#Cybertronian colds

[ask-a-bot]

Indeed, Optimus! There’s a lot more to Christmas than meets the eye. Many forget the true meaning of Christmas as they are too busy with shopping and busy schedules. Christmas and Resurrection Sunday (also known as Easter) are my personal favorites. Is Christmas your favorite? Do you have a favorite holiday memory you’d like to share?

I just like seeing my human friends happy. Sparkplug taught us a lot about your celebrations. He taught Spike about as many religious holidays as he could and he was happy to share his knowledge with us. He told us that many religions have a winter festival that involves lights and fires, because humans often find winter dark, cold and depressing. I don't know how accurate that is, but it's plausible.

It is. I too find Earth winters to be cold, dark and depressing. Snf. They have my sympathy. Ksschoosch! Snf.

I think summer colds are worse than winter colds.

Well, yes. Snf. Getting a cold in the middle of summer feels... insulting. And it is miserable. But they do tend to be nastier, as well. You are right.

I can't remember the last time I had a Cybertronian cold.

And that's why we've been telling you to keep away.

For your own good, Rod, best do as you're told.

Oh. OK.

[king-starscreams-fics]

World Building

Sicknesses mentioned (so far) in my stories

Colds/flu: congestion of air intakes that is uncomfortable but not overly serious, as they tend to resolve themselves with rest and medgrade. Coughing/sneezing is enough to keep the intakes clear enough to cycle air. These illnesses are caused by the same germs – "flu" is harder to clear than a cold and therefore results in overheating and the more serious symptoms that that often brings.

Cold symptoms:

Congestion of facial air intakes

Minor congestion in chest intakes

Coughing/sneezing

Sore vocaliser

Sensitive/runny optics

Helmache

Flu symptoms:

As above but with additions:

Fever (see below)

Thick, stubborn congestion

Harsh cough with violent fits

Pneumonia: caused by the same germs as colds/flu, but much more dangerous. Chest intakes become severely and dangerously congested. Coughing/sneezing does nothing – often, the sufferer is not even able to cough or sneeze to begin with.

Pneumonia symptoms:

Fever

Constant urge to cough that comes to nothing

Wheezing

Difficulty talking

Difficulty cycling air through facial (sometimes referred to as "upper") intakes

Chest intake fans unable to move or else make scream-like noises when trying to function.

Fever: impossible to regulate temperature due to various possible problems or ailments.

Fever symptoms:

Dangerously high internal temperature, causing tanks to purge anything that could catch fire or explode (excessive vomiting)

Fatigue/exhaustion

Chills

Pains in joints and pistons

Dizziness

Disruption of septic tank functions, resulting in possible "spillages" (incontinence)

Minor self-repairs become difficult to maintain

Physical sickness: illness that causes purging of fuel. May or may not be accompanied by fever. Usually caused by fuel sensitivity or consumption of contaminated fuel.

Sickness symptoms:

Nausea

Purging

Helmache

Tank pains

Dizziness

Septic system impairment

Inability to swallow (in severe cases)

Inability to keep even high quality coolants and oils down (in severe cases)

Fever

Migraine: severe helmache which can last days and leaves the sufferer severely impaired and unable to carry out even basic tasks.

Migraine symptoms:

Intense helm pain

Fuel sensitivity

Purging

Light sensitivity

Optic pain

Visual impairment

Audial receptor impairment

Audial receptor pain

Inability to concentrate

Sneezing (in some cases – caused by pain in helm, which may be misinterpreted as pressure/inability to cycle air in facial intakes)

Psychological shock: severe reaction to stress/fear. Can last hours or take weeks/months to resolve, depending upon situation.

Shock symptoms:

Confusion

Startling easily

Difficulty communicating

Self-loathing

Self-doubt

Lack of independence

Feeling chilled

Shivering – often coming in violent bouts

Chest intakes working harder than usual, despite the sufferer already feeling cold

Nausea and purging

Septic system impairment

On Cybertron, these ailments have their own names. However, it is easier for humans to understand the concept of an illness when a Cybertronian uses human terms for them.

[lockheed-martin-unofficial]

I was thinking about Cybertronians freezing in the Arctic due to the ice that forms on them instead of just the cold & not knowing what humidity is again, and what if they weren’t instantly aware of all the abilities of their alt modes?

They’d have a warmup period after scanning them and have to gradually get used to/ discover all the things they can do. There’s little to no water on cybertron, no reason for them to know that ice forms in the cold, no reason for them to have de-icing. And when they come to earth and choose aircraft as their new vehicle modes, they have no idea those aircraft come with built in warmers on the wings.

I thought about how some flying decepticons would deal with it. Let’s go with Starscream first because I love him very much.

(Also because he complains about cold the most out of all the characters. I imagine everyone ices up the same amount, but the cold is an entirely different problem and one that affects him more because he’s all thin and lanky, not very good at retaining heat. It’s worth clarifying that the freezing is what’s dangerous to them. The cold bothers them but isn’t a threat in and of itself, seeing as they can walk around in space just fine. But I ramble on)

- If he had a human friend or partner, he’d be complaining about how cold it is in front of them and they’d be like “Wait, aren’t you a plane?” He’d ask what that has to do with anything and get very annoyed that he didn’t know he came with extra heating.

- He claims he totally knew about that all along and merely forgot about it in the moment. He also claims he totally knows how to turn it on, but…remind him again?

- The realization that he can just… make himself warmer at will is incredible. He’s still gonna complain about the cold though. Probably out of instinct, he complains to fill the silence. (Is it obvious I want him to be safe and warm. I think it’s obvious.)

- Cue a concerned human asking if he’s been flying through clouds and terrible weather and all the way into the stratosphere with ice building on his wings for all this time. How is he still flying? He just replies that he’s built different, and that he’s far superior to human machines yap yap yap blah blah.

- He doesn’t want to admit how great it is, but after the human shows him how to turn it on, he’d be waking around with the de-icing turned on all day, even when he doesn’t need it. I reckon it’d make the area between his wings an excellent nap spot. He could just put a human in there and squeeze them between his wings and it’d feel like being put in one of these bad boys, I dunno what they’re called in English

In any case, peak nap spot.

Up next is Megan:

- Megatron doesn’t actually have an earth based vehicle mode, leading me to believe he wouldn’t have any form of de-icing. My headcanon is that his bigger, bulkier frame would require and generate more heat, but look at him.

He got a lot of nooks and crannies that ice could build up in. Even spikier than Starscream. Much like Starscream he doesn’t have paint which may also have acted like an extra layer of heat insulation. Additionally, his joints on the arms and legs are visible.

(Actually unsure if Starscream is painted and just gray, but Megs definitely isn’t)

- My point is, I’m not an ice expert but Megatron is terrible for both heat insulation and icing prevention. Megatron is a tough bot, he can take a lot of punches, and as prideful as he is I doubt he’d ignore the fact that a snowstorm would be a genuine threat or hinderance to him.

- Not that he’d let anyone notice, of course. He has a reputation to maintain, and he can’t allow anyone to know his weakness. When he’s in private though, I find the image of evil dictator Megs snuggled up in a billion blankets drinking a hot cocoa hilarious. I’ll probably draw it.

- A human pal or partner may not be able to advise him to turn on de-icing that he doesn’t have, but they might be able to offer him another solution. A badass cloak or cape to protect himself from the snow, while also remaining intimidating. Anyone would think it was just for show, unaware that it’s actually to keep him from freezing.

Last but certainly not least, Soundwave!

-Oh, Soundwave totally knew about the de-icing without needing anyone to mention it. Soundwave knows a lot of things. He’d totally read his own altmode’s manual. I don’t think we’ve ever seen Soundwave in the Arctic though.

Trying to find a good gif for my own reference hang on-

- I’d argue that out of these three he’s probably best with the cold. Sure, he’s spiky too, but nowhere near the other two. His “elbows” are awfully small and exposed, but since his wings form the arms there’d be no issue once he turned on the de-icing. In the gif he easily covers his entire body with those huge arms, so he could easily curl up around himself and defrost if be needed to. Now here’s a good writing idea I probably will never use

- Laserbeak probably has its own de-icing, which makes Soundwave extra warm when he requires it. ADDITIONALLY Laserbeak could be deployed in order to warm up a human friend or partner from afar. Tactical warms.

- Not much to say about Soundwave. Maybe I’ll edit and add later.

[witchofthesouls]

Wait something funny just occurred to me. In the AU where the kids get cyber formed but remain on the edge of being adults, someone would have had to give them the Cybertonian version of The Sex Talk.

Would it be Ratchet, giving them the strictly medical side of things, or would it be some bot, talking about the experimental/exploring parts?

(I genuinely believe Ratchet would have an aneurysm of some kind at the prospect of it. But let's pretend)

I have to name this verse properly because Tarn isn't here, but it will eventually lead the D.J.D. to Earth. I'll keep the soulmate au tag until I can figure out something.

Ratchet does have an aneurysm because he has set ideas on what is and isn't 'appropriate' from Functionist-held Golden Age Cybertron, but he also carries a lot of guilt from out-surviving almost all his friends, cohorts, and students...

And it's all being dragged into the mud by the Jasper trio, who gives no quarter on crushing his prejudices and fears. Even Raf, his favorite, casually steamrolls over it with the draconian and American mindset of giving no fucks.

Team Prime had harmless thought exercises of what their charges' Cybertronian frames would be like... and none of them were remotely correct!

Because Miko is a Seeker femme, Raf may or may not be a type of Predacon, and Ratchet can't get proper readings on Jack's base-coding, Ratchet sits them all down because they're not sparklings or mechlings with sealed plates but full-framed mecha with total access. He gives them the reproductive talk, especially since Seekers and beastformers go into reproductive heats, but humans don't have that. He's trying to be mindful, and Ratchet is going through the different sexual methods and the variations of parts. Of course, Raf has to interrupt because the draconian mech has two spikes and no receptacle, and he would like to know about any necessary care.

All in all, it's really Ratchet having another fit because his weird humans are now weird Cybertronians of yore/throwbacks. And the ex-humans are taking it rather well, but Jack, Miko, and Raf had literally lifetimes to explore sexuality: as humans, human-hybirds by exploring their heritage as well as alchemical concoctions and very curious lovers.

This, however, did kickstart the path of Ratchet teaching Miko his medical knowledge as she doesn't want the results. She's burning to have the technical skills and knowledge of the processes. Ratchet does pass on his skills to Raf and Jack, but Raf prefers the science as Jack is more fascinated by procuring research material. Miko literally bullzoned her way to become his student. The howling matches they had shook the foundations of the base, but she got her way because she deliberately aimed at his vulnerable parts. ("You'll leave us one day to go back to Cybertron! And you're refusing to tell me how to properly care for myself!?") Ratchet is highly concerned about how voracious Miko's appetite is for that knowledge.

She yearns to become a Tsunade/Unohana terror among them because they have a strong suspicion that if their status is revealed, then they'll become targets. She'll become a Cybertronian Bloodbourne horror if it means she'll never be trapped like what happened to some of her kin.

[blighted-lights]

old lady grouchy wine aunt ravage. you agree.

[sphnyspinspin]

Okay so… I’m definitely a couple years late to the “party”, but what exactly is the deal with the Decepticons who crashed on Earth being animal related?

They never mentioned being Predacons (cause I assume those are still a future thing) and Maximals are the Autobot adjacent animal-Cybertronian fused bots. I just assumed they were some kind of version of Beastformers, but I never recalled them mentioning anything. Because I feel like that could be at least mentioned in the TFWiki. So am I just left to assume that some Cybertronians are forged with animal attributes and some aren’t, and that the Alchemor was made specifically for the Decepticons who fit into that category?

I know that I might be reading too much into this but come on. Am I just not remembering when Fixit would say “Beastformer” —out loud specifically? Or do they just not say it so we’re left to assume that they’re directly coming from Cybertron? Because there is a planet in Transformers Lore (maybe not specifically Aligned lore but I wouldn’t know) called Jungle Planet, which had many different aliases, that had Transformers that took on animal attributes over time.

Maybe the writers wanted to keep on pushing the Decepticons=bad and Autobots=good agenda a bit further by just making the Cons’ Beastformers to label them as “animals instead of people”. And it’s already bad enough if you look at RiD15 as just Transformer copaganda in general.

I dunno. Five minutes into making this post I literally just went to TfWiki and read about IDW’s Jungle Planet, aka Eukaris, and lightly skimmed its lore and it made some sense. Not complete sense—some sense.

But that still doesn’t excuse why the Alchemor ONLY carried Beatsformers. Or was at least 90% Beastformers, I did see a few Vehicons—BUT MY POINT STILL STANDS! >:[

I honestly have a really good theory imo, but that’s for a separate post, and this one’s getting too long.

[cybertron-after-dark]

ok ok shockwave anon again here to be cringe... could I please request a tfp shockwave × reader oneshot or drabble, where reader is indulging a touched starved shockwave and petting his helm and he leans into it and just gets all the lovings. i need to nurture this man so bad it makes me ill that I can't 😭 YOUR WRITING IS SO SOLID ILY TYSM

Bestie we're all cringe here, we on the robot kisser blog. Also thank you for the lovely words, barking at you in tism solidarity 💖

You really couldn't have predicted the chain reaction you set off on accident, honest. Not the scale of it, at least.

All you really did was try to hold his hand. Not something you were entirely sure would be possible, strictly speaking. The size difference was vast, but you were determined to do something sweet and romantic. You wanted to be a good partner. So, while he was at the lab table, fiddling with the components to a new cloning pod, you reached over to his free servo from your seat next to his workspace, brushing your hand against his much bigger digits. You weren't even fully sure if he'd notice, but the reaction was immediate.

He completely froze, his one optic fixed on you. After a pause, he spoke.

"Do you require anything?"

For a second you were scared he was annoyed, but he just sounded... Unsure? Always a bit hard to tell with Shockwave.

"Not trying to get your attention or anything, just holding your hand. Or, you know, holding a little of it," you answered, sheepish.

"For what purpose?" He asked, tilting his head.

"Oh! I didn't really stop to think if Cybertronians, like... Do that normally," you explained. "For humans it's like an affectionate gesture. Like, a convenient point of contact you can maintain while you maneuver around."

"Simply illogical..." he huffed.

"Sorry!" You squeaked, retracting your hand. Shockwave's antennae quickly flicked down a notch at the loss of contact. "Probably should've asked first..."

"I... You do not have to... I didn't..." He fumbled, his antennae whirring and flicking every which way as he tried to piece the sentence together.

You tried to help him out.

"...Did you want me to stop?"

"...No."

You brought your hand to his again, and you saw his optics dim as you ran your hand over his digits, tracing all the lines and seams you could reach.

"I do not understand why, but... This is enjoyable. I still assert that is fully illogical, though," he said. You could hear a slight rumbling coming from his chest. Revving his engine? Was he... Purring?

"Contact is just a staple of social creatures, man. Feels nice because you need it, or you start to go kinda feral," you explained.

"Dubious. I have lived a long life without any such contact, and I have never exhibited any signs of such regression," he refuted. The weight of his words took a moment to sink in.

"...wait you've never been touched like this? Just... For affection's sake?" You asked, bewildered.

"Of course not."

He really just didn't see anything wrong with that statement...

"Dude... That's..." You stuffed down the urge to call it sad. No pity. You know he can't stand pity. "Well, that's a lot of lost time we'll have to make up for." You tightened your hold on his digits in a squeeze, and the purr grew louder. It seemed he was agreeable to that.

"...May I request a specific point of contact?" He queried. You nodded your head, and he leaned down over the table, resting his helm (sort of) on your lap, though shifting his weight awkwardly so you didn't get crushed. You couldn't look him in the optic, his gaze was pointed far to the side, but you could see the tentative shift of his audial fins well enough to know he wasn't sure how this would go. "I have seen this behavior exhibited in humans regardless of the species of the recipient. I believe the colloquial term is 'head pats.' I hypothesize it will be more... Normal, given the difference in our scale and physiology," he reasoned.

"Oh yeah, nothing weird about petting a giant robot like a puppy," you snarked. His audial fins flicked back, but quickly returned upwards when you started petting his helm. The purring deepened, a low, bassy sound that you felt more than you heard, especially with him so up close and personal. Odd as the setup was, it was nice, and you felt good knowing he was finally getting some much-deserved affection. You felt a little bad that he might get in trouble for slacking on his work, that cloning pod is long forgotten, but for the moment, it could wait. For the moment, you just wanted to love on your boyfriend as he melted into your touch, letting yourself melt into the soft sounds of his rumbling engine and the contented sighs he let out in your hold.

[solarmantle]

Strongest motorcycle in the universe

[alvie-pines]

the main reasons cybertronians dont wear clothes are 1) they dont have dangly bits to cover up--their biology is more advanced than that, thank you very much, and 2) cybertron has no natural fibers with which to make fabric. the entire concept of soft woven-fiber garments would probably be quite foreign to them upon first contact.

the closest they could get to fabric would probably be a very fine wire mesh. to be fine enough to not restrict movement (if worn), it would have to be extremely fragile, making it something mainly available to the higher castes and, for the middle castes, to be worn for special occasions only.

now, whether they would come up with this on their own prior to first contact or whether its inspired by the clothing made by organics is still up in the air.

a mesh that fine and thin would not do much to keep a mech warm, and we've already established that they don't have anything they need to cover up. the only reason they might have to create this metal-mesh fabric would be aesthetics. and who knows, the upper castes have odd trends. maybe mesh garments become popular because they're too fragile and fine for the lower castes (who have to work with their hands/do physical labor) to wear regularly, and theyre expensive to make, and also functionally useless (making them another way of saying "look how much money i have")

that, or they become a trend after contact with organic species is established, in an effort to imitate them with the resources available on cybertron

in that case, then, even more expensive than metal-mesh fabric would be imported fabric made of actual organic fibers. i think cybertronian interplanetary imports and exports dont have nearly as much cost associated with transport than other planets, thanks to their space-bridge technology, but its still expensive--they have to be specially made for cybertronians (as the size of human garments is…… absolutely tiny to them), and then sent from one planet to another, plus they would be seen as a rare and novel item which allows sellers to hike the price.

i imagine the richest cybertronians would have organic-fiber sheets and blankets on their berths. such a display of opulence, to not only import clothes, but accessories for your berth as well!

(and its comfortable. very comfortable. most cybertronians sleep on a slab of hard metal. it doesnt hurt them like it might hurt a human, because theyre made of metal themselves, but its still not nearly as comfortable as a soft bed…)

[confluencechimera]

I think a lot abt Optimus' dynamic w the Malto kiddos, both human and Terran, from the little glimpses we get, but especially in the later episodes of Season 1

Like, I think the way he tries to protect them best he can stems from that line he has about how "I didn't have other Primes to guide me", and how he promises then he'll be there for them, cause he probably sees a bit of his younger self in them. He knows while he can't prevent what's in store for them and their destiny because of being chosen by Quintus, he can like... negate some of the suffering and lost feelings he might've had to go through. At least, as much as he can while working around GHOST

This was brought on by I thought too hard about that frame at the end of the finale when he looks up at the tower and smiles like a proud dad waaahh

I really hope they get more time together in Season 2, I need to see him trying to learn how to Vibe with The Youths through Alex

[ask-a-bot]

Stormchaser: I think transferable is a fine word! It sounds smarter than me- °u°

The word is "transmissible", not "transferable".

Yes, OK, Star. Megatron is sick. We all knew what he meant.

He's a medic! He should know the difference.

That's why I was worried about him – he does know! There's no need to mock him for making a tiny mistake while his processor is sluggish.

There is every reason! It's fun.

Go play.

[whatudottu]

Given how the alters of the Blitzwing system are all named after adjectives or nouns that describe their personality (if a bit oversimplified), some of the potential names I’ve come up with for Blitzwing’s original/forged personality (based off the timid, sensitive, and anxious interpretation) are:

Fraidy

Fidget

Bashful

Coward 

Private (what I’ve personally been leaning towards as it not only describes his personality and how the system prefers to keep him hidden from the world for his own safety, but it's also the lowest military rank, making it a neat little three-way pun)

Ough I really like Private- I just imagine that pre-BETC Blitz was called Private (or a Cybertronian specific translation that meant a little more than just a human military rank) by older or more experienced warframes that were already type-caste (a less fun pun) into being soldiers of a kind. Private may have a complicated relationship with the name, but it’s a name (even if only a nickname or as a term of endearment for a youngling) that was given to him not by the elite but by HIS community, by warframes.

I can just imagine in Blitzwing’s headspace, Astrotrain and Octane (neither particularly used to referring to someone in military terms) speaking Private’s name with such a fondness that even if perhaps neither of them fully have the context, Private just gets to feel comforted by having that connection.

[lockheed-martin-unofficial]

My headcanon is that the average body temperature of cybertronians isn’t necessarily extremely cold or extremely hot. Their spark (+ engine if they have one? I have no idea, entirely different can of worms) and therefore their chests & maybe heads would be very warm, but limbs would get colder very quickly the farther they are from that core. In comparison, a human’s body temp is far more uniformly distributed.

I imagine they usually recycle at least some of their excess body heat into energy similar to the way some cars charge their batteries while braking, but when they’re generating too much heat or when they don’t need it (maybe the environment is already hot, they’re doing a lot of activity or they are trying to recharge) they’ll just vent it out using cooling fans. Depending on the season, this might be great for a human trying to sleep beside them or really annoying.

I would guess that heat bothers them more than cold (Starscream being an outlier, he probably just likes to complain since planes are SUPPOSED to be in very cold temperatures always) since they can walk around in space just fine, so I imagine em just going “yknow what. Fuck it.” And maxing out their cooling fans while they try to recharge. Or whenever it’s remotely warm. It is very loud.

I don’t know enough about cars to say this confidently but you know how in some small cars maxing out the air conditioning will cause a noticeable power reduction? That probably wouldn’t happen as much with an alien robot, but imagine a relatively smaller and younger cybertronian able to either move around or cool down, never both at the same time. It’d be funny methinks. Everybody else laughs at them.

Makes me wonder how their relationship with water would be. I doubt cybertronians would rust easily, so it’d be funny to go for a walk by the lake one morning and see a bunch of cars just standing halfway in the water with steam evaporating from them. Robots In Disguise™️ trying to cool down. I’m gonna draw a comic about that eventually.

Team Prime deserves an industrial grade pressure washer. Let Miko wield it. As a treat. She’s fully sane and can be trusted with ice cold pressurised water to blast her robot pals with. Also maybe Jack and Raf occasionally.

[witchofthesouls]

Wondering how Tarn and the Nurse's story would go if they shared a world with Fusian Cannon Wedding Megatron.

The idea of fusion Cannon Wedding Megatron!AU is that the senate reserved the right to take any sparkling from unconjuxed parents ostensibly to be put in a worthy home while simultaneously making it cost prohibitive for all but the elite. Even for the upper middle caste it was incredibly burdensome. But if you could get an audience with a priest of the 13 they could interview a couple deem them worthy and chose to wave the fee.

Megatron, the agnostic, due to Gladiatorial WWE-esque Theme Shenanigans actualy ends a priest of Megatronus because he refused to be a fake priest in such a way that the last Priest of Megatronus decided "welp this is my best bet as a secuessor." Megatron ever the political activist used this to perform legally binding weddings for any sparked couples he came across.

Cue the Revolution and the risk of Deceticon newsparks being stolen increases. But there are treaties to return kiddos to their parents or next of kin. So if con, bot, neutral, or implausiblely compatible alien sparks up or is sparked up by one of his Decepticons, they are kidnapped and brought to the alrer at gunpoint for now High Priest Megatron to Marry them off "for the children's sake." The DJD has brought runaway 'juxes to the alter.

Now the DJD still has the Doner Cause because it's a way of protecting the bitties. Megatron initaly gets wind of the situation of with the Nurse and is relatively chill. Right up untill he realizes that the nurse was never married to the sire. Nevermind their Caimen with very diffrent rules and cultural norms. (Also their the mentee of a very scary Healer). Kaon doesn't even have to pull a witnessed act shenanigans to help his ship set sail. He just has to include a question in his routine report that Tarn is continuing providing doner support as outlined in the Doner clause. "As the cowardly tratitor abandoned his lover the moment he found out she sparked we did not find out he had sparked her after he was dead. Is it possible to posthumously conjux them for the security of the sparklings?" Kaon knows damn well posthumous conjuxing isn't a thing.

Shenanigans are about to ensue.

This is great because Megatron's manifesto would have revisions about religion, so instead of an atheist society, he more likely written about freedom of religion for anyone to practice. Just as a final Fuck You to the Senate with their harsh stance.

And because of the wild shenanigans, I think the Decepticons would have strong civil and family court proceedings.

Deadzone and Nurse were (ex) fiances, so Megatron could be chill with that.

But not with Tarn also sparking up the Camien. Now that's a whole-ass security risk!

Megatron wouldn't need to demand Tarn to return. The Peaceful Tyranny bulleted itself to the main flagship, ignoring everything else to get it situated after the consequences of too much excitement at the "fake" resort wedding.

A poor, sleep-deprived and absolutely exhausted Nurse would have been scooped up and thrown into the shower and polished to high-hell. You were vaguely aware of quick, sure servos working your back and sensory panels, and Helex was hogging the dryer.

This was no dignified walk. The entire Justice Division burned rubber and left scorch marks on their stampede to the Altar. Every other 'con jumped out of the way and booked it elsewhere because no one wanted to be in the vicinity that had the D.J.D. that hyperfocused.

Shockwaves rippled across the base that it wasn't a gruesome execution but a wedding.

Out of all the mechs, Tarn's.

The gossip mill was set aflame. Information between truth and rumors clashing, especially when the newlywedded mech was spotted with strange, blue Energon painted bright on his chassis.

The reality of it was far less fantastical.

You were a sack of photon-potatoes over Tarn's shoulder as he carried the cradle-pod of newsparks under his opposite arm.

At the daunting reveal that Megatron the bomb of Megatronus Prime's ordained lineage with the markings and proven insignia, you took a short break in the private sideroom (with proper permission from the High Priest) to freak out over your own lack of preparations and courtesies for said High Priest.

You did invoke part of an old bonding custom from Caminus' initial vorns when the Titan carried the survivors of the Tribal wars composed of different peoples.

You and Tarn get married with each other’s Energon painted upon the chassis.

Not only Megatron officiated the ceremony, but allowed a generous honeymoon package of timeoff and a few gifts.

[novafire-is-thinking]

Yes. lol

But I think it’s more likely that Ravage would just curl up on top of him.

I have no recollection if I ever posted this here but Have A Cursed Headcanon: when Soundwave recharges (which is rarely lmao) it’s facedown and looks deceased while doing so, and it’s unsettling for everyone involved. HOWEVER while he may LOOK like the dead, he sure as hell doesn’t sleep like the dead.  Some poor unfortunate soul found THAT out the hard way and nearly jumped out of their own armor while checking to make sure that their TiC didn’t uh… kick the bucket. 

Being apart of the Nemesis crew is a nightmare.

[revelboo]

I bought this lovely keychain explicitly for my Soundwave themed Jeep at TFCon Orlando and promptly forgot all about it until now. Whoops.

Touch-Starved Headcanons

Megatron x Reader, Wheeljack x Reader, Starscream x Reader, Soundwave x Reader, and others. I just like the idea of big mechs coming undone at a little comfort.

Starscream

• Almost always the one to initiate it. Just absently scooping you up while grousing about his day and slowly feeling his tension ebb as he sits with you. And you in turn, relax into the feel of his warm hands and the gentle slide of a servo between your shoulder blades as you sleepily ask questions because you know he likes it. He’ll never admit how much he enjoys these moments, they soothe a need he can’t quite pin down. You’re not plotting against him. Not a threat. Just you and he needs this more than you know.

Megatron

• It’s been a long time since he’s let his guard down. Mostly because he knows the loyalty of his followers is a tenuous, uneasy thing. They might cheer his name to his face, but they scheme behind his back. And he can’t allow himself to really make friends with any of them. Any weakness will just be exploited. Used to hurt and betray him. You aren’t Cybertronian, though. He’s almost sure Soundwave deliberately leaves you with him, because the other mech knows how much he needs it. Slumping on his throne in those quiet moments when no prying optics are about, he cradles you against his chassis. Sometimes he tells you about Cybertron before the war, but usually he just idly holds you, his spark softening.

Wheeljack

• So busy. This mech forgets to refuel and recharge when he’s working on a new project, obsession consuming him. And he’s always working on something. It takes a bit for you to notice the pattern and realize the big guy isn’t taking care of himself. And that’s not happening. You walk across his desk to put yourself between him and whatever he’s working on, head tipped up as his vocal indicator panels flash at you in question. He might not remember himself, but a gentle request to share a meal is never refused. He carefully offers his hand and carries you to find an energon cube and something for you. Recharge is the same, a soft complaint that you’re cold and a light touch on his servos and sure, he’s picking you up to hold because he knows you like sprawling on him, soaking in his warmth. With how explosive his projects sometimes are, most Autobots avoid him. That you want to be around him? Understand that he’s lonely and needs this without making him ask? It means everything to him.

Soundwave

• What with his cassettes and his abilities, he’s never truly alone. Lonely, though? He drifts through the base, the voices of other Decepticons whispering in the back of his processor. There, but distant. But not you. He finds himself gravitating to wherever you are, the strange, chaos of your mind so fascinating. You calm whenever he picks you up, those snarled worries and fears soothed away with a touch of his servos. And his own tension drains away in turn. You give him one voice to anchor to when he’s adrift and in danger of slipping under.

Jazz

• No matter how stressed he is, he keeps that smile in place. It’s part of the mask he wears as a spy-nothing can touch him or put a dent in that perpetual good mood. Even if underneath the surface, he’s so tired of pretending. That exhaustion is always there, trying to drag him under. He can’t let that mask slip, not even around the other Autobots. They need him to be the easy, going spot of sun for the team. With you? His door wings can droop as he toys with your hair or feels your little hands cautiously exploring his much bigger servos. He doesn’t have to pretend that everything is alright. And he needs that so much his spark hurts.

Ratchet

Not much better than Wheeljack about remembering to care for himself. He’s too busy. And while he pushes himself past exhaustion, he’s more likely to take breaks if you’re about. He has no idea how long he’s been in surgery, hands a blur, but as he washes the energon off, he sees you. On the counter, back against the wall sound asleep. And then he’s picking you up, venting when you curl into him with a sleepy sound, smiling as he fusses at you. Humans need sleep. And have you eaten? He’s one to talk, but you’ve invoked caretaker mode now. You protest without any real heat and press your face against his palm and he just freezes before carrying you to his quarters to rest. Because you need him and he doesn’t want to put you back down on that cold counter as you cling to his servos. He can’t.