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burntheedges · 3 months ago

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Bits and Baubles 🎄

Dieter Bravo x gn!reader | 2.8k | masterlist | ao3

summary: it was towards the end of the Christmas market season, and at first it seemed to be a market day like any other. That is, until the man in the green robe whirled into your life.

a/n: happy @dieterbravobrainrotclub Secret Santa, @whocaresstillthelouvre! I loved learning about your Christmas decor. I hope you enjoy learning about Dieter's! 😂 thank you @katareyoudrilling for being the best beta and helping me figure out this idea!!

tags/warnings: fluff, flirting, suggestive and/or explicit Christmas ornaments, dildos, meet cute

...

You were working your stall, talking to a customer, when you caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of your eye. Dark hair and a lurid green robe flashed by, but he was gone before you finished packing up the ornament. By the time you looked around, he’d disappeared into the market.

A few minutes later you were putting out more stock when you saw him again. This time he was dashing through an open area between rows on your left. You got a better look, but it only inspired more questions than answers – he was wearing plaid pajama bottoms, an old t-shirt, that lurid green robe, all topped with messy curls and sunglasses.

Whoever he was, he seemed to be in quite a hurry. He dashed from stall to stall, sometimes chatting briefly, sometimes running off before the vendor could even get a word in.

You had to look away when another small group approached your stall, and you put the strange man out of your mind.

The market was going well for you. Like most years, it was popular and crowded, filled with people doing some last minute holiday shopping. The stalls had a wide variety of holiday decor, gifts, crafts, and more.

Your ornament stall – Bits and Baubles – usually made people do a double take. You had a wide selection of ornaments, from the typical shiny balls to funny jokes to a special annual one you made each year (and you loved that people had started collecting them). They were all handmade by you over the course of the year, including the non-holiday decor you didn’t usually bring to markets like this one.

The biggest draw, though, and the thing that made people look twice, was the adult selection at one end of your stall. These were also handmade, and usually drew a wide variety of reactions – laughs, raised eyebrows, offended huffs. But they were also your most popular items, especially the wooden vibrators (painted in shiny colors) and “double baubles.” You loved when someone let out a genuine laugh at the sight because they usually bought at least one.

The small group moved away (after a nice assortment of purchases) and you looked up to find the man in the green robe staring at your stall. He was standing about 15 feet away and seemed to be scanning your offerings from one end of the table to the other.

When his gaze reached the adult section, he froze. You wished you could see his eyes, but they were still hidden behind his sunglasses.

His jaw slowly dropped, gaze locked on your small display of vibrator ornaments. He started to move towards you and you realized he was walking straight towards the display.

When he reached you, he looked from the ornaments to you, and then back to the ornaments. He reached out with one gentle hand and brushed his fingers over the golden dildo ornament. A huge grin slowly took over his face.

“These are amazing,” he breathed, looking from the ornament to your face. “Did you make these?”

You grinned back at him. “I did!” You waved your hand around your stall. “I made all of these.”

His mouth made a little ‘o’ shape as he looked in surprise around your stall. “Shit,” he murmured, taking it all in. “That’s fucking amazing.” He turned back to the adult section, and turned the vibrator ornament display. “Do you have more like these?”

You tilted your head, surprised. There were about 30 ornaments on the display, and more of different kinds on the three next to it. “More than these?”

He nodded. “I need two hundred and fifty ornaments. And these are so perfect, I mean, I never expected to find anything like this!” He smiled again.

Your jaw dropped. “Two hundred and fifty?”

“Yep,” he agreed absently. He started poking through the neighboring displays, face full of delight. “So I’ll definitely take all of these and more.”

“Wait,” you said, head spinning. “All of these? What… what for?” You couldn’t believe it. That was… more than you expected to sell at the market, for sure.

He blinked, and seemed to realize he hadn’t explained well. “Oh! I’m having a party. A holiday party! I used to have them every year, but it’s been, um.” He grimaced. “Well anyway, it’s the first one in a while, and I need party favors. The party is famous for the party favors, or at least it was, before. We were decorating and getting set up and then oh, Dieter, where are the favors? And suddenly I realize I don’t have any. I forgot! Can you believe it?” He sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. “We’ve got a completely empty tree that is supposed to be covered in party favors. So I ran over here, hoping to find something. For tonight.” He gestured at the market around you, and you nodded, a bit stunned. “I think I looked at every stall in here. And then I saw you… your booth.” He grinned. “And these,” he pointed at the vibrators, and nudged a hot pink wand with his finger, “are perfect.”

You opened your mouth and closed it again. You still couldn’t believe he wanted to buy basically your entire stock. “Ok. Well, I’ve got about eighty out on the table, and I probably have enough to get to two-fifty. But they’re not here, I didn’t bring my entire stock.”

His brow furrowed. “Oh, is that alright? I really will buy them all.”

You nodded. It was late enough in the holiday season that you knew most of your regulars had already gotten what they wanted, anyway. “Of course. Let me pull up my inventory and I’ll get you a price.”

He waved his hand dismissively, and when he did his green robe fluttered around him. “Whatever number you find, double it. Wait, could you possibly deliver these? Tonight?”

Tonight? You considered. The market would be over in a couple of hours, and then you were planning to head home and get ready for a night out. Not one you were particularly looking forward to, but you’d bought the ticket ages ago to give yourself something to do the Saturday before Christmas. “Deliver where?”

He gave his address, and you realized he must have a massive house, judging by the neighborhood. But it wasn’t too far out of your way, so you nodded. “I can do that. What time is the party?”

His shoulders sagged in relief as he said, “8. So maybe you could come before, then, by 7?”

“Sure.” That should work for you. “Let me get you a price, and we can do half now, half tonight.”

He waved his arm again. “I’ll pay it all now. And go ahead and triple it, for the delivery.”

You hesitated with your hand on your computer. “Triple?”

He nodded, smiling. “And wait, can you box these three separately?” He pointed at the shiny gold dildo, the sparkly rainbow suggestive clam, and the bright purple double baubles. “I think I want these for myself. Oh, um, assuming there are enough, otherwise.”

You had already pulled up your inventory, so you nodded. “Of course. Here’s the price.” you angeled the screen towards him as you started to pack up his ornaments.

By the time you looked up, he had added another zero to his payment. Your jaw dropped.

“You… you really don’t need to–” you started, shocked.

He just smiled at you. “Yes, I do.”

As you fought to keep your gaze from tracing his smile, you smiled back. “Alright, if you’re sure.”

He nodded again. “And please bring as many of your business cards as you can! Or something like it. I can’t wait to share these with everyone.” He grinned at your display. Suddenly he moved, so quickly it startled you as you were starting to box up all of your displays for him. He smacked his hand into his forehead. “I never introduced myself. What was I thinking? I’m Dieter.” He shoved his sunglasses into his hair and held out his hand to shake. You gripped it slowly, meeting his eyes for the first time and trying not to notice how cute he was. He held on with both hands as he shook it. “It’s so great to meet you, you have no idea! I have to go, though, before I get yelled at for taking too long.”

You smiled as you shook his hand and introduced yourself. “You too, Dieter. I’ll see you later.”

He turned to leave quickly after that, as much of a whirlwind on his way out of the market as he’d been while searching for favors.

…

At 7:00 pm sharp you pulled up to a large, gated house, a bit taken aback by its size. It was even bigger than you’d expected.

You were waved easily through the gate, and when you pulled up behind a catering van the front door flew open. Dieter stepped out, grinning, and you were suddenly glad your reaction to him was hidden by your tinted windows.

Gone was the robe and pajama pants outfit from earlier. He was clearly dressed for the party in a black velvet suit and a deep green lace shirt that drew your eyes like a magnet. His hair was still messy, but it seemed purposeful this time. He’d been attractive, of course, earlier at the market, and now somehow he was cute and devastating. And he was smiling at you like you were the best thing he’d ever seen.

“You made it!” He said, hopping down his front steps. You smiled at him as you stepped out of your car, nervously adjusting your outfit. You were dressed up, too, for the show later. It was one of your favorite outfits, one that made you feel hot and sexy and mysterious, and you felt your cheeks start to warm as he gave you a once over. When his eyes returned to yours, you were both smiling. “I’m so glad you’re here. But did you have plans? I’m sorry—“

You cut him off. “No, I was going to see a show downtown tonight, but it doesn’t start until later. And I’m not meeting anyone so there’s no rush.” You decidedly did not mention that you’d changed your outfit plan at the last minute.

Dieter smiled again. “Ok, good. I mean, not that you’re going alone. Or maybe you prefer it that way! Just, I’m glad I’m not interrupting anything. Um,” he trailed off sheepishly.

You smiled again as you gestured towards the trunk of your car. “I’ve got everything ready for you. Should we take it in?”

He nodded, and soon you found yourself standing inside his foyer next to an absolutely massive tree. It was only decorated with lights.

“This is the tree! I was hoping, that is… would you like to decorate it with me?” He looked at you hopefully. “I’ve been banished from the kitchen and told to take care of this, and I figure you’ll be amazing at it.”

You agreed, deciding not to examine your urge to stick around too closely. Dieter went and got you both a drink before you got started.

It didn’t take long for you to realize that decorating a tree with Dieter was the most fun you’d had in a while. He giggled as he opened every single ornament, crowing over each one and praising your skill and ideas. By the time you’d gotten through the first box (of mostly dildos) your face felt hot and you could feel the hair on the back of your neck standing up from all the praise and close proximity.

“Ok I think we spread those out pretty well,” you said, gesturing towards the dildo-covered tree. “Now we can spread out the double baubles, too, and then the others.” He nodded, giggling again, and you smiled back.

“These are so ingenious,” he said, holding a double bauble and a shiny clam with a pearl in his hands. “Did you come up with the ideas yourself?”

You nodded, ducking your head a bit. “Some and some with friends. I have more ideas, too, that I’ll make someday.”

Dieter seemed to light up at the idea of more ornaments. “Will you tell me when you do? I want to buy them all!” He grinned as he hung a “jingle balls” ornament on the tree, a double bauble with bells attached. “I had no idea people even made ornaments like this.”

“I’m not the only one, for sure, but it’s definitely fun. They’re some of my best sellers.”

At that he seemed to wince, but he didn’t leave you to wonder why. “I didn’t buy them all, did I? Is that bad? Will people be mad?”

You smiled, a bit touched by his concern, and laid a hand on his forearm. The velvet of his coat was soft under your hand. “Well, first of all, you overpaid for them, so I can’t be mad at you. Second, I’ve still got a few more. And third, it’s so close to the holidays, most of my regulars have already gotten what they wanted. My shop isn't that big. There’s nothing to be worried about.” You winked at him and squeezed his arm, and watched with amusement as he flushed. “Besides, you already promised to tell everyone where they came from. What more could I ask?”

He grinned. “Of course! Everyone is going to love these, you’ll see.”

You kept chatting as you decorated the tree, learning that his party planner and best friend Leah had been the one to banish him from the kitchen (“she’s such a tyrant, I don’t know what I’d do without her”) and that it had been about five years since he last hosted his famous party (“my life was pretty different, then, so this is kind of a triumphant return and a new start”). He waved his arm towards the living room as he said that, and you glanced over and did a double take.

There was an Oscar sitting on his mantle.

As you put it together, you wanted to kick yourself for how long it had taken you to do so. He was Dieter Bravo — that Dieter Bravo! The famous one! You could only blame your absolute obliviousness on how ludicrous it would have seemed a day ago that Dieter Bravo would buy out your entire adult ornament stock.

Your mouth kept moving without conscious input from your brain. “Oh, you’re Dieter Bravo,” you blurted, and then winced as he stiffened. “Sorry, I’m an idiot, I just didn’t realize. I promise not to be weird about it.”

He tilted his head, considering you, and then started to smile incredulously. “My name was on the order,” he pointed out with a laugh.

You winced again. “I know. I think I was too distracted by you to think about it.”

Dieter seemed to think about that for a moment and then stepped a little bit closer to you. “Distracted? By me?”

You nodded, just then realizing what that sounded like. “You, um... pulled your sunglasses up. When you told me your name.”

He grinned. “And I only forgot to tell you my name because I was so distracted by you, the cute ornament seller who grinned so wickedly when you told me about the dildos you make by hand.” He reached down to grab your hand and lightly teased at your fingers with his own.

You felt your face start to heat again. “Cute? Me?”

He nodded. “And then you showed up here in that,” he gestured at your outfit, “and I almost fell over in the driveway.”

You laced your fingers through his and squeezed. Your heart felt like it was going to beat right out of your chest. “You’re one to talk, Mr. Lace Shirt!”

Dieter laughed, unrepentant. “I was hoping you’d notice.” He squeezed your hand, looking suddenly shy. “I know you said you had plans, but do you want to stay for the party?” He looked at you with big, pleading eyes and you felt yourself start to melt. “I promise it’ll be fun. I’ll show you off, of course, but…” he trailed off and tugged you closer. “I think I’d like to keep getting to know you.”

You grinned. “I’d love to.”

He lit up like the tree he was standing next to, and you felt warm all over at his obvious excitement. You quickly placed the last few ornaments before he dragged you down the hall to give you a tour.

The party was, in fact, a great time. And so was the mistletoe you found yourself under with the host at the end of the night.

...

a/n: I hope you enjoyed it, Mallory!! 🧡🎄

#dieter bravo x reader #dieter bravo x you #dieter bravo x gn!reader #dieter bravo fanfiction #the bubble #x reader #dieter bravo brainrot club #secret santa #christmas fic

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