#Concurrent Medications

[eirianerisdar]

A woman got angry and started shouting in the clinic lobby today because she saw me, a doctor, leaving after finishing work, and she was the final patient of the day for another doctor who had yet to call her in

Shoutout to the healthcare assistant who asked her what room her ticket number was and then laughed in her face and said, "What's that got to do with you? Doctors leave when they finish seeing patients."

Karen thought nobody could leave until she was seen despite there being five other doctors in the clinic this afternoon apart from hers

[coochiequeens]

Gay men and the wealthy are no longer content to exploit one woman now exploiting two at the same is becoming trendy

Why have one baby when you can have 2? People are paying $500,000 to hire 2 surrogates at once and have 'twiblings'

By Kelsey Vlamis  Jul 16, 2024, 3:04 PM EDT

Some people are hiring two surrogates at the same time to carry their babies.

Concurrent surrogacy can be complicated and costly, with prices reaching up to $500,000 or more.

Many people who do it are in their 40s and trying to build out their family quickly.

Bill Houghton still vividly remembers the moment he met his son.

He was sitting in the hospital waiting room, right outside the birthing room, when a nurse appeared carrying a little green bundle.

"I just held him in my arms and just started crying. It was so overwhelming. My husband was like, 'Oh my God, I can't believe that this is it. We're a family,'" Houghton told Business Insider. "This is my son."

Just one week later, Houghton and his husband would have the same experience all over again when their second child, another son, was delivered.

"And it has been like that ever since," he said. "To this day, I still look at them and I think, 'Oh my God, these are my sons.' My father had sons. I never thought that I would have a son."

Houghton and his husband opted to become parents via concurrent surrogacy — a process in which two surrogates are hired to carry two babies at the same, or overlapping, time.

The resulting children can be born anywhere from one week apart, like Houghton's, to nine months apart, and have been referred to by some people in the industry as "tandem siblings" or "twiblings."

Surrogacy agencies told BI that concurrent surrogacy journeys are not uncommon, with some saying it's a rising trend in a growing industry that was valued at $14 billion in 2022 by Global Market Insights and has attracted the investments of private equity firms.

All kinds of people — couples or singles, straight or gay, young or old — have opted to build out their family two at a time via concurrent surrogacy. But there is one thing that most parents of twiblings have in common: the ability to afford them.

While Houghton hired surrogates abroad, couples who choose to go through US-based agencies can easily spend $300,000 to half a million dollars or more on concurrent surrogates, according to five surrogacy agencies that spoke to BI.

"It is a luxury, absolutely," Brooke Kimbrough, cofounder and CEO of Roots Surrogacy, told BI. "Most American families don't have $200,000 in cash to go through surrogacy generally, and then $400,000-plus in cash to be able to go through that twice at the same time."

Still, the use of concurrent surrogates could grow as surrogacy generally grows in the US, in part because celebrities like Kim Kardashian and Chrissy Teigen have started opening up about using surrogates, as well as depictions in film and TV that have made the practice more mainstream. Teigen was even pregnant at the same time as her surrogate.

Surrogacy is also becoming increasingly relevant as more and more people are opting to have kids and start building their families later in life.

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend have opened up about using a surrogate. Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Sports Illustrated Swimsuit

Concurrent surrogacy can help build a family quickly

Concurrent journeys typically look like regular surrogacy journeys, just times two. Gestational surrogacy, when IVF is used to place a fertilized embryo into a surrogate, is the most common form of surrogacy in the US today. Parents can use their own egg and sperm or that of donors.

Like many gay couples, Houghton and his husband each used their sperm for one of the babies, as well as the same egg donor, so their sons are technically half brothers.

While there has been increased awareness around what some call "social surrogacy" — using a surrogate when it's not medically or biologically necessary — the majority of people who conceive via surrogacy do so because they have to.

"Typically, when people come to us, they've been through a lot. This is not their plan A, it's often not plan B, maybe it's plan C," Kim Bergman, a psychologist and senior partner at Growing Generations, told BI. "They've had a lot of disappointment, and they've had a lot of trials and tribulations."

Many hopeful parents are in their 40s and are simply eager to build their families, the agencies said. A surrogacy journey can easily take one and a half to two years, so for intended parents who know they want multiple kids, concurrent surrogates can be appealing.

Certainly, some people who opt for concurrent surrogates do not fit the definition of medically necessary, at least according to the standards laid out by the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM).

Some people have mental health reasons or a fear of giving birth. Others are actors or brain surgeons who spend 12 hours a day on their feet and who can't get pregnant and continue to do their jobs. All the surrogacy agencies BI spoke with said it's essentially never the case that someone opts for surrogacy simply for vanity reasons.

David Sher, founder and CEO of Elite IVF, told BI they've helped coordinate surrogates for celebrities, politicians, and people in demanding careers like finance or tech. He said he currently has a client who serves on the cabinet of a Western country and is trying to have a baby via surrogate in part due to her demanding schedule.

Sher said he thinks concurrent surrogacy has long been an option for intended parents but that there does seem to be an uptick in people who are opting to do it.

Part of the reason for that could be because fewer and fewer agencies are willing to do double embryo transfers, which were previously more common and could result in a twin pregnancy. The ASRM recommends against them, as twin pregnancies come with heightened risks for both the surrogate and the babies. So concurrent surrogacy is a safer option for intended parents who want to have two kids at the same time or in close succession.

Costly and complicated

Though it's viewed as a safer option, concurrent surrogacy is controversial. The ASRM guidelines actually recommend against concurrent surrogacy, as well as against social, or not medically necessary, surrogacy. But all five surrogacy agencies that BI spoke to will facilitate concurrent surrogacies.

The agencies said they've seen many concurrent surrogacy journeys be successful and that a lot of care and prior planning goes into making them happen.

"It's not taken lightly," Bergman said, adding that concurrent journeys are rarely chosen by 30-year-olds who have plenty of time to build their families, though that does occasionally happen.

Surrogacy, in general, is expensive — commonly ranging from $150,000 to $250,000 for one child. The costs go toward surrogate compensation, agency fees, legal fees for contracts, and clinical bills.

The agencies BI spoke with said a concurrent surrogacy journey would essentially cost twice that. Meaning there's no two-for-one special.

But cost isn't the only factor to consider. Perhaps the primary drawback to pursuing concurrent surrogacy (that is, besides the high price tag) is the logistics of it.

All the agencies emphasized that concurrent surrogacy should only be pursued with full transparency and the fully informed consent of every person involved. That means matching intended parents to surrogates who are fully aware and OK with the fact that they will not be the only surrogate.

Gestational surrogacy, in which a fertilized embryo is implanted in a surrogate, is most common in the US. Jay L. Clendenin/for The Washington Post/Getty Images

There's also tons of planning and talking through hypotheticals. Are the surrogates based in the same area? Can the parents attend both births? Are we staggering expected delivery times enough? What's the plan if one surrogate gets pregnant on the first try but the other doesn't?

There's also a psychological aspect. Will both surrogates feel fully supported? How will one feel if she doesn't get pregnant right away and the other does?

"All of these conversations are front-loaded. Anytime in the conversation, the surrogate can say, 'I'm not comfortable doing this,'" Bergman said, adding that sometimes, after thinking through the logistics, some parents will change their minds and plan to space the deliveries out further than they initially wanted, like to six or nine months.

Most agencies recommended staggering the planned deliveries by at least three months. But at the end of the day, parents need to be ready for the timeline to not go exactly as planned.

Houghton and his husband had actually planned to have their babies six weeks apart, but when one of the babies was born five weeks premature, they ended up with birthdays one week apart.

Concurrent surrogacy may not be for everyone — even if you can afford it

Although the cost of concurrent surrogacy makes it prohibitive for most people, that could change in the future as more and more companies expand their fertility benefits.

There are also more nonprofits popping up that will provide grants or partial funds to people who want to build their families via surrogacy but may not have the means to.

Jarret Zafran, founder and executive director at Brownstone Surrogacy, told BI that it's not necessarily only the ultrawealthy who pursue concurrent surrogacy. He said he currently has clients who are lifelong educators on the older side who are getting ready to start the surrogacy process. They recently asked about what it would look like for them to do a concurrent journey.

"I guess it is still a luxury in the sense that most Americans would not even be in a financial position to afford it the first time," Zafran, who also had a child with his husband through surrogacy, said. "But for them, this is not a frivolous decision, and they're scraping together every single little penny that they have, all of their savings, their retirement funds, and I get it."

By using surrogates abroad over a decade ago, Houghton and his husband, who are based in Spain, spent much less on their concurrent surrogates than they would have in the US. But he's still not totally sure why they chose to do concurrent journeys rather than space the children out a bit more.

"We just liked the idea of having two kids that were about the same age that would sort of grow up together," he said, adding, "I didn't realize at the time the challenges that would come with having two kids."

In reality, he said having the two boys grow up so close together in age, not twins but in the same class in school, ended up leading to a lot of conflict and constant competition as they were growing up. He said it has gotten better now that the boys are facing their teen years and developing their own identities.

Still, if he could do it over again, he thinks he would stagger them more.

"They're unbelievable young men, and I'm so proud of everything about them," he said. "But having the two together has been a challenge."

Have a news tip or a story to share about concurrent surrogacy? Contact this reporter at kvlamis@businessinsider.com.

If a brain surgeon or politician can't do their job while pregnant have they thought about how kids in general will impact their job? What if their kid wakes them up the night before surgery because they got of had a nightmare? Are they counting on a reliable spouse or a nanny to take care to the unpleasant parts of parenting.

Finally at the very end of the article they address how being born so close together impacts kids. We're they really surprised that there was a lot of competition? And they article just touched on how one of the twins was born 5 weeks premature. That means at one week old the dudes in charge of its care were focused on its twibling. Considering that surrogacy pregnancies are more likely to have complications do the parents consider how they will care for one baby while another baby is in the hospital longer than expected?

[holocene-sims]

five oc facts

@sparkiekong tagged me a VERY veryyyyy long time ago and i'm just now getting to this tag months later (i'm so sorry 😭)

i'll tag: @thebramblewood @mangosimoothie @queeniecook @stargazer-sims @dandylion240 @jonquilyst 🤍

i just did a similar prompt for áine, who is this sim's niece, so how about facts for cathal? he's also a newbie to my sims universe, and i adore him and his personality tbh, but canon reasons make it hard for him to be included too much outside of random simblr posts like this

he is WILDLY younger than all his other siblings (like by 20 years) and was a total surprise baby. really, he's kind of a medical miracle because he was born after his mother went into menopause and was in her 40s, and no one knew he even existed until he randomly sprang into the world one august morning lmfao 💀

i think i mentioned it in one post but he's been a vegetarian for most of his life! actually, he declared himself a vegan when he was, like, six years old; he figured out what eggs and meat really were and then refused to eat animal products for decades. much to his dismay, he did have to introduce eggs and milk and whatnot back into his diet when he ran into a few nutritional deficiencies from veganism, but he's made his peace with being a vegetarian instead 🥦

he 100% does not remember his father outside of what he looked like. his dad (and aoife's younger brother) died very abruptly and super young of a heart attack when cathal was maybe three or so, and it's something that really nags at him. he's well aware there's nothing he can do about it, but he feels some strange mix of bad emotions that he never experienced a father-son bond, and that makes him 100x as serious about being a good father who'll be around a LONG time and just generally treating anyone younger than him well. he doesn't want anyone else feeling that type of loss 🥲

he actually writes an agricultural column in the local online newspaper and contributes to the county farmer's almanac lol. his big shtick is sustainability in agriculture and how new green technologies should be combined with traditional cultural approaches to the land so the earth doesn't die in, like, 10 years from excessive carbon emissions 🍃💚

he met his wife yvonne in a ballroom dance class! he was just bored one day in college and went to the class to do something new, and he immediately developed the biggest crush on the instructor. he just kept going back every week until he was brave enough to ask her out, and when he did, they hit it off. oh, and this is totally their thing - he has quite literally taken her dancing every weekend since they got together 😭😭😭

[forumkedis]

Since I update so sporadically (and haven’t actually ever linked to it, despite vagueblogging it constantly), I thought I’d mention that I updated Austen’s Aldish Abomination this evening.

She’s a queer beast of a thing, currently sitting pretty at 67k words and just having tied up the first arc with a pretty, wedding-shaped bow. I’m about to dive into the second half of the adventure (?)

If anyone is looking for a slow burn romance and setting exploration in Alderode, I submit This, but please beware untagged warnings for just about anything Unsounded might be warned for and the mind the tagged gore.

[creepyscritches]

Thinking of starting a betting pool with other professionals on if we're going to get guidelines on the chapter 3 diseases of blood/blood-forming organs + certain disorders around the immune mechanism BEFORE the 10 year mark of the USA using this ICD version

Literally had a footnote here for 8 years saying we prommy we'll give guidelines 🥺

All I can say is I'm relieved to not have stayed exclusively oncology. How do you argue a diagnosis when there's nothing to use as defence/support 🤡

[dippdots]

There gotta be something else wrong with me because wtf is this

[yamneko]

I'm so annoyed with this provider.

Can't take things in omhx as support for current dx - also cancer needs more support than "has hx of cancer" k cool! That's a z-code status and not an active cancer code then! Saying they have cancer active 2022 is also not enough even if it wasn't pmhx

[empiricalscotus]

The SCOTUS Tortoise and the Hare

Who runs the Supreme Court? It depends how we define 'runs' but it might be one justice's time to shine.

With nine justices on the Supreme Court, consensus among five justices is necessary for any successful voting coalition.  Knowing this, there appears to be little incentive to vote alone.  Solo votes don’t have the power to generate precedent and do not even foreshadow any likelihood of gaining more adherents to such a view among a justice’s colleagues.  Why vote alone then? Perhaps because it…

[macgyvermedical]

I encountered a drug called "Dextromethorphan" when looking up things that react with grapefruits for a fic. I found out it's been banned in Sweden since the 90s, so I couldn't use it for this specific story, but if you've got any interesting history I'd be happy so know!

Are you ready for this? Like. Ask yourself. Are you really ready for this?

In 1954, a researcher with the US Public Health Service received $282,215 (1954 dollars) from the US Navy, ostensibly to find a non-addictive alternative to an opiate drug called codeine (used for pain and and as a cough suppressant).

So the researcher found a bunch of people who had substance abuse disorder and tested 800 substances on them, trying to find ones that couldn't cause physical or psychological dependence, even on people who were prone to that sort of thing.

(Now, you might be asking if this experiment was ethical. The USPHS was concurrently doing the infamous Tuskegee Syphilis Study, so while I couldn't find any concrete answer, imma guess no.)

Out of these 800 tested substances, we use 3 today: propoxyphene (used as a painkiller), diphenoxylate (used as a diarrhea medication), and dextromethophan (a cough suppressant (and, as of 2022, part of a fast-acting antidepressant)).

Importantly, it was later noted that all of these are addictive substances and today most of them require a prescription. Though depending on where you are in the world, you might just have to be over 21 and show an ID.

You might think this sounds like a pretty standard story.

You would be wrong.

Because while the US Navy was the one handing the money to the USPHS, the US Navy had come by it via the Central Intelligence Agency.

Yes. The good ol' CIA.

So what stake did the CIA have in a non-addictive codeine replacement? Nothing, it turns out. That's just what they'd told the US Navy. What they really wanted was an incapacitant- a drug that causes incapacitation like unconsciousness or continuous hallucinations- without killing. Incapacitants are also useful for discrediting prominent political figures by making them look like they have severe mental health concerns, which was another reason the CIA wanted them.

This was part of a project called MKPILOT.

And wouldn't you like to know which of the three listed above they liked the most? Dextromethorphan. Because at high doses it causes severe- and incapacitating- hallucinations (this is also why it is banned in Sweden).

The problem with it is that it requires really, really high doses (about 3 grams, which would have to be packaged in some other substrate)- this would make it difficult to slip into a drink or food.

(It should be noted that around the same time, the US Army was doing research into a much more usable incapacitant called 3-Quinuclidinyl Benzilate which required as little as 150mg of the substance to be useful- it was featured in a MacGyver episode and I did a nice little review of it here. While I have no sources that say the CIA was directly involved in funding this, based on their extensive funding of similar DoD projects at the time, they probably did.)

But you wanted to know about how grapefruit interacts with dextromethorphan:

A substance in grapefruit (along with seville oranges, limes, pomelos, and possibly pomegranates) blocks the pathway by which many drugs are metabolized in the liver. This causes the levels of drug in the body to be much higher than expected. In the case of dextromethorphan in particular, it can mean that the drug stays in the body a lot longer- up to 24 hours instead of the usual 3-4 hours. It can also make side effects and toxic effects significantly worse, leading to hallucinations and sedation, even at low doses normally used for coughing.

[randomfoggytiger]

Even though I am personally not religious, one of my favorite character traits of Scully was her faith despite being a hard nosed scientist. If you had to define her religious beliefs how would you? Would you consider her a hard core catholic, a catholic in name only or something else?

I look forward to a 1000 word prompt XD

The Journey of Scully's Faith, in Brief

Oh, yeah, Scully and her religion.

*cracks knuckles*

Faith was Scully's albatross until all things, a tug-of-war between her initial belief and secondary rationalization.

ATHEISM, AGNOSTICISM, AND THE FEAR OF HER BELIEFS

During the first half of the 90s, religion represented, to Scully, everything she was afraid to believe in: her father's ghost mouthing The Lord's Prayer, her Catholic mother's psychic dreams, her partner's and sister's convictions running concurrent with her struggle against faith.

She began Season 1 as an atheist-- more so than Mulder, perhaps-- using the rigidity of science to explain her world. Even though she wore a cross around her neck, Mulder didn't assume Scully was religious; and Maggie backed up that assumption in S2's Ascension, explaining, "I gave" [Scully's cross] "to her for her birthday." The religious iconography, then, was a memento of Scully's mother, not of her faith... which becomes particularly telling during her Season 3 and 4 struggles.

Why?

CHILDLIKE FAITH

Scully had a proclivity to believe in the supernatural, the unnatural, and the paranormal before, as she states in Quagmire, "I grew up and became a scientist." Science, then, is a shield against the unexplained: in other words, Scully fears what she can't quantify, so turns to science to deny her problem's existence. "Mulder, it doesn't matter," she insists when he prods about the cause of her cancer; "Mulder what difference would it make?" she rebuts whenever he wanders too far into the realm of hypothesis.

Beyond the Sea and Revelations hit upon the same raw nerve. Luther Lee Boggs preyed upon her repressed doubts, calling her a liar when she denied she believes and telling her that all liars "go to hell." Kevin Kryder was saved only through her acceptance, shall we say, of God's hand working through her. In both cases, religious belief-- be it her father's ghost mouthing The Lord's Prayer or a sweet-smelling saint her partner can't detect-- terrifies her.

Why would it terrify her? Because religion isolated her.

CONFUSION AND ITS ISOLATION

We know Scully has attachment issues. We see them explored in A Christmas Carol when she poured her heart out to the social worker-- admitting she kept her heart largely unattached for fear of losing yet another person in her life-- but we know Scully isn't a detached person, either. We know that Scully's greatest fear was being betrayed by Mulder. That was explored in Wetwired, when she collapsed in her mother's arms, confused and sick at heart. We know that Scully grew more and more isolated in her partnership with Mulder; but she adapted to and respected that isolation after years of professional betrayal.

In regard to religion, why would Scully feel isolated? The Scullys are a religious family: her mother dangled reminders in her life with cross necklaces and priest visits, her father prayed as his soul departed, and Bill buried her daughter in his local church.

Because religion, Scully believed, isolates her from herself.

When Scully changed her course from medical school to the FBI, her parents heavily disapproved. That disapproval heavily affected her, even if Melissa helped her work past her hang-ups, even if Scully chose to reframe her transfer as "an act of rebellion." In truth, Scully found "other fathers" to hitch her wagon to, "rebelling" only when she spotted another patch of grass that promised greener pastures. The FBI patted Scully on the head and encouraged her to sign up (pre-Pilot); Mulder patted her on the head and encouraged her to stick around (Squeeze), Ed Jerse patted her on the head and encouraged her to take a walk on the wild side (Never Again), and Daniel Waterston patted her on the head and encouraged her to come back to him (all things.) Every decision that drew Scully away from an old belief was caused by a single-minded focus on one aspect of herself: her parents' pride and joy as a doctor, Daniel Waterston's pride and joy as his med student, the FBI's pride and joy as a field agent, Mulder's pride and joy as his partner, Ed's pride and joy as his salvation. And in each case, Scully grew isolated and paranoid because she lost touch with herself as a whole; and usually fled (if temporarily) to what she considered a 'freer' freedom.

How does this apply to religion? As a child, Scully was a good little Catholic girl who smiled at her mother's cross gift; but was also a bad little Catholic girl that smoked her mother's cigarettes for attention. In medical school, Scully was a good little med student who preened under her teacher's adoration; but was also a "bad" little Catholic woman who "grew up and became a scientist." Before recruitment, Scully was a good little scientist who fled from Daniel Waterston's deception; but was a "bad" little lapsed Catholic that (unintentionally) broke up a home. In Quantico, she was a good little field agent who learned all her lessons; but was also a "bad" little by-the-books student who openly dated her Academy instructor. And she was a good little partner who helped Mulder investigate impossible cases; but was also a "bad" little scientist for "holding" him "back."

In short, Scully hadn't allowed herself to fully accept the dichotomous nature of humanity. She must either be a good little Catholic girl or be someone who wants to explore her wild side. Until Revelations, she believed one must believe in God or science; and science gave her clearer answers that squelched her anxieties.

But then, Beyond the Sea, One Breath, and Revelations happened. Scully was unable to articulate or fully understand what her experience "beyond" had been in One Breath, only that it wasn't something to fear. It forced her to brush up against sentiments lingering from Beyond the Sea, to begin to admit there was a simmering belief she wasn't ready to acknowledge.

Revelations in particular tossed Scully from agnosticism back to belief-- and, again, she feared that belief. "Afraid that God is speaking; but that no one's listening" was a distancing tactic she acknowledged in Irresistible, a way to separate from the emotions broiling uncontrollably below the surface. But it also revealed how effortlessly Scully slipped back into a belief in God-- and that she equated that belief with missed cues and punishment.

Why did Scully think religion is tied with punishment, and how did that isolate her from her other potential believers?

MOTHER MAGGIE

Maggie is the key.

As discussed above, Scully strove for acceptance from her parents or from "other fathers"; and that played an important role in her journey towards personal growth. But Captain Scully was but one-half of the picture. Scully's father served as the cattle prod for professional approval-- he modeled complete focus on climbing rank and keeping emotional burdens out from plain sight-- while her mother served as an emotional and religious one.

Maggie was the one person she could "always trust" and truly felt safe with in Wetwired. It was her mother she turned to for reassurance in Beyond the Sea, it was her mother's sins she smoked on the porch, it was her mother's gift she continued to wear when science dominated her beliefs. But Maggie has never been particularly stringent herself in her religion-- smoking cigarettes (during a time period when everyone did, but the point remains), believing in supernatural dreams, inviting the unbeliever "Fox" to mourn with the family, embracing her son's successful IVF baby in A Christmas Carol, and celebrating her daughter's out-of-wedlock baby in Essence.

It's what Margaret Scully represented, not Maggie herself, that Scully feared: unquestioning, childlike faith.

Unfortunately, we are never given closure to the dynamic Maggie provided. Other than a brief appearance in S8's Essence-- Scully's unruffled independence and Maggie's confidence in her daughter's confidence-- we're never shown that final conclusion. Alas.

A QUESTIONER AT HEART

Again, Scully couldn't reconcile the dichotomy of human nature with her (flawed) perception of religious "good and evil." Good people who do wrong, she presumed, have faltered and must repent. By that metric, evil people who do right do it for the wrong reasons. Moreover, Scully viewed a faith in God through one lens; and thought that if one did not completely believe in everything they didn't understand-- childlike faith-- then God was "speaking to them; but that no one's listening." That she wasn't listening. And what happens to those that know better but aren't listening? They are punished, because they are evil.

Scully is a questioner at heart; and Scully came to believe that questioning her beliefs, that failing to believe in things she couldn't understand, was tantamount to disbelieving in God. That's why her religious episodes can be difficult to rewatch: when facing an Almighty God, Scully cowered into complete, blind obedience-- "Perhaps that's what faith is"-- before casting off those shackles and fleeing back to denial and avoidance. But she couldn't shirk her belief, deep down, no matter her rationalizations.

A RETURN TO BELIEF, AND LIMBO

Post Revelations, Scully left the matter largely alone, resolving to finds answers to her own questions "because of my own reasons" in Memento Mori-- a courageous step for someone who usually put her own needs second.

However, the doomed inevitability of Elegy-- another agency-robbing experience Scully couldn't explain-- set her back; and she continued dodging both her mother's priest and her partner's complicated questions in Gethsemane. Scully would feel like a coward if she ran to God for strength after her absence, but she would also feel like a heretic if she questioned the nature of God's existence.

Maggie became crucial to the cancer arc narrative: it was she who kept trying to reach her daughter, to show her that God wasn't taking account of what she had or hadn't done, what she did or didn't fully believe. Scully finally cracked in Redux II, begging her mother to explain why she still clings to God but denies him-- part of her inability to understand and quantify that dichotomy-- but Maggie didn't understand what Scully was talking about, and tried to soothe her, instead. Scully ended up clinging to Maggie, clinging to Mulder, clinging to the priest before she clung to God, viewing even Mulder as a truer believer than herself.

Season 5, Fight the Future, and Season 6 left Scully in limbo. (A Christmas Carol and Emily were about her daughter and the supernatural, not her faith or belief in God.)

The series didn't return to this topic until Biogenesis, The Sixth Extinction, and Amor Fati, a three-parter that focused on the possibility of aliens creating Earth (or having a hand in its creation.) This changed the wide interpretation of her religious texts and tossed Scully back into fearful questions and self-doubt. She cried in Amor Fati because she "doesn't know what to believe or who to trust"-- a verbal slip back into that feeling of isolation that drove her from religion in the first place. (Diana Fowley was formerly evil, but she died saving Mulder. Did that make her a good person who did wrong, or an evil person who did something right?) Mulder, transformed from his own experience, gave her courage and became her touchstone, regardless.

The answer Amor Fati underlined is that Scully had yet to believe in redemption: one could repent, she thought, but it wouldn't change who they were as a person. That thinking formed the cornerstone of her "good or evil" foundation and separated her from the capability to falter but not to fail-- to "sin" but to be "redeemed."

UNANSWERED QUESTIONS

Season 7 sets into motion the culmination of religious journey: Amor Fati (as we already discussed), Orison, and all things.

Orison would have been the perfect followup to Revelations: another demon, another series of supernatural signs that only Scully would understand. However, this time she would fail to put the pieces together, and resort to an action against God's will that would put into question the goodness of her soul. Problems with Orison (that it obliterated Irresistible's message, that its side plots cluttered an already cluttered episode, that Pfaster's "affect" on victims didn't match the reaction Scully experienced) aside, the episode didn't give the audience enough information to explain why Scully believed it was the Devil, not PTSD or a trauma reaction, that forced her hand. However, that was Orison's conclusion.

This, then, set Scully in motion to either follow an path of dark self-doubt or forge a new path of enlightenment. Or both.

We know she took the latter (all things) route, but another episode's potential was wasted in the journey from question to conclusion: En Ami. A road trip with the "the Devil in the flesh" would have been the perfect opportunity for Scully to try to prove the depths of her own goodness: putting her life at risk to obtain the cure for all disease. Scientific altruism and religious redemption combined. It would also prove how well CSM knew her, inside and out: using that lure to bait her away from Mulder (and, hopefully, to his own side.) En Ami could easily have discovered the lengths Scully would go to prove herself and the depths CSM's depravity and justification could sink to. Instead, it became a study in how little CSM understood his unknowing captive, and how little the writers understood why or when Scully chose to leap when told "Jump!"

Regardless, we arrive at all things.

ALL THINGS AND PEACE

all things was about enlightenment and self-love (for Daniel Waterston and his daughter-- also curiously named Maggie-- as well): Scully decides what she wants for her life, which voice she wants to hear. It's also the episode where God spoke back.

all things was a bit of a mixed message, especially considering Scully chose to remain Catholic ("my prayers were answered" in Season 8, lighting the church candles in Season 11, etc.) Gillian's episode had clear Buddhist leanings-- the god of "all things", i.e. the god in all things. God wasn't an active force so much as a peace of mind with the right choice (that choice being Mulder.) But it worked, too-- the ending, especially (which was written with the help of Chris Carter, actually. We'll give him a point for this one.) "Mm, I didn't say 'God spoke back'," Scully corrected, which illustrated that she, at last, straddled the dichotomy of her beliefs: a God that will lead but not directly speak. A God whose signs she chose to follow, not one who punished her if she went another way. "Life's just a path", Melissa told her before she ever stepped foot in the FBI (canonically after the Daniel Waterston debacle we return to in all things); and that message wound back around and stuck, seven plus years later.

But why did all things break Scully's fear of isolation through her beliefs (or religion, at large?) Her flawed perception of her mother's God was reworked, with Mulder as Maggie Scully's stand-in: God became a god of "all things", an entity that not only allowed her to make her own choices, ask her own questions, and harbor her own doubts, but also gave her space to decide and time to return.

That reframing of God then helped her to reframe humanity. Mulder came back from a wasted weekend trip to England, empty-handed; yet she simply guided him home, made him tea, and contentedly listened to him ramble about theories she might not fully believe. Scully no longer felt the need to combat his beliefs or justify her own: she knew, now, what she believed, and that was enough. (As an aside, The Unnatural and all things both end on the same note-- Mulder coming to an epiphany and long-windedly spelling it out until he realizes Scully already knows. Interesting.)

CONCLUSION

And thus, we have concluded Scully's journey of faith.

Any further point canon tried to make was simply a retread of better, more complicated resolutions.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[naamahdarling]

Today's medical update, please pardon any weirdness as I am using speech to text, and please excuse how long this is. I put an excellent picture of Fancy at the end for you. Here we go.

The shortest version is that my GP is going to try and centralize this. I have made an appointment for Monday. We are going to start over from the very beginning. New specimens, new cultures, everything.

The long version is kind of wild ride. It's going under a cut

My GP is now telling me that on two of the occasions that I went to Urgent Care or the hospital for a UTI, the records say that I did not actually have one.

This makes no sense whatsoever. I was symptomatic and I could smell it. On both of these occasions, I was told in no uncertain terms that I did have one.

I do not believe I was lied to at either facility. That means the only possibilities are that the testing was done improperly, the results were charted improperly, the records were sent over improperly, or I didn't understand what was being said to me.

At this point, with this absolute clown show that has been unfolding around me, this ridiculous circus where each act is fraught with nonsensical antics even more baffling than the ones before, I am literally unable to come to any conclusions. This is absolutely maddening.

And it's frightening, because there is something wrong, genuinely, and it might be something that they are unable to detect with the methods they are currently using. That's scary for a multitude of reasons, one of which is that they are not going to be willing or able to treat something if they do not think it exists. The other is that it opens the door to the possibility of their being further testing, which makes me violent to even contemplate. I want what is wrong with me to be simple, easy to treat, and relatively benign.

This has been frustrating, and drawn out, and I am sick of it. By itself it isn't enough to completely break me down. It's been almost unbearable when combined with the facts that I have serious concerns about the health of three of my cats, that my father seems to be worsening in his condition, that I have several other medical storylines going concurrently with this one, one of which is extremely stressful and frightening, and that all of this fuckery and running around has caused me to have to cut out most of the very, very few enjoyable and meaningful activities that are present in my life.

It has impacted my ability to be present for my partner, and for my pets, for me to sustain communication and relationships with people who are not my boyfriend or my best friend, and to simply fucking relax.

Also I can't fuck. Like, I know that this is the laugh at horny people website, but that is significant. Receiving not just physical touch but intimate touch is one of the very few ways I have of assorting ownership over my own body at this time.

I feel my identity has shifted from an internally defined "struggling person just going about their business" to an externally defined identity as a patient with a body that is sick and who must now structure their life around the demands of a system that does not care about me in the slightest, even though the providers usually do.

From the outside I know that this doesn't seem that terrible. I've spent the vast majority of this with no pain, and the times I have been in pain haven't crested a 3. If it weren't for the fact that I don't know what it is, it would be relatively trivial!

Unfortunately, because this isn't all I have going on, it's been really fucking things up. I space my appointments out so that I have time to recover between each one. I have PTSD, I have medical trauma, I have emotional reactions after stepping into a medical facility for any reason, and when things go wrong even in a very small way they can be intense. I manage this by allowing myself to have the reaction, experience all of the feelings, and come back to myself. It is a healthy way of doing things. It doesn't work, though, if I'm having to deal with one thing after another and no time in between to recover from it. This is essentially what has been happening to me for 2 months. Appointments, phone calls, messages, fixing mistakes, having to explain my history repeatedly as it gets ever more complicated. There's a lot more to it than just one appointment a week, which is already a lot for me.

I know this is something that chronically ill people deal with all the time, often for years, often for life, but the extent of it is new to me and very difficult to bear. My personality is vanishing under the weight of all of this crap. I do not feel like myself.

So yeah, sorry for rambling so much but this is just been...I don't even have the words to describe it. Nonsensical, but in an unfortunately consequential way. I've been going in circles all this time, apparently.

I don't really expect anybody to read all of this. But if you did, thank you. It means a lot to me. This place, and all of you, function as a sort of pressure relief, and a source of constant, pleasurable entertainment. I know many of you empathize with what I'm going through, and that helps me to feel less alone. That all by itself is so important.

Anyway, here's my cat.

She got to be on the puzzle table and was very smug about it.

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

I'm concurrently running this with brba characters on my main and just remembered that I have ALSO had THIS discussion with my brothers before... so...

Feel free to elaborate why in the notes! Remember that cannibalizing someone is not JUST killing someone, so don't just pick your least favorite character who you want dead the most. You gotta eat them too!

[covid-safer-hotties]

Key points you should know:

=Mainstream media coverage of mask bans has given space for politicians’ false claims that masks are associated with wrong-doing, like crime and antisemitism, while overlooking that bans are, in many ways, an effort to suppress the reality of COVID-19. =There are 21 states and numerous municipalities with laws against masks or disguises on the books. People who wear masks would benefit from knowing exactly how they are worded and any legal precedents, as police are often under-informed. =Both Republicans and Democrats are pushing more severe mask bans than ever before in history. Democrats are more likely to give lip service to health needs without offering meaningful protections. Masks can and will be criminalized by police regardless of the language of the law, as arrest trends follow social trends. Police are also permitted by the Supreme Court to make mistakes in enforcing laws.

On August 5, Nyss Fayrchyld traveled from New York City to Nassau County in Long Island with other organizers to testify against a local bill to ban masks. The next few hours were “traumatic” and “volatile,” they recalled, with supporters of the bill “yelling obscenities” at immunocompromised people who testified in masks, calling them ”pro-Hamas thugs and terrorists.”

Police also directed enforcement at people in masks. One masked attendee was arrested on several charges, including second-degree assault, a felony, facing up to nine years in prison. Fayrchyld insists that the person was de-escalating conflict, which seems corroborated by video evidence. Supporters of the ban were also given more time to speak.

Nassau County’s bill passed with a vote of twelve Republicans in favor and seven Democrats abstaining. The law includes a vague medical exemption but also gives police expansive powers to stop, unmask, and arrest people.

Fayrchyld witnessed the type of state-sanctioned hostility that has become increasingly common for people who wish to stay safe during the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. Nassau County is just the latest jurisdiction to pass a mask ban, after North Carolina and Washington, D.C. early this year.

New anti-mask bills were also recently introduced in Chicago, the New York State legislature, and the federal House of Representatives, which proposes a sentence of up to 15 years. Leaders in New York City and Los Angeles have discussed possible future bans, and other states are enforcing pre-existing anti-mask laws on the books. The University of Virginia has banned masks on campus, unless the person can show documentation of medical need.

While mainstream media stories about mask bans often mention that immunocompromised people might be harmed, these stories also give unskeptical space to politicians’ claims that increased mask-wearing has contributed to all kinds of wrong-doing, from crime to antisemitism. In reality, mask-wearing is increasingly rare compared to early in the pandemic. There are countries with far less violence than the U.S. where wearing a mask is normalized. One analysis found no correlation between mask bans and crime rates. Many pro-Palestine protestors are masking explicitly to prevent spreading COVID-19.

Most media coverage fails to connect the new wave of mask bans to the ongoing political efforts to minimize COVID-19. Overblown concerns about facial recognition and protestors are only possible with a concurrent effort to downplay the threat of COVID-19 and erase signs of it from public life — now a priority for most mainstream politicians.

While the conversation around mask bans has focused on new laws and bills, 21 states and many municipalities have laws banning masks and/or disguises in different settings, which is more than other organizations have reported. Even where these bans have apparent limitations or exemptions, the finer language of the laws leaves all COVID-conscious people vulnerable. And the historic practices of police endanger people even in states with no legal bans.

“We have come so far downhill when it comes to protecting one another that [supporting mask-wearing] is a controversial opinion to have these days,” said disability activist and author Imani Barbarin. The political climate, she said, “creates this perfect storm where it’s going to further criminalize Black and Brown people who need masks to survive.”

The politics and propaganda of mask bans Historically, mask bans tend to come in waves. This current wave has been led by Republicans, with Democrats following closely behind. While Democrats tend to pay slightly more lip service to health needs, their actions undermine their promises.

The Republican effort to ban masks started before the COVID-19 pandemic, with a series of bills aimed at antifascist protestors. In 2011, Occupy Wall Street protestors were arrested for wearing masks. Republican leaders reignited their efforts in early 2023, introducing bills that sought to end the COVID-19 era of masking altogether.

Republicans insist mask bans have been around for a long time. But their recent efforts go further in criminalizing masking than ever before. North Carolina’s new law requires members of the public to “remove the mask upon request by a law enforcement officer,” for any reason, for as long as police want. Previously, the state’s law limited this demand to traffic stops and when police believed someone was committing a crime.

The new provision “smacks of blatant authoritarianism,” said Corye Dunn, Director of Public Policy for Disability Rights North Carolina. North Carolina’s mask ban also adds a new provision requiring a person wearing a mask to “temporarily” remove it at the request of an “owner or occupant” of a “public or private property.”

“Occupant doesn’t mean anything” in state law, Dunn said. She’s concerned that this “dangerous” provision will “embolden bullies and set up people with disabilities to face hostility” from fellow citizens demanding mask removal.

Elaine Nell, who co-founded the group Advocates for Medically Fragile Kids NC, is “angry, sad, and scared” about how the law might be enforced when it takes effect in October, especially in public spaces: “You get jury duty [and you] may not be able to wear a mask.” Nell is also concerned about her medically vulnerable children, who already lead restricted lives. “This may just take away even more,” she said.

Meanwhile, the conservative Manhattan Institute for Policy Research recently proposed a mask ban template focused on protests that don’t include any health exemption. While the Institute doesn’t pretend that COVID-19 is over, the template outlines a grim scenario: “Someone who wears a mask for health reasons probably should not be congregating in large groups of people.”

This statement suggests that immunocompromised people shouldn’t have the right to protest, work, or exist in crowded spaces, harkening back to the “ugly laws” that once forbade disabled people from being in public.

Democrats in the New York legislature proposed a mask ban bill similar to the Manhattan Institute’s template, with a medical exemption that only applies during a “declared public health emergency.” On paper, the federal government ended the COVID-19 emergency in 2023.

Across the country, Democrats are proposing mask bans based on flimsy and inconsistent logic, often citing incidents in which the main aggressors weren’t even masked. New York City Mayor Eric Adams, a former police officer, might be the one Democratic leader willing to make the subtext clear. He has expressed the desire to “go back to the way it was pre-COVID” by banning masks on subways, in stores, and in “other areas where it is not health-related” — as if there are any locations where health is not an issue.

Adams articulated out loud the Biden administration’s consistent priority: to erase the signs of COVID-19, or, as the podcast Death Panel calls it, the “sociological production of the end of the pandemic.” This started in the spring of 2021 when the CDC proposed that vaccinated people no longer need masks. The administration has also steadily chipped away at COVID-19 data collection efforts.

Mask bans are the latest step towards that goal, further disincentivizing the public from wearing them for protection. Biden administration leaders have explicitly associated mask-wearing with unnecessary, humiliating, and “fringe” behavior. And Biden recently insisted that he “ended the pandemic,” just before he reportedly caught COVID-19. His administration has been able to erase almost all signs of COVID-19 besides the viral illness itself.

How police criminalize masking On August 22, Disability Rights New York filed a lawsuit challenging the Nassau County mask ban by invoking the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). But mask ban enforcement won’t rely on the determination of the courts alone. Political propaganda against masking is likely to influence how police criminalize masking, as arrest trends follow social trends more than laws.

Before COVID-19, mask bans were among the obscure laws rarely enforced by themselves, though police have long used face coverings, particularly ski masks, as a pretext to stop and search people. Elijah McClain was stopped by police in 2019 in large part for wearing a ski mask, or “looking suspicious,” and was killed while in custody. Yet Colorado has never had any kind of mask ban, giving police no justification for the stop.

Supreme Court decision Helen v. North Carolina (2014) allows police to be “reasonably mistaken” in their understanding of the laws they are hired to enforce. Police commonly arrest people for legal knives and other weapons due to poor training and bias. People may lose days, weeks, or months of income while in jail — and exposure to a deadly and disabling virus — before prosecutors or judges catch up to police mistakes.

It doesn’t help that anti-mask laws have always been ambiguously written, contributing to “reasonable” misunderstandings and decades of legal testing in the courts. New York’s proposed law would ban masking during “lawful or unlawful assembly or riot.” But “New York, unhelpfully, does not define a local assembly in law,” said Allie Bohm, Senior Policy Counsel at the American Civil Liberties Union of New York.

Bohm is concerned that D.C.’s new law — which outlaws masking while committing a crime or “threats to do bodily harm” — is “just giving police freedom to stop anyone in a mask,” even without justification. Similar laws exist in Arizona, California, Michigan, and many other states.

Bohm’s fears were confirmed by the D.C. law’s sponsor, Councilmember Brooke Pinto, who said the law was intended to give officers “a basis for a stop, for articulable suspicion.” D.C. police officers were sent a memo summarizing the new law without additional formal training, according to emails from the Metropolitan Police Department.

Bohm identified a fundamental legal problem with most mask bans: “We will always be in the position of law enforcement deciding whether the person in front of them is masking for a ‘legitimate’ reason.” Most anti-mask laws assume that police can properly judge “intent” and behavior despite studies showing that such judgment is colored by racial and other biases.

Dunn recalled one North Carolina legislator saying in a hearing, “Nobody is looking to go after ‘meemaw’ at the Walmart,” referring to an older woman. The statement explicitly identified the kinds of “selective enforcement” likely to happen around masking, Dunn said. She has coached the family of one North Carolina Black teenager, whose immune system is suppressed from leukemia treatments, on how to balance his health needs with staying safe during a police interaction — what she calls a “horrifying choice.”

What should people who wear masks do now? (Nadica suggests reading up on illegalism. sorry for interrupting.) Unfortunately, marginalized people might not be able to rely on all of the organizations that have historically fought for their rights. Both the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People in New York and the National Urban League support New York’s proposed anti-mask law.

People who wear masks should consider learning the finer details of the laws and precedents in their states and cities, given that police may not be well informed. Does your state require “intent to disguise” your identity for masking to be illegal, as in D.C.? Then you can cite the law and try to assure police that your intention is health-related.

Bohm advises people who wear masks in New York, if confronted by police, to state that they are worried about COVID-19 and ask if they can leave, as there is no current mask ban in effect. Dunn recommends North Carolinians invoke their desire to “prevent the spread of contagious disease,” citing the language of the new law’s very narrow medical exemption. Disclosing a medical condition might seem like a good strategy, but it’s worth keeping in mind police bias: half of people killed by police are disabled.

More broadly, activists need to build solidarity among all of the groups affected by mask bans, including disabled people, pro-Palestine protesters, religious minorities, people of color, and LGBTQ+ people. Some of the laws that ban disguises have been used against trans people.

Barbarin even thinks it would be smart to “hop on personal liberty” as a way to associate masking with American freedom, which she acknowledges is not “in vogue” on the left. The Klan has long been a plaintiff in lawsuits to end mask bans, and Proud Boys, a right-wing extremist group, often cover their faces.

In order to further broaden support against mask bans, the public needs to understand that COVID-19 is still a serious risk. Beyond that, the media needs to communicate that stopping legal bans — or adding medical exemptions — won’t be enough to protect people from police. It will take changing the political discourse around masking altogether.

[swappetf11]

Agent Nathanial Ford's next mission represents one of the most intricate and prolonged undercover operations of his career, spanning several years. Selected for his remarkable skills in disguise and his striking resemblance to the target, his transformation into this new identity involves both cutting-edge technology and meticulous physical alterations.

Background of the Mission: The individual Nathanial is set to replace has been held under the guise of incarceration within a witness protection program. This man, known publicly as Marco Silvestri, has crucial ties to an international crime syndicate and is pivotal for gathering intelligence on their operations. The plan is to release "Marco" from prison—actually Nathanial, fully transformed and equipped with Marco's memories and mannerisms.

Transformation Details:

Facial Hair and Hair: As Marco is known for his distinctive thick mustache and a soul patch, Nathanial ceases shaving to allow his facial hair to grow into the required style. Concurrently, he grows out his hair to Marco's length, which is naturally black and slightly unkempt. Regular trims ensure that as it grows, it perfectly matches Marco's hairstyle.

Dental Alterations: To match Marco’s dental records, Nathanial undergoes specific modifications. This includes dental caps and slight realignments to ensure his bite and smile mirror Marco's exactly, a critical factor for close acquaintances and medical examinations.

Facial Structure Enhancements: Injected fillers are used strategically in Nathanial's brows and jawline. These fillers are not only about altering his silhouette but are crafted to dissolve slowly over time, maintaining the structure for the duration of the long mission. The brow fillers give him a more pronounced, rugged look, while the jaw fillers broaden his face to match Marco's distinct angular features.

Technology Integration: In an unprecedented move, the CIA employs a new neuro-integration technology that transfers memory and personality traits from Marco to Nathanial. This process, taking place over several months, is carefully monitored to ensure a seamless integration of Marco’s experiences and behavioral nuances into Nathanial. It involves a combination of virtual reality, neural mapping, and continuous psychological support to help Nathanial assimilate these new memories without losing his own identity.

During this period, Nathanial undergoes intensive study sessions mimicking Marco’s life experiences, supported by VR scenarios that replicate key moments of Marco's life. This dual approach ensures that Nathanial not only remembers Marco's past as if it were his own but also adopts his mannerisms, responses, and even subconscious behaviors.

As the memory transfer concludes and the physical transformation solidifies, Nathanial gradually becomes indistinguishable from Marco Silvestri. This deep cover operation places him directly in the heart of the criminal syndicate, tasked not only with gathering critical intelligence but also with maintaining his cover over several years, navigating the dangerous waters of international crime while preserving the persona of Marco without a trace of Nathanial Ford.

As the transformation from Nathanial to Marco deepened, the two men shared more than just appearances and memories; they shared moments that solidified the persona Nathanial was adopting. During their sessions together, Marco introduced Nathanial to the intricate world of tobacco—its cultivation, its varieties, and the art of rolling cigarillos. Smoking together became a ritual, where the smoke seemed to carry not just the flavor of the tobacco but also the weight of Marco's life and secrets.

Nathanial's daily routines began to mirror those of Marco's. He adopted the habit of sipping fine whiskey in the evenings, letting its rich, smoky flavor remind him of the tobacco fields. The transformation was no longer just physical but sensory and emotional. He found himself drawn to the thrill of horse racing, an interest Marco held close to his heart. Riding horses, once a novel activity, became a passion, a symbol of freedom and power—qualities that Marco embodied.

As weeks turned into months, Nathanial’s transformation became profound. His speech, once clear and direct, now carried the lilting nuances of Marco’s diction. Every word, every gesture, and every preference was no longer Nathanial’s but those of Marco. The lines between the agent and the persona blurred, signaling that the mission was not just about infiltration but a complete metamorphosis into another man's life and legacy. Nathanial, now fully emerged as Marco, was ready to step into the world under his new identity, armed with the memories and habits of the man he was meant to replace.

Agent Nathanial Ford, now fully transformed into Marco Silvestri, stood before the mirror in his prison cell, the final night before his planned release. Over the past year, he had undergone a profound metamorphosis, not just in appearance but in spirit. The story crafted for his cover was that Marco had spent a year in solitary confinement for his protection, a narrative that explained any changes or gaps in behavior noticed by old acquaintances upon his release. The last few months were spent in general population to acclimate him to interacting as Marco among other inmates.

Dressing as Marco: The night before his release, Nathanial dressed in what would be Marco’s signature look upon stepping back into the free world—a Western-inspired outfit that spoke volumes of the man he now was. His attire consisted of a rugged denim shirt, tucked into dark, distressed jeans, held up with a leather belt boasting an ornate, oversized buckle. Over this, he wore a suede vest, adding a touch of rough elegance. His boots, custom-made, were of worn leather with intricate stitching and slightly pointed toes, clicking softly on the concrete floor as he moved.

Facial Hair: His mustache, now long and thick, was a prominent feature that he groomed with wax into a handlebar style. When not styled, it hung heavily over his upper lip, a constant presence that had taken him months to get used to—especially the itching. His soul patch was equally thick and meticulously groomed, adding to the rugged charisma of his new persona. Smoking had become a habitual act, and as he drew on his cigarillo, the smoke curled around his facial hair, the mustache resting snugly against the burning roll, a sensory reminder of his transformation.

The Final Night: In the dim light of his cell, Nathanial, now more Marco than ever, studied his reflection. The rugged lines of his face, the dark eyes that had seen a year's worth of solitary confinement, all echoed Marco's hardened resilience. Tomorrow, he would don the bright orange of jail attire, but tonight, he was every inch the persona he had crafted and grown into.

The transformation was complete. As he turned away from the mirror, Nathanial felt a pang of the persona he had left behind, a necessary sacrifice for the success of his mission. The next day, as he would walk through the prison gates, the world would not see an undercover CIA agent but Marco Silvestri, a man reborn from the ashes of his supposed confinement, ready to reclaim his place in a world that was both familiar and vastly unknown.

As Marco Silvestri—formerly Agent Nathanial Ford—stepped out of the prison gates, the warm sunlight marked his first moments of freedom. Waiting just beyond the high fences and barbed wire was a small crowd of people, those who once knew him as Marco and were now eager to welcome him back into their lives.

The group was a mix of old friends, distant relatives, and a few cautious associates from Marco's past life in the underworld. They clustered around him, their faces a blend of curiosity and concealed joy, each person unsure how prison might have changed him.

Marco’s first steps toward them were hesitant, each footfall echoing the weight of the persona he carried. His appearance had been meticulously curated to match the Marco they remembered: the thick handlebar mustache, the rugged Western attire, and the confident, slightly swaggering gait. As he approached, smiles broke out among the crowd, and a few hands reached out to clap him on the back, welcoming him with a warmth that was tinged with an unspoken tension.

His sister, Elena, pushed through the crowd, her expression one of relief mixed with concern. She embraced him tightly, whispering words of welcome and a promise that everything was going to be alright. Marco returned her hug, allowing himself a moment of human connection, feeling the familiarity of her presence. This was part of the role, yet it felt deeply personal, blurring the lines between his mission and the reality of the relationships Marco had cultivated.

A barbecue had been arranged at a nearby friend’s house, a casual setting meant to ease Marco back into social circles. The smell of grilled meats and the sound of laughter created a semblance of normalcy. As Marco mingled, his training kept him alert to the subtleties of conversation, watching for signs of suspicion or recognition that he was not the Marco they once knew.

Throughout the afternoon, Marco played his part flawlessly, recounting sanitized tales of prison life that explained his absence without revealing too much. He joked about the prison food and how he had missed real coffee, creating a narrative that was both believable and disarming.

As the sun set, Marco found himself alone for a moment, looking out over the small, assembled crowd. They were laughing and sharing stories, a picture of community and continuity. But beneath the surface, Marco knew the stakes were high. Every interaction was a test, and his true mission—to infiltrate deeper into the criminal network—was just beginning.

Feeling the weight of his disguise, Marco allowed himself a moment of introspection. Was he Nathanial, the skilled CIA agent, or was he truly becoming Marco? The lines were fading, and as the evening drew on, he realized that his greatest challenge might not be in keeping his cover, but in holding on to his own identity beneath the layers of Marco Silvestri’s rugged exterior.

Months after his release from prison, Marco Silvestri—formerly Agent Nathanial Ford—had woven himself deeply into the local community and the intricate web of criminal activity that underpinned it. His integration was almost seamless, aided by his genuine love for horses, a passion that had grown from a mere cover story into a significant part of his daily life.

Marco had become a regular at the nearby stables, where he spent hours not just riding, but also learning about horse breeding and care. His natural affinity for the animals won him the respect and camaraderie of others in the equestrian community, many of whom were indirectly linked to the criminal syndicate he was investigating. These connections provided him with a natural inroad to gather intelligence, as conversations often flowed freely during long rides or while tending to the horses.

His mornings were usually spent at the stables, grooming and riding, followed by afternoons filled with visits to various local businesses and social gatherings that often included members of the syndicate. It was during these casual interactions that Marco was able to glean valuable insights into their operations—discussions on smuggling routes disguised as trade talks, or whispered negotiations about illegal arms hidden beneath the mundane chatter about horse races.

As Marco's understanding of the syndicate's activities deepened, so did his involvement with the horses. He had even started to rehabilitate a troubled horse, using techniques he had picked up from fellow equestrians. The horse, once skittish and unruly, had begun to trust him, mirroring the way the community, unaware of his true identity, had come to accept him as one of their own.

Yet, even as his affection for the horses and the community grew, so did the complexity of his mission. He was constantly balancing his emotional connections with the need to maintain professional detachment. The horses became his solace, a place where he could escape the duplicitous nature of his work and find a moment of peace.

The evenings were often spent in dimly lit rooms or around backroom tables where the real business took place. Here, Marco had to switch gears, engaging in the subtle dance of negotiation and information gathering. Each piece of intelligence he collected was carefully encoded and passed on to his handlers, all while maintaining the affable facade of Marco the horse enthusiast.

As months turned into a year, the lines between Nathanial and Marco blurred ever more indistinctly. He was deeply embedded, not just within the syndicate but within the fabric of a life that was increasingly difficult to separate from his own. Each decision, each relationship now carried the weight of both his mission and his emerging identity, challenging him to navigate a path that was fraught with both danger and unexpected alliances.

Two years later, Marco Silvestri—once known as Agent Nathanial Ford—had firmly established himself not just within the local equestrian community, but also as a seemingly indispensable figure within the criminal syndicate. His dual life was now more complex and entangled than ever, blending his undercover mission with elements of the life he had constructed.

Life in the Syndicate: Marco's deep integration into the syndicate allowed him to rise in its ranks, gaining access to the inner circle of leadership. His role in logistics and strategy, originally a cover, became a critical component of the syndicate's operations. He orchestrated elaborate schemes under the guise of horse trading and equestrian events, which cleverly masked the syndicate's illegal activities. This position gave him unprecedented access to confidential meetings and plans, which he discreetly relayed back to his CIA handlers.

Community Ties: In the local community, Marco was now a respected figure, known for his charitable contributions and for reviving local equestrian competitions. His passion for horses was genuine and gave him a semblance of peace amidst the chaos of his undercover life. He had even started a small foundation to support young riders from less privileged backgrounds, further cementing his local persona as a benefactor and horse lover.

Emotional Challenges: The emotional toll of his long-term undercover work was significant. Marco found himself increasingly conflicted, as he formed real friendships and even romantic interests within the community. The blurred line between his role and his real self made it difficult to remain detached. The relationships he built, based on a persona crafted for infiltration, were genuine to those involved, leading to a complex web of emotions and loyalties.

Operational Complications: As Marco's influence grew, so did the stakes. He was now involved in planning operations that could have severe consequences if executed. The moral implications of his decisions began to weigh heavily on him, knowing that his actions, though necessary for his cover, could impact many innocent lives. He had to navigate these challenges while maintaining the trust of both his criminal associates and his real employers.

As the years passed, the lines between Nathanial Ford and Marco Silvestri blurred irreversibly. The once clear-cut boundaries of his mission had faded, replaced by a complex tapestry of relationships and responsibilities that anchored him deeply in his assumed identity. Marco was no longer just a role played by a skilled CIA agent; he had become a lived experience, filled with connections that shaped his daily life.

Deepening Relationships: Marco's relationships had evolved significantly. He had lovers from various walks of life, men and women with whom he shared genuine affection and intimacy. These relationships, while part of his deep cover, had grown into real emotional bonds. Children born from these liaisons looked up to him as a father, adding layers of domestic life that he had never anticipated when he first took on the assignment.

Fading CIA Ties: The regular debriefings with his CIA handlers had become less frequent and perfunctory. The pragmatic agent who had meticulously reported every detail was now a man who shared only what was necessary, guarding the privacy and sanctity of the personal life he had built. The operational objective remained, but it was now filtered through the perspective of a man deeply integrated into the community he was supposed to surveil.

Emotional Conflict: Marco's emotional landscape was complex. Each day he faced the dichotomy of living a life that was both a fabrication and his reality. The moral implications of his actions, the lives affected by his decisions, and the futures he had helped shape—all weighed heavily on him. The detachment taught and reinforced by years of CIA training was eroding, replaced by a visceral connection to his role as Marco.

Operational Challenges: The operational challenges had also morphed. Marco was now a key player in the syndicate, involved in strategic decisions and privy to sensitive information. His role had expanded beyond intelligence gathering to active participation, complicating any plans for extraction or mission conclusion without significant repercussions.

Future Uncertainty: Looking forward, Marco faced the daunting task of reconciling his duties with his desires. The impending endgame of his mission loomed large, threatening to upend the life he had built. He needed to devise a strategy that protected his loved ones, dismantled the criminal elements he had infiltrated, and allowed him to either safely extract himself or continue living the life of Marco Silvestri.

As Marco gazed into the future, the choices before him were as challenging as they were unclear, each path fraught with personal and professional peril. The agent known as Nathanial Ford had faded into the background, overshadowed by the very life he had crafted as his disguise.

A decade into his mission, Marco Silvestri—once known as Agent Nathanial Ford—had not only infiltrated but was now leading the criminal syndicate. The lines between his original mission and the life he had built were not just blurred; they were erased. His loyalty to the CIA had dwindled over the years, overshadowed by the bonds and obligations he had formed within the syndicate and the community.

Twist in the Story: On a seemingly ordinary day, as Marco was overseeing operations at one of the syndicate’s warehouses, a new figure entered the scene. This man, appearing inconspicuous yet carrying a certain air of authority, requested a meeting with Marco. His features were hard to place, altered by expert plastic surgery, but his eyes held a familiar sharpness. This man was the real Marco, the one who had been hidden away under witness protection, now standing in front of the man who had stolen his life.

Confrontation and Revelation: The real Marco had undergone extensive surgery to change his appearance as part of the witness protection program. His return was motivated by rumors that his identity had been usurped, his life continued by someone else. As he confronted the man who had been living as him, there was a palpable tension in the air.

The encounter was fraught with a mix of disbelief and curiosity. The real Marco, now with a new face and identity, explained how he had been informed by a rogue CIA contact about the operation. He had lived in obscurity, believing his past life erased, only to discover it continued by another.

Marco Silvestri’s Dilemma: For the man known as Marco Silvestri, the appearance of his original self was a shock that threatened to unravel everything. He had to grapple with the reality of his existence: was he Nathanial, the CIA agent, or Marco, the syndicate leader? His identity crisis deepened as he faced the man whose life he had mirrored for a decade.

Strategic Decisions: The meeting between the two Marcos led to a clandestine agreement. The real Marco proposed a partnership rather than a confrontation. His years in hiding had changed him, embittering him against the authorities who had used his life as leverage. He suggested using their unique situation to their advantage, manipulating both the criminal underworld and law enforcement.

Dual Leadership: As they combined forces, the two men—each a version of Marco Silvestri—began to run the syndicate with a dual strategy. They exploited their identical backgrounds and shared knowledge to expand operations, all while maintaining a delicate balance between their personal vendettas and their goals within the syndicate.

Future Uncertainty: The future was uncertain for both men. Each day brought with it the risk of their true identities being exposed, of betrayals from within and without. Yet, they continued, driven by a mix of necessity and the thrill of the unparalleled game they were now playing. The blend of their lives—once so distinct—had created a new reality that neither could have predicted, a life where they were both Marco Silvestri, yet neither could claim to be the true one alone.

The real Marco Silvestri's transformation under witness protection was extensive and designed to obliterate any resemblance to the man he once was. His journey began with a series of surgeries and modifications that not only altered his appearance but also his physical presence in any space.

Weight Gain: To change his silhouette and the way he carried himself, Marco underwent a controlled diet that led to significant weight gain. This was not just about adding pounds but strategically altering his physique to change the way he moved and how clothes fit him, making him appear broader and more imposing than before.

Jaw and Chin Enhancements: Critical to changing his facial structure were the surgeries on his jaw and chin. His jawline was altered through implants that made it broader and squarer, giving his face a more dominant and different contour. His chin received similar treatment, with enhancements that not only changed its shape but also its projection, making his face appear longer and markedly different.

Other Facial Operations: Additional surgeries included rhinoplasty to change the shape of his nose, making it slightly larger and less refined than before. His cheekbones were augmented to add to the drastic change, creating shadows and contours that his original face did not possess. His eyelids were also subtly lifted and reshaped, altering how his eyes appeared in terms of size and expression.

Skin and Hair Changes: Beyond structural changes, his skin tone was altered through treatments to make it appear rougher and slightly darker, simulating years of different environmental exposure. His hair, once meticulously styled, was now allowed to thin naturally, with transplants in some areas to create an uneven hairline. Additionally, he let his hair go completely gray, embracing an older, worn look that diverged starkly from his previous meticulously dyed and groomed appearance.

Dental Work: To complete the transformation, extensive dental work changed the appearance of his smile. This included not only cosmetic changes like veneers to alter the shape and size of his teeth but also more structural adjustments that affected his bite and the overall look of his mouth when he spoke or smiled.

These physical changes were accompanied by months of behavioral adjustments where he learned to modulate his voice, adopt new mannerisms, and even change his gait and posture to complement his new body shape and size. The real Marco that emerged from witness protection was a man unrecognizable to even those who had known him closely, fully equipped with a new identity crafted to ensure his safety and anonymity. This new persona allowed him to navigate the world without the fear of recognition, setting the stage for his unexpected return to confront the life that Nathanial Ford had been living as him.

Agent Nathaniel as Marco ^

As the story of the two Marcos unfolds, an unexpected twist occurs that complicates the intricate web of deceit and dual identities: the arrival of Philippe, a key figure from the syndicate's European operations, who had unknowingly played a pivotal role in the life of Nathanial Ford, the agent posing as Marco Silvestri.

The Arrival of Philippe: Philippe, with his sharp intellect and charismatic presence, had been a subject of Nathanial's intensive study during his preparation for the mission. Nathanial had absorbed every detail of Philippe's mannerisms, speech patterns, and even his personal tastes to ensure a flawless infiltration. This deep study had inadvertently forged a subconscious connection between Nathanial and Philippe, a connection that neither had expected to manifest into something more profound.

Revelation and Romance: Upon his arrival, Philippe was initially brought in to verify the identity and allegiance of the man he believed to be Marco Silvestri. However, as the meeting progressed, the underlying tension between Nathanial (as Marco) and the real Marco, who had just revealed his true identity, created an atmosphere charged with emotional and strategic stakes.

As Philippe interacted with both men, he was struck by the depth and authenticity of Nathanial's portrayal of Marco. Despite knowing the truth, Philippe found himself drawn to Nathanial, moved by the dedication and sacrifice evident in his years of living as another man. This attraction was not one-sided. Nathanial, too, found himself recalling the hours spent studying Philippe, and the intellectual admiration he had developed now blossomed into genuine affection.

A Complex Love: The real Marco, witnessing the developing bond between Nathanial and Philippe, found himself in a quandary. While his initial plan had been to reclaim his life and dismantle the façade Nathanial had built, he was unexpectedly moved by the genuine emotions unfolding before him. Marco realized that his return had changed the dynamics irrevocably, not just for himself but for those around him.

As the trio navigated this complex situation, Philippe and Nathanial's connection deepened. Their relationship, built on a foundation of shared experiences and mutual respect for each other's intellect and strength, quickly grew into a passionate romance. This development added a new layer of complexity to the syndicate's power structure and the ongoing covert operations.

Strategic Adjustments: The dual leadership of the syndicate, now aware of Nathanial and Philippe's relationship, had to recalibrate their strategies. Philippe, with his extensive network and influence, became an even more crucial ally. Together, the three men—each with his own agenda and emotional stakes—began to reshape the syndicate's future.

This love, born out of espionage and deep cover, transformed not only the personal lives of Nathanial and Philippe but also the strategic alignments within the syndicate. As they moved forward, the trio had to balance their personal feelings with their professional duties, each decision now weighted with the potential for personal loss or gain.

The future remained uncertain, with the risk of exposure and betrayal ever-present. However, the bond between Nathanial and Philippe offered a glimmer of hope, a chance for redemption and a new beginning amidst the shadows of their clandestine world.

[princesselise]

haha so i was getting ready to post my official service dog fundraiser but smth more urgent has come up. i had a severe medical event today (10+ seizures in 2 hours!) and when i went to the er i was lied to, manhandled, physically assaulted, gaslit beyond fucking belief, and severely endangered by the staffs actions. there was another victim, a close friend of mine having a concurrent medical emergency, and several close friends were witnesses and were also lied to and threatened by the staff.

we were both denied advocates, something we are entitled to under HIPAA, doubly damning because we were both incapacitated and unable to communicate with staff and they refused to engage with our advocates or allow them entry to the building.

we are both going to need additional therapy to cope with these events and we intend to pursue legal action against the hospital. anything you can spare to help cover those costs would mean the world to us. ill have more info later but we are just in survival mode rn

for now, my venmo and ko-fi are both @peachcandiz

[mintmatcha]

you said you think he has ruts and heats, are they concurrent/simultatious? is this one of the universes where those things only happen a couple times a year and it’s debilitating or perhaps something that happens like once a month to the average alpha/omega and the symptoms aren’t all that bad? does he *know* which reproductive organs he has?? like does he know if could carry like a typical omega would? has he kind of left himself in the dark medically because of how much he clearly struggles with it? i just want to hear you yap.

I TYPED A BIG THING ON MY WORK COMPUTER AND DIDNT GET TO HIT SEND AAAA

I like the idea of. unsupressed omegas and alphas get two or three really big heats a year, while suppressed ones have tiny little ones more often. Sakura has experienced BOTH, but they are very infrequent (once every year-- if that) and they are nonconcurrent.

I think he purposefully leaves himself in the dark medically AND had been failed by medical practitioners and medical developments for not understanding intersex secondary genders

happy pride