#Cat Pee Tile

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

boy howdy i am not used to paying for the privilege to apply to an apartment

[keyrousse]

Vacuuming all the floors is really a neverending story if you have two black cats, isn't it.

In moments like this I'm so happy I don't have any carpets.

[dira333]

for the fluff prompt: listening to the rain while lying in bed with Suna

so weird thinking about rain when it's sunny outside.

-

When you wake up, you already know falling asleep will be an impossible task. Not when the love of your life rests heavily on your full bladder.

"Get off me," you say, your voice soft despite the harsh command.

Rintarou huffs out a breath, not at all convincing you that he's as deeply asleep as he pretends to be.

"I'm going to pee on your face," you threaten him next, your hand threaded into the soft fluff at his neck.

"Empty words," he grumbles back.

"How did you even end up down there?"

"Moved in my sleep, woke up with my head on your stomach. Not complaining, it's nice."

"For you."

"Hm, like I said."

You groan, trying to shuffle out from under him. But he's heavy and his hold is as tight as can be. Curse this athlete's strength.

"If you let me get out of bed so I can pee, I'll bring back a snack on the way back."

"Fine," he slowly lets go. "But only because you asked so nicely."

-

There's a cupboard in the hallway, just outside the bathroom door. The top drawer is filled with sweets for moments like these and you grab a few, stopping just a few feet from the bed when you notice the sky outside.

"It's raining," you tell Rintarou, walking the short distance to press your nose against the cold window. "Cats and dogs, I tell you."

"Good," he drawls from the bed, turning to squint at you. "Come back to bed."

"In a minute," you promise, opening the window instead to inhale the fresh, humid air. It had been so hot the last few days that the rain is more than welcome. It's soft pitter-patter on the ground, on the tiles of your balcony, it's just the right background music for a soft morning.

"Come back to bed," Rintarou whines, low enough that he could pretend he said something else if you asked him about it, but you caught it just in time.

"Coming, coming." You shuffle back and slide under the warm covers, huffing out a laugh when he drapes himself over you again, his head nestled against your stomach.

"Aren't you going for a jog?" You tease, hands in his hair again.

"Do you not love me anymore?" He asks back.

[bathroomcube]

there are only 2 genders and boy and girl and there are only 2 animals dog and cat and t ehre are only 2 colors red and blue and there are only 2 languages english and spanish and there are only 2 drinks water and soda and there are only 2 fingers pinky and thumb and there are only2 ways to love hugging or kissing and there are only 2 foods fries and burger and there are only 2 floors carpet or tile and there are only 2 houses apartment or mansion and there are only 2 things in this world that matter and they are PEE AND POOP

[twst-drabbles]

Floyd and Grim 1

Summary: One of Floyd’s favorite words beyond your name was ‘Seal.’ Whenever you hear it, it’s not because he’s seeing the actual animal, it’s because he saw Grim and is chasing him around the yard.

(Floyd being a little shit is always fun.)

“Seal!” A high squeaky voice almost pierced your ear as you fumbled with your newspaper, “Seal seal seal! Oomph… Seal!”

A wet flop, almost like a small body fell into mud before the yelling started up. Uh-oh.

You place your paper down on the table and got up. Seems you were sitting for too long because some of the bones in your spine popped. You ignored the slight pain. There are more important things to focus on. “Alright, what’s Floyd up to now?”

Seal was... an odd choice of a word for that cat. Why seal? Because he's gray and round? Probably. You don't really know any other cat that his specific shade of gray. Or has fire on the ears.

The stray cat that’s comes around, Grim you named him, has been hanging out more often in the garden. Probably because he’s figured out the little pet door you installed in the back. You’re pretty sure he comes inside to sleep in the corner, since there’s some scorch on the kitchen tiles and little bits of gray fur.

You haven’t put anything in his corner yet, not out of apathy but out of knowing the sensibilities of cats. The minute you put in something new in their territory, they either never approach again or they pee all over it. You don’t like either choices, so you just don’t.

You open the door and were not shocked by what you saw.

“Floyd!” You yelled out, knowing it was vain now that Floyd was up and chasing the yowling Grim around the yard. “Oh boy…”

From one side of the yard to the other, Floyd chased after the flame-eared cat with no regard for his distress. His ears flared brightly while sharp teeth and too-strong jaws opened wide and clipped just an inch away from Grim’s tail. No matter how fast Grim ran, Floyd was just an inch away from chomping on him.

In fact, Floyd was keeping up so well that Grim basically has his butt scooting against the floor. A weird little crab run, almost. A furry ball.

Floyd was clearly dinged up with bumps, bruises and cuts. Completely slathered in mud from the neck down but he didn’t care. Not when he’s running on the high of the chase.

How the cat hasn’t started a wild fire in your backyard is beyond you. Well, probably can’t on the account of what happened last time he did that. You can tell that thistle-like collar was not comfortable.

“Alright!” You stepped in just as they were in front of you and captured them both, Floyd by the tail and Grim by the scruff, “Stop.”

Floyd, upside down, swung himself back and forth violently, swiping his little claws right at Grim to try and grab him. “Seal! Seal seal!”

Grim practically retracted further into your hand, hissing. Seems he fears the little eel more than he hated you. Huh.

You walked to the tallest boulder and plopped Grim on top of it. And, of course, the minute you let go, the cat showed you his attitude by sniffing the air and raising his nose high in the air, as if none of you were worth his time.

You ignored him with a turn of your back. “So, Floyd.”

Grim, behind you, started a meow but choked on his saliva.

Floyd went limp now that his entertainment was gone. He stuck out his tongue at you and gave you a raspberry.

“You’re going in quarantine.” All those scraps and cuts along with the mud is a great recipe for infection.

Floyd whined at you, sticking out his grabby hands, demanding for cuddles like that’ll somehow make you forgive him.

“You don’t get cuddles Floyd. You get a bath.”

He sputtered angrily at you as you walked back into the kitchen.

“Hate you.”

“I know.”

Oh, he learned some new words. Interesting. You can’t help but wonder who taught him those.

[spindle-and-nima]

What would you say are the essentials of a bunny enclosure? I'm trying to get ready to make one for my new apartment

Hello friend!

First and extremely importantly you need space. I strongly encourage a minimum pen size of roughly 3x5 (vet and shelter told me to make sure my pens were no smaller than that size for my rabbits but a bit bigger is good). If your rabbit is not free roam, you can certainly make it bigger (my pen is a 6x6 my rabbits are semi free roam). I use a tall dog playpen to build mine so that or a Z pen will make for easy building. You can get creative with how you block out an area but space is incredibly important.

As for what goes in it:

-litter box of course but what's important is size. Do not get a tiny corner triangle box it's unhealthy for their posture. Opt for a cat litter box that's big enough for your rabbits to sit comfortably in and turn around easily in.

-hay tower or rack. You can either hang a rack (you can literally get a metal rack basket for cheap from Lowe's or home Depot and just stuff hay in it) or a wood tower like what I have. Bunnies must have Timothy Hay available 24/7 in unlimited quantities so this is the way to ensure that. It keeps the hay from getting soiled though I do always add additional hay to the litter box. Keep the hay near the litter box to kinda just keep em poopin in the litter when they want a snack

-hides. You need at least 1 hide per rabbit. I have 4 hides for mine. I like the cute wooden Castle hides bc they are roomy and my bunnies like them a lot but really you can get creative with it. Just absolutely no igloos those are not good for rabbits or their postures (vet and shelter advice). You can do tunnels or cardboard boxes but yea hides are a necessity for rabbits.

-flooring. There's a lot of things you can do for flooring but you definitely want something to prevent your rabbits from soiling your carpet and most rabbits dislike smooth tile or hardwood (slippery on non padded feet). A few things I've seen people do are use pee pads and lay fleece, blankets, towels, or rugs on top which are good options. If you're like me and busy and want easy cleaning and a cute aesthetic, you can use EVA carpeted foam mats. They absorb well without letting urine leak through.

I would NOT advise EVA foam if your rabbits really chew and actually eat everything. while I find these dont give bunnies much leverage for biting, especially destructive ones will find a way and you don't want them eating these. My bungies are luckily not interested in chewing them so they work well. A handful of guest rabbits I've housed did well with them too. Even my more destructive guests didn't manage to bite through it well but I need to put that disclaimer because I'm kind of lucky with my rabbits behaviour.

They look like this and come in many colors:

Pretty good and I like them because they are easy cleanup (wash by hand but you can just pop the soiled square out and replace it with a spare so the pen is immediately freshened up. And you can clean the soiled ones immediately or if you're busy just set it aside to wash when you got the time.) these are not essential ofc you can just use the ol fleece or towel or rug thing. Since you are renting i would really reccomend putting puppy pee pads under whatever you choose to protect the flooring.

[shadowthorne]

I guess it's a good time to announce that I got a puppy! We adopted her three days ago. She's fourteen weeks old now, and allegedly a germen shepherd/ leonberger mix. She's already about 30 pounds and huge.

He name is ATV, or Attie for short 💕

She was from an accidental litter on a hobby farm, her momma is an outdoor livestock guardian, so at 14 wks old, she has never been in a house, played with toys, rode in a car, gone to the vet, worn a collar or walked on a leash, or taken a bath, nor is she used to all the sounds that come with city living. She was extremely shut down when she got home, but she's already blossoming and opening up so well!

She's silly, she's sweet and gentle. She has started following me around like a little shadow and she's getting so brave and gaining confidence so fast. We went from having to carry her in and outside, to her walking on a leash the entire way and sniffing and exploring. At first, when she saw someone or something scary, she would try to bolt, now she sits down and looks up at me, sees that I'm calm, and proceeds to watch calmly too. We ran across the same maintenance guy (a big guy in a reflective vest with little flags and a noisy walkie) a couple of times and the most recent time she even gave him a little, covert sniff while we were walking by. So she's doing great!

She's also figuring out that toys are really fun! She likes to gather them all into one place and proceed to play with all of them in turn. She figured out that if she steps on one, it'll squeak, and she squeaks back at it 😂

She's curious about the cats, but afraid of Marble, who gave her a good growl when she first got here, so she's very respectful of his space. They've shared a few covert sniffs when the other isn't looking. Sinn got a little too excited and ran right up to sniff her nose on the first day and she got scared and helped, and he's been taking that personally... But he's venturing out of the room he was hiding in as we speak to observe from that cat tree.

Our biggest hurdle right now is potty training and sleeping through the night. I expected potty training to be rough, since she's lived outside her whole life. What I wasn't expecting is that she would hold it literally until she can't hold it anymore, even if we're going outside every other hour so she can try... She can definitely hold her bladder all night, which is impressive for a baby, let alone one used to peeing wherever and whenever, but it makes it really hard to figure out when she needs to go and how to encourage her to go outside instead of inside. Plus she has no vaccines on board, so we have to be very careful where we take her, so longer potty walks to help encourage her to go aren't an option right now.

The crate is also very scary... She's happy to go in it during the day, but at night she freaks out a little. She's ended up sleeping locked in the bathroom both nights, which isn't the worst set up, and somehow much less scary to her?? She settled down on the tile and goes to sleep pretty fast honestly. So we're feeding her in her crate and giving her treats and toys in there and trying to make that a fun spot for her

[catdadacd]

Some Sentences Sunday!

Because i've been tagged a couple of times these past few days (sorry i'm shit at being tagged) but @bigassbowlingballhead and @monsterrae1 for definite<3 so have some more cat dad alex!

When he went to shower, Davit was balled up under a blanket, the only sign of life was the steady, subtle, rise and fall of his back. Alex was half way through shampooing his hair when the hollering started. Panic had darted up Alex’s spine, all of the places in his apartment that may not be cat-proof yet flashing behind his eyes all at once, throwing his heart into overdrive. He had almost brained himself on the glass of the shower door, unable to move fast enough on wet feet, leaving small, soapy puddles on the tiles that threatened to ease the traction from under him. "You really don't have a clue about cats, do you?" Alex thinks his ears may be pink, soaking in Henrys amusement, making him squirm. "What? No!” Alex gets a little defensive, voice raising. “My mom never let us have pets, we couldn't even bring a fish home from the fair!" Apparently, Davit senses distress, another miserable wail from behind the door. "Well, if you remember, I told you that Sphynx cats are a little clingy, all cats have a tendency to follow their owners around and they don't like doors being closed on them, they - they worry about you." Henry explains. "That’s ridiculous! Am I supposed to let him come in with me while I pee? Or shower? That’s creepy, he’s got these real big green eyes and-" he pauses looking for something else, slapping his palm against his forehead when he finds it, "-claws! What is this? Bates Motel for cats!? And how is it okay for pets to see you naked? They’re just babies – creatures! It’s weird!" "Just leave the door open a crack so he can check on you." Henry reasons.

Tags? Uh @taste-thewaste @firstprincehornyramblings ??? Maybe, no pressure

[doberbutts]

Jaz help

I am on the waitlist for a Chi pup [not your propaganda, I wanted a chi since before I knew about your blog, but you did keep that fire going] and I am worried about issues with feeding. I have only ever had dogs somewhere around the 60lb mark. I have never free fed dogs or cats. BUT I am worried about both over feeding such a little thing and underfeeding leading to hypoglycemia. You have two itty chihuahuas and have worked with other toy or very small breeds. Do you keep emergency cheese or honey on you for the chis. How do you ensure that the chis have 'safe' areas away from the playful peeb, do you crate any of the dogs at night to keep pups from getting squished [have a dog about 65lb that sleeps where he wants to right now, willing to change that though]

I am so excited about getting a Chi but this is all new to me. Getting my boy was easier because grew up with dogs his size.

For Fae I freefed until she was about 6 months, then off and on (ie, only if I'd be gone from the house for 10ish hours) until she was about a year, and partially only because I added Tater around that time and Tater had been exclusively freefed at their breeders' house and I didn't want to shock my 3lb dog's system by forcing her to adapt quickly.

Once they were both pretty consistently finishing their food quickly whenever I put it down, I went to twice daily feedings and that's what they're on now. The main difference between them and the big dogs is that if they don't finish their food, they have the option to finish while I'm at work because I don't remove it. It's gone by the time I'm home and they gobble down dinner so w/e if it works it works I guess.

I have nutrical on hand at all times as well as easy soft protien sources. In honesty however I have never actually needed to use them. Any time I've been tempted, it's because they were Actually Sick and so weren't eating due to that and I had to solve that problem before I could solve the not eating. I was pretty worried about them when they had HGE last year (we just passed the anniversary of that 🙄) but again, emergency calories isn't going to fix "dog has bleeding from intestines until it dies disease" so I had to fix *that* before I could get any food in them.

I use baby gates that have cat doors :) I bought them in advance when I still had my cat Saffron, to give her a dobe-free place because my first dobe had scared her so badly. I have two gates with cat doors and then a third gate that doesn't necessarily have a cat door but the bar spacing is small enough for a chihuahua to fit through (this was unintentional considering I'd bought FOR THE CHIHUAHUAS) so that works too.

But overall they're also really good about establishing boundaries and for all Phoebe's a bit of a spaz she *is* really generally very good about respecting said boundaries. She annoys them on purpose yes but when they tell her to fuck off she does leave them alone. And she has gentled her play considerably for them because she's recognized that the more punchy she is the faster the chihuahuas are done with her.

Right now, everyone except Sushi is crated at night, and Sushi sleeps in the kitchen so she can sprawl out on the cool tiles. It's my preference to sleep with the dogs in the bed however recently a few dog-on-bed mishaps has led to me banishing everyone from the bed until I figure out who keeps peeing on my bed (pretty sure it was Phoebe...... but why.........) and how to keep all these allergens from Sushi from affecting my sleep (don't sneeze challenge: impossible). Also Phoebe will be going back to her coowner this fall for a while and she can't be out with that person's dobes because they won't accept a new bitch so she's gotta be crated at night since the resident dogs are loose. Which means she's gotta get used to sleeping in there again now that she's had a taste of being cuddled all night long.

That being said I've definitely had all four in my bed at once and honestly it's not that bad. The chihuahuas sleep in my arms, Sushi sleeps against my back, and Phoebe curls up in the nook of my knees. Tater sometimes goes through phases where she wakes me up at 3am by pawing at my face until I kiss and cuddle her- I don't know what sparks this behavior as it comes and goes but while it's cute it's also fairly aggravating because I am an insomniac so any sleep I get is hard won and I don't really appreciate being woken just to pet a dog knowing I might not fall back asleep for hours.

[is-not-a-unicorn]

I'm having a bad mental health day

I'm really struggling to do anything. I'm not even going to the house today because I need a break. I'm trying to take it easy so I can calm down. I did some Journaling when I woke up. I stopped by my partner's work to visit with him and bring him lunch and I did some shopping. I thought getting out and doing stuff would help me feel less depressed but it didn't. I took a shower and I'm gonna nap after I post this. Maybe that will help.

CW: angry rant after the cut

I was up all last night and couldn't sleep because I was thinking about how angry I am with my roommates.

This entire floor was covered in piss & shit with paper towels cemented to the tile. My roommate kept saying he would clean it up. Did he? No!! My partner and I did. I spent like $200 on cleaning supplies, he had everything he needed to clean. He said he was going to but days went by and nothing. He said he would clean on Tuesday and we came back Sunday and nothing was done. My partner couldn't be in the house because of the smell so we cleaned it ourselves. It still smells like urine but not as overpowering as it was 😢

I'm just tired of being the one doing 95% of the cleaning. I did ALL of the cleaning the first two years we lived together. After I stopped cleaning up after them everything went to shit. I haven't used the kitchen in 5 years because it smells like urine. And they never cleaned it.

The basement was flooding last year and the plumber refused to come in the house. I wasn't even living there, I was with my partner in his apartment. And I'm still the one that cleaned the kitchen and the laundry room.

The other roommate always says thank you and tells me how great it looks and I HATE that. I don't care that you're grateful. I don't want to always be the one doing the cleaning. I work more hours and have a harder job. I haven't lived in the house for the past two years. Clean up your own fucking mess. I don't want praise. I want them to clean up their own shit.

Talking to them does nothing. They say they'll clean up but they DON'T. I swear I'm gonna start charging them $75/hr to clean up after them and just take the money from the household account idc.

I'm scared to live in the house again. I was so depressed living there before, things got REALLY bad. It'll probably be better this time because my partner will be there to support me. My partner keeps telling me it will be okay. But I'm still scared. I keep having break downs and crying if I think about it too much.

And my partner's mad too. He thinks my roommates shouldn't have a dog if they can't take care of it. But the dog is extremely reactive and wouldn't be able to be rehomedso he's not going to say anything to my roommates about that. My partner is going to try to work with training the dog since my roommates haven't. He feels absolutely terrible that this dog has been forced to live in her own urine and feces. It's unsanitary and cruel. My partner is also worried that the urine soaked through the grout and damaged the foundation of the house.

I don't even know how my roommates' cats are because they stay in their room. But my roommates always smell like cat pee and it's a little bit embarrassing for me to be around them in public.

I don't even know what to do except keep cleaning. Next week. Not today.

[bigcatrescue]

GOOD AFTERNOON from curious Dryden Bobcat. WOW, Something sure has caught his attention. I wonder what it could be. Not sure, but I think he is watching the keepers cleaning his neighbor's water bowl. (this is a daily task)

DID YOU KNOW, here at Big Cat Rescue all of the cats' water bowls are elevated and enclosed in raised boxes?

WANT TO KNOW WHY? Well, it is because wild cat species like to pee in their water? When they aren't peeing in their water they are spilling it. Elevating and enclosing their water bowls not only prevents those two things but also allows us to put a shade tile over them so their water is always fresh, clean, and in the shade.

#good #afternoon #goodafternoon #curious #Dryden #bobcat #wonder #what #facts #FactsMatter #why #Wow #BigCatRescue #daily #chores #DidYouKnow #DoYouKnow #interesting #interestingfacts

[pearthery]

the floor is my best friend. i love the floor. i love my bedroom floor even though my cat kept peeing on it and the amount of times i came home and had to clean it up made me cry. after wiping it down and removing the carpet that my parents had laid over the tile, i have now relocated to my bedroom floor and have cured a great majority of my back pain???? my spine used to crunch so much upon waking up in the morning! it barely crunches at all now?? i dont feel an ache in my back. i am as limber and boneless as a worm. i am so happy to be closer to the ground, it feels so safe and secure. it is quite late now. i think perhaps it is time for me to go to bed 

[the-rad-menace]

My brother and his fiancée have a rescue cat who was declawed by his original owners and he doesn't use a litter box. He refuses. From what I've read online, the litter is probably painful for his poor declawed paws.

They put potty pads on the floor of their laundry room for him. The problem is, he's an adult cat so often it's more pee than the pads can hold. He also doesn't like to poop on the pads, but poops on the tile instead. I'm watching their pets for 2 weeks next month and I want to find a better solution. I love all of their animals but having to mop the floor every day really, really sucks.

Anybody got ideas?

[mrsterlingeverything]

do you have any strong pro/against thoughts regarding bedrooms with carpet vs wood vs tile floors in your experience? speak your truth, i'm curious after I saw in that last picture your room had tiles on it.

My cat 🐈 loves peeing on my shit so im partial to tile until he goes to the great cat stand in heaven. I like how it looks too

[freefallthoughtless]

12 days ago, I overdosed massively. On my prescription medication. I have zero memory of it. I was high on sleeping meds. The last thing I remember is sitting in my bed watching a movie and taking that sleeping pill. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital at 4am, 2 days later, in absolute panic because I could feel my body was fucked. And I had no memory of why I was in hospital, why I felt so awful. A nurse held my hand through a panic attack, but didn’t explain anything. I fought with panic for hours before I passed out again. I woke up around noon. I couldn’t walk or sit up without fainting. A doctor came in and told me they had a room ready for me at the psych ward. And I asked him “am I not already at S5?”. I thought I was, but I also knew I wasn’t, cause the room I was in didn’t look like the psych ward rooms. I asked him why they had painted the doors black and why the bathroom tiles were different than usually.

I asked him why I felt so bad, and he said it was because of the OD. I said “I haven’t od’ed”

But I had. He said it was clearly a suicide attempt but I couldn’t make that make sense, cause I had no memory of feeling suicidal.

He left and I asked a nurse for a charger because my phone battery was dead. And then I passed out again.

When I woke up and checked my phone, I had several messages from my friend Laura, asking me if I was okay. She was the one who had caught on to me not being okay, and she had contacted my support time, and they rang for an ambulance.

I replied saying I was okay. To ease her anxiety. I didn’t feel even close to fine. I was confused, scared and in physical distress still.

Different doctors and nurses came and went, I had trouble talking and thinking, which made communication with them difficult. I was so out of it. I couldn’t pee which they were very concerned about, they thought my kidneys were damaged.

Yet despite me not being able to even sit up, despite me not being able to talk properly, despite me being emotionally fucked as well, they allowed me to discharge myself. I knew I wasn’t ready, but I couldn’t stop worrying because my cat had been alone at home for two days.

My support team came and picked me up, I was in a wheelchair and even then I felt incredibly faint.

I came home. Charlie was perfectly fine. So I went straight to bed and slept for 14 hours. I was still unable to stand for long or walk more than a couple of steps without getting faint the next day. And my pee was dark brown even though I had hydrated myself plenty in hospital.

The daylight hours were okay at home and I spent they day piecing together what had happened. I found the packages from the medication I had od’ed on. I had taken 200mg’s of zolpedim (max dosage a day is 10mg) and 8000mgs of Seroquel (max dosage a day is 1200mg). It’s not the biggest OD I’ve taken, but I’ve never felt worse physically.

In the evening I began feeling suicidal and I got scared.

I ended up getting a doctor out to my apartment to assess me for being admitted to psych. But he said they didn’t have room so I should just take som PRN and relax.

I texted a friend saying I didn’t know what to do about it. She said her and her mom could come pick me up and I could stay with them.

So they did. I felt awful but I finally got some food, the first thing I had eaten in almost 4 days. And then we went to bed. I didn’t sleep a single second, but my friend was next to me, and a dog she was dog-sitting in the bed as well. And I felt okay.

She woke up at 8am the next day and we talked for a few hours, got breakfast and then we decided to nap for a bit and I finally got 4 hours of sleep.

At 3pm I went home. The walk to the bus stop was difficult and I felt so bad physically.

I was stilling peeing dark brown and decided with my support team to go see my doctor the next day to get my kidney function checked. But that evening my pee began getting clearer so I decided not to the next morning.

The next many days I was only in my bed. I slept or daydreamed for a whole week before I got a bit of energy back. I thought I’d never feel energy again.

My cat Charlie was so patient with me. She’s normally very active and vocal, but she just relaxed with me, cuddled with me and slept when I did. And she was so much more affectionate. I’ve never believed cats where that emotionally intuitive, but for that whole week she really was.

The past 3 days I’ve gotten more and more energy by the day, and I feel a lot better, physically and emotionally. It’s a big relief.

I’ve thought a lot about what would’ve happened if Laura hadn’t picked up on me being off when we texted that night.

When I was at my friends house we woke up to the winters first snow. And I thought “I’m lucky I’m around to see this snow”

When Charlie cuddled close to me and let me tuck my arm around her for the first time ever, and I had my head buried in her fur I thought “what would’ve happened to my little cat if I had died at home and she was alone like that”

When I told my closest friend group what had happened I remembered that they once had a talk about me, a few years ago, where they were mentally preparing themselves for losing me and I thought “I’m letting them down and making them feel like that again” and I didn’t bother telling them not to worry about me because how could they not?

When my little brother called and asked why I hadn’t responded for days I lied and said I had just needed good rest. And I remembered how he got PTSD and severe substance abuse issues when our foster mom committed suicide in 2012. And how he would be so alone if I wasn’t around, how I would’ve abandoned him too and I’d never know if he was okay or not.

I remembered I would’ve missed out on Christmas Eve, and how the day after Christmas eve last year was the best day I had had I so long, just laying on mattresses on the floor with my nieces watching tv, our limbs entangled, our fingers in each others hair and sleeping on and off together with Disney movies playing in the background.

I thought of my family and friends at my funeral and I had to stop thinking.

And then I felt so much grief. Because no matter how much I love my life, I still feel like I wasn’t ever meant for being alive. No matter how much I fight, no matter how many good times I have, I’ll always be mentally ill. I’ll always have so much trauma weighing me down. I can’t promise this will never happen again. I’ll always have to toe the line between keeping myself in check and being undeniably sick.

I get better. And then I get worse. Then I fight my way back and feel better. And then I get bad again. And it’s been like that for 15 years.

“I’m getting tired even for a phoenix; always rising from the ashes, mending all her gashes, you might just have dealt the final blow”

It’s strange and incredibly heartbreaking to be so in love with my life, but not thinking I should actually be alive.

I’m not actively suicidal. But I’m also feeling like that’s how I’ll die, tomorrow or in 20 years.

Charlie has come up to me for kisses right now. She’s too intelligent for an orange cat. I love her dearly.

I’ve been trying to process all of this. It’s scary. It hurts. It’s confusing. It makes me want my mom but I don’t have a mom. I’ve never had a real mom. Just pain from the people who had that real role.

That’s a pain like nothing I can explain. Feeling like a little kid, missing something so intensely, but not knowing why cause I’ve never felt like I had that, I can’t put a face to it, a scent to it, a memory to it, a real feeling to it. But it doesn’t stop the longing from saturating me.

I have so many incredible, loving and supportive people in my life. I’m rich on people. But the real deep feelings I always take care of myself. I’m best at taking in love when I’m okay. The bad stuff can only go away when I tough it out or daydream of being loved.

And why daydream of being loved to pieces like I’m not? Because I am. I can think of maybe 40 or 50 people who would be heartbroken that I’m gone. There’s so so many people in this world who can’t even think of 1. I’m devastatingly lucky in that sense, like I can’t even believe. I don’t feel lonely. I’m never more than a text or a phone call from so many people who would drop everything to help. But I rarely ask for help with anything emotional unless I’m piss drunk. Call it foster kid damage. But that’s an entirely different subject.

So. Truth is I could’ve very well died. And I can’t even remember why.

It’s almost Christmas, almost new years. And I feel horrible and relived at the same time. And doomed. More than anything, I feel doomed.

What happens now? Who am I now? Why does it feel like something important has shifted that I can’t define?

I want to live. But something in me has already given up.

[jplupine]

Feral Possession: Chapter 4

Confrontation

Pairing: Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez x Wynter Hughes [Nonbinary OC] Word Count: ~2.6k WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI, Exophilia, Demon!Grimmjow, Feral Behavior, Grimmjow being a Terror, Psychological Torture, Sleep Deprivation, Threat of Bodily Harm, Sexual Harassment

Summary: Wynter is getting more and more exhausted as the demon's antics drag on.

You can also read it on AO3!

Masterlist | Chapter 4:

  I didn't get much sleep that night either since the thing in the house wouldn't stop strutting about the place while singing the same lines from 'Sympathy for the Devil' like before. It was less terrifying now that I knew he couldn't physically hurt me, but he'd still pop up out of nowhere and scare the shit out of me. He'd laugh every time I yelped in surprise since it seemed to amuse him.

  His antics went on for days, mainly occurring during the night and making it difficult to sleep. Napping on the couch during the day to catch up on some missed sleep, Dagur had been curled up next to me, and I finally slept peacefully.

  Even so, I became suspicious when I woke up and nothing had yet to happen. For once in the past week, nothing was knocked over or torn up. Nothing was out of place and there was no singing or humming.

  Did he finally tire of messing with me?

  Rising to my feet, I grabbed my phone and opened up the back door. Checking the area, I then called for Dagur, and he ran right past me to go outside. Following him, I checked the messages on my phone. There were a few from Gary, and a couple from my boss telling me what needed to be changed on my most recent project. I had a week to fix it, but what he wanted could be done in two nights.

  Sighing as I answered the texts from Gary, I had to explain that I hadn't answered because of my nap. Now that those messages were taken care of, I glanced up to see Dagur peeing on the fence.

  "Lovely." I muttered before plopping down at the edge of the pool. Crossing my legs, I just sat there as I looked into the water while feeling the late-day sun on my skin. Throwing my hands up, I laid back on the rocky tiles and watched as a cloud slowly floated past.

  I was exhausted and only wanted peace, but this demon seemed hellbent on bugging me. The fear was morphing more into irritation as the days passed, and I was beginning to hate that damn song he always sang. I heard tapping on glass and looked up at the back door.

  The demon was standing there, watching me and reminding me of a cat. He was still just a solid shadow, but those feline eyes and the way his tail twitched was too reminiscent of a cat. I flipped him off, and he grinned. Those sharp teeth glinted in the fading sunlight.

  Once I went back into the house, I knew he would start bothering me. The only reason he wasn't now, I could only assume had to do with the sun still being out. Indirect sunlight didn't seem to bother him, but I guess direct would. As I lowered my hand, something began to dawn on me.

  He kept asking for my name, kept singing a song about guessing the identity of the singer. Maybe it was because I just woke from my nap, or maybe I was finally putting the pieces together, but this asshole was playing a Rumplestiltskin kind of game. The winner would be whoever got the other's name first.

  Of course, this was simply speculation, but what other reasoning would there be? He clearly had some sort of goal, and if he wasn't lying, it at least wasn't to eat me. But what was it?

  And as I was thinking, something else began to prick at my mind. ....What if this demon had something to do with Uncle Jordan dying? Sitting up, I placed my hands in my lap. What if Uncle Jordan had done something that brought this demon here?

  Maybe he was digging and found something, cleaning and happened upon something. I mean, Uncle Jordan would have been all over the property while renovating and could have stumbled onto something from previous owners. That, or maybe it came from one of the antiques Uncle Jordan just happened to bring home.

  Wherever he came from, he was definitely here before I was. I mean, I hadn't done anything but moved in. Though, Uncle Jordan was old....he simply could have just passed naturally. But something nagged at me that the demon did have a part in it.

  He was breathing down on my head as I was trying to get work done. Sat at the desk in the office, I was trying to focus on typing rather than the demon leaning on the chair. Unlike when it came to me, he could actually touch inanimate objects.

  And he was taking advantage of that by shaking the chair at random intervals.

  "Will you fucking stop?!" I slammed my hands against the desk. He chuckled and hopped up on the desk to crouch beside my laptop with his elbows on his knees.

  "Tell me your name then, Little Rabbit." His tail curled behind the laptop, and I noticed his feet were more like paws. Was it odd to find them....adorable?

  "How about you tell me yours?" I popped off, and his blue eyes narrowed. "Give me that look all you want, you're not even half as scary as you were before. I know you can't even touch me." His leg shot out to kick the back of the chair just over my shoulder. The chair spun and teetered before falling back. Grunting when I landed on the floor, the demon proved his point without saying a word.

  I saw the claw marks on the chair, and he was still crouched on the desk while looking down at me.

  "Don't get cocky just because I can't touch you. I can still touch everything else, human. And I do mean everything." He reached down to grab the front of my shirt before yanking me up to my feet. "Just because I haven't actually hurt you yet doesn't mean I can't, Little Rabbit. You're just more amusing when not broken."

  I tried to pull his hand off of me, but my hand went right through his wrist. That sadistic grin played onto his lips as he chuckled.

  "Oh, that face is good. That's right, Little Rabbit. I can't touch you, and you can't touch me. But I can sure as shit still do this." He stood on the desk while lifting me up off the ground as if I weighed nothing. "So long as you wear clothes, I could just as easily throw your ass around. That, or throw other things at you." He said while knocking the lamp off of the desk with his foot. The bulb shattered on the ground, and I was thankful it wasn't on.

  "What do you even get out of this?" I asked lowly while looking at him. His eyes narrowed at me with those slit pupils focused right on my face. "Seriously, what keeps you here? Day in and day out you bug me. Why don't you just leave?" I tilted my head as his eyes narrowed more. "You can't, can you? You're stuck here, aren't you? Maybe if you tell me why, I can help you to leave. Because, trust me, I don't want you here either."

  He dropped me, and his tail swayed as he placed his hands on his hips.

  "I want your soul, Little Rabbit. Would you so readily give it to me?" There was a silent pause before he burst into laughter. "You should see your face! The fuck would I do with your stupid soul?! You're right though, human. I am stuck here. The old fucker from before bound me here." He hopped down from the desk and stepped toward me. I backed away until I hit a bookshelf, and he was peering down at me. "But I can't break the seals myself."

  "Seals?"

  "There's two. One on my body, one on my power. You're related to that old fucker, aren't you? You have to break them." He raised his hand and tilted his head while watching me as he brushed his knuckles over my cheek. It felt like cold air was touching me. "Once you've broken them, I'll be gone."

  "You're not telling me everything."

  "You're right, I'm not. You're perceptive, Little Rabbit, and it's a fucking pain in my ass." He lowly growled.

  "What are you leaving out?"

  "Is it really any of your concern?"

  "It is if you want my help. From what I gather, having your body and power sealed is safer than letting you free." His hand slammed against the shelf by my head, making me flinch. "You want my name, right? Why? It's unimportant if the seals are what you're after unless you need it for something."

  "Knowing your name gives me the power to touch you." He sounded honest, so if he wasn't lying, my guess from before was right. "If I can touch you, I can make you break the seals."

  "Then what's with the whole 'Sympathy for the Devil' shit?"

  "Just having a little fun." He smirked.

  "Then my uncle. How the Hell could he 'bind' you if he was just a retired teacher?"

  "He wasn't 'just a retired teacher'. The fucker was an exorcist. Between him being old as shit and me being so powerful, he couldn't send me back to Hell."

  "So he sealed you in the house." I stated, and now I was a little pissed. If Uncle Jordan had sealed the demon in the house, why in the world would he leave it to me in the will? "....He knew I was smart enough to figure it out." I muttered as my eyes widened a fraction.

  "And you're also smart enough to figure out you either release me, or I'll make your life miserable, Little Rabbit. I just might even go after those close to you....again." He smirked. "How'd your little friend like his wake-up call?"

  "You pissed on his bed, not exactly threatening. And he thought it was the dog."

  "Would you prefer I did to him what I did to your uncle?" My lip twitched into a snarl.

  "What the fuck did you do to my uncle?" My voice was dangerous and it took me a second to realize I was actually holding something. My attention briefly went to my hand wrapped in shadow. It felt like soft fur between my fingers. I had assumed it was a part of him, but the fact that I could touch it said otherwise.

  A shirt. The fur was a shirt collar.

  "I did to him what I'm doing to you. Old man couldn't take it for long." The demon stated while not at all bothered by the fact that I'd figured out I could touch his clothes as he could mine. If this fur was a shirt collar, where did the clothes end and he begin? It all looked like the same shadow without seams.

  Tightening my grip on the fur, I shoved the demon back now that I had a hold on something. He only went back a step since he hadn't expected it, then dug his claws into the floor before pushing me back against the bookshelf. His hand was on my chest, using my shirt as a barrier since it wouldn't go through me like his hand would.

  "Don't try to get brave, Little Rabbit. Just break the seals."

  "I'm not that stupid."

  "Then I guess I'll just have to break you." I quickly brought my knee up, but he grabbed my knee since I was wearing pajama pants. "You catch on quick, you little shit. I didn't think you'd even figure to go for such a low blow."

  "Well, it was worth a shot." I swallowed as fear trickled in. I was hoping, with how he wore clothes and looked and sounded masculine, I could knee him in the crotch and run when he went down.

  "You've only given me another idea on how to torment you." His tone dropped as he stepped closer while still holding me against the shelf with a hand on my chest. "Don't get me wrong, your fear smells delicious, but why don't we see how else you can smell, Little Rabbit?" The hand on my knee moved upward, and I could feel the chill of his hand through the fabric.

  The demon leaned down, and his cold breath hitting my cheek and neck made my hair stand on end. My heart was pounding, and I was uncertain as to what he was trying to do until he grabbed my ass. He slid a knee between mine and rubbed his thigh against my crotch. I took in a sharp breath and tried to push him off, but the demon wouldn't budge.

  "My, my, Little Rabbit. Your scent changed so quickly." It sounded like he was purring now. His hand on my chest lowered as he pressed the rest of his body against me. I could feel defined muscle along his torso, and with how close he was, I could faintly smell something. Was it him?

  "Get off." I managed to keep my voice even, but it came out barely louder than a whisper.

  "Why? You're clearly pent up if just this is turning you on." His voice was close to my ear as both of his large hands were on my ass now. "Why not enjoy it, Little Rabbit? I can smell how badly you want to. Might I add, you really do smell fucking delicious either way."

  "You're a damn demon!" I hissed only to tense when he rubbed his thigh against me again.

  "Doesn't seem like that bothers you too much." He sounded amused before he pulled his head back and turned to the desk. My phone was ringing with the screen facing up and allowing him to see who was calling. "Oh, it's that punk-bitch." The demon pounced on the desk before crouching like earlier as he snatched up the phone.

  His tail was swaying as he answered the call, and my heart sank as Gary's voice came through loud and clear.

  "Hey, Wynter, I was wondering if you were up to me crashing by with some burgers. I got some work I'd like your advice on." The animalistic ears on the demon perked up before the shadow covering him began to melt away. Pure darkness gave way to bright blue as his hair was so long down his back. The fur on the back of his ears was green, however, and his tail matched his hair. His clothes, from what I could see from behind, were black and dark green. His skin was a bit tan, though what I could assume to be markings spiraled up his arms with a few more stripes over his hips that were also black and green.

  "~Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name~" The demon lowly sang while turning his head to look at me with an evil grin. His eyes were pools of black with his irises a bright blue. There were green markings under his eyes, and his horns were black.

  "Wynter? Wynter?!" Gary sounded frantic since he could hear the demon over the phone. If I wasn't so terrified by the fact the demon now had my name, I would have been floored by how attractive he was.

  "Hello, Wynter." He purred, and it sent a shiver up my spine before he hung up on Gary.