#DEPENDS ON WHAT TIME WE WAKE UP TOMORROW

[bimbospace]

in bed at midnight #sleepschedulefixed

[calypsocolada]

how the jjk boys ask you to be their girlfriend...ft. choso, gojo, nanami

authors note: saw the leaks. no spoilers in this fic btw. iykyk. gege is a criminal.

cw: fem reader, angst, lovey dovey, not proofread

wc: 2.7k

click here for my masterlist

One morning you wake up and stumble upon Choso in the kitchen, he was struggling with something, pots and pans scattered. 

“Choso?” You ask, he spins around, looking slightly alarmed. 

“You’re awake,” He stuns, his lips parted. You raise your brows, nodding your head.

“It’s almost 11, you let me sleep in.” You say. Choso turns as though he’s hiding something. 

“I-- wanted to surprise you.” He says, seeing his face in full now you can see some white powder on his cheek and streaks of the powder in his hair. 

“Surprise me?” You ask, walking closer. Choso looks a bit defeated as he moves to show you a scene of pure horror. He tried to cook you breakfast. Everything was burnt, even a cup of coffee, somehow. Your lips part in unspoken words as you try and comprehend this moment. 

“Wow. Uh… Choso, this uh… this looks delicious.” Your words were the most unconvincing thing you’d probably spoken in your entire life. 

“You’re nice. This is a disaster. I’ve never cooked before.” He explains. Yeah, you figured that. 

“You were surprising me with breakfast?” You ask as Choso looks down at you, his once pale cheeks had the slightest hint of blush across them. He nods his head and you smile up at him graciously. “That’s very kind of you.” He looks away, slightly dejected.

“I can clean this up and try again.” He says. You reach up and wipe the powder from his cheek and it halts his actions.

“Or we can cook breakfast together?” You ask. He’s at a loss for words, your hand is still on his cheek afterall. You raise a brow and he blinks a few times as if coming out of a haze.

“Together?” He asks as you nod your head, letting your hand drop. 

“Yeah, we’ll clean this up and I’ll teach you how to properly cook, hmm?” You ask, reaching for a rag. 

“Then I’ll surprise you myself tomorrow.” He says, gaining a small laugh out of you. 

“Not much of a surprise if you tell me, Choso.” You say, easing the tension in Choso’s body as he smiles warmly down at you. 

The cooking was the easy part. Choso was a quick learner and though sometimes he had a hard time paying attention with you so close to him he still managed to flip a pancake or two. As you set the table, Choso grabbed you both some juice. You sat down, Choso choosing to sit in the chair next to you rather than the one across from you. You gave him a smile as you two ate in comfortable silence. That was until…

“Do you have a boyfriend?” The question was so out of left field you almost spit out your drink. You wiped your lip and turned to Choso.

“What?” You asked, even though you heard him you weren’t sure if you heard him correctly.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“A boyfriend?” You echo, Choso nods his head. “Like… a romantic thing?” Choso slightly smirks, nodding his head again. You felt silly for that question but you were slightly off balance at the moment “Uhm… I... Why do you ask?” You feel your heartbeat in your chest with the way Choso looks at you.

“So you’re single?” He asks, sort of doubling down on his question. You stare at him for a moment.

“Yeah,” You say finally. “There isn’t much time to date around at school, so…” 

“Oh,” Choso says. You watch him curiously as he sort of calmly returns to eating his food for a moment. He leans slightly closer to you, his voice taking a slightly more serious tone. “Could you make time?”

“Make time… for a boyfriend?” You ask. Choso’s eyes flicker between your eyes and your lips as he nods his head. 

“Yes.”

“I guess… it would depend.” You say, your heart in your throat. Has he always been this close? His eyes land back on yours and stay there. 

“On what?”

“On who it is.” You answer and watch the corners of his mouth turn up just slightly in a small smile. He continues to hold eye contact, even as he takes a drink.

“How about me?” There’s silence for a moment. You're dumbfounded. Choso’s enthralled in you. Once things settle a bit in your mind an amused scoff passes your lips. 

“Is this… Choso, are you asking me out?”

“And if I am?” He counters. Where did all this… confidence come from? You didn’t even think Choso knew what romance and relationships beyond family were. Nevertheless you blush at his remark. “I’m hoping you say yes.”

“I… wish I could.” You say, looking away. Choso notices your chance in demeanor. His smile fades just a bit as he asks.

“Why not?”

“I… lost a lot of people during the incident in Shibuya. I’m just afraid that if… you become any more important to me than fate will take you like all the others.” You say, looking back at your plate of food. Your words were bullshit, he was already very important to you, there was nothing you could do to change that but hopeless you tried. Tried to cling to the last bit of sanity you had left. The last bit of yourself that wasn’t consumed with grief. Choso’s expression softens at your words. He could understand exactly what you meant.

“I’m afraid of losing you too.” He says. There is silence before you look up, meeting his eyes. He takes in a breath and scoots just a bit closer to you. Just enough to speak in a quiet voice. “But I would much rather have a chance to be happy and live in that gnawing fear rather than spending my life alone thinking of what could’ve been.” Your heart swells at his words. A warm smile spreads slowly on your lips.

“That’s… that sounds nice, Choso.”

“Thank you. I guess I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic.”

“Not all hopeless.” You say and watch the blush just grow. He looks down at the smile on your soft lips and raises his brows slightly.

“Can I…”

“Can you?”

“Kiss you?” His voice is barely louder than a whisper, despite the butterflies raving in his stomach he keeps his eyes on you. You suck in a breath but after a moment you nod your head. Choso’s smile widens, his heart skipping a beat as he gently reaches out to brush a loose lock of your hair away from your face. When he’s sure he has your complete attention he leans in to you and presses his lips very gently against yours. After a serene moment he pulls back, pressing a kiss to your forehead before pressing his forehead to yours. “So… Can I be yours?”

~

“Did you have so much fun?” Was the first sentence out of Gojo’s mouth the moment you walked in the door. You ignored him, the man was clearly jealous you had gone on a date. You stripped off your jacket, hanging it on the coat rack near the door. Your hair was slightly wet from the rain so you wrung it out on the front door mat. You heard Gojo getting up from the couch and you sighed.

“Don’t you have your own place? Or at least someone better to annoy?” You sibilated as you kicked off your shoes.

“What kind of man lets his date walk in the rain?” He huffs.

“I don’t mind the rain. Nor do I mind walking.” You retort, looking up at Gojo. He looked… stressed to say the least. His hair is a mess, it looked as though he ran his fingers through it at least a hundred times. 

“You might not mind but you could get a cold.” He says. You laugh, rolling your eyes. 

“Alright, dad. I’m heading to bed.” You say, walking towards your room. Gojo catches your wrist as you walk by.

“Did you have fun?” He asks, the words sounding pained. 

“So so much fun.” You returned sarcastically. It was a fine date, but that was all. It wasn’t remarkable and you probably wouldn’t go out again with him. Gojo swallows, biting on his lower lip gently.

“Where’d you guys eat?”

“A burger place.”

“You hate burgers.” Gojo points out. 

“He doesn’t know that.” You sigh. “And besides they had other foods.”

“He should know it.”

“Satoru,” You demurred. Gojo’s eyes cut to yours and a moment of tension sparked. “I just met him.”

“Didn’t he take what you like into account.”

“Are you jealous or something?” You ask amused.

“Yes.” Gojo answers simply. You blink a few times. “Yes. I’m very fucking jealous.”

“Oh.” Is all you can say. It was surprising. 

“Oh?” Gojo mocks, running his hand through his hair. “I thought I was making it very clear about my jealousy.”

“I don’t read people well. And maybe instead of pouting like a kid you could’ve just asked me out yourself instead of pestering me after each date.” You hiss, pulling your wrist out of his grip. Gojo raises his eyebrows as if he hadn’t thought of that. “You’re hopeless, Sat-” Gojo leans into you, pressing his lips to yours, cutting off your sentence. You jolt at the contact. The kiss setting fires in places that had been long waterlogged. You shiver as Gojo’s hand slides against your face, his other around your hip, drawing you closer to him. 

“Will you let me take you out?”He whispers against your lips. "Please?"

~

“And the flights are all booked?” Nanami asks as you nod your head with a smile. Nanami smiles warmly back at you. 

“Good girl, are you ready to go?”

“Uh huh.” You say as you reach for your bags but Nanami beats you to it, lifting them with ease. You thank him as you two climb into the cab. You pull up the flight information as Nanami buckles your seat belt. 

“You look very pretty.” He whispers to you, sending chills down your spine. Your eyes cut up to his in surprise. You weren’t dressed up, just in an old sweatshirt he loaned you at the Christmas office party three years ago and your dad’s old sweatpants.

“T-thank you.” You return, your voice small. Nanami gives you another small smile. You look away, slightly flustered and back at your phone. For the most part you and Nanami’s relationship had been pretty professional. You were glad that he let your little mishap from two weeks ago pass after you profusely apologized. You had drank just a bit too much at one of his conferences and on the way back up to your guy’s rooms that were directly across from each other you kissed him. You were drunk and Nanami was a gentleman, he let you down very easily and helped you into bed before leaving for his own room. But… ever since that night Nanami had acted slightly differently towards you. Less professional, more open. He laughed more, smiled more. You two went out for dinner at least three times in the last week. And for this conference he’d sprung for everything nice, the biggest hotel room, first class and even planned to stay a few days after the conference so he could show you around his home town. Nanami had been treating you like something special for a while but now it was turned up a dial. He was constantly carrying things for you, buying things you merely looked at. It made you think how lucky the girl that ended up with him would be. 

As you two landed and headed towards the hotel Nanami held the door open for you, even as he carried your luggage.

“Are you sure I can’t help carry something, sir?” You ask as Nanami just gives you a gentle nod of the head and drapes his jacket over your shoulder as you two walk out into the cold. It was winter and when Nanami grew up it was freezing. You blush as you slide into another cab, Nanami beside you. 

“Warm enough?” He asks, noticing you slightly shivering.

“It’s cold here.” You remark as Nanami nods his head, moving closer to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. You freeze, heart lurching into your throat at the movement. 

“Better?” He asks as you nod your head quickly. Nanami was like a personal heater and the moment you warmed up you dozed off. You woke up to Nanami’s calm voice as the cab pulled up to the hotel. “Let’s get you inside.” He says. 

The hotel room was like an apartment. Two rooms, a pool on the balcony, though it was entirely too cold for that. There was a giant shared bathroom the size of your apartment back home. You marveled as you walked inside. It was nice and warm, the inside sort of like a log cabin, with warm wooden decor and buffalo check red and black curtains. It looked like something right out of a Christmas movie. Nanami ordered room service as you cleaned up. He set the table and by the time you got out of shower and changed the food was here. You sat across from him at the little table by the window as he poured you a glass of wine. You smiled at him, hunger twisting your stomach.

“You’re too kind. This all is very fancy.”

“You deserve it.” He says warmly. You can’t help but blush. You can’t help but wish you weren’t just his assistant.

“You make my job easy.” You say as Nanami chuckles.

“So do you.” He returns. You blush even harder as you eat, he got you your favorite food and favorite type of wine. If you weren’t his assistant you would assume he was being romantic. After a few glasses of wine you decide enough is enough.

“Sir… uhm.” You struggle with your words. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course, darling.” He returns. His voice is like warm honey. It makes you crumble, makes your thought train derail.

“Uh… well um… I was wondering… do you or… I guess are you… seeing someone?” You bumble out. Nanami raises his brows and you suddenly feel embarrassed.

“I am. Seeing you, aren’t I?” He says. For a moment you're frozen and then you laugh.

“I meant… romantically.” You clarify.

“I know what you meant.” Nanami says. For a moment you stare at him. Trying to reel in this moment, trying to understand. 

“I don’t… understand.” You say and watch Nanami laugh warmly.

“I was hoping you’d catch on yourself.” Nanami carefully reaches across the table. “You never had to apologize for kissing me, dear. I… have wanted to kiss you for a long while.”

“You what?” You echo as he brings your hand to his lips and kisses your knuckles. You blush like crazy.

“I have wanted to kiss you for years. You just beat me to it.” 

“I… Uh. W-wow. I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid.” You laugh. “You’ve been taking me out on dates?”

“Uh huh.”

“And buying me things as presents.”

“Yes, dear.” 

“I’m so stupid.” You laugh as Nanami shakes his head, standing up and walking around the table. He bends to his knees beside you, looking up at you. Your hand is still in his as he kisses you knuckles again. 

“You’re not stupid. I should’ve just told you.” He says. You smile at him, biting your lips slightly. 

“So… you like me back?” Stupid question but Nanami doesn’t say anything. He just slowly kisses his way up your arm, sending chills down your body. His lips meet your shoulder, then your neck and you gasp.

“I do, darling. Very much so.” He whispers against your jaw as he places soft kisses there. 

“You want to date me?” You blurt out, your voice a husky whisper. 

“So badly.” He answers. “It’s killing me.” His hand snakes up and he gently turns your face so your lips are millimeters apart. “May I kiss y-” You push forwards meeting his lips with fever.

[nihongonotabi]

About how to say "to try" in Japanese

In English, the verb "to try" can have different connotations depending on the context. Among its various meanings are the following:

Experimenting or testing something: this implies attempting to do something to see what happens, often with an open mind and no guarantee of success. For example, "I'll try this new recipe" suggests that you're testing out the recipe, perhaps for the first time, to see how it turns out.

Attempting with effort: this implies making an effort to accomplish something, even if the outcome is uncertain. For example, "I'll try to finish this project by tomorrow" suggests that you're putting in effort with the hope of succeeding, but there's a possibility you might not.

In Japanese, these nuances of "to try" are expressed using different grammatical forms:

1. ～てみる (te miru) This form is used when you want to "try" something in the sense of experimenting, testing, or doing something for the first time to see the result. You use ～てみる when you're not sure about the outcome and want to see what happens, often in a casual or exploratory sense. For example, you use it when trying a new food or testing a new activity: 初めて寿司を食べてみる (hajimete sushi o tabete miru) - I'll try eating sushi for the first time; テニスをしてみる (tenisu o shite miru) - I'll try playing tennis.

2. ～ようとする (yō to suru) This form is used when you're making an effort to do something, with the understanding that the result is uncertain or difficult to achieve. You use ～ようとする when you're expressing your intention to make an effort, especially in situations where success is not guaranteed. For example, you use it when you're attempting something challenging or you're making an effort with uncertain results: 明日早く起きようとする (ashita hayaku okiyou to suru) - I'll try to wake up early tomorrow; 宿題を時間通りに終わらせようとする (shukudai o jikan dōri ni owaraseyou to suru) - I'll try to finish my homework on time.

In the ～てみる (te miru) form, the use of 見る (miru), meaning "to see," suggests that the speaker is metaphorically "seeing what happens" by performing the action. It implies a lower level of commitment to a specific outcome; the action is undertaken with curiosity or a desire to experience something new. The result is not the primary focus; rather, the process of doing or experiencing something is emphasized. In contrast, the ～ようとする (yō to suru) form uses the volitional form よう (yō) to signal a strong intention or will to carry out the action, and する (suru), meaning "to do," emphasizes the attempt. This form conveys a higher level of personal involvement and responsibility, focusing on the effort required to reach a desired goal. While the outcome is uncertain, the focus is on the attempt itself, with an underlying hope or expectation that the effort might lead to success.

In conclusion, we can say that in English "to try" is a verb that must rely on context or additional modifiers to convey whether the action is exploratory or effortful. On the other hand, Japanese uses separate constructions to encode these nuances directly within the verb forms, reflecting a more fine-grained linguistic approach to expressing different types of attempts.

[whatsk-poppinhomies]

Pairing : OT8 x F!Reader TW : all fluff! ; some members are kind of suggestive, but it’s mainly fluffy ; Word Count : 3.4k combined A/N : I feel bad for breaking all of your hearts with the last headcanon post, so I’ve come with a fluffy apology! Request : Nope! I wrote it because I love you all!

Bangchan

“Good morning, love bug!” Chan called, somehow still managing to keep quiet although you heard him from the bathroom as he stood in the middle of the bedroom. You gave him a lopsided grin, your hair wrapped in a towel and your toothbrush hanging out of the corner of your mouth. 

“Mornin’ bubs.” You managed to say, toothpaste dripping down to your chin and you quickly leaned over the sink before it could fall onto your clothes or onto the floor. 

Chan snickered as he made his way into the bathroom to stand behind you, wearing only his boxers, his bare chest pressed against your back, his curly hair a tousled mess from just waking up and the bags under his eyes visible from late nights in the studio. “Is it bad that I got slightly turned on from the sight of that dripping from your lips? Hmm… I’ve got something better for-“ 

You whipped around, pressing your finger to his lips. “Nothing like that until you get on a better work schedule. You’re already exhausted, I’m not adding to that.” He pouted against your finger and you rolled your eyes before pushing yourself onto your toes to kiss him. “Plus, I can’t afford to be horny during work.” 

His hands grabbed your hips when you went to walk away, hoisting you up onto the counter and slipping between your legs. “I’ll call off work if you do, lovebug. We can both get what we want and then we’ll spend the rest of the day together.” 

You hummed softly, your arms draping over his shoulders and your head tilted to the side. “I’ve got an important meeting today…” He pouted once again and you quickly continued. “But, if you’re home within an hour after me… we can both have some fun, and then I’ll call off tomorrow and we can continue in the morning.” 

You were quickly pulled off the counter, and a swift smack on your ass had you jumping forward out of the bathroom. “Go, go to work! I gotta get ready. I’m gonna come home so fast today.” He said, excitement evident in his tone and you couldn’t help but laugh hysterically. 

“You’ll be coming fast too…” You teased, and his mouth fell open in shock.

 “I am not a one pump chump! Give me credit! I could at least last three pumps!”

Lee Minho 

“Thought you’d start the movie without me…” You muttered as you walked through the front door, dropping your purse to the floor and kicking your shoes off before trudging over to the couch and falling back onto it, tilting until your head landed against his lap. “Sorry I took so long. They kept me over to do paperwork.” 

Minho tsked his tongue, his fingers gently caressing your cheeks and moving down to your chin before moving back up to your nose and lightly tapping it, earning himself a tired smile from you. “It’s not movie night without you, darling.” He murmured, leaning over to press a kiss to your lips. “They make you work too hard. Just quit. You know I’d take care of you, and I’d be happy to come home and see you.” 

“Mm, as wonderful as that sounds… I don’t want to be labeled a gold digger.” You combatted the wonderful idea that was continually festering in his brain. “I like being able to pay my own bills, I don’t want to be dependent.” 

His bottom lip jutted out and you playfully swiped your finger down across it, and he tried to hold back his laughter, but the sharp exhale that shot through his nose had him failing in his attempt. “But I want you to depend on me. What are you gonna do when we’re married? Huh? Still gonna work? Not on my watch! Mmn mmn, you’re gonna be comfy here at the house, sleeping in, living like the queen that you are. Mm hmm.” 

You blinked a few times before narrowing your eyes at him. “Are you okay? Is your head okay?” 

“Oh yeah.” He said quite abruptly, a wide smile spreading across his face before his head fell against the back cushion. “Just thinking about marrying you now. Let’s do that soon, okay?”

Seo Changbin 

“Count me off, bunny. Gonna do 20 reps!” Changbin said, letting out a little grunt as he laid back onto the bench, sliding up underneath the bar and rubbing his hands together before lowering it to his chest. 

“1!” 

“You look so hot in your yoga pants!” He said loudly as he brought the bar down and back up. The sudden proclamation had you gasping and looking around to see if anyone had heard him. 

“Bin!” You hissed, feeling your body burn up, both embarrassed and flustered by his words. 

“You stopped counting! You gotta keep counting!” He grunted loudly, still holding the bar up, his arms shaking as they strained to keep the weights in the air. 

“2!” 

“I love you so much!” He announced again, repeating the same motions as before. At least this one wasn’t as preposterous and embarrassing as the first. Maybe he just needed to let you know that he thought that… Although you wished he would have saved the thought for somewhere more private. 

You continued counting, and after a while, the words turned into grunts and heavy breaths, his face turning red, and you started to get worried, stepping forward to try to stop him. 

“I’m fine! Keep counting!” He practically shouted, his voice cracking as he lifted the bar again and you sighed loudly, backing to the spot where you had been before. 

“18!” You said, quieter now as you were more focused on the way his entire body seemed to be shaking. 

“Gonna get so strong so I can pin you against the wall when we get back home! I’m gonna f-“ You squealed loudly, rushing over to him and placing your hand over his mouth. It was almost like he was expecting it, the bar already set back on the hook and his arm snaking around your waist to pull you down on top of him. “What’s the matter, baby?” 

“You’re so embarrassing sometimes…” You groaned, lowering your head. “And you’ve got… Binnie you’ve got a boner now.” He smirked playfully, pushing your ass down on the growing bulge in his sweatpants, wiggling his eyebrows at you. “Bin~~” You whined, but you couldn’t deny how attractive he looked, covered in sweat, his veins bulging out against his muscles. 

“I’m not gonna last. Let’s go home… Gonna put these muscles to good use!” 

Hwang Hyunjin 

“Sweetie?” Hyunjins voice broke through the barrier between the world of dreams and the real world, causing you to stir before pulling the blankets up higher and rolling over with a tired sigh. “Can I paint you? You look so beautiful and the lighting is perfect.” 

He kneeled on the edge of the bed and you rolled back over, staring straight up at him, groggy and disoriented as your eyes adjusted to the bright sun that shone through the windows. “I look so bad, Hyunnie…” You mumbled, your voice muffled by the pillow. “How about we just lay back down and go to sleep.” 

Hyunjin whined dramatically, throwing himself over your body as he nuzzled against your neck. “But I’m not tired now! I want to paint!” He whined against your skin, and even if you wanted to go back to bed, you knew he wouldn’t let you, not until he got to paint you. It’s not like either of you had anything to do today, you simply wanted to sleep in. 

“Can I brush my hair at least?” You grumbled, and he quickly jumped up. When you rolled over though, you could see he was shaking his head as he took a few uncoordinated steps around the room, trying to find the perfect spot with the perfect view to paint you from. “Hyunjin…” 

“No brushing hair, you look so beautiful right now. You’re so… you, and I love you because you’re you, especially when you’re the you right now. I love you.” To your tired mind, his words didn’t make any sense, but you held onto those three words that he repeated twice, pushing yourself up and wiping the sleep from your eyes. He let out a gasp, waddling over to the bed and cupping your cheeks before pressing a wet kiss to your lips. “How are you so gorgeous?! And your morning breath… it isn’t even that bad!” 

“Hyunjin!” You whined just as loud as him, causing him to chuckle as you fell back onto the bed, your hair sprawling out on the pillow around you and your arms strewn in both directions. 

“Stay like that, sweetie! It’s the perfect pose! You’re perfect!”

Han Jisung

“Babydoll…” Ji whispered over the phone. He had called you over five times, and after the sixth non stop vibration in your pocket, you had asked your manager if you could step out to take the call. 

“What’s the matter, baby? What happened?” Of course you were panicking, who wouldn’t be when their fiance had called them that many times in a row? There had to be something wrong for him to call that many times when he knew you were at work. 

A sheepish sigh and then a clearing of his throat had you calming down just enough to become slightly annoyed now. “I miss you so much, babydoll…” His voice was still low, and then there was silence before a small whimper and the rustling of fabric. “Can I come see you? Please?” 

You looked around, making sure none of your coworkers were around before answering. “Han Jisung.” He gasped at the use of his government name, and damn him for being so cute, you immediately softened up. “Do not tell me that you called me six times in a row, made me step away from my job, and made me panic… just because you’re horny.”

The sound of his gulping was loud in comparison to his constant whispers. “What would you do if I said yes?” He asked so innocently, you’d think he was simply asking to come up to work to see you. But no, he wanted more than that, and maybe it was partially your fault for feeding his imagination one night, telling him how fun it would be to have a quickie in the bathroom at your work. You didn’t think he’d actually want to though. “I’ll go fast, I’ll go so fast… Baby pleaaase! My hand isn’t working! I need you~~.” 

You groaned loudly, but you couldn’t deny that you were getting turned on by the thought of him taking you in such a public place. You never knew you were into exhibitionism until now, but the thought was so exciting. You also couldn’t bring yourself to say no to him. It was just so hard. “Fine. I go on break in 10 minutes. You better be here.” 

“I already started walking.” He admitted and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes as a smile formed on your face. “I’ll be there in 5 minutes! Thank you so much, baby! I love you!” He exclaimed, and sure, he might be a little quirky, but he was so loving, and so adorable, and best of all, he was yours. 

Lee Felix 

“Soup?” He questioned, walking into your shared bedroom with a large wooden tray, a bowl with steam billowing from the top. Even though your nose was clogged, you could still smell the broth with just the right amount of spices in it to help clear you up. “How are you feeling now, angel?” 

“Still bad…” You said weakly, trying to prop yourself up on your pillows enough for Felix to set the tray down on your lap. “You’re sure you won’t get in trouble for staying here? I don’t want the guys to get mad and I don’t want you to get sick.” Your voice was raspy from your throat being so sore, but he simply smiled, setting the tray down and carefully sitting on the edge of the bed before pressing the back of his hand to your forehead to check your temperature. 

“Well if I get sick, you’ll have to call off to take care of me, so I think it’s a win win. We get to spend more time together.” He was so optimistic, every word that came out of his mouth never failed to make your heart swell. “When you’re done eating, we can cuddle and watch a movie together. Make sure to get really close to me too, and if you want to give me kisses, I won’t stop you.” 

You snorted softly, stirring the soup and watching the little spice specks swirl around the top. “It’s like you’re trying to get sick or something…” You mused, scooping a bit of the broth up and slurping it from the spoon. “Maybe we can share the soup.” 

“What a wonderful idea!” He chimed, grabbing the spoon from your hand and bringing it up to his lips, placing the whole thing in his mouth and cleaning it off. You watched with wide eyes and an open mouth, but your reaction only had him chuckling. “I don’t get to spend enough time with you, angel. If I have to catch what seems to be the world's worst cold just to do that, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.” 

“You’re crazy…” You murmured, snatching the spoon back and getting more for yourself. It was the first time your throat felt slightly better in days, and you didn’t know if it was because the soup was actually helping or if it was just so spicy it had numbed the back of it. “You’re gonna feel like shit, and what if you get sick before I get better, hmm?” 

“Then we’ll both be super whiny and bed ridden, and Chan hyung will have to take care of us.” Felix stated proudly, and while you loved Chan like an older brother, you saw how he was with the guys, how much he cared, and you weren’t sure if you’d be able to handle that much care from anyone but Felix. “Or we can just cuddle and hope that cold medicine can get us through. As long as I get to spend my days with you, I’ll be happy.” 

Kim Seungmin

The shower was running, relaxing every muscle in your body that felt so tense and sore after work, you could almost fall asleep just standing under the stream. The steam that filled the bathroom opened your lungs and surrounded your body, it was the most relaxed you had been in a while after countless hours of working overtime and extra days. 

“Gotta go to the bathroom.” Seungmins voice broke you out of your trance, and while the two of you had been together for years, you had seen each other completely naked, he had even held your hair back for you when you had come down with a really bad stomach virus. You were close, closer than most couples would be, but you loved that aspect of your relationship. Everything just felt so natural. 

This though… This had never happened, and for some reason you felt too naked. “Seungmin!” You squealed, and he pulled open the curtain a little bit, a tired smile on his face after just waking up from a nap. “What!? No! Don’t look at me!” You tried to pull the curtain around yourself, but he tilted his head further, his eyes trailing over your body as he licked his lips. 

“Can I get in with you?” He asked, and you were taken aback by the sudden question. You had never showered together, and while it would be no different from him being with you in bed, for some reason this just feels more personal. “To save water, obviously. Plus, you’ll have the hot water gone by the time you’re done.” 

“Well… I…” You stammered, but he was already stripping out of his clothes and climbing in behind you. “Minnie…” You whispered, wrapping your arms around yourself in an attempt to hide your body from him. “I’ll… I’ll just finish washing my hair and get out…” 

“Mm… No, I’ll help.” He said, sleep still lacing his voice as he stepped closer to you, his body pressed flush against your back and his arms wrapped around you. “We never get to be close like this… I’ve missed you.” He whispered, his breath felt cold against your overheated skin, sending shivers down your spine. 

“I know what you’re trying to do, Minnie…” You sighed, although your body still fell against his. “I’m just so tired.” A yawn emphasized your words, and his hold on you loosened before he started rinsing your hair out, humming a soft melody to himself as he did. 

“I might love sex… a lot, like a whole lot…” He murmured, rinsing the bubbles from his hands before helping with the conditioner next. “But I also love you, a whole lot more. I know you’re tired, that’s why I want to help you.” He finished massaging the conditioner into your hair and then lathered the body wash on your loofah before gently scrubbing your back. “I like being close to you, no matter what we’re doing. After this, I was really hoping we could order a pizza and cuddle and watch a movie. Do you want to?” 

Yang Jeongin

The front door flew open, and you whipped around to see your wonderful, adorable boyfriend standing there with a wide smile as he waved around two rectangular pieces of paper. “Guess what your super cool boyfriend just got!?” Your head tilted, urging him to go on. “Front row tickets to the TXT concert, baby! Let’s go!” 

“Mmm… Innie, honey, love of my life…” You started, walking over to him and carefully grabbing the tickets from his hand. “You want to go to a concert, a very public concert… As an idol… With your girlfriend that the world knows nothing about right now?” You weren’t trying to kill the mood, you hated to be the one to burst his bubble, especially when you knew he was trying to surprise you, but you also knew that the two of you needed to be careful. 

“We can wear disguises… matching disguises!” He quickly came up with the most Jeongin idea ever, and you couldn’t help but laugh as you shook your head. “I just know that you’ve been wanting to see them and I wanted you to think I’m the bestest boyfriend in the whole world.” He sighed, his bottom lip puffing out, and you felt so awful that you quickly wrapped your arms around him to try to make him feel better. 

“You are the bestest boyfriend in the whole wide world. That’s why I don’t want the fans to find out like this… what if the company makes us break up? I couldn’t handle that.” His mouth fell open and his hug got tighter, as if the thought of you leaving him had him wanting to hold you closer. “Can’t you just ask Beomgyu for backstage tickets?” 

“No!” He said rather loudly, and your eyebrow arched questioningly as you craned your neck to look at him. “He… he doesn’t know we’re together. He thinks we’re just friends and every time I even mention you he goes on a 15 minute rant about how perfect and beautiful and wonderful you are and like… Obviously I already know that!” You snorted loudly and he let out a little whine. “It’s not funny! He’s trying to take you away from me!” 

“Mmm no… He doesn’t know that I’m yours, he’s just trying to get with me.” You explained, and he gave you a scowl. “He’s like, my ult bias. You think he’d sign my photocards?” 

“Hold up! I thought I was your ult bias!” He squealed, but when you started laughing, he quickly calmed down. “Not funny. My hair is better than his anyway and he… he doesn’t have muscles like I do. Right? I mean… can he do this?!” He lifted you up and your arms quickly wrapped around his shoulders and your legs around his waist. “You know all the fun things we could do when I got you like this, hmm?” 

You leaned in, kissing up his neck slowly, feeling his body shudder and a low moan building in his chest. “How about we skip the concert and you show me?” 

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[oneforthemunny]

Could we possibly get a spanking blurb I don’t care which Eddie I just need him to beat my ass😩

sure why not lol. for freaky friday. this was longer than i meant it to be lol.

thinking of going with the classic, dom!eddie. smut ahead. minors dni.

"Grab some plates." You nod towards the cabinet, steam lifting from the pot of pasta boiling on the stove beneath you.

"Plates?" Eddie hummed, tone lilting in a playful way, hand sliding over your hip when he passed you. "Plates for mac and cheese?"

"Yes," You huffed, fighting back an eye roll. You knew he was watching you, itching for you to slip, give him a reason to punish you.

You were so close to winning. Tomorrow, you'd wake up victorious in your little bet with Eddie. A silly bet that started playful until both your competitive natures turned it to something more.

"You couldn't act right if your life depended on it." Eddie scoffed, rolling his eyes at you. "I think it would actually kill you to be sweet for a few days. Not be bratty for once in your life. No way you could do it."

"Please," You huffed back. "I could do it, but you piss me off. Get me to that point."

"That right?" Eddie hummed, tongue rolling down his cheek.

"You know it is." You lifted your brows. "You can't help it. You love it too much. Just push me to my limit where I snap."

"Care to make a little wager?" Eddie's eyes dazzled, bright with excitement that left your tummy flipping. "Four days. I won't provoke you, you don't brat to me. You make it the full four days, you win. If you don't, I win."

"What do I win?" You chirped smugly. "Because I will win."

Eddie bit back a grin. It was going to be too easy. You couldn't help it. "Loser has to do whatever the winner says for a whole day." Eddie shrugged.

"Anything?" You lifted a brow.

"Anything." Eddie nodded.

"Non-sexual too?" Your eyes narrowed towards him.

"Sure. Why not." Eddie shrugged casually, sticking out a ringed hand towards you. "We have a deal?" Your hand in his, the two of you shook on it. A done deal.

Eddie expected you to break by day two. He knew you'd be on your A-Game for the first day, wearing thin on the second. Eddie's eyes would widen with excitement every time your breath would hitch, a snarky comment threatening to roll right off the tip of your tongue, only for a sweet remark to come out instead.

Now, as day four was drawing closer to the end, Eddie had accepted you as the winner. Not that he minded. This was the one bet he could lose and still end feeling like a winner.

"Could just eat it out of the pot." Eddie shrugged, swiping the two plates down from the top shelf. "Less dishes to wash."

"No." You tried to keep your tone light through gritted teeth.

"Just sayin'," Eddie shrugged, pulling the colander out from under the sink, placing it in the sink for you. "I used to do it all the time. We can get two spoons, share it." He grinned at you.

"You don't wanna share a pot with me, hm? Just like we do with popcorn at the movies, but better because it's mac and cheese, and-"

"-That's the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard." You huffed, throwing your hands up. "That's so messy and disgusting, and you'll end up hogging the whole thing just like you do with the popcorn. We can eat it off plates like normal people do."

The kitchen fell silent, the hiss of the vent the only sound filling the space between you. Your chest settled, days of building agitation replaced with sudden dread. Eddie's eyes wide, gawking at you in disbelief, slowly spreading into a smile.

"You-" Eddie pointed at you. "Holy shit, you lost." He barked out a laugh.

"I did not." You hissed. "You-You pushed me to it!"

"Nuh-uh, don't even try that with me, baby." Eddie shook his head. "You and I both know I was not trying then. That was all you."

Your shoulders slumped in defeat, lip jutting in a furious pout. He was right, and you knew it. You hated it, but you knew it. Eddie had won.

"Fine," You huffed, flicking the stove eye off, moving the pan to the other eye to cool. "You win. Guess we'll be eating out of the pan tonight then?" Your lips curled in a bitter snarl.

Eddie fought back a smirk, lips pressing together smugly. "No, wanna save it for tomorrow. Really get a whole day out of it." He hummed, pulling the drawer above the sink open.

You rolled your eyes, grabbing the pot holder, wrapping it around the hot metal handle to strain the noodles. "Just leave that there." Eddie nodded towards you. "Don't want it to get cold."

"What?" Your brows pinched together in a furrow.

"My victory day doesn't start until tomorrow, but," Eddie pulled the wooden spoon out of the drawer, satisfied with how your eyes widened, your face falling at the sight. "Gotta fix that attitude real quick."

"Eddie," You whined, squirming under his darkened glare.

"Don't even try it, sweetheart." Eddie shook his head at you, taking in a step to close in the space. "You know better than that."

Your cheeks blistered with embarrassed heat, sulking towards the kitchen table, bending over the wood. You pressed your thighs together, a desperate attempt to dull the throbbing between your legs that only intensified as Eddie got closer.

His hand shoving down your little cotton shorts onto the floor, anchoring his free palm onto your spine, before the first hit fell. Your lungs squeezed out a startled gasp of a breath, raising on your toes at the impact. It burned, settled into an achy sting that had you whimpering- still you had to swallow the moan that threatened to follow, lifting your hips back into place, eager for another.

Eddie didn't remark, though he didn't miss the tiny whine that feel from your lips. Instead, he let the spoon rain down in sharp, quick successions all over your cheeks. A steady rhythm of wood snapping against your skin, the table creaking with every squirm.

You knew you'd welt, have round shaped marks that you'd frown at in the mirror tomorrow, running your hand over them and try to ignore the throbbing that'd begin all over again.

For now, Eddie's hands sunk into your hips, a hard hold on them as he used you, rocked your body back and forth, up and down his length. Drilling you over the table, hip bones snapping into the hot skin of your ass as you clawed into the wood of the table.

[dreaming-medium]

Stray Kids Kinktober Day 2

Stray Kids Kinktober Masterlist

Titfucking - Hyunjin

Word Count: 3.1k

Summary: Hyunjin was always staring— he wasn’t as conspicuous as he originally thought. It’s time to take matters into your own hands.

———————————————————

It was about six months into your relationship when you clocked Hyunjin’s slight obsession with your chest. 

Well, slight is putting it gently. 

In the beginning you chocked it up to him just being a man with wandering eyes and a libido to challenge that of a Roman emperor. After all, it’s not uncommon for one to stare, especially when you wear a lower collared shirt. 

Then, the first time the two of you went to the club together as a couple, he could not keep his hands to himself the entire time. Even surrounded by all of your friends, when he danced behind you, his thumb would ‘accidentally’ brush the underside of your tits. 

Most mornings when one of you stays over at the other’s apartment, you’ll wake up with his arms around you. His hips will be pressed against your ass and one hand up your shirt, cupping your naked breast. 

His morning wood would harden the more he woke up and he would continuously fondle you even more until he eventually straddles you and fucks you like your life depends on it.

You catch Hyunjin staring all the time. 

It doesn’t bother you, no, not in the slightest. In fact, quite the opposite. You absolutely love the extra attention he gives your chest. 

As someone who’s had extreme sensitivity there for your entire life, it feels like you’ve hit the jackpot. Well, both of you did. 

If the two of you are spooning on the couch watching a movie, all it takes is one lithe hand slithering underneath your shirt and you’re suddenly the horniest you’ve ever been. 

And the bastard knows it, too. It’s a win-win situation for the both of you. Especially when you get to be on top. You get to ride Hwang Hyunjin and he gets to watch your tits bounce before his very eyes like a private show. 

Still, even after all this time, he will not admit to your face how much he gets off thinking about your tits and your tits alone. 

But, that was all going to change tonight if everything was going to follow your plan.

With a new comeback just a month away, the poor thing has been stressed out of his mind. Every morning, Hyunjin wakes up before you and goes to bed after you. 

Lately, you’ve taken to sleeping and basically living out of his apartment just so he can hold you at night.  

There’s a few texts throughout the day; he’ll send you selfies of his stage outfits, videos of choreography, voice notes of random stories about the boys. But you’d be lying if you said your thoughts were less than pure when consuming whatever he gives you. 

In one video, he was showing you the new choreo to a song and the only thing you were able to focus on was the movement of his hips. How is he able to do that so fluidly?

That was your final straw. 

It was Friday night, he didn’t have to be at the studio until early afternoon tomorrow. And you planned on using that to your advantage. 

Hyunjin was going to walk through that door any minute now, and he had no idea what’s waiting for him. 

It’s close to midnight when the apartment door opens.

“Hyunjin!” You call out from the bedroom, “Is that you?”

“Yeah,” he calls back to you. He kicks his shoes off by the door and throws his keys into the bowl on the table. “You will not believe the day I had.”

“Oh, yeah?” you answer. “Would you mind helping me with something? You can tell me all about your day while you do so.”

You cannot help the sing-songy mischievous timbre to your voice. It seems to go right over his head since he continues talking. 

“Minho drilled us on choreography all day,” he whines. “Some of the others didn’t get the foot work right away so we kept doing it over and over again.”

His voice gets louder the closer he walks to the bedroom.

“Towards the end of it I just wanted to—“

Hyunjin immediately stops talking, a gasp catching in his throat. 

There you stood in front of the full length mirror in one of the skimpiest bikinis he’s ever seen in his entire life. The fabric barely covered your most intimate areas, straps wound around your entire body. 

A metal heart sat right underneath the valley of your breasts. 

Every thought Hyunjin has ever had in his entire life has flown out the window. Gone with the wind.

“Do you like it?” you ask innocently, not turning to look at him fully. You’re playing a game with him and he doesn’t even know it. “The girls and I have that weekend spa trip coming up and I wanted to get some new suits. I tied a knot in the back and I can’t get it undone.”

Hyunjin stands in the door, his mouth opening and closing over and over again. 

“Hyunjinnie?” a barely contained smirk graces your lips and you turn to look at him. Batting your eyelashes innocently, you twist your body around for him to see everything. 

“It’s—“ his voice is hoarse when it comes out, so he clears his throat. “It looks gorgeous on you, Y/N. But, ah… are you sure you want to wear that to the spa? What if you get tan lines, you don’t want that, right? All those… strappy tan lines.”

You giggle at his rambling. 

“I was thinking the same thing, baby. But, I still need help getting it off.”

Hyunjin clenches his jaw and walks over to you, his feet padding on the carpeted floor. 

Instead of turning around when he gets close to you, you wrap your arms around his neck. Like second nature, he rests his own around your waist. 

His bare hands on your skin feel so warm and soft, you shudder at the touch.

Standing up on your tiptoes, you press your barely clothed chest against his. His grip on your waist tightens. 

“I’m so sorry you had such a rough day, Jinnie,” you murmur to him. Hyunjin stares down at you, a pink blush slowly dusting his cheeks. 

You lean forward and press an extremely gentle kiss to his soft lips. His hands spread out on the sides of your rib cage and hold you closer to him. 

It’s just a peck of your lips against his, so when you pull back, he chases after you. 

You don’t let him continue, you turn around in his grasp and lift your hair off your shoulders. 

“Do you mind?” you say, looking back over your shoulder at him. His eyes narrow for a split second before he looks down at the knot in the back of the bathing suit. 

You made sure to tie it on the looser side for this very purpose. 

Dexterous fingers grab at the strap and he works quickly to try and unknot it. Within seconds the top loosens around your chest. 

His fingers slide down the curve of your back gracefully, mapping each inch of skin. The featherlight touch has you shivering. 

Hyunjin exhales shakily through his mouth and the hotness of his breath fans over your exposed skin. 

Slowly, his fingers come around to grab your waist again. But, you reach down and grab both of his wrists tightly. You pull at his wrists a bit so he steps closer to your body. 

As soon as his front is flush with your back, you can feel just how much he loves the bathing suit you’re wearing. 

Inch by inch, you bring his hands up your skin. Over your ribs and up to your chest. 

Hyunjin gasps quietly behind you and you can practically feel his cock jump in his pants. Another shaky breath leaves his lips.

Immediately, his hands slid under the flimsy fabric that was loose and ready to come off. The softest groan comes out of the back of his throat as soon as he cups both of your tits.

After a few seconds, you release his wrists and reach your arms back to wrap around the back of his neck.

Your head tilts back to rest against his collarbone, whines quietly falling from your lips.

Hyunjin’s fingers pinch your perky, hard nipples and you roll your hips backwards into his painfully hard erection.

“Fuck.” he hisses and pinches even harder. 

Dipping down to your neck, Hyunjin latches his mouth onto the soft skin and licks wherever he is able to reach.

“Jinnie,” you mewl, “been thinking about you all day.”

Hyunjin hums against your neck in response, leaving love bites down closer to your shoulder. His preoccupied hands bring you even closer to his chest. 

He can’t get enough of you, his hands paw at your chest, pinching, pulling, and kneading the soft mounds. His head is in the louds, every thought is fuzzy. The only thing he knew was that he never wanted to stop touching your soft skin.

It’s a good thing that your bottoms are meant to absorb moisture.

Behind his head, your fingers play with the hair at the nape of his neck, wrapping around the strands and pulling slightly.

You turn your head to whisper right in his ear. “I want you to play with me how you’ve always wanted to, Jinnie.” 

Hyunjin practically whimpers in response, his hips buck forward and he sucks hard where his mouth was.

You cry out, pushing your ass against him.

“I know you want to, baby. Don’t think I don’t see the way you look at me. How much you like fucking me in the mirror so you can see my tits bounce with each thrust of your cock.”

Hyunjin moans against your skin again, it sounds like he’s almost in pain from how aroused he is.

Both of his hands grip as much of your breasts as he could hold before turning you around in his arms. His lips immediately dip down and capture yours in a heated, wet, hard kiss.

His eyebrows are furrowed together and his hands travel back up your body to fondle your tits even further. The feeling goes straight to your core and you clench your thighs together. Your cunt aching for attention.

But tonight was about him, not you. Plus, you know there’s no way you’re going to bed tonight without cumming, not if Hyunjin had anything to say about it.

While your tongues slide over each other, you reach down and make quick work unbuttoning his jeans. 

You also “accidentally” palm over his cock a few times, each time he moans into your mouth and you swallow the noise greedily.

Hyunjin pulls back for a split second to rip his shirt over his head, throwing it onto the ground carelessly. The entire time his eyes don’t leave your chest, as soon as his shirt is off, his hands are back on your breasts.

He can’t stop staring at how they look in his hands.

A long, heavy breath leaves his lungs when you push his pants and boxers down.

His cock springs free and he hisses at the cold air. 

You get up on your tiptoes and pull his swollen bottom lip between your teeth. “Go lay on the bed, baby.” 

His eyes are glazed over with pure lust. Hyunjin nods dumbly over and over and practically sprints to the bed, sitting down on the edge.

One of his hands absentmindedly pulls at his dick, his eyes stay zeroed in on your chest. The fabric of the bathing suit is doing nothing to cover your breasts anymore.

“What do you think, baby boy. On or off?” You ask, pulling slightly at the strings of the top.

Hyunjin gulps, leaning back on his elbows while his bottom half hangs off the side of the bed.

“O… On.” He answers heavily, lips parting, chest rising and falling with deep intakes of air. Truly, he didn’t care, you could do whatever you want to him at this point and he would beg for more.

You wink in response and walk over to the bed, swaying your hips with each step. His eyes rake over your figure, his Adam’s Apple bobs with a gulp.

When you get to the bed, you sink down onto your knees, eye level with his cock which is completely rock hard and weeping precum at this point.

Keeping direct eye contact, you put your arms behind your back and lean forward, licking a fat stripe up the underside of his cock. 

An absolutely feral, sinful moan reverberates off the walls. Hyunjin throws his head back in pleasure and one of his hands fists into your hair, pulling tightly.

You only smirk once you get to the tip. “Gotta get you nice and wet first.” You pull as much spit into your mouth as you can. 

“Fuck, Y/N!” You see his cock jump at your words.

Your tongue swirls over his tip once before you take his entire dick in your mouth. Hyunjin’s hips buck into your mouth and he lets out a long, deep moan. 

It’s the wettest blowjob you’ve ever given. Spit is leaking out of your mouth and onto his pelvis and then dripping onto the sheets. But you need him soaking wet for what you want to do.

Saliva drips down your neck and onto your chest.

Hyunjin’s eyes follow each drop and when his eyes flicker to yours, you wink. His hand tightens in your hair and he whimpers.

“You’re gunna fucking kill me, Y/N.”

Whine after whine, whimper after whimper. It’s all music to your ears. 

Just when he really starts to get vocal, you lift your mouth off his cock and he howls at the loss of your warm mouth pleasuring him.

“Oh, baby, you have no idea how good this is gunna feel.”

When Hyunjin opens his eyes again to look your way, you let your tongue drop out of your mouth. His lust-blown pupils follow the mouthful of spit and precum that leaks downwards; it drips down your neck and into the valley of your breasts.

The way his face twists in pleasure, you would think he was in physical pain. His ears and cheeks are bright red. His bottom lip pulls between his teeth to try and conceal the noises he’s making.

“Y/N-!” Everything about his demeanor screams desperate. He’s wriggling on the bed, hips moving uncontrollably. The hand that’s not in your hair is clenching the sheets so tight his knuckles are turning white.

From behind your back, you reach your hand up and spread everything over your chest, getting it nice and wet. During the process, you make sure to bring your other hand up and pinch and pull your nipples, putting on a show for Hyunjin. 

“Please,” he’s borderline sobbing at this point. “Please, Y/N.”

“Yeah, Jinnie?” you tease and lean forward, spitting on his cock again, pumping him a few times. “You wanna fuck my tits, baby boy?”

“Fuck!” Hyunjin throws his head back with a broken wail. 

“You wanna put that long cock between my wet tits? You wanna fuck them nice and slow?”

“Yes! Fucking please!” He squirms on the bed. “It’s all I want, Y/N! Please!”

Deciding to be nice, you finally grab your tits in two handfuls, wrapping them around his cock and pushing together.

Hyunjin’s eyes roll back in his head and his back arches off the sheets. More babbles leave his swollen lips.

Slowly, you move your tits up and down on his cock.

He’s going insane, he knows he is. He’s been balls deep in your soaking wet cunt before, he’s had you ride him two ways to Tuesday– but this? Fuck!

The skin on your chest is so soft and warm and it’s so fucking filthy.

With every pump, his dick leaks more and more.

“Jinnie,” you call out to him playfully.

He knows as soon as he looks down, he’s going to blow his load. But he cracks his eyes open anyway, his head lifting off the mattress to look you in the eye.

Right when he does, you stick your tongue out and lick the head of his cock as you pump downwards.

Every single one of his ab muscles clenches when he sees you, he cries out so loudly, his body curls inwards from the pleasure.

The more his cock leaks, the wetter it gets for both of you, and the easier it is to move up and down.

A long string of curses leave his lips as you pick up speed and squeeze your tits together even more.

Hyunjin’s hips begin to move in time with your pumps. Every wet dream he’s woken up from is finally coming true before his very eyes. 

If the neighbors were sleeping, that was long over. Hyunjin has always been vocal in bed, but never like this.

Each lick is sending him closer and closer to the edge. 

“So fucking good to me,” he blubbers, pulling at your hair and your sheets at the same time. His thighs begin to shake.

“Love this so much, baby. Love having your cock between my tits.”

He writhes around from your praise, “Close–! So close, Y/N!”

“Can’t wait for you to cum all over my skin, Jinnie. Might even let you take a picture, set it as your background.”

Picturing everything you’re saying does it for him. Hyunjin calls out your name loudly and his chin dips down to his chest. He yanks your hair in a vice grip.

Cum continuously shoots from his cock, and to put on a great show, you even stick your tongue out further.

To him, it feels like he’s cumming forever. Even after he’s completely empty, shots of pleasure shoot down his thighs every few seconds. It was definitely one of the fucking longest orgasms of his life.

Hyunjin’s mouth hangs open, he can’t seem to catch his breath. But that’s not at all what he’s paying attention to. He’s watching the cum dip from your tongue down onto your chest, the same way your spit had done minutes before.

His cock twitches and he winces from the overstimulation.

“Fuck, look at you.” he pants.

One of your hands moves and you use your finger to spread the cum all over your chest, over your hard nipples and eventually up to your mouth where you suck on the digit.

“So good for me, baby. How long until you can go again?”

[gyummigon]

like when we first met, i hate you and i love you | beomgyu

beomgyu x fem!reader | playlist

୨୧ word count: 6.8k ୨୧ genre: angst, slight smut ୨୧ warning: non-explicit sex (or so i think), unspecified mental disorders and illnesses, depressive thoughts, thoughts of death, thoughts of loneliness, verbal incitement to suicide, very mild violence (not dating violence), unstable and unhealthy relationship, emotional dependency, mild family strife, and lots and lots of anguish. i don't suggest reading to anyone under 18, in fact don't read it if you are under 18. ୨୧ a/n: writing this was a challenge, but i consider it to be one of the writings i put more of myself into. thank you in advance to the people who are encouraged to read, and i hope i will not disappoint you. my native language is not english, so i apologize for any errors or inconsistencies in the text. have a nice weekend!

It was easy for Beomgyu to feel trapped in his own mind, to mourn the days that were more than just lost; he swore that he remembered nothing of them, and yet they could bring him down at any moment.

He had spent nearly a quarter of his life living in hospital rooms, moving from one to another, but in the end remaining within the same four plain, pale walls. No matter how many times the morning came to him, or how long the night before, they meant nothing when all he could see was a ceiling that could only be distorted in the recesses of his mind. 

On this particular morning, the ceiling he saw as he lay sprawled on his bed was not the usual one. The sun's rays struck him from a different direction, the comfort of the mattress was not what his body was accustomed to, and the gentle puff of your breath beside him sent his mind wandering to alternatives that would save him from his growing need to flee your uncomfortable presence. 

Your situation was not entirely unfamiliar to you. You knew him too well to have any idea what was going through his mind. The guilt overflowed from the brown of his eyes and hit you almost as hard as the reality of waking up in the same situation again. As you felt the warmth of his body next to yours, you wished bitterly that he was a stranger, that way you could let him go without claiming the warmth you lost the moment nakedness stopped meaning anything.

"Beomgyu," you called him with an uncertain tone. You slid your head from the pillow to his chest and let his heartbeat against your ear flood your mind with fear. You wished you could control it and make it keep beating even if it wasn't for you. "Promise you won't let this happen again."

Beomgyu closed his eyes. The yellow color of your walls was too cheerful and always made him feel depressed. 

"I'll visit you tomorrow," was his answer. He gently put your head back on the pillow and started to get up.

A lump in your throat kept you silent as the raw fragility of his nakedness escaped the sheets. Even as he finished dressing and turned to look at you, you kept your attention on the place farthest from her eyes, afraid to get too close and discover that there were demons lurking there.

You and Beomgyu met in seventh grade, in the fall of 2016, under the rays of a bright sun and the orange hue of the leaves of an old oak tree. He had just transferred to the same school as you, but with his bright and enthusiastic personality, he had no shortage of friends, attention, or the furtive glances your curiosity encouraged you to give him. The first time you spoke to each other was after an embarrassing skateboard fall at school, but a handshake and a few awkward smiles sparked a bond that made you inseparable.

Aside from similar musical tastes and an interest in hiking, you didn't have much in common and were constantly having not-so-serious discussions about your differences. It was this contrast that made Beomgyu so eager to spend time with you. You were the respite from his usual routine, the color that was missing from the memories in his mind; the shade that waited to protect him from the sun, even though you were completely unaware of his difficulties. And things should have stayed there, in an innocent and uncomplicated friendship, but your childish need for romance and his urge for compression turned you from friends to lovers in a matter of months.

It was an inevitable fact from the beginning. He was a young man full of life carrying a heavy secret, and you were a naive young woman who didn't know what she was getting into when he opened the doors of his heart and you walked right in. By now, after six years of relationship, both of your hearts were worn out and the constant barriers that Beomgyu's unstable mental health put between you widened a distance that even monotony could not close. Beomgyu felt his soul heavy and dirty even when he was near you, the color of your life itself made him feel like a gray stain, and the shadow that once comforted him now burned him every time he tried to cling to its coolness.

"If I don't come tomorrow, don't go to the hospital until you've finished your homework, okay?"

The pain hidden in your silence made Beomgyu feel miserable and almost made him give in to your earlier request. Promising you was the right thing to do, but with him being meaningless, purposeless and pretending, how could he control himself not to come back here?

"You'll be all right, won't you?" he heard you say in a weak, languid voice.

He couldn't do anything but look at your grieving body under the sheets. He felt terrible, like a piece of trash. Every time he looked at you, he realized how disgusting he was for coming here and making you do all those things. He wanted to get down on his knees and beg for your forgiveness and at the same time berate you for letting him do it, for giving him your body even though it made you both feel dirty.

"I love you."

He wasn't sure if those words came out of his mouth and reached you, maybe he had buried them, forgetting their meaning and now they were just a broken compass. What day was it, could he go on or back? Was this the end of the story or had it just begun?

He hated himself so much.

A small smile that didn't reach your eyes spread across your face, you pressed the sheet to your body and propped your knees up on the bed so you could touch him. "Will you be okay?" you repeated as you traced the softness of his cheek with your fingers.

In a losing battle against despair, Beomgyu leaned his face into your touch and closed his eyes. He could not stop pretending that you were not the vessel into which he poured his misery. Every word out of his mouth seemed to weigh tons and lying was the only way to be with you more than just physically. 

"I'm trying."

"How long will you keep running away?"

Hearing you, Beomgyu opened his eyes and you sighed as the familiar feeling of fear and uncertainty washed over you as you looked into them. There was a heartbreaking fragility and desperation in them, the same one that was present every time he touched you and made love to you; the same one that remained when his lips moved slightly upward, giving you a faint glimpse of the hidden dimple on his cheek.

"I'm not running away, the hospital doors are always open."

"Beomgyu." You tried to sound stern, but the quiver in your voice at the mention of his name was noticeable.

"Don't worry," he murmured, putting his hands over yours to pull them away from his face. "You have enough burden with school, so avoid distractions and study hard, okay?"

"Then don't come back here, please."

"I'm so sorry." Beomgyu, with his eyes closed and a lump in his throat, placed a hand on your head and pulled you close to him to plant a kiss on your forehead. "Get some sleep before you go to school."

A helpless expression appeared on your face as Beomgyu gently stroked your hair before pulling away. You closed your eyes and bit your lower lip to stifle any more pathetic pleas from your mouth, listening to his every footstep taking him away from you.

An impulse made Beomgyu turn on his heels and look at you again. For some reason, when he saw the way you hugged yourself and closed your eyes tightly, a deep urge to die washed over him from head to toe. He thought he owed it to you after all he had put you through, that there was no other way to give you a chance to escape him.

With a sigh, he took one last look at you and turned his feet toward the exit of your room, offering you the only comfort of his absence and his silence.

And as every time you watched him leave, you felt that he took a piece of your soul with him.

"You have to stop for a moment." You heard Hanna say as you both walked to your next class.

Walking across campus carried a weight that felt thicker in that moment. The weight of the morning was reflected in every step you took, shuffling your feet with the characteristic reluctance of one who has crossed an already too long college day. 

Your path to your next class is a routine one, but you have never been able to get used to the distance between one classroom and the next. As you made your way along the path of worn bricks and open spaces where the bustle of students mixed with the sound of car engines, you felt overwhelmed and anxious to get home as soon as possible.

"Take a break." Despite the weight of her guitar on her back and the art portfolio occupying her hands, Hanna moved forward beside you with lighter steps, keeping a calm tone in her voice. "You're starting to rub off on me with your negativity, if you're too tired to study then rest."

You sighed and looked at the time on your watch, your class had started five minutes ago and you still had a long way to go to get to the building where the class was. 

"You just don't get it, I rest every day even when I shouldn't," you said as you picked up your pace and Hanna mimicked you without any difficulty. 

"Procrastination is not rest, you have to really relax."

If your breathing hadn't been so fast due to the intensity of the walk, you would have sighed. From your perspective, the situation was more complicated. Your current emotional state was beginning to affect your academic performance, and you hated it. As a student of letters and a lover of reading, you had never fallen so far behind in your academic reading and homework. You were used to reading for school as much as for yourself, but in the last few weeks, it was impossible to even hold a book without being a matter of time or will. You couldn't find the concentration to be yourself anywhere, and you feared that if you didn't overcome the block and regain some focus, you would have to drop out of your classes before you failed. 

  The thought of doing poorly in school made you feel absolutely worthless and nervous.

"I'll try to change, just... don't tell Beomgyu. He's been a little intense lately about the idea that I'm doing well here."

"Why, is he pressuring you or something?"

You paused and thought about all the times Beomgyu told you to stay focused in school, to study hard and get the best grades. It always seemed to you that he said it in a sad rather than a demanding way.

"No, but the situation has been difficult since his relapse," you replied.

Hanna looked at you for a moment with her big, thoughtful eyes before she let out a sigh. "Y/n, since I met you your relationship has been difficult." 

"As long as he was under observation he would study online, but he became an irregular student. I guess that's thwarted his plans a lot and knowing my current situation will probably make him sensitive..." you tried to explain in a hurry, but stopped yourself when you couldn't ignore the little conviction in your words. Hanna gave you a reassuring smile and maneuvered her hands to free one of her arms for a few seconds and wrap it around yours. Both your legs slowed in unison and your body relaxed as you tilted your head and rested it on her shoulder.  "Do you love him?" 

Her question didn't surprise you, but you let a few minutes of silence pass between you before answering. For some reason, it was always difficult to talk about your relationship with Beomgyu; either they didn't understand it at all, or they understood it too much that you started to get the pity treatment. 

"Of course."

"As a boyfriend? I mean, do you love him romantically, not as a person you've known since puberty?"

You turned your head away from Hanna's shoulder and brought your gaze to an imprecise point in front of you. It wasn't always up and down with Beomgyu, the stability you both once had and kept you both so alive was as tentative as the current instability, the love manifested was as strong as the doubts. What did it matter how you loved him now, there was no way to know that it would make a difference. The two of you were bound together by more than love, you had a history with too many loose ends to tie up, words whispered in silence that needed to be heard and answered, wounds deep enough to choose to bleed without trying to close them. Yes, the distance was frightening, but you weren't defeated, you could take what you needed from each other to survive, and that wasn't necessarily wrong.

Except for the fact that neither of you were alive. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Hanna's voice broke through your thoughts and brought you back to reality. You let out a sigh, each question weighing you down with exhaustion. "I just... I want to understand you."

"Does he seem bad to you?" you replied without a hint of anger or concern. 

"No, I like Beomgyu, I just... since I know him, he's kind of scary to me." 

"No, gosh... He's... the nicest, most sensitive guy I've ever met."

"Not that type of scary." 

When you heard these words, you felt frustrated. You didn't understand, even though you were also scared, you didn't understand what it was that Beomgyu reflected when he was with you that you couldn't see; because you were also absolutely terrified and couldn't identify the cause. 

"He's fine, Hanna." 

"And I'm so glad, but what about you?

You wished you could answer that question without your heart trembling with hesitation, but you were at a point where you doubted even your own words. What your mouth was saying and what Hanna could surely read in your eyes were contradictory things. If only you could have at least known which was true...

"I'm fine, okay?"

Your eyes glided over each word on the page with an almost exaggerated slowness, you had read the same paragraph over and over again in the last few minutes, your head was throbbing and fatigue irritated your eyes, but they were not the reason for your lack of concentration, at least not the main one. 

Beomgyu sat a meter away from your desk, and you could feel his attention on every twitch of your facial muscles, on the movements of your hands, on the restless tapping of your foot on the floor. Those silences were the ones you hated the most to share with him, they made you insecure and any chance to approach him in a way that didn't make you feel suffocated slipped through your fingers. 

You closed the book with a sigh and turned in your chair to look at him. The dark circles under his eyes hardly surprised you, they seemed as dull as the last times you saw him, barely a spark to show they were still screaming inside.

"Are you done?" he asked, slurring his words, but you were sure he already knew the answer.

"I'm tired," you replied instead as you stood up and sought a safer position on your bed, away from his eyes.

"Me too..."

You sighed as you saw him shrink back into the chair and averted your eyes to the floor. You couldn't shake the desire to be silent that came over you every time you saw him, even you couldn't describe the feeling, it made you sick, afraid to say the wrong thing, to push down the hopes he could barely hold in his hands. You were so afraid of breaking him. Despite your caution, you admitted that you were one of those guilty of endangering the stability of the thin rope he was walking, because as long as you were together, you would be the person Beomgyu held his hand and led him to discover the worst ways to sabotage him. It was as if he was testing your criminal mind and inviting you to watch from the front row as he murdered his own dreams and hopes for life.

You snapped out of your thoughts as you felt the weight of his body sink into the mattress. You turned your face in his direction, slightly dazed as you watched him kick off his shoes and curl up into a ball under your sheets. You sighed, not resisting the urge to bring a hand up to his face and caress his cheek, the way you knew he liked it. 

"Lie down," he asked you in his little whisper. 

There he was, like a ghost in the darkness, looking at you with a longing that made your body tremble. Though he was overflowing with an inexhaustible weariness, and his features bore the nostalgia of the stars that once shone, he was heartbreakingly beautiful. His smooth skin had the feel of a misunderstood canvas, his eyes, deep and enigmatic, carried unreadable pleas. It was sadness embodied in the skin of an ethereal being, unable to be torn away. 

Your eyes closed unconsciously as Beomgyu leaned towards you after you obeyed his words, hiding his face in the curve between your neck and shoulder. The warmth of his body was always overwhelming, but his words had the power to slip between the trembling crevices of your heart and freeze its beating at will. 

"I miss you..." he murmured against your skin, the roughness of his fingers clinging to your hips and his nose sliding along your collarbone, enveloping your skin with his breath and stealing layers of your scent. "I miss you so much."

How many times had he said those words to you? You wanted to scream at him that you were here, that you hadn't gone anywhere, that he had you, that nothing would tear you from his side, but even you weren't sure of that anymore. 

"Me too, babe," you replied, lowering your face to his as his eyes sought yours. Damn it, you thought, it will happen again. 

Within minutes, Beomgyu's lips left your neck and traced a path down your belly. Silently, you gave his hands permission to roam beneath your clothes, to trace the curves of your breasts and massage your soft flesh. More than one sigh was stolen from your mouth as his fingers slid to the pointy centre of your breasts, sending a stream of emotion through the gentle pressure. You couldn't explain the emotion that was marked by the trace of his touch on your skin, it wasn't lust, it wasn't need, it wasn't passion, but it was soft and comfortable, just enough to seem like love, just enough to reduce the agony and inappetence of longing to something subtle. 

You whispered his name and cupped his face in your hands to draw him to you. Despite the suffocating emotion in the air, your bodies met in an anxious embrace, seeking solace and a cure for the raw hopelessness they could only express through gestures and silent caresses. The weight of his lips against your forehead made you close your eyes, almost begging him to never let go. Your lips ached with the need that filled them as the cold enveloped your body and replaced your clothes. But he did not kiss your lips, though they cried out in supplication, nor did you kiss his, knowing you would find the bitter taste of apology in them. 

You also helped him get rid of his clothes. You imitated his lack of shame and suppressed any negative emotions that would make you believe that seeing and touching him as you did was wrong. How could it be so wrong when you had Beomgyu in your hands, gentle, vulnerable and intense? Trembling sounds escaped his throat and bound your hands, begging for more. His hands tightened around you, his fingers sliding down each side of your neck and his thumbs pressing against the softest, most vulnerable part of your shoulders. You leaned into his direction, letting his warm breath brush against your ear. 

"My sweet Y/n..." Despite your skepticism that such a thing was possible, the sweetness in his voice made you believe that he really could feel the lost, that your body and voice could soothe his pain.

You kissed his hips with your fingertips, touching the roughness of his bones, holding him close as he wriggled against your touch. He responded just as sharply and slid one hand over your belly and the other between your legs where he pressed his fingers to your most sensitive spot, where pain and pleasure intertwined and sent a tightening sensation to your chest. "Beomgyu..."

"Shhh... it's okay."  He took hold of your knees and, as if he had forgotten his own frailty, he exposed you and adjusted your position for him. Your eyes sought his, eager to hold on to something, to reassure you that it wasn't a stranger touching you; to remind you that all was well, that you were safe. You wanted to find security and familiarity away from this quiet, reserved, sleepy version of himself, you wanted a smile of encouragement, one that would light up the night but not set the moon on fire. 

Beomgyu held your waist, preventing the involuntary, violent jerks of your pelvis. You swallowed saliva, dizzy and anticipating the raw invasion of his being inside you. 

"What's wrong?" you asked as you watched him look at you motionlessly. 

"You're not wet enough."

"It's okay, just do it."

 Beomgyu's lips brushed your cheek, his voice a whisper in your ear as he leaned closer. "I just want you to relax," he said. "Let me take care of everything." 

With a gentle tug around your waist, he sank you deeper into the bed, your head back against the softness of the pillow as he parted his body from yours to give him an open path for his hand to the shy, sensitive place between your legs. His fingers traced the inside of your thighs and slid down to the slit of your crotch, where he made circular motions with his fingertips for a few seconds before penetrating you.  

You closed your eyes and gasped for air. It was as if he was lulling you and slapping you at the same time. Part of you wanted to take it with or without pain because you didn't think you could take it much longer; another part of you, the more disillusioned part of you, wished it was him who gave up and ran away. You tried, you really hoped it would work. For a while, sex had been the relief for this raw ache, but nothing really cured it. No matter how many nights you devoted your body to Beomgyu's desires, there would always be a night when you would lock yourself in your room and cry for all that he lacked, for all that you couldn't give him, for all that you didn't want to give him. And he would know, he always noticed these things, the tears burning under the flesh of your cheeks. But he would not caress your heart as you cried, nor would his hands wrap around you as your mind and soul had done a thousand times with him. For Beomgyu would still be miserable, and neither you nor he was ready for him not to drag you down with him. 

Your body responded to the demands of Beomgyu's fingers and gave him what they were looking for. He clung to you as if he didn't want you to escape. You could feel his muscles tense and tremble, his breath in your ears, his heartbeat and breath on your skin. It was the only thing you could hold on to so that you wouldn't collapse right there. 

Beomgyu slid back, his fingers suddenly far away from the spot between your legs. The feeling of his emptiness inside you was such a familiar pain that you almost reached out for him for a moment, but the caress of his lips on your shoulder and that voice you missed so much brought your focus back to him.

"You're not leaving, are you?" he asked as he slid slowly and carefully inside you.

You didn't answer, you both already knew the answer.

The silence in the room was overwhelming. You were lying on the bed, minutes had passed since your breathing had returned to normal, and now the only sound in the room was the pattering of the rain against the glass of your window. The sweat had dried on your skin and the sheets; your muscles, now relaxed, felt a slight sense of fatigue that made you want to stay in bed. 

You looked at Beomgyu's back and traced the curve of his posture with the pad of your index finger. The delicate contours of his vertebrae were illuminated under the dim light of your desk lamp, lacking muscular strength, with a fragility palpable in every stroke your finger outlined. 

"Don't come back tomorrow."

"Y/n..." he said in a vague form of protest, but you cut him off before he could say anything else. "I have an exam and I really need to study.

I'll visit you on Friday." There was a minute of silence in which you thought he would try to protest, but he just nodded.

"Well, uhm... Are you hungry?"

"Not really."

"You're thinner."

"Maybe."

"Have they been feeding you well?" He gave you a sideways glance and raised his shoulders reluctantly. "It's hard, I have no appetite."

"Hospital food is terrible, isn't it?"

"I guess."

You sighed and looked at the back of his head as if you could see through it. 

"It's not the kind of food we were made for," you replied, trying to lighten the mood. Beomgyu finally moved, turned around and his head landed right on your chest. You could feel his hands touching your ribs, his lips in your hair, your feet on his. "I could make you some fried rice," you continued. "So you can eat something."

"It's okay, just stay with you. I don't need any-"

Your eyebrows furrowed as he interrupted himself. He had raised his gaze and was now staring at you. 

"What's wrong?"

"You look pretty."

Pretty.

The mood in the room changed when he said those words. You held your breath. Everything around you seemed weaker, as if it would fall apart at the wrong sound. You wanted to speak, but you dared not, out of weakness, your absurd cowardice, to show what you were thinking inside. You didn't feel beautiful. You didn't feel loved. Oh, what a relief it would have been to be able to express it to him at that moment, what a different and less complicated way it would have been not to wait for your surroundings to collapse in order to tell him all that you were hiding inside. Maybe if habit did not keep you silent when misery hovers around you, maybe if darkness was not the only stimulus urging you to seek the light, maybe you would have said it. 

I feel lonely. 

"Let's cook something, you know, like old times, but this time without burning anything. Let's make gimbap, but not just any gimbap. We can look up my grandmother's recipe, remember? I made it once for your birthday, haven't made it since, but I don't think I've lost the touch. The recipe has to be out there somewhere. My mother..."

"Okay," he interrupted, surprising you with a kiss on the cheek. "Forget the gimbap, fried rice is fine."

"Do you... do you want to join me or would you rather stay here and rest?"

"It's okay, your sister could meet me any minute."

"I'll be back in a few minutes."

With an overwhelming hope growing in your chest, you left your room and went to the kitchen. The house was plunged into a terrible silence and you had to fight the urge to return to the room, knowing that you would not find a warmer atmosphere inside. But the silence didn't last long, just as Beomgyu had predicted, Leah, your older sister, closed the front door as you finished descending the last flight of stairs. You were wearing only a plus size t-shirt and your panties, so you weren't surprised by the annoyed look she gave you.

"Looks like the rain caught up with you after work." 

"He's here, isn't it?"

You weren't even surprised that she ignored your attempts to start a conversation away from Beomgyu. You rolled your eyes and headed for the kitchen without looking at her. "Oh, not again, Leah."

"That bastard," you heard her curse as she nipped at your heels. "He thinks he can do whatever he wants to you because of his illness?" 

"He didn't do anything to me."

"That's the problem, y/n. In your opinion, he never does anything."

"Mind your own business, Leah." You told her as you tried your best to look busy, moving your hands around the closet, but the truth was your hands couldn't even remember what they were looking for. You opened one of the cabinets, then another. By the third, you felt a little discouraged, so you opened the fourth. Your hands began to despair, until finally a small package of rice wrapped in plastic caught your eye. You gently picked it up and placed it in your lap as you pulled a wooden stool closer to the side of the counter and sat down.

"I'm minding my own business." She replied, standing behind you for a few moments, a tense silence settling between the two of you, and you didn't dare look her in the eye. You felt a pang of embarrassment.

"Leave me alone."

Leah took one of your hands and forced you to face her. "You know I don't like to keep quiet when it comes to this, I didn't before, I won't now. Even if my words are in vain, even if I don't have the right to tell you what to do, I won't swallow my disapproval of you continuing this story in which you are clearly not a heroine. You are a fool, just like mom, don't you see? You witnessed her long years of misery for what? To repeat history? What is broken only hurts."

"Stop." You pulled her hand hard. "This is between Beomgyu and me, no one else has any part in this. How many times do I have to explain myself to you?

Leah let out a frustrated sigh, she seemed to be debating your words and your back stiffened as you waited for her next attack, but the tension in your body turned to surprise when you felt her hand tugging at the collar of your shirt.

"Leah!" you screamed, but your attempts to push her away faltered as you became aware of what she was looking at with such displeasure. You didn't even remember the purple marks on your collarbone, they were old and therefore barely noticeable, but her sharp eyes hadn't missed them and her expression made it clear that he knew who the culprit was; which was just one more reason to increase her displeasure.

"I'm going to... God, that idiot..." After a few seconds of silence, you heard her sigh and turn away. You felt your stomach sink. "Is he upstairs?" 

"Leah, don't..."

Your reflexes were fast, but not fast enough to catch her before she came out of the kitchen. Less than a meter from the stairs, your fingers clutched at her clothes, perhaps too tightly, perhaps so desperately that it left your sister and you in disbelief. 

You thought of Beomgyu waiting for you in your room, vulnerable and feeble with his own thoughts. Maybe he agreed to let you cook for him because he wanted to be alone, maybe he called you pretty because it was easier than saying anything else. Maybe you loved him and it wasn't right. Maybe you hated him and he knew it. Maybe you took his sadness for granted, or maybe you should have understood that he wasn't worth it. But there was more, something darker than all possible answers, something you suspected but were afraid to admit to yourself, afraid to face it. 

Beomgyu didn't need you, it was you who needed him.

Your hand loosened its grip on Leah's clothes and you stepped back. A tremor went through your body as you looked down at your hands, suddenly afraid of yourself, your own demons. "I'm sorry, just... leave him alone."

For a few seconds you thought she would say something, argue, scream, or just try to move on as if she didn't hear you. She did none of these things, instead she turned back to the stairs and said those words that hit every sensitive nerve in your body. 

"If your disease doesn't kill you soon, you should kill yourself."

At first, her words were like an attack that you couldn't digest for the first few seconds. They hurt, they stole your breath, and you heard the crackling of something weak, something sensitive breaking; but it was only when you saw where the attack was directed that fear and a searing anxiety invaded your body and made your knees fight against a wrenching weakness.

"Leah!" the scream tore at your throat. 

Beomgyu was standing on the stairs when he met your sister's gaze. His jaw was clenched, but his tired expression made him look almost expressionless. But he wasn't. He was shaking, more than you. He was suffering, more than you. He had never looked so small, so fragile, so far away. And you had never felt so helpless, so frightened, so unaware of your impulses.

"How... how can you say such a thing?" Your palms slapped Leah's back, once, twice, three times, as if to force her to spit out an answer. You were distraught, desperate, about to burst into tears. "How can you be a human being and say such a thing? How can you be my sister and..."

"'Whoa, whoa, take it easy... Just calm down..." Beomgyu's arms, who seemed to have rushed down the stairs at full speed at the first of your attacks, wrapped around your waist and pulled you back. You tried to pull him away, even though you had no intention of returning to your sister, but he clung to you tightly. "Come on, outside." 

You didn't resist as he led you outside your house. His hands released you only when he closed the door behind him and you turned to him with a pleading expression. Beomgyu said nothing but shook his head in a gesture you could not decipher and the fear that shook every part of your body could not have been worse.

Silence.

You parted your lips, desperately wanting to say something, anything, but nothing came out. Beomgyu gave you a dejected smile and shrugged his shoulders, a gesture he always made when he wanted to play things down and cheer you up. You had to look away to keep from collapsing. 

The raindrops on the pavement were bright white under the streetlights. The streets were empty, the only sounds being your accelerated breathing, the pattering of the rain, and the rustle of the trees in the wind. The air was tinged with damp bark and earthy moss, a smell that for the first time you found more devastating than comforting. 

"I'm going home, back inside." 

Your breath caught in your lungs and you made an incredible effort to get the words out of your mouth. 'If your disease doesn't kill you soon, you should kill yourself'. These words kept going over and over and over in your mind. How could your sister tell him that, how could she even think about it? Beomgyu, who had lived in a body full of anxiety, instability, impulsiveness, confusion, and paranoia since he was sixteen. Beomgyu, who had to live with an incurable diagnosis and inexhaustible medication. Beomgyu, in whose confused mind, behind a thick layer of emotions, there was only a genuine desire to be loved, accepted and valued by himself and others. Beomgyu, insecure, bright, dull, happy, depressed, who started a new war against himself every day. If your sister had known all this, would she have said those cruel words? If your sister had seen the sharp, cutting impact that melted into Beomgyu like a heavy anchor that prevented any hope from floating, would she really have stayed at home so calmly?

"She doesn't know what she said," you whispered, lifting your gaze from the floor to look deep into his eyes. "She's... selfish, arrogant, completely irrational. She thinks she knows you. They think they know you. But they don't know anything about you! They don't know you like I do, no one...no one..."

"It's okay."

"Nobody does."

"I know." Beomgyu took your face in his hands, his intense eyes never leaving yours. "You know me better than anyone."

"Stay."

Beomgyu shook his head sadly.

"No, I..."

"I love you."

Your interruption seemed to shake the ground beneath Beomgyu's feet. The boy sighed shakily and leaned his forehead against yours. His eyes, now wet and shiny like the concrete of the long avenue, were hidden under his eyelids and closed with the force of something burning to be seen. 

"Do you sometimes... do you sometimes not have the urge to die together? To throw us in a lake and drown? Something like that?"

A sob escaped your throat and your hands cupped his cheeks, almost as if you were holding his heavy soul with the edge of your fingernails to keep him from slipping from your grasp. Nothing was ever more frustrating. "No, God, of course not, how can you say such a thing? I want nothing more than to live by your side, to synchronize your heart with mine, to hear you breathe, to see you smile... I want to calm you down and for you to calm me down. I want to survive with you.

Beomgyu let out a soft snort that resembled an attempt at laughter. "Always giving me the cold shoulder. Go back inside, you'll catch a cold."

Your hands grabbed his clothes. You didn't want to let go, your whole being told you not to, not to let him go, not like that, not with those words still echoing in his head. Beomgyu gently pushed your hands away and you trembled. You were afraid for everything, for him, for yourself, for the future. You feared his departure and that he would become unreachable. For the first time, you feared that you didn't love him. 

Beomgyu's breathing was steady now, only the faint, clear outline of his body pressed against your chest told you that he was still there, still present. "I'm scared," you whispered. 

"Me too."

"Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Friday, I'll see you Friday." 

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Finally, you stepped back, still wanting to say many things, but lacking the right repository of words to get them out. Beomgyu hesitated for a moment, his mouth opened slightly as if he wanted to speak. But he didn't. You took a deep breath and stepped back again, your face blank and your hands hanging limply at your sides. Your lips trembled, but then, almost out of nowhere, you smiled. It wasn't a happy smile, nothing like that, given the situation. It was desperation eating away at your life, the wind hitting your body and telling you how empty your hands were now. It was Beomgyu, tired and in pain, making his way into the distance.  

You smiled even more when the sky began to rain.

masterlist - txt

© gyummigon | all rights reserved. copying or adaptation prohibited

[lisired]

keep on

pairing: johnny x (f) reader

genre/warnings: smut, angst, non-idol au, fwb!johnny, alcohol consumption, mentions of addiction/alcoholicism, daddy issues, mommy issues, unprotexted sex (dont b silly wrap ur willy!)

summary: All things love and commitment are feared upon by you. You keep a tight crew and let few people in, cynical of other’s intentions and leaving a trail of broken hearts in your wake. If you break other people’s hearts first, they can’t break yours. And yet, it was all too easy falling for Johnny, digging yourself into a depthless hole of love. But he is no exception to your heartache games.

word count: 13.6k

a/n: this was a pretty quick write. inspired by keep on by kehlani, garden (say it like dat) by sza and off the table by ariana grande featuring the weeknd. have fun reading <3 feedback is appreciated!

Through the blurry lenses of your eyes, love was a synonym for heartbreak.

It happened everyday. People gave people their all and in return, they received nothing but brutal agony. You had seen it happen and experienced the heartache firsthand.

Like when your father left your mother. And thus, the baby they had brought into this world together. It stung like nothing else to watch what became of your mother, drowning her sorrows in liquor. She was never the same.

Perhaps she had passed her bad habits down to you. The apple never falls far from the tree, they say.

Irene’s house was your deemed safe haven for the night. It was Friday and you were having a girl’s night out, but given the gruesome work week everyone had, no one wanted to truly go out.

You strutted inside and collapsed against her island, dropping your purse on the surface. “Get me drunk,” you sighed, tired beyond imagination. Not to mention the text message creeping in your mind.

Yeri giggled and slid you a glass. She had already been drinking, you could tell. She got all bubbly when tipsy. She reached for a bottle, and said, “Irene’s getting the good shit. She’ll be right back.”

They got the bottles and poured the glasses. When they were empty, you didn’t hesitate to fill them up again. There was no doubt that the next morning would bring you a terrible hangover, though you wanted to drink like there was no tomorrow.

You wanted to forget everything. Forget men. Forget the way that they all hurt you. Fuck that, you didn’t even want to remember what hurt was or meant.

They were nothing but trouble.

As the hours ticked by, less and less of your sullenness was masked by your inebriety. It became evident that there was something plaguing your mind. You sat slumped on the couch, bitter.

Irene sat beside you when the coast was clear. The girls had either passed out or gone back home if they were sober enough. But you were seated on her sofa, reeking of depression.

“We can always talk about it, you know,” Irene said softly. She grabbed your hand and let you rest your head on her lap. “It might make you feel better to open up.”

You shook your head and quipped dryly, “And ruin your perfect girl’s night? I thought the point was to de-stress.”

Irene gave you a faint smile and patted your head gently. She was one of the few people who knew the extent of trauma you dealt with. Your every secret was kept under lock and key but she protected them with her whole heart. Irene cared for you, that was undeniable. All things considered, she was like a mother to you. But you depended on no one but yourself and you hated seeming weak. Even if you were.

Besides, there was a time and a place, and this was neither. Ranting about your daddy issues wasn’t the point of tonight. It was to clear your head. Nothing good came out of recalling the irreversible damage your father had inflicted upon your broken family.

I’m sorry. Let me make things right, the text you received read. It made you feel a fusion of emotion - anger, sadness, confusion, disgust. What he did, upping and leaving, was unforgivable. It was a sin.

He broke your family. There was nothing he could do or say to make things right, to mend the shattered pieces. If he wanted to leave then he should have stayed gone. He had no right to try to come and intrude years later. He didn’t get to pick and choose when he could be in your life.

Irene was firm when she told you, “I’m here for you whenever you need me. I know you like to think that you don’t need anyone, that opening up makes you vulnerable, but being vulnerable is okay. I’m not going to attack you for being human and having the feelings you push away.”

Right in the heart - that was where her words always hit you. Irene had a habit of always being right, even if the truth hurt. Even if you desperately wanted her to be wrong. And yet, she never was.

But your lips were sealed. It was too much. Irene could try and soothe you, but even she couldn’t always break you. She sighed, but had another solution.

Irene lifted your head off of her lap and stood, rummaging for her keys. You stared at her with confusion. “What are you doing?”

“I’m taking you to Johnny’s. No buts. If there’s anyone that can get you to open up, it’s him, and the very last thing that you need to be in this state is alone.”

Your eyes flickered with shock. It wouldn’t be the first time that a drunk you had been dropped off at his doorstep - and it more than likely wouldn’t be the last - but you always woke up penitent the next day.

Johnny didn’t deserve that. He deserved better than you.

“But…”

“Ah, ah, ah - I said no ‘but’s,” Irene wielded her dismissive weapon of a finger. Her motherly instincts were kicking in and it meant that her decision was final. “Let’s go.”

With no other option, you followed Irene to her car with a slight stumble in your walk. Given they lived in the same neighborhood, you were at Johnny’s place in a blink. For some reason, you felt nervous. That was how you always felt around Johnny, even if you knew deep down that you had nothing to worry about.

He keeps on taking me in, you thought somberly. He’s nice to me. Even when I don’t deserve it. And I don’t know why.

If you were sober, you might have felt more guilty. Scratch that, you would have felt like nothing short of a villain. And maybe you were. Maybe you were the bad guy, the wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing.

But that was because you couldn’t help but think everyone else was out to get you. Whatever much excuse you could bring yourself to give.

Irene walked you up to Johnny’s doorstep and rang the doorbell. It was late at night and Johnny liked his rest, but he was wide awake when he came to answer the door. And his entire expression changed when his eyes fell on you.

Johnny had seen you too many times too many in this state and just enough to know when you had spent the past few hours maintaining your friendship with alcohol. It was much more effort than you were putting into yours.

Irene squeaked in her soft voice, “Hi.”

He looked stone cold. It made your stomach twist, just a little. Although you knew Johnny was the warmest person there was. He stifled a sigh and said, “Come on, y/n.”

You shuffled right past him and through the doorway. By now it was routine, yet Johnny thought he would never get used to seeing you this way. He tried to help you, tried to get you to break out of your bad habits. And you were genuinely improving. For you to relapse out of the blue meant that you had been triggered.

When the coast was clear, Johnny shot Irene a glare, and snapped, “Why would you let this happen?”

Irene kept a straight face and took his harsh words in stride. If Johnny lashed out at her, she understood. It wasn’t easy dealing with you, loving you, and she could only imagine what it was like to be in love with you. “I know you’re stressed, but don’t antagonize me for her actions, Johnny. I can’t control what she does.”

“No, but you can enable her. And that’s exactly what you do,” Johnny barked.

“She’s one of my closest friends!” Irene shouted, tears brimming in her eyes. “I would never do anything to hurt her. All I want to do is help her. I’ve been trying. Trust me. I’ve been trying so hard, Johnny. But you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.”

Irene never cried. Much less in front of men. She was too busy being strong for everyone else to let herself be weak. She deserved to lash out, too. Being the calm friend, the responsible one, was hard. And she felt like she only got closer and closer to losing you everyday.

Johnny simmered down once he realized that she was right. All of this was unwarranted. He knew that doing this for you over and over again was only hurting the both of you, and everyone you loved, but he loved you too goddamn much to let you go.

It was frustrating. It made him angry - loving you. Being in love with you. Hearing his heart call out your name. And watching you use him just to dispose of him when you were done like he was some replaceable toy. What made him even more upset was that you were showing progress, and he thought that maybe something good could finally come out of it. Now he had to watch it all go down the drain.

Johnny rubbed his temple and sighed out, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Irene took a deep breath and exhaled. Johnny knew it wasn’t like her to lose her sense like that, but as long as you were hurting, so was she. “Just take care of her. Please. That’s all I ask.”

Johnny gave a nod of head and turned around. He was about to go inside and check up on you when he heard Irene call his name again.

“Please be patient with her. She’s trying.”

She loves you. Irene didn’t say it, but it was clear as day. Written all over her face, swimming in her dark eyes.

He nodded again, more reluctant this time, then pushed his door open and came inside the house. Glancing around, he didn’t spot you nearby. He called out your name, and when you responded, the sound of your voice led him upstairs to his bedroom.

You were now wearing one of his t-shirts, but it looked more like it was wearing you. Things had been like that since you were in high school. He towered over you with the skies above and yet he was filled of nothing but adoration. The memories of you wearing his clothes almost made him break into a smile. Almost.

Instead, Johnny sat down beside you and said, “Are you gonna tell me what happened now or in the morning?”

You frowned. People always wanted to talk, as if talking would make all your problems magically disappear. All you wanted to do was forget that they existed for as long as you could.

Without saying a word, you unlocked your phone, went to your messages, and handed it to him. Johnny gave you a confused glance, but read the text nonetheless. It was from an unsaved number, but the contents of the message gave away everything he needed to know. Clearly, it was from no one other than your father.

“Shit,” Johnny said, more to himself than anything else.

You pushed your knees to your chest and wrapped your arms around your legs. “Yeah. Apparently he wants to make up for leaving his daughter and her mother when she was a toddler and driving the woman he used to love into substance abuse. Funny, right?”

Johnny sighed. No wonder you were beginning to sink back into your old ways. This was a trigger and you knew nothing else.

“How’d he even get your number?”

“My mother’s rash decisions or my cousin’s spite for me, who knows,” you shrugged, chuckling. Family reunions weren’t your favorite. At some point of becoming fed up with your family fiascos, you stopped attending. There was no way that you would see your evil cousin, your old-fashioned grandparents, aunts, and uncles, or even your mother. The only thing she and you shared was resent for your father, but you weren’t sure what she was capable of when drunk.

Johnny frowned. As much as it hurt to see you like this, he understood why you reacted the way you did. He was your best friend and your lover and knew you better than you knew yourself. He knew every bit of your trauma, down to the rawest detail - your childhood, all of the boys you once loved that weren’t him.

Part of him wished that you had given your heart to him first. He would have guarded it with a sword and fought off dragons for you. Instead, the boys you trusted handled it carelessly and shattered it into pieces. Now it was much harder to salvage what was left of it.

Johnny pulled you into his arms. He was angry. Angry at your father, angry at the world, even angry at you. But he wanted to be there for you, even if you took advantage of his kindness. When you felt his hands around you, you wept into his shoulder. He smoothed the palm of his hand against your back, and whispered soothingly into your ear, “It’s okay. Let it all out.”

You wept and wept, until you had no tears left to cry. God, you hated crying in front of other people. You hated being vulnerable, but it came naturally when you were with Johnny. Ever since you became friends in high school. And though Johnny never made a move to hurt you, he could have. That was the part you hated. Being vulnerable to someone meant trusting them not to hurt you the way everyone else had.

When you were done, you pulled away and noticed the damp patch on Johnny’s shirt. “Sorry,” you croaked.

“Shirts can dry,” he reminded, and lifted it above his head. “Let’s go to bed. You can talk to me in the morning when you’re sober.”

You nodded, then climbed into bed with him. To say that you hadn’t been in this position before would have been a lie, but you liked being so close to Johnny. He was your refuge from the world that liked to throw knives at you. And when you bled, he was always there to tend to your bloody scars. He made you feel safe, and that scared you more than anything.

Johnny kissed your forehead. “Goodnight.”

Heat flared in your cheeks. Safe didn’t even scratch the surface of how Johnny made you feel, but it would have to for now. You weren’t ready to unpack your feelings for Johnny. You weren’t ready to confront them.

“Goodnight, Johnny.”

Even in the dark, you saw Johnny smile. And beneath it he hid the storms of emotion induced by you that were killing him softly.

Between the pain of knowing Johnny was hurting because of you and the pain of your hangover, you couldn’t tell what hurt more.

It was a well-practiced routine. You woke up with a splitting headache, a bottle of water and Aspirin waiting for you on his bedside, and sometimes Johnny would be tucked into the sheets next to you. When he wasn’t, he was downstairs making breakfast.

And when you woke up, taking in your surroundings and realizing they were nothing like your bedroom, the regret settled in. You’re so fucking selfish, you chastised to yourself. Johnny was in love with you. That was positively the only reason he put up with your bullshit, but he deserved better.

And you were trying to give him better, to be the one that he needed. Given your habits of sleeping around to ignore the weight tugging at your chest when you thought of Johnny and drinking away your problems, you were trying to stop. Instead of drinking, you ranted to Irene or Johnny. Instead of finding someone to toy with for a night, you tried to be a good friend to Johnny.

It worked. Even the rest of your friends caught on to how much better and healthier you seemed. Then, your dad sent that stupid text and your whole world went crashing down. You didn’t know what to do. You were torn. Ripped and shredded to fucking pieces.

Maybe it was time Johnny accepted that he deserved someone better than you. For his own sake. You were a tainter that ruined everything you touched and rotted it to the core.

You popped the Aspirin and came downstairs. Johnny wasn’t there when you woke up, but judging from the delicious scent wafting through the air, he was downstairs cooking.

“Morning,” you whispered, sitting at the island.

Johnny shot you a glance over his shoulder and tended back to the stove. He was making pancakes. “If it isn’t Sleeping Beauty.”

You blushed and tried to hide it, asking coyly, “Momma’s recipe?”

“You know it.”

That made you crack a soft smile. He was right - you did know. Part of you envied the relationship Johnny had with his parents: strong and healthy. That would never be you. You didn’t remember the last time you spoke to your mother and your father was self-explanatory.

You shook your head, and hopefully the thought away. It was too early. Instead, you focused on Johnny. He was still half-naked, and you caught yourself gazing at the details of his bare back. Damn, did he look good.

Then, you watched him cook, subconsciously trailing off into your own head again. I don’t deserve him. He went above and beyond for you, from making you breakfast to even letting you inside in the first place. He held you and listened to your rants and tried his best to aid you, but you threw that all away. And yet, here he was.

When Johnny was finished cooking, he fixed you both plates and sat across from you. Apart from giving him your gratitude, the two of you ate in silence. After a while, he commented, “I thought you weren’t drinking anymore.”

You stared at your plate, refusing to look Johnny in his eyes. That would kill you - seeing the pain submerged in his eyes staring back in you. It was obvious that you didn’t want to have this conversation, preferring to leave words left unsaid. What you didn’t know couldn’t hurt you.

Maybe you already knew and you were trying your hardest to ignore it.

“Old habits die hard,” you murmured, fiddling with your knife and fork.

Your relationship with alcohol was typical. Although you weren’t addicted, it was still unhealthy. For the most part, when you drank, it was to forget about the feelings and thoughts plaguing your heart and mind. Escapism was your go-to coping mechanism. You weren’t strong enough to confront your problems head-on.

“You can’t keep doing this.” We can’t keep doing this.

“I know.”

Johnny sighed. “What’s on your mind?”

You bit your lip. Of course, Johnny could tell when there was something troubling you. There was no hiding from him. He was the only one capable of coaxing you of an answer.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have shown up here unannounced expecting you to take care of me.” Just like you always do.

Johnny was quick. “It wasn’t unannounced. Irene texted me.”

“That’s not the point and you know it,” you said, finally looking up at him. The expression he sported was grim. It hurt to see the way he looked at you, but you knew that you didn’t deserve his beautiful smile. 

He sighed and glanced off, almost looking offended. “Then, what is your point?”

You shook your head. You weren’t ready to have this conversation and you doubted that you ever would be. “Forget it.”

“No. Talk to me. I just hate when you freeze me out,” Johnny urged swiftly. He hated it more than anything else. All he wanted was your love, but he was quick to realize that it was hard to thaw your frozen heart out.

Eyes drifting back to your plate, you shook your head and whispered, “I didn’t know what else to do.”

Johnny softened up. For fucks sake, you were impossible, but he had too much sympathy for you. He understood why you acted the way you did, even if that didn’t ease the pain or validate your behavior. Most of all, he didn’t want you to follow your mother’s footsteps and become the person you swore you’d never be.

Last night hurt him, too. Patient was all he had ever been with you. He had been patient with you for at least ten years. He was so sick of waiting, but it was safe to say that no matter what, you would be his first and last love.

When the room got quiet, you spoke up again in a little voice, “He texted me Thursday night. I still haven’t responded. I don’t know what to do anymore, Johnny.”

“Do what you wanna do,” he told you, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “It’s up to you. You don’t have to forgive him. You don’t even gotta respond. What he did was fucked up and he shouldn’t expect you to give in easily. But whatever you choose to do, your first priority should be letting go.”

Letting go. Easier said than done. All your life, letting go had never been your forte. Part of you was still scarred by your past lovers. Grudges ruined your life.

There were reasons why you came out this way. Of course, part of it stemmed from your childhood, though not everything and your identity was intricately layered.

In high school, you fell for Lee Jeno. He was the sweetest boy that you’d ever met - or at least you thought he was - and he almost instantly swept you off your feet. Jeno had all the girls swooning and the fact that he chose you made you feel a special type of bliss. Until you found him making out with a cheerleader in the locker room.

Then, in college, you decided to give romance a second try. It was Osaki Shotaro’s turn to break your heart. You remembered like it was yesterday and it was all so sudden. Out of the blue, Shotaro broke up with you and told you that he wasn’t in love with you anymore. He left you for another woman. You couldn’t imagine how many times he had been with her all while being with you. It made you sick to your stomach.

After that, you were scarred for life, scared shitless of love. Boys proved time and time again without fail that their only intention was to treat your fragile heart like dirt on the bottom of their shoes. They walked all over it, taking advantage of your blind love. Fed you lies and empty promises of forever.

That was why you kept your heart guarded and under lock and key. You intentionally kept your relationships short and discardable - no strings attached. You didn’t want to trust anyone else with your heart. They threw it in the middle of a busy highway and now it was in traffic.

Trust issues, they called it. Issues - that was your forte. And you had a variety. Trust issues, abandonment issues, daddy issues, commitment issues. Whatever the label slapped on them, they all controlled every moment of your life.

Johnny added, “I know that’s easier said than done, but promise me you’ll try. Will you?”

You nodded your head and fought back tears. Weak was the word you used to describe yourself in your head. It was far too easy to break you. “I’ll try, I promise. But I don’t know if I can do it.”

“I believe in you,” Johnny whispered, voice soft yet powerful. You were convinced that he had too much faith in you. Never had anyone believed in you this much. Never had anyone loved you the way that Johnny did and you didn’t know how to accept it.

Your heart was at constant war, unable to choose between two stances. Johnny wasn’t like the other men once in your life. Or maybe he was, yet hid it well. Maybe he was waiting for you to trust him to break your heart.

Both of you finished eating and changed the subject. It was a relief. Johnny hated making things awkward and you were grateful for that.

After a while, Johnny drove you back home. You hated leaving and Johnny hated watching you go, but he couldn’t say he wasn’t used to this cycle. You stood at your doorstep and said, “Thanks for breakfast.”

Johnny nodded. “Any time. When will I see you again?”

He liked seeing you. Just not after a long night of you disregarding your troubles with sex and alcohol.

“My schedule’s packed Monday through Friday, but maybe one of those nights,” you said. Often you found yourself making time for Johnny when there was none. And in return, he did the same. He showed you a good time and to your definition, that meant a night of relieving pent up stress. “If not, I’ll see you this weekend.”

“Okay,” Johnny nodded again. “Later, alligator.”

Before he could leave, you leaned on the tip of your toes and smashed your lips against his. Johnny seemed genuinely caught off-guard, but he wasted no time in kissing you back, stealing your every last breath like there was no tomorrow. You liked kissing Johnny. Apart from the warm feeling boiling in your chest whenever he pressed his lips to yours, he was just so damn good at making you feel like you were on a cloud.

You pulled back and caught your breath, smiling. “After a while, crocodile.”

Johnny grinned and walked back to his car.

You didn’t see Johnny again until the following weekend.

Not that you didn’t speak. You and Johnny were inseparable and spoke everyday if you could, via texting or phone calls when there was no chance of seeing each other in person. You told him that you needed time to yourself and he both respected and encouraged your decision.

You were busy thinking - an upside of Johnny’s influence. Most of the time you hated being in your head and avoided it at all costs. It was a dangerous place to be, but you were trying harder to not disappoint him once more.

In that time, your father sent you another message. He wanted to meet up with you and was unyielding. The ball was in your court. You could agree to hear him out or you could block his number and pretend it never happened, but it was no easy decision.

Saturday approached far too leisurely. Uneventful days of work and pondering led to the date of your friends’ betrothal party.

With a very Yuta-esque spin to it. The event was casual through and through. The dress code was loose and neither party held good relationships with their family, meaning most of the guests were close friends. It was a pool party and everyone would be in the backyard.

When you caught up to Yuta and Winwin, you didn’t hesitate to ask, “Okay, I’ll bite. Who did it? Who popped the question?”

Yuta fought a smirk and shrugged blithely. “Guess.”

“Winwin?”

Winwin shook his head. “Nope. Contrary to popular belief, Yuta’s quite the romantic. In his own way, of course. He even crouched down on one knee.”

It was somewhat believable. The Yuta from before he met Winwin wasn’t the Yuta that stood before you now. He had seen the light and became a man of all things love and cheesy.

Still, you teased, “No way. Can’t believe the main hoe of the town is settling down. What happened to being non-monogamous buddies?”

“Shit changes,” Yuta said, sighing blissfully as he wrapped an arm around Winwin. Then, he teased back, “Besides, we both know it was either me and Winwin or you and Johnny next in fate’s line.”

You blushed and spluttered, “Where’d you get that idea from?”

Both boys laughed like you had told the funniest joke. You narrowed your eyes, and Winwin answered for his future husband, “I know I’m the latest addition to the gang and all, but even I can see the sparks between you and Johnny. There’s obviously something there. I don’t know why you haven’t acted on it.”

Yuta exchanged knowing glances with you. He probably understood you the best out of everyone present. Your life’s weren’t carbon copy’s of each other, but he had lived the closest thing to your trauma. You weren’t ready. For a while, neither was he, but if he could let go and move on, maybe so you could you.

“There’s been sparks since motherfucking junior high. It’s always been a given that you two like each other and you’ll get together one day in the future. I couldn’t see it any other way,” Yuta said.

That should have made you feel happy, but all you could feel was dread and regret fused with yearning. All of your friends could see you together, but you weren’t sure if you could give him that. How selfish of you to be the one holding the two of you back.

You should have told him to move on and let you go. Instead, you avoided confrontation for as long as possible, craving every moment of his love and attention until the flame went out. You didn’t want to give him all of you yet, but you didn’t want to give him away either. Losing Johnny meant that he would never be yours. Maybe that was what it would take for you to open your eyes.

New guests caught Winwin’s eye and he tugged on his fiancé’s arm. “We’ll catch up with you later, we have to greet the other guests. Come on, Yuta.”

“You go ahead, babe. I’ll be right behind you in a minute,” Yuta dismissed. Winwin only nodded and went to greet their guests. Then, Yuta turned to you and quietly asked, “Everything okay between you and Johnny?”

“It’s your engagement party. Don’t worry about us,” you sighed, searching for the bar through the corners of your eyes.

Yuta was quick to retort, “And you’re my friends. I can worry about you whenever I want. Now, what’s up?”

You bit your lip. This wasn’t the kind of conversation you had in the middle of a betrothal party, but Yuta was adamant. You thought about the last time you had seen Johnny, how you felt when you kissed him. God, you missed the feeling of his lips on yours. Whenever Johnny was near your side you wished that you could hit pause on time. It was funny how the most beautiful moments in life were the most short-lived ones.

Your voice was small when you said, “I’m not a good person, Yuta.”

Yuta glanced at you curiously, eyes urging you on. “What you do?”

“I let Johnny down. A couple of weeks ago I told him that I’d try to break out of my habits. And I was actually doing better. I stopped resorting to drinking whenever something inconvenienced me and finding one-night stands to forget about Johnny.”

Yuta nodded along. “And then?”

“And then, my dad texted me and said he wanted to make things right between us, and I didn’t know what else to do. I got drunk last Friday night and Irene took me to Johnny’s house. I don’t remember much, but I know I winded up telling him what happened and crying on his shoulder,” you chuckled sourly. “He made me breakfast the next morning and we talked about it. And I feel bad because he doesn’t deserve none of this shit. He deserves someone better.”

He deserves someone that isn’t afraid to love him.

“Are you gonna be that person?” Yuta questioned, tone genuine.

I want to be. You exhaled. You didn’t know the answer to that.

You blinked, feeling tears threatening to fall. “I don’t know. The worst part is he has so much faith in me when I’m not even sure about myself. He should have walked away a long time ago, but he’s still here, waiting for me.”

“He’s ready when you are. But you aren’t ready yet, are you?”

Shaking your head, you frowned. You were far from.

“Be better. Do better,” Yuta said assertively. “I know that’s harder than it sounds, but you gotta try. Figure that shit out with your dad. What you choose to do is none of my business, but you have to heal and let it go so that you can be a better person for yourself and for Johnny.”

“That’s practically what Johnny said.”

“Great minds think alike,” Yuta grinned.

You snickered. “You got engaged and got all wise and shit, huh?”

“You know the tale. My dad was a drunk and treated me and my Mom like shit. It was up to me to decide if I wanted to grow into him, or if I wanted to be better,” he spoke monotonously.

But you were scared. You wanted to do things the right way, but you weren’t certain if you knew how. “What if I mess up?”

Yuta didn’t hesitate. “The point of mistakes is to learn. We all fuck up once or twice. That way, you know what not to do so you don’t fuck up the third time. It sucks, but that’s the way life works. Don’t make the same mistake thrice.”

He spoke the gospel. Where your family lacked, you were at least glad to have supportive friends. They were kind and you knew at the end of the day, they were people you could confide in. Maybe you would do it more often.

“I won’t,” you told Yuta. You sounded firm.

“Good,” he replied, and scanned the crowd for Winwin. “Now I gotta go with Winwin before he beats my ass in front of everybody. You go find Johnny, alright?”

You nodded. That you would. It had been too long since you had heard his voice and felt his touch and you were craving a taste. With that, Yuta left to join his husband-to-be and you scanned the crowd for your own lover.

In an instant your eyes landed on Johnny and you could spot him in any crowd. He was at the edge of the pool talking to Ten, who you caught casting Johnny a wink before walking away once he noticed you coming over.

When you got there, you crouched down and sat next to him. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Johnny greeted, instinctively wrapping an arm around your waist. “You look great.”

You blushed. This morning you had deliberately chosen the sexiest bikini set in your wardrobe. It raised the stakes and given how addicted Johnny was to your body, your chances at getting laid tonight. “You look the best.”

Johnny was also half-naked, obviously. And damn did he look gorgeous. You bit your lip. You were thoroughly convinced that the gods themselves had sculpted him. His body was to die for and you were offering yourself up.

Johnny joked, “I won’t argue with that.”

You snickered and nudged his side.

“How was your work week?”

Johnny groaned and you immediately knew the answer to that question. “I’m stressed and exhausted. I need an outlet for my pent up frustration.”

“Oh?” you stammered, mouth suddenly dry.

“Yeah,” Johnny said. His hand ran up and down your back and he leaned to your side, whispering, “Good thing I have you, right?”

There was a crushing weight on your chest that made it difficult to breathe. Whenever Johnny was near you, the pressure came back, and it only got more intense when he did things like that. The effect he had on you was strong and he had you tingling with lust.

“Yeah,” you murmured back, trying hard to keep your cool and avoid appearing anything other than indifferent. But he could see right through you. “Good.”

“What about you?” Johnny pressed. “How was your week?”

“I don’t wanna think about it,” you grumbled.

Johnny was so close to you that you could feel the warmth of his body radiating your skin. Given the sunny weather, you were already hot, but something about this felt internal. It was like trying to breathe on the moon. Johnny parted his lips and suggested, “Kiss me until you forget about it.”

There was no need to tell you twice. You initiated the kiss, steering his lips to yours until they met with a clash. Johnny took control, arms still wrapped around you as he took passion to another level. It wasn’t long before you were sucking on each other’s tongues. You crawled into his lap for easier access, wanting to be as close to him as humanly possible.

Heat flared from your chest to Johnny’s and vice versa, spreading from bone to bone at the skin on skin contact. Whenever you made out, it was like you were floating in air or navigating through space with no gravity. His hands clung to your body and you were on a cloud, elevating and trying your hardest to refrain from grinding down on his crotch.

Johnny deepened the kiss, holding you tightly as possible and moving his mouth against yours fiercely. His heart was thundering against and threatening to leap out of the cage of his bare, burly chest. God, there was no greater pleasure than kissing you and feeling your warm body on his. But you both were putting all of your strength into resisting each other and it was too much. The feelings were overbearing.

When you both pulled away, you exhaled little breaths, hearts racing. You looked Johnny in his lustful eyes and heaved, “I like kissing you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You taste good as hell,” you flirted.

“Mm,” Johnny hummed, nodding his head. He pulled you square to his chest, face hovering hardly inches over yours. You gulped, which undoubtedly didn’t go unnoticed. “What do I taste like?”

You pressed your palms to his naked chest, purring, “Strawberry champagne.” 

“Yeah, you missed the bottle popping,” he chuckled. God knows you would have loved that.

Faking a pout, you replied, “Bummer. I was too busy trying on different bikinis.”

“You wear this all for me?” Johnny flirted, ever the intuitive man. Unbeknownst to you, he had been eyeing you from the moment you stepped onto the scene. And the second he laid eyes on you in your bright red bikini, he knew that he had to have his way with you.

“Especially for you. I know blue’s your favorite color, but red suits me better.”

“You make short work of supermodels in anything you wear,” Johnny growled. He was looking at you from head to toe, as if he were going to swallow you whole.

“You’re just saying that because you wanna have sex with me.”

Johnny wasted no time in shutting you down. “I’m saying it because it’s true. Sex would be a nice bonus, though.”

You laughed.

“Come swim with me,” Johnny said, gently sitting you back on the edge of the pool before coming to his feet.

You hesitated. “Won’t Yuta be upset we ditched him at his engagement party?”

“That wasn’t a question,” Johnny added, lowering his voice. Which definitely did unspeakable things to you. “And trust me - Yuta doesn’t give a flying fuck as long as we join in when it’s time to gather around and shit.”

That was true. It didn’t mean Yuta had unsophisticated tastes, he simply just didn’t care for rules and formalities - untraditional by any means. Winwin was the opposite. Conventional to a fault, he was a man of decorum and the party was a clear mix of both of their personalities. Somehow, they both made it work.

Ignore the pace of your heartbeat, you muttered, “Okay,” and sunk into the pool.

Johnny followed suit with a tiny splash, swimming to your side. Being in the water felt good, all things considered. It was cold and gave your brain - and body - a quick refresh.

“You know, this reminds me of high school,” he started, pensive. “When Joy threw that pool party on the first night of summer break, and Jaehyun pushed you into the pool as a joke.”

The memory made you roll your eyes. In high school you were nothing if not a bunch of stupid teenagers. “He’s lucky I didn’t let myself drown and have my Mom sue him for everything he’s worth. Now that I think about it, I should have. Every penny to his name. Mommy and Daddy Jung would have killed him.”

Johnny chuckled. “Oh for sure. He would have been taking the city bus instead of high-end luxury cars and gotten a job at the nearest McDonald’s like the rest of us.”

“Damn nepo baby,” you shook your head and sighed. “Gotta love him, though.”

“To be born into wealth,” Johnny sighed dramatically.

You giggled.

Moments later, a thought passed your mind. A memory - the beautiful kind. You fought a smile and asked, “You know what else happened at that party?”

Johnny gave you a long, hard cook. It was practically inscrutable and noncommittal. If he had any idea what you were referring to, the only thing that gave it away was the slight smile on his face for a mere fraction of a second.

Of course, he knew. How could he forget? It was easily one of the best moments of his life, made even better because it was spent underneath the moonlight with you.

He shrugged, feigning oblivion. “What happened?”

“We made out for the first time,” you reminded, voice little. “We were each other’s first kiss.”

The memory was anything but vague. The both of you were a little drunk, and somehow found yourselves in each other’s embrace. And then, in each other’s mouths. For someone who had never made out with anyone before, then-Johnny kissed you like royalty. With every intention to conquer your mind, heart, and body.

In that sense, you guessed he had been successful. Johnny lived rent-free in your mind and had built a little home both there and in your heart, with enough room for the both of you. Not to mention your body. You were counting down the seconds until you could get him in the sheets right now. In your attempts to keep him out, you had simultaneously been giving him access to the most vulnerable parts of you.

To say nothing of himself. Johnny wished he could turn back time. Part of him wished that he could undo meeting you and falling in love with you, because he was beginning to lose faith in the two of you. The other part of him loved you too goddamn much to even begin to imagine a world without you in it. It wouldn’t be worth living.

“I remember,” Johnny assured, finally letting himself smile. He couldn’t control it. “Wanna know what you tasted like?”

You squinted. “What?”

“Guess.”

You rolled your eyes and deadpanned, “Your mother’s chocolate chip cookies.”

Johnny’s laugh was mocking. “You wish.”

Whining, you said, “Tell me! I don’t remember.”

He gave in - though because he wanted to and not because you told him to - and replied, “Tequila.”

“The cheap kind?”

“Nope. I’m sure Jaehyun stole that from Mommy and Daddy Jung’s liquor stash,” he quipped.

You snickered. It was a relief that he was good at directing conversation. For a moment, you thought that it was going south. God knows the past was a sensitive subject.

Although he said nothing, Johnny couldn’t help but think about it. For years, he had been in love with you. He remembered meeting you like it was yesterday - you were the new kid in school and Johnny was the one kind enough to be your friend. He showed you around, ate lunch with you, studied with you, and introduced you to his friend group. In no time, you were best friends.

You were his first kiss. Johnny knew he wanted you that night. When he pressed his lips to yours and felt his body elevating into the clouds above, he knew.

Eventually you became a series of each other’s firsts. First kisses, first times, first loves. You had been vulnerable to each other in ways that you hadn’t with anyone else.

And you, you were multifaceted. Johnny had seen the rawest sides of you and fell hard and deep in love with each one - the beautiful and the ugly. All of those things made you fall for Johnny, too, but you noticed it a little later than he did, once it was too late. Which hindered his progress.

By the time you realized you were in love with Johnny, you had already given your heart to the wrong people. That was why you couldn’t comprehend how someone would ever be able to offer you their love, and mean it. That was why you trusted no one.

Forget being your first. Johnny wanted to be your last and as the clock ticked, his chances felt slimmer and slimmer.

You stared at his lips, not even attempting to hide the direction your eyes were searching. “I want strawberry champagne.”

Johnny tilted his head. He had x-ray vision when it came down to your intentions, though this game he wouldn’t mind playing along with. “Do you?”

When you nodded, Johnny took the bait and leaned in to kiss you. It was like magic. Every time felt as surreal as the first one. You just couldn’t believe that you were blessed enough to have him at your fingertips.

Johnny was the same. I love her. It was old news to almost everyone, though the realization hit Johnny the same way it had that night when he first tasted you. When he realized that you were the one and only love of his life.

Sucking on Johnny’s tongue and moaning into his mouth, soaking in all his little sounds was all you wanted to do. Maybe this was why Yuta said you and Johnny would be next in fate’s line. It would be a lie to say that you hadn’t dreamt of having your daddy walk you down the aisle to the man of your dreams.

Though if there was anything that you had learned, it was that fate was an evil lady and she had it out for you.

Johnny soon backed off. He hadn’t had his fill, but you were driving him crazy. And as much as he wanted to be a good friend to Yuta, the urge to drag you away for a fuck was growing stronger. He warned in a low tone, “We’ll miss the rest of the party if you keep kissing me.”

“What’s so bad about that?” you purred, leaning closer to his face. You could feel each other’s breath on your skin. “We can have a party of our own.”

To your credit, you were dangerously skilled at tempting Johnny. It made him feel bad to think that you practically already were having a party of your own. Both of you were surrounded by people, but to him, it felt like there was no one else around you. The sound of your voice and laughter had been drowning out the sound of the presence of people.

With the last of his restraint and self-control, he said, “Mm, that’s tempting. But no. Be a good girl and be patient.”

Immediately, you frowned, but didn’t dare disobey. Johnny would give you what you wanted sooner or later because you knew that he wanted you, too. And though you had your flaws, you weren’t terrible enough to dip in the middle of your friend’s betrothal party.

“Fine,” you said exasperatedly, peeling yourself off of him. “But you better make it up to me later.”

Johnny gave you one last kiss to placate you a little, then whispered softly in your ear, “Don’t I always?”

That he did.

For the better half of the evening, both of you decided to interact with other people, including the ones being celebrated. Most of the time you and Johnny were incapable of resisting each other, and with the thoughts plaguing your minds, there was no way on earth that you would survive side to side without breaking your agreement.

You had a fun time, but you were more than relieved when Winwin announced that he and Yuta wanted some alone time. Everyone said their goodbyes and you raced to Johnny’s side.

“My place or yours?”

“Mine’s closer. Meet you there?” Johnny asked, though he already knew you would. You were practically careening to your car the moment he got the words out.

“Meet you there!”

Both of you arrived in turn, with you slightly ahead of him. You didn’t even wait for him to pull into the driveway before you were rummaging through your purse for the extra key Johnny had bestowed upon you long ago.

It was game over once he stepped out of his car and you were only alone for a split second before he entered, wasting no time in backing you against a wall and stealing a kiss. Johnny always kissed you like it was the last time he would ever get the chance. There was something eager in the way that his mouth moved against yours. It was heated, unchaste. He kissed you so hard that it was impossible to keep up with his pace.

“Someone’s desperate,” you teased through shallow breaths. Johnny nibbled at your ear and you sighed, pitching your head back against the plaster.

He ribbed, breath tickling your neck, “You’d oughta know a thing or two about being desperate. Seeing as you got to my house before me.”

You rolled your eyes. “Shut up and kiss me.”

Under any other circumstances, Johnny would have teased you and made you wait before he kissed you again. Though seeing as he had been waiting too goddamn long for this moment, all he could do was cave.

Goddamn, his lips were soft. In contrast to the rough manner he handled your body. Everything was escalating too quickly and you were being dug into the wall by the weight of his body. There was so much tension in the room that you could hardly even breathe through it.

Johnny nudged his knee between your thighs and stuck his hand down your bottoms, the other roaming your body. “You’re so wet for me.”

“Do something about it,” you whined.

Johnny sneered. Part of him was half-tempted to tease the living hell out of you and see how much you could take. The other was losing hold of his heavy load of patience much more quickly than he would have liked.

“Wanna fuck in the shower to wash off the chlorine? Kill two birds with one stone.”

“Just don’t let me fall.”

He smiled. “I would never.”

Before you knew it, he was lifting you up in his arms like you weighed nothing. You squealed when you felt yourself being hauled into the air, locking your legs around his waist and resting your head on his shoulder. It felt too right being in his hold. As if it was supposed to be this way.

Maybe it was.

Johnny carried you to his bedroom and you clung to his chest for dear life. While he went in the bathroom to run the shower, you began to quickly peel off your clothes. You were on the threshold of insanity, bursting at the seams with lust. 

When the water was hot, Johnny stepped into the shower and you followed suit. As soon as your feet hit the non-skid shower mat Johnny shoved you against the wall, and the noise you made was eaten by the force of his lips. Your palms rose to his wet chest and his mouth fell from yours to your collarbone, soft and plush against your skin.

He simply couldn’t stay away. He spread your thighs apart and slipped one of hands back between them, this time moving them inside of you. Much to your pleasure. “Johnny,” you whimpered, breathless.

The sound of your lips parting to emit his name was like music to his ears and a melody stuck in his head. Thoughts of you underneath him, crying out his name whilst taking his size kept him up late at night, wishing he could rewind time to feel you back in his arms again. Where you belonged. It took every bit of willpower he had not to beg you to stay.

“Think you’re ready for me?” Johnny asked, leering at you with the darkest gaze that made your stomach churn.

You nodded. Johnny was big, that was undeniable, but you had taken every inch of his ungodly combination of length and girth countless times before like a champ. It was almost nothing to you.

He removed his fingers from your cunt and before you got the chance to whine from the emptiness, your lips were widening to sigh at the feeling of his bare cock brushing against your folds. Every second felt like minutes and your patience was wearing more and more thin. You needed him and you needed him right now.

Then, Johnny finally pushed inside, taking his sweet time to fill you. You swallowed him in with ease, simultaneously sucking in the deepest breath you could take. His eyes fell on your chest, water trickling down the swell of your breasts as you inhaled and exhaled.

Maybe taking him wasn’t like nothing. You felt not an ounce of pain, but the pleasure of having him fill you to the uttermost was overwhelming. The stretch meant something.

The moment the head of his girth prodded your entrance Johnny had already felt you pulsing tightly around him and you only kept clenching the deeper he pushed inside. You raced to anchor yourself, clawing at his shoulders while he pushed you firmer against the wall and he caged you between his big arms.

Johnny kissed your neck, then growled, “So tight for me.”

“All for you,” you stammered through thick breaths. It was too hot to breathe. The water burned your skins and Johnny made you erupt in flames all over.

Johnny grinned smugly.

Through hooded eyes, you soaked in the sight of water cascading down his neck - where his muscles flexed - and chest. For the better half of your life, Johnny had been a presence, but you would never get used to how gorgeous he was. His beauty was so ethereal to the point that it felt forbidden to be able to touch him like this. He was sent from the heavens above, both a blessing and a curse to you and your body.

The chains of restraint that bounded him snapped and Johnny latched his mouth to your nipple, meriting an automatic sigh of pleasure from your lips. With how close he was, you wondered if he could feel the thud of your heartbeat. It was racing inside your chest, the feelings you had for him raining hail and begging for freedom. Your heart was bursting at the seams with your love for Johnny and it pleaded desperately for you to unlock its door.

“You’re so hot,” Johnny whispered, keeping himself occupied with your body. Your brain was going into autopilot.

From Johnny’s perspective, your body was a treasure, and he knew its map by heart. All of your weaknesses were on display in his mind and he could choose whichever one he wanted to use to his advantage. He knew what felt good and what felt earth-shattering, and judging from the way you throttled his cock, this was the latter.

Neither you or Johnny talked too much during sex. It was difficult to speak when you were being fucked divested of every little thought you possessed and your mouth was too busy producing other noises.

And all Johnny hoped was that his body could say everything that words could not.

He couldn’t think of anyone else when he was with you, and when you were with someone else, you were still thinking of Johnny. Given the amount of nights you had spent searching for one-night stands you were no stranger to sex, but Johnny made it feel different. The emotions were stronger and so was the yearning. The two of you fucked each other like you had never wanted anything so badly before in your lives.

Johnny struck you somewhere deep and you rasped, “Fuck, baby.”

Fuck, he felt good. Even though you were prone to running away, there was no doubt that you would find yourself coming back for more. Johnny was your home and your heart would always drag you back to him. He owned your body. Whatever he desired to do with you - to you - you would let him. At the end of the day, you were his. Whether he knew it and you accepted it or not.

It wasn’t a choice. It was a feeling.

Looking at the dazed expression on your face gave him deja vu. The first time Johnny had sex with you, he genuinely thought that his heart was going to burst out of his chest. He was nervous, but if anything, dedicated. He vowed to himself that he would learn the ways of your body and put your pleasure before his. Which he did.

It was college, months before you met your soon-to-be ex, and you were freshmen. Giving your virginity to one another was one of the most unsurprising things that you two had ever done. At least back then, you were thick as thieves and did everything together. Who better to give it to than the one you could always bet on?

He still remembered that night like it was yesterday. All of your friends were going to a party, but you snuck inside his dorm while his roommates were away. One thing led to another and soon you were writhing beneath him, calling out his name like it was the only word you knew.

His feelings for you only heightened.

Johnny could still remember how heartbroken he was when you got with another man again - and how angry he was when he broke your heart just like the last guy. The emotions were so prominent that he could still feel them now. How long would it take you to realize that the man meant for you was already right by your side?

Even if he wasn’t the perfect match for you, Johnny knew deep down that he could love you better, because he already had without even needing to be in a relationship with you. Maybe if those boys had treated you right, then he could have came to peace with the fact that fate wasn’t on his side and you weren’t meant to be. But watching you cry after other men treated you like nothing only fed his flame.

“You close, baby?” Johnny asked, aiming to take you over the edge. His number one goal was to drive you out of your mind.

You could only nod, willing yourself not to speak. The words that would have left your mouth if you did were unimaginable.

Johnny fucked you even harder, chasing relentlessly for your orgasms. And you were just as - if not more - eager. He fought a complacent simper as he admired the way you were maneuvering your hips against his, whimpering with every touch.

The look on his face made you run your tongue over your dry lips. Barely were you resisting the urge to smash your lips against his. That look alone made you want to milk him dry of everything he was worth.

As badly as you wanted to savor every last moment, you could feel it in your bones that your orgasm was approaching. Listening to the noises resounding throughout the bathroom was what finished you - the sounds of your moans and Johnny’s hips slapping into yours with every thrust drowning out that of the shower pouring down on you both. You convulsed with release, gripping Johnny’s biceps for dear life as you met your orgasm with a high-pitched cry of his name.

Johnny wasn’t too far behind you. He couldn’t even grunt at the feeling of your nails digging into his flesh - it was outweighed by that of the pleasure of you clenching tightly around him with orgasm. It triggered his own, and he held you bruisingly tight as he spilled inside you with the lowest groan he could muster.

“You okay?” Johnny asked the moment you both were in the clear to speak.

You nodded weakly. “Perfect.”

Johnny smiled.

The two of you actually showered once you had caught your breaths, occasionally interrupting the other with a kiss. When you got out of the shower and re-dressed, Johnny pinned you to his bedroom wall and enveloped your lips in the biggest kiss yet. It was noticeably different from the other kisses that you had shared as of late. They were lustful and impatient. This was slow and steady - like he wanted nothing more than to savor the very taste of you.

He pulled away and whispered adoringly, “I love you.”

Your brain immediately went into overdrive. Given that you were childhood best friends, of course you and Johnny had said that you’d loved each other before. That was indubitable and not to be questioned. But this was different. This was in the context of a post-sex I love you.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

Johnny bristled. “I do mean it. I love you.”

Sighing, you walked off to his bed. You weren’t ready to have this conversation.

He stared at you incredulously, and reminded, “I’m not them.”

It was obvious who them was. Your past lovers. The ones that had left you so heartbroken that you could no longer let anyone inside your glass heart.

You shook your head, voice small when you replied, “I don’t know that.”

Johnny was visibly offended and upset. “How can you say that?”

“I don’t want to fight, John,” you said, exhaling loudly. This had escalated far too quickly and everything was heading in the wrong direction. For as long as you could, you wanted to steer clear of this course. But deep down, you knew that it had been inevitable.

He ignored you, walking closer to you and pestering, “I need answers. Do you really think I don’t love you?”

“Johnny…”

He didn’t relent. “Answer me.”

Frustrated, you shouted, “I don’t know what to think, Johnny! I’m scared to trust people - you know this!”

“And do you think I deserve to be punished for that?” Johnny snapped, white-hot rage seeping through and his restraints falling loose. “You and I both know I’m not just ‘people.’ We’ve known each other longer than you knew them. I’ve been here with you, for you, for a goddamn eternity. When have I ever let you down, huh? Tell me!”

His tone made you flinch and you were given whiplash. Johnny rarely got upset and never did he ever yell at your face, even if you sometimes deserved it. He was patient with you. For him to finally snap meant that you had wounded him deeply.

“I’m scared,” you croaked, teary-eyed.

“Right, you’re scared,” Johnny groused, turning around and heaving a thick breath. “Forget it.”

Pain burned through your chest in flares much like the anger spreading like wildfire throughout Johnny’s. Goddamn, this hurt. Was love supposed to be so complicated? Was love supposed to ache like this?

It hurt so good to love Johnny.

You stood up and shook your head. “No,” you told him, demanding, “Get it off your chest. Everything you want to say to me - say it right damn now!”

It wasn’t for you. No, you knew that the following words to come out of his mouth were going to scar you indefinitely. It was for Johnny. You knew that he had been holding all of this back for a long time and now this was his chance to erupt his heart volcano.

Johnny stormed right back over and said, “You want me to be honest?”

You nodded, tears rolling down your cheeks. He deserved it. You deserve it. You treat him like shit.

“Fine. I’ll be honest,” he seethed. You gulped, bracing yourself for his words to come. “You wanna know something? You’re so fucking selfish. You’ve been breaking my heart just because you’re trying not to get yours broken.”

That was true. You had been sacrificing his feelings in an effort to preserve yours and it was a futile plan - Johnny had already crawled his way inside your heart, yet you were still trying to keep him out.

“You have too much pride to show people your scars and that’s why every time I get closer, you push me away. Because all you know how to do is run like a coward. That’s what you’ve resorted to your whole life because you don’t know any better. But you can’t hide.”

You bobbed your head, willing yourself not to speak. Both of you needed this.

Johnny’s voice got lower as he said, “You think you can hide, but you can’t. You can’t fucking drink all your problems away. You can’t fuck them away, either. You can’t keep running to me and using me to dry your goddamn tears every time you realize all your problems are still there!”

“Johnny…” you called out through tears. As true as his words were, they stung. And guilt was eating at you from the inside.

“No. You fucking asked for this shit,” Johnny snapped, scowling. “I’ve been nice to you and patient with you, but all you do is take me for granted. And it hurt when you said you didn’t think I loved you, because I could have stopped putting up with your bullshit and cut you off a long time ago - but I didn’t. You know why? Because I fucking love you. And walking away would hurt as much as it does to stay.”

You told him softly, “I love you, Johnny.”

“Do you love me enough to stay?”

The room got silent. Did you? You knew that you wanted to, but damn was it hard. You were just so goddamn scared of hurt and betrayal. You had been left before and it broke you. It shredded you to the tiniest of pieces. But Johnny made you feel complete and whole again.

“Answer me. So I know if it’s time we move on,” Johnny commanded, impatient. “Am I just some booty call to you?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what the hell are you saying?”

“That I need you!” you screamed, the tension getting to your head - and your heart. It was too goddamn much. “I can’t live without you, Johnny. I can’t. I won’t. I’m scared because I don’t want to lose what we have. Losing you would be like losing the other half of me.”

Johnny got in your face again, but instead of yelling at you, he smashed his lips against yours. Just like that, you were relieved of the burden of all your fears and worries. He absorbed them and kept them somewhere safe, just like he did with all of your other secrets.

He kissed you with an emotion that was unmistakable - love. So much love. Maybe you had been blind to it before, but you could see it all clearly now.

Johnny was in love with you. And you were in love with Johnny.

“You’ll never, ever lose me,” Johnny swore in your ear once he detached himself from your mouth. He wiped at your tears with his thumb. “I promise. You’ve got me for life, alright?”

With a couple nods of your head, you crashed into his chest. He wrapped his arms around you snugly, welcoming your touch. This was where you were meant to be.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized after a couple of moments. It didn’t undo the pain you had been inflicting upon him for years, but it was a starting point for something better.

Johnny held you closer and kissed your forehead, then whispered softly, “I forgive you.”

He shouldn’t have, though you were grateful that he did. If it weren’t for his tenderheartedness, you weren’t sure what you would do.

“Let me be yours,” you sang.

It was tempting. You were offering him everything he had ever wanted on a silver platter. Granted, it didn’t take much to satisfy him - all he wanted was you. But as much as he wanted you, he wanted the most authentic version of you.

“Not yet,” Johnny said. You gawked, but he finished before you could interject, “I want to be in a relationship with you, but you need to take care of yourself first. Start tackling your problems. For starters, figure out what you’re going to do about your dad. Okay?”

You exhaled a long breath, but eventually nodded. “Okay.”

Johnny fought a content smile. “I’ll support whatever decision you choose to make,” he assured, pulling you closer to his chest. Then, he glanced down and asked, “Now - are you gonna run away or are you gonna stay the night?”

“I’m going to confront my fears and stay with you,” you whispered, refusing to separate yourself from the warmth of his body. You weren’t sure how you had done it before in the past. Tonight had given you an epiphany.

“Atta girl,” Johnny praised and led you to his bed. You flopped to his side, snuggling to his chest. “I have to go to work in the morning. Promise me I’ll wake up to your pretty face for motivation.”

You giggled, your laughter ringing through his mind beautifully. “I’ll be there. I promise, baby.”

Johnny was beaming from ear to ear. God, you loved seeing him like this. Happy. And he was happy because of you.

He couldn’t wait to wake up beside you in the morning.

Given their engagement, Yuta and Winwin were to have plenty of parties and the betrothal party was only one of many. Today marked the day of the housewarming party.

Their engagement meant that their relationship had developed into something serious. With marriage rapidly approaching, they were certain that they wanted to spend every moment of their lives together. And thus, they decided to move in with each other.

Which was how their new home came to be.

Guests spread out and filled the house to its brim, most of the ones you didn’t recognize being associates of Sicheng. After a couple of hours, you got off of your feet and went to rest in the living room.

And when you saw two very familiar men approaching you, you knew that you would be doing anything but resting.

“Oh no.”

Jaehyun and Ten sang in harmony, “Oh, yes.”

Watching the two of them take seats beside you, you could only wonder what in tarnation they were up to. Jaehyun and Ten were individual wildfires all by themselves, so you weren’t sure if you were ready to face the aftermath of combining the pair. Part of you was certain something would blow up in flames.

Narrowing your eyes, you asked cautiously, “What do you two bloodthirsty leeches want?”

“Chill, babe. We just wanted to hang with our favorite friend,” Jaehyun said. Given the untamed smile on his face, you highly doubted that. Jeong Jaehyun was nothing if not sheer trouble. And his partner in crime, too.

Ten nodded his head in confirmation. “Right,” he smirked, then pointed to the cup beside you. “What’s that - Bacardi?”

“Ha, ha,” you responded, deadpan. “No, bitch. It’s water. Contrary to an oddly popular belief, I’m not an alcoholic.”

Jaehyun interjected, “Babe, I can’t tell the difference between you and an alcoholic. That’s a problem.”

“What he said. I can hear your liver screaming ‘Ten, help me. Help me. Please…’”

You snapped, “Did you guys just come over here to terrorize me or is there something meaningful you have to say?”

Jaehyun leaned and asked quietly, like he was telling you a top-notch secret, “It’s because of Johnny, right?”

You spluttered, “What?”

He smiled, adding, “Don’t worry - you can tell me. Your secret is safe with me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, enough of the bullshit. Fess up,” Ten groaned in your other ear. Meanwhile you were thinking of ways to remove yourself from the Jaehyun-Ten you were between. “Something happened between you and Johnny. Something good.”

It wasn’t a question. He was saying that something happened and he knew it - he just didn’t know what. Yet.

You bit your lip. “Why do you say that?”

“Johnny’s been doing better lately, too. He’s been smiling more and in a better mood recently,” Ten replied, a spark of something raw and tender in his voice. “I like seeing him this way. It feels like I got the old Johnny back.”

Jaehyun nodded, all of the signs of jokes and games gone from his eyes. His expression was nothing short of soulful. “Me, too. There’s clearly been a shift. And whatever happened between you two, I hope it doesn’t shift back. He’s in a good place right now and so are you.”

Johnny had been happier lately. Everywhere he went he stood like a tall beam of light, radiating energy and warmth. And you two technically weren’t even together yet.

There was no way in hell that you would mess that up again. True to your promise to Yuta, you wouldn’t make the same mistake thrice. You had learned from your wrongdoings and decided that you were going to treat Johnny’s heart the same way you wanted others to treat yours. With caution and hypervigilance.

He deserved to be loved. Every bit of him. And you loved him to pieces.

“I won’t mess it up,” you assured them, confident. You knew what you wanted. And though you were still scared to go after it, you were willing to face your fears for Johnny. “I swear.”

Ten and Jaehyun smiled contentedly and replied in sync, “Good.”

Across the house, Johnny was having a similar conversation with your friends. And you were none the wiser.

“Hey, tough guy!” Yeri called out, grabbing Johnny’s attention. If it weren’t for the fact that she had bestowed the nickname upon him ages ago and was hellbent on sticking to her guns, he would have kept walking. She folded her arms across her chest and said, “Let’s talk.”

Johnny flickered his eyes between Yeri and the woman beside her - Irene - and a terrible feeling settled in his chest. Reluctantly, he admitted lightheartedly, “I feel unsafe.”

Both women responded in unison, “Good.”

He brought his plastic cup from his lips, then asked, “What’s this about?”

“You and y/n,” Irene said, eyeing him suspiciously.

Yeri wasted no time. “Are you two dating?”

On cue, Johnny’s heart seemed to boom at the mere thought of being in a relationship with you. As much as he wanted to make you his that night and as terribly as he fought against his every irrational decision, it wasn’t convenient timing. He wanted you to heal before anything.

Johnny feigned indifference, replying honestly, “No, we’re not. Why?”

Irene sat on the couch nearby, glancing off pensively. “She’s been… better again. She told us that she wouldn’t be drinking again for a while and she’s been opening up to me more and I’m proud of her. I just thought that it might’ve had something to do with you. You’re one of the biggest influences in her life, you know?”

“Yeah.” Johnny nodded. “I know.”

“And considering you haven’t given me the side eye yet, I think you’ve been happier, too.”

Johnny chuckled.

Then, Yeri cut to the chase and warned aggressively, “Take care of her, Johnny. I trust you, but you know how she can get. And if you break her heart, so help me I will…”

Irene reached for her friend’s hand and quickly interjected, “Yeri, I think they’re gonna be okay.”

Gladly, Johnny thought so, too. Things were far from perfect, though they were still going well and he was simply content to see that you were giving the two of you a try. He was tired of giving more than he was receiving and he had faith that those days were coming to an end.

“We’re gonna be okay,” Johnny repeated, assuringly. He believed it. He believed in you and him together. “But I appreciate all of your concern.”

Arms still folded and eyes still narrowed, Yeri eased up and nodded. Content, she walked off.

Irene rose from the chair and gazed up at Johnny, whispering softly, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being patient with her,” she replied, full of gratitude. Then - in an even tinier voice - she added, “And for doing what I couldn’t have done.”

Johnny said with no hesitation, “I would do anything for her.”

“I know. You’re strong.”

“So are you.”

Irene smiled. With that, she went to go meet back up with the rest of the girls.

Over the course of the following couple of weeks, you had been putting your all into becoming a better person. You kept to your word, steering clear of alcoholic beverages - more especially in mentally trying times - and you vented to your friends whenever necessary. They didn’t mind one bit. Anything was better than your typical methods of extreme self-destruction.

The passionless hook-ups came to an end, too. Johnny and you had never been exclusive, and though you weren’t yet together, it was impossible to do as much as imagine yourself with another person. Johnny’s touch was the only one that you wanted to feel on your body. You wanted to feel the way he poured his heart out to you whenever you had sex.

You wanted love. You wanted passion and fondness and intimacy.

And Johnny delivered.

After a while, you came to a decision about your father. One day, you chose to answer. In those that followed, you stalled to the best of your ability, still indecisively wavering over the option to meet him in person.

But the conversations, both through text and over the phone, swayed you. It broke you to hear his voice and vice versa. Talking to him for the first time in decades was life-changing.

That was how you ended up outside of a restaurant, fast forward some weeks later.

Johnny helped you out of his car, walking you to the front of the building. Your fingers were interwoven, and he let you clutch his hand when you felt nervous. “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

You nodded. Though you were sure, you were anxious. And you were grateful that he had so much power over you, to the point that his mere touch made you feel at ease again.

“I’m sure,” you said, clinging close to him.

“Breathe, baby,” Johnny whispered, pressing a chaste kiss to your neck. “I’ll be right outside waiting for you. Okay?”

Waiting for you. What would you do without him?

Instead of replying, you whirled around and stood on your tiptoes, kissing his lips. Johnny kissed you back with fervor, holding you like you would fall if he were to let you go.

Through your heavy breaths, both nerve-induced and from the breathlessness of making out with him, you confessed gently, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Johnny replied without hesitation. It was a no-brainer. He loved you. So goddamn much. And that was exactly what you needed to hear. “Now go meet your old man.”

That was the last push you needed. You were standing on the threshold of a self-healing journey and that was what made you swing the gates open.

You approached the table your dad reserved. It must have been miles away, because when you got there, you couldn’t breathe.

Your father looked at you, face full of sincere emotion. He stared at you with so much awe, incredulous through and through. Tears threatened to fall from both of your eyes.

You croaked thickly, “Dad.”

“Princess,” he heaved back.

His arms were wide open and you raced in, desperate. The tears began to rain. You couldn’t even remember the last time that your father had held you. This is what you had been missing. During all those heartbreaking times, this is what you needed most.

Soon, he began to apologize profusely, voice bursting with shame and regret. There was absolutely no satisfactory explanation that he could offer you - you just needed to know that although he couldn’t take it back, he would do whatever it took to earn your forgiveness.

And once you reached closure, you were talking as if the past had never happened and he had always been there.

Your father looked at you and sighed - contentedly. He shook his head, all sullen when he stated, “You’re a woman now.”

You quipped, “And you’re an old man.”

Your father chuckled. He was adapting to your humor very quickly. Perhaps there was a reason why.

After a moment, he asked curiously, “That boy outside your boyfriend?”

“His name’s Johnny,” you smiled, teary-eyed, then confessed, “You should meet him some day.”

“Do you love him?”

There was not a bout of reluctance. “So much.”

“Then, I will.”

You beamed.

There was no holding you back, no reason not to say it proudly anymore. Johnny was yours and you were his. His heart would always belong to you and yours to him. That was the way it was supposed to be. Meant to be.

And some day, your Dad would be walking you down the aisle to the man of your dreams.

[tallulah477]

The Olo’eyktan’s Brat

Kinktober Day 29: Dirty Talk

Pairing: Jake x Fem!Human!Reader

Warnings: Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Oral (female receiving), P in V, Brat taming, Size Difference, Restraining holds (holding someone in place so they can’t move), Dom Jake, Sub Reader, Creampie, Belly bulge, Use of pet names (babygirl, princess, little monster), Slight cockwarming at the end

A/N: Credit to @eywaite for finally calling out my misspellings on Na'vi words that I've been misspelling this whole time 😭

Word Count: 3.6K

Summary: You’ve been acting like a brat all day and Jake is tired of your attitude and decides to put you in your place.

Translations:

Skxawng - Moron / idiot

Olo’eyktan - Clan Leader

Jake doesn’t know what’s gotten into you lately.

You don’t know what’s gotten into you lately. 

Normally, you’re not like this. This . . . needy. But Jake has been so busy lately, always busy helping The People, running interference during disagreements between council members, or leading the patrol run along the Omatikaya border to check for security. 

He’s an important man. A great and dependable leader who was clearly born to not only save the Na’vi from the destructive ways of the humans, but also meant to lead them with a strong heart and powerful will to keep them protected. He works long hours, up before the sun most days, his previous marine life keeping him on a disciplined schedule that has him up and around before the first patrol even goes out. He’s The People’s Olo’eyktan from that moment on and, even as his mate, it can be hard to get in front of him during the day.

But after the eclipse settles, the mask comes off and then he’s just Jake. The evening is your time together and he’s made it clear time and time again that he holds his special time with you in his heart. He’s always proven to prioritize your time together: by day he’s Jake Sully, Olo’eyktan of the Omatikaya Clan, but by night he’s Jake Sully, skxawng extraordinaire and the love of your life. 

And you’ve never had a problem with this arrangement before, never felt like you weren’t valued or appreciated as his partner - never felt like you were ignored. 

Until recently.

For the past week he’s been coming home later and later, stuck at work doing whatever clan related business that is apparently so important, it just couldn't wait, and you’re special alone time with the man you love has had to be pushed aside when he comes home each night exhausted and spent from the grueling day he’s endured. 

At first he was apologetic about it, coming home with a “Sorry, honey. Work was crazy.  Y’mind if we just cuddle tonight?”. And you felt so sorry for him, saw the tiredness and unease on his face and nodded sympathetically, offering to give him a nice massage after he ate the nice meal you prepared for him. 

A few times you would test the waters, hoping to tempt him into some playtime with a coy look and a sultry little “Hi, daddy,” but he would just shake his head, gruff voice murmuring a low “Maybe tomorrow,”. He always makes up for it the morning after, waking you up before he leaves your shared hut with a kiss on your shoulder and nuzzling his cheek against your face mask with a sweet sounding “Heading out, baby. See ya later, okay?”

And it was okay for the first few days. Things happen, things pop up and get in the way - you get it. But then it happened again, and again . . . and again. And then suddenly, it’s not okay anymore. He apologizes each time and you know that each apology is sincere. He’s not avoiding you on purpose - he has responsibilities to fulfill and you can’t take him away from that.

But your heart aches all the same. The pang of feeling ignored eating away at you slowly and you miss him so much you feel sick with it. So you go out on the search for his favorite fruit - an elusive variety of yovo fruit that tastes almost exactly like strawberries from Earth. Thankfully, you’re able to find a few, and you head home with a smile on your face knowing that he’s going to be so happy when he sees what you found him.

When you get home, you peel the fruit, slicing it up and carefully cutting them into different shapes, just like your mother used to when you were little. You try your hand at creating new things, using the point of your knife to create little ikrans and direhorses out of the fruit, even managing something that can be considered passable for an atokirina. You nibble on the leftover bits as you carve, lifting up your mask to pop them in your mouth every once in a while, and you display your work on a large fig leaf and wait for Jake to come home - proud and impressed with how everything turned out and knowing he will be too.

Except evening comes and goes, and then night settles over the village and Jake still isn’t there. You know it's stupid, but you can’t help it. You miss him so much and haven’t spent time with him in what feels like forever. And you're heartbroken at the fact that you spent so much time and effort trying to make a nice little gift for him and he’s not even here to appreciate it. 

You crawl into bed angry that night, falling into a restless sleep that only serves to make you more exhausted in the morning. You felt Jake slide into bed beside you late into the night, felt him slip his arm around your waist like he always does and pressed a kiss to your temple. But you pushed him off, brushed his arm from around your waist and scooted towards the edge of the bed away from him. You heard his frustrated and confused “fuck, okay . . .”, but he didn’t push it.

In the morning, he tries to greet you the same as he always does, leaning over to press his lips against your shoulder, but you cover the spot he always kisses with your hand before he can - a silent rejection. You hear him shuffle slightly behind you before his raspy voice breaks the silence.

“Baby, what--”

“Bye,”

Your interruption leaves him speechless. You’ve never spoken to him so coldly before, and part of you wants him to push you, to demand to know what the problem is so he can fix it. The other part is still so bitter about being left alone and forgotten that you just want him to go away. In the end, he sighs and dresses for the day, leaving the tent without another word. 

Your anger stews throughout the day, boiling deep in your chest so hot you feel like you could tear the whole hut apart in your rage. How dare he leave you? You clearly needed him and he just left. He ‘always makes you a priority’ your fucking ass. 

When evening rolls around and the eclipse is setting, he comes home. It’s earlier than he has been and he smiles when you look up at him from where you're mending a rip in one of his loincloths. You return his greeting with a bored look before averting your eyes and returning to your mending. 

Immediately, the grin wipes off his face and his eyebrows scrunch in confusion. 

“Babygirl, what’s the matter?”

“Don’t call me ‘babygirl’,” You snap, gripping the fabric between your clenched fists. 

Normally, the pet name makes you feel all good and gooey inside. But now it just grates against your eardrums. 

“Don’t call you—okay, how have I messed up this time?” 

You throw the loincloth down and stand from your seat, heading for the entrance flap of the hut with an irritated huff. “I’m leaving,”

Jake grabs onto your arm as you pass, blue hand so massive it wraps around the top of your arm and even curls over some of his own fingers. 

“Let me go!” You shout, trying to pull out of his hold, but his grip holds firm.

“What is up with you, woman?”

“LET GO!”

He pulls your squirming body closer to his, dragging you against him.“Hey, calm down--”

“Fuck you!”

His face darkens at the curse, eyes narrowing dangerously as his grip on your arm tightens. And then suddenly you're hoisted up in the air, pressed against the wall of your hut as Jake holds you up with a firm grip just above your elbows. You squeal as he manhandles you up, held high above his head, your feet dangling nearly 7 feet off the ground and unable to move or do anything except hang there at his mercy.

“What have I told you about using that language with me?” He growls, and despite your anger, the sound immediately goes to your core.

The position he has you in leaves his face just inches from your pussy. You can feel his hot breath against the thin fabric of your loincloth, and your body’s reaction to his tone is undeniable, unable to help the whine that falls from your lips at the feeling.

“Only said during pleasure,” You whimper.

“‘Only said during pleasure, what?” 

You whine, squirming against the wall as you feel wetness start to pool between your thighs. “Only said during pleasure, daddy,”

“Good girl,” He praises, amber eyes focused upwards to look at your face. “Now, you wanna tell daddy what’s going on?”

His voice is so soft when he asks, the deep timbre caressing your eardrums. Tears well in your eyes at the tone, the tone that screams ‘you’re safe’ and ‘tell daddy what’s going on so he can fix it’, and the emotional dam that’s been brewing in your chest snaps.

“You left me,” You cry, and Jake’s eyes fill with surprise at the admission. “You’re never home anymore. I never see you,”

Guilt flashes over his face and he nuzzles his face in your bare stomach. “Aw shit, baby. M’sorry. I know I’ve been busy lately. But you’re still my best girl. You know that,”

Your fingers itch to touch him, to run your fingers along his toned shoulders and chest like you’ve been denied this past week. But you can’t with the position he still has you in, and your legs swing slightly, kicking against the wall. 

“Missed you,” You whisper. “Missed you, daddy,”

Jake smiles at the addition of the intimate title and he knows he’s at least temporarily forgiven. His large amber eyes meet yours as he says, “Missed you too, princess,” and you have just a second to let the happy smile stretch across your face at his words before he’s digging his flat nose into the front of your loincloth and breathing in deeply. “And I missed you, too,”

His eyes are dark as he looks back up at you, heat swirling in the beautiful golden irises. Your breathing hitches when his teeth latch onto the front of your loincloth, sharp canines tearing through the fabric like it’s nothing until it falls from your body and to the floor in tatters. 

He attacks your pussy like a man who’s starving, face pressing into your folds and licking up your slit, groaning like he’s been dying of thirst for days and your juices are finally his saving grace. 

You moan loudly as his lips suction onto your clit, head thrown back in pleasure, and your legs try to wrap around his back but the position is too awkward and you have no leverage to use to get you there. 

He growls against your cunt, your arousal sliding down his chin as he pulls back just enough to speak. “You taste so good, doll. Gonna keep being a good girl for me while I eat your pretty pussy?”

“Mhmm, yes, daddy,” You whimper. “Feels so good, daddy. Please keep going,”

Jake chuckles, the vibrations shooting through your sensitive clit. “Oh, now you wanna be nice? Just a few minutes ago you were cussin’ me out,”

You don’t get a chance to respond before he’s eating you out again, warm, textured tongue dragging along your swollen nub and quickly ushering you towards orgasm. Your hips do their best to rock against his face, and your arms are starting to become numb from Jake’s iron hold and being forced to support your weight, but you don’t care. Can’t care. Not right now, not when the coil in your belly is heating up, threatening to snap any second. It feels like forever since you’ve gotten to have this, forever since you’ve had him here, with you, between your thighs, where he belongs. And you're desperate, so desperate that you can’t breathe, can’t get enough air into your lungs and the wet sounds your pussy is making as he completely devours you makes your face scrunch up in unrestrained pleasure.

He’s desperate, too. You can tell in the way he’s aggressive with you, hands bruisingly gripping your arms as he mumbles into your cunt. “Tastes so good, babygirl. Come on, ride daddy’s face.”

With another final harsh suck of his mouth around your clit, you cum, eyes squeezing shut as stars shoot across your vision. Your orgasm hits you explosively, and you shake and convulse against the wall as you cum on Jake’s relentless tongue. Your legs are beginning to feel like jello and you can do nothing but hang there, legs scrambling against the onslaught of your orgasm wanting to squeeze shut, wrap around his head, do something.

One of your knees bend, foot pressing hard against the wall you're pressed against as your pussy pulses in its aftershocks. It doesn’t stay for long though because Jake growls and sets you down on the floor, and your shaking limbs can barely keep you upright. But it doesn’t matter because he rips his loincloth off, large cock slapping his belly as it’s released from its constraints, and he’s lifting you back up against the wall, arms held tight in his grip and his tip nudges at your entrance. 

He rubs against your leaking hole, a back and forth motion that has you keening in his hold. He smirks, face glistening in the low light of the hut, as you whine a desperate, “Please, daddy. Please, please fuck me,”

“Aw, does my little brat think she deserves to be fucked?” Jake teases, fangs peeking out between his lips as he grins. 

“Yes! Yes, daddy,” You whine, hips trying to bear down on his cock. “I need it! Please, please,”

“You were being so naughty earlier,” He teases. “So disrespectful, and now you think your needy little pussy deserves daddy’s cock?”

Tears fill your eyes at his words, frustration bubbling inside you from how hard he’s pushing at your patience. You waited for him all week. You’ve been good - so good, so understanding and helpful and fuck - all you want him to do is put his thick, blue alien cock into your tight, drenched pussy and fuck you until you can’t breath and he’s being mean.

“I deserve it! I deserve it!” You cry, wriggling hard in his grip. Your cunt slides against his hard length as you struggle, coating it even more in your arousal and Jake’s nostrils flair just a little, picking up the scent. “Need you,”

“Look at you,” Jake coos. “So desperate for daddy. My little whore. You just missed me, huh? Feeling a little lonely and didn’t know how else to get daddy’s attention?”

“Yeah,” You breath, air catching in your lungs when the tip of his cock nudges at your entrance. 

“Missed daddy so much you decided to be a brat, hm?” He doesn’t push up into you. Instead, he lowers you down, your back sliding against the wall as he presses you down onto his cock. You whine, desperate and pathetic at the pressure and stretch of his thick head at your clenching hole. “Knew that would get daddy’s attention. You know how much I love to put my little slut in her place,”

You moan, loud and needy, as he breaches you. He lowers you down carefully, and you stop breathing when the mushroomed tip of his cock spears you open, pressing inside you insistently despite his mindful movement. “Fuck, daddy. Yes, yes, yes!”

Your small body swallows him whole, tiny cunt wrapping around his cock like it was made for him, welcoming him into your depths as he lowers you down further, inch by agonizing inch. There’s a bulge in your belly when he bottoms out, and you look down at it in glee as your hole flutters around his length.  

“Couldn’t even try to talk to me about it,” Jake’s voice is nothing but a gruff growl as he draws you back up, hands gripping tightly on your arms as your walls drag along him until only the swollen tip is left inside you. “No, you had to jump right into being a brat. Just had to fuck around and find out, didn’t you?”

You whimper as he slides you back down, length filling you up again, the bulge once again making an appearance in your stomach. You bite your lip, trying to hold in another needy whine. You’re partly successful, the sound breaking from your throat nothing more than a cut off squeak. But as he moves you again, and again, lifting you off his throbbing cock and slamming you back down, moving your body the way he wants like you’re nothing more than a ragdoll - his own personal fleshlight - you can’t keep the blissful grin off your face as you eyes roll into the back of your head.

“Shouldn’t even be fucking you right now,” Jake grunts, the tip of his cock barreling into your cervix with each thrust. “I’m just giving you exactly what you want. Rewarding you for being such a little monster,”

“D-daddy, f-fuck,” You moan. Your legs are shaking from where they’re hanging below you, tingly and useless, swaying slightly in the motion of Jake’s movements. 

When your eyes refocus, they lock onto Jake’s intimidating stare. His eyes are blown wide, his normally wide yellow eyes have been taken over by piercing black, pupils like blackholes threatening to swallow you whole in their intensity.

“Should take you over my knee instead,” He breathes, hot breath fanning over your mask and fogging up the glass a little. “My princess needs punishment to keep her in line, right? A firm hand to properly remind you who’s boss around here. Teach you to show your Olo’eyktan some fucking respect,”

His words shoot fire through your veins, the looming threat more like a heartfelt promise in your eyes, and the coil in your belly tightens as you feel your orgasm approaching. You keen, nodding frantically as your fingernails dig into your palms. “Yes! Yes, daddy! Need you to punish me. Put me in my place - ah!”

He tilts his hips slightly, cockhead rubbing perfectly into that special spot that makes you see stars. He chuckles as your mouth falls open, eyes widening as you stare at him, gaping like a fish as you fight through the pleasure. “Do you have something to ask me, babygirl?”

“P-please,” You grit out, whines and moans ripping from your throat as you try to get the words out. “Please, d-daddy. Please can I c-cum?”

“Aw, my pretty girl wants to cum? You wanna cream all over daddy’s cock? Squeeze it nice and tight with your pretty pussy until daddy fills you up?”

“Yes! Yes, yes, please? Daddy, please, can I?”  

Jake grins, sharp canines digging into his bottom lip. He stops moving you on him, holding you firm against the side of the hut as his hips piston into yours, setting a brutal and unforgiving pace as he mutters a gravelly, “Go ahead, baby. I want my princess to cum on my cock,”

You scream, eyes squeezing shut as the coil in your stomach snaps and your orgasm tears through you. Your legs shake uncontrollably, heels banging against the wall of the hut as they unconsciously kick out, and your fingers curl into unknown signs as you gush around Jake’s pounding cock. 

Through your giddy, fucked out haze, you can feel Jake’s hips stutter against you. He groans, low and guttural as he presses in hard against you, and you let out a content sigh at the feel of him cumming inside you, shooting rope after thick rope of release inside your greedy pussy and painting your walls white  - filling you up so good you think you could sing songs of praise to Eywa about how amazing it feels.

When he’s done, he doesn’t pull out. Instead he stays lodged inside you, hands moving from your arms to wrap around your waist, pulling you away from the wall and cradling you in his arms. He turns and lowers himself carefully to the floor so as to not disturb you so much, and holds you against him, one big hand rubbing soothing circles on your back while the other supports your head. 

“Y/n, you alright?” He asks, nudging your head gently.

You hum, exhausted, but do your best to nod your head anyway.

“Baby, I’m sorry I haven’t been around that much lately. I can see how it’s affecting you. I want you to know that you’re my number one priority, so I’m going to do my best to cut off duties early enough so that I can come home and spend time with my special girl. You deserve that,”

You let his words wash over you and tears once again prick at your eyes, this time with overwhelming emotion. “I’m sorry I was such a brat,”

“You’re not a brat,” He says, fingers sliding gently through your sweat slicked hair. “You’re an angel. My angel,”

He takes a deep breath, eyes cutting across the room to the small wooden table with the fig leaf cradling the various carved up pieces of fruit.

“I saw the fruit by the way. They’re adorable, just like you,”

You don’t say anything, but there’s a small smile on your face as you press your cheek snugly against his chest.

**Special thanks to @pandoraslxna for the prompt!

Taglist: @eywaite @loaksulluyswife @erenjaegerwifee @f-cklife

[becomingthatgirl111]

how i organize myself and you can do it too (tips)

i get a lot of questions about this topic and I have decided to make a post about it so that you can understand it better and apply it.

how do i get organized? i organize myself with a to-do list, it's the simplest and easiest way for me but there are other ways, but today I'm going to focus only on this one. I use an app called "todoist" there are many more or even the option to write down what you have to do and your tasks in a notebook.

it is much better to write down what we are going to do the afternoon or the night before so that the next morning we can wake up knowing that we have a list of things we have to do already written down.

do not copy anyone's routine, it can serve as inspiration and motivation, but you have to create your own routine adapted to your current circumstances and even to the goals you want to achieve, this depends on each person.

in the mornings, i recommend that the first activities are the ones that are hardest for you to do, that is, if you don't like to exercise very much, start with that. we can also change our minds about it, look at the positive side of the activity and what it will benefit us, and then we will feel happy and proud of having completed it.

in the evening it is better to do quieter activities so that our body gets ready to rest. here you can do activities that are less heavy, for example, you can dedicate time to your body care or to reading.

If you have to do a heavier activity in the afternoon, like playing a sport because that is your schedule, that's fine. or if you have to study, i recommend that you use the pomodoro method because it includes breaks and this will help you to clear your mind.

i write down in my to-do list every day what i have to do tomorrow, that is to write the list for tomorrow, that will help to keep it.

if you find it hard to find the motivation, ask yourself why? what new activity would you like to include? include it and the fact that you have to do that will give you motivation. it is clear that sometimes we have to do things that we don't like or are more boring, but as i said before we can take the positive side. for example, if you have to clean why not do it by listening to a podcast or music? there is no one way to find motivation, i don't think you have to do anything specific, it's just a mentality towards life, towards how we see things. so if you are a person who finds it hard to find motivation, look for something that you like to do and that makes you get out of bed, because that is much more beneficial. it is important that we start to look more for ourselves and for what really benefits us, for the good that we are doing, I think that is enough motivation.

if you have many things to do in the day, it is not impossible to do them all, on the contrary, you just have to organize yourselves with this list and there is always room for everything! you always have 5 minutes to meditate, to do your skincare.

as i said, you can put the smaller tasks in between or at the end of the day.

this is just a guide and i hope it will help you to create a perfect routine and therefore your best version.

if you have more questions you can ask me of course!

[a-crumb-of-whump]

Content: Alcohol, addiction, recovery, relapse, experimental whump, lab rat whumpee (kind of), non-con drugging (kind of), mentioned withdrawals, mentioned multiple whumpers.

"Have you been drinking?" Caretaker asked as they sat down their bag beside the living room couch. Much to their disappointment, Whumpee's slurred speech was enough of an answer without even having to listen to what they were saying. "Whumpee..."

"I've heard it all b'fore," they mumbled. "I don't care anym're."

Caretaker crouched down in front of them, resting a hand on their knee in an attempt to gain their attention. "Hey, we're gonna get through this, okay? It's just a little setback. That's to be expected."

"Shouldn't have t'get through it." Whumpee's voice broke as they said it. "Was doin' well. Had a job, 'n' friends 'n' family. Then- then they had to ruin it."

They knew it was wrong to ask. Whumpee had been so secretive about what they'd gone through, it was hard to pinpoint why they'd developed a lot of the behavioral habits that they had now. They clearly didn't want anyone to know, and yet Caretaker couldn't help it.

"How did they ruin it?" they asked gently. "What did they do to you?"

There was a small pause as Whumpee seemed to have an inner fight with themself over what to say. For a moment, Caretaker thought that they might refuse to answer, like they'd done so many times before. However, the words eventually started to tumble out one by one before they could stop.

"They gave me this f-fucking addiction." They held the half-empty beer bottle close to their chest, staring down at the floor beneath them. "Kept usin' me as their little lab rat. Feeding me different alchohols t'see how I reacted to it. There were three of 'em... They only wanted me gone when my withdrawals b'came too much t'handle."

Caretaker remained silent, gently stroking Whumpee's knee with their thumb as they waited for them to continue. The weight in their chest was getting heavier, the moisture in their eyes getting more noticeable. They hated the vivid images that played in their mind. It was hard to tell whether they regretted asking or not.

After a few long moments of obvious consideration, Whumpee sniffled and shakily placed the bottle down on the side table closest to them. "I can't sleep without it. I can't feel anything without it. It's- it's not that I w'nna be dependent on it, b't..."

"You don't have to keep talking about it," Caretaker whispered. "Thank you. Thank you for telling me, and I'm so, so sorry that you had to be there for so long before someone found you."

Whumpee rested their head back against the couch, shutting their eyes for a moment as a few tears fell down their cheeks. "I w'nna try again tomorrow. To- to stop, I mean."

"We can do that." Caretaker took a deep breath, as though trying to rid themself of the weight of the conversation. "I don't think you're going to remember a lot of this tomorrow, though."

They gave a sluggish head shake. "Y'can tell me all about it when I wake up."

Caretaker nodded. "I will."

[starlight-writer]

Fighting

A)n: Heyyyy... I'm back :)

Warning: none, angst, yelling, arguing

Gn reader Masterlist

Steven

He doesn’t yell

But it’s that exactly that makes it worse

He refuses to yell, but he’ll be a sarcastic little shit

“Oh really? How lovely.”

“Oh my dearest apologies, my liege, I didn’t realize I had to agree with everything you had to say.”

Steven won’t back down, he’ll keep this energy until he’s done talking about it and then he’ll ignore you

He won’t ask how your day's been, he won't hug you, he won't even look at you

And it’ll drive you crazy

The only reason this started was because Steven missed a date and didn’t acknowledge that he would be late or wanted to cancel

He was working late for Donna again, but this time it just set off something in his head

Normally you wouldn’t be too upset about him missing a date, seeing as he’s got other people to take care of and he’s got a shitty boss, but when you asked him about the date, he blew up

“God, it was one date, why do you have to nag me about it?”

“Excuse me? I wasn’t trying to nag you, Steven, I just wanted to know what happened.”

“You’re not my bloody parent, you don’t need to know!”

“Take that back.”

“No.”

And now you're in your room and Steven's sleeping on the couch

That night will give him time to realize he was in the wrong and he'll feel super guilty

When he wakes up with a stiff back and sore neck, he'll think he deserves it

He'll wait until you come out to get up

And then he's following you around like a lost puppy

He won't say anything, but he'll look so sad and just be following you everywhere you go

It would be cute if you weren't upset with him

You'll have to be the one to start a conversation, but as soon as you say a single word to him, Steven's apologizing faster than you can process

"Love, I'm so so sorry. I was an absolute knob, I was so stressed and upset yesterday and I know that's not a reason to treat you so terribly, but it was such a bad day. I promise I'll make it up with 3, no, 5 dates! We can do whatever you want today and tomorrow and all week! Please forgive me, darling. I know I don't deserve it, but please just give me another chance."

He looks like he's about to burst into tears and kneel for you

(Which would be hot in a different setting)

Depending on how passionate you feel about this, it might take some time to forgive him, but he's there every second of the day

Or if you want him to leave you alone, he'll respect that

You'll find little notes of lovey poems around the flat and your favorite snacks littered around the living room

He honestly feels like a terrible partner so when you do decide to forgive him, just give him a kiss and hug him

He'll cry and apologize a bunch more so just pet his head and tell him it's ok

He'll genuinely sit you down and ask if there's something he can do to get his 'anger issues' under control

Poor baby doesn't have anger issues, he just has a shitty boss <3

Marc

He yells

He yells loud and painful things

He doesn’t care, he can’t bother to care

He’s angry and that’s all he feels

He can’t think past it, it’s like he sees red

He’ll shout until his throat is raw, but he’ll get as many insults and sarcastic comments he can before that happens

He knows what he’s doing is wrong, he knows the only reason you’re arguing is because of him

But he’s not backing down

He wants to hurt you and he does

And it makes everything worse for at least a week

Marc came home absolutely wreaked from a fight and refused your help, preferring to drink and just sit there

If you weren’t so upset at the fact he refused your help and instead wanted the help of alcohol, you’d yell at him about staining the couch with his blood

You’ll either have to deal with Marc breaking out into an argument after the initial one, or leave to stay somewhere else

If you come back the next day, Marc will still be upset

He won’t start yelling at you again, but he’ll ignore you

And it really just stops there

It’s the silent treatment for a week

He'll make dinner for you and all that, but he won't talk to you

He'll stare at you, wondering if you'll be the one to apologize

Or he'll be staring at you to see if you're watching him

You're not

He'll stay silent for an entire week, festering in his anger and guilt until it overflows

And when you come back home from work or being out late, he's waiting for you

And he looks like a kicked puppy

It was no surprise Marc had no idea how to apologize and admit/accept his feelings but at this moment, none of that mattered

His guilt and the feeling of missing you outweighed his discomfort of voicing his feelings

He'll start with an apology, saying how sorry he was and how terrible he felt

He didn't give any excuse or reason for his anger, he just apologized and stood there

He expects you to yell at him, leave him, insult him

Just gently take him in your arms and kiss his cheek

You don't even have to tell him anything, he'll promise to never yell at you like that again

"If I do, you can hit me as hard as you want."

Marc will say, though if you did actually hit him, he'd probably cry

He'll be so genuine with his words and.the nail in the coffin was the fact that he promised

Marc never makes promises, even if he knows he can fulfill them

But he swears up and down that he will never yell at you again

And he does everything in his power to reverse or heal the damage his words did to you

Even going out of his comfort zone

He loves you so much and he doesn't understand why you're still with him, but he thanks every God and Goddess that you are

Jake

He’s dangerously silent

He’ll stand there completely blanked face, eyes set in a slight glare as you argue about something that was definitely his fault

Maybe he missed a date and didn’t bother to let you know he wasn’t coming or wrote off your worry about a few injuries and called you ‘clingy’ and ‘overbearing’

Either way, he doesn’t respond to your anger, just standing there like he didn’t care

And it hurt

Once you were done explaining how you felt or what Jake did wrong, he’ll roll his eyes, pull out a cigarette and sit in the couch

He’ll play the baseball game he may have missed or just watch the news to really set in that something that boring was more interesting than your feelings

“Do you seriously find the news more important than our relationship?”

He won’t look at you

“I can’t believe this. If you care so fucking little, then why are you still here?”

“This is my house.”

“Then maybe I should go if it’s just your house.”

“You should.”

And you do

You go to a friends house, or a hotel, somewhere that you can rest for the night because you’re obviously not going to get anywhere with Jake and you can’t stand his attitude

The second you’re out of the room, Jake curses and throws the tv remote at the wall

He throws everything that he can without any worry of breaking something or getting a noise complaint

He'll throw bottles, plates, pillows, books

Once he's run out of steam, he'll shamefully clean up everything, throwing glass away and putting pillows back

That's give him the time he needs to realize 'oh shit, I fucked up'

He won't come out and admit it instantly, no

He'll fester in his guilt and figure out what exactly he should say

He'll even plan out when he should breathe during his apology

And when you get home, no matter when that is, Jake it waiting patiently with breakfast, lunch, or dinner

He'll give a nervous smile and walk up to you, giving you a hesitant kiss on your cheek before pulling you to the living room couch

Your plate of food is already made and somehow still warm despite Jake no knowing when you'd be back

He'll give an awkward apology, explaining how he's still not used to being something more than a protector for Marc and Steven, how he's still learning to let people in, how he loves you with all his heart despite being such a monster

He might start crying, but he'll try not to show you

He doesn't want to show vulnerability, but he knows it's important in a relationship

So he'll just ask very quietly if he can hug you

Is you say no, he'll nod in understanding as tears fall into his lap

He'll quietly mutter another apology and just sit there, unsure as to what to do

If you say yes, however, he'll gently wrap his arms around your waist and bury his head in your neck

He'll silently cry, muttering 'i love you' over and over again until you say it back

Just rub his back and kiss his head, tell him you forgive him or need time to forgive him and he'll understand either way

He loves you with his entire being, almost like he lives off of loving you

[madomens]

Face It

PART ONE

Warnings: Smut (oral fem/ male rec), May cause delusions

“Fuck what time is it?” I wake up suddenly, frantically looking for my phone that I thought was beneath my pillow.

Noah groans, as if annoyed by me waking up in a state of panic.

I roll my eyes and search underneath my pillow and blanket until I see it laying on the floor next to the bed.

9:26. I let out a sigh as I dont have to leave for work until 10:00.

“Thanks a lot” I mumble under my breath.

Noah turns and puts his back towards me as I get out of the bed to take a quick shower. I don’t remember the last time I didn’t wake up through all 5 of my alarms but last night was a good night so I’m not surprised.

I let the hot water hit my face for a minute,

as I tried to remember what really happened.

~last night~

ding

Oh great someone else asking me to cover their shift tomorrow night. I pick my phone up not expecting it to be Noah Sebastian.

*can i come over*

It had been a few months since I’d heard from him and I havent gotten laid in a while so I did what I thought was best.

*depends. are you bringing beer or liqour?*

I chuckle at my response, knowing damn well he’s bringing both.

*i thought you had it? i was just bringing myself this time. wasn’t that the agreement? (;*

Smart ass.

Twenty minutes later hes walking through the door like he pays rent.

“I’ve missed you” he says immediately going for a hug. “You should keep your door locked by the way. I could have been a murderer.”

I take him in for the longest hug we’ve ever had. He smells like alcohol and that familiar Noah smell. God I’ve missed it.

“Mm well maybe I was hoping for someone to come in and murder me.” I say playfully.

“I’ll murder that pussy,” he says like hes trying to think of something to say.

There’s a moment of silence before I say, “yeah don’t ever say that shit again.”

“Agreed,” we bust out laughing.

Next thing I knew, I was laying on my bed spread wide for Noah as he gazed up at me through his dark eyes, mouth tasting every part of me between my legs. I moaned out in pleasure when his tongue flicked over my clit and pulled at the strands of his hair, begging for more.

“I love the way you taste,” Noah murmured against the skin of my thigh.

Then, all at once, he began biting and sucking at my core, drinking in my wetness. My hips raised off the bed when his tongue pressed harder, making me see stars as he slipped his long finger between my folds.

“Noah,” I groaned.

A fire burned low in my stomach, my orgasm being built to almost a crescendo, ready to break through me in waves.

“Cum for me,” he demanded, spearing two fingers inside of me, as he sucked on my clit.

With a loud whine, I let my orgasm shake my entire body, writhing off the bed only to be held down by Noah’s large hand as he licked me through the aftershocks. Stars clouded my vision and I had to blink a few times to clear them, my chest rising and falling with each deep breath.

Noah kissed his way up my stomach, between my breasts, and left a kiss on my lips so I could taste myself on his tongue. I hummed into his mouth while grasping his face and in one swift movement, I had him lying on his back with me perched on my knees in front of him.

His tattoos shined under the moonlight that cast through the window of my bedroom and I bit my lip at the sight of the muscles of his abs constricting as he leaned on his elbows, peering down at me.

Precum seeped from the slit of his cock as it stood straight up, red and angry from not an ounce of attention. My tongue swirled around it, humming in satisfaction with how he tasted, before taking most of him in my mouth. What I couldn’t fit, I wrapped my hand around the base and began bobbing my head up and down while squeezing him.

My name fell from his lips in a rushed breath, Noah’s body falling limp to the mattress beneath him. One hand gripped the blanket while his other grasped my scalp and pulled until it burned; in the best fucking way. With my tongue flattened underneath the thickness of him, I let Noah hold me there as he fucked my throat with such ruthlessness it made my knees weak.

“Stay right there,” he rasped while holding my head in place.

Tears burned in the corners of my eyes, makeup running down my face, as Noah’s hips stilled for a brief moment before his warm cum filled my mouth. I hummed in sheer pleasure, still never getting used to how sweet he tasted in my mouth. I was pulled off of him with a loud pop and Noah pulled me up into his chest, wrapping us in a warm cocoon with my blanket.

~Now~

Oh yeah.

As I step out of the shower, I check my phone again to make sure I didn’t take too long.

9:45.

I groan checking the cabinet for some tylenol.

Thank GOD I had some left.

I knock them back, using the sink water to wash it down.

I could drink a swimming pool right now. I walk out of the bathroom to see noah on his phone.

He looks up at me and smiles, as I’m only wearing a towel.

“Well good morning to you too” he puts his phone down and pats next to him on the bed, all of his tattoos on display.

His goofy grin playing across his lips fades as I grab my work clothes out of my dresser.

“I have to get ready for work I’m a little behind today” I say frowning. “But I get off at 4.”

The good thing about being a bartender is that most of the time, night shift comes in early. Hopefully today is one of those days.

He pouts and moves his hair out of his face. Maybe I should call in today.

“Im meeting Jolly sometime today but you know I always make time for you” he winks.

“Just come by around 7 tonight and bring the boys. I’ll stop by the liquor store on my way home.”

Quickly putting my shoes on, I glance over at Noah to see him staring at me pretty hard.

“Earth to Noah,” I wave.

“Sorry I just missed looking at you like this. You look beautiful.”

Beautiful? Is he on drugs?

“Since when do you call me beautiful?” I furrow my eyebrows.

He shrugs and gets up wrapping his arms around me. “Just missed you is all.”

“I missed you too Noah.”

Someone’s affectionate today, not that I’m complaining. Calling me beautiful isn’t necessarily weird, he just normally sticks to “hot” or something less.. caring? I don’t know.

Noah and I leave my house at the same time. 10:03. At least I’m not too late this time.

He walks me to my car and gives me a kiss on the cheek. God I thought I was going to melt into a puddle.

Noah and I have been… whatever it is we are for a year now after I ran into him at Walmart. Literally ran into him.

I was trying to find a certain brand of shampoo I use, Love and Beauty, but had to meet up with Kaleigh ten minutes ago so I didn’t see him and walked right into him. It was embarrassing at the time but after I apologized a million times, he laughed it off and invited me out for drinks with him and his band mates the next day.

We hit it off and have been hooking up every time hes in town but of course, I went and caught feelings.

- divider from here

- HUGE THANK YOU TO @thefallennightmare for helping me w the smut😘😘

- pic from pinterest ofc

i may write more to this but idk it depends on how it does on here lmao

next part

[alonetimelover]

harry styles x tennis player!reader

summary: yn and harry go for a run in london.

a/n: wrote it after seeing those pictures. not proofread. enjoy.

masterlist

——————————————————————————————

"sometimes i forget you're a pro at this," harry said, with elbows pressed right before gis knees.

"you understimate me. unfortunately not for the first time, hmm?" yn pat his bare back, moving few metres in front of her boyfriend. "come on! let's do some stretching and then a run back home."

harry's eyes windened, "you trying to kill me, darling?"

"no, absolutely not. still haven't used you to meet thee queen swift." they laughed, sitting down on the grass.

it was a beautiful day in London when yn and harry decided to use it for good - or for running, depends on your definition of a well-spent morning. the hyde park was unusually calm and quiet, serving it's utter beauty often overlooked by dozens of people trying to get the best view of the city beyond them.

harry had a day off after one of four concerts at wembley stadium this year, and yn just arrived in london two days ago in preparation for wimbledon. after all those months trying to find a moment when it was possible to call or even text each other, they finally were able to wake up together and enjoy this quality time to the brim. it was quite surreal.

"harry, stretch."

"i don't want to," he longed the syllables in the act of annoyance and tiredness.

"i'm not going to make you, but -" she stopped stretching her calf muscles and looked him dead in the eyes. "you're going to regret it in the morning tomorrow, believe me."

harry groaned, and like an upset toddler sat up straighter and started stretching. yn smirked slightly to herself in victory. it was all for his health, and the feelings of pride and win were just a bonus.

"did you bring any bag with you, baby?" harry asked, humour much less grumpy.

"i have this foldable one in your funny pack. what do you need it for?"

harry didn't answer. well, verbally, he didn't answer. instead, he took off his t-shirt, folded it carefully, and put on the grass. yn swallowed, blushing a little bit.

harry smirked, "you're ogling me."

like being woken up from the trance, yn darted her eyes behind harry to the view beside him. her mind, although, still replaying the former one.

"tsk, tsk. gotcha, preying eyes." He laughed, patting yn's knee and then immediately smoothing his hand across it, squeezing three times. "you know I don't mind it."

"oh, I know. you love attention."

"yours."

"sorry?"

"i love your attention," he emphasised, looking yn directly in the eye. little smile adoring his features.

yn blushed, hiding her face in her hands.

"you're too good at this, too good."

"thank you."

harry placed his hand firstly on yn's and then delicately moved it away from her face so he could look at her. "much better."

"wanna run home now?"

"in a moment."

and before she could ask what he'd wanted to wait for, his lips were on hers, connecting them in a loving kiss. no matter how many times they shared those loving moments together, she couldn't stop feeling full of butterflies in her stomach.

"you're right. i love all the attention." harry smirked, quickly standing up and being ready to run.

"you little-"

"okay, now we can go!" harry screamed, running down the hill.

——————————————————————————————

harryupdates

liked by hArrysbtch, harrysmoustache and 34 291 others

harryupdates HARRY TODAY WHILE ON THE RUN WITH YN IN LONDON !!!!

wtfuisis guys, wtf

view all 2 201 comments

hArrysbtch i-

hArrysbtch man, I'm not okay

harrysmoustache someone calkl the ambulance, I can't breathe... damn this man

harrysaus22 i feel this picture in my core

ynupdates i understand now, yn. i understand.

hArrysbtch guys... the video of them giggling and making out in the park??????? wtf

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

Hii!! Can I request something based of a scene from season 3 of obx? So basically JJ and reader have been dating for a while and reader finally tells him that she loves him and he replies with ‘thanks’ because he doesn’t know how to act with being loved and reader feels hurt and leaves him alone. They ignore each other for a couple days but both feel bad and it ends with JJ telling reader that he loves her too ?? Hope this make sense 🥹

Request: Hii! Could I request a jj x fem reader with prompts 6 "don't push me away" and 8 "you can't love me". Basically a lot of angst that leads to fluff with jj not feeling like he deserves you.

I think these requests got sent when season 3 came out...I'm so sorry anons

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

—

Late night cuddles were part of your and JJ’s night routine. It didn’t matter if you were outside in the hammock, the pull-out or in Big John’s old bedroom, he needed those cuddles to fall asleep. 

 Fingers entwined in his tousled hair, you playfully twirled a few strands around your fingers as his head rested on your chest. ‘’How do you fall asleep when I’m not here?’’ you mused softly, curiosity tinging your voice.

JJ's eyelids gently fluttered closed, his face painted with contentment as your touch traced soothing patterns. ‘’I smoke,’’ he explained, a sigh of relaxation accompanying his words as if the mere thought of your touch had already begun to lull him into a serene state. ‘’It takes me out like a light.’’ 

It wasn’t true. Nights at the chateau were fine. Your scent lingered in the sheets and on the pillow — and on the shirt you always used to sleep in. On nights where JJ had to go home — home with his father —, these nights were not so great. JJ would lay in his bed and, depending if his father had too much to drink or not, he would get a few hours of sleep or wipe the blood from wherever his fist had landed.

A comfortable silence fell in the room, joined by the occasional singing of crickets outside the window. You found them annoying at first, but you were used to it by now. It was part of the ‘sleeping over at the chateau’ experience. 

Along with the blinding morning sun. 

‘’We should go to the beach tomorrow, catch some waves.’’

JJ hummed. ‘’My board is still at my dad’s though…’’ 

‘’We could pick it up after he goes to work? He works on Wednesdays, right?’’ 

‘’Yeah,’’ he replied, snuggling deeper into your chest as sleep began to claim him. ‘’Let’s do that.’’ 

‘’JJ?’’ He hummed again. ‘’I love you.’’

You felt him stiffen on your chest as the three words left your lips, and for a moment, the world seemed to hold its breath.

‘’Eh...thanks.’’

When JJ fell into a deep sleep, you gently slipped from under him and searched for your pants and shoes. You felt bad for leaving in the middle of the night, but you couldn't wake by his side after he hurt your feelings so deeply. You weren't mad at him for not saying ‘I love you’ back. You understood if he wasn’t ready to say it back, everyone had their own pace, but his response had left a bittersweet taste in your mouth.

It was no news for anyone that JJ was an idiot and he had the tendency of blurting out something dumb when his brain goes into panic, which was probably what happened when you said the three big words. That’s why he always plays clown when things get emotional. 

Guilt filled his guts when he woke up alone in the morning. 

Truth was, JJ didn’t know how to act with being loved. No one ever told him they loved him before. No one ever made him feel like he was worthy of being loved. So he didn’t know how to react to someone telling him they love him…even when the person was the most important in his life. 

A few days later, you were walking down a street when you saw John B. and JJ coming out of the gas station. His blond hair was pushed back under a snapback, just the way you loved. He laughed at something John B. said, then his eyes crossed yours across the street. JJ completely froze. 

Your feet walked before you made the decision and you crossed the street. John B. saw you coming and eclipsed himself, going inside the store to pay for the gas, leaving you and JJ to talk. The latter tried to offer to go instead, but John B. didn’t let him. 

‘’What’s up?’’ 

‘’Really, JJ? We haven’t spoken to each other in five days, that’s all you have to say?’’ 

He looked toward the store and shrugged. 

‘’We have to talk about the other night,’’ you said, bringing up exactly what he didn’t want to talk about.

The words hung in the air for a few seconds until JJ said something. 

‘’I have no idea what you’re talking about. Like you said, it’s been five days since we saw each other.’’ 

You should have known he would play fool, but it won’t get him out of this conversation.

‘’JJ,’’ you said sternly. ‘’I know you hate talking about feelings, but we have—’’ 

‘’You can’t love me,’’ he interrupted, his voice laced with self-doubt, and his eyes filled with disbelief. ‘’I’m just some loser. I don’t deserve you or your love.’’ 

His words hurt like a knife to your heart. 

‘’Don’t say that.’’ You shook your head, reaching for him, but he stepped back. ‘’You’re not a loser, JJ. Whoever said that clearly doesn’t know you. I know you, the real you, and I love you.’’ 

‘’I don’t want you to love me.’’ 

It was at this moment John B. chose to return, forcing your and JJ’s conversation to end. You wanted to glare at the brunet, but your back was to him. Couldn’t he have stayed longer inside the store? 

‘’John B. is back. I’m gonna go.’’ JJ nodded at the twinkie, impatient to get in and drive off. 

You grabbed his arm with pleading eyes. ‘’Don't push me away.’’

‘’We really gotta go.’’ 

‘’JJ!’’

After that encounter, you decided to not go to the chateau for a while. It was more his home than yours, so you didn’t want to be in his space. If he didn’t want to talk to you, fine. No, it wasn’t fine, but what else was there to do? 

Sarah and Kiara were sad to not have you around for cookouts and boat days. They invited you for Pope’s birthday ‘party’, but you saw JJ smiling and having fun in John B.’s backyard and went back home.  

It wasn’t until the annual end of summer bonfire that you saw him again. He was talking with Kiara and Pope, probably telling them some dumb story by the way Kiara was shaking her head in disbelief. Now that you weren’t there, she was the one who had to deal with him. 

A little later into the night, you went to get a refill and bumped into JJ at the kegger. He kindly offered to fill your cup, then asked to talk to you. You followed him down the beach where the waves were crashing on the rocks, the music and voices from the party-ers fading into white noise. 

‘’I want to say I’m sorry. For pushing you away and for being a jerk to you.’’ He kicked his foot in the sand, a fidgeting habit when he’s nervous. ‘’No one ever told me they loved me before and I just— I flipped. You know how I be.’’

You hummed. No one knows him like you do. 

‘’I wasn’t mad because you didn’t say it back.’’

‘’No?’’ JJ raised his eyes to you. 

You shook your head. ‘’I could never be mad at you for that.’’ 

‘’Then why did you leave?’’  

‘’No one says ‘thanks’ after you tell them you love them!’’ 

‘’What was I supposed to say?’’

Truthfully, you didn’t know. 

A more serious expression settled on JJ’s face as he reached for your hand. ‘’I can see how that didn't land right. I’m sorry,’’ he said again. ‘’I'm a fucking idiot for not saying it back.’’

—

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[doctorcatastrophe]

Movie Night with Kento Nanami

Friday night is movie night 🎉

It becomes something that both of you look forward to 

Kento letting you choose the movie because he doesn't really care what you end up watching, as long as you get some time to relax together

You end up choosing cheesy rom-coms because you KNOW he loves them (even if he scoffs and rolls his eyes whenever you tease him about it)

I'm talking pretty woman-bridget jones-love actually type beat

He's a groundhog day, you've got mail, breakfast at tiffany's sort of man and you're a sucker for anything with 2000's J Lo

Working together to make a list of all the classics that you want to watch

Methodically working your way through the list and feeling accomplished every time you get to tick off one of the films 

Rewatching all your favs after those really tough weeks that have the life seeping out of Kento or have you tearing out your hair 

Needless to say, the two of you would be a power couple when it comes to movie trivia (so get ready for sore loser, pouty crybaby Gojo)

Pajamas, blankets, pillows and SNACKS- so many cosy things because you both deserve it 

He loves watching your face light up whenever the happy ending comes around or the couple finally gets together

It just makes his heart warm y’know

By the end of whatever movie you're watching, you're leaning against him, practically in his lap cause there's no better way to end movie night than cuddling up with the man of your dreams 

His arms wrapped around you loosely and you snuggle deeper into his side

He's just so warm (argh!)

The credits roll and you yawn, glancing up at your lover whose eyes are closed, a smile on his lips

A small, soft, rare smile that you would have died a thousand times to see 

For a second you think he's asleep, until he opens his tired brown eyes

Either him dragging you to bed or you dragging him, depending on whoever is more exhausted (likely him) 

Your eyes slide over the names rolling across the screen, not really taking any of it in before you turn to the dark room around you. The darkness is comforting, made so by the warmth of the body beside you and the slow, steady sound of breathing that comes from it. You can tell Kento is treading the line of sleep and you briefly wonder whether waking him is the best course of action. He had come home more exhausted than usual. He tried to hide it, but you weren't blind to the way his broad shoulders sagged or the way dark shadows collected beneath his eyes. Even his suit had seemed lifeless, like the stress of the day had worn out the straight iron-pressed lines and drained the colour from the fabric. You had asked him if movie night was a good idea,  pointing out how he was practically swaying on his feet. He immediately turned to give you a confused look, but his eyes softened when he noticed how concerned you were.

“I’m fine sweetheart.” 

“You don't look fine Ken.” You sighed, reaching up to trace the dark lines etched into his face. As his hands came up to place themselves over yours, you suggested moving it to tomorrow night instead. 

“We are not skipping movie night. I’ve been looking forward to this all week.” He shook his head and you knew better than to argue with your stubborn boyfriend, so you settled on giving him a playful flick on the nose.

“As you wish Buttercup.” Your teeth clamp down on your lip as he chuckled gently,  humouring the reference with a smile. 

“I guess I know what we’re watching tonight then.” 

Ultimately deciding that sleeping on the couch would not be good for his already fragile and overworked body, you press a hand to the side of Kento’s face, dragging your thumb over his defined cheekbone. His eyes flicker open, head nuzzling into the warmth that your hand offers.

“Finished already?” His voice is barely above a whisper and the softness of it has you mentally keening. You only hum in response, reaching up to run your hands through his hair. The gesture has him melting against you, arms wrapping tight around your body to bring you closer to him. 

“Bed?” You whisper against his chest, just loud enough for him to hear. His fingers entwine themselves in your hair as he breathes in your scent. 

“Bed.” He confirms, but makes no effort to move. You laugh under your breath and peel the blankets off of you both, pulling yourself off the couch and away from Kento whose brow furrows in complaint. He sighs, having lost the warmth of you and no longer surrounded by your embrace, but you offer your hands to help him stand and Kento takes them gratefully. In the fragile light cast by the tv, shadows gather along the sharp lines of his face but you can make out his eyes, the warm brown reduced to a glossy black in the darkness. You stare up at him as he leans down and you smile when his lips meet your own. Shivers run down your spine as his fingers thread through your hair, tugging gently to make you gasp. He deepens the kiss and hums before pulling away to mumble something against your lips but you’re so warm and so tired and so happy that you don't hear him and let out a faint, “Huh?”. When you open your eyes, he's staring at you, a lazy lopsided smile gracing his tired face.

“You taste like popcorn.”