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bosspigeon · 3 years

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Carabosse et la Fee des Lilas

Prompt: 💋Drag

Pairing: Adam/Male Detective, Bonus Found Family Vibes~

Words: 5,346

Summary: Tina spends some quality time with Arlo and Unit Bravo as they prepare for Wayhaven's first real Pride festival, Tina torments her best friend and his maybe-boyfriend (as is her god-given right), and Arlo has a big think about his favorite role and what that role allowed him to explore~

CW for references to transmisogyny and implications of past trans/homophobia

Sometimes, Tina wonders if Arlo missed his true calling. His hands are surgeon-steady as he pencils delicate patterns onto Felix’s cheeks, outlining with white eyeliner in preparation to fill them in with bold colors and glitter. Tina almost can’t wait for her turn, even though Felix looks like he’s in real, physical pain with the effort of holding as still as possible. She’s no stranger to that struggle herself.

Neither is she a stranger to Arlo’s forceful, if toothless, threats, overcome as she is by fondness when he growls that he's going to draw a mustache on Felix’s face with permanent marker if he doesn’t stop bloody bouncing.

It’s pretty fun to watch from the outside. Sure, when you first sit down when he’s like this—all sharp and snappish and “stop moving or I’ll chuck you out the window”—it’s hard to keep still, but Arlo’s got this sort of quiet intensity to him when he’s focusing on something that’s oddly meditative. He’s just a soothing presence, really. Like a capybara or something. He’s friend-shaped.

Whatever weird magic it is, it’s definitely catching, because Felix looks less like he’s about to burst, like he did when Arlo was putting down the foundation, and more like he’s enjoying the attention. Tina’s not sure how long it’s going to last, seeing as Felix has given her a run for her money in the “manic energy” department, and he’s nowhere near as caffeinated as she is at any given time, but for the time being, he’s (mostly) still and quiet.

There’s music playing, quiet enough that the broody one (she knows his name, but it seems to bug him when she calls him "the broody one," which is funny, so—) only grumbled about it for a few minutes when Arlo turned it on, and even seems to enjoy sitting close enough to Arlo’s stupidly fancy stereo system to, she guesses, feel the rumble of the bass through the floor. Vampires are weird.

Anyway, it’s Arlo’s usual sad goth boy nonsense, but as quiet as it is, and with its intense instrumentals and rumbling vocals, it’s pleasant background noise more than anything.

Nate (the handsome and charming one, because of course all Arlo’s vampire friends are handsome, so she has to differentiate between them somehow) is rifling through Arlo’s bookshelf like it’s his job, and visibly struggling to pick something to read, because Arlo’s sitting room bookshelf (the one she found at a yard sale three hours away and lashed to the top of her sedan with every single bungee cord she could find at the local hardware store because it was coffin-shaped, for god's sake) is where he keeps all his weirdo occult stuff to, quote, “make people who pop by unannounced leave faster.”

And then there’s the big, handsome, stupidly fit blonde Arlo still won’t call his boyfriend, even though they’re so obvious it’s sickening, and she means that with all the love in her heart. He’s sitting in the armchair by the bookshelf, positioned so he can look like he’s reading one of Arlo’s old music magazines and totally isn’t taking advantage of the perfect line of sight of Arlo perched on the end of his coffee table so he’s not too tall to work on Felix, sitting in a chair from the kitchen. Tina sure hopes he doesn’t think he’s subtle, being a super special vampire secret agent and all.

He seems to notice her eyeing him, at least, and keeps his attention pinned firmly on the magazine, though he is definitely not reading a single word. Nate keeps browsing, the Broody One keeps brooding, Arlo keeps working, and Felix starts to hum. Arlo gives him a sharp look, but it doesn’t seem to be moving his face in any major way, so he just rolls his eyes and keeps tracing pretty patterns onto that unfairly smooth, dark skin. Do vampires do skin care? They probably don’t even need to, and that’s probably one of the reasons people like to villainize them. It always comes down to jealousy, doesn’t it?

She sighs, loudly enough that every eye in the room turns to her, and while she did not expect the sudden attention, she knows she can at least use it to entertain herself. She homes in on Adam, and smiles when she finally looks at the magazine he’s still valiantly pretending to read. There’s a familiar man on the cover, and while she can’t be bothered to remember his name, she grins. “Oh, hey! Arlo, he’s reading the one with the guy who looks like you!”

Arlo doesn’t even look up, but he huffs out a laugh and rolls his eyes again. He’s going to give himself a headache if he keeps that up.

The comment does exactly what she wants it to, which is draw the attention of all the other vampires. Arlo even begrudgingly pulls the pencil away from Felix’s cheek so he can take a look, and he immediately bursts out laughing.

“Arlo!” he exclaims, slapping at Arlo’s knee. “You didn’t tell us you had a twin!”

Nate chuckles (warm and rich and handsome, if a sound can be called handsome) and turns from the shelf to study the magazine curiously himself. Even the Broody One peers over to see, a little smirk curling his permanently-scowling mouth.

“Considering he was born in the sixties, I definitely don’t,” Arlo drawls. “Tina’s been making that joke since we were kids. She’s just happy she’s got an audience who hasn’t heard it twelve times a week since she first saw my old Type O Negative poster.”

“Some jokes just get better with time,” Tina says archly. “Like a fine wine.”

“And some jokes age like milk,” Arlo fires back.

Adam tilts the magazine so he can look for himself, and his dour expression clouds over even more, brows furrowing and mouth twisting. He peers up at Arlo, studying him, then down again.

Got you. “Yeah, you’re right,” Tina says, nodding sagely at him. “Arlo’s much prettier.”

It has exactly the reaction she was hoping for. Arlo drops his eyeliner pencil and makes a strangled noise, glowering at her with his cute freckly cheeks going all red, and Adam, who is a good bit paler than Arlo, goes pink from the crewneck of his just-this-side-of-too-tight tee shirt to his hairline. Tina wants to punch the air as the other vampires snicker at them. Well, except for Nate. Nate’s not a snickerer. He chortles. It’s adorable.

“Speaking of pretty!” Felix crows once they’ve all had a laugh at their fearless leader’s expense. He points to his own face with both hands, dancing in his chair, and Arlo sighs and rolls his eyes again, bending to pick up the dropped pencil. Luckily, the tip isn’t broken, so he can get right back to work, once he’s given the young vampire a moment to get his wiggles out. He settles, sitting on his hands and pursing his lips when Arlo gives him a dry look. He hovers back in with the pencil, and then Felix blurts out, “How’d you get so good at this anyway? Well, I assume you’re good at it. I haven’t seen it yet.”

Arlo doesn’t say anything. He just looks at him, pencil poised, until Felix pinches his mouth shut with a quick little apology. Once Arlo’s satisfied his canvas is actually going to hold still and keep quiet, he gets back to it. “My school was pretty small, especially compared to the bigger-name performing arts schools out there,” he says after a moment of quiet focus, tracing the outline of a heart around one of Felix’s eyes. “Our department didn’t really have a huge budget, and workspace was at a premium too. We didn’t have a lot of time to prepare for performances before someone else had to use the theatre, so we all did our own makeup at once, for the most part. Sometimes we’d help each other out, because we all had our strengths and weaknesses.”

He pulls back the pencil, squinting critically at the heart like it’s not completely perfect. “Demi was the best at laying the groundwork, and at matching colors to our costumes and complexions. Viv was the best at coming up with concepts and making sure we looked like a matching set. Wendi could do insane prosthetics, and was the best at bullying our department head into giving us the money for them. I had the steadiest hands, so I always did the eyes and the details.”

“Was Wendi the one who did your Dracula look?” Tina gasps. “That one was so cool!”

“Dracula?” Felix blurts. Tina doesn’t miss how the others perk up with interest too.

Arlo glares at him, and he shrinks back with a sheepish little grin. “Yeah, we did Dracula, uh… second year, I think? That was when Tilly transferred in and started doing our choreography. She’s the one who got Professor Dacey to let us do less classical stuff and start branching out a bit.” He glances briefly at Tina, staunchly ignoring the way Felix pouts at him for dividing his attention. “And, yeah, Wendi did the prosthetics for that one.”

“She’s got to be magic,” Tina asserts. “She managed to make your sweet, mopey face look so scary.”

Felix and Mason both snicker at that, and Arlo’s mouth goes all lemon-sour pinchy, like it always does when she calls him a sad puppy man, or any variation thereof.

“Take a lap,” Arlo says to Felix. “Don’t touch your face.” He jerks his head at Tina when Felix bolts to his feet and starts zooming around the flat to get out some of his energy. “Your turn, if you’re done being a comedian.”

“I’m never done,” she says with a sunny smile, but she bounces over to take Felix’s place in the chair and closes her eyes serenely so he can start on her makeup.

“And, God, do I know it,” he grumbles under his breath, knowing full well she can hear him, and so can everyone else in the room, too.

“Do you have pictures?” Felix hollers. He’s dipped into Arlo’s studio, and he’s making no secret of rifling through the desk in there, drawers slamming and paper rustling.

Arlo tips his head back so when he sighs, loud and dramatically long-suffering, he’s not blowing his breath right in Tina’s face. She appreciates the gesture. “Bottom right drawer,” he calls back, resignation thick in his voice. Given how long he’s been putting up with Tina—and Felix might just be Tina’s second platonic soulmate (Arlo, of course, being the first)—he already knows that keeping quiet is just prolonging the inevitable. Tina opens her eyes briefly to see Felix come sailing out of the studio with a thick leather-bound album held triumphantly over his head.

“Oh, I haven’t seen that in years!” she coos happily.

Arlo bops her on the forehead pointedly with a sponge covered in foundation, and she closes her eyes obediently.

She hears Arlo’s antique sofa creak as Felix plops down onto it, rifling through the plastic pages. “Aw,” he whines, “no baby pictures?”

“I can’t imagine him ever being a baby,” Mason snorts, and he sounds closer than he was before. Tina knows better than to open her eyes while Arlo’s in the zone, though. He’ll bop her with something less soft than a sponge next time. “I figured he’s just always been a giant.”

Felix laughs, high and chiming. “No wonder Agent Priestley’s always so sour, then,” he says. Tina giggles, and it becomes an inelegant snort when Arlo bops her again on the nose.

“Ask Rebecca if you want to see my baby pictures,” Arlo mutters blandly, and Tina can feel the weight of his attention. “I doubt she has many after age two, and the ones before I’ve barely seen.”

Tina’s not a super-special supernatural secret agent, but she tries with all her might to will someone to change the subject before things get weird. Now’s as good a time as any to learn telepathy.

Felix, heart of her heart, interrupts what’s shaping up to be a real prize winner of an awkward silence with a loud gasp. “Woah!” he exclaims, and pages crinkle as he presumably holds up the book for Arlo to see. “Who’s this? Did you do her makeup too?”

Arlo’s hair rustles as he turns his head away from her, and then the hand on her cheek freezes. Tension radiates through every inch of his body, practically leaching into hers. She cautiously opens one eye, and sees Arlo sitting up impeccably straight, stiff as a board and staring at Felix like a deer in the headlights. He swallows so hard she can see his throat move. “Um,” he says, stilted and strange. “Yeah. I did.”

Tina opens both eyes and squints at the photo album. Oh.

Felix looks at the sudden strain in the way Arlo is sitting, the tightness of his posture, and looks quizzically down at the picture again.

Tina remembers that performance. She remembers Arlo dancing (ha) around the subject when she asked him teasingly if he was going to be playing the prince, who was the lead, was he excited to kiss a pretty girl?

She can’t remember the character’s name, not so many years after the fact, especially since they were all weird classical nonsense, either Latin or French or some mishmash of the two. But she remembers the costume. She remembers waiting with bated breath to see Arlo onstage, to stand and scream and cheer obnoxiously loud in support of her best friend. She shot to her feet the second she saw his obvious silhouette rise from a feather-bedecked black chariot, head and shoulders taller than anyone else onstage. The music swelled, lightning flashed, and then when the spotlight hit him, she was so stunned she plopped right back into her seat with her jaw on the floor.

Arlo’s always been one of those guys that straddled the line between pretty and handsome. Long, lustrous hair and eyelashes she would kill for, cheekbones that could kill, a defined jaw, a proud nose, and intense eyes she could only call sultry—if she hadn’t known him since they were both weird, gawky brats, she’d probably be half in love with him before figuring out she wasn’t his cup of tea. But seeing him onstage was always an adventure. He threw himself into whatever character he played, put his everything into them, from the costume to the makeup to the performance. He just became the character, and in a way that was so very Arlo, all that intensity and focus channeled into an act that completely stole the show, in Tina’s humble and completely unbiased opinion.

Carabosse! That was her name!

Carabosse was no different.

Arlo’s makeup was flawless, ghost-white foundation giving him intense Morticia Addams vibes, contouring that made his cheekbones look absolutely unreal, bold black (or maybe really dark purple?) lipstick and shiny, smoky eyeshadow that made him look ethereal and wicked, with a daggerpoint cat-eye that she spent an hour begging him to teach her after the show. When he turned his head in a sharp, birdlike motion to look down his nose at the dancers playing the King and Queen, she gasped at the way his hair rippled down his back, shiny-black and woven with actual feathers that trailed back from the ornate metal circlet resting on his brow like a bird’s crest. The costume was breathtaking, too, a tightly corseted bodice and a high collar, a dramatically billowing skirt and trailing, feathered sleeves that flared like wings whenever he moved.

And the way he moved! Arlo’s dancing changed with every role, whatever he felt would suit the character. One of her favorites was always his Hans-Peter (she had a soft spot for that one, and had ever since she was little—one of the first Christmas gifts her stepmom had ever given her was little storybook version of The Nutcracker that came with a CD) because his dancing was so stiff and stridently mechanical, he looked like a real toy soldier come to life. But his villains moved with a slinking, predatory prowl she’d only ever seen in monster movies, and never in something like a ballet. His Carabosse was as beautiful as she was terrifying, and it was incredible to watch. She wanted to fling herself at him after the show and babble at him endlessly like she always did, but she spent a solid minute staring at him slack-jawed, until he shifted awkwardly and looked down, and the confident intimidation of the Wicked Fairy sloughed away to reveal Arlo underneath.

He almost melted into the floor with relief when she finally startled to babble.

She puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes, and he takes a slow, deep breath, offering Felix a strained smile. “Take a closer look, mate,” he says quietly.

Felix does. He looks up and squints at Arlo, and then back down at the photo. Tina has to bite her lip so she doesn’t laugh when he looks over at Adam, still holding the magazine with that metal singer that kind of looks like Arlo on it, and then back at Arlo. His mouth drops open into a little o, and he shoots to his feet and shouts, “No way!”

Mason was allowed his name back briefly, but he goes right back to Broody One when he grimaces at Felix and slinks pettishly back to his corner.

Arlo’s shoulders are practically around his ears, but he tries to keep smiling. “Yeah. Sleeping Beauty. Fourth year. I was the Wicked Fairy.”

“He was amazing,” Tina declares, shoulders back and chin tipped up challengingly. “The costume was insane, but the way he played her was absolutely, ridiculously badass.”

“You look awesome!” Felix blurts, still gawking down at the photo. He flips to the next page, and squeaks happily when he finds more pictures, from different angles, showing off the costume, the way Arlo loomed over the other dancers, the way he commanded the stage. Tina should really find out who took the pictures and send them her thanks, because they really put in the work. “Your makeup, your dress, your hair! How’d you even do that?”

Arlo laughs, and it sounds so utterly relieved, Tina’s heart breaks a little. Arlo’s always been sensitive, and for someone who dresses and holds himself the way he does, he worries more than he lets on what people think of him. Especially people he cares about. She squeezes his shoulder again, and he bites his lip when he glances back at her and smiles hesitantly.

“A lot of wire, and enough hairspray to choke a bloody cow,” he says, twisting around and slinging his long legs over the coffee table so he can face the sofa. “I think we bought every bag of black feathers the craft store had, and then spent an entire weekend painting them with this stupidly expensive embossing powder. We had to get, like, ten pots of the stuff, because the craft store only had pots the size of a quarter.”

“I admire your dedication,” Nate says pleasantly, strolling over to peer over Arlo’s shoulder. They tighten just a bit before relaxing slowly. “That costuming is superb. I’ve seen professional productions that weren’t half so detailed.”

“That would be Viv’s work,” Arlo laughs, looking down at the pictures fondly. “She took whatever cheap garbage the department had for us, raided the nearest clearance fabric rack, and worked her magic. The employees at that little craft store loved and hated us in equal measure.”

Arlo is still tense, but he’s loosening up little by little, and with him Tina does too. The easy camaraderie is soothing, and she knows how much Arlo cares about his vampire friends, so it’s got to be a huge weight off his shoulders to be able to let his guard down around them. He deserves that. He deserves to be able to be himself.

Adam standing up draws Arlo’s attention like nothing else could, and he freezes like a startled rabbit again looking up at the burly blonde vampire as he approaches the sofa. He looks a split second from bolting. Tina sits up straighter and gives Adam her most daring look, squaring her shoulders to make it perfectly clear she's ready to fight the second he opens his mouth. She’ll definitely lose, sure, but she’ll make as much trouble as she can before she goes down.

He reaches out, his hand hesitating before it touches the album’s glossy page, and he looks up at Arlo with a questioning tilt to his brows. Arlo looks like he’s barely breathing, but he nods, and Adam slips one of the pictures from its sleeve. He straightens his spine, shoulders back, holding the photo and studying it carefully. His face is impossible to read, about as expressive as a bloody brick wall. Tina’s vibrating with nervous energy. She’ll fight a vampire, though. She will.

When Adam does finally speak, his voice comes out so softly Tina almost doesn’t hear it over the adrenaline rushing through her. “You look… striking.”

Striking. Oh my god.

She wants to laugh. They’re ridiculous.

“Thanks,” Arlo chokes out, his cheeks and ears going red this time.

Oh my god. Tina covers her mouth with both hands. Arlo glowers at her. It’s a lot less threatening when he’s blushing like that. “I didn’t say anything,” she mumbles against her palms.

“Your face,” he hisses, and she yelps.

“Oh! Shit!” She pulls her hands away, and he grabs her by the chin to check the damage with a click of his tongue.

Tina thought things would get better once Arlo actually kissed the man (and maybe got a leg over, but that’s only her business when she can finally get Arlo to actually talk about if the big, beefy Adonis is as missionary-with-the-lights-off as he looks) but at least they’re not just staring longingly at each other from across the room and then getting all sad about it anymore . Thankfully, Felix seems to be an old hand at clearing up the weird tension between the two of them, chiming in a delighted, “I’ve never seen you look so scary!” as he rifles through all the pictures from the Sleeping Beauty show. “I mean, you’re pretty scary when you go all furry, but also, you sort of just look like a big lanky puppy, because it’s just you, you know? This is someone else! Who is she! She's so cool!”

Arlo sighs and turns around to fix whatever Tina’s ruined with her foundation, and throws himself back into dolling her up. Thankfully, the actual festival’s not for a while yet. She complained about the unnecessarily early start when Arlo suggested the time, but now she’s glad he’s such a persnickety prick about scheduling. “I had a lot of fun with it,” he admits, shrugging his shoulders. “The original script notes said to get, y’know, sort of silly with it, but I wasn’t a big fan of that angle for a character like her. Yeah, I wanted to be campy, but not in the way…” He purses his lips. “Okay, well, Nate probably knows this, but a lot of classical ballets that have a female villains do this thing with them that I hate.” He frowns deeply, patting at Tina’s chin with gentle ferocity. “ An evil female character is supposed to be sort of… sort of a cautionary tale, I guess? Like your typical bitter spinster crone, the old hag, or the wicked stepsisters, things like that. So they’ll specifically cast a male dancer and put them in bright, gaudy facepaint and garish costumes that are supposed to be cartoonish and ugly, that you're supposed to find funny, to show you that this character is bad because she’s indelicate and mannish, and that’s why she’s evil.”

His mouth twists around the words, and he looks up, back at the vampires, leaving Tina a moment to really appreciate that Arlo’s comfortable enough with them to do what he’s only ever really done with her—which is ramble about something he’s passionate about. It’s always fun to watch. He turns back to her, and she just wishes his hands weren’t occupied, because he’s a big hand-talker otherwise. “I got the role because the professor thought it would be funny to stick me in a role like that, being so tall and, y’know,” he gestures vaguely to his faded old band tee and dark jeans, the thick leather cuff around his wrist. Tina doesn’t see what he really means, seeing as he looks cozy and content right now, but she gets what he’s going for. “He was expecting me to be awkward about it. The big, tough guy doing drag as the creepy crone caricature.” He huffs. “I talked with Demi about it, and we decided to say fuck that.” He sits up straighter, tilts up his chin, and looks down his nose at Tina.

She peers up at him, wide-eyed, and suddenly wonders if this is how Demi felt, playing Aurora when Carabosse looked down her nose at her like an insect under her heel.

“I thought Carabosse deserved better,” Arlo says fiercely. “If I was going to be a villain, I was going to be a damned good villain. I was going to tower over all the delicate, dainty little princesses and fairies, and I was going to be fierce. Professor Dacey wanted Aurora, and Candide, and Florine to be the epitome of sweet, delicate femininity, the ideal damsel in any classical show. Carabosse is supposed to be the complete opposite. You’re supposed to root against her, not want to be her. She’s a threat to the idea of womanhood, of the ideal feminine. She’s bold and selfish and she takes what she wants. I leaned into that. I even danced en pointe for parts of it, even though Carabosse isn't supposed to, and between the rehearsals and the actual performance, I thought my feet were gonna fall off, but it was worth it.”

Arlo smiles, and Tina is thrilled by the wickedness of it. She thinks she even sees just a hint of fang. Arlo’s been so careful about showing his teeth, ever since he told her what happened to him, why he disappeared for so long, so it's somehow special for him to feel like he can show her even a hint of what he’s become.

“Professor Dacey was pissed, afterwards, of course,” Arlo laughs, but there’s an edge to it. He seems to shrink. From Arlo to Carabosse to Arlo again. He looks down at his hands as they work on Tina more than at her face. “He didn’t, y’know, say anything he could have gotten fired over, but he did rail about being left out of planning and the budget and all that rot. Got even madder when Demi pointed out we’d spent our own money on the costumes. I think if he was tall enough to look down on me, he would have.” He snorts, a bitter curl to his mouth. Tina thinks of it painted bold, dark purple, thinks of how it would look with those teeth behind it. She wonders if he’d let her do his makeup for the festival. She’s not nearly as good at details as he is, but she’s no slouch either.

“You should have let me put raw fish in his hubcaps,” Tina mutters, just to make Arlo laugh. It works, and she beams at him.

“Would have been a waste of fish,” he mumbles, sucking his teeth. He finally picks up a bright eyeshadow palette and starts waffling over colors. He’s quiet while he deliberates, but after a while, he sighs. “I liked being Carabosse,” he says, like it’s a secret. Like he’s trying very hard not to be ashamed.

“I wish I could have seen it,” Adam says, almost dreamily. Tina could scream. “I— We could have, I mean. All of us. In solidarity.”

“Smooth,” Felix whispers.

“I’m sure it was a phenomenal performance,” Nate adds helpfully. He’s taken the album from Felix to flip through to some of Arlo’s other shows. “The passion you have for your characters shines through in just photos. It’s quite impressive.”

“You should have gone pro,” Tina mutters. “You’d be a household name by now.”

Arlo snorts and bops her with the brush. How many bops is that now? She’s certainly on a roll today. “And who’d keep you in line back here?” he teases.

Tina squints up at him and sticks out her tongue. “Like you’ve ever even tried to keep me in line, you big softie. You love the chaos, just admit it.”

“I’ll admit you to the hospital when you do something stupid and get yourself hurt again, how about that?”

They bicker like children back and forth while Arlo finishes her makeup, a wash of pink, purple, and blue eyeshadow and matching lipstick, overlaid with a lustrous sparkle to her cheekbones and a cute little black heart-shaped beauty mark under one eye. Felix gets a bi flag heart to match her eyeshadow around one eye, and then the rest is a sort of confetti splash of sparkly stars and hearts in every color. Even Nate goes for the bi eyeshadow (Bi-shadow? She should have been saying that this whole time!), making him, Tina, and Felix a matching set, and Mason consents to a very simple pan flag on his cheek. Tina suspects Adam only allows the eyeshadow treatment so he can have Arlo cup his face all tenderly, but she keeps the thought (mostly) to herself. He looks good in pastels, she thinks when she sees the finished blue, pink, and white.

Arlo draws a little heart under his eye too. The heart in Tina's chest almost explodes with warmth.

And then Arlo disappears into the bathroom, leaving the rest of them to entertain themselves while he gets ready on his own. They go through the album some more, and Tina tells them all about her favorite shows, because she went to every single one she could manage, and got Arlo’s school friends to send her videos of the ones she couldn’t. Tina Poname is Arlo Priestley’s number one fan, and that will never change. Not even now that she's got some competition.

When Arlo comes out of the bathroom, they all look up in sync, and he stands there, shifting anxiously from foot to foot under the attention, and lifts his hands in a stilted shrug. “So?” he asks, smiling nervously. He’s changed clothes, too. Tight pants, big boots, a mesh-sleeved black shirt underneath his patch-and-pin-covered denim vest. His wrists jingle with chunky bracelets, and his hair is braided neatly over one shoulder. But his makeup is what really steals the show. That insanely sharp cat-eye, of course, but one eye is done up in blue, pink, and white, and the other in yellow, white, purple, and black. He smiles timidly. “I, uh, I couldn’t really decide on just one,” he says, sticking his gloved hands into the pockets of his vest. “I’m, um, I’m not sure which one’s really right for me yet, I guess?” He shrugs again, and Tina watches delightedly as Adam stands up slowly, his eyes on Arlo with such an awed intensity she wonders if he even remembers there’s other people in the room. Arlo keeps babbling as he approaches, the words tumbling nervously from his black-painted lips. “I sort of like matching with you, Adam, and I know they’re both fine, but I—”

Adam grabs him by the lapels of his jacket, yanks him down to his level, and silences him with a kiss. Tina throws her arms up in the air with an impulsive shriek of “WOO!” that Felix echoes even louder. They high-five over Mason’s head, and he looks like he wants to throw them both out the window. Nate sits by with a pleasant little smile, which only fades when he takes note of the clock.

Adam and Arlo are still kissing, Arlo’s hands cupped around the vampire’s cheeks and Adam clinging to his vest like he'll drown if he lets go. Tina thinks she might see a hint of tongue when Nate loudly clears his throat.

They break apart with an indecent smacking noise, and Tina yelps out a sharp laugh when she sees Arlo’s black lipstick smeared all around Adam’s mouth.

Nate crosses his arms and smiles dryly at them. “Why don’t you two go fix your faces,” he suggests. “The rest of us will make sure the car is packed for the festival.”

“Um, yes. You— We—” Arlo fumbles for a bit, touching his smeared lips, his eyes just a bit dazed. He and Adam look at each other, and then flee for the bathroom together.

Tina’s never been more excited for a festival in her life.

#the wayhaven chronicles #wayhavensummer #pride in wayhaven #tina poname #adam du mortain #a du mortain #felix hauville #f hauville #specialist agent mason #specialist agent m #nate sewell #n sewell #oc: arlo priestley #pidge writes #HELLO I AM FINISHING THIS AT 3:30 AM #I HAVE MY FIRST DAY OF MY NEW JOB TOMORROW #WISH ME LUCK #this turned out WAY longer than i meant it to but god was it fun #i hope you guys like it as much as i liked writing it #arlo playin w gender expression via ballet is my everything #the costume designs for carabosse can be SO GOOD #but some of them are SO BAD #ballet is like that #its very uuuuh traditional wrt its aesthetics and gender roles #and arlo and his friends were all like 'but what if not'#anyway title is v last minute bc *shrug*#tina gets to be the lilac fairy #i did so much reserach into this ballet y'all #the only thing i didnt do was watch the whole thing #tho i DID find it on yt so i could later....

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destieldailynews · 4 years

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SPNFightsOn, a Recap

12/9/20 by @fitinmypoems, @lateral-org To watch an archived version of the stream on YouTube, click here. Our original thread liveblogging the stream can be found here.

When a Supernatural reunion was announced on December 6th, people were instantly excited. So far, most of the cast - especially Jensen Ackles - hadn’t said much about the finale, and people were thrilled at the opportunity to see our boys together one more time, as well as the possibility to ask them some questions about the end of the show. With the added possibility of winning exclusive merch (a signed piece of the Impala, among other things!) and the fact we were supporting a good cause - Stacey Abrams’ Fair Fight campaign - a lot of people were very much looking forward to this meeting.

The first half of the event focused on Stacey Abrams and her campaign to fight voter suppression in the United States. The cast applauded her work and she confessed to being a huge fan of the show, though she hadn’t yet seen the final three episodes of the season. She says she plans to catch up tomorrow (December 10th), as it’s the day after her birthday and she’ll have a break from her campaigning. She had to leave about halfway through the stream, and then it shifted over to the cast and the show.

A total of thirty SPN Family members (listed under the cut) joined the stream to support the cause. Unfortunately, Jensen did not leak the tapes from 15x18, however they did release the season 15 blooper reel and we got a story about Sebastian getting a massage from Jared at the Vancouver airport. There were some trivia questions asked - apparently, before the Impala was nicknamed Baby, they called her Metallicar - and in the end, they managed to raise over $256,000 for Fair Fight.

More about Fair Fight and voter suppression in the US: Stacey Abrams’ Twitter ‘All In: The Fight For Democracy’ - Amazon Prime documentary ‘Why We Fight’ - Fair Fight ‘Voter Suppression Is Still One of the Greatest Obstacles to a More Just America’ - TIME Donate to Fair Fight through SPN Fights On

Follow @destieldailynews and turn on our notifications for more SPN updates

A complete list of everyone who appeared on the stream:

Actors

Misha Collins - actor, played Castiel. Jared Padalecki - actor, played Sam Winchester. Jensen Ackles - actor, played Dean Winchester. Samantha Smith - actress, played Mary Winchester. Jim Beaver - actor, played Bobby Singer. Rob Benedict - actor, played Chuck Shurley/God, lead singer of Louden Swain. Shoshannah Stern - actress, played Eileen Leahy. Felicia Day - actress, played Charlie Bradbury. Osric Chau - actor, played Kevin Tran. Lauren Tom - actress, played Linda Tran. Lisa Berry - actress, played Billie. Alina Huffman - actress, played the demon Abaddon. Rachel Miner - actress, played the demon Meg. Jake Abel - actor, played Adam Milligan/the archangel Michael. Seb Roche - actor, played the angel Balthazar. Julie McNiven - actress, played the angel Anna. Curtis Armstrong - actor, played the angel Metatron. Briana Buckmaster - actress, played Donna Hanscum. Kat Ramdeen - actress, played Alex. Amy Gumenick - actress, played Young Mary Winchester.

Writers and Producers

Eric Kripke - creator and writer for Supernatural. Robert Singer - executive producer for Supernatural. Eugenie Ross-Leming - writer and executive producer. Phil Sgriccia - producer for Supernatural and The Boys. Jim Michaels - co-executive producer for Supernatural since 2009.

Others

Billy Moran - musician, member of the band Louden Swain. Michael Borja - musician, member of the band Louden Swain. Stephen Norton - musician, member of the band Louden Swain. Stacey Abrams - American politician, lawyer, voting rights activist, and an author. She founded Fair Fight Action. ASL translator from @BayTerps

#destiel daily news #SPNFightsOn #fair fight #stacey abrams #spn cast #spn updates #december 9th #voter supression #recap #supernatural fights on

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type40thiefoflight · 4 years

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In honor of whatever the heck that sad excuse of a finale was, here’s a list of all the things I wish had/hadn’t happened over the course of the series:

Elaboration the Bloody Mary plot-line. Dean’s eyes bled when she appeared, meaning he felt guilty over someone’s death, but we never got to see whose.

Remember the one and only time they used “Christo” to identify a demon? Why didn’t they keep that up?

Rendering three of the horsemen powerless. Did they get replaced after Dean took their rings or are they still around and just less powerful?

Dean making Castiel erase Lisa’s and Ben’s memories.

Ben is Dean’s son and you can’t convince me otherwise.

Dean finally got the amulet back after Chuck appeared to him and Sam as God. Why didn’t he start wearing it again?

Chuck should have started out as a normal prophet that eventually became God’s vessel. This would explain his total behavioral shift from mousey to arrogant and cocky. I think the possession would have happened after Raphael destroyed him and Castiel. Did Raphael really strike you as the kind of guy to have mercy on a human, even if he was a prophet of the lord? Chuck didn’t miraculously survive the attack. He was wiped out like Castiel was and God reconstructed his body like he did with Castiel in Stull Cemetery, then took Chuck’s place.

People who shouldn’t have been introduced/brought back:

The Campbells. The whole point is that it’s just the brothers and Castiel against the world. Sometimes their friends are there. We already knew from the flashback that Mary’s family behaved similarly to how John got after her death. There didn’t need to be more of that.

Bobby Singer. He died for Sam and Dean and even in death they still dragged him into their problems. Let the man rest already.

Gavin MacLeod: Didn’t need to be there. He showed up as a ghost once and his story-line seemed pointless.

Mary Winchester. Her story-line ended when she, as a ghost, sacrificed herself to fight off a poltergeist terrorizing the Winchesters’ old house.

Lucifer. His characterization post-Hallucifer was completely different and felt like watching a totally different character.

John Winchester: Should have stayed in Hell. He was an abusive father and didn’t deserve the reunion brought on by Dean wishing on the pearl.

People who should have been brought back/shouldn’t have died at all:

Bela Talbot: She wasn’t the nicest but she didn’t deserve that, Dean.

Ash: Just because his name is Ash doesn’t mean he had to become it.

Pamela Barnes: Cool characters with cool powers and actual personalities aren’t allowed to live.

Ellen and Jo Harvelle: Fans were so mean they got killed off to protect them from potential future bad writing and hate.

Balthazar: I really don’t remember why Castiel killed him but I liked him.

Rufus Turner: Did Bobby really have to get possessed by the Khan worm?

Bobby Singer: Couldn’t they have parked that van a little closer so he could have time to close the van door?

Amy Pond: Needing extra fresh food (human organs) for her sick son isn’t a good reason to kill her, Dean. It was a one-time thing.

Emma: Why couldn’t they have taken more time talking her down and gotten her away from the Amazonians? Sam, that is your NIECE!

Charlie Bradbury: Burying your gays isn’t cool, you guys.

Benny Lafite: Dean or Benny could have used dream root to contact Sam or Bobby and tell them the way out.

Kevin Tran: The whole Gadreel thing was dumb anyway but did he really think killing one human would impress Metatron?

Linda Tran: Not dead, just disappeared. What happened to her?

Krissy Chambers: Also not dead, but where did she go?

Tessa the reaper: Since when are reapers angels? There’s a specific way to kill them and it’s not angel blades.

Death: If Gabriel’s smart enough not to let someone get a hold of his real weapon then the horseman of death certainly is.

Gabriel: There’s no way he’s really dead. His second death was exactly like the first one and I believe Lucifer knew that when he saw AU Michael “kill” him. He waited until the coast was clear then got away.

Meg: Lead characters’ romantic interests aren’t allowed to live I guess.

Joshua: He and the Garden of Eden should have played a bigger role, maybe when they had to deal with Eve in season 6.

Crowley: They should have found another way to complete the ritual. Actually, weren’t they by a lake? They could have just stabbed a fish.

Missouri Moseley: Stop bringing back cool characters just to immediately kill them off.

Rowena MacLeod: Terrible mother, wonderful character.

Donatello Redfield: Not dead, just vanished. Where did he go?

Amara: Not really “killed” but absorbed even though that didn’t really give Chuck as much of a power boost as it should have. Adam Milligan: You’ll move Heaven and Hell for Sam but forget about your other brother? I get you’re jealous that he had a real relationship with John, but come on Dean.

Michael: The relationship between him and Adam was cool and I wanted to see it expanded on.

Donna Hanscum and Eileen Leahy: I would have liked confirmation that they were brought back when Jack reversed Chuck’s Thanos snap.

Castiel: I repeat: burying your gays bisexuals isn’t cool. (I say bisexual because remember Meg?)

Dean: His Mystery Spot deaths were sadder than that. For the third time: Burying Your Gays Bisexuals Isn’t Cool.

#spn #supernatural

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girl-with-cat-eyes · 4 years

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Sweeter Than Ice Cream

Summary: Virgil is feeling good about his body for once. Leave it to assholes to come along and ruin the feeling. Luckily his boyfriend is there to cheer him up.

Contains Thvi, mentioned Demus, mentioned Logicality, mentioned Rosleepmile, chubby trans Virgil, and mentions of bullying.

A/N: Alright the birthday fic is going up a bit late but who cares cause it's adorable. Really I just wanted something ridiculously sweet and comforting so here we are. And if people like it I can totally write more for this verse cause I already have tons of ideas.

"Hello handsome."

Virgil was getting his text books out of his locker when he felt a familiar pair of arms slide around his waist, a hand stopping to squeeze his round bottom before continuing on it's way. He smiled and turned around to greet their owner, giving his boyfriend a smile before he spoke.

"Good morning to you too, beautiful." He wrapped his arms around Thomas' neck and him a kiss. "Glad you're here today, I was worried about you yesterday."

Thomas gave an apologetic smile and pecked his nose before speaking. "I'm sorry Virge. I tried to text you, but I had a dentist's appointment yesterday." He flashed his freshly cleaned teeth in an exaggerated grin. "How are you today?"

"Well let's see:", Virgil began to list off.", today is a friday, dad offered to make my lunch today which meant I got an extra half hour of sleep, I have leftover mac and cheese for lunch, today is a Friday, I'm having a sleepover with my amazing boyfriend tonight, and said boyfriend is holding me right now. So I'd say it's about as good as it gets. Not to mention I'm feeling more body confident than I have in months. How about you?"

Thomas smiled. "As perfect as possible. Especially now that I have you in my arms." He squeezed Virgil's sides gently. "And I'm glad you're feeling confident right now. You deserve to.", Thomas smiled at his boyfriend and took note of his clothing choice for today., "And you look great in what you're wearing, sweetheart. I mean you always look great, but you look adorable right now. I don't think I've seen you in something pastel since you got this."

Virgil blushed at the mention of his unusual outfit choice. While normally he wore baggy and dark clothes, not only to match his emo personality but to help deal with his insecurities about his weight and dysphoria, but today he'd felt confident and comfortable in his body and went with a different choice. He wore light purple overall shorts and a cute black top underneath along with knee high socks and purple chuck taylors. He'd finished off the look with a black heart choker and his usual makeup. He'd been excited to see Thomas' and his friends' reactions to him something so different from his usual style.

"I liked how it looked on me and I wanted to wear it. Besides I thought it would be the perfect outfit for our sleepover tonight." Virgil reluctantly pulled away from the hug to finish grabbing his textbooks, "I'm glad you like it. I was hoping you would."

He felt arms wrap around him again and warm breath tickle his neck as Thomas leaned forward to whisper in his ear, "Well I like you in anything. Or nothing. Especially in nothing at all." He pressed a kiss behind Virgil's ear.

Virgil held back a groan before shutting his locker and turning around. "You can't just say that when we have 10 minutes til class."

"Fine. I'll tell you tonight while your parents are out. For now I'll ask you about the homework from yesterday." The pair made their way down the hallway to their first class.

If Thomas had to pick a favorite part of school days it would have to be lunch. Not only because it served as a break between classes or because it was when he could finally eat, but because he shared a lunch period with his boyfriend. He got a solid half hour everyday to just sit with Virgil and spend time together. It was nice.

Of course it would be nice if he hadn't drank an entire water bottle during his last period and was now rushing to the bathroom. He'd gotten lucky that the one closest to the cafeteria was empty and he didn't have to search for one.

At least, he thought it was empty. Until he heard a sob coming from one of the stalls behind while he washed his hands. Thomad froze at the sound. He really should be meeting Virgil for lunch. But what if someone was hurt? What if they needed help? Fuck it, he thought, it couldn't hurt to ask if they're ok.

"Hey?" He called. "Are you ok? Do you need me to get the nurse or something? It's my lunch period so I have the time."

He heard a gasp and some movement before a familiar voice spoke. "Thomas?"

Virgil. Shit. What could have happened in the time that they had been apart? Thomas rushed over to the stall and opened it to see his boyfriend curled up in a corner looking at him. His hurt beat painfully when he saw his black eye and bloody nose that Virgil was pressing toilet paper to. He felt a hot rush of anger when he saw that half of his face appeared to be covered in what looked like cake.

Thomas grimaced and got up to wet some paper towels before setting to work with cleaning Virgil's face. Afterwards he pressed some more toilet paper to his bloody nose and sighed. "What happened?"

Virgil kept his eyes down. "The usual shit. I went to use the bathroom and was ambushed. They said that they felt uncomfortable with me using the same bathrooms as them. That I'd probably try to force them to be gay. That freaks like me shouldn't be allowed in the school period. After that they beat the shit out of me." Virgil gestured to his bruised face. "And then they…. They brought a piece of cake with them. Said a whale like me would probably love it. And they shoved it in my face."

Thomas felt molten hot anger wash through him but pushed it aside for now. Virgil needed him. He stood up and pulled his boyfriend up with him. "Come on, Stormcloud.

"Where are we going?"

"Well first we're going to stop by Holy Cow's and get sundaes because you deserve something as sweet as you are. Then we're going to go to your place and call your dads to tell them what happened. And then we can cuddle and begin our sleepover early."

Virgil raised an eyebrow at him. "And what about class? You've already missed yesterday."

Thomas shrugged and held Virgil's hand as they left the bathroom. "I'll tell your uncle what happened and ask him to get our homework for us." Thomas knew that Virgil's uncle, the school drama teacher, Roman would be fine with it. He'd probably claim that what happened to his nephew was a huge offense and demand to know who did it.

They signed themselves out for the day and got into Thomas' car. He made sure to send a text to Roman explaining what happened and asking him to get their homework for them. He received an almost immediate response saying of course and that he would be by after school with it and then they could tell him who it was.

First stop was ice cream. Virgil ended up dozing in the car and Thomas didn't have the heart to wake him so he just went in by himself. Besides it wasn't like he didn't know Virgil's favorite sundae. His boyfriend was a chocolate lover from way back.

He smiled as he entered the shop. Some of his favorite memories were here. Coming here as a kid when he got a good grade, his dads taking him here on his birthday. He even went here with Virgil on their first date. He still remembered how nervous Virgil had been to eat anything around him at the time. It had taken forever to assure V that his weight was fine. It could still be a struggle, with Virgil's confidence fluctuating. But Thomas would never stop showing him how amazing and beautiful he was.

Thomas shook off those thoughts and gave a wave to Remy, the shop's owner. Thomas looked at the menu vaguely even though him and Virgil always got the same thing.

"Girl, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in school?"

Thomas shrugged and gestured out to his car. "Virgil got beat up by some assholes so I'm taking him to get ice cream as a treat."

Remy crossed his arms and smirked, "Mmmhmmm. So where is my favorite customer?"

Thomas gave a pretend shocked gasp, "I've been coming here as long as Virgil has."

"Like I said he's my favorite customer.", Remy grabbed two styrofoam bowls, "The usual for both of you?"

Thomas snorted and nodded, "Yep. He fell asleep in the car and I didn't want to wake him. So just me today.", Remy nodded and began making Thomas' birthday cake sundae and Virgil's chocolate brownie s'more sundae.

"Well because this is comfort ice cream I'm giving you each an extra scoop. And it's on the house." Thomas went to object but Remy cut him off, "Hun, last time you were here you tipped twenty bucks. And the time before that you tipped ten. You've got some free ice cream points saved up. Enjoy it."

Thomas sighed and put his wallet away before smiling, "Thank you. I figured this would be a good way to cheer him up. Worst part was he was feeling confident today too. I was so excited for him."

Remy grimaced and went to roast two marshmallows for the ice cream in question, "That's how life is sometimes. You're feeling great and it kicks you where it hurts. But you just gotta be there for him now and hope his confidence stays up. And if not, be a confidence booster.", He finished off the sundaes with some hot fudge and caramel on Virgil's and rainbow sprinkles and cake crumbles on Thomas', topping both with whipped cream.

Thomas nodded and took the ice cream gratefully, "Thank you. I'm sure Roman will tell you and Emile all the details later tonight.", With that he went back to the car and drove to Virgil's house.

Virgil awoke to Thomas kissing his cheek and saying that they had to get out of the car. He blinked groggily before wincing at the feeling of his bruised eye and got up slowly., "Did you message my parents?", He asked through a yawn.

Thomas nodded and picked up the ice cream containers before answering, "Yep. Remus is working late tonight at the hospital but Janus should be home at 5 and he said he'd get take out. And he wanted to talk about what happened."

Virgil nodded and got out his key before letting them both in. He went to go to the kitchen but was stopped by Thomas who guided him to the living room.

"What are you doing?"

Virgil gestured to his eye., "I'm going to get some ice and painkillers."

Thomas nodded and got up. "I'll do that. You sit and relax.", He was handed a cold styrofoam bowl. "Here's your sundae. I got your usual." Virgil smiled and Thomas headed into the kitchen.

Virgil stared at the sundae on his lap hesitantly. Sure, it sounded great after the day he had, but did he really need it? He was fat enough as is without it. He could still hear those asshole's jeers in the restroom, calling him a whale and laughing when he fell.

Before he could do anything though, Thomas came back and was handing him a water bottle and some painkillers and pressing some ice to his eye. Virgil gladly took several large drinks of water and went back to looking at the ice cream nervously.

"Hey." Virgil looked at Thomas to see him giving him a concerned look. "Whatever those assholes said about you… None of it is true. You're amazing and beautiful and your weight is fine. You deserve some ice cream after the day you've had."

Virgil winced internally. Dammit. He hadn't meant for Thomas to know how he was feeling. But that's just how Thomas was sometimes. He could take one look at Virgil and was able to figure out exactly what was bothering him and made it his mission to make him feel better. "It's just… Sometimes I think I would get so much of the bullying if I was thinner, y'know. And maybe I deserve it, cause I could probably do more to try to lose the weight. Like I could go on another diet-"

"Like when you ended up passing out in gym class because you were malnourished?" Thomas interrupted him. Before Virgil could say anything else Thomas was pulling him onto his lap. He tried to do his best to not put any weight on him but Thomas wasn't having it. Virgil found himself tucked snugly in his boyfriends arms. "Babe you eat healthy and are decently active. And your doctor has said you're healthy even with your weight. I know firsthand that it can be hard to love yourself, but please… Never listen to those assholes. And if you're feeling insecure come to me. I'll always be willing to reassure you."

Virgil was blushing and Thomas kissed each of his full, red cheeks. "Now I think we have some well earned ice cream and feel good movies waiting for us." Virgil nodded and snorted as Thomas put on Hairspray.

He leaned up to kiss his boyfriend and took a bite of ice cream, moaning at the taste. "I love you."

Thomas laughed and kissed Virgil back before grabbing his sundae as well. "I can't tell if you're talking to me of the ice cream but I love you too."

Virgil smiled and hummed along to the opening number and took another bite before speaking. "Both. I love ice cream because it's delicious and I love you because you're easily one of the best things to ever happen to me."

Thomas smiled and took a bite of ice cream and kissing him. Virgil could taste frosting and bits of vanilla cupcake on his lips. By the time they pulled away they were both breathing heavily. Virgil pressed several quick kisses on Thomas' face. And smiled. "I love you. So much."

Thomas only responded by kissing him again with just as much intensity as before. Virgil smiled when Thomas finally pulled away and whispered. "I love you. I… I was going to give this you tonight, I figured that it would be the perfect time. And it still is of course I wanted you to be happier when I did it but… Will you go steady with me?" He held out a silver ring with a purple heart shaped gem.

Virgil looked at him with a mixture of shock and happiness. "Really?"

Thomas rubbed the back of his neck and gave an anxious smile. "Yeah. I know it's old fashioned but I thought it would be cute. I was talking to my grandpa about it and he said that going steady was supposed to be a promise that you wanted to spend forever together even if you weren't married yet. Of course back then people got married right out of high school. But I thought that that meaning was perfect for us. I want to spend forever with you, and obviously neither of us are ready for marriage."

Virgil smiled and nodded rapidly at his boyfriend. "Of course. I'd love to go steady with you." Thomas put the ring on his finger and kissed his hand. "It's beautiful."

Thomas smiled. "I got it down at my cousin's shop. I thought it was perfect for you. And now that I'm seeing it I'm happy to report that I was right."

Virgil smiled and made a mental note to go see Toby this weekend and pick out an equally beautiful ring for Thomas. For now however, he had a boyfriend to snuggle and movies to watch. He pulled Thomas closer and pressed several kisses before burrowing his face in his neck.

By the time Janus, Roman, and Remus all burst in at once, the pair were asleep, the credits to the movie rolling unnoticed.

Tagging:

@forever-forgotten-angel, @anxiety-ismy-name

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dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt · 5 years

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How To Write A Trans Character

for y’all good cis people who genuinely care and want to give good representation!! thank!! love ya!! [please note that this is just the opinion of one trans *man* and that circumstances vary. This isn’t a catch-all, just some general tips.]

- If you’re an LGB+ person/nurodivergent/etc, try to picture your own identity in the place of your trans character’s. If you wouldn’t like to read about something done to a character with your identity, maybe don’t do that to your trans character.

- Try to avoid adding transphobia without a solid reason for it. Does this person being a transphobic dick advance the plot? Does it create a poignant character moment? Is it truly more than just the Obligatory Transphobic Comment? Remember, people read fiction to escape the real world, being reminded that transphobia exists in my fantasy escapism kind of sucks.

- Don’t make a big deal out of it or draw a lot of attention to it. Personally, the best thing to me is when it is briefly mentioned once that a character is trans, and that is it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fine to mention it more than once, but it’s so refreshing to see it not be a big deal.

- Make the character a character first, and trans second. Being trans is not a personality trait, or a hobby, or a lifestyle. We’re just people. Write us like it.

- There’s many different types of dysphoria. (see: this post) Social, mental, physical. Sometimes it’s general, and others it’s very specific. Sometimes it’s weird (I’m dysphoric about my wrists, how weird is that?) And some trans people experience little to no dysphoria, that’s cool too.

- Dysphoria fluctuates and changes a lot, some days it’s not bad, others it is, some days it’s about something, other days it’s about something else.

- Dysphoria feels like your worst insecurity times 100. A lot of the time mine makes me feel physically sick, like I’m gonna chuck. It can also feel almost claustrophobic, like you’re trapped somewhere and can’t get out (... because you are.)

- Gender euphoria is also a thing and it’s like being high.

- Feel free to give your trans baby a supportive family, they do exist and it would be nice to see a well loved trans person (the family doesn’t have to be biological, though, if that’s the way the story goes.)

- Do a bit of research on certain terms/names for things, it won’t take super long and it will make a WORLD of difference.

- Please try not to focus on the character suffering for being trans. I know you mean well, but trust me it won’t come out right. Feel free to throw a bunch of angst at your trans character, just please don’t make that angst around being trans. Make it about their best friend being eaten by a lava sloth squid monster. or whatever.

- Different trans people want/have different transitions. Your character might want to have one surgery, but not another, or maybe they’re on hormones but they’re not interested in any surgeries or vice-versa. Maybe they don’t want to physically transition at all, and that is perfectly normal and okay!

- Non-binary people exist and are cool! (But if your character is a robot or an alien... maybe don’t make them non-binary.)

- Please don’t make your villain the only trans person. Please.

- Please avoid the ‘soft flower boi’ stereotype if you’re writing trans guys please. We are men. Write your trans man character like you would if he was a cis guy. I’m not saying don’t make feminine trans men, but... please be careful of that stereotype.

- Trans women can be tomboys. They can also be super mega ultra girly. Again, character first, trans second.

- Avoid fetishizing trans people. It’s totally fine if your trans person does The Sexytime (it is encouraged, in fact,) but don’t overly focus on the fact that they’re trans. That’s creepy. Some trans people have different boundaries with nakedness/their body, consider that, too.

- Please give your trans character a happy ending and for the love of god don’t kill them off. Let them have a partner, and pets, and friends, the whole unlovable edgy trans stereotype is getting really old really fast.

- Honestly. If you’re really unsure how to write a trans character, just write a character. And then slip in a one sentence about them wearing a trans pride pin. Boom, you just wrote a great trans character, good job!!!

- Talk to a trans person. And if you’re worried about saying something wrong, talk to me. I promise I won’t get mad at you, no matter what you want to ask. Trust me, we want more trans characters out there, don’t be scared to write one. Representation is good!!

- All trans people are badass, funny, smart, amazing, wonderful and perfect. If you don’t make your character all of these things, it’s transphobia. (Okay this one is a joke... We’re also awesome. *fingerguns*)

#trans #transgender #writing tips #writing trans characters #writeblr #idk #some tropes really bother me can you tell lmao #hope this helps!!

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ryann-rosss · 5 years

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ranking panic! at the disco albums based on gayness

6. pray for the wicked

definitely the straightest album, but that doesn’t mean that there are gay moments in this album. shoutout to the inclusivity of dancing’s not a crime “just wanna be your boyfriend, girlfriend” (even though it doesn’t include people who don’t identify as male or female but he tried) and old fashioned’s “medicatin’ every day to keep the straightness in order”. also the overpass is just. gay. “i have a shirt that keeps your smell”? “lipstick boys”?? the overpass is criminally underrated, but anyway, that’s another discussion :))) i give pray for the wicked maybe a 4.5/10 but it honestly depends.

5. a fever you can’t sweat out

since we are only basing this on the studio recording (live performances + their tours are a whole other story) i’m putting this second to the bottom. not really any songs which are distinctly homosexual, although there are heaps of references to chuck palahunik, a gay author, and lines from “time to dance” directly taken from dialogue spoken by a trans woman (i think? i haven’t read invisible monsters, sorry). also a lot of fans of this album are just?? generally gay?? exudes gay energy?? probably more gay moments and lines i’m forgetting, but this is that for now. a solid 6/10 for the studio recording only, so not counting any live moments lmao.

4. death of a bachelor

i hear what you’re saying - “a death of a bachelor?? over a fever you can’t sweat out?? what sacrilege!!!” - but like, hear me out. golden days. just. golden days. golden days is actually such a fucking gay song. there are. no. fucking. pronouns. and the adjective used to describe the lover, debonair, is only used for men. house of memories and the good the bad and the dirty is sO GAY i cannot!!! like!!! also hallelujah!!!! this album is actually good!!!! fight me!!!!!!!!!!!! an 8/10 for gayness, and you can fight me!!!

3. vices & virtues

people always say he turned all of ryan’s gay lyrics to straight songs about sarah but?? like?? hurricane is such a gay song, i will NEVER shut the fuck up about this. literally, i cannot take in a heterosexual way, i’m sorry. and the calendar? written about his (male) ex-bandmates but talks about having sex with them? pardon me? okay, i will admit that this album probably has the most female pronouns, but that doesn’t make it about sarah? like all of these songs are salty songs about his ex. also pete wentz helped brendon with the lyrics and it really shows, oh my god. the gayness is strong in this album. 8.5/10 for gayness.

2. too weird to live, too rare to die

this. is. such. a. gay. album. he is literally smoking RAINBOW in the cover, pardon me? girls/girls/boys is an anthem for bi/pan/omni/other people and it’s on THIS ALBUM. dallon wrote that about his PANSEXUAL wife (breezy weekes, bless her) and it’s when all the flags come out in the concert! they made gay merch for it!! and donated it to charities helping young lgbtqiap+ people!! and CASUAL AFFAIR. oh my GOD. literally about a gay fucking fantasy, he actually fucking SAID IT!!!!!! there’s an anti-gay ad in the mv, and it was supposed to be on the track as well!!! and, okay, i know it’s a bonus track but all the boys!!! i know it’s about loving a girl, but, it also says ALL THE GIRLS love the girls too!! um?? sapphic representation?? yes please!!! thank you dallon!!!! also i know i talk a lot about gay energy but come on. gay energy. this is such a gay album. 10/10 for twtltrtd.

1. pretty. odd. (1000/10)

what did you expect? like honestly?? firstly the whole fucking aesthetic?? flowers?? pastel?? they really did say gay rights. and the songs. where do we even fucking begin with the songs on pretty. odd.? literally, all the songs. nine in the afternoon is about a parade of lovers. like? okay. okay ryan ross. she’s a handsome woman’s title is about a butch lesbian, and you can fight me. spencer smith literally said butch lesbian rights. if i go to hell?? do you know who homophobes say are heading to hell?? that green gentleman (things have changed)?? “i never said i missed her when everybody kissed her, now i'm the only one to blame”?? also i have friends in holy spaces is literally about gayness. and northern downpour?? don’t even fucking begin with n*rth*rn d*wnp*ur. reinvent love?????????? okay i’m not going to unpack every single song in this album, even if i totally could, but my point is that it’s literally all so fucking gay. the energy from this album is gay. if gay was a sound it would be this entire album on repeated. literally....the sound of it is homosexual. the gayest album panic! has ever produced, and possibly the gayest album made in the history of music. 10000000/10.

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seven-oomen · 4 years

Text

Hi, Ben! I hope you are feeling a bit better, or that things have at least calmed a bit! (I mean I still hope you’re feeling better, but it’s okay if you’re not yet, too. You know what I mean.)

Wow, Walker sounds…interesting… I remember watching the original series with my mom, because she liked several of the actors in it. I can’t recall much in the way of specific detail, but I’m pretty sure there was definitely a lot of probably-questionable-even-at-the-time cultural appropriation-type stuff going on for both Native American and Asian cultures. And I gotta say, when I think “who can I see replacing Chuck Norris in a role?” JarPad is never the first to come to mind… I’m not even sure why they felt they needed to reboot that series, anyway, given the potential to be highly problematic.

And I’ve never seen any Winx Club, but that show also sounds very…interesting… I don’t understand the general obsession with gritty reboots lately (which is also where I feel DC went wrong). Like, let shit be bright and colorful! The real world is dark enough right now. Also not really here for a plus-size character being the butt of jokes and pranks. We’re well past that sort of thing being okay (and was one of the things I loved most about the Ghostbusters reboot. Realistically built women, and not a single fat joke to be found.)

Omg, that snippet is so cute!!! I wish I could draw, too, or at least photoshop with anything approaching skill, because that visual is hysterical. XD I can just see poor Noah fighting the urge to pick up a Sharpie and write ‘Migraine #1’ and 'Migraine #2’ on Peter and Stiles’ t-shirts. XD (Although between theoretically attempting to look at confidential police files and Mel’s probable reaction to his presence, I suspect Peter is not in for the best afternoon. [As though his outfit weren’t torment enough. XD ])

Also, I love that idea of Stiles making Peter fight a duel for the right to date his dad. Like, just imagine Noah getting home just as they’re about to start, and then hearing an explanation, and just being like “…you know what, what the hell? Let’s see what you’ve got, Hale.”, but like totally giving Peter like his tie or his badge or something to wear as a favor. (He’s totally gonna date Peter either way, but Peter doesn’t need to know that yet.)

And I don’t know if it will help any, but if you feel the need for some fluff, I got the next chapter of IYWTD up finally, complete with only one bed, cuddling for warmth, a bit of hurt/comfort, and massive amounts of pining. ;D (And wow, yeah, that ship dynamic comic fits them so well. Although right now Peter is still stuck on the seesaw between “What is all this FEELINGS bullshit?!” and “I didn’t say STOP!" XD )

Anyway, I’m starting to ramble again. I hope that your day has been good, or at least decent overall, and that tomorrow is even better! Sending lots of good energy for whatever you need it for! Take care! *Hugs!*

Hey my friend, hope you’re doing okay lately and that work isn’t too crazy. <3

My mood today has been, *sigh* well, it hasn’t been great. I think it’s because I did my T-shot at 1 am last night and my hormones are everywhere at the moment while my levels readjust. Which would also explain my moodswings and anger management problems in the last week. I’m gonna resolve that by hopefully getting my boxing bag in tomorrow, though with the Dutch Postal service PostNL you never freaking know. Because of the extended lockdown delivery times have been insane lately. But yeah, there’s that.

I did manage to take the garbage out today, folded some more laundry, and put my groceries away. So there’s that too.

With Walker, idk if it helps or hurts that I’ve never seen the original and have nothing to compare it to. But it just felt really awkward to me because of the acting. (I mean the teenage daughter is a good actress, I liked her, but Jpad is very- off in this show) There’s only one episode out so far and I kinda want to give it another shot but it also just- meh. It didn’t feel that special to me.

As for Winx, or Fate: a Winx Saga, it’s- *groan + sigh* It’s not good. It’s not good writing (the dialogue is horrendous, like a 40 year old man trying to write teenagers), it’s not the best acting, although it’s not awful either. I think the writing and the whitewashing of several characters are the biggest problems. Also the plus sized character and the gay character are bullied and made fun of and urgh.

I personally also never had a problem with the whole girls are fairies and boys are specialists thing in the original show. Because to me, that automatically extends to gender and would include trans people of that gender. But I can see why they would update that. So that, I don’t have a problem with.

It’s just the writing that is horrendous and it’s almost like the people who made it have no idea who their target audience actually is and why people watched the original in the first place.

But yeah, I might “hate watch” another episode just to see if I can poke some fun at it, but we’ll see.

Right? I really like that little paragraph. I’m trying to get this chapter out soon, but I’m struggling a little with a few things and don’t know how to continue it. I’ll figure it out though.

And Noah totally would if he could XD He has an image to uphold but guarantee you that he’s thought about it.

Peter’s having a very bad, horrendous, not so good day so far. That I can guarantee you.

And yeah, I think that image is just really freaking cute. Kinda want to include that prompt into Welcome to the Family. XD It’s adorable.

I think I’m gonna check out the next chapter this weekend. I wanna be in a bit of the right headspace for it when I do read it. And not in my ‘everything sucks and I wanna punch a hole in the wall and break every bone in my hand’ kinda mood.

But I will def check it out soon. I’m sure it’s gonna be an awesome read, it always is <3

Hope you’re having a good day B, Mo and me are sending you good vibes and lots of hugs and snuggles <3

#B #my convos with anon #ben says stuff #submission

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mcrflashfic · 4 years

Text

Side Effects

Living in the Zones will change you. Literally.

Author: @justlookatthewheat

Content Warnings: Body Horror

Word Count: 2,999

Party Poison wasn't about to claim any kind of expertise on radiation poisoning, but he was at a loss for any other explanation as to why he woke up looking like a fucking Maraschino cherry.

His first thought was - well, his first thought was what the fuck is on my head as he walked past the diner windows on his way to take a piss. His second thought, then, was where the fuck did Ghoul get hair dye? Because this was for sure a Ghoul prank. But then that didn't make sense either, really. Party's hair had been black. He would have definitely noticed someone bleaching his entire head and slapping dye over top, unless he'd been, like, gonna-meet-the-Phoenix-Witch frying, which he knew he hadn't. (Even if he had, his hair would still smell like peroxide. Also, he'd be face first heaving into a bush right now, probably.) It took several minutes of staring at his reflection and pulling strands of his own hair out to inspect them up close before he started entertaining the possibility that he'd mutated overnight, though. And he didn't believe it until he wasted a whole bottle of water and some of the soap they'd salvaged from the diner’s dishwasher on trying to wash it out.

The sand wasn't even pink when he finished rinsing. Neither were his hands. He bent to peer into one of the side mirrors on the Trans Am - to his alarm, his eyebrows, lashes, and three-day stubble were all the same Pantone 485 C color as the hair on his scalp.

"How do you even remember the Pantone color names?" Kobra asked him, exasperated, like Party had fabricated this situation specifically to piss him off, at the exact same moment a totally fascinated Ghoul said "Does the carpet match the drapes?"

Kobra glared at Ghoul so hard Party thought he would sprain something. "Stop talking, or I'm filling your boots with dead spiders while you sleep."

Party'd gone to show the other three as soon as he realized how much the whole thing was pegging the weird meter. So far, they were handling it about as well as he'd expected, which was not at all. He sat on a chair in the middle of the diner floor while they crowded him and talked over each other asking questions.

"It's scientifically relevant. Like, is it all of his hair, or just the hair on his head?" Ghoul grabbed Party's arm and yanked it close, squinting at his peach fuzz; annoyed, Party ripped it back again and folded both arms tight over his chest.

"Yes, it's everywhere. Stop manhandling me, fucker."

Jet had been inspecting his hair with the back of a polished saucepan throughout the debate - probably checking to make sure whatever it was wasn't happening to him - and he finally put it down to join the discussion again. "It's weird that it's just you who's affected. I mean, we're all getting exposed to radiation, right? So why's Poison the only one in Technicolor?"

"And all at once," Kobra added, frowning. He leaned in closer to peer at the top of Party's head. "It'd make more sense as a mutation if it was just the roots."

Ghoul snickered. "Too bad you didn't snag 'Cherry Bomb' for your Killjoy name, Poison. Think of the thematic relevance it'd have now."

"Hilarious." Party rolled his eyes and dragged both hands through his new, inexplicably red locks. "Seriously, you guys. If it's radiation, where do the mutations end? Like, am I gonna get psionic fire powers next?"

The effect was not what Party was going for. All three of them instantly lit up with excitement - even Kobra broke his signature scowl to gasp out a "Holy shit, what if you did, though?"

Party dropped his head into his palms with a groan.

---------------------------------

Ghoul was next. Party was actually the one to discover it, while the two were picking their way through a dusty warehouse on the far edge of Zone 5 a couple weeks after the Hair Incident. It was oppressively hot inside despite the dim and the amount of space. They both had been stripping off layers as they sweated through them; finally, Ghoul tore off his t-shirt in a fit of heat-induced pique, chucking it in a heap on the cluttered floor, and Party gasped.

"Oh my God, Ghoul, your tattoos," he said, too loud in the empty warehouse - his voice echoed, and Ghoul nearly dropped his gun in alarm.

"What? What's wrong with them?" he asked, tinged with panic, and looked down wide-eyed at his torso. "Oh, Jesus fuck."

It was like something out of Harry Potter. Party gaped at Ghoul's skin in wonder - his tattoos were moving. Some flashed like neon; some, like the swallows across his hips, moved like their living counterparts. The grenade on his chest exploded and reconstituted on a loop. All the stars glittered; pieces in script flowed as though being traced in real time by an invisible calligrapher. Party couldn't help himself but reach out and touch one of them. It rippled gently beneath his fingertips.

"That is so fucking creepy," he said, hushed with awe, and watched the letters vanish before wisping, smoke-like, back into place. "Can you feel them?"

Ghoul shook his head fiercely, face pale. His eyes were so big Party could see white all the way around his irises. "No, I - I didn't even - oh shit, oh dude, look at my fucking hands," and he held them up so Party could see them, and he watched with a sort of horrified fascination as the letters swirled around Ghoul's fingers like stripes around a barbershop pole. "Is this fucking permanent? Party, what if it's permanent? They're all - it's all of them, oh my God," he babbled, high and strained, and clutched at Party's shoulders in distress. Party gave him a hug because he couldn't think of anything else to do, and Ghoul shuddered, and clung back.

Jet took it almost as poorly, once they'd gathered what they needed out of the warehouse and returned to base. He clamped both hands over his mouth the instant Ghoul rolled up his sleeves and reeled backward. "Abso-fucking-lutely not. Ghoul, what the fuck?"

"Dude, if I knew, it wouldn't be happening," Ghoul snapped. Kobra came closer, studying Ghoul's ink with his brows drawn together. He dragged his fingertip over the Our Lady tattoo on Ghoul's forearm.

"Party's radiation theory is looking plausible here," he said, sounding thoughtful, and glanced up to meet Party's eye. "I mean, I can't think of anything else that would cause this."

"Are we all gonna end up with freaky shit, then? Is it gonna get worse? Cause there is a big fuckin' difference between sprouting unnatural hair and living tattoos," Jet said, looking pointedly away from Ghoul. "Oh god, what if my hair turns into snakes or something?"

Kobra snorted, straightening up. "If anyone's getting a snake-themed mutation, it'll be me. Maybe I'll get fangs."

---------------------------------

He was almost right. It was significantly more disturbing than simple fangs, but it was definitely snake-themed. They were mid-clap when it happened and shit was already chaotic; Party was struggling to clear dust from his eyes with his shoulder when he heard a sickening crunch and then Jet shrieking Kobra's name. Heart in his mouth, Party whirled around with his gun raised, fearing the worst - but all he saw was Kobra, helmet on, going after a Drac down a wash. He glanced at Jet in confusion, and fired a slug at a Drac over his shoulder.

"What the hell was that sound?" he shouted.

Jet, looking like he'd seen a literal ghost, didn't answer him, just stared after Kobra in stock-still terror until Party ran over and yanked him down behind a rock embankment for cover.

"Fuck, Jet, get it together or you're gonna get dusted," Party huffed out, and shot back to his feet to fire off a couple rounds before ducking back down. "What happened?"

"That - he's not - Party, Kobra didn't bring his helmet on this raid," said Jet, and dug his fingers into Party's bicep. They locked eyes, Jet's wide and scared. "That's not his helmet. That's his fucking head."

Party blinked back at him, lost. "What? That doesn't - "

"CAN I GET SOME FUCKING HELP HERE, GUYS?" Ghoul's voice yelled then, and Party cursed before scrambling up behind the embankment, Jet on his heels. They helped Ghoul shake the couple Dracs that had ganged up on him, and then Kobra came running back up the dry creek, splattered with Drac blood. Back to back to back to back, they assumed their usual end-of-firefight position, Party and Ghoul checking north and south with Kobra and Jet looking east and west, guns drawn. Once everyone gave an all clear, they re-holstered and took a second to decompress. Ghoul wiped his face with the bandana tied around his neck, his tattoos whirling dizzily across his skin.

"Okay, so, what the fuck happened back there? I looked up and everyone was gone," he complained to the group, glaring at each of them in turn. "Didn't we talk about keeping eyes on each other the whole time during these things?"

"Sorry, Ghoul, there was sort of a - " Party started to say, looking up from adjusting his gloves, but he stopped short when he laid eyes on Kobra and Kobra's helmet suddenly deflated and disappeared into his collar with that same crunching noise he'd heard before.

"...What?" said Kobra, glancing between the three of them, puzzled. Party could feel the frozen shock on his face, but couldn't articulate any words; Ghoul heaved a dry retch and pressed his hands over his mouth, while Jet gestured frantically at Kobra while looking to Party.

"That! That's what fucking happened, except the other way! I told you it wasn't his helmet!"

Kobra touched his hand to his face, still looking confused. "Yeah, I didn't bring it cause we were in the Trans Am. Why are you guys freaking out?"

Party, acting on a hunch, quick drew his gun on Kobra and lunged, but didn't fire - Kobra leapt backward with a yelp, and sure enough, his helmet formed over his head with that same awful sound. Party shoved his gun back into the holster and grabbed Kobra by the wrist, dragging him toward the Trans Am. He pushed him in front of the side mirror. "Kobra, look."

He did. "What the fuck," he said, muffled.

Party laid a hand on his shoulder. "Dude. It's a cobra hood. The radiation made you grow a fucking cobra hood."

---------------------------------

By the time it was Jet's turn, the Fab Four were in full-on Buffy research mode to figure out what the hell was going on, and more importantly, if there was anything they could do to stop it. Dr. D didn't know anything but promised to put out feelers for them; they talked to other Killjoys at raves and underground gigs; they stripped tech off Drac bodies and raided Better Living outposts and scoured the airwaves for any stray bits of information. Meanwhile, their individual mutations got weirder. Party's hair color changed, first from day to day, then hour to hour, until it seemed like it varied with each breath. Ghoul's tattoos started multiplying of their own accord. The older ones resharpened, ink drawing up through the layers of skin - their motion, they learned by way of careful note taking, was dependent on his body temperature, faster when he was warm and slower when he was cold. Kobra didn't grow fangs or start sibilating, but he did figure out how to pop out the cobra-hood-helmet thing on command instead of just whenever he felt threatened.

"You know how with the summer monsoons, you can watch the rain sweep over the desert in a sheet until it finally gets to you?" Jet said to Party one day when it was just the two of them on watch. They were parked on top of the Vista de Nada Plano outcrop in Zone Six, waiting to intercept a Drac patrol coming from the east. "That's how I feel about this fucking mutation thing. I just wanna get it over with."

Party glanced over at Jet from the landscape sketch he'd been doing out of sheer boredom. Jet's jaw was clenched, gun in his lap, and he kept trailing his thumb up and down the barrel as he stared out over the scrub wastes. "It's not so bad being a mutant," he said, opting for levity. It only kind of worked; Jet snorted, but didn't smile.

"Easy for you to say. You got the Rainbow-Brite mutation. Kobra sprouted snake anatomy. That's like Storm telling Rogue to cheer up and embrace her power."

Hard to argue with that. Party shrugged, and tapped the end of his pencil against his sketchpad. "Maybe you'll get a softball one, too."

Jet ran his tongue over his teeth. "Yeah, maybe." He knocked his aviators up the bridge of his nose with his knuckle, and then suddenly sat up stock straight, clutching his gun with both hands. "Start the car."

"Huh? Why?" Party looked around, twisting in his seat to check behind them, too - no sign of danger, no dust from vehicles, just the rocks and larrea bushes.

"There's an Exterminator coming up the back side. They've got Dracs with them," said Jet, already shifting into shooting position in the passenger seat; Party cursed, and fumbled to get the keys back in the ignition.

"Fuck, I can't see anything - how do you know that? Where'd you spot them?" The Trans Am roared to life, and Party gunned it down the front side of the outcrop, keeping an eye on the rearview while he dug his gun out of its holster and passed it to Jet.

"I...didn't," said Jet, sounding surprised, and Party cut a glance at him; Jet was staring straight out the windshield, guns in both hands, aimed at the roof. "I just got a feeling."

A ray gun blast whizzed past the driver's side window and glanced off the side mirror. Party jumped, and looked back to the rearview; sure enough, an Exterminator car rose up over the hill behind them, with a Drac hanging out the back window. "Hell of a feeling," he said, and barked out a laugh. "Holy shit, are you psychic now?"

Jet, cranking the passenger window down, shot him a grin before he turned around in the seat. "I guess I'll let you know!"

---------------------------------

It was another couple months before other Killjoy cliques and Zone dwellers started complaining of their own mutations. They ranged from the superficial and mundane Party-esque changes all the way to the X-men level shit Jet and Kobra got. Only two factors were consistent across the board - everyone who got them had been living out in the Zones for at least three months, and they’d all had some kind of clap with Dracs. The major breakthrough came from Kobra, who’d appointed himself lead researcher, when he figured out there was a positive correlation between the severity of the mutation and how many Dracs you’d killed - i.e., the higher your body count, the crazier your mutation.

“I don’t know exactly what it is about killing them that’s causing this, though,” he admitted, after coming to the rest of them with the data.

“I bet it’s the masks,” said Ghoul. “Who knows what kinda freaky shit powers those things? They wipe your fuckin’ soul!”

“Yeah, but you don’t always destroy their masks when you kill them,” Jet pointed out, rubbing his exposed eye. The psychic thing only worked, they’d learned, when Jet’s regular vision was dimmed - he thought it was super annoying to wear sunglasses all the time, so he’d taken to wearing an eyepatch. It worked, and it was totally awesome. Party had sewed him a little star pattern for it. “It’s gotta be something you’re exposed to every time.”

Party frowned, thinking back to all the claps they’d been in since they got out to the Zones. Was there anything that happened every single time? Did he get near one of them every time? Definitely not. The closest he got to actually touching Dracs was standing too close when they got hit by slugs and bled on him.

Wait. Was that -

“Holy shit,” he said out loud, and the other three all looked at him. “Is it - is it their blood? Like, touching it?”

“Oh Jesus Christ,” Ghoul moaned instantly, covering his face with both hands. “Ugh, Party, that’s fucking disgusting, and the awful thing is I think you’re fucking right.”

Better Living themselves spared them the world’s most vile follow-up experiment by confirming their suspicions in a radio broadcast Dr. D picked up and recorded. Not in as many words - as usual, there was some jargon they didn’t know how to parse, and it was all in Japanese - but definitely something about how exposure to Drac blood could poison you. Of course, that concept set the collective Zone-dwelling imagination on fire; a nuclear answer to the age old question of what drinking vampire blood will do to a mortal, which apparently was superpowers. News hit the zine syndicate, and before the Fab Four could warn anyone that the mutations would absolutely get weirder the more you exposed yourself, the latest Killjoy craze was chugging Drac blood to see what kind of crazy shit would happen to you.

Which turned out to be: a painful physical ordeal in the vein of ayahuasca consumption, first of all. Once you got past the delirium tremors and projectile vomiting, though, it wasn’t all bad. And sometimes, if you were really lucky, at the end of it you sprouted wings or could blow shit up with your mind or talk to dead people.

Party never did have normal hair again.

#fab four #danger days: the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #inspired by annihilation

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thez1337 · 5 years

Text

Happy Star Wars Month!

Happy Star Wars Month! Compiled here is a chronology of what the Kylux fandom has been through so far. This is by no means complete, and is specifically tailored for events in the USA, so it’s being provided as an open source document to share and distribute because each fan’s experience is different. We should all be so proud of our accomplishments, from art to fics to comics to toys and so much more!

I want to thank everybody who helped compile this list; it was truly a group effort. The link is below, though I’ve included the entire list under the cut.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1B9nAz3lDbXfBVYjZi3OtpHhXnjrIAyAc63Qly1BJvTo/edit?usp=sharing

2015

Domhnall Gleeson spoils the name of Starkiller Base - July 10, 2015

Domhnall Gleeson, Gwendoline Christie and Adam Driver are interviewed for Star Wars E7 at San Diego Comic Con - July 11, 2015

Snickers comes out with wrappers that have sayings such as "hot mess" and "whiny" - September 22, 2015

The Force Awakens Trailer released - October 19, 2015

First Explicit Kylux Fic posted on AO3 titled "broken wishbones under your bed" by wolfhalls - November 27, 2015

The Force Awakens Red Carpet Premiere - December 14, 2015

Domhnall Gleeson goes on The Late Show with James Corden - December 16, 2015

The Force Awakens - December 18, 2015

General Hux TFA 2015 Collection Action figure released - 2015

2016

Kiss a Ginger Day - January 12, 2016

Star Wars Undercover Boss - Starkiller Base – SNL, aka when we meet Matt the Radar Technician - January 17, 2016

First #Huxlive tweet - February 5, 2016

Millicent mentioned by Lucasfilms Creative Executive Pablo Hidalgo in tweets - February 6, 2016

"Friction" by Imagine Dragons becomes the national Kylux Anthem because of a video made by Studio Sagittarius - February 21, 2016

Kylux Bingo Card, 1st fan edition released - February 19, 2016

This Is Madness Tournament where Hux got 40% against Boba Fett's 60% - March 2016

The term "Blue milkshake" is entered in to the fandom vocabulary because of a fic on AO3 with that title by Ilyn - April 23, 2016

Kylux Exchange May 2016 - May 2016

General Armitage Hux Day (Domhnall's Birthday) - May 12, 2016

General Hux is entered in to Urban Dictionary as "A ginger-headed individual with daddy issues set on ruling the entire galaxy with his fan club, alongside his terrifying baby-faced boyfriend who goes by the name of Kylo Ren" - May 31, 2016

National Donut Day - June 1, 2016

First Kylux Positivity Week - June 8, 2016

My Journey From Marine to Actor, Adam Driver's Ted Talk - June 21, 2016

"I Fucken Hate Kylux" is first uttered on Anon to several Kyluxers - June 2016

Lego Star Wars The Force Awakens game released with an Aerobics Hux clad in yellow who also eats pink ice cream - June 28 2016

The first anti-Kylux post by waluigitheanti on Tumblr - July 5, 2016

Armitage Day, the day Armitage’s first name is revealed through leaks and/or previews - July 9, 2016

Chuck Wendig's Life Debt: Aftermath trilogy comes out with Armitage’s official first name - July 11, 2016

Lucasfilms Creative Executive Pablo Hidalgo mentions that Kylo and Hux have been working together for around the past 5 years - August 6, 2016

Kylux 33 Days of Guro - August 2016

AO3 Ship Stats 2016 Overall Top 100 list where Kylux made it to #7 - August 4, 2016

Kylux Big Bang 2016 - September 2016

Pablo Hidalgo tweets that there was no reason why Hux had not seen Kylo’s face before – September 22, 2016

General Hux is given a second entry in to Urban Dictionary as "The act of cumming on your partner's face while you yell 'DEATH TO THE RESISTANCE' (while rolling the R) and pretending your cum is a giant laser beam and your partners face is a star system home to billions of lives who will soon be extinguished. Bonus points if you are choking them and they are crying for totally unrelated reasons." - September 24, 2016

Huxloween 2016 - October 1, 2016

Kylux Holiday Cards Exchange - November 22, 2016

Children Wake Up Series by Hollycomb had, and possible still does have, the most hits, kudos, and comments in the Kylux tag on AO3 - 12/31/2016

General Hux First Order Black Series 6" #13 2016 Action figure - 2016

2017

Star Wars Kylo Ren and General Hux Cat Mice Toy - Early 2017

Kylux Bingo Card, 2nd fan edition created - January 3rd, 2017

Kiss a Ginger Day - January 12, 2017

Kylux Eggstravaganza - May 1, 2017

"Darth Tantrum And His Evil Space Ginger" is first coined in an AO3 fic titled “The Art of Being Torn Apart” by Cynical Pudding and DailyAl - May 2, 2017

General Armitage Hux Day (Domhnall's Birthday) - May 12, 2017

Vanity Fair publishes "See the Cast of Star Wars: The Last Jedi on Four Exclusive Covers," one of which has Captain Phasma, Kylo Ren, and General Hux - May 23, 2017

National Donut Day - June 1, 2017

AO3 Ship Stats 2017 Overall Top 100 list where Kylux made it to #37 - August 3, 2017

Adam Driver interviewed on Today - August 20, 2017

Kylux Big Bang 2017 - September 2017

Hux's pleated black robe and ice-blue sofa are mentioned in the Phasma Novel by Delilah S. Dawson - September 1, 2017

Domhnall Gleeson shows up to the premiere of Mother! with a mustache – September 6, 2017

Domhnall Gleeson gives interview to Hollywood XYZ and shows up without mustache - September 17, 2017

Huxloween 2017 - October 1, 2017

The Last Jedi Trailer released - October 9, 2017

Screen Rat Adam Driver Interview - December 6, 2017

The Last Jedi Red Carpet Premiere - December 9, 2017

Secret Santa Interview where Domhnall said he would give Ren a grenade, and Adam said he would give Hux socks every year - December 11, 2017

Adam Driver goes on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and is surprised by the red soles of the shoes they made him wear - December 14, 2017

The Last Jedi - December 15, 2017

The Last Jedi Visual Dictionary released with a picture of Kylo Ren's bedroom - December 15, 2017

Star Wars: The Last Jedi: Domhnall Gleeson "General Hux" Behind the Scenes Official Movie Interview, aka a tastefully disheveled Hux talks with reporter in a casual setting - December 17, 2017

Compliment Battle with the Cast of Star Wars: The Last Jedi. Funny Moments with Daisy Ridley & Domhnall Gleeson - December 19, 2017

General Hux With Mouse Droid TLJ Collection Action figure 2016 - 2017

2018

Kiss a Ginger Day - January 12, 2018

Delilah S. Dawson, author of the Phasma novel, came out as a Kylucc - January 26, 2018

Domhnall goes on the late show with James Corden to talk about Peter Rabbit - February 6, 2018

Domhnall Gleeson of 'The Last Jedi' Pitches General Hux Spin Off Ideas, After Hours, MTV - February 6, 2018

Peter Rabbit comes out, confirming Armitage Hux's eyes as "sea foam green with a hint of battleship grey" - February 9, 2018

Domhnall's brother tells him about Kylux - February 10, 2018

Rian Johnson mentions claims by reports that anybody who likes Hux is actually a Russian Huxbot, in Anthony Wonke’s 90-minute documentary titled “The Director and the Jedi” - March 13 2018

Garry Whitta, artist of TLJ comic jokes about virgin Hux, and later Delilah S. Dawson tweeted about him not taking his gloves off while having sex - March 20, 2018

Star Wars The Last Jedi Outtakes + Bloopers Released with one single sneak peak of Hux - March 28, 2018

Kelly Marie Tran comes out as a Kylucc - March 29, 2018

General Armitage Hux Day (Domhnall's Birthday) - May 12, 2018

Kylux Prompt Bingo - May 22, 2018

National Donut Day - June 1, 20 18

First Kylux Summer Fest - June 29, 2018

Star Wars Episode IX Cast Announced - July 27, 2018

Kylux Big Bang 2018 - September 2018

Domhnall Gleeson interview: on Star Wars and playing Dr. Faraday in his new film, the Little Stranger photographed by Jonathan Dean with lighting that made it look like one could cut their fingers on how sharp Domhnall's cheekbones appear - September 16, 2018

First post about Kylux Niche Kinks November - September 21, 2018

Kylux Secret Santa Fic Exchange 2018 - September 23 2018

Adam Driver's second time hosting SNL - September 28, 2018

Star War: The Last Jedi Graphic Novel Adaptation - September 25, 2018

Kylux Book club - October 1, 2018

Huxloween 2018 – October 2018

Kylux Holiday Cards Exchange - November 12, 2018

Kylux Titleception 2018 - December 1, 2018

Kylux Content Creator Document created on Google Docs - December 3, 2018

RIP Tumblr - December 17, 2018

Official Announcement of one year time skip between TLJ and TROS - December 22, 2018

2019

Kiss a Ginger Day - January 12, 2019

Kylux Fluff Fest - January 22, 19

Kylux Calendar Project - January 24, 2019

Kylux Romance Week - February 10, 19

Kylux Titleception 2019 - February 15, 2019

Kylux Tarot Card Project - February 23, 2019

General Hux Appreciation Day - March 17, 2019

Star Wars Age of Resistance # 1 Hux comic announcement – April 2, 2019

The Rise of Skywalker teaser trailer released - April 12, 2019

Star Wars Age of Resistance # 1 Hux comic First Look at cover - April 13, 2019

#JFDKYLUX on Twitter - May 1, 2019

Kyluxception Kylux Adjacents Month 2019 - May 1, 2019

General Armitage Hux Day (Domhnall's Birthday) - May 12, 2019

Star Wars Instagram states "sending many birthday wishes (and hugs) to General Hux himself, Domhnall Gleeson!" with a saddened Hux looking down - May 12, 2019

Vanity Fair posts "Star Wars: The Knights of Ren Make Their Long Awaited Return" story and KOR photo - May 22, 2019

Vanity Fair posts "Star Wars: Richard E. Grant’s Villainous Character, Revealed" story and a photo of General Hux with General Pryde, whose name and the irony of it was not lost on the fandom - May 22, 2019

National Donut Day - June 1, 2019

Kylux Omegaverse Week - June 9, 2019

Kylux Daddy Fest 2019 - June 10, 2019

Kylux Summer Fest 2019 - July 1, 2019

Star War Instagram posts photo of Domhnall Gleeson posing as General Hux on the platform of Star Killer Base from The Force Awakens with Gwendoline Christie unhelmeted in the background as Captain Phasma - July 7, 2019

AO3 Ship Stats 2019 Overall Top 100 list where Kylux made it to #28 – July 24,2019

Kylux Adjacent Calendar/Schedule Planner Project Memorial Book for 2020 - July 31, 2019

Domhnall Gleeson goes on the Late Show With James Corden and talks about singing Happy Birthday as General Hux - August 6, 2019

Automattic buys Tumblr for $3 million - August 12, 2019

Hugo Award to AO3 and all fic writers - August 19, 2019

Star Wars Age of Resistance # 1 Hux comic spoiler released - August 22, 2019

The Rise of Skywalker D23 Special Look trailer - August 26, 2019

Star Wars Age of Resistance # 1 Hux comic comes out - August 28, 2019

Kylux Big Bang 2019 - September 1, 2019

Huxloween 2019 - October 1, 2019

AQUARIUS Star Wars Episode 9 The Rise of Skywalker Playing Cards with Hux included - November 20, 2019

Hux Topps trading card from the 2019 Star Wars Masterwork set - November 20, 2019

New Star Wars The Rise of Skywalker Posters with one tiny glimpse of Hux - November 21, 2019

Kylux Holiday Card Exchange - December 2, 2019

Adam Driver, “Dark Star Rising” interview in Rolling Stone Magazine - December 2, 2019

The Rise of Skywalker red carpet premiere -

The Rise of Skywalker - December 19, 2019

What else is missing? Feel free to add your own!

When the video was released that Kylo walked in to the millennium falcon in TFA.

Domhnall mentions that he's "terribly irish in real life" in a Peter rabbit interview where he's wearing a navy blue button up

Kylux Day - Maybe June 6, 2016?

#kylux #kylo ren #armitage hux #star wars month #star wars

73 notes · View notes

mittensmorgul · 5 years

Text

The TNT loop got me good today. 7.21 is... a new level of angst now. I’ve been yelling my incoherent feelings at @wigglebox about this, and decided I just needed to make all the parallels. So I’m just gonna quote chunks of the transcript for 7.21 here, and then comment on it. Because it is A Lot™

(honestly y’all should be glad I’m not a gif maker because a) it probably would make this post lethal, and 2) the first casualty would’ve been me)

Okay, here we go. For reference, I’m just using the transcript here, and basically annotating it with thoughts from the POV of 15.03. Some of it will be directly quoted from this transcript at the superwiki if you’d like to follow along for maximum pain (or to fill in any blanks I’ve left in the rest of the episode), and some of it will just be direct commentary.

We begin with Cas awakening, bolting upright, from the catatonic state he’s been in since he’d healed Sam’s Hell Trauma. Remember, Cas took that wound into himself. Cas’s awakening wasn’t “natural.” It coincided with the awakening of the Prophet Kevin Tran, and Dean shattering the ancient rock concealing a long-buried “Word Of God.” I’d like to take a moment here to remind everyone why Sam had even suffered this trauma that Cas had to heal in the first place. Not only was “breaking Sam’s wall” one of the “terrible things” Cas had done in s6 in the name of trying to keep Dean from being conscripted back into service in the new Apocalypse Raphael was plotting, but it also led directly to The Worst Thing Cas Has Ever Done In The Name Of Doing The Right Thing Of His Own Free Will. Because ALL of this was couched in that language. In 6.20, in that final scene, this was the specific language that Cas used with Dean in his final attempt to earn Dean’s trust and support in his (soon to be) catastrophic plan. And Dean couldn’t give it to him. ALL of this is now currently wrapped up into the events of the first three episodes of s15. Free Will, the Word of God, a Cosmic Wound that has injured both Sam and Cas (and that Cas was unable to heal this time), Kevin Tran forced into service, A Plot to gather god-like power through the consumption of souls, a Rift into an afterlife for the purposes of releasing a terrible apocalypse on the world... heck... there’s probably more, but this will do nicely for a start, for the purposes of Painful, Awful Context.

FLASH TO TITLE CARD

(see what I mean? this is gonna be a long, bumpy ride... I should probably put this under a cut...)

The lightning flashes and odd weather effects from breaking open the tablet caused a worldwide disruption to the weather, to the point that a meteorologist on the radio said he wasn’t baffled by it, but offended.

So the Word of God being freed, from being given power by having been revealed, revealed something that went beyond confusion, and was just so wrong it actually made the guy ANGRY. Hmm. Kinda like Dean in early s15, yes? Dean’s our “offended weatherman.”

(I really miss the text separator line function. Thanks for taking that away from us, tungl. I guess I’ll have to insert something else between commentary... asterisks it is... I’ll keep it to three for a visual separation that hopefully won’t screw too badly with screen readers)

DEAN: So, what? We start the storm heard 'round the world? SAM: When we broke this thing [SAM touches the stone tablet] open last night, every maternity ward within a hundred-mile radius got slammed. Looks like any woman in the last month of her pregnancy went into labor.

WELL that’s definitely an interesting parallel... motherhood, giving birth. With the imagery of Rowena’s spell in 15.03 looking both like Mary and Jess in 1.01 as well as a weird sort of “reverse birth” of hundreds of souls.

***

Sam and Dean were planning to head West to Rufus’ cabin, until THIS, that had them heading in the exact opposite direction, because Cas:

SAM: What? [to DEAN] Cas is awake. DEAN: When? [SAM puts the phone on speaker and holds it out.] When? MEG: Last night about eight. DEAN: And you waited till now to call us? MEG: I've been busy with Cas. He's just a tad different than when he dozed off, 'kay? DEAN: What do you mean, different? MEG: Hey, Seacrest, guess what – not a nurse. Just playing one on TV. Want answers? Start driving.

Or, because Demon who teamed up with them specifically because they intended to use Cas for his specific power... Meg intended to earn Cas’s loyalty for her own security/protection/personal mission against Crowley, so she could swing him like a big hammer. In s15, Belphegor’s machinations were much the same, with his long-term plan to earn just enough of Cas’s trust to use him as the key to open the box holding Lilith’s Crook. By hook or by crook, right? Demons, man. I mean, I’ve mentioned the parallel to 8.17, and the crypt scene with the unlocking of this box in a different crypt for a different god-level power item (in 8.17 it was brainwashing and the angel tablet, and in 7.21 it’s denial and the leviathan tablet, but you can draw a big fat straight line through all of it). And this is just another go-around of all those same themes.

***

DEAN: We raced all the way here, and now I don't know. I can't say I'm fired up to see what's left of the guy. SAM: You think he remembers at all? DEAN: That, and I'm guessing whatever kind of hell baggage he lifted off of your plate. It's not gonna be pretty.

Oh remember this? Previously on Supernatural, this was owie, but now it’s been weaponized with new context from s15, with this endless cycle of guilt and blame laid on the table between Dean and Cas. He couldn’t look at Cas, was terrified to see what had become of Cas because of ALL of this. Because of everything that began in s6 and culminated with them finally cracking the Word of God. Or at least A word of god, since we know now that this wasn’t the only thing Chuck wrote, you know? And we’re still due to progress through Metatron’s hackneyed retelling, too. But even back then, Dean’s feelings of guilt, blame, and loss were all tangled up together regarding Cas, and infused with a confusing dollop of friendship, need, and (dare I suggest) love. Because the kind of stuff Dean (and Sam) have forgiven Cas for over the years? Even if it was only in knowing the underlying good intentions and wondering about all of Cas’s motivations, this isn’t the kind of thing you forgive someone for unless you truly care about them, deep down. The only ones who truly have the power to break you like this are the ones you love.

***

After Cas’s unsettling attempt at a “joke,” (pull my finger *lights explode* *disturbing chortling*), Dean needs information, and needs it from Cas.

DEAN: Okay, just hang on, Cas. Wait. Let us catch up to you for a second. SAM: So, you're saying you remember who you are, what you are. CASTIEL: Yes. Of course. Oh. Outside today, in the garden, I followed a honeybee. I saw the route of flowers. It's all right there, the whole plan. There's nothing to add. SAM: You might want to add a little Thorazine. MEG: Right? He's been like the naked guy at the rave ever since he woke up. Totally useless.

Let’s start at the end of this mess and work our way back to the start. Meg declares Cas “totally useless.” Because in his current state (I don’t fight, I watch the bees), he literally can’t be the weapon she hoped he’d be for her own personal needs. Like Belphegor in s15, it took some chipping away before Cas could even remotely be “useful” to him. Cas couldn’t even look at him, and he certainly would never agree to fight for him (the muscle).

Next let’s tackle Cas’s perception of creation, as told in metaphor between his observation on the micro-level scale of the “route of flowers,” which he directly compared to the macro-level scale of “the whole plan.” As if there was a “whole plan” to the universe. I could write a doctoral thesis on just this statement alone, of how Cas’s observation of the plan inherently altered it, how his presence in the garden as observer watching the bees do their thing, following them along their paths to the flowers irrevocably inserted him into the “whole plan,” and whether he or the bees realized it or not, those bees by necessity altered their paths to accommodate Cas’s presence in their daily routine. Did this make their lives easier? More difficult? Regardless, it had to affect their choices, which flowers to visit, which paths to fly, because Cas’s mere presence provided an obstacle to their routes. They couldn’t fly through him, you know? Left or right, over and around, He became something the “whole plan” needed to work around. And isn’t that what Chuck’s been doing since the start? And on an entirely different level, Chuck’s done it all with intent, because “the whole plan” had been his creation from the beginning.

And then, both first and last depending on your perspective, is Dean, asking Cas to stop just long enough for him to finally catch up. Asking Cas to wait. Because Dean feels like he’s the one who’s fallen behind.

Okay, everyone take five to have a good cry *passes out tissues*

***

CASTIEL: Will you look at her? My caretaker. All of that thorny pain. So beautiful. MEG: We've been over this. I don't like poetry. Put up or shut up.

Ah, Cas and “poetry.” He’s temporarily given up on seeking Free Will, temporarily abandoned the attempt to “teach poetry to fish,” as he’d said in 6.20. And Meg doesn’t like poetry either. She just wants Cas to suck it up and do what she needs him to-- be her personal hammer. She doesn’t care about him, but only what he can do for her. Put up or shut up.

***

CASTIEL: Oh. Of course. Now I understand. SAM: Understand what? CASTIEL: You were the ones. Well... I guess that makes sense. DEAN: What makes sense? CASTIEL: If someone was going to free the Word from the vault of the earth, it would end up being you two. Oh, I love you guys. CASTIEL pulls DEAN and SAM into a hug.

Of course The Winchesters would be the Disruptors™ to the natural order, right? Even though Sam and Dean had only stumbled across the word of God by accident, while trying to clean up the planet-wide epidemic of cosmic Goo left behind after Cas’s attempt to rewrite the story and play god. But still, of course it would be Sam and Dean, because it’s always Sam and Dean, right? I mean, Cas already hung a lampshade on “The Whole Plan” being right there for anyone to see, in everything from the path of the flowers right up to the unearthing of the Word.

Chalk another one up to the spiral narrative as everything.

***

Cas mutters something about cat penises, and females not being consulted on that terrible bit of creation. Chuck, man. Throwing barbed penises around with zero consideration for the ladies. Ow. But on to the bigger things:

DEAN: Cas, please, we're losing ground out there, okay? We need your help. Can you not see that? CASTIEL: This is the handwriting of Metatron. SAM: Metatron? You saying a Transformer wrote that? DEAN: No. That's Megatron. SAM: What? DEAN: The Transformer – it's Megatron. SAM: What? CASTIEL: Metatron. He's an angel. He's the scribe of God. He took down dictation when creation was being formed. SAM: And that's the Word of God? CASTIEL: One of them, yes.

They’ve been drowning in goo for months, and Cas coming back had represented a beacon of hope in the darkness. But the reality of the whole situation at hand wasn’t something Cas could deal with. He was so burdened with personal guilt that he chose to ignore the mess, reacting with anger (and by disappearing) with directly confronted with it. In s15, Dean... can’t just disappear, even though he’s the one drowning now.

A... Transformer. A misinterpreted word that changes the meaning, creating a baffling misunderstanding that requires a re-translation and correction before understanding can occur. That’s so meta I could cry. “I always get the words right.” Cas had no idea what “Megatron” or “Transformers” were, but saw that Sam and Dean were literally “speaking language he didn’t understand,” but that they’d come to a satisfactory conclusion that seemed irrelevant to their current conversation anyway, and just... continued on as if the disruption had never occurred. An entire loop of conversation just flew right over his head. He might not get words wrong, but sometimes he just doesn’t get them at all, you know? Nor does Dean always understand what the intent behind Cas’s words are. They need a translator. Or they need to stop speaking in references and metaphor, and speak clearly in unmistakable language. And all of this is wrapped up in the parallel to the indecipherable Word of God, which will require a unique translator to interpret.

Author to Scribe to Prophet, because the knowledge within is not meant for angels. It’s not even meant for humans. It’s just another randomly-scattered puzzle left by Chuck to be simultaneously helpful and dangerous. Choices and drama.

***

CASTIEL: Don't like conflict. CASTIEL disappears and the stone tablet drops to the floor, breaking into three pieces.

Aah, the conflict, that Meg attempts to blame on Dean, when she was the one who (I mean, understandably she was curious, but she’s still a demon that Dean still doesn’t trust, who once possessed Sam and tried to force Dean to kill him, so... she’s not actually their friend, she was “mutually assured destruction” in case things with Cas went sideways while Sam and Dean were running around trying to clean up the Leviathan mess...). Cas’s reaction to conflict back then had been to drop the Word like a hot potato, smashing it to pieces on the floor. Even when he isn’t trying, he’s tearing up pages and altering the shape of Chuck’s story. Bless him. But he’s still... actively avoiding doing anything, including acknowledging his own role in the events that have brought them to this point, and to everything Dean had been fighting almost on his own (Sam’s been “in the bell jar” most of s7 fighting the Hallucifers) and basically surviving with whiskey, denial, and pasting a fake smile on and pushing through trauma after trauma without Cas (or... pretty much anyone else in any measurably reliable way). But we all know this isn’t how DEAN reacts to trauma, right? He pushes people away, by manufacturing conflict when he runs out of organic conflict.

***

DEAN: All right, I'll go handle Cas. Sam, will you please pick up the Word of God?

Dean, delegating responsibilities. He’ll take the broken angel, and Sam will take the broken Word.

***

MEG: We both call, who do you think Cas will come to? I'm guessing me. You heard him – thorny beauty, blah, blah. I'm the saint who stayed with him. He owes me. His words. SAM: Yeah, what about what he owes us? MEG: Well, work on him a little. Maybe he'll start crushing on you, too, hot stuff. SAM: What are you gonna do with a broken angel? Don't be stupid. MEG: I'll take power where I can get it. I've got myself to look out for.

Unlike Belphegor, Meg never even attempted to disguise her motives. She wanted Cas for his power, broken or not. She’d find a way to manipulate him to defend her-- despite his insistence that he doesn’t fight. And it’s interesting it’s Sam who’s given the line “what about what he owes us?” While Dean’s discussion with Cas is far more personal.

***

DEAN: You realize you just broke God's Word? CASTIEL looks away and DEAN sits down at the table opposite him. DEAN: It's Sam's thing, isn't it? You taking on his, uh, cage-match scars. I'm guessing that's what broke your bank, right? CASTIEL: Well, it took... everything to get me here. DEAN: What are you talking about, man? CASTIEL: Dean, I know you want different answers. DEAN: No, I want you to button up your coat and help us take down Leviathans. Do you remember what you did? CASTIEL holds up the board game “Sorry!” He shakes it once and the board and pieces appear on the table, set up ready to play. CASTIEL sets the box aside. CASTIEL: Do you want to go first?

Dean’s still kind of in awe at the notion of directly defying God’s Word, and Cas just... doesn’t even seem bothered. Dean needs to find an explanation for Cas’s avoidance of the Urgent Matter at Hand. He blames it on what Cas suffered after taking on Sam’s Hell trauma, but Cas tries to tell him it’s so much more than that, that his entire experience since the moment he gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition had led to this moment. But that’s too much for Dean to even wrap his head around, and Cas is just... speaking in riddles anyway. So he presses on and demands a direct answer. Cas continues speaking in riddles.

And pushing for a more direct personal conversation, despite the chasm of misunderstandings separating them. For possibly the first time ever, it’s Cas speaking in metaphors and references that Dean does not understand. And it frustrates the hell out of him. He just wants to get some straight answers out of Cas before the world goes up in flames. Or drowns in dark waters.

He needs Cas to “button up his coat” and help save the world. Save it from the mess he technically made of it. But Cas won’t even engage with what Dean’s saying to him, like in s15 Dean doesn’t even engage with what Cas is saying to him (but Cas is also refusing to button up his coat and do what had to be done in s15, refusing to even look at Belphegor... despite actively assuming another equally important job... he wasn’t avoiding HELPING, just avoiding the specific task Dean had tried to give him... as the one of them most qualified to monitor a demon for ~demonic hinkiness~ or whatever. Sam and Dean would’ve just assumed they were dealing with Jack if Cas hadn’t been the one to tell them it was actually a demon, you know?

***

Meanwhile, back in Cas’s room, Kevin is knitting the Word of God back together, while being simultaneously baffled and terrified by everything that’s going on.

***

DEAN picks up a “Sorry!” card. CASTIEL: You know, we weren't sure at first which monkeys were gonna make it. No offense, but I [DEAN moves a marker on the board] was backing the Neanderthals because their poetry was... just amazing. It's in perfect tune [CASTIEL picks up a card] with the spheres. But in the end, it was you – the [CASTIEL moves a marker] homo sapiens sapiens. You guys ate the apple, invented pants. DEAN: Cas, where can we find this, uh, Metatron? Is he still alive? CASTIEL: I'm sorry. I – I think you have to go back to start. DEAN moves a marker. DEAN: This is important. CASTIEL motions for DEAN to pick up another card. DEAN does and moves another marker. DEAN: I think Metatron could stop a lot of bad. You understand that? CASTIEL picks up another card. CASTIEL: We live in a "sorry" universe. It's engineered to create conflict. I mean, why should I prosper from... your misfortune? [CASTIEL puts down a marker and moves DEAN’s marker back to the start.] But these are the rules. I didn't make them. DEAN: You made some of them. When you tried to become God, when you cut that hole into that wall. CASTIEL: Dean... it's your move. DEAN pounds a fist on the table and swipes the board to the floor. DEAN: Forget the damn game! Forget the game, Cas. CASTIEL: I'm sorry, Dean. DEAN: No. You're playing "Sorry!"

Dean’s still trying to solve their bigger problems, but he’s really trying to play along to appease Cas, trying to speak to him on a level he can understand. Trying to “play his game” and hope that Cas will play by the rules Dean had thought they both understood-- give and take. Mutual contribution to the conversation. But Cas continued talking about things Dean believed were irrelevant in the face of the current crisis. Neanderthals losing out to homo sapiens. And again, Cas talking poetry, and referencing the spiral narrative of creation.

The thing about Sorry! is that the game involves a lot of elements of chance, but also a lot of elements of CHOICE. I know someone’s written meta on this in the past, but really quickly, in Sorry, each player controls a number of different pawns, all of which must eventually be advanced from the starting point to their respective finish line. The playing board itself is the defined and accepted parameters of the world the game will play out on, yet there are multiple different “paths” for each player to take. The players draw cards in turn (the element of Chance) and then decide which of their pieces to advance according to the instructions on the card they selected (the element of Choice).

The thing is, in this game, Cas could’ve chosen to “play a different piece.” He could’ve made the game easier on Dean while still advancing his own position, and yet he chose to strategically remove Dean’s piece from the board. Cas was playing not just to win for himself, but to frustrate Dean’s chances to even get a fair turn to play. Cas was playing by the rules, after all, which encourage competition over teamwork. The name of the game is Sorry! after all, and “sending your opponent back to the start” is half the point of the game. Cas wasn’t going to even play in the spirit of cooperation with Dean. He wasn’t going to provide answers. This was, in a horrific way, Cas’s attempt to revert himself back to the “reprogrammed” Cas that came back from Heaven at the end of 4.20. All under the guise of playing sorry, without having to engage with it in good faith.

Dean wasn’t even asking Cas to fight here. He was trying to respect Cas’s choice to “avoid conflict.” But Cas wouldn’t even TALK to him, wasn’t even engaging with him as if HE was real. And Dean was not unreasonably frustrated.

Dean’s been fighting back against an impossible enemy that can’t be killed and has devised a way to suppress human free will into submission, so that all of humanity will willingly march themselves into the slaughterhouse. It’s horrifically WORSE than the apocalypse to Dean, and he’s desperate and at the end of his rope, and is hoping for even a spark of hope to keep fighting himself... and Cas has nothing but poetry for him.

***

And then the angels show up, prepared to take the Prophet with them, as if Kevin was their property. Kinda raises some questions about how the Prophet Chuck could’ve been unaware of what he was, you know? Almost as if it had literally been a lie...

HESTER: You smote thousands in Heaven. You gave a big, scary speech. Then you were gone. What the hell was that?! CASTIEL: Rude, for one thing. INIAS: Where have you been? CASTIEL: Oh, Inias. Hester, I... I know you want something – answers. I... I wish it could be that… There are still many things I can teach you. I can offer, um, well, perspective. Here. [CASTIEL points a finger at HESTER.] Pull my finger. [HESTER doesn’t move.] Uh... Uh... Meg will – will get another light, and I'll – I'll blow it out again. And, well, this time, it'll be funny, and – and we'll all look back and laugh. HESTER: You're insane. DEAN: Hey. DEAN is standing in the doorway. DEAN: Heads up, Sunshine. DEAN puts his hand in an angel-banishing sigil he’s drawn on the wall outside the room. White light flares and the angels vanish.

Unlike Dean, who’d tried to be patient and understanding with Cas despite everything, Hester simply angrily demanded answers from him. And Cas... was equally evasive with her. She labeled his evasion “insane,” but Cas is 100% sane. He knows exactly what it is he’s avoiding answering for, but he’s paralyzed with fear that anything he does will only add to the problem. And Dean gets rid of the angels before they can start killing everyone (including Cas).

I mean, Cas’s answers are pretty obvious anyway, you know? His guilt, his hubris for believing he was choosing the right thing, in trying to teach the angels a better way-- Free Will and the protection of humanity-- that in the execution he lost his own free will (and his life) and unleashed a horror onto Heaven and Earth that he’s entirely incapable of fixing. It’s not like he doesn’t HAVE answers, they’re just... to much for him to even face. Guilt is a terrible thing.

***

DEAN: That is back in one piece, I see. And you're saying that there's some sort of a "How to punch Dick" recipe in there somewhere? KEVIN: I-I don't know what you're saying, but it seems kind of like an "in case of emergency" note. What did they mean by "prophet"? DEAN: Oh, no. [to SAM] Really? SAM: Yeah. Yeah, that's what the angel said. KEVIN: I don't want to be a prophet. DEAN: No. You don't at all.

Yeah... nobody wants to be a prophet. It’s a terrible job. No free will, no freedom at all, just ensnared into the service to God’s Word. (oh, and poor Kevin will try to resist, will willingly nearly kill himself trying to turn God’s Word around into a weapon he can wield. I can see why Chuck would single him out for specific “punishment” for messing around with his story like that.

***

MEG: Yeah. Yeah, Castiel. It's me. DEAN: Cas? Where? Where is he? MEG: [to DEAN] Shut up. CASTIEL: I’ll stop speaking. MEG: No. No, Cas. You talk. CASTIEL: [audible over MEG’s phone] I’m in a place called Perth. MEG: Perth? DEAN: Perth? As in Australia? MEG: What dogs? [to DEAN] He says he's surrounded by unhappy dogs. CASTIEL: They’re chasing a rabbit around [indistinct]… MEG: Oh. Okay. He's at a dog track in Perth. CASTIEL: I’m surrounded by large unhappy dogs. MEG: Yeah, they're unhappy 'cause the rabbit's fake. Listen, we're on highway 94, north of St. Cloud, Minnesota, just passing mile marker 79. CASTIEL materializes in the back seat between MEG and KEVIN.

Okay, first off, miscommunication. This is just riddled with miscommunication. But the background conversation, Cas is at a dog track surrounded by large, unhappy dogs. Kinda makes interesting light of all the “Dean is a Weird Dog” the show has been hammering on for years-- both literally and metaphorically. But... these dogs at the track are given the runaround. They’re trained to run a specific track for the entertainment of the spectators, running in endless circles chasing after a lure that they can never quite catch before they arrive at the finish line, where even winning the race just means they’ll have to run another round around the track the next day. And the lure? The rabbit they’re trained to follow after? It’s fake. It’s all part of the bigger game the poor dogs can’t escape from. I’d be unhappy, too.

Which is all a tidy metaphor for how Dean feels in s15, but how Cas has seen pretty much everything since way back at this point, if not far earlier.

Hence even more miscommunications, or at the very least each of them not understanding where the other is even coming from, based on these wildly different baseline perspectives. Cas, as an angel, had always been one of the spectators before Dean had pulled him into the race, so to speak. He’s always understood all of existence as a sort of game in this way, but Dean had never even had an inkling of the bigger game they were all part of all along. He’d thought he understood the rules, understood his role in the game, and it took until s15 for him to see that all of it had been a game to Chuck. That even when he’d thought he’d escaped the endless go-around of fake rabbits, it had only put him back at the startling line over and over again to run another race. And Cas... can’t understand Dean’s perspective here any more than Dean can understand Cas’s, despite them each believing they actually understand one another and just don’t care... awful, right?

***

CASTIEL: They're from the Garrison – my old Garrison. Looks like Hester's taken over. We were assigned to watch the earth. Often, it was boring. The wars were very boring and the sex – you know, the repetition. Anyway, I was, uh... I was their captain. Isn't that strange? SAM: Cas, why are they pissed at us now? CASTIEL: [to MEG] You know, those racing dogs were absolutely miserable. They can only think in ovals. DEAN: Cas, don't make me pull this car over! Why are angels after us? CASTIEL: Are you angry? Why are you angry? DEAN: No, I-I'm... Please, can we just stay on target? CASTIEL: There is no reason for anger. They're only following protocol. If the Word of God is revealed, a keeper of the Word will awaken, like this [He touches KEVIN’s nose] hot potato right here.

Observing creation enabled Cas to see the “repetition.” The endless loops. Like the dogs running in ovals. But he’s unable to connect with humanity directly right now, unable to risk feeling. And we’re back to doorways to doubt, and the same “only humans can feel true joy.” But also suffering. As long as he remains at a distance, he can protect himself from feeling all of that, from having to recognize his part in it.

And he doesn’t understand why Dean is angry that he keeps talking in circles.

Dean just wants to know why the angels are angry at THEM, why they’re coming after THEM when they’ve got so many other bigger problems they’re trying to solve.

***

CASTIEL: Anyway, Garrison code dictates you take the keeper to the desert to learn the Word away from men. DEAN: What kind of sense does that make? He has to tell us so that we can use it. CASTIEL: That's God and his shiny red apples.

Cas didn’t expect anything less from God. Dean just wants to stop the Leviathan from eating humanity and destroying life as they knew it, and Cas... doesn’t have anything to give.

***

DEAN: Okay, you know what? Screw the Garrison. We need the tablet to end Sick Roman's "Soylent Us" crap. CASTIEL: If you want the Word, you'll have to duck Hester and her soldiers. SAM: Yeah, you're in our corner, right, Cas? CASTIEL: No, I don't fight anymore. I watch the bees.

see? yet despite that declaration, Cas does try to help how he feels comfortable-- painting sigils to hide them from angels, but leaving off banishing sigils or he himself wouldn’t be able to stay. Kind of a conundrum, right? Sacrificing some of the safety Sam and Dean could’ve worked into the sigils so he himself could remain in the room with them.

***

CASTIEL: You seem troubled. Of course, that's a primary aspect of your personality, so I sometimes ignore it. SAM: Okay. Um... right now I'm just wondering about you. CASTIEL: What about me? You're worried about the burden I lifted from you. SAM: I think I was done for. Do you see Lucifer? CASTIEL: I did at first. But that was... It was a projection of yours, I think, sort of an aftertaste. Now I more see... well, everything. It's funny. I was – I was done for, too. The weight of all my mistakes, all those lives and souls lost, I... I couldn't take it, either. I was… I was lost until I took on your pain. It's strange to think that that helped, but – SAM: I know you never did anything but try to help. I realize that, Cas, and I'm grateful. We're all grateful. And we're gonna help you get better, okay? No matter what it takes. CASTIEL: What do you mean, "better"?

And here we have it. Sam plainly expresses his own guilt and regret over what’s become of Cas. But Cas hasn’t even begun to see how deep he’s buried himself to avoid dealing with his own guilt. Using Sam’s trauma as a sort of penance, he’s using that to “transfer” his own guilt away from himself, the way he shifted Sam’s trauma into himself. As if the second shift washes away the first and he’s wiped the slate clean. As long as he lets himself believe that, he doesn’t have to face what he’s done, and the consequences of his own choices.

Which is... kinda what Dean’s doing in early s15.

***

KEVIN: I am not prepared to factor the supernatural into my [DEAN puts the brown paper bag over KEVIN’s face] world view. DEAN: Okay, there we go. [He pats KEVIN on the back.] That's it. That's it. Just breathe. Take it easy. KEVIN holds onto the bag and breathes into it. DEAN: Oh, I don't know, man. What can I say? You've been chosen. And it sucks. Believe me. There's no use asking "why me?" 'Cause the angels – they don't care. I think maybe they just don't have the equipment to care. Seems like when they try, it just... breaks them apart.

I mean, Dean’s seen what trying to care has done to Cas. And Dean... was the one who pushed Cas to care in the first place.

***

And Meg kills a couple of demons who’d picked up their track, but that also brings the angels back down on them:

MEG: Typical. I save our bacon, and you're sitting here, waiting by a devil's trap. Seriously, I just killed two of Crowley's men. I could have gone the other way on that. CASTIEL: It's true, incidentally. There's other demons' blood on that blade. MEG: Look, I'm simpler than you think. I've figured one thing out about this world – just one, pretty much. You find a cause, and you serve it. Give yourself over, and it orders your life. Lucifer and Yellow Eyes – their mission was it for me. DEAN: So, what? We should trust you because you wanted to free Satan from Hell? MEG: I'm talking "cause," douchebag, as in reason to get up in the morning. Obviously, these things shift over time. We learn, we grow. Now, for me currently, the cause is bringing down the King. And I know we'll need help to do it. DEAN: Crowley ain't the problem this year. MEG: When are you gonna get it? Crowley's always the problem. He's just waiting for the right moment to strike. I know what I'm supposed to do. And it isn't screw with Sam and Dean or lose the only angel who'd go to bat for me. SAM breaks the devil’s trap with his foot. CASTIEL: This is good – harmony and communication. Now our only problem is Hester.

yeah, but they haven’t really communicated anything useful yet. But Cas does know that the angels are about to find them again...

***

HESTER: You took the Prophet from us?! CASTIEL: I'm – I'm sorry? HESTER: You have fallen in every way imaginable. INAIS: Please, Castiel. We have to follow the code. Help us do our work. DEAN: He can't help you. He can't help anybody. HESTER: We don't need his help... or his permission. HESTER nods to INAIS, who nods back. There is the sound of angel wings and INAIS disappears. HESTER: The Keeper goes to the desert tonight. INAIS reappears with KEVIN. DEAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back off. We're actually trying to clean up one of your angel's messes! You know that. CASTIEL: He's right. An angel brought the Leviathan back into this world, and – and they begged him. They begged him not to do it. DEAN: Look, just give us some time, okay? We will take care of your Prophet. HESTER: Why should we give you anything... After everything you have taken from us? The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost! For that, you're going to pay. HESTER walks towards DEAN. CASTIEL: Please. They're the ones we were put here to protect. HESTER: No, Castiel. HESTER backhands CASTIEL and he falls to the ground. INAIS and the other MALE ANGEL each hold up two fingers to stop DEAN and SAM from going to CASTIEL’s aid. HESTER: No more madness! [She punches CASTIEL.] No more promises! [She punches CASTIEL again.] No more new Gods! [She punches CASTIEL repeatedly and then holds up an angel knife.]

I couldn’t decide how to break this up to talk about it, because one thing leads directly into the next, and it all goes to context.

Hester accuses Cas of falling “in every way imaginable.” In the wake of their brush with free will, the remaining angels are attempting to restore the old order to Heaven, because there’s not much left to them than what they’d known before. When the new rules fail, the only thing they know to do is revert to the old rules.

Dean calls them out on it, and Cas even steps in to support Dean’s words. Only Cas can’t even say *I* and *me* here. He talks about himself in the third person, but at least he’s acknowledging what kicked off this mess, even if he’s still not taking direct responsibility for it. Not only that, he acknowledges that Dean had tried to stop him, and that he’d refused to listen. This seems to be a key point again in 15.03. The inability to acknowledge guilt and responsibility, and the refusal to listen. This entire conversation is just a few painful twists away from the Breakup Scene in 15.03.

But Hester lays down The Worst Truth, that Dean himself is at fault for destroying Cas, for just the TOUCH of him “corrupting” Cas, breaking him until he broke the world. To Dean, this was the equivalent confirmation of all his worst fears-- he’s poison, he’s worthless-- that Cas got from Belphegor in 15.03-- that Dean doesn’t care about him beyond his usefulness. But this is something that Dean will carry with him for YEARS, and which Dean will continue to feel in every dealing he has with Cas going forward-- that HE is at fault, that HE is unworthy, that everything that makes Cas “fall” in any way is because of him, because he’s poison. And so he internalizes every mistake that Cas makes, every burden he endures, as his own, because it’s all his fault anyway, right?

But Cas, too, learned a lesson here as Hester beat and prepared to kill him: NO MORE MADNESS. NO MORE NEW GODS. And when confronted with the truth of what Belphegor planned-- to become a new god in the same way that Cas had-- he understood what he had to do. He would not exchange one problem for another, exchange one apocalypse for one that would likely be even worse. It was a terrible choice, and I think this is the root of his decision.

***

Here have some dramatic irony, and the demon saving Cas’s life:

INAIS: Hester! No! [He grabs HESTER’s arm.] Please! There's so few of us left. HESTER punches INAIS in the face with the hand holding the knife. HESTER: [to CASTIEL] You wanted free will. Now I'm making the choices. HESTER raises the knife. White light blazes from her chest and she falls to the ground. MEG has stabbed her. MEG: What? Someone had to.

Hester claimed she was choosing her actions now, using the same excuse of Free Will that Cas himself had claimed as his motivation for swallowing Purgatory in the first place. Even when everything she’d done had been in the name of restoring the Old Order, of following the Rules that angels had always obeyed. Talk about not getting the point of Free Will.

This is what Dean’s struggling with now in s15, with his own long-held understanding of what Free Will even meant, with this new context that Chuck had repeatedly thrown new obstacles in his path, personally. There are no rules left, or so it feels like to him. There’s nothing to revert back to, or hold on to as an ideal, when every choice they make has been engineered to lead them to equally bad outcomes.

***

But Cas... he’s understood this for a very long time:

INAIS: These are strange times. CASTIEL: I think they've always been. INAIS puts a hand on CASTIEL’s arm. INAIS: I wish you'd come with us. CASTIEL: Oh, I'm not part of the Garrison anymore, Inias. I'm sorry.

Sure, he’ll be forced back against his will, but in a way that will help save him eventually. It won’t feel like salvation for years to come, though, but it’s a journey.

***

SAM: Here. “Leviathan cannot be slain but by a bone of a righteous mortal washed in the three bloods of the fallen.” Uh... It says we need to start with the blood of a fallen angel. SAM and DEAN look at CASTIEL. CASTIEL: Well, you know me. [He holds out a small bottle.] I'm always happy to bleed for the Winchesters. CASTIEL hands the bottle, which is filled with blood, to DEAN. DEAN: What are you gonna do, Cas? CASTIEL: I don't know. [He smiles.] Isn't that amazing?

AAAAHAHAHAH. Angel blood, required by Belphegor’s first spell. This scene was directly paralleled in 15.01, and with context, it’s it awful? After refusing to fight for the entire episode, Cas is happy to bleed. To do penance, but not to be burdened with action or responsibility. And with complete freedom to choose his next move, to choose for himself what to do with himself, he... chooses nothing. And heck, I get it, after billions of years of thinking he didn’t have ANY choices, suddenly he’s presented with EVERY OPTION, and is DELIGHTED by that.

But the one thing he WON’T choose? Staying with Dean. Standing by Dean’s side while he fights to clean up Cas’s mess.

Dean’s next line to Sam after Cas leaves? “Well, let’s get to work.”

They can’t rest yet. They can’t stop, because the world’s still ending and they’re still entirely on their own. Only now they’re armed with at least a DIRECTION they can work toward. It’s something, but... it’s still just the two of them alone against the apocalypse. Which is what Cas had spent s6 trying to avoid. And can’t face at all now.

And this is what Dean had long since resigned himself to-- that Cas, given the choice, would leave. So Cas choosing to leave in 15.03? I think Dean was shocked he hadn’t left sooner.

And then of course there’s the angels dying when they return Kevin to his home, only to be deceived by Leviathan and abducted.

He just couldn’t win. And neither could Cas, and neither could Dean and Sam. It was an unwinnable game that would just break them all again.

I could do a post like this for 7.22, and for 7.23, and probably for every other episode from all the episodes between then and now, but this has taken me all day. I really hope y’all are making all the same connections, spotting all the thematic subversions and twists of every turn of the narrative spiral between then and now. But this episode killed me today. And it gives a lot of obvious context to Dean and Cas’s choices and issues in early s15 that led to the Breakup. But hopefully it also lays down the foundation of what they truly need to put out on the table to move past this impasse.

They need to put down something better than Sorry! They need to use real words and actually listen to each other. But the fact that scene in 15.03 directly called out this miscommunication, this refusal to listen (and it’s not just on Dean here, but Cas has refused to listen, too). And now the narrative demands they have that conversation for real. For their own good, but for the good of the world, to break these eternal ovals and finally break free of this endless chasing after the fake rabbit.

#spn s15 spoilers #spn 15.03 #spn 7.21 #spn 15.01 #spn 15.02 #destiel #if you say 'mysterious ways' so help me i will kick your ass #it's spirals all the way down #spiders georg of the tnt loop #s15 meta rewatch #using your words #holy crap this is long... it's taken me all day because i had to keep stopping and doing something cheerful in between thinking about it

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