#Consider me a bit obsessed in either case hahaha

[babacontainsmultitudes]

See now everything you’ve said on your reblog of goth Terry will be stuck in my head for hours lmao

I can so clearly picture Nicholas coming out for a moment the *second* Nick sees Grant and Lark ruined their suits before prom. He’d be SO mad, just aggressively prestidigitationing their asses

LOL dude that's equivalent exchange for somehow worsening my kiddads brainrot- the way you characterize them drives me wild actually like. You fucking get it!!! And thank you I'm always flattered to get told that I've received a good grade in tumblr tags, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve.

AND STOP THAT'S REALLY CUTE aw dude of course he's still goody-goody little Nicolas underneath- I'm imagining that like he tries to keep a lid on it and calmly ask them what happened but with each detail they add (because whatever it was, it definitely wasn't reasonable) he gets closer and closer to blowing his fuse lmaoo

[six-eyed-samurai]

Hello ! (I’m not sure if your requests are open but I love your fics so I really wanted to try 😭) Could you maybe write a Genya x Male reader one ? Where like Genya deals with confusion and internalised homophobia after realising he fell in love with a guy ? IM SO SORRY IF YOU DONT DO MALE READERS OR SMTH LIKE THAT, HAVE A GOOD DAY !!

SUMMARY: Genya's emotionally constipated. It's the Shinazugawa genes - but even more so when it comes to...guys?!

A/N: KYAAH Ty anon glad you enjoyed, and DW my inbox is open anytime I'm just a little slow in writing rn because of exams and I'm moving house. I have done male reader before but I'm not too used to writing gay T-T so I'm sorry if this turned out the way you wanted

WARNINGS: Male reader in case you don't read the asks and only warnings/Minor swearing

Much romance happens at Kimetsu Academy.

There's Zenitsu and Nezuko, although Genya considers it more of an obsession on the blonde’s end seeing as Nezuko doesn't openly display any signs of liking him back romantically, whatever the delusional idiot thinks. There's also Tanjiro and Kanao, the perfect epitome of friends to lovers. And whatever Aoi and Inosuke have going on.

But none of that ever happened to Genya. Sure, he thought the occasional girl was pretty or nice, but aside from the fact he explodes into a tomato just from a simple “hello” he's never been actually interested. Of course that occasionally made him feel a bit left out amongst his friends, like he was missing something great, but hey, Muichiro and him would be single pringles forever and that was fine.

(Genya's very betrayed to find out Muichiro had received a confession…and was considering accepting it.)

But it was a little unbelievable to the Kamaboko Squad that in all of the sixteen years of his life he had never had a crush, hence the interrogation they were giving him that particular day during lunch.

“Have you never fallen in love? At all?!” Genya wants to snort; as if Zenitsu would ever notice anybody else's love life but his own.

“HAHAHAHAA! LOSER!”

Tanjiro calmly shoved Inosuke away from a fuming Genya, smiling brightly. “I'm sure Genya has one! And we'll be more than happy to help him confess!”

“Aren't crushes supposed to be secret-”

“Then we have to figure out who it is first!” Zenitsu hollers.

“No-”

“Is it Kocho?!”

Kanao, Tanjiro and Genya both look scandalised but Zenitsu barrels on. Aoi face palms. Inosuke steals everyone's food.

“Is it Kanrojii?!”

“Why is everyone you're listing so much older than me!”

“OKAY, OKAY! Uh…Koyuki-”

“SHE'S ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE!”

“Sheesh, I got it, stop yelling! That Shabana girl?”

“Just why-”

“Maybe Genya does like someone but just doesn't realize it,” Kanao offers timidly.

“That's a good point, Kanao!” Tanjiro beams, causing Genya and Kanao to flush red but for entirely different reasons.

“How am I supposed to know if I like someone?”

“If you find them cute?”

“That seems really superficial,” Aoi says disapprovingly.

“You'll get really nervous around them, like your heart speeds up. You'll probably stare at them a lot too, and want to do lots of things for them, maybe hold open doors?” Tanjiro nods wisely.

“And they're the first person you look at to see if they're laughing at a joke,” Kanao agrees.

Genya considers. “Then none of the girls you just listed, honestly.”

“It's alright, you'll find the one for you one day. There's no rush now.”

“HAHAHA! TENYA IIDA IS GOING TO BE ALONE FOREVER! HAHAHHAA!”

“MY NAME IS GENYA!”

***

Truth be told Genya had lied.

It wasn't a lie exactly either. More of…an avoidance of the truth. He didn't feel that way about any girls Zenitsu had mentioned, or any of the girls at school.

But he did like someone, yes.

Or no. Definitely not. It couldn't possibly be.

“Oh, hey, Shinazugawa.” Your simple wave as you joined his side outside the classroom door was enough to get his heart pounding and slightly sweaty like he had just suffered an entire class with the gym teacher Tomioka.

“Thanks for holding the door!” You call out over your shoulder, flashing him a bright smile while entering the class and taking your seat. You immediately turn to start talking with your friends, something Genya's extreme thankfully for because then you can't see the tomato red that's painting his face as he's still stuck, frozen and speechless, by the door. Only Iguro-sensei’s cold “Do you plan to have the lesson by the door or something?” Shook him out of it.

You're so confusing, Genya thinks, averting his eyes when you catch his with a mouthed “oops” and raised eyebrows, because he wants to revel in your attention and hide in a hole from it at the same time.

It was a pleasant kind of confusion, though. The kind he wouldn't mind thinking about forever; it gave him an oddly warm, fidgety feeling inside like he had just drunk an entire thermos of hot chocolate and got marshmallows to top it off. Then he promptly slaps himself (mentally) because he shouldn't be thinking about this, that and you.

Not like it stopped him from staring at the back of your head all through class. He doesn't realize it until your friend turns their head around and makes a face at him, leaning closer to you to whisper something. Genya panics and ducks his head, burying it into his arms for a few minutes before he judges it's safe to look up.

And when he does you're smiling at him knowingly, as if the both of you knew something the rest don't. Oh good lord.

Your laughter is something Genya wishes he could make as well, when the whole class watches Iguro-sensei trying to tell Inosuke off, but the dumbass can't get the teacher’s name right at all. He finds himself laughing as well, a combination of that and because of you before it hits him.

“You'll get really nervous around them, like your heart speeds up. You'll probably stare at them a lot too, and want to do lots of things for them, maybe hold open doors?”

Oh shit. Check, check, check.

“And they're the first person you look at to see if they're laughing at a joke.”

And check?!

Shit shit shit shit shit-

Genya groans. He does like you after all.

But that's not right, it's got to be wrong.

You're a boy. Genya's not gay…at least he didn't think so…Then again he's never actually liked a girl. But he's never liked a boy either. Until you.

Forget it! You're not a crush, you're the reason why Genya is going to drive himself crazy right now! Hell, why did the idea feel so wrong but so right at the same time?

Genya rubbed his temples. If he was being honest the idea only seemed so wrong because…well, because he's just never considered that possibility before. It just hasn't really occured to him he might be attracted to the same gender. It's a new concept, yes, but…not really a terrible one. He got all red with girls yes but it wasn't because he like-liked them or thought they were cute.

Was crushing on a guy really going to be any different than a girl then? Genya groaned again. Judging by his behaviour these days…yeah, not really.

Okay, then if hypothetically he DID like you and he liked guys…how would Sanemi and his friends react? Would they still want to hang out with him? Would Sanemi still…consider him his brother? What would his mom think?

What a headache. What would…you think? It'd be pretty embarrassing to like you and you're straight, Genya thought. Then again was he even sure he was gay, even certain he had a big fat crush on you?

“Hey, you alright?” The voice startles Genya out of his thoughts. He lifts up his head and looks around, startled to see everyone's left. Shit, he hadn't even realized class was over. Idiot.

He glances to his left and nearly dies of fright.

You cock an eyebrow. “Um, seeing a ghost, Genya?”

“No!” He just about shouts, flailing his arms as he tries to stop himself from falling out of his chair. “I'm fine! Really! Sorry…just, just kinda out of it.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Yeah, let's talk about how I've just realized I might be-

“It's fine, it's nothing important.” Genya notices your fidgeting however. “What about you?”

You hesitate. You're playing with your sleeves quite nervously. It's making him paranoid.

“I'm just…there's a new arcade that just opened up.”

“Sounds fun,” Genya offers. He's got barely enough brain cells still functioning from the close proximity between you both.

“I was wondering - um, do you wanna go with me? I can buy all the tokens,” you quickly blurted out and held your breath.

“Sure.”

“N-no. Just you and me. Like on a date.” You rub the back of your neck, looking away. “No - no pressure or anything! I know you might not be into guys, you might already like a girl-"

“You're gay.”

You wince at his tone. Genya wishes he hadn't sounded so accusing. “Last I checked, yeah.”

“Sounds fun,” Genya repeats dumbly, because holy shit, you like him you like guys too he likes guys he really wants to go to the arcade with you oh thank god-

You blink. “So that's a…yes?”

“Absolutely.” Genya waves his hands frantically. “If you're still up for it! Nothing’s awkward! I - I do want to go as a date, not as friends, and, uh-"

He snaps his head away, embarrassed, but he glances back long enough to see you grinning like you've won the lottery.

"Does 2 pm work for you?"

Shit. He really does like you after all. And with the way you're smiling at him like that maybe he can deal with whatever bullshit that's going to come next.

***

“Hey Genya, do you want to come over this weekend?”

“Muichiro wants to go to that pizza place again.”

The Tokito twins stare at him expectantly over the usual din of the Kamaboko Squad's usual shenanigans. Now or never.

“Sorry, I'm busy.”

“With what?” Muichiro looks out off; Yuichiro frowns in surprise.

“With someone.”

The silence was so thick you could've cut it with a knife - or Zenitsu's screaming.

“WHO?”

“HAR?!”

“Is it a date?” Tanjiro managed to slap a hand over the blonde's mouth while Aoi deals with Inosuke. The twins and Kanao's mouths hang open in surprise.

Genya picked at his food. “Yeah. At the new arcade.”

“Congratulations!”

“I thought you were planning to be single forever-”

“Shut up, Mui!”

“With who?"

He says your name and again the silence is thick.

Tanjiro's eyes light up in recognition and shock. “Isn't that the new boy?”

Genya nods stiffly.

“You're…gay?” Kanao asks tentatively.

Genya nods again.

“I had no idea! I never would've guessed either.” Tanjiro shakes his head, stunned. Much to Genya's relief…he's smiling? “But good for you, Genya, I'm sure you'll enjoy the date!”

This wasn't so bad after all. It's like a weight’s been lifted off his shoulders. Now it's just how well…Sanemi will take it and his family. Probably not as easy.

“I thought it was a little weird you rejected that cute girl the other day.” Muichiro looks excited. “Now I've got a gay best friend!”

“What are you, twelve?” Yuichiro grumbles, but turns to Genya. “Have a good time then.”

“THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! DON'T SHOCK US LIKE THAT, GENYA!” Zenitsu finally squawks, clutching his heart.

“Wait, what's gay?” Inosuke's lost. “Is Genma happy or something?!”

Never mind.

***

“Damn, I knew you were good at shooting, but basketball too?” You wiggle your eyebrows at him, pretending to throw an imaginary ball as Genya throws an actual one through the basket easily.

“Heh, this one's just easy since it's so near.” The machine flashes lights and beeps, displaying a new highest score. “And kinda short.”

“You are pretty tall,” you agreed, counting the leftover tokens. “Hey, we still have enough for that claw machine!”

“Seriously?”

So far the date's going pretty well. Genya hadn't made a fool of himself when you showed up dressed up in that letterman jacket and excitedly tackled him yelling about how you managed to get about an entire bag's worth of tokens. You both had spent your time mostly fooling around playing air hockey, shooting games (he had a moment of crisis before sitting next to you in the cramped space), he got forced to dance with you, you claimed he cheated at the racing, he won you a figurine as an apology for accidentally smacking your hand during Whack-A-Mole. Genya was kind of regretting that now, because you were now convinced Genya had amazing luck and could continue to win you more prizes. But as Sanemi said - a million times - those things were a scam, so Genya compromised by saying if only there was tokens leftover from the basketball game.

Alas and alack, he supposed, but you were already speeding towards the claw machine.

“Come on, come on, almost there, almost there!” Your chanting is barely heard over the obnoxious arcade music but you're practically breathing down his neck.

“Okay, okay, I got it, shut up for a sec.” Genya's grip on the controls is so tight he's actually afraid he might rip out the joystick by mistake like Sanemi last time…although Sanemi had done that on purpose during his rage quit and since had been banned from that particular arcade.

“Dear Kami-sama, please, please, please-”

“SHIT.”

“NOOO! So close!” Your head's tossed back in an exaggerated groan, flipping off the stupid claw that let go just a second too early. “I could've won that Hashira figurine!”

“I was the one playing!” Genya protested.

“I got the tokens!”

“I offered to pay you back! You said no!”

You punched his shoulder playfully. “Hey, this was supposed to be my treat. You can pay for the next date.”

“Next - next what-"

“Oh jeez, your face is so red now. Let's get some fresh air; I know a good dessert store.”

Genya's down bad alright.

***

“Where the hell have you been?”

It's already late by the time Genya lets himself into the house. His siblings should've been asleep, his mom too, so hopefully he could…uh, break the news the next day, when he's written and planned everything out, chewed off his nails and get that support you promised him earlier.

Luck had decided to abandon him since his second attempt at the claw machine however, since now he's been caught kicking off his shoes and smiling down at his phone, at the picture you've sent him of the figurine in your shelf.

>>Maybe I'll get more from you

You wi<<

He shuts off his phone quickly. Sanemi’s sitting on the sofa, arms crossed and does not look like a happy camper. Genya tries for an innocent smile. He probably looks like he has a stroke. If Sanemi were a cop, every criminal would be cracking in less than a minute under his interrogations.

“Out with a friend. Sorry I'm late, I was talking them back home.”

“Really? Saw all your friends - Tokito twins and that Kamado kid - earlier today. Try again."

“Someone else.”

“Cut to the chase, Genya, you were out on a date, weren't you?” Sanemi barks.

Genya's shoulders slump. “Yeah. Please don't be mad, I did tell Mom.”

“You should focus on studying. Your math grades are still too low.” Sanemi's expression softens, just slightly. "Who's the lucky girl?"

“Ah.”

“I swear to god, if it's that Shabana girl-”

“It's a guy.”

A very awkward beat of silence.

“WHO?!”

Genya almost expects to be attacked when he says your name. Or mauled after Sanemi demands every detail of what went down at the arcade. Maybe thrashed while finally confessing yes, he's not straight. But not stand there while Sanemi stares at him, strangely quiet.

“You two didn't do anything suspicious?”

Nope. You'd been quite understanding when he admitted he was still kind of getting used to the newness of…all this and offered to save a kiss for next time, causing him to explode into scarlet and try to poke you with his straw. “Aniki!”

“Is this a new thing or have you been…keeping this from me?” Unbelievable. His older brother almost looks hurt by that notion.

“A new thing, I swear, I wasn't planning on keeping anything from you, I was just waiting for the right time and right thing to say and I - I didn't know how you'd react.”

“Well…” Sanemi mutters something unintelligible, eyes moving away slightly.

“Um…what?”

“I SAID, AS LONG AS YOU'RE HAPPY WITH HIM, IT'S FINE BY ME! NOW GO TO SLEEP!”

Genya couldn't stop his grin. “Really? Thank - thank you, Aniki, and okay, I will.”

“And don't do anything too intimate before you're married!”

***

You spat out your straw. “He said what?”

Genya takes a long sip of his latte, slipping his hand into yours. “I didn't make that up.”

“No,” You say, shaking your head. “That sounds like Shinazugawa.”

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

First of all, I apologize for my slightly weird English, google translate helps me to read what you guys post on Tumblr. This time I decided to send it from the computer to see if it arrives well, I seem like an old lady with technology sometimes hahaha

Could I get a matchup for Tokyo Debunker, My Hero Academia and Mystic Messenger? If you feel that there is no matchup in MHA or MM, it doesn't matter, the Tokyo Debunker matchup is more than enough.

Pronouns: She/her Sexuality: Bisexual Zodiac/MBTI: Sagittarius, INTJ Appearance: Short curly dark brown hair. Dark skin, freckles on cheeks. I'm 1.65m tall, slim body, small bust and butt and wide waist. Brown eyes, slightly round nose, thin eyebrows and medium-sized lips. Personality: Introverted, occasionally moody, but when I get confident I'm playful/a bit childish. Likes and dislikes: I like desserts; watching movies, mainly horror/thriller/romantic comedy; I enjoy interactive stories and otomes; I like watching videos of people putting on/taking off makeup, trying on clothes and giving reviews, about hair and skin care products… Oh, I also like braiding. I don't like insects; noisy places; disloyal people, liars, and people who don't value their friends; alcoholic drinks and similar substances; I don't like spicy food. Hobbies: Listening to music, watching anime, playing cell phone games, lately I'm learning crochet, so I think I'd add that as a hobby too. Extra information: I am agnostic; I'm not a big fan of physical contact, in any case, I prefer to be the one who initiates the contact and that it doesn't last so long; I think head caresses are very cute; I like to give gifts to my loved ones; I'm somewhat disorganized for some things and organized for others, I think it depends on my mood and motivation how organized I can be; if someone yells at me I get angry easily; according to the MBTI internet test I'm INTJ and to this day I still don't feel identified with the result; I don't know if it affects the answer in any way, but I'm from Latin America, although I don't fit the stereotype at all, I'll just say that there is no worse dancer than me LOL.

Thank you very much in advance, and I hope you are doing well, I wish you peace and stability, kisses and hugs <3

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took a while. I hope you like your matchups!

In Tokyo Debunker, I match you with...

You and Ren can both be pretty moody at times and while this can definitely lead to conflict, it also means you understand each other well.

Phone games are what brought you together originally. Everyone knows he’s totally obsessed with his games and he loves being able to play them with you.

Ren’s also delighted that you like horror movies as well. Sure, his special interest is in B-rated movies but he’s just glad he can talk about horror stuff with someone who can appreciate it.

He’s not a huge fan of noisy places either so he’s more than happy to avoid them with you. If it’s unavoidable, he’ll keep an eye on the time and leave with you as soon as possible/

Don’t expect him to get rid of any insects for you. He’s terrified of them as well and thinks they’re super gross. If he’s feeling particularly sappy, he’ll get rid of them though.

In My Hero Academia, I match you with...

Jiro’s firmly an ambivert since she likes interaction but not too much. Since you’re an introvert, you make a good pair.

She’s not super fussed on whether you’re disorganised or not. Whatever works for you is her philosophy. And she’d be a bit of a hypocrite if she called you out on being disorganised considering the state of her room a lot of the time.

Music is what drew you two together initially. Jiro loves playing songs for you and would adore going to karaoke nights with you (assuming that’s something you’re comfortable with).

She’s not super affectionate so she’s okay with avoiding physical contact a lot of the time. If you ever feel like physical affection, just let her know.

This seems like an odd inclusion but I think she would really like your crocheting. If you crochet a guitar strap cover or some little nick nacks, she’ll incorporate them into her outfit.

In Mystic Messenger, I match you with...

Yoosung really loves your childish side. He’s surrounded by serious people so you’re a nice change of pace. He can be himself around you.

He loves playing phone games with you! He’s always open to recommendations for games you can play together.

Head pats are a must in your relationship. Yoosung likes giving and receiving head pats so you’ll often end up in a heat pat loop of mutual affection.

I don’t see Yoosung as someone who’s super fond of spicy food so he certainly understands your dislike of it. He’s more than happy to have plainer food when you go on dinner dates.

Loves watching anime, both with you and on his own. I see him as an action and rom-com fan but he’s open to anything you throw his way.

[atopearth]

Collar X Malice: Unlimited Part 7 - Adonis Route

Honestly, I find the way Ichika joined Zero's side to be pretty iffy even back then in the original game, so I kinda hoped something like Kazuki dying would have changed here but I guess not.. I feel sorry for Kazuki that they reconciled but she still ended up joining Adonis alongside Akito, it must be a pretty big shock having to deal with that. (EDIT: guess he is gone..) Ichika being at the top and training people in marksmanship and stuff is very interesting lol. She looks all right with short hair but yeah, I agree with Zero, I liked the long hair more. Anyway, Zero wants her to find out if there's a traitor amongst them before the next X-Day (since the one 2 years ago failed) in 30 days. Anyway, it seems like you go through each of the Adonis' executors' stories so that's interesting. I'm just going to go from the ones I least like to the ones I like the most haha, and then leave Mikuni for last I guess. Well, Hana's story first then~

Kobayashi Hana

I guess Hana is as bright as ever. I quite enjoy seeing her try and dress Ichika up and make her cuter lol. On the other hand, seeing her mercilessly cut through that panda cake was pretty hilarious. One thing I enjoyed insight into was hearing that Hana has been avoiding going to Isshiki's concerts to avoid causing any trouble to them with the police just in case they come to crash it because of her or something. Honestly, I was pretty impressed. Like, she's always been pretty selfish, and she's always prioritised her love for Isshiki above everything, but to see that she could stop herself to protect him was nice in its own way. Even though she's a pretty ruthless killer, and even though she's obsessed with Isshiki, I guess she does think things through a bit so that Isshiki won't ever have to suffer because of her. Hmm Ichika seemed to reminisce about Kazuki, does that mean he died? Anyway, these investigations are short? Are they really just segments of story for Ichika to become friends with each person? Lol. I mean, Ichika literally did nothing but talk about random stuff with Hana lol. I actually find it rather endearing that Hana and Ichika can fight so openly about their feelings and understand that they actually do want the best for each other, it's kinda nice how they became good friends under such circumstances.

Soda Manabu

Honestly, I kinda wish we could just pick one character and continue until the investigation completes because it's sooo annoying having to press on each one like 7 times just to get a couple of lines of story each time Zzz. Anyway, gotta admit Ichika is pretty judgmental towards Soda, and actively tries to "fix" him and thinks what he does is "wrong", which is pretty annoying tbh. Just because she doesn't understand games, she thinks it's useless to Adonis, and then judges him for his eating habits? Lol. Anyway, at least she tried playing his game though lol, and even got lessons from him haha. I see, I can understand why Ichika would go to Zero for "revenge" but not sure about the "sadness" thing if that's what she's going for tbh. Losing Yanagi, Enomoto, Shiraishi, Okazaki and Kazuki is a big hit and I can understand it shattering her world, but going to Adonis is basically breeding everything that killed everyone important to her. Anyway, Sasazuka's pained voice telling Ichika not to go to Adonis really hurt. I'm sure he's really hurting over the fact he didn't notice the weapons that ended up killing everyone, alongside survivor's guilt of being the only one who survived out of the group, and then now not even being able to stop Ichika from going over to the other side.. It's painful to see. Anyway, lmao, Soda is probably a tamer little brother than Kazuki. His words are harsh but you can tell he only talks like that to protect himself, so any time he swears, I don't bother taking him seriously, he's a hurt little kid. It's cute how Ichika mixed his hated eggplants into the gratin and he didn't even notice, but he ate the whole thing happily🤣 He's so adorable lmao, especially when his face went red and he told her he'd eat her stuff again (even though she shouldn't hear it), and then he ran off🤣

It seems like Soda regrets his actions much more than I initially thought. He was able to get revenge, but now he's even more scared of death because of what he had done, and now he's just in this never-ending cycle of fear, needing to have Zero's power to protect himself, doing his bidding so that he won't die, but at the same time being so scared of his life that the only time he probably feels "safe" is when he plays his games. I love how happy he was when Ichika gave him a SS tier rare item and he put it on, locked it and kept it in a special box🤣 That's so cuteee. Definitely enjoyed Soda's mini part more than I thought hahaha, he's such a cute little kid, which makes it kinda sad lol. Soda blowing up and getting mad at Ichika for playing solo and saying she didn't need connections when she made him realise he wanted to start building connections because of her was really...heartwarming. Soda gave up on people and a lot of things thinking that he could never have them because that's how it was considering how people are, but he changed his mind after Ichika so insistently barged into his life, and now to say that it's practically useless would be extremely hurtful to him. I was really impressed with Soda, and I'm happy that he even told Ichika that she can rely on him more, he's such a sweet boy🥲

Uno Suzune

Lmaooo poor Shion, the woes of a big brother. I found it hilarious how Suzune would give him the green peas she doesn't like even though Shion hates them too, definitely something siblings would do🥲 I superrrr agree with Suzune about handwriting diaries instead of writing a blog! I mean, I have both obviously, but I definitely have different feelings when I read my blog and when I read my writing in my diary. Through my blog, I can easily read my exact thoughts and get to the gist of what I'm talking about, but with my diary, I can see stuff like when I started getting tired of writing, when I felt like changing my pen, and a lot of other feelings that can't be seen or portrayed properly in a typed blog, and yes, the memories of me writing all this usually comes back better when I've written it, mainly because I either say it in the entry or because I can actually remember sitting there and putting time into writing about my life/day.

Guess Suzune's pretty yandere for her brother if any kind of possible romantic interest from Ichika gets her other self to come out and threaten her about it lol. Anyway, it's cute how she’s starting to kinda think of Ichika as a big sister. Suzune willingly taking Ichika to Shion and calling Ichika Chi-chan is probably the biggest improvement you can get considering she could stab you as the worst case hahha. Well, Suzune was definitely cuter than I thought and seeing her so vulnerable, shy but wanting to protect Shion and getting out of her shell for him was sweet. Are there endings for each executor? Well, anyway, Suzune saying she would be sad if anything happened to Ichika was really sweet.

Sugawara Rika

Lmao, I forgot Sugawara is obsessed with Zero, this is going to be fun I guess. It's kinda funny that getting a 50,000 yen strawberry entices her lol, I'm surprised Zero approved it as an expense, like dang, can I have one too, I'm curious lol. Lmao when Sugawara wanted to keep the strawberries as a memento instead of eating it😂 She should have been convinced when Ichika said it'll become a part of her hahahah. LOL when Sugawara started lecturing Ichika about dressing better in front of Zero, and then tried to get her makeup to make her look better, but then Ichika runs away😂

Okay, I loved the girls dress up night with Hana, Ichika and Sugawara. It was so funny how they started arguing about what Ichika should wear and then became fast enough friends to recommend each other stuff and then wear it for fun. I loveee that they had a CG for their new outfits because they're all so pretty, I love them! I think Hana's is my favourite because it's so simple but cute in a different way from her usual. I guess it's kinda cute how in Hana's investigation, Hana focuses on Ichika's clothing fashion, but Sugawara takes it further or I guess mainly focuses on skincare, makeup and haircare haha. I guess it's nice that Sugawara is definitely much more open about standing up for herself and other women when it comes to men who try to objectify them or think of them as "lesser". She's become stronger. I think it's kinda sad to see that amongst all the other happy mini endings with the other executors, Rika's one with Ichika is actually pretty sad because it was through them bonding that Rika noticed Ichika's true intentions of revenge, and that's why they can never truly see eye-to-eye and be friends.

Ogata Tomoki

I guess I didn't expect Ogata to be the type to go to batting cages, but I even more didn't expect him to reserve sweets to make sure he can get them hahaha! It's nice that he enjoys wagashi though, I definitely should have tried it when I went to Japan, but I completely forgot😭 Aww, Ogata had such a sweet daughter! Whenever his wife wasn't looking, she would eat his hated tomatoes for him! Such a kind kid😭 I've never heard of monaka before, so I googled it and they look nice!! Kinda like an ice cream sandwich but not with ice cream and has red bean paste and other stuff inside I guess? I would totally eat it. Lmaoo at Ichika's impression of the typical salaryman😂😂 It's true though, I can't imagine Ogata going home to watch comedy shows with a beer in his hand🤣 Aww it was so cute how Ogata did an impersonation of a character in a drama because he got so used to doing it for his daughter. But lmao at Ichika though, telling him what he can improve on since Adonis might have end of the year parties he could use it for, imagine a bunch of terrorists partying for something so normal like the end of the year hahah😂😂

It's actually really sad how Ogata feels like he can't be a father anymore because he knows that he prioritises his current ideals and dreams more than his daughter. And I guess considering how long they've been separated and how much he has changed, it would probably feel awkward to try and be a normal father, but I guess at least through Ichika's encouragement, he's willing to try and reply to his daughter's letter of wanting to meet him. I think the reason why I've always liked Ogata is because he doesn't regret his actions. Like, he knows that he's killed people and that's why he doesn't want to see his family and get them involved with what he's doing right now, because he knows the gravity of his actions. But at the same time, his hatred for Fujii, the police and the whole mistaken arrest that led to such injustice for him and changed his whole perspective on life is something he can't let go of, and that's why it led him to Adonis and to fulfill his "new" ideals. He knows it's a path that will not necessarily have a "good ending" but he's willing to sacrifice everything for it, and I think that's what makes me attracted to his character. Anyway, LMAO at how insistent Ichika was on seeing young Ogata with a buzzcut playing baseball, absolutely hilarious when she was ready to tie him up with a rope and search his room😂😂 It's pretty sad to see that Ogata wanted to be like Isshiki and save people with his justice without faltering in this cruel world but he just wasn't able to do it because hatred was what fuelled him to move forward and not forgiveness or hope. But I'm glad he encouraged Ichika to listen to Isshiki's song and hear Kazuki's guitar, because seeing Ichika show her emotions again, even if just a little bit was nice...

Uno Shion

Aww, it's cute how much Shion cares about Suzune, but also so cute how he's embarrassed to say he likes chocolate🤣 It's nice that he's more cooperative than Suzune I guess hahaha. I never expected Shion to like to paint though, that's interesting. Anyway, it's pretty sad to think that the "outside world" was much more unforgiving to the Uno siblings, and that it was only after they joined this terrorist organisation did they get to feel safe and secure that they have shelter and food without people going crazy on them. In that sense, it's understandable how much more comfortable Adonis would be for them. Aww Shion and Suzune getting excited over a chocolate cake is so adorable. Them saving up to buy a home for themselves is so heartwarming, it makes me really want to cheer for them. I'm dying from how cute they are trying to feed Ichika the chocolate cake too because they really like her and think she's really kind like their mother was before. Shion buying a cheese tart for both Ichika and Suzune was sweet, she's like a part of his thought process when buying stuff for his sister hahaha. Lol when he just shoved it into her mouth instead of giving it to her like a normal person🤣 Lmaoo when Shion drew a portrait of Ichika stuffing herself with cheese tart🤣 To think that Shion was so serious about drawing that he's actually thinking about a future with it after the X-Day stuff..it’s so endearing.

Sera Akito

It must be difficult for both Akito and Ichika to talk to each other. Just seeing each other's faces would make them remember the past and compare it to the present, making their whole encounter just...painful to watch. It's so like Akito to hide that he dislikes shiitake mushrooms so that it wouldn't inconvenience Ichika and make her remove it from the cooking menu. Lmaooo at Akito being so scared of bugs, enough that Ichika has to call cockroaches dark fairies to make him feel more at ease🤣 I'm sure Akito must be hurting too, but his consideration for Ichika above himself really makes my heart feel so warm. Awww, my heart swooned when Akito said his ideal type was Ichika! If only there was an Akito route~ Anyway, I didn't expect Akito and Soda to really interact but lmaoo at Soda having spent millions of yen on in-game stuff, Soda is right though, gacha rates are cruel😭😭 Aww, it was so cute how honest Soda was about wanting to have defeated the boss with Akito instead of dumping him and killing it himself, since what Soda values is playing together with other people. So, Kazuki was stabbed by a guy who was influenced by Adonis into taking revenge against his bullies or something, and I guess Kazuki was killed when he tried to step in? Honestly, I feel terrible for Akito. He was already feeling doubts and guilt over getting revenge for his sister, but after experiencing Kazuki's death, he must hate his choice for joining Adonis even more than before. It honestly broke my heart to see Akito break down like that not knowing how he could atone for his sins in causing Kazuki's death. His heartwrenching screams really cut me and made me tear up from all the pain Akito must have been bottling up all this time. Akito will always be my favourite side character, I think his pain, his feelings and his emotions were portrayed so well.

Sanjo Keisuke

Aww, Sanjo's favourite food being ramen is very him, kinda hahaha. I can't imagine a 7kg bowl of ramen and having to finish that in 30 minutes😱 On the other hand, Sanjo being into arcades is kinda unexpected, lmaooo at Ichika thinking he would play the crane games😂 I didn't think about the fact that Ichika is a former cop just like him now, I wonder how he feels about that or whether he even cares😅 Lmao at Sanjo seriously answering Ichika what his type of woman is and then even describing the body shape with sound effects😂 I can't believe Ichika just tickled Sanjo and made him laugh like crazy, I would have liked to see that😆😆 I think it would have been so nice if Ogata was Sanjo's boss, I feel like their values and ideals of justice back in the day would have matched well since Sanjo probably desired something "pure" back in the day and hoped to be a part of an organisation that helped people, and Ogata was always helping people already, so they would have worked well together. It's just sad that they both got betrayed by their ideals of what the police should have been to them and others.

 The idea that you can't feel any fear because you don't value your life is a pretty interesting and saddening thought. Maybe because I get that feeling sometimes. I agree with Sanjo, Zero definitely doesn't truly care about those ideals of saving the weak that he keeps spouting, he's not like Mikuni, and that's also imo the reason why Zero believes that he and Mikuni will never truly understand each other. Ichika and Sanjo eating ramen together is so cute lol.

Mikuni Rei

Lmao at Zero calling Mikuni an old man for liking fish, disliking carbonated drinks and other junk food because they're not nutritional hahaha. Otherwise, nothing much to say tbh, Mikuni has always been a rather bland character to me? I like him, but at the same time I don't because even though it's interesting to see that he actually has "noble" goals compared to Zero, the fact is that Mikuni as he himself said has been told that he's a "saviour" of sorts, and I think that really exemplifies the type of person Mikuni is. Someone who believes that he can and wants to "save" people in his own way as if he is someone above them all, but at the same time, he is very apparently flawed exactly because he is like that. He's not someone who truly understands the people "below" him and he also doesn't seem to perceive that as something that can be helped, and that's why even though his goals are "noble", he's not really noble at all. But it doesn't really change the fact that Mikuni is kind in his own way though. Mikuni eating shrimp crackers is so cute😂

Saeki Yuzuru

To be honest, I've always liked the chill policeman Saeki, and I personally think Zero likes that version of himself too. I feel like he always enjoyed just talking about stuff with Ichika during their drinking charades, and had fun visiting her. But at the same time, I feel like because of the existence of Adonis and Mikuni, Zero never really allowed his negative emotions to be "accepted" in order for him to move on, so instead it just continued piling up inside to the point of indifference towards the world and others imo. Anyway, it's sad, seeing Zero and Mikuni happily play chess together. They really look like two brothers just having fun in their own way. Hearing them say that they've been doing this since they were kids makes it all the more saddening when they realised that despite how "close" they were to each other, they never really understood each other. In a sense, I feel like in the end, both Mikuni and Zero use Adonis as a way to get the things they want and feel like it's one of the only ways they can do it? I mean, I do feel like Mikuni treasures his relationship with Zero more than Adonis or anything else, because when it comes down to it, I feel like he tries really hard to understand Zero by trying to see things from his perspective and hanging out with Ichika, the one that Zero thinks understands him best and the one Zero likes the most. On the other hand, Zero seems to use Adonis as a way for revenge of his mother and as a way to vent those emotions and scars he got, but at the same time Adonis also granted him Mikuni (a brother), and it gave him opportunities and power.

Zero definitely loves Ichika in an obsessed way, probably the only way he thinks he can love someone, since he doesn't want to become "weak" like his mother was. So if he felt anything like love, he would prefer it to be a love that would destroy him, because in a sense I think I can understand that sentiment of wanting the person you love to solely focus on yourself and no one else, whether that is hatred or whatever emotion doesn't matter, because being the entire focus of someone else's is a sort of "love" to enjoy, so I don't blame Zero for his twisted "love" lol. Especially since you can tell how much he has always enjoyed his after work beers and just chatting with Ichika. I quite enjoyed their little date walking around reminiscing the past and discovering new things they missed out on, now I really want to eat crepes🥲 The ending where Ichika kills Saeki is pretty sad though. Seeing Saeki the most relieved and happy he has ever been is probably what made me kinda happy for him though. He still sucks, but like Ichika said, I can't hate him, because it was true that he did reduce the sadness of many (whilst creating sadness for many others too though) and at the core, he was like in a sense a guy who consumed so much sadness from everywhere around him, always in pain, always sad despite his appearance, and thinking that makes it difficult for me to truly hate him.

Overall, I like the Adonis route! Initially, I was a bit sceptical whether it was really necessary and whether it would be interesting at all but I really loved bonding with all the executors. Seeing more of the human and emotional sides, seeing them warm up to Ichika and become friends with her really made me enjoy the "what could never be" part of it all. I think I especially loved Akito's because of how emotional it was tying into Kazuki and everything. But I also really enjoyed seeing the different sides of all of them. It really makes me wish Ichika got an individual route with like Akito and Sanjo and Ogata because I loveee them🥲🥲

Overall Review

I definitely enjoyed CxM: Unlimited much more than I thought I would! In the beginning, Sasazuka and Okazaki's routes kinda made me wonder whether I really wanted to continue this, but I'm so glad I got through them because I enjoyed Enomoto's, Yanagi's and Shiraishi's routes a lot! If I ranked them, I probably liked Shiraishi's the most, then Yanagi, Enomoto, Okazaki and then Sasazuka. It's definitely what I wanted in a fandisk, which is more fluffy romance and just bonding with all the guys even more, and I absolutely loveeee the potential romances with Yoshinari and Minegishi, they were so unexpectedly nice. Definitely no plot but that's okay since it's a fandisc and I think it fulfilled really well what its goal was when it comes to more romance in the story haha. 8/10! I'm definitely going to miss the characters, I'm so attached to Enomoto and them lol.

[its-chelisey-stuff]

More than friends, final thoughts about the drama

After suffering quite the unreasonable amount of pain for the last 4 eps for real, it was wild I was surprised when the epilogue finished, signaling the end of the drama, and I felt a bit sad and empty. Still, I mostly felt relieved and happy because my baby Lee Soo finally got the love and happiness he deserved. I obsessed so much with this drama for the past 10 weeks (yep, I counted them, even the ones when it didn’t air) and until a couple of weeks ago I thought this was going to be my favorite kdrama of 2020. And this drama made me want to gif for the first time! Most of my gif edits were awful if I’m being honest hahaha I’m not an expert, but I did them with a lot of love and care. It’s still crazy to me that this drama made me do that.

My overall opinion about MTF is that it was beautifully directed (with close attention to details that always made an effort to show and not just tell), a visual delight (those shots of Seoul while Soo&WY worked in the book? ART), the dialogue between characters and from the internal monololgues was exquisite and almost poetic. And the acting was solid and for me, in particular, two cases were outstanding: SeongWu and EunJin. Don’t take this the wrong way, because main OTP had great chemistry, but Soo and YoungHee’s scenes hit me differently. Their dynamic was very interesting to watch and I wish we could’ve had seen some more of it.

Also, most romance dramas focus on just telling ONE love story, some dramas commit to tell TWO and either the second couple outshines the main one or they’re under-developed. This drama told THREE different love stories and whether or not I liked what they did to them, I think they were told pretty coherently and every couple got their time to shine and to suffer. And I liked that the drama decided to make the last few eps more focused on the friendship of these six people. Ngl I would’ve love to see more bromance (because it was shown in small measures but not told) between the guys, just like we got our sismance with the girls, but I’m still pretty satisfied about all. I feel a bit sad for DongJun though. Some of you think CEO had a good development but I feel like the writer just sort of forgot about him after ep 11... but I hated the CEO a bit so I don’t feel sorry for the character and how he ended.

Now, the heavy stuff.

Believe me when I say that I didn’t mind the pain and angst so much, not really. I think I’ve seen worse in other dramas tbh. My problem, and I hate to say it, was Wooyeon. I didn’t like her at all by the end but Lee Soo loved her more than his own life, so I was happy that he ended the drama happy. But I felt conflicted that it was with her. I don’t know how can I explain this well, but I’m gonna try anyway, so bear with me.

You see I’m not against “problematic” female leads that break up the sterotypes about them having to be nice, giving, kind and darlings 24/7. Bullshit, nobody can be Cinderella or freaking Snow White. My problem was that Wooyeon was a mess to be with. The girl was a passive-aggressive nightmare to date and most of the time, she was a pathological liar. And she hated to hear people calling her out on her wrongdoings (Soo did it a few times and it always got his ass handed to him). And tbh the only reason her friends were always on her side and SangHyuk and HyunJae were neutral about the whole drama, is because they never had to date her.

I know she said sorry and recognized she was immature and didn’t think much about Soo’s feelings. I loved to hear her say that! But I wanted to see that a few eps back, not on the last episode. The show needed to give at least ONE good reason for ME to root for her. And hey, it’s not like I don’t understand she had her insecurities, but she never made much of an effort to try and be empathetic to the feelings of people around her, especially the ones that she disliked like Soo, yet she expected that from everyone, especially those she was mean towards to like Soo. You can’t just do that. At least have her acknowledge she’s wrong sometimes or don’t make her play the victim all the time. Or at the very least let her own those flaws, like Soo did with his.

Take Ko MoonYoung (from It’s okay to not be okay) and Jo Yiseo (from Itaewon Class) as example of female leads owning their flaws and being refreshingly honest. Both were heavily criticized women (both inside their dramas by the characters and outside, by the audience) that most definitely do not fit the good and kind-hearted sterotype of female leads. Controversial, to say the least. 

And I LOVED both of them. Seriously, I could fight you right now if you dare to insult my baby Yiseo and my Queen MoonYoung. On top of it all, they were passionate and all-in for their male lead. That’s my jam. That’s what I like to see. Honestly, what did Wooyeon ever did for Soo? And don’t tell me that she inspired him to be better, because no matter what Soo’s mom told her, the credit for changing and never regressing to his old ways, was all Lee Soo’s.

And look, I know it’s not fair to compare because the drama never put them in a life vs death situation, Wooyeon is nothing like Yiseo or MoonYoung, and this was never a ride or die love story and to be fair Wooyeon pined after Soo for a decade (she barely knew the guy but okay). I only mention them so you can get an idea of what I’m trying to explain about liking and rooting for “problematic and imperfect” female leads . 

 Also, that decade of pining happened off-screen. Objectively speaking, the drama was more about Soo’s feelings for Wooyeon than hers for him. We got to see it all: the revelation of his feelings, the change in him, the growth, the ANGST, while we saw Wooyeon being bitter, angry and vengeful with Soo most of the time. I felt bad for her and had a lot empathy for her character in the first 4 eps but after that, those feelings started to disappear little by little until that dinner in ep 10. That was my turning point hahaha When she got together with Lee Soo, I turned a blind eye and kinda forgave her... but then ep 14 happened.  And it was too much by then.

It all comes down to what I like seeing in my romances, I guess, so I hope no one takes my comments to heart if they did like Wooyeon in the end. Guy pining and all-in for his female lead? Hell yeah. But said girl hurting and torturing him most of the drama’s run and constatly “unsure” of her feelings for him despite everyone knowing she does love the guy? Nah. That’s not how you love. So I guess what that ex said to her was true, Wooyeon didn’t know how to love. Hopefully she is learning a bit, everyday, in the world of MTF.

All things considered, for a drama coming from a rookie writer, this was an impressive first effort (but they should check out the definition of romcom next time, however they have the slice of life and melo feel down hahaha). A plus for me was always the behind the scenes were the main actors just showed their chemistry, and how well they work together, even more. It looks like it was an special and dear project for everyone involved and that makes me feel better about the drama as a whole.

More than friends, you will be missed by the good stuff and the little fluff you gave me hahaha and despite writing all this, I don’t regret watching you. Also, I “met” some really interesting and fun people thanks to the show. So there’s a lot of good to remember you by.

P.D. So many people want YeEun and SeongWu to be in another project together. Tbh, not only do I think that’s very unlikely, I’m also not very into the idea, despite their great chemistry. I think that seeing them together (acting) in the future  will always put me at odds and remind me of MTF. Ooops!

[austarus]

Harrison Wells (Eobard Thawne) x Reader - Integrated Revelations (1/3)

**A/N: The picture/edit/gif does not belong to me.

*I attempted a thing where I try to get back into the groove of writing for my murder speed husband... It’s probably shit, but here goes nothing. Sorta another theory I’ve had and had all these scenes connect together. I’m a shit writer so... Also, I’m dying and crying. Hahaha. I literally am dying. My uni work online is being ridiculously overwhelming along with my work hours for school. I really need a week with no deadlines or work just to get caught up with three weeks of work for certain classes. I really need to take a break. But I can’t, started to loose sleep. Can’t even have time to write or play Pokemon Reborn. Anyway, that a bit of an update from me. I wrote this back in July, hoping to have written a fic a week (which turned out to not happen, but hey, I tried) until October to post things. Also this most likely has grammer errors. I’m sorry. Once again, a shit writer. Please don’t forget to comment, like, and reblog. It means a lot to content creators of all kinds!

Word Count: 3584

Part 2  Part 3

“Well...” Eobard’s raspy voice didn’t seem to alarm the two speedsters that had phased into the Time Vault. The futuristic speedster had sat with a leg crossed over the other, and elbow resting on the arm of the chair. “Things just got a lot more complicated, didn't they?” Eobard pushed from the chair, standing up and taking a few steps forward. Nora and Barry looked on, one adorned a look of uncertainty and the other masqueraded his rage and pain through the years. “Barry Allen.” Barry nodded along, gauging the black-haired man’s façade. “But which Barry Allen? Clearly, you're… from a lot later than this one.” Eobard maneuvered his body and pointed to the unconscious form of an earlier Barry Allen.

“Way later.” Barry simply answered, looking indifferent.

“Way later,” Eobard echoed the response, putting emphasis on the word ‘way’. The scientist nodded along, pursuing his lips as his electric blue eyes flickered to Nora. Before anyone could speak, could even move the Time Vault door dematerialized. Nora watched as an earlier version of yourself entered the Vault hurriedly and out of breath. You had entered looking over your shoulder with a tablet in hand. You had been scanning for the supposed Time Wraith that had attacked Barry, but not your present time Barry.

“Eo, I traced-” You froze in place as you turned your gaze forward. Fear crippled your heart as you saw a version of Barry, much older through the years, and a woman not too far off his from his age. You swallowed thickly, clutching the tablet tighter. There’s three Barry Allen’s now?? Who the hell decided to break time? A small throbbing sensation erupted at the back of your head, but you dismissed it. Eobard had swiftly moved to stand in front of you. His eyes connected with yours for a moment.

“You knew?!” The young woman spoke up, stepping forward towards you which caused Eobard to hold out a subtle arm out to the side to keep you behind him. “All those years.” The older man narrowed his eyes at what the female had called out to you. You frowned at her words in confusion. Who is she? An image flashed through your mind of the woman, smiling proudly at Barry while wearing a dark purple and white suit with a yellow emblem. She clearly knows who I am, but… What even happened? Are they from a different future? You pushed away the image to the back of your mind. “How could y-”

“If you even think about touching her, either of you, then you’ll regret ever running back here,” Eobard steely replied. You took a step closer to your speedster boyfriend in case something were to happen and he needed to speed you away to safety. Not that you needed saving, but you were still working on defending yourself via your lessons with the futuristic speedster. So, they’re from the future, and I’m guessing far off from this other Barry, but not too far for him to age too much. You spared a small glance to the cuffed and unconscious Barry Allen on the ground. It hurt your heart to see him vulnerable like that, but Eobard had confided to you his suspicions regarding this Barry Allen. One Barry Allen problem at a time. Taking a breath in, you remained silent and studied the two speedsters that confronted your speedster.

“Let it go.” Barry grabbed onto the speedster’s shoulder, holding her back. Oddly enough, Barry’s words coldly cut through you. 

“Now,” Eobard’s cocky attitude returned to him as he established the safety of your presence. He had that kind of affect, putting himself on the air of superiority and intellect with his attitude and words to belittle the person in front of him rightly so to get the desired reaction he wants and anticipates. Eobard knows how to tug on Barry’s strings. “Who's your friend? Let me guess. Jesse Chambers- No. Maybe Lawrence. Wait- Danica Williams-”

“-It doesn't matter who she is.” Barry cut off Eobard’s rattling of names.

You eyed Eobard’s deceptive small smile as he held Barry’s gaze then turned to the young adult. The female remained silent, avoiding Eobard’s icy eyes. “She's your daughter.” You scrunched your face in confusion before the neurons clicked in your head after a few seconds. Lemme guess, she’s a speedster that ran back in time and met a younger version of her father. Weird flex bro, but whatever. You do you. If I was a speedster, I’d do things differently. Obviously not up to scale what with the tampering that Eobard likes to do with the timeline to get his way with things. “You've brought me your daughter.” Your eyes flickered back to Barry before taking another look at the female and seeing a bit of resemblance, other than the fact that she was a speedster like him. Then the article Eo’s been obsessing about did reveal something true. Barry does take Iris as his wife. The West-Allen family. “It's, um... Dawn, if I'm not mistaken.”

“Nora.” The young speedster forced out after briefly glancing at her father.

“Nora. Oh, that's nice.” Eobard turned back to Barry with a smirk, “At least you still have one.” That’s cruel, Eo. “What- Nora- time travel's so weird-”

“Why did you come here?” You found the nerve to speak up, moving to stand beside the man masquerading as Harrison Wells. I’m not going to be afraid; I can’t always cower behind Eobard if something unexpected happens. I need to take things in my own hands. Even if they do find out about- You cleared any evidence of distress at their sudden appearance from your throat, “What do you want?”

“I need him to fix this for me.” Barry held up a broken tube-like device in his hand.

A thought hit the genius scientist instantaneously, his blue eyes widening. Turning your body, you saw Eobard take a few steps backwards, “No...” The headache didn’t go away, instead intensifying slightly by the second. Negative emotions flooded your system at Eobard’s crippling composure. He shook his head at them. “No, if you're here...” Eo turned to face the unconscious Barry, cuffed to his motored wheelchair, pointing to them and him. “And he's here... that means-”

“-You don't get home.” Barry simply stated. Your heart shook, terror and dread feeding into your system at his words. Uncertainty of the future- your future with Eobard- plagued you. How does this all end?

“I get home!” The yellow speedster whipped his head around in agitation, his voice raising with every statement. Barry smirked cruelly as he shook his head. You held your breath at Eobard’s spiking wrath, you hadn’t seen him this angry since General Eiling’s interference with The Flash and Plastique. Even then he’d mask his resentment to pull the strings in the game strategically. “I get home. I go home! I get everything-”

“-You don't go home, Thawne.” The Scarlet Speedster halted the Man in the Yellow Suit. Eobard clenched his jaw. You reached out a hand to rest it on his arm in an attempt to calm him. His eyes met yours for a fraction of a second. You felt the tension hang heavily in the air. “Unless… you help me.” Barry held up his broken device once more, mockingly this time. Your eyes flickered to the ring on his right hand. Similar to Eobard’s. A future version of Cisco must have been able to figure out how to use microtech to compress Barry’s suit. He’s the greatest mechanical engineer that I know. Eobard’s shoulders sagged a fraction as Barry held his ground. Turning around, the genius scientist rubbed his face before kicking the spare Barry in annoyance. Barry, all clad in black, winced because he probably ended up feeling that kick. You and Nora remained silent, eyeing the exchange between both speedsters.

Eobard shifted his body back, hands on his hips and fueled hatred present in his eyes. “What do you want?”

“Like I said, you're gonna fix this for me.”

“To do what?”

“Drain dark matter.”

What could Barry possibly need with Dark Matter? Hasn’t it done enough damage? “Whose dark matter?” You crossed your arms with the tablet close to your chest, a frown on your face as Eobard stepped beside you once more.

“None of your business.” Barry sneered at you. You narrowed your eyes at his demeanor, the young man who you gradually grew close to and considered as another brother like Cisco.

“Barry-”

“-It is our business.” Eobard retorted, taking your hand in his tightly. Both men were frustrated at the others persistence.

“No, it's not.”

Eobard started, letting go of you and rounding heatedly on to Barry, “There's no chance that I help you-”

You reached a hand out. “-Eobard, don’t-”

- It's none of your business-”

“-Cicada's!” Nora blurted out. Silence filled the room between the four of your, outbursts settling. You blinked a few times, taking a step back and resting a palm against your temple. Grimacing, you cast your eyes down as images of a half-masked man in green stood with a dagger. A glowing dagger with a look of emptiness and death in his eyes. That man looks dead to the world, as if willing to kill for an estranged purpose. It’s so cold. You shook your head subtly and stood your ground, unwilling to show weakness, but you saw Nora’s eyes shift when she looked at you. Barry eyed his daughter with a sort of incredulous look while a calculating and analytical look flashed through Eobard’s eyes.

“Cicada's.” The name seemed so familiar to Eobard as it easily slipped of his tongue. The hushed tone in Eobard’s voice expressed a calm before the storm. A deceptive man full of secrets and knowledge of many, many years to come. Especially when it came to The Flash. “The one who got away. You want to destroy Cicada's dagger, don't you?”

“We want to save lives.”

A cynical laugh leaves your speedster’s lips as you pursed yours, trying to tease out the logics from Barry. “You want to save lives.” Eobard chuckled mockingly at Barry’s response. “I bet you do. I bet you do. Especially your own, right, Barry Allen?”

“Look, that me,” Barry pointed to the other version of himself in the room, “he's gonna wake up soon. He sees me standing here, your whole timeline is gonna be blown to hell. You're never gonna get home. You know that's true!”

“I know! I know!” Eobard sighed, his facial expression contorted, and his eyes held a different motive as he flicked his gaze to Nora, who hadn’t stop taking glimpses of you. “Where are my manners? Can I get you a cup of water?” You rolled your eyes at Eobard’s ploy.

***

The four of you had moved to the small lab, far from the Cortex in avoidance of Caitlin and Cisco. The timeline was a fickle thing to speedsters, Eobard had told you that. But oddly enough, when it came to Eobard it seemed to be malleable to his every whim. Tools and spare wires littered along the desk your speedster boyfriend was working at. The monitor held a camera feed of the Time Vault where Barry’s unconscious younger version was still unconscious.

How hard did Eobard hit him? Like, how the hell is he still asleep even through all that yelling and seething??

“Here,” you handed Nora a bottle of purified water.

“Thanks,” she quietly spoke, you nodded at her. You really didn’t know what to think about someone who knew you in the future, yet you had no idea who she would be until a few years later. Would I even still be in this time period by then? Or would Eobard had kept his promise? … Nothing’s making any sense right now. You felt frustrated for not really being part of their conversations. You were… just there.

“So, who made this?” Eobard examined the piece of teach as he started working on it.

Barry answered with pocketed hands, “Someone smarter than you.”

“I doubt that,” You snorted as Eobard laughed at Barry’s statement. Leaning against the dark blue beam of the side lab, you crossed your arms avoiding Barry’s gaze when he glanced over to you. You chewed on the inside of your cheek. “If so, then why come here? Why go through all the trouble to come here when you can get help from the person who made it? Why then would you need Eobard’s help?”

“We-”

“It’s… complicated,” Barry sighed before Nora could finish saying anything, pocketing his hands.

“I think that’s an understatement to the type of trouble that seems to find you, Barr.” You crossed your arms. “At least a Time Wraith didn’t follow you this time. Which I’m still having trouble tracking down.” You nodded to his former self on the monitor. Barry rolled his eyes at you.

“You know, Allen,” the yellow speedster wheeled around, electric blue eyes meeting Barry’s green gaze, “for your plan to work, you're gonna actually have to have his dagger in your possession...”

“We've got that covered.”

The villainous speedster raised an eyebrow at the forensics scientists. “You got that covered. How’s that?” He humored them.

“With this.” Nora pulled out a dark piece of metal, holding it out for you and Eobard to observe momentarily.

“What is that?” You piqued up, causing Nora to look over at you. An odd emotion flickered in her eyes. Eobard reached a hand out to it only for Barry to pluck it from Nora’s grasp. Your eyes flickered between the two then back to Nora. She didn’t seem to be cautious around you and Eobard at all. Revealing the reason for aid and showing Eobard exactly what he seemed to want to see. You weren’t a genius, but you obviously saw the pointed looks that Barry subtly gave his daughter. The cogs were turning in your head as well as in Eobard’s. He masked his growing speculation about the two speedsters.

“Is that-”

“It's a piece of Savitar's suit, yeah.” Barry stoically responded, since Nora had already shown Eobard the metallic piece, to Eobard’s oncoming question before he could even finish. Barry knew Eobard recognized the object, shaking his head that that cat was out of the bag for this secret too.

“Savitar?”

“Savitar. The Future Flash and the self-proclaimed God of Speed, kitten,” Eobard simply explained as he worked. Images of a metallic suit flashed through your mind as it hummed with energy; a familiar face shrouded in shadows and a hauntingly course voice. “A twisted time remnant of the man you know to be your friend. Another big bad that Barry’s had to face in the future, primarily due to the mistakes of his growing unhappiness. Isn’t that right, Flash? The pain you’ve caused the people around you just for you selfish wishes.” Barry rolled his eyes but remained silent.

“Eobard, play nice,” you scolded the older man, “they’re still guests here after all.”

“Hmph. You know what's funny about your dad, Nora,” the futuristic genius caught her attention, “is he hates me. Hates me with a passion, and yet a version of him, this Savitar, is a much bigger jerk than I ever was. Did you see the face?” Eobard gestured to his own face, primarily to one side of his face while snickering “Did you- did you see the, like, pizza face-” Nora awkwardly stepped from foot to foot, looking away.

“-Pizza face?-” Eobard Tiberius Thawne you owe me so many fucking answers when we get home because these images aren’t making as much sense as they should.

“-Can you hurry up?-”

“-Yeah, I'll hurry up.” Eobard smugly nonchalantly threw the tiny screwdriver onto the desk. He picked up a different on. “I gotta tell you, Allen, using Savitar's suit, it's a smart idea.”

Barry tilted his head to his daughter. “It was hers.”

Eobard gave her a hard look. His eyes flickered towards you then turned around. “Clever girl.” You picked up an odd indication in his tone. The speedster narrowed his eyes at the tech as he ignited it, illuminating in his hands to signal its functioning aspect. On the monitor, the four of you noticed that the other Barry was coming to consciousness. Eobard inhaled silently. “Oops.” Eobard swiveled his body around to hand them the piece of tech. “Gotta go.” Barry narrowed his eyes, quiet hatred behind them as he took the tech from his nemesis. “I still look forward to seeing how this all pans out. Nora. Kitten, make sure they see their way out,” Eo glanced at you one last time before speeding away in a torrent of red-lightning to the Time Vault. The three of you watched as the villainous speedster reclaimed his rightful place, crossing his legs once more. An analytical look across his features.

You spoke before the two speedsters sped away in a torrent of lightning. “Cicada’s the one with the lightning-shaped dagger, the one that glows ominously? Heartless eyes? Breathing problems?”

“Yeah? How did you…?” Nora trailed off. Barry figured that your powers were still manifesting themselves and it seems that their run back in time has triggered sporadic post-cognitive images to be revealed through certain key words.

“It doesn’t matter how-,”

“Your powers are still developing,” Barry interjected, pocketing the tech safely. “It seems that our visit has amplified what you can do. Let’s just what it doesn’t shift anything else”

He knows about my powers… Right, time travel. “Just be safe. I-I don’t know too much and I’m not sure what the future holds, but whatever trouble you two have run into just be cautious. Not for me, but for the ones you love. The past will always have some sort of domino effect to the future. I may not be able to time travel, but Eobard has taught me a thing or two about it.” You stopped, looking off to the side while rubbing your arm. “Barry?”

“Hmm?”

“Just answer me this one thing.”

“… It depends.”

“I know, timeline and speedster stuff. But…” You took a breath in, “Is he safe?” The speedster avoided your eyes. You swallowed thickly, moving your gaze to Nora. “Does he live?” She opened her mouth a fraction, moved by the desperation evident in your eyes

“I can’t answer that.” Barry whispered without hesitation, an alien emotion behind those eyes, replacing the kindness and warmth the Barry you knew had. It was bitter. “Nora, it’s time to go back to the night it all began.” Barry flashed away to the pipeline. Nora remained.

“I’m sorry,” She whispered, your body felt numb at the absence of answers. You turned back to the monitor, running both hands through your hair before picking up a spare tool and frustratingly throwing it at the wall. Picking up the tablet once more, you ran some algorithms and diagnostics privately on your powers as you made you way to the Time Vault.

Eobard’s head perked up in question at your entrance. He remained seated catching your troubled look. You only whispered, “We need to talk after this is over,” before leaning against the wall and tapping at the screen of your tablet. He hadn’t missed the embittered look in your eyes, the prominent frown on your face. A peculiar emotion hidden behind those lovely eyes of yours when the speedster had been so accustomed to seeing lights and twinkling of stars within your irises.

Eobard rubbed his wrist as he attained messy hair due to Barry and Nora’s revelations. You speculated he had been running his hands through it in thought as he tried to decipher the truth and what his next plan of action would be. King vs King. Eobard and Barry. It was a dangerous game and it’s clear that Team Flash are Barry’s pieces to move while Iris was by his side. From the future’s perspective. But you… at this point, you hazard a thought of what Eobard saw of you as. Queen… or Pawn. Pursing your lips, you shoved those thoughts away as your mind reminded you of all you and he had gone through since he had revealed himself and his truth to you. But right now, you were feeling so conflicted and insecure at how everything would play out. He promised to take me home with him… That we could start a life together. I don’t want to be used up and thrown away again. I’m tired of being broken and alienated.

The restrained Barry shifted once more in abrupt confusion as he found himself slumped against the cool metal of Eobard’s motorized wheelchair. A prop to his act. His mind felt foggy and arms felt heavy, particularly his right hand. You stopped tapping and eyed him indifferently because you really had no idea how to feel, but you realized you need to be cautious with how you act and what you say until you and Eobard clear things up from earlier events.

Barry’s eyes darted rapidly to the seated, smirking speedster in front of him then to you then to the metacuffs before lingering back to Harrison. The Scarlet Speedster assessed the guarded expression on your face. You saw this Barry feign confusion, eyebrows raised as he eyed the metacuffs and Dr. Wells. You cracked your neck as Eobard did a little hand-wave gesture to Barry. The young speedster looked baffled, probably at getting caught, as he opened and closed his mouth.

“Now, who are you?”

[purble-turble]

Hi there! First of all I've barely interacted here, but I just wanted to tell you that it's always nice to see you and your followers talk a lot about the AU's and how there's different versions and all of that. Storytelling and how we interact with it holds a lot of fascination to me, so I'm very happy reading all of that. Second, do you happen to have a way to start your AU? Cause I'll be honest, I'm a bit lost with everything hahaha. Still, I hope you have a nice day!

I’m so glad you’re enjoying it! I’m having a ton of fun with everyone coming up with these ideas together. Anyone is welcome to send stuff whether they want to be on anon or not is totally fine 👍

As for your question, I guess the way I like to handle it is through focusing on understanding the characters and their motivations to start with. Once I have that basically down, it’s much easier to consider how they would behave in any given situation that someone could prompt me with. Also a lot of times a story or plot idea will just spring up from something smaller like a piece of dialogue or a particular scene that would be fun or interesting to include, and I ask myself ok what would it take for this character to get into a position where they would do or say this? That’s what’s most fun for me: studying the characters and their interactions and trying to come to a conclusion that makes for an interesting story in that way.

Something I’ve noticed has been helpful in my pursuit of studying characters is acting. I did a lot of plays and acting as a kid just for fun, and by pretending to be someone else it helps me consider other peoples’ feelings more easily. I still find myself mouthing the lines from shows I like, trying to get a feel for how the character must have been feeling in that moment and then dissecting why. I don’t know if there’s any science to it or anything, but it’s something I like to do for fun and I feel like it’s helped me.

The last thing I consider when I write out ideas is the theme. Does this thing I’m writing match the theme or tone of the story I’m trying to tell? If I’m rewriting an episode for a specific AU, I like to consider how the moral or wrap up of the canon episode would be affected by what I’m changing. If it’s changing a lot, I’d like to think of a new theme for that episode to revolve around.. if it’s NOT changing enough, then I want to alter my version of the episode so it can either wrap up in the same way or have my own twist on that same moral that was trying to be imparted. In the case of the Demon King Red AU, the focus of the story is that Red is obsessed and possessive and the overall tone is dark. Obviously there is content I’ve put out that doesn’t quite fit these specifications, which is why this is the last consideration for my writing. Sometimes an idea comes to you that you’re too attached to to worry about the overall tone of it, and that’s totally fine too. I just bring it up because I like consistency in my writing and in the content I consume. I feel like it’s a good practice to not have your story yo yo back and forth between angst and fluff too much if you can help it.

I hope that helps and wasn’t too rambley.. and honestly the most important thing I can recommend when it comes to writing or creating AUs is to just read. Read read read read read everything you can. The more you read other peoples’ work the more your brain can process the tropes and writing styles that get used a lot and before you know it those things will just come naturally to you because you’ve seen so much of it..... just make sure you remember where you got your ideas from. I know I’m guilty of thinking of a cool scene and realizing later that oh wait this is from that other thing I read ages ago OOPS. But that’s just to do with my terrible memory more than anything else :U

[purplesurveys]

1161

 survey by pichu4850

What color do you think of when I say...

Anger? Red, or a really bright red-orange.

Confusion? Gray.

Inspiration? Sky blue. Both word and color give off calming vibes to me.

Shy? Something like an off-white shade, and maybe even pastel pink.

Agony? Olive green was the first color to come to mind, though I have no idea why.

Sleep? Dark blue, like the night sky.

Chipper? Yellow.

Beautiful? Red, the way roses are.

Morning? Light blue or yellow.

Would you rather be named...

Andrea or Aimee? Andrea.

Emily or Erica? Emily. I know an Erycka that I’m not too fond of, so this is an easy pass.

Kelsey or Casey? Casey, though I’d mix up my name a bit and have it be pronounced and spelled as Cassie.

Madeleine or Marina? Eh, not really a fan of either but I’d mos likely go for Madeleine.

Alec or Aaron? Alec.

Ryan or Ross? Not a fan of both names as well though I’d probably go with Ryan, but only as a feminine name.

Dylan or Daniel? Dylan.

Jack or Jordan? I guess Jack, if I have to pick.

Gabriel or Gavin? Gabriel.

How often do you...

Brush your teeth? Once or twice a day.

Eat breakfast? Twice a week, during weekends; though sometimes I’ll end up skipping it for an entire week altogether.

Check your email? I literally never check my personal email anymore after having gotten hired, but I know I should quit that habit and check it every once in a while just in case an intriguing opportunity might come my way. My work email is a different story; I have to use it everyday. I open my emails even during weekends so that when I report to my shift on Monday, my Gmail won’t look as clogged.

Go to the mall? When quarantine protocols loosened up a bit I used to go either on Saturdays or Sundays for some me time as well as some much-needed time away from the house, for the sake of my mental health and sanity. But now that we’re going through another surge in cases, no one’s allowed to go out again and malls are back to just keeping the essential stores open.

Go to the beach? A few times a year, at least before the pandemic. I haven’t been to the beach since 2019.

Play card games? Only happens once in a blue moon, when I get together with friends and someone happens to bring a deck of cards. This isn’t a usual occurrence with any of my friend groups, though.

Have at least 20 minute phone calls? Never. I have 20-minute Google Meet and Zoom calls instead.

Paint your nails? They are never painted.

Wish you were happier? Every now and then.

Did you ever want to be...

A veterinarian? Yes, when I was younger. I once stumbled upon an interview with a horse vet on one of my kid’s almanacs and thought what they did was so cool.

An astronaut? Yup, definitely became a big obsession of mine at one point in my childhood. I still think it would be cool to go to outer space and should the opportunity ever become accessible in my lifetime, I wouldn’t want to miss out on it.

An artist? Not really. I knew from the get go I wasn’t meant to be one.

A school teacher? I would guess yes, but I definitely wasn’t as interested in teaching compared to being an astronaut or like a firefighter.

A housewife? Lmfao yeah. This was the answer I would give when I was like 8 up until I was probably 10 and I knew it stressed out my Asian mother big time. My grandpa got a kick out of it, though.

A firefighter? Yes. This was up there with astronaut.

A princess? Not so much.

A lawyer? I definitely considered law for a brief period, but it was already during my latter college years. There wasn’t enough time to mull over it. But hearing all the law school horror stories from my friends kind of made me relieved I didn’t push through with it; I knew I wasn’t passionate enough about law to want to go through all the hardships that come with law school, so I was fine letting that dream go, and still am.

A doctor? This was never a dream of mine.

Would you consider yourself...

Materialistic? Yes.

Pessimistic? It comes out occasionally, but I don’t think it’s a main trait of mine that people would generally see me as.

Avoidant? Not so much. I can be shy and anxious sometimes but I get over it at some point.

Sarcastic? Only occasionally. I wouldn’t say I speak the language.

Talkative? Definitely not. I hate being in the spotlight, and whenever it’s my turn to share a story or talk in a group I usually have the tendency to rush through it or make it as short as possible so as to return the spotlight on someone else. I’ve always been more of a listener.

Strange? Maybe not strange but weird to an extent?

Intelligent? I guess in some ways.

Lucky? In some ways I am, but I also got handed the short end of the stick in other contexts.

In the next twenty-four hours, will you...

Talk to someone you care about? Probably. I talk to at least one friend a day.

Go to work? Yep, I’ll finally be going back to work since the Holy Week break is over. My workaholic self felt kinda unsettled with all the free time, so I’m actually kinda relieved.

Go to school? I’m not in school anymore.

Be in a different city? Nope, it’ll be working from home for me like usual. We were initially allowed to book visits to the office if we really needed to go there to pack some goodies and stuff, but because of re-heightened Covid protocols our admin has once again prohibited anyone to go there for the meantime.

Read a book? I highly doubt it. I haven’t read any in months.

Watch a movie? Nope. It’ll be a Monday coming from a 4-day break, so it will be incredibly busy tomorrow as there would be a lot to catch up on.

Go to a dentist/orthodontist appointment? No, I won’t.

Do your laundry? My parents probably will seeing as our hamper was nearly full the last time I checked.

True or False: Family...

I have two brothers or more. I only have one brother.

My mom lives with me. This is technically true but isn’t phrased right in my case. I’m currently living with my parents.

My grandparent(s) live with me. No, we moved out of our duplex (where I did use to live with my grandparents) well over a decade ago.

I have half-siblings. Don’t have any.

I am the oldest in my family. Eldest child, that is.

I am an only child. I have two other siblings.

I have 15 cousins I can name off the top of my head. Easily. My first cousins are less than 15 in total, but I know a good number of my second and third cousins as well so this is a cakewalk.

The nearest Aunt or Uncle lives less than an hour away from me. The aforementioned duplex we moved out of is just at the next village; we didn’t move too far so that we can continue visiting them.

True or False: Food...

I am allergic to chocolate. I’m not, fortunately. I’m not crazy about chocolate but I’d be pretty miserable if I could never have it either.

I like vegetables more than fruit. Infinitely more, hahaha. I hate fruits.

I have tried pizza dipped in ranch sauce. Ranch isn’t a very common dressing where I’m from, so it’s not usually offered in restaurants. Given the chance, though, I’d definitely try my pizza with ranch at least once.

I've never eaten kiwi fruit. True, but then again I’ve never eaten most fruits and don’t plan to.

I love junk food.

I love to try new food.

Ketchup goes best with fries (chips). I don’t like ketchup and barely put it on anything.

I like fried rice. I haven’t met an Asian who doesn’t like fried rice.

I can prepare dinner for myself (using a stove or oven).

I hate sushi.

How many...

Pairs of shoes do you have? A little over 10, maybe? I don’t feel like counting in my head rn.

Songs do you have on your music player? I don’t have a music player anymore.

Hours of sleep did you get last night? Around 4.

Times have you had alcohol? Like, ever since I started drinking when I was 18? I never kept track lmao but if I would guess, maybe around 50-60 times? I’m not a regular drinker; I drink probably once or twice a month at most.

Books have you read/started reading in the past month? None.

Windows in your house/apartment are open? I know my parents and sister have their windows open at the moment, so that’s 2. Mine are usually open as well, but I’ve turned on my aircon so I’ve closed them for the night.

Pets do you have? 2.

Kids do you have/want to have? I’d cut it off a a maximum of 3 kids, but having just 1 would already be so nice.

Minutes does it take to get from your home to school or work? I work from home, but in the two times I went to the actual office it took anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour.

Have you ever...

Spilled a cup of grape juice on the carpet? I don’t think I’ve ever even encountered grape juice in my entire life.

Played spin the bottle? I don’t think I’ve ever played this. My friends and I usually resort to truth or dare.

Played Twister? Yes, and there are many fond memories that come with it as well. So when I was 7 years old I befriended Katreen, and her mom and mine hit it off instantly so they started this arrangement where every Friday, her mom picked me and my sister up from school along with Katreen and her sisters, and we’d stay for several hours at their place until my mom would pick us up. Her mom was an amazing host and every week we’d play Twister, watch Pokemon, read books together, etc; anything to keep us comfortable and entertained.

Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to be doing? It’s bound to happen every now and then.

Walked out of a movie because it was horrible? I’ve gotten this feeling a few times but I always stayed in my seat because I paid for the damn ticket.

Given the finger to someone on the street? Oh most definitely, as well as drivers passing by. And it’s always been towards men that are being disgusting pigs.

Been so sad/angry that you started laughing? Sure.

Been in a wedding? Yes, but I only got invited as a kid since I was usually picked to be one of the flower girls. I haven’t been to a family wedding since 2007.

Been in a situation where you almost died? Probably not died but almost substantially injured, sure.

Misc...

Are you stressing out about anything right now? Just worried about the deluge of tasks that will inevitably come at me tomorrow but knowing how easygoing my bosses are, I know I’ll be able to ease up soon enough.

Do you think before acting or act before thinking? I used to be the latter but I now see the importance of first considering possible consequences of or how others would be affected by my actions.

Do you act upon your emotions and instinct, or logic and reasoning? Again, I used to be one of these, this time the former. Now that I’m at a much more stable and peaceful place in my life I try not to let my emotions get the best of me.

What are some personality traits you find appealing in a potential partner? I had a number of negative experiences in my last relationship so forgive me for scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to my expectations lmaaaao – I’d love for someone to be sensitive to my needs and feelings, and for them to be able to own up to their mistakes or hurtful habits and know how to apologize and be open to changing if it’s for their self-improvement.

How have you changed as a person in the last 5 years? I tolerate less bullshit now. I think I’ve also grown to be happier and a lot more stable, emotionally. I also have a better sense of what I want out of life and where I want to be, and I’ve also learned to be more sociable and open up to people.

If you could do anything you wanted right this moment, what would it be? Order sushi :(

Is there anyone you can totally relax and be yourself around? Yes, that’s what my friends are for. If I can’t feel comfortable around my friends, I’d view that as a problem.

Did you ever wanted to say something to someone, didn't, and regretted it? No.

Are you scared about the future? I’m scared of the idea of not meeting some of my goals, like having a family; but I’m also excited about what the future could bring me.

[pacificwanderer]

This is a complete crack anon post, but... every time I see a GIF of Ben from TLJ turning around shirtless, I have the Diet Coke Break commercial (available on YouTube but I can't include a link) from the 90s playing in my head. Tell me that Rey wasn't one of those women gawking at him before she turned her head. I dare you. :D

LOLLLLLLLLLLLL

It’s been a while since I last thought of that commercial. Readslike a modern fanfic AU. In case anyone has no idea which commercial this is, here’s a video.It’s probably the most 90s thing I’ve seen in a while hahaha but hey, nice tocater to that female gaze a bit.

I remember thinking this commercial was so dumb when I was a kidHAHAHA NOW I’m like, shit I want a diet coke.

Ahahaha this made me laugh and inspired me haha.

Up on Ao3 for housekeeping purposes (I don’t trust this site notto delete my work). Best read while listening to this song by Selena.

Thanks for the ask, Nonnie! Cheers.

 ~~~~ 

“What are you staring at?” Rose whispers in her ear, which scaresthe absolute shit out of Rey.

“Me? What? Nothing. What are youstaring at?” she sputters.

Rose rolls her eyes. “Save it. You really thought you could keep ‘Mr.Hot Construction Guy With a Shirt Problem’ to yourself?”

“No, but I kind of hoped to,” Rey replied. “But I’ll share himwith you, and only you. Tell anyone else, and you’re dead to me, Tico.”

“Deal. Lunchbreak time starting now?”

“Looks like it,” Rey murmurs, words trailing off as he comes into view. Construction has been going on for what feelslike forever on the building next to them, but Rey won’t complain. She’s beentaking her breaks early for months just to keep catching a glimpse of the devastatinglyhot construction worker in the lot next to her office.

Selena’s I Could Fall In Love plays softly somewhere in theoffice as Rey stares while he sits, legs spread, sandwich in hand, as he eats.It really is so unfair that someone she didn’t even know could have such animpact on her life, especially considering the main show had yet to start forher.

At first, he didn’t take his shirt off. At first, he just satthere on the rigging, long legs dangling in the air, as he ate his lunch andread. Same book for months, looked like a doozy, and Rey had stopped just shortof getting some binoculars to find out what book it was so she could read ittoo.

Because that would be weird and obsessive and she was definitelyjust taking her lunch break at the same time, every day, in the same spot,because it was a cosmic coincidence and not because she wanted to keep watchingthe hot construction worker from afar. Not like she didn’t have a thing for tall,dark, and handsome, or anything.

Not like it hadn’t been forever since she’d last been out on adate. And, really, who needed dates when you had your own construction workerto lust—erm, lunch date with?

He was tall. So so tall in those work boots, but he moved with akind of grace that could only come after many, many years of working inprecarious situations. He didn’t seem to notice the danger, but he definitelynoticed the change in weather. As spring moved into summer, his flannel wasstripped away to reveal t-shirts that were just a tiny bit too small for him.

Which was convenient for Rey because she’d been trying to decidewhether it was the outline of his abs against the fabric or a trick of herimagination—it was his abs. Definitely. She could see that now.

Until that fateful day came. It was an unseasonably warm day, sohot that even Rey had foregone her normal pantsuit in favor of something alittle lighter and breezier. She’d taken up watch at her normal lunch spot,casually leaning and watching while trying not to look like she was casuallyleaning and watching but then it happened.

He stalked over to his spot, big feet striking against the beam ashe effortlessly balanced that big, broad body. T-shirt today with his workpants—white,thin. Hardhat—horrifically orange, which is the first thing to go. Lunchbox andsoda—probably a Diet Coke. He runs his fingers through his hair before sitting,but it wasn’t necessary. Hat or not, his hair is stupidly and unfairly perfect.

It was like clockwork. He’d eat his sandwiches—sometimes subs,sometimes what looked like pastrami, always two—an apple, break into his sodaand down the entire can in one go before turning to his book.

It was almost Diet Coke time, so Rey popped the tab on hers, andpressed it to her lips. Definitely not because she was imagining what it wouldfeel like to press against his lips. No, of course not. She also definitelyhadn’t picked up a Diet Coke habit either because of him. Of course not. He didn’teven know that she existed, so the idea that she’d do anything because of himwas laughable. She was laughable—her life was laughable—but at least shehad a nice view.

Rey looked away for a moment, contemplating all the ways in whichher life sucked as she sipped from her Diet Coke before she turned back to lookout the window and very nearly spat her soda out. He was sitting there, justlike always, but now his shirt was off. Definitely not like always.

Rey took a hard swallow and nearly choked on her drink as her mindreeled. He was stupid fucking ripped, just casually sitting there, ruining herlife with those broad shoulder and visible pecs. His arm flexed as he slowly liftedthe soda to his lips and Rey had never wanted to be a soda can more in herlife.

She sat, mouth open, eyes glued, pulse racing, as she watched. Shestopped short of leaning against the glass, but it was a challenge. HotConstruction Guy rolled his neck and stretched, almost as if he knew she waswatching, before reaching for his book, but instead of sitting and having aread, like always, he shifted around.

Legs spread on either side of the beam, he leaned back, book inhand over his head, as he lay and read in the sun. Rey looked around as if shewasn’t eating lunch alone and could ask someone whether her mind was playingtricks on her. It was not. He was laying there, sun shining down on hispale skin, as he read on his lunch break.

Shirtless. A little sweaty. Gleaming, even. Okay, glistening. Itwas unfair. Absolutely unfair. Could he see her? Did he know? Was there a god?Should she be embarrassed? Was this real? Rapid-fire questions ran through hermind until she settled, took a sip of her soda, and just stared.

Rey couldn’t be certain, but she thought it must have qualifiedfor one of the best days of her life. And then it happened again. And again.And again. And basically every day the sun was out and high in the sky.

Sometimes, he’d absently brush sweat from his neck or, evenbetter, his chest, while reading and Rey would imagine how it felt to be alittle bead of that sweat, pearling against his bright skin before drippingslowly before drawing his attention. There were all sorts of things she’d liketo do to him. Slowly. Sliding down the length of his big body just likethose obscene little drops of sweat.

Sometimes, he’d run his fingers through that dark, shaggy hair, andRey would wonder whether it was soft, or kind of coarse from the elements. Or whatit would feel like when she pulled him in for a kiss. Did he like having hishair touched? Would he like having his hair touched by her?

And then reality would set in, he’d finish his break, she’d finishher peanut butter and jam sandwich, and go back to work.

She debated going to talk to him, but what was she going to say? “Hi,I’ve been staring at you during your lunch break for months and, also, are yourmuscles as hard as they look?” Yeah, sure. And besides, the rest of the constructioncrew were kind of lewd to the office girls whenever they walked by and that wasthe last thing she wanted to voluntarily deal with. But watching? From afar? Noone could be disappointed by a hot man from afar, especially a hot man who likedto take his shirt off.

The weather started to change, and as summer rolled into fall, theflannel returned—except for those rare, unseasonably hot days where his shirtwas off, and Rey was all hot and bothered under he oversized pantsuit. Reyloved those days. But she also appreciated hot construction guy in flannel too.She contained multitudes.

A few weeks into September, Rey got a nasty case of the flu and wasoff work for nearly a week which was terrible because her benefits didn’t coversick days, so it meant working overtime for the foreseeable future. But theworst part, the absolute worst part? She misses her daily lunch breaks, whichmakes he feel almost as terrible as the flu.

Back at work and still a bit under the weather, she slips into theoffice, waves to Rose who is typing away, before immediately coming to a fullshop about six feet from her desk.

There. There is something on her desk. Something she’d only everseen through the panes of a window.

Big. Thick. Dark. And sitting right on her desk. She’d have knownthat book anywhere, evenif she didn’t know the title. Rey stalks closer to her desk, mistrusting herown eyes until it is in her hands—solid, heavy, well-read. The edges of thepages have been worried so much that she knows he’s read this story more thanonce.

Rey takes a look at the cover and cannot believe what she sees.The title stares back at her and she realizes she’s underestimated just howfucking hot this construction guy really is.

Wuthering Heights. Gothic romance. He’s been readinga gothic romance, over and over so frequently that the pages are worn. Howcould he be any more attractive to her? He was literally reading one of herfavorite novels and for some reason had left it on her desk.

Rey quickly snatches the book up and thumbs though the pages. Theysmell a little bit like gasoline, leather, and book—probably from being on theworksite. She realizes quite quickly that he must smell similar, and thethought overwhelms her so much that she has to take a seat at her desk.

“Fuck,” she whispers and Rose chuckles without looking upfrom her typewriter.

“He came by the other day,” she says while typing along.

“He came by? To see me?” Rey squeaks.

Rose fixes her glasses before answering and Rey just knows she’sdrawing out her answer to drive her nuts. “I didn’t see him come in, but Kaydeltook the book and the note for you—says he was really polite and kind of soft spoken,and dusty, totally dusty.”

“There’s a note?” Rey stammers.

“Oh yeah, she stuck it in the first page. I read it because I’m asnoop—nice penmanship too…” Rose says something else about big hands andtalents, but the blood is pumping so hard in Rey’s ears that she can’t hear athing.

There’s a fucking note and now I have to read it! She canbarely make her hands work as she flips to the front page. A piece of paper slipsout and falls onto her desk.

It has her name on it. He knows her name.

“How does he—?” Rey starts, but Rose interrupts.

“Know your name? Apparently, he’s come in before to ask about you.First time he left anything though.”

“And Kaydel didn’t think to tell me?”

Rose shakes her head. “It wasn’t Kaydel that took the messages—heralternate, Hux. And you know he’d just be jealous. So, are you going toread it, or just let it sit there forever?”

Rey takes a deep breath, and the letter flutters a little as she breathesout. “Okay. It’s fine, right? Only a letter from the guy I’ve been staring atthrough the window for months. Totally fine, right?”

 Dear Rey,

 We’re putting up the wall, so we won’t be able to take our normallunch date together for much longer. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to getcoffee? But maybe not. I had to try. Couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing youthrough the window any longer.

 No pressure. I’ll wear a shirt. Maybe Sarge’s Deli? The pastramiis out of this world.

 Call me?

Ben

 “His name is Ben,” Rey murmurs as Rose nods while watching herreaction. He’d also left his phone number on the paper, which meant she couldactually call him and not just stare at him from her office.

“I think he took his shirt off to get my attention,” Rey marvels.

Rose nods sagely. “I’m beginning to get that impression too. Ben,though? Little name for a whole lotta man. Gonna call him?”

“I don’t know? Should I? He’s known that I’ve been watching him! Thisis so embarrassing!”

Rose rolls her eyes. “Look, hot construction guy just gave you a handwritteninvitation to get to know you town, and you’re worried about looking dumb?He has been watching you too, you know?”

“When you put it that way…”

“Call him. Go out for lunch. See how things go. Tell me all aboutit—spare no details. And then you can thank me later.”

“Thank you for what?”

“For covering for your ass when you come back late from lunch.”

“You really are the best. I don’t deserve you,” Rey starts, butRose waves her off.

“I am and you do. Just do one thing for me?”

“What?”

A devious grin worked its way onto Rose’s face as she demanded, “Lemmeknow whether his lips taste like Diet Coke.”

Rey blushed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

And she was definitely, definitely, going to do her best tofind that out for herself.

[shinneth]

Well in that case, let’s have 10-15 as well! It’s hard picking stuff that’s not already been revealed, you’ve done a hell of a job building the GA universe.

Hahaha, very good point! I have exploited the hell out of them. And I anticipate future exploitation will follow! And thankfully, these questions are much, much trickier to answer. So between this and the wrestling-watching commitments, this took me more than a day to compile~! But that’s a good thing since it was ultimately thought-provoking and I may or may not have stumbled upon a concept or two to utilize somewhere down the line.

10. What two songs, two books, and two luxury items do they take to a desert island?

(my literal-minded self is assuming this is one item each; it’s also the crueler of the two interpretations, which is fitting)

At first I thought I’d have to force my mindset away from GAverse since this kind of set-up wouldn’t naturally happen unless Steven and Peridot really wanted to challenge themselves... then the movie happened and now there’s actually a very convenient way this could happen without GA Peridot trivializing this!

(of course, I’m uncultured trash, so the music and books make this the most challenging bit...) 

Peridot is bringing her goddamn tablet, of course. Even without wifi, she can at least continue logging events the old-fashioned way... and this is one damn scenario where a daily log would be useful. At least until the battery runs out on that. Though I wouldn’t put it past Peridot to find a way to create a stable power source for that sucker. Making a lifeline for her tech would be Peridot’s #1 priority that isn’t related to keeping Steven safe and sound. :P She could also manipulate the metal in it to access hard-to-reach resources, if at a limited capacity. 

I see Steven bringing an instrument, namely that damned ukulele. Simple mind, simple needs, and of course he’ll just see this scenario as an opportunity to actually teach Peridot some proper music lessons.

Music and books are where it really gets tricky. For books, Peridot’s getting something practical. So of course she’ll bring Lord of the Flies and claim that’s her guidebook to survival on a desert island. Steven is more for sentiment and bring that Sailor Moon manga we’ve seen him keep around in his room. Sailor Moon (the manga especially) is full of romance, so that suits his priorities perfectly, lol. 

Similar case can be said for music: Steven will opt for a nice, mood-setting romantic song while Peridot brings the most loudest and obnoxious music known to her. Because logically, music like that stands the greatest chance in drawing outside attention so they’ll be rescued! 

Peridot might be more lax about the ordeal if there’s steady food and water for Steven to survive off of; otherwise I see her largely panicking about being stranded in an environment where resources Steven needs to live on are finite.

(I’ll admit, I got the idea of Peridot and Steven doing a duet of this song (which I bet would sound way better with their VAs) while in this situation...)

11. What do they hide from one another?

Now it’s GA Steven’s turn to trivialize the scenario! It’s officially nigh-on impossible for Peridot to hide one goddamned thing from Steven from GA3 onward... not that Peridot was ever that good at hiding shit from Steven to begin with.

In fact, a certain Post-GA story proved the only things Peridot truly can hide from Steven are secrets even she isn’t aware of, such as how exactly she first met Jasper and Lapis. The only reason Peridot was good at keeping that hidden from Steven was due to it being so traumatic that she made herself forget it in order to live with herself and move forward. So really, memories like that are the only things GA Peridot can hide from Steven at this point. There might still be a repressed memory or two, but overall she’s nearly out of stuff she could realistically withhold. 

Outside GA, I feel like Homeworld has always been far more awful than it’s been made out to be, and Peridot would be the one who best knows just how awful life there can be. So if she’s hiding anything from Steven and has any prayer of keeping it that way long-term, it’s going to be the hell she used to have in her former life, or possibly the things she had to do to survive in said life. Of course she’ll still go out of her way to hide her insecurities and inferiority complex from Steven, but it’s practically a guarantee she won’t be able to keep that hidden for long. 

Steven... is only slightly better about this. The fact that both suck at lying and maintaining a poker face, as brought up last time, really shoots him in the foot here. So I think I can answer for GA and regular headcanon in one go with him: anything related to Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz that Peridot hasn’t already learned about is probably gonna be stuff Steven keeps to himself about. He values Peridot so much as one of the only gems that has virtually no bias one way or the other about his mom, so the last thing Steven wants to do is fill Peridot’s head with the same “propaganda”, so to speak, that he and the rest of his friends have had drilled in their own heads for most of their lives.

Additionally more for GA, I think Steven possibly has more commentary about Peridot’s past life that he hasn’t already shared with her... but he’s going out of his way not to dredge up those old times. Especially when the Homeworld refugees will already be doing that for him on a daily basis (which logically would be why Steven would still be thinking about those times at all). After all the dirty laundry Steven has aired out in Peridot’s presence, I think he’d be keen on keeping anything still unsaid about their pasts/origins/heritage to himself solely for his girlfriend’s benefit. After all, Peridot being a uniquely fucked-up gem is still a pretty new concept that she’s still trying to adjust to. So Spinel’s gonna be a fun little addition to their lives in more ways than one!

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

Hm, tricky to answer for GA, since it feels like they’re already at the “serious” phase of the relationship in these Post-GA stories. Realistically, though, Steven and Peridot are gonna have their hands full being the Era 3 centerpieces and have very limited time for dating or other romantic shenanigans. 

Plus, the workload stressed these two out to the point that within 3 or 4 months in, they already tried going all the way despite both of them knowing they were being morons for resorting to that this soon. And consequently, as my most recent story confirms, they fucked up not only their first time, but also their reputation among their circle of friends... which consequently gave the two even less time to be together. 

Taking that into consideration, it’s probably safe to say Steven and Peridot won’t even have the time to officially keep their relationship a steady one until Era 3 stabilizes. That said, by the following year when Steven turns 17, they should officially be in the “serious” phase considering they’ll be ready to really go all the way. And the first change made when it gets serious is either going to be a demand to the Crystal Gems to give them daily private time - or even better - Steven and Peridot get their own shared bedroom. I actually like that one more.

Otherwise, GAverse aside, I think the change that signifies Steven and Peridot getting serious... hmm. I kinda like the concept that they independently get the idea to propose taking their relationship to the next level and surprise each other when they unknowingly spring that announcement at the same time, having made each other a trinket of some kind for each other to mark the occasion. Then like dorks, they’ll announce this to the rest of the Crystal Gems and they’ll be like “uh yeah we saw this coming a mile away, dumbasses, congrats”. 

I also like the idea of Peridot being more self-conscious of her appearance when the relationship becomes more serious, which makes her a little obsessive and experimental with things like outfits, accessories... and god forbid, make-up. Of course, Steven won’t care about any of that... but that won’t make Peridot any less determined to look the part of a serious girlfriend!

13. When do they realize they should get together?

Definitely already a done deal in the GAverse as of Act III, Chapter 5. Had events played out differently, they would’ve officially been an item since the end of Act I. However, Steven coming back for Peridot even after she had given up hope of ever being rescued and being the one to fix her mind after White Diamond fucked it up royally - not to mention accepting her identity as Chartreuse, not giving a damn that she’s an abomination of scientific fuckery, or even that Peridot betrayed her friends (largely against her will, granted) - that makes for a more poignant moment when Steven tells Peridot that even after all the fuck-ups she’s made in Act III, that he still considers them boyfriend-girlfriend, and so should she.

So, thinking out of the box is trickier since we still have only a bare-bones grasp of what all’s happened in the time gap between seasons. Honestly, the most logical time for them to realize they should hook up should’ve been when Connie shunned Steven while Lapis abandoned Peridot. At the very least, any episode post-Raising the Barn should’ve been a golden opportunity for Steven and Peridot to realize how much they really love each other. 

And since the movie was annoyingly heavy-handed with the Connvese teases with virtually no Stevidot interaction while season 6 as a whole is a still giant ? ... then it’s a matter of blindly grasping at straws to think when else they should hook up. We know they’re due for a bonding moment at some point in season 6, though. Hopefully it’s not about Lapis, but if it isn’t, I suspect it might have involve fusion... and I still like the headcanon of Peridot only being able to fuse with Steven due to being an Era 2. Not just an Era 2, but a type of gem that logically should never have a reason to fuse since peridots are not meant to fight. Their limb enhancers give them a means for self-defense, but that’s it. But some exclusivity with the fusion - plus Steven being the one to reassure Peridot that she’s not inadequate as a teammate (I imagine even in 2 years, she’s likely to be the weakest Crystal Gem). 

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

Welp! I guess for gems I’ll have to think of some kind of equivalent (I guess chipped/cracked/destabilized/corrupted... ooooor what’s expected of Peridot to deal with once she’s got buns in her oven?), but for Steven having the cold...

Well, whether it’s GA Peridot or Not-GA Peridot, they’ll behave similarly but one will have a much wider range of capabilities than the other. Not that this really means much for GA Peri in this field, since she has no real comprehension of what a human illness is like and therefore can’t just will Steven’s illness away. In both cases, Peridot would first seek help from the likes of Pearl, Greg, or Connie. If Peridot’s left to deal with this solely on her own, however, she’ll probably give Steven a thorough interview of every single little symptom he has, then use Google-Fu to get instructions that she’ll follow to the goddamn letter.

Hopefully she doesn’t come across an instruction worded in a way that she’ll interpret it in some other way entirely because she doesn’t understand the phrasing, because that could lead to chaos easily. 

In the meantime, she’d ask Steven like every other minute if he needs something unless he’s asleep. And since Peridot has no innate understanding of this phenomenon, she’ll relentlessly study Steven’s mannerisms, symptoms, and actions until she feels she’s achieved enlightenment. That, or Steven gets annoyed and tells her to cut it out... though she may argue she’s constantly staring at Steven like a creeper for educational purposes. 

She won’t leave his side regardless, though, and since she’s not at risk of catching his cold, Peridot’s of course going to snuggle with him all the same and volunteer to be his supplementary cushioning. 

If Peridot is ailing... depending on what it is, Steven will similarly ask Pearl and probably Garnet before doing anything on his own if they’re available to him. Google’s not gonna give him the info he needs, of course, so Steven’s got a bit of a tougher job in keeping Peri healthy. Then again, Steven’s a motherfucking healing saint, so whether he’s GAverse or not, Steven could easily trivialize this since he’s basically the show’s white mage. GA Steven will have the advantage of being able to read exactly how Peridot is feeling, so he won’t need to interrogate her to figure out the source of her pain/discomfort/illness. 

Of course, neither Steven would just observe her like a weirdo (like his girlfriend would, basically); he’d be right there for hugs and cuddles and wouldn’t dare leave Peridot’s side unless he really needs to use the bathroom. But even then he’d feel so guilty leaving her alone for even a second, so he’d rush it. 

Steven might even be corny enough to try chicken soup on Peridot. And of course if there’s buns in the oven, Steven will treat Preggerdot like absolute fucking royalty.

Bonus: Accurate video representation of how Steven and Peridot will interact when she’s in labor

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15. When they watch a film what do they choose and why? Who gets the final vote?

Something with good physical comedy; that way Peridot is more likely to get some entertainment out of it on a first viewing without having to ask Steven what the joke is while he explains it. 

For some reason, I was thinking Liar Liar.

undefined

Since Peridot and Steven are so painfully transparent when they try to lie, they’ll feel much better about themselves watching something like this! 

As for final vote, I think Steven would be the gentleman and let Peridot have the final vote. Peridot would likely think at least on some occasions that the final vote should go to Steven since he knows movies in general way better than she does (and therefore would have better overall judgment in what to pick), but Steven would just insist that he’s letting Peridot choose because since he trusts her instincts, she should, too. 

There’s always a coin toss if they end up in a stalemate. :P And this would apply both for regular canon and GAverse.

Much more challenging round this time! Love it! I’ll always invite more questions, though at this point I may need to find some more memes to reblog, fff... here’s the meme if anyone still wants to snag questions from it and ask me from here!

Feel free to pass this headcanon BS to your fellow Stevidot peoples! There’s no such thing as too much content for this blessed ship.

[mymelancholiesblues]

Just wondering, what your head canon for Leon's family?

Oh my god, I was planning to post this huge compilation of my RE Headcanons soon (starting with what I have for Leon) when I got your ask’s notification. Are you a mind reader? Hahaha. But really, thank you for providing me with a justification to start posting them.

I would like to please invite you to sit because I have plenty – honestly PLENTY – of things to share over this specific matter (Leon’s family). And, of course, to ask you to bear with me through them.

For anyone else whose interest might be picked over this: keep in mind that these are (obviously) my headcanons for Leon’s background and family and in no way is anyone else under the obligation to accept nor fully agree with them.

I wrote them down because I think A LOT about storytelling devices, stories structures, characterization and characters studies, world-building, fiction tropes, etc. and, since I’ve been a Resident Evil fan from age eight to this day, I also tend to spend a lot of time thinking about its characters – and the overall rest of its lore. Furthermore, as a way to help me write them in fanfictions or even in meta-analysis, I’m always thinking of what would make sense within these characters narratives and to their personalities.

Anyway. Back to Leon and his family!

There’s a very solid theory in RE Fandom that Raccoon City is set in Missouri. I really take this into account when I think about RE Characters because it helps me “placing them” before Raccoon, since not all of them were originally born/living there. Leon, for example, according to canon material, only decided to apply to be a police officer in Raccoon because “he was intrigued by the bizarre murders cases in Raccoon City” going in the news. 

Because of this, *my* Leon S. Kennedy:

– Was born in small Galena/Illinois. His parents moved to Chicago/IL when he was around 8;

– So, huge fan of the Chicago Bears (and the Chicago Bulls);

– Leon was lovingly raised by a very Catholic couple, Liliana and Isaac;

– Since Kennedy and Scott are, respectively, an Irish surname and a Scottish name and Leon is not an unusual name in Polish (check out about Polish Americans in Illinois and you’ll have a more proper comprehension of my thought process) and German cultures, I think Isaac would be a man of mixed Irish and Scottish heritage, and Liliana of Polish and German heritage;

– Although, his biological parents were actually Roberto (Italo-American punk) and Abigail, Liliana’s youngest sister;

– Robby was a drunken deadbeat, while Abbie was an airhead obsessively in love. Leon was conceived when they were both very young – his mom had sixteen and his dad eighteen;

– Liliana had three daughters (ages 10, 13 and 15) by then (1977), but she and Isaac always dreamed of having a little boy. They even tried to, but the attempts led to miscarriage after miscarriage, so when Abbie gave birth to Leon, the couple was pretty much devoted to their nephew, always visiting to see him and make sure he was properly being taken care of;

– Robby took note of all that and when Leon was only barely one year old, he packed his and Abbie’s stuff and imposed that he was leaving and that she should go with him, leaving the baby behind, telling her that surely Liliana would raise him as if he were hers;

– Indeed she did, albeit feeling distraught by her sister’s complete negligence;

– Isaac adored the boy, and Leon’s three cousins always treated him as their little brother;

– Also: Liliana decided she wanted to erase Abbie’s true connection to Leon, so she got rid of all the photographies that led to those deductions, leaving only the ones that showed baby Leon alone or the ones with the rest of his relatives, but not with his biological parents. Isaac never agreed with this, though. He believed that once Leon got older, he had the right to know his origins, believing that if their love for the boy was true he’d love them back and recognise their role in his life, so there was no need to lie. Thus, he kept a photo that featured Robby resting a hand in Abbie’s shoulder while she was breast-feeding Leon;

– Isaac was very ill when Leon was nearing his eighteenth birthday, and passed away just five months prior to Leon turning nineteen (Isaac was sixty-three years old by his time of death). Leon found that hidden photo after Isaac’s death since his dad left most of his personal belongings to Leon;

– Leon never confronted his mother on it, putting together two and two and realising his biological parents haven’t thought twice before abandoning him, so he shouldn’t bother with them either as he was raised in a genuinely loving and supportive family;

– As I said, Leon has three older sisters: Lydia (born 1962), Meryl (born 1964) and Olivia (born 1967). Two nephews from Lyds’ side, and a niece from Liv’s;

– Parents personalities: I picture Leon’s dad as a mixture of both Jonathan Kent (DC Comics) and Eddard Stark (ASoIaF). A firm, caring, kind, upfront and sincere man with high moral values, strong ethics and unwavering sense of justice, who valued honesty above all else and always believed in the best of people and in helping others, true to the “love your neighbour as yourself” commandment. Liliana was the more stern parent (especially with Lydia, always wanting and expecting her to set out a good example for her siblings), so I picture her as a fierce, proud and honest woman, passionately protective and supportive of her family, that dedicated herself entirely to whatever she put her mind into (domestic activities, city projects, EVERYTHING); 

– Lydia would be the “Patricia Arquette’s character in Boyhood (2014)” kind of woman. Kind-hearted, hardworking and amazing, but guilty as charged of the serious flaw of always being romantically involved with scumbags. A Geriatric Nurse, divorced twice, mother to Kilian and Luke – both kids from her first marriage;

– By the way, Kilian is a problem-child and Lucas is the emo kid. Leon has trouble dealing with both;

– On top of it, Leon have several difficulties dealing with Lydia. Being the most distant from him in age terms, Lydia always came off as a bit distant to and unnecessarily strict with him;

– Meryl is Leon’s lesbian best buddy. Confidant, a bit arrogant, always open to give advice, prone to bluntly point out faults in her loved ones and to get angry with Lydia. She graduated in architecture and is a state employee, working as an Urban Planner. Has cleaning OCD;

– Olivia is the sister Leon was closest to since it was with her he had the “smallest” age difference. Driven, headstrong, empathetic and an introvert, she’s actually the one who inspired him to join Law Enforcement and is now a detective in Massachusetts. Liv has a long-time relationship with Peter, whom she met during her childhood in school, and they have a daughter, Harriet (any coincidence with Olivia Dunham from Fringe (2008-2013) is on purpose since Olivia would be Leon’s perfect older sister, ok);

– Leon’s sense of humour takes much after his brother-in-law’s one, Peter, considering he spent a lot of time with him as he would be a frequent guest to their house;

– He fell in love for the first time when he was in middle school in his seventh grade with an eighth grade girl, Allison, who was an exceptionally good basketball player and would kick his ass in all the practice games;

– Allie has very evident native-American heritage, skin and eye colour, hair;

– It was Allie the long-time girlfriend who broke up with him right before Raccoon. She felt he was being distant even prior to his decision to be a cop in Raccoon City. In truth, what happened was that Leon feared his future being set stone too early in his life the way things were going. His wishes to have more agency over the shaping of his own destiny started driving him further and further away from Allie as he felt she was expecting their relationship to progress over time to the building of a family etc.;

– Meryl and Olivia both loved Allie and to this day they don’t get over the fact that Leon didn’t marry her;

– Leon unwillingly distanced himself from his sisters, though, only contacting them for birthday calls and holidays alike because of all of that government recruitment stuff and classified shit and also dealing with a heavy emotional load after surviving Raccoon;

– The only reason Hunnigan found out that Leon had living relatives was that Lydia called to give Leon the news of Liliana’s death in 2010 (by seventy-two years of age) on work-time. Leon, of course, was very shaken with the news;

– While Leon only knows what Ada herself lets him about her past, family, childhood and the circumstances that put her precisely where she is now, Ada knows everything there is to know about his past, family, childhood and the circumstances that placed him precisely where he is now because she’s very competent at her job and did her homework as a spy (this will die with her, but for countless times she fantasized about him confiding all of those mundane details of his life and backstory in her);

– I’m very convinced that in one of those nights Ada visited him for some hoochie coochie after like, six to eight months without seeing or talking to him at all, Leon had to break up the news that she came in in a bad time since he already planned for a Thanksgiving dinner with his sisters. Ada accepts the challenge because she’s been REALLY missing him (horny on main). Ah, and he’s quite upset with her because of that “six to eight months with no news at all” “little” issue. So, picture that. Please.

And that is all I have for “Leon’s family” headcanons. For now. As I warned: PLENTY. Hahahahaha, sorry! Hope this can provide some entertainment and delight to you.

[meshugana1]

So, my mom recently got a tattoo from this shady tattoo artist, it's these weird japanese characters that seem to say Dumb, anal-obsessed ganguro. And the tattoo seems to be growing. Any idea what's going on?

My mom was so weird. I’m pretty sure she’s going through a mid-life crisis, she’s asking me all about new tech stuff and the “lingo the kids are using these days”. As if I didn’t have enough to deal with at college, now I have to tutor my mom. I guess it kind of makes sense though, Dad left us around christmas last year and mom took it hard. She’s only just now starting to come out of it, but she’s trying to go from zero to one hundred. It wasn’t like she wasn’t attractive or anything, she was forty-two years old but honestly didn’t look a day over twenty-five.

Her brown hair was always put into a short ponytail which kept her green eyes and pretty face from being blocked. She had a natural curvy figure but always hid it under the most stereotypical mom dresses you can imagine, polka dots and bright colored dresses that lead into legs that were a mile long. She was the reason a lot of my friends in high school always wanted to hang out. I’m sure plenty of my friends pulled their pud to fantasies about my mom. I totally get it, in all honesty I’ve done it a couple times too.

I don’t think that she knows how much she turns people on, she not really socially aware. Hasn’t been for a real long time. Case in point, today she came home with a tattoo of some Japanese characters. She said it was supposed to mean “happiness and health” or something. I watched my fair share of anime and manga so it didn’t look right to me. I tried asking who did it but she couldn’t pronounce the guys name. She said it was a parlor down by the Asian district, and she couldn’t pronounce the name of it either.

The tattoo was placed right above the crack of her ass, not exactly a place for a tattoo at any age let alone in your forties. But she was really excited to show it off so I did my best to not stare at her juicy ass and focus on the tat. It was a little strange looking, it was glowing just slightly. It sounded like a hole in the wall kind of place but it must’ve been pretty sophisticated to use luminous ink or whatever it was.

Over the next couple of days mom was just acting weirder and weirder. Now my mom wasn’t exactly a genius or anything, but lately she’s started acting like a total ditzy bimbo. She would giggle almost constantly and really changed up her mannerisms. I guess that mid-life crisis was in full swing cause now she was acting like an overly flirty twenty-something. Every time she had to pick something off the ground she always bent over at the waist, displaying her pert, round ass to anyone who happened to look.

My friends, upon learning this, started hanging around a lot more often. They would ask my mom to hang out with us a lot, a couple of them even asked if she wanted to go and party we were gonna crash later. To my surprise my mom squealed excitedly and said she “totes would love to party” with us. She was trying really hard to fit in so I didn’t say anything as she got ready. My friends and I were waiting for her downstairs when she came down and all of our jaws dropped at what we say coming at us.

My formerly sexy but modest mom was dressed like a whore that ran a Hello Kitty store. Her hair was dyed a bright vibrant colors at the ends and tied into large puffy pigtails. The only reason I recognized my mom at all was the slightly glowing tattoo above her butt. Her face was so covered in make up that she looked like a kabuki doll. Her lips were a bright white instead of her usual red and she had highlighted her eyes in thick and wide colored white. The rest of her face and neck were colored a bronze like she had been tanning all day long.

Her face and hair also had gems and rhinestones embedded all over the place, some dotted her eyeline and she had a butterfly design on her cheek and it looked like she went crazy with glitter. Her big tits we contained by a Hello Kitty tube top that looked five sizes too small. Her breasts were so compressed together that the threatened to pop out at any moment. She wore suspenders attached to short,short shorts. It honestly looked more like a pair panties, they covered about the same area and were once again so small that my mothers vaginal lips could clearly be seen as her crotch tried to chew on the front.

She bounced past us on pink, open toed leather heels, coming so close to freeing her tits. As she passed us she gave everyone a very personal glance at her practically naked ass. The tiny pair of shorts she wore had become a thong as they wedged into her ass crack. She was still hoping around excitedly and saying “come on!” My friends and I desperately tried to hide our erections as we piled into my friends small car. We were down one seat and my mom had to sit on my lap in the front. That was an awkward car ride as my throbbing erection poked into my moms fat bottom over and over. Weirdly though she didn’t seem to mind, she even started grinding into me a little bit and winked at me.

I was thankful when we arrived and mom skipped into the party and made herself very welcome. I was too weirded out to enjoy myself even with all the alcohol in the world. The thing that kept bugging me was that weird tattoo. All this happened after she got it, I looked around and found her getting some attention from some college boys. I asked mom if I could see her tattoo and she thrusted out her ass to me and started twerking into me. Blushing profusely I quickly snapped a picture of the mystery tat and went to the couch. I went online and posted the picture to reddit and asked what it said. Before I could even take another drink I got replies of LOL and HAHAHA’s. Then someone finally replied “Dude, It says Dumb Anal-obsessed Ganguro! LOL”.

I was familiar with the term Ganguro from anime, basically they were Japanese bimbos. I couldn’t really explain it, but I think the tattoo did this to my mom somehow. She was weird before but she was still my mom. I tried to track her down but she wasn’t anywhere around. Finally one of my buddies saw her go upstairs, I hurried up the steps and found a large line waiting to go into a room. I thought it was the bathroom line but then I heard one of the guys coming out that he never met a girl so eager for anal.

Hearing this I rushed to the front of the line and entered the room. I saw my mother splayed out on the bed, her bare ass was thrust into the air. Her face was distorted into a mess of erotic pleasure, I could see as my mothers puckered asshole leaking glistening white cum down her legs. Mom noticed me and started twerking her ass up and down again, she looked at me, biting her lip, and said “Mmmm, come on over honey. My asshole really needs another pounding.”

I had a real moment of indecision there. On the one hand she was my mom, but was she really? Whatever the tattoo was doing to her was pretty much turning her into a different person, and this person was hot and really needy. I didn’t even consider any other options as my huge erection decided for me. I undid my pants and let them fall to the floor, my underwear was next. I mounted the bed and plunged my turgid cock into my dumb, anal obsessed ganguro of a mom. And it wasn’t even close to the last time either.

The End. Hope y’all like it!

[riskeith]

aside from that, ur graphics must look incredible! i’ve seen some comparison pics and pc graphics are God Tier. help the second lowest being “high”... good riddance. 😶

summer 2016! it seems so long ago like a whole different universe. everything was so beautiful back then.. everybody was out and about hunting pokémon’s... that zine is so cute! i wouldn’t say main i actually only got into them a little while ago and i’m still mostly tddk and kiribaku but bkdk is interesting.. to say the least. i haven’t seen what happens in the manga (only a bit of spoilers especially that cover...) and s4 didn’t give us That many scenes with them but i’m keeping my eyes open... wbu?

IDK like their descriptions make it seem like they might help you find some specific treasures??? like the gold seelie giving you fortune aka mora? not sure tho hehe... YEAH THAT FANART!!! so cute i wanna eat them all.. forbidden snack. 🥺 omg funny you mention that... i met xiao just earlier for the first time and when i saw his entire outfit i was like.. hm i wonder what he would look like in darker clothing HAHA. but yeah skins would be awesome!!!! like a clothing shop or smth somewhere????? anyway when i saw him i was like HEY that’s cluna’s boy!

ALBEDO IS A BAD BITCH. his hair is perfect perfect perfect. actually everything about him is so perfect he’s just a delicate little guy... 🥺 dude us talking about albedo and opening up the game and seeing his banner is like... 👀 temptation.

with venti??? i’m not sure which quest you mean i did the archon one with him though and it was awesome. does he have more? I DID LOOK IT UP AND MURASE IS MAKING HIS VOICE EVEN HIGHER AND IT’S SO CUTE I WISH I KNEW IT BEFOREHAND SO I COULD’VE HEARD HIS VOICE WHILE DOING THE MISSION. 😭 oh well 😭

hopefully there are some good 4 stars too. who are you wishing for? anyone special? imagine having xingqiu and chongyun.... that’s like the dream. and bennett and razor and you have the boy scout party haha!! do you have mostly claymore users?

i remember you mentioning you don’t like book users but i’ve actually really grown to love them hehe. their long range attacks are so nice and handy! KAZE DA! 😭 bro stop i literally have a crush on venti it’s ridiculous.. imagine closing ur eyes and talking and it’s his voice.... (OR HINATA!!!) murase is so lucky... he seems like such a great guy too ajsksjdk..

ok friends to lovers goodness! 🥺 i’m considering getting twitter just to see fanart... maybe.. o.o

ooooo that’s so thorough! in all caps caught my attention, why do you do that? personally, if it’s something longer i write bulletpoints of the concept but never like... actual plot yk? i’ve tried before but i doesn’t work for me very well. so.. i wing it! and like you i just get inspired randomly, it could be from song lyrics or thinking about tropes i enjoy. 😜

loona is cool! they have this whole story about their group. i highly recommend checking them out! i wonder if they kept it up though lmao. oh yeah everyone loves hozier he just speaks to the soul.. LOVELY IS MY FAVORITE SONG!!!!! LIKE EASILY TOP SONGS OF MY LIFE!!! it makes me so happy that you like it even if you skip it lmaojsjdjsjsjdk and i like billie a lot!! ariana too she has great music.., idk if you’ve heard of the group the neighborhood but i like them too. lana del rey as well! haha guess it’s super basic stuff tbh. all of them with mostly slow songs.. sorry 😭

OK GOOD. all nighters are honestly horrible. i don’t get how people can pull them off and get things done... (hopefully you never have to either!) YEAH haha 8 am is my favorite hour i think... that and 9 pm. they’re just special. what’s your favorite time of day? listen if you stay up to read fics that’s valid. midnight up is like the perfect time to read fics it makes them appear more magical sjdkdhdk.

i hope i caught you today but if not, hope you’re sleeping well babe! ♥️

sorry i was playing genshin! JFKSNXKSNKSJ i started before 12am and before i knew it it was already 1am… my goodness

and yeah i watched this vid comparing the graphic quality settings (i play on the default one) and i was like??? people really be playing like this? LOL can’t relate

edit: missed this paragraph oops but yeah what a time 2016 was! (lmao voltron started that year iirc) i remember we had an athletics event and legit everyone was on their phones jfksnfksnd. oooo! nice tddk and krbk are very good very nice. and also yeah that cover lol i love that you didn’t even have to specify which one i just Know. hmm i think rn bkdk would be one of the top ships i’m interested in aside from todobaku? they just have so much history ya know? and they have a lot of moments in the second movie! oh wait did you know that there are movies? two of them in fact!! the kiribaku is pretty strong in the first one (but there are some todobaku moments too lol). and there are a few OVAs too. WAIT are you all caught up with the anime? can’t rmemeber if you’ve told me or not 😫

oooo if that were the case tho what would the others give? i did like the “sea blue” description or something of the blue one tho 😩 YOU WANNA EAT THEM FJDJCJSKNCSKJCKSNXJS NO!!! but i can understand.. they look very squishy. THAT’S MY BOY!!!!!! honoured you thought of me <33 yo i was also wondering what chongyun would look like in darker clothes too HDKSKDN see this is why i need to learn how to draw.… gotta put them in the clothes i want since we can’t do that in game!! but a shop would be so cute omg

JFKSKSKAKS i’ve legit been staying away from opening the wish menu as much as i can.… it’s too tempting i can’t!!

yeah the archon one is what i meant sorry! forgot the name for it lol. and yes there is! once you reach AR 35 or something you can unlock story quests and venti is one of them 👀👀 RIPPPP BUT AT LEAST YOU KNOW NOW 😭😭

i think just xingqiu rn!! i’ve been holding off ascending barbara in hopes of getting him, bc i grinded some oceanid (literally the worst fucking boss ever) before i ascended so i’m just hoarding those materials rn fjskdnd. yesss the boy scouts 😭🥺 but i heard chongyun and razor’s elemental skills cancel each other out so rip.. hmm i did a count and i think i have 3 each of claymore and catalyst users! hbu?

omg nooooo betrayal 😭 tho ngl i’m considering using ningguang bc i see people play her so well.. so i’m just carrying her around in my team hoping to passively level her up HAHAHA. i def appreciate their long range attacks too, lisa’s burst especially is quite nice. CHJDKSKD that’s so cute but also very relatable 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺 also did you know murase is like tall af it’s kinda crazy lol

there’s /so/ much good fanart!!! it’s where i’m getting a taste of all the ships too lol but yeah there’s angst and fluff and just charas looking s*xy they’ve got it all 😩 but that also reminds me, like most other big fandoms genshin fandom is kinda fkn shit 😔 once again i’m thankful to myself for keeping such a small circle lmaooooo

honestly i don’t know either?? i think it helps me distinguish between what i’m actually writing vs what i’m planning like if i do something like “JUMPS OFF PLATFORM, LANDS IN FRONT. so, are you going to introduce me or do i have to do it myself ETC THEN THEY TALK SUDDENLY there’s the sound of a windchime, and VILLAINS HERE GOTTA FIGHT” it’ll look something like that jdjsndkskd where the lowercase is exact dialogue I wanna write in but the caps is just planning

but winging it ey that’s hot of you 🤪 god do you ever just like thinking about potential ideas before falling asleep but then your phone is far away/you don’t wanna hurt your eyes looking at a screen but then you’re also afraid you’ll forget the idea DJKSXKSK

:o! i think i stayed away bc of the whole “stan loona” thing DHSKKS but i might give them another shot! therefore i am is one of my go to songs rn hehe i really like the beats she uses they’re so funky. i don’t really like ariana sorry FJDJKSKS but she does have a lot of bangers!! side to side… 😘👌 and i do know the neighbourhood! sweater weather is so iconic but lately i’ve been skipping that too aahah. but have you heard daddy issues slowed? oh my god. that singlehandedly started my obsession with slowed songs (ironic isn’t it when you consider i don’t listen to normal slow songs fjsjdj) i like summertime sadness from lana! and young and beautiful too (the radio songs AHAH) but yeah.. they’re slow fjdkksks. how do you feel about halsey + melanie martinez + bastille? (i’m always paranoid about listing artists bc so many get cancelled or what other and i feel like randos are gonna come for me too JDKSKSKA.) oh and troye sivan!! and pentatonix if you’ve heard of them? i was obsessed with those two back in 2015 ahaha

omg crazy.. how!! hm my favourite hour is maybe 12pm? or 2pm? just some time in the afternoon i like when it’s still light outside but it’s also like “after school” time kinda .. and yesss reading fic at late hours… gets me crying more easily 🤪

i don’t think i’ll catch your next reply so goodnight in advance!! hope your day is great <3

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 7 “It's a Hot Mess Express “ - Scott

People are so hard to work with. I get they don't like this challenge truly I do but I just wish they wouldn't keep shutting down every idea I had. It's... annoying. I get that I'm also the problem here. Because if an entire room full of people is saying you're wrong then you're probably wrong but still. I dislike being shut down. I've just been feeling kind of isolated since my name was written down. Even in my own alliance it seems like everyone thinks less of me for being paranoid. It doesn't help that I'm not entirely pop culture savvy so a lot of their convos I'm a bit out of the loop on. Part of me wonders if it's cause I'm in a male dominated environment? I don't think they are sexist but I do think that I'm being unintentionally ignored. Like throughout the duration of this confessional I have submitted 6 ideas/comments to the group and they've either been left in the dust or dismissed. That has to mean something right? Is it my personality? Did I come on too strong with my enthusiasm? Do they think I'm bossy? Socializing doesn't exactly come naturally to me. If anyone had met me 4 years ago you'd probably be in the know. You know that ability where you can pick up what people imply, whether through body language or through hidden meanings. I don't. I literally was born with out that ability and it has done whatever the opposite of wonders are for my life. At first I thought it was fine, I thought hey no big, everything is good, people like me eventually. But then I played Malaysia... A lot of great things came out of that game, a lot of good friendships and memories but in a way it sort of haunts me. When the confessionals came out, for the first time ever I saw what people thought about me. Sure they liked me eventually but they also disliked me. Like really really didn't like me at all. It was my first real interaction with people outside of the treatment school I went to, it was my first real interaction with the rest of the world and people hated my guts. Don't get me wrong I always suspected I was disliked but... to see their actual written thoughts on paper was hard. Of course as they got to know me they started to like me but I couldn't forget that it wasn't always like that. That at one point they looked at me or their screen or whatever and saw a pest. And that's my biggest fear, that I'm the problem. That no matter where I go people see me and are filled with dread or disgust. That people are always wishing me some from of ill because I'm bad at conversation or sort of creepy. Well at least they came to their own conclusions now, maybe they pulled their heads out of their asses or because it wasn't me they were actually able to function. God this spiraled, I only wanted to complain about how shitty my tribe was being not go on this full blown existential rant. Fuck me am I right? I'm not sure what this is going to contribute to the game. There is no hashtag big moves or fun comments but like I already typed this up so I'm not going to delete it like a pussy. 

Ok now we can talk whew. UMMMM not Connor fucking up Duncan's perfect record! Now that I'm over the shock, thank you Connor because I'm 95% sure that obsession is the reason Duncan did the most to make sure Devon voted me instead of him back on Thoth https://giphy.com/gifs/mamovie-stalking-octavia-spencer-eavesdropping-j5uEVYERR0ncYlJ36e Really pleased with how the game is shaping up tbh, assuming I don't lose another music video challenge hahaha. I would LOVE a final 3 with me, Ali, and Devon but I know that's a long way off so I'm just focusing on the here and now. My biggest concern is protecting Ali. Essentially Duncan hit me up to work with him, TJ, and Jordan and I was very much like lol not sure about that. Mainly because Jordan and I don't have a strong relationship? And Duncan was like yeah but he wants to get to know you better and I'm like https://giphy.com/gifs/week-wtf-moments-QjIz1AqkGTszK If that's the case, that needs to come from Jordan and then it's between me and Jordan. Why someone else is interceding on Jordan's behalf is very dicey to me but I'm not that surprised because that continues to be a theme with Duncan: getting me to fit into plans that best suit him. Y'all know DAMN well Jordan Pines don't wanna go to the end with me and the feeling is mutual. But I HAVE to make it work with Jordan or Duncan will get pissy. He literally was like ok well who are you close with and I felt a serious feeling in my gut to not mention Ali. So I said oh I talk to Adam a lot but I wouldn't say I trust Adam. So after telling Ali all of this lmao, we decided I needed to go back to Duncan and say yes because it would keep me in the know and keep both of us safe. Also it allows me to keep an eye on Jordan and Duncan at the same time so we truly stan. And the gag is I'm not scared of Jordan Pines and I welcome the challenge of getting him out so love yall for letting me in through the front door hahaha My new issue is just timing. We'll be ok if we win this next challenge but if not, I could see that alliance targeting Ali. Obviously I have a plan and will put the vote on someone else but I really want to prolong turning on that group for as long as I can. I don't wanna spook TJ and I know killing Jordan will leave me with a pissed Duncan and I really don't need that based on how seriously he's playing. So I'm hoping I can finesse somehow? Maybe one of them gets idoled out at merge and then a blindside on the other won't be as messy. But yeah I keep feeling like the walls are closing in, in terms of allies, and I'm working HARD to make sure I have an exit strategy at all times haha cause fuck these men I'm trying to win again. I "love everyone" which means I have no problem voting out anyone

So let me just make sure i got this right, connor tried to get people to vote for me, they all told me, he "planned" with me to go for liam, then....he votes for duncan and he goes home unanimously? little did he realize when he went around and gave a feeble attempt at rallying people to vote for me, i had already rallied everyone to go for him and made sure everyone knew he was a liar and couldnt be trusted, you know im a firm believer in loose lips sink ships and i absolutely used my big mouth as my weapon to sink his ship. Even if there turns out to be some majority alliance that did this all without me then well...i guess that's another story but im still taking my hard earned credit because either way i got what i wanted one way or another so im here for it, sorry gal! i now find myself in a position i hope i can make some moves with, duncan already just made a vague to comment to me about how "it only takes 4 now" which he's right, and he mentioned autumn, himself, me, and ali. Which, that's a 4 I would love to go forward with for the time being, i like to think ive had good genuine talks with them 3 in particular, and now we can start get together maybe lock something in and if we make it to a merge or even another swap we at least have something to work with with each other, but we'll see, we gotta focus on immunity first now, id love to win just to for sure see any of the other people who lied to me go home oop so while i may be feeling ok now i just have to remember to simmer down and play smart and make the right connections with the right people i need and saying the right things to whomever needs to hear it, because that's what i do best in these type of games to stay alive, i feel like my intuition has been leading me ok so far this game so im just gonna keep basing my decisions off that and charging forward PERIOD and ill damn sure do it with or without the help of the tomb because a bitch can not get in ive tried over and OVER at this point im back to pounding on the door of it just hoping if im annoying enough yall will let me in!

i'll do a proper game confessional later but me and dan are both judges for the svalbard music video challenge and its so sad that we cant talk... its like... this could be us working on a music video if things were different kjlsdfa its missing dan and jake hours

Whew! Sorry about that what happened was I ran out of anxiety meds a few days and that rant was the commutation of being with out sanity pills for three days! Everything is fine! I am fine! People are fine! I am sorry to the future Thoth 2.0 tribe, you are all great, I just get very spirally when I am without some sort of stabilizing force! Sorry to the hosts for using this as a diary this is not a diary this is survivor... Anyway this time I have some more constructive things to add! Okay so things are fine. Dan and I continue to bond, though he had to call me out on being bad at communication in order for our relationship to progress. I get it was like a check point or whatever and frankly I appreciated it. Like I said in my rant yesterday I have massive paranoia when comes to interacting with people and whether they like me or not, so constructive feedback while annoying is always helpful. Plus through research I found that he values a good social game so the fact that he's reaching out and telling me what I'm doing wrong is probably a sign that I'm not a lost cause :D. It turns out we have a few mutual friends our lord and savior John Coffey and also Sarah,... Lynn to be specific there are like a shit ton of Sara(h)s so should probably clarify lol. I want to work with him. I know he's in the majority alliance with the brawn tribe, which also contains Jakey and Jordan. Considering the fact that the beauties are slowly but surely getting eliminated, their favor would be helpful to me and mine. However, I know for sure that one of them wrote my name down. Honestly probably both of them. I know I keep harping on this fact but I just really really don't like the idea of looking like an idiot by aligning with someone who wanted me dead or wanted to fuck with me. If we do lose this challenge we are going to have to figure out who to keep or who to eliminate, I feel like it should be between those two. Mostly because I'm not exactly comfortable with a brawn majority. Like I know how people are saying tribe lines don't matter and while they don't, advantages do. And what more advantageous than being in a majority alliance? If we get rid of a brawn that would make it 4 brains- 4 beauty - 5 brawn. Which seems a bit more fair lol. Also RIP Connor remember how I said he was a threat? Welp I guess this is why they don't ask me for cast assessments :/ and also cause I was dead for like several years.

absolutely nothing has happened in fact i was kinda in a ~mood~ today so i feel like my social game took a big L because i didnt feel like talking to anyone and i was busy so i kept being that bitch to responding once an hour ..... but in other news i finally accessed the tomb, and once i started using more than one brain cell at a time i was able to get in and it was actually about 10x easier than i was making it out to be im not sure WHY i was struggling so much but of course, to no surprise i finally get in and the pedestal is empty AGAIN. Now there's not only at least 1 idol from the last time i went in the tomb gone, but there's possibly a second too, if not an advantage that can easily be played against me. At this point all i can do is try and recover a little bit, tomorrow ill have to just try more with my conversations and hopefully one of the people i can somewhat trust is the person who has whatever was in their time time around but probably not, it's never that easy

okay so i have a video confessional from earlier uploading which is kind of a recap of the last two rounds BUTTT!! liam just finished editing our video and i love it!! he did so good and our tribe all tried our best... im just hoping the other tribe didn't go bananas all out, because if they didn't we should hopefully win... i really wanna win immunity because otherwise i feel like adam is gonna be the vote and i dont want that anymore KJASDFA. i would just be sad because idk who the alternative would even be.... so basically we better win immunity KJLSADFA

Me: Alright everyone, make sure you film horizontally!!! Devon: Fuck you

Honestly!!! I take back what i said about Kendall. I feel like we’re making some strides to work together??? Or she’s playing me? I’m hoping to stir a Devon vote this round because I think he threw the vote on Kendall to piss me off, but who knows. I wanna talk to Jakey and see what he thinks about a me/him/augusto/Amir alliance to get through this vote? Idk I trust him but who knows!!!! Maybe everyone is lying to me??? 

okay... i know i said god is a woman and her name is autumn but its time for the remix. god is a woman and her name is alyssa's mum because alyssa's mum just rescued us from defeat in that challenge JKASDF the judges were kinda unnecessarily harsh but we move on. basically for the other tribe's tribal, i hope jake/dan/devon live... hopefully another scary old school person goes but tbh who knows what is going to happen?! im just so happy to have made f13, i said i'd come 14th in my intro so we love surpassing my own expectations

the immunity challenge went well, we won, which is good because i just didnt feel like going to tribal council because im honestly unsure what the hell is going on, i wanted to feel good about the connor vote because obviously that was my plan from the start however he just made it a little too easy by not talking to a lot of people allegedly, up until right before the vote, i dont think there'd be an easy vote next time we go to tribal, unless ... it's me... am i the easy vote?? i wanna really think im not but its just always too quiet to me when we dont go to tribal there's also lots of talk and speculation about a possible merge at 13, but me and my vivid imagination aka paranoia think maybe another swap of some sort could still happen even if for just another round or 2, i never knew with you sneaky hosts!! also i know we won in the challenge but we wouldve won in the challenge by even more if liam used more footage of my video i sent in i feel like i got no screentime!!! but of course i kept my big mouth shut for once because there's no i in team so ill try not to throw too much of a diva fit but listen... i tried to give yall a DEATH DROP, and i pulled a wig ruveal by snatching off my hat, and i was giving you a whole tik tok dance i made myself..... but there was no way i was doing more than beyonce's part so he didnt have much to work with so touche .... the full version i made will just be deleted scenes for myself ill reflect on when im more mature and think to myself "what the fuck was i doing?" 

So not to my surprise, we end up losing the challenge AGAIN!! I've just accepted that I really don't have any luck in this game. I was really hoping that we'd just win every challenge until the merge because I'm over going to tribal and voting people out. I feel like going to the amount of tribal councils that I have has left a huge target on my back. But at the same time, I'm playing the game more than other are. Maybe I have that going for me, who knows. Anyways, the Thots alliance is deciding on either Devon or Dan for this vote. I basically told them I was good with either, even though I would perfer to keep Devon so that I at least have more of an opportunity to rebuild our relationship. I've made it very clear that if the group as a whole wanted to do Devon that I'd write his name down to prove that I trust this group moving forward. So we decide to go with Dan for this vote, and this doesn't really sit well with Jakey. I'm not surprised by that, since I know he's wanted Kendall out for awhile now. But he is really adamant that he doesn't want Dan to go. Which I get, he thinks that Dan would trust him moving forward. When it comes to Dan though, his social game lacks so much that it's like "I don't even know if I can trust him moving forward". And I think the fact that Jakey more so wants to target Kendall this round instead of Dan is a strong sign for me. I'm pretty positive he has an idol since the brain one has been found and he's lied to me about clues before. So this has me thinking, maybe it's a good time to get Jakey out this round? Thinking about it numbers wise for the future, we don't really need Jakey's vote for a majority this round since the four beauties and myself makes 4, and if we bring in Devon that's 5. Plus, I don't even think that Jakey's under the impression that he would... get voted out this round. He seems offly confident that he's staying, just that Dan's going. But I like to think he'd let Dan be a sinking ship and go.. Idk I'm gonna try to pitch this to Amir and see what he thinks. I kind of tried to hint around it to Augusto that Jakey wasn't cool with it, but Augusto kind of turned a blind eye at that. And I don't trust Kendall with my thoughts since she's very blunt... so I wouldn't be surprised if she leaked my plans. Similarly to what Devon did when I voted him out last week. I'm hoping that Amir will see where I'm coming from and that he might be open to that concept. For all I know, I could be voted out this round. And honestly, that'd be the smart move for them to make because my perception in the game so far has been pretty spot on. I think my self awareness this time around has been an asset for me, so I'm hoping that I can get by this vote and hopefully enter the merge soon. 

Coming back into the game, I knew I needed to open up a bit and start to Slither earlier than I would imagine. After throwing a vote onto Kendall, I broke down any chance between the Beauty and Brawn working together to knock out myself and Scott. I haven't told anyone about my vote, and don't plan to. Going into this vote, Dan should be the obvious choice. OG Brawn hasn't suffered any additional losses in numbers, and I'm just too close with Augusto/Amir/Kendall to consider flipping. In preparation of tonight NOT being a swap, I established an alliance with Amir and Augusto. They are a duo in every sense, but attaching myself to them sets up the opportunity to at least CONSIDER voting out Scott next round. It would have to be between him and Scott. 

All I got to say is oof… I genuinely thought I was on vacation after the last round like I’ve been SO bad about talking to people or at least that’s how I felt cause I was operating at 60% instead of the 110% I do when I socialize. That being said, I have my goals that I want to stick to and see happen. Dan needs to leave this tribal so I can get Jakey out next even if Dan leaving makes me really sad. Dan leaving takes a number away from the Brawn and a number away from Jakey, who I am able to get out by keeping Devon and having him/Kendall/myself/Amir vote for him if we happen to lose again. The alliance of me/Kendall/Amir/Jakey/Scott went on call last night and it was deadass an hour and a half long call where everyone was like “idk who should go but I’m fine with whatever” although… that certainly wasn’t the case. I, personally, made points that were pro-Devon such as Devon not having any clear allies to reunite with at merge and things like that and EVENTUALLY at the last 5 minutes of the call, we decided that Dan leaving is the better option. Scott and I even discussed a Brawn having to go before we even did the call so yeah. One thing I could tell though? Jakey was not having it. I understand his frustration but you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I voted out AJ to prove that I am not here to play by tribal lines and you said you would do the same but here we are… Amir called me last night telling me about how Jakey was trying to strong arm him into voting Devon out because Jakey didn’t want to do Dan… like sir, I’m? I’m very happy that Amir came to me and confided in me to kinda spill out his emotions like that makes me <3 but it also made me wanna pop off at Jakey because I don’t like those approaches in games hgfjdks even if I do really like Jakey, I was just ugh gjfdks. That aside, I feel like I am doing good about getting information and building friendships out here like I’m DEADASS is almost every single alliance on the tribes I’ve been a part of and while I don’t get tons of info from direct sources (ie. Jakey), I get the information from close allies (ie. Amir) which in a way can be even better? That being said, I’ve been way too good at forming friendships that every vote makes me feel really bad? With Dan for example, I adore that man like even if he isn’t the most talkative he’s just amazing. But does Dan benefit my game as much as Devon? Not really, even if Dan wanted to align. I’m sticking to my promise of doing what I have to do and be a little bit more cutthroat than I usually am because I do genuinely want to win this game and I’ll do what it takes to get there. Honestly, I’d be SHOOK if we do not merge next round or the round after ghfjdksm but I’m just trying to plan ahead and look at my connections. My Thoth connections are Amir > Kendall > Devon > Scott > Jakey whereas my Hathor connections are Autumn > Duncan > Adam (?) > TJ > Jordan > Liam M > Ali. If we do merge, making a secret thing with Autumn would be KEY just to have another person in my corner but also I need to connect with a Brawn to be good with them yknow? It’ll definitely be interesting and I can see the merge being messier than a taco bell bathroom BUT I’m hyped at the same time?

How is it already Day 16? There seems to be something seriously wrong with that. Anywho, I've let myself take a quick step back on the social game these last few days. I think I've put in the work to cement a couple strong groups here and can put myself in a good spot, but now I can avoid being the person that probably would be seen as a huge threat in the near future. Once merge hits (which I'm hoping is this next round), I'm going to have to go back to bringing that social game to a 9 (10 is where the Alyssa threat level begins), but right now I'm hopefully putting myself in a good place. In the event we don't have a merge and have one more vote on Hathor, I really think I need to make a move on Ali. I realize I keep saying this and I'm going to feel awful when he sees this all, but he is such a HUGE threat, and I can't let him skate by to where there's no room to stop him. I made that mistake last time in letting the person I knew would win get too far without me being able to stop them. Not this time. Ain't no fucking way.

This may very well be my last confessional lmao. I’m just feeling very paranoid about this vote and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone votes for me except for Jakey. Or if he even flips to the majority against me. And honestly! I’ve come to terms with it. I really tried my best in the game and I can’t be mad about how I performed in this game specifically. I understand I’m a threat in these games and if people are worried about me end game, quite frankly they should be. I know that I’ve played Tumblr Survivor one too many times and should have quit while I was ahead. I know I’ve talked about working with Kendall and killing Devon, but honestly idk who is voting where. I think I’m going to try to just go with what I think is majority (against Kendall) and just hope to god I’m not going anywhere. I hate having this defeatist attitude, but if I get voted out I’m going to have zero hard feelings and take it in stride. I guess I’m just not cut out to win tumblr survivor ❤️

Our video was so iconic, SHOUT OUT TO ALYSSA'S MOM!!! I should really be making sure im fortifying the bonds i've made but im really just happy to be on break and not have tribal. I've only been to tribal once within a 7 day time span instead of the 4 times in 7 days the brains endured before. I will say i was positively shook to get the vote from connor, but i never thought i could play a perfect game anyways lol. I'm hoping to god that dan or jakey go, i dont want the brawns over here to have other options than autumn and i come merge. Im surprised at myself because im starting to really want to stick with all these people come a merge, i suppose we'll see how it goes and how my attitude changes moving forward. 

Sooooooo I actually felt kind of bad about voting for Dan until he was throwing my name out :/ I guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I'm kind of nervous now. Like Jakey told me this and he did the same thing to AJ. Also I haven't heard anything from Scott yet... that's sketchy right? Ugh I swear if I'm voted out then Alyssa's mom, I will meet you in the Denny's Parking lot for a fight. I'm not afraid to throw hands at the elderly, ask Drew. 

We love when men listen to me an in turn we win immunity! This is now the second time that's happened lmao cause I sure did make everyone commit to a time block so we didn't play ourselves in the endurance challenge and I sure did suggest Telephone as the song choice so wooooo Not a lot has happened and I don't have a lot of time to talk to begin with but I have a strong feeling we are not merging tonight lmao. Tbh I look forward to another day on Hathor it's very chill over here, all things considered. Also I need a couple chill challenges the next two rounds cause ya girl is moving, graduating, and leading an underground movement all at the same time so don't set me up with a crazy time-consuming challenge lol

I feel vindicated. Starting off in this game, I was not doing so well gameplay wise. Flash forward, I've been a big contributor physically, and socially too! I've got big plans, and I will carry this tribe again if I have to!

(may've already submitted this but i'm worried i submitted it for day 18?)

Also...

ok let me just start by saying: im in an emotionally FRAGILE state at the moment writing this right after the winners at war finale.....SPOILERS IF YOU HAVENT SEEN BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT....NATALIE AND WINCHELE ROBBED, as inspired as i am by my aries sistren natalie and think she should've won, im even more upset for my fellow beauty sister michele because lowkey? i absolutely LOVE the way michele plays, because in my own head at least i like to think i at least play slightly similar, i like to lay low and just adapt to where i see i can fit the best, anywho thats all ill say on that, back to THIS game dan being voted out last round, was kinda meh, i had the tiniest conversation with him during one world and he did end up giving me some tea about the brawns, but i couldve easily tried working with him later on against the beauties, PLUS him leaving means that none of those false beauties left, which is bad for me because i want them all gone oop and ive worked hard over here trying to make sure everyone knows they are threats even if theyre not working together, they went against me and lied to me, which means i cant trust them or work with them, which means i need to make sure no one else does either it's very nice though duncan has approached me and asked who i was comfortable with incase we did go to tribal and he said him and jordan pines were pretty close and honestly jordan is the only one ive been on a call with this whole game which is fine because anyone who knows me knows i dont care for calls much in this game and that usually hurts me so im hoping its not hurting me this time but truly, im not sure people are approaching me way more with information and plans then they ever have so im hoping thats a good sign, espcially with duncan saying he basically wanted me to be in the know with him, i think i can trust him as of now going foward and i hope the same about jordan pines, because first of all i love his energy and him as a person my fellow stoner crackhead, and second of all let's be real i definitely want to use him as a shield later on cmon the guy has a season named after him, forget denise being the queen slayer, i want to be the king tamer also in good with ali and autumn i think?? i personally enjoy my short little convos i have with them frequently so i just hope we're on the same page, but idk the little voice in the back of my head is telling me it all seems too good to be true almost like a perfect illusion and maybe duncan is tricking me trying to talk to me about "keeping this tribe strong", so i guess we'll have to wait until the next time we go to a tribal together to find out so yeah in conclusion, sorry to dan, and plot twist of the century im rooting for jakey to not be voted out the other tribe? even though im still convinced he could be making me his number 1 target especially if he gets in kahoots with kendall, but im hoping i played them against each other enough during the one world so that didnt happen 

What do ya know....another tribal council. After only being exempt from one tribal, this has become somewhat of a routine. I am extremely confident in the numbers this round. I'm under the belief that everyone will be writing down Jake's name, and Jake will likely be writing down my/Kendall's name. Still, I believe there is a worry about idols. I would hate to be idoled out by Jake after everything I have worked towards...I can't afford to throw my vote on Kendall or Scott with the merge coming up so soon, because it fractures my game going into a potential merge...Somewhat of a "all or nothing" bet tonight.

Me @ the brawns who have been on this tribe: https://media.giphy.com/media/szPZ2NXIGCMcE/giphy.gif

So a couple new developments: 1. Jordan offered me a final two which I'm sooooo excited to see how that's going to turn out. I've really connected with Jordan this game (which admittedly I didn't think would happen before this game), but he's been the person I've confided in the most out here. So I really think this is going to be the start of something amazing. 2. With this F2 deal, Jordan told me that Amir/Jakey knew each other outside of this game. This is bad for me both because Jakey is supposed to be my other guy with Jordan, but also Amir is the person I'd want to target come merge (which should be next round). I have zero connection to him, he's proven to be good at comps, he's won this game before, and he doesn't add into my plan of having numbers on every side. So now I'm in a spot where I think I'll probably have to make a move against potentially my closest / other closest ally in this game. Being safe right before the potential merge feels amazing and opens a lot of opportunities, but is extremely scary knowing who is going to merge. Hopefully come to merge, I have a chance at the merge idol to avoid anyone else having the chance at getting it, because I need some added knowledge in this game.

I am so fucking pissed at Devon. WHY ARE YOU ON THE BRAINS IF YOU HAVE NO BRAIN CELLS!!!!!!! dsfjkaafkjdaldjfjadksjads Great now I get to die!

I don't know why Jakey wants to kill me. I am not a threat. Like at all? Most of the strategies I come up with are bad and I am barely social? Sure I guess I can win like a challenge or two but not enough to be physical? I mean I'm trying to kill him but like... honestly he started it 2 rounds ago. I am a paper tiger worse I am a paper giraffe. Sure I'm tall but basically harmless and only sort of evil. At least I remember why I hated him so much. I don't hate him NOW, I'm 22 years old I have better things to do then hate some guy for trying to win a game. But I am annoyed and inconvenienced by this. Maybe a little hurt too because the only reason I can think to get voted out is because my personality sucks so much that he doesn't see a future where we can work together. Which is fair I guess? But I can't be that awful right? God this game is a constant existential crisis... Also I think people are annoyed with me for being paranoid and shit. Oh I'm sorry people who's name isn't getting written down, I'm sorry I'm not more pleasant while I'm in fear for my metaphorical life. 

It’s a MESS ITS A FUCKING MESS SCOTTIE WANTS DAN OUT DAN WANTS DEVON JAKEY WANTS DEVON DEFON WANTS DAN AUGUSTO AND KENDALL WANT JAKEY AMIR WANTS NOT JAKEY OR AUGUSTO OR KENDALL I literally don’t have number in this game and I’m going to get fucked on at the merge 

Okay so Augusto basically told him that his name was an option for this vote or the next one and Kendall told him that the brawns are bringing up his name and said that he was the throw away vote So now my gut is telling me dan did it and jakey was in on it But I don’t care, if that’s the case Everyone on this tribe wants a brawn out, EVERYONE I just have to make sure it’s not jakey Because Augusto and Kendall want jakey now and I refuse it Rn it seems they r okay doing dan It seems everyone is cool doing dan So I’m happy with that

Jakey is fucking strong arming me r u joking Ndbdjdjsns Jakey talked to scottie And got scottie to want devon So now they’re gonna try and call the alliance tmmrw and change to vote back to devon over dan And if Augusto and Kendall don’t want to Jakey wants to pull brain and brawn to vote kendall like sir I’m literally getting strong armed, and he can’t see why people want dan out I could make a move rn But should I even I probably shouldn’t If they try to get kendall I will flip it on him 

don’t know what to do I’m pleading so hard with jakey rn like hey it’s not good for me to go into merge with 6 brawn 4 beauty (dysfunctional) and 3 brain (dysfunctional) And I said I want to do dan is that okay like jakey u need to choose a side, brawns, or this tribe And he goes If u decide to do dan Then I’m gonna unite dan and Scott and Devon and vote kendall So if that’s the case, I’m sending u home theres no way around it then

Throw back to last night when I hung up on jakey to call Augusto and told jakey that I was taking a shower but literally I was gone for an hour and needed an excuse fast so I told him i shaved my ass call that strategic ass shaking 

Okay so this tribal. Everyone on my tribe thinks jakey is evil and he’s just going to go back to the brawn tribe, which is like, wtf, he literally voted in minority on purpose and gave us leverage on him. Like he literally has put himself on the line multiple times. He ratted out the brawn majority over and over. Like jakey is not loyal to the brawns on the other side at all. The people on this tribe don’t give a shit and my opinion isn’t being heard at all, Kendall won’t budge and Augusto won’t budge, and Scott wants to keep devon. Can I just say scott is a rat, he is playing every single person. Jakey trusted him soooo much . Anyway, everyone wants jakey out for literallt no reason and jakey trusts me 100% and jakey is the best way to get info from the brawns on the other side. Anyway, KDJDKSN KDNDKD we are getting dirty. Jakey has an idol. And I told him he was the vote and I made it sound like it’s all Scott’s decision cuz I’m really tight with Kendall and Augusto, so now, jakey wants to idol out Scott Basically, it’s time for a cluster fuck and it’s time for chaos So at merge jakey and I will play from Opposite sides

so jakey fking tried to flip the vote and he blew up the 5 person alliance to devon and hes fucking up my game so much nkwejfnkew god maybe i will try and get him out at merge even tho i love him, i basically had to ccreate this narrative that jakey thinks that me jakey scott and devon are voting kendall but jakey is actually voting out scott jesus christ thi round gave me a migraine i have a case of the lie-abetes

I- there's nothing else to say hahaha the boys don't even talk game. So when I know something y'all will know something

People are paranoid as hell about a merge. What is there to be paranoid about, honestly? I've just tried to come into this game and have a good time and I think I've achieved that. No one is really looking at me as a threat right now, and there's still plenty of time left to play.

okay so i filmed a video confessional earlier which i will upload but adam just woke me up to the fact that we might be merging tonight?! which is so exciting and kinda crazy.... and the days line up with montenegro for us to be merging... at merge i think all my "laying low" can finally be for something and i can transition the bonds i've been making into making stuff happen. i've also been hosting a game during these quarantine times and i've realised people that do too much making SUCH deep bonds during the early stages become the people the jury is mad at in the endgame. i feel like im the middle ground, people feel close to me (and I would like to think I've come across as likable) without everyone thinking im their soul sister closest ally. at merge i think my "close" people who i can somewhat rely on are: autumn, jake, dan(?), jordan(?) and adam? like i have a core of people with various connections, which gives me some cover. its just about then feeling out the rest and seeing who i can trust amongst the rest... particularly the unknowns of augusto/kendall/scott/amir (assuming they are all at merge). like that is going to be the most important part of the merge stage for me, is figuring out which of them i can trust (and i do think dan and/or jake's opinions can help with this, because brainstorming with autumn helped me figuring out this hathor swap tribe).

i'm excited for merge... i do think i have early juror written all over me but i am also very excited. its time to emerge from the shadows and stumble my way into the light

live fast die young merge boots do it well. i literally am a clown, i got excited by my guess going so well and now i literally am a target the size of the sun exclusively because of my own actions what was i thinking KJASDFA honestly at this point? i embrace it, i push the 'im a shield' narrative and i trot on my little trotters to being mayor of ponderosa. this season i chopped of my own head so will not be the winner and the king, but hopefully i can be a kingmaker? also if me winning the tiebreak sends jake home i literally will be so unspeakably frustrated with myself i will literally... scream. HE PROBS HATES ME. i'm praying he lives i will feel so bad if he doesnt KLASDF

i literally... can not believe i am so stupid my lack of braincells really boggles my mind

So I was really hoping that we would win this challenge today because I like everyone on this tribe. But of course with my luck in this game, we lose AGAIN. And it's a shame because I like the Thots Alliance and i feel bad voting out Devon. I know he's someone who trusts me and although I don't 100% trust him, I know that he's someone I can depend on. Plus he makes a really good goat at the end, so it'll make winning more of an obstacle for me without him there. To my surprise however, Kendall and Augusto approach me with the idea of voting out Jakey. I really like Jakey and I practically see him as my #1 here, so voting him out would be difficult for me to do as well. We've discussed the idol together, he gave me his CBS all access account info to watch the finale, and hes one of the very few smart people in this game. So on a personal level, this is a hard decision to make. However, from a game perspective, it might be the right call. Jakey's setting himself up to be a swing vote at the merge, and the fact that he campaigned for Dan to stay and was adamant on not voting him out shows that. When it comes to Devon and I, I would prefer to not vote Devon out but if I needed to in order to show that I trust an alliance moving forward I would. So the fact that Jakey doesn't see it like that is alarming to me. In addition to that, I know that Jakey has lied to me multiple times in this game. He purposefully gave me the wrong idol clue for one of the matches, and when I called him out on it he bluffed it up. On top of that, I know for a fact that he voted for Kendall during the AJ vote. And the fact that he's trying to play it off on Devon goes to show the lengths he would go to make sure he controls everything. And on top of that, he wants us all to tell Devon straight up that he's going. Like... did he not learn from my story when I tried to do that? It can't happen. From a game perspective, voting out Jakey is the more logical choice to make. He can navigate better in a group of people and is aware of whats going on. Devon on the other hand, doesn't even know where the idol is or how to look for it. Devon is someone who you can take into a merge and know what he's going to do. Jakey is more unpredictable. And I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to rally up troops to blindside me when that time came. From a personal perspective, I prefer that Devon goes just because of the lack of trust between us and the fact that I don't ever see myself fully trusting him. Sadly I have to lose this battle in order to win the war at the end. So I'm going to vote Jakey out tonight and really hope that it doesn't come to bite me in the but or that he doesn't play his idol (i know he has one, its obvious with how paranoid he's been)

Guess I’m gonna cry because we lost… by a tiebreaker… it was sad. I feel especially awful because had I not made the mistake of repeating a name on my list during my 8th guess, we could’ve very well have won… but no one needs to know that! It just blows because going into a potential merge in a 7-5 scenario is NOT it. Plus like, their only vote was a unanimous vote for Connor which like… love Connor, but a rock could vote Connor out. I wanted to see tension, I wanted to see idols played, I wanted to see hands thrown, I wanted to see lines drawn, and I wanted to see messiness but all I ended up seeing? Disappointment. I hate it here deadass (‘:

Aside from being kinda sad we lost, I do feel super secure. Last round, I wanted Dan to leave to get rid of Brawn numbers and have the best chance to get Jakey out and now I have that! I know Amir is on the fence but I know Kendall and Devon would be all for it (Scott is as well, but I didn’t really know how much he’d be about it until this round) so it needs to happen. While I adore Jakey as a person and we’ve connected a lot, our strategic games don’t align at all since he doesn’t tell me much of anything? Most of his info goes to Amir or Scott and I’m being selfish here but I want all the tea (‘: plus him playing double agent with the Brawns at merge is not what I need if we’re going into the merge with not enough numbers. Not only that but Adam is a wildcard in terms of if he’ll work with me or not but Jakey being there with us makes it so Adam wouldn’t want to so there’s that. Girl… i sound like a whole ass gamebot wtf ghfdjnms

It’s so weird like I am extremely proud of the game I am playing but I still feel inadequate as a player? I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others because I’m ME but my two closest allies (Kendall, Amir) are playing so much better? Amir is able to get all the tea in the world and form those important game connections which I don’t feel like I can yknow? With Kendall, she is just so bold (and beautiful) with her gameplay in a way I could never like she doesn’t mind being the secondary target, she talks to everyone and talks game with everyone, and stuff like that. So in a way, I’m probably not a major threat to people because those two icons are here BUT I also don’t know if that’ll make me seen like a non-factor… that’s just how I feel going into merge and it’s kinda mehhh idk ;-;

MERGE IS COMING. TOnight actually, people are speculating, but im the only one with the certainty that its tonight and im feeling wonderful. I think if I play my cards right Im gonna have a lot of options come merge. God pending Kendall does not die tonight (hopefully her beauties keep her alive) im gonna suggest we secret pair beware this shit and tsart working from opposite sides to keep each other safe. That will allow me to pick of people Im not working with, while hopefully ensure that people im not with who are with her will be detered from targeting me. Thats my plan but who knows what the true dynamics of merge will be. Ive been playing quiet so far but im about to become the star of teh show, my ego just cant take it.

i really feel like by getting a five i got jake voted out and i want to scream i literally am gonna be out for blood if he goes

[allicouldnteat]

Monday Feb 25th, 12:30 pm

I am sitting in my desk looking through the window and pretending to work. I have really not much to do tbh: I should be arriving to set in Toronto by this time, but my flight was cancelled yesterday and they couldn’t relocate me till Tuesday. I am not really bother either, as soon as I got the news at 7,30am while cleaning my messy apartment from my third birthday celebration in two weeks I wrote the producer and went back to bed, slept till 2pm. Hungovered all day. Life felt wonderful, 29 anyone?

So here I am, checking the email when this ¨Man Repeller wants to hear from you¨ pops up.

Wait, what? From me, why? When? How? Didn’t I buy those unibrow sunglasses? Damn! How could they know?! Shame on me.

Thing is, due to me being kinda broke at Christmas and kinda relying too much on my boyfriend who never really got the message of: ¨Aren’t they awesome?¨ ¨Wow, the still lifes are amazing!!¨,  ¨Oh shit, I missed that promo  code…¨  The Man Repeller team wants to invite me to their new (not so new if you stalk them on stories) headquarters and get to know my opinion…That, is, major.

First thing I do still with shaky hands is resend that email to my friend Jess ( also stylist, also manrepeller herself). She replies straight back: ¨Perdonaaa?? Hahaha? Estás de puta bromaaa¨ that would sound like ¨Excuse me?( Hahaha needs no translation, she is already too American to laugh like a proper spaniard…a.k.a jajajajaja) are you f* kidding me?¨

So I reply: ¨I cry, how can you come also???!! 😱😱😱😱😱 ¨

But, guess what, I don’t send this last one to Jess, it goes straight to the MR team. Great one Paula!🙋🏻

Really hoping the person getting my email doesn’t understand lame Spanish,I reply again with my availability trying to sound calm. Will this ever work?? 🙏🏻

Tuesday Feb 26th, 2:58 pm

Longest e-commerce shoot ever, almost 2h to go. I am in a dizzying sea of pins, plastic hand bags and double side taped tops when I get the second email from, this time, Bobby.

He wants to know when can I join the focus group (Group 3_ or 4_ non purchaser) aha! That’s me!

I obvs reply in less than 2 min: Wednesday! Wednesday it is! 

He comes back to me:

¨Hey Paula,

Thanks for the quick reply.  (🙃)

You are all set, we looking forward to meeting you!¨

Who are you Bobby, why do your words sound like heavenly chants? and why do you look like my future husband? Sorry Val..

So, here I am, two days after, 10 headaches after, and I have involved at least 6 people in this creative process of: How can I get them to notice me? How will I leave a mark? How can I be so awesome they finally realize I do deserve to work at Man Repeller…

I’ve been trying hard for the last years to get an interview, a reply, a something, so this looks like the perfect scenario to bring the horse inside of Troy, with an invitation.

First things first, a brief bio of myself:

Am I obsessed? Should you stop reading this and call the police? Is your cat safe at home? No, No, Miau

I am Paula, a Spanish freelance stylist who moved to the city a bit more than a year ago with a suitcase full of dreams and shoes, well, mostly shoes.

I moved to NYC because I have always fantasied and planned my life around the idea of working here some day, working in fashion, making it, yall know.. and because I really felt it was finally the moment to make such a big move.

But..

I love fashion, don’t take me wrong, it is just that I am also a bit tired of its atmosphere, of its dusty veil of seriousness and its strict vibe most of the times.

That’s why I love MR since the very first moment I crossed paths with a street style picture of Leandra and started to follow whatever she was doing: I liked what she was creating, the message she was trying to launch, the idea of making fashion fun again, the fact of empowering all kind of women and giving them a platform from where to write and share their opinion, and most important, how people were also feeling this movement and supporting it. We were all repellers in our own ways.

So for the last years, the more I still worked in fashion, the more I longed the idea of doing it in a place I really liked and felt like I was a part of it and its philosophy. If you’d asked me where did I wanted to work I would always reply the same: I wanna work at Man Repeller, I wanna work for Leandra Medine.

I tried, even when I was just visiting the city I would shoot them an email just in case they’d want to meet me in person.. I tried, oh lord, I tried: for intern, for my dream job, even for marketing manager! I just needed to be there, to be notice, so they’ll know I was good, at last.

So… how is this gonna happen then? What am I gonna do? Guys, I need ideas!

¨Be smart, be collaborative, be witty¨

¨Just be yourself!¨ dang.. I need something better than that!

Cupcakes, chocolates, artisan bread à la Jacquemus?

A plant? Nobody EVER throws away a plant….

A lookbook? A booklet? A card game?

A stylist kit? A meme game?

More chocolates?

What about stickers? They fun, they straight to the point, and they are visual…Yeah, that might be a good fit, let’s do that.

But most of all I want them to read this, a brief story of why they ended up here, at my very own Buffet. (I didn’t really come for the focus group, sorry guys…) 

This might not work at all ( maybe I am paying this domain for a year with no success now 🤷🏻‍♀️ ) but I felt like it was gonna be the only way to finally get noticed, for, let’s hope, a good reason:

I am fast, an unceasing learner, a team player.

I am highly motivated, passionate, I love fast-paced environments and feeling a team like a family.

I can do my best to write, I can assist, I can try cbd face creams or help with accounts (please don’t really consider this last one) but to be honest, I have a strong, fervent and sharp sense of fashion: I am good at styling and making things happen trough looks, at telling stories with clothes and at speaking my mind trough fashion, that’s what I am best at.

I am so looking forward for you to give me a chance and get to meet me in person, I promise I will not disappoint.

Yours truly,

Paula.

¨Man Repelling since 1990¨

⚡

[hhemeraa-a]

shipping meme !

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSE SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG. REPOST. DON’T REBLOG.

tagged by: stole from like... 4 different people  @dcsidcrium​ / @portalipsis​ (I think?) / @celestialspitfire​ (I think???) / @lunaciies​ (I think?????) tagging: follow ur heart

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE?:

         A kick to the nuts. HA - I’m kidding.  I currently do not... have... an otp for Myles... I mean, don’t get me wrong, I ship Troy and Myles harder than I ever want to admit, but it’s no fun playing in a sandbox all by myself, so I try not to think about it too hard.             But my OTP would probably be anything that involves Myles and happiness. I actually want him to admit that he loves someone and my life will be complete. 

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?:

        ¯\_(ツ)_/¯            What won’t I RP is a shorter list, but because of how.... emotionally difficult Myles is, a majority of any ship needs to be plotted to some extent or else you are at his mercy which means that any ship success rate goes down to about 2% unless the planets are perfectly aligned. With that said, I’m pretty open to all the genres, even those taboo ones you don’t think I’d be into but I am. 

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?:  

         I refuse to (romantic) ship with anyone under 18 (muns or muses) and Myles very rarely will ever be interested in anyone between 18 - 21. With that, so long as everyone is a consenting adult, age ain’t nothing but a number. Plus Myles likes ‘em older. He won’t make age an issue if your muse doesn’t make age an issue.             Some of you have muses that are hundreds and thousands of years old, so? It’s a non-issue.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?:

        Myles? Hell yes.           I said prior, but Myles is extremely difficult to ship with unless it’s plotted and there’s chemistry involved. 90% of the time, he is playing to emotions that benefit him in a situation, but doesn’t actually feel romantic inclinations towards someone.  He can be friendly and have one night stands, but if someone asked to be his boyfriend, he’d mean laugh in their face and walk away.             But to answer this question - yes, I am. Only because it takes a lot for Myles become attached and actually have feelings that aren’t just surface value. If he’s gotten to this point (unless it’s the rare 1% where he just instantly clicks), we’ve probably RP’d or plotted a lot and I’m starting to get real fuckin annoyed when people drop the muse or disappear right after all the work we’ve done. I’m tired of it, Myles is tried of it, and [we] I’ve become much more weary about being the one to commit when someone else hasn’t. 

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NSFW?:

         Idk, usually if there’s a peen out, I’m pretty sure that counts as nsfw. I’m bad at tagging things and 50% of the time my written nsfw isn’t tagged, but that’s only because 1) my blog is tagged as nsfw so browse at your discretion, 2) all images will always be tagged with nsfw, 3) this thread isn’t for you, so why are you reading it lol (I’m half joking, half not) 4) I’m pretty sure my partner knows that it is nsfw.             Unless my partner wants things under a read more or has specific things they want, I sin proudly and openly. 

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH?:

CRACKS KNUCKLES. I COULD HAVE MADE THIS SHORT BUT SCREW THAT. If I forgot to add you, I’m sorry! 

@portalipsis​  - this has been a real slow burn and probably the only healthy thing Myles has in his life that doesn’t involve explicit fighting or manipulation on Myles’ part. I think it’s very cute in that Myles is kind of aware how Chris feels and is being Extra patient with him because he likes to watch the boy squirm. ALSO Porthos writes smut fanfiction of Hemera and mails it out to people.  Don’t think he forgot. @heavensson​​ - Sorry Spike, but you’re trapped with Myles’ gross ugly affections because no matter what you do to try and get rid of him, you know it’ll just turn him on. Semi-complicated considering Troy is involved in this odd companionship and they can’t really get rid of each other.  @etlascivus​ -  >:3c   Demon’s sneaking into Myles’ room at night claiming him as their own only for Myles to get a boy crush on him. Another complicated and involved relationship considering Myles hasn’t really put together what he feels for Asmo. While I wouldn’t say it’s love, Myles’ attachment quirks are starting to come in strong and Asmo tends to do or say the right thing at the right time to put this uptight bundle of emotion at ease to the point where he doesn’t mind (or has completely forgotten) about the mark on his arm. @corpusdxlicti​ - You mean Myles’ future husband?? Myles will end up feeding off this relationship because of how emotionally detached Vincent appears to be as Myles is 99% more inclined to let himself like someone when they don’t like him back.  Not that this is the case here, but Vincent’s seemingly complete emotional detachment gives Myles the room to dance around in his own emotions - little does he know that Vincent is low key (high key?) possessive/jealous and I AM READY FOR THIS.  @dcsidcrium​​ - the first girl Myles probably ever kissed. Dating his best friend and secret unrequited love. Nikki is the sister Myles never asked for and will defend her to the death all the while cussing her out in the same breath.  He’s also probably shot her more than a few times. A++ friendship. @kashiings​ - Archer you little shit. A verse of its own, Archer is (was) Myles’ best friend in childhood and also first (boyfriend?) although there were clear miscommunications about what they were and it really tore a hole in Myles after Archer went off and got married. Despite all this, Myles is teetering on the edge of loyalty and abandonment, remaining by his side even after he comes back in Myles’ mid-twenties.   @inionnaforaoise​ - Started off as purely professional - these two are frienemies to a fault. The type to drive by and flip the other off under the table while at a very professional meeting or “accidentally” shoot the other in the arm in the middle a fire fight and shrug like ‘oops’. At the same time, they’ll share a drink together and mean laugh about people they hate. If we’re not counting demons with lady bits, she will probably be the first (and only) girl Myles ever sleeps with.  @whiteliily​ - Ash is a national treasure and these two has this weird high school boy crush going on where they just... nervously laugh around each other. I honestly think that Ash is the only muse that has made Myles openly blush without trying.  Even considering Myles’ emotional stuntedness, Ash has been real forward?? Which is pretty disarming for Myles and it’s weird because Myles is like??? Happiness??? Without?? someone??? suffering?? idk man, Ash is great, Jazz is great. This whole thing makes me happy inside.  @bestiadeluna​ - Mally is that friend that Myles flinches around all the time because she’s probably punched him in the arm so many times out of playfulness that it bruised because she’s so much strong than he is.  She’s the drinking friend that shows up on his couch once a month and eats all his pie, or brings someone over so that he can explain what a cuck is much to his dismay.  They don’t hang out often, but when they do, it’s like they saw each other yesterday and someone is bound to either get hurt or in trouble.  @fluffmiester​ - Space Papa. Apparently Rrii has taken Myles in as his son and while Myles is ok with it, he’s going to take every chance he gets to twist Rrii’s words into something gross.  It’s how he shows his affection Rrii, I swear.  @svagefaith​ - Myles’ bitter ass soulmate from hell. The only way these two are going to get on the same page is if some outside event forces them to admit their feelings, but so far the universe is just staring at them like “y i k e s”. They would make amazing friends, but being bound to each other is causing more tension than it’s worth and both are too stubborn to back down, even though they’re both quietly attentive their needs, their emotional connection keeps missing. They’ll get there.  @carnivorarium​ - ZIP because Myles needs more strong independent wolf ladies in his life, although he will always bother her about why she’s single. He’s going to be that annoying younger brother that digs through her stuff and leaves all her tampons out on the curb because he was feeling annoying and she will probably be that older sister that drop kicks into his room while he’s making out with someone so that she can scare the shit out of them in her final form. 

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?:

         Yes, although if we have a thread going/there’s chemistry, I’m sure we’ll both reach out to each other about it naturally. 

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?:

         I love it!  But I don’t believe shipping is purely romantic and includes platonic things and enemies.   I have very few romantic ships and that’s often up to Myles to decide that. Friends and enemies are great though, so I’m always down to talk about different possible relationships. 

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?:  

         Yes! And multi-verse unless it’s discussed. 

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?:

        Meh - romantic things are nice, but like I’ve been saying, this is completely up to Myles and he’s not inclined for romance. So I’m a ‘more or less’ kind of person. If I really like a ship we have going, I’ll be very obsessed hahaha

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?:

         Fandom? Don’t know her.            HA. ok. Um.... well, I used to be really into Deimos and happiness.  I’m still committed to this, but some people within the fandom really ruined the character for me to the point where even after I tried to make a blog to save my feelings, all I see is bitterness and disdain. They say time heals all wounds buT HERE I AM.  STILL BROKEN. Sometimes I write on his blog and I’m filled with such nostalgia... but I hate shipping him with Cain which is my ultimate nOTP but since the fandom is made up of pretty much Cain’s and Helio’s, my time on that blog is.... minimal. 

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:

        My favorite ships always start as an accident - either though starters where we just see something click, or an ask where something funny happens.  Just write with me or approach me about it!  Chances are if you want to ship, you’re going to know something about Myles’ personality that you/your muse likes. If you come to me in hopes to finding a ship without any prior knowledge of him, you might have a bad time.             It’s really easy for things with Myles to get toxic fast, so unless you’re prepared for a slow burn, idk if this is the right place? But again! Just reach out, I absolutely love discussing relationships and plotting, it keeps me alive in my waking hours.