#every time one of Kira's love interests makes her mad Julian is there like 'want me to kill them for you'#'im a doctor you know I could poison them and nobody would even know! because I would do the autopsy :)'#because it'll make Kira laugh#meanwhile if Garak makes Julian mad Julian has to stop Kira from threatening Garak with a gun#Kira: I think it'd be funny#Julian: youre going to give him a heart attack!!#Kira: exactly it'd be funny#I think about this a normal amount.
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i've been thinking about the kind of dynamic i want to write about with sae and just had the thought of idol!reader being in a fake relationship with sae for PR reasons (except she's even more unbothered than he is, so he falls first and he falls hard), which, after sae's big speech to sendou about how the most any of them could hope for is a gravure model, feels like poetic justice
#fuji chats#it's always fake dating with me i swear to god#i don't know enough about jpn idol culture so it'd be a mix of american and kpop until i can do more research#that reminds me i haven't watched season two of oshi no ko#NOT conflating idols and gravure models and not that there's anything wrong with either of them!#i just wanna see sae realizing there's more to life than soccer#and i just think it'd be funny to have a scene where sendou points this out#and sae cuts him down and lifts you up in the same breath#bc he's come to understand how hard you work as well
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Valkyrie: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen. Thor: That’s a snake Valkyrie: What's Banner doing with a snake? Thor, squinting at the sight of Bruce with a snake wrapped around his shoulders: Oi! That's my brother!!
#Bruce Loki friendship so sweet so pure#do you think Thor gets jelly when Loki shapeshifts for other people because he only does it around Thor for actual reasons#also Bruce having the Hulk factor I think he shouldn't be scared of things like snakes anymore because the alternative is hulking out#Bruce would see a snake in his place back when he was on the run and he would just sigh and grab the shovel#also don't you think it'd be so funny to be able to turn into a snake and wrap around people for fun#because if it was another human it'd be weird to hold someone's neck for that long but Snake Rules are different#Loki starts hanging around Bruce as a snake and Bruce thinks nothing of it#and next thing he knows regular Loki is invading his personal space#at least they'd be friends by then#it'd still be funny#Bruce like uhm how do I explain this nicely
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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