#DIDNT EVEN GET TO EXPLORE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS OUTSIDE OF EACH OTHER ENOUGH

[hellcatchvalley]

the way that if any bh member died now it wouldnt even be a "oh no im gonna miss them :(" feeling but more so a "man they didnt even really get a chance to finish anything" feeling is.

[allthethoughtsandstuff]

the movie was ADORABLE and it was QUEER and it was CHEESY and HAPPY and SILLY and CUTE and I LOVED it and I have some THOUGHTS and im going to put them here bc idk what else to DO

bad reputation playing after cakegate into the intro credits was the most slay choice

alex is a bracelets man send tweet

the closet scene at the hospital was such a slay 10/10 alex looking like a pissed off little kid the whole time like yeah buddy throw ur little temper tantrum we love to see it

they didn’t say fuck enough times in this movie they said it so many times in the book wtf like you had the r rating already just use it why would you not use it???

the timeline is hurting my brain they’re shifting stuff around I am questioning reality

rip obtuse fucking asshole

TZP 🫶🏻

HISTORY HUH BET WE COULD MAKE SOME IM CRYING

why did we invent miguel he’s a snake literally for why was he there

while we’re on the topic of miguel I disagree with having alex have been w him bc I think it takes away from his complete obliviousness and his thus huge moment of realization w henry so I think we get less of an alex finding himself and more of an alex exploring this part of him that he already knew was there which isn’t inherently bad for a film or book but I just always found alexs discovery of his queerness and the resulting shifting/understanding of things from his past to be such an important part of the book for me personally like just with the rearranging of things he’s always felt but never noticed or payed attention to is very special and gets lost when you give him this queer experience that he’s fully aware and understanding of

zahra for the win

THEMS ON THE BALCONY WITH THE CROWD OUTSIDE THE PALACE IM SO GLAD THEY DIDNT CUT THE CROWD

ugh the yellow rose tie I’m crying

THE FORCED CONFORMITY OF THE CLOSET CANNOT BE ANSWERED WITH FORCED CONFORMITY IN COMING OUT OF IT SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK IM FUCKING SCREAMING

okay so ur going to talk about alexs eyelashes but NOT give the line to henry excuse me????

“take the american with you” im dying at that

girl they called the election so fast ik things move faster in movies but here’s me knowing how LONG it takes in the book and the SUSPENSE and the ADRENALINE and then it was just over like that before you even know it like damn

uma thurman woman that you are 💗

so I was thinking ab when they do the new years count down and these random girls kiss alex and I’m like damn no what it’s supposed to be nora but you know what then I realized they just made nora into a sister figure for alex since they got rid of june so their relationship is and always has been 100% platonic

it was so slay of them to literally open the movie with alex being nervous and thinking he’s going to mess up at the wedding and get rejected like yes thank you for addressing this boys perfectionism and imposter syndrome head on from the very beginning this is the alex we know and love

putting alex and henry in the same room when they’re talking on the phone to each other was such a good choice I love it

they made this movie for the readers you have to know the LORE you have to understand how DEEP henry and alexs relationship is and you simply cannot get that in a two hour film but goddamn did they do a good job trying

[crownbeed]

Spoiler Free Veilguard Critique

Includes negatives and positives

I think my biggest issues are that the person u play as is not allowed to have any personality or opinions and if u do manage to say something ur companions don't like they don't...confront u about it. in other DA games if u pissed off a companion enough they would leave or you could kick them out.

>you don't get to choose ur companions in this game and other than flirting ur relationships aren't really...relevant to anyone else or to their stories.

>I've only played it once so far, but I dont remember there being much fallout from my decisions other than which city I choose and the final battle.

Honestly I feel like they should have replaced Rook with the Inquisitor - it would have made more sense and been more interesting. But its my understanding that the developers wanted to make the game accessible to new players...which is great. but there is already so many small references to the inquisition that is summarized for new players anyway so just...do it (I genuinely look forward to the fanfiction that make this happen)

other grievances i had:

>World building was inconsistent with previous games and there was absolutely no attempt to address it. sure we had mage wars, and race wars as a focus of previous games but its nbd in northern thedas? ok then.

>if a companion wants to speak to me at a specific location plz for the love of God don't make me have to go to them at the lighthouse to find out they want to speak and then make me go to a different country to speak to them. jfc dude.

>Everything was so specifically paced it got boring at times and I felt like I had no control over anything. they lock off areas you might want to explore unless u have a quest there and sometimes u can only go there during the quest. I may have hated the hinterlands but I enjoyed that I could find myself fighting for my life in bear country when my inquistor wasn't ready for it. Or stumble across a dragon 10 levels above me. God forbid u go anywhere in this game without permission.

>The most meaningful and rpg-style change my character could make was to their appearance. And they don't even have a bed.

on a positive note:

>Solas is still a fascinating character and he is delved into a fair bit in this game. i love that stupid bastard, he's such an idiotic asshole. Also he looks badass imo. A little mangy tho, iykyk.

>Some people found it wasn't very dark? I found it to be very very dark. maybe the fact that the Lighthouse was very unaffected by most things outside of the fade misled ppl? the horrors are many. the blight pustules are disgusting. Idk man I felt the dark fantasy of the whole thing and think it holds up to other games. (although admittedly its effect on characters could have been explored a bit more but I think that's typical of DA games lbr)

>I like the companions, I like the glimpses we get of their relationships with each other. I like the character annotated codex pages. Idk I think they're neat.

>I only played the once and I did it on easy but the skill tree seems pretty cool and expansive? I didnt get to explore it much as my brain can only handle figuring out so much at once. there's a lot of options.

>its goddamned beautiful. all the scenery is top notch. I wish I had a high end gaming pc so I could get the pinnacle of its beauty. but alas I am but a wee ps5 owner.

[gg-selvish]

sapnap/unresolved georgenap in rules

someone on retrospring asked me for sapnap's perspective in rules because it's pretty underdevlopped in the fic so here's my answer so i have it saved because it was fun to talk about

ok i. ran out of time for sapnap in rules and i will be the first to admit that. sapnaps arc isnt very as satisfyingly resolved as dreams and thats because the dnf damage was just so intense and so fresh it took priority over longterm hurt but. theres a lot there that he went through thats implied and also in my personal headcanons of unwritten lore that implications stem from that i dont describe well or explore enough in the actual fic (sorry self burn booooooo)

rules is sapnap fell first george fell harder. 100%. its established in chapter 1 that sapnap had a crush on george since they were young and it was implied that george knew about it for most of the time of their friendship because it would be brought up casually/jokingly and while george thought it was lighthearted (and, once they got together, irrelevant) it was pure torture for sapnap.

loving both of your best friends is very difficult, if you could imagine. in my head dreamnap eased into each other better than georgenap did (emotionally) but... thats not really hard to do. dream and him established probably pretty similarly to treacherous in that it didnt take too long for them to realize their feelings for each other, but in rules george is more present so they get together faster because as we all know dreamnap are kind of scared of each other while george is the worlds biggest instigator. dnn complete each other yadda yadda im getting sidetracked

so they establish that they want each other and start this relationship but we're gonna math it out. sapnap isnt getting words of affirmation (outside of e-sex like praise no i love yous) or physical touch from george. he's getting words of affirmation from dream but limited physical touch due to The Rules (wooooooo). another thing thats quick in the fic is that dreamnap kinda lock away from each other because they Want to be together and theyre Not Allowed To so u can imagine the strain that would put on all of their dynamics. theyre so close but limited to compromise with someone who cant even say i love you or touch them like its Hard bro and theres resentment that comes from that piled atop the years of teasing for feelings that sapnap can never even be sure are reciprocated are u kidding????

so not only is there this prodding and underlying making fun of sapnaps feelings at regular interverals and overall memeing on him for YEARS theres george putting him in a painful position in the relationship too. more resentment. the piles getting pretty high, huh? and then they meet. theyre together. and its george but its also someone completely different. suddenly he's being worshipped and touched like gold with the kindest words whispered and he slips into subspace and feels so safe and he loves george so much why does it have to be so hard?

so he settles for when it's not hard.

he consents to cosigning the breaking of dreams heart and lets george sleep with him alone because for just a few minutes or hours he can pretend he means something to george. because he has doubts. maybe id go so far as to say theres times where he really doesnt believe him at all. but he does believe him when he's combing fingers through his hair and letting him taste love on his tongue

i think a lot about dreamnap in oklahoma. how sapnap felt to sleep in the same bed as dream and want to be with him alone the way they were when george was on call but he cant. all the while knowing if george was in his place he could do whatever he wants because hes on another wavelength

more resentment. george always wins, isn't that so unfair?

and when sapnap comes back different. that line is important and holds a lot of weight. thats when he got tired of george being unfair and dragging him through the mud and he wanted to be strong against someone who makes him weak so he tries so hard even though hes being torn in two and he's so tired, can you imagine? so he stops the unsafe scene. more resentment builds. he's done with george. he cant take this anymore. hes ruining everything and so he pulls away from him even more

and then he gets drunk and george crawls under his skin and he fails and can you imagine how much he was beating himself in the head for that? after being so strong and maybe he felt excluded a little because of it but he wasnt being weak and then george fucking makes him weak again and dream catches him and it all blows up because he was weak

and still. even with sapnap and him on the chopping block. george does not say i love you.

sapnap defends him in the fight. and george still doesnt say it.

it takes dream taking him apart and nearly forcing vulnerability. and sure sapnap is told first but was it because of him? do you think he'll always wonder if it was always going to be dream fixing george and never him? do you think he would feel resentful about that as well?

there's a lot of negativity in him. he's been really dragged through it and treated like shit and theres a part of me who has this perspective and sees rules!george apologists and wonders if theyre thinking about any of this. if any of it is even detectable in the tiny one liners i slipped in because i was going too fast

rules is about george at face value, but it's also kind of about dream, and it's definitely about sapnap.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review , ch 111

sigh~~~ I feel that my recent posts are a bit negative towards the anime, but thats cuz the chapters I’ve read so far are either unbelievably important character depth content cut for no valid reason or content in the anime but packed with million other things that it lost its purpose or importance. Basically tohu’s ep 6 which consists of 4 chapters & now ep 5 which is a momiji ep & yup, packed with 4 chapters as well... so, I apologize for any negativity, my intention is just analyzing artistic & story-telling aspects, I love se03, but yeah it screwed up lots of important characters due to its not so thorough plot decisions & harmful character insight choices.

today.. we explore Momiji... but only before his curse breaks.

Furuba anime struggling to know how to design an episode based on various plot-heavy chapters?

so, they decided 13 eps, & decided one ep for momiji cuz motoko’s graduation & the fanclub is the core of the furuba & have already cut tons of tohru, cuz who cares? she’s kind. be like her. end of lesson. No. really, jokes aside, how to do this?

How to combine several chapters in one ep? collect small snippets from chosen chapters/content like a bee does flowers? you gotta skip some content, you gotta highlight others. The ep is only 20 min after all & you got an op & Ed that you cant always skip.... so.. furuba team decide that momoji’s ep should be true to his zodiac animal, this is the rabbits last appearance in spirit. so, they went with quick hopping from one chapter to the other like a rabbit?

No really, ep 5 is really like a rabbit in its flow, you can’t savior a moment enough before jumping to the other: we learned momiji grew up!! loves toheu romantically, challenged kyo, really meant it, wanted a fair love game, got freed, lost tohru romantically & faced momiji! but that’s not all? we still have space!! quick add akito’s moodiness & love triangle with her dog & her submissive bed partner, add a happy comedy for no reason whatever & make shigue kiss tohru & wish shes 'was his lover instead!!!!!!!!! Mind you all this happened in the anime before shigure hurt tohru with his “the truth of the zodiacs talk & them accepting & feeling consolance that kyo is doomed”talk. 

-Gets whats my biggest surprise after reading this chapter ?????????

Shigure is consistent!! He isnt a rabbit hopping here & there. The dog is loyal & is tired for good reason! Him being depressed & his weird talk with thoru makes so much sense given the manga’s order.

Kyo is consistent!! In the anime, momiji surprise him with confession he loves tohru & challenge him, then kyo la~la~la~joins them downstairs for curry. Not a single expression on his face, where is the expression? it will appear when the plot is forced to address it: by the end of the ep when momiji face hin again. Then we get kyo’s reaction.

I need someone to tell the anime that actions require a reaction. You can refrain from showing a certain reaction if you can’t address it now, but you can’t erase it, negate it, then make it appear when have to!!!! couldn’t they make kyo refuse to join them & eat together? the     other characters wont be surprised they think he’s needlessly moody. The audience will know that kyo is troubled with momiji’s challenged & it will excite them!!! having kyo just go eat & watch the momiji/hiro/haru/yuki comedy skit is weird.

The manga’s author wanted kyo to join the dinner, like the anime did. but huge difference. the author actually cares for logic reaction & understands that the audience aren’t dumb little kids that will sit & wait for kyo’s turn to...react! nope! she did this: (a) & (b) below.

-Lost Small Bits/ Panels from the chapter.. But Sadly Big Huge Chunks for Characters buildup & Growth:

(a) addressed the fact the hiro noticed kyoru is in love & dressed that shigure was right!! the cat being in love is a weird concept to the zodiacs! hiro reacted naturally & the author used hiro to flesh yuki’s (the rat), momiji’s (the rabbit) & haru’s (the cow) decision to silently watch the kyo (the cat) makes his own decisions to live!!! They won’t interfere or tell akito or remind him of his state as the doomed caged cat. So sad this moment is cut from yuki. Why must yuki only interact with kyo to beat him (all seasons)? why must yuki only think of kyo to envy him (all seasons) ? Here, yuki’s growth towards kyo as a person & his relationship with tohru is 1000 times better than all tohru is my mom’s sh!t & I envy kyo’s Sh!t we saw in the anime over & over till we memorized it.

(b) kyo didnt just go la~la~eat with momiji after knowing he loves tohru. Nope, there’s small bits missing: called logical emotional reaction. He was surprised he’s caught pining over tohru! cuz yuki, the audience representative, has told us in the previous chapter that ppl in love dont notice anything around them. Kyo thinks him being cold hid his feelings. the dummy’s feelings are as bright as the sun in the Sahara, tohru too. a child read her! such small thing that wont take much space from the ep but was cut cuz kyo only needs to be responsive at the ep’s end. & this scene of kyo & tohru looking awkwardly at each other is minor in space but so important cuz kyo is determined to let go but his decision is challenged by not only momiji, but his natural attraction to tohru. Here he knows he’s caught & exposed... here he knows momiji is a better choice for tohru cuz he wont didn’t hurt her mom... here he knows that even yuki is better cuz never had to pretend to be cold to her... here he knows the world is better than him... & here he just cant help by smile & walks towards her... T_T ... another lesson in writing slow burns by Takaya-san.

-Why would the anime team pass on this?? drawing kyoru closer after the epic tear in Cinderella ep, cuz they want empty suspense~! The anime team thinks that if kyo & tohru stand next to each other, then it means all their issues are solved & the audience are so stupid as to forget tohru’s mom, kyo’s imprisonment, kyo not confessing his sins to tohru & tohru’s need to make a choice wether to fogive hom or not.. nope! you see, they think, ppl who read mangas are smart, so the author can give this epic symbolism & pp would still be not sure kyoru is end game & tohru will forgive him or kyo even fogive himself, but ppl who watch, oh no, gotta cut all the plot worthy content, produce a graduation song for a minor character, cut all kyo/tohru interaction cuz it only means romance & not at all character depth & oh if we show yuki actually formulating deep thoughts that aren’t centered around him, the audience might forget his se02 struggles! or that might ruin yuki’s upcoming growth moment in the finale where he .. you guessed it hits kyo.. as he always do & sulk &  think abt himself cuz yuki can only do monologues when he’s directly involved.... man~it is so sad how the anime is dumped down.. Who is the target audience again? not kids as young as hiro cuz even hiro is smart!

-just look:

 Momiji talks abt kyo shouldn't give up loving tohru & the authr shows this this ghost!!! his mom! The author reminds us that kyo isnt da~~~~ forgetting anything. He’s a deeply troubled soul & hos mom wants him locked cuz she too was locked in a cage & thinks that’s safer...why oh why you dump ur own story! sh!t~

Side Notes:

I like the closeups on Kisa’s face as she interacted with kyo. It’s very rare for kisa to have a world beside the endearing parental/big protective bro/big doting sister love she has with tohru & haru & off course the romantic love with hiro which was perhaps since their birth or sth. lol.  Kisa & kyo arent much on the brotherly side as they rarely interact, but its one of those  refreshing  interactions she has that helps cast a new light on her as tiny as it is,  but its sth out of the norm around her. She sees him  around tohru & gets to perceive his true unprovoked character. “He is  nice guy”.

I really wanted to punch kureno this chapter.. like Shigure is a jerk shitty dog for sleeping with akito’s mom but kureno... dude.. you submissively sleep with the guy’s eternal love interest & still walks in on him talking to her!!! lol. you’re mentally, emotionally & physically weaker than him & yet, she puts you on her bed, not him & you, tho not wanting her at all, dont walk away. No wonder shigure is defeated & wishing for someone like tohru, lol! Even if shigure met an older tohru-like person, it wont work. shigure deserve someone like him mean, schemer & loves playing power games. Tohru is someone who values honesty & commutation, not saying she’s an angel on earth, but tohru knows who suits her.. except fate is saying: NO. .... currently. lol.

I know kureno’s weakness is part of his character & I love that such characters exits. There are ppl ike that in real life. It’s just this chapter, I felt shigure’s frustration. XD

Yuki in this ep is the best yuki. no exaggeration here, I love when yuki is calmly thoughtful of others & here its kyo of all ppl !!!! cutting this scene is sad.. without it, kyo & yuki remain a cat & rat in the anime. Only ever thinking abt each other thro envious binoculars or hateful words or yuki giving kyo comedic hitting or life’s problem-solving hitting. Why can’t anime yuki be interactive outside his self-centered issues is beyond me.

Momiji & kyo’s interactions are always the best! whether comedy or drama.

I hated the curry cooking scene in the anime... so weirdly out of the ep’s flow.. very forced comedy... in the manga it had a purpose! not just quick add comedy cuz next shot momiji curse breaks & drama & we’ll close the ep with tears & sadness & glimpses of hope...

I love haru’s answer to hiro... so him.. “a guy can’t fall in love?”so chill.. so..simple.

[fallindomino]

how i would have changed s2 of hsmtmts

obvious disclaimer but im not a screenwriter or anyth so im not claiming what i want is best, this is just for fun lololol

okay so first of all nini would still have dropped out of yac but she wouldn’t have gone back to east, she would have transferred to north bc she was too ashamed to tell anyone she left at first and maybe she still wants to explore who she is away from ricky and the others

nini could join north’s batb and this way maybe we could have some playful rivalry with lily and nini and more scenes with antoine shdhdjdj also it could have been a great opportunity to flesh out lily’s character so those scenes where she reaches out to ricky and her confession at the end of the season actually make sense lol

speaking of ricky ,,, i think he should have left the play at some point hear me out. he only joined in the first place because of nini and barely wanted to do it at all once he realized he wasn’t gonna be able to perform with her. he could have joined crew and been a manager with natalie or smth considering he rlly does see the theater gang as a second family. also this would leave so much room for ej and ricky development and bants since ej joined the av club and began to pursue film. they could have some convos where idk ricky asks ej how he figured out what he wanted to do after duke didn’t work out and ricky could actually develop some interests that arent the play or nini ,,, maybe fucking art club i mean he did p good on that centerpiece for carlos’ quinceañera.

with ricky not being the beast anymore i think seb should take his place that would be soooo good. and since seb isn’t chip anymore carlos won’t make those snide comments about chip being a small unimportant role and we can just cut that whole fight bc it was dumb and bad. we could still have seb being insecure that carlos is only dating him bc there aren’t really any other gay guys at school. in a heartbeat is great and i did like ricky being supportive in the background it was kinda funny too idk dhdjdjfj

ooh i almost forgot abt rini ahshdj okay so i still think they should break up. but in my version there’s no ricky pulling an ej 1.0 and deleting comments off of nini’s insta, cause with ricky in art club and nini at north trying to figure out what she wants i think one of them would realize that they’re going in different directions and only got back tgt because they made each other feel safe cause what they had was familiar. this could be triggered by ricky mentioning smth abt nini at yac and then nini breaks down and tells him that she dropped out and is at north and doesn’t know where she’s going. and then they can both realize they aren’t good for each other rn and have a less tragic mutual break up.

honestly i really liked the scene of nini taking charge after miss jenn freaked out cause with the character detail of nini giving every person in the cast of productions she’s in a thank you note she just seems really like someone who is suited to lifting others up. this could still be explored at north, maybe she could help lily through her issues that were briefly implied in ep 11 and nini realizes she wants to be a drama teacher and encourage kids to go off book and put themselves into their acting, something she couldn’t have at yac.

okay now ej ,,, so like i said in ricky’s section, more bants between them cause i feel like friendships kinda fell by the wayside due to all the relationships so more friendship !!!! also the scene where ej tells his dad he’s not going to duke shouldn’t have been an ending scene, it should have been fleshed out with his dad pushing back saying how he pulled all these strings to get him in and ej saying he doesn’t wanna go if his own hard work couldn’t get him there. and also more scenes of ej doing av club things !!! and realizing he rlly likes film and wants to do it OMG IT WOULD BE SO COOL IF HE BROKE THE FOURTH WALL AND ASKED THE DOCUMENTARY CREW ABT THE FILM INDUSTRY god i would love that. the only scene we rlly got of ej doing film things was at the quinceañera which made me kinda sad. uhhh also i just wanted to specifically mention how ej got mr mazzara that job at cal tech bc it really showed how he wanted to be there for people not just for gina, who he had a crush on, but for mr mazzara who supported him outside of romance, so i wanna keep that for sure.

gina !!! okay so i mostly liked her arc in this season, the only changes i would make would be to flesh it out a teeny bit (god this hypothetical s2 would have to be like 22 eps at least shdjdjdjfj) anyways besides ashlyn singing home to get gina to stay i think there should be a scene where they actually talk in her room abt how gina feels safer when shes on the run (second chance reference ilysm) hhhh and also a scene of her and carlos actually working out compromises for their choreo cause i liked that bit of development too and fleshing that out would make gina an even better foil for lily, who felt a need to hog the spotlight like gina used to. with gina’s own arc fleshed out her character would feel more whole independently from romance and portwell would be even more rewarding than it is in the current s2. the only thing i would really change abt portwell is that they would kiss !!! in the finale but thats bc im biased.

ashlyn should have gotten a more fleshed out storyline about being insecure about not being a good enough belle or the typical belle. there were some throwaway lines when north did their typical dramatics but the only two real scenes that showed it were when ash talked to big red about it and when she was telling nini she wanted to do a run in “home” bc lily did it. ashlyn should get more screen time where she has to grapple with the reasons she doesn’t feel good enough and big red can still support her but also gina too bc i would like more roommate besties interaction.

kourtney could still date howie, that harry potter shit was cute but there needs to be smth else for kourtney’s arc. idk she’s still into fashion so maybe she could be out here trying to create her own line or smth? this doesn’t have to be resolved in s2 like making a wholeass line takes time and she could work on it into a potential s3. kourtney just didnt get much outside of howie and the stuff at the beginning of the season where she said nini inspired her to be independent and that's why she got a job was just dropped?? so i think that fashion could fill that for her if she’s still dating howie cause like having her whole arc just be the pizza place kinda overlaps w big red’s mini arc abt how he wasn’t settling for hospitality, its what he wants to do with his life.

ik what ur thinking. anna, even if you added more episodes, where would u find the room to add all these plotlines?? well first we cut (most of) the seblos fight, so thats some time saved. honestly most of the time that we r going to gain is going to be from cutting ms jenn’s time. things like ms jenn’s and nini’s car ride would get cut, but mostly all of ms jenn’s romances would get cut down. considering she’s the teacher and isn’t actually a character with an arc how does she have THREE love interests this season?? like all of the weird tension between her and zack can be cut, like just some short scenes of them being competitive can stay. all of the stuff with ricky’s dad can go bye bye we don’t need it. i did like her w mr mazzara so most of that can stay i just didn’t like how he said he would give up cal tech for her, ew no that would be gone.

the MENKIES !!!! this is the last thing im gonna address cause in a perfect world every character would get a long fleshed out arc but then the season would be waaay too long and also im mostly trying to work within material the show gave so this is mostly made up of “realistic” deviations from what actually happened. lol idk what that even means it just makes sense to me. but anyways!! uhhh bro idk i thought them dropping the menkies was funny but it also made the finale really BAD lmao. in this finale, seb is the beast, east still had to deal w the fact that they’re underfunded compared to north but no one is injured, lily is less of a poorly written character and maybe ppl are even rooting for her, and wow i just realized i never actually said what role i think nini should have in north’s show. OOH she could be student director instead of lily cause lily both being in the play while also directing was weird considering omg i just checked and according to her wiki page shes a FRESHMAN?? and they let her be student director? lol hell nah. okay so with all that in mind ,,, the menkies should have been the season cliffhanger instead of portwell. east and north should both be nominated, both schools perform at the menkies, and then the award winner is about to be announced and THATS when it cuts to natalie and the end of the season.

one, this actually gives more tension for a summer s3 as we would be waiting to see the consequences of whichever school won. also i bet people would be wondering if nini’s gonna be transferring back to east or staying at north. people would also prob wonder if ej would be getting the scholarship if east won and what that would mean for his interest in film.

lmao that got longggg and idk if anyone’s even gonna read this but it was fun to do :D

[thechangeling]

Tell me a story

Ty doesn't believe in fate.

A shout out to @ilikebooks8 for convincing me to make a fanfic about autistic!Eleanor Blackthorn. Autism is genetic so it makes sense for Ty to have autistic ancestors. If you are autistic I guarentee you have someone in your family who is also autistic they just haven't been diagnosed yet. For me, I've got my dad.

Cw: mentions of ableism, abuse and the death of a minor character. Very anti Andrew Blackthorn.

"Tell me a story," Tiberius' asked, in that mature, matter- of-fact way he spoke. Ty was only eight but already he sounded like a boy twice his age in terms of his vocabulary and the way he spoke.

Although he still had the voice of a child which was rather amusing. Eleanor turned to face her son with a groan as she felt searing pain shoot through her bones. She had been laying down all day due to feeling extremely unwell. The noises and lights of the outside world were especially brutal, but she had gotten used to it overtime. She had learned to cope. To smile and nod and make eye contact. To control her movements and still her hands and laugh at their jokes.

Eleanor played the part of the proper shadowhunter and the dutiful wife, the attentive mother. It didn't matter that it had changed her. Had completely turned her into a different person, someone harsher and colder. Someone who was so quick to anger and venomous hatred.

Someone who only knew how to be in pain.

She always tried to not let that side of her show to her children. They didn't deserve it. But the past few weeks in particular had been brutal. Her body felt broken and it was becoming harder and harder to put up that facade.

She faced Ty with the best fake smile she could muster. "Which story would you like to hear?" He climbed up on the bed beside her and sat down in an odd twisted position where his legs were in a W position. He began tapping his hands on his knees as he appeared to contemplate his choices.

Eleanor could remember a time when she was younger when she used to do that. Before her parents had stopped her. She knew she should really tell Tiberius off to discourage him from doing these things in public. He was so blatent and open in a way that frightened and almost angered her. There was no telling what kind of reaction The Clave might have.

She didnt want him to end up with the dregs, or worse.

"I don't know," Ty said finally scrunching up his eyebrows. "I can't think of one right now. Could you make one up?" Eleanor smiled in spite of herself. She had always loved making up stories ever since she was a kid. She had always been a creative person, painting and drawing as often as she could. Shadowhunters didn't really appreciate a creative streak.

Eleanor nodded. "Ok sure, let's see." She took a breath, trying to ignore the agony spreading through her back and shoulders. "Once upon a time there was a prince who was trapped in a tower that was guarded by an evil ogar. The prince had been rumored to have special powers so he was forced by his parents to stay locked away in the tower forever to keep him safe. He wasnt allowed to make friends with any other children so he grew up alone. Teaching himself how to read and write and playing games to amuse himself."

Ty rolled his eyes. "Isn't that rather cliche? The whole prince trapped in a tower story? I've definitely heard that before."

Eleanor laughed. "Where did you hear the word cliche Tiberius?" Ty shrugged, not seeing the amusement in the situation.

"It was in a book. Can you keep going?" He whined impatiently. "I wanna hear the rest."

Eleanor sighed, shaking her head good naturedly. "Alright then. So the prince was trapped for a very long time. Then one day a mysterious adventurer came exploring nearby the tower."

"Can it be a detective?" Ty interrupted, bouncing up and down. He had been obsessed with Clue lately.

"Alright sure, it was a detective. He was searching the answers to a murder mystery. The murder of a young women."  Ty instantly looked interested. Perhaps murder was not the best subject for a story being told to an eight year old, but Ty was a shadowhunter. They were trained to deal with blood and death.

"His was searching for information and came across the tower," she continued. So he decided to investigate. He snuck passed the ogar and into the tower, where he was ambushed by the prince!"

Ty gasped excitedly, wriggling in place. "What happened next? Did they fight?"

Eleanor opened her mouth to continue, but then the bedroom door flew open, startling them both.

It was Andrew. Instantly Ty shrunk himself down, hunching his shoulders. Eleanor knew that Ty didn't always get along with his father but she knew Andrew still loved him deep down. He glared at them both.

"Ty your mother is meant to be resting," he said pointedly.

Eleanor shook her head. "Oh no it's alright. He wasn't bothering me." Andrew didn't seem to hear her.

"Tiberius let's go," he said harshly. Ty hesitated for a moment, looking up at her.

"But I wanna hear the rest of the story!" He protested. "I wanna know what happens to the prince!" Eleanor sighed solemnly. She didn't want to disappoint Ty, but she was feeling pretty worn out.

"Another time baby," she assured him. "I promise."

But unfortunately she never got the chance. She never got the chance because little did they know, Eleanor Blackthorn had cancer. Something that silent brothers couldn't cure. Something that shadowhunters were powerless against.

"What are you thinking about ?" Kit murmered from his spot curled up against Ty's chest. His breath tickled Ty's chin.

Ty paused, not quite sure how to answer. They were lying on the roof of the LA institute again. It was their special spot. Kit had suggested a night of star gazing for a date since the weather was nice.

Things has been a little weird between them lately. Kit had been pretending that everything was fine and he was unfazed, but Ty could tell that something was bothering him. And he had a feeling he knew what it was.

At Magnus and Alec's anniversary party, Jace made a joke about how Kit and Ty would probably be the next ones to get married and Ty immediately went into a blind panic. He completely froze up at the mention of marriage. At the mention of him getting married. His body instantly went into a complete overload almost as if he was on the verge of a meltdown.

He didn't take the time to think about any of it. He just snapped and yelled that he wasn't getting married. That he wasn't ever getting married. Ty wasnt even sure where it came from. Kit was pretending like it wasnt a big deal but Ty knew he was hurting. He could tell.

Ty traced a pattern across Kit's arm. "Honestly it was nothing," he assured him. "I just-." Ty stared at Kit, studying his face. The curve of his lips, the adorable blush of his cheeks and the tiny beauty mark under his eye that Ty loved to fixate on. Everything ached, but it was a good kind of ache.

Ty loved him.

"I just want to stay like this forever," he murmered. "Here with you, where I feel safe and warm. And loved." Ty nuzzled his nose against Kit's. "I want to be with you forever."

Kit smiled distantly before breaking into a slight frown. "Then why don't you wanna marry me?" He asked sadly. And Ty could instantly hear the old ghosts of self loathing and insecurity still haunting Kit's thoughts.

Ty sighed. "It has nothing to do with you I promise. I just really don't want to get married and I'm not even fully certain of why exactly."

Kit stroked his cheek slowly. "Is it the idea of a big wedding? Because we don't have to do that you know. We can totally just skip it," he said assuredly.

Ty shook his head. "That's part of it but it isn't the only reason." He paused to contemplate what exactly it was that was making him feel this way, feel so afraid.

Strangely enough, Ty kept coming back to his mother. His mother who was always a little peculiar in private. Who always seemed sad and exhausted even before the silent brothers diagnosed her. Who was constantly going along with whatever her husband wanted for whatever reason. Because she assumed he knew what he was doing? Because she didn't want to make waves in a society so rigid and obsessed with conformity?

Ty had been considering it more and more lately.

He sat up, displacing Kit from where he was resting. "I think my mother was like me," Ty admitted in a shakey voice. "I think she was autistic and that's why she ended up in the situations she did."

"Ok?" Kit looked confused. "But that still doesn't explain-."

Ty interrupted him. "She was trying so hard to fit in and do the right thing and she would just let him control her. She kept compromising for him because she thought that's what she was supposed to do and also because despite it all I think she really loved him! And it made her so stupid!" Ty shouted.

"I just don't want to become trapped like that," he confessed.

Kit was silent for a moment, just staring at him with a puzzled expression. "Ok, but Ty you realize that I'm not your dad right? Like I would never try and control you or make you into something you're not. I'm not trying to own you, I'm trying to love you!" He argued. "Ty, marriage isnt supposed to trap you. It's about making our relationship into an Offical legal thing that everyone's forced to acknowledge and accept."

Kit took Ty's hand in his. "It's about making each other family."

Ty looked away. He couldn't meet Kit's eyes when he was staring at him looking so hopeful and desperate. It did strange things to Ty's insides. He squeezed his eyes shut, scrunching up his face along with his fists for a moment before letting go.

"I just don't want to let someone have power over me in that way," he explained. Kit sighed, then smiled softly before leaning forward to rest his forehead against Ty's. Ty let out a little moan as he let the tension release from his body with a sigh. Kit placed his hand over Ty's heart.

"But don't you get it Ty?" He asked softly. "You already have, whether you meant to or not. I'm in your system sweetheart, in your blood just like you're in mine." Ty felt him smile. "Like we were made for each other. Like we've spent our entire lives waiting for each other."

Ty pulled away from him. "No I don't believe that," he stated firmly. "I don't believe in fate or destiny or soulmates. I think it's an overt  romanticization of life and the human condition which can have disastrous consequences. It leads people to believe that they are somehow incomplete without a romantic partner which is incredibly problematic." Ty realized he was probably going on a bit of a tangent as he was known to do. But he couldn't be bothered to care.

Kit pouted a little. "Yeah I get that. But I don't know. I like to romanticize things in life. After everything that I've been through, I guess it just makes things feel better you know?" Kit glanced at him hopefully."I don't care if you don't believe in any of those things. I do. And despite what you might believe, you aren't always right about everything," Kit said pointedly.

Ty scowled at him. Kit was undeterred. "And I get that you're coming at this from a scary trauma place. I understand that. I have those too. But you don't have to be afraid of me," he pleaded.

Ty couldn't resist reaching out and touching him, pushing a curly lock of hair behind his ear. "Can I maybe think about it?" Kit smiled and snuggled up against Ty's chest again. "Of course," he murmered. Ty leaned back and resumed his earlier position, staring up at the sky.

He nuzzled his face against Kit's hair. "I'm glad you're not mad at me anymore," said Ty.

Kit snorted, turning to face Ty. "I'm never mad at you love. It's pretty much impossible." Ty grinned and leaned forward to kiss him slowly, savoring the feeling of Kit's lips against his.

Kit broke off and kissed Ty's cheek, then his orbital bone. Ty giggled and closed his eyes which prompted Kit to place a kiss on each of his eyelids.

"I love every inch of you," Kit whispered. Ty couldn't speak. He was too overwhelmed. He just wrapped his arms around Kit even tighter and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

They lay in peaceful silence for several moments before Kit spoke.

"Tell me a story."

In case you missed it, the story Eleanor was telling Ty is the story of kitty in Lady Midnight basically. Also. Not me projecting my fear of marriage onto my comfort character! 😂

Tag list: (lmk if you wanna be added/removed) @playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @knifescythe @ti-bae-rius @dianasarrow @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies @zfoxdraws @julieandthefandoms @older-brother-kit @ilikebooks8 @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @foxglove-airmid @littlx-songbxrd @heloisacosta23 @adoravel-fenomeno @eutonyinwhisper

[sxngshine]

Phobia

• Pairing: Chan x reader

• Word Count: 4.26k+

• Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

• Warnings: a bit of drinking, car sex, oral(M receiving), unprotected sex(wrap it up), switch!reader, dom!Chan idk what else but don't read if you don't like smut.

• Summary:idk how to explain without spoiling shhsshhs just read it.

• Notes: This was a long overdue story dedicated to @braveshin djsjxs. I had it half done but then went ia but now I'm kinda back so here you go🤧🤧. This is my first full/complete smut so apologies for the lack of knowledge in that part lmao. Happy reading💞! [Edited but possible mistakes lemme know if I missed smtn]

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You hadn't seen him in ages. After you both confessed to each other you thought everything would be all rainbows and peaches between the two of you. And to be honest it was. But then there was just one issue, the both of you were super awkward when it came to intimacy.

You always had the regular kisses and hand holding and hugs like every other couple. But the issue was that neither of you tried to go father in fear that the other wouldn't like it or would be uncomfortable.

That was 2 years ago. Now the both of you live separate lives without each other. He had gotten his dream job as an artist, you saw him on TV quite a lot and it made you miss him even more.

You got your dream job as well, one that allowed you to travel a lot and on the side you were a well known content creator. People admired you for being able not only work through a super busy schedule, but also create original content for your viewers.

The both of you had tried maintaining a long distance relationship, but you felt like you were drifting away from him because of your busy schedules and being unable to talk. You had enough of it one day, missing him and hating that he was never around anymore.

In the end, you both decided to stay friends but lost contact with each other in a matter of months.

There were many regrets that you had, many things you wish you had said and done but it was too late now. You never even once told him that you loved him properly and you always wished you could go back in time to tell him.

After so long, you would think you'd finally be over him, but here you are sitting in a club drinking your problems away.

You didn't really want to be here, you were on break for a few days and wanted to mope around your apartment after seeing him perform his newest album , but your friend dragged you here with a hope of loosening you up and after getting you to drink 6 shots of whatever concoction she stirred up, it started to work.

You didn't drink too much though, enough to get your mind off of things but not enough to be super hungover the next day.

You expected the night to go by with you sitting alone with your glass of whatever your friends gave you as you watched your people dance too close too each other.

What you didn't expect though, was to see him walk through the door. You were beyond shocked, what's he doing here?

It looked like his old group of friends dragged him here. You watched him discretely -or at least tried to- as he looked around the place with clear distaste in his eyes, wanting to be anywhere else except here. But the moment his eyes met yours, all those thought flew out of his head like they were never there in the first place. Your eyes widened and it was like time had stopped.

The harsh music in the background was nonexistent at this point and the other people disappeared. It was just you and him. His friends went to go find a vacant table but he made his way over to you instead.

You looked away and prayed he wouldn't come over but it was useless because in a matter of moments, you were faced to face with the one and only person you were trying to forget about.

"Y/N? Is it really you?" He asked, clear surprise in his eyes.

"Hey... Chan," you greeted, smiling nervously as you looked anywhere but his eyes.

"How're you? I haven't seen you for so long I almost didnt recognize you! You look so different," He exclaimed.

It was true, you completely changed your look after the both of you lost touch. Your once short hair was now at your waist, the once all black and baggy wardrobe was replaced with bright, slightly more fitting clothes (you were quite sad but you loved your new clothes so it was okay). You held yourself high with confidence which was foreign to him because you were normally so shy.

His eyes raked over your outfit, you wore a tight sparkly navy blue dress that ended mid thigh. Your shoulders and collarbones bare due to the skinny straps and low neck.

You couldn't help but look him over as well. He was clad in black ripped skinny jeans and a black tshirt, blonde hair untamed on his head. His chains sparkled under the flashy lights of the club and his leather jacket was doing his arms wonders. In other words, he looked hot. But you couldn't just say that.

After shamelessly checking each other out for a solid 2 minutes Chan cleared his throat.

"So uh, mind if I sit down?" He asked, giving you a small smile in which you returned with a nod.

The both of you started catching up, talking about your accomplishments and old memories you shared. You wanted to get some fresh air after a bit so the both of you grabbed your things and walked outside, the cool air sending pleasant shivers up your spine. You strolled down to the parking lot and Chan offered to drive you around in his car which you accepted.

"If you don't mind, can I take you somewhere?" He asked, after a few moments silence.

You nodded and Chan drove you both to wherever he wanted to take you. Fifteen minutes later the both of you arrived at a cliff that overlooked the city.

You remembered it being a place you and Chan visited often during the night, the city sparkling under you as the both of you goofed around. You had made many memories here.

"You still remember this place?" You asked, getting out of the car and walked over to the edge, leaning against the railing. "I haven't been here in ages!"

"How could I forgot? This was an important place to me." He answered, coming up beside you, looking over at the city illuminated by thousands of lights.

Then a silence fell upon the two of you. You didn't feel the need to say anything, just enjoying the silence and the distant buzz of the city. It was... comforting.

"I missed you Channie, I missed you a lot." You said out of nowhere. You weren't looking at him, but you could tell he was looking at you. The alcohol was getting to you but you didn't mind, needing the extra confidence.

"Ever since you left, I started regretting not doing so many things. I never got to tell you how much you meant to me, how important you were. I wish I could've told you how much I loved you and cared about you. How I never actually wanted to break up and how broken I became when we did," you felt tears form in your eyes as you poured your heart out to him.

"I said I was doing great before but I lied, I spent a good month locked in my room just crying. I was such a mess and then we just stopped talking and my whole world just broke apart and I just-" your voice cracked as tears now fell freely down your cheeks. You bent down and buried your face in your hands, sobbing hard.

Chan was so caught off guard with your confession, but he knew right now wasn't the time for him to be acting like that. He bent down beside you and pulled you into a hug, allowing you to cry as much as you needed while he rubbed your back.

When he felt like you had mostly calmed down, your hard sobs turning into small sniffles and hiccups, he released you from the hug.

"Y/N, look at me," he said, his hand coming towards your face. You reluctantly looked up at him, your eyes red and puffy with mascara running down your cheeks.

"When I left, it took everything in me not to just drop everything and stay. I was in a terrible state when we broke up, my members kept saying I looked like a literal zombie. There were so many times where I was gonna call you but backed away cause I thought you wouldn't want to talk anymore," he admitted.

"R-really?" You stuttered, trying to even out your breathing.

Chan nodded, his eyes flickering to your lips before going back to your eyes.

"Can I-" Chan tried to say but was cut off by your lips smashing into his. He wasn't prepared for it and fell back from the force, pebbles digging into his palms.

But Chan could care less, the only thing on his mind was how soft your lips felt against his. All that built up tension between the two of you had resurfaced and neither one of you were going to stop till you were relieved.

The both of you pull away after a long heated kiss, looking deeply into each others eyes.

"Wanna continue at my place?" Chan asked, breathing heavily. You shook your head and moved off of him.

"That'll take too long and I'm not in the mood for waiting." You said, standing up before lending him a hand.

Chan was surprised by your response but it turned him in even more. "Car?" He asked, taking your hand.

You nodded and dragged him to the back seat of his car, opening the door before pushing him in gently. Once he was in you climbed in after him and closed the door.

Wasting no time, you crawled onto his lap and cupped his cheeks. "Are you okay with this?" He whispered.

You nodded, whispering a small yes and kissed him again, your lips moulding together in perfect sync. You both of you have shared kisses before, but they were only light pecks, nothing more than that. If you knew kissing Chan would feel like this you would've done this a lot earlier.

Chans hands, which rested on your waist started travelling south to your ass and squeezed. You gasped into the kiss and he used the opportunity to push his tongue into your mouth.

He moaned as his tongue explored your wet and warm cavern, your tongues swirling around in unison. Chan lowered you onto the seat, hovering over you as he groped your ass.

Your arms were tightly wrapped around his neck, fingers pulling at his hair. You were in such a euphoric state you didn't realize that Chans hands had left your ass and were now removing the straps of your dress.

He moved to sit up so that he could see your half naked body, dress pooled at your hips and everything else exposed for his eyes to take in and admire. "Fuck you look so gorgeous.." Chan cursed before diving into your neck, leaving dark bruises all over your throat and collar bones.

"Chan.... take it off," you mumbled, pulling on his jacket as he attacked your neck. "I don't want to be the only nude one here,"

Chan quickly sat up and began removing his jacket, throwing it to some random corner in his car. He had been distracted trying to remove his shirt, and you took the opportunity to switch things around.

Before Chan could process what was happening, you had flipped him over onto the seat and straddled his legs, looking down at him with a mischievous smirk as you ran your nails down his solid abs, causing a shiver to run up his spine.

"What're you-" he tried to protest but you shushed him by placing your finger to his lips.

"I may have seemed like I'd submit to you before , but that's not the case here baby boy. I can dom quite well too," you winked at him, licking your lips at you took in his smooth pale skin and hard muscle. "Let me show you how much I love you too,"

You're head sunk down to press a soft kiss to his forehead. "Just relax and let me do the work," you whispered into his ear.

Chan decided to obey your wish for now, wanting to see where this would go. He was becoming harder every passing second as he felt your hand trace his abs and your mouth do wonders to his neck and chest, leaving hickeys all over.

You ground your clothed heat against his covered crotch and it was driving Chan crazy. "Quit teasing me and take it off already," he rasped.

You smirked and moved away from him. "Yes sir," you whispered, softly grinding your hips to his as you took your time unbuckling his belt. Chan had about enough of your teasing and quickly sat up, pushing you down onto the seat once again.

He glared at you as he quickly pulled down his pants, bringing his boxers down with it and brought a little relief to his rock hard cock.

You gawked at how large it was and Chan sat down on the seat, legs spread. "Put that pretty mouth to use babygirl," he demanded.

You knew exactly what he wanted and moved to first remove your dress off your hips, leaving you in just your panties. Grabbing his red and hard cock, you pumped it a few times before pressing a soft kiss to the angry red tip, eliciting a moan from Chan's mouth.

You licked a stripe from the base of his shaft back to his tip before taking it into your mouth. Chans fingers threaded into your hair and held the strands tight, pushing you all the way down his dick so your nose was touching his pelvis. Chan let out a loud groan, tip hitting the back of your throat as he pulled it out then back down your throat.

You felt tears prick your eyes has Chan showed no mercy to your throat. Your scalp was sore from the vice grip he had on your hair but you liked it, feeling your core become wetter than it was before.

You felt Chan twitch in your mouth but he pulled you off before he could come, hissing to himself as he held his orgasm in. When he felt as if he could continue without cumming with one touch he quickly motioned you to lay down once again

"You can show me how much you love me some other time babygirl, but right now I'm in charge," Chan said, hovering over your body once again.

His lips attached to your breast, rolling his tongue over the hard bud as his fingers hooked around your panties. He removed his lips from you at ask you for permission which you nodded to.

Instantly his mouth returned to working its magic on your nipples as he pulled your panties down your legs. He dropped them onto the floor, fingers slowly caressing up from your calves to your thighs, ghosting where you needed him the most.

He switched to your other nipple, once again ghosting over your core and you let out a small whimper. "Chan.. please I need you," you whined.

"I don't know... I'm having fun teasing you like this," Chan mused, moving his head away from your chest. He finally looked down at your core and smirked widely.

"Look at how wet you are babygirl, and I still have yet to touch you there," Chan's pride had gone through the roof, pleased that he could make you feel this way.

Finally showing you some mercy, he rubbed his fingers against your core, cause you to moan and buck your hips against his fingers, trying to get more friction.

Chan held your hips down with one hand while the other collected your wetness on his fingers, dipping in into your entrance. You let out a gasp as you felt his finger push inside you, not used the feeling.

"Goddamn Y/N, I only put in one finger but your still so tight," chan groaned, pumping his finger in and out of you before slipping in another one.

You moaned, bucking your hips against his fingers. You were so lost in trying to reach your high you didn't realize Chan stopped moving his fingers.

"Shit- that was so hot." Chan cursed. That's when you realized he wasn't moving. Your eyes snapped open and looked into his dark ones already staring hard at you.

"Do you like fucking yourself on my fingers? Does it make you feel good?" He asked, pulling his fingers out of you.

You whined, feeling your orgasm slipping away each second he wasn't touching you.

"When I ask a question I expect an answer babygirl," Chan demanded.

"Yes! Yes I do," you replied quickly, hoping he'd start doing something again.

"Do you want my fingers to make you come?" He smirked, his wet fingers lightly rubbing your folds.

"N-no! Please Chan I need you," you cried out when he pressed his fingers on your sensitive bud.

"What do you need babygirl? Tell me," he continued teasing you, fingers circling your entrance.

"I want you to fuck me please," you whimpered, hips twitching from his agonizingly slow movements.

"You'll need to do better than that," he retorted, stopping his actions.

"I-I want you to fuck my pussy with your cock Chan- hnmf!" You tried to say but were cut off by Chans fingers being pushed into your mouth. You instinctively swirled your tongue around his fingers, sucking your essence off his fingers.

"Such a good girl..." he muttered, taking his finger out of your mouth. He lined himself at your entrance before cursing under his breath.

"Can I go in raw? I don't have a condom on me.." Chsn asked, looking at you for permission.

"I'm on birth control, it's okay," you confirmed. Your heart swelled at how he still asked you for consent rather than just going in for it.

Chan didn't waste another second, slowly pushing his head into your throbbing pussy.

"Fuck..." you both moaned. Chan slowly eased his way into you, giving you time to adjust to his thick length stretching you out deliciously.

Your jaw fell slack when he bottomed out, feeling so full with him completely inside you. He gave you a second to adjust before drawing out of you almost completely and then pushing in again, setting a slow pace with deep thrusts.

You couldn't do anything but moan, fingers clutching Chans biceps as he lowered his head back to your chest.

"Chan.. harder.. go.. harder," you panted, letting out a loud moan when he did just that.

Both of you were lost in a euphoric state, trying to chase your own highs. You felt a knot like feeling in your stomach, one that was growing tighter and tighter with each hard and deep thrust Chan gave you.

"I-I'm so close," you cried when Chan hit a particular spot that really had you screaming.

"Cum baby," Chan whispered in your ear. And that's all it took for that tight knot to come undone.

You moaned Chans name as you came all over his cock, walls clenching around him so tight that it had him shooting his hot seed deep into your womb.

Chan help both of you rode out your highs, but didn't pull out just yet. You could feel him becoming soft inside of you.

"That was amazing..." you panted lightly, a smile gracing your face. Chan stared down at you, nodding his head in agreement.

He slowly pulled out of you, cum dripping from your pussy to your ass. Chan quickly grabbed a box of tissues from the back and cleaned the both of you up.

You sat up and pulled your dress back on, not liking how quiet Chan was being.

"Chan? Are you okay?" You asked. Chan's head snapped up, turning to you.

"What- oh uh.. yeah I'm okay," he said, but you were unconvinced.

"Come on, tell me what's wrong?" You pressed. Chan just sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I-I feel like I this was a mistake. I spent so long trying to get over you. I thought I was while I was overseas but then I was pulled to that stupid club and saw you. And all that time I spent getting over you went down the drain just like that. And to makes things worse, I just fucked you!" Chan admitted, frustrated he ruffled his hair aggressively.

You felt your heart shatter. He thought this was a mistake...? You swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears from forming.

"Y-you think what we did just now was a mistake?" You asked, voice cracking slightly.

Chan realized what he said and instantly started denying it. "No no no, I don't! It's just that, we spent so long getting over each other, you yourself said you're not over me. And i just made it worse for you,"

"I don't regret it Chan." You stated, looking at him with glassy eyes. "Everything that just happened, I don't regret any of it."

Chan looked at you sadly, pulling you into a hug. You buried your face into his shirt, feeling a few tears come out of your eyes and soak his shirt.

"Chan, if you could, would you date me again?" You mumbled, feeling kind of drowsy.

"Definitely. I wouldn't hesitate to ask you again," Chan answered. You thought for a second before replying.

"Then why aren't you saying anything now?" You ask. Chans brows knit together in confusion. He sits you up straight and looks into your eyes. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what's holding us back from dating now?" You asked, looking right back into his eyes.

"Y/n... I'm gonna be travelling a lot. I'm only here for the week then I'm going to be going on tour for the next 2 or 3 months. We'd never work out. The same thing that happened before will happen again and I can't go through another heartbreak." Chan said dejectedly.

"I-I'll wait for you Chan, I swear. No matter how long it takes. I was selfish before and only thought of myself. I'm more open minded now, I don't mind waiting. Just please don't leave me again." You pleaded, hands clutching his shirt.

Chan felt his own tears forming, a small smile forming on his face. He cupped your cheeks, wiping the tears from your face.

"Are you sure? You'd have to be very patient with me then. I won't be able to text often, I'll be out of town at least 3 times a week, I won't always answer your calls. I'll be tired and unable to take you out on proper dates most of the time, they'd be pretty rare. Do you think you'll be able to handle all that." He asked, resting his forehead against yours.

"I'll be as patient as I possibly can. No matter how tired you are, or how far away you are or how busy you are. No matter what mood you're in. I'll support you however I can and be as understanding as possible. I promise." You answered, a smile forming on your face as well.

"Well then L/n Y/n, will you be my girlfriend... again?" Chan asked, giggling a little. Your smile turned into a grin and you kissed Chan softly.

"Does that answer your question?" You asked after pulling away. Chan pecked your forehead and nodded.

****

Chan was driving you home, not realizing how late it had gotten. He held your hand in his while keeping the other on the wheel, refusing to let go when you told him to keep both hands on the wheel.

You and Chan caught up along the way, with Chan talking about his music and future albums and you talking about your life as a content creator and your job. Chan, much to your dismay confessed to watching your videos when he was bored or too lazy to continue working, claiming that your videos were very entertaining and creative.

"The way you were trying to get dress coded at work had me laughing like crazy!" Chan exclaimed, stilling laughing while imitating how happy you were when you finally did get dress coded.

"Everyone's worn that shirt at least once! I was determined to wear it as well. Besides you gotta break the rules every now and then," you winked, giggling right after.

The both of you were silent for a little while, simply enjoying each others presence before you accidentally snorted out loud. Chan glanced you with an eyebrow raised. "What was that?"

"Sorry," you giggled, a faint blush on your face out of embarrassment. "I was just thinking about everything that happened. We did everything in the wrong order. You were supposed to asked me out first, take me in a date and then we'd get to the fucking stage. But we went straight to fucking then you asked me out."

"We're unique. We don't follow the rules." Chan laughed. "By the way, I'll take you on a date tomorrow."

You snorted again, loving how messed up your sequence was. "Okay, I can't wait."

And from then on you and Chan found yourselves living your best lives with each other. Nothing like the first relationship you had. Rather than showing a lack of affection and communication like before, you were much more the opposite. And that's exactly how you'd perfer it to be.

Fin.

-------------------------------------------------------

Should I make an alternate ending or a part 2👀? I kinda wanna make y'all cry jdsjka.

[jubberry]

oohkay let's go tua with those ship asks: fiveya, horrance and alluther.

thanks el i love you

Send me a ship and I'll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not.

fiveya obvs i ship this since this is 90% of my tua drawings lol

1. ill wait ill wait (to be the one) by georgiestauffenberg made me ship it cause holy fuck dude. I dont know if i ship them romantically when i saw them onscreen cause first of all, age difference is kinda weird lmao. Second, they dont rlly interact much outside literally the first couple of eps. But he was so soft for her, and i felt like they had so much unexplored history.

so i looked at fanfics cause i was wondering if ppl still ship it, then i liked the description of this one so i gave it a go.

Basically the premise is that vanya dates a much older man who seems to know a lot about her. And it was amazingly in character and just provided their characters some depth that u wouldnt find outside of a romantic relationship between them. (The implication of five pining while she doesnt know who he is, their missed chances when he time travelled, fives missed chances of living and having a 'normal' life bec of his own hubris, vanyas insecurity and being able to open up bec shes with someone whos known her since childhood). Its so sweet and thats how i was like, oh yep i can do so much more with these two, and what has kept me interested in drawing them etc.

2. My favourite things are the shippers cause i made some friends in the fandom who are super cool and supportive! I dont get super involved in fandoms and usually just watch from afar so finding people to talk to and muck around with in this tiny fandom is super cool 😭

Though thats not to say I havent come across some bad apples in this fandom and things that I dont like. I think thats the importance of carving out a place for yourself and ur friends in fandom tho.

Another thing I like about the ship itself, i just like the grumpy person whos soft for one person trope. Its so cute. I like all the little clues in canon on how their relationship as kids is quite warm, which is interesting cause five is basically the star student and he can be quite cold vs vanya who is the black sheep of the family.

I also like how five likes her powers even when she caused the apocalypse he spent the majority of his life in lol. Like its a popular hc that five is just a wife guy and i love that.

I see vanya as the type who has a lot of love to give, and she sometimes has unrealistic expectations of what her partner can give. Betrayal and lies really angers her, but also when her partner cannot meet her expectations of love she gets very upset bec its also an indication of how shes not good enough, or not loveable enough to be able to have this in the relationship (her insecurity means every failing always comes back to her, even if its out of her control).

I feel like five would be a level-headed person enough in the relationship to not be afraid to say 'vanya ur being stupid' (ie. the s2 confrontation lmao). Also, five's personality means she will never have to doubt his actions bec she knows hes the type who will not give u the moment of the day if hes not interested.

Not to mention they also have the whole apocalypse vs. saviour, hero/villain thing. Theres just a lot to explore!

3. I probably have several. But mostly I dont mind five being a dick to vanya bec first, even if the appeal is hes soft to her hes already kind of a dick in canon lmao. Also, vanya isnt a child. Shes grown and she can handle petty af things like five telling her shes not good at cooking lol. I also dont mind it cause I feel like people are getting too afraid to write... conflict for fear or portraying an abusive relationship or smth. Like, chill. Conflict is fine, resolving it is how u get a story. However in saying that, nobody should be obligated to write any way unless you want to! Fanfic is for comfort so if what your doing is making u happy then its good enough!

horrance which i also ship but i love the platonic and romantic relationship equally:

1. I came in tua in general not shipping anything so Im honestly not sure. I do remember someone doing a meta before s2 came out that was basically how ben acted weird when klaus summoned dave in s1 that made me go 👀 Otherwise, tua s2 rlly made me like them cause tua FED horrance shippers. Like..... the fact that klaus didnt want ben to leave him, and ben knows thats why he stayed 😢 or the fact that klaus was all over him for some reason???? Somebody also mentioned gay ben once and I resonate with that deeply. Like i get that jill exists but i resonate with gay ben deeply.

2. I love their bickering, theyre so cute together. I just like ben being angry bec hes self aware that hes got both shit and amazing taste. Shit bec he cant believes he likes Klaus (and also amazing also bec Klaus). I think the idea of them being kind of underdogs, theyre not rlly leader types and dont want to be, helps them bond together even in platonic horrance. They're both down to earth, and even tho they can annoy each other, they also know if they want a space to feel comfortable its with each other. Theyre not pressured by rivalry over leadership, or any sort of competition.

I love the idea that even tho ben is like klaus's ''conscience'', hes also down for chaos and bitchy. I feel like klaus rlly enabled that side of him, its not exactly a good thing but its p funny lol

3. I know some people think their dynamic is unhealthy but i dont care lol

alluther. So id say i dont ship this, mostly due to the fact that im not invested? Just like all tua ships so far I rlly came out not wanting anything but platonic relationships cause I feel tua doesnt do romance very well. With alluther, theyre so cute but im not super invested in either of their chars so they havent stuck for me. I appreciate seeing them and talking about them tho, and I'm def open to exploring them further.

1. I think tua canon romances are just so lackluster 😔 Idk who writes the romances but I was just like 'nice' but afterwards I dont really think about them. I love their dance scene and the message behind it! Otherwise, theyre sweet like most of the tua romances but im not super invested, same with all the non canon ships.

2. I really feel like tua needs to decide on what their relationship is. Like, just say its incest or not and stick with it 👀 Or if you wanna support it or not, just make up ur mind. I think I would've liked it better if I found the characters more interesting. Allison especially I feel like suffers from the fact that tua just doesn't want to make her ''mean''. They want to make her supportive and are less interested in making her flawed (ie. she should've had a conflict with Vanya in s2, but the writers didnt want to write the girls fighting which is stupid imo and not what that conflict is about).

In regards to Alluther, the scene where Allison gets annoyed at Luther for sleeping with someone else felt out of line. Like, how are you marrying other people and moving on but Luther isn't allowed to? But honestly, I don't mind if they actually just acknowledge it and make it a deliberate part of Allison's trait that Allison can expect a certain loyalty automatically from other people (which can tie in to her childhood being a star, and the rumour).

Luther is a big simp for Allison, which is sweet, but at the same time it would be nice to have him explore himself for a bit, and who he is outside of the academy. Then maybe they can rekindle their relationship again as new people and see where they go from there.

3. I don't hate them, but they're ok. I'm not super invested in them, just like all the tua canon romance. But I wouldn't mind making content for them if I were a bit more invested in their characters. I love their dance scene in s1 and I feel like its super a underrated portrayal of what their relationship is meant to be. I know no one talks about it but it's just such a great scene, and I'm pretty sure the choreographer was into interpretive dance? The scene had a lot of meaning that I don't see people dig around with.

Essentially I'm pretty sure the fairy lights are obviously a throwback to their childhood together, spending time outside of Reggie. So the dance scene kind of symbolized that pocket of space they made for each other in their life (even if theyre far away, or with other people, they will always have that space for each other).

The way they danced was more like playfighting than dancing, which means their relationship isn't sensual. It's more ''pure'', and romantic. Its basically two kids rekindling their love as adults. I also think this is a response to the incest, cause in s1 tua klaus literally said that 'thank god Regg is not their real father' right before Allison and Luther meet lmao. So its kinda like saying Allison x Luther isnt supposed to be 'ohh step sibling hot' but two people who experienced the same trauma as kids and finding comfort with each other (and rekindling that love after many years).

[padawanlost]

hey i didnt think that watto was a primary abuser for anakin. like sure he was a slave owner and slave owners are shitty, but relatively he was a better slave owner who never whipped Anakin? (and also anakin was still able to get money)

The answer is in your question: Watto was a slave owner. That, by definition, is an abusive relationship because there’s no such thing as a good slave owner because there *nothing* right or good about a person owning another.

The idea that some slave owners deserve some kind pass for not being as horrible as they could’ve been is a mistake. The ‘good slave owner’ rhetoric is a myth. There’s not ‘good’ or ‘right’ way to explore the labor, health and life of another being. The fact Watto CHOSE to explore the lives of a single mother and her small child is actually an aggravation.

Not only Watto abused Anakin by owning him and his mother, he also abused him physically, verbally and emotionally.

“Watto had treated him better than most in Mos Espa treated their slaves, and hadn’t beaten him too often, but still, it hung in Anakin’s thoughts that Watto had not let Shmi go with him when Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon had bought out his slave debt.” AOTC Novelization

Besides, what choice did they have in the matter? He raced because he was good at it, Watto knew he was good at it, and whatever Watto wanted of him he would do. That was the price you paid when you were a slave, and Anakin Skywalker had been a slave all his life. [Terry Brooks. The Phantom Menace]

When Count Dooku flies at him, blade flashing, Watto’s fist cracks out from Anakin’s childhood to knock the Sith Lord tumbling back. [Matthew Stover. Revenge of the Sith]

Physical pain he could have handled even without his Jedi mental skills; he’d always been tough. At four years old he’d been able to take the worst beating Watto would deliver without so much as making a sound. [Matthew Stover. Revenge of the Sith]

Both mother and son were grateful to Watto for keeping them together, and after sharing a dingy, fetid room with six other slaves at Gardulla’s estate, they were astonished to learn they would have an entire hovel to themselves at Slave Quarters Row, along the outskirts of Mos Espa. Watto believed they should feel grateful, and made it clear that if they didn’t do as he said, he’d fill the hovel to capacity with additional slaves. [Ryder Windham. Star Wars®: The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader]

Operating a Podracer required incredibly fast reflexes, the competition was fierce, and Anakin — as far as anyone knew — was the only human ever to fly one and live. Despite this accomplishment, Anakin knew he’d have to do better to please Watto. [Ryder Windham. The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader]

When he’d belonged body and soul first to venal, rapacious Gardulla the Hutt.… and after her Watto, who hadn’t been cruel, exactly, but was greedy and careless and willing to see him die racing a Pod. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth]

“Rassa dwee cuppa, peedunkel!” Watto screamed, starting in again on Anakin in a fresh burst of Huttese. The pudgy body lurched forward a few centimeters with each epithet, causing Anakin to step back in spite of his resolve. Watto’s bony arms and legs gestured with the movements of his head and body, giving him a comical appearance. He was angry, but Anakin had seen him angry before and knew what to expect. He did not cringe or bow his head in submission; he stood his ground and took his scolding unflinchingly. He was a slave and Watto was his master. Scoldings were part of life. [Terry Brooks. The Phantom Menace]

Watto was immediately defensive. “He’s my boy, my property, and he’ll do what I want him to do!” [Terry Brooks. The Phantom Menace]

“The Toydarian glanced over one shoulder. “Peedunkel! Naba dee unko!” . A small, disheveled boy raced in from the salvage yard, coming to an uncertain stop in front of them. His clothes were ragged and thick with grime, and he had the look of someone about to be given a beating.” TPM script

Episode I Adventures: Podrace to Freedom by A. L. Singer

If that wasn’t bad enough, let’s not forget Watto thrived on the fact that there was a bomb implanted on Anakin that forced him to obey his every command.

“Boy!” Watto’s voice interrupted, calling from beyond the arched portal that separated the junkyard from his bell-shaped shop. “Boy! Where in this dump are you?!” “Oh, no!” Anakin said, glancing at Kitster and then back to the archway. “Wait here!” Trying hard to maintain a relaxed expression, he trotted out of the junkyard. “Ah! There you are!” Watto said when he sighted Anakin. Hovering outside the entrance of his shop, he spoke in Huttese, “For a moment, I suspected you’d run away from Watto.” “Oh, and give you the pleasure of seeing my transmitter detonate?” “Pleasure?” Watto said, his trunklike nose turning slightly upward as if recoiling from Anakin’s words. “You think I like cleaning up exploded slaves? Bweh heh heh!” When he was done laughing, he gestured with a three-fingered hand to some more scrap-filled containers that had just been delivered, and said, “Now get back to work! I want this scrap sorted by noon!”[Ryder Windham. The Rise and Fall of Darth Vader]

So, no, there’s nothing non-abusive by Watto’s relationship with Anakin (and Shmi).

[abbystoryisbeingtold]

Hi, I'm Abby and this is a true story of love and batrial. I hope you find inspiration and truth behind these words. I want to make a change and help people along the way. Follow me each week for a new post to continue onto this story. God speed.

YoureSoGolden P1:

Today is a hot day out. Middle of June and about 90 degrees. That's extremely hot in this small city of Illinois. Favorite time of the year sun beaming down on my tan skin. Swimming in the crystal clear water outside my apartment and the smells from the food trucks down the street makes me never want to go inside. Kids splashing in the cold pool feels good on my skin. I've been out here for a few hours. I begin to take selfies on my phone. I just got this phone and the camera on it is excellent. Filters make me look prettier than I already am. My dark hair glimmers in the sun while I take photos. My eyes shine so bright as well.

Incoming *Instant Message*

"Hey u want to hang"

It's been a while since i've really been in a relationship and Marco has seemed really cool. So I reply back: "Yes, where are you?"

As I get ready to meet Marco for the first time in person I get extremely nervous. He is friends with a mutual friend so I feel that this could be something great. I get lost trying to find this street. Going up and down Cranes Rd. Turns out that I didn't go far down enough on the other end of it. I pull up and Marco walks out to greet me.

"Hey Abby" he said, giving me a hug.

"Hey", I say nervously, picking at my fingers. I do that when I'm nervous with new people.

This is where it all started. This is where my life took a dark spin.

Marco stood 5'10, tan and dark hair, light colored eyes. Not really my type but he was nice and this personality outshined his looks which made him beautiful in my eyes. We clung on tightly at first. You know that puppy love? We had to be around eachother 24/7. Invited to all the family gatherings and holidays. He was homeless at the time, living place to place. He stayed in the bad area in Chicago for the most part. Drugs ruled that area bad and I later found out that he used to be a druggie. He experimented with meth, heroin, pills, and alcohol. He was coming off meth when I met him and i didnt even know until he told me. He ended up staying at my apartment all the time which I lived in with my aunt at the time.

A month later. My aunt began to not like his rebellious ways and I was grown to love his ways. So we clashed on that part. I was in class one day and I got a message from my aunt that read, "they are raising rent. We're moving. either you come with us and leave Marco here or you dont come but he's not welcomed". By this time i was madly in love, i thought that this was it. this was my person. So i got the idea to keep the apartment, however, by the time it was too late the apartment management had kicked us out of the lease because Marcos had a bad history with drugs. This led me to almost being homeless. I cried to Marcos and he just said, "we will get through this". Putting my faith into his hands I began to believe him. After searching and searching and searching for apartments in different cities. After looking and being denied we finally found a small apartment that was perfect for us.

The apartment was off of West 18th street. It wasn't the best area in Chicago but it wasn't the worst. It was perfect for us. One bedroom and one bathroom. Older style home. Fenced yard and a nice patio. It was hard to find nice homes for rent like that in the lower west side. We didn't have much furniture. We slept on my twin size bed until we got more furniture. It didn't matter to us as long as we had each other. The apartment was in a perfect location because it was close to my work, "Alive Youth Center'', and a few bars down the street for Marco. He loved to go out on the weekends and party that was his safe haven. Which didn't surprise me coming from his past and from his mom being an alcoholic. His mom and him would always go to bars together and his favorite one was down the road, "Pilsen Yards''. He was also close to his friends house. He wanted to stay close to his friends because he did smoke marijuana and that's where he got his supplies. At the time I figured that marijuana was better than any other drug out there. And I didn’t care. He said that marijuana helped him with his mental disabilities and his anger. Which should have been a red flag, but I am known to help people and figured that I could help him get through whatever was going on in his life.

Marcos and I loved the outdoors and going for walks. That was us spending time together and getting to know each other more. We explored a lot of places outdoors. Our favorite place to go to was the South River Park. There was an area where you could go and explore the river. We captured some beautiful photos there from time to time. We would also go to Buckingham Fountain a lot. We truly loved being outdoors and spending time with one another. It was pure love.

[kirbyfanclub]

i have a lot of thoughts but in SHORT before i ramble: i LOVED wayward son. the reviews on this site are valid, of course. but i believe they are somewhat misleading to the objective contents of the book, or at least, how i interpreted them. going to put this under a read more because it got long, but what can i say! i’m passionate about this story and i dont want people to get too discouraged without hearing a few different sides.

vague content spoilers!!: the book is not about their love story, nor is it about a fun friendly road trip. it may have been advertised as that, i dont really know. but it isnt. it’s an exploration of vampirism in this world, and magic outside of london. it’s focus is worldbuilding and i LOVE that. worldbuilding rocks. and i think this did a really great job with it. im excited to hear more about this world.

now, on the relationship, which seems to be the biggest point of contenion. i’d like to start by saying i’m doing my best to be objective here. i am a lesbian and the original carry on was PIVOTAL in my journey of self-acceptance. so im not going to bs about whether or not this book lived up to the representation it could offer. there is no abusive relationship. a lack of communication (which is, truly, the only present issue in their relationship itself) between young, inexperienced people does not equal emotional abuse. baz and simon both CLEARLY love each other deeply, this is constantly reestablished. its just delicate. they’re new to relationships, they’re young, they're HURT. they were pitted against each other their whole lives. they aren’t going to slip immediately into domestic bliss. no relationship will, trauma and magic be damned. there is miscommunication, but more so due to unwillingness to face the possible worst outcome and the fact that their relationship is not the forefront of this story. theyre together, and they are in love, but this isn't a fluff piece, it's a life piece. its not just about theyre love, its about their life after disaster. in a less objective view: i honestly prefer this. what i find healing about carry on and wayward son isn’t a perpetually happy same-sex relationship, it’s a relationship complex and human enough that i could imagine it for myself. i love seeing how, despite simon’s depression and insecurity, they still manage to find comfort in each other. thats real. thats what i think love is. it’s getting through hard things together, not never having hard things. 

its completely, COMPLETELY valid and respectable to want a happy-go-lucky, picture book romance featuring a same-sex couple. i want to emphasize that. we need those stories too. absolutely. but that wasn't what carry on had to offer in the first place, and i think it’s a little unfair to expect it of its sequel.

on a slightly different note: while the book wasn’t focused only on their relationship, it DID have a huge focus on the friendship between all four main characters. i thought penny and baz’s friendship was DELIGHTFUL, and easily one of my favorite parts of the book. he loves her a lot, and that is not something i was expecting! but its absolutely not unwelcome. i really love how penny and agatha also grew to appreciate each other so much more.

on the topic of agatha: agatha was possibly the star of this book, alongside baz. she was suffocated with simon. without him, she grew exponentially. she’s witty and funny and smart in an endearingly relatable cynical way (a lot like baz, now that i think of it.). i loved seeing her shine in this book. i’m glad she was allowed to.

about the actual road trip: they there are many moments of road tripping fun! they do some sightseeing, there is a PRECIOUS scene where they go to a renaissance faire. it doesnt end very well, but they have a good time while it lasts. it wasn't primarily about the road trip, but that's what 50 chapter fluff fics are for, not so much actual fantasy novels. i also saw some complaints that rowell wrote america too racist and rude, but. as an american. that is what america is like unfortunately jkshfsjd

anyways. the plot itself got a little rushed here and there, but thats just writing. not even pace will work, and not every author will be able to make a satisfying payoff for every reader. personally i didnt mind too much about it being rushed because i’m a character and lore driven reader, and those were both abundant but fully understandable for it to be a let down!

 as i see it? carry on was simon’s denial and anger, his confusion about life and the battle against trauma. wayward son is his bargaining and depression, working through said trauma, even if its ineffective. whatever this third book is? that will be his acceptance, and if rowell knows how to complete a good story (which she does) his self-actualization.

TDLR: i really liked wayward son, and you don’t have to! not at all! but please don't claim it to be what it isn’t. its a book about (magical) life after trauma, featuring realistically complex gay characters in a fresh and unstable, but dedicated, relationship. it isn't ruining an otp, it's developing them into real people. it’s a bit sad, but sadness is needed to appreciate happiness. thanks for reading <3 here's to the sequel to the sequel!

[skamsideblog]

20 😽

20. Fav Isak

you’ve picked one of the hardest ones for me aha. also im bout to explain my pov quite a bit because i cant sleep and might as well do something semi productive

okay, so my first instinct is to say the og isak. he was the right levels of bitchy, messy and depressive tendencies for me to relate completely. gifs of og isak were the first i ever saw of skam (like most of the tumblr base). I really enjoyed his friendship dynamics because something that I dont think we collectively talk about enough is that from the outside isak seems innocent and people trust him quite quickly. like eva trusted him in s1 with her and jonas, he got pchris to trust him with the fight stuff, and the way emma threw herself into their relationship, she evidently trusted him a lot. plus, jonas trusted that he’d sneak the weed out. and each time he did something (with the fight as the exception) to let down that trust. he told evas secret, hid the week in evas house, led emma on, etc. i just find that so interesting because he knows how to manipulate but in like…a passive way? he doest always do it intentionally but he still does it, and can get people to trust him with their shit even when he knows he isnt up to a level of caring that he would need to keep it all safe, if that makes sense? plus, isaks dialogue is one of my favourite portrayals in the skam-verse because he talks like the norwegian equivalent of half the lads i know whereas some versions feel a little stiff or forced with certain dialogue.

that being said, matteo florenzi exists. he definitely was not my favourite s1 version of isak. honestly, i think it was his early instagram that i found off putting, because it made it appear as though ‘likes weed’ was going to be the only explored personality trait. he didnt seem to be in s1 as much as isak was, even though he probably was. his presence just felt lesser. it wasnt until s2 when they seemed to decide to focus his personality a bit more to prep for s3. at partys he’d be engaged but still a little subdued and usually bypassing the dancing, and lets be honest the shirts won me over. the fact that we saw a continuation of the matteo/hanna dynamic in s2 also helped a lot i think, because it meant he was in s2 a lot more than isak was, and not just for some fight. then, s3 came a long and thats probably when he surpassed og for me. the fact that they had scenes of him simply existing just lying in bed just humanised him so much more, and while i thought there were some poorly written moments the majority of the dialogue he was given felt genuine. he was snarky, anxiety ridden, and had more quirks that i feel other remakes overlooked. like how michi is italian, so matteo is seen multiple times cooking italian food. he used the same distinct pens. he gets sensory overload when stressed. the scene from ‘neon butterflys’ really sold the character to me because i feel like its a scene ive lived through (hell, stuff like that is the only reason i saved for a year to get some decent noise cancelling headphones) and he felt so realistic. the only thing that couldve made his characterisation better for me, was if he’d addressed his clearly depressive ‘tendencies’ rather than the show kind of fading away from that(looking back, i get why they didnt focus on that in the final 2 eps but it was annoying at the time). 

but yeah. that was a convoluted way to say matteo, with isak in a close second.

honourable mentions: lucas vhd (if hed gotten a season to develope he wouldve been on his way up their because he and isa have my favourite eva/isak dynamic), and shay dixon who needs a season and deserves so much

[zanyanimalstechnologytaco]

My Hero Academia, the series, the fan media, the community all was a mistake of our time

I hate this show. More than Naruto and more than Fairy Tail. I hate Izuku, I hate Kstsuki, I hate how everyone and everything is just being forced to like everything about them, I hate All Might, I hate the Hero Association, I hate how light hearted and shallow arcs end. And I hate how things ended up with my once favorite character, his ship and everything I ever expected to be better became much worse and theres no male based fan media to or communities that allow my project myself in shouto anymore, seriously hes manly than "Cant stop Sparkling" guy now adays based on all the fan stuff he has about being with deku.

Todomomo was a mistake and Todoroki is a mistake. All bnha ships are unholy and wrong. Bnha is all shallowness and impure GARBAGE. I used to love bnha and was a big todoroki fan. But the more I invested through time in this character, the more i felt alone and isolated from the fandoms intention on shouto being bland fangirl fuel, the more I felt more distant from the character and not even the manga supports my reasons to invest in todoroki whom hori treats like the most shoehorned false hype emo in the show. And that offends me deeply, you got all these characters and the ones that you are expected to take seriously (and live through vicariously) are the most important characters in the show. Deku, Bakugou, All Might, Mineta, Kirishima and even Endeavor are these character and he obviously builds up there hidden character development in abilities and progression, shouto still struggles with his own personal development and is basically the same as he started with the added bonus of jobbing.

Oh and all the hype about him being cool and attractive, just irrelevant blanket statement extra tidbit filler, nothing meaningful but to make shouto explained why hes special, I prefer it if the story elaborates this by "showing" it, which the author just skims through with him and hand waves consistancy with contradiction in other following scenes making him seem like a weaker/dumber from before(ex. Fighting Festival(shouto a top tier student in every respect according to deku) to Stain Fight(Shouto is nothing but quirk reliant) according to Stain). Strongest quirk wise, this is all he has for him but even hes not even the most talented or intelligently trained with it, which makes me wonder of all shouto is just a blanket statement based character that just meant to exist to explore how insignificant he is with all his power and advantages compared to the main duo and other coming of age based events involving the cast. Even his father represents this more than his son.

Todomomo seems to relate to this, but its meaningless, just like everything else shouto has been portrayed by fans, based on how much the author puts his narrative into play which is also meaningless in the grander context of the story. Why make momo and shouto work together in the first place only to not build that relationship in future developments.

That pairing I hate(todomomo), I didnt hate in the beginning only to me because it was the only humanizing aspect todoroki had not related to his family and later the forced shoehorned dynamic with deku and bakugou, it made sense because the two are socially awkward people despite their supreme standing in the class and as first years and yet they both encourage each other by standing firm to overcome their own lack of socialization skills to grow as ideal people and improve socially, which seems to be working for momo now not shouto who's still the brooding loner elitist type(only has friends with elitist characters like friends too) . Now it's a husk and a relic of a potential investment in shoutos own story, I dont give a damn anymore, shoutos has no real anticipating developments to compel him to me, his quirk is boring as fuck since it's just a shooting targeting spammer, he isnt a good character to entertain me from a personal way, he really is a broken record of the same issues with a new idea, his family outside of endeavor and overcooked guy is more boring than him, and god I hate him with deku and bakugou which gives me more a reason to not bother with anything about him specifically since they will always overshadow him as story narrative and progress development narrative types, and I hate those two more. They are really just stand ins as horikoshi escapist fantasies, and both of them get more attention than any character as narratives who pretty much get the most attention in doing the most awesome feats and accomplishments as main roles. The new movie was about that. Shoutos accomplishments center around how he plays second fiddle to that basically instead of exploring the potential of being a pure equal to deku and bakugou, he gets the second in command villains or does something less than them in battles they already excell at in quirk control.

It's all worthless, shouto should not be this popular anything, and eventually this reflects in the popularity polls recently, which I noticed in the west from the previous one, shouto was less recieved by a significant margin compared to the main leads as a third place holder, maybe it shows me that todoroki is losing favor slowly, it makes sense, the author is not doing anything with him that makes people catch interest with the plot about strong heroes and villains getting more relevant as major players, while hes stronger than most the class but not plot relevant with his strength like deku has. Bakugou is like just like deku since the plot focuses on his strength to and is naturally stronger than Shouto via being the more badass and more aggressively driven he gets and thus gets as strong if not stronger and more skilled than shouto out of sheer plot armor. Shouto is just getting hotter and cold, bigger and more raw and unrefined in his power, so he has to control it which is still not as grand as bakugous perfect skills and genius and deku grander scaling in brains and brawn. If I were to make a guess, shouto is just going to to be behind them both as a stronger quirk user eventually and more about being a defensively capable than battle capable like kirishima and ochako, fitting for a major yet minor character, which disappoints me even more since shouto can be more battle creative than both of them if the author didnt have a bias in making deku and bakugou better than him despite having a stronger quirk.

God I hate this series. Theres no likable characters that are relatable or even human, there all shallow power and fanservice fantasies, the only character in class 1s that acts less cartoonish and serves as a stand in audience Surrogate is jirou and tail guy, but they are all about being generic looking compared to the unrealistically attractive guys and girls, the looney toon designed comic relief, and the recycled shonen trope cast. But if anything shouto represents all these shallow functions the most, and it's made him a less than a character too, it made him a sellout fan appeal type with no credibility as a character, which is why men dont like him due to not showing much concern to connect to him as a human narrative, at least the characters compared to him are showing why they(despite acting like shallow cliches) are interesting characters to care about, shoutos thing is telling about how tragically sympathetic his character needs to be as the only important thing about him, not as a part of him as a character to endear towards while he grows and helps build up a leading narrative with his development. His story doesnt help any part of the main lead or rivals growth, or his class, or his own personal objectives for his goals as a hero(being like all might and surpassing all might is a all purpose blanket statement to keep him near deku and bakugou as a power hype, not a individual self defined person). Dragging out objectives(season 1: being anti endeavor on surpassing all might which in the end pledges to learn not to do that and become better, season 2.Learning from the festival and from then on to being able to take endeavors legacy and take his training seriously which compared to deku and bakugou isnt enough to show much, Season 3. Promises to make people depend on him, doesnt happen since hes still the unapproachable person people in his class know him for. Season 4. Still makes promises hes gonna be a dependable hero, still accept his fire side, still be his own hero, things he repeats and fails to attempt because hori is lazy or just doesnt care about showing how much hes changed compared to his mary sue duo. etc) that dont happen and are inconsistent with new story details is why shouto is dead to me. High expectations about him are problematic since the author has agendas that don't involve story relevancy about him compared to the actual leading roles, plus the fan reception helps effect how I feel about shouto to, hes not even popular enough to have drawn pornagraphy with most all the girls and high quality momo hentai fanservice artists and circles, fucking mineta and your average joe otaku faceless male is more likely than shouto instead. That's how much the value shouto means to anyone than just a fangirl targeted audience which is just gay or bishi equivalent to sasuke fanworks and the feminine answer to male targeted audiences of characters like deku, bakugou and mineta, the worst and most common types of shonen stock characters in the series.

I hope this series and all the fans get tired of this shit when it gets eventually cancled. Or maybe it has. I dont really keep up with it anymore.

[kevkesblog]

Florian Rudy Interview (spring 2018)

Sorry for misspelled words. This was recorded before the world cup in Russia 2018 took place.

F:      My name is Florian Rudy. I’m 29 years old. And I live in Stuttgart.

N:     Who is your brother?

F:      Well, I have more than one brother. (laughs). The oldest is Sebastian. And I guess he is the one that this interview is all about. And then I have Felix and Maximilian too. And a sister as well.

N:     And your sister is older, younger?

F:      My sister is in the middle. She’s 19 years old.

N:     Did she enjoy being between all the older and younger boys?

F:      I think it wasn’t so easy for her in the beginning. Having three big brothers. She really had to deal with a lot. And I think she just handed it down to the youngest sibling and she was able to let everything out on him. But now I think it has alot of advantages. I think three big brother that protect her is always good.

N:     Really nice. Do you feel good today?

F:      Absolutely! I was really looking forward for this interview today! And I’m very motivated.

N:     Good. Well then tell us something about yourself. Back when you were little. How did you discover sports? Has football been already very present in your family?

F:      Yes football has always played a big role in our family. It has always been a topic of discussion. We are a complete football-family in that regard. My father played himself. I think he also played with Jürgen Klinsmann in one team. My mother was a football fan as well. She is from Kaiserslautern. She has always been on the Betzenberg (Stadium in Kaiserslautern) … so for us as children we had the perfect circumstances in that regard. And thats what they handed over to us as kids. We grew up with football from the very beginning. And we… I think I was five years old and Sebastian four – when we both started playing football. So those were the first steps we took.

N:     I mean if you are young have you guys – or you in particular – thought about doing different sports? I mean there are so many other sports you can try – other than football.

F:      Yeah sure. I would say football has always been our main sport, simply because of our parents. But my parents also insisted to try out other sports as well. We also played tennis and ice hockey.  But then slowly those sports took a step back in our lives and it all narrowed down to football again. Because we also made to the upper youth teams as kids around at VfB Stuttgart, where he went at a very young age. And then we didnt have enough time for other sports.

N:     But those changes in terms of sports – how does puberty play a role? I mean it is still very young…

F:      Sure. Sebastian was fourteen and I was fifteen years old.

N:     Leaving home at that young age – how was it like for you guys?

F:      Lets put it this way: at the beginning we didn’t leave our home immediately. Only our parents had to drive us to Stuttgart every day. Almost 100 kilometers…

N:     How about all the other siblings? Did they have to go with you guys… or were they brought to their grandmother? But it really consumed the daily life of the family…

F:      Absolutely! Sebastian and I – we were driven to Stuttgart for practice. The others were smaller back then, they stayed home. One year after that – my path took me to Kaiserslautern and so I had to move out my parents home at the age of fifteen. But that wasn’t a problem at all for me. I always wanted to go out and see the world and explore stuff. I think it was difficult for our mom though. The fact that the first son leaves home… yeah.

N:     Well you then have a lot of practice sessions; games over the weekends… did you develop other hobbys? I mean especially at that young age and if you want to explore the world… Or are you this much into football and everything? Because you have to pay special attention to your body and all… I dont think you were able to go into clubs until the early morning every now and then…

F:      Hm, well I think you dont pay that much attention to your body at that age. You dont listen as much to your body because you try to do more and more… and try everything. But football really dictated our day. It was only school, football, eating and sleeping… thats it.

N:     Did you expericence like mood swings? Having days where you woke up and thought „I dont want to do anything today“?

F:      I cant recall anything like that, no.

N:     Oh ok. It was pure fevor!?

F:      Absolutely. I mean it started very early. We used to get back home from school. Throwing away your school bags, grab your friends and went outside to the local football pitch and we played the whole day. I dont think many boys and girls do not do this anymore. Because of cellphones, I-pads and so on… but it was exactly like this back in the day. We played on the field, on the streets…

N:     Did you use like furniture or things at home to play football?

F:      Oh yeah! (laughs). Many! (laughs). Especially if we started playing in the living room with dad. And then my mother came from the back and yelled „Stop it!“ (laughs). Back in the day, we even took the playpen of your youngest brother Maximilian and try to kick the ball into it from everywhere in our house. (laughs).

N:     How many pair of shoes did you need over the year with all this football playing going on?

F:      Absolutely. Every few months we needed new shoes. Also because our feet grew. We needed new ones all the time. And those pairs usually wear themselves off very quick.

N:     Do you remember back in your rooms… did you have – especially from the national team or german football – posters of any big idols or role models? Or players that where very special for you? They don’t have to be german (laughs).

F:      No, well I have to think. I for my part had a jersey and a poster of Cristiano Ronaldo. Sebastian has always been a Leverkusen fan. He had Leverkusen bed linen and he one poster of Bernd Schneider in his room.

N:     I guess its always a dream coming true if you suddently end up playing with or against these player or team for that matter. Sounds exciting…

F:      Absolutely yeah. Its like a dream if you witness something like that.  

N:     Do you have a certain kind of nickname for each other?

F:      (smirks) Yeah, my brother has a family nickname which I dont want to reveal (laughs). But just „Basti“ or “Sippi” thats what his teammates call him regularly. And mine is „Flo“ like many can guess.

N:     Did you have a favorite dish at home? Is there something that just bonds you and him?

F:      Nothing in particular. But back when we were kids, we used to have Maultaschen. That was really our favorite food. We used to have competitions on who can eat more Maultauschen. And this lead to a situation once, where my father intervened because Sebastian already had – I think – nineteen of those and he was scared something bad is about to happen to him. (laughs).

N:     Oh my… stomach pain! (laughs)

F:      Yeah exactly (laughs). But he said he could have eaten more.

N:     Ahm, you yourself also used to play football for some time. And also successful. So how has your path changed? Did you reach physical boundaries? Or how did you experience it?

F:      No not at all. I’m very fit today. I quit playing football at 26 years of age. Thats my personal dead line I had set myself. Because you want to play in the Bundesliga or Second Division around that age – I was playing Third Division and thats were I decided to quit. But I’m still very fit physically like I was back then. But in the end it was a decision about my future. What happens down the road? What do you still want to accomplish? What do you want to do next? And thats were I put an end to professional football.

N:     But wasn’t that more of a decision of reason or was it more like lovesickness and… I guess you still play football, right?

F:      No I quit football completely.

N:     Completely?

F:      Yes, completely. But of course I didnt stop doing sports. I did a lot of fitness training. Running. Going to the gym. I tried out many other things. I once rode my bike 200 kilometers home from Hoffenheim. Or I ran a marathon – so I tried these things as well.

N:     How was the marathon experience?

F:      It was a cool one. I got to know my personal boundaries.

N:     In what time?

F:      I think it was around four hours… I have never trained for a marathon.

N:     But four hours is an impressive time…

F:      It was a quick reaction.

N:     Where did you run?

F:      I for myself ran in Heidelberg. I just told some of my buddies on Friday „Hey I will run a marathon on Monday“ and I never ran a longer distance than 10 kilometers before. So I did it.

N:     And you weren‘t able to walk for three days after that?

F:      I was injured for eight weeks after that. (laughs)

N:     (laughs). I know stories of people running a marathon with no preparation.

F:      Yeah, I really wanted to proof to everyone that I can do it. And I did. But of course I haven’t thought about the consequences about things that can happen or go broke afterwards.

N:     So you also closely followed the development your brother. Did you follow him all the way? Where you with him? Or to put it differently: will you go to Russia to see him play?

F:      Sure. We will fly to Russia with our whole family yeah. Or I will be there – sure.

        (9:56min)

N:     Are you excited?

F:      Sure! It’s his first world cup. That itself is special, but playing your first one is even more special I think.

N:     Do you think of something special as a family in Russia?

F:      Actually we haven’t thought about it yet.

N:     Your relationship with Russia? Have you been there before?

F:      Yes during the Confed Cup. I flew over for the final with my mom and dad and my brother Felix. We watched the final. We saw Saint Petersburg – a great city! Very nice city. But thats all I can say about Russia.

N:     So you there’s a lot more to come…

F:      Absolutely. Since I like to travel anyway and I like to explore the world… I always enjoy seeing new cities.

N:     So what about yourself. Where are you now? You started to study. What did you study?

F:      Right. I started to study sports business management after I quit playing football. And I tried to position myself on as many different fields possible. I went to Hoffenheim and trained with Julian Nagelsmann. I was part of his coaching staff with the U19 team. And I went through all branches there basically. Yes and the studies. So thats how I tried to position myself as good as I can. I also started an apprenticeship as a personal trainer. And last year I started an consulting agency with Christian Nerlinger.

N:     And you are consulting football players… ?

F:      Yes, for professional football players. And Sebastian is one of them – of course.

N:     Has this always been part of your life? Didn’t you at one point… or let me put it differently: when you were five years old, what did you want to become initially? Like firefighter? Doctor? Pilot?

F:      Well, the big goal has always been being a professional football player.

N:     So then, when you started with your studies, it had to be something with football?

F:      Not necessarily. My major at university doesn’t really has to do alot with football. Sport generally has always been important to me. And I needed a break for a while, once I quit football as a player. I was really burned-out I have to say. And thats why I wasn’t able to watch an awful lot of football shortly afterwards. But after a while I was fine again and I was able to watch football in a comftable and relaxed manner.

N:     Your brother became father just recently.

F:      Correct.

N:     Sounds like it’s going to be difficult to play now and being away for a long period of time. Or do they travel with him?

F:      His son is with his wife. And yes she takes care of him, since Sebastian is away very often and she isn’t able to travel alot yet. She just gave birth a week ago. And I think he was very happy to go back home right after the game of the national team recently.

N:     That’s a new treasure…

F:      Absolutely! Its a complete new chapter in his life. Not only for his life, but for us as a family as well. My parents became grand-parents for the first time. I became an uncle for the first time. A special moment – yes.

N:     How do think the tournament will go? Is there something you wish?

F:      I wish my brother gets enough time on the pitch to play. And hopefully Germany plays an successful world cup.

N:     Do you think you will soon carry a fifth star on your jersey?

F:      Thats a difficult… ahm… alot oft hings have to work out perfectly at the same time. Sometimes you need luck. Your performance on a specific day. How do the other teams do? It’s really tough to remain world champions – it would be nice if it would work. That would be a giant event – giant miracle. But I think it’s going to be tough.

N:     Do you have secret favourite team to win? Is there a favourite team or are we all in for a surprise?

F:      I dont think there’s a secret favourite. The Spanish team is strong as usual. I think they will play an important role.

N:     Well, then lets keep our fingers crossed and hope for a good world cup. And that you will be successful in your personal goals.

F:      Thank you very much.

N:     And what do you wish for yourself in the next couple of years?

F:      For me personally?

N:     Yup.

F:      There are alot of things on my personal agenda this year. I just recently moved in together with my girlfriend.

N:     A new chapter for you?

F:      Yeah, I mean we are in a relationship for a couple of years now, things have changed since we only live together for about half a year. In a positive way. And I’m very excited to contine to go down that path. My girlfriend also starts working now. She works for Daimler. A totally new chapter for her as well. Then we will see how my personal development will progress – with my agency. Many exciting things to come – for sure. And then let’s see how planing in terms of family will go. (smirks)

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep 8 (part 2)

I finally got my answer on how will kyo’s confession of kyoko will be & how tohru will react. I love the writing, the pacing, the monologue, the dialogue, the facial expressions, tohru’s reaction, kyo’s rejection & tohru’s shock. Even yuki & akito’s involvement! All of it was a chef’s kiss!

I went & watched lots of eps of se01 & 2 & I’m loving all the hints they dropped abt kyo & how his trauma was looming over him all. this. damn. time! Unfortunately, it has reminded me of how much tohru’s own character exploration was diminished in favor of her being the angelic mother & the sohma’s fixer! but moving on & focusing on her shining moment now! I’ll explore her character here with regards of her trauma, real hidden character & future development.

Kyo’s rejection is the best thing that has ever happened to tohru:

(don’t hate me before you read!) XD~ just like you, I’m mad at kyo for hurting tohru & I feel her pain. However, the writer didn’t write this with a sadistic desire to hurt us. Kyo’s rejection is the core of the entire story as it is not only connected to kyo’s trauma, but tohru’s growth & yuki’s emotional involvement with the two, as well as akito’s insecurities. I have explained in my review( part 1) how kyo rejecting tohru was a logical progression of kyo’s trauma, the only possible outcome from his perspective, & the themes tied with such decision. Now, I’ll explain why this rejection is good for tohru in the long run:

1. Showing the hidden ugly side: (The timid, shy, self-sacrificing girl is angry!): Tohru’s entire consciously constructed personality is borrowed from elements in her mom & dad’s life:

She mimicked her dad’s overly polite style to prove that she is indeed his daughter, so her mom won’t be called w*ore & to console her mom, so she wont leave her. She has deep low self-worth issues. I gotta become someone else to be loved.

she has inner fear of bringing shame to her mom’s name, wants to always be the good girl so mom’s get praised for raising her. Thus, hiding ugly aspects such as anger, loud voice & frustration.

She wants to prove that her mom chose right by not neglecting her. wishes to be worth needing & loving for her own self.

All she ever wanted since being a 4 year old child is her mom. No other desire for anything else at all. Since her mom’s death, she’s been lost on what to do, who to be, what to want! then it came to her to stick to her mom’s memory & live for her. Living for a dead person is a self-sacrifice decision. Tohru just didn’t see herself outside of her mom’s influence.  

Ever since meeting kyo, he has been encouraging real aspects of her character: be selfish, complain, cry, get mad, yell, look pathetic, expose unflattering thoughts, show undesirable side, ask for things, no, DEMAND things. She has been reluctantly following his advice & only showing that to him. His confession & inability to accept her love has lead her to show the real hidden tohru behind the “ i’m okay” mask:

The timid, always smiling girl is now showing anger, frustration, stubbornness & determination.

screaming her heart out: “ i don’t believe my mom would say that” stating her opinion in firm voice.

 “even if she did, I have to go against her” the real tohru shows her explosive personality that was buried deep down! it is NOT mom’s life anymore. It is MINE. I decide. I choose. I want. My decisions.

“ why can’t you see that?” argues with him. Tohru, who is soft-spoken & tends to get flustered  when others insist, is now questioning his decision with passion & fierceness!

“ I love you no matter what”. Say what toy want. look at yourself as a monster, a murderer, a loser or a coward. I don’t care what your brain or trauma makes you think. I see the real YOU & it is my decision! I love you ugly & pretty, sad & happy, broken or strong, coward or brave. I take it all & no one is fooling me or changing my mind. I’m my own person & I chose YOU. 

 2. Letting go of attachments: Learning to LIVE:

Tohru’s attachment to her mom isn’t healthy. It’s  toxic as it hinders her from being her own person. To be able to love kyo, she lets go of “ listening to mommy’s words” . Apparently, her mom condemned kyo as unforgivable. Tohru knows the real kyo & doesn’t even care for forgiveness despite her mom’s alleged words. Breaking the toxic bond. She formed a healthier bond with kyo. However, if kyo is unable to accept this love. what would tohru do? die?? kill herself?? kyoko wasn't able to continue to love her husband cuz he died. her reaction was neglecting her daughter & roaming away in utter grief. Tohru mustn’t follow her mom’s example. Not all loved ones leave us out of hate. Some leave each other cuz of death (kyoko/tohru), ( kyoko/ katsuya), Others might leave each other out of current traumatic pain, mental health, emotional hindrance despite loving each other so dearly (kyo/tohru). If kyo despite his immense love to tohru, can’t forgive himself, they won’t be together. tohru can cry, scream, yell, but if he doesn't overcome his issues & come back, tohru gotta let go. She gotta learn to let go & not kill herself over what she cant have.

Kyo, on the opposite, gotta learn to hold on to loved ones! Let go of pain but hold on to real ppl not dead ghosts of the past. He must learn to act on his own desire & need for tohru. Only when he forgives himself, he’ll hold on to her. It is then, that tohru will decide again if she’ll have him or not.

3- Wanting things doesn't mean you WILL have them: (You are enough by yourself- moderation)

tohru wants kyo, the first thing she has ever wanted. However, she won’t  automatically get him just because she now learned to demand things. There are obstacles that can stop that. Tohru must accept kyo’s inability to be with her now & live healthily regardless. This ties to akito as well. She wants the zodicas but she cant have them! Emotional distance separate them. What will akito do if she can’t have what she wants? kill kurno? kill tohtru? kill herself? will this bring the zodiacs back? NO. You are enough by yourself. She needs to let go & learn to accept that love means acceptance between the involved parties, emotional connection isn't enough.

-Realistic depiction of romantic relationship progression: (thro better & worse). EPIC writing!

It is indeed fate that brought tohru back in kyo’s path 4 months after her mom’s death & the they do share a mutual past: kyoko. However, fervor grateful to the author for writing them falling in love together isn’t due to fate, coincidence, mutual past or similar personalities. Kyo consciously avoided tohru while tohru herself struggled to understand kyo initially. The author spend valuable time building their romantic relation based on mundane daily life activities. They themselves don’t quite know when exactly that they fell in love. when they recalled falling in love, we see them cooking together, talking, walking, eating, studying & opening up abt small struggles.

It is genius that the writer will add yet another realistic aspect. While kyo was able to read tohru & approach her when she’s down, this doesn't mean he magically understood her & will forever be on the same page & never ever hurt each other at all. If you fell in love, you are bound to be hurt by the person who loves you back as much as be happy together. It is realistic!!! Adding miscommunication & personality differences enrich the relationship. This relationship isn’t just fluffy & lovey dovey. They have realistic issues that they need to work on by communicating. Even communication  wont solve their quarrel if it isn’t done in the right time & with the right desire to connect.

-The weight & future lessons learned from of “ I’m disappointed in you” for both kyo & tohru:

Right now kyo is too emotional to connect & tohru herself is too emotional to understand his response. Tohru understands his pain but her low self-esteem prevents her from seeing that he is rejecting being loved , not rejecting her. He is not rejecting tohru as a person but rejecting kyo as a person deserving love. Thanks to his “ i’m disappointed in you” which really leaves no room for interpretation from tohru’s perspective. I love that!!!! Kyo isn’t good with words. This has been clear from ep 1, his actions has always been his love language, but now he couples bad words “ i’m disappointed in you” with bad actions: running away. This is a perfect opportunity to build their future relationship on a solid foundation: ( off course I’m not belittling their current emotions, I understand why each is very broken now, but I’m talking abt future learning lessons)

Kyo’s current mistake: While him rejecting tohru is justified by the extreme trauma & is logical from his perspective. This doesn’t mean it isnt’t hurtful to her. He chose hurtful words to push her away mimicking how he pushed her in the true form arc. Perfect example of justified mistake yet still a wrong mistake. Thus, kyo needs to learn the effect of his words, he shouldn’t be punished for the past, for tings her cant control, nor for fate. But he should take responsibilities of the present, of what he actually says & does right now.  He must fix this mistake with tohru. This is a mistake that CAN be fixed. someone that he CAN get back. a mistake he CAN stop repeating.He CAN hold on to her with immense desire yet allow room for her to decide for herself.

Tohru’s current mistake: Seeing herself solely thro being loved by kyo. she cant see that he indeed loves her cuz he rejected her. Rejection in tohru’s mind equal lack of love. Her mom left her, thus her mom didnt love her. This respective is very justified due to her trauma, & it is logical that she reached this conclusion. She isnt in his head, she cant know whats in his heart if his words say sth else. However, having a logical perspective doesn't mean it is right. it is still wrong to solely exist thro what you can see & hear. Real emotions run deeper. We must take things with moderate approach. Tohru needs to have higher self-esteem, to allow room for misunderstanding without completely breaking down. In her future life, she’ll be in lots of situations where ppl could hurt her intentionally or unintentionally. She needs to take things with calmer pace & open the door in her mind for doubt & better judgement. As much as loved ones words hurt, to build a healthy relationship, you must leave room for communication & misunderstanding. Hence, you’ll get closer & closer. 

Side Notes:

 I love tohru’s faulty attachment thro only being loved back exactly as she pictures in her mind. it is so human, so real, & so endearing! Very opposite of se01 & 2 image of her being the wise, device-giving mother with right thing to say & do. Screw that unrealistic image! allow tohru to be real! best ep ever! Hopefully, no more of this tohru!

Kyo’s constant repeat of mistakes is the best character trope done right! so realistic. It is genius that the author used this trope to humanize the demonic cat spirit!! what screams human better than the most annoying human trait: repeating mistakes!!!!  Kyo, my son! it’s time to learn! cant wait to see how the author will do that.

young boy/ adult woman friendship? Was that ever made without  disgusting sexualizion? kyoko isnt much of a mom figure to kyo, she tells me abt a husband, child neglect mistakes, custody! he calls her old hag & pushes her! XD. it is friendship!!

i’m mad they didnt focus on tohru’s face when she screamed at kyo confessing her love.. that's tohru moment. Why pan on yuki? you could’ve showed his reaction after she spoke. The same thing was done when tohru confessed to Isuzu!-_-! loved her angry face tho, it was beautifully drawn, so thanks for that. XD

Yuki is forever the best tohru/kyo shipper & the best tohru-happiness defender. I love how he runs after kyo & yet checks on tohru! I’m curious tho, he didnt hear any of kyo/kyoko confession as he was asleep, only the the “ forgive/not forgive line” so, he’ll be wondering forgive what? tohru’s mom knows kyo? I’m excited on how they’ll put things into context. also, I LOVE YUKI.

I’m forever thankful that everything akito is pushed into next ep. The knife wielding action & akito’s dramatic outbursts would’ve stolen from the emotional weight of kyo’s confession. Kyo’s secret is the core of furuba since ep, 1, the entire dynamics of kyo/tohru/yuki /kyoko/ hat is established based on this ep. Shoving akito, too, would create the same annoying train bullet feeling of momiji’s & tohru’s ep (ep 5 & 6). Emotional scenes pushed together with lesser time for the respective characters to have their well-deserved focus.

This is the most I am attached & satisfied with furuba! it scares me since ep 9 continues the climax. My fears of potential dramatic animation since the knife is there! moreover, akito’s own animation is always over the top. I hope they tone it down to portray her as a human more than a maniac.

Also, I hope they dont drag the climax more than that. What more you can shove in the dramatic raining weather. Tohru/kyo scene here matched the true arc scene bringing back parallel. Now akito/tohru raining scene next ep will match se02, ep10 scene. Now, what will the author do to defuse the climax? Often writing the falling action is harder than the climax itself. Falling action doesnt mean happy times & solving issues. It means dealing with the consequences of the climax. Let’s see what the writer has in store.

Based on the flashbacks, Kyoko didnt have ill feelings with kyo!!!! Until the last time he saw her as a child, she was happy with him. Even when he pushed her, she took it as a childlike behavior. at the accident, she didnt have much time to have any ill feelings. No way she thought he pushed her, no way she thought he could’ve saved her. So if she really recognized him, why would she say “ I wont forgive you”? it doesnt make sense at all. Kyoko doesn't hate kyo!!!! So, either he imagined, which is sth that I’ll hate so much! I spent so much emotions attached to a non existant words! NO. plz! NO!! Other possibility, she said sth else closer to the words! but then again how would we know? I NEED to know! ~ as expected, I’m still attached to this damn line! XD. 

Kyo depressed in the mountains after kyoko’s death was very vaguely referenced in (1) se01, ep24 when kyo talked to kazuma! oh shoot! (2) in se02, sp 2 when kazuma thought back to kyo nearly killing himself in depression before meeting the dad, (3) in se02, ep 9 when kyo trampled on the flower! oof! i love this subtle style of writing! connecting the emotional dots! EPIC!

Various characters throut seasons 1, 2 & 3 noticed the real gentle kyo towards tohru: (1) Isuzu’s “ I hope tohru meets someone like haru, to gently open the door” se02, ep19. (2) Momiji having faith that kyo is the right person for tohru & pushing him, (3) yuki constantly musing over tohru/kyo love & drawing inspiration on wanting “ his own person to love like them” (3) Kisa saying kyo is kind to tohru se3, (4) shigure saying, you are exclusively kind to tohru se02, (5) Airisa saying, when will kyo confess in se01, (6) hana saying, marry my sister in the play & pushing him to not be locked! (7) yuki kicking him for saying “ its not your business” to tohru in kyoto trip, (8) kakeru saying “ kyo’s her boyfriend? “ AA~~~~ the whole cast know & can see his love to her!!! TOHRU! He doesnt hate you! KYO!! the entire cast thinks you DESERVE HER & is KIND! not a monster! Is there an image set of those moments of the cast saying that here in tumblr? kindly mention me to see it! I fear going to the tags & seeing spoilers T_T.