#Carton Records
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burlveneer-music · 1 year ago
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No Tongues - Ici
sound of the drizzle hitting the skylight, summer bonfire at la caillère, chimes in le bono’s cinerary garden, pat patrol’s phone beep beep, a jogger, a tap, patrick’s bees, the oven before cooking the pizza, a regional express train, a hst, a belt sander… alan regardin | trumpet & objects ronan courty | contrabass & objects ronan prual | contrabass matthieu prual | sax & bass clarinet isabel sorling sur kulning linda olah sur chien chien elsa corre sur parrandada de entroido loup uberto sur fronni d'alia artwork by antoine baillargeau
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goats-of-bandcamp · 6 months ago
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thoughtswordsaction · 1 year ago
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Parquet - Sparkles & Mud CD (Carton Records)
Parquet - Sparkles & Mud CD (Carton Records)
Parquet‘s “Sparkles & Mud” serves as a thrilling exploration that pushes the boundaries of the genre by blending techno, post-rock, experimental, and avant-garde influences into a mindblowing sonic tapestry. Right with the initial notes and beats, “Sparkles & Mud” fascinates with its experimentation. Parquet fearlessly explores many complementary music genres like abrasive techno, experimental…
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donospl · 1 year ago
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Europe Jazz Media Chart - Październik 2023
Wybór nowości muzycznych, które pojawiły się w bieżącym miesiącu, dokonany przez grupę czołowych europejskich magazynów i witryn jazzowych. A selection of the hot new music surfacing across the continent this month by the top European jazz magazines and websites. Gard Nilssen’s Supersonic Orchestra «Family» (WeJazz) Krzysztof Komorek, Donos kulturalny, Polska Gard Nilssen’s Supersonic…
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inkmaze · 1 year ago
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life is full of small joys!!! <- just got (2) double yolked eggs in a row
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sydney-carton-of-sour-milk · 6 months ago
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it’s an off-week from my illustrators series and I have neither an interesting miscellaneous factoid nor a funny memey joke to post…you know what that means…
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babyboybuckley · 2 years ago
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Ok I would like to say something but it's a bit heavy so I'm gonna say it in the tags
#alrighty... this time last year i was rapidly approaching my lowest point#i had a broken down car my housemate was pulling away from me as her mental health stabilised and i truly wanted to die#i remember stealing razorblades from our carton cutters at work because somehow the shame of that was less than the shame of buying them#and i was using them to hurt myself#but as of tomorrow i will be 1 year self harm free#and i have so many people to thank for that#my friend who answered the phone and let me come and sit on his couch#when i was crying and knew that if i went home to an empty house on june 16th i was going to try and kill myself#but i reached out and was able to surround myself with love#he called another friend in between me calling and me arriving#so i would have more people around me#the friends who let me come over whenever even though they have such busy lives and are not necessarily social creatures#but they make sure i know i have a space on their couch or their guest room#its taken me a long long time#but i havent truly wanted to die in about 8 months#and thats a record#its been the hardest thing ive ever done#and i have fallen so often but the people around me pick me up#and now i am finally learning to live for me#finding joy in the small and the big things#celebrating whenever i can#i have a long way to go#but i genuinely feel like i can make the journey now#healing isnt linear but i feel like im looking back at the mountain ive climbed#and realising how steep it truly was#and no matter how treacherous the path ahead#the view from the lookouts will always be worth it#about me#my stuff#personal
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tundrakatiebean · 2 years ago
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I know people think they’re helping by reaching out but like except for maybe four people it’s just exhausting. Like we haven’t talked in five years, why do you think I have the energy to talk to you around everything else I have to do right now? I’m just way too introverted for this shit. I long for a hole in a log.
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La classe Fi Las Vegas Mazalda - Topic
· Sofiane Saidi
· Mazalda El Ndjoum
℗ Airfono / Carton Records
Released on: 2018-03-30
Lyricist: Sofiane Saidi
Composer: Adrien Spirli
Composer: Lucas Spirli
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psalmsofpsychosis · 2 years ago
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All disappears in gathering silence Time quickens patiently Through the wind I turn to say One more, "I love you" That fades away
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burlveneer-music · 2 years ago
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Boris Boublil : Mù - 93 Manifesto - instrumental chamber rock from 9-piece band (Carton Records)
boris boublil | composition / piano / keyboard / guitar john parish | guitar / percussions csaba palotai | guitar sacha toorop | drums theo girard | bass / double bass robin fincker | tenor sax / clarinet morgane carnet | baritone sax / clarinets antoine berjeaut | trumpet / bugle jesse vernon | violin
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princip1914 · 1 year ago
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Neil Gaiman, probably: Crowley is a cool, suave, powerful prince of Hell. He is somewhere in London sipping whisky and staring mournfully into the middle distance while "Pale Blue Eyes" spins on the record player.
Me: So the Bentley is refusing to play anything but "My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne on repeat and Crowley has been lying in the back seat for three days straight. He has consumed half a dozen gallons of ice cream right out of the carton while ugly crying so hard that his corporation manifested smudged eyeliner in sympathy.
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camilleisdrawing · 1 year ago
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Pavitr and Miles be fan-camming
[edit] ID: Yellow, peach, and magenta spotlights shine on the band against a dark blue paper-textured background. Gayatri is singing. Gwen is playing the drums. Hobie is playing the guitar. They are wearing casual clothes and having fun.
Pavitr and Miles are sitting at a small table in the dark, Pavitr wearing his school uniform and Miles wearing casual clothes as depicted in the movie. They share a blue shawl/blanket. Pavitr is recording the performance on his phone and leaning his head on Miles. Miles leans his phone on a small strawberry milk carton. Margo/Spider Byte hologram emerges from his phone screen holding a banner saying ‘Go! [Spider logo] Band’.
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m0llygunn · 1 year ago
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The Blackout (eddie munson x fem!reader one-shot)
Summary: A state wide power outage during the hottest days of the year leave you and eddie getting on each others nerves with only one way to work it out...
Warnings: 18+! smut, mature language, pet names (baby, sweetheart), oral (f receiving), p in v sex (no protection), creampie, sweaty sex, porn with plot, both eddie and reader are kind of mean to each other, no y/n. Author’s note: its summer and way too hot out so i wrote this idk wc: 3.3k
⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹
“Its so fucking hot.” He groans.
“Eddie, if I can’t say I’m bored you can’t say you’re hot.” 
I didn’t say I was hot, I said it was hot.” Eddie snaps, heat driving him to agitation.
“Go for a fucking walk then, I don’t know what to tell you.” You snap back.
The power’s been out for three days, with the outage reaching across most of the state. 
Three whole fucking days during a record breakingly hot summer. 
With the power being out, that means no A/C, no TV, no phone, no radio, no nothing. They’re calling it ‘The Blackout’ by what you gathered from neighbours. It is truly a moment of history that you’re sharing with Eddie, and it’s been fucking miserable. 
“Jesus Christ.” Eddie groans, standing from the opposite end of the couch. “It’s just as fucking hot out there, why would you even think a walk would be a good idea?” 
“Stop being pissy.” You warn. 
He shoots you a glare before pulling his shirt off over his head. Why he even bothered putting a shirt on after his shower, escapes you. The only thing that has kept you both from completely withering away in the stifling, suffocating heat has been taking showers. The only downside of it is that the water heater obviously uses electricity so the water is uncomfortably cold. 
You watch as he crosses to the kitchen.
“Do you think the milk would still be good?” He asks, hand on the fridge door, looking in your direction.
“Why would I know?” You reply snarkily, still mad over him snapping at you. 
“Holy shit, it was just a question.” He groans. “Fuck— and you think I’m being pissy.” He mumbles under his breath as he quickly opens the fridge, grabbing the milk and shutting it just as fast to try and preserve some of the cold air inside. 
“I heard that.” You yell back.
“You were supposed to.” He retorts. You watch him as he sniffs the milk, nose scrunching in response.
“It’s bad?” You ask.
He doesn’t respond, he just starts dumping it down the sink, slamming the empty carton down onto the counter.
It’s been so hot you both haven’t had the energy to do anything besides argue. The first day you both thought it was semi-interesting seeing everything out of power and watching people gathering outside to excitedly chatter about it, but as the remaining cold air from the air conditioner turned hot, it wasn’t fun anymore. Then the bickering started. 
You continue watching him as he opens the fridge again, this time grabbing a beer, and quickly closing the fridge like last time. 
He cracks the can and you can tell from the scowl on his face as he takes a sip that it’s warm. 
“It’s warm?” You ask, purely just to annoy him. You have to admit, his pissy mood is helping with your boredom, he’s serving as quite the entertainment. 
You watch as he slams the can down on the counter.
“Are you being annoying on purpose?” He asks, brows pinched, eyes narrowed in on you.
“Are you being annoying on purpose?” You mock, pitching your voice up into a nasally tone. 
“Fucking stop it.” He scolds, brows pinching even more harshly. 
“Fucking stop it.” You mock quietly, turning in your seat on the couch to face away from Eddie.
You hear what sounds like him gulping the beer before heavy stomps heading straight for you.
“You’re pissing me off on purpose?” He asks. 
Out of your periphery you can see him standing beside you, arms crossed over his chest.
“I’m not doing anything.” 
“You are.”
The corners of your lips tug up and as much as you try to stop it, you can’t.
“Do you think this is funny?” Eddie asks bewilderedly, not even the slightest bit amused by you. 
“I don’t think anything about this is funny, Eddie.” You reply, your smile maturing into a smirk.
Eddie huffs, moving to sit back down beside you on the couch, making sure to sit as far away from you as possible. He exhales a deep sigh and you can tell he’s pissed by the way his jaw repeatedly clenches. 
You slowly shift so your feet are up on the couch. Eddie's eyes are set forward, ignoring you on purpose.
Inch by inch you stretch your legs out until your toes are poking him in the side. He doesn’t react so you wiggle your toes, digging them in harder. 
Without even sparing you a look, he grabs both of your feet pulling them on his lap, holding them tightly so they can’t move. 
“Eddie, let go.” You whine as you try to escape the grips he has around your ankles. He ignores you.
You have two choices. You could lay here quietly or you could make things exponentially worse. 
Exponentially worse sounds more entertaining.
You huff a breath and notice the way Eddie’s jaw clenches right after. You sigh, and he does it again. 
You breathe comically loud and you swear you see his eye twitch.
One more sigh and you’re sure he’ll break his little silent treatment, so you let out a soft breathy sigh.
Nothing. Not even a jaw clench this time. You’re positive he’s just trying his best to ignore you now but you know two little words that have driven him up the wall for the last three days. 
“Eddie, I’m bored.” You whine, and sure enough he breaks. His head turns in your direction, eyes burning into you. 
You think he’s gonna say something but instead he pulls you by the feet, grabbing your arm so you’re practically sitting in his lap.
“You’re bored?” He coos, taunting you. He pulls at your limbs, getting you to straddle his hips, your hands landing on his bare chest. 
“Don’t.” You warn, despite your increased heart rate at getting the exact response you were looking for. 
“Aw but my baby’s bored, doesn’t she just want a little attention?” He continues his taunting, looking at you with a faux concern. 
“You’re all sweaty.” You say, feeling his sticky skin under your fingertips.
“Baby, it’s cause you got me all worked up now. Pissing me off on purpose just for a quick laugh, right?” He says, pulling you closer to him with his hands on your hips. “What wrong, sweetheart? Where’s that smile from earlier? Seems to have disappeared now that you got what you wanted.” He teases.
“Wasn’t trying to piss you off.” You huff. 
“Baby, you got what you wanted didn’t you? No use in lying.” He proceeds with his taunt. 
“M’not lying.” You whisper, watching your fingers as you skate them down his sweat slicked chest. When he sternly says your name you look up at him.
“Baby, there’s no way you just said all that stuff without purposefully saying it to annoy me.” He says, cutting out all the coos, teasing, and taunting.
“Oh, so you think I’m annoying?” You say, raising your brows at him. 
“Oh my god.” Eddie groans, throwing his head back against the couch in defeat. 
You watch him as his brows pinch and his eyes squeeze shut to try and calm himself. You're about to speak again to scold him, but his hips shift below yours, his hard length pressed between your thighs.  
“Oh my god.” You gasp. “You’re hard?” 
His eyes shoot open, glaring at you for pointing it out so flagrantly. You didn’t think he was getting this worked up. Truthfully you were just doing this for a quick laugh, not a quick fuck. 
“What did you think I was doing?” He asks, hands squeezing your hips, eyes still burning into you. Evidently you both were on separate pages but feeling his length still pressing into you, you're quickly switching over to the same wavelength as Eddie, but not without a little more entertainment. 
“Accusing me of being annoying and a liar.” You shrill, tilting your head at him. 
“Oh my god, you need to stop talking.” He says, hands pulling you by the cheeks towards his face. He presses his lips to yours and only then you process what he just said.
“Don’t tell me to stop talking.” You say, pulling away from the kiss. 
“Shhh.” He hushes, pulling you back in, his lips pressing back to yours
“Don’t tell me to shush.” You say, pulling back once more. 
Eddie groans, head falling forward to rest against your chest.
After a few deep breaths he pulls away. When he looks at you again, you can tell he’s still annoyed but he’s trying to relax his features.
“Do you want to fuck or not?” He asks, purposefully softening his voice. 
“Ever the romantic.” You scoff.
“Baby.” He says, starting to reduce to a whine.
You find both amusement and pity in him, opting to grind your hips against his. His hands fall to your sides again, guiding you against him. 
“So is that a yes?” He asks, mouth falling open as you pass over his length. 
“You told me to stop talking.” You reply, smile tugging on your lips. You spread your thighs further, dropping your weight onto his crotch and he gasps, chasing it with a deep exhale.
“Talk, don’t talk, I don’t care, just keep doing that.” He grunts, lifting his hips enough to meet yours. 
“Don’t be fucking rude.” You say, lifting your hips from his. When you watch his face, his annoyance falls into desperation and defeat as he attempts to chase after you with his hips before deflating into the couch with a ‘humph’.
"Fuck, please, baby.” He groans, pinching your skin between his fingers with his harsh grip on your thighs. 
“Say you’re sorry.” You demand, hips still lifted from him. 
“I’m sorry baby, let me show you how sorry I am.” He whines, bringing his face to sit against your chest, pressing kisses into your skin wherever he can reach. 
“Fine.” You reply, smiling to yourself as you place both palms flat on his chest to guide yourself as you resume your grinding. 
He lets you continue the glide of your hips against him for a moment before his hands rise to your waist, lifting you up and peeling himself from the couch. 
He flips you, sitting you back against the couch while sinking to his knees on the floor in front of you. 
“C’mon baby, let’s get these off.” He says lowly, fingers tangling in the lace of your panties under your oversized shirt. You lift your hips and he quickly pulls them off, throwing them beside him. 
He grabs your hips again, pulling you to the edge of the couch, immediately connecting his mouth to your cunt. 
You whimper as his tongue licks up your slit, swirling around your clit. He’s quick to introduce his fingers, plunging two inside of you, bringing them in and out at a pace he knows you like. 
“Look at you, all quiet and happy now.” Eddie laughs. You look down at him between your legs and his eyes are focused on you, pupils blown wide and sparkling in amusement as his skin glistens in a sheer sweat. 
You don’t respond to him, you just watch with a slack jaw as his mouth works against you, fingers massaging that sweet spot inside, drawing all sorts of whimpers and moans from your lungs. 
Your pleasure keeps building and building, tension becoming a hot blur inside of you until Eddie’s mouth stops completely. A whined cry escapes your lips as the crescendo of your high is pulled from you. 
“How do you have me showing you that I’m sorry? You’re the one who was purposefully pissing me off.” Eddie questions, brows furrowed. It’s not a sly tease or a playful trick of the moment, it’s a genuine realization that’s just come to him. 
“Eddie.” You whine. 
“No, seriously. You’re the one who started this, why am I sorry?”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” You groan. 
“No.” He retorts, brows pinched. You sink your weight into the couch, exhaling through your nose before looking back at Eddie. 
“Eddie, I was so close to coming.” You whine, bringing your hands to his face to push his sweaty bangs back, trying to will him to continue.
“Say sorry then.” He says firmly, ignoring your hands on his face.
“Eddie.” You whine again. He raises his eyebrows at you expectantly and you sigh harshly bring your arms to your chest, folding them in a pout. “Do you want me to give you a blow job, is that what this is about?” He blinks at you slowly before opening his mouth. 
“I want you to say sorry.” He pushes, refusing to be distracted by your offer. 
“Sorry.” You mumble, annoyed that he’s really making you apologize mid fuck. 
“What was that, couldn’t quite hear you.” He says, smile ghosting over his lips as he turns his ear to you, cupping it with his hand.
“I said sorry.” You snap. His smile turns into a dimpled grin as his eyes bleed pure amusement. 
“Get down here.” He laughs, pulling you down the couch further, wrapping his arms around your back and maneuvering you to the floor.
“Eddie!” You shriek as your body hits the floor, his hands guiding you downwards. You’re greeted with a coolness against your back that feels refreshing against your boiling hot skin. 
“It’s cooler down here.” He says, lowering his face to kiss at your shirt clad chest before his hands grab at the hem. You sit up enough for him to raise the shirt over your head, tossing it to the side, leaving you bare on the floor in front of him. 
He sits up, unbuckling his pants, tugging them down.
“Gonna fuck you right here on the floor, baby.” He mumbles, fumbling distractedly with his pants that stick to his sweaty skin. It takes him a while, but when they're finally off, boxers removed with them, he wastes no time running his fist up and down his length before bringing it to your core. 
“Ready, baby?” 
“I was ready about 5 minutes ago before you started fighting with your pant—” You sneer before Eddie pushes into you, interrupting your snarky comment by punching all the air from your lungs. 
“Baby, you really gotta quit that attitude, it’s too fucking hot in here for that.” He grunts, punctuating every other word with thrusts into you.
The stretch of him filling you up and the force behind each jut of his hips leaves your head spinning. 
“Eddie.” You moan, feeling your lost pleasure resurface quickly, tension already building in your lower belly.
Your heavy breathing gets buried under the echoes of sticky skin slapping together with each of Eddie's pistoling movements. His plunging thrusts working his cock deep inside of you, the adrenaline of your non-stop arguing working as fuel for him fervently fucking you. 
Reaching your arms up to him, you bring your hands to his back, grasping for purchase against his sweaty skin, resorting to using your nails to keep you tethered to him as he fucks you into the carpeted floor. 
“You like that, baby? Just wanted me to fuck you, huh? Getting me all pissed off so I can give it to you nice and hard.” He grunts, one of his hands releasing the tight squeeze on your thighs to graze over your chest, the heat of his hand searing your skin, leaving you tingling under the trail of his touch.
“Mhmm” You moan, agreeing mindlessly, lost in pleasure. You look up at Eddie, his brows furrowed in pleasure, mouth dropped agape, hair stuck to his face and you feel a burst of adoration for him. 
“Eddie.” You whine, using your grip on him to pull him down. “Kiss.” You add, and he lowers to you immediately. His lips meet yours, both of you working your lips together in a salty kiss tainted by the mixing sweat of your upper lips. He continues thrusting into you, the new position as he licks into your mouth offering an added friction to your clit with each plunge making you gasp and moan into his mouth. 
“Fuck.” He groans. “Feels so good, baby.” His kisses stop but he doesn’t let his lips leave you entirely, breathing his words into your mouth. 
The sweltering hot knot in your belly grows impossibly tight, each thrust of his hips reaching deeper inside of you while his hot breath funnels directly into your mouth leaving you absolutely dizzy.
“G-gonna cum, Eddie.” You stutter, lower belly tensing so harshly your breathing only comes in harsh pants.
“Cum for me, baby. Need to feel you cum.” He groans.
You let go, body vibrating, and in the heat of the house it feels like everything inside of you is boiling over in an orgasmic haze. Your skin prickles, as Eddie’s thrusting grows more erratic.
You grip harshly against his skin, fingers slipping and nails digging in harder with every final thrust bringing you through your searing high. 
“Fuck. Fuck, squeezing me so hard, baby.” He whimpers, hips meeting yours as he pushes deeply inside of you, balls tensing and cock twitching as he fills you up with the warm milkiness of his cum. He thrusts in and out of you, hips stuttering as he rides through his high before collapsing on top of you. 
His chest pushes against yours with every gasp of air as he catches his breath and you slowly but surely come back to reality. Reality— which is an absolutely sweltering hot, sweaty man on top of you. 
“You’re so sweaty.” You whisper, feeling the stickiness of his face press against your cheek, his hair sticking all over his face and your face. He laughs, the hot air of his breath fanning over the dripping sweat on your neck. 
“You too.” He says, pushing himself up with his arms to look at you. With drips of sweat beading down his temples, bangs sticking in all different directions, every hint of annoyance is gone from his eyes, leaving behind a hazy contentment mixed with adoration. 
“I think you gave me carpet burn.” You say, smiling despite the stinging burn on your back that you only notice now as he shifts on top of you, relieving you of his weight. 
“I think you drew blood.” He laughs, mirroring your smile. He sits up on his knees, pulling out from you with a mirrored gasp between the two of you. 
On his knees, he twists his upper body showing you the angry red lines you drew on his back with your nails. You gasp and he turns back around, looking at you with a knowing smile. 
“Here, sit up, baby.” He says, holding his arms out for you. You take them and he tugs you up, peering behind you at your back.
“Yup, s’all red.” He laughs. 
“Shower?” You say, pulling yourself closer to him. He pulls you up from the floor, slippery grip making you slide from him until he boosts you up, reclaiming a firm grip on your ass. 
“Fuck yeah, we need a shower.” He breathes as he walks you to the bathroom, kicking the door open. 
You and Eddie spent the next few hours sitting in the tub finding salvation from the muggy heat in the freezing cold water that runs from the tap. It was an uncomfortable fit in the small tub but with your knees pressed to your chest, your back to his front, and one of his calves hanging over the ledge, you both sat together, chattering quietly until you both were pruny and ready to get out. 
By the late evening, you were on better terms, arguing reduced to nothing but a playful teasing lilt.
Just as you both started to get ready for bed, the lights turned back on along with the beautiful melody of the air conditioner vibrating from the window. 
The room cooled down drastically, leaving you both happy and allowing for you to cuddle in bed, completely sweat free.
As soon as your heads hit your pillows, with your bodies relaxing into each other as you nodded off to sleep, everything that transpired in the heated power outage reduced to a moment of the past that you two will grow to laugh at over time. 
You did gather one thing though, getting Eddie riled up before sex is extremely entertaining. 
⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹
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illyrianbitch · 6 months ago
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What Lies Between Us
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Pairing: Reader x Modern Detective! Azriel
Summary: Azriel has spent years trying to escape the ghosts of his past, retiring into a self-imposed exile despite a promising career as a talented detective. When you turn up at his door asking for help on a recent case, his world is disrupted.
Warnings: angst, outrunning memories, brief allusions to crime, details of injury, horrible yearning and longing tbh
Word Count: 3.4k
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹ 
Azriel let out a sigh as he fumbled for his keys, juggling a bag of groceries in one hand. The weight of it grew heavy, and he clenched his jaw in focus as he finally pushed his door open, blindly reaching for the lightswitch on his wall. 
A soft meow greeted him at his feet. Azriel glanced down to see Shadow, his black sleek fur gleaming under the light, weaving affectionately between his legs. Shadow's green eyes flicked up briefly before he leapt gracefully onto a bar stool and then the counter, nose twitching as he inspected the grocery bags Azriel placed down. He pulled back, seemingly unimpressed.
Azriel’s therapist was insistent that more greens would be beneficial in easing his anxiety. He said nothing about its relation to his nightmares, but Azriel didn’t have high hopes regarding whether broccoli could treat years of insomnia. Slowly, he pulled groceries from the bags, one by one. He almost snickered at the contents of his fridge— a few shelves now stocked with freshly bought produce, a carton of eggs, orange juice, butter, and a pack of beer. He shut the door. 
There were a few birthday cards on his fridge, held on by various traveling magnets he’d collected over the years. One card was from his mother, the words “sweet boy” staring back at him, written with a heavy hand and adorned with hearts she delicately drew. The others were from his friends, a stupid one from Cassian, a sweet one from Mor, even Elain had gifted him one— and an invitation to her wedding. 
He hadn’t gone. 
But you had. He knew this from the pictures Feyre had posted on Instagram.
Not that he was checking. He deleted Instagram soon after.
Azriel's gaze lingered on the cards. There was one missing, and his fingers traced the place it used to be, where he had stuck it for a week before he realized he couldn’t handle looking at it every morning as he made breakfast. That card was tucked away in his bedside drawer now. He saw it every night, instead. 
He let out a deep sigh, running his hands along his face, fingers brushing against the stubble that had begun to grow already. 
He had planned to cook a healthy meal tonight, to take his new prescription and finally attempt to get a good night's sleep. But the thought of chopping vegetables and cooking felt exhausting. He pulled out a beer.
The cap nicked his thumb as he twisted it off, but he barely registered the sensation, quickly drawing the neck of the bottle to his mouth. He greedily swallowed down the cheap contents and moved towards the living room. Shadow padded after him, tail flicking in curiosity, a step behind every move Azriel made.
His apartment was empty, save for a few decorations and his heavily decorated bookshelves. Two of the chairs in his living room were still new, and the smell of brand new leather clung to them heavily, making the entire room reek of a department store. Azriel’s apartment wasn’t a home. It was a place filled with furniture. Besides those cards on his fridge, not much hinted at any sign of a life well lived. 
Except the vinyl collection he now stood before. 
His collection was meticulously organized, spanning decades of music. Some were torn, tattered at the edges where he’d picked them up at vintage shops, others brand new from gifts he’d been given. 
Azriel selected a record. Its cover was worn and bent at the edges from drunken nights trying to carefully shove it back into its place. A classic rock album, the kind that filled the silence with powerful guitar riffs and soulful vocals— one of his favorites.He slid it from its sleeve, handling it with the care it properly deserved, and placed it on the turntable
Azriel wasn’t a flashy man, never one for fancy possessions, but this collection was his pride. The turntable itself was one of the nicest things he owned, if not the nicest. He cherished it, admired it every time he came into the living room. As the needle found its place, the familiar crackle precluded the strong, evocative notes of the electric guitar, filling the room with a warmth and soul that pulled a deep,weary sigh from his gut. 
Shadow brushed against Azriel’s legs again, and his eyes fell at the touch, gaze falling on his guitar propped against the wall.  A wave of sadness ran through him. Azriel approached it, running his fingers along its neck, along the dust that had gathered on top of it. The strings resisted against the scars on his fingertips.
He took a step back, grabbed his beer, and made his way towards the balcony. 
The rush of cold night air offered a welcoming reprieve from the stifling stillness of his apartment. The chill bit at his skin, but he didn’t mind. It reminded him that he was still alive, still capable of feeling something other than biting numbness, suffocating guilt.
The city buzzed below. Azriel was never a fan of New York. The city was loud, crowded, and full of distractions that made it hard for him to find the quiet he craved. He felt disconnected from it all, from the hums of life and sounds of cars. He’d never felt as lonely as he did recently, surrounded by hundreds of people. Taking another sip of his beer, he let the music wash over him, the rich melody pouring out into the open air. 
Azriel was only two songs in before there was a sudden knock on his door. 
He frowned and waited a minute for them to go away. Another knock followed, more insistent this time. Grumbling, he turned around and headed to the door, placing his beer on the counter.
"Damnit, Rhys,” Azriel called out, hand reaching out to pull his apartment door open, “I told you I didn't want to—" 
Azriel’s words died in his mouth as he opened the door, feeling a rush of emotions flood him all at once—relief, shock, and a hint of something else he couldn't quite name.
You were as beautiful as the last time he’d seen you, at that family dinner where he’d done his best to avoid you. Your skin was tan now, a sun-kissed glow that Azriel quickly deduced was from the recent trip you’d taken with Mor and Feyre. You’d gone to Belize, and while Feyre was gone, he and Rhysand had taken a trip upstate, stayed at a small place Rhys owned. Rhys was smart enough to not bring you up throughout the week, but Az still saw all the pictures Feyre had sent him— pictures that included you beaming at the camera, drink in hand and those pink vintage sunglasses you’d bought at a flea market three years ago.
"Y/N," he breathed out, voice barely above a whisper.
“Hi, Azriel,” you said, voice steady and soft, sweet like honey. It dripped down his skin and made him melt. His hand fell lax against the door handle. You gave him a small, almost unsure, smile. “I need your help.” 
Azriel’s brows furrowed, gaze scanning your features for a moment. There were dark circles under your eyes— and your eyes, your eyes themselves seemed sad. Troubled. His stomach twisted into itself. You held his gaze for a moment before you were clearing your throat, shaking your head as if breaking the connection. 
“Can I come in?”
Azriel blinked. “Of course,” he finally replied, pulling the words from deep out of his chest. He gave a smile as he stepped aside and gestured for you to come in. “Please.”
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹ 
It was strange to be so close to you, to watch as you gingerly took off your coat and draped it over one of his barstools. Azriel’s eyes traced your form before him— the bend of your spine as you leaned over, the jewelry on your wrist, the boots that you wore.Even with your back turned to him, Azriel knew you. Something was deeply troubling you. There was an evident tension in your body, in the way your shoulders moved, in your shallow breaths. 
His gaze lingered on your waist for a moment, on the way your body curved below your hips. He shook himself out of the daze, suddenly embarrassed and shameful. 
His eyes fell to the ground, where Shadow now mewed and rubbed against your legs. You looked down at the contact, letting out a small laugh. Shadow wasted no time before jumping onto the kitchen island, nudging against your arms affectionately.
Azriel moved quickly, scooping Shadow up and setting him back on the ground. “Sorry about that,” he murmured.
“It’s okay,” you replied, a soft smile still playing on your lips. It was unsure— wary, even. The realization made Azriel’s stomach sink. He looked down at where Shadow was pressed against you once more.
Azriel’s eyes met yours, a flicker of something tender passing between you as he quietly said, “He missed you.”
Your gaze softened. A silence followed. It was heavy, but no longer uncomfortable. “I did too.”
The words hung in the air, filling the space between you with a warmth that neither of you dared to acknowledge fully. Azriel pushed away the thoughts in his mind that began to wonder if your words were meant for him, if you had missed him. He cleared his throat.
“What brings you by?”
You blinked, breaking the stare you were holding. “Right,” you said. You quickly turned back to your bag, fumbling slightly as you pulled out some papers and folders, gently placing them on the counter. 
You flipped one of the folders open, saying nothing as you glanced at Azriel before casting your eyes down at the papers before you. You took a deep breath.  “I need your help with a case.”
Azriel took a step forward, eyes glossing over the papers before him. He tightened his jaw. “You’re not supposed to be showing me these.”
He could get in trouble for being exposed to such sensitive information— and you, you were risking your career being here. 
“I know,” you replied. 
Azriel leaned forward, setting into a stance next to you. He ignored the way his skin prickled at the close proximity, instead placing a finger on the papers, pulling them closer to him. He frowned, brows furrowing as he took in the details. He casted a side glance at you.
You were already looking at him, a crease between your brows as you pressed your lips into a thin line.  
“Y/n,” Azriel murmured, “I’m not sure how I can be of any use.”
“Just hear me out,” you pleaded, moving closer to tap a finger on the papers. “They’re following a pattern. I need to get ahead of it. I’m stumped and you used to be great at these cases.”
Azriel’s frown deepened. “Is it a copycat?”
You paused. Azriel missed the flicker of hesitation in your eyes before you nodded. “Yeah, a copycat.”
He let out a contemplative hum. “Who?”
You chewed on the inside of your cheek, taking a step back as you remained quiet. Your silence was pronounced enough for Azriel to stiffen. He turned around slowly. His eyes gave away the question that was seated on the tip of his tongue. You nodded. 
Azriel stood still, his face hardening, but there was something in his eyes that looked awfully like fear, something in his gut that felt awfully like shame— like regret. He took a deep breath.
“I can't help you.”
Your shoulders slumped. “Azriel-”
“Y/n, I can’t help you,” He repeated, the words falling from his mouth like a practiced mantra of self-denial. “Request the files you need, talk to Cassian. He knows it just as well as I do.”
Azriel curled his hands into fists. He attempted to ignore the stone that sank in his stomach at the name of his friend, of his brother. Cassian. As if sensing his distress, Shadow mewed softly, weaving between Azriel’s legs.
“That is not true and you know it,” you retorted. There was a heavy sense of frustration that seeped into your voice, one that dripped from every word you said. You could feel the tension thickening the air, suffocating the space between you and Azriel. 
He remained silent, his gaze fixed on a point somewhere beyond your shoulder. The stubborn set of his jaw made you falter further. You took a deep breath, lowering your voice to one much softer, much smoother. Azriel nearly melted at it, nearly found himself apologizing for everything he had done.
“I’ve requested access, I can talk to Cassian. But we both know you know things even I don’t. You kept meticulous records.”
“I-”
"Please," you interrupted, your voice pleading. "Az.”
Azriel’s expression softened, his eyes meeting yours with a mixture of sorrow and resolve. He let out a small sigh and then he offered you a nod. His steps were measured, deliberate, as he turned and made his way down the small hallway, the echoes of his footfalls filling the quiet space. 
His bedroom was just as empty as the rest of the apartment, and his gaze flickered to the bedside table as he passed. He stilled for a moment, feeling another heavy wave of sadness wash through him. Another second passed before he pulled his mind away, forcing himself to walk into his closet. 
It took a few moments of pushing aside boxes and clothing before he found it, running his hands along the small safe tucked away in the back wall. With a practiced hand, he dialed the combination, the soft click of the lock releasing echoing in the room. The door opened gently, revealing its contents—a sleek handgun nestled among a jumble of items, including a worn leather journal and a stack of notes. Brushing his hand over the cold metal of the gun, Azriel reached for the journal, its worn cover familiar beneath his touch. Tucking it under his arm, he closed the safe with a sense of finality.
Returning to where you stood, Azriel found it difficult to meet your gaze again, opting to keep his eyes trained on the journal in his hand and Shadow at his feet. He wasn’t sure if it was just him that suddenly felt so smothering, or if there was something in the air that made it hard for him to breathe. 
He offered you the journal with an extended hand. For a brief moment, your fingers brushed against each other. A familiar warmth ran through Azriel’s body and he resisted the urge to recoil from the intensity of it alone. 
His hand stayed in the air for a moment, suspended in the moment of your touch. You glanced down at his palm, eyes drifting to his bare ring finger. Your eyes softened and Azriel followed your gaze, immediately pulling his hand back and shoving it into his pocket.
“Thanks,” you murmured, turning around to place it on top of your bag. You kept your back to him for a moment, and Azriel traced the curve of your spine with his eyes, watched how you placed two hands to brace yourself on the counter as you sighed. You slowly turned around.
“Azriel-”
The glint in your eyes told him where the conversation was bound to lead. He cut you off as fast as he noticed. “I can’t.”
You deflated, shoulders falling slightly as your gaze danced across his face. “You didn’t even let me speak.”
“I know what you’re going to say,” he said softly. He shifted on his heels, shoving his hands further into his pockets. “I can’t get involved. This is all I can do.”
“Alright,” you finally replied, bringing your bottom lip between your teeth as you absentmindedly nodded your head. “I’m sorry.”
“No, no.” He took an instant step forward, hand naturally flying out to touch your arm. He realized his movement before he made contact, letting his hand fall awkwardly at his side. “Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for.”
“I better get going.”
Please don’t.
“Yeah.”
Please stay. 
As you started to gather your belongings, slipping the journal into your bag and pulling your jacket on, Azriel's gaze remained fixed on you. His heart lurched painfully in his chest as you reached for your jacket and pulled it on, your shirt hiking up to reveal the beginning of a jagged scar along your abdomen. He deflated, casting his eyes to the ground. A wave of self-loathing washed over him and he clenched his hands at his sides, his knuckles turning white with the force of his grip.
It wasn’t until you were opening his front door that Azriel found the courage to look up, mustered the strength to meet your eyes.
“Y/n-” Azriel paused. His heart thudded loudly in his eardrums. He felt a faint tugging sensation in his chest, as if his body itself was screaming at him to get closer to you, to not let you leave. He swallowed down the selfish words he wanted to say, and instead offered you a wary, but warm, smile. “Be careful. This might just be a copycat, but they’re still as dangerous. I want you to be safe.”
“I know.” Something in your face softened, and you offered him a half smile. His eyes darted to the small dimple on your cheek. “I will be.”
You turned to leave, but no movement followed. Instead, you stilled, hand tapping on the handle before you turned around again. “It was nice to see you, Az.” 
He gave you a small, curt nod. His chest tightened. “You too, Y/n.”
“Take care of yourself.”
And then you were gone. 
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹ 
Azriel sat on the couch, the soft hum of his chosen record filling the otherwise quiet apartment. His hand absentmindedly rubbed Shadow's head as he closed his eyes, allowing his thoughts to drift.
Weeks had passed since he last saw you, but you were never far from his mind. He had toyed with the idea of reaching out to you, of asking how things were going, but the thought was quickly dismissed. It was inappropriate on multiple levels. You weren't in each other's lives anymore, and he shouldn't have known about the case in the first place. So he resigned himself to living in his mind, replaying that night over and over, wondering if he should have asked you to stay, if he should have offered more help.
There was a knock at the door. 
Azriel jumped at it, head twisting over his couch to look at his entrance. He pushed himself up, lifting Shadow from his lap as he made his way to the door. The cat emitted a discontented sound as he settled back into a lying position.
His heart fluttered with anticipation as he made his way to the door, a small glimmer of hope now flickering in his chest. Could it be that his prayers had been answered? That you were here again, unable to stop thinking about him just like he couldn't stop thinking about you?
Azriel took a deep breath as he reached for the doorknob.
He prepared to muster up a smile, running greetings through his mind, knowing himself well enough that he’d stumble at seeing your face once more. But as he swung the door open, his face fell flat.
"Rhys.”
Rhysand offered him a smile, but it lacked its usual warmth, troubled lines etched into his features. His posture was tense, his shoulders squared. There was a stiffness to his stance, a subtle rigidity that made Azriel’s stomach drop. 
"What is it?" Azriel asked.
Rhys met his gaze, eyes filled with a darkened sense of worry. There was a glint of apprehension in his eyes, as if he were hesitant to speak. He swallowed.
"It's Y/n," Rhys finally said, "She's missing."
✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹
this idea appeared to me in a dream and i had to write it... will it ever come to fruition? who knows??? but i do love a good haunting of the narrative.... az finding us....az being thrown back into a world he thought he left behind...... lord its such yummy angst
so lmk if you’re interested in being tagged in a part 2 :)
permanent tag list 🫶🏻: @rhysandorian @itsswritten @milswrites @lilah-asteria @georgiadixon
@glam-targaryen @cheneyq @darkbloodsly @pit-and-the-pen
azriel tag list: @thisiskaylin @serrendiipty
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siena-sevenwits · 2 years ago
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When I was fifteen my deep, dark secret was that I had a crush on Orestes the son of Agamemnon. (You know how Agamemnon kills Iphigenia, and so Clytaemnestra kills Agamemnon, and so Orestes kills Clytaemnestra? Ends up tormented by the Furies because he's a parricide? Yep, that guy.)
I didn't tell a soul.
shout out to everyone who was a lil too invested in English class and now has to live with their Classical Blorbo that no one has stanned in a century
tag this with your first Classical Blorbo from class that you had to try and be really normal about during discussions, mine was Sydney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities 
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