#Could this be how every day begins?
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I just need him to be happy thank you
#also first light by hozier?#written specifically for jean.#you can't convince me otherwise#because#One bright morning changes all things#Soft and easy as your breathing#you wake#Your eyes open#at first a thousand miles away#But turning#shoot a silver bullet point-blank range#And I can scarce believe what I'm believing in#Could this be how every day begins?#aftg#jean moreau#jeremy knox#jerejean#all for the game#the foxhole court#the raven king#the kings men#the sunshine court#tsc#tfc#nora sakavic#trojans#usc trojans#character art
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merlin falling to his knees after sending arthur out onto the lake and then just. staying there. he was planning on staying until his body gave out from dehydration but he just...never died. he kept waking up to the same sight of the lake, the day around him a bit different. yet he never moved. he remained on the shore of that lake as nature began to claim him, growing over his body as if he were just a stone on the ground. merlin never moves. he is arthur's servant. he'd follow arthur everywhere. if he couldn't...well then, he'll wait right outside. he'll wait right here. he'll wait for arthur.
#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#fanfiction#fanfic#fic ideas#prompts#merlin wakes centuries later to hear someone talking to the lake but its more like their talking to someone they lost#they talk about how hard it is to get up every day without them here but they do it for them#they live for them#no matter how hard it is#they keep getting up because they know it's what they would've wanted#merlin lays there and listens to them leave. he lays there as he thinks of arthur and how many times he tried to lay his own life down#just so merlin could escape. so merlin could live. so merlin could keep going.#âi don't want you to change. i want you...to always...be you.â#merlin begins to move. for arthur. only for arthur.
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Two separate occasions but both bringing out a rare intense emotion from Saverio! Sometimes I like to think I make up cool lines on the fly when playing as him đ¤
I'd like to draw scenes to explain how he got to these points, but for now, enjoy an angry Sav~
#lucky art#curse of strahd#saverio marchisetti#dungeons and dragons#dnd#dnd5e#âHow's Barovia treating you Sav?â NOT GREAT!!#Well that's not entirely true he's beginning to get stronger in places he used to allow himself to be weak in personality wise#But at the same time it's getting some rather concerning and uncomfortable emotions out of him that leaves him wary#He could really use a drink right now (right now being 'every day')
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Results are in:
Scrooge outfit: Neil, Todd, and Cameron
Heart Boxers: Knox, Charlie, and Pitts
Pink robe: Meeks and Keating
I will forever be indebted to anyone who draws fanarts of them in these outfits
#I will give my life for anyone who draws mittsie in these outfits; like please can you imagine someone banging on their door at odd hours#and Meeks answering the door in a flowy pink robe; sleep not fully out of his eyes as an equally sleepy Pitts is seen behind him in heart#boxers like poets donât even say anything because they know if they do Meeks can verbally destroy them so they donât even attempt#plus they value their grades so they try not to piss Meeks off; but like dude the mittsie fanart would go crazy in these#and anderperry both dressing like an old Victorian couple to go to sleep is so funny to me like I can see it so clearly#and the side eyes both Cameron and Charlie would give each other at bedtime every night and before they got into bed but also I could see#them just never bringing it up until like they get in a fight in the dining hall where Cameron is trying to tell Charlie to stop throwing#his dirty clothes into Cameronâs hamper so Cameron will wash them and Charlie is denying doing this and Cameron is like âdude you and I#both know those are not my boxersâ ���how do I know you didnât steal themâ âyou literally wore them two days agoâ âhow do you know thatâ âyou#literally rarely wear pants around our room what do you mean how do I know thatâ âwell who knows; mightâve been yours to begin with and I#stole them so I was just now returning themâ âI would NEVER buy boxers that tackyâ âexCUSE YOU our boxers arenât tackyâ âyour boxers that#Iâm not washingâ âitâs like you donât even love meâ and then rumors start that theyâre gay and both pull a face of disgust like âyou think#my standards are THAT low; I do have some dignityâ they say in unison before turning to the other like âwhatâs wrong with me?â#and then Knox would be over there by his lonesome cause he had some random roommate rather than one of these boys as a roommate so he#doesnât get to see any of them in these outfits nor them him in his heart boxers#keating would be in the teachers wing and they would all have to rush to a scene in the middle of the night and they would all be giving#Keating a side eye like wtf is this grown man wearing âJohn. you look⌠that robeâ âyes; what a better way to appreciate the every day but#making the every day extraordinary; sometimes we must treat ourselves to truly understand lifeâs meaningâ âand that pink shit does that?â#âwell of course; its silk Kevin.â âright.â#dps#dead poets society#gerard pitts#charlie dalton#richard cameron#neil perry#todd anderson#steven meeks#knox overstreet#mr keating#the poets asâŚ
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i have no mouth and i must scream speech but for about insomnia hate hate hate let me tell you how much i have come to hate being awake
#took half an expired tops brand unisom . wheeeee medicine that does nothing and then the next day you're groggy for twelve hours#but i have to do SOMEthing if i don't Try to make myself sleep that's Giving Up and if you Give Up . well#this is the second week in a row that ive failed to sleep on a night leading into the work week and i know most of the external reasons why#like. busy day tomorrow so anxious. haven't given myself a full weekend in a really long time so strung out.#had important stuff to do earlier that didn't happen so dwelling on that. woke up at 9am and wasn't out of bed until ten thirty so like#i got more than adequate sleep last night but this does not make me feel less worried about NOT sleeping TONIGHT#because again. every time i have a night of big insomnia im convinced that it's the beginning of an unending trend#that will make me wind up like my mother who is lucky she gets more than three hours of sleep every couple of weeks#and while she's done this her whole life qnd has adjusted to it (as much as a body can) i just know. based on how insomnia is for me#that i never could. it would be exactly as terrible every time i would never be able to be calm while it was happening#anyway everybody send me your best knockout gas#AND. it's SNOWING. fuck everything i hate it all#tomorrow im gonna be groggy as hell and have to drive to work and back and have to be With It bc we're doing activities and shit#and have to be like the model of library enthusiasm when i barely have that on a good day. and not actually physically groan#every time someone new wants a card because it means i have to interrupt what im doing dor the next fifteen minutes to say a spiel#i know i shouldn't hate that i should be glad we're getting engagement. and i am. i just wish i wasn't the one at the desk#and im not good at keeping that off of my face or being welcoming when i dont feel welcoming#i haven't gotten to do processing at my actual office desk in months. haven't gotten to be Off The Floor#which certainly hasn't helped my overall stress levels. i need to not be socially on so much it's slowly pulling me apart#and then i get home wnd im too tired to do anything and my house also falls apart around me#but if i DON'T have outings i also rot . there's no solution to this problem. not without quitting my job which ill never do#bc in today's market id never get anything half as good as this ever again. and as has been established. this relatively good job#is still not good enough for me not to be emotionally and mentally falling apart
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#yes those are uyaiâs tags in the color theory post like. YESSSS#because at the end of the day.. they are still the same person they used to be before they decided to change for the better.#the past doesnât define u but. its still part of u. u did it regardless. the person of the past is still u.#LORE SPEAKING: they may have created their own color wheel and decided to do and say their own thing that has nothing to do with i#but they were still the naive and brainwashed angels they most likely pretend they dont exist bc they are not them anymore. but they areâď¸#at the end of the day it all goes back to the beginning#IRL SPEAKING: they went thru a looooot predebut so they just dont rlly acklowedge (idk how to write that) their past#or their traumas. or their sins. because its fine they are not the same anymore. BUT THEY ARE! they still are#for example kaia thinks shes ok bc her past actions dont define her anymore. mf killed someone ofc her past will weight her down#despite howww bad she pretends that shes not that person anymore bc she is better now#but well! she still is the same person who killed nari! and thats something she has to accept#amaybe she continues having trouble accepting it bc âcurrent me could never do thatâ. and well she did anyway!#blahblahblah#whatever that means dulce!#anyway. thats why in their color wheel they arenât really that different fron their initial color#yeah they changed but they are still the same shade because their principal color is still part of them#this is why i really love the whole nostalgia essence in hiraeth bc it goes well with their lore / irl#ur past will always be part of u even if u forget it. even if u barely remember. even if u think that it didnt happen. thats still UR past#and thats why i luv the time loop concept too bc every new era is a new life but everything is still connected to the past eras#because they are still the same silly little angels đ¤§đ¤§đ¤§đ¤§đ¤§đ¤§ even if they remember or not!#q.
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thinkign about how alone and unloved morty was for all his life and rick was the first time anyobdy ever put such an amount of intense attention and dependency onto him . and rick had a whole new family and losing them made him stop seeing the value in other people as a whole and morty was the one and first thing that woke him up
#really long Tag rant down there#one of the most Things Ever about them to me is how morty barely even understands just how much rick loves him. more than anything#and its something ricks done on purpose hes made sure of it#because hes so weak he cant handle it#them being together is agony in avsolutely every way and sense but also theyre the best part of eachothers lives#morty because nobodys payed attention to him quite like rick has and all the exciting space adventures and rick just cause. he literally#just likes him thats it. and he never knew it#also i was thinking of this earlier. one of the reasons season 1 is soooo good to me is cuz you get to see morty grow on rick in real time#stuff like that moment where morty walks through the door and rick is instantly at the sight of him SUPER excited and he goes hey!!! but#then he clears his throat and goes Hey trying to pretend like this dumb scaredy kid isnt becoming his favourite thing hes ever known day af#er day#and goddamn night shaym aliens. in that moment where he realised morty had been fake the whole time i rlly wonder what he was thinking and#how he felt. like. oh man this is messing with me way too much this is Bad#and then he got drunk over it and yknow. that . is it post credits. i think. that scene#n literally At the Very beginning he was tired n drunk n stupid thinking like man fuck this im gonna blow this place up and do what prime#did to me. But he brought morty with him Even just at that point it flashed in his mind and he absolutely could not bear to let morty die#Breathes in#im rewatching in October bc anniversary month. i literally canât wait im so actually impatient i considered just doing it today So hard#odiespeak
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a series of tweets i found helpful and informative today re: joe's performance
so in summary: he wasn't throwing deep balls and it's hard to know why. he said in the presser that the patriots D "took the deep options away" and maybe that's true. but in that first tweet you can see that both ja'marr and yoshi are in single man coverage and breaking free. but joe doesn't even try to hit them. it's tempting to blame pass protection (as it has so often been the issue) but the pass protection was actually pretty good, some of the best of joe's professional career. but he honestly just looked spooked?! which i wouldn't blame him for, psychologically overcoming injuries is just as important and probably just as tedious as overcoming them physically. i imagine that can only improve with more reps.
saw a lot of people also blaming the wrist itself, and maybe that's true! he wouldn't say he was 100% last week and said he still has good and bad days. but it also doesn't seem like it really was affecting his throws at all, shallow intermediate or deep. the announcers certainly pointed out that he was fiddling with his wrist/shaking it around (and GASP wearing a glove!), but he's been doing that all training camp. what they showed on the broadcast was likely just him breaking up scar tissue.
so who knows! a lot went wrong in this game. play calling and scheme, run defense (although i also saw some tweets about how our D-line did well, our secondary still can't tackle though!), sloppy and undisciplined plays from everyone, along with some of joe's decision making (he also had some great plays! listed above!) we start slow, it just seems to be a given at this point. and i hope we can fix it. we have a track record of doing so, and you know the boys are pissed and watching the tape to see how they can improve. maybe they can fix it by the time we get to KC?
#why yes i was on twitter all day instead of focusing on work - how could you tell#a lot of these guys are my go-to experts on twitter because they do tend to be more informed and less sensational/reactive#than the average 'twitter expert' at least#i find it so so interesting how yeah you can blame joe's slow starts on injuries#but also his processing just does not seem as good in the beginning of every season as it gets towards the end#this man needs reps! and then he becomes amazing!#hopefully we get there sooner with more participation in training camp this year#also lol i'm basically writing all this just to get my thoughts out and comfort myself#you do not need to read this and probably it doesn't make sense anyway!
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ok. someoneâs gonna have to come get my dad or iâm gonna tweak.
#no bc he does this fucking thing where he talks to me like a dog? it could be for any reason. any. sometimes i just walk into a room.#and i canât even BEGIN to understand what he means by it; if heâs trying to belittle me or if he just.#doesnt know how to talk to me any other way. but it pisses me off to no end cus it ALWAYS feels like the first one.#take last night for example: it was my brotherâs birthday; and none of us had expected him to be visiting around this time#this is especially important for my little sister; bc she planned a sleepover with her friends several months in advanceâ#âto celebrate some of them graduating and one of them moving away.#so all night sheâd been trying to get away. my mom told her after cake; so that was the original goalpost;#but then my dad just kept ADDING THINGS. first it was âafter cakeâ then âafter this; after thatâ#and this thing just keeps getting pushed further and further back#then he said âitâs trash day. collect the trash first and then you can goâ AND MIND YOU ITS LIKE 7 PM AT THIS POINT#I CAN JUST SEE HER GETTING SO UPSET so i step in; tell her âiâll take care of it; lets just go.â#AND MY DAD. MY DAD. MY DAD. omg.#he goes âwow!! so good!! đđâ WITH THE SAME TONE THAT HE TALKS TO THE DOG. WHY. WHY.#look idk what he means by it; he could just be filling empty space for all im aware; me and my dad have weird communication skills#but the message that it sends me is âwho the hell do you think you are helping her right now.â#and that. makes me angrier than anything.#who the hell do you think YOU are trying to keep her from her friends. who the hell do you think YOU are TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT.#and i swear he could see that in my eyes cus then he goes âwant some icecream đĽş?â#so i tell him âi donât know what you mean by that.â in the flattest voice i can give#and he just throws his hands up in the air and g r o a n s as if to say âHERE WE GO AGAINâ#and i just. bite my tongue and drive my sister to her friends house.#but i swear he does this all the time. he just uses different code words. an old one used to be âmom made curry!â (my favorite meal)#and heâd use it every time he had something negative to say to me. yk. the same way youâd tease a dog with a treat to get them all excited.#âpositive sandwichâ is what heâd call it. a positive; then a negative; then a positive to make the whole thing ok#but yk a sandwich is always gonna taste like whatâs inside. and brother; i can taste the shit between your buns.#yes i know how that sounds.#but yea. as soon as i got home he asked me if i wanted ice cream again.#rubbing salt in the wound? or just trying to curb my anger? iâll never know. but it drove me upstairs for the rest of the night.#but yea thatâs my little rant. someone come get my dad.#stanâs forum
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I'd like to quickly say something as my blog keeps on growing and inspires new daily blogs. Never in any way shape or form compare yourself to what I have been doing here for the last four years. It isn't good for you, I am too much of an outlier to be a good comparison point.
I began drawing Whis every day in a time where I needed something to hold onto and by some luck I had a perfect moment every single day after dinner to draw my whis for the day. It has become a key piece of my daily routine, nearly the only thing I will know for sure I'll do. This isn't something easy to achieve and honestly stiffens me a bit for other activities, but I have grown so attached to Whis that I gladly take this responsibility. Daily Whis is my job and I enjoy it (usually)
I've been going at it for four years now, but it hasn't always been smooth for me either. Outside circumstances (like exams) or my dwindling mental health have at many points forced me to skip days or really plan ahead to have Whisses prepped in advance (I tell you, when I went to Greece for a good 11 days last year, I was working overtime to have all the Whisses I needed for the trip).
Sometimes I do just want to skip a day because I'm too tired or distracted by another thing and it's fine. I only make it a problem for myself because I have this daily gimmick and an anniversary to celebrate every year, but most daily blogs don't have such strict constraints and that's good.
These blogs are supposed to be fun. It is fun to draw a specific character/thing every day, it is especially rewarding if you can hold onto it for a little while and see how you've grown since you started. Day 1 of daily Whis looks so less good compared to my recent art, but it's incredible to be able to look back at all the progress I've made in the four years I've been at it. But in all, this is just supposed to be fun, art is supposed to be fun and these blogs are never an obligation to hold onto. I've managed it, but through a collision of circumstances so unlikely and specific that it's really a miracle I'm still working.
Doing it daily is a good challenge, it forces you to try and keep a stricter schedule on the drawings you want to post. It teaches you time management (usually. Be aware that sometimes you'll still start pieces that are a bit too big half an hour before posting time. Or at least I do), drawing every day improves your skills by practicing a little every day and is just fun. Sometimes you really need to just draw the character standing there and it's amazing you can just do that and share it with people who will enjoy it.
But doing it daily is still challenge and not something your life depends on. Not everyone has the time to manage a daily blog, it does take an hour out of every day where you could be doing something else, or you don't have access to your art equipment (I've downloaded an art program on my phone to make quick 5 minute doodles for those days I'm away from my computer when it's posting time, but nobody should be forced to do this) or life just gets in the way damnit.
So I want everyone to know I feel so incredibly honored to be the source of inspiration for other daily blogs to begin, but please do not force yourself to draw if you're not feeling inspired or well or you don't have the time or literally any other reason and please, if those reasons do come in the way don't feel guilty about it. Draw while the joy is there and if you want to challenge yourself by doing a daily, absolutely do so, but take care of yourself and just focus on what's enjoyable and that isn't the same for everyone.
#announcements#Felt like I needed to say something because of the amount of daily blogs I see begin and then fall off after like 50 days#(Which is already very impressive. That's a whole month and a half of drawing every day. It is already really impressive)#And then come back after a while with a guilty post about their absence#I do feel sad when I see a daily blog stop posting but you absolutely do not need to apologize#If the blog doesn't bring you joy anymore then that's it. You don't have to force yourself and you definitely don't have to try and copy me#I am weird for this. I had thought about doing this for a little while after daily squilf began and then slowly began doing these drawings#And as I said I had a perfect moment every day to draw so it was easy for me to fall into a routine with Whis#And then it kinda spiralled out of control and now I'm 4 years in and Whis is a major part of my life#And I plan my activities with Whis in mind to tell you how much Whis is important to me#If I'm out during posting time I try to draw a bit earlier in the day/the day before to have one prepped#(did so today lmao)#It is a lot and most people don't have the time nor investment for this and it's normal.#I was specifically in need of something for myself I could really just do For Myself in a time I was struggling a lot#This situation is so out of the ordinary that I cannot tell everyone to develop the same type of attachment I've done for a daily blog
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BUT AY I GOT GUNDHAM MOTHERFUCKING TANAKA'S AUTOGRAPH LAST WEEK LETS GO đĽđĽđĽ OPEN SESAME PANDEMONIUM
#the va was so COOL i was able to chat w him a bit!!#he asked âso what do you like abt gundham!â dude. WHERE DO I BEGIN#biggest gender envy of my life he's cool and awesome and kickass#how could i not love the sUPREME OVERLORD OF ICE AND HIS 4 DARK DEVAS OF DESTRUCTION?????#HE SHALL FILL HELL WITH T R U E HELL đŁâźď¸#i aspire every day to be more like gundham tanaka#clocking myself as a dr fan sorry everyone lmaoooo#danganronpa#gundham tanaka#bear king speaks
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Idk why everyone thinks Crosshair was the chaotic misbehaving brother as a cadet. Mr. âGood soldiers follow ordersâ even without the chip? Mr. âLoyal to the Empireâ even after they destroyed all Kaminoan cities and facilities and didnât care enough to come back and see if there were any survivors? Mr. âNot immediately swayed by emotional convictionsâ even when they belong to those closest to him who he should trust above unseen authorities?
Even if you think obedience and compliance was hammered into him by those in charge and he had to learn to keep his head down or face the consequences, that doesnât explain why it takes him so long to eventually accept the truth, despite the mounting empirical evidence he receives after the most dire possible circumstances that should show him that those in charge are wrong. It isnât until Maydayâs death that Crosshair finally accepts the truth because itâs then that heâs being directly told by the people in charge that he and everyone like him is expendable and unnecessary.
Somebody with a rebellious youth is much more critical of authority figures even if theyâre presently obeying them, and theyâre much more ready to drop said authorities the second itâs a viable option and they physically can. Crosshair doesnât behave like a dog thatâs been beaten its whole life, heâs constantly making active decisions not only to follow the Empire but to enforce what the Empire dictates, even when heâs the one reaping the direct consequences of pushback on the ground for it. Because thatâs what good soldiers do.
This guy was the kid following the rules by choice and getting mad at the others for finding loopholes or accomplishing things the âwrongâ way, especially if and when it got all of them in trouble (because they were kids and wouldnât have always been right). Rules and structure are there for a reason. Weâve been here less than ten years, what on earth makes you think we know more than the people in charge? Why do I have to be punished because you guys couldnât do as you were told?
To me the four of them (and Echo later) are a sliding scale when it comes to decision-making based on head vs heart. Crosshair and Tech are on one side, using logic and reason over emotion as their basis for decision-making and how they see the world, and Echo and Wrecker are more on the heart/instinct side of reasoning, putting people and ideals ahead of simply accomplishing objectives despite what the odds might be against them. Hunterâs the balance in the middle, being able to see both sides and weigh what the best option is based on the evidence and the context within which itâs being given. All of them have different fluctuating percentages of whatâs going to motivate or drive them day by day, just based on the context of their circumstances, but thatâs the general scale.
I think Hunter as a kid probably realized if he could get all of them to learn the rules as quickly as they could, then theyâd know how to break them effectively with the least amount of repercussions and collateral damage. They were an experimental group for a reason and were likely given a modicum of wiggle room when it came to problem-solving, the Kaminoans not just allowing but pushing them to be more creative, flexible, and adaptable. They all know the hard rules of structure, chain of command, and behavioral compliance, but after that theyâre given more freedom of choice. Their personal convictions inform both the why and how of following orders.
Wrecker is easier to figure out because he wears every thought and emotion on his sleeve and sees no reason not to. Heâs more of a followerâ Thinking is for other people, heâs a busy guy and man of action, give him something concrete with actionable directions and heâll accomplish it with aplomb.
Tech, as a kid, likely knew both the spirit and letter of the law, which means he could see problems and solutions objectively regardless of his personal feelings/opinions and knew that rules are there to be guidelines: No structure is perfect and always following rules exactly was never going to always be the right decision. He would choose whichever seemed like the most logical, obvious route to success, finding loopholes and workarounds where he could as a means of balancing the consequences or fallout of said decision.
Hunter also knew both the spirit and letter of the law, but he was able to read situations and people better than Tech was, relying more on his gut instinct to tell him what the best course of action would be, even if that choice wasnât the most logical. Heâs a mediator and the best choice of leader because of his ability to get people working together by knowing how to convince each of them in their own way that this plan will accomplish their objective AND lead to the most amount of people being satisfied/happy in the end, them included. Despite the fact Hunterâs more reserved, heâs still a people person. It just happens to come from empathy, observation, and instinct, the latter two being qualities he was designed to specialize in.
Crosshair obeyed the letter of the law because structure exists for a reason and if that structure has yielded the best results and most success for the longest amount of time, then itâs obvious it must be the right one in place. Loopholes can be taken advantage of, but only when there isnât an explicit wording against it or there is clear and mounting evidence that the rule doesnât apply to him. To deviate from the majority in matters of how something is achieved is acceptable; to do so in matters of why is not.
#The Bad Batch#character analysis#Crosshair#Sergeant Hunter#Tech#Wrecker#Source: I WAS the kid who both pushed boundaries and tested the rules#But would follow them when they were the obvious right choice and/or I was given clear evidence for the reason the rule was there#But was ALSO the one getting into trouble for whatever arbitrary reason the authority figures in charge decided that day#because THEY werenât in control of their emotions and were acting illogically and there was nothing I could do about it#Life is wonderful and complex#<- she says dryly#Iâve seen every side of things. trust me.#Omega in the beginning is almost pure heart but thatâs because sheâs a kid and lacks the life experience and teaching that will help inform#her developing sense of logic#But itâs why itâs good she has that exact range of people to learn from#Sidebar but I think this is all probably why Crosshair and Tech probably excelled at/enjoyed math#Math is a reliable constant#(Tho considering this is a galaxy far far away. I bet there were times that it wasnât because space and ~the force~ are weird lol)#long post#Idk why but when I do character analysis I almost always start with asking ââWhat were these people like as kids?ââ first#Which I think is why I like writing for characters who are siblings#Gives me something to go off of#Other family members are helpful depending on how relevant/canonical they are to the story but I can write for siblings with my eyes closed#hounds speaks
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the problem with my n24 is that with the clock going around gradually i have periods of being awake at day and periods of being awake at night, but then because i tend to sleep really badly during night time i spend my daytime days being very tired and sluggish, and my nighttime days are much more productive and energetic. but i cant do just anything i want at night, so i cant get as much done as i have the energy and drive to. and then i also need sunlight to feel sane in the head, and so i hate missing out on daytime wakefulness. but then the sun is also why my sleep quality is much better during daytime. if im gonna stuck with a seemingly incurable sleep disorder since birth cant i at LEAST have the sleep be overall consistent? apparently not lmao
#i am multiply disabled but like. this thing? this thing right here? is THE greatest curse of my life#literally doesnt matter what other accommodations there are with the sleep disorder there#its one of those things i hate talking about normally cause its been THE major factor of shame throughout my life#cause god people assume you havent tried everything there is!!! and that youre not trying!!! or that its caused by bad habits!!!#and like because i tried to live normally despite it i suffered so much insomnia that im physically unable to force it anymore#burnt out and burnt to a crisp etc. the moment my sleep isnt catered to these days my whole body gets fucked up in new innovative ways#GOD I FEEL LIKE ALL I DO IS COMPLAINING but its just. hrghhhh!!!!#everytime it goes back to daytime i start fighting to keep it going for as long as possible#but my body doesnt wanna cooperate so i go to bed later and later#no matter how hard i fight to get up the same time everyday#so every night i sleep a shorter and shorter amount of time until it turns to insomnia. and then i crash.#this is basically why id stay awake for DAYS in a row growing up because i didnt trust myself to wake up for school lol#and thats ALSO why i developed the ability to converse in my sleep to sneak in sleep whenever i could without people yelling at me#which isnt good if you accidentally end up making plans with your mom you have no idea about until she calls asking where you are<3 LMAO#god im just frustrated cause my sleep schedule is beginning to turn back now. first noticeable delay today and by the end of this week...#itll likely turn back to night time. urghhhhhhhh. timezones all fine and dandy but im not reliably available to anyone lol#silvi talks#OR WHINES AS ALWAYS. time to paint my nails and then maybe screens
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One bright morning changes all things Soft and easy as your breathing, you wake Your eyes open, at first, a thousand miles away But, turning, shoot a silver bullet point-blank range And I can scarce believe what I'm believing in Could this be how every day begins?
The sky set to burst, the gold and the rust The colour erupts, you filling my cup The sun coming up
Like I lived my whole life Before the first light
#can't believe I haven't posted this before but god I love this song#that sensation of suddenly being able to see beyond the darkness and realize there's a whole world of light out there#like cresting a hill or mountain after a tough climb#gives me similar feelings to vnv nation - gratitude but for different reasons#hozier#hozier - first light#âcould this be how every day begins?â auggghhhhh#music#Spotify
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@fizzarollitm asked: The cab jerked through rush hour and he regretted not calling the limo to pick him up...but that would mean turning his phone back on. His leg bounced as he watched the tiny digital clock on the console tick ever closer to 6:30. They came to another harsh break and he had enough. He dropped what was in his wallet in the passenger seat and told him to get to Ozzie's in ten minutes or less. â They made it in five. â An elevator ride that seemed hell bent on wasting his time later and he was unlocking the front door praying to Satan that he made it. Princess lead the pack in greeting him and he gave them all scritches before so much as daring to look at a clock. 6:29; he made it. " Ozz ! Babe ! I'm home. " And on fucking time. / unprompted, always accepting.
ââââââ Pots and pans clang as Ozzie worked diligently in the kitchen ... The whole time, he'd anxiously glanced at the time every couple of minutes (or more realistically, seconds which felt like the longest minutes of an immortal life). Eyes dart from the food, the time, to his phone which rested at arms-reach in case Fizz answered his text message (nothing yet).
At least if he got a text, he'd know whether or not he should start dinner without Fizz. 6:23. Seven more minutes. At this point, he's impatiently tapping his foot while standing over the stove â the anxiety was creeping up worse than ever the closer their agreed time loomed and that door didn't open.
To think... the Embodiment of Lust getting stood up by his date boyfriend for the second time this week. Unheard of amongst the masses but they don't know the reality he's lived. It's silly in hindsight. But punctuality does matter to him. Especially when with someone the heart's so fond of. Frankly, he's tired of going to bed alone and with plans that fell through weighing over his head. It's not the best thing to fall asleep to.
Shoulders begin to drop as another minute passes and there's still no text. No video message. Not even a "read" notification. What if he's still at work and didn't even look? Forgot? Sighing, Ozzie needed something to occupy his hands with. So, he settled for fixing himself a plate. Guess he isn't coming.
At this rate, he isn't really in the mood for dinner now. A disgusting sadness took place in his stomach where an appetite once was. He already made the food, why let it go to waste? Suppose Fizz could help himself whenever he gets home, too.
Disappointment settled in when another minute passed and Ozzie's already forcing himself to ignore the time, fighting the urge to watch the clock (it'll only upset him more). Just when Ozzie's eyeing the case which kept his alcohol (maybe putting up with the trouble of accessing them is worth it this time), thoughts are interrupted by the sound of their babies rushing to the door - whimpering and yapping the whole way. Setting the plate down, Ozzie's following the girls to the door ...
Just like that, the sound of Fizzarolli's voice is enough to bring spirits from the bottom of a bottle to sky high. 6:29. He'd let himself glance at the time, catching a glimpse before immediately finding Fizz at their living room. â He... Hey! I was wondering...! â I thought you forgot. The way Ozzie's whole demeanor shifts, radiating excitement and overwhelming emotion.
Even Ram and Bull are more animated, with Ram doing flips and Bull bursting into cyan flames. He's anxious to get his hands on Fizz.
â Okay â step aside, girls. Step aside. â He understands their excitement perfectly but ultimately settles for sweeping his Imp up into his arms and kissing his cheek. â Welcome home, Froggie. ⥠â he may look composed but duo heads are ratting him out. Even in the way chest swells with held breath to keep composure. â Wanna wash up real quick? I'll fix your plate. â He needs something to occupy himself.
#fizzarollitm#ââ ⥠â incumming message! â inbox.#⸝ ⥠â show me some lust! ( in character )#MUFFLED SCREAMING#long post#⸝ ⥠i can scarce believe what i'm believing in. could this be how every day begins? ⼠ship â⡠fizzarollitm
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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