#alrighty... this time last year i was rapidly approaching my lowest point
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babyboybuckley · 2 years ago
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Ok I would like to say something but it's a bit heavy so I'm gonna say it in the tags
#alrighty... this time last year i was rapidly approaching my lowest point#i had a broken down car my housemate was pulling away from me as her mental health stabilised and i truly wanted to die#i remember stealing razorblades from our carton cutters at work because somehow the shame of that was less than the shame of buying them#and i was using them to hurt myself#but as of tomorrow i will be 1 year self harm free#and i have so many people to thank for that#my friend who answered the phone and let me come and sit on his couch#when i was crying and knew that if i went home to an empty house on june 16th i was going to try and kill myself#but i reached out and was able to surround myself with love#he called another friend in between me calling and me arriving#so i would have more people around me#the friends who let me come over whenever even though they have such busy lives and are not necessarily social creatures#but they make sure i know i have a space on their couch or their guest room#its taken me a long long time#but i havent truly wanted to die in about 8 months#and thats a record#its been the hardest thing ive ever done#and i have fallen so often but the people around me pick me up#and now i am finally learning to live for me#finding joy in the small and the big things#celebrating whenever i can#i have a long way to go#but i genuinely feel like i can make the journey now#healing isnt linear but i feel like im looking back at the mountain ive climbed#and realising how steep it truly was#and no matter how treacherous the path ahead#the view from the lookouts will always be worth it#about me#my stuff#personal
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