#Continuum of Care

[solannecontinuum]

CHARACTER OF THE YEAR! 2023 EDITION. Who lived in my heart rent free the most this year?

If you win a trophy, you get to sleep in on New Years!

1ST: V1 ULTRAKILL (M. Soul Husband). He was a very unexpected meaningful bond to develop, let alone become a love interest, but MAN, I AM SMITTEN FOR YOU, V-KUN. ♥♥♥ He truly has speed-ran and P-ranked my heart for 2023 .... When I close my eyes, it's you I see (just like one of our love songs). I adore you, V-kun. ♥ 2ND: STARSCREAM (RIII GOD HUSBAND). Went up a place from 2022! When my brain wasn't filled with V1, it was filled with my Lord. He also helped me through some very tough and downer moments throughout the year. If V1 hadn't come into the picture so suddenly, he could have won 1st place. 3RD: GABRIEL ULTRAKILL (RI Family Friend). Gabriel was the first character I liked when I was introduced to ULTRAKILL back in summer 2022. The May 28 Ultraindoctrination dreams made me more interested in him, and honestly? I'm autistic for this babygirl. He's genuinely such a fantastic character! The tisms for him were pretty strong in 2023, thus he won 3rd place. We'll play dress-up sometime soon, Gabriel! RUNNER'S UP: TOHOU KIRIN (I've loved you since 2016). While I don't like the anime she comes from, it is also a gravitational anomaly in that I oddly gravitate towards it and thus want to rage rewrite it. That being said, I've always been tistic for Kirin since 2016, and she had me going pretty hard on those tisms! We're both meek and polite, and also KATANA WIELDER YEAAAAH!!!

[firesofdainix]

Diversity win! The biggest planet in the solar system is trans

[tonguetyd]

I know love exists because I exist and I am full of it

And I’ll be full of the love you want. No matter what. Forever more.

But it seems your heart is locked up. And I still get the combination wrong.

[timechange]

MCFLY JULY ‘24 — synchronicity.

DECEMBER 3, 1985

It’s not often they have to venture out of Hill Valley for parts, but when it comes to fixing the amplifier, they have to get a little more creative.

After a twenty minute drive, Marty finds himself in one of Doc’s favorite haunts, somewhere that looks like a cross between Circuit City and an old warehouse full of junk. He trails behind the scientist, talking with him about transformers, speakers, and potentiometers.

They have to ask the clerk for the right size resistors and terminals, and Marty waits by the counter for her to get them from the back while @doctorbrown continues to browse.

“Here ya go, honey,” she says, handing over the parts, “give these to your pop.”

“Huh?” Marty, startled, searches the clerk’s face. She’s got cat-eye glasses on a beaded chain, a mohawk, looks like she’s his mom’s age, and could take Biff and all his goons in a fight, easy.

“It’s nothin’ to be ashamed of,” she continues, “I think it’s sweet, a kid your age still close to his old man. You got matchin’ shirts and everything.”

Marty looks down at the white patterned shirt Doc bought for him in ‘55 and kept all these years. He looks to Doc strolling around the aisles in one of his incredibly loud Hawai’ian numbers and realizes that they do match, in a weird sort of way.

He guesses they always have, cruising through the centuries and tornadoing through timelines.

His partner in time.

“Great Scott,” he murmurs, before flashing a smile at the clerk. “Hey, thanks a lot.”

“No sweat, kid. Let me know when you’re ready to check out.”

“Yeah, we will.”

[longagoitwastuesday]

I just saw a Gojo-like guy in a store. He was eyeing those purple shampoos for white dyed hair, I think. He had the height and the round glasses and all. It was uncanny, truly like out of the anime. Never had seen someone pull a character's look as well as this guy. I was this 👌 close to approach him and ask him to read Georg Cantor, like a cultist stalker, but fortunately (for him) I was with my mother so I behaved

[thebreakfastgenie]

going back in time to introduce 80s Billy Joel to the phrase "you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid"

[whattraintracks]

Obsessed with the scene in tmnt iii when Casey is told he'll be staying behind with Splinter. He visibly considers homiecide before saying with great solemnity "it'll be a serious honor"

[moonlit-tulip]

Wholeheartedness, Part 2: Flinch-Elimination

Long ago, being in the presence of wasps made me very nervous. What if they stung me? The swelling would be uncomfortable, and the pain would be inconveniently distracting! This would be a bad outcome; I wanted to avoid it. Thus I would, whenever I noticed a wasp near me, stand still until it went away.

This habit caused me more inconvenience than the two wasp stings I'd received in my life up to that point ever did.

Once I noticed this, I decided: fine. Let's just go get stung by more wasps, then, until I'm inured to it and no longer freeze up when wasps are near.

And thus, having resolved this, I no longer had any need to fear the attacks of wasps. If I were to walk at full speed near one, and it were to respond by stinging me, this would be a step forward along the path to inurement, which would be an acceptable thing to gain in return for the cost in discomfort and inconvenience.

It's an old story. (One I've told before, even.) But the relevant principles don't end with wasp stings.

Currently, I do my web searches via a paid subscription service, rather than free via Google; the results are better, and with how much web-searching I do and how much money I have to spare it's a pretty solidly worthwhile deal. But they offer only a limited number of searches per month complementary with the subscription; if one exceeds that number of searches in a month—200, at my current subscription tier—one will need to either stop searching for the rest of the month or start paying 1.5 cents per search. And when I first subscribed I got very flinchy about trying not to search too much, out of fear of that extra charge. Because 1.5 cents is a cost, and surely I'd rather avoid paying that cost on any given search if I don't have to, right?

But, of course, making substantially less use of web search would be a much larger cost than an extra few dollars a month. (I am, after all, paying them money specifically for the sake of getting more out of my web-searching; searching less would run actively counter to the reasons I subscribe at all.) So I did the natural thing: I decided to deliberately search profligately until I broke the 200-search ceiling and started paying additional marginal money per search, for a couple months, until inured to that experience. It's been going great so far: I haven't yet hit the ceiling, but I sure am no longer flinching away from the searches I want to make.

Or, for a third example, this time one where I actually succeeded in exposing myself to more of the flinch-inducing thing: water bills. I used to flinch away from drinking water, because I knew it'd add on the margins to my house's water bills. This was doing me more harm than good. So I took a few extra baths, compared with what I'd otherwise have taken—together summing up to an amount of water-use that my drinking rates would have taken weeks or months to sum up to, since a bathtub's worth of water is in fact A Lot—and I observed that no great financial disaster ensued as a result, and that was the end of my flinching-from-drinking-water.

Backing off and generalizing, now: sometimes, there are inconveniences whose possibility I flinch from, where the flinches cost far more than the cost of just enduring the inconveniences occasionally. And, under those circumstances, it can often be useful to deliberately overcompensate against the flinch response. To try, not just to suppress the flinch response in each individual instance (which tends to be an attention-demanding and difficult process), but to actively toss myself at the flinch-inducing thing until I'm so thoroughly inured to it that it ceases to produce flinch-responses-in-need-of-suppression in the first place. As long as I'm tossing myself in that direction, the tossing overrides the flinch response. Once I've succeeded sufficiently in the tossing, inurement will override the flinch response. And thus the mental overhead of needing to suppress the response will be eliminated, to my benefit as long as I was correct in my choice of what flinch response to get rid of in the first place.

Because intuitively-appealing steps to avoiding inconveniences can be more inconvenient than the inconveniences being avoided, sometimes. And it's valuable, when that happens, to be able to just stop avoiding them.

[transkholins]

i did my time in the jedi order discourse mines back in 2020/2021 so that i could get critical of the old republic in a fic i'm probably going to be too embarrassed to post. and not in a "check out this one guy's atrociously bad day" skywalker pathos way. in an "explicitly making a continuity between neolib democracy and fascism (ostensibly something lucas was attempting to do)" way and an "academia helps to construct narratives that justify the status quo" way. but oh well. see above mention of being "too embarrassed to post" it.

[heylinfanclub]

Every time I see fictional enactments of people having mental breakdowns I’m like. ‘Is it not normal to do that like three times a week’. I’m going to have. Such major heart problems. My whole life. I just know it.

The swinging between hysterical, sad and mad? The eyes wide rolling around in my damn skull? The struggle to breathe and not choke on your own spit? The sensation that you might just lash out at anyone or anything that gets too close? The existential hysteria questioning YOUR VERY EXISTENCE AND THE EXISTENCE OF CAUSALITY AND WHY THINGS ARE THE WAY THEY ARE AND COULD THEY NOT BE AND COULD SOMEONE JUST TAKE ME AWAY TAKE ME AWAY.

It’s that last part especially. When you start getting. So. In your god damn feels. YOURE BEGGING THE UNIVERSE FOR REPRIEVE ON REPEAT AS YOU SWAY BACK N FORTH LIKE YOURE HAVING THE WORST TRIP IMAGINABLE TRYING TO CONTACT GOD. HELP ME. HELP ME. HELP ME. HELP ME. KILL ME. RUN OVER MY HEAD. NEVER WAKE ME. SEND ME TO HELL ILL PAY FOR MY SINS NOW PLEASE PLEEAASSE ANYTHING BUT A MOMENTS MORE OF TORMENT. that kinda. Shit.

Every day people look at me and tell me I’m fine. I’m smart I’m practical I’m insightful I’m hanging on I’m resourceful I seem GREAT. Hell. My problems aren’t even that bad from their perspective (and maybe they’re right!)

I want to kill them every time and maybe one day I’ll smack someone across the face. Maybe break my knuckles smashing their nose into their brain. I think. I deserve it.

ANYWAY. had another lapse of mental angst because I cannot prioritize without a helper and that means I’m drowning in an infinitely vast array priorities, and should I spare one even a second of my attention, my anxiety comes running at me with a machete to ritually slaughter me for thinking for a second THAT was my highest priority.

I just want. To live. But I cannot. Because my brain doesn’t know what’s important. Except for. Being In a Domestic Cow Like State of UNTHINKING. and it makes me wanna explode my surroundings with my mind.

I’m getting a headache from being stuck in executive dysfunction too long and I donttt liikkeee iittttt.

LIKE. I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HAVIN A GOOD ONE. I was supposed to be feelin a GOOD EMOTION SPARKED. INSPIRATION. INSPIRATION FOR MY DESIRE TO WRITE A STORY. But instead. I was smacked with that reminder that. I don’t choose what’s important and what needs to be done and if I do it. I don’t get to choose. So why both having dreams? Why bother having wants? Wishes? Why bother? (It would matter more if I had a community that HELPS ME and maybe I have a community that PROTECTS me but that’s. Not the same. I feel so fuckin brainless. My thoughts bounce in every direction but go Nowhere. They loop back on themselves and fight each other like rabid animals. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live with a brain like this. Forever. Happily. Not without reliable support. Which doesn’t exist. There is no such thing as reliable. Everything is temporary. So it’s always fINE THEN you have to FIND A WAY TO COPE. ALONE? FOREVER? It’s bullshit. I hate this shit. Ahhhhh.

I wanted to think Ooo Ahh inspiration for a story I want to write so bad.

But it just went ‘when. When will you write. How. Will you be afloat. Will it distract you. Distract you from friends from life from stability? You can’t even take care of yourself you don’t deserve to do anything until you can take care of yourself and function with others and *you have so many other higher priorities that will kill you if you do not attend to them first*’

Weeps

THERAPIST SAID I DIDNT HAVE OCD. NOT EVEN PURE O. AND MAYBE SHE RIGHT. I CAN STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. IF PUSHED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. WHICH IM NEVER. BECAUSE IM ALONE. AND THAT MEANS I END UP RUMINATING TIL I HAVE HEART AND STOMACH PAINS. AHHHHHHH.

Awoooo

Awoooo

I hate it

[yourbuerokrat2]

AU, where the Trial is over after Farpoint and the Continuum really doesn’t care what Q decides to do now. And Q, over the course of TNG starts becoming... a bit protective over Picard and to a lesser extent the TNG crew. 

Picard does not like it. 

At. All. 

Especially once slightly ‘Okay, it’s rather useful to have Q come around in life-or-death-situations’ turns into ‘Yes, this is a normal mission and I may get a bit injured. No you do not need to follow me around the entire time and ‘take care of thing’ for me even if it takes little to no effort on your part.’

[solannecontinuum]

As autumn begins, here's this doodle to bid summer farewell for the year. ☆

Fit for V1 that was going to be used for a now scrapped project. Thank you Gaia Online for dressing up my beloved war machine. ♥︎♥︎♥︎

4 AUGUST 2023.

[kageyama-taka]

Rocks back and forth on my feet; meet my BTTF ripoffs, I guess lol

[sukinohealthcare]

An occupational therapist helps a person improve their ability to perform daily tasks. They teach people how to become independent again after an ailment, injury, or trauma that disrupts their daily routine and functionality. The therapists are not doctors and cannot diagnose any condition but they work together with the doctor and other specialists to initiate optimal recovery.

[thevalicemultiverse]

I imagine having a Time Machine would make collecting rare coins so much easier. You can just go to the past, buy something and look through your spare change for Indian head pennies or mercury dimes or three cent coins.

Doc: Technically true, but in actual fact you'd need money appropriate to the time period first in order to make your purchases so as to not cause confusion or be accused of counterfeiting and the like. So you'd likely have to collect some rare coins -- or, more accurately, rare bills -- before you could go back and make your purchase, depending on the time period you'd want to go to. Also you shouldn't be making frivolous purchases in the past in the hope of getting rare coins in your change anyway; you never know what might change the future.

Marty: But if you have to purchase something, then no harm in looking for neat stuff, right?

Doc: I guess not, but it's not behavior I'd like to encourage. Going to the past should be carefully planned sightseeing, not a romp around altering people's lives willy-nilly in small but potentially significant ways just because you want a special kind of penny.

[seashaper]

man i have like 2 dozen spells to transcribe and post. i’m definitely not going to post everything i’ve put together in the past couple of months but i’ll sort out the highlights, i’ve made a lot of progress.