#along with candy and favors like bubbles and pencils

[i-used-to-be-an-anti-feminist]

I will never understand anti-Halloween Christians who turn their lights off and ignore the children literally coming to their door to receive gifts from them. When else do you have such an easy and effective opportunity like that to show love to your neighbors and share the gospel with little scriptures and smiles and warmth and love. How can you turn away people coming to your door?

[passivenovember]

Tetherball : Harringrove April Day One

Also on ao3

--

Steve put his seatbelt on that first day, when Billy stepped out of his chariot across school grounds, taking inventory of things as they were. Life as Steve knew it.

Nancy in the seat next to him.

First period chemistry, English, Geology, lunch. Steve took note of the periwinkle tones in the sky, the rumble of the cafeteria on pizza day, the smell of the library and the way the books turned on you if there were late fees to be settled.

Everything fell into bullet points across worn pavement.

Then versus now. Before and after.

Steve said goodbye to planet Earth that day, whether he knew it or not. Whether he found it favorable. The rumble of an engine beneath his feet changed Steve's perception, and the weight of two blue medallions grew and grew until Steve had learned the facts.

William Hargrove went by Billy. And he had tumbled in from California, presumably naked on a sea shell, where Billy’s stepsister doused hatred like a flame in the ocean under skies full of seagulls and cotton candy wisps.

He wore elevens in converse and a large Hawkins Phys Ed t-shirt that popped seams across his biceps but went soft and wavy in the middle.

Not like it mattered, though.

William went by Billy and he called skins as soon as coach blew the whistle. His t-shirt never made another appearance after that.

--

That's all Steve needed to know, right? The basics. California and step sisters, William instead of Billy, and the sound of rubber on polished oak.

But that's the funny thing about revelations.

Facts are different when colored by opinions, and Steve felt them dropping like coins from the hole in his pocket. As he got to know Billy the bullet points that had taken over Steve's mind rippled and glimmered in the light of first period. Changing.

He observed.

Wondered.

Obsessed.

Developing thoughts about who Billy was and, eventually, the person he pretended to be. Steve wasn't interested in the line Billy drew around the two halves of a whole. Any of the masks he wore in the cafeteria around princesses and prom queens versus the man Steve saw in second period English, who was.

Soft spoken and thoughtful. Every pastel shade in the sky versus brash and heated sunsets over barley.

Flame and sea, like a burning ship at war.

Steve wasn't interested but he learned anyway. Took notes, eyes tracking the brush of Billy's thumb on his bottom lip, brows pinching in concentration as he deciphered the root of a poem in ten seconds flat. The curl of his lips when we took his paper from Mr. Terrine. How he always had an extra pencil for anyone who needed it.

Before long Steve aced his exam in AP Hargrove and failed where everyone else said it mattered.

Got himself a tutor.

Blue eyes to pin him in place, pink lips to seal the passage between worlds. Steve wasn't interested in spending his afternoons under a tetherball, smacking brightly colored plastic out of his face as Billy read to him from a textbook while his sister. Max (step sister, Billy's voice supplied), kicked some girls ass on on the skateboard during softball practice.

"Should we try it once more?" Billy's patient. Steve wasn't expecting that.

He smacks the ball away again. "I've learned a lot about you, but I wasn't expecting this."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Y'know." From across the playground Max teaches her girl how to kick flip. Steve doesn't think that's right. He shrugs anyway. "Smarts. Like, AP biology, Valedictorian, Brain stew smart."

They've been studying together for weeks.

Four weeks. Seems like more with the slide of Billy's shoulder against Steve's arm, blonde ringlets dodging the tetherball as it swings overhead. Billy's fingers brush the open faced textbook, mouth serious but eyes soft. Sparkly, like a discarded bag of glitter.

"Maybe you should pay more attention to the prose."

"Maybe I can do both at the same time." Steve fiddles with the edge of the notebook, nodding as Billy grins. "Alright, goldilocks, tell your silly little story."

He does.

The green eyed boy in the powder blue shirt standing next to you in the supermarket recoils as if hit,

repeatedly,

by a lot of men, as if he has a history of it.

Steve leans back against the rusty iron pole, feeling the weight of the tetherball on one side of his head, and. The brush of golden curls on the other. He closes his eyes, feeling a voice more than hearing it.

That is not your problem. You have your own body to deal with.

The lamp by the bed is broken--

"Are you following?" Billy asks. He moves, knees drawn up so the book is balanced close to the curve of his chin. Close to the split in the universe. "We're getting into muddy waters here--"

"'S not that muddy."

"Sure it is." Billy's cheeks flush, pink paint across the bridge of his nose. He moves against Steve's arm, elbow knocking into ribs. "Tell me what you think is happening."

Steve thinks about it.

Knocks Billy's arm away gently, closing his eyes. "Read some more and then we'll talk."

Billy does.

The lamp by the bed is broken. You are feeling things he is no longer in touch with a nd everyone is speaking softly, as if not to wake one another.

The wind knocks the heads of the flowers together. Steam rises from every cup at every table at once.

Things happen all the time.

Things happen at every minute that have nothing to do with us.

Billy stops reading and Steve peeks at him through an eye half-lidded, curious. "Is that the end of the story?"

"Poem."

"Huh." Steve straightens, moving his legs this way and that. "Felt like a story."

Billy mirrors him exactly, closing the textbook and grabbing his pencil. "That's interesting."

And the way he says it. While flipping through his pea-green fivestar spiral, makes it feel wrong. Stupid.

Steve smacks distantly at the sky. "No it's not."

"Sure it is. Siken's poems are very lyrical. They paint images, vivid images, and sometimes I can imagine myself doing what the lines convey."

Steve grins. "You can imagine yourself in bed with another man?"

Steve isn't interested in the answer but he's interested in the feeling, the glint of emotion behind a wall of powdery blue. It doesn't seep through the cracks, though, it's contained. If Steve wants to find the center, he'll have to dig.

Billy doesn't miss a beat. "If that's what you think the poem's talking about, sure."

"Of course that's what it's talking about."

"How so?"

Steve laughs at that, rubbing against Billy's side. "You sound like a scholar."

"Is that so wrong?"

"No." Steve says thoughtfully. "'S cute."

Billy doesn't crack. Not in the way Steve's used to. No fingers in his hair, spinning spools of gold as he peeks at Steve through thick lashes. Instead he makes a note of it, whatever it is they're saying. Scribbling Steve's interpretation on one side of the blank page, dividing the two halves with a thick black line.

Billy intends to find the truth. "The protagonist is in love with the man at the supermarket? Is that what you're saying."

"I guess."

Billy rolls his eyes. "Your intent has to be clear. Poetry is all about interpretation; if you don't attempt to bridge the divide--"

"All right, Einstein." Steve plays along. "Sure."

Billy's eyes flash victorious as he clicks the pen trigger. "What makes you say that?"

"The way he's obsessed with him."

"The way the narrator is obsessed?" Billy leans forward, intent. "With the man in the grocery store?"

"What makes you deny it?" Steve wonders, folding his legs beneath him so they're crisscross applesauce.

Billy leans back against the pole, casual and easy. "I'm not the one failing English."

"No, but you are the poet." Steve counters. "Dude, I know you have an interpretation. I know you have thoughts, so. Just tell me."

Billy turns to face the playground.

Max skates circles around her girl, smiling in the way Billy does when he's got Steve pinned on the court. Like a predator. Pushing and pulling back just enough to leave the girl chasing after her, enough to catch herself before Max has a chance to get her claws out.

It's incredible, Steve thinks, how much Billy is just like his sister.

"I think he's using him."

Steve cocks his head, curious.

"The man with the blue shirt." Billy opens the textbook and reads the part about the lamp again, peeking up at Steve through frizzy curls. "The narrator says we are feeling things the man is no longer in touch with."

Steve leans forward. "Like love?"

Billy thinks about it. "No."

"Connection, then."

"If they're sleeping together it's more than just sex." Billy counters, "More than just carnality."

Which.

Steve frowns. "People fuck all the time without connecting."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Steve thinks about rattling down his list. The girls, the guys, the one night stands and bullshit post-game hook ups.

Billy fiddles with the edges of his notebook almost. Shyly. "People have sex because they're in love."

Steve snorts. "There's a million reasons to fuck outside of love."

Billy's eyes flash hard with.

Something. He bares his teeth. "Yeah? Like what?"

"I dunno. Breakup sex, makeup sex, sorry for burning a hole in your prom dress sex--"

"Gross."

"Point is." Steve looks at Billy. Studies him, the freckles across his upper lip, the scruff along his jawline. "Sex and emotion don't have to exist within each other."

Billy stares back at him, eyes wide and distant. Closed off.

He writes something on Steve's half of the notebook. "I disagree."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." Billy tosses his pen to the ground. "Our narrator says the man in the blue shirt has a history of being hit by other men."

"So?" Steve has trouble following at the best of times, and this.

The way Billy is worrying the skin on his fingers, nails catching and tearing in places they don't belong, feels important.

Billy shrugs. "Why would he sleep with a man without knowing his heart?"

"Maybe he just wants to feel something."

"Or maybe he wants to connect." Billy turns to look out across the playground once more, fingers tugging at the edge of his notebook. "Maybe he's existing in this bubble, like. This silent world with a tiny room where everyone is speaking softly out of respect. Maybe he chooses the wrong person because it's better than feeling half alive."

Steve knows they aren't talking about the poem anymore.

He tugs the notebook from Billy's hands, flipping through a million and one handwritten theories and observations. Billy lets him. Lets Steve look through his life and into his mind before handing the spiral back and asking, "Have you ever picked the wrong person?"

Billy doesn't say anything and then; "Yes."

"How come?"

"Everybody's wrong if you squint hard enough."

Steve nods, looping his arms around his knees. "And I'm assuming you didn't sleep with any of them."

He doesn't expect Billy to answer. It's not like they owe each other anything, honesty or otherwise. Billy leans back against the pole once more. From where their bodies are pressed together Billy feels feverish. Incendiary.

Billy clears his throat. "Or the opposite."

Which catches Steve off guard.

Billy watches him for a moment, eyes dark and serious. "I don't think the narrator sleeps with the man in the blue shirt. Maybe he intends to. Take the guy home, make a couple drinks, blaze trails into something previously unknown to him or maybe just. A feeling he hasn't felt in a while. But intimacy isn't always about sex."

Steve snorts. "I can't think of anything more intimate than being inside another person."

"But you are inside them, just. Not in the way you expected."

Steve glares out over the playground. The sun will be setting soon, blacktops and brown fields painted in shades of red and orange. The whole world will catch on fire but Steve feels the beginning, coals glowing bright red under the line of his ribcage when he turns to find blue eyes on him.

Dousing the fire, or maybe.

Raising the stakes. His eyes flit across Billy's forehead, brushing over his lips and coming to rest on his eyelashes. Feathery and soft, like the arms of a teddy bear. Steve licks his lips, going up in flame when Billy's eyes track the movement.

"I lied." Steve says.

Billy doesn't look away. "I'm not sure what you--"

"The first time a boy ever kissed me." Steve says. "When a boy kissed me because he wanted to, that was more intimate than anything I'd ever felt before."

Billy's gaze falls impossibly lower, tracing the swell of Steve's lips. "How did it feel?"

And he says it like.

He couldn't possibly know.

And Steve says, "Like my heart was taking root," like.

Let me show you.

Billy takes a deep breath. "I don't think I've ever felt like that."

"Never?"

"Not once."

From across the playground Max's answering laugh makes Billy's skin turn gold. Caramel, ice cream topped with sugar. Steve feels his body inching closer, mouth opening as if to taste love on the air.

[alias-b]

Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me

California, 1992. Billy Hargrove and Camille Harper built their future in an endless, red hot summer. Everything changes with a splash of pale blue. Billy x OC! Camille Harper

A/N: The baby one shot I promised everyone! Occurs after my fic, "Without The Lights." Warning, I get into the not pretty side of pregnancy and Camille struggles with her illness. Sexual content. TW: graphic description of birth and postpartum depression. Mention of death and past torture. Cross posted here on AO3

1992

   She’d been late.

   Camille Harper was never late to anything.

   Then, she’d taken ill. Scents that used to thrill her in the morning like fresh coffee, fluffed pancakes, and scrambled eggs sent her scurrying into the bathroom.

   Billy looked up from his desk, covered in different lead pencils and scattering papers. Grotesque concept art for an upcoming horror film he’d been working on. Still pretty as a picture. Less of a baby in the face, but still just as sweet. Sprinkle of facial hair and lashes for days.

   “Ugh, so much for sleeping in Saturday.” Camille gargled mouthwash, spat, and wandered out. Brown hair grown out and piled up in a bun. Billy’s arm snaked around her hips, bringing her into his side. A temple pressed into her nightgown. “I don���t want to get you sick.”

   The back of his knuckle drew along her forehead. Cool metal of his wedding ring chilled.

   “No fever. You probably ate something last night, I told you the shrimp was a bad idea.”

   The very word ‘shrimp’ almost made her hurl again.

   “We’re not trying that place again.” Camille kissed the top of his head. Curls longer like a rockstar around his shoulders. “I have a new case to prepare for the office Monday.”

   “Boy or girl?” Billy set his pencil down and watched her plop into the couch.

   “Girl.” Camille frowned, rubbing her head. “She’s got a wall up, this one. Office likes me so her case is mine. Arthur thinks it’s a good match, but I’m actually nervous.”

   “Arthur this and that.” Came a scoff. “School buddies who ended up at the same office. Pshh.”

   “Arthur is taken now and quite happy.”

   “Who swept him off his perfect feet so he’ll quit bothering my wife?”

   “Lovely man named Stanley.” Camille laughed when Billy gave a double take. “Went drinking together while you played with latex masks last Thursday.”

   “It was crunch time. I’m sure your new case will be fine. Brilliant Dr. Harper. Blazing through all that schooling and study abroad. Almost in the clear.” Billy mused, switching his light off. “We’ll see if they like this new design I got. Tea?”

   “Yes, please.” Camille slid down the couch, pulled a fuzzy blanket into her body while Billy went into the kitchen. Cozy apartment they could afford. Walls covered in memories. Photos and degrees. She clicked the remote and settled on a light movie. Look Who’s Talking.

   A campy opening of sperm headed toward a dropped egg after a mini love scene with Kirstie Alley. Camille sighed, rubbing her head before something clicked the same moment hot water howled from the tea pot in the kitchen.

   “Oh, shit.” She shot up. Blinked. “No way.” They hadn't exactly been trying. But, they hadn't not been trying.

   “Getting your Travolta fix?” Billy set a mug down and Camille blinked at him.

   “Ah, yeah.” She shot up. “I just remembered...I was supposed to hit the drug store. We’re out of...everything.”

   “Everything? I’ll drive you to the store.” Billy chuckled.

   “No, it’s just around the corner, I need the walk. Fresh air. No shrimp.” Camille skidding around him to toss clothing on their bed. Dressing in jeans and a tee. “Keep working. Need anything?”

   “I’d kill for a Milky Way.” He shrugged, plopping back into his seat. Camille was hopping around to put some shoes on. Sun from outside caught his face and she pressed her lips, kissing his cheek.

   “I’ll bring you something sweet.”

   Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Camille nearly jogged down the steps from the fourth floor. Grabbed a basket when she got to the mini-mart and tossed randoms items they needed in. Billy’s candy included. Stopped in a section that made her cold.

   Pregnancy tests.

   “Jeez.” She mulled over boxes before snatching one.

   Ignored the idle way the clerk peered at her stomach when he rang it up. Christ. California sun and wind swept against her body. Usually it set her at ease, but a ball of nerves sank into her stomach when she took the elevator back up. Billy was on the couch now, looking up as she tossed the candy into his lap.

   “You okay?”

   “Feeling sick again.” Camille half lied and went into the bathroom. Locked the door. Stared at the clear plastic curtain as she peed on a stick. Washed her hands and pulled at her watch. It ticked slower to spite her.

   “Camille?” Billy knocked. “Something’s up.”

   “Ah, just a second,” she paced, “give me just another second.”

   “Let me help.”

   “Oh, believe me...you did.” She sat on the side of the tub. Stared at the colored tiles. So many to count. Billy exhaled on the other side of the door. Didn’t leave. “Billy, I’ll be fine.” Her own tone shook.

   Did she want this?

   Were they ready?

   How was she going to feel if it’s nothing?

   How was she going to feel it it’s blue?

   Camille didn’t have time to think through each possible dream because reality spoke for her.

   Blue. Crystal clear sky.

   “Camille.” Billy jimmied the lock until the door popped open. She looked up in tears.

   “...Is that?”

   “Blue.” She breathed with one fist curled to her chest. Burst into tears. Unable to tell if they were happy or sad. She just needed to cry. Billy swept toward her.

   “Hey, hey. I got you.” Billy kissed her cheeks until she was soothed. Held her there while she clung to his shoulders.

   “It’s blue.”

   “What’s...that mean?” Billy met her eyes. “You’re...”

   “Blue.” Camille said again. Licking her lips before they pressed. “I’m pregnant.”

   “We’re having a baby?” Billy blinked at her. She waited for him to panic. But, he smiled. So bright that it made her burn with jealousy to be confused about it. “We’re having a baby!”

   Billy grabbed his wife. Held her close to him. Settled Camille just a little, she tried to feed off his glow.

   “Ninety nine percent accuracy. We need to, ah, go to a doctor first.” She let Billy pull her up. Out into the living room.

   Why was she riddled with confusion and anxiety while he bubbled with excitement? He danced her around to no music like a true romantic.

   “Let’s not...say anything until we go. I’ll make an appointment. After my meeting Monday?”

   “Yeah, yeah.” He swept hair aside and smiled again, so youthful. Kissed her there in the sun. Meanwhile, she felt life being sucked into a swirling pit. Billy tugged Camille into the couch, nestled her into his chest. “Are...Are you happy?”

   “I’m… Blue “...something.”

** ** **

   It was real. Confirmation at the doctor and life turned in on itself. People were careful with her. Work tried to withhold cases she’d fought for.

   She had a woman’s condition. They treated Camille like it was fatal.

   “Jim? Are you still there?”

   A thud on the other end was followed by scrambling.

   “Camille?” Joyce had the phone now. “Jim, get up.”

   Camille laughed that time.

   “Your father’s fine, just shocked. Oh, Jim, stop being dramatic!” Came some bickering.

   “I’m going to be a grandpa!” There was more laughter on their end.

   “Can you two stop kissing in my ear already?” Camille twirled the cord and stretched her legs out into Billy’s lap. Let him massage her ankles. “We wanted to know...if you guys would come down for the birth. Should be early November, I’m due.”

   Billy started counting something on his fingers, earning a soft kick.

   “Max and El already freaked. Letting them follow me to UCLA was such a mistake.” Camille joked. Mike and Lucas in Washington. Will and Dustin following Nancy and Jonathan to New York. Steve, Heather, and Robin living blissfully in Chicago. Rumor had it Regan and Kali turned up there too.

   “You’re listening to the doctors, right?” Jim turned stern. Such a dad.

   “You know it,” Camille brought the phone away, “Billy, you want to pass me a beer?” He just snorted.

   “Hey, none of that.” Jim was in her ear. “We’ll fly over now.”

   “No need. We’re fine. We’ll figure things out when it gets closer, yeah? Telling work was mortifying enough. But, we got the leave figured out. Arthur’s been such a help. Don’t worry about anything.” Camille sighed when Billy’s hands worked up her legs. Had to slap him out of her skirt.

   “Congrats, Camille! Billy, you tell Susan?” Joyce stole the phone.

   “We heard her crying from over here. Same with Grace. She and Elliott choked him near to death. Billy also tells me that Miss Mayfield was set up with a certain middle school teacher, how the hell did that happen?”

   “Mr. Clarke can be quite charming,” Joyce chirped and a groan erupted from Jim, “passes Susan’s little boutique on the drive to the school every day. Started stopping in. Flirting in his way. I couldn’t tell you.”

   “Glad Rosemary’s former team was willing to do us some favors and help her out with that.” Camille was still squirming away from Billy’s advances. His lips on her neck. “Well, I should go. But, any and all advice is wanted.”

   “She already tore through all the mommy books in the library. Ignore her.” Billy stole the phone. “Hops. Can I call you Pops now?”

   “If I can call you, dead.” Jim smiled when Joyce swatted his chest.

   “I expect you to spoil my kid.”

   “Will do. Make sure Camille takes it easy.”

   “Oh, I will.” Billy said goodbyes and pushed his hips into Camille’s, a sigh followed.

   “Hate you.” She settled her arms around his neck. A long kiss followed.

   “Valentine’s Day.”

   “Hm?” She went for his neck and jaw. Immersed in him.

   “By my count, we made her Valentine’s Day. Wonder if it was the car or the counter or the couch or the bed?”

   “I hate you...and it could have been the floor too.” She chuckled into his skin. Kissed him fiercely. The phone rang again. Billy reached over to snatch it.

   “Hargrove.” He let Camille paw at him. Twirling his hair about. Worshiping him with starry eyes. Billy’s own eyes opened and he pushed up with Camille still attached to him. “Why are you calling, I’ve told you-?”

   Camille let him go immediately. Saw the cold way he went rigid.

   “What?” Billy sounded breathless. “I...”

   “Billy?” Camille touched his face when his eyes welled.

   “Fine, just don’t call here again.” The phone slammed and he was up. Pacing. Rubbing his eyes.

   “Billy, who was that?” Camille hurried after him. Tried to tug at his arms but he slipped off.

   “Just...give me a second.” He didn’t make it into their room. Collapsed to the floor and covered his face.

   “Billy!” She gathered her husband into her chest. He just sobbed. “Billy, who was that?”

   “...Neil. He's been trying to call.”

   “You didn’t tell me that.”

   “I didn’t want to freak you out. I kept hanging up. I was terrified you’d pick up and he’d...” Billy sniffled. Clung to her. Cried more. Camille petted curls helplessly. Kissed blond hair and soft cheeks all better. “He’s sick.”

   “What?”

   “He’s dying. Cancer. Not the kind you get better from.” Billy lifted. “Don’t know why I’m crying about it, I’ll be glad he’s… He asked to see me. How can he fuck up my life and then just…?”

   Disappear.

   “Where is he?”

   “Colorado.” Billy wiped his eyes. “Fuck him.”

   “Do you...want to go?”

   Billy thought of Neil with his skin sunken and yellow. No longer handsome. Rasping at him from a mattress. Pissing himself. Dying alone in a cold bed like his father before him. He turned to Camille and cupped her stomach.

   “No, I don’t.” A long kiss into her abdomen. “I want to hold our baby. Take her to the park. Make her feel safe. I promise I’ll never...” He stopped. Blinked several times. I’ll never be like Neil. Nuzzled into Camille’s neck. “I love you.”

   “I love you too.” She let Billy’s broad body sink into her. Brought him to bed where they could wrap each other up. Feverish and dizzy until he pushed inside her. Melted their mouths. Gasped into her neck. Succumbed to the sweltering heat. He sought comfort and burrowed under her skin. Pushed fingers between thighs. Fucked her into the mattress while they reached peaks.

   Hours later, Camille heard Billy get up, thinking she’d fallen into slumber. Came to the door to listen.

   “Hey...” He said into the phone. Whispering. “No, you listen. I’m not… I don’t want to see you. I’ll just remember you healthy. Able enough to give hard lessons. I just...wanted to call and say Camille and I are having a baby… I think it’s a girl.”

   There was silence for a few beats.

   “We’re going to name her Sara and she won’t be learning hard lessons. She won’t be afraid of me like I...” Billy paused.

   Life flashed these vivid images of his childhood. His mother’s bracelet scattering across the pavement. That one moment Neil let him cling.

   “You ever think things could have been different for us, you know, after mom? I do. A lot. But, I can’t live in that… You beat the shit out of me. You hurt my wife. You hurt Susan and she’s still trying to move on. Max’s hair is all grown out and she won’t let anyone touch it. You won’t hurt my daughter. But, I’ll tell her about you. Tell her she had a grandfather who made bad choices and ended up…”

   “...Yeah, I think she’ll get the Hargrove jaw too.” Billy softened, lifted his eyes to the starlight beyond the window. Wondered if Neil was looking too. “I’ll tell her your name. Not much else. Hardest lesson I learned was realizing I’m not going to be like you. I’m sorry you wasted your life, I’m not going to. I’m going to be a good dad. I...just wanted to tell you that. That I'm in love still and I’m going to be a great father to my little girl. I’m going to keep her safe in this world. Goodbye, dad... We loved each other once.”

   Billy hung up. Curled into a ball to cry silently. Camille inched out until his head lifted. Arms came up to accept her there.

   “Shhh, I got you.” She tucked Billy’s head under her chin. “I’m so proud of you. You’re going to be an amazing daddy. I’m so lucky you’re mine. We’re going to be okay.”

   “God, I’m supposed to be holding you.” He chuckled at himself and Camille beamed.

   “We’ve got each other.”

   Neil Hargrove died in his sleep late April of 1992. Alone in a cold bed.

** ** **

   Camille’s belly turned into a mini planet Billy couldn’t stop kissing. Dealt with some fiery stares when he made comments about her swelling breasts. It was true, tired all the same, she glowed. Billy fed her odd cravings. Made her feel as sexy as he could until she was climbing atop him. Riding him because she needed it now and bad. He liked that part.

   A million baby books later, Billy became an annoying infant factoid machine.

   "Did you know if-?"

   "Billy," Camille groaned into the couch, "I want Thai food again."

   "I swear to god, Camille, our kid is going to come out trying to order a pad see ew, extra spicy."

   "...Two orders please."

   Billy was weak. He ordered her three to last her.

   Elliott, now eleven years old, took to painting seashells and starfish along her belly when she was stuck on the couch. Billy’s excitement never stilled. Only illuminated. So willing to learn this all. They cleared spaced. Decorated a little nursery all under the sea themed. Camille was more riddled with anxiety. Always steadying her breath. Talking to the little life inside her. Constant gifts and advice from friends helped from time to time.

   “Billy!” Elliott jumped up when he came home. “Think I could work in movies like you?”

   Camille was giggling. Hard. Her shirt pulled over her stomach painted with the shark from Jaws.

   “Guess what we watched?”

   “It wasn’t even scary.” Elliott crossed his arms, ruffling waves of brunette hair. “That was kid stuff.”

   “Think so,” Billy swept him up, growling for effect. Baring teeth like a shark. Earned a giggle.

   “She cried again at a TV commercial.” Elliott whispered and Billy snickered.

   “I'm allowed to have emotions, you two. Roger is going to be here any minute.” Camille pushed up. “Who wants ice cream?”

   “Mint chip?” Elliott followed after her.

   “You know it, kid.” She braced one hand on her back and the other around his shoulders. Billy shook his head and dropped a bag on his desk. Water ran as Camille washed her belly off and Elliott pulled out a pint of ice cream with two spoons. “Your big brother doesn’t have our sophisticated taste in ice cream.”

   They shared a few bites over the counter. Camille groaned a little and pressed a spot on her stomach.

   “You’re doing that a lot, sissy.” The affectionate name he’d picked up when he was little never left. Camille felt a cramp well like a great wave.

   “Just my girl dancing around. Picking fights with my organs. She’s definitely going to be like her daddy. Want to feel?”

   Elliott smiled his toothiest grin and reached out. Let Camille press his hand to her side.

   “Spicy food and mint ice cream is all I want these days.”

   “My mom said she liked mac and cheese with tomatoes with me.” He gasped, feeling the baby. “She high-fived me!”

   “Billy kissed my stomach once and got a swift kick.” Camille snickered, scooping more ice cream to enjoy. Billy paced in, pecking her cheek before he stole a spoon and the strawberry pint in the freezer.

   “All mine.” He shrugged, eating. Camille hunched, moaning a few minutes later. “Camille, you sure you’re okay?”

   “It’s just minor...cramps. I’m fine. She’s not coming out for another two weeks.” Camille licked her spoon.

   “She’s been doing it all day. Like this...Oohh...” Elliott mirror a motion with his hand on his back and the other on his stomach. Billy raised his brow.

   “They’re far, far apart.” Camille turned to the ice cream and felt a pop. A gush of fluid like she’d peed herself. Billy’s spoon clattered.

   “Sissy?” Elliott took her hand because he was closest. “Cami, what’s happening?” Billy was at his wife’s side, holding her.

   “Her water broke.”

** ** **

   A million phone calls later and Camille was whimpering, pacing around a bed. Wobbling side to side. Bracing her hands to groan. She decided on a birthing center and midwife over a hospital. Place looked more like a hotel and had a hot tub for those births. Cozy space all for them.

   Billy held a lot of jokes back.

   “The baby book’s-”

   “Fuck the baby books!” Camille’s red face lifted. A demonic edge to her voice and even Billy backed up. “Photographic memory is worth shit!” He edged off. “Sorry, I’m...oh! I want drugs. I want my midwife! I want Thai food... It’s early!”

   “She’s on the way now. Jim and Joyce were on a plane an hour ago. Max is driving El here. Just breathe.”

   “Fuck my breathing!” She sounded truly possessed. Grabbing at Billy over the bed with some crazy burst of pregnancy strength. “I want drugs… What if she comes out hurt because it’s early. Or like me?”

   “She’s fine. Hey...” Billy pried her hand from his shirt and crossed around. “She’s going to be perfect.” He held her. Placed a kiss into hair. Camille’s face was blushed and beading with sweat. Limbs shook as she braced into the bed.

   “Camille!” A woman who could have bench pressed Billy hurried in. “Oh, poor girl. Keep breathing like I taught you.”

   “Ellen.” Camille winced. The girls were on a first name basis. Ellen was a former body builder and wrestler turned midwife. Lost some kids of her own and swore to help other girls keep their babies. “I can’t. I can’t.”

   “Might want to go get some ice chips, Bill.” She turned to him looking frantic and reeling it in. “Two cups.”

   “For her?”

   “For both of you. You’re in for a long night.”

   Billy scrambled. Passed the waiting room where Roger and Elliot sat for Grace and the rest of the family to arrive after driving the crying girl in.

   Hours of groaning and wailing. Women in other rooms joined in like a chorus of cries and soft birthing songs. Billy joked they were calling out to each other. Solidarity for the pain women were created to endure.

   “Camille, honey, you have to get up like this. Just like we practiced.”

   “I can’t,” she only moaned, shaking her head back and forth.

   “Daddy, she needs you. We’re almost there, I’ll be back in with assistance. She has to get into position.” Ellen continued, lighting a fire under Billy while he paced. The midwife jogged out into the hallway where more women vocalized together. Called out to ensure none felt alone in this.

   “Something’s wrong, she’s gonna come out like me.” The girl sounded delirious. Billy cupped Camille face, watched her eyes dart over his welling expression. “She’s gonna tear a part of me out and I can’t stop her.”

   “I want her to be like you.” Billy admitted.

   “Don’t say that.” A hand pulled for his shirt. Camille twitched with anger at him. “Don’t say that again!”

   “No, I hope she’s exactly like you and she’ll have parents who love her. We’ll teach her never to force a smile. That perfection is bullshit. I hope she’s like you, I have this entire time.”

   “The world’s going to swallow her.”

   “We won’t let that happen.” Billy smiled because he was so certain about that.

   “She’ll be in pain.”

   “And we’ll see her through that too. Pain happens. Means we're here sometimes. Means we're strong enough to fight through it and she won't be alone. You gotta get up, she needs you.”

   “Camille!” Another voice at the door.

   “Dad. Jim, you’re here.” She wheezed when Jim came to her with Joyce’s hand in his. Sprinkles of grey in his hair. Joyce pulled her brown locks back into a ponytail.

   “Hey, sweetheart, we’re all here for you.” She came around the bed. “Max and El want to come in, we got them to stay with the others. Just breathe, you’re almost there.”

   “How’re you holding up, punk?” Jim clapped Billy on the shoulder, earning a chuckle.

   “Just barely, Hops. Lots of ice chips.”

   “I swear by those, you might want more.”

   “She’s crushing my hand.” Billy lifted his near white palm. Camille’s digging fingers into his skin.

   “He did this to me,” Camille hissed. Another bout. Another groan that tore the room. Ellen was back at her side.

   “Camille, come up now, that’s my girl.”

   A growl ripped violently.

   Like a werewolf mid transformation.

   Camille huffed and got to her hands and knees. Thought to rip her flesh away and reveal fur and muscle hiding underneath. Teeth growing and sharp to stark points while her veins darkened.

   She could have torn through a forest. Howled at the moon. One last time.

   It glowed bright before her. Speckled with stars.

   She counted them to herself.

   “Hold on, here.” Ellen guided stirrups higher so she could grip them. Had her squatting on the bed. “Breathe.” The thin cotton of the gown was damp. Hanging from one shoulder. She growled and tore it open down the front. Veins pulsing and pushing. No drugs. Just a body built for agony. Miles of it. Nude and feral.

   Camille screamed at the moon this time. For gawking. Grabbed at Billy again while he helped brace her into position.

   She howled and other women howled back. A great echo into the unknown. Into the dark night. Wolves in a pack itching to run through wind and rustling trees. Feral bodies that were so often controlled by weaker beings. Free and shameless.

   Women were not always soft, they were hard edges of steel slicing skin to pieces. Teeth gnashing muscle and bone apart. Hot irons of a beating heart within a hollowed chest cavity. Camille led a brigade with her.

   “Big push now!” Came the command.

   Camille tossed her head back and roared. Succumbed to the flames and blood lust. Thought her bones would break and shift so she could become the beast. Bring the world to its knees.

   Ellen reached down, head lifting.

   “Camille, it’s time. Another big push for me.”

   Camille only braced herself. Bones chattering. Words echoed with encouragement from her family. From Billy as he held onto her. Ellen repeated herself from the right.

   “Ahhh!” Vocal cords vibrated and almost ripped apart. Teeth baring. A gasp when it reeled back. Sweat and blood dribbled down Camille’s quivering thighs.

   “Almost, sweetheart, almost. Keep pushing for us.”

   “I can’t, I can’t.” Came the chants. Jim thought to step forward as he watched her spine press out into skin, but Billy sprang into action.

   “You can do this.” He kissed her temple. “You can.”

   “I’m not ready, I can’t.” Camille cried so hard. Looked out at the sky.

   It was all blue.

   “Camille,” Billy murmured into her hair, “I love you. You can do this.”

   The stars glowed brighter beyond the window. She longed to reach out and catch one.

   “They’re singing to me.” She whispered more so to herself. Lips opening to howl and sing with them. The women echoing her calls. The stars waiting beyond the veil.

   She waited for fur to ripple her skin. For claws to grow long and sharp.

   “That’s it, Camille, push!” Ellen took one hand, guided it down to feel something warm and wet. Camille screamed and they helped her stay upright when something stronger and more youthful than her tore from a body built of steel and stardust. “Take your baby. She’s here. Cradle the head.”

   Camille was sobbing as she pulled a tiny mass to her bare chest. A fallen star she managed to grasp. It echoed her screams. More powerful and beet red. Slicked with blood and fluids.

   Unable to stay upright, she was guided back with Ellen and Billy’s help. Looked almost wild in the starlight. Bloodied and nude with her cub cradled close.

   The baby wailed over Camille until she quieted in a daze. It overcame her with so much ease. Felt like she was slipping into a warm bath. Endless pools. Unbothered by her nudity there in the wash of moon.

   “Look at her,” Billy gasped through tears. Kissed Camille’s cheek again. “I’m so proud of you, you did it. She’s beautiful.”

   She half expected him to say, my, my, what big eyes you have.

   “Congratulations, mommy and daddy.” Ellen was ushering her assistant around.

   Camille didn’t look down. Couldn’t. Not at this little pup that ripped from her. That howled with her at the moon. This beating heart she would nurture and teach to glow all neon and red. The baby felt its mother’s heart beating under her little head and made it her first lullaby. Camille felt for a moment, that she had no more life in her. No more fight to tear through the woods leading a pack of wailing women.

   “Let’s get her cleaned up.” Ellen pulled the whimpering infant away to tend to her. Camille sat sprawled there half naked with one leg hanging over the side. Her own fluids in a puddle beneath her. Warm and oddly comforting. Billy and the assistant worked to maneuver her into another mattress so the dirtied one could be rolled off.

   “Camille?” Billy cupped her face there against a plush pillow. Covered her body. “Hey.”

   “She’s just a little dazed.” Joyce was smoothing brown hair back. Hopper’s hand on her shoulder. “You did so good, honey.”

   Ellen pushed a peach bundle back into Camille’s arms without asking. Helped her cradle the head as she propped herself up into the pillows. Hazel eyes lowered to see her daughter at last.

   Bright, crystalline eyes. A full head of dark hair already. Blinking and still at her mother. Billy leaned into Camille’s shoulder with a tired grin. Fingers grazed his baby’s cheek. Lips lowered to feel the tufts of hair, to inhale the scent of new life. The urge to cry overshadowed her smile.

   “Sara Anne Hargrove, welcome to the world.” Billy said. “Halloween birthday, I’m jealous.” Glowing with vitality Camille didn’t feel as he spoke.

   She heard the other women crying out and mourned that she no longer had the strength to roar with them.

** ** **

   “She’s so tiny.” El glittered, cradling the baby with Jim’s help.

   “She makes that same squinty face Billy does, look.” Max joked. Both girls as tall as Camille. So grown up and out into this big world. Jim crossed to see Camille when Billy went into the hallway to sign some papers.

   “You okay, kid?” He tucked a strand of hair away. She stared beyond him at the moon.

   “I never asked you if it was okay. Her name.”

   “I think it’s perfect.” Jim smiled and Camille pressed her lips at him. “Joyce and I will stick around if that’s okay. Help you get situated.”

   “We’d appreciate that. Grace and Roger live a ways out.” Camille blinked, head back to see everyone fawning over the baby across the way.

   “You okay?” Jim felt a great distance pool within his kid.

   “I’m...” Blue. “A mother.”

** ** **

   Sara wouldn’t latch.

   It took extra help to get her to at the birthing center and Joyce assisted at home.

   “Give her a second.” Billy tried to help. Tried.

   “You want to do this?” Camille’s eyes snapped at him. He put his hands up in response.

   “I’ll start dinner.” He slunk away into the kitchen where Jim was. Max and El left because they had class the next day. Grace promised to come up as much as she could after kissing Billy a million times. Phone calls and cards poured.

   “Ah...” Camille wiggled in her seat. Perched on an extra pillow because everything below her waist was raw and padded. Her stomach went down slowly while her breasts ballooned. Sara suckled in her arms and Joyce only offered encouragement. “It hurts.”

   “They never tell you that in the books.” Joyce sighed. “Jonathan gave me all sorts of trouble too. You’ll get the hang of it.” Camille winced and settled her head back against the couch. Felt like she was just waiting for it to be over. Everyone gushed about this amazing connection they would share and here she was just floating.

   Maybe that was just something else to get the hang of.

** ** **

   Camille started to have dreams. Maternity leave only made her restless. She cried when Billy packed her files away into the closet. He’d gotten the first month to stay with her while she’d gotten three.

   And she wanted to go back.

   Billy didn’t dare ask why the urge to see these kids over her daughter quelled.

   So, Camille dreamed a lot on rare nights she got sleep.

   Barely ate.

   A white room with white sheets in a white bed. Camille in all white too. Doctors fussing as she bloodied the room with her mess. Her womanhood that was supposed to be kept in check. Sara crying. Screaming. Echoing.

   One doctor pulling his mask down. Smiling wider than a circus clown. Brenner.

   Camille tore up and screamed too until Billy started to shake her awake.

   Only one week in and she’s unraveling with dark circles and a broken in body.

   “Camille!” Billy just held her until she stopped.

   “No, no, I have to check on her.” She ripped away from him. Scrambled into the other room to hover over the crib. Sara sleeping soundly and undisturbed. A sigh.

   “Camille, come out, you’ll wake her.” Billy rubbed his eyes. She ignored him, felt around the window for a latch.

   “You left it unlocked.”

   “What?”

   “I told you to lock it last night.” Camille’s neck twisted with a heated expression. Eyes glinting like an animal.

   “She took awhile to sleep, I forgot,” he paused, “I’m sorry.”

   “They could come in and take her. In the dark. Just like that.” She seethed in a struggle to keep her voice low. Billy gently pulled her from the room and shut the door.

   “I’ll remember next time. Nothing can climb to the window.” He rubbed her shoulders. Only got pushed away as Camille checked the door. “Camille? Who...”

   “Brenner!” She burst and covered her mouth. “If she’s like me, they’ll come take her in the night. In the dark. They’ll take her away and make her a number. You'll die and I'll be rocking in some hospital.”

   “Brenner is dead. That won’t happen.” Billy realized her fears. Saw her eyes glimmer there. “That lab is dead, no one will come for her. She’s safe with us.” He sat her on the couch. Watched her quiver and hold herself. Head dropping. The baby monitor in their bedroom echoed a wheezy sound. “Come get back in bed, I got this one. You had her yesterday.” Billy sighed and tucked Camille in. Left.

   “Hey, you...some set of lungs you got.” Billy’s voice spoke through the haze of static. “There you go. I mastered the art of the diaper, I think I-no, no, don’t pee on, daddy. You weren’t done.”

   A giggle.

   “Yeah, I’m your daddy, Sara. Bet you have some freckles coming in. My mom says I had mine young too.”

   Camille pictured her husband at total peace. Seated in the rocking chair wagging his finger and smiling at their baby. Soothing her. It made her weep silently until she shoved a fistful of blankets into her mouth. Billy took to this life a duck to water.

   And she…

   She just fizzled and sunk. Dreamed of Brenner coming and Sara being torn away. Never knew what to say. What to do. Billy seemed to have it figured and that just made her feel behind and confused.

   “You are my sunshine...my only sunshine...” Billy sang and Camille covered her face. Blocked her ears because it was too much. He returned ten minutes later to hold her. Kissed her hair and uttered the sweetest I love you because he felt so fulfilled and lucky.

   Camille pretended to be asleep.

** ** **

   Breastfeeding hurt still.

   Second week. Camille never slept. Put on her brave face for family visits. But they saw it in her eyes. She sang to Sara and chatted with her. Changed her to perfection. Kissed her head. But, the connection. The emotions welled up like they were blocked in her throat.

   Her body healed and only felt lifeless. Like she was a puppet controlled by another. Strings twisted all along her limbs to make her flop along a stage. Little clumsy ballerina. Going through the motions. She only cringed when the baby cried.

   Sara needed her.

   And it made her shrink.

   She was mommy. Warm arms and shelter. A knowledge base that would mold their baby.

   That suffocated. Billy smiled and cooed and Camille looked away. He just seemed so happy. She felt wrong.

   Why didn’t that come for her too?

   “Camille, look, look.” Billy was lying on the couch, lifting Sara up as she giggled to no end. Little limbs flailing. She bubbled a raspberry and he chuckled.

   Camille stood there in the kitchen doorway and averted her eyes.

   “Come sit with us.” He pushed up, nestling Sara into his lap.

   “I’m going to ask if I can go back early. To work. They need me.”

   “Uh,” Billy tread carefully, standing, “it hasn't even been a month. We’re still figuring this out. Take the time. You earned it.”

   “I can work part time.” Camille said it without any emotion. Not blinking. Staring at his feet while Sara wiggling there into his chest and played with blond curls.

   “I don’t want to make this choice for you, but I think it’s a bad idea. We haven’t even figured out our hours when we go back. Babysitters. Camille, don’t push it-...why won’t you even look at her?”

   Billy said that without even thinking. Camille’s eyes glinted at him.

   “What?”

   “It’s like you want nothing to do with us anymore.”

   “That’s not true.”

   “Well, look at her then. Hold her. We made her and she’s perfect.”

   “Billy.” Camille backed up. Touched her palms to her ears. Didn’t know how to not hear this. “Stop it. I’m fine… Stop saying that word.”

   “Huh?”

   “Perfect, she doesn’t have to be-”

   “You know what I mean.” He eased. Camille vibrated there. Paranoid. Manic. Lost. Went around him and slammed a door. Sara jilted. Started to cry as he bounced her. “Hey, no, you’re fine. Mommy’s just upset. She’s tired. She’s just tired.”

   Camille slid down the door. Cried there because she scared her little girl. She made her baby cry. She was a bad mother. These thoughts chanted until she was covering her ears again. Got into bed and curled into the tiniest ball she could.

   Something strange happened as she shook and wept there. Her fist beating into her shoulder. Punishing herself for being bad until sleep crept. A bad mommy. Bad. Bad. Bad. The skin purpled with a bruise that next morning. Camille felt Billy stirring behind her.

   They slept apart.

   “Hey, I gotta go pick up some stuff. I’ll grab groceries.” He kissed her head. “Might be a few hours.”

   “Okay.” Camille rasped, eyes on the wall. On the rain trickling outside.

   “Camille, last night, I-”

   A whimper on cue from the monitor.

   “I got her. She’s hungry.” A robe pulled over her nightgown. Over the bruise. She couldn’t look at Billy as she left. Plucking Sara up, she went out to the couch to feed her. Her husband appeared dressed and eyed her carefully.

   “I’ll be back soon.” Billy reassured her. Hesitated at the door before he lifted his eyes. “Love you.”

   “...Love you.” Camille said quieter. Let the TV drone. Billy locked the door and didn’t make it to his Camaro. Instead pushed coins into a payphone.

   “Yeah? Hello?” A tired voice answered from a hotel room.

   “Jim.” Billy swallowed. “Hey, I...”

   “You alright, Billy?”

   “It’s Camille. I don’t...” Billy paused. “I’m headed out to run some errands. Can you come over? Sit with her a bit. I left the key under the mat.”

   “Billy, is everything okay?”

   A pause. Billy didn’t know how to tell Jim what he saw. But, Camille always responded to Jim’s love. She needed it right now. Billy felt useless.

   “I don’t know.” See for yourself.

   He hung up and got into his car. Wiped his eyes before he pulled out.

** ** **

   “Come on, we can do this.” Camille groaned. One breast out to feed the baby. “Please.” Sara wiggled in protest. She looked up at her mother. Smiled.

   Camille shattered.

   “Don’t do that.” She quivered.

   Don’t look at me with undying trust and love.

   Don’t look at me like I'm all you got because I’m failing you.

   “I’m sorry.” Camille offered at last. Felt like she’d been holding that in since she saw the strip turn blue. “I’m sorry, I can’t...I’m a bad mommy and I’m so sorry.” Tears hit Sara’s cheeks and blanket. A baby blanket Grace knitted with the baby’s name in it. Pale lavender. Camille sobbed and held her. “I don’t know why I feel like this and I’m so sorry.”

   She couldn’t stop. The baby just cooed at her. Grabbed for long locks of brown hair.

   Don’t cry, mommy.

   That was how Jim found them.

   Camille drained of life and sobbing over the baby she felt she'd let down. Skin discolored and bruised. Clothing loose and crumpled. One of her breasts out. Hyperventilating. Vibrating. Sara still contented in her arms. Looking around in wonder.

   “Camille, sweetheart,” Jim crossed and she hitched to breathe. Offered the baby to him. Desperate.

   “Take her. Take her away from me. I can’t. I can’t do this. I’m not right. I can’t keep her safe from men in suits with red ties. I'll just hurt her too. I’m a bad mother. I’m not...I don’t feel...” Camille shook and Jim took the bundle. “I can’t look at her because I can’t do this. I’m awful. I’m a horrible mother. I’m sorry!”

   Skin paled and eyes huge, Camille crushed in on herself.

   Hands covered her face. Crossed legs lifting so she could curl up again there.

   “Camille...” Jim eased. Realized how unwell she’d been. Clearly not sleeping or eating in the short time they’d been home. “She’s okay, Camille. You’re doing okay.”

   “I’m not, I’m not. She’ll be like me and they’ll take her away. They’ll stage a car accident or fry our brains and she’ll be out there and all alone. I made her cry, I didn’t mean to.” She kept thinking about Rosemary and Noah brushing her aside. Lying to her. Keeping her in a cage.

   “That won’t happen, no matter what she becomes.” Jim faced her, cradling the tiny baby against him. “Deep breath.” He managed to fix her nightgown back up with a free hand. “Hey, look at her, it’s okay. She's safe.”

   Camille wiped her eyes and stared at the floor.

   “Has it been like this since you got home?” He frowned. “We...We didn’t-”

   “It just feels all wrong, Jim. I don’t understand.” That raw voice squeaked. He brought her against him with his arm. Holding Sara there too.

   “She’s healthy and beautiful. And she’s happy. You did that.” Jim offered. Camille’s fingers dug into his jacket. “You’re not well. I’ve seen this before with my own family. We’re going to get you some help, okay? You need help and that’s okay.”

   Camille only nodded. One shaken hand reached out to touch her daughter. Finger running the curve of her little chin.

   “When’s Billy getting home?”

   “Couple hours tops.” She sniffled.

   “I want you to go lie down.”

   “She hasn’t eaten.” Camille persisted, head lifting.

   “We’ll try again in a bit. I’m going to make you something to eat and I want you to just close your eyes. I’ll take care of the baby.” Jim stood, ushering her with him. “Get into bed.”

   “What about Billy?” Camille let Jim cover her. “He...He seemed...”

   “I’ll explain it to him. Just rest.” Jim settled Sara into her crib. Turned the mobile on. He made some plain toast and got Camille to sit up and each both pieces. Brushed crumbs off her face. Tucked her into a warm bed.

   Then, he called Joyce.

** ** **

   Billy came home with his arms full of bags. Stopped there at the scene. Joyce playing with Sara on the couch. Jim just walked out of the kitchen.

   “Where’s Camille?” He dropped the groceries aside. Jim put a slow hand on his shoulder.

   “I got her fed and to sleep. We managed to help her feed Sara after the first hour...” Jim sighed. “Billy, Camille’s...”

   “I don’t know what’s happening to her. She doesn’t want to be around Sara or I.”

   “What’s happening to Camille is common. Happens to mothers everywhere. She needs to go talk to someone about it.” Jim cocked his head and helped the new father put his items away while Joyce stayed on the couch. “Postpartum depression. You read about that?”

   “Some in the baby books. Not much.”

   “Camille is feeling very...”

   “Blue.” Billy’s eyes went distant. He sucked his cheeks in. Set his jaw to sigh. “I ignored it. I got mad at her for...”

   “It’s not either of your faults. It happens. Camille has to go talk to someone before she hurts herself. She needs support. It’ll be okay. I promise.” That somehow relaxed Billy. Jim always knew what to do. What to say.

   “I hope,” Billy began, “I can be a dad like you.”

   Hopper smiled at that. Beamed and hugged Billy to his chest. The new daddy paced to see his baby on the couch.

   “She behaving for you?”

   “That she is.” Joyce smiled. “We got her. Camille’s in the bedroom.”

   “Thanks.” Billy kissed Sara’s head and went in. Clicking the door open. Camille stirred. Head lifting when he got behind her. “Hey.”

   “Hi.” She stiffened up as he brought her to his chest. “Jim tell you?”

   “Yeah.” Billy’s chin settled upon her crown.

   “I’m sorry.”

   “Don’t apologize, we’ll get through it. You, Sara, and I. We’re a team. Little pack of wolves.” Billy kissed her head. Let her finally breath him in and cling as she turned to burrow into his chest. “You two are everything to me. Nothing else is as important as us.”

   “I love you. I love her. I do.”

   “I know you do. And we love you. We’ll get you help, Camille. It’s okay.” Billy cuddled her closer. Thought of Hopper. “I promise.”

** ** **

   Camille woke before Billy that next morning. Went to feed Sara. Jim and Joyce left after another long talk with Billy when Camille fell back asleep.

   “Okay, Sara, it’s just you and me. We can do this.” She adjusted and sat in the rocking chair. Cupped her breast to offer it. Pain stung a little but… “There we go. Good girl. Yes.”

   Camille felt herself smile this morning. Billy made an appoint for her. She would be taking the full maternity leave.

   Sara wiggled and burped up as Camille bounced her. Hummed Billy’s song to her and flicked the mobile around. Her husband hadn’t emerged yet so she went into the kitchen. Made a turkey and cheese sandwich. Sliced it diagonally and fell into the couch to watch some TV. Billy stumbled in and stood there with bed head. Beautiful beyond belief.

   “Morning.”

   “Morning.” Camille took half the sandwich and offered the plate to him. Billy brightened. Sat next to her. They shared the food in silence. Watched TV until she got under his arm. Rain padded against the windows. Sounded peaceful. “Do you think she’ll like surfing or ballet?”

   Eyes flickered over his wife as she engaged herself at last. With ease.

   “I think she’ll be into pro wrestling.” Billy smiled fuller. Camille let herself feel it, pushing at his chest before she laughed. Still a pretty sound. Inhaled the scent of him before he brought her hand up to kiss the tender skin of her wrist.

   “She’s gonna do whatever she wants to do, I think.” Camille said then, kissing up his jaw to find soft lips. “And we’ll be there to support her... We’ll always be there, won’t we?”

   “We will and that’s enough. I promise.” Billy tucked hair aside for a feverish kiss, nuzzled down into her neck to murmur. “You doing alright?”

   Camille saw his lashes flutter. Traced her fingers over the freckles and thought about how she couldn’t wait to see them bloom like fresh petals upon their daughter.

   “Today? Yeah. I think so. We’ve got each other.” She breathed, pressing lips into wild curls. They held each other while the rain fell lighter. Realized Billy was right. Echoed his call. “That’s enough.”

   Sara roused for her parents. Squirmed as Camille picked her up to bring her into the living room so they could gush and admire her. Neon hearts that glowed brighter by the hour. Her lullaby and sunrise all at once.

   “I love you both,” Billy nudged his head into Camille’s temple, “so much. You know that?”

   “You’re a magnificent father. We're lucky, Sara and I.” Camille’s lips pressed and the curves of her expression blurred. Billy blinked several times. A smile pressed. She let Sara giggle in her lap and held one finger with a strong, little hand. Babbling some until Camille was laughing to encourage it. “She’s all blush and tangerine today.” Not blue.

   “She’s beautiful,” Billy sighed there with so much contentment as Camille let herself relax. “And she’s just like her mother.”

   Hazel eyes lifted to see him. Amazed by this wonder of a life they created. A miracle. Like a specific star they’d plucked down to cherish and nurture.

   “She’ll be messy and also so kind. Good. Angry when she needs to be. She’ll cry and not be shamed for it. Our baby will be shown so much love, the world couldn’t hope to swallow her.” Camille smiled again. Softer by the hour as she gazed at Sara there. “The best parts of us. Our love. Into one gorgeous creature. She’s us, Billy.”

   That hit the new mother hard. Made her voice quiver.

   "She's us."

   Camille felt a glimmer of it then as she understood it all. That connection threading red cords around her heart. Casting out to anchor others so close. Billy saw it resonate and felt it too. Held them both on the sofa as they curled up like a family. Their own pack. Camille would teach Sara to howl at the moon and tear through forests. To endure and pull herself back to her feet at every stumble. To lead and love as hard as she could. Like she was meant to.

   Billy only glittered at her. Camille’s burst of vitality and hope. They had each other and they would get through whatever would follow the horizon.

   “And it’s enough,” he repeated in peace, “I promise.”

[stray-writer-glitch]

A Craving

Pairing: Han Jisung x reader

Genre: fluff and I think of it as platonic but you don’t have to

Word count: 1015

A/n: This idea came to me at 3 am one day and was finished at 3 am the next. I was blessed on this one. (ft. Svt)

You: I am craving something

Squirrel boi: what is it? candy?

    chocolate?

    wait are you on your period???

    do you want me to come over with a heating pad or some meds?

    are you stocked up??

    DO YOU WANT ME TO CUDDLE YOU

You: Han Jisung stop typing!!

    no, I’m not on my period it’s different

    I have no clue what I’m craving

Squirrel boi: is it something sour?

You: no??? doesn’t sound right

Squirrel boi: spicy???

    sweet???

    is it ramen? cause I’m kinda hungry now and could definitely go for some

You: not spicy, but it could be sweet?

    like a natural sweet, but not too sweet

    it’s definitely a drink of some kind

    and it’s fruity

    I also have the creeping suspicion it’s not even made in this country

Squirrel boi: a smoothie???

    bubble tea??

    Lemonades??

You: I don’t know!

Squirrel boi: okay gimme a minute and I’ll help you figure it out

You: what are you planning

Squirrel boi: to take you shopping for the perfect drink

You: I’m paying!!

Squirrel boi: NO WAY!!

You: I called it

    I’m paying

    besides I’m the one with the craving

Squirrel boi: stop arguing and open the door, I forgot the keys

You: YOU’RE HERE ALREADY????

You rush towards the door, almost slipping in your socks on the hardwood floor of the hall. Once you finally opened up the door you were greeted by Jisung’s smile. The smile pushed his cheeks to be more squishy than normal and you couldn’t hold back from poking one of them.

“Will there ever be a day when that isn’t your standard greeting for me?” Jisung pouts, faking annoyance.

“Never.” You claim happily, getting your shoes, wallet, and keys before exiting the apartment. “How did you even get here so fast? I thought you were working in the studio today?”

“Chan kicked me out, told me to get some fresh air.” Jisung slid on the banister of the stairway, waiting at the bottom for you to walk down the stairs like a normal human being. “The hypocrite probably hasn’t been outside for a week.”

“We should send Woojin up there to kick Chan out of the studio. Lord knows, the only way to battle that stubborn fool is with the mom of our group.”

Jisung snorts. “We both know Woojin is the dad of the group. He’s the Papa Bear!”

“I am not about to have this argument with you. I have a craving that won’t let me think properly.”

“Excuses excuses.” Jisung waves you off. “But on the topic of cravings. The cafe has these awesome juice - lemonade things that are to die for. They also have some decent sandwiches and I’m hungry. Let’s GOOO!”

With that he pulls you along with him to the cafe, which was thankfully not too far from your shared apartment. Oh yeah, you were also roomates with this squirrel. Thankfully being roomates with him didn’t ruin your friendship with him. You’ve heard too many stories of broken friendships because rooming with a bff didn’t turn out to be as picture-perfect as some people imagined. While Jisung was a little bit messy he did his share and, when you reminded him to, cleaned up every once in a while. He of course had some annoying habits, like sprinting up in the middle of the night to scramble through the whole house for a paper and pencil to write down his newest lyric idea. Or forgetting his keys. But he was great otherwise.

The route to the cafe went through the park and you were so glad for the change of scene. You’ve been stuck in your room trying to finish up the stupid essay for history, and haven’t breathed air fresh from the plants for much too long.

Finally Jisung’s incessant pulling at your arm brought you to the front of a cafe that you have been favoring for a good while. Pinwheel Cafe was run by a family, their son, and a whole ton of his friends. It was far enough from campus that it wasn’t crowded 24/7 but close enough that it was within walking distance. You’ve been to that place so often you started to recognize and put faces to names on some of the guys staffed there, college students all of them.

“One strawberry and passion fruit sparkling lemonade, an iced americano, and the sandwich of the day, please.” Jisung rattled off to the barista, Joshua, a guy a little older than you two, who took down the order easily, as if he had experience with people rapping their order at him or something. Pausing Jisung looked over at you. “You want anything to eat?”

“Nope, I’m good.” You smile reaching for your wallet, but before you can even open it Jisung already whipped out his card and was paying for both his and your things.

“Jisung I am going to kill you!” You whisper yelled at him as he lead you to a table. “I said I was paying!”

“And I said; no way.” He had the audacity to smirk.

“You’re insufferable.” You huffed, plopping down into the chair. “How’s everything up in the studio?”

“Well, other than getting kicked out of there, mostly good. Chan has been going at it for a good week on this streak of inspiration. I’m mostly there to help edit and help figure some of the minor things out, offer a second opinion and what not.” Jisung went on, rambling about work and music and his latest run-in with writer's-block composer's-block? until a server you were pretty sure you heard being called Hoshi, but his tag read Soonyoung, brought your order.

After polite “thank-you”s and smiles you and Jisung dug in. Well, Jisung straight up devoured his sandwich and you tentatively took a sip of your drink.

It. Was. Perfect.

Jisung let out a short laugh. “Your eyes literally just lit up.” He pointed out.

“This stuff is The Thing™!” You declare happily. It took all of your self control not to drink the entire glass as fast as you could.

[lovelytable]

1-90 for make me admit stuff ask

1: would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

well i mean considering it was a group chat full of my str8 friendos i would have to say hard no

2: you talked to an ex today, correct?

technically but it’s complicated

3: have you taken someones virginity?

VIRGINITY IS A SOCIAL CONSTRUCT but also no

4: is trust a big issue for you?

not really. i’m actually a little too trusting. 

5: did you hang out with the person you like recently?

yes

6: what are you excited for?

spring break is in 20 days and i’m going to spain with my spanish class so the hype is real

7: what happened tonight?

i’m actually answering this in the morning but last night i went for a walk with my dog and my friend and we adventured all the way from her house to target and back and we made some nice friends and screamed into the void to tell it to stop playing country music and all in all it was a good evening.

8: do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

no. let them live. just please don’t vomit on me and also be safe.

9: is confidence cute?

ehhhhh i don’t really like this question. like i like confident people but that’s just because they’re healthy and happy with themselves and that’s admirable and beautiful but “cute” isn’t really the right word.

10: what is the last beverage you had?

water

11: how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

GENDER IS A FLUID SPECTRUM AND THERE IS NO “OPPOSITE SEX” but also 5 off the top of my head. 6 if we’re counting guy fieri.

12: do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

i don’t own any jeans that aren’t skinny.

13: what are you gonna do saturday night?

next saturday is my birthday and i really don’t know what i’m doing. probably hang out with my friends. make some s’mores. maybe see a movie (because i’ll be 17 and so r rated movies are an option and yea).

14: what are you going to spend money on next?

candy and flowers for my friends. only one of them has a bf and she’s not doing valentine’s day with him so they’re all getting presents from me. i love.

15: are you going out with the last person you kissed?

no

16: do you think you’ll change in the next three months?

of course. next month i’m going to spain without my family and by may i’ll have taken my ap exams and i’ll also have been in a play and god i really hope between all that i grow up/glow up a lil.

17: who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

my friend who i went for a walk with last night. she was one of the first three people i came out to (i did it via text bc i’m a fucking loser) and out of all my friends she’s the one who’s the most honest with me so i like to return the favor.

18: the last time you felt broken?

february 10

19: have you had sex today?

no

20: are you starting to realize anything?

yessSSSSSSSSS AND IT’S FREAKING ME OUT

21: are you in a good mood?

i’m too stressed to be in a good mood.

22: would you ever want to swim with sharks?

not really. like don’t get me wrong i live for adrenaline rushes but i don’t really like swimming in salt water. it burns. also swimming with sharks is problematic. but anyway.

23: are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

nope. he’s got brown and mine are blue. i’m a spitting image of my mom though.

24: what do you want right this second?

a magical machine to do all my homework for me

25: what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

good for them but also BUDDY BOI WYD

26: is your current hair color your natural hair color?

yea. i did some colorful streaks last week for a project but by now i’m pretty sure they’ve washed out.

27: would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

no. that’s the most important thing imho.

28: what was the last thing that made you laugh?

my own awkwardness

29: do you really, truly miss someone right now?

miss isn’t the right word. i need to talk to some people but i’m not filled with a bottomless pit of longing or some shit.

30: does everyone deserve a second chance?

most people do but definitely not everyone.

31: honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

oh god no. he’s in the aforementioned 5/6 people.

32: does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

hard maybe. i think so??? but i’m a mess.

33: are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

no. i mean i haven’t had soda in forever and i usually choose water over soda just because health and also bubbles in my stomach are not the best feeling but i still like it.

34: listening to?

just got done listening to in the heights for the billionth time

35: do you ever write in pencil anymore?

every day

36: do you know where the last person you kissed is?

n/a

37: do you believe in love at first sight?

no. i promise i’m not some cynical angsty teen but i just don’t think that’s possible.

38: who did you last call?

ummm i never make actual phone calls they kind of stress me out but it was probably my mom or dad

39: who was the last person you danced with?

my friends

40: why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

n/a LET ME LIVE

41: when was the last time you ate a cupcake?

thursday? i think? i ate a muffin this morning tho

42: did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

not yet but they just came back from a run and that’s a lil gross

43: ever embarrass yourself in front of your crush?

sweaty my life is an embarrassment

44: do you tan in the nude?

i used to but i burn really easily and now i’m more about the soft, unwrinkled skin life anyway

45: (woOAAHHHHH WE’RE HALFWAY THERE) if you could, would you take back your last kiss?

N/A

46: did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

no

47: who was the last person to call you?

i think it was my grandpa

48: do you sing in the shower?

i perform

49: do you dance in the car?

i. perform.

50: ever used a bow and arrow?

actually yea in 5th grade i went to this cool camp thing and we did archery

51: last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

a couple weeks ago we had school pictures with the clubs we’re in

52: do you think musicals are cheesy?

some definitely are but they’re so good

53: is christmas stressful?

certain aspects of it are but in the end it’s two weeks off of school so i can’t complain.

54: ever eat a pierogi?

ever eat a what now

55: favorite type of fruit pie?

does key lime count

56: occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

i remember when i was really little and didn’t understand how business worked i really wanted to work at sonic so i could wear roller skates and bring back the pancake on a stick. if that didn’t pan out my backup plan was being a dinosaur.

57: do you believe in ghosts?

sure

58: ever have a deja vu feeling?

i’m living a deja vu feeling right now sis

59: take a vitamin daily?

i used to. i need to get back on that.

60: wear slippers?

no. i have perpetually cold feet but i refuse. fuzzy socks are where it’s at.

61: wear a bath robe?

eh sometimes

62: what do you wear to bed?

usually an old t shirt but it depends on how hot/cold im feeling

63: first concert?

i’m lame i’m sorry

64: wal-mart, target, or kmart?

target obv

65: nike or adidas?

nike only because adidas sports bras ain’t shit

66: cheetos or fritos?

cheetos

67: peanuts or sunflower seeds?

peanuts (although sunflower seeds are very aesthetic as far as snacks go)

68: favorite taylor swift song?

my second favorite song i ever had was love story

69: (aw yisss) ever take dance lessons?

i used to when i was really little. that lasted 2 ish years and then i did gymnastics for like 8 years.

70: is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

i don’t picture a future spouse

71: can you curl your tongue?

NO AND EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY CAN DO THE FOUR LEAF CLOVER THING AND ALL SORTS OF WEIRD SHIT AND I CAN’T EVEN WINK AND MY FACE MUSCLES IN GENERAL ARE WOEFULLY INADEQUATE

72: ever won a spelling bee?

YES.

the day is february 18, 2011. my birthday. i stand before my elementary school along with the other nerds who participated in uil academics. they begin to announce the winners for the district-wide spelling competition. 7th place. 3rd place. “and corbell elementary is proud to present the first place medal to...” i look around. all my classmates have already taken a seat upon collecting their medals. i am alone on stage. i grin with the realization. “SUZI”. the crowd goes wild. my parents are cheering. obama is there.

73: have you ever cried because you were so happy?

all the tim

74: what is your favorite book?

WE ARE THE ANTS BY SHAUN DAVID HUTCHINSON OH MY GOD EVERYBODY NEEDS TO READ IT ASAP

75: do you study better with or without music?

with

76: regularly burn incense?

no but i have a few candles in my room

77: ever been in love?

no (?)

78: who would you like to see in concert?

hank green and the perfect strangers

79: what was the last concert you saw?

NNNNN/AAAAA LEAVE ME ALONE

80: hot tea or cold tea?

both

81: tea or coffee?

both.

82: favorite type of cookie?

chocolate chip

83: can you swim well?

i mean i haven’t drowned yet

84: can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

yes but not for very long

85: are you patient?

god no

86: dj or band at a wedding?

dj

87: ever won a contest?

actually yea i won a book giveaway last summer on here but i never claimed it

88: ever have plastic surgery?

i haven’t yet but i probably will. i don’t have self esteem issues or anything but i just want to.

89: which are better black or green olives?

ew neither

90: opinions on sex before marriage?

live your life just pls be careful

BONUS (because there’s only 2 more anyway)

91: best room for a fireplace?

living room

92: do you want to get married?

not really. the only reason i ever would would be out of spite but in that case it would probably just be eloping or something bc mi familia would not contribute.

[darlingsteps]

Things to do with kids in any part of the world

Things to do with your kids in any part of the world: USA, Europe & Beyond

No matter where you are in the world, you don’t need a lot of money or extravagant things to make children happy and have fun. I’m a pure example of this. Here are some ideas to get your juices flowing:

Build a tent

Seriously, who buys those pop-up store tents anymore? (I’m not judging, I used to own them lol) When you have a small living space or live out of a suitcase like us, you have the luxury of having All. The. Things. amiright?

So, trust me, kids will much rather build their own tent with extra bedsheets, pillowcases, fabrics and chairs of all sorts.

Have bunk beds? Ohhh those are the best and bring back so many memories! #hello

Make cookies

(at least in my household) kids want IN on whatever you’re doing. Haha, My youngest child will harass my life to ‘help cook’ until I say yes. Obviously, I should be sterner and not give in (what the heck am I teaching her by giving in right? I know. moving on) but in this case, I adore the cuteness of a teeny tiny human with a cupcake for a face, trouting along to beg me to cook. How can I resist? So I now schedule time for the girls to cook. And what’s more fun than mixing, tasting and squishing!

Arts and crafts

This is my inner creative alter ego wanting to pry itself out. I LOVE arts and crafts (don’t be fooled, I’m by no means crafty or good haha) I enjoy it, and I promise if you let go of perfectionism you will too. Honestly, you don’t even need ‘a plan.’ Go to your craft store, i.e., any dollar store, and stock up on anything even remotely crafty, even if you think you won’t use it. Head straight to the stationary section, then head to the home/garden isle, after the tool and auto isle (you need something reasonable to hold all this crap, food aisle (for cheap dry goods. think beans, rice, and oats) and finally the kitchen isle for plastic cups, foil, etc. and those paper plates you’ll need for those maracas.

Make playdough

Why on Gods green earth is playdough SO DAMN EXPENSIVE???!!! Okay, I’m sorry for yelling. #Imdone. I’ve never purchased playdough for the girls because we afford it and when we could, why the heck would I pay that much anyway? And for the bargain shopper mamas reading this before you go on to tell me I can buy them in bulk, on sale, from said dollar store…I wrote above- here are my thoughts: my kids must be one a kind because these boogers go on to ‘make’ me food creations of all types and mix the playdough in all kinds of ways to make colors I didn’t even know existed. (and I’ve tried those cheaper ones and my goodness- NO THANKS) Kids enjoy cooking (see note above) and making messes, it’s a win-win. Plus it’s super easy, all types of recipes available online. So no excuses. (and no it doesn’t take that long. #aintnobodygottimeforthat

Have a Treasure Hunt

This is sooo fun. Honestly, it doesn’t need to be, and it gives you time to just sit down. Ah. You can hide anything from candy, new pencils, notes, etc. (Think the birthday section at a said dollar store) Play dress up we only have girls, and it goes without saying that they enjoy dressing up. (see toy section of any dollar store. do you see a pattern here lol) But I can only guess that boys would enjoy dressing up as well as it is a great pretend/imaginative play. Make pizza Let me start off by saying that if you don’t like pizza, I don’t know we can be friends. Ok just kidding maybe lol I don’t think I’ve ever met a kid but doesn’t like pizza and this is indeed such a versatile and cheap thing to make that there isn’t any excuse for you not to make it and it’s a lot of fun. I grew up pretty poor, and pizza for us consisted of a slice of white wonder bread cheap no-frills pasta sauce and a slice of what was supposed to be cheese. Then we popped it in the oven for a few minutes watching it until the cheese got ever so slightly burned and dug in. Do everyone in your family a favor and make the dough from scratch is pretty simple or you can just buy it one from the store it’s still a lot of fun!

Fly a kite (create a kite)

So self-explanatory and kids love it so go get one and get to your local park already if you don’t have a kite , crafts to the rescue! It is super easy to make, and they work!

Stargaze

This is one of my favorite pastimes, so I feel kind of selfish writing it but our kids loved it, and I think it’s because we are both from big cities in you don’t see stars are often and when you think it’s the one you realize that it’s just a helicopter. Enjoy the little things

Listen to books

Another guilty pleasure here but I’ve posted this love answer my children, and it’s always a good time. There are a few ways you can do this if you’re looking for free options the best way is to download the Overdrive or Libby app and entering your details and library card details, and you get to listen to audiobooks for free. If finances are no burden for you then audible is such an excellent option, and they have pretty much anything you could look for. Except The gruffalo…they don’t have that anymore because Julia Donaldson wants to do stick to print books…ok I digress. Haha. Another more affordable option is the Scribd app. it’s pretty amazing because you pay a small fee of about 5 to 8 books of month, and you get to listen to an unlimited amount books the downside is that you don’t keep it, so it’s kind of like a music subscription you get all the music you want while you’re paying subscriber otherwise you lose all your stuff.

  Read books

Same advice as above^

Make a play

Piggybacking off of the dress up here….our girls could do this all day long. Like seriously. They have. They do.

Keep all and any extra boxes you can get your hands on… The bigger, the better. (Invest in a good x-acto knife) < you’ll need this for the never-ending requests to make doors, windows and “secret exits.”

Build a snowman

If you’re in a climate where it permits this, don’t let the beauty of snow pass by because it’s bitterly cold. Trust me. I understand the struggle. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t last and the memories will.

Park

Does this really need a caption?

Train or bus ride

So, it doesn’t matter if you’re in NYC, London, Paris, or your tiny small town that’s barely making Google maps…if there are buses or trains, use em. Kids love this stuff.

Free workshops

Don’t underestimate your local library. They always have fantastic free workshops going on where all the is required is a simple registration.

Farmers market

This is such a great way to immerse yourself where you are. If you’re traveling like us, this allows you to see and meet new people. Engage in the culture and get fresh produce, food, and knick-knacks.

Make musical instruments

Here I am with the craft stuff again! If you’re like us and travel like it’s your second job, then this is a good one. Music is good for the spirit, and you wouldn’t believe how easy it is to use common household things to make instruments out of.

Have a parade

When you’re done making said instruments^ Be super silly and have a parade! Storm and stomp around the house and have fun. (Be mindful of the hour of course if you live above anyone)

Bubble bath

I can’t quite remember, but there was a time/age where our girls didn’t always get along so well. And the only time where there was a sense of peace was when they were taking baths. Seriously, don’t underestimate the power of simple water, soap and “toys” (I wrote that in quotes because I despise bath toys and much prefer temporary toys like plastic water bottles, used up lemon juice containers, etc)

Birdwatch

Children do mimic what they see. Obviously, this can be a good and bad thing. In this case, it’s alright. Many times throughout the day you can find me lost in thought #heyfellowinfj and wait for it: bird or human watching

The girls love seeing birds up close and analyzing their attributes. Have your kiddos try this!

Make confetti

Kids love to make messes so let them! Grab any old magazines, newspapers, leaflets, flyers, and pieces of scrap paper you no longer need and cut them up. You can simply put them through the shredder (this adds to the fun, but obviously watch out for those little fingers and blades) or cut shapes snowflakes, etc. Then toss them in the air and roll around in it and have a confetti party!

Outdoor sport

One of the joys of many sports is that you can travel with said instruments. Any game that involves a ball can fit in your luggage once deflated. Cricket is super lightweight, and the ball is small. Frisbee is a fantastic choice. It can get tricky with tennis as rackets tend to be heavy and bulky. (But relatively cheap to purchase)

Sidewalk drawing

Chalk is typically cheap anywhere you go and works on almost any sidewalk/balcony! If you have a private area you’re using, bring out the hose, a bucket or a bowl of water to wash away the drawings and begin fresh the next day.

Garden

Nature freedom!

Go to a museum, café, library or bookstore.

To find free museums, type “free museum, city” into your browser of choice….Same with the others.

Fire station

This may differ wherever you go, but in the US, most firefighters are happy to speak to children when they drop by to have a look but do call first to verify! (To avoid disappointment) We’ve never had an issue, but you never know.

Sing & dance

So I almost felt a bit hypocritical writing this one because I loathe doing both in public. Yes, even in front of my own family haha! But, I assure you, if you’re the same way, take it slow and do it scared! You’ll be glad you did. The easiest thing to do is go to YouTube and find some kid dance channels (maybe search for kid choreography) and let the magic happen. We also use a Toca Boca dance app!

Learn a language

After a certain amount of time traveling (it’s been years for us) your kiddos will grow to love languages. Naturally, as humans, especially little humans, we love communicating. And there’s no better way than completely immersing yourself into another one’s culture: language and all.

I realize this specifies toddlers in the heading. However, these activities can be easily adapted and enjoyed by older children as well. My kiddos are in the 10 and under range (as an example.)

What do you do for family fun? Tell me below!

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[darlingsteps]

Things to do with kids in any part of the world

Things to do with your kids in any part of the world: USA, Europe & Beyond

No matter where you are in the world, you don’t need a lot of money or extravagant things to make children happy and have fun. I’m a pure example of this. Here are some ideas to get your juices flowing:

Build a tent

Seriously, who buys those pop-up store tents anymore? (I’m not judging, I used to own them lol) When you have a small living space or live out of a suitcase like us, you have the luxury of having All. The. Things. amiright?

So, trust me, kids will much rather build their own tent with extra bedsheets, pillowcases, fabrics and chairs of all sorts.

Have bunk beds? Ohhh those are the best and bring back so many memories! #hello

Make cookies

(at least in my household) kids want IN on whatever you’re doing. Haha, My youngest child will harass my life to ‘help cook’ until I say yes. Obviously, I should be sterner and not give in (what the heck am I teaching her by giving in right? I know. moving on) but in this case, I adore the cuteness of a teeny tiny human with a cupcake for a face, trouting along to beg me to cook. How can I resist? So I now schedule time for the girls to cook. And what’s more fun than mixing, tasting and squishing!

Arts and crafts

This is my inner creative alter ego wanting to pry itself out. I LOVE arts and crafts (don’t be fooled, I’m by no means crafty or good haha) I enjoy it, and I promise if you let go of perfectionism you will too. Honestly, you don’t even need ‘a plan.’ Go to your craft store, i.e., any dollar store, and stock up on anything even remotely crafty, even if you think you won’t use it. Head straight to the stationary section, then head to the home/garden isle, after the tool and auto isle (you need something reasonable to hold all this crap, food aisle (for cheap dry goods. think beans, rice, and oats) and finally the kitchen isle for plastic cups, foil, etc. and those paper plates you’ll need for those maracas.

Make playdough

Why on Gods green earth is playdough SO DAMN EXPENSIVE???!!! Okay, I’m sorry for yelling. #Imdone. I’ve never purchased playdough for the girls because we afford it and when we could, why the heck would I pay that much anyway? And for the bargain shopper mamas reading this before you go on to tell me I can buy them in bulk, on sale, from said dollar store…I wrote above- here are my thoughts: my kids must be one a kind because these boogers go on to ‘make’ me food creations of all types and mix the playdough in all kinds of ways to make colors I didn’t even know existed. (and I’ve tried those cheaper ones and my goodness- NO THANKS) Kids enjoy cooking (see note above) and making messes, it’s a win-win. Plus it’s super easy, all types of recipes available online. So no excuses. (and no it doesn’t take that long. #aintnobodygottimeforthat

Have a Treasure Hunt

This is sooo fun. Honestly, it doesn’t need to be, and it gives you time to just sit down. Ah. You can hide anything from candy, new pencils, notes, etc. (Think the birthday section at a said dollar store) Play dress up we only have girls, and it goes without saying that they enjoy dressing up. (see toy section of any dollar store. do you see a pattern here lol) But I can only guess that boys would enjoy dressing up as well as it is a great pretend/imaginative play. Make pizza Let me start off by saying that if you don’t like pizza, I don’t know we can be friends. Ok just kidding maybe lol I don’t think I’ve ever met a kid but doesn’t like pizza and this is indeed such a versatile and cheap thing to make that there isn’t any excuse for you not to make it and it’s a lot of fun. I grew up pretty poor, and pizza for us consisted of a slice of white wonder bread cheap no-frills pasta sauce and a slice of what was supposed to be cheese. Then we popped it in the oven for a few minutes watching it until the cheese got ever so slightly burned and dug in. Do everyone in your family a favor and make the dough from scratch is pretty simple or you can just buy it one from the store it’s still a lot of fun!

Fly a kite (create a kite)

So self-explanatory and kids love it so go get one and get to your local park already if you don’t have a kite , crafts to the rescue! It is super easy to make, and they work!

Stargaze

This is one of my favorite pastimes, so I feel kind of selfish writing it but our kids loved it, and I think it’s because we are both from big cities in you don’t see stars are often and when you think it’s the one you realize that it’s just a helicopter. Enjoy the little things

Listen to books

Another guilty pleasure here but I’ve posted this love answer my children, and it’s always a good time. There are a few ways you can do this if you’re looking for free options the best way is to download the Overdrive or Libby app and entering your details and library card details, and you get to listen to audiobooks for free. If finances are no burden for you then audible is such an excellent option, and they have pretty much anything you could look for. Except The gruffalo…they don’t have that anymore because Julia Donaldson wants to do stick to print books…ok I digress. Haha. Another more affordable option is the Scribd app. it’s pretty amazing because you pay a small fee of about 5 to 8 books of month, and you get to listen to an unlimited amount books the downside is that you don’t keep it, so it’s kind of like a music subscription you get all the music you want while you’re paying subscriber otherwise you lose all your stuff.

  Read books

Same advice as above^

Make a play

Piggybacking off of the dress up here….our girls could do this all day long. Like seriously. They have. They do.

Keep all and any extra boxes you can get your hands on… The bigger, the better. (Invest in a good x-acto knife) < you’ll need this for the never-ending requests to make doors, windows and “secret exits.”

Build a snowman

If you’re in a climate where it permits this, don’t let the beauty of snow pass by because it’s bitterly cold. Trust me. I understand the struggle. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t last and the memories will.

Park

Does this really need a caption?

Train or bus ride

So, it doesn’t matter if you’re in NYC, London, Paris, or your tiny small town that’s barely making Google maps…if there are buses or trains, use em. Kids love this stuff.

Free workshops

Don’t underestimate your local library. They always have fantastic free workshops going on where all the is required is a simple registration.

Farmers market

This is such a great way to immerse yourself where you are. If you’re traveling like us, this allows you to see and meet new people. Engage in the culture and get fresh produce, food, and knick-knacks.

Make musical instruments

Here I am with the craft stuff again! If you’re like us and travel like it’s your second job, then this is a good one. Music is good for the spirit, and you wouldn’t believe how easy it is to use common household things to make instruments out of.

Have a parade

When you’re done making said instruments^ Be super silly and have a parade! Storm and stomp around the house and have fun. (Be mindful of the hour of course if you live above anyone)

Bubble bath

I can’t quite remember, but there was a time/age where our girls didn’t always get along so well. And the only time where there was a sense of peace was when they were taking baths. Seriously, don’t underestimate the power of simple water, soap and “toys” (I wrote that in quotes because I despise bath toys and much prefer temporary toys like plastic water bottles, used up lemon juice containers, etc)

Birdwatch

Children do mimic what they see. Obviously, this can be a good and bad thing. In this case, it’s alright. Many times throughout the day you can find me lost in thought #heyfellowinfj and wait for it: bird or human watching

The girls love seeing birds up close and analyzing their attributes. Have your kiddos try this!

Make confetti

Kids love to make messes so let them! Grab any old magazines, newspapers, leaflets, flyers, and pieces of scrap paper you no longer need and cut them up. You can simply put them through the shredder (this adds to the fun, but obviously watch out for those little fingers and blades) or cut shapes snowflakes, etc. Then toss them in the air and roll around in it and have a confetti party!

Outdoor sport

One of the joys of many sports is that you can travel with said instruments. Any game that involves a ball can fit in your luggage once deflated. Cricket is super lightweight, and the ball is small. Frisbee is a fantastic choice. It can get tricky with tennis as rackets tend to be heavy and bulky. (But relatively cheap to purchase)

Sidewalk drawing

Chalk is typically cheap anywhere you go and works on almost any sidewalk/balcony! If you have a private area you’re using, bring out the hose, a bucket or a bowl of water to wash away the drawings and begin fresh the next day.

Garden

Nature freedom!

Go to a museum, café, library or bookstore.

To find free museums, type “free museum, city” into your browser of choice….Same with the others.

Fire station

This may differ wherever you go, but in the US, most firefighters are happy to speak to children when they drop by to have a look but do call first to verify! (To avoid disappointment) We’ve never had an issue, but you never know.

Sing & dance

So I almost felt a bit hypocritical writing this one because I loathe doing both in public. Yes, even in front of my own family haha! But, I assure you, if you’re the same way, take it slow and do it scared! You’ll be glad you did. The easiest thing to do is go to YouTube and find some kid dance channels (maybe search for kid choreography) and let the magic happen. We also use a Toca Boca dance app!

Learn a language

After a certain amount of time traveling (it’s been years for us) your kiddos will grow to love languages. Naturally, as humans, especially little humans, we love communicating. And there’s no better way than completely immersing yourself into another one’s culture: language and all.

I realize this specifies toddlers in the heading. However, these activities can be easily adapted and enjoyed by older children as well. My kiddos are in the 10 and under range (as an example.)

What do you do for family fun? Tell me below!

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