#Crowley and I are married btw

[found--family]

just a 20-something college student visiting his dad 

[floofle-universe]

🪽🐍

[gaydavidtennant]

listening to radio omens im obsessed with crowley fucking killing hastur by dumping holy water on the answering machine and then going "now. to aziraphale's :)"

[cesiscribbles]

OK SO

I had an idea snippet for the ending of the Ineffable Family series but it made me sad and I dunno if I will ever draw it so Im just gonna share my idea with you in written form:

(btw It's not fanfic quality, it's more messy bulletpoints written out within 5min or so)

---

Astra is growing up, getting older and lives a happy life amongst human society with her parents on earth. One day she falls in love with a human and they share the kind of deep bond like Azi and Crowley do. At some point Astra even announces that they gonna get married and her parents are super excited and want to make her the bestest wedding gift ever.

They wrack their brains over what this gift could be for a quite a while but nothing seemed right.

A book? To generic and boring. A kitchen aid? Nah, probably an other persons idea already. Money? Missing the deep meaning behind it.

It's one day before the wedding and Astra asks Crowley and Azira to meet at their special spot at a wonderful lonely flower field somewhere in the nowhere. They loved to visit this special place and spend hours being together, having picknicks or gaze at the stars (Yes, in this version Crowley can see stars). C+A arrive at the spot where Astra is already waiting for them and they are quite curious why she wanted to meet up here.

Astra turns around and looks at them with a smile, but it's a mix of a happy and sad one.

She knows what she would like the gift to be and she describes how she feels different from all the angels and demons and that she never experienced an existence before the beginning or witnessed when everything started. She loved growing up between humans and experience change herself. But she knows her true love, her human, will wither away in what feels just like an eye blink in the life of an immortal being.

Astra comes closer to her parents and holds their hands, telling them how much she loves them and apologizes that what she will say next, won't be easy.

The best gift, she could ever ask for is Azira and Crowley combining their powers and making her mortal.

Ofc both seem bewildered at such request and try to talk sense to their daughter but in the end they recognized that they would have done the same for their partner because a life without them would hurt too much.

With a heavy heart A+C respect Astra's wish and grand it to her.

She lives a happy life with her human, both equally growing older and A+C watching over them like guardian angels to make sure no sickness or harm comes into their house... till the day they have to say goodbye.

Astra and her love are not going to Heaven or Hell. They return back to the stars where they can be together and where A+C can see them from earth.

And then the end says

"Ad Astra"

(lat.= to the stars)

[sorbetisfruity]

I feel like Neige’s ideal type is a literal princess/prince.

Like he sees you in the forest and you’re sleeping or dozing off and animals and insects are just surrounding you. And they’re not hurting you, they’re admiring you.

And he’s immediately like, “I want them.”

Btw, can y’all tell that I love Neige??? And Vil?? Sorry I write about them sm, but GAGSGVS I love them!!!!

Also this definitely ties into my little imagine I did a week or so ago about Vil being super mad if he ever found out you were close with Neige. This is how you two originally met!!!!

ᶻ𝗓 𐰁✰ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁✰ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁✰ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁✰ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁✰ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁✰ᶻ 𝗓𐰁✰

You sigh as you step foot in the forest, feeling the wind blow through your hair.

You hear birds chirping and fluttering in the trees, and squirrels and rabbits skittering about.

Finally you get to hear something other than a boring lecture or Crowley.

Why are you here, you ask?

After some much needed begging from you (and your friends and teachers) Crowley is letting you have a week long break from school.

And thank the great seven for that, because god do you need it.

I mean, with 4 overblots back to back, and practically being the school therapist and Crowley’s lovely assistant…?

Yeah you’re definitely a little stressed. And you definitely deserve a break.

A break from school and everyone else.

Your goal today was to not talk to any of your friends. You love them but god, they can be a bit…obnoxious sometimes.

As you walk and think to yourself, you come across a clearing in the woods.

The clearing is covered in plush, green grass. Flowers of all colors grow around it, making it look like a bed meant for a fairy. The sun hits the clearing as well, making the grass just warm enough for a nap.

It looks like a scene from a fairytale!!

..a little nap wouldn’t hurt, right?

….

…right.

You stretch as you step over the flowers, not wanting to break or hurt them. And as you lay down onto the grass, you sigh contently.

This patch of grass was more comfortable than your actual bed back at Ramshackle!!

You close your eyes, listening to the buzzing of the bees around you as you fall asleep…

And as you snoozed away, animals gathered around you, looking at you as if you were some foreign being.

A butterfly lands softly on the tip of your nose, as a couple more cuddle up into your hair.

A rabbit nudges your hand, before cuddling up into your arm.

A doe lays at your feet, and a couple of cardinals and blue jays perch upon a branch by your head, chirping curiously.

You were surrounded and loved by animals and insects of all kinds, yet you didn’t stir from your slumber.

But suddenly, a twig broke, releasing a loud crack throughout the once silent forest.

The animals and insects turned their heads and came face to face with a boy in white.

The boy was young looking, short and had black hair. His skin was fair and well, to put it simply, he was absolutely gorgeous.

With big brown eyes and a round face, he looked as innocent and as sweet as can be.

“Why, hello there birdies!” He spoke softly, yet excitedly as the birds tweeted happily and landed on his out stretched hand.

“How are you guys doing today?”

The birds chirped in response, turning their heads towards you. Who, somehow, was still asleep despite the amount of animals around you.

“Oh..? And who..who is this?” The boy in white spoke softly once again, kneeling down and moving some hair out of your face.

He blushed softly, realizing that one, you’re sleeping, and two?

…you are absolutely ethereal..

“Who are you?..you look oh so..familiar?” You look like someone he’d see in a dream. A dream where he met a beautiful princess/prince and practically married them on the spot.

He touched your face with his hand. He touched you softly and delicately, as if you were made of porcelain.

Your skin was soft and flushed, a result of Vils skincare routine and the sun brushing against your face like a warm blanket as you slept.

Who were you?…

You stirred in your sleep, eyes slowly opening.

And as you began to wake up, the boy in white jumped up and ran the other direction!! Which startled a couple of the animals around you.

The first thing you noticed when you woke up is that your eyes were covered. And as you came more and more to your senses, you realized a butterfly was sitting upon your nose!!

“Well, good afternoon to you as well Mr. Butterfly.” You hummed, smiling as the butterfly flapped its blue wings happily.

“Here, I’m sure these flowers will be more comfortable than my nose.”

You picked up the butterfly gently and set it on a white flower next to you, giggling as it flew off the flower and instead found comfort on your head.

“Fine, fine. You may lay on me. But I really do think the flowers would be….more..”

You paused, looking around and seeing the surplus of animals surrounding you.

“Uh…when did I inherit a petting zoo?” You giggled to yourself, petting the rabbit softly.

The rabbit thumped the ground with its back paw happily as you pet it, leaning into your touch.

You stared up at the sky, realizing how late it was. Your nap was supposed to be pretty short, but it seemed it ended up a couple hours long.

You sighed, standing up and stretching. Paying no mind to the butterfly’s that flew out of your hair and onto the flowers surrounding you.

“It was nice to meet y’all, but I’ve gotta head back.” You spoke, scratching the doe behind the ear, “as soft as this grass was, I don’t think sleeping outside in the dark would be safe for me.”

You waved goodbye to your newly found animal friends, smiling softly as you began to make the walk back to Ramshackle.

But.

“Oof!” “Woah!”

You bumped into someone, landing on top of them.

“I’m so-” You started, before realizing how close you two were.

One wrong move and you two would definitely…

Ki…

No!!!!

Don’t think about that, this is a stranger!

You frantically scrambled off of the person, standing up and brushing yourself off before apologizing profusely.

As the person stood up, you realized it was a guy.

He was dressed in white, shorter than you, and, to put it simply? He was beautiful.

He probably rivaled Vil!!

(Never tell Vil that.)

He had black hair, a round face, and brown puppy dog eyes.

Overall? Total cutie.

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry! I wasn’t watching where I was going..” You broke the stare you two were holding, hands waving frantically.

“Oh please, it was all my fault!! Don’t worry. I’m fine. Are you okay?” He asked, his face twisted in concern.

“Of course I’m okay!! I landed on top of you, after all.” Oh My Goddddd why would you say that?!?!

“You probably took most of the hit.” You awkwardly laughed out.

“So, what’s your name? And are you sure you’re okay?” You questioned, breaking the silence.

You didn’t know who he was?

Neige wasn’t one to be egotistical, but he knew he was quite well known around Twisted Wonderland.

If anything he was expecting you to ask for an autograph or something.

But this? Someone who didn’t know him?

Now this was exciting.

And as he heard you talk more, he realized something.

He KNEW you.

No, no, not from a dream.

From the news!! From the papers! From Magicam!!!

You’re-

“*ahem*? Hey dude, you okay? Maybe you did fall a lot harder than we thought…I can take you to the nurse if you’d like!” You interrupted his train of thought, waving a hand in front of his face.

“Oh!!! No, no, I don’t need a nurse. It’s nothing. Just got lost in thought.” Neige giggled out, grabbing one of your hands.

“I’m Neige, Neige Leblanche! Who are you?”

“I’m-”

You’re Y/N L/N, you’re from NRA, and you’re the hero who’s been stopping overblot after overblot since the school year began.

He knows you. And he’s been wanting to meet you the moment he heard about you from Che’nya.

Neige stared at your eyes, getting lost in them as you spoke about yourself.

But he quickly snapped out of it when you asked him a rather interesting question.

“So, do you go to school here? I’ve never seen you around…if you were in a dorm? It’d definitely be Pomefiore. You’re way too pretty to NOT be in there!” You said, making his pale face turn pink.

The prettiest person he’s ever met just called HIM pretty!?!

Now he really thinks he’s dreaming…

“But you’re dressed in white. Kids at NRA don’t tend to wear white. Except for Kalim and me occasionally. And that’s only when Rook and Vil have some little outfits they wanna shove me in!” You joked, giggling to yourself.

“Oh no, I don’t go here! I go to RSA!” He spoke softly, ignoring the fact you knew Vil as he moved closer to you.

“That definitely fits you better,” you laughed again, “you look too nice and act too nice to be in NRA.”

“I could say the same thing about you too, you know.” He said almost immediately, the words slipping out of his mouth as smooth as butter.

Your face flushed, looking at him in surprise before looking away.

“I’d say you look even nicer than I do, Y/N.”

Your face darkened even more, not even daring to look him in the eyes.

Suddenly, you were hyperaware of everything.

Especially how soft his hand was on yours.

How long has he been holding your hand?

It’s so…tense.

Are you always this weird around pretty people?

“Anyways, it’s getting late. And pretty people need their beauty sleep, right? I think it’s time you head home, Y/N.” Neige smiled brightly up at you, moving into the next topic with ease as if he didn’t just fluster you to no end.

“But first!! Give me your number, or at least your Magicam. I wanna talk to you more!! You’re so interesting!”

You’ve told the poor boy practically nothing about yourself other than your name, yet he’s head over heels and ready to try and win you over.

You agreed, wanting to talk to him more too.

After all, there’s no harm in talking to a literal Prince Charming, is there?

“I’ll see you later, Neige. Goodnight, and sweet dreams.” You spoke tiredly, yawning as you began to walk away.

“Goodnight to you as well Y/N!! I’ll text you in the morning! Sleep well!!”

And as you walked back to Ramshackle, Neige couldn’t help but giggle in glee as he stared at your number and Magicam.

(You gave him both. You couldn’t resist his puppy dog eyes:(((( )

He can’t believe he met his princess/prince, it was just like a fairytale he’d read when he was younger.

Now, he just needs to make you fall for him!!

But how?

ᶻ𝗓 𐰁✰ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁✰ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁✰ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁✰ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁✰ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁✰ᶻ 𝗓𐰁✰

I always end up making people unintentionally obsessive/possessive:(((

But luckily, I think it fits Neige.

Bro NEEDS his happy ending and he needs it NOW.

[aziraphales-library]

Hii mods

I was wondering if you had any fics where azi and Crowley are on tv shows?

Like I’ve seen ones about them on strictly, would I lie to you, antiques roadshow, bake off, the office, but it’s super hard to find fics like that because I’m not aware of there being a specific tag for stuff like that ? (Apart from human Au ig).

Thank you for everything you do on here btw lol :))

Hello! We have an #actors au tag you might be interested in (which includes Slow Show, so there's no need to add it in the notes!). Here are some TV show fics outside of the ones you've already listed...

First dates by Amyk89 (M)

Do you know that reality TV show called First dates? This is a human au, where Aziraphale goes on that and meets bartender Crowley there. If you haven’t seen the show, it’s just about 2 people going on a blind date, then at the end of their first date, the host asks if they want to go on a second date. It’s super awkward. But just imagine how awkward it’ll be when you’ve been flirting with the bartender the whole night?

666 Heartbeats by AppleSeeds (T)

Aziraphale is a contestant on his favourite game show, 666 Heartbeats, where the amount of time he will have to answer the questions is dictated by how fast his heart is beating. If he wants to win big, he'll just have to stay calm. Easier said than done when he has an enormous crush on the host, who won't stop reassuringly touching him.

A Narrow Escape to the Country by shaggydogstail (T)

Crowley and Aziraphale appear as house hunters on BBC daytime institution, Escape to the Country. They are incredibly annoying. Sympathies, please, for the unlucky producer who is not getting paid enough to put up with their nonsense.

How to Win a Lifetime Achievement Award for Services to Television (and how not to) by GaryOldman (T)

Crowley hosts a late night comedy talk show. Aziraphale hosts a feel good morning talk show. When Crowley is asked to present Aziraphale with a lifetime achievement award, everything goes a bit skew-whiff. ----- Normally when I don’t get something that everyone else seems to be mad on my first point of call is the wonderful world of the internet, but we’ve had a falling out you see, the internet and I. Despite my many years as late night show host meets investigative journalist meets comic genius meets veritable sex god (though Wikipedia only acknowledges the first of these accomplishments, despite my many attempts at editing the listing) they have turned on me. I’m a gif. And a meme.

Dating in the Dark by miraworos (E)

Anthony J. Crowley, owner of a failing joke-shop, and Aziraphale, bookshop proprietor with an overbearing family, meet as contestants on a blind dating show. They form an instant connection as roommates but soon find themselves at odds as they compete to win the top spot, and the favor of the same lady.

Married at First Sight by Aracloptia (T)

“Well, that was a thing,” Crowley said once they were out of earshot. Without talking about it, they were both heading down the field, towards the lake where the photographer (and likely a few more people from the TV crew) was waiting. “That was a wedding,” Aziraphale replied, surprised at his own annoyance that somebody called a wedding a ‘thing’. “Yeah, obviously, didn’t miss that part,” Crowley said with a shrug, and waved abruptly in Aziraphale’s general direction. “Neither did you, from the looks of it, since you’re dressed like a wedding bride and everything.” “Excuse me, I am a—“ Aziraphale stopped himself, and started over. In which Aziraphale ends up marrying a rude stranger who wears sunglasses.

- Mod D

[badaziraphaletakes]

The autistic community in this fandom has repeatedly said that Aziraphale is extremely autistic coded. Maybe we should start listening. Let's go. *SIGHS*

There's so much I could talk about the critiques I see over this mostly pretty harmless scene, but I'll try to focus on the ableism here:

Aziraphale's playfulness is called "roleplaying" and "dismissive of Crowley's feelings" here. And I must say, as an autistic person, I find it offensive bc this is an extremely autistic coded moment where Aziraphale was unmasking in front of the only person he allows himself to do so and that usually implies he was inviting Crowley to do the same, he was most likely aware of Crowley's anxiety there and making himself vulnerable to him by unmasking, inviting him into his space and vice-versa. (I think calling his special interest, magic, "horrible" is also anti-autistic bias btw)

We never see Aziraphale acting like this with any other character besides Crowley, with whom he does this repeatedly. It's not a new situation. Crowley knows this, and he is used to this kind of behaviour from Aziraphale. And he loves to complain about it btw, and Aziraphale indulges him on that. This is love. This is intimacy.

I know it isn't perfect, I know it lacks verbal communication, but this isn't abusive behaviour in the slightest. Better communication is something they both need to work on after 6k years of having to hide their feelings bc they were being persecuted and abused, the story is telling us this. We have a whole other season for that, the story isn't over.

Now, regarding the second paragraph, the plot made it painfully obvious that the clue was real, so Aziraphale was not going to Edinburgh for fun. He had to go, and Crowley knew it (he never even argued against it), bc of the mystery of Gabriel's situation thay could backfire on them in the future. Who knows what Heaven was doing to their angels (and what they could do to aziracrow!! That's why Crowley had an informant. Didn't Metatron prove this in the end, that the threat was real?). Sure, Aziraphale had fun, bc he was bonding with Crowley through the Bentley and he loves him, so that makes him happy, but that's it. We're allowed to make the most out of a bad situation, guys. It's also a way to deal with stress. Aziraphale and Crowley have different ways of dealing with stress, and both are valid, they're different people, it's normal that they react differently to a crisis.

This scene was a very married moment tbh, filled with comfort with you partner (enough to unmask), an old known and comfortable dance for the both of them, and even an invite to take a step forward in their relationship.

Food for thought: I've been wondering why the fandom likes to say Azi and Crowley are like a "married couple" but some ppl at the same time hate when they in fact act like one?

And finally, again, this is such an autistic coded moment that I, an autistic person, had the exact same interpretation as Aziraphale. I had never noticed, until I read this take, that Crowley could've meant anything other than "you don't know how to drive" lol. Aziraphale was being himself here. His true confident unmasked self. Bc Crowley allows him that. Bc Crowley makes him feel like he can. He wasn't pretending or intentionally misinterpreting or manipulating anyone. Assuming the absolute worst of him bc he interpreted something in a literal way is anti-autistic bias. Assuming the worst of him bc he doesn't use the same code as you to communicate is ableism. Assuming his decision-making logic is invalid bc of the way he acts when unmasking is both.

[kisses4lao]

Wiggity wack yo(🍋Crewel x Fem! Reader x Sam🍋)

Real not click bait

OKAY AHHHHH so I was told by my boyfriend that tumblr is gonna think im a bot for a bit I can assure you I'm not so im offering this for peace

Okay uhm now back to the fic LOLO

♧CW!! Fem reader, fem pronouns, fem descriptions for body parts, sex with older sexy men yummy, READER IS NOT YUU!!!, reader is like staff or some shit idk make your own shit up i dont care, penis stuff, what stuff? Idk yet your guess is as good as mine, anal AND vagina sex, at the same time btw, threesome or however you spell it M/M/F, yeah you're getting them both at the same time crazy shit ik, I can take them both, what? In a fight? Who said anything about a fight? We get praised, bc my biggest kink is being loved, I love these two, im used to Ao3 im so sorry for how this is formatted, also I hella ship crewel x sam and they will be together in this fic dont you dare think they won't.

Okay so yeah the CW does have a lot of jokes in it but im nervous bc this is my first fic thats like this but it does have actual warnings btw so please read them

NOT PROOFREAD!!!

Okay now onto the fic. Enjoy, you horny goblin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~

♧It had been two months since you came to NRC for the first time.

Crowley hired you to be a counselor for the boys in the school. He decided that having a housewarden overbolt every so often wasn't worth the trouble and they needed a shoulder to cry on. And that just so happened to be you.

Crowley had made it apparent he wanted you, telling the agency you worked with that it had something to do with "women being better at comprehending emotion." You didn't mind, the pay was generous and the students were sweet enough to make you want to stay.

You already met most of the students by now, having all the housewardens in every other day just to express their family issues was something you had to deal with. Having the vice housewardens in afterwards wasn't very pleasurable either, but you had to make do. Sometimes Crowley would come in just to see how things were going, he'd say it was to "be generous", he brought you food Sometimes too.

You found yourself getting very close to the married couple of the school, Sam and Crewel. They were very sweet to you, complementing your style when you'd come in, hang out with you during break, Crewel would even bring you snacks from Sam's shop when he had the chance. You would hang out with them a lot, and though you didn't want to admit it, you did find both of them attractive, but you would never hurt their marriage.

Every once in a while, Crewel and Sam invited you over to their house. You'd have drinks, play games, get into really deep conversations about how Crowley sucked, the things friends do.

You didn't want to admit your feelings. You didn't want to admit how you'd slightly blushing when they were being nicer than usual. You didn't want to admit how your heart would beat out of its chest when Crewel would stand behind you, snaking his hands over yours to guide them to teach you how to make a margarita. You didn't want to admit how you'd get so excited when Sam would willingly buy your favorite snacks and have Crewel deliver them to you. It wasn't worth losing two amazing friends over two simple crushes.

You had just gotten done a long day of counseling all the first years, Ace and Deuce to get their counseling together. It was just as hectic as it sounded, taking up almost 4 hours of your time with other students coming and leaving when they realized how long the wait would be. You needed a way to relax and get your mind off this job. Luckily, Crewel came into your office at the end of the day and invited you over for drinks.

This was the perfect stress reliever, hanging out with your two amazing friends and having drinks sounded perfect after a long day. Crewel quickly noticed how tired you were, your disheveled appearance quaking from the little sleep you had. He decided to schedule the meet up for later in the day so you'd get some sleep beforehand. "We don't want you falling asleep on us, now do we?" Crewel gives you a small chuckle and a wink before bidding his goodbye and leaving.

Getting up from your chair with an exhausted sigh, you pack your notes into your bag and leave your office, locking the door behind you. Crowley said to always lock your office when you aren't there, something about the students being nosy and may snoop around. It didn't matter though, it was the end of the school day and the start of the weekend, who would spend their Friday snooping around in a counselors office?

Finally getting to the chamber room and walking through the mirror, you're at the part of campus where all the staff lives. Medium sized houses in a nice circle with Treins house being the biggest and in the middle. Unlocking your front door, you sigh and take off your jacket while laying your keys down on the table next to the door. Going upstairs and into your room, you take your bra and skirt off, climbing into bed after setting an alarm.

Crewel was nice enough to set the meet up back a few hours, scheduling it for 10. Giving you a nice 4 and a half hours to catch up on much needed sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After being asleep for around 4 hours, you awoke to your alarm going off. It was 9:25, giving you 30 minutes to get ready.

Getting out of bed you hop into the shower to get washed up. Using the lovely sugar scrubs you usually do and washing your (H/L) (H/C) hair with a wonderful smelling shampoo and conditioner. Getting out of the shower, blow drying your hair and figuring out what to wear.

You finally decided on a nice (F/C) dress, not too skin tight, but leaving enough to the imagination to make it desirable. Luckily it wasn't out of the ordinary for you to wear something like this, so they wouldn't think anything of it.

It was getting to the time of leaving, so you quickly pack your things and head out. Closing the door behind you, you walk across the empty street and make it to their door. Since they lived in the same house, you would often catch them walking out early in the morning. It was convenient to say the least.

Knocking three times before the door opens with enthusiasm, you're greeted with Crewels smiling face as he greets you. He holds the door open as you walk in, taking your bag and coat off and putting them on the hangers near the door. Sam greets you from the kitchen, beckoning you to come and see him.

When you do, he has a bunch of machinery on the counter. "Sam used to be a barista before he started working here. He stopped a long time ago, but his love for coffee didn't. We decided to invest in some machinery to indulge in his hobby. Expensive, but worth it to see him happy." Crewel says as he walks behind you and gives you a smile.

"I've always loved working with coffee, the pure smell alone is enough to drive a man, me, wild. Come here, I'll show you have to work an expresso machine!" Sam says with a huge smile on his face. Something tells you alcohol isn't being involved tonight, perhaps its for the better.

Walking over to Sam he steps behind you and guides your hands to the different cups and powders to make a shot of expresso. Did Crewel and Sam always have similar ways of teaching? They aren't like this to the other staff..

After making the expresso, Sam grabs some coffee he brewed earlier. Pouring it into a mug and the expresso on top, he starts the foam art. Watching him pour the foam in different directions was almost mesmerizing, and soon enough, you had a little foam kitty! How cute!

Sam had finished his and Crewels coffee and you sat down at the coffee table with them. They were silent, more than usual. Their eyes would dart across the room, occasionally landing on you but quickly shifting focus. It seemed as though they wanted to say something, but couldn't figure out how to put it.

"Is something wrong? You guys are awfully silent tonight, I hope I didn't upset you in anyway-" you trailed off, trying to figure out what was going on.

"No, no! Its not you at all!" They both practically shouted while jumping from their chairs, spilling some coffee in the process. Grabbing some tissues and sitting down, they clean themselves up.

"Look, we've been meaning to ask you something- its just- we don't know how to exactly ask about it." Sam says, Crewel still trying to dab some coffee off of the vest hes wearing.

"We think that, maybe, we can open our marriage, but, just to you. We want to try things with you, see what we like, experiment a little." Crewel adds with flushed cheeks. He must be pretty nervous about this.

Sam takes a nervous sip of his coffee before continuing on what Crewel had just stated. "We trust you. We think that you're the only person that could be fit for this, and we're willing to help you explore that side of you. The 'nastier' side, so I've heard the kids say."

Well that was a lot to take in, a bit too much actually. You had felt your entire face heat up as you realized what they meant. A sort of rush of adrenaline creep in. Was this actually happening? You've wanted it bad since you first met them, but you never thought it would actually happen.

Sam and Crewel looked at you as you completely space out. You could feel the tension in the air, their stares getting impatient as their cheeks formed new colors you'd never seen on them.

"We completely understand if you don't want to do this, we won't force you into anyth-" Crewel chimed in after deciding the silence was too much, but was then swiftly cut off.

"I'll do it. I mean- I want to, that is. I've been wanting to, I just didn't want to make you guys uncomfortable. I mean, you're always so sweet to me, I thought we just had something platonic going on, but I had no clue you guys felt the same." You say while practically being out of breath. Pressing your thighs together as an instinct, Crewel quickly switches his gaze to a lovely house plant as his cheeks heat up more.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We'd never force you into anything, but we do want your full consent." Sam practically sighs out. Crewel is still red, but now is occasionally sparing glances at you.

"Yes, im sure. You may do whatever you please." Chuckling, you say with a smile directed to them. Sam gives you a soft smile while Crewel stands up from his chair.

"I'll get everything situated. Sam, if you want to take her into the bedroom and get her situated, that would be appreciated, I'll be in as soon as I'm done getting everything ready." Crewel says while walking out of the room, giving you both a wink on the way out.

"Alrighty then! Let's get you ready!" Sam yells while taking your hand and leading you to the bedroom. When you walk in, you take in the beautiful scenery. Large king sized bed, beautiful red curtains, their bedroom is huge! "Dont be intimidated, Crowley decided to give us extra space. He says we're his 'little gay friends.' We're not even completely gay! Wiggity wack, yo!"

You were so grateful that Sam knew how to break the silence and make you comfortable you didn't even notice he had left your side to go to one of their personal cabinets. "We had been planning this for awhile, we just didn't want to scare you away is all. Crewel and I had picked up a few sets of lingerie for you. You can try them on while we wait for him to get back! No pressure of course. I just figured you may not have expected something like this to happen and you wanted to change into something more... fitting... for the occasion."

Then, it hit you. You were wearing such normal panties, it hurt! Shame on you, shame on you!

Going to the cabinet, you skimmed through the sets of lingerie. None really caught your eye, until you landed on a lacy white two peice with pearly accents. Sexy, baby!

"Oh, you like that one? Thats Crewels favorite. Hes gonna go batshit crazy if he sees you in that! Personally I dont give a shit what you're wearing, you'll be naked and in my arms by the end of the night so it doesn't matter." He says with a smug look on his face. Was that... a threat? Why was it sexy for him to say if it was? He was leaning with his arms crossed on the cabinet, looking for any sign that you were uncomfortable. They really were putting your needs above theirs.

"Go! Try it on! I wanna see Crewels face when he comes back!" He lightly shooshes you away with a hearty laugh that made your cheeks red. After showing you to the bathroom, he leaves you to the privacy of the semi cold, hard floor room. Getting changed, you heard the door open and Crewel walk in. Sam and him were talking about something you just couldn't hear what. Putting the panties to the lingerie set on, you had realized they untied at the sides. How convenient! Stepping outside, you felt their eyes practically rip you apart.

"Hot diggity dog! I'm so sorry, that sounded so weird oh my god." Sam slaps his face before cupping his eyes in embarrassment. Crewel sent him a death glare before looking back at you with wide eyes and completely red cheeks.

"Uhm.. we should uh.. go over safety precautions. Our safeword is going to be, 'blue', understood?" Crewels voice was shaky and he was clearly avoiding your gaze, but he did sound serious. Shaking your head yes, he continues. "Alright. Remember, any time you get uncomfortable, or you want to stop, or anything, just say the safeword and we'll stop immediately. As for everything else, I got some things for us. Just to make everything a smoother process is all. Lube, vibrators, simply just things to have your body relax. As for protection, both Sam and I can't have kids. In our defense we didn't think something like this would happen."

"In short, you're gonna be fine. We'll make sure you're treated nice and good, don't worry. Crewel and I are, as the kids would say, 'freaks in the sheets', but we'll wait until later dates to actually try those things with you. If you're comfortable, that is." Sam smiles at you. It was comforting to see all the precautions they're taking.

"I'm okay with anything really, I mean, I dont have very much experience but im willing to try things out! It's just, im a bit nervous is all.." Sam looks at you as though he's seen something so otherworldly gorgeous he can't explain it, and he gently takes your hands.

"Hey, dont be scared, okay? We'll go as slow as you want, and if at anytime you want to stop we will. We just want you to have a good time." Sam winks as he gives your hands a gently squeeze of reassurance. Crewel was silently taking off his coat all the while looking at the way the lingerie was hugging your body. Blush was covering your cheeks as you take your hands out of sams grasp and cup them together in a nervous fashion.

"Thanks.. its just this outfit im wearing is starting to be a bit uncomfortable." You say while looking away from their prying eyes.

"Well let's take it off then." Crewel says with a grin on his face while making eye contact.

"Mhm. I agree. If its making you so uncomfortable we should take it off." Sam says while giving you his signature grin. He takes your hand and leads you to their shared bed, sitting you on his lap in the middle of the comfortable mattress. Crewel followed and crawled towards the two of you, while landing front of you and spreading your legs gently.

Sam slowly leans into the crook of your neck, "I'm gonna take these off, okay?" He whispers in your ear as he places the strings of your panties in his fingers. Nodding in agreement, he gives the shell of your ear a soft nip, earning a small yelp from you, making the men giggle.

He slowly takes his fingers and pulls on the drawstrings, Crewel in front of you, watching in anticipation. Shyness taking over, you instinctively shut your legs close when Sam begins to take the peice of loose fabric off.

Crewel places one hand on your inner thigh and pries them open, clicking his tongue while shaking his head in light hearted dissapointment. "Ah-ah, no hiding sweetheart, cmon, you'll be begging to be touched more by the end of the night, we have to start somewhere, dont we?" Crewels voice was laced with last, you had never heard him act like this before, but God you wanted more.

You you began to crawl up Sams lap in a stroke of nervousness, to which he only gave a soft smile at. "You'll be a good girl for Divus, wont you? You'll be so good for him, let him eat you out, right?" Sam says from behind you in a teasing tone, while Crewel waited patiently for your response. Nodding yes, Crewel dove between your legs like a starved man.

A loud moan escapes your lips from the sudden burst of pleasure, earning a chuckle from the man behind you. Placing both hands on Sam's thighs in an attempt to keep your balance, you only ended up digging your fingernails into his skin. Leaving harsh, painful nail marks on his legs, Sam groans at the sudden pain. He takes his hand, interlocking it in Crewels hair and pulling him forward so he can reach deeper parts of you. You moan loudly at Crewel being able to hit spots no one else could, and Sam takes his hand out of Crewels hair and places two fingers on your clit, making circular motions with light pressure.

With all the stimulation, it doesn't take long for you to cum, which you do with a loud moan. Crewel licks all of your juices up and swallow them in a single motion. "Delicious, as expected." He says as he softly caresses your cheek for comfort. Sam begins to rub slow circles into the flesh of your thigh, giving them light pinches every word often.

Crewel begins to unbuckle his belt with one hand, the other still stroking your cheek. "Are you alright with taking us both at the same time? Its alright if not, we can take turns if you'd like." Crewel makes eye contact with you as he asks, making you swallow hard in anxiety. As you begin to think, Sam lays his head in the crook of your neck in anticipation.

"I'm alright with taking you both at the same time, its just please be slow, im a little scared is all... this is my first time doing something like this..." you say as a small chuckle comes from them both. "Of course we'd be slow silly! You're our main priority, so we just want to make you comfortable." Sam says as he kisses your neck and slowly retreats from his resting place on your shoulder.

"I'd suggest you prepare her for... well, anal. You're alright with that, right?" Crewel asks with concern in his eyes. Now THIS was something you didn't expect tonight, but not unwelcome.

"I'm okay with it! But please, please be gentle, I've never done this before." You say as you look behind you at Sam. He gives you a smile before ruffling your hair. "I know I know, I'll be gentle I swear." He says as he begins to let his slender fingers roam to you ass. "Get ready, okay? This is gonna feel weird and possibly hurt for a minute, but it'll get better."

Taking a deep breath, you nod your head. Sam takes one finger and begins to slowly inch his way in, letting you stretch out. You slowly grown out at the alien feeling, gripping Sam's thighs harder than you were before.

He begins to curl his finger in you, slipping in another one as you start to loosen up more. Crewel could sense the way it hurt, he leaned down and started kissing and rubbing your thighs gently, hoping it would help you ease.

Sam could feel you loosen from this, to the point he was able to slip a third finger in, earning a moan from you. He began to curl his fingers upwards as he kissed and sucked on the sensitive skin of your neck. With the stimulation, you ended up cumming after a few minutes.

As Crewel lapped up your juices again, but gently this time as to not overstimulate you, Sam began to praise you more. "Look at you, doing so good for us, taking us so well. I cant wait to have you coming undone on us." Sam said as he placed a light kiss on your cheek.

Crewel took the rest of his clothes off, leaving him in just his boxers, letting you stare in awe at how well built he was. He took your hand and let you sit in his lap. "Just a second doll, Sam needs to undress himself." He says as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, placing sweet kisses on it. After a minute, Sam was done and was also in just his boxers, guiding you back onto his lap.

"Which hole ya wanna take? Rock paper scissors? No, thats too cliche.." Sam rambles on. "I'm fine with whatever, what do you want, y/n?" Crewel tags into the conversation as he scoots closer to the two of you, holding your waist in the process.

"I'm okay with the position we're in right now, with you being in the front, Sam in the back.. it seems fine like this." The men smile at how genuine you're being, voicing your concerns, ect. Its cute to them. They nod and hum in agreement as Crewel grabs a bottle of lube.

"I reckon I won't have to use this as much as you will, Sam. Take it slow, hurt her and I'll beat the shit out of you." Crewel says with a smile on his face, sort of whispering that last part.

"I am gentle! I'm always gentle, some would even call me a gentleman!" Sam says with a playful scowl, taking the bottle from him. You begin to giggle as you see Crewel slowly take off his boxers, reveling his already, very hard member.

"Sorry love, you looked too cute, couldn't help it, yknow?" He says, giving you a wink as his breath speeds up. You feel Sam shifting under you and you feel him take off his boxers, throwing them to the side.

Oh no, they're both huge! Crewels is long, around 7-8.5 with reasonable girth, while Sams is 6.5 and a lot thicker. How are you gonna take them both at once?

"I know what you're thinking, you'll be alright. We'll take it slow, build up speed with time." Sam says as he places a quick kiss on your temple. He squeezes the lube on his hand, rubbing it together to warm it up before putting it on his cock. Earning a hiss from him, he sighs and places both hands on your waist. Lifting your body up, both him and Crewel line themselves with your holes, and wait for your confirmation.

Placing both hands on Crewels shoulders, you nod your head before they begin to slowly sink themselves into you, stretching you out more in the process. Moans from all three of you fill the room as they lower you down more and more.

Once they are fully in, they both huddle close to your body, singing you praise after praise as they wait for you to let them move. After a few minutes pf being out of breath and simply just panting you give them the go ahead.

"You can move, I'm okay now." And with that, they pull their torsos away from you and place their hands on your waist. Starting at a slow pace for you to get used to it, they slowly and gradually add more speed as they both bounce you on their cocks.

Sam rests his head on your shoulder, panting in your ear as his grip on you tighten and his muscles tense. Crewel doing the same, but while bouncing you, he begins to thrust upwards when you come down to make a larger impact, earning a loud moan that makes you tense around them.

Ssm gets jealous of how Crewel seems to be fucking you better, so he starts to do the same, meeting his thrusts with your timing. You were all moaning messes and by the looks of it, none of you could last very long.

Sam grits his teeth as his hands make their way to your tits, softly squeezing and pinching them. Crewel let's his hands wander to your pussy, taking his thumb and rubbing circles on your clit. You dont last long after they begin to do this, and cum for the third time this night, riding out your high as Sam and Crewel chase theirs.

You can feel Sams breath speed up and grow more hoarse as his grip on your thighs and breast slightly tighten. "Shit shit shi-" a loud groan erupted from his chest as he spills his seed in you. Crewel falling seconds after, cumming in you as he thrusts upwards, keeping it in.

You all lay on the bed for a few seconds, basking in eachothers presence while catching your breath. Crewel slowly pulls out, earning a whince from you. He walks into the bathroom and comes back seconds later with a wash cloth.

"Cmon Sam, you gotta get out." Crewel says as he looks at him, with a whine Sam pulls out too, letting both their juices spill out of you. "Such a good girl for us, keeping all our cum in her. You did so well for us dear." Crewel says as he cleans you up. Lightly dabbing the cloth on your now sensitive areas, he softly chuckles at the way your body reacts.

Sam walks to the other side of the room, going into a small fridge and grabbing three waters and a few snacks. "I've got waters for all of us and some chocolates for the girl of the hour." He says with a wink. Crewel is done cleaning you and goes to throw the soiled towel in a wash basket as Sam opens your water and chocolates.

Replenishing your thirst and munching on the surprisingly delicious chocolates, Sam picks you up unexpectedly and moves you to the front of the bed. "What, you didn't think we were gonna kick you out after this, did you?" Crewel says chuckling as he comes back from being in the bathroom.

"Honestly, im not sure what to expect from you guys anymore." You say with a chuckle. Both men chuckle aswell as they make it into bed with you, sandwiching you between them. Shifting the pillows and blankets around until you're all comfortable, you lay in a comfortable silence.

As you all say your goodnights as the lights in the room turn off, you can't help but think of what situation you're in. Having two men who just fucked you into oblivion now cuddling you goodnight? You could get used to this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: im lorde yaya im lorde yaya

[zayray030]

Since I recently participated in a wedding, say congrats to my relative even though they probably won't know I posted abt it

And because the first notification I got releasing my phone from airplane mode was from you

Here is Ace Trappola in a wedding dress.

Anyways remember that time travel ask I sent in earlier, what if Future Ace was sent to the past during his wedding

Or while he was modeling a wedding dress

Or if there was a school festival like the ones in anime, specifically when the classes present a fashion show, and Ace for no particular reason was chosen to show off a wedding dress, by the way, he needs a partner/groom to walk beside him and there can only be one other person

I wish I added more of a heart motif but oh well

AHHH HE'S FUCKING GORGEOUS??!??! YOU ARE INCREDIBLE!!! MARRY ME RIGHT NOW!!

Also congrats to your relative! I hope they have a lesser and happy marriage 💗💗

Now onto the ask......OH MY FUVKING GOD!! I actually have a story idea for that to do with percabeth but with Ace.....ooooh girl

I can just imagine him taking a moment to observe his surroundings, watching all his younger classmates, looking at his younger groom, before calmly throwing his bouquet on the floor and fist fighting Crowley in his dress lmao

After that He's simply trying to sit still so his dress doesn't get damaged (strangely enough it still looked pristine even when he was pummelling Crowley into the floor no one stepped into help btw. They all felt grateful and satisfied)

First, the firsties approach him and start talking and they're just so enamoured by how beautiful he is. Younger Ace is just as shocked but he has to admit he looks great in a wedding dress. Now his one problem is that he marries someone from NRC

When Ace's future groom approaches, Ace doesn't give any indication. Or at the very least not anything obvious. But it's clear in the way Ace relaxes around him more, eyes twinkle, smile more genuine.

The other version where he's not actually getting marries and it's just from a photo shoot makes the situation even funnier because best believe that the others will be fighting over an opportunity to wife Ace up

SCHOOL PHOTO SHOOT!! OH u can imagine Crowley doing it for the money, Vil doing it because it could help his image and Ace participating because he saw the reward money and he threw that dress on so casually one would think he regularly wore them lmao

[caedmonfaith]

Super random q, I’m reading “artists in residence” (which loving btw!!) and Lucy (Crowleys mom) calls Crowley, sausage. I think his mom in a different au (woke up married in Vegas one, I believe) does the same.

I’m curious what the story behind that?

It’s so cute and makes sense for a mom to have cute pet name for their children but I have never heard “sausage” as one.

(Also happy 5 year writing anniversary! ✨)

Hi! I’m sorry I took so long to answer this, I don’t check tumblr as often as I should.

When I was writing some story (I think it might have been Waking Up Married, matter of fact), I was fleshing out Lucy and asked @lurlur for help, as she’s British and I’m not. She suggested that I have her call him sausage as a pet name, and I thought it was so cute I kept it! She also occasionally calls Aziraphale ‘crumpet’. I have silly pet names for my kids, but they wouldn’t work for Lucy.

Thank you! Artist In Residence was very healing for me, since I gave Az my own anxiety and ND issues. I tried very hard not to marysue with him, but I’m afraid I might have. Even if I did, it was very healing. There are weeks and weeks of sweetness and love coming up. <3

And while I’m at it, I’d be remiss if I didn’t plug the fic. It was a labor of love, and I’m very proud of it. I hope you’ll check it out!

[cosmichoneyz]

things in good omens s2 that made me audibly wheeze

this is just a happy post to distract myself and others from the Horrors. let us begin

the apology dance - the fucking GENTLE MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND. THE ANNOYED MONOTONE SINGING. THE LITTLE SPIN AND BOW AT THE END. heLP me they are so married. who comes up with this shit. every time i think about this existing i cackle it's so domestic and adorable and i need someone to do this for me even if i don't need an apology for anything. 10/10 :)

job's son randomly flirting with a very confused aziraphale and crowley coping in the background - this is 100% funnier when you remember he was played by david tennant's son. like. he just showed up did the gayest pose imaginable hit on michael sheen and left without elaborating. this is the only time nepotism will ever be acceptable to me !!

crowley being high and scottish - i literally could not breathe during this sequence. perfect representation of my three remaining brain cells. "TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF IS.. is.... it's NOT ON" SPEAK YOUR TRUTH CROWLEY!!!! loved the scottish anthem cover Btw

shax repeatedly murdering that one poor demon - this happened to them in s1 as well. they just can't catch a break. me if i was part of the fiery legions of hell

gabriel/jim being gabriel/jim - he is such a fucking himbo he would have jumped out the window if crowley hadn't made him stop. we stan. we love an awkward king in grandpa jumpers <3

beezlebub being absolutely done with everyone - i liked their s1 actor too but this change feels so RIGHT they are portrayed so well and i am here for it ! someone give them a break jfc

detective aziraphale finding out what grindr means - i have no words. iconic. i want a fic where azi looks grindr up and makes a profile and then crowley explodes (literally)

in conclusion: definitely deserving of the "#1 comedy on prime video" trophy rn. funny show. please watch otherwise s3 might not happen and i need it to happen for my life to continue having meaning Thanks

[tio-trile]

Hiiii,

Just wanna say, thank you for giving a space where I feel better to word my crticisms for GOS2. It's funny, in real life, everyone I watched the show with agrees that there's a massive tone shift between season 1 and 2 and that we don't particularly like it, yet when I come on tumblr, everyone screams at me how perfect everything was. Which is fine, it's great for them if they truly loved it, for me, there's just too much drama.

Thing is, I'm a huuuge fan of the book, simply because as someone raised in a church who took the Second Coming very serious, Good Omens the book managed continuously to make me laugh about something that used to terrify me as a child. It was a very healing experience to me, also since it's rather a jab at conservative anglicanism than anything else, so I didn't feel weird as a Christian to read it. And that was a first for me with a fictional media dealing with angels and demons.

But now with the second season, it's basically what Christian-inspired fantasy always looked like and I'm tired. Also, because apparently, Aziraphale just can't get it right, anymore, hated how the 19th-century-plot made look Crowley the reasonable one NO MATTER WHAT. (Also, where does this fit with Zira canonically having done several temptations at this point?)

Also, I actually am an Ineffable Husbands shipper, yet I cannot tell you to what end this kiss frustrated me. Simply because I ship them as my one fluff couple and in my hc, they always smoothly transitioned from being friends to lovers. And that's why this dramatic love declaration and kiss from Crowley feel so out of place for me. It makes me sad, also as a queer person, because I cannot remember one queer couple ever on screen which was just allowed to be functional and not angsty. (I mean, yes, heartstopper, but this show got problems all on its own) It just feels weird that, in my impression, now that we go into the romantic direction with these two, we also need to get ~drama~.

But well, moving on~

Do you know any good Book Omens fanfiction? That is, if you read any....

Have a good day~

Hi! It's funny because it's kinda the opposite experience for me -- my friends IRL love season 2, and my friends on the internet didn't XDD

That's interesting what you said about the Good Omens book/show experience while being religious! The book did seem more edgy (for lack of a better word) and poked fun at religious themes more light-heartedly while the show does seem to approach it more......Supernatural-y......😂 also yeah, I saw somebody else say this but show!Aziraphale doesn't seem like one that would even agree to the Arrangement in the first place.

About the kiss I recently found that I made an incredibly accurate prophecy last year HAHA

But yeah, the book boys definitely have "old married couple" energy, where as the show ones are still......working through things. (The one queer couple on screen that's functional and not angsty is Benuit Blanc and his husband from Glass Onion, btw /hj)

I recced some book Omens fanfic way back in 2016 here!

[penig]

So, on my one episode a day rewatch of Good Omens prior to the airing of Season 2, yesterday was E4, "Saturday Morning Funtime," which is a hard episode to stop at the end of btw, and some ideas I've been percolating for a long time finally brewed up.

One of the most striking things about the adaptation, and why it hooked me so hard (I'd been a fan of the book for thirty years without ever feeling a need to fic about it), is the way Aziraphale and Crowley communicate in modern day. The first two episodes adhere closely to the book. We are introduced to the archangels and Beelzebub and get views of Heaven and Hell setting up the adaptation's characterization of them as competing departments occupying the penthouse and basement, respectively, of God's vast impersonal corporation, as opposed to the original Cold War analog; but otherwise those of us who have already read the book get no new information, just the pleasure of seeing familiar material onscreen.

Then comes the E3, "Hard Times" teaser, all 30 pre-credit-rolling minutes of it, and suddenly that familiar day-long conversation in which Crowley convinced Aziraphale to work with him to balance the antichrist's influences isn't the same one anymore. Suddenly every conversation they have, every communication they make to each other, is a hundred times richer. Because now you know that they talk in code - every conversation is the sort of allusion-dense, shorthand-riddled, blank-filling communication that happens between old friends, married couples, roommates, and siblings who have private conversations in public. Once you realize that "Let's do the Ritz" is a reference to the conversation in the car in 1967 - "You said maybe one day we could dine at the Ritz. Well, time is running out for it - now or never -" and add into it the significance of the revolutionary crepes, and how shared meals operate for them - well, I for one get impatient with fanfic that claims they can't communicate, and wonder what happened with the gravlax in dill sauce that got it into the opening salvo, because you can't fit much of 6000 years into a 30 minute teaser but now I know that every single item on that list of things that'll go whooosh with the earth has its own reference point in their shared past, and every harsh-sounding attempt to parry with the regurgitation of the company line, on Aziraphale's part, is a plea: Make it possible for me to do something about this.

Every conversation is like this. Every conversation has to be like this, because of the fear of surveillance by Heaven. (Crowley's electronics can ambush him at any moment, but he clearly is on a longer leash than Aziraphale; Heaven is the one we see with pictures from the Earth Observation files and each one we see is, indeed, a picture in which they are performing their conversational Dance of Deniability in order to subvert their orders). It is also, of course, a huge convenience, as any couple who has ever won a team game by exploiting their private communication system can attest.

And then it starts to break down at the Bandstand, in the very same episode, as Aziraphale tries desperately to hang onto all his disparate loyalties, dithering and lying to everybody and trying to find a better solution that covers all the bases, including protecting Crowley from his own side. Because if Crowley kills the antichrist, or is responsible for his coming to harm, Hell will destroy him unless an equally powerful force protects him. (It annoys me to see people reading the Bandstand as Aziraphale rejecting Crowley when his agreeing to run away with him would mean abandoning Earth. A lot of things are going on at the Bandstand, but rejecting each other isn't in there, even though breaking up the team is.)

Then next episode it breaks down completely, a panicked Crowley discarding the dance in order to make a direct plea, trying to save what he can from the inevitable destruction of Earth - his car, Aziraphale, and whatever Aziraphale elects to pitch into the back seat. (Of course he intended to drive his car to Alpha Centauri.) No codes, no tempting, none of his serpentine subtlety: he sees Aziraphale on the street outside his shop, screeches to a halt, and leaps out making his pitch for escape. And what does he lead with? An apology.

But Crowley never apologizes.

He never acknowledges responsibility.

Oh, sure, he "exaggerates in memos to head office." He claims credit for all sorts of evil deeds that he may or may not have had any hand in, and accepts his commendations. But from literal Day 1 he is deflecting his responsibility for anything happens, when he talks to Aziraphale; it's the very first element of the conversational dance established. If God didn't want the humans to eat the apple they shouldn't have put it on a tree in the middle of the Garden with a big "Don't Touch" sign and what's so bad about knowing the difference between Good and Evil anyway?

A lot of this excuse making is acknowledging human agency in a way that Heaven and Hell's official policies never seem to. In the "Hard Time" opening Aziraphale accuses Crowley of orchestrating the ongoing disasters in both the French Revolution and the Blitz and Crowley denies it outright - the humans thought of this themselves. In the conversation in the bookshop after Warlock's party he bemoans having been saddled with responsibility for the antichrist and makes excuses about making false claims to his bosses - the humans do these things before he can get around to tempting them, that's not his fault.

Nothing's his fault - pedestrians in London are on the street and know the risk they're taking, he didn't hit Anathema she hit him, "we lost the boy" when Aziraphale knew nothing about the delivery of the antichrist until well after the switch was complete. Before humans even enter the picture, he didn't so much fall as "saunter vaguely downward." When talking to God/himself/his empty apartment about the Fall he "only ever asked questions" and "hung around with the wrong people." Even his declining to be thanked when he does something for Aziraphale feeds into this general refusal of responsibility. He, apparently, has no agency in any of these things.

I've seen meta to the effect that, while Aziraphale lies like a rug to everybody, including Crowley, Crowley lies to everyone except Aziraphale, and that's true as far as it goes. But thanks to the code, when Aziraphale lies to Crowley (except about the location of the antichrist) he's really saying something quite different which Crowley understands, right up until the bandstand, and Crowley's excuses are also incorporated into the code. Aziraphale's accusations of wrongdoing, his pontificating about evil, "get behind me foul fiend - after you" is all ritual. A certain amount of it is probably private joking, in which Aziraphale's stern straight face is the funniest thing of all.

But what's the first thing out of Crowley's mouth in the street in front of the bookshop, surrounded by witnesses, in full view of any Heavenly or Hellish operatives who happen to be around? "I'm sorry, Angel, whatever I did, I apologize." For what? For the bandstand breakup? For being unforgivable? For being a demon, losing the antichrist, not knowing how to save the world, not tempting properly the first time he suggested running off together? You'd think what would seem to be his first ever acceptance of responsibility in 6000 years would be for something specific but nope, he just tosses it out there in the street - an apology for everything, everywhere, all at once.

You can tell the world is ending, because the Serpent of Eden is apologizing.

But Aziraphale, fresh from being mugged by archangels, in possession of truly occult knowledge, is still desperately trying to dance. He still has one last throw of the die to make before he resorts to the killing-the-antichrist-together solution that is so likely to get Crowley destroyed. So he Forgives Crowley, an apparent direct response to a direct plea, but Crowley's not dancing now, he's just desperate and for the first time ever he loses the beat and doesn't understand what Aziraphale is trying to tell him. With Crowley having disrupted the steps, it's possible that Aziraphale doesn't understand what he's trying to say, either, except that this may be the last speech of all and if that's so, he wants to give Crowley the one thing that he by definition cannot have.

Maybe he has tried to stop dancing, too, but no longer remembers how.

So they go their separate ways, Crowley to don his hazmat suit and booby trap a door, Aziraphale to call in the biggest gun of all, while Adam frightens his friends and his Dog to the point of rebellion, and the weather goes weird and everything climbs into the handbasket to go to Hell, but Shadwell rallies to save Newt (and incidentally trigger a subdisaster within the larger disaster) and Anathema decides that y'know, there's worse ways to go out than orgasms with a hapless virgin witchfinder so let's do something fun and life-affirming during the tornado like Agnes predicted, and she can sort out what the implications of that are if there's a later.

It's really hard to stop watching at the end of this episode.

I wonder if I've gotten to the bottom of those conversations yet.

[professional-termite]

*grabs you* It's your turn for crack ships. But this time, it multifandom

Aziraphale x Teddy

Larry x Mike Schmidt

Father Kent × Mobius

Dominic BadGuy × Kermit

Freddy Fazbear × Lincoln Memorial

Crowley x Edward Teach

Azirphale x Stede Bonnet

Izzy Hands x Dr. McPhee

alr my ask box is all screwy but im gonna try to answer well anyways (had to list these all out cuz i cant read them properly otherwise)

Aziraphale (Good Omens) x Teddy Roosevelt (NatM)

alr these 2 are like. best friends who maybe kissed once. i firmly believe that teddy is pan (he and larry both give off The Vibes) and azi is obv the most gay mf to ever exist, but i cant see them dating long term. if anything, they would be in a sometimes romantically leaning qpr

Larry Daley (NatM) x Mike Schmidt (FNaF Movie)

if larry wasnt dating mcphee and mike wasnt dating ness they would go perfect together/hj

Father Kent (HM 2023) x Mobius M Mobius (Loki)

ok i unironically think they would be like best friends. theyre both in love with dark haired, emotionally stunted bisexual "men" (ben is 100% masc enby and loki is genderfluid) and theyre both too gay to function. i can see them being roommates, like mobi crashing at kents place (if he had one lmao, homeless mf) or kent just straight up bringing mobi into the haunted mansion with no explanation other than "his boyfriend broke up with him :("

Dominic Badguy (Muppets: Most Wanted) x Constantine (Muppets: Most Wanted)

this is not a crackship. theyre married. i would know, i was the floor

Freddy Fazbear (FNaF) x Lincoln Memorial (NatM)

the lincoln memorial would step on freddy like a can of sardines

Crowley (Good Omens) x Edward Teach (OFMD)

crowley and ed are fwb, if anything. they would both cry to each other about their "boyfriends" and go to each other for comfort, but i cant see them ever getting romantically involved

Aziraphale (Good Omens) x Stede Bonnet (OFMD)

i can totally see them meeting and getting BIG FAT CRUSHES on each other, and then they have like a really dramatic romance-novel-esque kiss, and then they both go "...eh" and from then on theyre best friends and act as each others wingmen. and they never mention The Kiss again

Izzy Hands (OFMD) x Leslie McPhee (NatM)

theyre both bitches (aff). they would both want to kill each other and then izzy would show up at leslies pride group and pull a dylan (they are in a throuple btw)

[rebeccasteventaylor]

And also - the third episode is called ‘I Know Where I’ m Going’

This is also a Powell Pressburger film. A woman who has planned her whole life goes to Scotland to marry a rich man, just as she planned. But she gets stranded on a Scottish island and meets a man - who is can never go back to his family home because he is cursed if he sets foot in it. All her careful plans are over turned as she falls in love with him.

And for a start - that tartan covered mountains shot from the the episode? That’s a reproduction of the shot from the film…

Goodness me, not only naming an episode after one of the most wonderful films about the power of true love and reproducing a shot from it to make the point you’re referencing that movie is quite a message.

(Btw I love this movie. The intensity of his face when he declares she’s for him - the way his hand shakes when she looks up at him at the tea party - when she calls his name he answers as though if she called him from the other side of the world he’d answer - the way he loves her from first sight and yet tries to get her to her fiancé, knowing he’d lose her and it hurts him -

I can see why Neil is referencing this film for Aziraphale and Crowley)

And she had to get away and risk her life to get to her fiancé because she is on the brink of losing everything she’s ever wanted because she is falling in love. Like Aziraphale who is on the verge of losing Heaven and Heaven’s forgiveness and acceptance because of his love for Crowley.

I mean, this also has the line ‘nothing is stronger than true love’

This relationship is very much Aziraphale/Crowley on their more angsty/intense moments

The thing is - there’s a big dramatic kiss in this - and then they walk away from each other but she comes back after he walks into the castle and is cursed to be chained to his love to the end of his days and die in those chains.

All these Powell/Pressburger references. I bet there’s some Colonel Blimp ones I’ve missed. Bound to be. A movie about two men, one blond, one dark haired, on opposite sides of war, who nevertheless form a deep and profound lifelong bond? I’ll have to watch Colonel Blimp again and then see what references are in Good Omens

[noisyballofvoidmuffin]

I finally started reading Good Omens (NO SPOILERS! I've already spoiled myself enough.) and this is so far (59 pages) one of the best things I've read. It's so clever and fun, and I must have left a dozen "hehe" notes on the sides of my book (in pencil. I only just started writing in books and I would die before I used any sort of ink that could seep into or smudge on the pages.).

What I can't stop thinking about though, is that one woman who named her sons, I think twins?, Crowley and Aziraphale. Because, alright, my opinions may be a tad skewed bc I started being interested bc Tumblr and tiktok have bombarded me with details about these two from the show (Tumblr also some book stuff) that gave me some preconceptions but,,,,

Lady, how did you not notice that this could be interpreted as like, romantic? They have the most 'married couple' vibes on multiple occasions.

Spoilers under the cut! I go on a gush.

They are hilarious.

"Well I'll be damned"/"It's not too bad when you get used to it"

The start of this book, ugh, and yes, I'm back to the book now, this is my book rant and I'll take it to whatever direction my brain wants to, the fucking, the song choice for the Bentley to play!! It's so clever!!

"It wasn't a dark and stormy night. / It should have been, but that's the weather for you. For every mad scientist who's had a convenient thunderstorm just on the night his Great Work is finished and lying on the slab, there have been dozens who've sat around aimlessly under the peaceful stars while Igor clocks overtime."

And later on fucking BOHEMIAN PHAPSODY PLAYS- excellent music choice btw- AND IT'S SO GOOD

They it should've been a stormy night and just the EXACT PASSAGE OF THE SONG TALKING OF THUNDERBOLT AND LIGHTNING PLAYS OUT RIGHT AFTER STAN GETS OFF THE RADIO-

The pacing and detail work is just phenomenal in this book, PHENOMENAL

"For Americans and other aliens" (paraphrasing) had me chuckling out loud. Been identified an alien.

There's at least 3 doodles of snake Crowley I've drawn in the book so far.

Also the bit about this being the most repaired book? I would've died of that was any of my books, grieving, but I admire all of these people so much. The sheer DEDICATION!!

Really hoping I get this book signed at some point, even if I just about die of anxiety and embarrassment if I ever get the chance.

Also, it took me, honestly, way too long to recognize David Tennant played Crowley in the series/ the bits of the series I've been force-fed by tiktok and Tumblr. Not because I'm blind to faces (partially, maybe) but because it took a whole fucking slideshow with both Crowley and The Doctor from doctor who for me to realise it's the same DAMN ACTOR!! LIEK, I KNEW I NO GOOD AT RECOGNIZING ACTORS BETWEEN ROLES IF I HAVEN'T SEEN MULTIPLE THINGS THEY'VE BEEN ON AND REMEMBERED THEM AS THE CHARACTER THEY'VE PLAYED TO THEN MAYBE UPGRADE ONTO KNOWING THEIR NAMES LIKE CHRIS EVANS AND HUGH JACKMAN BUT COME ON! My brother was laughing at me for that. How do people just, recognize others without the set context they were in at the time?

Anyhow. Back to this BRILLIANT BOOK!!!

Crowley is like, so me coded.

Wasn't feeling Crawly, changed it to Crowley. Only man-shaped, not man.

I too, wasn't feeling my og name and changed it slightly while it's still based on the first one, and am only human-shaped.

There's too much going on in my brain and I forget my vessel is a human being at some points, purely because I don't see the vessel as who I am.

Anywho,

I have in fact just noted 'Transphobe' next to the bit where Crowley is handed the Antichrist and has to sign a damn thing like it's a post package and told "Not [Name you literally chose for yourself, A. J. Crowley], your real name." mostly for myself because I'm funny like that, and bc it's my book copy, not because I don't understand the significance of "true names" or whatever. Sigil names, now those are cool. I'd make me one if I didn't feel like it'd be more intricately connected to me and in turn more vulnerable.

This book. This book I swear-

I've had such a hard time reading printed books after so long reading only fanfics online and this? This is perfect. It reads like the most fun fanfic I've ever read.

Like that one dp x DC fic where Danny wanted a grimace shake and it was spilt on the road or sth even if he said it was mediocre.

The brilliance of Crowley's sinventions (hehe) are so good.

I have doodled 👀 over Hastur saying he tempted a priest. Because I somehow didn't expect it.

This is comedy to me. I adore it.

The footnotes too. The one about the added verses where God asks Aziraphale where his sword is 😭 and that literally everyone recognized his handwriting as the one who added them in 😭😭😭😭

This is gold, man. Exactly what I needed to get back into physical reading. My eyes could for sure use a break from my phone.

Also, the little tongue my book has as a built in bookmark? Bring that back. Bring books with that feature back. I love this thing so much. Even my school books had it when I was younger, WHERE IS IT NOW?? HAVING MY OWN BOOKMARK IS ALL FINE AND DANDY BUT THIS IS ELEGANT, AND PRETTY, AND PRACTICAL, COME ON!

End rant uwu <3 I must sleep