#Chapter 8: Abusive Men and Addiction

[stromuprisahat]

Why don't I buy Malyen's sudden change of heart in R&R, pt. 1

I wouldn’t call him an abuser. I mean, he can be really nice for weeks at a time.

Chapter 6: The Abusive Man in Everyday Life

Do you wonder, why am I worried for Alina? Why I don't think she's safe with Malyen, looking into future?

Life with an abuser can be a dizzying wave of exciting good times and painful periods of verbal, physical, or sexual assault. The longer the relationship lasts, the shorter and farther apart the positive periods tend to become. If you have been involved with an abusive partner for many years, the good periods may have stopped happening altogether, so that he is an unvarying source of misery.

We never see him hit Alina, but with abusers, it doesn't mean anything.

An abusive man can be scary. Even if he never raises a hand or makes a threat, his partner may find herself wondering what he is capable of. She sees how ugly he can turn, sometimes out of the blue. His desire to crush her emotionally is palpable at times. He sometimes tears into her verbally with a cruelty that she could never have imagined earlier in their relationship. When a man shows himself capable of viciousness, it is natural, and in fact wise, to wonder if he will go even further. Abused women ask me over and over again: “Do you think my partner could get violent? Am I overreacting? I mean, he’s not a batterer or something.”

It's ironic Malina's great falling out in Siege and Storm is due to lack of Alina's enthusiasm regarding Malyen's amorous advances. No wonder he throws a tantrum, when he thinks she turns him down.

An abusive man commonly rolls all of his emotional needs into one tremendous bundle, which he expects sex to be able to carry. He tends to have little real heart-to-heart connection with his partner, since a man cannot be truly close to a woman he is abusing. (Although his partner may feel very attached to him through traumatic bonding, and he may feel very attached to having her meet his various needs, attachment and closeness are two different things.) So he compensates for the lack of genuine intimacy by elevating sex to the highest plane, burdening it with the responsibility of providing for him all the emotional satisfaction that he is not receiving elsewhere in his relationship.

Chapter 7: Abusive Men and Sex

When Alina begins to find herself as an independent individual, when she dares to want to be THE Sun Summoner and tells him so, Malyen feels threatened and demonstrates some of his worst behaviour.

The concept of tolerance can also be applied to partner abuse, but with different implications. As an abusive man adapts to a certain degree of mistreatment of his partner, his feelings of guilt nag at him less and less, so he is then able to graduate to more serious acts. He becomes accustomed to a level of cruelty or aggression that would have been out of the question for him a few years earlier. In some cases the concept of tolerance also applies to the abused woman, when she becomes inured to his abusiveness and starts to stand up to him more. He then increases his abusiveness because he sees that it takes more to frighten or control her than it used to. This escalation is similar to the style of crowd control used by a military dictatorship, which shoots rubber bullets as long as they are adequate to disperse protestors but switches to live ammunition when the crowds stop running away from the rubber bullets.

Chapter 8: Abusive Men and Addiction

I've pointed out exactly this detail before reading Bancroft's book. The most terrifying moments for me aren't those, when Malyen screams, but when he's nice and I DO know what he can become.

Almost no abuser is mean or frightening all the time. At least occasionally he is loving, gentle, and humorous and perhaps even capable of compassion and empathy. This intermittent, and usually unpredictable, kindness is critical to forming traumatic attachments. When a person, male or female, has suffered harsh, painful treatment over an extended period of time, he or she naturally feels a flood of love and gratitude toward anyone who brings relief, like the surge of affection one might feel for the hand that offers a glass of water on a scorching day. But in situations of abuse, the rescuer and the tormentor are the very same person.

Chapter 9: The Abusive Man and Breaking up

[romana-after-dark]

Room's on Fire Masterlist

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Summary:

Years after the world fell apart, various communities have established themselves, one of which is ran by four men who claim to be divine.

When they decide it's time to and heir to be born, they chose a virgin from their cult and make her their wife. Reader is offered a choice, of course. She doesn't have to marry them. But if she doesn't, the savior won't be born. She choses to become the Madonna. She is wed to all four of them, and moved into their home where her body is open to use whenever her husbands desire (free use au), in the hopes of getting her pregnant. It doesn't matter whose baby it ends up being, because they are all part God, so it doesn't matter... right?

Warnings for full fic, if anything is added or really emphcized it will be in additional warnings.

THIS IS A DARK FIC THOUGH SO BE WARY! I CAN'T PROTECT AGAINST EVERYTHING.

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence. Covert incest, massive mommy issues, sexual abuse all around, past grooming by parental figure. no CSA but the victim isn't much older. some Bates Motel type shit. I cannot properly warn you for everything, without just telling the story but consider this a major warning that there are dark dark themes. No one involved here is morally clean, and who you perceive as the good guy cannot be relied on. Don't come to my story and say im romanticizing these things until at least the story ends.

Unknown amount of chapters right now.

Chapter 1: Pilot: Delta finds their Madonna Chapter 2: The wedding Chapter 3: Aftermath of the wedding FishBen: Symptom of Being Human Chapter 4: Pope is not pleased. Chapter 5: Jonah lore, Madonna gets through to Frankie Chapter 6: Madonna gains Frankie's heart, Santi is jealous Iris: Rey and Iris find pockets of time Chapter 7: Fun with Ben: wining Pope back Chapter 8: big announcement to the community

Non canon Frankie Madonna Chapter 9: Madonna’s blissful ignorance to the world around her. Chapter 10: There's a lot Madonna doesn't know.

Chapter 11: Things start to crumble around Madonna

Chapter 12: It's all too much for Madonna

Chapter 1 3: Santiago’s true colors come out

Chapter 14: Jonah tries to show the truth

Chapter 15: madonna begins to learn her power

Chapter 16: Frankie and Ben reflect

Chapter 17: Ben shows his true colors

Chapter 18: Iris makes her stand

Chapter 19: Jonah's chapter

Chapter 20: Frankie finally does something.

Bonus Content

not necessary for the series. Pieces in the main list are suggested as they add depth and sometimes small plot points.

"Can you peel my orange?" Jonah smut

Jonah Hanson character ai

ROF characters Star signs

Jonah x non-Madonna reader x Marcus flashback commission

Art

By @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

By @survivingandenduring

Lil comic by @my-secret-shame

As I said, a lot of themes and dynamics ended up accidentally similarly to Watch Your Step by the amazing @charnelhouse Some was because that fic is what developed my characterizations of the boys. Some was totally incidental, like Pope and readers relation to art. It's different though, a much different series, but I wanted to tell y'all that she s PUBLISHING WYS AS A NOVEL NOW, Its called Cardinal Sin's and I'll link it right here!

How to keep up with the story!

Comment on this masterlist that you want to be tagged and I'll tag you in updates

Follow @romana-updates and/turn on notifications

Follow the tag Rooms on fire

THANK YOU FOR YOU'RE SUPPORT!

Please remember to reblog, and I love comments/asks, anon or not, and would love to see engagement and theories!

[moonbaby26]

Title: Interference

(Chapter 14 of Doflamingo’s Marine Series)

*Crossposted to AO3 Here*

Chapter Pairings: Doflamingo x Reader, Smoker x Reader (referenced), Aokiji/Kuzan x Reader (referenced), Doflamingo x Crocodile (referenced)

Chapter Warnings: language, somnophilia, non con, drugged reader, toxic relationships, violence, physical abuse, references to suicide, substance abuse, breeding kink, addictive personality, reader trauma response, mommy issues, angst

Chapter Synopsis: One step forward with Doflamingo is often also ten steps back. Neither of you have yet to learn the other’s limits, and trust is still being broken and reformed repeatedly. As you endure your latest challenge, former flames from both your past and his make their own plans to intervene.

Chapters: 1,  2,  3,  4,  5,  6,  7,  8,  9,  10,  11,  12, 13, 14, 15

——————————

—————————— 

Smoker hated this clandestine bullshit. But it’s not like he could have slept now either. Those newspapers were still splayed on his desk with your pictures across them. Just candlelight flickering through the room as his ship lurched over waves in the dead of night.

He exhaled from his cigars in frustration, his eyes back on the clock on the wall. How many hours did this really take to rendezvous? He hadn’t even wanted to turn back for Marineford.

He could have been nearly to Dressrosa by now if he hadn’t let the other man convince him to do this. 

All so stupid as they’d had to dance around their real intentions over the phone regardless. The Fleet Admiral had reiterated over and over that everyone was just going to stand by and let this play out for now.

It didn’t make a lick of goddamn sense. What kind of dirt did that freak Doflamingo really have on those that held his leash atop the Red Line? Why could any pirate possibly have this much leeway?

But at last Smoker had heard the door knob moving as he’d straightened up in his chair. The door shifted in that hesitant way which already told him who it was.

Tashigi poked her head in, whispering more than even necessary. “He’s here, sir!”

“Then move and let him in.” Smoker grumbled back to her, already trying to somewhat look past her as he stood from his desk.

The rattle of a rusty bicycle chain was the next sound though as it was wheeled in. Ice crystals were still melting from the tire treads as Aokiji passed Tashigi to fully enter the captain’s office. And she shut the door to remain in the room behind him as well.

“How many sailors saw you?” Smoker asked already, watching the admiral lean that somewhat sea salt corroded bicycle against the wall.

“Not many. But your men are loyal aren’t they?” You told them this wasn’t their business didn’t you?” Aokiji answered, then standing back to his full height once he’d set his bike aside.

“I’d like to think so.” Smoker replied, yet his expression making it clear that he was ready to jump right into this. They’d wasted enough time. “So what do you know about all this, Kuzan?” 

The initial shock to the news about you still had yet to wear off. But plans needed intel, they needed background. And just from tone alone in their short snail conversations, he knew Aokiji had figured some things out.

The two men were close friends. But the trust they shared was one of those innate things. This relationship hadn’t taken years to cultivate. Very similar in fact to what Tashigi was now becoming for Smoker as well, regardless of her greenhorn status and much lower rank. Some marines just clicked.

Comrades he knew he could trust his life to. There was no point in wondering why.

“She made a deal with Doflamingo in Sabaody. That’s why he let those slaves go from the auction house.” The admiral said abruptly then. But still with the air of a man now letting something painful off of his chest that he’d been holding in for too long. “I think Scylla was his way of collecting on that deal.”

Tashigi’s eyes had widened simultaneous to Smoker’s narrowing. But this was just the very beginning of these revelations. Smoker sensed that too in the way Aokiji was scowling. A rare expression on his normally neutral face. 

These were things the admiral didn’t want to talk about. But they couldn’t help you if they didn’t understand. They all needed to know the full extent of this.

“I confronted Doflamingo on Sabaody too. And I confronted her at HQ.” Aokiji confessed in response to Smoker’s continued glare “They were both hiding more. But they…well she told me they’d been together already. Physically. This didn’t start on Scylla. Maybe it didn’t even start on Sabaody.”

The quiet gasp from Tashigi was still so filled with confusion. And Smoker felt that immediately too. Because that just couldn’t be right. 

But he was human as well. And that moment of surprise bled into more complex feelings as his cigars moved with his words back to Kuzan, as disgust and even a hint of betrayal began to take hold. “From when? From when I was dating her?”

He’d called you his girlfriend for a little over two years. All the way until that fight in Mariejois. The morning he’d finally cut you free. You were going to burn yourself out and he couldn’t help you understand why. It felt so much longer ago now though. But it hadn’t been. Not really. 

“She would never cheat on you.” Tashigi surprised them both with those sudden words. “She’s not like that.” 

But her eyes already looked upset. Though she was doing her best now to not let the waterworks out. 

“I hadn’t seen her for three months before Mariejois though.” Smoker admitted. He’d already known by then that it was over, but he’d been waiting for the chance to have that conversation with you in person. He had never wanted to hurt you. 

Obviously you still hadn’t taken it well. But to run into the arms of a pirate? And of all of the crooks out there, it to be that one? Tsuru’s literal enemy? No, Smoker wasn’t accepting this as anything that simple. You’d always been far more complicated. And he was not the only one to have contributed to it.

For two years he had done his best with you. But you’d been looking for something in him that wasn’t there too. He knew he hadn’t been your first choice. Second place was nice for a while of course, but it was still just the first loser in the end. And Smoker could now see that the man who had preceded him to set that unmatchable standard was still out there in the weeds obviously. Not even realizing what was right in front of him.

Kuzan still just didn’t get it.

Out of respect, Smoker had kept his mouth shut for the longest time on this as well. It hadn’t been his business. But now you were in trouble. Your actual life was likely on the line as just a bit of that anger finally escaped to the surface.

“Dammit, Kuzan! You say you made her confess…so you knew something was up when the rest of us didn’t? Then why didn’t you help her then!?”

And the way Kuzan’s eyes immediately widened in surprise didn’t suit his rank at all as Smoker kept on. He had been holding this in for far too long.

“You’d started talking to her again after I broke it off with her, right? I mean immediately, you two were getting friendly again weren’t you? You walked her out of the damned bar that night with her hanging all over you! Wasn’t it obvious to you then!?”

“The hell are you on about!?” And now Kuzan was snapping back at him, though still clearly confused. “She was drunk and trying to get over you! You’re the one that hurt her in Mariejois!”

“Me!?” And Smoker’s chest rose at that. Maybe this fully was that old stereotype of some men not being able to see the forest for the trees. Emotionally blind in these kinds of things. But Smoker could only be angrier at this man because they were friends. He held Kuzan to a higher standard than this.

“Tashigi!” Smoker called her name abruptly to her additional surprise though. “What did she tell you? That very first time me and her had a big fight and she’d only hang out with you in port all that week. Tell this dummy what she said, because I know he won’t believe me now!”

And she looked from one man to the other in a bit of escalating panic. “But she told me that in private!”

“Well you already told me! And it’s relevant now!” Smoker retorted.

“I only told you so that you’d understand what she was upset about! I was trying to help!”

And it hadn’t helped in the long run. Had it? Maybe it’d only made things worse. “Tell him, Tashigi!” Smoker ordered her this time.

Her lip was quivering, but there was a rare indignation to her expression then as well. As if suddenly she was angry at both men herself. 

“She told me that the only real partners she’d ever had were Aokiji-san and Smoker-san! But that…” And she closed her eyes briefly, as if apologizing to you internally before she blurted out this secret that was so personal. “She said that neither of you had ever told her that you loved her! That she kept trying to earn it…and she didn’t think she ever could!”

But Smoker gave her a harsh look still. Because this was almost the whole truth. There was the one other point that’d really been the final nail in the coffin of his own relationship with you. And Kuzan needed to hear it. “And?” Smoker made her keep on. “Tell him the other thing!”

Tashigi’s eyes were open again. She looked to her captain almost pleadingly. “I can’t…”

Smoker scowled. That girl was just too loyal for her own good sometimes. But fine, he’d say it then. Everything needed to be out in the open at last.

“(Y/N) told Tashigi that she kept wanting to find what she’d had before. What she felt with you, you dumbass! You were the only man that she was in love with!”

And it still hurt even as Smoker said it aloud that easily now. It hurt just like it had from the first time he’d known it was true. “I wasn’t you, Kuzan. She was never going to be happy with me. But you’re such an idiot, even when I let her go and put her right back in front of you…you let a pirate pick her up instead!?”

And the main point had still sailed right over Kuzan’s head. Even now, he was hanging on to concepts from several sentences prior as he snapped at Smoker. 

“Why the hell did you date her for two years if you didn’t even love her!?”

Obviously their ranks were off the table currently. These were just two men now at each other like petulant brothers as Smoker fired so immediately back. 

“Well I wasn’t going to say something I wasn’t ready to say! I knew she was still so hung up on you! I was trying to see if she would ever get past it…I knew she was waiting on that word! But if I’d said it, she would have thrown herself away for me and have wanted to get married! She’d probably have wanted kids!” 

Something Smoker could not allow when he knew you’d only been with him as your consolation prize. Your insane drive for accolades, for reaching the top of their ranks had only been ancillary in the end. You were filling that need for validation any way you could. He alone never could have satisfied you, and he wasn’t going to trap you with him. Even if he could have.

But the outburst that came from Kuzan then was something even Smoker didn’t expect. An entire new revelation to hit both he and Tashigi right over the head.

“And what would be so wrong with wanting a family!?” The admiral exclaimed. The hurt in his voice more than anyone could have thought.

Something even Kuzan wasn’t prepared for from himself as Smoker saw that briefly vulnerable look go through his friend’s eyes.

But Smoker was still angry. Beside himself really as all this truth only made everything all the more wasteful.

“You jackass! Why did you ever leave her when you both wanted the same things!?”

And Kuzan looked stunned. But not for long. Never for long as he tried to withdraw into those same old excuses. “Because I can’t protect her! I’d rather be alone always instead of see that nightmare ever play out again!”

“Goddamnit!” Smoker cursed, but just looking fully disgusted now. He wasn’t going to come to blows with his own friend, though he still wasn’t done yelling at him. He had never met someone so innately good, but so thickheaded all at one time. “Marines die every day, Kuzan! She’s a marine! It’s what we goddamn do! She knows that!”

And both of them took a heated breath, Smoker turning away though to go back to his desk as he grabbed one of the newspapers. He shook it in the other’s face. Like a wake up call. You were in danger either way.

You were in danger right now while they were here arguing like children. “We both fucked up, alright!?” Smoker admitted. “I care about her too! She’s a hell of a marine and she’s my friend. Just like you are!” He said to Kuzan. “But now she’s in trouble. So I’m going to Dressrosa! Either help me or get out of my way!”

“You can’t openly defy Sengoku!” The admiral groaned shortly after though, willing to finally leave those mistakes of the past on pause for the moment. To stop screaming at each other and casting blame. The discussion of what to do now was the only reason he’d come here to begin with. “This has to be done the right way.” Kuzan reiterated with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Well then damned talk, Iceman. I’m listening.” Smoker exhaled. Every mission had to start somewhere. Every odyssey had to begin with a first sailing.

——————————— 

Doflamingo needed to get up. He couldn’t reschedule this morning’s meetings, no matter how badly he now wanted to. But the temptation to abandon all responsibility was only growing as his gaze lingered over your unresponsive form.

You were finally in his castle. Finally in his goddamn bed as he wanted nothing more than to put his body back over yours and order someone else to make all those phone calls for him today. 

Money was always coming and going in obscene amounts for him. But you were vulnerable right here, right now as he dug his fingernails back into your hips.

You wouldn’t be bothered by this. No matter how hard he pressed. Because he knew a blackout when he saw one. 

And this result hadn’t even been his full intention. You just hadn’t eaten enough last night after all the arguing had started. And those so called painkillers he’d ordered the doctor to give you were all the stronger on a near empty stomach. Their effects blurring well into the next day for you now.

He knew all about that too. These were actually one of his top selling drugs. Pills he’d purposefully fucked himself up on more than once after a bad day.

Because he couldn’t have nightmares when he barely knew his own name on those nights, could he? 

And you couldn’t feel anything now either as he glanced over his shoulder to that ornate clock in the corner of his bed chambers.

He really did have to go soon. But he’d already showered last night. There was still a little more time to indulge in this if he hurried. To indulge in you, before he did lean back down to close his mouth over one of your breasts.

He sucked that nipple so carefully though, wanting it to gradually harden for him.

Harden like he already was of course. His cock awake even before his brain had been. Morning wood between his legs, and messy blond hair against his scalp as the pillows had forced even those short little spikes in different directions now. 

He’d still have liked your fingers to be smoothing it back down against his head, either that or pulling it roughly as he started to suck your breast harder. His hips already beginning to move while his cock slid across your warm skin.

He was going to summon one of the island’s officials over to the palace by tomorrow at latest. You’d be forced to sign papers that would tie you to him for as long as you both drew breath. Documents to be sealed in the World Government’s records until the time would come to take this fully public.

Because there were strict legalities to be met whenever empires and bloodlines came under scrutiny. He knew the proper timeline must be adhered to. 

You had to be a wife before you could be a mother. All just semantics really. But these games were as old as the world itself. And he would not be outplayed in them.

His anticipation for these results was only worsening each additional day though. Burning in tandem to all of his lust as the words of last night still weighed so heavily in his mind.

He’d thought such emotions would never matter to him. He’d believed he’d just take and take regardless of your own thoughts or feelings.

But it had felt good. So very good as you’d looked him in the eyes and said you were falling for him. 

That these webs of his were working. That his efforts were not in vain.

Doflamingo’s hips were moving harder then, just useless practice in this moment. But feeling so right all the same. Precum was already smearing his tip as it rubbed across you.

He was pressing against your unsuspecting body that he knew his blood would soon be taking full root within. Because Caesar had never failed him yet. 

Whenever that concoction did arrive, Doflamingo would be putting it to immediate use.

And he did raise his head again in this daydreaming, watching your still closed eyes and your slightly parted lips. Your breathing so soft and steady beneath him.

Your life existing for him.

You looked so calm, so peaceful in this state. As if this drugged sleep really were a kindness he had bestowed on you.

But you would be cursing him soon. 

Whenever your clothes no longer fit the same. When you tired more easily, and hungered for strange things. When your feet hurt and your breasts grew swollen and tender.

Whether you begged or even cried for it to stop, he knew those changes would come. Because nature would not be overridden. You would be forming an entire new life inside yourself, and be made to endure every consequence that came along with it.

And how badly he longed to see that progression. How badly he longed to cause it.

Doflamingo groaned, feeling that tension already starting in his own abdomen as his hips pumped harder, beginning to fully dry hump you now.

Why did this particular idea fucking turn him on so badly? Thinking of you full of his seed, and made that much weaker for it, that much more dependent on him as that child grew.

But he’d always wanted to ruin you deep down. Because he’d wanted it all from day one, hadn’t he? He’d told his brother, he’d told Trebol, Diamante, Pica, and Vergo. All of them at one time or another.

I think I just met my first wife, boys.

He remembered joking.

How’d you like to be an uncle, Rosi?

He’d said that too with such incredible lust once, fully disgusting to Corazon when Doflamingo had already been drunk the night Trebol and Diamante had brought him your coat.

He remembered holding that bloodied fabric in one hand, and his brother’s spine in the other. Whispering that taunt in the younger Donquixote’s ear before shoving him away.

Corazon the snitch. Corazon the traitor. He’d probably run off to sit outside that very same night. Just as Doflamingo had retired to his room to pleasure himself against the torment of your scent still on that dirtied garment. 

Doflamingo had been fucking his own hand, wishing it was you while that chainsmoking coward had surely been sitting out in the dark with the other rats in the scrap piles. Probably with a hidden snail in all those black feathers, immediately calling daddy Sengoku to tattle about his older brother’s new urges.

But the old man still hadn’t done a damn thing to save you in the end. The marines hadn’t kept you away from him long enough. They didn’t understand how many years he could hold on to something like this.

Corazon had failed to make them understand. Corazon had failed you. 

And so Doflamingo laughed. Dark and deep as his hands moved back over your thighs to finally spread them.

He’d have what he wanted. Every morning, every evening, every day, week, month and year to come.

Because little Rosinante had failed to save his fellow marine. He’d failed his future sister-in-law with his selfishness and cowardice. And now…he’d even failed his future niece or nephew that he would never get the chance to know.

All by his own choices to turn against his only brother who had loved him. 

He had loved Corazon.

But only death could bring forgiveness.

Doflamingo smiled wide, just before he brought his hand back up, nearly against his mouth as he then spit into his own palm.

You may not feel this affection now, but he knew you would later today as he slicked his shaft, stroking his palm and that fresh saliva across the length of it.

He’d move you back to your own bed, carrying you through the passageway after he was done here. Baby 5 could check on you shortly after and encourage you to eat breakfast.

Food would sober you up. And if not, he knew where the antidote was.

He could have already given it to you as soon as he’d awoken, true. But where would have been the fun in that? This imagery was already so desirable, intoxicating even.

The queen of Dressrosa beneath him, fucked up on pills and currently dead to the world. And the king of Dressrosa fucked up on her, whoring himself like an animal just for another feel of his beloved’s flesh.

And he was grinning wildly now as he pressed himself through your waiting entrance and began to thrust inside. Harder and harder as he let out a moan, reveling in all of it as he got his morning fix between your thighs. He had no shame in his own choices at all. 

Because he was already an addict, your user and your abuser. Your best customer and soon to be husband and father to your child, unable to ever say no to this product that was you.

————————— 

“Hey! Hey wake up! Come on…rise and shine! Hello? Wake up!”

And something was shaking your shoulder.

A female voice was trying to draw you out over and over.

But you didn’t want to go to it. It still sounded far away and you were confused. The pain would be there if you woke up again. You knew at least that much and you weren’t ready.

Then something slapped your cheek.

Hard.

“Wake…up!”

And then again, to the other side of your face.

And again, back to the other side.

Your eyes finally fluttered. But those light stings of being struck were nothing in everything else that had already happened to you. In everything that was still going to happen. 

You ignored it.

You were staring at a foreign ceiling through half lidded eyes then instead. A blanket pulled tightly around you as everything suddenly got brighter. 

Rings were scraping along rods high above. Thick, velvety curtains were being pulled open to unleash the Dressrosan sun upon you.

Baby 5 was leaned over you as well, staring down intently as she stood beside your bed.

And when your eyes eventually met hers, she smiled so genuinely in relief. As if she hadn’t also been the one to just strike you multiple times. 

“Finally! You are alive! I’m so glad! The young master told me I’d probably have to do that! He gave me permission to! I was going to try water next, but that would have been a mess!”

“What…” Of course you had no clue what she was saying at first, just clutching that blanket around your body as a little more sense began to return to you slowly.

“He said you wouldn’t be feeling well, but that you must wake up and eat something if you were still in bed!” She still carried on with her words somewhat excitedly.

And you did somehow force yourself up to sitting at the mention of Doflamingo though. But still regretting it as you immediately felt dizzy.

Baby 5 wasn’t even the only one in the room either as you kept that blanket pulled up to your collar bones while you eventually realized the small crowd milling about.

It was maids. Some opening the curtains still, others setting up a new tray in your reach. Bringing more water, and more fresh food. But you were looking just further disoriented as you realized this was not the same room as the one you’d fallen asleep in.

This was “your” room again and “your” bed.

But the last thing you’d remembered was being curled up against Doflamingo in the darkness of his.

Had he moved you and left you when he awoke?

“Where…is he?” You managed, still watching everyone else so cautiously.

“The young master is on an important business call. Well, several of them. He said I was to report back to him on your condition.” Baby 5 answered dutifully, almost proud in this assignment. 

But for how happy she seemed to be, by contrast the other women were just skirting around her and refusing to even make eye contact with you. All like frightened, timid little animals before they hurried immediately back out of the room after completing their tasks. 

“So eat! Because that’s what he wanted!” Baby 5 insisted then, crossing her arms as she watched you. That suddenly stern look a bit ridiculous on a teenager’s face. 

But you felt like shit. Even if most of your body was still numb. And the last thing you wanted was to be forcing something down that would only be coming back up in a few minutes.

You always lost your appetite whenever you were really stressed though. Tsuru had had to get onto you about it more than once. Not that you ever remembered this many consecutive days of anxiety on her ship, even in wartime.

“If I eat, I’ll puke.” You said simply, head then lowering into your hand as you looked back to the mattress. This wasn’t a typical hangover either. And you knew you hadn’t even been drinking.

Doflamingo had only had them bring water last night, and that too must have been intentional. Because you’d probably be dead if you’d mixed in alcohol on top of this.

What the hell was really in those pills?

You just wanted to go back to sleep. You wanted to close your eyes and not open them again for ages.

“Hey, Baby 5!” Another voice butted in from the doorway though to have you glancing back up. A much younger voice sounding so very annoyed. “Where can I dump these stupid things?”

And Baby 5’s expression flipped instantly from stern to amazed as she gasped dramatically. “What are those!?” Her hands were on her cheeks. 

But all you saw was a moving bush of purple flowers. The pot they were planted in being carried with skinny legs and bright pink shoes beneath it.

“Giolla told me to put them in here. Some guy delivered them.” The boy huffed. “But I’m about to chunk them out of the window. I have better things to do. I’m not anybody’s room service!”

“They’re gorgeous, Dellinger! Don’t you dare throw them!” Baby 5 barked back at him just as quickly as if this was only her kid brother she was now admonishing.

“Then you take it! It’s making me itch!”

And she did, easily lifting the large flower pot away from the boy as he sneezed.

Even with the plant and its flowers moved away from him, he was then wiping his eyes in irritation. You realized the half fishman was definitely a little taller now than he used to be. No longer a toddler at least before he shot you a hateful look when he realized you were staring at him.

“What, you’ve never seen a fishman before!?” He copped an attitude to your perceived rudeness immediately. His teeth looking sharp now in an odd contrast to his still relatively short height. He couldn’t be more than eight or so now. And with far more mouth on him than restraint.

“Just thinking you’re at least a little bigger than the cannonballs you used to shoot at us.” You mumbled. You also wondered if it was still Giolla who picked out his clothes. The clashing colors were so bright and hard on your eyes. 

“Well we don’t need you here, just so you know!” He snapped back at you regardless before sticking out his tongue.

So mature.

And Baby 5 did roll her eyes, apparently briefly thinking the same. But she was still more worried about the flowers than anything else in this room now as she hurriedly sat them on a sideboard cabinet against the wall. You saw her rather excitedly pull a note from between the leaves when she realized it was there too.

But then there was her immediate disappointment once she’d actually read it. She left the note near the pot. “Boo…it’s just a thank you note from Alabasta!”

“Who’d you think they were from, dummy?” Dellinger fussed, already ignoring you again as he put a hand on one of his hips to look back at her.

“Well, the young master of course! That would have been so sweet!” She looked practically pouty.

“Ew, you’re pathetic! He would never. He’s way cooler than that!” The young boy retorted, now heading back for the door, sassily in his little pink flats actually.

“Romance is cool!” She stomped her foot.

“It isn’t! Go read more of your stupid magazines and keep dreaming, you ditz!”

“Why are you boys all so mean!?”

“Just to you!” And he stuck his tongue out from  between his sharp teeth again before darting into the hall, giggling all the way as a candelabra suddenly smashed in half against the doorframe.

You hadn’t even seen her grab it. And that was no small distance.

“Pretty good throw.” You said quietly into the new silence. Your shoulders still sunken though as you couldn’t find the energy to fully straighten up.

“A good throw would have hit him.” She answered, though still looking annoyed as she picked up the pieces. “I have to go now. Pica wanted me in town to help Gladius. But if you really won’t eat, I have to tell the young master that before I leave.”

“Tell him,” You huffed. “He’s the one that poisoned me like this anyway.”

Yes, the next time he tried to pressure you into taking anything, you were going to tell him where he could shove it.

But she only responded so cheerfully to that. “Oh, if the young master had wished to poison you, you’d already be dead!” Baby 5 smiled so sincerely with these words, while you just stared at her. Followed with a bubbly, “See you later!” 

And with a click of the distant bedroom door you were then alone again.

For a while you just stayed there too, fully ignoring the food tray as you’d told her you would. But also realizing how filthy you felt. Like you’d been sweating in these heavy blankets.

You knew what sometimes worked for you for more normal hangovers. A cold ass shower, even if it just meant sitting on the floor of said shower while the water rained over you.

You did want that now actually as you finally shoved the bedding away to find yourself still without a piece of clothing on. You swung your legs over the mattress edge regardless though and pressed your toes into that plush carpet to finally stand.

A feat by itself that was instantly precarious as your arms left your sides to steady your balance.

Simply walking to the bathroom shouldn’t have felt like tip toeing across a ship’s mooring ropes as you began to walk.

But it did, as you concentrated on just moving one foot after the other. And you were making decent progress across that large bedroom before a new, entirely disgusting sensation hit.

An almost glob like secretion of excess foreign material had slid out from between your legs. Your channel cleansing itself as gravity carried that fluid the rest of the way, wet and warm down your inner thigh. 

And maybe you were already just too worn, too starved, and too dehydrated as you stared down at that tell tale trail.

Semen.

And it was fresh.

Never in your life, not in all the late night binges or in any of the marine bar crawls, had you ever been wasted enough to not remember being fucked by someone.

And it didn’t matter in that moment what the truth really was. It was the fact that you couldn’t possibly know. It was the fact that the pills had stolen your ability to know.

Of course Doflamingo would do that to you if given the chance. Of course he probably had.

But how many others had had access to you in all the time you were unconscious? Anyone could have opened that door, anyone could have climbed over the top of you and…

Your stomach had turned and your knees were then on that beautiful stone tile as you’d reached the bathroom. Falling to them hard enough to leave more bruises before you were leaned over the open toilet, then puking directly into it.

Every bit of anything that’d been left inside of you came out. Until it was nothing but coughing and spit. Your diaphragm then still heaving against your will.

That burning of stomach acid went up into your throat and nose, bringing reflexive tears to your eyes.

You were so much stronger than this.

You knew that. But it didn’t seem to matter here.

Every time you thought things were getting better, they always got so immediately worse just to show you.

Doflamingo had told you only last night that he loved you. 

And Tsuru had warned you that he would never mean it. But did she know it was still the very first time any man had ever said it to you? Did she know how you’d waited your entire life just to hear it?

You were crying again. What you wanted and what you were actually receiving still two entirely different things.

But if you were ever given enough time to fully regather yourself, if the hits would ever stop coming one after another, surely you wouldn’t have been this pathetic. You wouldn’t have been this sensitive.

But even in all of that mental noise, even through your own humiliating tears, you still heard the ringing of your marine snail.

And it took you so long to get back out of the bathroom, first crawling, then somehow walking again. Like a thing only half alive as you’d tried to steady your breathing. You were still numb from the medicine and weak from the continued lack of food. Even in all of that, this person patiently waited for you.

The rings continued over and over until your hand was finally on the receiver.

“…Hell…hello?” You tried to speak.

————————— 

There was no guarantee who at all may answer this number now. And as such, he had been steeled for the worst. The worst of course potentially being the disgusting bird himself.

But when that uneven sounding female voice responded instead, Sir Crocodile actually paused. Because this did not sound like the headstrong marine officer he’d meticulously researched in just these last few days since your face had first met the newspapers. No, not at all.

“Good morning.” He greeted anyway. Knowing about which time it should be in Dressrosa currently. “And who do I now have the pleasure of speaking with?” The warlord questioned, calm but firm.

“Captain (Y/N).” And there was at least an attempt to sound stronger then. You were trying to hide yourself behind that mask of your rank and station. “Who is this?” You asked.

But he could hear the involuntary waver which was still there. That slight thickness like there was congestion that couldn’t be so quickly cleared. At least not in enough time for you to answer the phone.

This was a woman who’d just been caught in the act of crying.

Sir Crocodile’s fingers tapped reflexively on his desk all the way in Alabasta, a frown deepening across his face.

Doflamingo never wasted a moment did he? 

Everything that man ever touched ended up shattering as weak as glass before all was said and done. Even diamond wouldn’t have stood a chance from being eventually worn down.

“Well, Ms. Marine…it’s interesting to finally put a voice to those pictures, and to the stories. You’ve got quite a list of achievements already in such a young career. I did have a look at your government record of course.”

A brat from the North Blue, the same sea as Doflamingo. First recruited by none other than that old crone who the freak still fancied so entirely. That decades long relationship between Doflamingo and Vice Admiral Tsuru being one which Crocodile didn’t want or need a full history on. 

Because it’d always been obvious. Doflamingo either wanted someone to mother him or someone to fuck him, sometimes interchangeably. The monster didn’t seem to know the difference anymore.

So of course you were from Tsuru’s stable. And never mind the additional baggage of that making you and the bird something more akin to siblings.

Since even if Doflamingo’s relationship with your superior was viewed in the least sexual framing possible, if Doflamingo really saw Tsuru as only a mother figure, that would still make you essentially his younger sister when that woman had raised you as well.

An incestuous fucker is what he really was. Because either way you were somewhat of a proxy for that old woman in Crocodile’s mind. But there was no limit for Doflamingo. And the demon probably got off on every single layer of that debauchery as well.

These ideas only turned Crocodile’s stomach even further. Just like everything about that man always had.

Yet he exhaled, cigar smoke flowing as he knew there was also a time limit here. He had no doubt that they’d be listening in to your calls and would be intervening shortly.

“Well, you aren’t very talkative are you?” He spoke again in absence of anything quick from you. ���But there’s no point in dancing around for the sake of further formalities though. It sounds as if you’re having a fully miserable time already. And I do pity you. Truly. But first of all, did you receive the flowers I sent?” 

And there was a hesitation on that other end then. As if you didn’t know whether to demand his identity right away or to let him continue on in the hopes of him soon revealing his true intent. “The purple flowers?” You asked.

“Yes.” He answered smoothly. So at least the courier had gotten all the way to the castle. Doflamingo must be busy. The bird would have known those flowers on sight to intercept them.

They were Crocodile’s favorite.

“Adenium obesum is their real name. Yet more colloquially known as desert rose here in Alabasta. Though those in particular are a purple variant cultivated only by human hands. Far more potent and quite rare.”

Obviously you didn’t care about the flowers. And perhaps a little bit of backbone was trying to reform now. “Uh huh…yeah. Who are-“

But he cut you off easily. “They’re highly poisonous as well. Not the exterior of course. The poison is in the sap. Coat a weapon with it, and you’ll find it quite useful. The chemical in it disrupts the rhythm of the target’s heart. Even in the smallest quantities.”

A preferred coating for his hook actually.

The resulting silence hung for a moment before he set his cigar down, still holding it carefully between his fingers. He was genuinely curious in your next move.

And this entire time he knew you had been listening to that hint of superiority in his voice, that edge that came from a lifetime of illicit takeovers and equal violence. You already knew he was no ambassador, no gutless politician simply calling on behalf of the Nefertari family.

That sailor’s tongue came out so suddenly though. Even if he could hear the pain still behind it. “I don’t have time for more fucking games, whoever you are. If you want to threaten me, then do it. Otherwise, fuck off. This is a marine line you’re blocking.”

And it was surprisingly amusing to him. He wondered what you really looked like as you finally bore a little of those fangs at him. The snails could only convey so much by way of expression. “My…is this the real you then? Aren’t you charming? I can only imagine the high brow conversations the two of you must have.”

He knew Doflamingo loved a good tongue lashing, in the right circumstances at least. That night from Scylla had been different though. Crocodile could practically hear that demon’s blood boiling over when they’d argued over the phone.

And was it really because of you? Did that delusional creature think you were something finally worth protecting?

When all Doflamingo was going to do was destroy you anyway. The futility in so much effort was laughable.

But again, it was back to business as Crocodile actually smirked, catching you with his words before you could hang up on him. 

“I don’t mean to be insulting, my dear. It’s just disheartening how much you misunderstand. Of course the poison isn’t a threat. It’s my gift to you. Use it now before they can break down the door. An honorable death at your own discretion. Before that monster can do it for you. Don’t give him the privilege.”

And whether by full intent or not, Crocodile’s voice did begin to change. He was letting you know that he knew. He knew exactly what this was and what you were enduring, because he had seen it all before you.

“It will get worse. He always gets worse. If it was only blood and bruises, I have no doubt that you’d last a good while. You’re combat trained. But it’s the mind, Ms. Marine. When that breaks, there’s no mend for that. No bandage or splint. You’ll wish for an exit as quick as this then. As painless as this. Simply break a branch and drink the sap. Or rub it into any wound I’m sure he’s already given you. No more, no less. Then you’ve won and he’s lost. You’ll suffer his particular brand of hell no longer.”

———————————

Baby 5 had let him know you were back to being a stubborn bitch and refusing to eat any breakfast. Though she hadn’t called you that. She was still naive enough to be hoping for a new friend really.

A potential relationship he’d expected and encouraged from the very first night of course. Because if you pitied her, she’d be another tool in his arsenal against you.

Currently though he was just irritated with you. You were going to be fully sick if you didn’t eat. What was left of those pills in your bloodstream should be hitting you with nausea, vertigo, and further weakness about now. 

You’d be dehydrated and light headed. He’d be pulling you off of the floor when he reentered your room most likely.

Though maybe this was a lesson you needed to learn. If he said to get up, if he said to eat, whatever he said for you to do, you were meant to do it.

He would go check on you after this call and deal out any correction in attitude as needed.

For the moment Doflamingo had been haggling with a newer client. Another king desperate for an additional arms shipment which would turn the tide in their island’s civil war. 

And the warlord knew when a customer was about to fold.

“I mean really, what’s the price of peace, your highness?” He’d been smirking so coldly. It was like music sometimes, hearing their resolve wither bit by bit on the other end of that snail. “Pay what I’m asking in full and I’ll cut two more days off the delivery time. Think what this war is costing you already. Every day, every hour as you lose more soldiers and more tax paying citizens. What happens when you don’t even have enough of them left to collect those heavenly tributes to Mariejois any longer?”

“Your current rate is still more than we can absorb. If the total principal could be lowered just a bit more, Joker, I believe we could find a way to make this lump payment.”

“But my ships can deliver more product to you as soon as early next week. In just that many days the tide could be turning permanently for you. Don’t you think that level of service is worth something?”

Almost. They were almost there. So Doflamingo wasn’t going to budge now. He knew when to keep the pressure on.

But with this final deal so tantalizingly close, that was the very same moment in which his office door had swung open. Surprising him as Pica’s broad frame came hurriedly through it. Though turning sideways to fit as he did.

Something was wrong.

He wouldn’t be interrupting if not. Pica was supposed to have gone into the city today with some of the others. 

But Doflamingo still didn’t want to put this call on hold. It’d taken weeks to get this customer’s back so fully to the wall. Including the effort of providing nearly free weapons to the war’s rebel leaders all the while. 

The rebels already would have been crushed if not. So Doflamingo had secretly backed them first, just long enough to create the opposing demand and get to the much deeper pockets of their king they were still trying to overthrow.

And those machinations were all about to bear fruit here.

Reluctantly, Doflamingo raised a hand at Pica. An instruction to remain silent even as the warlord’s own mind began filling with all matter of hypothetical problems his executive may be here to tell him.

He kept haggling with this other king all the while. But Doflamingo could see the urgency building in Pica’s eyes.

Yes, something was very wrong.

And his smirk was disappearing as he now felt forced to push for this sale’s closing faster than he knew he should.

“In all this back and forth, you’re just beginning to repeat yourself. I need that final agreement.” Doflamingo tried, unable to look away from Pica now. “Either I have our ships start loading tonight to head for your port or we cancel this shipment entirely. Nothing will be ready in time otherwise. Do we have a deal?”

“I…I believe I’ll need to consult the treasury again and get back to you in a few days if your price indeed remains firm. This amount would leave us too barren for all other needs.” 

Fuck. And that was the exact kind of delay that Doflamingo didn’t want. With Pica standing there trying to mouth something to him silently as well, distracting him simultaneously.

“I’ll take off five percent. That’s it. Consider it a one time discount.” Doflamingo was trying not to sound as irritated as he felt. Too harsh a hand would just scare this coward away.

“Eight percent.” That king still countered.

And godamn, how annoying. But even then, the account was still too good to walk away from. Doflamingo’s hand pulled into a fist anyway as the blood vessel in his forehead became visible.

He still could not understand what Pica was trying to say either.

“Fine. An eight percent discount if you pay immediately. Next shipment leaves tomorrow morning if the wire payment comes tonight.”

“Done. You’ll have your money before midnight, Joker.” And now the other sounded so confident all of the sudden, as if he’d actually bested the Heavenly Demon.

And that bit of new smugness made Doflamingo want nothing more than to put a burst of bullet string right between that king’s eyes.

“I better. And I have other calls to make.” Was all he said instead of putting the vermin back in his place. There wasn’t time.

“Yes, Joker. Thank-“

And Doflamingo hung up the snail hard, slamming the receiver before they could even finish that false cordiality. 

“Goddamnit what, Pica!?” He barked in the outburst he’d been containing all the while, already standing. Whatever this was had just cost him significantly. Even small percentages were heavy hits when talking about contracts worth more than the yearly GDP of some smaller islands.

And Pica did look properly flustered. But that high pitched voice did not falter.

“Doffy! Trebol and the marine got into a fight! Trebol’s hurt! She locked herself in her bathroom and says she’ll only speak to you. With the rule of blood…we didn’t want to press further…we-”

“They did what?” Doflamingo hissed, not staying to hear anything else when he’d already darted around Pica and back through his office door as instinct took hold. 

His strings could pull him down the corridors far faster than anyone could have ever run. A terrible sneer contorting his face as he went right over the heads of any soul unfortunate to be in his way on his journey through the palace.

He was nearly sliding into your room moments after. The door had already been open as he’d landed, black shoes meeting the carpet while he’d had to use his strings to stop again.

“Doffy!” Diamante said in relief. 

And Doflamingo could immediately see the hints of disaster. Parts of furniture were broken, small items strewn in every direction. Mucus was all over, and a fresh trail of blood was leading to a crouched Trebol on the ground.

Trebol’s voice sounded worse than even usual as his head immediately lifted at the sound of his master’s name.

“Do..Doffy!” He almost gurgled.

And Doflamingo stared. Blood was stained down Trebol’s face, down his chest too as his executive’s eyes were wide at him. The black glasses were missing. 

“Sh..she broke m…my no..nose…”

His fucking nose. Yes, it was crooked. That was where all the blood had come from. Blood and mucus as Doflamingo felt his fists clenching to the point of being painful now.

His own blood pressure was continuing to climb, his heart pounding. So angry that it was now making his skull feel like it was splitting.

Just the purest form of rage consuming him as he would ask them only one word for now.

“Why?” Doflamingo growled, jaw muscles tightening as his fingers began to rise.

He did see that bathroom door closed. The one you were supposedly hiding behind as he began to attach his strings to it.

He was going to rip it from its goddamn frame.

“She must be colluding with Crocodile!” Diamante spat. “Trebol heard them on the phone and entered first to stop whatever it was they were plotting against you! He tried only to restrain her to wait for you, and this is what she did to him!”

Crocodile!? That name exploded through his mind.

Doflamingo’s own eyes widened behind his sunglasses, like he’d been kicked straight in the chest himself. Even as he felt as if his anger was absolutely going to choke him by this point.

As if he couldn’t breathe any longer while his strings tightened further against that bathroom door.

“Bring…me. The. Recording.”

That was the last full words he could manage to them before he yanked his arm back.

The bathroom door exploded outward, wooden pieces pulled and sliced, raining down like paper and pulp as Doflamingo strode forward into that new opening.

His lips were pulled fully back, his hand up like a claw, ready to destroy anything you could possibly throw at him.

You fucking bitch.

He’d brought you here. He’d trusted you.

And you were Crocodile’s!? Was it all a setup!? 

The shower was running. He could see the trail of mucus leading to that opaque sliding glass door. 

Your body had carried it in here. And his fist pulled back, armament coating then covering all the way past his forearm before he shattered that thick glass in one hit.

It broke over you, shards sparkling into your hair, falling down your naked body as he saw your shoulders tense even further.

You were huddled in the farthest corner of the shower, on the ground with your back to him. You were trembling again.

Like he’d seen too many times now.

Too many times to care any longer.

And Doflamingo had stepped into that continuous spray of water, fully clothed as his fingers tightened into your hair, glass and all as he yanked you away from the wall.

He lifted you by that hair momentarily, just before he threw you back down. Hard enough against the pedestal sink on the other side of the bathroom that he heard the gasp as the air was knocked from your lungs.

He saw one of your hands go to your ribs. You were on the floor looking up at him. There was still that residue of mucus on your thighs. And on your breasts despite the water. You were unable to speak when you couldn’t catch your breath.

And as his foot came down to pin you there on your back against the tile, only then was he finally able to see the purple something clutched in your other hand.

You’d had it the entire time. And you now protected it in your grip as if it were some kind of talisman.

Your last hope against him.

And he knew exactly what it was. Something he’d seen multiple times before. The scent of those flowers the reptile so adored still burned into his memories. Purple flowers on a dark mahogany desk, their vase rattling as Doflamingo had spread his legs wide back then and let a man fuck him raw. A man he’d wanted to own so badly. One with a terrible facial scar and slicked back black hair. 

The man that had decided they were no longer compatible. That they never had been. 

The man that hated him.

Doflamingo also now saw the open cuts on your same hand as you clutched Crocodile’s favorite flower. Your skin you’d split from beating Trebol’s face in when you likely didn’t even have the remaining energy for proper armament.

The end of the stem had already been rinsed clean in the shower. But if you crushed all the rest now within your hand, the remaining sap would gush out to enter your wounds. 

That was exactly what the look in your eyes told him now, that you knew this as you clutched that flower.

On your back on the bathroom floor where he’d pinned you, his parasite ability unable to find easy purchase on your spine that was now tight against that tile.

All you’d have to do was tighten your fist. It’d happen before he could do another thing. There was no antidote for this one.

“(Y/N).” And he said it as that new fear cut straight through his rage. His teeth still bared, but his palms now beginning to sweat. The tension in his body was faltering.

“Don’t.” His mouth tried.

Because he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He couldn’t even fathom it.

Not like this. Not this soon.

“Doffy…” His own name was so soft from your lips in return. As if you could feel that shift. The sudden hole in his defense and that pull within his chest again while he stared down at the mess of you. You and that matching pain within your own eyes.

“Let go of it.” He still ordered you. “You can’t do this…”

You can’t do it to me. Was what that fear really meant.

———————————

He’d come in here ready to punish you by any means necessary. For a moment you had felt that. His full rage at any hint of betrayal, his need to hurt you for your daring to ever harm his family.

But he was reacting only to what he saw. Not what really was or had been. You’d already told the mystery caller to fuck off. It didn’t matter who they later said it was.

You didn’t care.

You had already endured so much in your short life, survived too much to ever just kill yourself here and now simply because some stranger told you to. Someone that evidently hated Doflamingo and couldn’t give two shits about what really became of you.

They’d done this on purpose, hadn’t they? They’d known something like this would come of it.

But you’d still been on that call, trying to figure out any of that then when Trebol had first burst into the bedroom.

You really didn’t think Trebol had heard everything either. But you were arguing with the man on the phone as suddenly the Donquixote executive was calling you a traitorous whore and mucus was flying at your naked body.

So of course you’d lost your damn mind then. Because he’d touched you again. It’d been everywhere. And even as worn down as you’d felt, when that mucus was then squeezing around your chest and running in between your legs, you’d still found some kind of emergency supply of haki as you’d finally snapped.

You’d fought that bastard like a wild animal, your injured leg be damned. You’d felt his nose crack and you’d gotten a hold of at least one of those flowers from that stupid plant as you’d escaped.

You’d screeched at them that you would fucking kill yourself and they’d have to answer to Doflamingo for it. Diamante had come in and Pica too in all those dramatics before you’d locked yourself in the bathroom. You’d said you’d only speak to their master and they could royally go fuck themselves.

But you’d still known what Doflamingo would do, even as you’d crawled into the shower. Even as you’d still been trying to get Trebol’s residue off of your body when you could no longer stand.

And when the bathroom door had exploded outward only minutes later, you could hear how taut the strings were in the air. You could hear how hard Doflamingo was already breathing as the shower glass had shattered next and he’d yanked you out and upward by your hair.

He’d thrown you so violently, it’d still knocked the wind out of you. You couldn’t speak before you were on your back with a long black shoe crushing down onto your sternum.

But then he saw that flower.

And you got to witness his realization of what it meant even through all that rage. He’d hesitated. Even for just a single moment as you’d realized that was your only chance to survive this.

He’d commanded you to let the flower go.

And you had swallowed, knowing that you had already tried fighting him. In Mariejois, in Sabaody, and even within intimate moments when he became too rough.

Even if you had been at full strength in this moment again, that path of tit for tat would only reach the same end every time.

You would hit him, and he’d hit you back twice as hard. The two of you could brawl until the entire castle came down around you. It would accomplish nothing.

It would prove nothing.

That was why you knew you had to take a different path this time. You had to at least try.

“Doflamingo…” You said his name again. You knew he was still listening. Because he hadn’t moved.

He was afraid to move.

“Let me up…please…and I will. I’ll let it go.” You promised through the pain.

You could barely breath with his foot still on your chest. He was suffocating you slowly, and you knew what you had to do.

But it still seemed like forever. Forever with your life in the balance as his intent wavered back and forth.

And then something happened.

His foot was off of your chest. And air flooded your lungs as he crouched down to grab you by the arm instead.

Maybe it just wasn’t yet your time. Maybe the anger was too much for him to even think clearly. Whatever the reason, it was a godsend for you at last as he was now within your reach.

And you wouldn’t waste the chance.

Doflamingo’s focus had still been on your hand. His strings waiting to remove that flower the very moment he could. But his movement to crouch down was simultaneous to the moment you sat up and you made your lips hit his. Even before he could parasite string you as your spine had cleared the ground.

That effort had used the remainder of your speed. And that opening was only there because a kiss was the very last thing he’d expect to be given in a fight like this.

At least Trebol’s remnants weren’t on your face. You could only taste Doflamingo then as you put everything you had into this final play.

You knew you had to mean it. It couldn’t be just any kiss, it had to come from your goddamn soul.

That was all you could think of with your eyes closed. How you would kiss a man if you were actually in love. How you would show them what love felt like when given away by you like this.

You had to prove that you were not a traitor. That you never could be.

You heard the sound in his throat that had started as true surprise. Even as you opened your hand to let that flower fall unbroken from it.

You’d never kissed him like this before. You’d never kissed anyone like this before. You knew that you hadn’t. Because you’d never been this desperate, never this afraid or exposed. 

And his confusion was palpable. Both of you then sitting on the bathroom floor amongst the shattered glass as you did finally pull away again.

Just enough to lay your head against his open shirt instead as you felt him breathing unevenly through it.

———————————

And Doflamingo had sat there stunned, even as his strings did remove that desert rose as soon as you had released it. He’d pulled the flower away immediately and cocooned it safely in string. He’d have the whole plant burned and crushed to ashes when this was done.

But he didn’t know what to do with you now. He didn’t know what was the truth and what was the lie. 

His arm had gone around your back reflexively. His fingers over a spine he could still either break or hold closer to further protect you.

“Doffy…we have the recording ready.” Pica’s voice came from the bedroom.

And Doflamingo was grateful. He’d almost forgotten already that there was more evidence. He wouldn’t have to make a decision like this fully on feelings alone.

“Get up.” He told you, not able to look at you now though even as he removed his feather coat from his shoulders and offered it to you.

It’d drag the ground a ridiculous amount with your contrasting heights. But a filthy coat was the least of his problems now. 

He knew you wouldn’t come back out unless your body was covered. But had his men seen all of you already? He didn’t know the exact timeline things had occurred.

“Sit on the bed. We’re going to settle this here and now.” He growled, his grip back on your now feather covered wrist as he mostly dragged you from the bathroom. You with his coat fully wrapped around yourself before he released you onto the mattress.

You made a sound at the continued rough handling, but you said nothing else.

Your eyes were back on his executives. And theirs were on him as the snail Pica had brought into the bedroom now began to play.

Doflamingo moved back away from you and stood to listen. Intentionally equidistant from Trebol and yourself in that moment, waiting on that more objective testimony. 

The new torment that was suddenly your voice and Sir Crocodile’s, as that conversation filled the room from the very beginning.

From the moment you’d first answered and their equipment began recording from downstairs.

———————————

You had to hear it all over. And it came across so painfully clear on that recording that you had been crying when you’d first answered the snail. 

Doflamingo’s head turned towards you right away at that, but you refused to look at him.

You got to hear the stranger talking over you on the phone next. More condescending and patronizing than even you had realized when it’d been happening in real time.

And then came the part where he’d told you to kill yourself. As if he was suddenly your only real friend, as if only he could understand the intensity of your suffering. He’d told you to end your own life before Doflamingo could do it for you. He promised you that was the only way this would ever end.

But you would bet all the beri in this castle that just after that was where Trebol had started to listen in. Because when the stranger began becoming frustrated with you, when you weren’t accepting this supposedly merciful escape he was offering you, he’d told you to poison Doflamingo instead. If you thought you were really so tough. Poison an evil man and do the whole world the favor then. 

Be the marine hero you were supposed to be.

Surely that is all Trebol had heard to come at you in the fury he had.

He may have already been making his way to your room, missing your emotional reaction which burst out from even that insinuation of assassination.

They’d said he was actually Sir Crocodile now. But even if you’d known that, your words wouldn’t have changed. 

You’d raged at that cruel voice, you’d called him a gutless, spineless, piece of utter shit. 

Yes, you were a marine. And you’d goddamn act like one. You might cut an enemy off at the knees if you had to. You might even hate them if they truly deserved it. But you’d do it to their face.

Not a knife to their back, or a poison in their favorite drink.

You would never do that.

And you told him as much. It wasn’t what he expected either. His true colors had just started to show. His temper flaring at your audacity, and what he called your self-righteous hypocrisy…but then even on the call Trebol’s voice could suddenly be heard as he’d forced his way in to interrupt you both.

Screaming at you for plotting against his master, for intending to kill Doflamingo as he’d come after you.

And your voice was breaking as you’d yelled at him in return. It barely even sounded like you at all. You knew that must have been when he’d gotten a real hold on you.

“Don’t you fucking touch me! Not ever again!”

And there were the sounds of more things crashing throughout the room, Trebol’s grunts and gasps as he struggled with you.

And then nothing as the line went dead.

You looked at no one as the recording stopped. 

You were silent.

They all were.

All you’d goddamn done was answer your own fucking phone when it had rang. Every cruel thing the man had said to you you’d rebuffed. You didn’t even know him. And then Trebol had been all over you anyway.

Diamante and Pica had heard his resulting calls for help over their mini snails and joined in. Diamante had stayed with Trebol while Pica had run to go get Doflamingo.

All the while you’d been crawling into the shower with that flower in your hand. An exit you didn’t want to ever take as you tried to remove Trebol from your body.

But you still would have used that poison on yourself if you’d had to. If Doflamingo had been too consumed to do anything but beat you to death. You knew he’d believe the three of them over one of you.

It could have been the end.

It still might be. 

Depending whether or not he now believed what he’d just heard. Or if he’d think it all still some grand scheme. And you an actress just playing a role to ensnare him. The kind of nightmare pirates might put one another through.

But you weren’t a pirate.

And your head lifted slightly as you saw new movement.

Their master was now back in front of you. Fingers under your chin as he lifted it further. So that your wary eyes were then looking up into those crimson lenses.

And his jaw was still tense, his smile non existent.

“We’ve done you a brutal disservice.” Those strange words came so solemnly from his mouth.

And then he let you go again. His head turned to look at his executives. He was standing at his full height.

You’d never seen those three look this nervous before. Not at their own master.

But his stillness was terrifying. You realized that as he didn’t even seem to be breathing while he considered them.

“From now on, no one touches her. She’s my responsibility alone. She answers to me alone.”

And they all bowed their heads immediately, they were on their fucking knees in front of him at that tone.

“Yes, Doffy.”

It was complete and utter submission. The only thing they must have known could sate him then.

And he still waited. Making them stay on their knees like that. 

It was a punishment, a warning in its own very clear way before he did finally inhale again.

And you saw when they visibly relaxed too as he did. Doflamingo had made his point and his hand just rose to begin generating strings again from his fingertips.

The same trick from Scylla as you saw a duplicate of him now taking shape from the floor up.

“I’m taking her back to my room.” He announced to them, still sounding cold but not as completely tense as before. “I’ll make the rest of my calls today through the string man in my office. Go to him if you need me. And get someone to come clean up this fucking mess.”

And as the real Doflamingo stopped talking, the clone started. Voice identical and somehow emitting from it.

“Go get your nose fixed too, Trebol.” It said, frowning. 

You saw that look of real relief form on Trebol’s bloody face then. As if his master was being so kind to him now. 

And maybe he was by Doflamingo standards. He was washing his hands of this. They were all free to go. The clone only told Diamante to take that plant and destroy it as well.

“You’re coming with me.” The real man said back above you though as you glanced up. He was picking you up again, right off of the bed and back into his arms, pink feathers and all with his coat still around you like a robe.

All while his clone moved independently, hands in its fake pockets then, leaving the room via the main door back to the palace hallways with the executives.

But you were being carried to that same hidden passage again which connected your two rooms. By the time he spoke to you again, he didn’t sound emotionless anymore. He sounded tired.

The others were gone. They couldn’t hear him.

“I’m sorry.” He said it so abruptly, you almost didn’t register it. Followed with, “And don’t ever get fucking used to me saying that.”

You stared up at him in astonishment as he moved you through that dark passageway.

Back to his chambers, back to his full protection.

And you felt his hands tighten on you slightly, once the passage was sealed and you were both alone within the king’s suite again. 

The curtains were all drawn shut, leaving it cooler and darker in here because of that. It felt like his den.

Like a sanctuary.

You were still in Doflamingo’s arms as his face pressed down against your neck and he leaned his back against the wall. He breathed you in. Hesitating as if he didn’t want to let you go, like he was delaying it in any way he could.

But eventually he’d lifted his head again to look down at you. 

“Move my glasses out of the way,” he told you then. Both of his arms already occupied in holding you to him.

A request that was easier said than done when you had to fish your hand out of the feathers that were still wrapped around you like an oversized blanket.

But you did eventually manage it. Gently reaching up to touch those somewhat famous frames. And when he didn’t resist, you lifted them all the way up to set them on top of his  head.

He stared at you for a long moment after, his good eye sharply focused, searching within your own eyes really.

Looking for something before he spoke again.

“You’re lucky I know him well enough to tell when he was being genuine. That really was your first introduction to one another…and he misjudged you completely.”

“I don’t roll over easily.” You said flatly.

“I know.” Was all he answered at first though.

And he leaned in to steal your lips briefly then, covering them with his own. But it was different. It was soft.

It felt like that very intentional kiss you’d given him earlier, or at least his best imitation of it.

And when he was done, he still left his face close as well, warm against yours. His next words were quieter, only for the privacy of this moment. 

“In that year you were with Kuzan…I tried to go after Crocodile. I tried with everything I had. I know people still talk about it. But they have no idea. It was…like a fucking war. But I wanted it. I wanted it so badly.”

And it was that stranger smile of his that followed. The one that looked painful. The one that nearly looked wounded. “But he cut me off all at once one day. He told me I was worthless…and he’s insisted on trying to remind me of that ever since.”

And the actual regret in Doflamingo’s tone was surprisingly real, as was the anger that rose to cover it. 

“But their losses become our victories. Don’t they?” He sneered. 

And you felt his fingertips, starting to hurt you again even through the coat. His grip becoming that severe. 

“None of them understand what they’ve created in bringing you and I fully together now.” He murmured against your skin. His lips still drawn back enough for you to feel his teeth. “We’ll outlast whatever their envy tries to throw at us next. As long as you stay loyal to me…then you have my protection. You have my love until the very end, woman.”

And it was another ultimatum without question. To the end…an end he could either cause tomorrow or twenty years from now.

Because it was up to him. No one else. Everything was still about him.

“I understand.” You said without argument though. Because he wasn’t asking anyway. He was telling you how this was going to be. 

He was promising this to you.

You would still resist. You both knew it. You would test the boundaries again and again, flapping your own wings against this shrinking cage soon enough.

But he still liked that too didn’t he? Because a little bird who said nothing, did nothing, and would only lay listless at the bottom of its enclosure at all times wouldn’t be worth having.

So you could thrash and fight, even bite him occasionally if he handled you too roughly. 

But you could never truly leave. You could never sing your song for another. You had to be his.

Only his.

———————————

    T⨂  BE 

CONTINUED

———————————

Thanks for reading!

[romanarose]

Triple Frontier RomanaVerse

(Leather and Lace Universe)

Hi guys! Many of you know I have a ongoing universe within Triple Frontier that I have put a lot of time and effort into. It started with Leather and Lace with Santi and Laci's story, then Take Your Time with Frankie and Jana, now with For the Longest Time with Will and Lorelei, and then next with Benny and Cameron in No Surrender.

I decided to make a cohesive master list for the complete timeline, as with bonus chapters it can get very confusing.

Remember, each man's individual story runs as its own story you can read separate, but it's better all together. Especially with Santi and Laci, we follow the full story of finding Laci beaten and bloodied in a basement, through her recovery, wedding, pregnancy, family life. Also with Benny, his spiral down and building back up.

This is NOT a reader series. All the guys have partners that are named, described, and have extensive backgrounds. All of them come from diverse backgrounds with varying socioeconomic backgrounds, races, mental and physcial disabilities. You may be able to see yourself in many of their trauma's, ethnicity, personalities, etc, but they are not meant to be you.

All stories at 18+ and contain themes of sexual assault and sex trafficking, alcoholism, addiction and others.

Part 1. Leather and Lace (Santiago and Laci)

Summary: Santiago and the guys find a woman tied up in a drug lord basement, a victim of sex trafficking. Santi takes Laci into his home when they get back in the states, and as he and the men help her recovery and provide a safe home, Santiago can't help but fall in love with the sensitive girl. Always conscious of her trauma and always in his own head, Santi learns to navigate her, himself, and his friends as Laci turns to trust again.

Main warnings: Sex trafficking, rape, physical abuse, addiction, violence, PTSD

Chapter 1: Santiago Garcia finds a girl tied up in a basement. They get separated from his friends, can they make it back okay? Chapter 2: Santi and Laci walk back to the meet-up point. Santi tries to break the ice, but even his charm struggles to break through to Laci. Chapter 3: Santi and Benny board a plane back to the US. Santi reflects back on his last day with Laci. Will is being an ass. Bonus Chapter: Vengo a Cantarle a Mi Amada Chapter 4: Santi and Laci settle in Santi's home and share a brief, tender moment. Benny and Laci get along. Frankie has a cookout, Will keeps being an ass. Chapter 5: Laci and Santiago find a special space for them. Santi has a night out with the guys, allowing Laci some much needed independence. Bonus chapter: Sick fic Chapter 6: Benny and Laci spend the day together, must to Santi’s chagrin. Laci and Santi share a special moment. Bonus chapter: Will’s perspective Chapter 7: after a day in the park with Frankie and his little girl, Santi and Laci spend the evening in the woods, Laci suddenly very open. After things go further than Santi plans, things escalate. Chapter 8: Santi makes his round of apologies. Later, Frankie has an emergency and Santi has to take Laci to Will, where Laci, Ben and Will have their own adventure. Chapter 9: Santi takes Laci to one of Ben's fights. Later, Santi takes Laci on their first real date Chapter 10: just a lot of smut, fluff, and hurt/comfort. That’s it Chapter 11: Santi has to leave for a few days with Frankie and Will, leaving Laci with Benny. Bonus Chapter: Santi’s revenge Chapter 12: On a cabin trip, antics ensue, and Laci and Santi spend a special night together Friendsgiving: Laci and Santi invite the guys over for thanksgiving, and I made it as sweet as pecan pie. Santiago can’t skate: Santi takes Laci ice skating with the guys, quickly realizes his mistake. Christmas Tree Hunting: Frankie wanted a Christmas tree for Rosie, enlists the guys to help as he reflects on the past.

Part 2: Take Your Time (Frankie and Jana)

Summary: 15 years ago, Frankie visited Santi while they were stationed separately and met Jana Fernadez, a confident, laid back, fun loving woman in the Army to pay for school and fell in love. After years together and falling into addiction and chaos, Jana got clean and got pregnant with Rosie. Frankie could not sober up, and after the fated Colombia trip, things only got worse and Jana left with Rosie, but never stopped loving him. 6 months into sobriety, with the help of his team, Laci and Jana, Frankie is still struggling. Jana refuses to give up on him, and neither do any of his found family.

Main warnings: Addiction, self harm (act is not shown, but the cuts, blood, and first aid are.), alcoholism, extreme self loathing, avoidant behavior.

Chapter 1: Francisco calls Jana late one night, trying not to relapse. She comes to him, finding him in a deeper emergency than she anticipated. Chapter 2: The next day, Jana and Frankie deal with the fall out of the night before, and Frankie begins spiraling. Chapter 3: Frankie gives up, but those around him don’t. Chapter 4: Frankie talks to Rosie, apologizing for not being the dad he wanted to be; flashbacks to Frankie leaving for Colombia. A Little Game: just some extra LaL smut Chapter 5: All flashbacks to periods of time in Frankie and Jana’s relationship; meeting, Frankie’s relationship with Jana’s family, and finding out they were having a baby. Leather and Lace and Daisies: Valentines Day special, Laci shows Santi just how much he means to her Chapter 6: Jana and Frankie decide the time is right. A Reluctant Addition: Laci has a little request. Bonus Chapter: Learning to let go Chapter 7: Frankie feels insecure, but Jana is always there for him. Laci and Santi take a big step

For the Longest Time (Will and Lorelei)

Summary: Will and Lore keep running into each other in town. Despite the fact she's with someone else and he gets on her damn nerves, that doesn't stop Lorelei from stalking him through her boyfriend's yearbook. When Will finds her outside her apartment one night with a slap mark across her face, he invites her to stay the night, and she ends up staying on a roommate while she figures out the next steps. An ER nurse and highly independent, Lorelei has one weakness. Crippling loneliness she fills with sex, sex that ends with her pregnant with Will's baby, a man she only really got to know a month ago, and whose friends are not her favorite people.

Main warnings: Domestic violence, child abuse, eating disorders, racial issues, daddy issues, domestic violence, addiction, alcoholism, parent death.

Chapter 1: Lorelei meets Benjamin Miller’s older brother and is not impressed…. Yet she finds herself obsessing enough to stalk him through high school year books. Chapter 2: Lorelei and Will spend the night together; Lorelei unexpectedly meets one of Will's friends. Chapter 3: Will and Lorelei make a choice on the baby. Lorelei meets the rest of Wills friends. Chapter 4: A beach day to celebrate Rosie's birthday eases some tensions and reveals others Chapter 5: At the funeral, Will and Lorelei find common ground. Chapter 6: Will and Lorelei find out what they are having. Chapter 7: Ben is in trouble, and Lorelei is able to be there for both her Miller boys. Bonus Chapter: Because of you: Lorelei finds her dad again, but it only sets her and Will back. Chapter 8, part 1: It’s time for the ball. There’s some ups and downs for everyone. Jana is a queen Chapter 8, part 2: Confessions and fucking.

Chapter 9: Happy announcements turn into arguments. Alice’s true colors are revealed.

Bonus chapter, scenes: snippets of life between the fight and the wedding

Chapter 10: Garcia-Dumas wedding, Lorelei is a part of the family.

Coming soon… No Surrender

Ben is trapped in an abusive relationship and Cam might be the only person who can get him out

Oc's

Lacina Marie Dumas (Laci)

29-31 depending on the timeline, 5 feet tall, petite, underweight most of the series but how severe depends on when. She has straight, thin, blonde hair she usually keep quite short. Shy, sensitive, empathetic, emotional. When overwhelmed or overstimulated, she doesn't talk, so she and Santi learned sign language from Ben. She adores Santi with everything in her, he is her center and the love of her life, and he adores her right back. Laci is French, her dad marrying her mom and immigrating. Both her parents are dead, as is her older brother. Laci had no family left at all, making her an easy target for sex trafficking she was victimized by. Later into the universe when she's doing better, Laci volunteers at the women's shelter Jana works at, and her and Santi do respite foster care.

Jana Abeda Fernandez

35-37, Jana is 5'9, long legs and thick thighs Frankie is obsessed with. She had big, beautiful curls she inherited from her fathers side, as she did her dark skin. Jana's father is Ethiopian, and her mother is Cuban, just like Frankie. Jana grew up in a loving, stable household with her brother Jacob and sister Katie, and as a result is a confident, kind patient person with a heart for helping others. Jana can speak Spanish fluently, as some Somali. She is a social worker at a women's shelter as is highly educated. Despite this, Jana became addicted to coke and had to drop out of her doctorate program during her party era. She got herself clean, and helped Frankie sober up. She is a loving mother to her daughter, and a loyal and protective friend. Jana is bisexual

Lorelei Ngoc Giang

A tough exterior built up over years of disappointments, Lorelei is a a deeply caring 34 year old with a strong sense of right and wrong, and if you're wrong, you will hear about it, and her height of 5'3 will not stop her. When her boyfriend slapped her, she knocked out his tooth. Although her pregnancy was unplanned, she loves her daughter more than anything, and refuses to continue the cycle of abuse in their families. Herself a child of unplanned pregnancy from second generation Vietnamese parents, Lorelei's father left when she was young, and her step-father and mother treated her poorly. She has 2 younger siblings, Rene and Alex from her mother and step-father. Lorelei is an ER nurse, tough as nails and pretty as a princess. She loves everything classic and 50’s, especially Elizabeth Taylor and James Dean. She had black hair she sets into large curls or waves, and outside of scrubs dresses in classy, beautiful clothes. Her red lipstick is a must.

Cameron Andrew MacDonald

A free spirit even at 35, Cameron has lived on hell of a life. Originally from Utah, he left to live with his older sister, Bella, in Florida after causing enough problems for his Mormon family, where he met and fell in love with Ben Miller in high school. In small town South in 2003, there way no way to be out and proud and survive, so they fell in love under the night skin on Ben's barn roof. Cameron left Ben after graduation, needing to escape and travel, while Ben was a hometown boy at heart. Laid-back, stoner hippie with an obsession with "the greats" (Springsteen, Petty, Melloncamp), Cam is blunt and honest, easy-going, and happy. 6 foot and broad as all hell, under the chunky exterior is incredible strength coming from a farm hand. Cam is deaf, has an implant for work but prefers to sign, so Ben learned sign language in high school.

Alice Mcarthy

Benny’s girlfriend during part of Take your Time, through For the Longest Time and part of No Surrender. Alice knew Ben and Will in high school, Will not being a fan of her. Alice is judgmental, does not like Laci and picks on her in a mean girl way the guys don’t pick up on. She has no filter, and this causes issues with Jana especially.

[coochiequeens]

Another freak who the that the gender cult should be distancing themselves from. And everyone should be ensuring he's kept away from kids.

By Genevieve Gluck July 8, 2024

CONTENT NOTICE: This article contains graphic mention of child sexual abuse and child physical abuse. Reader discretion is appreciated.

Reduxx has learned that a Professor Emeritus at California State University and a top consultant to the world’s leading transgender health authority directly contributed to an erotic story featuring themes of the graphic mutilation and sexual slavery of children.

In 2022, Reduxx exposed a number of academics for their role in a disturbing website known as the Eunuch Archive, a long-standing forum which hosts nearly 10,000 “erotic” stories of an extreme sadomasochistic nature. In addition to hosting the fantasy material, a discussion forum exists to provide support and community to men who identify as “eunuchs,” and seek to be or are already castrated.

The investigation into the Eunuch Archive began after it was directly referenced in a document drafted by the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), an international body which sets the standards for transgender healthcare. In a draft of their Standards of Care 8, WPATH included a chapter on a “eunuch gender identity,” which it defined as men who “wish to eliminate masculine physical features, masculine genitals, or genital functioning.”

Mentioned as a source in the chapter was the Eunuch Archive and its collection of castration fantasy material.

Though members of the deranged forum attempted to remain anonymous, Reduxx was able to unmask some of the top contributors and administrators, learning that at least three of them were academics with direct ties to WPATH.

One, Richard J. Wassersug, has for over 20 years used the alias “Eunuchunique”on the forum. Wassersug was an Honorary professor in the Department of Cellular and Physiological Sciences at the University of British Columbia, but has also been affiliated with Dalhousie and La Trobe Universities.

Another, Krister H. Willette, who has been active in the community since 1998, uses the screen name “Kristoff.” While a third, and arguably the most well-regarded member of the forum, was revealed to be Thomas W. Johnson, a professor emeritus at California State University-Chico who has lectured extensively on gender dysphoria and “expanding the transgender umbrella.” Johnson utilized the moniker “Jesus” on the Eunuch Archive and registered with the forum in 2001.

While all three men have direct connections to WPATH and contributed to papers and conferences organized by the association, documents provided as evidence in an ongoing court case have recently revealed that Johnson, the chapter lead for WPATH’s “eunuch” update in the Standards of Care 8, had apparently attempted to suppress internal concerns about the promotion of a ‘eunuch gender identity’.

This revelation comes just as Reduxx has now obtained confirmation that Johnson was directly participating in ghostwriting disturbing fantasies about castrating boys under his anonymous screen name.

One notable example is a story titled “Larry,” which is prefaced as being an “original nightmare by Jesus.” The story is written in an imaginary future where the law allows any adult to “sell himself or herself, or any parent to sell a child over the age of 10.”

The story’s narrator is a pedophilic slave trader who buys “attractive” children from destitute mothers following the abolishment of government assistance. While employing heavily racist tropes, the narrator purchases the titular character, a 10-year-old Black child, from his impoverished mother.

The narrator boasts of buying many children, presumably primarily Black, from “the projects,” and suggests the mothers are single parents and drug addicts.

“I marveled at the social disintegration that had gone on in the Projects since the end of welfare and the explosion of drug addiction. I could see the mother planning what she could do with a little more drug money. At least ten year olds were almost always clean,” the story reads from the narrator’s perspective. “When someone brought in a twelve year old, I always had to worry about drugs. After all, getting them detoxed and healthy again for resale was time-consuming and expensive.”

Not even halfway into the story, the 10-year-old child is put in chains and iron restraints before being castrated without anesthetic.

An excerpt from “Larry.”

During a physical examination conducted by the narrator, the child is described as “even more beautiful without his clothes.” The narrator is later described as sharing a bed with the boy and “massaging his little genitals.”

Under his moniker, Johnson also encouraged site members to submit fantasies of castrating children in a dystopian setting wherein eugenics had become enforced by the government. The framework for the fictional world was drafted by a site member who called himself Erik, in a story titled “The Making of the Modern World.”

“Erik and I would both like to encourage readers to create additional stories for the Archive set in this future world. Erik would like first person accounts of boys becoming drones,” Johnson wrote as “Jesus.”

Within Erik’s “world,” an authoritarian government had passed The Eugenics Act, which “required the examination of all children, nation-wide, during their fourteenth year to determine whether or not they were fit to reproduce.” Children who are not deemed intelligent enough are “sterilized.”

But using his real name, Johnson has become known for his influence in the push to normalize “eunuch identities.” But his efforts have not been met without some resistance in the medical community, even amongst the WPATH members themselves.

Newly released internal records show that many WPATH members opposed the inclusion of the “eunuch” chapter in the most recent Standards of Care. The records were presented in the legal dispute Boe v. Marshall, taking place in the District Court of Alabama, which seeks to prohibit the medical ‘transitioning’ of minors.

Heavily redacted emails exchanged between WPATH members and an anonymized individual who claims to be the Eunuch chapter lead – a title held by Johnson – show many questioning the logic behind it.

“I struggle with the concept of ‘Eunuch as a gender identity’, but not with the concept of ‘Eunuch as an identity’; I can understand (I think) ‘someone who identifies as Eunuch and experiences gender dysphoria (or gender incongruence), but struggle with the concept of subsuming ‘Eunuch’ as an identity under TGD,” reads one of the emails, the author of which is unknown.

Another email shows an unnamed individual expressing confusion over two “controversial” chapters of the SOC-8, including the Eunuch category, which “makes no sense.”

“I would really appreciate a chat with you about this before I step up, because I am not letting this go for the sake of anyone other than following logic and reason,” the WPATH member states.

Yet another individual whose name has been redacted wrote in detail about “very serious misgivings” regarding the Eunuch recommendations, stating bluntly that the definition of a eunuch is “a man who has been castrated.”

The writer continues: “There is the creation of a new term, ‘male-to-eunuch gender dysphoria’, which does not exist in any diagnostic health classification system… The majority of published reference works in this Chapter stems from one single person, who – as far as I am aware of, is not a HP [health practitioner].”

“I have been working full-time as a trans health specialist… since 2007. Our Centre has approximately 3000 current patients and we receive in excess of [one] thousand new referrals per annum. I have NEVER met a patient who identified as Eunuch and consequently, I am extremely skeptical about the veracity of this Chapter.”

“As the chapter lead for the WPATH Standards of Care chapter on eunuchs, I was very surprised and disappointed by your very long set of comments about the chapter. Yours was one of the longest and the most negative,” reads the email.

The message goes on to defend the Eunuch chapter of the SOC-8 by citing research conducted among members of an anonymous sadomasochistic castration fetish forum. This research, the email’s author notes, were published by WPATH within the International Journal of Transgenderism.

The first paper, published in 2010, establishes “the development of standards of care for individuals with a male-to-eunuch gender identity disorder.” The second paper, dated 2016, calls for “recognition of gender variants outside the binary in WPATH Standards of Care.”

However, despite the stated objections shared internally, the Eunuch chapter was included in the final version of the SOC-8.

Additionally, when WPATH released the SOC-8 in September 2022, the guidelines had done away with specific age restrictions on medical ‘transitioning’ entirely, and reduced the age at which youth could potentially receive “puberty-blocking” drugs, cross-sex hormones, and surgeries.

[sinvulkt]

Pathetic by Udekai ( @udekai )

Serie with 15 works. Ongoing, 188k words.

*** ** * ** ***

Part 1, chap 7:

Didn’t deserve it. Nobody does. Happens anyway. You deserve help. Temptation. Something he could not have- did not need to be reminded. Stop dangling it in front of him.   Love. Addiction. Keep it away. Couldn’t have that, either.   Comfort. Please. What? What comfort?   Something stopped him from abusing the voice in his head. Not compassion.   Fuck off.   A couple of beats of silence. He found himself regretting the thought, though it was the right thing to think. The right thing to do. Leave him alone.   Still here.   Matt swallowed thickly. His skin was clammy and cold, his hair plastered to his forehead from leftover sweat. It was turning into a gel. He was disgusting. Disgusting. Beautiful. Loved.   It wasn’t as easy to smile at this one; the last path he went down, the last train of thought- that one was a comedian. He didn’t know what this one was. He could only manage the vaguest smirk.   I’d like to be alone now, he thought, more gently than he'd like. More fragile, like he was pleading.   You are.   Matt won. He fucking won.

Part 1, chap 8:

Good job, dad! You did it.    A giggle bubbled up in him that turned into an earnest laugh. He threw his head back and chuckled until he had to wipe a tear from his eye. It took a moment to settle down, laughter still bouncing off of the distant hills.   What a fucking way to get something done. Absolutely insane.   Of course, that was somebody else that dear ol' dad died for. Some schmuck with big, hopeful dreams and a soul. Matt didn't have either of those things. Didn't need them. Anything he didn't already have, he had the tools to acquire, and in the absence of anything worthwhile, he planned to take whatever he wanted. The world that forgot him would know his name, but they wouldn't dare say it aloud.   He wasn't supposed to be like this, but they didn't call men "self-made" because they came out of factories. He would build himself out of blood and money, and carve what he was owed out of the same breed of people that put him here.   Prissy PR executives. Slimy, ineffective lawyers. Guns for hire. Desperate, stupid people. Any one of them could be snapped, just as he had. Even the Hand would bow.   A king, at last.

Because laughing in the face of despair... is the right way to go.

Part 10, chapter 25:

There was anger in him. Matt, at his core, was vengeful, but he had not known this kind of raw rage since he was a child. He felt unstable and volatile; running on natural gas that had yet to catch a spark.   He didn't know what he was so pissy about. Maybe he was angry that there were so many obstacles between him and being known, or that he wanted to be known in the first place, or that he couldn't allow himself to be known.   Maybe a mixture of all of them. He wanted, and he could not have, and maybe it was as simple as that. Maybe the familiarity of this bitter taste on the back of his tongue was what inspired it: because he did know this. He knew temptation like an old enemy: he wanted a father, he wanted a family, he wanted his mother when the blood dried between his fingers, he wanted to run away with someone who understood, he wanted vengeance without cost, he wanted the world to see what they had created and weep with apology.   He wanted to be mourned.   He wanted, and he could not have.

[eva-reviews]

All About Love by Bell Hooks -- A Review

Trigger Warnings: Sexism, misogyny, abandonment, mentions of homophobia, child abuse, spousal abuse, emotional mutilation, gaslighting, death, grieving, racism, mentions of addiction, brief mention of suicidal ideation, body shaming, mental illness. 

My Rating 

8/10. This was such an introspective book, it made me question and reflect on myself and how I view love, and it made me question society. How the patriarchy is so detrimental to our act of loving, how pessimistic younger generations are towards love, and how toxic love can be when it is not truly love.

 Some people feel it is too religious, however; I feel she mentions Christianity in passing, using it as an example. Other than the last chapter, Hooks does not rely on the Bible heavily, even then it is used as a reflection of her own life, and an example of love. 

Overview

What is Love? Why are we so affected by love and why does it hurt so much when we experience hardships in love, even when we know it is hurting us? Love is so complex, how do you describe such a multi-faceted idea? Bell Hooks not only describes what love is, but she also teaches us how to change our idea of love, how love has gained such negative ideation due to the patriarchy, and why men have such a bad view of love. Learn how to change your idea of society and relationships in 13, insightful, chapters.

My Thoughts 

Although this is my first review of a non-fiction book, it is not my first encounter with Bell Hooks. I have adored her work ever since studying her in my Women and Gender course in University. Each time I read her, I learn something new about myself or society, and I am always intrigued by her insights.

I never thought that I viewed love with such a negative connotation until I read All About Love: New Visions. And let me tell you, I learned a lot about myself, society, how I viewed love and how sexist society's ideas of love really is. One of Hooks’ main points that she was very adamant about getting across, was the definition of love. “To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients-care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication” (pg 5) when love is defined as this, I realize how past partners and family, truly did not love me. To love someone is to wish them to be the best versions of themselves, no matter what. People have a hard time watching others succeed where they could not, this drives people to diminish or even destroy others' accomplishments. This could be a daughter graduating College/University and getting their dream job, and her mother remembers how she struggled in school and had children, so she gave up her dreams. Now she is bitter and belittles her daughter, jealous of her life and achievements. She still loves her daughter, but she has let her hurt cloud her love so it is no longer pure. 

Hooks states that childhood is the first place we learn what love is. This is what shapes us into the adults we become, this can be so detrimental because as adults who have normalized abusive tendencies from their own childhoods now teach their children it is ok to gaslight or manipulate people for love. Most young children don't understand love as a complex idea, most think love is the good feeling you get when someone praises you or says something nice to you. Children think, “Dad said he is happy I cleansed my room, that makes me feel good. That must be love” or “Mom is happy when I let others go first, that makes me happy, that must be love”. Many parents praise children for good behaviour, good grades, or putting others before themselves, which are good things, but when this is the only thing that you are praised on, later on as adults, you have conditioned yourself to be a people pleaser, or to expect greatness where it is not possible, or that you are not worthy of love if you put yourself first. This is where we get self-destructive tendencies, university students burning out because they can’t always get 90s, and they run themselves into the ground by “disciplining” themselves if they don't meet their absurd expectations. 

By changing our idea of what love looks like, we can allow ourselves compassion, sympathy and understanding. To love ourselves is truly the way to love others, we must heal to be able to nurture another. And to heal we have to accept that we have been hurt by those we love, it does not make you a bad person to think of your childhood as abusive. Although love can not exist in a place where someone is hurting you, this does not mean that they do not care for you and you don't have affection for them. To heal, you have to understand that not everyone is able to love fully and completely. This does not make these people broken, merely hurt. They must confront their own mistakes and past hurts and traumas to be able to love completely and fully. Hurt people hurt people, whether they mean to or not.  

Bell Hooks always gets me thinking, and I really appreciate that. This book has been profoundly reflective for me and has changed my view on love and how the patriarchy affects everyone, not just women. Love is truly transformative and not as mystical as people often make it out to be. I have also learned not to accept being treated poorly under the guise of love. I deserve much more and need to respect myself as much as I respect others.

Conclusion

I think this book is important. Even if you are hesitant because you think you know everything about love, find it cheesy or stupid, or feel that love is not important to you because you are single, there is much to learn if you are willing to acknowledge how much you don’t know. What society has taught us about love is so muddled and rooted in misogynistic thought that it will surprise you.

[orithyia-eriphyle]

Drive

Chapter 1: Muddy Water Previous Drive Masterlist Next

Word Count: 3.1k

Stray Kids x Fem! Reader (Street Racing AU)

Synopsis: Street racing had always been your thing. You used to do it for the cash but slowly got addicted to the adrenaline rush it gave you, making it your number one source of entertainment (and income). Bored with the competition in Busan, you move to Seoul in hope of higher stakes. Thus, resulting in a rollercoaster of events involving 8 unusually attractive men.

Warnings: Cursing, violence, drug abuse (not by the reader or the boys), sexual innuendoes, and alcohol consumption. 

"Innie?" You spoke in shock. How the hell did he get your number. Why did he get your number?

"I guess you do remember me. That's good." You rolled your eyes, "Stop being cryptic. Why are you calling?" You spoke, cutting straight to the point.

You heard a sigh from the other end of the line, "I saw you in the book store on Jongno but I wanted to be sure it was you. I didn't know you moved to Seoul." The boy rattled out, awaiting your answer. "That's probably because we haven't spoken in a year, Innie."

You heard the younger boy laugh, "I'm sorry about that. I got caught up in a bunch of stuff right after moving here." You raised a brow at his response, "Better not be anything illegal." Jeongin scoffed, "Like you're one to talk." He quipped back. You furrowed your brows, your tongue poking at the inside of your cheek, "Oh yeah? What do you mean by that, Innie?" Your voice sterner.

You heard the boy gulp, "I know about the street racing, Noona."

Okay well, that was news to you.

You paused before responding, Jeongin waiting on the other line with bated breath. "How'd you find out about that?" You questioned. You never spoke about your secret hobby with the younger boy. Doing anything you could to keep him away from things like that.

"Do you want to talk about this over lunch tomorrow?" Jeongin asked warily. You huffed a breath, mulling over the idea. "Fine. Text me the time and place." You didn't give him a chance to respond, hanging up on him right after you finished speaking. You looked down at your phone before throwing it onto the cushion adjacent to you. You took another swig of beer before getting up.

Tomorrow's conversation will definitely be an interesting one.

***

You woke up early the next morning, looking at your phone to see a text from Jeongin. As you had told him to do, he had sent the time and place.

You made sure to eat a hearty breakfast in order to prepare yourself for the sudden reunion you would be having later. You quickly got dressed, attempting to at least look presentable. You chose a casual outfit: a ratty old Megadeth t-shirt, stressed mom jeans, and your black converse.

You took one last glance out the mirror before grabbing your bag and keys and heading out the door.

You took the elevator down to the lobby of the apartment, stopping in the parking lot once noticing a man gazing at your car. You approached him quietly, the man clearly not hearing the sounds of your footsteps on the concrete.

"You like it?" You said, the man's head shooting up as he turned to look at you. He paused, seemingly contemplating what to say. "Yeah, I was about to leave but had to stop and take a look." He said. You smirked, crossing your arms over your chest, "You a car guy?"

The corner of the man's lips twitching in an almost smile, his eyes flashing with something you couldn't decipher. "You could say that." You quirked a brow, "What's your name?" The man crossed his arms, mirroring your posture, "Usually the one initiating the conversation introduces themself first." He said, a smug smirk painted on his lips.

You scoffed playfully, "You're the one creeping next to a lady's car." The man shrugged, seemingly agreeing with you. "Alright then. I'm Lee Minho." You smiled, sticking your hand out for a shake, "Nice to meet you Lee Minho, I'm (Y/n)." Minho smiled lightly, taking your hand in his and giving it a firm shake.

You let go, glancing down at your phone for the time. "Well if you'll excuse me Minho, I've got somewhere to be." Minho nodded, moving out of your way. You unlocked your car, throwing your purse into the passenger seat. You got in, pausing before closing the door and glancing up at your new acquaintance, "I'll see you later?" You phrased it as a question but already knew the answer. Minho shoved his hands in his pockets, a smirk on his lips. "You can count on it."

You peeled out of the parking lot, failing to notice the attractive Mitsubishi parked amongst the other cars.

***

You pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant that Jeongin had requested you to meet at. Parking next to a black Toyota Supra MK IV. The car looked well-kept. Your dad taught you to park next to someone who looks like they take good care of their car because they'll be the least likely to door-ding you.

You stepped out of the car and slung your purse over your shoulder, shutting the door and locking it as you walked away. You approached the restaurant, pushing open the sleek black doors with both hands. The hostess looked up as you approached her podium, you giving her a polite smile.

"Welcome to Mingles! How many people in your party?" The young woman asked, "Uh actually is there a Yang Jeongin here? I'm supposed to be meeting him for lunch." You said, shifting your weight from hip to hip.

The young woman's eyes shot up, seemingly shocked by what you said. She cleared her throat before continuing, "O-oh! You must be Miss. (Y/n)! Mr. Yang has been expecting you!" You raised a brow at the 'Mr.' You were pretty sure this woman was older than Jeongin.

Your train of thought was cut off when the woman waved you in her direction, "Please follow me!" You obliged and followed her, slowly becoming more skeptical as she brought you to the back of the restaurant. She stopped at a door and knocked, "Mr. Yang, Miss. (L/n) is here!" You heard a faint 'come in' from the other side of the door.

The hostess was going to reach for the handle until you stopped here, grabbing the handle yourself. You smirked at her, "I'll take it from here. Thank you for showing me to my table." The woman gulped before nodding and walking back to her hostess stand.

You pressed down the handle, pushing open the door and stepping into the private room. You closed the door behind you and turned to look at the younger man in the room. "Good to see you, Mr. Yang." You said in a teasing manner. Jeongin threw his head back and stood to greet you, "Aish, Noona! It's Innie to you." He said stepping forward to wrap you in a hug. You contemplated reciprocating the hug but you missed the kid too much to be petty.

"Okay, Innie, why do I feel like I'm meeting with a mafia boss?" You said, quirking a brow in question. Jeongin shook his head as he pulled your chair out for you, which you gratefully took.

"It's nothing like that Noona. I just like my privacy." He spoke. "How have you been doing?" You rolled your eyes at the generic question. "Cut the shit, Innie. I want to know how you found out about my little hobby." You said, your body leaning back against your chair and your hands tucked into your coat pockets.

Jeongin sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, "Well it was when you were over at my place one time, you know, the day we binged all the Harry Potter movies?" He said, attempting to lighten the mood. You didn't react, causing the man to frown. "You got up to take a call and went down to my room for privacy." He started, "While you were in there, I got up to go to the bathroom and overheard your conversation."

Jeongin looked down at his interlaced fingers in his lap sheepishly, "I wasn't trying to snoop, Noona. I just wanted to know why you had to leave every night and come home so late." You raised a brow, "What did you hear me say?" You spoke questioningly.

"I heard you exchange a time and address with someone, I couldn't tell who. I figured I would go there that night too, just to check it out and leave." You scoffed at the boy's admission, "That's rather stalkerish of you, Innie." You spoke, a slight frown making its way onto your lips.

Jeongin snapped his head up and waved his hands as if to dismiss your accusation. "No! I swear it wasn't like that!" He paused before sighing and slouching back in his seat. "Honestly, I thought you were out partying at night. You always left dressed nicer than usual and came back smelling like booze and weed. I was worried, Noona. That's all."

Jeongin finished his spiel, not looking up from the wooden table in front of him. Both of you snapped to attention when you heard the rapping of knuckles on wood, looking to the door of the private room to see a waiter enter with a pen and paper in hand.

"Hello! My name is Dae-Hyun, I'll be your waiter today! What can I get you?" The overly cheerful teenager spoke. You and Jeongin quickly ordered and sat in silence for a good few minutes after the waiter left.

You broke the silence with a question. "What did you think of me?" Jeongin looked up at you, "What do you mean?" You blew air out your nose and cracked your neck before elaborating, nervous about what the boy's answer may be. "After you found out what I was doing, what did you think of me?"

Jeongin thought for a moment before a small smile broke out on his face, his dimples on full display. "I actually thought you were pretty badass." You raised a brow, an amused smirk playing on your lips. "Oh yeah? Why's that?" You said, taking a sip of your water.

"I'm not really sure. I guess I thought it was cool that I was roommates with someone who could drive like they were out of The Fast and the Furious franchise." You chuckled, the boy's smile increasing at the sound. "I was also glad you weren't actually getting drunk and smoking pot like I thought you were."

You smiled at him, "Being under the influence while driving isn't safe. You'll never catch me making that mistake Innie, trust me."

"I'm glad to hear that, Noona."

***

"This is seriously your car? What happened to that old beater?" You asked the younger boy as the two of you stood next to his car. Jeongin shrugged in an attempt to play off the questions. "If I tell you the truth will you be mad?" Jeongin replied, causing you to look up at him in suspicion. "Can't make any promises." You replied nonchalantly.

"I picked up street racing, like you. I eventually made enough money to upgrade." He said, looking away from you. You gaped at the man before pausing to mull over the new information.

"You know what? I'm not even mad." Jeongin perked up, "Really?" You shrugged, "Yeah. You're an adult and can do what you want. Plus, it would be hypocritical of me to criticize you." You said as you walked around the Toyota to get a better look. Jeongin chuckled lightly, "Maybe you can come race me some time."

You raised a brow, "I wouldn't want to crush your pride, Innie." You said teasingly. "You might have to work your way up the ladder before you can race me." Jeongin scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You haven't even seen me race yet, Noona. I could be better than you."

You laughed, "I know I'm better than you."

"And how is that?"

"Because you parked on the line."

"Oh my God."

***

You hummed as you stepped out of your car. You had just gotten back to your apartment complex and it was now pouring outside. You threw your hood up and started speed-walking to the entrance.

A distressed mewl caused you to pause in your steps. You looked around until you noticed a ginger puff of fur around the corner of the building. You approached it and noticed it was shivering, its fur soaking wet.

You knelt down next to the cat, reaching your hand out slowly so as to not alarm it. "Hey sweetie, are you cold?" You asked sweetly, trying your best not to scare the cat. Eventually, you were able to scratch behind its ears, the cat somewhat calm now.

You reached around to try and find a collar, coming up with nothing. "Well, you don't have a collar so I can't take you to your owner... but I don't want you staying out here either." You mumbled to yourself quietly. You thought for a moment before coming up with a conclusion. You figured you could take the cat back up to your place and warm it up. You would go around to the other apartments to see if he belonged to anyone.

You reached around the cat in an attempt to pick it up. The feline hissed violently and batted its paws at you. You pulled your hand back quickly, quick to notice the scratch marks and the blood beading along them. "Ow. You're an evil little thing."

Eventually, you managed to wrangle the cat into the entrance and up to your apartment. Not without some scratches that showed evidence of your showdown with the ginger feline.

You set the cat down on your wooden floors, its eyes moving around to take in the new location. "Now, I'm going to go run you a warm bath." You said, not excited for the potential fight that you'll have to go to just to get the cat in the water.

You filled up the tub, but not enough to go past the cat's legs. After checking to make sure it wasn't too hot or too cold, you left in search of the cat. You found him laying on your windowsill, staring out at the city landscape. "Hey, kitty, ready for your bath?" You said, scratching him between the ears. The cat glared at you, almost as if he understood what you were saying. "Don't look at me like that, demon."

You picked up the cat, the feline much calmer now that it wasn't in the freezing rain.

Although you were sure your luck would run out as soon as you tried putting him in the tub.

***

You were right. The cat fought against you for the entire length of the bath. By the end of it, you were just as unhappy as he was.

You hissed as you rinsed your hands under the faucet of your bathroom sink, the warm water causing your new wounds to sting. "This is what I get for being nice." You mumbled, completely done with the demon that is disguised as a cat.

After changing shirts (because the fight with the cat completely soaked your other one) you left with the cat in search of his owner. You held the cat in one arm as you went door to door. Some people said they'd seen him around here before but are not sure who he belonged to.

You had completed knocking on all the doors to the right of your place, planning on now knocking on the ones to your left.

You approached your neighbor's door, raising your fist to knock before the wooden door swung open. "You found Soonie?!" The man spoke. You paused before recognizing him to be the man you had met in the parking lot earlier, Lee Minho.

You coughed awkwardly, "Well, I assume this is your cat then?" You said, holding the cat out to him. Minho eagerly took the Soonie out of your hands, stroking between its ears. "I've been looking everywhere for him. Where did you find him?" Minho asked, eyes locked on yours.

"I saw him outside by the lobby doors when I returned from lunch earlier. He was soaked but I didn't see a collar so I took him back to my place and cleaned him up before looking for his owner." You explained, looking down at the feline who was now snoozing in Minho's arms.

"Well, thank you. I feel like I should compensate you for causing trouble." Minho said, looking about ready to reach for his wallet. You waved your hand in dismissal before crossing your arms. "Nah it's fine. I didn't do it for a reward." You said nonchalantly, Minho smirking at you. "Looks like he got you good." He said, covering his mild worry with a smug smile.

You looked down at your arms littered with cat scratches, sighing quietly through your nose. "I'll have to stop by the store for some band-aids." You breathed out, Minho shaking his head in response. "Nonsense. I have some... If you would like to come in for a moment." Minho said with a quirked brow. You shrugged, "Why not."

***

"I'm sorry about Soonie," Minho said as he wiped at the cuts that littered your arm with an alcohol swab. "It's no big deal. He was an asshole but it was worth it." You said, your eyes following the movements of his hands. Minho chuckled, running his fingers over the bandages one last time before looking back up at you. "All done. Is that feeling better?"

You wiggled your fingers, the feeling of the bandaids between them odd. "Much better. Thank you, Minho." Minho smiled and stood, you following close behind as the two of you exited his bathroom.

Now, Minho definitely is not the most sociable person. At first, he only invited you in because he genuinely felt bad about the trouble you had gone through for his cat. But whilst he sat there talking with you in the bathroom and thinking of your conversation from earlier, he realized he could use a friend. One outside of his... job. And so far he has gotten along quite well with you. You also seemed to like cats so that was a plus.

Minho paused in the hallway of his apartment and turned to look at you, "Would you like to stay a little longer?" He said, a little awkwardly, not used to initiating things like this.

You stopped walking and smiled at the man and smiled, "Sure, I could use a friend."

***

[midnight-dreamerness]

Wild

Chapter 8: Damaged Goods

(This is NOT my gif. Credit to the creator <3)

series summary: you are wild and just what he needs

chapter summary: your past has always stayed hidden, but somehow you felt the need to tell him

pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

warning: mentions of abuse, curse words, little angst

word count: 1k

A/N: For some reason, I don't like this chapter. Hope you enjoy it anyway <3

~

Jay knew a lot of things about you. Like a lot, but there were certain things you hid from him. Like how awful your childhood was and how you were practically abandoned by your birth giver and forced to fend for yourself. He always wondered, especially after that night he picked you up from the club, saved you from the man in the alley,, and you had told him what your mother had said. He never brought it up, thankfully. He knew you’d tell him when you were ready. He thought it would be a little while longer. You didn’t seem ready to open up about the trauma you went through, he only assured you he’d be there when you were ready.

But things change and you now stood in front of your mother in the restaurant you were currently eating at with your friends. You sent Jay a quick text as he was only outside the restaurant where he waited to pick you up after calling him saying you were finished.

If you don’t come and stop me, I might kill her.

Although amused, he knew how you were and you actually might throw a couple punches and end up in a jail cell. He wasn’t even sure who you were talking about but still, he walked right into the restaurant and heard the sounds of a woman shouting.

“You ungrateful little bitch!”

You were beginning to boil over at this point. The woman before you had done nothing but ruin you ever since you took your first breath and you were over it completely. You were done allowing her to bring you down.

“What’s going on here?” Jay asked, waltzing right up to you and your mother. The room was silent as the both of you stared each other down.

“None of your business so why don’t you just leave us be. Hm?” Your mother commented, placing her hand on her hips.

“Don’t talk to him like that.” You snapped, stepping forward. Jay was quick to pull you to his side, scared of what you might do.

“Oh no. Another one? I wonder how long this one will last. Good luck, son. You’re gonna need it. She’s a heartbreaker.”

You gaped at her words, mouth falling open in shock. You started towards her again only to be caught by Jay's arms wrapping around your waist and his lips coming to your ear, whispering assurances as you watched your mother walk away.

You said nothing the whole way home, reeling from what had just happened and how you had once again let her get to you. You knew Jay wanted to ask you what that was about, why you both hated each other.

As you entered the house together, you kicked off your heels and fell onto the couch, pulling a throw pillow into your lap and rolling the fabric between the pads of your fingers, something you did when you were nervous or deep in thought, Jay had realized.

“She wasn’t addicted to drugs. Or even an alcoholic. She was just evil. Always making snide comments about my appearance or how I wouldn’t be anything but a random girl taking up another man's bed. And she was right. So instead of letting men break my heart, I broke theirs.”

You continued on explaining your past to him and why you held everything in and never wanted him to see you at your most vulnerable.

You remember the look in her eyes as you grew up alone, no one at your side. No friends, no family. Just a cold mother with harsh hands and even harsher words that crushed your delicate little soul. At six years old all you could remember was the sound of how pathetic and ugly you were. At ten you were then forced to cook and clean up after her, all the while she made fun of you. At twelve is when she started telling you how you’d be nothing but a man's whore. At sixteen she told you that you should start selling your body because there was no way you’d make anything of yourself.

“Who am I kidding, you aren’t even pretty enough to be a hooker,” she had laughed before putting the cigarette back between her lips.

You remember crying yourself to sleep almost every night. You remember feeling worthless and most of all, you remember hating yourself.

When you had your first boyfriend, you loved him very much, you thought he’d be the one to save you.

“He doesn’t love you, buttercup. You’re damaged goods.”

You told her she was lying, and that he loved you. She was right though, the cheating that occurred only days later, showed that for sure.

You sat beside her chair, crying at her feet while her non-dominant hand patted you on the head like you were a dog.

“No one will love you, girl. It’s best if you understand that now.”

She mocked you for showing emotion. She hit you for crying. She hated you for being born, and she wished she never had you. And she made sure you knew it.

So you stopped caring. Instead of having your heart broken, you started breaking hearts. It was easier that way. It was easy to build up a wall and never let anyone in. Saving yourself from ultimately what you thought would be your end.

Jay listened the entire time, taking in everything you had spilled. He saw a side of you that night after the club that he wasn’t sure you were capable of showing, if he was being honest. But you were human. And you were broken. A broken little girl, who was abused, abandoned and trusted no one with her heart. He was bound to show you different, bound to show you that it was okay to show how you were feeling. That it was okay to trust and that not everyone was out to hurt or leave you.

His heart ached, wishing he had been more grateful for the childhood he was given, that looked perfect compared to what yours looked like.

He held you close, his arms encapsulating your fragile body as you cried into him. You never told anyone. No one knew what you went though, not even your friends.

“I got you,” he whispered into your ear before lifting your chin so you were looking at him. “Hey, you deserve to be loved, and you are not damaged. Don’t think any different. Okay?”

You nodded, sniffing before stuffing your face back into the crook of his neck.

Maybe I do deserve to be loved…you thought, hands gripping onto his shirt.

~

@stephanie708 @sofferderynnp @nevertoofarfromivar @mrspeacem1nusone

[problematicpervertpod]

recs on recs on recs

Yaoi/Manga I’m reading/have read. Please support the artists on official websites. If you have recs or want to chat about any of these get in my messages right the fuck now my dudes. Also spoilers, also this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, also I think I’m funny sorry in advance.

Dangerous Convenience Store

Tags: Ongoing, self aware lead for the most part, gangs, smut, love triangle, possessive, not rapey, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, college, age gap, good art, muscular bodies, seme is adorable/romantic in sp chapters, sexual awakening, meeting the gang (in two ways!), FAINTS OF CUTENESS/HOTNESS, the memes after every chapter got me gagged, HAHE hahahahahahahahahaha, OMG DO I GET SOME CNC?! (update: short lived), we stan a vocal man (Ahjussi), thigh fucking, my mans be like my thighs hurt fuck my ass instead DECEASED, ass smacking, these memes are so good god damnit, rimming

8/10, I live for Ahjussi (Am I spelling this wrong..)

The New Employee 

-love love love

Tags: ongoing, we stan supportive boyfriends, healthy relationship, boss/employee, smut, office setting, good art, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Love Shuttle

Tags: completed, ABO, enemies to lovers, possessive, coworkers, fake relationship, strong omega, the art sucks but I like the story, art gets better after the 1st season, alphas eyes change colors when happy/anxious, muscular bodies, 7/10, update 10/10 art is meh but fml this storyline is basic af in the best way and it’s the fluff/smut I need, when you’re caught by the folks *cringe*

Hold Me Tight

Tags: ongoing, boss/employee, bodyguard, gio can’t feel heat until felix comes along, uke is strong af, horny bastards, smut, possessive, tragic childhood, moving in together right away, rich seme, felix in a bunny costume though *heart eyes*, dialogue is great, rape in a technical sense but the vibe is written like both characters are all good after? Ex. hospital scene…dub con, ART IS GREAT, hand holding during sex, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Yours to Claim 

Tags: ongoing, love triangle, Dom/sub dynamics, smut, main is big switch energy, reincarnation, jealousy, manipulative, possessive, self aware lead for the most part, toxic af, GREAT ART, college, rich semes, 10/10 will re-read and not even finished, SONOFABITCH that cliff hanger!! Season 3 come thruuuu (I have to wait until November? *cries* BUT MAH LOVE TRIANGLE!!, I want a THROUPLE GOD DAMN IT

The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Tags: obsessed with this story, will the incense burner scenes make it?? No tags because I'll never forget this one haha wangxian 5ever, send me all fanfics/fan art you have about this story, love Dark Wangji, Jadecest, ABO/omegaverse, Bottom Wangji/Top Wei Ying, and honestly anything regarding this fandom

Bj Alex

Tags: completed, great art, 11/10 will re-read, cam boy, fanboy, seme is an asshole, uke is so sexy, jealously, rich seme, enemies to lovers kind of?, CHANWOO IS MY BOY FOR LIFE, Chanwoo MD supremacy, BDSM (like really really), fuck I love Chanwoo, college students, rich seme, emotional rollercoaster, uke soft body, mean seme, college life, that one nosy bitch ass guy trying to expose my boys needs to fuck right off, seme split/fake personality, dub con 

Anti PT

Tags: ongoing, 11/10 re-readable, porn with feelings, love triangle, jealousy, attempted non-con, personal training wink wink, main love interest is actually the best, second male lead is a god damn creep, first time, smut, great art, sex addict/constantly horny uke, I WANT A HWI, 

Related: https://www.anime-planet.com/manga/anti-pt/recommendations 

Payback

Tags: ongoing, both are psychopaths tbh, revenge, gangs, uke sells himself to seme, violent seme, entertainment industry, brunette supremacy, what this motherfucker gonna do? hehe , great art, muscular bodies, dead dove do not eat, my mans must be GOOD looking/animal magnetism cause everyone losing their fucking minds, okay this is a comedy I’m dying, he tried to scare him with wanting to be a top but my psycho said REVERSEUNO BITCH I’M A VERSE (wait jk apparently *sigh*), anonymous masked sex (sad n’ kinky)

My Suha

Tags: ongoing, wow this gets dark, possessive af like holy shit, terrible people all around uke, rape, boss/employee, office politics/family politics, smut, characters that are punchable, dead dove do not eat, *velociraptor noises*, avoided this for a while but I’m back because nothing can be more emotionally devastating than Banana Fish, TIE HIM UP, FUCK HIS FACE ALKSJD:ASKD, FUCK SUHA UR SO HOT that dirty talk though YAS, glad I picked this back up lmao, GOD DAMN IT just when the package arrived then this red head fucker *screams*

Shame Application aka Dirty Vibration

Tags: completed, friends to lovers, model seme, cute af uke, love triangle, entertainment industry, smut, kink, all kinds of sex everywhere, realized feelings, mutual pining, jealousy, rich seme, blonde seme, big brother 1984 always watching, 10/10 would re-read, porn with plot, they were roommates!, ~straight~ seme, first times, great art, remembering some cringe but considering the story it’s par for the course

Will You Subscribe

Tags: ongoing, season 1 completed, enemies to lovers, cam boy, office politics, boss/employee, hiding a secret, public sex, stalkers/creepy men, emotionally stunted characters, mutual pining, idiots in lust, lingerie company, slut shaming, jealousy/possessiveness, season 2 bebeh, HOLDING HANDS *velociraptor noises*, LMAO okay my mans is not THAT old how tf does he not know netflix and chill, BUNNY COSTUME (quickly becoming my new fav trope in manga, A+ gang), oh we stan a good boy, wtf is wrong with wanting to do cam work, ‘I wish my marks could become permanent’ *omegaverse wink*, *works for lingerie company* *doesn’t understand where bf gets sexy costumes* like wut kind of fuckery…, cross dressing ftw, roleplay, classic BL miscommunication trope

Hyperventilation

Tags: completed, high school crush, unrequited love, mutual pining, smut, quickie (short story), class reunion, apparently furry with the extra chapter turning my man into a bunny but c'est la vie! https://myreadingmanga.info/korean-bl-animation-hyperventilation-engsub/ this is the animation of the same story, different endings but same in tone (this site is spammy AF but the English subs are so hard to find for this) 8/10 

Unmei no tsugai ga omae da nante

Tags: only one bed, ABO, office setting. Coworkers, enemies to lovers, competitive, equality in the omegaverse, dubcon, real dicks and not lightsabers, fated pair, art is cute af 8/10

K’s Secret

Tags: buckle up buttercup, dead dove do not eat, angst, pining, somnophilia, dub con, non con, boss/employee, manipulative, stalking, forced relationship, tragic childhood background, weird art but gets better,  uke: don’t threaten me with a good time but seriously stop threatening me, possessive & obsessive, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, wow were going full psycho stalker hm?, dating a narcissist is all fun and (mind)games, con non con… ? honestly who tf knows, domestic!, OW MY HEART, the t/n WAP note sent me, ch 51 translated by gen z, do special ep= furry? Wait there’s a maid costume, bunny costume, directors friends keeping it real, rough translations 8/10

Enthusiasm

Tags: ongoing, dead dove do not eat, uke buys seme, masc boys, muscular bodies, fight club, master/slave, rich uke, revenge, real dicks not lightsabers, rough sex, cuckholding, daddy issues, suicide, wow the end of ch 5 punched a hole in my heart, penile implant life,  rough translations makes the storyline wonky, nvm back to lightsabers *star wars noises*, HAD ME FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY I CAN NOT, shibari, possessive, wait this is cute *velociraptor noises*, angst, no kithes for you “bestie”, OBSESSED, honestly choke him pupper, STAY THE NIGHT ALKSDJA:SLDKJAS:LKDJA:SLDKj, problematic but I’m riding for these two, 

Ichimai Goshi Fetish

Tags: completed, short, fetishes DO start in childhood don’t they *ruminates*, author: describes ML as a beautiful 2D character meanwhile: ML IS 2D character, fellas is it gay to kiss the homies?, “real dudes don’t interest me” is a MOOD, comedy, jealousy, college setting, dialogue is A+, not lightsabers but not dicks either, first time, when you’re fucked so good you think you’ve died, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4uEq5Nx6ko, hero/villain roleplay. Fluff n smut 10/10

My Purrfect Boss

Tags: completed, tooth rotting fluff because blondie is so FUCKING cute little sensitive soul, golden retriever boyfriend, pure comedy, DECEASED, MY MAN JUST DID THE SLOW BLINK, office setting, boss/employee, ~wasted~ (red dead redemption meme),  FFS SO CUTE, he put a ring on it right away beyonce would be proud af, he protecc he attack but most importantly he hit it from the back, jealousy, honeymoon phase of dating, the ex is a snake (update: oh wow literally), I’m picking up abuse/PTSD vibes based on how Kang reacts to his ex :(, classic BL miscommunication plot, immediately no meme audio (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6XWSGfYnps) ,  I WILL STRAIGHT UP MURDER CHA WTF!!!!!!, gang rape, spiked with drugs that force heat, me rn:*screaming/rage*, psychotic ex/abuser, HE PROTECCC, actual relief after that scene jesus fuck, okay YES kings I see you, okay this is giving me cuteness aggression, hi yes I’d like to adopt a cat and a dog please 9/10

Following Namsoo to the Bathhouse

Tags: completed, same author as, “My Purrfect Boss”, A+ comedy once again, JUNIOR, gay awakening, “fap myself to death” DEAD, facial expressions are ridic, my minds telling me no but my body, my bodyyyy’s telling me yaaaaa, ya boy is literally losing his mind over this, actual lightsabers lmao, FLUFF, permasmile, 6969, THINKS THEY’RE GOING TO EAT RAMEN, dense gay, own your skin wtf okay hannibal calm down, everyone is officially cray,  ah I also am barfy when drunk, denial really is something hm, classic BL miscommunication plot, when people pleasing too far, happy ending 🥺🥰, side story: our crazy gets his very own crazy (ashton Kutcher from spread vibes), public sex, sex sparkle 9/10

Alien in my Closet

Tags: ongoing (maybe completed but def ongoing on the site I use), not rapey at all?? You’d think it’s impossible in this medium ffs, anti pt vibes, cute art, fluff ‘n smut, red head!!, they were roomates!, sex toys, bsdm, D/s (brat)dynamic or maybe owner/pet, bondage, *tiffany hadish voice* this is noiceeee, con humiliation/degradtion, SANTA CLAUS, edging, marking, one lotus please (he’s clearly read the 4 agreements and karma sutra), con non con, exhibitionism, the wrist thing stays on people, Katoptronophilia,  roleplay, is it stalking when you bring your friends?, lotus: welcome home cheater, the chin on the head thing gives me cuteness aggression, the twins are my favs, when ur crush vanilla af 😭, haesung: experiment on me daddy, no dick until halfway through/fingering supremacy, bedroom sessions has me gagged, voyeurism, wait they haven’t kissed this whole time I forgot (audio: https://www.tiktok.com/@ryley/video/6976701880277748997?lang=en), sunbae is sus, YES FINALLY A FUCKING SWITCH COUPLE AKJSDHALKSJDHASKLJDHALS KJDALKSJD (update: sort of), there’s a missed opportunity for an anal probe joke, damn it okay maybe sunbae is chill, 3 musketeers, my heart*implodes*, *velociraptor noises*, 12/10 would re-read such fluff my heart 

On Doorstep

Tags: completed, age gap, reese has ptsd, jimmy going from 0 to 100, jimmy really got down on his knees at work, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) deepest part you say, real dicks, ride him like a rodeo, quickie/short story, porn with plot

Gorani Jeon

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, no alpha though, animal hybrid, art is beautiful like it's drawn on paper not a screen, 40 inch weave yours came in a pack, historical (non-modern), lord send me a sexy man pls, the memes after each chapter are golden, taking the phrase licking wounds literally, is that an eggplant or are you just happy to see me hehe, ahhh so inhibitors do exist here, vertical 69, here lays Bau fucked to death by Ran, WHY HE TOUCHING MY MAN, these chickens are dope, stomp on his dick, that’s what I call a happy meal, fucked right out the front door I’M DEAD, mpreg, i need a tiger+mountain god spin off (whoops dad/son my bad), slice of life, cute fluff 8/10

Room to room

Tags: completed, college setting, A+ dialogue, absurd size difference, unrequited love,  sexsomina, dubcon, angst, death by a thousand cuts emotionally, insecurity, body envy, pining, friends to lovers, they were roommates!, homophobia, sexual assault, PTSD, gays in denial, the tattoo 🥺 ow my heart, truly this is 90% smut, “going from unrequited love to fwbs is shittier than I expected”, dowan *bad blood by t swift* when he sees garam, ch 22garam reminds me of my ex and that’s not a compliment, I’m not gay but my boyfriend is vibes, triflers need not apply, spanking, 😭😭😭😭😭 my heart hurts, is anyone getting a bit of a puppy play vibe? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vni9ZWmDXis, handcuffs, lots of head we stan, dowan’s gotta a touch of a foot thing or maybe body worship thing, asdlfgkjs ;dlkfgjsd;flkgj;sdflkgj;sdlfgjs;d/gkdf SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEE, roleplay. They broke the bed no use of crying over spilled milk ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), side stories delivering man in uniform and sex toys AND puppy, asdlkjaslfkasdjfl;askdfjasdf the shirt thing is so hot, watersports, I take it back this is 98% smut 9/10

Mistake Lover

Tags: completed, when ur bff is back on their BS, love triangle, coworkers, i swear all these ukes look the same to me at this point (which is very cute), GE!!!! (wangxian flashbacks), wait no smut?.... Paused

Yagi to ookami no hatsujou jijou

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, literally on my reading list because a comment said “nice cock 10/10”hahahaha, animal hybrids, scifi/aliens, me during chapter one: am I a furry? No. Am I? Relevant audio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noJNIqvDfoo, hotties when human GOD DAMN, bi king, okay I stan this girl changing gears take your opportunities honey!, does blondie have a tinder or how is this happening? (update: called it), feminization, dubcon/noncon, marking, heats, idk about 10/10 cock but not lightsabers, translation is ruff (get it?), a yankee hahaha, literal wound licking, googles chimera, *claps* yes king selfish call his ass out, tail holding caaaayoooot, not that isn’t usually copious amounts of cum but really this is a lot 8/10

Make Me Bark

Tags: completed, $250 a month rent?? *cries in Californian*, god damn it these grey haired 2D men are really hot fml, “next months rent is a looming concern but I hope it’ll get better” followed by apartment on fire is how I feel about reality, rare characters that smile way more than they frown, sex toys, kink, puppy play, owner/pet dynamic, sugar daddy/baby, college setting, harness, muzzle, leash, tail plug, shirt thing!!, soaked briefs, playing barbie IRL, omg meet cute at the adult store, intercrural sex, possessive/jealousy, ah fuck yes I saw this panel on IG but it didn’t have the source but now hehe, whipping, choking, spanking, *bookmarks*, simp city, childhood friends, side couple cute af, yeonsoo: sorry I’m an anti romantic, size queen, mens lingerie, domestic, mutual pining,  these bestie pairings are *chefs kiss*, skinny but muscular bodies/no ridiculous size differences, “does he have a big dick?” “probably” “well tell him to come” GAGGED AJKSDHALSKDJHA this dialogue pure comedy, exhibitionism, human auction, maid costume, men in heels, topping in a dress, girl at the bus stop HAHAHA, ffs this is so cute, side stories: it’s a small world afterall, dynamic role reversal, pink haired boy is guru, SCREAMING AKDJA:SLDKJA:LKDJA:LSDKJLAKDJA:LDJAL:SKDJASLKDJA:SLKDJLAKSDJLASDJ:LASJD:ALSKDJASL:DJ:ASLJDPUTARINGONIT!!!! 11/10 

Gurume no fukurami

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, food fetish, feeding fetish, age gap, throuple-eqsue? There’s 3 people involved, paused ch 1 pg 30

Under the Green Light

Tags: ongoing, thank you IG for rec’ing this, brunette supremacy, neurodivergent?, lmao @hag, this statue is everything I wonder if it’s based on a real piece?, we went from talking art to being pinned to the ground REAL quick, translations rough but not as rough as my mans here, draw me like one of your french girls vibe, sass master, these dicks are ridiculously huge which is saying something for this genre, i love a verse/switch, “first time he’s asked someone to stop so his self-esteem is hurt” HAHAHAHA, stealing bae’s shirt, facials galore, car sex/public sex, jin not into praise kink clearly, sort of slut shaming jealousy, marking

Walk on Water

Tags: completed, for being about porn it’s not that smutty (i take it back), “don’t even think about running away” got me like https://giphy.com/gifs/VABbCpX94WCfS, actual dicks (lightsabers later must be the cleaners not the OG), muscular bodies, blonde seme, brunette uke, k mcqueen is everything, honestly haven’t loved a couple this much since chanwoo x MD and I LOVE THEM, jealousy, orgasm denial, the angles/frames of the art in this are insane (11/10), emotional intimacy CUTENESS HASIHDLASKDHJLAKSJDH, i wanna lick lick lick you from your head to your toes, dirty talk A+, bestie you turned out to be Judas you judgy fuck how dare you touch my man, Ryan is 50 shades of fucked up bb needs therapy, Chang and yeowoons sexual tension is *chefs kiss*, I ship it/all my ships sailing, woof non con but expected tbh, YEAH BABY YEAH *Austin powers voice*, fml I don’t want this story to end, meeting the Hets ™ would make me nervous too, spiderman kith, mirror sex sjkadfhasldjkfh, 34+35, JOI but with a partner? Not D/s, promises are made to broken hehe, that feeling when you understand the title, omg the fan art is so cool!! 15/10 would re-read seriously I can’t explain how well the artist used angles/how she portrayed the scenes was fucking MASTERFUL

Woof Wolf

Tags: that's my best friend (saweetie), red heads, werewolf au, college setting, students, shoot a shot in your mouth while I'm riding, facials, marking

Sexual Awakening of an Ex Delinquent 

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, sexual coercion/non con/dub con, tiddies, bondage, nipple play, edging/orgasm denial, candy in ass wow, food kink, kink in general, rich seme working class uke, lightsabers,  big dick Jesus fuck, exhibitionism, public sex, men's lingerie, Blondie is a sweet baby angel, self hatred/homophobia, sexual narrating that has me like oof 😣 that's not how this works but okay, the sweet spots thing is a great line, man is a slave to the sweets, lmao at the meme at the end of ch 9 fucking facts, kidnapping plot, rapey guys all around this story, tattoo/back story reveal has me like *nods head yes*, my throats broken has me gagged, crazy amount of sfx noises that distract from the art (I really appreciate cleaners I realize), first times, rushed ending feels,  would rate 6/10 not terrible but probably won't read again.  

With Your Tail Yes

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, quickie/short story, on man brunette looks EXACTLY like a different character by another artist like for real duplicate, home boy pulled Elle Wood’s Bend n Snap and we are HERE FOR IT, lingerie/cross dressing, okay compilation of short stories, great artwork but wtf these are far too short (maybe uploaded wrong..?), *immediately makes deal with the devil because yum*, ah okay previews THEN stories, human animal hybrid situation, lightsabers, fucking imagine your crush delivery the sex toy you ordered online HAHA *dies*, buys toys because men ain’t shit is a VIBE, you know he’s always wearing matching sets because he’s 100% that bitch, dub con/non con, knotting (unexpected), exhibitionism, public sex, good ol’ fashion blackmail to get your lover to stay with you trope, sexual assault/attempted rape, victim blaming, shibari, leashes, D/brat dynamic sort of, copious amounts of cum, lube? What lube?, marathon sex, first time, 75 hours?? Immediately no meme, 7/10 mostly for art/concepts but not execution

Heat and Run

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, omegaverse, friends to enemies to lovers, multiple couples as main to sides then sides to mains, my heart dropped because I thought the first sex scene was incest but then realized I’m mixing up all the characters derp, dense gays, this is america (the shooting comment WOOF reality feels bad man), blondes have more fun, real dicks, dubcon/CNC dealers choice, mutual pining, idiots in love, big alpha energy BDE, there are moments I feel Hayoung on a spiritual level and not sure that’s a compliment hahaha, orgasm denial/edging, istg if he bonded without Hayoung permission *jenna marbles BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YOU BETTAH NOT*, also I was hoping the idol was him but realizing it’s probs his sis, *deep sigh*, BDIRL, wow racism, oh no oh no no no no no meme audio, listen everyone needs to get into therapy to break that generational trauma is all I’m saying (not excusing abuse at all, trauma isn’t a free pass), NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY A GAME WITHOUT KNOWING THE RULES :ALKSDHJALKSDJA:SLKDJTRUE, matthew singing bo burnham: I’m problematic *background singers ‘he’s a problem!’*, i ship it yolo, JAEHO STAN (no means no!), mpreg, god damn it I am so worried about him getting roofie and the party scene hasn’t even started ABO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TOO ME, OH THANK JAEHO, dayummmm that clapback was real fuck him UP, me clapping: MARK HIM MARK HIM, GOD DAMN IT WITH THESE ONGOING FUCKING CLIFF HANGERS FML, marked via knotting? Okay that’s new, but also like normal marking I think, fucking til bottom pees trope

Heaven Officials Blessing

Animated series season 1 complete. Live action currently filming (same director as Untamed too UGH SO HAPPY)

Tags: ongoing, same author as my fav ever MDZS, just finished season 1 animated on netflix and can no longer avoid this because I LOVE THEM, all the memes on IG make sense now, Prince voice: Dearly Beloved (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXJhDltzYVQ) we are gathered here today to dive deeper into a fandom I will never escape, ART IS AMAZING (https://tenor.com/view/incredible-talented-lady-brilliant-gaga-gif-14857187), group chats are always chaotic tbh, wait a minute meme audio: bride = bottom? How tf did I not get that the first time round *sigh* always hoping for a verse couple, the asst. Boys I ship hard, the sass, fuck this is going to just be pure angst isn’t it *straps in, has fluffy manga queued*, even if no smut 11/10 gege porn, not subtle, god FUCK this ART IS SO FUCKING GOOD THE TALENT skjas;ldkfja;, 🥺, traumatic cliff moment *mdzs flashbacks*, HC smirk is my new favorite thing, no fucking but lots of touching, size difference, horror, gore, wuxia, great side characters, my ear feels tingly too lmao, SOMEONE BETTER GET THESE MF SNAKES ON THIS MF PLANE (cliff), umbrella moments got me uwu, gimme at least didi pleaseandthankyou, FUCK I LOVE THIS ARTIST she keeping us WELL fed with these extras DAYUM, wind/earth master ship please sail, CALL ME DADDY IM DEAD, HC has LWJ energy like you are not qualified to talk to me LOL, WAIT this totally counts as there was only one bed trope, also I’m already excited about omegaverse ff (send me recs please please please)

4 week lovers

Tags: ongoing because apparently I want to torture myself, mutual pining/”unrequited love”, college life, friends to lovers, blackmail ur crush into sex trope, public sex, I was going to tag possessive body language but possessive in a general sense apparently (starting strong yessss), sure jan @unrequited love dialogue, THEY WERE ROOMMATES *cackles*, sus haha, rough translation, pure comedy, shirt thing!, casual abuse :( (back story, traumatic childhood), I’m getting TharnType vibes (but not quite…), that note is precious, cry during/after sex, great angles, dialogue A+ 

Burlesque Night

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, stripper/body guard, coworkers, lust at first sight, magic mike vibes, fridays = getting fucked on stage O-O, well that was traumatizing af, took a bullet, real dicks, LDR, CUTE, I’m not in love with you… sure jan, OH WOW MASTER dlksaj;alsdkja;lsdkja;sld, gay awakening/first time, the art detail is *chefs kiss*, disappointed but not surprised :( :( :(, we stan a yes and lover, shirt thing, still not sure wtf the vertical anus thing is but full circle moment haha, you know what fuck it I’d re-read this 9/10

My one and only cat

Tags: ongoing, cat hybrids, god damn it I’m totally in furrydom ffs, ah well here we go, idol hot = loneliness wahhh /s, so hot he literally transforms other beings, omg a cat cafe CUTE, fuck that cat is cute *so fluffy*, stalker status, comedy, real dicks, I think the uncle would be supportive/jealous even I hope they talk about it I’m dying to know his thoughts, big tiddies, if this ain’t the cutest shit FLUFF/SMUT, copious amounts of cum, ate it with the panties on, CAKE, xmas, his milkshakes bring all the boy(cats) to the yard, trifling bitch

Imitation Mate

Tags: completed, omegaverse, alpha x alpha. Class rivals YAS, childhood frans, enemies to lovers omg this is all the shit I want, manipulation 1000 but yolo I ship it

Mr. 100% Perfect

Tags: ongoing, so relatable, OCD?, hoarder, when I read the title I thought mental illness and I was right, masks ugh RELATABLE, getting back together w ex, woof sibling drama/manipulation, suicide attempt, omg their communication regarding the psycho is REFRESHING, OMG JEJU ISLAND I see it in every fucking kdrama ever but this is the first time I’ve seen it mentioned in a manga *hm* interesting, furry furry everywhere, eye contact, finished reading season 1 pause for an omergaverse cause, okay I’m back and season 2 starting STRONG #1 men are gross #2 mans just went right to a blowie while mf was trying to pee lmao i can NOT the germs barf, fuckboi extraordinaire stressing over a textback is *great*, that istg face is perfect, HYUNGGGG, hand on his heart OW MY HEART, vibe check LOL, here for this plot dev, END OF SEASON2 NOOOOOOOimnotready. Head bonks CUTE

The origin of species

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, sex tape, blackmail, i already don’t like this teacher, size difference, ‘JUST DIE’ hahahahahaha, I’m in love with noona, wait Ahjussi means uncle/mister? Dangerous convenience store has a new meaning to me now, DECEASED @they won’t, copious amounts of cum, alcohol to have intimacy *sighs in early 20s*, also WTF THEY ARE FUCKING AND THERE’S NO PHERMONE STUFF! What’s the point of being ABO without smell *swaggy p meme???*, wait okay ch 11 it begins, stockholm syndrome but since childhood I’m fairly certain *looking at you teacher I don’t trust these mfs*, dubcon obviously, also the can’t be knotted thing has me *cardi b meme that’s weird that’s sus* obvs poor bb about to get preg af, five word horror story: I won’t hurt you again *why tf you lyinggggg why u always lyinggg meme*, white collar crime, what’s the point of a contract when there’s no actual choice

How to Chase an Alpha

Tags: ongoing, lowkey been avoiding this one not because I think it’ll be bad I just..idk the brain is a weird thing, page 2 and I love mains attitude fucking gagged sass me bb, starting with rough translation but it be that way sometimes, GROUNDS HIMSELF BY TOUCHING HIS BLACK CARD I CANTTT, pheromone city fuck it UP, MC is a MOOD, mutual pining, when u and bae both hire PI’s to get info on each other, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, shirt thing, fucking chuffed about the rival fucking bring it, funny art, cheated on ugh mah heart I saw it coming and it still hurt, pure comedy this airport scene is so funny to me wtf, LDR, good ol murica fuckboi, LOVE HIM RIDE FOR UR MAN/MORALS, liams a little rapey rapist hm? No one’s ever said no… well being flooded with pheromones isn’t consent my dude, istg liam = I love it when they struggle, obvs jealousy/possessive tag but such is ABO, cat suit, BUNNY suit, sexy costumes, god damn it I love them that proposal/mpreg so cute, imprinting AW, ugh baes fam is so cute I needed that bc I wanna strangle wooyoungs dad, THE SECETARY is my fucking fav never stops being A+, SEC+LIAM?? Here for it *i ship it*, FUCK SO CUTE 12/10 re-read, fluff n smut, excited for how to chase an omegaside story hyung needs love!, JINI is mood, sales king I’m dying, that collar is ~hot~ btw

Egoism

Tags: completed (because jesus I can’t with ongoing, theheartbreakTM), UPDATE FML THE HEART BREAK IS REAL also no smut, omegaverse, hey stepbro, starts with rape, possessive/jealousy (isn’t all ABO?), age difference (6years, alpha is younger *can I get hyung plz lord*), HYUNG, woof this dad SUCKS, child abuse, rape culture *sigh*, I wanna get jacked like rick and summer and beat tf out of the dad, me n my cat, TELL EM HONEY I love this MC, traitor indeed, beta x omega btw, fated pair, coercive sex, didi going to be his own demise, BREAKUP/TIME SKIP NO this is BL hell, the rona is mentioned in this, ALL I WANT IS TO HEAR YOUR STORY WAHHHHHHHHHH also YES MY SHIP IS GOING TO SAIL I CAN FEEL IT, okay honestly frustrating a bit but also liked it yah 7-8/10, won’t re-read unless I’m looking for hurt though cause the comfort is BRIEF

Yarichin bitch bu

Tags: ongoing, reading because I watched this anime after seeing it mentioned in the comment section of -im-being-harassed-by-the-sexiest-man-of-the-year, anime was 2 eps a fucking wild the way this is uploaded SUCKS, no reality porn what plot rape-y ridiculous and now I need to read the source apparently haha, I need to know much more about yuri and blue hair guy ASAP (they have the spin off*adds to list*), high school setting, smut, studentsxstudents/teachers, photography club my ass, sex toys, kinky, crossdressing, gay awakening, unrequited love, jealousy, fake relationship, two faced people, OCD, COMEDY, rich people problems, hoarder, inferiority complex, one bed, toono is a dumbass in this love triangle or denial might be a better word, they are cousins my dude stop shipping it (I say to both toono and myself LOL), I wanna see Yuri’s face laksdjf;aldskf, vibrator #18 line is fucking iconic, yaguchi is about to get real interesting (BPD?), lies/manipulation, oh toono you sweet summer child, YURI i can’t wit chu, wait did he just punch the student because he won’t kiss him or???, dubcon/noncon obvs, finally my verse couple but they’re not a couple (yuri/tamu), they all care about each other is a weird way awwww, love confessions to pet vibrator scene are ICONIC MY DUDES I CAN NOTTT, lowkey living for Yuri’s drooling at this point, Jimi gives me such bad second hand embarrassment, Yuri the switch verse bb I’ve been looking for need more!, internalized homophobia, blackmail, MIDDLE FINGER IN THE AIR YAS KING, the heartbreak of ongoing/hasn’t been updated in years

Yarichin bitch bu dj wa

Tags: not completed I think, years old though, see above you know what it is, so cute omg, FIRST KISS AW, degradation kink?, MY VERSE COUPLE I’ve finally found you, biting, choking, rough sex, sex toys, they had fun together for another two hours DECEASED

Fucked by my Best Friend

Tags: ongoing, friends to lovers, body swap, Porn what plot, cannon threesomes in past maybe??(MFF for sure but MMF??), beach life, revenge, he became a HOT woman so honestly get over it, sloppy seconds, first off you’re both sluts second lmao this is going to be wild hm?, fellas is it gay if you kiss the homies, classic did you cum guy jfc, that’s how you get preg dumbass, ah the joys of being a woman /s assault in der clrub, *DEEP SIGH* @ you almost being raped turns me on, YES TURNING BACK DYING, gender has nothing to do with this LOL but true. Also yes cannon threesomes/orgies, googles frotting, mans like narrating playtime, intecurial sex public sex, lingerie, this is the closest thing to straight manga I’ve read hahaha, THE SCIENCE OMG FUCKING RIDIC :you need a mass amount of semen within you SURE JAN, possessive. Objectification, she trying to fuck without Shion LMAO, 34+35, do you think he’s on r/nofap, dry orgasm honestly impressed with mans rn ngl, spit as lube, anal fingering, just helping the homies find their prostate, bottom shaming (disappointed but not surprised), bis/gays in denial smh, question if he has a wet dream will he turn into a woman?, shirt thing, lol at female orgasm =anal in switcharoos mind, paging doc perv, shion is enjoying dressing up hm? Same dude, biggest reality gap is believing shion got admitted to a college HAHA, bad anatomy all over the place dude, rui is a dedicated exhibitionist, HE SO TIGHT BECAUSE THERES NO LUBE team no lube over here apparently not even a courtesy spit, yandere territory sort of?, Mayu with the dick wet comment is *chefs kiss*, THE HEARTBREAK OF ONGOING WAHHH I can’t believe I read all this but I can? 8/10 problematic possessive porn

[soft-angelic-kiss]

We’re all  a little bit crazy (5)

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therapsit! Izuku x Patient! Bakugou x Patient! Todoroki x Patient! Shinsou x Patient! Reader

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Chapter 5 trigger warnings- Y/N gets into a small fight, mentions of taking pills, the use of the word psycho and mentions of suicide// lemme know if i missed anything

if that makes you uncomfy don’t read!

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chapter one here    

 chapter two here  

chapter three here 

chapter four here

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He woke up again on a plush bed after sleeping comfortably, his cheek slightly bruised and a dull pain running through it, he placed his hand on it and nothing felt swollen which was a very good sign. He let out a sigh and moved up to his elbows so he could look around. 

It was different from all the other rooms he’d been in, It had more color, drawings all the walls.. Comfort stuffed animals they sometimes give you at the hospital even bigger stuffed animals.. The room was comfortable.. 

He finally looked next to him and on the floor was Y/N, who was listening to music occasionally flinching from the headphones as she colored in a little book. He didn’t wanna disrupt the girl, so he sat up and carefully grabbed his clipboard looking for her file… 

 F I L E   4

(Patient Name) Y/N Yagi  (Patient #437)

 (Date admitted) 8-3-2009

 (Patient age) 19

 (Patient disorder)  Anxiety, Severe Depression, Sensory Overloading issues, and short temper, but never escalates, ADHD, PTSD, Anorexia, self harm and suicidal thoughts

(History/cause)  When she was 4 her family home went up in flames causing the death of her father (Okorashi) and older brother (Ekai) Which gave her an extreme fear of explosions and loud noises. From the ages of 4-7 her mother became an addict and an alcoholic. She took up abusive habits that left a few horrific scars on her body. When she was 7 her mother finally passed from an overdose that caused her uncle to have to take her in, He’s a kind man and treats her kindly, He sent them here in hopes of making her better, and more ready to come home. He visits often.

(Has patient...)

-attempted suicide?

-attempted homicide?

-attempted any act of self-harm?

-attempted violence on past employees?

-attempted escape?

 (Other). If she gets sensory overwhelmed she tends to scream, hot, kick and cry. They find comfort in the other patients, Bakugou, Todoroki, Shinsou and the boys downstairs. She tends to stick her nails into the skin of whoever grabs her, she needs to be sedated if she has a breakdown. 

(Danger level) 9/10

Izuku raised an eyebrow, the description of the person sitting down in front of him.He felt like it didn’t match her at all. He decided to take a gentle approach to greeting Y/N to make sure she didn’t have an “episode” as the paper put it. 

He gently swung his feet over the side and crouched down hoping to get into her sightline. He crawled to sit in front of her placing his hands on the floor in front of her coloring book. 

Y/N looked up, slightly startled but then took her headphones off, the change causing her head to spasm backwards before resuming her normal position. “Hi!” They smiled, placing her hands on the coloring book in front of Izuku’s. “Hi, Y/N right?” He spoke calmly, not wanting to put off the human infront of him. “Yeah! And you are...Izuku? Midoryia?” She tilted her head curiously and smiled, pumping a fist into the air when Midoryia nodded a smile being brought to his own lips. He was absolutely hooked by Y/N. Their backstory, their personality, they were such an interesting person and he couldn’t wait to learn more. 

“Yeah. You got it right, good job.” he chuckled when her cheeks turned pink with embarrassment from his praise. Izuku chuckled again and leaned forward slightly and watched as Y/N leaned back. 

Izuku shook his hands carefully and leaned back “Is this more comfortable?” Y/N nodded and smiled softly leaning forward again to resume coloring. Izuku smiled and decided to just watch her for a few moments.

The two hung out not moving position for at least half an hour, until Y/N looked towards the door and started cowering when the door opened and the men in white stood there with a medical tray full of many medical instruments he'd never seen before. 

Y/N jumped to their feet and tried to hide behind Izuku as one of them said “Y/N, Please I don’t want to have to repeat what happened yesterday.” He went to reach for her but she smacked his hand and continued standing behind Midoryia who was eyeing the men with a suspicious look. 

The blonde one who had spoke already finally went to grab them only to have his hands smacked away, but instead of a hand, he felt a clipboard against his wrist as he cried out “what THE-” the man went to hit Izuku but the greenette had blocked his second hit as well 

“She’s scared. I’m going to have to ask you to leave because you are not helping.” Izuku’s tone held dominance and authority as the man scoffed “Oh really?-” His words were cut short as Y/N lept towards him and started hitting him. 

she had gotten a few punches in before Izuku had interfered and pulled her back and away from him holding them, they cling to him. “She’s just psycho-” he started again but was cut off by Midoryia straight up shoving him out of the door 

Midoryia had shut the door and looked at the medical supplies and then at Y/N who was back on their bed. Midoryia hummed softly looking at them with a soft but concerned gazed “Are you alright?” They nodded timidly “U-um.. yeah, i think..” 

They kept eyeing the cart and rubbing their arms. Izuku was angry beyond belief but kept his cool for Y/N. “Do you know what these are?” he asked as he walked over to the cart. Y/N nodded “Those are what the use to sedate me and give me my medications..” Izuku nodded and looked at the cart, it had 4 different pills, a tiny box of apple juice and a needle filled with a liquid. He picked up the needle and watched Y/N flinch back 

Izuku shook his head “No, no.. i’m gonna dispose of it, not use it okay?” He went and wrapped it up throwing it in the hazard trash can in the bathroom coming back out looking at the cart. 

“Okay, do you have an order you need to take them in or can you just take them one at a time?” 

Y/N looked confused as they stood up walking to Izuku and the cart “I c-can just take them.. why are you helping? aren’t you supposed to..” 

Izuku shook his head “So far all of you have said that… No, i’m not supposed to be mean, i’m supposed to help you get better so can you take..” he handed Y/N two of the four pills and handed her the apple juice “these and then the other ones?” he smiled

Y/N nodded and took the two and then waited 30 seconds before taking the other two. Izuku nodded and smiled “Thank you.. Now I believe” He stopped and checked his watch “It’s almost dinner time, If you want you can go head down to the cafeteria?” He smiled at her

Y/N thought for a moment “Will you come eat with me?” She tapped her foot on the ground and looked away as Izuku chuckled

 “It’s not my dinner break,” Y/N had frowned and got ready to ask again.

“but I’ll still come sit with you?” Izuku smiled when Y/N’s face lit up 

Y/N gave a big smile and nodded “Okay!” they had opened the door and ran out with an excited yell of “KATSU! TODO! SHIN!” as she catapulted herself into the boys arms as they hugged her back. 

“Why don’t you go to the cafeteria and We’ll be right behind you okay?” Shinsou spoke caring and calmly and all three boys had a quirk of a smile as she smiled and ran off down the halls “GOT IT!” you could hear their laughter as they went down the stairs with a much kinder doctor.

As Izuku walked out of the door locking it behind him he was quickly met with the three faces he’s seen previously looking at him with glares. He gulped before speaking in a meek voice “Y-yes?” Bakugou raised an eyebrow and scoffed before nodding at him “Not a bad idiot.” and the other two nodding in agreement before the bell above them rang for dinner.

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tag list~  @buckyneedsplums @lazywriterfullofideas09 @notchittatenn @physco-101

for some reason it might not let me tag you also if I forgot you just lemme know!

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a/n: I’m so sorry for getting this out so late! I’ve been very busy recently and I’ve been preparing for BIG things in my personal life so chapters may be extremely short or non existent. I also didn’t plan to have so many supporters for this series so i didn’t really have a clue what to do with the story. I still don’t. I have one more chapter ready in my head but after that I’m not sure where this series will go. Anyways, as usual I hope you enjoyed and please feel free to reblog, like or say something in my inbox! I’m open to writing one shots if you guys are interested, I was thinking about writing one shots instead of continuing with actual chapters after chapter 6 

[codename-adler]

...dance 'til you find someone to die for...

What if instead of Seth, Riko tried to get rid of Aaron?

Chapter 8 ♟️ [table of contents]

(CW: swearing, verbal fights, physical violence, death threats, threats, mentioned/referenced/implied drug addiction + alcoholism, mentioned/referenced/implied emotional/psychological/physical abuse, physical assault)

Shit hits the fan immediately.

Everybody picks a fight with everybody.

Andrew antagonizes the giant #03, Jean Moreau, who in turn fights and threatens fucking Josten, and then fucking Josten spits out venom right back at him, in addition to completely destroying Riko verbally with a speech worthy of History books (Aaron has to give him that).

Even Seth and Allison fight with each other, which isn’t unusual per se but, in front of the team’s common enemy, is more than odd.

The only plus-one of the night, Nicky’s date from improv (Tim? Finn? Whatever-his-name) is about to pass out in his chair from all the passive-aggressiveness of the table.

Meanwhile, Aaron watches everything unfold.

Everything, everywhere.

He tries to memorize every interaction, every word, every person. His survival depends on it.

He’s paranoid.

He doesn’t eat or drink anything, for fear of poison or hidden illicit substances. He sticks to the team despite the altercations, although he is hesitant to stay close to Nicky, for fear of putting his life in danger. At least with staying near Josten the bastard, he knows the motherfucker already did that on his own like the real champion he is, with that stupid mouth of his. Aaron himself doesn’t say a single word.

No, he doesn’t trust his words, his mouth. After all, he gave his game to Kevin, not his back. And Kevin’s back is a whole-ass target on its own, but he’s got Andrew to watch over him.

Andrew, who doesn’t seem to give two shits about his brother despite all the evidence that he definitely should.

(Andrew does give a shit, he just thinks that… well, that Aaron made it hard for himself, all on his own, by choosing drugs, and that night where he called him was his fault, and maybe it was bit of collateral damage from the interview with Kevin, Neil and Riko but… he’s was not, he is not, the real target here.)

(Wrong.)

Aaron had the audacity to survive that night, to fight his urges, to be a walking liability in Riko’s scheme, and Riko cannot have that. The target on Aaron’s back is not an accident anymore. 

He wonders what the new plan is to get rid of him for good. He knows he can’t go anywhere alone if he doesn’t want to get killed (and even then…), so Aaron is left with the only option of watching everything everybody else doesn’t seem to bother noticing.

He sees Renee taking Moreau aside and slipping him something in their awkward handshake (Aaron knows what to look for in these instances, he’s been on the receiving end of those quite a lot, although little packets of pills were usually passed around, not scribbles on a piece of paper…)

What was Renee playing at?

After a few moments, though, the one and only Trojan #01 Jeremy Knox joins them and, looking over his shoulder, with a serious expression on his face that no reporter had ever captured, he ushers them a little further away from the Ravens’ and the Foxes’ fighting. Renee leaves the two men alone after a few words, smiling her serene, unnerving (and fake) smile. Once she settles down in Seth’s empty chair beside Allison, Aaron snaps his attention back to Moreau and Knox.

Moreau looks like a fish out of water, his eyes wide in helplessness and discomfort.

Knox is still disconcertingly serious, but there is a certain glint in his eyes that can be seen even from afar, a glimpse of hope and something else… something like when one is approaching a wounded animal.

Aaron hates that look instantly and turns his face away, deeming the exchange irrelevant to his situation… Just in time to witness Kevin grabbing Josten’s jaw 'til his knuckles turn white, while the latter has the audacity to chew him out in French.

Aaron also sees that Coach finally has the common sense to get involved in the fight and, relocating the Foxes to the Coaches’ table, leaves a fragile, trembling and sober Kevin in the hands of Abby, while he himself takes on the case of Josten and Andrew.

Aaron makes a move to follow Abby and Kevin when they are intercepted by Jeremy Knox, again. And that seems like the miracle Kevin needed not get shitfaced the minute he was out the court. Hovering between the remaining Foxes and the two men, Aaron decides to eavesdrop a bit.

If Aaron had never seen such a severe expression on Jeremy Knox’s features before, he definitely had never ever seen a smile like that on Kevin Day’s face.

It was the world turned upside down.

A world where Kevin was serene, where he lived in peace, where his smile deepened those lines on his face because he smiled so often, where Exy wasn’t the center of his life, where alcohol had never ruined him, where Riko had never touched him…

That seemed like a wonderful world.

For the first time since Nicky took him under his wings, Aaron was truly grateful that a person existed; he couldn’t put into words how much Jeremy Knox inspired him in a way that had nothing to do with Exy. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this relieved that someone accomplished what he could not.

Maybe Aaron could be better. Maybe he could learn to be someone good. Maybe he could learn to be someone good for others.

Maybe he could turn his whole life around.

Jeremy Knox certainly made him feel like everything was possible.

That is, if Aaron didn’t die tonight.

That thought fell upon Aaron like a cold shower. He suddenly had the urge to throw up, and all survival instincts pushed aside, he ran for the bathrooms, alone. He barely made it. Aaron thought he was lucky the stalls were all empty, but his luck ran out pretty quickly.

Footsteps too slow, too deliberate to belong to someone in desperate need to relieve themselves, alarmed Aaron that he better make himself as small and silent as possible. He was kind of getting tired of witnessing dangerous conversations, yet he had no choice but to climb on the toilet seat and wait for the meeting to end.

He could only see one pair of shoes from his angle, and oh how he wished he had paid attention to that too; now he was just as clueless as if he had not listened to a single thing said tonight.

“I doubt you were looking forward to this as much as I was. After all, you were slightly… wrong, last time we spoke, yes? I don’t need to remind you what’s on the line here, do I?” an unmistakable voice slowly said.

Riko.

But the other man stayed quiet

“Now tell me, Gordon, will you play for me?” Riko asked without really leaving room for a 'no’.

Gordon.

Seth Gordon.

What was Riko doing, trying to poach from the Foxes he despised so vehemently?

And Seth…

What was Seth playing at?

Aaron’s ears were buzzing so much he didn’t get to hear the end of the conversation before Riko left. His mind only focus back when Seth started slamming open every door of every stall.

Bam!

Bam!

Getting closer…

Bam!

And bam!

And–

Seth stopped.

Sweat slid down Aaron’s back.

He could see Seth’s shoes, his fucking shoes, right in front of the bathroom stall where he was hiding.

Seth knew the door was locked. 

He knew someone was in there. He had to know. He had to.

Yet he moved on and slammed the rest of the doors until the last one made the loudest bam!

Then he simply left.

Aaron’s heart was trying to beat out of his chest, his vision had gone blurry, his breaths, ragged. Slowly, shakily, Aaron set one foot down on the ground. Then the other. He unlocked the door and saw himself in the mirror. He looked away.

Putting one unsteady foot in front of the other, he walked until he was out. Only, the night had barely started, and it did not care if Aaron was already more than done with it.

As soon as his vision cleared, his eyes searched for Kevin, and Andrew

Kevin he found, still chatting with Jeremy Knox, Abby not far away.

Andrew he found, too, alone

Alone.

Not a fucking Josten in sight.

Without meaning to, Aaron looked for the fucker and found him right where he didn’t want him to be: by Riko’s side.

Riko was seemingly everywhere, tonight. Everywhere trouble lurked.

They were both standing outside, in the chilly night, but Aaron could see them through the court’s glass doors. To anyone else, they looked like two athletes taking a breather. To any Fox with eyes, it was one of theirs trapped in a conversation with their sworn enemy.

What was fucking Josten playing at?

Aaron was so lost in his scenarios that, in the end, he didn’t even see what was coming for him. Or rather, who.

Two humongous Ravens passed him and just when they were blocking Aaron from everyone’s view, they pushed him outside the fire exit door of the gymnasium. The cold air did nothing to bring Aaron out of his stupor.

Aaron did not know their names. He did not know their faces. But he knew their fists.

Unlike that fateful night days ago, the two Ravens spared his back. They were not so kind with his sides. The same huge and angry punches rained on Aaron’s ribs, finding their home in his stomach. The same vicious, yet controlled punches left Aaron choking for air on the cold concrete, blinded by pain

Aaron waited for the fists to catch on his face, his nose, his throat, his temples, anything that would have finished him off, but they never came.

Instead, he was left folded in two on the ground, gasping, but not bleeding.At least not externally. Which was the whole point of the assault, Aaron realized.

The marks he would sport, if he survived, would easily be hidden by his clothes. It’s the internal bleeding he definitely had that would kill him slowly, slowly enough for the night to end and for the Ravens to be declared not guilty. Nobody would notice Aaron’s absence until it was too late. Nobody would notice.

Nobody would fucking notice.

And that was the plan, Aaron realized once more.

They’ll leave me to bleed, out here, until my brother finds my cold body at the end of the night.

Yet once again, that plan had not taken into account Kevin Day’s righteous spine.

(read on Ao3 here !)

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello Steph 😊 Do you have any BAMF Molly or just some good fics that feature Molly? I need some Molly love at the moment because I just read a fic where she "turns to the drak side" so to speak, and my heart 😭😭😭

Hey Nonny!

Ah I did a few comm. recs lists recently with Molly, but here are what I can offer you from memory, LOL. PLEASE add your fave Molly fics, guys! PLEASE NOTE these are fics I’ve read, and please check the sub-headings for a TONNE of stuff I haven’t read!! Big title so I can find it later LOL.

MOLLY PLAYS A ROLE

See also:

COMM RECS: Coming Out To Molly

COMM RECS: Molly with Women

COMM RECS: Molly and Greg Push John and Sherlock Together

COMM RECS: Molly as a Villain

Santa Knows by Itsallfine (T, 1,719 w., 1 Ch. || Christmas Party, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, Matchmaking, POV Sherlock, Pining Sherlock) – Sherlock and John both get exactly what they want from the Yard's secret Santa exchange. Pure holiday fluff.

What John Doesn't Know (Won't Hurt Him) by blueink3 (NR [T], 4,392 w., 1 Ch, || S3 Fix It, Pining Sherlock, Snippets of Life, Hurt/Comfort, Scars, Fluff and Angst, Five and One, Hopeful Ending, POV Sherlock) – Five people who see Sherlock's scars before John Watson. But Sherlock's secrets were never something he could keep from his blogger for long.

Thirty Three Hours Without John Watson by Bookaholic, mybrotherharry (M, 6,232 w. || First Kiss / Time, Pining Idiots, BG Mystrade, Crackish) – Sherlock can SO TOTALLY survive without John Watson. It should be a piece of cake. AKA the time when Sherlock braved grocery store lines for milk, purchased and gave away a box of tampons and figured out what the X-Factor is. Greg and Mycroft didn’t sign up for this shit. Next time, they are going to the Bahamas.

Wonderful, Etcetera. by VictoryCandescence (T, 16,955 w., 3 Ch. || Wonderful Life AU || Alternate Timelines, Brotherhood, Homophobia, Suicidal Ideations, Mentions of Drug Use, Friendship, Different TRF, Sherlock’s Past, Victor Trevor is Past Boyfriend, Depression, Hallucination, Love Confessions, Christmas, First Kiss) – Sherlock thinks everyone would be better off if he had never existed, including and especially himself. When he finds himself in a world in which his wish has been granted, he begins to think perhaps even he could be wrong – but it takes an unlikely chaperone to make him not only observe, but understand.

Insanity in the Middle by DotyTakeThisDown (E, 28,010 w., 8 Ch. || Equestrian Sports AU || Alternate First Meeting, POV John, Pining John, Bottomlock, Clueless Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Passionate Kisses, Hand Holding, Caught Making Out, Bed Sharing, Spooning, Blow Job) – John is a world-class eventing rider with a gold medal and several four-star wins to his credit, but he's never won at Rolex. Sherlock is an up-and-coming rider taking the sport by storm.

Love or What You Will by miss_frankenstein (T, 31,987 w., 11 Ch. || College/Uni AU || Professor John, Ph.D Student Sherlock, Pining John, Poetry, Falling in Love / Slow Burn, Light Angst, Happy Ending) – John is an English professor who specializes in War and Post-War Literature and Sherlock is the brilliant yet impossible Ph.D. student assigned to be his TA because no one in the Chemistry Department is willing to put up with him. And - somewhere between Waugh and Plath, e-mails and takeaway, novels and villanelles - they fall in love.

The Wrong Wagon by DancingGrimm (E, 35,663 w., 20 Ch. || Alternating POV, Molly/  John [Molly pines for John], Public Sex, Casual Sex, Obliviousness, BAMF!John, Awkwardness, Angst & Humour, First Time, Virgin Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock) – Molly sees John in a new light and realises that she may have hitched her horse to the wrong wagon...or something like that. John pines for Sherlock and worries what he will think if he ever finds out. And Sherlock doesn't know what Molly's up to...but he knows he doesn't like it.

The Pieces That Fall to Earth by Itsallfine (M, 49,513 w., 84 Ch. || S4 Fix-It, Epistolary, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Parentlock, Past Abuse, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Questioning Sexuality, Mental Health Issues / Therapy, Angst, Happy Ending) – John and Sherlock have hit rock bottom, but with all their armor stripped away, they can finally speak honestly, seek healing, and find the truths that matter most. An epistolary post-s4 fix-it fic. Now complete. (This fic is rated T except for one very clearly marked and easily skippable chapter, which is rated M.) Part 1 of The Pieces that Fall to Earth

floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w., 15 Ch. || Notting Hill AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant -- but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.

This Thing All Things Devours by cypress_tree (E, 63,844 w., 15 Ch. || In Time AU || Science Fiction, Dystopian Universe, First Meetings, Action / Adventure, Romance) – In 2169, time is money—literally. Humans are genetically engineered to stop aging at 25, when the numbers on their arm start counting down from one year. When that time is up, they die. The only way to get more time is to earn it, borrow it, or steal it.John Watson lives day-to-day in the crowded slums of Zone 13. He never imagined living any differently—until he meets the practically-immortal Sherlock, and helps him on a case to track a local time-thief...

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

The Stars Move Still by BeautifulFiction (E, 96,022 w., 5 Ch. || Magical Realism, Demons, Slash to Pre-Slash, AU, Happy Ending, Souls) – "What could I want so desperately that would make me sell my soul? What could possibly compel me to surrender the part of myself that makes me who I am: the source of my magic, my self-control, everything?”

Definitions by siennna (T, 101,528 w., 12 of ? Ch. || Dev. Rel., Pining, Fluff and Romance, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Fluff, Cuddles, Girl’s Night, Texting, Virgin Sherlock, Drunk Sherlock, Background Mollstrade, Hair Petting, Laying on Lap) – Sherlock’s journey in defining his flat mate and stumbling through the muddled world of emotion. {{This feels complete; the chapter count is listed as ? but I feel like it is done}}

between each beat are words unsaid by darcylindbergh, hudders-and-hiddles (T, 107,998 w., 215 Ch. || Epistolary, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Happy Ending) – On their wedding night, John and Sherlock gift each other with the things they each said when the other could not hear, the things they each put down where the other could not see: a collection of writings that illustrate the way their love for one another has grown over the years. Part 1 of between each beat

The Burning Heart by May_Shepard (M, 119,150 w., 21 Ch. || Canon Divergence, Post-TRF, John’s Sexuality, S3 Rewrite, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Watson, John’s Gay) – When Sherlock dies, John Watson feels like his life is over too. He’s completely shut down, until Mark Morstan, a new nurse at John’s medical clinic, catches his attention, and helps him uncover the long buried truth of his attraction to men. Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own.

A Further Sea by i_ship_an_armada & ShinySherlock (E, 125,492 w., 23 Ch. || Historical Pirates AU || Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Doctor John / Pirate Captain Sherlock, Sailing, UST / RST, Masturbation, Action / Adventure, Mild Angst & Peril, Romance, Shaving, Molly/Janine, Bottomlock, Hand / Blow Jobs, Past Drug Use, Slow Burn, Mild Violence, Facial Shaving, Happy Ending) – Here be a tale of adventure for both body and soul, but beware if ye be not of stout heart, for this be piratelock, ya savvy? Luckless ship's surgeon John Watson takes a chance, and finds himself eye to eye with The Ghost, the scourge of the seven seas and a definite thorn in the side of the blaggard, James Moriarty. But when John finds there's more to this most cunning pirate than be meetin' the eye, he has to choose... is it a pirate's life for him?

The Horse and his Doctor by khorazir (T, 129,003 w., 13 Ch. || Horse / Vet AU || Magical Realism, Horses, Vet John, Horse Sherlock, Implied Alcoholism) – Invalided after a run in with a poacher in Siberia, veterinary surgeon John Watson finds it difficult to acclimatise to the mundanity of London life. Things change when a friend invites him along to a local animal shelter and he meets their latest acquisition, a trouble-making Frisian with the strangest eyes and even stranger quirks John has ever encountered in a horse.

Performance In a Leading Role by Mad_Lori (E, 156,714 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Hollywood / Actor AU, Secret Relationship, Falling in Love, Slow Burn, Romance, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Pining) – Sherlock Holmes is an Oscar winner in the midst of a career slump. John Watson is an Everyman actor trapped in the rom-com ghetto. When they are cast as a gay couple in a new independent drama, will they surprise each other? Will their on-screen romance make its way into the real world? Part 1 of Performance in a Leading Role

Mise en Place by azriona (M, 161,004 w., 28 Ch. || Restaurant (Kitchen Nightmares) AU || Sherlock is Gordon Ramsay / Celebrity Sherlock, Restauranteur John, Harry Plays Prominent Role, Alternating POV, Mutual Pining, Cranky Sherlock, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn) – John Watson had no intentions of taking over the family business, but when he returns from Afghanistan, battered and bruised, and discovers that his sister Harry has run their restaurant into the ground, he doesn't have much choice. There's only one thing that can save the Empire from closing for good – the celebrity star of the BBC series Restaurant Reconstructed, Chef Sherlock Holmes. Part 1 of Mise en Place

[astoldbygingersnaps]

Totally crashing the party late here but 6, 8, 24, 32

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

jesus christ we're coming out of the gate STRONG with this bad boy.

i guess my chronic writing-related fear is that the stories i create are either objectively not good or just completely irrelevant and frankly said fear haunts my every waking moment. no biggie tho.

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

i would choose dialogue. DIALOGUE DIALOGUE DIALOGUE because i Love It So Much and have found ways to utilize a dialogue-only strategy for ~*~artistic purposes~*~ in my writing before ala the break-up scene in band au chapter one. so i think it would just be a very abbreviated version of my typical writing style in that i already do tend to lean very heavily on using dialogue to highlight character/plot development and to discuss themes & conflict. it would just lack a lot of the glimpses into the characters' interior lives and like. sick descriptions of haunted spaceships.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

itttttt really depends on the fic. i will say that some projects i've done, because of the nature of the setting or the plot structure, just don't require a lot of research or planning. for example, something like the friends with benefits oneshot i wrote that has somehow become my most popular shiita fic required little to no storyboarding/world-building because it was a character piece set in the naruto canon. but obviously You Know Who required SIGNIFICANTLY more effort because i was sitting down to write a series that was going to take place over a period of about five years AND i was working with a canon that i had only the slightest familiarity with.

for the most part, i do tend to put more emphasis on making sure character beats are authentic and relationship development is impactful than always have 100% accuracy to any canon or setting i'm working with (see my perhaps laughable lack of detail to most things music-related in band au, because that's just Not The Point at the end of the day), but when that attention to detail IS needed to really make said character beats land (like in jurassic world au, for example) i will make a serious effort to nail them down. when that effort is necessary, i do tend to enjoy it, because a lot of time learning more about a world will give me ideas on how to flesh out plot points i'd only thinly conceived of in passing (read: literally 80% of star trek au, which can be credited to me opening random articles on the star trek fanwiki and going 'hey that sounds neat' and throwing it in).

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

(cw for vague descriptions of implied homophobia/substance abuse/mental illness)

a part of me is deeply tempted to cheat and say literally all of far from born again by mediest, because that fic has haunted my brain like a ghost since the moment i read it a few years ago. it's honestly one of the most searing and uncomfortably real/relatable portrayals of mental illness and addiction that i've ever read, and there are parts of that fic that genuinely make me feel like someone took an ice cream scoop to my heart and started carving out bits--but, like, in a fun way. the part that i will highlight, though, is this bit from the first chapter:

Are you in a relationship? Have you always been interested in men? Those past girlfriends, were they just PR? How do you think this will affect your work? Here’s a guy who says the two of you hooked up at a nightclub—care to comment? Do you think you’re pulling focus away from your talent by making the conversation all about your sexual preferences? Do you think audiences will be able to see you as a believable leading man after this? Sylvain’s career hits a brick fucking wall. Directors lose interest. Interest among journalists remains volcanic. They want to know where he’s going. They want to know how he’s feeling. They want to know who he’s fucking. They want to watch him implode? Sylvain’s a people-pleaser. He’ll give them what they fucking want.

because it's both SUCH a fucking great way to end a chapter and also really captures that almost addictive high you get when you just. blow your whole life up in a way that i hadn't read/felt before. so yeah! if you like fire emblem three houses PLEASE read this fic (with caution) because it's a masterpiece and also it burned my house down. i love it.

[bulldyke-rider]

“Addiction does not cause partner abuse, and recovery from addiction does not ‘cure’ partner abuse.” Lundy Bancroft, Why does he do that?

Basically, no he isn’t a better man when he’s sober. This is, again, a value issue. Drinking doesn’t change your values, but sometimes addicted abusers will use their addiction as an excuse.

Abusers do not hit rock bottom. They are always gaining. Addicts are losing over time and only gain in the short term.

Society is more approving of partner abuse. Remember when he said directness does not equal strength? Cause sure, there are beer ads, but there’s also an underlying message in most cultures that support the values of abusers. Along with people trying to take legal protections from abused women and give them to abusive men. The most recent examples I have are the “rough sex” defense. Does anyone have the link to the post about the nurse lecturing on safe “breath play” instead of considering the man in likely an abuser?

Many abuser recovery groups structured like addiction groups end up being a hub of men helping eachother abuse women.

Like with therapy talking abusers, recovered addict abusers tend to use 12 step language to abuse, and similar to “you calling me out triggers me” is “you calling me out or disobeying makes me want a drink” or directly drinking as a punishment.

However, knowing all this, an abuser will likely not stop abusing while continuing an addiction.

Sorry if this one felt scattered, but this is everything I saw as important from Chapter 8.

[oh-theres-a-woman]

Blood Doilies; Part Three

A/N: Warnings for mentions of abuse and abusive relationships. Please read at your own discretion. The next chapter will also have the same warning. I understand that such topics can be triggering to some people, this is pure to show what the Female Reader has experienced in married life and her breaking away from that with the aid of the Blinders. Once more thank you for taking the time to read this story, feel free to reblog or comment if you’re enjoying this. 

Taglist: @zodiyack , @itsfrancisneptun , @shelbys-we-get-the-job-done, @amy-booxx​ & @fandom-fucking-shit​

Parts: [ 1 ] , [ 2 ], [ 4 ], [ 5 ], [ 6 ], [ 7 ], [ 8 ], [ 9 ]

Pairing: Thomas Shelby X Female Reader

Word Count: 1923

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You set the tea down on the coffee table noticing the children had both fallen asleep on Mister Shelby’s knee. Offering a smile at the sleeping children. Whispering softly that you could take the children to bed, Thomas simply rose to his footing. Carrying both the children upstairs, calmly following him. Showing the beds for each child. Annabeth curled up into a ball with her little dolly looking absolutely smitten and at peace. Leaning down you kissed the little girl’s head, smoothing the messy mop of hair away from her face. Pulling the blankets up to her shoulders, brushing the back of your knuckle lovingly over her cheek.

Repeating the same action for Marcus, knowing that he’d need another feeding in a few hours time. “You’re a good mother, you do so much for your children,” Thomas said observantly from the door watching on with silent awe. Aunt Pol had always warmed someplace in his heart at her mothering but it had been a time since all the Shebly children had ground. Now the mothering seemed like a nagging.

Maybe it was the war that changed him but watching you at that moment. He didn’t see the harshness of his own upbringing. But the solid foundations of nurturing and admiration. Tommy didn’t quite remember the loving gaze of his mother, only her death. It had been the first of many lives that were lost. Charlie Strong had been the replacement when his father walked out of them and Pol took the helm of mothering. Swift in her workings and proved very stern for the young Sheblys’ that were left like orphans before she swooped in.

However, you were a different case. There was something about your maternal instincts that caused Thomas to stop a moment. Admire the qualities of a woman. The way in your wounds and bruises from an abusive husband, no matter the pain. You carried on your task of being a mother never let anything go to chance or mess with you. Easily smoothing a hand over baby Marcus’s locks whose were just like your own. Beautifully soft with a slight wave in the front. Tucking your son in, you watched him for a moment listening to his breathing, the little snores that left his buzzing button nose.

Thomas and yourself wandered back downstairs to the tea. Looking at each other for a moment. The narrow stairs led to you brushing hands in the walk. Causing you steps to falter for one moment. However, the Blinder once more found his seat again. Marking the page he had been reading to the children as if he’d continue that story for them another time. Picking up his teacup, he added some cream and one sugar. Stirring with the provided teaspoon then offering the spoon to you. Carefully, you poured the creamer not adding any sugar. Enjoying the strength of the tea. Lips slightly pursed together, glancing back to Thomas Shelby again. “Thank you for offering my family this safe house for the time until we get our lives back on track,” you said with a warm blush on your cheeks.

“It is alright, Mrs [Y/N],” Thomas said in a swift and noble tone of voice. Leaning back into his chair observing you. “The Peaky Blinders don’t take kindly to men who bash into their women and children.” Thomas’s words sparked a cool murderous rage in him. His eyes were like a cool fire, burning hotter than any red flame you’d seen in your lifetime. Glancing down at the marks that riddled your body and all that was hidden under your clothes. You hadn’t remembered a day where things weren’t thrown or fists were flying. Once upon a time, it was a social norm for a husband to beat his wife.

“I’ve had it happen all my life, my father was a drunk and my mother a prostitute. I don’t really know any better…” You admitted in a defeated manner. Clenching your fists on your legs thinking about the life you led. “But, I want this cycle to end. Because if I let this keep happening, it’ll only happen to my children and they won’t know how to respect each other or their future loved ones.”  Deep down you knew this was the right thing, the sudden separation to make sure no more harm would come to yourself or the children if your husband overstepped his normal range of violence.

“Do you need my help in any way of separating from the man, because once you're divorced of him that debt owed is only on him. I don’t believe in wives cleaning up their husband’s debts when they have a family to protect. By those marks too, I’d believe you’ve been looking over them for some time too.” Mister Shelby said, reaching into his coat pocket, procuring a silver cigarette case. Opening it and offering you one with a slight incline of his arm. Reaching out you picked up one of the expensive tailor-made, always used to the harsh rolling without a filter.

Placing the stick of nicotine in between your lips, that were chapped and broken from a hit. Picking up a matchbook from the table lighting up your cigarette, then leaning out to light Thomas’s. He leant into the flame. The small light of the match burning embers of life at the end of the neatly rolled tobacco. Watching the embers eat at the paper when Tommy puffed. The flame licking at your fingertips were lighting the sharper features of the Shelby before you, causing a feeling of enchantment to pull over you.

Tingling burns at your fingertips, causing you to finally shake the match and drop it into the ashtray. Settling back into your seat letting out a calm inhale and sighing softly. The sitting room clouded with an illusion-like smoke cloud. Giving a new atmosphere to the room. Like it wasn’t heavy in the topics of conversation. The stress had been disbursed in to the air, exhaled with the carbon-dioxide and smoke through lips and nostrils.

“I need to find a way to get divorced from him, I know it’d help my case that we’re living separately from one another. It would be a year’s process at the longest, I’d need to find a way to keep the tea house. My own business… I don’t want to lose it to him. Need some form of income to keep a roof over the wee ones’ heads.” You muttered, flicking the ash into the crystal tray on the table. Wondering in all seriousness how much it cost to buy because it was impeccable. Everything in the Watery Lane home was beautifully charming and way out of your price range.

“I’m hoping to get settled then go back to work, have a friend lookout for the kids.” You said to the man, who seemed to offer a small nod. Knowing the modest little establishment in your ownership. By far considered the loveliest tea shop in Small Heath, it had charm and class to the small little shop. He’d remembered Ada gushing over it opening some years ago, by a beautiful young woman that had the dream to do so. Through the proper means, she opened the shop by herself. Even without her husband’s help. This seemed like an even biggest motivator for Tommy’s little sister feminist ideals.

“Given your current condition, I’d recommend your healing before heading back to work. Keeping a low-profile due to your husband’s likely retaliation to your left with the children. For your safety, I’d advise you take a week at the least, then return to work. I or one of the Blinders will be there to escort you home after.” Thomas took a swift to inhale of his cigarette. He didn’t know why he was so adamant to protect you. Normally the Blinders would help get rid of the trouble and then recoil. Yet, deep down he knew it's because he’d seen what the government and church would do if they caught wind of things happening.

You’d lose your children. Thomas didn’t want to see that happen, because you’d taken responsibility for your husband’s debt and tried to clear it up. Even in such a state that you were in. Trying to protect the little family you’d been in. Keeping those well-behaved children in line, working the long hours that he found out on an investigation prior. Where your morning shift could start as early as four-five o’clock in the morning for the baked goods. Then until closing hours in the evening. A short break in between to take your children home, giving the neighbour a break.

Only to have most of the money earnt wasted on your husband’s addictions and there were plenty of them. Never in a million years did he even expect anyone at that meeting today. But, there you were to shock him. Taking time out of your day, to see him and try to make things right. Surprisingly, it gave Tommy a little bit of hope for some of the women in this day and age. So, the patriarch of the Shelby family sat there and discussed with you into the long hours of the night. Things were arranged for your meeting with a solicitor under the guidance of Polly Gray. Moral support. Plus, everyone seemed to be as scared of her as they were with Tommy. Bonus.

*********** 

The following days passed quickly with everything being prepared. Marks began to fade on your skin and it restored some of your lacking confidence. You felt happier in the safe house. Not because of the fancy layout because your children were happy, they were settling in nicely. The Shelbys’ came to visit enough. John Shelby bought over his children someday and they all played while business and things were attended to. More often than not it meant walking in on the children all snuggled up on each other and napping; after having an argument or fight. Everything was sorted with a simple nap together, then they were as good as rain. It made you often wish that adults were as simple as children.

By the following Monday, you were returning to work. Your workers had been running the ship well and left things in perfect condition. It was nice to see the faces of the customers again. Hours were long like normal, but that’s how you enjoyed working. Things were peaceful and you didn’t feel an ounce of stress because Thomas had promised to come to pick you up after work and walk you home. It was safe… Well, that’s what you thought.

Hours passed by swiftly and you finished the till counting after hours in the office. The last thing was to do the bins. When you were collecting the bins. Wandering in the dark alley, tossing things into the larger bins outside for landfill. You were so focused on your task that the sound of someone sneaking up on you escaped your knowledge. A rough hand, the smell of hard liquor and cigars filled your nostrils. You knew that scent from anywhere. Your husband. 

He holds a hold on you, smothering your screams of utter terror and pinning your body against the firmness of his body. “It’s not nice to say goodbye in a letter,” he whispered in your ear with vile intent. Holding out in front of you, the wedding band you letter on the letter. Forcefully sliding it back onto your finger as tears fell.