#Christian bible jokes

[tomicscomics]

05/24/2024

Continuing from the previous cartoon, St. Joan of Arc plans to out her rival as a fraud... by having a SLEEPOVER?! (Yes, this actually happened in real life.)

___

JOKE-OGRAPHY: 1. The Source: This cartoon is based off of characters and events mentioned in St. Joan of Arc's trial. Here are the relevant passages (translated by W. S. Scott): "Asked what [Catherine] said to her, [Jeanne] answered that this Catherine said [...] that a woman appeared [to her], a white lady, dressed in cloth of gold [...]. [Jeanne] asked Catherine if this Lady appeared every night; and if so, she would sleep with her. And she did so..." 2. Explanation: When asked about Catherine de La Rochelle during her trial, Joan is very curt. When her assessors press for details, Joan eventually shares more. Catherine apparently claimed that an apparition came to her each night -- the White Lady -- and gave her counsel like Joan's Voices. Joan was ironically skeptical, and asked Catherine if the White Lady appeared every night. When Catherine said yes, Joan asked to sleep over to see the Lady for herself. Strangely, Catherine obliged.3. Pierronne the Breton: Besides Joan and Catherine, Brother Richard's club of mystics also included two Breton women -- one named Pierronne, and another who remains unnamed (to my knowledge). Even after all my studying of Joan's life story, I still only just learned about these Breton mystics a couple weeks ago, and I'm already scheming toward including their harrowing fate in a future May of the Maid / June of Arc. 4. Historical / Fiction: The story of Joan sleeping over at Catherine's is historical fact, based on Joan's own words, which I find absolutely hilarious in and of itself. Exactly what led up to this sleepover, however, is only communicated in minimal detail, so I'm filling in some details before getting into the sleepover itself in the next cartoons. I may even redo this story arc someday and tell it in a totally different way, while still being just as historically accurate. In this cartoon, I had Pierronne suggest the sleepover initially, so that I could use another historical character to offset the tension between Joan and Catherine. We'll see how that plays out as the sleepover commences in the next comic!

[idylls-of-the-divine-romance]

We (Christians) should all get together and just start calling down woes on the government. Like open a random chapter in the prophets (or the revelation), find a poem about the downfall of an evil nation and then just start shouting it at your local government building.

Down with [insert politician here], Drunk on the blood of the innocent, You have been cut down from the heights! Your armies will be devoured and destroyed. The seas will be torn apart And the mountains will fall, Your merchants will all drown And your soldiers will fall But the Kingdom of Yahweh God the Most High Will be established over the land.

[jessidogg]

YOLO

JK LOL BRB

-Jesus✨💕

[oasisr]

the autistic will inherit the earth

[the-generous-fool]

It is the year 2060, and religious texts have been rewritten for a modern audience:

"Evil", "wicked", and "sin" have been replaced with "gnarly".

"The Earth was filled with gnarliness."

"Lord" and "king" are now "Chad".

"Many will come to me saying: Chad, Chad..."

"Wise Chad Solomon."

"Yeet" makes several appearances:

"Down the great gnarly one was yeeted."

"I kept on beholding in my visions of the night, and yeet!"

YOU addressing a group, is now "chat".

"Sermon" is now "livestream".

The Mount of Olives is the Livestream of Olives.

"Prophet" and "priest" have been amended to "influencer".

[gryficowa]

People: Islamists turned Jesus into a prophet, it's unthinkable!

Abraham, who was not a prophet, but the Christians made him a prophet:

[bloom-with-grace-and-faith]

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Bloodmoon saying "according to the bible" on MAFS in reference on "does taking a lot of drugs end you up in hell?"

and that made me laugh way harder then I should have.

Bloodmoon became Christian before he died guys, it's okay

[i-used-to-be-an-anti-feminist]

I will never understand anti-Halloween Christians who turn their lights off and ignore the children literally coming to their door to receive gifts from them. When else do you have such an easy and effective opportunity like that to show love to your neighbors and share the gospel with little scriptures and smiles and warmth and love. How can you turn away people coming to your door?

[avatardoggo]

o ya yk. just the Savior of the world, our loving Lord and King, The Man Who Died For Our Sins And Rose From The Dead 3 Days Later casually putting His carpenter skills to work

[gxlden-angels]

On today's episode of Holy Shit My Childhood Was Not Normal:

Kurtis Conner being thrown off by the girls'/boys' bibles with the random "Dream Girl" and "Grossology" passages and shit like that in them

[tomicscomics]

11/17/2023

That's it. I've peaked.

___

JOKE-OGRAPHY: You see, the joke is that he sticks his money in a riverbank, and not a bank for money.

[dougielombax]

“MaYbE tHe REaL treASUre WaS FOunD iN the BiBLe¡”.

- Fuckers.

Pirates: *looking carefully through the Acts of the Apostles* YARR! WE AIN’T FOUND SHIT!!!!!

[millionsknives]

they’re gonna kick me out of bible study

[idylls-of-the-divine-romance]

Me doing precal/chem: And so the End Times begin.

[clever-dana]

Simon the Zealot vs. Mathew the Former Tax Collector