#Chuuya only deserves the best things in life

[petitesmafia]

HAPPY CHUUYA THE BEST CHUUYA

[welivetodream]

People thinking Atsushi is just a cute lil soft boy are so WRONG.

Atsushi is one of the best executed C-PTSD protagonists who are not just "kind" because they are the MC.

Atsushi is sassy, he is mean and says things like they are, even to his own mentor Dazai, he is not afraid of saying bad things. He doesn't hold back on his words. And he can be quite quick when it comes to using sass ("are you a landmower?" "Why are you dressed like a half-finished mummy, Dazai-san" "Akutagawa, fancy a cup of tea?" "That's why Dazai-san left you")

He's not just nice. He thinks he should be nice and kind because that's what someone like him should be like. Atsushi has such a low self esteem that he NEEDS to show kindness to everyone because he thinks just like he got a second chance at life, everyone else deserves it too.

That's why he saved Kyouka and Lucy, he recognised that want for bettering themselves in them. He wanted them to get a second chance like he did. Because to him, people are not good or bad, but they have the ability to change no matter how far they have gone.

This is why Atsushi is the only one who can recognise and understand Dazai's true personality. Whenever Dazai says something self depreciating Atsushi ALWAYS corrects him. In Dead Apple when Dazai is visiting Oda's grave, Atsushi understands whoever this person was, they were very dear to Dazai. At the end of Dead Apple when Dazai says he thinks he's not a good person, Atsushi tells him he has never thought of Dazai not being a good person. Atsushi knows Dazai was in the Port Mafia, but he STILL confirms he sees Dazai as a good person regardless of his past. Because Atsushi believes in second chances, and HE gave the second chance to Dazai that Oda must have wanted Dazai to get, even if the ADA accepted Dazai, no one has ever reassured him being a good person before. (Also in BSD wan, when Dazai says "I want to go out beautifully" during the fireworks scene, in the end-credits Atsushi sits near the river the entire day because he was sad that Dazai was suicidal. And in BSD mayoi, Dazai makes a snowman of Atsushi along with Oda, Ango and Chuuya, showing how much he adored Atsushi)

It's the same with Akutagawa; Atsushi doesn't understand why Akutagawa hates him and he's mean to Akutagawa at times but it never crossed a line. Akutagawa had done so many bad things to Atsushi but at the end they still worked together. Because Dazai understood the only person who will make Akutagawa use his powers to "protect" instead of "attack" is Atsushi. During the ending fight in S3, Akutagawa makes an armour for Atsushi as they combine their powers. And in the end credit scene of S5, we see Akutagawa protecting Atsushi AGAIN. This time Akutagawa isn't wearing the same coat Dazai gave him and for the first time shows true loyalty to Atsushi. ("Just the two of us?" "Do we need more?" *SCREAMS*)

Atsushi's relationship with the headmaster of the orphanage shows how much the trauma affected him as a child. When he can't forgive the headmaster at his death, he hates himself for not being able to give a second chance. And that's when Dazai steps in and tells him, "we cry when our father dies" something Atsushi really needs to hear and he finally cries.

Atsushi reassures Dazai all the time and Dazai snaps Atsushi out of his self depreciation all the time. Their solidarity throughout the story, shows why that day when Dazai chose Atsushi for the ADA; he recognised not Atsushi's powerful ability but his true ability in choosing to believe in people when no one else can.

[chuuyasheaven]

“ How about I give you the tip? ” ;)

You ringed the bell and waited, with a pizza in your hand as you sigh. You didn’t get payed enough for this, but this was the best you could do at the moment. While you were rethinking your life choices, the door opened. A really handsome guy stood at the door, looking at the pizza then you and then down on the pizza again. You weren’t gonna lie, that guy was so pretty you kinda just stared at him.

“Uhm, here’s your pizza, sir.”, you asked the guy who was lightly smiling at you. “You’re really pretty for a pizza delivery,”, this just came out of nowhere but you appreciated it.

“Yeah, thanks. That would make seven dollars.”, you looked at him and gave a small smile. He was thinking about something and then spoke up. “It’s pretty late, how many do you have left?”, you just sighed and just straight up told him. “No, you’re my last.”

He smirked, thinking of something which kinda annoyed you. Couldn’t he just give you number and pay after? “You must be tired of delivering all day, you definitely deserve more than seven dollars.”, you were flattered that he was more considerate than your manager, then he continued to speak.

“How about I give you the tip? You can come inside and place the pizza somewhere.”

Well, turns out he wasn’t talking about the tip but rather about his tip, the tip being inside your hole. But were you complaining? “Feels good, right?”, seems like a tip is still a tip in the end of the day! A sudden spank was landed on your ass which whipped you back to reality. “I was askin’ you, pretty. Is the tip good?”, he asked again rather sheepishly. “Y–yes! Oh, shit—”, you moaned in response.

He was speeding up, saying nasty things to you while absolutely destroying you and your hole. “Delivering pizzas ain’t the only job you’re doing good at, is it? Taking me this good— fuck. .”, your head was in the pillow and your ass in the air, perfect position for some random dude you were supposed to be delivering to. “Such a slut, spreadin’ your legs so fast for a tip.”, your customer laughed. “Y–you were the— ngh— i–it was your idea to— ah!”, he thrusted really deep, interrupting you completely. “And who said you that you couldn’t deny this? So don’t try to blame me, baby.”, ‘baby’? You barely know this guy! But still, he has you moaning and clenching like someone he’s fucked multiple times before.

With the source of sound being your moans you weren’t really able to warn him about your upcoming orgasm. “Yeah, wanna cum? Wanna coat this tip in a pretty white? Hm? Shit—”, you cumming without any warning caused him to cum too, ropes of white cum being shot inside you. Breathing heavily, especially you since you needed to process what just happened, he giggled drunkenly.

“Wanna get the real tip now, pretty?”

DAZAI, NIKOLAI, Chuuya, Ur faves, etc.

Something silly from my mind lol

[nakahras]

᯽ they forget valentine’s day • multi

synopsis • dazai is an oblivious and dramatic fool. chuuya is a wounded puppy that needs to relax

warnings • dazai (he needs his own warning yes), i’m not sure this even has cursing, anxiety, alcohol, drunk chuuya bc he’s a lightweight, reader is a civilian, fem!reader

wc • 2.8k

a/n • happy valentine’s day, lil birdies <3

᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽

dazai:

you’d been pouty all week. giving him short responses both verbally and through texts. on day 3 he plucked up the courage to ask but you were short with him once again.

“i’m fine, osamu.”

you were lying to him. you never called him by his full first name, never called him “osamu.” it was always “‘samu” or “baby.” he tried his best to get it out of you a couple more times that day before letting out a huff of defeat at his desk. he was usually able to avoid his paperwork by distracting you but this week has been excruciating for him. you were “too busy” with paperwork. when had you ever been too busy for dazai? it just didn’t make sense.

you were lying and he knew you were.

on day 4, you were both dispatched on a mission together. it was just a standard patrol. something you have done a million times before and usually use it as an excuse to goof off and make a date out of it. this time, however, you apparently took it very seriously. you wouldn’t even let dazai hold your hand. dazai was wounded at this point. his chest felt heavy in the worst way possible.

even worse you started referring to him as dazai. he thinks he would prefer osamu over dazai.

“bella, why are you treating me like a mere colleague. i’m your boyfriend. shouldn’t i be able to hold your hand?”

he’s pouting, you can hear it in his voice but you refuse to acknowledge it. “we’re on assignment, dazai.”

“‘samu. ‘s ‘samu, not dazai. what did i do to deserve this injustice?” the pressure in his chest grows as you continue to look forward, straight faced.

you let out a sigh. “if you don’t know what you did -- or didn’t do -- i don’t know what to tell you.”

dazai spends the rest of that assignment wracking his head over things he specifically avoided doing.

on day 5 he started to actually sweat a little bit because of your increasing mistreatment of him. was this how you were ending things with him? he couldn’t for the life of him think of anything he had done wrong, or hadn’t done at all, as of late. he had been on especially good behavior recently. so the only conclusion he could rationally (read: irrationally) come to was that you were sick of him. you couldn’t stand him anymore. you hated him. that was the only possible explanation.

it wasn’t.

on day 6 dazai had lost all hope. he spent his whole day at his desk staring at the ceiling. he was moping and he was aware of it. the whole office was aware of it but no one was indulging him and that was part of the problem. it’s as if everyone was in on it with you. they all knew but no one would give him a hint. traitors. every single one of them were traitors. even his usually sweet protege, atsushi refused to stare dazai in the eye. that’s how he knew they were all keeping it from him.

dazai wholeheartedly believed they were all plotting on his demise.

finally ranpo came to dazai day 7 with a bag full of…heart themed treats? what was he supposed to-- oh. OH!? how could he have missed that it was mid february. he was meant to ask you to be his valentine and now it was day of and he didn’t even have any plans. he didn’t like the idea of ranpo having to bail him out. once he’s connected the dots, dazai bolts straight up. his chair crashing to the floor with a loud thud. he startles everyone in the office, even you look up in shock. he doesn’t say anything just rushes out leaving everyone, especially you, utterly confused.

he comes back an hour later with the biggest stuffed teddy you had ever laid your eyes on and the most gorgeous bouquet of 2 dozen roses. you’re not even sure where dazai got the money to buy them? you desperately hope he didn’t manage to steal them. he struggles his way over to you and gives you his big pleading puppy dog eyes that he knows works every time.

“i’m such a fool! my belladonna, i’ve failed you and i deserve to be shot where i stand. if you were to deny me i would completely understand,” no he wouldn’t. “but would you please be my valentine?”

you try to stay stern with him but you can feel yourself melting under his big brown eyed gaze. you’re conflicted and it shows on your face. “’samu…”

thank god for yosano walking in at that very moment. she is your savior for the second time this week. she looks at dazai incredulously and then just starts crackling. everyone looks at her confused. once she’s composed herself enough, she looks to you.

“please, tell me i get to be the one to break the news to him.” dazai’s brow furrows in confusion as he looks back at you for an answer.

you nod your head and smile relieved. “i haven’t told him yet….”

“told me what? what am i missing? why are you two being so cryptic?” dazai is whining now. he’s only slightly nervous that you have yet to give him a response, surely you won’t say no to him, right?

wrong.

“this sweet little angel agreed to be my valentine yesterday.” yosano announces proudly while wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

it’s comical, the way dazai’s jaw drops. he let’s out a dramatic gasp. “yosano i thought we were friends. you would steal my bella just like that?!”

“chicks before dicks, dazai. you slept on my pretty angel for too long.”

dazai tries so hard to be appalled but the shrill and scandalized “yosano” kunikida yelps out makes dazai lose his composure. the brunette takes opportunity in yosano and kunikida bickering to pull you aside. he gives you an earnest look, one so rare that you forget to breathe for a moment.

“are you really going to continue to be yosano’s valentine and not mine?”

curse his shining burnt caramel colored eyes. curse his pathetic shaggy haircut that made his waves frame his face so beautifully. and last of all curse those pouty and perfectly pink lips of his that you’ve denied yourself of for a week now. you want to curse him. you really do. but he is so pretty and you’re so weak to a pretty face.

your fold under his gaze and huff in defeat. he lights up like the radiant star he is. you missed his light, it had been dull the last 7 days. you pout as he brings you into his arms. “thank you for giving me another chance, my bella. i promise to make it up to you.”

“you better, ‘samu.”

᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽•᯽

chuuya:

chuuya always worked extra hours. it was normal for him to overwork himself. but lately he felt as though his workload had doubled. he could only delegate so much before he started to feel bad about not doing the work himself. even the paperwork started piling up. after a long 4 days of sleepless nights chuuya has finally managed to clear out every stack of papers that were littering his office.

as if she had a sixth sense for knowing when chuuya was done with his work, kouyou walked in at the most opportune time. “a little birdy told me that you’d finally finished your work. how about we go for drinks to celebrate. it’s still early enough. my little sister should still be in her night class, right? she wouldn’t mind if i stole you for an hour or two, would she?”

“a drink?” chuuya can’t deny that a nice glass of vintage sounds heavenly right now. he hasn’t seen you in 4 days and although he wants nothing more than to hold you in his arms, he has to respect that you’re currently occupied by the one night class you have a week. kouyou was right, you wouldn’t be out until 9pm. it was only a handful of minutes before 7pm.

chuuya nods. “yeah, i could go for a drink.”

he found himself in one of the private rooms of one of the many restaurants kouyou owns. as promised he is sipping at his second glass of wine, heat is starting to settle in his stomach and he knows that soon enough, if he doesn’t pace himself, he’ll be feeling that heat in his head. it always made his mind foggy.

the conversation had lulled but it was a comfortable silence as they both picked at the appetizers kouyou had ordered for the two of them. kouyou takes a bite of and enoki beef roll and sighs in satisfaction. mid chew her eyes widen and she hums as if something just occurred to her. she hovers her hand in front of her mouth starts to chew quicker. a finger is held up by her other hand to indicate that it’ll just be a moment.

kouyou swallows her food intently and looks at chuuya excitedly. “what do you have planned tomorrow for my little sister?”

kouyou gives chuuya an excited smile and expectant look. the problem is…chuuya has no idea what kouyou is talking about. why would he plan something for tomorrow? panic starts to settle at the pit of his stomach. why would he have something planned for tomorrow? did he forget your birthday? anniversary? what even was the date?

kouyous smile drops as she watches visible panic flit across chuuya’s expression. she sighs, feeling a little sorry for bringing it up. she thought maybe chuuya had been working so hard to get everything finished to enjoy the day with you tomorrow. no, he was just being his usual self and overworking himself to exhaustion. evidently he had no idea what tomorrow was.

“chuuya, calm down. it’s only valentine’s day. she’s forgiving. i’m sure she won’t hold it against you if you forget one valentine’s day. even so, you still have time. i’ll make reservations for dinner for you two at my nicest restaurant, the one at the hotel in the business district. i’ll book you a suite to stay the night as well. on me.”

chuuya visibly relaxes but the look on his face is still one of worry. kouyou gives him another expectant look and chuuyas shoulders slump over. he looks like a wounded puppy. she could practically hear the whimpers.

“i didn’t ask her to be my valentine…” chuuya feels ridiculous saying it but he figures if anyone was going to understand it would be kouyou.

kouyou picks up the bottle of wine and tops off chuuya’s now empty wine glass. she doesn’t think he’s noticed in his panic how much he’s had to drink but she’s hoping a little more will relax him. she doesn’t expect him to finish the whole glass, maybe just another sip or two.

kouyou has never been so wrong in her life.

᯽•᯽

you get let out early from your night class, something about needing to prepare for tomorrow? whatever that was supposed to mean. perhaps it was a special day for him?

as you’re walking up the stairs to your small apartment you look at the time: 8:23pm. you had expected to take the train home but one of your friends offered to give you a lift home. so you were home earlier than expected and you were so appreciative of it. it’s been a long week and you just want to relax.

you shot chuuya a text when you got out. you felt a little guilty for not being able to talk to him more the last 5 or so days. you’d been busy with starting up clinicals and of course having mock patient evaluations and notes due the same day. but you were finally settled and just so happened to have the next 2 days completely free.

you check your messages and see that the message is marked as read but chuuya never replied. you don’t have much time to worry about it though because the second you’re rounding the corner you see -- is that two? yes, it is. you see two familiar heads of ginger hair standing outside of your apartment door. your brows furrow as you get closer and notice your boyfriend is leaning on kouyou for support. his face is abnormally red; it's almost comical.

you clear your throat and kouyou looks up from struggling to keep her own balance. she gives you an apologetic smile. “sorry to dump him on you, sunshine, but he refused to go home after he got your text. i had no choice but to bring him here.”

chuuya seems to have enough consciousness to realize that kouyou is talking to someone. he finally looks up and squints at your for a moment before his eyes light up in recognition. he whispers your name under his breath and gets this adorably determined expression on his face. oh god, he and kouyou must have just came from having drinks. he’s surprisingly stable on his feet still, only stumbles over his feet twice before he’s standing in front of you, examining your face intently, as if he's looking for something that’s clearly not there.

“did kouyou feed you too much wine again, baby?” you let out a small giggle and chuuya swears he could cry over how much he missed you these last few days.

“...yeah. she did. drank too much wine. ‘was good though.” his sentences are short and words are slurred. you think if his speech wasn’t slightly broken, he would definitely be slurring more.

you peer over at kouyou and smile at her appreciatively. “thank you for getting him to me safely, kouyou. are you gonna be alright getting home?”

she waves her hand at you dismissively. “he insisted. i have my driver with me. you two lovebirds have a good night and enjoy your date tomorrow~”

just like that, kouyou leaves you confused. before you’re able to process her words and form a question she’s already made her way around the corner and out of sight. you look at chuuya for an answer instead. his eyebrows are furrowed and he’s examining your face once again. you begin to feel self conscious and pat at your face.

“what? what is it? also�� what was kouyou talking about? what date? are you taking me somewhere tomorrow?” you know you might be asking too many questions for chuuya’s muddled brain right now but you’re far too confused to care.

chuuya huffs as if remembering something distasteful. his mouth turns down in a frown and he does something he rarely would sober. his hands find your waist and he pulls you into him with his ability. you make a small squeak of surprise as you practically crash into his chest. your palms placed o his chest to brace yourself. you notice chuuya is uncommonly stable for his state and chalk it up to his ability being activated. you’re correct of course, his body is illuminated by a red glow -- your’s is too.

before you have a chance to ask what in the hell was going on you’re distracted by chuuya’s hands slipping under your scrub top and circling your waist. your breath hitches at the intimate touch. his head drops to your shoulder and he breathes you in. the breath is immediately followed by a content sigh.

“‘m sorry. i forgot” it’s muffled but you still make it out.

you swallow thickly trying to ignore just how much his touch affects you. “you’re sorry about what? what did you forget?”

“didn’t ask you sooner…” you think maybe he’s lost his mind. it’s the only explanation you have for the nonsense he’s spewing.

you reach over to pry chuuya from your shoulder but it’s no use. you let out a defeated sigh. “ask me now.”

chuuya looks up at that. for the third time in the past ten minutes he’s examining your face. you’re no longer questioning it. you suppose it makes sense. it’s been almost a week since you last saw each other. you can’t deny that you missed him too.

“be my valentine?” you don’t think that you’re seen him this nervous since he asked you out.

your brows furrow for a moment until realization slaps you in the face. your mouth forms a circle as it hits you that today is the thirteenth of february. tomorrow is valentine’s day. guilt seeps into your very core. you had completely forgotten because of how busy with school you were.

you sigh and reach out to hold chuuya’s face. “only if you’re still willing to be mine too since i also forgot that tomorrow is valentine’s day.”

chuuya perks up, it’s akin to an excited puppy. you can’t help the way your heart melts at the sight of his soft expression. you giggle as chuuya brings you in and showers you in kisses. you can’t help but to think that all the hard work you put in and going days without seeing chuuya is all worth it when you finally reunite and get to see him again like this.

[silverbladexyz]

TW: Mentions of death, injuries, self-loathing. Part 2 to this. Part 3 is here.

"I can't believe you sometimes. What if you had actually been killed because of your recklessness?!"

"But I wasn't! Even if combat isn't my strong suit, I had it all under control; and besides, these wounds are nothing compared to what we've faced before!"

In the normally tranquil environment of the Port Mafia's infirmary, two voices argued back and forth. One laced with worry and anger, the other laced with guilty adamance. A pair of best friends seemed to be the reason behind this noise; with their stubbornness a guise of the true feelings that they harboured for each other.

"Are you seriously kidding me right now? Even if you had it all under control, that doesn't mean you can gamble your life away like it's nothing! How do you think everyone would feel if you died? Do you want to put them through more pain and suffering that could've been prevented if you were more cautious? Do you even care?!"

"..."

Instead of replying, you turned away, suddenly finding the window to be more interesting than whatever was going on right now.

He was right. You didn't think properly about the consequences before you jumped straight in to engage with the enemy, even if you may have had a backup plan.

"... I'm sorry."

It was soft, but Chuuya managed to catch it.

He gave a small sigh, his shoulders dropping as the tension in them wore out. You fiddled with your bandages, not having the courage to look at him in the eyes. Did you even deserve to, afterall? When you worried him sick after he learnt that he almost lost you?

You heard his footsteps approaching you, and mentally prepared for the next thing that he was going to say.

Only for him to somewhat tug you into his arms.

Your eyes widened, and you blinked several times before realising that Chuuya Nakahara, your best friend, was hugging you.

His breath fanned against your collarbone as he buried his face into your shoulder. Strong arms held you close to him, being mindful of the injuries that you sustained on your body- yet the grip they held you in was tight but secure.

"... You idiot. Don't you dare do that again."

It was the most vulnerable you had ever seen him.

You hugged him back, inhaling his rich scent as an unknown heat bloomed in your chest.

"I won't. I promise, Chuuya."

His warmth never left your memories.

Now, you watched as he stood with her, holding her hand. They were too far away for you to make out their words, but whatever she said made Chuuya laugh. A genuine, happy laugh that seemed so much more different from the short chuckles he normally gave you.

He put his arm around her shoulder, and you unconsciously hugged your body as you felt yourself getting colder. It was the third of December- the start of another winter in Yokohama. Marking the six month anniversary of their relationship.

A wry smile made it's way on your face as Chuuya pulled Yasuko in for a kiss. Even though it was a short peck, it was enough to make your heart twist in longing that exemplified whenever you were around him. It was stupid; you knew that your best friend deserved to have someone much better than the monster you were, but it didn't stop you from wishing that you were her. Someone that was a sight for sore eyes, with an aura brighter than the blue skies- someone that could get Chuuya mesmerised.

You even noticed how he became slightly more distant in the friendship. You knew that he wasn't doing it on purpose; he was still the great best friend that he always was, but the little signs were there. Holding your hand so that you wouldn't get lost in the crowd had diminished to just staying close to you. Whenever you called him on a free day to ask if he wanted to hang out with you, he would apologise, saying 'I have a date with Yasuko later'. And the fact that you had the same free days really said something about how much they meant to him.

You walked away, the sight getting too much to handle. Once you were at a safe distance, you crumpled against a wall, biting down on the inside of your mouth to stop the tears from leaking out. A higher-ranking mafioso like you, crying over some crush? Pathetic. An unfitting model for your subordinates who looked up to you as a great unflinching leader.

"Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty." You chuckled bitterly, digging your nails into your palms. You hated it- the soft gaze in Chuuya's eyes whenever Yasuko was mentioned, the way that he gently held her hand, the way he became much more sweet and patient with her that was almost nothing like how he acted around you- you hated it all. You regretted not confessing to him sooner all those years ago.

But you were only the side character in their romance; forever doomed to support them while you suffered in silence.

Was there something or somebody that you could blame for this agony that you were currently in? Destiny, perhaps? Or even Cupid? Those names only made you scoff as you stuffed your hands into your pockets.

There was nobody you could blame except for yourself.

Perhaps it would have been better if you were the one who saved Yasuko, not Chuuya. They would have never spent as much time with each other, and you'd still have a chance at romancing him. None of this would have happened if the roles were reversed at that time.

But who were you kidding? One way or another, they’d end up together by the red string of fate. The most perfect match in all of Yokohama that could put every other couple to shame. And you'd always be the third wheel- the 'best friend' whose sacrifices went unseen just so that they could be happy.

Or maybe it would have been better if Yasuko didn't exist in the first place.

"-Y/N? Y/N?"

A voice broke you out of your thoughts, and you blinked a bit before refocusing onto the girl in front of you.

"Is everything okay? N-not that you have to tell me what's wrong, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll always be here for you."

Yasuko looked at you with a concerned expression, her eyes searching your face for any sign of discomfort.

Those innocent, beautiful eyes of hers that had held Chuuya captive in their gaze.

Ah, right. You were currently in the shopping mall with her, because her boyfriend had asked you to accompany her like some sort of bodyguard. And who were you to refuse, as his best friend who was always there for him? Well, you were grateful that Chuuya trusted you enough to let you near Yasuko. You had seen how protective he was of her.

"... Nothing. I'm alright."

You smiled at her, all traces of your previous emotions now gone. How could you have let your composure slip so easily? This hangout was so that you could 'get closer' with her, not reminiscing about the pathetic past that held you captive in this agonising love.

She frowned a little, but before she could say anything else, you jumped at the opportunity to distract her. Anything that could make you temporarily forget your pain for one moment was what you desperately needed now.

"Oh, looks like they're selling discounted jewellery! Let's take a look! You might find something that you like."

Grabbing her wrist, you dragged her towards the jewellery store despite having no intentions to buy anything. You simply wanted her to be distracted by the precious stones, so meticulously cut and fit into fine metal that it was laughable how they were mostly for show. A valuable trinket only made to be admired and forgotten at the end of the day, even when so much blood had been spilled over them. Blood that would forever stain the hands of a sinner such as you.

"Oh! I remember Chuuya taking me to a similiar store! He bought me a ring; I said that there was no need, but he insisted." Yasuko glanced down at the gold-and-red circlet that lay snugly around her index finger, her gaze becoming shyer as she profoundly remembered the day that her beloved boyfriend had bought it for her.

Your own silver ring that he gifted to you on your 18th birthday paled in comparison to the 5-carat Burmese ruby that sat atop her finger. It was a harsh reminder of who the buyer really preferred from between the two of you. That twisted feeling in your gut resurfaced, but you pushed it back down. You had no more frivolous hopes that he would one day realise you were the one whom he truly belonged with.

"Haha... did he now? I didn't know Chuuya was such a romantic. Did you know that rubies symbolise passionate and undying love?" You smiled as she blushed; the redness on her cheeks rivaling the shade of the precious gemstone that was proof of his commitment to her.

People were right when they said love hurts, but they never mentioned that it was the most painful sensation in the world. All the stab wounds and burns and whatnot that you had experienced from your enemies were nothing compared to a broken heart. A heart that was made to be torn apart to pieces as it weeps for the love it would never get.

Something cold brushed against your wrist, and you looked down to see a bracelet made up of the most exquisite yellow topaz. Yasuko held an identical one in her hand, her expression almost bashful as she faced you.

"I... I wanted to get matching bracelets for the two of us. I know it's only been a few months since we became friends, but being around you has really brightened up my life. I'm glad that we got to meet each other, and I hope that our friendship continues to grow and strengthen!"

She smiled at you; a smile so full of purity and beauty that it would've made many men fall onto her knees in front of her. It was a smile that didn't belong in the dark depths of Yokohama- instead, it belonged to a goddess that was too good for this world. A goddess that clearly deserved to call Nakahara Chuuya hers. Just seeing that smile made you feel infinitely more guilty about the nasty thoughts you had about her each night.

Yasuko's smile faded, worried that she might have overstepped your boundaries due to your silence.

"S-sorry... I should've asked you beforehand if you wanted to buy matching bracelets. Please don't force yourself to buy it just to make me happy-"

You shut her up by slipping it onto your right wrist, the topaz seeming to reflect the sun's golden rays back at you. Shooting her a smile, you grasped Yasuko's hand and put the other bracelet onto her left wrist joint. It fit nicely; just like anything else that she wore.

"May our friendship last until death do us part." It was a pact that you had sworn with Chuuya before. And you always kept your word, never breaking a promise to someone no matter how bizarre or extreme it was.

How unfortunate, really, that death did you apart too early.

@circinuus @riiwrites @ruanais @justcallmesakira @yasu-masashige @oldworldpoolhall @heartsfourdazai @ashthemadwriter-uwu @sariel626 @yuugen-benni @chocsra @iridescentdove

[wiltq]

The saddest thing about most characters in bsd is their mentality.

Akutagawa for example, Akutagawa is an incredibly tragic character, numerous amounts of traumatic events have happened to him, but still those aren’t the saddest things about him.

Akutagawa isn’t a sad character because he was abused or that he has a lung disease, it’s because of his views. Akutagawa finds no meaning in life, he’s only still alive because he was given a goal and he needs to achieve it. He likely wouldn’t be alive if Dazai didn’t come along.

Almost every character in bsd is suicidal in some way, Chuuya and Kunikida will sacrifice themselves for others sometimes without thinking of a different solution, Akutagawa and Poe don’t see meaning in life unless there’s something for them to look for, Atsushi doesn’t bother in thinking of a different solution and acts on impulsive thinking. Dazai is simply the only one who makes attempts on their life.

All of these stem from world views, Chuuya believes he has to save others as it is what he was made for, Kunikida thinks that others should live more than he should, Akutagawa views life as nothing but hell and finds it pointless to suffer unless he gays to obtain something, Poe believes he doesn’t have a right to live unless he’s the best at what he does, and Atsushi thinks of himself as worthless and doesn’t believe he deserves to live.

These all weren’t because of events that happened to the characters but simply because of how they think.

[riiwrites]

bsd boys love language

authors note : hi guys i’m back, I’ve had no motiviation what so ever so please have this as an apology </3 ( =ω= )

includes : atsushi, dazai, chuuya, ranpo, kunikida

genre : fluff

warnings : none

wc : 1378

Atsushi Nakajima

Physical Touch & Words of Affirmations

At first he’s not too keen on the whole physical touch concept. I mean he would gladly hold your hand and give you cheek kisses, the little things. But I don’t think he’d be so willing at first due to how he’s not quite used to being touched in such an affectionate way.

He finds it hard to warm up to that kind of stuff so easily. But once he takes that risk and opens up to you then oh boy, he’s hooked.

He’s so in love with holding your hand tightly wherever you guys go, your fingers interlocked with one another ever so tightly.

He’s a sucker for giving you little kisses on your face and hands too, cheeks, lips forehead, nose you name it.

If he ever just needed a break from the world and just from everything, he would go to you instantly, placing his hands on your hips and burrowing his head into your neck, resting it there and basking the scent of your hair and his problems all fade away into thin air.

Bottom line, he’s absolutely whipped for your touch <3

Atsushi melts at him receiving compliments and praise. He gets all flustered as he’s always trying his best and he’s really happy to know that you take notice of him trying to be the best he can be for you and everyone else.

Atsushi also absolutely worships you in the cutest ways possibly. He absolutely adores you and is determined to make it clear.

He’s quick to give you the sweetest compliments ever.

"oh love, you look so beautiful today."

"i love your outfit today, you look stunning"

"you look so precious today, sweetheart!"

He always gives you these compliments because he always wants you to know you’re enough. You’re absolutely perfect to him and he feels so lucky that you’re in his life and he doesn’t understand how and what he did to deserve it but he cherishes you ever so close to him and his heart.

Always complimenting you and always loving you dearly <3

Dazai Osamu

Physical Touch

Dazai is a very touchy man. He is practically all over you all the time.

He’s not clingy per say, but he’s just very touchy and wants to constantly be caressing you in some kind of way. he’s clingy.

When it’s in public, he’s not too clingy as he doesn’t want the attention to be all on you two whilst you’re out and about, you’re for him only nobody else deserves to know and see you two in such affectionate ways.

But he does do little signs of PDA and affection in public.

Yknow the thing in romance movies when the guy puts his hand in the others back jean pocket (please tell me someone knows what i mean)

Yeah, he does that.

When you’re home alone though, prepare for not being left alone because he’s jumping you. (with love of course!)

He loves cuddling you, being the big spoon in bed and stuff. Although he is the little spoon when he’s at his most softest with you :)

Dazai also loves giving you little kisses all over your precious little face. He just loves grabbing your cute cheeks in his rough hands and starts puckering his lips all over your face as you scrunch up your nose and giggle at his antics.

If you work with him at the agency, he tries his best to distract you by coming up from behind you and snaking his arms around your waist and pulling you in, hugging you and basically smothering you until you give up with your assigned cases.

He feels proud when you give in and Kunikida ends up scolding him for it.

Chuuya Nakahara

Gift Giving & Quality Time

Chuuya treats you like royalty. He thinks you’re the most graceful thing to have ever stepped foot onto this planet, so he thinks if you are royalty you should be treated as such.

With his pay, he treats with the most exquisite gifts ever, he loves to spoil you. He just adores seeing your eyes light up in admiration and your cheeks puff up as the corners of your lips perk up into a bright and heart filled smile.

He’ll buy you the most pricey shoes and/or heels to ever exist, along with a whole brand new dress/suit for you to wear on your next date.

On specific holidays, such as your birthday or Valentine’s Day he is on an absolute spending rampage to get everything you could possibly imagine. He makes sure to have everything planned out for both of your guys’ special day.

Whenever he couldn’t be home for dinners or even just in general when he couldn’t show up, he would buy you a special little gift as an apology for him not being able to show up.

"I’m sorry I couldn’t show, doll. you said ya liked that necklace yeah? it’s all yours." <3

Chuuya loves spending quality time just by walking through the streets of Yokohama with you holding his arm ever so gently, browsing through the shops and enjoying the fresh air as you rest your cheek against your lovers shoulder, so in love with him as he’s so in love with you <33

Chuuya also adores just basking in the sweet silence with you, you sitting between his legs as he rests his head on the top of yours, playing with your hair and closing his pretty eyes.

Nothing but beautiful sweet silence with you. <3

Ranpo Edogawa

Physical Touch & Gift Giving

Ranpo, other than candy, craves your touch. He’s so whipped for just hugging you and having your arms around him or vice versa. He loves a little lazy day with you when you’re either in his arms or he’s in your yours and you’re both just relaxing and enjoying eachothers company.

You both are always in some sort of cuddling position. Wherever it’s you behind him or him behind you, you’re both cuddling somewhere and someplace.

He’s also 100% the little spoon of the relationship too, I don’t make the rules. He just loves being in your arms in general and enjoys being close to you when you’re both sleeping.

Like I said previously, he enjoys lazy days with you. A lazy day with Ranpo consists of you two, pajamas on all day, a cozy bed, lots of snacks and sweets is a must along with a big screen TV as you both watch thrillers and murder mysteries together.

Unfortunately for you though, Ranpo already knows the killer the moment the movie starts so he’s alright right and spoils the ending for you when he’s feeling cheeky.

Kunikida Doppo

Acts of Service

Kunikida is a very active man. Always on his feet, doing basically everything he can for his work place and for his lovely partner.

When he does stuff for you, he’s willing to do it, no questions asked. It doesn’t feel like a chore when he’s doing it for you.

He’ll water the plants in your apartment, cook for you, clean for you.

You ask him if he needs any help? No, he’s okay thanks for the offer though. He always insists on having you relax and take a break for yourself even though the poor man doesn’t take breaks for himself.

I firmly believe he has a set on schedule where he has a whole day planned out where he just does all the work that needs to be done for you and just lets you have a nice day off.

He loves seeing your precious soft smile as you kiss his cheek and thank him so much for all he’s done for you, he practically melts into your touch but he quickly composes it with those stern eyes but a soft smile to capture that sweetness.

He takes note of things that you personally like doing or things you actually don’t particularly like doing and instead he does those things for you.

He takes in the little details of you and pays attention to your likes and dislikes and makes sure that he can fufill your own ideals and happiness because you deserve to be happy too <3

[lotus-pear]

Can we stop acting like dazai was the devil. Like yes he did bad things but he was a child. He was 15 alone and in the mafia where althe was told to do was bad things. ALL dazai knew how to do is lie and deceive because it what he's always had to do.it's self preservation. Like??? When will people realize dazai wasn't a monster and was justa child brought up in an Unsafe and abusive environment. Behaviors are learned your aren't born with them. Dazai was a suicidal child just trying to survive all'he knew was manipulation and Iying because that's all he was taught. He abused akutagawa because that's all he was taught. And as he got older it's all he knows how to do. Obviously he's gotten better but he's still morally grey. And that's ok but it's not enough to call him a monster. hes trying so so hard to change, and even if he may not realise it or cling guiltily to his past, the entire prison arc shows how much effort hes put in to become a better person it isnt easy, growing up exposed to death/violence resulting in empathy and apathy issues, all while battling an emptiness inside thats slowly eating up ones will to live. hes genuinely trying to recover from that period of his life, and i cannot express how proud i am solely because of that. hes finally found a healthy environment, a family, and he deserves it along with so much more. he may be deemed as a “monster“ in the past, that cannot be erased, but he hates that part about himself too. being in the good or bad used to make no difference to him, but i strongly believe it does hate that part of him.  Dazai slander are fún and everything - BUT people seem to not get his character right. No, he's not an edgy boy. He genuinely wants to change for the best to make Oda proud, 'BUT HE ABUSED AKUTAGAWA’ , yeah, Akutagawa abused Kyoka and nobody is talking about how its litterally GENERATIONAL TRAUMA. Dazal was never raised correctly, he got raised by Mori and used by him to make him his right hand, maybe because of his ability, or he saw potential in him. He never fell parental Love nor being special to Someone except for Oda. "He LEFT Chuuya!!!“ ok and? Chuuya doesn't need him to live: Dazai LITTERALLY SAW PEOPLE GETTING KILLED/KILLING THEM ON THE DAILEY (AND HE WITNISSED ODAS DEATH - THE ONLY PERSON THAT MADE HIM WANT TO CHANGE.) his eyes at the age of 14, and Mori made him live in a shipping container. Obviously he is not gonna feel human after all this.

And about him and chuuya - the thing is they DO CARE ABOUT EACHOTHER. but nobody seems to care about chuuya other than the fact hes hot asf anf the fact that he is ’super mega gay for dazai 🥺🥺🥺’ because are we reading/watching the same series???? There’s SO MUCH to his character too!!!! But all everyone talks about with him is with dazai, chuuyas character is CRAZY WELL WRITTEN and everyone dumbs it down to ‘he’s an angry short boy with a god inside him and he’s mega gay for dazai and he’s also really hot’ like no - stfu he’s not actually super hot headed and it’s CANNON he’s usually pretty calm and collected. On the other side of the coin is that dazai DOES care about him - in Stormbringer ; Dazai literally willing gave Chuuya an option to either use corruption on Verlaine when he used his true form or to retreat and not do it, which gave a sense of Dazai giving Chuuya the choice to do what he wants without forcing him to, and the fact that when Chuuya used corruption, he was being injured badly to the point where Abahabaki was going to destroy Chuuya which FREAKED DAZAI OUT , and the fact that Dazai certainly believes that Chuuya is human shows that Dazai does care about Chuuya in certain ways without showing due to afraid of losing someone he cares about. and In age 15 Dazai, was willing to help Chuuya to find Abahabaki and defeat Rimbaud, along with stormbringer with him helping Chuuya to find out if he's human or not and to defeat Verlaine.

Ty for reading my rant 💞💞💞💞

i can't tell if this is attacking me or just a rant in general but anyway YESSSSS I 100% AGREE YOU ATE W THAT ANALYSIS BRIAR‼️‼️

[asher-agere]

hii sneaking back into your inbox . i actually have a request for the first time ithink yay !! this is scary

just any sort of headcanons with sigma and chuuya together …… i don’t mind who’s the regressor or even if they’re both regressors , whatevs is best / easiest for you ; i am just hungry for them .. thank you in advance if you fulfill this !

random obligatory photo to ease my awkwardness /hsilly

Hi there! Hehe no need to be scared or awkward, I’ll even give you my red crayon! (The best flavor)

Little Sigma + Flip Chuuya

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆🃜🃚🃖🃁🂭🂺⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

ִ ࣪𖤐 Starting off with age ranges! And a bit of an explanation- I see Sigma as a regressor and Chuuya as a flip! So this’ll primarily be focused on little Sigma and caregiver Chuuya, however I’m still gonna slip in some stuff flipped because I think Chuuya deserves to be a little extra tiny. So age ranges! Sigma regresses from 2-4, most of the time an even middle feeling around 3! Chuuya is a little bit older with an age range of 3-6! Chaos toddler/kiddo right there trust

⛦ Sigma will regress really easily, he was thrust into this world with no prior knowledge and he’d just been expected to do everything perfectly. I get that the Sigma is a three year old thing is a joke but like… He only has three years of life experience. That’s a baby right there. Obviously he’d get overwhelmed really easy! Chuuya however finds caregiving and regressing to be pretty equal in how much they help him! He loves taking care of Sigma, and regressing helps to! But a lot of the time he does end up pushing away his fuzzy feelings to disregard them, and they fight back with involuntary regression! Chuuya isn’t very pleased

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sigma is a pretty quiet regressor! He’s just happy to be there, he’s nonverbal but it’s by choice. He’s capable of talking he just doesn’t want to, and even if he does it’s barely above a whisper. But when he talks he has a pretty big vocabulary! And when he takes it slow he’s found that he can pronounce most words! He enjoys listening to Chuuya read him stories or sing him lullabies best, but he also likes to just watch something! Maybe color a bit. Very quiet and gentle

⛦ Baking! I feel like Chuuya is decently good at baking, like he does it in his free time and it’s cool. But then he found out how much Sigma likes cookies and he absolutely perfected the skill. He always has cookie ingredients on hand and anytime he sees a cute cookie cutter he’s buying it to show Sigma! Sigma isn’t that helpful in the kitchen but he can read the recipe (Chuuya has it memorized so he doesn’t need to hear or understand the little babbles), he can measure ingredients (Pouring them into a bowl after Chuuya measures it out), ands he can even stir (Holding the spoon loosely as Chuuya stirs)!

ִ ࣪𖤐 I think Sigma would really appreciate the tiny domestic things that make Chuuya’s house feel like home, so Chuuya goes out of his way to make it feel even more homey! Sigma gets his own room, drawings are hung up on the fridge and around the house, there’s a toy chest in the living room for all of Sigma’s toys, a kitchen cabinet for sippy cups bottles and cute plates, a pacifier stored in almost every room of the house, etc. Everywhere he looks Sigma gets the reminder that he belongs here and it makes him feel so safe and loved

⛦ Since Sigma is primarily a regressor he isn’t the best at taking care of Chuuya, that doesn’t mean he can’t though! It’s just different. Chuuya is able to slip into caregiver headspace and fully relax while he’s taking care of Sigma, Sigma however is always nervous about messing things up, nothing really feels like it comes naturally to him. I think it’s just a difference in feelings! Chuuya is able to find caregiving calming, while Sigma would describe it as more like, fun. He still enjoys it! It’s just not the same as it is for Chuuya, caregiving isn’t a coping method for him, that doesn’t mean he can’t still do it though

ִ ࣪𖤐 Little Chuuya wants to play a lot! I think they’d play a lot of card games, this kids a beast at uno. Like Sigma walks into a game planning to take it easy and let Chuuya win and Chuuya walks all over him, do not give him the easy road. Even when Sigma’s trying Chuuya still beats him a lot honestly. Chuuya struggles a lot with the complex games that have lots of rules, but the easy ones for little kids bore him, uno is a good in between but I’m sure there’s other options that would work well too! Chuuya also likes having aggressive cards, he finds it hilarious that a card can be aggressive, meanwhile Sigma is sorting through his hand of 20 cards wondering how in the world he doesn’t have a single green

⛦ I feel like they share toys depending on who’s regressed, but they both have certain things that they refuse to let the other one use, even if they’re in a big headspace and being mature about it. For Chuuya it’s a sheep plushy and for Sigma I think it’s whatever his first toy was (Even if it wasn’t from Chuuya). They don’t share pacifiers or teethers, technically it’s fine if you wash them between uses, but they both agree it just feels kinda yucky and unsanitary (Chuuya gets more of a yuck from it). Chuuya has a bunch of money though so he can just buy them a variety! That way they never need to share

ִ ࣪𖤐 Nicknames! I almost forgot :0 Chuuya as a caregiver calls Sigma sweet nicknames like “Darling” and “Sweetheart”, however when Chuuya’s regressed he usually calls Sigma “Sig”! Sigma as a caregiver is always trying to mimic the safe atmosphere Chuuya always manages to create, so he uses the same pet names like “Darling” and “Sweetheart” that Chuuya does. And when he’s regressed he calls Chuuya “Chuu”! I think for the longest time Sigma would struggle to make Nakahara into a nickname and Chuuya is just like. Hey kid you can just like use my given name y’know? Sigma is absolutely bewildered like he never even considered this option

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆🃜🃚🃖🃁🂭🂺⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

I GOT MY FIRST KOTLC REQUEST AND IM SO EXCITED. Hoping to move through requests at light speed to get to it because. Out of order is yucky

[DNI ID: A white box with a brown border, paw prints in the top left corner and Chuuya on the right side. Brown text reads “DNI if your blog isn’t child safe. I will block NSFW accounts” End ID]

[akutasoda]

can you do a dazai, atsushi, chuuya x reader who is similiar to homura akemi from madoka magica? like, how the reader knew them and their past in previous timelines and has been trying to save them from dying multiple times?

to the ends of time

synopsis - you've tried so hard to keep them with you, maybe this time it works in your favour

includes - atsushi, dazai, chuuya

warnings - gn!reader, angst with comfort, fluff?, mention of death and injury, dazai things, wc - 834

a/n: i actually read this after re-watching madoka magica haha

they were your best friend. practically inseperable and people often joked that you two came as a package, one never straying too far from the other. and it was true. but it was almost comical how fate would rip apart the bond between two people.

the only thing that ever came in between the two of you was their death. it ripped them straight from your arms literally or figuratively. it stripped you of your relationship and left you feeling down constantly, feeling as though you never could see them again. but you were still in denial.

the denial led you to believe they were still out there somewhere waiting for you. and that denial led you to the book. it was your escape, your way into gaining back what you had lost and you'd be dammed if you didn't try and start again.

and therefore you spent ages travelling timelines. each and every time something went wrong, they were ripped from your life again and again. feeling more painful each time until you started giving up. you started feeling as thoigh nothing could be done to change the fate that you feared.

your resolve was tested but as you entered yet again another timeline something felt different. you had lost track of which ones you had travelled and therefore didn't know the one you were in but it felt right in some way. and you were right.

atsushi nakajima ★↷

you had yet again found atsushi working for the agency. however this time you wanted to stay distant as you feared another failure. even if you were absolutely determined to give this one last shot you didn't want it going south.

and soon the very familiar scene replayed in front of you and from time and time again you knew what didn't work. you knew what wouldn't stop atsushi from dying in this mission and yet you were so desperately trying to find what prevented that.

so you gave it one last effort, trying a brand new approach and hoping for the best. and to your absolute surprise it worked. you had saved him in this timeline, you could finally be back with atsushi.

you finally let yourself get close to him again and eventually when he asked why you were always so protective you explained. not the book, just you trying over and over to finally be with him again. and he felt pity, he was grateful you saved him but pity that he had caused you so much struggling. but that didn't seem to matter anymore to you as right here and now you could hug atsushi and know that no time soon wouldhe be ripped away from you.

osamu dazai ★↷

you knew dazai. better than anyone else even though sometimes it did feel like you barely knew him. but you did know him well enough to know how he thought when it came to certain topics. one of which concerned you deeply and when your fears were proved right you never felt so hurt.

and that was why you tried again and again to convince him not to. most thought he was joking but you knew deep down that without intervention he truly would. so you were determined to stop him, stop him from the fate he thought he was worthy off because he deserved better.

and that was a reason you didn't give up, you wanted to save him so much. and now here he was, safely in your arms after you convinced him not to end it. tears flowed from both parties and in that moment you were glad you didn't give up and he was glad you had rescued him.

he knew from the start that you were trying again and agian to save him, so maybe that's why he felt more and more compelled to save himself. to listen to you. as this way he could be with someone he loves and not cause you any suffering or grief. afterall he wants to go without being a burden on anyone.

chuuya nakahara ★↷

you realised saving chuuya was very much a right person, right time kind of thing. what made it that much more painful originally was knowing there was nothing you could do. you hated corruption. you always discouraged him using it unless absolutely necessary as only one person could truly stop it.

so you had tried over and over to gett dazai there in time and you slowly started giving up as you really couldn't bare seeing chuuya struggle until his final moments. but somehow, you managed it. perhaps some small details had changed but it enabled dazai to get there in time.

and dazai knew, of course he did, but you were thankful he left as soon as he arrived. he left you with chuuya as you held his exhausted form as you cried. you had finally managed to save him. you could finally be here with him.

[jackiepackiee]

What if, hear me out, Chuuya wasn't left to suffer alone after Dazai left the PM? What if he had someone that would really be there when he went to hardships/silent breakdowns.

Chuuya xmale!reader (patiënt reader)

𝒞𝒽𝓊𝓊𝓎𝒶 𝓍 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇

𝒜𝒻𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒟𝒶𝓏𝒶𝒾 𝐿𝑒𝒻𝓉

It’s gn reader, I don’t do male

Life without Osamu Dazai in the port mafia was different

Not better, but not necessarily worse

Less people died, Mori became self sufficient without the prodigy

But Chuuya felt strange

Even if feeling the same as the general consensus of his absence

He wasn’t better or worse because he felt nothing

Then there’s you

Patient with him, understanding

Throughout every stage

Denial

Chuuya Nakahara was fucked

And so was the port mafia is any larger than life issue happened to come by

He could no longer use corruption safely, not without dying

So when the moment comes when a mission requires that sort of strength, only you can save his life

“I have to! You don’t understand, half our god damn organization will die if I don’t!”

Quick words shot from his mouth to your ears, aimed for you. His gloves being removed from his hands will he glared at you. Why were you so stubborn?

“No Chuuya! You’re going to die! You’re going to die and leave me all alone. What if it happens again? What if you can’t save me?”

That was plain cruel, using yourself to convince him. Making a hypothetical of you in pain, but it was necessary. He wouldn’t listen otherwise.

“Fuck… Fuck! Alright, fine!”

Anger

Why would the one person in this world who felt similar to him leave? Get taken away

One who didn’t feel human

He never blamed Dazai, no

He knew it was for the better, he needed help

But your empathy could only go so far

Verlaine didn’t count, because they weren’t close

You didn’t count because you were fully and wonderfully human in his eyes

But Dazai, he was off the same vine of pain

A creature other than

“Chuuya? Hey, I just wanted to check up on you”

His apartment was the place you knew he’d be in not at work. No more late night motorcycle rides or wine galleries. He let you in, of course he did.

“Well, I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to-”

He cut you off.

“I’m. Fine.”

“Chuu, this place is a mess. You’re clearly needing help.”

He didn’t even look at you. Still glued to the glass infront of him, sloshing his wine.

“Do you ever just mind your own business?! I mean fuck! You come into my place, and judge me? I’m sorry I’m not perfect enough for your bullshit standards.”

He was being short with you, uncharacteristically so. Usually this rudeness was reserved for particularly stressful days, in which he’d apologize for after. But for now it’s best not to push.

“…I brought you some chocolate covered strawberries?”

Your meek voice caught his true attention. More than that, the kindness of it. The kindness in you. And guilt ran through like a damn train.

Every little thing was seemingly ticking him off, but you weren’t “every little thing.” No, you deserved better.

He walked over to you, took the container of sweets you offered into his hands, and stared.

Why would someone ever be so kind?

He ate one, wincing at the taste of love you had put in. Pain on his tongue from the unfamiliar feeling of care.

“…I’m sorry, thank you.”

Only you could calm that storm of anger now, and calm the storm you did.

Bargaining

Chuuya’s office was soundproof just like every other room in the headquarters

Locked only on certain occasions

But you knew today was nothing special, and he hadn’t answered to your insistence knocking

So with your key, that he gifted you, you entered his office

To find this

Chuuya was looking through every phone number in the most recent phone record kept by the port mafia.

All across Yokohama, he called every one without a name attached.

“What are you doing?”

He snapped out of it, and stared at you. Confused and a bit hazed after such a long time of silence.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing is nothing, this is psychotic.”

You could tell what he was doing, of course you could. You knew him well.

“What?”

He was no longer snappy as he usually would be with one of your insults, but struck. He knew you meant it this time.

“He isn’t come back, Chuuya. He left, for himself. He didn’t leave because you or I, he left because he needed to. You know that, don’t be a fool.”

Your stern attitude scared him straight, and he stood up. Then walking over to you before giving you a hug.

He seemed so desperate for a reason. You gave him that, and he was grateful.

Depression

Late nights sometimes meant sharing a bed

Staying over each others places after a mission if it was closer

So him turning up at 2am was not shocking

But that fact he looked so down was

His eyes looked dead, and his body trembled. He held nothing, not even a wallet or phone.

Just standing at your door, looking abandoned.

So you ushered him to your bed, and let him settle. You never questioned his moods, but were always there. Petting his hair, in silence.

The silence he needed, only from you.

Acceptance

A glass of wine always represented a victory for Chuuya. A celebration of something. This something though was confusing him.

But if you bring him a vintage bottle and say congratulations, he won’t complain.

Half drunk, bottle half gone, night half over. That’s when your conversations always got the deepest.

“Say, why’d you bring this bottle over anyways?”

“To say congrats, duh!”

You laughed, and smiled at him teasingly.

“No no, I mean seriously. What for?”

“For grieving.”

He stopped. Noticing his expression, you continued.

“You got over Dazai, believe it or not. Even if you’ve been a real bitch about it.”

You giggled, drunk. But a certainty clarity reached your mind. And you looked at him happily, with content.

“I’m so sorry. I’ve been terrible”

“Shh, don’t apologize.”

But you let him, he needed to speak.

“I don’t understand why I’ve been so damn wild. He’s a dick, but he’s my ex partner.”

“Because maybe the world didn’t end when Dazai left, it just kept spinning.”

Not proofread

[gildeddlily]

I need more content about Chuuya. like, Soukoku is the bsd couple with more works on Ao3, the most loved of the whole fandom, there are over 20 thousand fanfictions. there are tons of edits and AMV about him on tiktok and youtube, tons of x reader and fanarts. but it's (almost) always the sweet and a little dumb Chuuya.

Chuuya who's in love with Dazai and is begging him not to leave, who's mad at him for leaving the fricking mafia and "abandoning him", who's crying about being the second choice for everyone (fuck that, especially the "kouyou chose kyouka over chuuya"- you're telling me she chose to protect a 14ys girl over a 22ys man who's a mafia executive? oh sorry she should have left the child alone my bad), who is constantly manipulated by Dazai and betrayed (and content like this is made by people who love Dazai but don't understand him one bit- like yeah he manipulated the Sheep into betraying Chuuya but the Sheep were fucking assholes who didn't deserve Chuuya, and Dazai treated him fucking better than them- don't let me get started ab them or I'll never stop), feminized Chuuya, short and skinny Chuuya who likes to be the little spoon cause Dazai is the big strong man, lonely Chuuya who doesn't have anyone and basically dumb Chuuya who doesn't understand Dazai and cries to his sleep ab him.

fuck no, and I've been reposting every post that talks ab this. we want more Stormbringer Chuuya, and we don't have him 'cause not everyone has access to the novel or wants to read it. but Stormbringer is my Bible and should be everyone's.

We want more 15 years old Chuuya who carried on his shoulder a whole organization, the same organization that treated him like a damned dog, who got betrayed by the people he was sacrificing himself for the moment he tried to do something for himself, who was tricked into joining the Port Mafia (an organization he hated), who's easily read and manipulated and is aware of it, who never gave up on his humanity and worked hard and became important and strong for his new organization in a year as a teenager, who was able to made Dazai survive, giving him some sort of will to live, after like days of knowing him.

We want constantly dehumanized 16 Chuuya that got tortured for hours, that found out about his terrible origins and past, who sacrificed fondamental information about himself to save Yokohama, that almost got himself killed protecting the same person who betrayed him and fought his "brother" in order to do so, that lose the friends he called family and the only chance he had to have a life outside the mafia. Desperate because of his family's death Chuuya, in his painful corrupted form Chuuya, putting his life in Dazai's hands Chuuya, the one who beated the King of Assassins Chuuya, the one who was able to destroy an entire organization with his partner Chuuya. Port Mafia Executive Chuuya, who became who he was because of himself and with Dazai's help, who was able to become stronger even without him. Chuuya who suffered because of Dazai's deflection but understood it.

22 Chuuya who met his ex-partner after four years, stronger than how Dazai remembered him and still able to surprise (Dazai's "how fast!" when Chuuya punched him was hilarious and empowering, especially after his "I know all your moves" talk- and no, we "heard" his thoughts, so it wasn't an act stop saying that he had predicted that too when chuuya's like one of the only ppl able to surprise him) one of the smartest people in their country, who made sure things didn't change between them and made said smart and manipulative man cry from laughing over his damned rich girl impression. Chuuya who is the best martial artist and probably strongest ability user (Q is a child, and his "fight" with Steinbeck said a lot about his strength- crazy yes, but Chuuya could still beat almost everyone even without his ability) in the mafia, who could probably smash a wall with and without For The Tainted Sorrow. The Chuuya who's able to survive in a world surrounded by geniuses who constantly try to manipulate him (Dazai's manipulation is different than Fyodor's shut up), and able to be one of the most influential man in Yokohama without being a freaking genius.

Chuuya who has one of the best character developments I've ever read. Chuuya who has about him a lot of information (more than anyone else, we know you love him Asagiri) (please don't love him the way you loved Odasaku) and still gets mischaracterized again and again. this is an infodump ab what Chuuya means to me.

send ao3 links ty

[weepingpalaceathletelight-blog]

There's a difference between shipping two characters and acknowledging the intense (usually gay) bond between characters. You guys get what I mean, right? Like I'm not just going insane?

Like a BSD example:

-I casually ship Louisa X Lucy because I feel like their dynamic could work in a romantic context and because I love it when girls are in love and they both deserve to be happy 🩷

-HOWEVER Chuuya and Dazai have an intense bond, they are one soul in two bodies, written and designed to compliment the other, Chuuya trusts Dazai with his life and vice versa, Dazai believed in Chuuya's humanity from the very beginning, their old and sorted dynamic, Chuuya being like the only one who understands Dazai's motives, and so, knowing all of this, I simply have no choice but to acknowledge their homosexuality because if I don't then I'm just being willfully ignorant

Or a MHA example:

-I somewhat ship Dabi x Hawks because it's hilarious whilst also having beautiful potential for angst

-BUT Bakugou and Midoriya quite simply just are gay as shit for each other and I have no choice but to accept it. Rivals constantly pushing the other, their complicated history and how they've both grown because of it, their understanding of the other, Bakugou basically trusting Midoriya with his fears and insecurities, Bakugou being the first to know about One for All, Kaachan Bakugou.

Or a MTP example:

-I guess you could say I ship Microsoft X Albert because I think it's sorta very funny and extremely plausible.

-MEANWHILE William and Sherlock are like the only person who understands each other and can keep up with them and Sherlock is diving off of buildings and cradling William's head as they fall (in love).

Or a JJK example:

-I kinda ship Maki X Nobara because I can and I want to and they could work

-ALTERNATIVELY Gojo and Geto where each others one and only best friend, best friend they ever had, knows his smell, his heart and soul know otherwise. They're just disgustingly in love and I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it except cry

Or a Haikyuu example:

-I do ship Hanamaki X Matsukawa because lord is it hilarious and the fanon presentation of a romantic relationship between them is always the funniest thing ever and the fics are so good

-YET Hinata and Kageyama are exactly what the other needed, Kageyama found his better half, their constant pushing of the other to do better, promises fulfilled and matches won, casual moments and casual touch. I did not choose to see them in a romantic light, they forced me to. I am a victim

Or a Merlin example:

-I dabble in shipping Percival X Gwaine purely because I can and no one is gonna stop me

-ALTHOUGH Merlin and Arthur are so gross and icky and care about each other so much and repeatedly risk their lives for the other and Arthur asked Merlin to hold him whilst he dies and Merlin spends forever waiting for Arthur's return. I just can't view them platonically or something after everything I've seen them do and I don't believe anyone who says that they truly don't seem them as romantic or at least something other than platonic or brotherly because how could you not??

Or a Doctor Who example:

-I could ship the Doctor X Jack because that's actually class

-UNFORTUNATELY that would be asking me to ignore the Doctor and Rose. He burned up a sun to say goodbye. He loved her. She loved him, was willing to never see her mother again if it meant she stayed with him. I'm sorry but cmonnnn

Nah but you get what I mean, right? Like I don't 'ship' these people, they're just IN LOVE and I hate them for it.

[nyxi-pixie]

I am always ashamed of bringing up men to you, you deserve only the best and most toxic yuri.

That being said, WHY DID NOBODY ASK FOR SKK?!?!? OR SSKK??!?!

I always wanna hear more about your thoughts on literally everyone and everything, please please, at least Chuuya or Dazai? 🥺

cackling i cant judge too harshly given my skk addiction. in a kinder world i would just be yuribrained but those two are just too catered to my tastes😔😔😔

and i SUPPOSE since you asked nicely. ill do skk but im too tired of looking at longposts so. no one open this except prime haters bc asking me abt skk and notps is just not going to go well.

okay now we are alone😍😍😍

CHUUYA!

favourite thing about them: i think ive made a post abt chuuya self contradictions before but !!! so fascinating. obsessed w him forever. yes be a million things at once that outright oppose eo 💞💞💞

least favourite thing about them: i genuinely cant think of anything😭😭 like even stuff thats like boyyy thats fucked upp it doesnt even make me sad about him like picture me hand against my window staring out like that sickos comic. YES... HAHAHA YES!!!

favourite line: i really like the 'obviously im never gonna give in. i can keep this up forever. but for what purpose?' in stormbringer while hes being tortured. it really encapsulates what asgr talks abt in the afterword about chuuya being an inexhaustible spring. like this is the closest he gets to breaking and its with this blind assurance that he CAN take anything that is done to him, and he only needs to find a reason why thats worth it. which he then does ofc!!! idk theres so many chuuya lines i lovelovelove but that one is just! i dont see anyone talk abt it but it feels Important to me

brOTP: kouyou chuuya are always gonna be dear to me but ive also been on a bit of an albachuu kick recently. so both of those‼‼‼

OTP: skk obviously

nOTP: i have many that i dislike just bc theyre boring to me personally. biting into sandwich and the only filling is bread like okay girl. im not usually a crazed only-er about what i ship but literally most of the dynamics skk have with other characters arent interesting to me in a 'they fuck about it' capacity. but im boring abt mlm shipping i need canon to give it to me on a silver platter otherwise im just not interested. i also find most shippers annoying but i find skkers annoying too so i guess that doesnt say much.

random headcanon: vastly overestimated his alcohol tolerance the first time he went drinking w the pm. not just out of his usual arrogance nono i think he just thought bc he could swing back 8 cups no problem with the sheep, it would go the same elsewhere. only the sheep were always trying to stretch it bc theres tons of them and they have to at least pretend theyre being careful w how often they stole it. and he was basically drinking alcohol flavoured soda. which is very different to a 10-15% bottle of dry wine.

unpopular opinion: i dont want him to leave the pm lawl. i know people talk abt the beast afterword mentioning ada skk and im sure there could be an interesting story there but chuuya would need a REASON to leave the pm. its not like. bad for him the way a lot of people write it to be - or it hasnt been since post stormbringer. not an ideal situation for anyone but like. hes not got an ideal life. like hey the built weapon who spent his formative years hammering it into his bones that he needs to be useful for his existence to be justified is never going to be satisfied with a 'good' life. even if the pm WAS bad for him the way it was for dazai, hes a hell of a lot more loyal to it conceptually than dazai was, so he'd still need an Event to lead him to leaving. anyway. i know lots of people just dont like seeing the pm as anything but a horrid environment causing their blorbo to have a terrible awful time but yk😭😭 thats just not whats going on

song i associate with them: leash on my neck by susannah joffe occasionally makes me think of chuuya//the sheep if im in a particularly insane mood. youve gotta be willing to bend it conceptually but trust it works

favourite picture of them: any version of bugchuu. fifteen bugskk are so important

DAZAI!

favourite thing about them: hes soooo tied to the people he loves. and this would be easy to say about a lot of characters in bsd but dazai is unique in that hes soooo present in canon but only ever as an extension of the people he loves. like a story can have him be as main a character as it likes but the movement of his plot is reliant on other people always!!!

least favourite thing about them: LEAVE THE CAFE WOMAN BEEEEEEE I BEGGGGGG😭😭😭 he actually hasnt said anything annoying abt women in a while bc he only does that to be a cunt when hes bored i think but come on girl

favourite line: kind of obsessed with his endless 'you know i would do this that and the other' and 'i know your breathing pattern your heart rate the decibels of your moans when u cum' etc type lines that he spits out rapid fire in both the first skk reunion and then the lovecraft fight. hes such a loser.

brOTP: said this on the atsushi post already but dazatsu is sooo dear to me. alsoooo bc ive been thinking abt it recently, i am kind of fond of dazai and kouyous dynamic. idk theres such a quiet little history communicated in the bits they have tgthr while shes being held hostage by the ada.

OTP: skk. again! nothing to say!

nOTP: every day i grit my teeth when i see a fy0zai take. also i have several different versions of kn/dz tags blocked LMAOOOO. enjoyers of the latter soooo often state their hatred for skk and then hc the kn/dz dynamic to be things that skk is already doing that kn/dz just isnt like in canon. and im not huuugely invested in their dynamic regardless but as w all of bsd i am exposed to shippers making the absolute worst of posts so it goes from smthn id just find boring to something im an active hater for. 2023 made me a sg/dz hater as well but i barely see posts abt that now so im safe. i just get bored of fandom bicycling i think. which is an issue bc bsd has a major disease about it w dazai😭😭😭

random headcanon: for a guy w basically zero possessions, hes horridly sentimental. the lupin matchbox, keeping his mafia phone, etc. so i think he has a little box of keepsakes that is shoved in a corner gathering dust and a lot of it he meant to burn the same night he did moris coat but he didnt and he still has them. just random bits and pieces of a life he should have been content to leave behind, but never really could.

unpopular opinion: i dont give a fuck about redemption arguments or 'he was too awful to turn good'. literally are you 8 yrs old. the change is possible and no one is irredeemable and morality is ambiguous manga is literally nawtttt for you. also he's always been saving his friends brained. oda just directed him to do that elsewhere. be on the side that saves people so he can do it more easily but he was very much already saving people. like. thats not new for him it was just much more concentrated. lots to be said about bsd maintaining character traits that manifest differently depending on circumstance and will. every part of a person can look good or bad depending on how it is executed etcetc. loyalty is valuable until its to the wrong people, manipulation is despicable until it saves people. etcetc.

song i associate with them: no thoughts on this actually. sorry dazai u infect my brain at all times ur not allowed into my music too!!!

favourite picture of them: listen. its. hes got a disease and hes imparted it onto me.

[usagi-chwan]

I won't do it again, I promise...

🌸 Characters in this chapter: Fukuzawa, Chuuya, Dazai (Agency), Yosano and Kôyô.

🌸 Spoilers: a rough knowledge of Chuuya's and Yosano's past is recommended to be able to read their parts. No spoilers otherwise!

This time I was asked how certain characters (those with more parental instincts than others, very exactly) react when their child does something stupid.

I have only one thing left to say: let's do it!

Fukuzawa

- I know in advance what some people will think, but no; the child in question here is not Ranpo.

- Well, as far as his (blood) child is concerned, the reprimand depends on the seriousness of the mistake.

- If it is a very small mistake, he will simply say “just don't do it again”, but no irritation or anything like that. On top of that, there is a good chance that his child will have learned the puppy dog eyes technique in the process, thus lessening the intensity of the reprimand.

- If it is a big mistake, on the other hand, anger can easily be read on his face, and an angry Fukuzawa is a scary Fukuzawa.

- Frowns, folded arms and a slightly dark look are enough. He has virtually nothing to say; the child understand immediately that they made a big mistake.

- Generally speaking, Fukuzawa is very calm (as is often the case), and educates his child with a certain authority, but one that remains gentle nonetheless. I am not sure how clear this is...? 😅

~

Chuuya

- He spoils his child a little too much, but he does not see the problem. He himself was not blessed with a lot of toys and love as a child and adolescent, so he makes sure his offspring do not go through the same thing he did.

- He has read dozens of manuals and articles for advice on how best to raise his child, but honestly he did not really need it; parenting is in his blood!

- On a day-to-day basis he is rather calm in the way he educates, but is quick to lose his patience if his child does something stupid, however small (although he adapts the level of his anger to the seriousness of the mistake).

- Even if he hates to see his child sad, if they have made a big mistake they deserve to be lectured accordingly, accompanied by a small punishment.

- Chuuya is absolutely against spanking and that sort of thing; as a punishment, he prefers sitting in the corner for a loooong time, copying endless lines... Basically, staying in one place without moving for a couple of minutes. And, as his child takes after him in certain ways (notably the fact that they like to move above all else), the little culprit welcomes this kind of punishment with unprecedented dread. They will never do it again, that is for sure!

- Basically, Chuuya is a super-cool dad, except when you do something stupid.... And the cute face does not work on him, unfortunately. He has learned to overcome it, unlike Fukuzawa.

~

Dazai

- We are talking about the most irresponsible father in the entire universe.

- My child does something stupid? Let's do it with him and help him to the best of our ability - the more the merrier, after all! Besides, spending as much time as possible with your child is the best way to forge strong bonds and reinforce your child's education, is it not?

- As mentioned in a previous headcanon, one of the first things this child will learn is a top-ten list of the best ways to annoy Uncle Kunikida (and then do the same with a certain horribly slobbery orange slug, as a little bonus. All we need now is for the other horrible pest with the hat to be jealous of Kunikida!).

- It is hard for me to imagine a mischief for which Dazai would become as serious as he was during his years in the Mafia, or even remotely serious... Perhaps something that endangered the life of the person who did it, and therefore his own child?

- Aside from this kind of highly serious nonsense, I think Dazai will take everything lightly. A responsible and exemplary father, in short...

-...

- Well... I do not even believe it myself...

~

Yosano

- She is rather permissive with her child, knowing her own dark past and childhood, where playing like someone her own age was repeatedly denied her.

- Unlike Chuuya, however, little misdemeanors are not really a source of irritation for her; she calmly settles for a slight frown, while observing her child attentively.

- As a rule, they know right away if they have done something stupid, and know perfectly well that there is no point in showing off; they just bow their head, clearly guilty. And, seeing this, Yosano simply strokes their hair with a light sigh, making them promise not to do it again.

- But she is much firmer when the nonsense gets out of hand.

- Generally speaking, unlike the hostility she shows towards those who annoy her, or when dealing with her beloved "test subjects", her teaching is gentle and calm, patient as can be. She always does her best to put herself in her child's shoes, to understand the reasons for the mistake, but still manages to be objective in her sermons.

- But, if her child ends up making the mistake several times on purpose, they can count on dear Mom to punish her child appropriately; a few small household chores will do the trick just fine... It all depends for whom, of course.

~

Kôyô

- She, too, knows how to be rather gentle in everyday life by her child's side; but this changes, sometimes completely, when the child commits the infamous blunder.

- For once, an irritated Kôyô is simply frightening, and there is usually no need for her to say much during the sermon.

- She does not really enjoy expressing herself during these moments, anyway; indeed, she fears she will find herself in the role of Mafia executive and head of the interrogation section, and thus totally ruin the bond that links her to her child, if she lets far too strong and aggressive emotions show through her words.

- So, and her child understands this perfectly... The quieter their mom is during sermons, the more upset she is.

The draft of the requested headcanon is already done, so it should not be long before the final version is ready :) until then... Byyyye!

- But there is one thing that remains and that Kôyô does not repress: body language. And the look on her face in such cases, when her child stands before her with downcast eyes after a slip-up, is terrifying enough to overcome any desire to repeat it.

[chuuyaspinkmotorcycle]

Day 13: Loyalty

Dazai’s always known Chuuya is loyal to a fault – saw it on the day they met when the boy was doing his best to not get the Sheep involved.

Saw it shattered with a knife to the back, too.

And yet, that didn’t stop Chuuya from still going out of his way to protect Shirase when they were sixteen. Never stopped him from sacrificing it all in the name of his friends, multiple times. Never stopped him from going against the organization that destroyed his family over, multiple times. And never stopped him from following Dazai to the grave even though the man has screwed Chuuya over, multiple times.

Dazai has never understood how someone could stay by someone’s side like that, through thick and thin, through backstabs and heartache, and still show up for them. He doesn’t get it.

And he sure as hell knows he doesn’t deserve Chuuya’s loyalty.

To him, loyalty like that is a death sentence – a dog looking up to its owner to come back everyday to feed it. No, in this cruel world, it’s up to those who find their own food who win.

That’s not to say Chuuya doesn’t have that. If push comes to shove, he’ll always have a top person on the loyal-to list, and if he magically doesn’t, he’d still manage to survive. 

More than anything, though, it is that Dazai doesn’t understand why that top-level loyalty is attached to /him./

He’s stabbed Chuuya in the back – at least, metaphorically. He’s not some sheep – has made decisions that cost him friends, has left the redhead himself–

And yet, Chuuya still comes.

Chuuya still let him out of the dungeon when he should have killed him. Chuuya still fought a dragon to save him when he could have been dead. Chuuya still risked being touched by Dostoyevsky’s ability when it was unknown. Chuuya has used Corruption countless times with no guarantee that Dazai would make it to him.

Really, Dazai should be loyal to him.

But he wouldn’t be Dazai Osamu, ex-Black Wraith, if he is, right?

Right?

Loyalty can only get you so far in this world, he learned that long ago.

But when he thinks about Chuuya – beautiful, kind-soul Chuuya – he can’t help but admire the redhead. It takes courage to stand strong like that, with and for others. It takes a heart of gold to do the things Chuuya has done in the name of the people he cares about.

That’s something Dazai doesn’t believe he has.

But in moments when a flash of orange invades his vision and gorgeous azure eyes pierce his–

His heart always stops, a wave of what he would say the feeling of devotion might feel like passes through him, and he knows, deep down, he would do anything for Nakahara Chuuya. 

He would give his everything for him. His soul, his death, his life.

Because let it be known that while Dazai Osamu would easily die for Nakahara Chuuya, he would also live for him. And isn’t that ironic coming from a suicidal man?

Perhaps Dazai is loyal to Chuuya, perhaps he is not. Whatever it is, he does know that he wouldn’t change a thing.