#Chapter 4 moving in

[renee-writer]

The Contractor Chapter 4 Moving In

AO3

His men grouse as they clean an area for, “her royal pain in the arse,” as Angus puts it.

 

“This is her house. We are just hired help. It will do you both good to remember that.” His stern glance meets theirs. They both squirm.

 

“Aye Jamie.” Rupert gathers the rubbish into a bag.

 

“As you say. She just needs to stay out of the way.” Angus gathers the broom and dust bin, carrying them out. Jamie exams the space. He is satisfied.

 

A clean wooden floor, smelling of wood shavings ( now removed). It shines under it’s new stain. The walls are likewise clean if bare. Stone covered in wood, painted over with a coat of Kilz to protect against mold. It will be painted when Claire decides on a color.

 

On a far wall, the ancient fireplace reigns. Old brick and stone, it is the centerpiece of the room. It was cleaned and tested, certified safe. All loose stones and bricks, re-secured. It is laid out in case she wishes a fire .

 

She arrives at noon after spending the morning with her son. She stops, staring wide eyed at the transformed room.

 

“The walls will be painted as you wish. Carpet or rugs laid according to your preference.” Jamie explains. He leans against the door frame, watching her take it in.

 

“This is excellent work Mr. ahh, Jamie. Maybe a few throw rugs but I love the wooden floors. As for wall color, I don’t know yet. Can I get back to you?” She turns to face him and he stands straight.

 

“Aye Sassanach.”

 

“I will just place a bed in here. Not even that, more a cot, so it is easily moved out of the way.”

 

He nods. “Whatever you wish.”

 

“I really will try to make it easy on you.”

 

Really try, he thinks. That isn’t a definite. Oh well, as he told the lads, this is her home. “We will be working upstairs and on the stairs themselves.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Do you need help with your cot, before I leave?”

 

“No, but I thank you.” He nods, half bows to her, before departing.

 

They soon hear her pulling it in. It seems she has it and they return to work.

[greenheartart]

A new chapter appears!

Anxiety is hard. Trust is harder. Everyone is just trying to do what they think is best, with mixed results.

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 44

PREV

The flight up to New York is a pleasant one.

The time in the airport itself had been less pleasant. Matt, as it turns out, is a firm believer in arriving with just enough time to check a bag, get through security, and get to the gate. He had claimed up, down, left, and right that he had it down to a science.

No matter how many times Smith had wondered about the scientific rigor of this 'science' he still kept it to himself. There was no need for Smith to voice his uncertainty with this plan because Kevin well and truly had it covered.

"You're giving us only an hour to check bags, get through security, and get to our gate?!" Kevin demands.

"Kevin, if you wanted to be there earlier then you could have asked Andrew to give yo a ride." Matt says. "We'll be fine."

"You know what Neil and Andrew get like when they have a long roadtrip ahead of them." Kevin argues.

"All lovey-dovey?" Nicky asks as Aaron makes a gagging sound.

"No, well yes, but no they always stop and buy all of the worst food too." Kevin reminds. "I'm just concerned about us missing our flight! We have barely enough time!" Kevin huffs crossing his arms.

"You're wrong anyways." Aaron says idly as he continues to text with Katelyn.

"How am I wrong?!" Kevin demands.

"We also have to park within that hour that Matt has left us with." Aaron says looking up from his phone.

"Matt!" Kevin squawks.

"It'll be fine." Matt reassures for the 2nd time.

"We all have checked bags!" Kevin exclaims, "What if we miss our flight?!" he wails.

"It'll be fine!" Matt repeats.

"No it won't!" Kevin exclaims.

---

It was fine.

The only real delays they met were at security.

Smith prided himself on being efficient in the security line. He has his watch off, his phone and ID secured in a zipped jacket pocket, his backpack and electronics in separate trays, and his shoes ready to be slipped off.

So he was shamed to have been the cause of the first delay when the TSA agent wouldn't wave Smith through the metal detector since she didn't realize he was there. That had been a whole anxiety attack and a half as the line had formed up behind him all wondering what the hold-up was.

Finally she seemed to startle as she realized that Smith had been standing there waiting and waved him through.

The other delay was that Kevin got patted down after he had forgotten to empty his 'emergency' water bottle.

It was probably for the best that they didn't have to be in the airport for that long. Every announcement that it was very important to not leave your bag unattended made him worry that with every blink somehow someone had slipped a bomb into his backpack.

While it was on his back.

As he was running with the rest of his friends to their gate.

"It just had to be the gate on the other end of the terminal." Aaron huffs.

"It would have been 100% perfect if someone hadn't left their water bottle in their bag despite the, let me check, 3,820 signs that said remove all liquids from your carry-ons!" Matt says as they continues to run.

"I said I forgot!" Kevin yells back from his spot at the front of the pack. Smith was under the distinct impression that Kevin was keeping pace with them since he had seen the Striker move much faster on the court and during warm-ups.

"We could have forgiven that!" Nicky pants, "Why did you have to slam the whole thing to prove that it was 'just water'?" he asks.

"Because I wanted to prove I wasn't a national security threat!" Kevin says. "I'll be going to the Olympics in a couple years and I can't have that on my record." he continues as he rounds a corner.

"What record?!" Smith asks suddenly worried that there was a record.

"Smithy, there's no record Kevin's just an idiot. An idiot who got patted down, tested for explosives, and had his carry-on searched." Nicky huffs.

"You don't know that there's not a record! The record everything nowadays!" Kevin huffs and their gate is in sight.

"Kevin, just shut up!" Aaron exclaims as they reach the line for their flight.

"Wait why aren't any of you getting shitty with Smiths?!" Kevin asks.

"His delay was like a minute and more importantly NOT HIS FAULT!" Nicky defends.

"He should have just walked through!" Kevin argues.

"Oh it's fine if he gets a record but not you?!" Aaron asks.

"So there is a record?!" Smith asks again.

They reach the line and the largely empty area around their gate is more than enough evidence that this was the final boarding. Smith breathed a sigh of relief as he took his place in line behind Nicky.

"The lines pretty slow, I'm going to go get a water." Kevin says and before any of them can say anything he is off towards a busy looking Newsweek store.

"I cannot believe him." Aaron huffs.

"All that water he just drank and is about to drink? He has lost window seat privileges." Matt pants wiping sweat from his brow.

"Agreed." Nicky says.

Smith laughed between panting breaths. His stomach hurt a bit from the stress of running but it was fine.

They get on the plane without Kevin and head to their seats. Most of the overhead storage is taken up at this point but Smith slides his bag under the middle seat in front of him after Matt

In the end, Kevin barely made it onto the plane in time since he got caught up in deciding on water. "You're in my seat." Kevin says as the only man not yet seated.

"I am not about to spend this flight getting up every 2 minutes because you have to pee." Matt says, "Abby didn't used to need to take all those pitstops when we're on the bus." Matt adds.

"I hate the aisle, the cart could hit my legs." Kevin argues.

"Then you can sit in the middle if Smith's willing to move." Matt says.

"You can have the middle Kevin." Smith offers actually preferring the aisle seat since then he doesn't have to ask anyone to move for him.

"I hate the middle seat, there is no room." Kevin crosses his arms.

"Smith is like only 3 inches shorter than you and he's not complaining." Matt continues.

"It's an important 3 inches."

"I bet it is."

"Nicky, are you serious?"

"What?!"

"There is an uninvolved member of the public, right there."

"He's wearing headphones it's fine!"

---

It's fine.

Eventually Kevin takes the middle seat if for no other reason than Matt stubbornly pretends to go to sleep but absolutely does not want the aisle seat either.

Smith gives it up and ends up with his own preferred seat while Kevin pointedly takes both of the arm rests, as is his right. The plane ride progresses smoothly from there. Smith has always liked flying. There is always a sense that the second that he gets onto the plane and the door closes he has absolutely zero control over what happens afterwards.

That is a nice comfort.

He pays attention to the safety briefing, finds his nearest exit, and that he should secure the bag over his own face before securing it on Kevin's.

He puts his headphones on and tries not to think about the anxiety of meeting the 'girls'.

He has heard much about the 'girls'.

Allison Reynolds. Allison was someone who's legacy existed even outside of the team. Smith didn't know much about fashion but a Reynolds bet remained a solid practice within Palmetto. She was, undeniably, absolutely gorgeous and if Kevin was to be believed 'kind of a bitch'. Nicky had swatted his arm but had said that it was not entirely inaccurate but like 'in the best way'.

Dan Wilds. He met Dan. Dan was nice. Also, if Matt was to be believed, the best human to ever walk the planet earth. The reason the sun rose in the east and set in the west. The gravitational pull that held the universe together. If Andrew is to be believed, she's fine.

Renee Walker. Renee was the one who taught Andrew how to use knives. His friend has talked warmly of her, in the way that Andrew talks warmly about anyone which is mentioning them at all. She was the one that Smith was the most anxious about meeting.

Kevin turns his nose up at the ginger ale that Smith gets but he's allowed these now per his actual doctors orders.

1 hour left until arriving at JFK.

He hopes this ginger ale is enough to calm his stomach since he's still not allowed Pepto.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

[lqfiles]

just clocked that i’ve been dragging ptp for almost one whole bumbaclart year now HDJFHSBWJDJ sorry everyone.

[hanzajesthanza]

the training montage in crossroads re-ignited a headcanon i had of geralt waking up and doing gymnastics, performing kickflips and mid-air spins around on a fencepost outside an hour before sunrise to ‘limber up,’ and bleary-eyed dandelion wrapping himself up in a blanket to be like "heyyy... what the hell are you doing 💖"

[kyouka-supremacy]

I think we should just bring back Wungo Wednesday and start a fandom collective anime rewatch

[lynzishell]

Prev // Next

Author’s Note

A few things to understand about Dawn:

She very much lives in the future. It’s what makes her such an optimistic person, and able to shove away the pain of the past. She’s always looking forward. So, when the future is uncertain, she gets a bit frantic.

She would much rather spin out on tangible problems like time and money than face the deeper, more abstract feelings trying to surface. If she’s spinning on the details, then there’s no room for the emotion to come through.

And if she can figure out all those little details and have a plan, then she can go back to living in that future place and keep those nasty emotions buried deep where she believes they belong.

But, as I’m sure we all know, what you don’t face will come back around one way or another.

Transcript:

Phoenix: What are you doing? Dawn: I can’t sleep. Phoenix: What time is it? Dawn: A little after two. Phoenix: Come here, come back to bed. Dawn: I’m too restless.

Phoenix: What’s on your mind? Dawn: Nothing. Everything. Phoenix: Do you wanna talk about it? Dawn: [sighs] I don’t know yet. But since you’re awake, can I ask you something? Phoenix: Of course.

Dawn: What do you want more: to get married or have a baby? Phoenix: What kind of a question is that? Dawn: I just mean, we’re gonna have to prioritize. The fact is, we only have so much money in savings. If we have to go through IVF, then we can’t afford to do that AND have a wedding.

Phoenix: Told you we should’ve eloped. Dawn: I’m serious. Phoenix: I know, I’m sorry. Dawn: So, if we can only do one now, which would you choose? Phoenix: I- I don’t know. I think I’d choose baby, but if it’s important to you to be married first, then— Dawn: No, I don’t care about that. I think I just worry that if we put it off now, then it might never happen. Phoenix: What do you mean?

Dawn: Like, if we go through this process and it’s successful, that’s great, but then we have this baby taking all our time and energy and money and we’re on our own and how do we even save and plan for a wedding while doing all of that? And there’s no guarantee that it will even be successful, so what do we do then? If we put our savings into this and it doesn’t work? Do we save again for a year and be right back where we are now? I hate that it has to be so hard. Maybe it’s better to focus on getting married now because we know in the end that day will be wonderful and happy and then we save and try for a baby after. But we’ve already waited a year to start this process and I don’t know if I want to wait another. I was so happy and excited and now I’m freaking out and I don’t know what the right answer is.

Phoenix: Dawn, sweetie, breathe.

Dawn looks up at him, tears stinging the backs of her eyes threatening to betray her.

Phoenix: Come over here.

Dawn: What? Phoenix: I know it’s not what you want to hear, but there is no right answer. All we can do is take things one step at a time. When is your appointment? Dawn: I don’t know. I was going to call them tomorrow.

Phoenix: Good, go ahead and make the appointment. Let’s see what your doctor says, and then we can decide what direction we want to go. We don’t have to figure it all out now, okay? Dawn: Okay. Phoenix: Is there something else? Dawn: No. I don’t know. I don’t want to talk anymore tonight. Phoenix: Alright. We don’t have to.

Phoenix: It’s all going to work out though, I promise. Dawn: How do you know? Phoenix: Because we’re in it together. Dawn: [grins] Is that the best you’ve got? Phoenix: That’s all I’ve got.

[deus-ex-mona]

oh mona ft. lxl shikishi how i miss you so…

[nanistar]

in case anyone is wondering, yes flybright thinks that saltKit is talking to him, which is why he's more willing to tell her things. yes he has memory issues. Read on TUMBLR | TAPAS COMMISSIONS | PATREON | SBC DISCORD!

[bellatheinkdemon]

So I was just watching SuperHorrorBro for the new Nightmare Critters thing for Poppy Playtime, and noticed this;

On Poe's little info card, it specifically uses they/them for the edgelord. And for anyone thinking that the info cards for all the Nightmare Critters uses they/them for them to, I dunno, make them enigmatic...;

(Just using Rabie Baby's info card as an example)

...that would be dead wrong. Now I know that I shouldn't jump to conclusions-

But did Mob Entertainment just give us our first they/them (and possibly non-binary) rep in the form of a edgy crow/raven plushie? (/j)

[daffi-990]

Fuck it Friday 💦

Tagged by @thewolvesof1998 who posted a sweet little ficlet for today’s tag game. Check it out here 😁.

A little bit of grinding on the dance floor from Chapter 4 of Rival Firefighters 🚒 (I wasn’t originally going to share this but writing dancing or sex of any kind can be challenging and I need validation haha)

Eddie lets the music wash over him, closing his eyes and just letting his body take the lead. He feels large hands tentatively grab his hips from the front but doesn’t dare open his eyes, already knowing who they belong to. He covers Buck’s hands with his own, encouraging him that what he’s doing is okay. Buck moves closer, Eddie feeling the heat from his body as he brings himself right into Eddie’s space, matching the rhythm of Eddie's body and letting him lead them into a slow grind. It’s enough to make their groins brush together on occasion, but nothing more than a tease.

They stay like that for a while, letting themselves get acquainted with the way the other moves and then the music changes, Eddie’s eyes snapping open and finding Buck’s. Eddie gives him a seductive smile as he reaches for Buck’s hips and begins to turn him. Buck goes oh so willingly, like he’s happy to go wherever Eddie leads him, and isn’t that an intoxicating thought. With Buck’s back now facing him, Eddie slips a hand over Buck’s chest to pull him flush against Eddie’s front. Even though he told Buck they weren’t fucking tonight, he didn’t say he wasn’t down for a little bit of fun.

Eddie grinds his half hard cock into Buck’s ass, feeling the man shudder before Buck is pushing back into him, silently asking for more. Eddie runs the hand he has on Buck’s chest up to his neck, fingers wrapping around in a loose hold. Buck responds deliciously with a breathy sigh, head falling back to rest against Eddie’s. Eddie smiles into the skin of Buck’s neck as they continue to move together in a dirty rhythm, Buck’s ass moving against his cock in a torturous friction that has the heat pooling in Eddie’s groin igniting. He removes the hand he has on Buck’s hip to bring it down to his lower belly, fingers teasing the waistband of Buck’s pants. Buck moans and pushes forward slightly, a silent plea for Eddie to continue, and since Eddie is feeling generous, he slips his hand over Buck’s clothed cock. Buck lets out a whine, no doubt having wanted Eddie’s hand directly on his cock, skin to skin, but Eddie’s in charge here, nipping Buck’s neck playfully to remind him of as much.

No pressure tagging: @hippolotamus @wikiangela @monsterrae1 @fortheloveofbuddie @malewifediaz @athenagranted @lover-of-mine @ladydorian05 @loserdiaz @callmenewbie @devirnis @disasterbuckdiaz @wildlife4life @exhuastedpigeon @eddiebabygirldiaz @spotsandsocks @shitouttabuck @steadfastsaturnsrings @watchyourbuck @rainbow-nerdss @try-set-me-on-fire @princessfbi @sibylsleaves @giddyupbuck @fiona-fififi @honestlydarkprincess @hoodie-buck @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @captain-hen @mellaithwen and all others who wish to share something but haven’t been tagged 😘

[thaliagrayce]

y'know what we don't talk about enough? Hazel died. We talk about how she grew up in the 30's and 40's and we talk about how out of place she feels in the modern world, but! She died! She was dead! She has spent more time dead than alive, and not by a close margin!

How does that effect a person??? We got some of it in the flashbacks, but once those caught up with her present timeline and she shared them, they just kind of... disappeared. And she was a regular girl with some weird past experiences. That's one way of doing it, sure!

I think it would have been a lot cooler if she was just a touch creepier. If she felt a little bit Wrong. Yeah, in general she's more approachable than her brother, she's more sociable and less closed off, but. If you actually spend any time with her, it can be difficult to tell which child of the underworld is actually more unsettling.

Hazel is bright of personality and has a dazzling smile, but sometimes she'll just... shut down. She'll go completely blank for like half an hour and nobody knows what to do with it. Sometimes she forgets she's alive. Sometimes she'll spout the grimmest shit you've ever heard like it's nothing, she won't even notice it's weird until the room goes quiet. She spent decades in Asphodel, which is designed to make people forget about themselves and wander around for eternity, only she didn't have the luxury of forgetting! Wild! After she comes back to life, sometimes she forgets that she's allowed to Do Stuff now. She can spend so long sitting and staring at nothing. Sometimes she'll start crying on cloudless days because it hits her again that she can actually feel the warmth of the sun on her skin and she can hear birdsong. Every little mundane experience is a blessing and she will make you remember that in the most foreboding way possible.

[alissa-xyz]

— I won't do it. You fight your own fight.

"Isn't this what you want? Hm? Victoriae Fiducia. You kill him and you and your daughter will be free: no one can touch her. If you don't, she will have to face the consequences... The choice is yours."

This interaction involved so many gifs...

[nevertheless-moving]

The Demon of Yunmeng: Part Five

Part One — Part Four

Wei Wuxian looked up at Wen Qing, bewildered.

"Well, that's settled then," she said, standing up. "I'll leave you two to discuss things — there's a few quick errands I need to run. I would ask that you please not leave before I return, I have parting words for you both."

She gave a perfunctory bow, then swept out the door, ignoring Wei Wuxian's protests. She didn't even tell him to get back in his chair.

There was really no other choice but to look back at Lan Zhan, who's ears were red, but face was set.

"You do realize my plan involves lying, right?" Wei Wuxian finally said.

"Not lying to say I was with you that night."

"Yeah but —" he made a frustrated noise. "Lan Zhan, that is actually incredibly helpful, but my whole idea was to create doubt that I even liked women at all! That I was always a cutsleeve. You know that it's not just Yu Guniang's accusations, they're bringing in women from everywhere I've ever been, from the campaign, I can't say you happened to be there every time!"

"...Was usually on the same front as you. Stayed in the same camps."

He gaped at Lan Zhan, who was completely failing to mention the reason that was true was because Hunguang-Jun had persistently shadowed him to keep an eye on his demonic cultivation. Far more bizarre, he also appeared to be suggesting that they build an elaborate lie around that fact.

"You want to go in front of the cultivation world and say we were sneaking around together the entire sunshot campaign?" Wei Wuxian asked in disbelief. "That I couldn't have possibly been raping women indiscriminately because I was too busy taking your dick up my ass?"

Lan Wangji made a choked noise, red crawling up his neck, hands tightening over his knees as he looked away.

"Yeah, Wen Qing suggested I say that I was the 'receiving partner,'" Wei Wuxian said, viciously twisting the knife, tugging at the hem of Lan Zhan's robes to get his attention.

"If... it increases the chance for Yu Guniang to get justice..." Lan Wanjii said, still not meeting his eyes. "If it would protect Wei Ying..."

Wei Wuxian gaped once again in baffled disbelief. "You're going to lie. In front of everyone. About years of our lives. About sex. You're going to lie about having sex with me in front of a crowd."

"...Between the two of us, no one would expect me to do the speaking."

That was actually a pretty good point, and he paused for a moment to consider it. "So what, I would say all the crazy stuff and you would stand next to me, occasionally interjecting about something that actually did happen?"

"Mn."

"Like I'd say 'I couldn't possibly have been with your daughter that night, I was too busy sucking Lan Zhan's dick, and you would stand there, not arguing, not saying lying is forbidden?"

"Mn." The red of Lan Zhans neck and ears had crept around to his cheekbones.

"Fuck, that could actually work," he muttered.

"Wei Ying."

"What?"

"...Please get off the ground."

He laughed somewhat maniacally. "What," he cooed. "Is this too provocative a position, considering the subject matter?" He leered, batting his eyes and pulling himself closer.

"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji hissed, face twisting towards anger.

"This is exactly what I mean!" Wei Wuxian put his hands on top of Lan Zhan's, who pulled back as if burnt, which only meant Wei Wuxian was able to grab his knees instead, which he leaned heavily on to half pull himself up. "How are you going to pull off being my cultivation partner when you don't even like being near me?" he asked, not without humor. "I would at least have to touch you, Lan Zhan! You hate being touched." He squeezed Lan Zhan's knees for emphasis.

Lan Wangii set his jaw, hands visibly tightening where they were clutched to his chest. "I can do it." he grit out.

Wei Wuxian snorted, then stood.

Lan Zhan's moment of relief quickly faded as Wei Wuxian dropped into the man's lap. "Wei Ying!" His hands shot forward quick as lightning, grabbing the demonic cultivator's hips and holding him so far away he practically fell off, preventing him from sliding inappropriately closer.

He leaned in, grabbing at the front of Lan Zhan's robes. "Just give it up," he said, exacerbated. "There's absolutely no way anyone will believe the two of us are cultivation partner's — look, you are literally holding me at arm's length right now!" He shifted, trying to get up, but Lan Wangji's grip on his waist was a bit too firm.

"Alright, so you want to contribute to justice," Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes. "You can still say you brought me to my room and I was too drunk for anything! I think it will really help. Between that, this blood test I invented, and maybe an unrelated cutsleeve thing — I don't know, I still have to talk to Wen Ning —"

Suddenly he was yanked forward, not all the way flush with Lan Wangji, but close enough to certain look intimate to outsiders. "I. will. do. it." Hunguang-Jun growled.

Once again, all he could do was stare in confused amazement at the uncharacteristic behavior. "Say, Lan Zhan," he said, growing suspicious. "You're not cursed or something right? You didn't hit your head?"

"No."

"Then why are you insisting on this?"

"..."

"Look, I admit, maybe you could pull it off, you've got a thicker face than I give you credit for — but why? Why do you even want to?"

"Wei Ying."

"What?"

"..."

"What? What, I'm listening, why do you want to do this?"

"...Yu Xiang. Cheng Cai —"

"Cheng Cai?" Wei Wuxaian asked, bewildered. He focused, but couldn't sense any curses at all. "Who's that?"

"Jin Guangshun sent out a list of women who will be attending the conference to accuse you."

He groaned. "Of course he did."

"You all deserve justice."

Wei Wuxian groaned again, letting his head fall forward onto Lan Zhan's shoulder, who had no choice but to bear it or give up. "I get it, you're too righteous for this world. You're willing to sacrifice your dignity for the greater good but Lan Zhan — I really don't think you've thought this through."

"Thought enough."

"Come on! It's not going to just be one day, you realize?" he said hysterically. "You're going to have to live with the lie for the rest of your life! No one will let you forget it! At best, you'll be a laughingstock. At worst, they'll lump you in with the worst of my crimes!"

"...Don't care."

"You don't care."

"Mn."

Wei Wuxian squinted at him. Lan Wangji stared back, face placid, is still lightly flushed at the uncomfortably prolonged physical contact. To be fair, the second jade of Lan was one of a handful of people he could believe genuinely didn't care about the opinions of others. He gave off an aura of unshakeable confidence in himself that could be mistaken for the arrogance Wei Ying actually did possess.

Despite himself, Wei Wuxian found himself genuinely considering the idea. "You're really serious about this aren't you?" he asked slowly.

"Mn."

"What about marriage? What if you want to get married to a beautiful woman one day? Your reputation will matter then!"

"Not interested," Lan Wangji said firmly.

That was... also believable. The matchmakers that were circling Jiang Cheng could be pretty terrifying, and it was easy enough to imagine the solitary Lan Zhan desperately seeking a way out of sharing his life with someone. It's not like Lan Sect would approve a marriage with him, so this would be a fairly effective, if explosively dramatic way to escape that particular fate.

The idea that Lan Wangji might get something personal out of this made the insane idea seem more plausible.

"I guess even if you blush the whole way through the trial," Wei Wuxian mused, "Everyone might assume it's normal embarrassment at being so publicly exposed, rather than unfamiliarity or discomfort."

"Don't blush," Lan Wangji grit out.

"Ha!" Wei Wuxian laughed. "Practicing your lying skills early, huh Lan Zhan?" He reached forward, boldly grabbing Lan Zhan's red ear and tweaking it.

Again, to Lan Zhan's credit, he didn't push Wei Wuxian away or protest the excessive contact. Even if all he did was stand there like a jade statue while Wei Ying shamelessly draped himself against his body, well. Like the talking, it wasn't that far removed from how people would imagine a relationship between them would work, if one were crazy enough to imagine such a thing.

A knock came at the door, and the two tensed.

"It's me," Wen Qing called.

Wei Wuxian relaxed. "It's your office, open the door yourself."

She stepped inside, raising an eyebrow at the position the two of them were in. "That was faster than I thought," she said dryly.

Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes, squirming to get comfortable. Lan Zhan's grip tightened almost painfully, pushing him back to maintain a slightly respectable distance between their torsos.

"Just making sure Lan er-Gongzi knows what he's getting into," Wei Wuxian said smugly.

Wen Qing snorted. "Right, about that — I've got something for you two." She placed a tightly sealed jar on the table.

"What is it?" Wei Wuxian asked, craning his head over his shoulder. Lan Zhan obligingly turned to the side, seeming too afraid of what Wei Wuxian might do if he let him go to risk it.

"Red Seaweed Oil," she said, settling across the table. "It's good for internal use."

It took a second for that to sink in, then Wei Wuxian felt heat crawl up his face. "Haha," he laughed nervously. "That's very...thorough of you, Wen Qing, but I don't think anyone will be searching our belongings, or um...asking for a demonstration."

Wei Wuxian didn't have a lot of practice sitting on other people's laps, so it was an interesting experience feeling Lan Zhan's legs turn to literal jade beneath him as he presumably tightened every muscle in his body in distress. The flush and slight widening of eyes was practically a scream of alarm by anyone else's standards.

"Okay," he said, deciding to take pity on the poor repressed monk. He reached down, prying Lan Wangii's fingers off his hips. "I think this point has been made." Lan Zhan finally let go, and he swung himself back to the other seat.

He turned, facing Wen Qing. "Why are you giving us this," he asked, exacerbated.

She stared at him with a level gaze. "I like to think I know you fairly well at this point, Wei Wuxian."

He snorted "I'd say you're in the top five of people who know me, Wen Qing."

"I know what you're like."

"Yes?"

Wen Qing glanced for a long moment at him, then at Lan Zhan, then sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "If you actually were a cutsleeve, and the secret was finally out in the open, when would you start shamelessly cracking jokes about it to make people uncomfortable?"

"Immediately and then forever," Wei Wuxian said promptly.

"Do you think you would be able to resist digging through your belongings, leaving an object out, and then pounce viciously on whoever was foolish enough to ask?"

He picked up the jar, considering. "Say," he said, possibilities of a whole new realm of pranks opening before his eyes. "Do you happen to have any of those replica phalluses in town?"

A very faint choking noise came from the chair to his side.

"Buy your own," Wen Qing said curtly. "We don't have many specialty merchants come through here."

"Hmph," he leaned back in his chair, finding he lacked the desire to look Lan Zhan in the face. He glanced over anyway. The flush had faded completely, leaving the man's blank face utterly devoid of color.

Wei Wuxian grinned. "You know," he said innocently. "Along that line of thought — it would really help the credibility of my words if you could finish explaining what we were talking about earlier."

"My thoughts exactly," she said, pulling a sheet of parchment and a quill to the center of her desk and beginning to draw a series of curved lines with swift elegant movements.

"This," she said, after a moment. "Is the median raphe. It is sometimes considered an erogenous zone. In addition to being highly painful, abrasions or other injuries that break the skin here come with an increased likelihood of infection."

"I thought we were going to talk about stretching," Wei Wuxian complained.

"I'm getting to that." She pointed with the quill to another wrinkled line. "This is the anal fold. It is sometimes considered an erogenous zone. In addition to being highly painful, abrasions or other injuries that break the skin here come with an increased likelihood of infection."

"I'm noticing a theme."

"Good." She pointed again. "This is the rectum. "It is sometimes considered..."

He glanced to the side. Lan Wangji, who had never avoided listening to a lecture in his life, was staring at the drawing with absolute focus, white knuckled hands on his knees the only give away to his distress. At some point after Wei Wuxian had moved he had crossed one leg over the over, and his ears were once again bright red.

Wei Wuxian sighed, then smiled, unable to help himself. It wasn't the first time he had to...dissuade Lan Zhan away from a stupidly single-minded determination to do what he had unilaterally decided was the 'right' course of action.

Lan Zhan might have gotten even more stubborn over the years, but that wasn't any reason the process of breaking him couldn't be as fun as when they were fifteen.

Prev Chapter (Four) Next Chapter (Six) MDZS AU Masterlist

[Note: This is for almost for sure gonna get rated E later on (if it's not already idk) so don't commit unless you're cool with sex comedy/ porn interwoven with plot.]

[dinosaurstirfry]

Everything Elephanto

Some additional things

-On the weird route you burn him and melt him down to a puddle however he is still alive and comes back in a burnt lanky form being held together by string

-without the shadow mantle you are unable to move when he turns your soul purple

-he hates the new elephanto because he replaced him. He trys to take his revenge on him but you interrupt him before it happens

-he's an elephant because of the saying elephants never forget fitting well with deltarune, and also because a cartoon troupe of elephants being afraid of mice as a reference to the possibility of getting sued by disney

-has a peanut allergy

-Hates Ralsei because he believes that Ralsei is a replacement of Asriel

-You're fighting for the freedom of his co-stars

-His boss theme is Saturday-Morning-Cartoons because it's implied that the next few chapters will being taking place on the weekend with alphys saying there's no school tomorrow and spamtons [All Alone on a Friday Night] line. With secret bosses usually taking place near the end of the chapter, it would make sence if it was starting to become day time in the light world during that part of the story which means it'll be Saturday morning

Random Gifs

[ridgystasis]

its terminal methinks