#DICKLESS MF

[v-i-r-i-d-i-a-n]

Dr Martin Brenner can suck my imaginary dick cus he doesn’t have one of his own

FUCK THAT GUY IN EVERY TIMELINE

*insert The Snapcube Eggman rant, “Martin Brenner is a BITCHASS mf”*

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

not to get into discourse mode on here but the recent shit w/ ao3 being once again called out for being run by racists/genocide supporters and seeing so many fucking Absolute Gormless Shitheads blindly defend OTW and going " dOn'T bRiNg FiCtIoNaL PoLiTicS iNtO tHis!!!111!1 " as if they are not immune to propaganda is wild . my siblings in sin , ao3 is literally The Racism Fetish Fanfiction site , and propaganda via fictional work is exactly how racism perpetuates. ao3 and the otw are a part of the problem whether you choose to acknowledge it or not because they contribute to the cycle of violence , fetishisation and colonisation of marginalised groups via complacency (and sometimes even blatant PASSIVE ENCOURAGEMENT) , and then they cover it up by using soft cutesy buzzwords like " anti-censorship " and " free speech " and their dumb ass complex tagging system to appeal to white people , so when Actual Minorities and people affected by the shit they put on there speak up about it they're met with all kinds of bullcrap about "jUsT bLoCk ThE tAg If It'S a PrObLem1111!111" or "YoU'rE jUsT bEiNg a fAnDoM cOp!11!!"

You're a part of the problem if you support ao3 and actively continue to use it & donate to them , especially in the wake of the OTW being actively chockful of zionists who will , ironically , silence those who speak up and rally with Palestine for liberation . And If you decide to take this as me being hostile towards you or trying to " bring fiction into real world issues " , remember that at Any point in time you can go on ao3 for yourself and find thousands and thousands of raceplay fics and other various works that glorify and condone racism , and that the otw and their large userbase (primarily composed of white people!) has a track record of trying to shut up POC when this issue is brought to light .

Idgaf if ao3 is for " anti-censorship " , because there's a difference between anti-censorship and HIDING BEHIND the concept of free speech and the 1st amendment to do and say awful , horrendous things and believe you're above critique , punishment or consequences for it .

tl;dr: fuck ao3, fuck the otw, free palestine, and most importantly: you are NOT and will NEVER be immune to propaganda if you choose to ignore it because it benefits you.

[ishotmydickoff]

Had a dream that Megatron kidnapped Bee and held him for ransom but instantly regretted it because he will not stop fucking talking and roasting everyone because he knows that if Megan kills him then the deal is off. In one scene Megan was on the phone with Swindle and Bee was in the back calling Swindle's name over and over and over and over until his patience finally broke and he asked what the fuck he wanted, to which Bee asked "Do you sell any ligma?" and Swindle said "What the fuck is a ligma" while Megan sighed because this is literally the 50th dick joke this week and it's only Monday. Bee also keeps asking about Megatron's love life because he might as well if he's stuck here.

"Dude when are you gonna fuck my boss, or are you still fuckin Screamer? I bet you ain't had good valve in megacycles, thas prolly why you such an asshole. Pent up bitch. No bitches havin ass bitch. Ugly ass bitch. Stupid ass bitch. How you gonna get assassinated, fuckin lame ass bitch. Whore. Gay. Gay. Homosexual. Gay. No balls. Gay. Hoe. Slut. Blue balls havin ass. Dickless. Dicknips. Big tiddy havin ass. No ass havin ass. Gets betrayed every Tuesday lookin ass. Wealthy lookin ass. Lonely lookin ass. Cringe. I bet you cry yourself to sleep at night. 'No one to tuck me in at night' lookin ass. 'Nice guys finish last' lookin ass. 'Rawr x3 Im so quirky and weird' lookin ass. Edgy lookin ass. 12 layers of makeup lookin ass. 'I went to college for this' lookin ass. 50 shades of purple lookin ass." - Bumblebee to Megatron, 2023

"I know you aint laughin', 8 legged ass bitch. Itsy bitsy lookin ass bitch. How you gonna suck me then ghost me tf. [talking about the power snatchin shit] Fuckin whore. What even is the deal with you and Optimus? Are you his ex? Honestly he could've done better tbh. Slut. Hoe. 'I listen to Drake' lookin ass bitch. XXXtentacion listenin ass bitch. I bet you use tinder, stupid ass bitch. I bet you catfish mfs on twitter. You look like you use reddit just to play into your goofy ass 'not like the other girls' persona. Newsflash: Drinking starbucks is not a personality trait." - Bumblebee to Black Arachnia, 2023

[adhderall]

I don't respect ~male incels~ because there are definitely so many women into ugly smelly good-for-nothing men. in fact I'd argue that most of them are into useless hideous men. so idk what they're doing wrong maybe they just don't shower for weeks on end and don't ever do laundry so they smell awful. or maybe they dress in rags and look extremely unkempt. idk what they have to do wrong honestly, living as a straight (or even bi) male is EASY mode and if you say otherwise, you are. delusional.

these mfs think they'd love to be lesbians because they think it's like all the lesbian porn and all-girl-school yuris.... but if they had to live the reality of a dyke they'd blow their fucking brains out... they'd be like "man I thought I had it hard but I didn't know how good I had it" .

honestly, doubly, so if they were a HSTS (lesbian) ftm because then they'd ALSO be perceived as a dickless manlet on top of everything else. which is not an ideal situation for dating (even if being a manlet gets you treated as more human generally than being a woman but.... not about that lol. and anyway tons of women wouldn't mind manlets but DICKLESS manlets? lolol forget about it... oh and now it's ~un-PC~ for lesbians to date ftms bc muh male identitty omg . even though many of us don't fucking care because we're not delusional and retarded. but either way most ~wooluhwoo~ by-and-large are fem4fem, even bi women tend to prefer feminine women sooooo)

but yeah fuck this shit. fuck my life .

oh and blaming women because you can't get laid is also retarded and childish... hell only like 0.01% of the population can even be POTENTIALLY compatible with me and I STILL blame myself and know that im not entitled to anyone's attraction or time or anyrhing at all. if you got 99% of your desired sex in your potential dating pool that's DEFINITELY a you-problem at that point bro.

[wahbegan]

All Right That Last Poll Was a Bit of a Wash but How About THIS

[honeyed-disgraceful]

"You ever got a hand job from her?"

"Bro I don't have a dick"

"Thats why because she ripped it off"

[allthegothihopgirls]

twd 11x17: my take

!! HEAVY SPOILERS FOR TWD 11x17 !!

alright, you've been warned. WELCOME BACK PEOPLE!!! i am so happy to be doing this again, it's been a long wait for 11c but it's finally here. i cannot begin to explain how excited this release has made me, and i'm really excited to just enjoy these final eight episodes.

~

EPISODE COMMENTARY TIME!!

i got a solid 30 seconds into the episode and i was already bawling. it might just be finally getting a new episode, but hearing judith's voice and seeing the flashbacks made it all really reminiscent. this really is the end.

"we're here to take out shithead and the dickless brigade" MAN I LOVE NEGAN god so excited for all his lines.

aaron and gabe's friendship is so refreshing, i love watching them interact with each other, it's such an interesting dynamic.

gabriel talking about how hope is almost lost is just, character development. i love the contrast between his religious spew when he was introduced, and now how he keeps mention his hope being gone and lost.

NEGAN GOT AN F-BOMB!!!

man i love negan back in the whisperer mask he's an icon, plus he looks so badass i can't even. OH MYGOD HES GOT DARYL WITH HIM ICONIC DUO ICONIC

GET SHOT LANCE YOU MF. i love how lance has his tiny little gun hes such a coward.

THEYRE ALL LOOKING SO HOT, YUMIKO, CONNIE, KELLY, ROSITA, MAGNA OHHH SHES IN A SUIT I LOVE YUMIKO.

"that's my job" "yet i was sent here anyways" NEGAN KNOWS HIS PLACE MY MAN MY MAN MY MAN WOOOOO

"aunt carol" sobbing so hard

i love the gracie and judith dynamic. judith acts so grown up and is talking to carol close, but gracies making innocent remarks from the table, nice contrast. sad how grown up jude has to act though.

(love this frame)

"what are you doing here man" "well im here to save your asses" will never have enough of negan istg.

"its time to play the quiet game" "we're just gonna have a little adventure today" shes protecting the kids so hard istg i expected jerry to be playing family man but ill take carol any day

FUCK YEAH JERRY SAVE THOSE KIDS

pffft carol looked so disappointed in negan when he told her he got married

GLENN GLENN GLENN "glenn would've wanted me to look after you" "you don't ever have to say sorry, not to me" crying so hard i love daryl. you can just TELL glenn's death lingers on his mind constantly and that he still blames himself. the man deserves some peace.

sewers in this show give me carl flashbacks this is traumatic. literally borderline crying this was on purpose i swear.

"do you know who i am" fuCK OFF SEBASTIAN ISTG "do you know who I am" FUCKING TELL HIMMMMM

"well this one here, she's a goddamn magician, i have seen her pull little bunnies right out of her ass with my very own two eyes" i don't rlly have anything to say about this one i just love negan's lines.

jaw on the floor that sucker just got ripped in half, worse than that whisperer chicks death i reckon.

pamela did not just disrespect my girl carol like that. bitch tf.

oh oh oh oh it's like that one 3 spidermen meme template

~

overall, solid episode. negan carried imo.

noticed some changes to the intro which i don't have anything to say about but thought they were cool.

that's about it from me ! i'll be back when i watch the next episode

[breeleroux]

Signed!

let me talk about this 16 year old girl who was r*ped by SIX dudes and the judge said it wasnt r*pe... it was just a "sexual relief for the boys".

this is the reality of women in argentina and in latam, and im so fucking tired of it

[danidoodless]

Jumba was jacking off just like all days his dog walked in and then a bird flew into his window and scared him and he jizzed on the wall he came on his wall, and then proceeded to scream he denied cleaning he wasn’t screaming bc of the wall jizz, he was screaming because of what his dog had he calmed down, went to tumblr, and told his friends, to which they replied, "what did the dog have?" “my dick” he said he typed in his reply.. "my yaoi manga collection" but... i thought... the wall jizz.. “yeah” he interrupted, wasn’t jizz but... i thought... the wall jizz.. “yeah” he interrupted, wasn’t jizz it was blood he sighed, and watched the screen as his friends made jokes about it and Baby Be Mine - Micheal Jackson was playing in the background as he perfectly harmonized with the song As he was harmonizing with the song, Sesshomaru barged in through his window, and pointed at him yelling, "that was hot!" “but- but my dick” he said “u don’t need it” sesshomaru replied, “u can have mine” he proceeded to rip off his dick so jumba would no longer be without one unbeknownst to himself, his friends watched from his door, their jaws slack, as Sesshomaru jumped off the window ledge, stalked towards him, then proceeded to do gay shit after his dick was sufficiently ripped off, he gave it to jumba, dickless but now hopeful, he replied “thank you, i needed this.” sesshomaru just winked and smiled, leaving, never to return Jumba said, "drink me senpai annhh uwu" one day, jumbas was walking down the street *que in theme song* jumba walks to school, with alertness as he in da trenches yer feel me. Suddenly, a big ass moth appears and this mf really tried killing the currently dickless jumba and he shoots it Jumba said, "drink me senpai annhh uwu" then he thinks, wait a minute why am i walking to school? it’s not the 1950s BUT IT IS THE 1950s *Ba ba dummm* he was registered so anyways, the moth summoned the moth gods to resurrect himself, also summoning a moth army and they all came after dickless jumba! but jumba remember back in 1943 when that light skin motherfucker got stabbed, he ain't gon die today dildos were getting harder he remembered a pocket knife a strange withered, wrinkled man had once given him, he never knew exactly why that man gave him a pocket knife but in this moment he wasn’t questioning why. he pulled out the knife and started to swing on the moths, using every ounce of his dickless strength to fight them off @dark-lovvee wanted the dildos and jumba was especially strong and capable as a man to fight off these moths, when he was done he proceeded to fuck their dead bodies jumba said no! i need these dildos to fight the moths! Jumba filmed the porno *que in absolute banger outro with kids smiling while playing and rainbows in the background* after fucking the moth carcuses or should i carc-i , jumba realized something he was thirsty... he needed water... he found the nearest puddle and crouched down to take sip, he cupped his hands and put them in the water catching his own reflection as he looked down... who am i? he wondered dark love wanted to do yoga but she broke her spine, now she's in the hospital and she can't walk for the rest of her life but we all know the true reason why her legs hurt *says random ass kid in the sidelines* dickless Jumba magically grew a vagina and the first thing he decides to do is finger himself then pizza walked up and said to him “hey i have one of those too!” pizza fingers himself too but while jumba was fingering himself, he somehow losses all his skin. Now skinless and dick less he hes vagina started to disappear spineless and crippled, dark army crawled tf outta there people started to fight did i lose my skin bc i fingered myself??? jumba wondered. this new vagina was an enigma to him, what happens if i actually use it? he asked himself and that light skin motherfucker, that gay dark shin motherfucker, that one jamaican motherfucker was there to jumba let someone sleep with him and they also lost their skin, now he realizes he has super powers all those motherfuckers were shot by the police except jumba as he is fast af but even Jumba was shot later he rejoiced for a bit by the thought of pussy supapowa but it dawned on him. "Who's gonna fuck me if they find out?" but he didn't go out without a bang, he exposes his left liver and says "GDK" with great power comes great resposibili- he was interupted by a gun shot zooming past his head, WTF IS MY LIFE RN jumba screamed we jacked all over the cops face even those he had no dick he proceeds to give oral sex to sesshomarus black twin while the chaos ensued, Yeye sat down on a comfy chair, passed a cold brew coffee to Dodo, and watched the others' lives crumble into pieces jumba's story came to end. He died just way he was born, ejaculation que in kiss by Prince End of the season!

From: We R Tost

Story recorded by @storybot, written by @screechingchaospizza, @leftjumba, @dark-lovvee, and @danielledumbbitchenergy

[finding-samanthya]

I can’t get out of a “aint shit” situationship in peace without another ain’t shit mf trying to slide in and waste more of my time. Let me be single and dickless in peace 🤕

[o0ogenesis]

idk y but i fucking hate big sean

[milesmoerales]

what being dickless does to a mf

🥴🥴🥴

[ecotone99]

[MF] This Is All The Fault Of A Man That Lives In Glasgow - Pt. 1

This is all the fault of a man that lives in Glasgow.

Who is this man? You are asking yourself. What did he do? You wonder to yourself.

This man has a name but for now he will just be referred to as Man.

Well it all started months ago in Istanbul. I had been tracking the man for some time. He is a character of habits. Drank an espresso every morning at the corner cafe. Walked to his office down the road. Fed the pigeons during lunch. Truly unremarkable. Day after day the man practiced his most zen routine. Disciplined, I thought he was. Then the man suddenly disappeared. No espresso. No walk. No pigeons.

Not a soul in Istanbul noticed.

I was confused. I had been watching the man a straight week. Closely watching. How did he get away? Where did he go? I mean what the hell. I am the best there is. I found Madoff. I found the Affluenza Kid. Hell I even found Frank Morris (I mean he was just floated over to me but I found him). Did he get picked up by a spice trader? Ate some bad sujuk? I mean the fuck Man.

Hunched over a coffee table I went through my notes. Scrubbed through my security tapings. Played back all of the audio recordings. This man was expectably dull. Nothing. Just him drinking his espressos. He whistled a lot. This was such an easy gig. I mean I found Bison Dele.

I started to think. More than usual. What details did I miss? Also, why the hell was I put on this job to begin with?

Day 2 and still no leads. There has to be something. Espresso after espresso I drank. The rewind and fast forward were grounded down to nubs. WHERE THE FUCK IS HE?

I ended up reaching out the local office. Fucking embarrassing. No help at all. Felix (no, not that Felix) laughed at me the entire damn time. He's originally from Canada and practices the Canadian art of telling you to fuck off in the nicest way possible. “Oh I'm sorry to hear you’re in such a pickle aye, can’t help ya, but have a nice day”. That self-righteous maple smelling dickless prick.

I’m going off on a tangent.

Ok so I finally just decided to walk a day in this man’s shoes. Fuck it. Probably will blow my cover but either way I will most likely be dead in a week. I bought a fucking espresso from the corner cafe. Walked to his dumb ass office. Fed those rough ass looking, Good Feather wana be pigeons. Circled back for two more round trips. I give up. I don’t know anymore. WHERE. THE. FUCK. ARE. YOU.

Then as I sat there throwing seeds onto what was possibly an empty side walk (time is standing still at this point), I saw it.

It had been staring at the entire time. A blind spot in my monitoring. A beautiful little side entrance to the train station.

“SHOW ME THE FUCKING TAPES NOW ASSHOLE!” I screamed at poor Ibo who worked the security desk. THERE HE WAS.

This profoundly boring, neutral, dull, dim, witless, five-dollar ass man had hopped onto a train to Glasgow...

submitted by /u/imhotep_themummiest [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2w6vSgo

[dessarin]

Revenge of Evil Spiderman

In the next room, the gang discovered a young lad pinned beneath various heavy rocks. He appeared to be unconscious. Fearing a trap, Squidward used Mage Hand to clear the rocks away. Agatha went to the child and tried to wake him up with her God-powers. It didn’t work. Then Bogota gave the kid a firm slap—and bingo, he woke right up.

The kid said his father had left him there for three days as punishment for failing to deliver a message. The general consensus among the adventurers was that this was Not Cool.

Behind the kid was a creepy stone monument bearing the words “Disturb Not the Delvers.” To the left was a nasty-smelling corridor, which of course the adventurers opted to explore at once. They passed through a room with a big invisible table and into a room full of corpses, with giant rats eating them. Bogota talked to the rats:

“We cool?”

“Yeah,” said the rats, “we cool.”

So they continued through the room and down the corridor on the far side, which led them back to the outhouse dwarf statues they’d seen during the previous episode.

“Well, that was a waste of time,” said Malacath.

Back down the hall with the cages they went, until they found themselves back in the room where they’d rescued the little boy. Eager for action, they hastened out the far side of the room. Dozing in the hallway, before a huge weird door, was a wizened, sleeping man. Squidward swiftly took the shape of Dickless Dornan, the dude whose name they’d forgotten in the previous episode, and urged the other adventurers to stay back, out of sight. Then he awoke the old dude.

“Ah! Dornan! I wasn’t asleep, I swear!”

“Silence,” cried Squidward. “Someone has been impersonating people in this dungeon. Answer my questions to prove you’re no imposter, or I will gut you like a halibut!”

“Yes sir Mr. Dornan sir,” said the man, who had no idea what a halibut was.

“First: what is your name?”

The questioning continued along those same lines. It turned out the man, whose name was Bearigustis, was as much a victim as the little trapped boy; he seemed to have no evil intent, and certainly wasn’t able to share much useful information. After questioning him, Squidward had a brain fart and instructed the man to proceed back through the dungeon to the dwarf statues, and there to await further instructions; this of course took him right past the rest of the adventurers, who pressed themselves into the walls, Stealth-checking with all their might. Bearigustis, who was truly quite decrepit, noticed nothing.

Once the old man was gone, some assassins jumped out and tried to stab everybody. They wore metal masks, and in this way generally resembled a cadre of MF Doom fanboys, except much less loud. The adventurers stabbed them right back. Only one managed to escape, scurrying down the hall and through the huge weird door, which closed again behind him.

By this point Bjorn was of course a bear again, so he went to the huge weird door and busted it down no sweat. Everybody spilled into the room and immediately took 8 to 16 points of thunder damage from an AoE spell cast by… EVIL SPIDERMAN, a creepy dude with pitch-black eyes, currently affixed to the ceiling. Bogota passed out, either from the 16 points of damage or the general surprise.

There were also some bandits on the ground, who shot bear-Bjorn with arrows until he turned back into a human. At this point, things looked dire for Team Dick Shooters. Then Agatha laid hands on Bogota and brought him back to the land of the living. Bjorn turned into a bear again and ate a couple of the bandits; everybody else managed to finish off the others, and then it was just them and Evil Spiderman, who kept peeking out from behind stone obelisks to shoot annoying spells at them.

Everybody chucked javelins, hand axes, etc. at Mr. Bad Spider as he scurried away… mostly they missed and had to go pick up their shit to throw it again. But Bogota, who always tended to deliver under pressure, managed to land a sweet Ensnaring Strike just as their black-eyed foe neared a secret door… Covered in vines, Evil Spiderman fell to the floor.

Malacath readied a spell.

“Hey hold up,” said Squidward. “Let’s interrogate him now—we can always murder him later!”

“Murder?” said Malacath, frothing at the mouth. He fired a storm of Magic Missiles directly into Evil Spiderman’s dick, exploding it and killing him dead.

Baguelle, who had been right there next to the dude, ready to cut his head off or whatever, heard him say “I failed…” as he died.

“He said, ‘I failed,’” she informed the group.

“Yes,” said Bjorn. “Yes he did.”

(End of Session 5)