#Cybertronian Nutrition

[sweet7simple]

Dratchrod where they live on a planet after everything happens.

Its a nice cabin that fits them and then some.

Roddy plants a nice large garden away from the cabin not sure if the two like them but they’re so into it and they are so surprised that Rodimus loves flowers and knows how to plant and tend to them.

They get to see a side of Rodimus he doesn’t really like showing and they love it!

I’m thinking of him planting cyber fruits and vegetables that he makes fuel with and they come back home every cycle starving for his food. He’s a really good cook and they can’t get enough. He’ll do dishes from his culture and theres and its always good.

Idk i was supposed to make it so they gift him plants because they want to show they love him but then i got lost in the rambles and building the scenario lol

I hope this is okay if not i won’t leave an ask like this again.

@cozzzynook, you can ask me almost anything. Just so you know, though, I also got lost in the rambles really bad while writing this. As in, I wrote most of this response, then came all the way back to reread your prompt, and realized that I missed some of your main points. I hope you can forgive me and that this still pleases you.

This raises interesting questions because it implies that the Cybertronians have their own version of fruit and that they derive some nutritional value from them, or that they fulfill some dietary need. Or, like how humans enjoy high-fat, high-sugar foods, maybe cyber fruit is actually unhealthy for them in large quantities, but it just tastes so damn good that the fruit is addictive.

If energon was the life blood of Cybertron, then it's possible that what we are going to call "fruit" for simplicity's sake were actually these units of cells that filled up with energon, or an energon derivative, or maybe the cells filled up with some other fluid as a chemical reaction with acid rain, or so on. No matter what, when we say "fruit", I am imagining a variety of capsules that, if cracked open, have a network of cells that are filled with some sort of fuel that Cybertronians can eat. When I say "cells", it might be easier to just imagine a bee's honeycomb. A honeycomb is actually just a collection of hexagonal cells that are used to store eggs and honey. For the outer shell of these fruits, we're not talking about banana peels and coconut husks and apple skins - we're talking about thin, bendable sheets of metal that unfurl as the fruit fills with whatever fluid the fruit is designed to let in. Or we're talking about different kinds of elastic or hard plastics. The thinner the outer shell, the more likely you are to determine the readiness of the fruit by the change in color. The harder (less transparent) the outer shell, the more likely you are to determine the readiness of the fruit by how heavy it is.

I am making this all up as I go and there is every possibility that there already exist Cybertronian fruit and I just don't know about it. In which case, I am a fool, but I am a fool having fun.

Let's keep in mind that, when the energon stops flowing through Cybertron, most of this fruit dies. The circuit trees rust and the web groves rot. The fruit that might survive this hellscape are the fruits that depend on either rust or acid rain to grow - and that's if there are places where acid rain is still falling. Chances are, though, even these fruits don't last much longer.

These fruits also wouldn't replace the importance of energon in a bot's diet - they would just work alongside that staple fuel, or be considered unnecessary, but highly desirable snacks. Humans enjoy eating bananas and apples and oranges and peaches, but fruits don't replace our other dietary needs and too much fruit can actually have too much sugar for you.

This is all background for the ask, but the first question I had when I saw your prompt was, "how do I make a Cybertronian eat fruit if they're giant robots?" The answer is to make is to define what a fruit would be on Cybertron.

Before I get to the prompt, I want to talk about our mangosteen.

I have never tasted this fruit, I have no idea what special tricks there are to eating this fruit, but this is more or less what I think some Cybertronian fruit would look like based off the thick shell and the seeds - except I imagine that the shell is a type of plastic that starts out as a very dense marble and then is pushed outward as the cells become engorged. The seeds of this mangosteen would be fully engorged cells. Maybe the walls of the cells are only permeable to energon, or maybe they're made of up some chemical that reacts to acid rain and what filters through is some kind of coolant that is beneficial to bots, or maybe these fruits are solar powered and there's some self-replicating circuitry inside that expands as it builds and they're affectionately called "bytes" (like "bites", hah, see?) and they're crunchy.

Sorry, I got too involved in the pseudo-science of it.

So the thing is, on the Lost Light, there's a vertical farm, which just means that there's this indoor space where food is being grown on shelves. This vertical farm lets the Lost Light develop dietary supplements and additives that go through what we might think of as a "growth phase" and require care to reach their final phase. The care for any two fruits might be different. The frigus have their own artificial environment that lets them filter through acid rain and engorge their cells with coolant (I'm calling this "frigus" as that's the Latin word for "cold"). The circuit trees with their bytes don't require much more than a slow and steady trickle of energon to fuel their self-replicating nanotechnology. The supposed easiest fruit to grow, the fusa has a plastic outer shell with soft plastic needles extending out of it. It stores energon in a plate at its base and that energon is drawn up into the cells through filters when the fusa is dry. When the cells are full, they actually pop through a pore in the fusa and stick out like dark pink orbs. The energon is so concentrated and sweet from the filtration system that they're considered delicacies. The problme is, the fusa is very slow to fill their cells. If you try to drown them in energon, the cells swell up too fast and rip. If you're not trying to grow them for fruit, though, they're very easy. They can go long periods of time without fuel and can get solar power to work their filtration system from almost any source of light.

Rodimus receives a fusa and lets it die because, what the frag is he supposed to do with it? Teach it tricks? "Now, fusa, sit! Good production plant!" He's not interested.

Not until Ratchet sees the dried out husk of the fusa, shakes his helm, and says, "I bet you couldn't keep a plant alive even if you wanted to."

And Rodimus is contrary, so he goes, "Oh, yeah? What are you willing to bet?"

And Ratchet says, "It's a bet you'll lose, you sure you want to take it?"

"Bring it!"

So Ratchet bets that if Rodimus can't keep his next fusa alive until it fruits that Rodimus has to take an emergency first aid class with him ("What does First Aid have to do with any of this?" "Hah hah, and that's why I want you to come to a class.")

Rodimus says that he can and, when he does, Ratchet has to do that thing he likes with his mouth and the spray paint and the interface aids (plural). Ratchet likes doing that anyway, but he pretends to grumble his way through the deal so that Rodimus feels like it's actually a fair bet and he doesn't win either way.

So Rodimus picks up another fusa! And it dies. The cells rip because he tries to fuel it too fast. So Rodimus goes to an emergency first aid class where Ratchet is his teacher and he makes the class unbearable for everyone (there are maybe six or seven other crew members there) by flirting outrageously with Ratchet.

"Hey, teacher, I think I needs a servos-on demonstration."

"For frag's sake, Rodimus."

Ratchet thinks that's the end of it, but now Rodimus is determined, okay? He doesn't like being wrong. He doesn't like being bad at something he actually wants to be good at. He doesn't like that he failed at something that he thought was going to be easy.

So he gets another fusa (he has to sign an agreement with dietary techs saying that he will reimburse them for the loss if it also dies and if he returns for any other production plants). The dietary techs are helpful enough to give him a datapad loaded with instructions on how to develop production plants and the instructions for the fusa are fairly short and easy to follow (Step one: Do not overfuel). Rodimus doesn't read it because that's a waste of his time, he'll just feel his way through the process, do what feels right.

He has to reimburse the dietary techs. It's a heft trade. He plops down with the datapad and groans and moans his way through the pages for the fusa and it takes him hours because he keeps letting himself get distracted. He hates reading, is the problem. Once he actually finishes reading about the fusa, he realizes he doesn't remember anything he read (a brain module is very good at saving memories, but he's so used to dumping his short-term memory whenever he's listening to lectures or reading that he did it again without even realizing it). He's furious and finds an instructional video instead. That helps.

He gets another fusa and tries again. It lives. It takes a long time, okay? It takes the Cybertronian equivalent of years, but it lives. And the day comes when he walks into the hab suite he shares with his mates and there's this tiny, dark pink bud shooting out of his fusa and he doesn't hesitate. He carries his fusa throughout the whole ship, showing off his accomplishment. He did it. He produced a fruit! He's practically giddy every cycle he watches the fruit grow rounder and rounder until it sags off the side of the production plant under its own weight. He plucks it off and punctures the thin, plastic capsule and the cells inside are so swollen and slippery in his servos. He shared the cells with his mates and it's. It's a moment for him.

It's a moment to watch Drift and Ratchet enjoy, even savor, something he nurtured for so long. They're overflowing with praise for him and what he's developed. Drift shutters his optics as he chews slowly, rocking back and forth on his pedes as he lets the thick, concentrated energon drain down his fuel intake.

"It's incredible, Roddy."

Ratchet tries to bite his in half and accidentally squirts it across his face and down his chest. He makes a sound of mourning at his own loss and hastily shoves the rest in his mouth as he tries to scrap up the sticky fuel and lick it off his digits.

Rodimus proceeds to help him clean up with his glossa.

It's great. It's incredible. Rodimus doesn't have to develop his fusa anymore - he's proven that he can do it. But he does because watching Drift and Ratchet enjoy his fruits is probably one of the most erotic and fulfilling things he's seen in a long time.

So while he's growing a fusa, he hustles back over to the vertical farms to see what else he can develop.

(He tries to argue that he's grown a fusa now! He can handle the hardest production plant they have. He wants the production plant with the tastiest, juiciest, messiest fruit! They have to be the messiest so he can lick them off his mates again. The dietary techs are all, you didn't have to say all that out loud and, no. Here's the next easiest production plant to develop after a fusa.)

It goes on like that for a long time where he picks up a plant from the vertical farms to grow fruit for his mates, suffers a setback because he doesn't actually know how to develop this particular production plant, and then he deigns to watch an instruction video before going back to the vertical farms to get another one. The vertical farms rack up a lot of favors from him due to his failures, but that's not the point. The point is that, sooner or later, Rodimus ends up with a forest in his hab suite and most energon meals are supplemented with fruit he developed himself. Drift and Ratchet sometimes try to help, but his production plants are his and if they help, then it feels like it takes away from the gift of fueling them himself, so, no, they're not allowed to touch. Besides, he's the plant tech now (unofficially), they might destroy his production plants! Trust him, he knows what he's doing. No, Drift, don't fuel my fusa, you'll rip the cells. No, Ratchet, don't change the microplastic medium for my mini fragrance tree, you might upset the root network and then the fragrance fruits will fall off before they're full and they'll taste bad.

Drift and Ratchet are, at first, surprised. Then they learn to live in a jungle of which they're not allowed to touch anything until Rodimus hands them a fruit and tells them to enjoy it. If they don't praise Rodimus enough, Rodimus donates the production plant back to the vertical farms. If they're not groaning like they're in a pornovid, Rodimus considers a fruit a failure.

Problem is, once they're groaning like they're in a pornovid to let Rodimus know that they like this fruit so please keep developing it, don't send it away, Rodimus gets revved up. So then they're distracted doing other things.

So sometimes Ratchet looks at the fruit they offer in the mess hall alongside their energon rations and has this uncontrollable response where he starts getting hot and he curses Rodimus quietly as he quickly looks in a different direction. It's not every time, but it's often enough.

Drift doesn't even bother going to the mess hall anymore. There's nothing the dietary techs can offer him that he can't get from their hab suite.

Rodimus is a very proficient plant tech by the time Drift brings him a mini circuit tree to develop.

"You want bytes?" Rodimus asks, grimacing.

"Oh," Drift goes, suddenly a little uncertain. "You don't enjoy bytes?"

"I mean, they're just crunchy. They don't taste like much and they scratch up my dentae." Then he sees the disappointment on Drift's face. "But, hey, if you like bytes, sure. Gimme it, I'm going to produce the best bytes you've ever tasted. Drift Jr. can go right here." He sets the tree down with one servo as he looks up instruction videos on a datapad in his other.

"Drift Jr.?" Drift asks, amused.

"Yep! Since it's going to be all yours, it might as well be named after you."

"Thank you, Roddy. Is there anything I can do to thank you for this?" He's being flirty.

"Yeah, if you can get the techs to give you an abstergo for me, that'd be great. They keep telling me they don't have enough to hand out to a production plant killer like me, which is just not true, I haven't killed a production plant in - wait, wait, you were flirting with me, no, come back, I want to change my answer -"

Drift does pick up an abstergo (think a production plant with vegetables full of washer fluid) for him and playfully denies his other less innocent requests.

Ratchet thinks this is a great idea and also brings Rodimus a production plant. Rodimus is quick to ask for a scandalous favor, all saucy grin and glowing optics.

Ratchet leans in real close and says against his mouth, "I'll do that as soon as I've had my first gold bar."

Note: This production plant doesn't actually develop gold in any form, but the vegetables, when fully developed taste and look a lot like soft bars of gold. It comes down to chemical reactions and pressure gradients within the outer shell of the fruit.

Rodimus is very determined to develop his production plants well, but especially the production plants that Ratchet and Drift give him.

At some point during the adventures of the Lost Light, they end up in a universe where Cybertron exists, but it's uninhabited. Either Cybertronians left a long time ago or there was some mass extinction event. His scientists are working diligently - and, in Brainstorm's case, with great excitement - to figure it out.

Before Rodimus even realizes it, his crew is settling down. It's not a surprise. The Lost Light has been travelling for an incredible amount of time through dimensions both boring and terribly exciting. No one's talking about decommissioning the Lost Light, but Rodimus and Megatron do eventually make an announcement that they're staying indefinitely to rest and refuel.

They're not planning on staying forever - they're all wanderers at their sparks, adventurers and discoverers and thrill seekers - but it's nice to get to spread out and build their temporary hab units and do their own thing and not live in fear of the hull of their home blowing out and stranding them in the middle of cold, dark space. The Lost Light gets to go through extensive repairs instead of just patchwork repairs and there's flowing energon on the planet for them to stock the ship up with and synthesize energon derivatives with and plenty of land for the dietary techs to farm. Being in a new dimension, they even discover new production plants they've never seen before.

Rodimus, Ratchet, and Drift build their own hab unit by one of the farms (to the horror of those dietary techs who live in fear of Rodimus and his propensity to develop production plants only after he kills one or two first).

Rodimus is thrilled. He has so much land now to spread his garden across. A stressed-out dietary tech even gives him another datapad on thermal-fluid science.

It basically says that some fruits and vegetables taste better when subjected to a high heat environment and other fruits and vegetables become toxic or explode. And then these fruits and vegetables explode, but they taste better after they explode, so just be careful how you expose them to high heat. There's even notes on certain production plants suggesting adding certain minerals or metal flakes to improve their taste or dietary value, or mixing them with the cells of other fruits and vegetables.

Rodimus flips through a few pages, looking at the pictures, and then says with disgust in his voice, "It's a cookbook."

"Well, I'm a doctor, but there's not much difference in repairing a combustor versus cobbling together a combustion appliance," Ratchet says thoughtfully. "And we have the room for one."

"And I can cook," Drift decides, having never actually cooked.

"Absolutely not," Rodimus says. "If anyone's cooking, it's going to be me." They're his production plants, after all. If anyone's playing around with the taste and texture of his fruits and vegetables, it's going to be him.

Ratchet and Drift agree with him (rather amusedly). Ratchet builds in a combustion appliance.

Ratchet builds him another combustion appliance after the first one explodes.

Ratchet builds him another combustion appliance in a completely separate building after the second one catches half the hab unit on fire.

Rodimus watches a lot of instruction videos and roasts some bytes in his free servo for Drift to snack on.

"I don't know why I even need a combustion appliance," he growls to himself. "I combust."

"Of course, Roddy," Drift agrees serenely, helm in Rodimus's lap. He opens his mouth and accepts the smoking hot bytes his mate feeds him with a happy little hum, crunching them loudly as he chews. "And you're very good at combusting."

"I am! This is useless."

"But it would be more convenient if you could use a combustion appliance," Drift continues, almost thoughtfully. "It would be difficult to roast fuel on your own servo and stir with your other. And some of these recipes call for a controlled explosion, which would be dangerous if you're heating it up on your own frame."

"Okay, yeah, I get your point. I have to use a combustion appliance."

"Ratty made this one particularly safe, just for you," Drift assures him. He chews another byte.

"I hate the sound of that," Rodimus tells him. "I can hear it scratching up your dentae."

"But you develop them for me?"

"Well, they make you happy. And they're not hard to develop."

Drift smiles up at him, thin lines of metal silver showing through the white coats of his dentae.

"You're lucky you're cute," Rodimus says down to him.

"Funny, that's what Ratty says about you."

Rodimus eventually figures out how to use the combustion appliance and suddenly, he's not only feeding Ratch and Drift. Now he's got Swerve sneaking in and making off with his leftovers. Megatron invites himself over and brings Minimus with him because Minimus would never deign to ask himself. Whirl pops in with Cyclonus and Tailgate, all, "I've gotta keep Team Whirl fueled, y'know."

Brainstorm says he's coming over to talk about what he and Perceptor are up to in their labs, but he just says big and confusing words while he and Perceptor eat Rodimus's cooking. Rodimus nods along because it sounds very science-y and mumbo jumbo-y and that's how it usually sounds when Brainstorm and Perceptor talk to him.

After they leave, having eaten far more than they actually needed to, Ratchet explains to him that Brainstorm didn't actually say anything they didn't already know.

Rodimus throws up his servos. "Then why were they here?"

Ratchet pointedly sucks down his smoked motor oil and give him an even more pointed look.

"Those fraggers," Rodimus says more to himself than anyone else, servos on his faulds. "Am I just feeding everyone on Cybertron right now?"

"I mean," Drift says, "more or less."

Rodimus imitates outrage, but he's actually quite pleased.

He loves his mates and he loves his crew and doing this for them, developing these production plants and giving them tasty fuel and snacks, feels like a really good way to let them know they're loved.

He saves the best for his mates, though.

[transingthoseformers]

Wait a minute were the fish marbles cravings wait wait wait

[lets-try-some-writing]

Absolutely adore seeing all the bits of writing on the bots reactions to the kiddos 🤣 Fr makes my day, just scrolling though feed and BOom your writing! So I randomly thought of the kids doing barbecues or picnics and sharing all their grubby food like Oo try this and maybe not as it’s spicy. What I mean is I’m sure the bots wouldn’t understand how human food can have so many flavours.

Glad to brighten someone's day! I am honestly startled by how enthusiastic people are about TFP bots reacting to things. I haven't gotten this many notes in like, three months. Its crazy.

Anyway, lets roll with this.

Cybertronians do have a degree of flavoring involved in their fuel. However due to the nature of energon, there is only so much flavoring that can be added before it loses its nutritional value, turns into high grade, or explodes in some fantastic display. Not to mention their ability to taste is severely limited, partially due to the simple fact that their sensory systems are more focused on external stimuli or processor function. In fact, most Cybertronians can hardly taste, if they have an intake at all. It simply isn't part of their biology. They have no need for it. Of course some get modifications in order to have a wider range of taste, and some are forged with heightened senses, but as a general rule most do not have the ability to note much.

At most they can read sweetness, bitterness, and anything that is metallic in nature. But spiciness, savory flavors, and most of the finer flavors humans experience are simply out of their range. Fueling can be enjoyable, but for most of their kind, it is merely a way to keep on going. But humanity? They eat for FUN, and that is odder than the team expected it to be.

Watching the children swap food around for the sake of flavor is... strange to the team. Seeing Miko give up what they can tell is vegetation that is highly nutritious to humans for a bag of chips soaked in all sorts of chemicals left most of them in a state of confusion. Jack offered up a sandwich, the arguably healthier dish, for a handful of gummies. Rafael passed over some sort of meat in exchange for Miko's rice. The exchange of nutrition was not orderly or equal in any way or form. Then sometimes the children would just eat each other's food without regard for the nutritional value.

The team couldn't understand it. Sure Cybertronians would trade fuel at times, but rarely was nutrition a concern. Humans swapping fuel left and right was just a tad strange. Not incomprehensible, but strange nonetheless.

Smokescreen has tried to eat human good once just to see if he could taste it. He could not taste much at all and ended up purging for the next day due to the food not going well in his tanks. Bulkhead also made an attempt once when Miko offered him food. He was stuck with cheeto dust in the grooves of his jaw for almost a week before he gave in and went to the washracks to handle it. Wheeljack made direct optic contact with Ultra Magnus and purposefully ate an apple that was offered to him, just to watch the commander squirm of course. He had to purge it all up an hour later, but watching the reactions of those around him made it worth it.

Ultra Magnus was tricked into eating human food when it was put into his energon once (by a certain wrecker). Magnus tried to hold it together, but ultimately he too ended up needing to purge. Ratchet has given the "do not eat organic fuel" speech far too many times to be happy about it.

[witchofthesouls]

ya ever think about the mental hurdle that is a human turned cybertronian having to give up food for energon, something that was once toxic to said human turned cybertronian?

I feel itd be rough, like imagine being told you can't have organic stuff anymore and have to something that would've used to kill you? Like i imagine some having to hype themselves up just to chug energon down and deal with the mental backlash trying to tell them to throw it up when they shouldn't.

Like Alt+F4 to the brain.

I had thoughts on the opposite spectrum, especially for the Aligned verse, with the lack of food: too much flavor or completely bland.

Imagine if Energon, while very pretty to look at, is a sad taste of almost nothing? It makes so much sense, considering how bad Cybertron's natural resources had been destroyed or decimated, so the populations were making do with Depression-style meals.

So salt is an incredibly ultra rare mineral on Cybertron that's painstakingly cultivated on a wild plant on the remains of caustic biomes, but the Autobots (and Decepticons) are going nuts since it's abundant on Earth and the squishies can eat that?! They eat rocks!? The giant ocean has a use they understand?!

(Insert all the Cybertronians stationed on Earth incorporating "pass the salt" in their lexicon and happily salting their cubes as a fuck you to the elite.)

Because Earth and Cybertron are "cousins," I do like the thought that cyberized!humans do retain some old/throwback/strange traits compared to Cybertronians. It would be hilarious if the ex-humans are still able to consume most things with enough preparation or they have the functions to draw out all the nutritional value. It would blow the native Cybertronians' collective minds and tastebuds.

As for Energon being "too much," maybe it's too intense since it's a different feeling than humans are used to. Like an electrifying rush of burning energy down your throat. A mix between Listerine mouthwash, the mintiest gum, and the spiciest sauce as an icy-hot pack for your mouth.

Bottom line, Energon itself wouldn't put off people as it doesn't have an equivalent that humans would associate it with danger. There are many drinks with a vividly bright hue as well as people on liquid diets and supplements due to health, medical, or lifestyle choices. But something like oil, gas, or petrol would throw the exhumans in a loop since it would trigger that remaining 'danger' sense from human sensibilities from the very smell.

[deja-mew]

Ridiculous Headcanons Pt. 1

Sorry in advance y’all. Okay so I was so bored at work my brain was rotting thinking of TFP characters for so long that I have this. Here’s what I think each character’s favorite cheese would be, if either they were human at some point and tried it, or could taste a big enough chunk as cybertronians; whatever excuse needs to be for them to have any opinion about cheese. (also could just be them as cheeses… idk, I work in Wisconsin, I’m always surrounded by cheese, this is what happens.)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Autobots

Optimus Prime: Optimus liked Colby Jack. Good, classic Colby Jack. He likes the two distinctive colors and just generally enjoys the flavor.

Arcee: Pepper Jack; well loved, timeless, and packs a punch too. She likes that it’s soft but not sweet. Also, Jack being in the name is a bonus.

Bumblebee: Velveeta. The color is great and it’s a universal, famous cheese; everyone knows it (at least in the USA), just like him. He had it in a mac & cheese and stuck with it as his favorite. (he strikes me as a mac & cheese sort of guy)

Bulkhead: He’d chose brick cheese because it has a good, versatile, underrated taste. Also, just like him, this cheese is softer than its name implies <3

Wheeljack: Cheetos. He didn’t care that they “technically wont count as a cheese”, they’re cheese flavored enough and they’re what he likes. Especially the flamin’ hot ones.

Smokescreen: Cheese curds. Warm, squeaky, proper cheese curds. Specifically the ranch flavored ones are his top pick.

Ultra Magnus: This was how Ultra Magnus found out he was lactose intolerant. He didn’t like any of them, and he won’t be asked to try again.

Ratchet: Ratchet chose blue cheese, purely because the flavor was so distinctive. It’s also a very mature choice of cheese, which just made sense for him. 

Decepticons

Megatron: Monterey Jack. The warlord refused to consume any cheeses but picked Monterey Jack just because to him, it sounded like an evil version of Colby Jack.

Starscream: Cheese whiz..?? When presented with the samples he didn’t bother to try anything, but automatically went for the can of cheese whiz, as if he already knew it..??? (He did what he had to do when he was rogue. Ik it doesnt make sense but its hilarious.)

Soundwave: Mozzarella. Soundwave had already heard of cheese on the internet indirectly throughout his few years of needing to interact with human information in order to serve Megatron. Because he understood mozzarella cheese to be a monumentally important cheese to human society, he internally likened himself to it, being himself monumentally important to the Decepticon cause. No one knew that this was why he chose mozzarella, they were just glad that he responded at all. 

Shockwave: When Shockwave received the cheese samples he did not taste anything and instead just.. Left to his lab and ran some tests.. After a while he decided on feta cheese, saying that it is among the healthiest of cheeses and therefore, for nutritional purposes, is the most logical choice.

Knockout: Camembert. It’s soft and fancy and french and… He hardly tasted much it, but liked pronouncing it, and appreciated that he could spread it on a cracker instead of getting a giant chunk stuck all up in his teeth.

Breakdown: Breakdown chose Parmesan cheese because he had once seen in a movie the grater that is used at restaurants where they just keep cranking it. He said it tasted as good as it looked in the movie.

Dreadwing: Dreadwing thought that Provolone was the ideal cheese. It seemed the most sensible.

St3v3: String cheese was St3v3’s pick, even though it is technically mozzarella. For him, it was a texture thing.

Airachnid: Cazu Marzu. It’s that maggot cheese that can kill you if you eat it. It wasn’t even on the sample plate, she just brought it herself.

Predacons

Predaking: Predaking chose smoked Gouda. He did admit that the smoke added a touch of familiarity to the cheese (seeing as, of course, breathing fire exposes you to plenty of smoky smells). Overall, he thought they were all pretty good, but somehow this was the only smoked one on the plate, so he chose it.

Skylynx: Skylynx thought the aged Swiss wasn’t that bad. The bitterness was enjoyable to him, and he found it best melted.

Darksteel: Limburger. It was the most controversial cheese on the plate, and that just made him think it was the most exciting one. The smell didn’t even bother him much, and he genuinely enjoyed the flavor.

[in1-nutshell]

Human Buddy gets a mild illness and Spinister takes care of them

SFW, platonic, Human reader

MTMTE

Buddy didn’t bring their coat on an outing on some foreign planet. To be fair, they didn’t expect it to be cold. Misfire said it wasn’t going to be cold.

Well… there was mistake one.

Thinking that Cybertronian cold and human cold were the same thing. And taking that response from Misfire.

“You sure it’s not going to be cold?”--Buddy

“I’m sure Buddy! Just a light breeze at most!”—Misfire

So now they are heading to Spinister’s makeshift medbay. Buddy yelled out that they are coming in, so he won’t shoot. They didn’t want to be burnt while not being able to smell anything.

“Spinister I’m coming into the medbay! I am now actively walking into the medbay! I have one foot inside the medbay!”—Buddy

 Spinister acknowledges Buddy with his back turned to them. He only looks at them when he hears them sneeze. His fingers are itching for the gun but realizes that it was Buddy.

Brings Buddy up to eye level and notices that they don’t look too good, at least from an organic. Luckily, he had been reading up on some organic medical logs lately. He remembers something about checking for human temperature. He gets a digit and places it on Buddy’s forehead. Buddy just leaned into his cold digit. Spinister knows that humans aren’t meant to be this hot.

“You’re a bit hotter than usual.”--Spinister

“Aww thanks Spins.”--Buddy

“Apparently also delusional.”--Spinister

He quickly does a search on the space google on what to do. Has a mini scare and then it’s immediate bed rest for Buddy. Sets up the human corner of the medbay for use. He grabs some small blankets and wraps Buddy up in scary precision and lays them back in the nest of pillows and blankets. Buddy is slowly roasting in the burrito blanket pile.

Spinister isn’t having that.

“Can I at least get one cover off?”--Buddy

“And have you coughing up a lung? As the humans say, ‘Fat chance’.”--Spinister

Tries his best to get Buddy some warm fluids from the soup cans in the storage unit. After 5 attempts and some help from Krok he finally gets the soup to Buddy.

“Here eat this. We don’t need your nutritional levels going down too.”—Spinister

Makes a little announcement to the crew to keep things civil for Buddy if not they are going to die. Krok has to reword his message because Grimlock and Misfire are trying to storm into the medbay.

“Buddy will die if you all disturb them while they are resting.”—Spinister

“WHAT!!!”—All the Scavengers

“Buddy! No! My human pal!”--Misfire

“They’re sick! They’re sick! That’s what Spinister means! They aren’t going to die—”--Krok

“They could though.”--Spinister

“Spinister! Not helping!”—Krok

The Scavengers do make visits through Buddy’s sick time.

Krok lets Buddy in on the news on the ship and is constantly asking if he can do something to help Buddy out physically. He is also there if they want to rant about something. He may tell some stories about his time with his former squad.

“So, what happened after that?”--Buddy

“Well, me and my old crew were up against the Wreckers…”--Krok

Crankcase visits every now and then, mainly because he is piloting the ship. Tries to hype them up to get better faster, he needs someone to distract Misfire from bothering him.

“Seriously, can’t you get better any faster? I swear Misfire is getting more annoying by the second.”--Crankcase

Fulcrum visits the least and always stands by the door.

He is still a bit squeamish about organics and it’s only increased to a 10-fold with the illness.

“How are you from over there Fulcrum?”--Buddy

“Trying not to puke honestly.”--Fulcrum

“Same here Fulcrum.”--Buddy

Grimlock and Misfire visit together and try to get Buddy to laugh as much as they can.

“C’mon Buddy not even a giggle? How else are you going to get better?”--Misfire

“What do you mean?”--Buddy

“Isn’t laughter the best medicine for you humans? Right Grimmy?”--Misfire

“Me Grimlock.”--Grimlock

“See! He gets it.”--Misfire

“In a way, I guess it works.”--Buddy

Grimlock lays down near Buddy and occasionally poke their side or move some hair out of their face. Misfire along with trying to make Buddy laugh just chats with them. He does feel bad that Buddy was confined to the bed. On one visit, Misfire tried to smuggle Buddy out of the medbay to get a change in scenery. He didn’t get 10 steps out before Spinister is on his tailpipe trying to get Buddy back in the next.

“Shhh! Keep it down!”--Misfire

“I’m sorry but you are the one being smuggled right now?”--Buddy

“Yeah, well the planets are cool to look at and I thought I’d give you the privilege of seeing them.”--Misfire

“Yeah okay… but what about Spinister?”--Buddy

“What about him?”--Misfire

“What about me?”--Spinister

“Oh Scrap! Run!”--Misfire

Spinister is on top of all of Buddy’s needs the entire time. Will go on meaningless rants from time to time when things get too boring.

“Do you have squirrels living in your head?”--Spinister

“Do I have what?”--Buddy

One time he made a mini shooting range to entertain Buddy using the guns for shoot-shoot-bang-bang. This was quickly dismantled when Krok came in for a visit, apparently a safety hazard or something.

Buddy makes a full recovery and Spinister makes remarks about not getting sick again. Spinister now always carries a spare jacket in his subspace in case Buddy forgets theirs.

“Buddy take your jacket.”--Spinister

“Spinister I don’t need it.”Buddy

“I DoN’t NeEd iT. Yeah no, you’re taking the jacket.”--Spinister

[hallucinateonpaperspines]

Can humans Drini energon and more importently can they get drunk on high grade ?

I’m going to presume this is for OUAT, because humans can still get radiation poisoning in my other fics… Unless they’ve turned into a sparkling- but point still stands!

The short answer is ABSOLUTELY YES!

Cyberformed humans can ingest energon, it just has no nutritional value to them. It’s basically an energy drink. The same also goes for high grade, just with an extra “buzz.”

Humans would be absolutely lightweights to a certain point, Earth would have some energon equivalents, some that are even stronger than the mineral itself, but there’s something about the high grade and how it’s processed that makes the first few introductions very entertaining to watch. Overtime, an individual would gain a higher tolerance, but that first taste? Does not take long to get full-on drunk within a few shots.

It’s not something anyone, human or Cybertronian, predicts. With caffeine, capsaicin, and other edible compounds still existing on Earth, upgraded to match the cyberformed world alongside dark energon and tox-en variants, most would expect humans to be essentially invulnerable to most chemical attacks.

Ah, the hilarity of your new buddy drinking tox-en spiked energon, thanking the would-be-murder for finding a way to make the meal taste like cinnamon, only to later collapse into a giggling, nonsensical mess on the third shot of high grade.

Humanity seems a little more approachable after that. It’s hard not to let your guard down when the individual that accidentally tipped everyone off on a murder-attempt is cuddling you like a clingy sparkling.

[dayacakrawala]

Egg-laying Starscream is the cornerstone of the fandom. Mostly, it's Megatron's brood. But what if it's not?

Maybe some Cybertronians, regardless of their alt-mode (so it's not just seeker/plane thing, let's admit, Orion Pax did it too before the Matrix fucked up his reproductive health), can lay unfertilized eggs if healthy, well-fueled, and interface regularly (or use other methods to properly discharge). That's how their reproductive system keeps itself toned. So, it's Knock Out x Starscream getting a bit eggy.

Starscream stopped laying even before the war started. Being constantly stressed, underfueled, in proximity of Megatron, then on Earth, everything just screams "fuck, no". Not getting laid for years doesn't help. 

Well, until enter Knock Out. Who, after Breakdown's death, starts giving Starscream some special and oddly gratifying attention. He's not courting him. But a thorough and careful check-up, an unnecessary but attentive repair, a buffing session, adding his ration with nutritional supplements from Knock Out's medical stocks… It gets Starscream warming up to him. And not only Starscream himself. 

That's how Starscream starts coming not only for medical treatment, but for straight-up massage. Yeah, to "maintain his wings", but have you ever seen a seeker with their wings on their waist, neck, or hips? Inside their valve? Knock Out is happy to provide, though, since he gets this valve to himself for fucking and massaging his spike with its outer petals. 

That's what Knock Out is counting on, when Starscream is melting in his hands once again, pointy fingertips buried under Starscream's plating and massaging needy whines out of him. His valve is already on display and unusually wet. Nodes are pulsing like a warning light. "Someone is eager today," Knock Out is teasing, placing his hand on this dripping valve. But the reaction he gets is bordering on panic, Starscream is thrashing and whining in confusion. The sensation is vaguely familiar but long-forgotten, he feels like it's something inside of him that he needs to let out. Like… oh hell, like he needs to void his waste tank, bad, and he can't hold, and…

It doesn't happen. Something is pushing through his valve channel, spreading his flexing inner rings and stimulating his nodes so hard he's overloading, losing his kneeling stance, and falling onto Knock Out. Who, as Starscream notices when he's finally able to vent and process the input, is holding something energon-blue and glistening. 

"Oh, we're laying pretty little eggs today," Knoch Out whistles. "That's juicy".

[witchie-writings]

Alright bestie last one I SWEAR THIS TIME. I’m curious, what is Megatron’s human pet’s day to day life like? How do they get their food, water, do they bathe, do they have other clothes or do they just stay in the same ones? Where do they sleep, etc?

Took me a little bit to think about this one, but please, keep sending in more asks if you have any ideas for them! I enjoy writing about Transformers, even if I’m not too terribly active in the fandom at this moment (plus, Bayverse!Megatron deserves more attention, imo). Not proof-read.

When I think about the daily life of Bayverse!Megatron’s human pet, it isn't… awful, merely tolerable. When it comes to their living quarters, they take residency in Megatron's habsuite; perched upon a narrow bar of oxidized steel is their "room", haphazardly cobbled together using the remains of destroyed weaponry or deceased corpses of fallen cybertronian warriors; for comparison's sake, their resting chambers bare resemblance to a bird cage. Bed wise, it's likely whoever designed the prison didn't have a care for whatever stuffing the human!reader laid upon, so it's a combination of all sorts of shredded fabric or discarded wool. It isn't pristine either, it would have a noticeable odor that is quite putrid, but its softness was preferable over the unsanitary jagged edges of the floor. For where their "humble" abode is, the human!reader would reside in Megatron's habsuite. Far enough away to where the warlord has his own space, but close enough to his berth to where he could crush their feeble body should they attempt an escape.

The human!reader's food and water is, thankfully, covered, though I can't speak for the edibility of such nutrition. The food that would be fed to them would likely be whatever Megatron or the other Decepticons would deem "consumable without risk of immediate death", probably food scraps from the store that's about to turn rotten or maybe some other unorthodox stuff… I can't think of much here, so use your imagination. If the human!reader was particularly good, they'll maybe be rewarded with some "treats", think of fresh fruit or possibly even ice cream, but it isn't something they should grow accustomed to. For now, they'll be scraping off the bottom of the barrel. Water is okay, I guess. They'll just get a scrap bucket, fill it with whatever water is nearby, boil it to get rid of the nauseating parasites, then give it to the human. Easy!

This leads into the bathing situation. The human!reader gets a bath through one of two ways: their wounds are pretty severe and need to be cleaned or Megatron wants them to be presentable for their circus act. It's essentially the same way to get the water, as stated in the last bullet point, just the human would be picked up by their frail body and dunked into the bowl without a second thought. Better hope they can swim! Sadly, the human won't get any sense of privacy, as there will always be a Decepticon to monitor them to make sure they don't try to perform an escape attempt or to take their own life via drowning. 

Now, Megatron isn't one for dress up or looking "nice". Being a tyrannical dictator that's locked into a cataclysmic war doesn't allow such novelties, nor does having a barbaric mindset help either. But that doesn't mean he wants his pet to look absolutely appalling during their shows and acts - it takes the fun out of their humiliation. Likely he'll have a more fashionista Decepticon (cough) go out to hunt for a suitable attire for the human!reader's showing; pick a few that have hints of spice yet undeniable lure, bring them back to slap them onto the pet and bam. Perfect for the occasion! I can't say the outfit will come out unscathed however. More than likely it'll be another pile of scrap for the bed pile. Ah well. Besides that event, there is a high chance the human will be stuck in their same clothes, even if they're in dire need of cleaning. Maybe they could convince a Decepticon to go shopping for them… after all, there are a few who pity the poor doll.

And since you asked about the daily life of Megatron's pet… well, I imagine that there are a special few amongst the Decepticon cause that would be open, or at least semi-open, to having a discussion with the human. Megatron isn't always present, obviously, so despite having assigned a "pet sitter" to the human!reader, other Cons might have their curiosity peaked and take the opportunity to interact with the fleshling (much to the guardian's dismay… it's probably Barricade and he's sick of the sudden attention Megatron's pet is accumulating). Some aren't as cruel as others, offering some form of conversation, for their own benefit or out of good faith, who knows. Sometimes conversations could develop into hour-long talks about whatever bubbles within the mind, and it can be quite enjoyable for both the Con and the human - quite possibly a friendship blossoms. Which would always be cut short due to Megatron's arrival. Such a shame.

Being brought into this chaotic hellscape with nothing more than the clothes upon their skin, the human!reader, outside of their entertainment value and talks with a few of the Decepticons, would have to find a way to develop their own entertainment in order to not go insane. Sure, if Megatron was particularly generous one day, he'd throw the human!reader a bone and get them something as "idiotic and pointless" as a card or board game, but usually it's a mangled mess to where it was barely visible as a game anymore, so the human would have to put their noggin to work. Doesn't always want to function, but something is better than going out with a small whisper because of boredom.

[lord-squiggletits]

Does anyone have any posts with headcanons about what Cybertronians eat and drink? Like specific minerals or compounds that might have “nutritional” benefit to them? Things they would add to their food/drinks for flavor?

[ask-a-bot]

Oh, Tum...tumblr...Tumblr randomly showed your account. I had struggle with that name for moment. Why it have to be like that? Tumbrlrlrrrr. Okay so.... Cool to come across a new account. How is everyone's day? I am Rose, been human about whole life :D . What is your fave looking food? You don't eat but what food looks tasty in your opinion?

Uh... actually, we do eat. Lots of stuff.

Yes! We just can't eat lots of fleshy food. We have our own food.

When I can get the required supplies...

You do very well with the limited resources we have, Prime.

Thank you. Are you going to list favourite foods? I think everyone already knows that I especially like a savoury Iacon Pudding, with Primus' Finnial mushrooms and a special blend of spices and herbs. On Earth, I am forced to use component minerals instead, but it almost works out the same as using real ingredients.

I like a Tarn Fryup. It is fairly easy. It can be made from fresh foods or leftovers, fried in sweetened oil. It is delicious! Throw in an egg or something for a little extra nutrition.

Ick. Poor people junk.

Star, please be polite.

Well, anyway. I like meat. And spice. Hot turbo chicken with energon noodles. That kind of thing.

I like ice cream! Uh... on Earth, I mean. I like the Cybertronian pizzas Optimus worked out he could make. They taste amazing!

[thenamesblurrito]

Can we borrow your cybertronian food/digestion & nutrition needs ideas for our own fics and comics with credit?

Yes, the foodstuffs I’ve come up with are free to use with credit! I’ve said this before I’m sure, and I’d love for you to show me what you do

[lets-try-some-writing]

There are times i think when they work together to comfort or cheer her up when she's distant and quiet and grieving. I imagine when humans first used nuclear nuke she was shellshocked(She realized just how dangerous her beloved children are she thought the wars were just a phase)

Unicron: Young one? What happened? Speak to me. To us

Moon: Dear one? What did the fleshies do?

Humanity is full of love but it also blindly devours until there is nothing left. Cybertronians and humans are similar in that aspect

Earth never imagined that her dear children could do any true harm to her. They were so small and frail. Their wars and conflicts were such small things at the end of the day. The damage could be repaired. Forests could regrow. Seas could be cleansed. Blood would return to the soil and nourish the world's natural path to healing.

All the loss would pass with time.

That was what Earth thought.

She watched her humans build their bombs. She did not bother to learn the specifics of everything. She thought she knew what explosives her children would launch at one another in their fury. Centuries of burns marred her surface before. She was not afraid to have a few more cuts because of her children's brutality. And yet when her children launched their newest weapons of destruction, she suddenly understood the woes of Primus and the tears he shed as his children tore at his frame.

Nuclear weapons were unlike anything she had ever witnessed. They tore through soil and plant life, devesting and so unbalanced that the careful environment she cultivated stood no chance. The fires burned and ran deep enough to burn her plating where it was hidden beneath layers of earth. She screamed as her frame burned and her children did not even have the chance to scream.

Her spark rattled, and even Unicron sensed her cries as she wept for what was lost. How could her children do such a thing? Violence was part of their very DNA, but destruction of this scale? Not to mention harming her? It stung more than the burns did. She could not bring herself to do anything aside from cry as she tried to keep the radiation contained while warding away any fauna that wandered too close to the detonation zones.

Unicron tried to call out to her, as did her dear Moon. She did not heed them in her grief. After a while, they shifted to aid her in her recovery. Unicron shifted in his partial slumber, bringing more nutrition to the untainted ground and quietly targeting those involved with the nuclear weapon launches. Her dear Moon showered her in affection and offered to come closer to try and ease her sorrows. She denied him. She couldn't allow her children to suffer more than they already had.

She could do very little except bask in what comforts her father and her dear Moon could offer her without harming her children.

Unicron: I will purge all those who touch you in such a manner! This I promise you.

Moon: For once, I agree with Unicron. Earth, dear one, let me come closer so that I can direct my defense systems to strike down the fools who dared to hurt you.

Unicron: Defense systems? Are you mad? If you used your inbuilt weaponry, you would blow a hole through her and into ME!

Moon: A small price to pay for victory.

Unicron: YOU-!

Often their attempts at comfort turn into bickering, but Earth always has and always will appreciate it.

[mychlapci]

cybertronian egg eating.. oh that gets me

Mechs laying duds, or laying viable eggs but have no interest in providing for them so they just. Eat them. More common in communities where supplies are scarcer.. eggs just expend alot of energy, and why waste it when it can be recycled.. save the nutrients from them for when its a better time to lay and raise sparklings..

yes! cybertronians should eat their babies more often. i think the bayverse hatchlings looked tasty in their slimy ole' eggsacks. i like the thought that when cybertronians don't have enough resources, they can just swallow up some of the duds, or even the viable ones, get the nutrition back and even out the population of their incoming litter... and i bet the hatchlings eat each other all the time, too.

[witchofthesouls]

Hope you don't mind my asking, how long are bot carriers in gestation? And how long are humans carrying xeno hybrid babies in gestation? How do humans get the necessary supplements they need for their sparklings?

I keep it kinda vague because I don't really have a hard number for it with Cybertronian carriage since they have a variety of frame-schematics and coding quirks and depends on how it meshes. But it's definitely years compared to a human pregnancy.

So with a human carrying a newspark, it's definitely over a year. From 12-24 months. Which baffles humans as they now get the elephant experience in terms of duration, yet amazes Cybertronians since that's a really, borderline ridiculous, short carriage length, especially when the hybrid pops out well-developed.

Similar to a Cybertronian carrier, a human would need the sire or donors to help them, so they would be doctor's orders to get laid. But because carriage is very draining and incredibly demanding on the carrier's own body, a human carrier's food/calorie intake would skyrocket to monstrous levels. Think of it beyond competitive-eating champions and mukbang videos. They wouldn't have to worry about mineral toxicity from supplement overdose. The newspark will absolutely devour and utilize it. If anything, a major concern would be weight maintenance/gain, metal deficiency, and the deep urge to consume non-edible items, like coins, pens, crystals, rocks, and clay. Should a newspark's demands start outpacing their mother's health, even with intravenous nutritional interventions, donors, and unrestricted calories, then an early induction would be necessary. The newspark will finish development in an incubator under heavy monitoring. (Think of it as a cross between a humongous fish tanks and the insides of a computer.)

That kind of intervention can happen with a Cybertronian carrier for similar reasons, especially with extreme frame-schematic differences, dangerous health complications, or the strain of multiple sparklets with a non-Seekerkin carrier.

[sparkmender]

"I don't know how it works where you're from, but on Earth, a "square" meal has nothing to do with the shape of the food. It means a meal that meets all the nutritional needs of the person eating it - so providing energy and sustenance, and anything else a body needs to be well. So I think you can drink out of any shape you want, as long as you're getting enough to take care of yourself."

Rung eases himself down to kneel on the floor so they can speak more comfortably, but his knee joints certainly aren’t pleased about it. Well, he’ll figure out how to get back up later. It’s fine…

“I am understanding what you mean. I was making a pun. Cybertronian fuel— we call this Energon— this is measured by ‘cubits’, which over time is become ‘cubes’. The most common consuming forms are cube-shaped blocks, and cube-shaped containers with liquid inside. So, square shape. And in English is as you say. I love wordplay! Learning new languages is allowing me to be even worse at it faster.”

The antique futzes with his oculars, enamel-coated fingers clinking against warm metal. “Probably, though, I am not being as good at fueling as others are wanting for me. I have the ‘sweet teeth’.”