#Captain Widdershins

[afterthegreatunknown]

*While it's unknown if Georgina has any connection to VFD in the book continuity, she is included in this poll on account of her association with Olaf + me headcanoning her as the oldest and I'm curious to see who thinks the same as I do (I didn't vote in poll because I don't want my vote to mess with the numbers).

^While it's unknown which generation Dashiell is apart due to his young age [of assume early 20s], he is included in this poll because of said young age isn't clear enough to properly lump him into a generation (unlike Fernald, who is lump with the SBG).

[snicketstrange]

Behind the Periscope: The True Story of Captain Widdershins

Many people don't like Captain Widdershins, but he is actually humanity's greatest hero. Moreover, he possesses the best skill in hiding truths: he can tell half-truths and mix them with lies. I would say he is on the same level as Quigley, or even higher, in deceiving people.

He created an entire character to distract those around him. We see this in a comparison between his young version in ATWQ and his adult version in TGG. Let's analyze his adult version in TGG and see how he is an impressive agent of VFD.I find this book very interesting. I'm not following the reread, but I remember some important points in my theory. Firstly, Captain W. is certainly a big liar.

He is looking for the SB in the ocean because he received information that the SB had been thrown out of the HQ window. Certainly this information must have been received through the telegram equipment that is hypothetically broken. But it was working all the time. Surely after Klaus calculated where the SB was, Captain W sent the information to the mysterious woman or her supporters. He must have sent this information while the children were sleeping.

Thanks to that, the woman got to GG and grabbed SB. She must have arrived at the submarine with the SB in hand. And Captain W decided to abandon the submarine so urgently because the woman said something like: "I can't breathe." He must have taken the SB with him. That's why he needed to send the SB to Hotel D via the crows. The reason SB needed to go to Hotel D was because SB contained a lot of confidential information, much of that information was being cataloged in the real Hotel D.Another key thing is the backstory of the W family that mixes with the Anwistle family and Olaf's actions. It has been explained several times that the word "schism" refers to different events in the recent history of VFD.

We had the Great Schism, which the Man with a Beard and the Woman without a Beard participated in, about 40 years before the main events. As they said, it was at this event that the serpents took the willing side of the schism. Olaf, evidently still quite young, took the willing side of the schism as well, and was trained along with Lemony by VFD. Another important schism was the Anwistle Schism. It is this schism that the W family was unsure whether to participate or not.

Captain W's wife evidently sided with the schism that wanted to use the deadly MM fungus against the enemies that already existed (the incendiary side) while Captain W himself was unsure whether he would support his wife or not. That's certainly what led to the end of their marriage, and the lame excuse about Fiona's mother's death. Fiona herself was still a baby. Around this time, Olaf and Fernald teamed up to put an end to the threat of the deadly MM fungus. This development of events made Fernald very confused about VFD's morals and Olaf's morals.

According to Fernald and Lemony's words about him disagreeing with some of Captain W's attitudes, and Olaf's words about the W family never deciding which side to support in the schism, and the fact that Olaf and Fiona were close when she was still a baby, leads me to believe that Captain W was actually the great hero of humanity. An unrecognized hero, but a hero nonetheless.

The deadly MM fungus needed to be destroyed. That is a fact that, at least I, recognize. But only people who supported Anwistle's schism could approach where the fungus was being cultivated. This is evident by the fact that Kit Snicket tried to convince Anwistle through a letter, instead of solving the problem herself.Captain W had to pretend to be a supporter of Anwistle's schism and infiltrate the sect. In order to help him complete this mission, Captain W managed to marry Fiona and Fernald's mother, one of Anwistle's main persons of interest due to her research work. Additionally, Kit Snicket achieved an engineering feat: building a submarine that required a very small crew to operate, as it did not use human propulsion.Thus, Captain W became a person of interest for Anwistle's plan since his submarine could be used in all the necessary logistics. But at some point, Captain W was responsible for bringing a person from VFD with a bad reputation and experience in causing fires to Anwistle's facilities: Olaf.

Unable to explain his true intentions to Fernald, Captain W posed as a supporter of Anwistle's ideas in Fernald's eyes. And for that reason, Fernald allied with Olaf and helped in the destruction of AA and the deadly MM fungus, without knowing that this was exactly what Captain W had in mind.It was a complicated situation. Anyway, Fernald could not conceive the idea that Captain W would remain a member of VFD even knowing that VFD was responsible for cultivating the deadly MM fungus, without making the proper separation between the wheat and the chaff of VFD. That's why he joins Olaf, who from his point of view was a dissident member of VFD and one of the responsible for saving humanity.

Another important detail is how Captain W manages to pretend that he is completely unaware of JS. At no point did he show any lack of knowledge about the fact that he was actually working with JS, and instead he simply changed the subject and stated that Jacques Snicket was dead. But evidently, Captain W was working with JS. After all, JS knew that the children were arriving in a submarine. This information must have come from the submarine itself and reached JS, and this could only be possible through W's communication with JS or a supporter of JS. This leads us to believe that JS, the recipient of the message in the refrigerator in TSS, was expected at the VFD HQ. He would receive the SB. And he must indeed have received it. After all, the person who really took on the role of Jacques Snicket must have been his brother Lemony Snicket, who is also disguised as a taxi driver, and received the SB just as he had wanted to from the beginning. (In TPP). In other words, Captain W saved humanity again: he prevented the SB from falling into the wrong hands.

[badlydrawndrawnings]

(Jumping on the bandwagon of the 'Sometimes I wonder how I would taste' meme.)

Widdershins would be the one to wonder what he taste likes and think 'biting'.

Hector would be the one to ask/say he would help and think the logical conclusion of 'taste'.

[a-series-of-fluff-events]

Side-blog for Lemony Snicket's ASOUE (will add the other books when I read them, which is hopefully soon), centring on giving our characters a well-deserved happy ending.

Maybe angst, maybe not, but I'm going to make the Baudelaire children happy, along with a few AUs, memes and Headcanons!

Btw, Free Palestine.

[gellavonhamster]

near dark (1987) but make it asoue

@carnivorous-horses-lover first of all, thank you for enabling me

Secondly, imagine, if you will, a small-town young man who works at his stepfather's farm. The young man's name is Fernald, and his life is pretty miserable - his attempt at an acting career in the City failed, forcing him to return to his hometown, and now he's stuck in a routine he doesn't enjoy. His relationship with his stepfather Widdershins isn't great - in part, probably, because his stepfather is a pretty miserable man too, a former sea captain now bound to live on land after sustaining injuries that made him unfit for life at sea. Nearly the only bright spot for Fernald is his teenage sister, Fiona - she's talented and smart, and surely won't become a failure like him.

One evening, as Fernald is getting drunk at the bar after a particularly angry row with his stepfather, he meets a cute and charming person called Orlando (I think this name would fit in fine in this AU - iirc, Sunny refers to the Henchperson like that at some point either in the books or in the series, and Virginia Woolf's Orlando is able to live for centuries without growing old). They hit it off right away, and damn, this might be the drink talking, but Fernald feels like he's falling in love. At the end of the night, just before sunrise, as Orlando is about to leave, he kisses them.

And then Orlando bites him. Bites him and sucks his blood.

After that, Orlando runs away without explanation, so at first, Fernald doesn't understand what has happened to him. But then the rising sun starts burning his flesh. As he's trying to hide in the shade, an RV drives up, and Orlando pulls him in. Inside, he finds a group of people all screaming at Orlando that they should kill Fernald, but then Orlando tells them that they've already turned him, and, after some discussion, the strangers inform him that they'll let him live - for now. Fernald learns that his new acquaintances are a band of vampires who roam the Land of Districts under the guise of a travelling acting troupe. The band is led by Count Olaf, a man claiming to have been an 18th century nobleman. Apart from him and Orlando, there's Olaf's girlfriend Esme, a Bald Man, two White-Faced Women, and Carmelita, a tween girl recently turned by Esme when the latter decided she wanted a daughter. They travel from town to town, kill people to feed, and occasionally steal a new vehicle and burn the old one to cover up their tracks.

The Count and the others tell Fernald that they're going to give him a probational period of sorts - he gets a week to learn to hunt, and if he doesn't, they're going to get rid of him. The problem is, Fernald can't make himself kill people. His thirst is strong and he can feel his organism starting to reject human food, but he cannot overcome his fear and disgust. Orlando helps him by hunting for him and feeding him their blood after they have fed themselves, but they tell him this cannot go on, and Fernald knows that eventually he has either to become a murderer or be murdered. In the Village of Fowl Devotees, where the vampires attack a bar, he fails to kill a local handyman and lets him escape. Everyone but Orlando is furious and wants to kill him, but then the police arrive, and Fernald risks his life to help the rest of the group escape. This pacifies the vampires, and they decide to give him more time to adjust.

Meanwhile, Widdershins and Fiona follow the trail of the vampires' rampage from town to town, hoping to catch up with Fernald and see if he can still be saved. They meet the handyman, Hector, who has seen which direction the vampires drove off to. After driving all day, they decide to stay at a motel, not knowing that Olaf's troupe is also staying there. At some point, while Widdershins isn't present, Fiona goes out of their room and runs into Carmelita. They strike a conversation, and Carmelita, happy to finally have someone her age to talk to, invites Fiona to their room. When Fiona sees her brother, she is overjoyed, but he immediately gets worried and tells her to leave. It is, however, too late: Carmelita wants a friend, and even though Olaf hates the idea, Esme is still fond enough of her toy - pardon, her child - to indulge her whims.

Luckily, Widdershins arrives and threatens the vampires with a gun. A scuffle ensures, and the whole family, including Fernald, manages to escape. For some reason, Widdershins is sure that a blood transfusion might help Fernald revert to human state. They try it, and it works.

The family returns home and wards the house against vampires ("but Stepfather, how do you even know all these things?" - "don't worry about it"), yet it turns out they've been followed. At night, Orlando comes and persuades Fernald to go out and talk to them. They try to convince Fernald to let them bite him again and go back with them, but eventually, unable to lie anymore, they break down and reveal that the other vampires made them distract him. Turns out that while they were talking, Olaf's troupe somehow broke through the protection of the house. Fernald discovers that his stepfather is grievously wounded and his sister is gone. Widdershins tells him that the vampires took Fiona away and urges Fernald to follow them. Fernald calls the ambulance for his stepfather and leaves to chase the troupe, who have by then picked up Orlando and driven away. He is attacked by the Bald Man and the White-Faced Women, but manages to defeat them.

Orlando, who is genuinely in love with Fernald, decides to risk incurring Olaf and Esme's wrath and help Fiona escape. Together they break out of the car and run towards Fernald. The sun is rising, and Orlando has to cover themselves with a jacket, because the sun keeps burning them. Furious Olaf and Esme, with Carmelita in the backseat, pursue them and attempt to run them over with their car. Fernald manages to push Fiona and Orlando away, but the car crashes into him, and he passes out.

He regains consciousness in the same small - and, honestly, shady-looking - hospital where his blood transfusion was performed. He is aching all over, and one of his hands has been amputated, but he's alive. Fiona is there, and so is his father, bruised but still standing - and Orlando, who has also been cured by a blood transfusion. Another person present, strangely, is the handyman from the Village of Fowl Devotees. He tells them that the car with the vampires exploded in the crash, but no human remains were found when the fire was extinguished. Perhaps they burned to ashes completely. Perhaps not.

Okay, says Fernald, what the hell. Why are you here? How did Stepfather know that the blood transfusions would help? What kind of hospital is this?

Widdershins and Hector share an awkward glance.

There used to be an... organization some years ago, they tell him. An organization created to battle supernatural threats. It was founded long ago by people privy to the secrets of the world. But it has been dying out for decades, and their generation was the last. Too many died, too many quit out of fear (Hector looks away, embarrassed), too many were seduced by the occult and joined the other side. But the few still remain - the ones who don't seek out the enemy actively, but still remember how to fight against it.

They call themselves volunteers.

And it seems no one can hide from what one is forever.

[pocketneophyte0]

Old sketch of Cap Widdershins ⚓️

[ven10]

hello! it's your friendly anon again :D! i truly love how details you are with your headcanons! the isadora headcanon is my favorite!

this been on my mind after browsing your blog a bit, so i hope you don't mind me asking once again. as your main focus is the unfortunate generation, especially the quagmire triplets, do you have any thoughts or headcanons for the other kids? in particular, fiona? fiona is one my favorite characters next to the quags. i would love to read anything you have for her.

Hi again anon! :) Great hearing from you again! :D I’m really happy you liked the last hcs I did!!!! :)))

I have lots of hcs for the unfortunate gen so I’ll just stick to answering for Fiona in this so my answer doesn’t turn out to be the length of a novel! :) [feel free to ask for the other characters again tho+I will happily answer in detail!]

Thoughts about Fiona:

Not hesitating is definitely a key aspect of her character (I mean that one’s obvious tho) but I like how consistent this is with all aspects of her. She doesn’t hesitate to take charge but she also doesn’t hesitate to correct those who are in charge, like correcting Captain Widdershins by adding “or she” to his motto.

{ Negative side of this? Not hesitating for long enough to kiss Klaus. As in, not even waiting for his consent. Although it is stated on page 232 of ‘The Grim Grotto’ that Fiona “hesitated for a small moment” the fact that Klaus’ reaction to the kiss of to lift “one trembling hand to his face, as if Fiona had given him a slap instead of a kiss” clearly conveys how the kiss was unwanted. Although I personally believe it was more so due to circumstances than attraction that the kiss was unwanted as Fiona does this after betraying the Baudelaires. }

Wracking up life experiences like kissing is maybe something Fiona is trying to do as she may feel she’s missing out by spending her time isolated from her peers on a submarine. Maybe she didn’t even want to kiss Klaus specifically, maybe she just wanted to kiss someone. Resulting in her failing to consider (or failing to act on the possibility) that the romantic desire was not mutual or that it shouldn’t have been acted on under those circumstances, i.e, kissing your crush right after revealing you have teamed up with the guy who has been stalking him+his siblings trying to murder+kidnap them.

Loyal: I know she may seem like one of the least loyal characters in the series given (SPOILERS FOR ‘THE GRIM GROTTO’) how in TGG she betrays the Baudelaires, choosing to join the ‘bad’ side of VFD over helping them however thinking about all that time she spent isolated, likely thinking+imagining scenarios where her brother-Fernald/the hook-handed man- had stayed with her…the fact that Fiona still chooses her brother over her friends despite him abandoning her and becoming a villain clearly conveys how deeply loyal she is to her family.

“mother is dead” “father moved away” “stepfather has abandoned me”

“my brother may not be as wonderful as you Baudelaires, but he’s the only family I have. Aye! I’m staying with him! Aye!” [‘The Grim Grotto’ Chapter 13, page 224]

The fact that in this outburst Fiona is (subconsciously?) mimicking the speech patterns “Aye!” of the stepfather who abandoned her is another level of sad. She has to follow her family because she knows that if she doesn’t then she will be left behind.

***

I noticed a slight parallel between Fiona’s character and Olaf in the Netflix version. (Not exact wording)

Violet: His name’s Phil.

Fiona: Well, I call him Cooky.

Vs

Fiona: His name’s Fernald.

Olaf: Well, I call him Hooky.

In Fiona’s case I doubt the nickname was meant as insulting given how Phil says he doesn’t care what he’s called whereas in Olaf’s case Fernald tried multiple times to tell Olaf his name but was shut down every time. This shows how although Fiona’s actions may be similar to some of the villainous characters (E.g by joining the ‘bad’ side of the schism) her good intentions are what sets her apart.

***

The way she folded her family photo in Netflix!TGG was having creases between each person in the photo (photo of younger Fiona with her stepfather and Fernald). This could be so that she only sees the image she wants to see when looking at it, E.g, folding Fernald away so she sees only her stepfather+her and doesn’t have to remember the pain of Fernald being gone.

Defiant: A detail I remember from the book version of TGG is ‘or she’ being scratched next to the quote ‘He who hesitates is lost.’ I like how she’s willing to noticeably+permanently challenge flawed things. Especially given how she may have risked punishment for this ‘vandalism’.

Capable+Independent: in Netflix!TGG Fiona was able to successfully control an entire submarine on her own!! She even repaired damaged solo! This is impressive (if a little sad that so much responsibility+pressure has been placed on her…)

I love how said independence clashes with Violet’s character. These two have had to take charge of things for their own safety (+the safety of siblings for Violet) that it’s difficult for them to follow decisions made by the other.

In terms of VFD…she’s in deep😟… Fiona didn’t even know what was in the sugar bowl but still chose to pursue that inanimate object over taking three children to ‘safety’. Also, in her telegram to Kit Snicket in ‘The Grim Grotto’ she mentioned the safety of the sugar bowl BEFORE the danger that three live human beings aka the Baudelaires were in. Yikes. (Ig that’s what growing up surrounded entirely by VFD members can do…)

Sorry to low-key insult her like this but Fiona had no need to reveal Fernald was her brother to Olaf. The revelation would be more likely to get her used as blackmail to get Fernald to do Olaf’s bidding than anything else tbh. (Scene took place in TGG when Olaf was threatening to kill Fernald and had his hands to his throat, pushed up against a wall). Maybe the threat of the situation caused Fiona to act without thinking. Especially given the ‘no hesitating’ mindset that’s been drilled into her.

Major respect to Fiona for somehow putting up with this mess of a man for YEARS :’) [Cap Widdershins]

This is probably reading WAY too into it but you said you like my detailed analysis so,like a submarine, I’ll dive in DEEP. Fiona’s glasses are shaped like isosceles triangles: 2 sides equal, 1 different. Fiona+Fernald on one side of VFD captain Widdershins on another. 🔼

2 angles the same, 1 different. Fiona being willing to see things from Fernald’s angle. Cap Widdershins being unbudging.

Or, Captain Widdershins + Fernald knowing secrets that are “too terrible for young people to know” whilst Fiona is left in the dark. Someone is always left out in their family trio.

Hc that post-canon Fiona living on land would choose clothes like jumpsuits that resemble what she wore on the Queequeg for familiarity. Refuses to go to the opticians to update her prescription for the longest time bc she doesn’t want to change her triangle glasses. Klaus avidly encourages her to avoid the opticians. Eventually she goes bc she is informed that she can keep the frames+just change the lenses if she wants to. 👓

Fiona would find it really difficult to adjust to ‘normal’ life post-canon (if she ever gets that chance-) bc ordinary life would be so STRANGE to her after growing up underwater 🌊 surrounded entirely by VFD members. Poor girl probably thinks communicating via secret code through literary references is normal. Also she’s not had many peers to interact with so that’d be an issue. Not to mention things VFD (especially the ‘bad’ side) may have forced her to do that she’d have to come to terms with…

Uses ‘Shiitake mushrooms!’ as a swear 🍄.

Hope you like this analysis, anon! Sorry this took a while, Fiona is a complicated character+I wanted to do her justice. :)

Also, she would use this mug I found on Pinterest! ☕️

[beatricebidelaire]

re: realtors

Captain Widdershins:

Maybe if I hadn't hesitated, the Queequeg would have been repaired by now! Aye! The Submarine Q and Its Crew of Two is not in the best of shape, I'm afraid! Aye! We've been attacked by villains and leeches, by sharks and realtors, by pirates and girlfriends, by torpedoes and angry salmon! Aye!

Kit Snicket:

I was four years old when everything changed. Our organization shattered, and it was as if the world shattered, too, and one by one the safe places were destroyed. There was a large scientific laboratory, but the volunteer who owned the place was murdered. There was an enormous cavern, but a treacherous team of realtors claimed it for themselves.

Lemony Snicket:

There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational-or, in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. For instance, the Baudelaire orphans have a fear of Count Olaf, which makes perfect sense, because he is an evil man who wants to destroy them. But if they were afraid of lemon meringue pie, this would be an irrational fear, because lemon meringue pie is delicious and has never hurt a soul. Being afraid of a monster under the bed is perfectly rational, because there may in fact be a monster under your bed at any time, ready to eat you all up, but a fear of realtors is an irrational fear. Realtors, as I'm sure you know, are people who assist in the buying and selling of houses. Besides occasionally wearing an ugly yellow coat, the worst a realtor can do to you is show you a house that you find ugly, and so it is completely irrational to be terrified of them.

[asouearchitecture]

the queequeg

[afterthegreatunknown]

ORIGINAL POST: fanart - young Josephine, young Hector, young Widdershins

ARTIST: reddit user Viiiizzo (who also drew other ASOUE/ATWQ fanart that are really good)

[dragoneyes618]

Possibly! Remember Widdershins mentioning the speech Lemony gave, about how they could make their organization better than ever but only if they stopped listening to their instructors and started doings things a better way? Or something like that, I haven’t read the book in a while.

Lemony doesn't like Lord of the Rings because he feels let down by his elders who have more power than him?

[badlydrawndrawnings]

hmm...

I have seen many amazing things in my long and troubled life history. I have seen a series of corridors built entirely out of human skulls. I have seen a volcano erupt and send a wall of lava crawling toward a small village. I have seen a woman I loved picked up by an enormous eagle and flown to its high mountain nest.

The Wide Window, Chapter Eight

“Ah!” Jerome said. “You’re adventurous! I like that in a person. Your mother was adventurous, too. You know, she and I were very good friends a ways back. We hiked up Mount Fraught with some friends–gosh, it must have been twenty years ago. Mount Fraught was known for having dangerous animals on it, but your mother wasn’t afraid. But then, swooping out of the sky–”

The Ersatz Elevator, Chapter Two

“Aye!” the captain said. “I haven’t forgotten you, Sunny! I’d never forget Sunny! Never in a million years! Not that I will live that long! Particularly because I don’t exercise very much! But I don’t like exercising, so it’s worth it! Why, I remember when they wouldn’t let me go mountain climbing because I hadn’t trained properly, and-”

The Grim Grotto, Chapter Two

That means the (possible) chain of events is:

Widdershins not really liking to exercise -> not properly train for a mountain expedition -> Widdershins isn’t allowed to go

VFD scrambles to find a replacement -> Beatrice argues for her non-VFD friend Jerome to join and probably is met with criticism mainly by Jacques -> Beatrice wins her argument successfully

Jerome finds himself with Beatrice, a few friends, and others -> Jerome does something unknowingly (assume) -> Beatrice gets kidnap by an eagle (-> Beatrice Rescue Mission, assuming she didn’t get out by herself)

[agaypanic]

First off your username is a whole ass mood, also, could I request a fic with Klaus Baudelaire? Their on the Qeequeg and reader gets jealous of Fiona and her flirting with klaus. I’m a whore for Klaus Baudelaire

Guess (Klaus Baudelaire X GN!Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: Y/n has been with the Baudelaires since they showed up on Monty’s doorstep. When they board the Queequeg, Y/n can’t help the jealousy overcome when Fiona gets a little too close to Klaus.

A/N: I can’t remember the exact plot of the grim grotto, so in this they’re all just kinda hanging out on the Queequeg ig lol

***

If you had asked Y/n L/n where they saw themself in a few months, they wouldn’t have guessed all the unfortunate events they and the Baudelaires had experienced. Bouncing from guardian to guardian, only tagging along with the Baudelaires because the late Dr. Montgomery Montgomery, their own guardian, was tragically murdered and coincidentally wanted Y/n to be taken care of by the also late Josephine Anwhistle. Being chased down by a homicidal, overgrown theater kid after the Baudelaire fortune. 

They also wouldn’t have guessed their current predicament, being stuck in a submarine captained by a teenager. Her name was Fiona Widdershins. She had become captain of the Queeqeug ever since her stepfather got a distress call from a manatee. She was looking for a sugar bowl, the same one that the Baudelaire’s former guardian Esme Squalor was after. 

She was also very captivating, especially to a certain Baudelaire. And it pissed Y/n off.

Klaus wasn’t theirs; they knew that. Y/n was constantly reminded of that. But watching as he and Fiona worked closely together to locate the sugar bowl, flirty remarks from her every now and then, Y/n couldn’t stop the jealousy from overcoming them.

“He doesn’t even know her,” Y/n muttered as she watched the two laugh at a joke from afar. 

“You know,” Y/n was startled by Violet’s sudden presence beside them, “You could tell him how you feel. It would be better than moping around, watching the two of them.”

“Absolutely not.” Y/n shook the ridiculous idea away. “That would end in disaster.”

“How so?”

“When Klaus rejects me-”

“He won’t.”

“Fine. If he rejects me, we’ll still be stuck together in a submarine until God knows when. And the situation’s awkwardness would be so suffocating that I would jump out into the sea to escape it.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic.” Violet laughed at the visual of Y/n’s words. “Klaus won’t reject you, Y/n. I know it.”

“Then why is he flirting with Fiona right in front of us like that?”

“He probably doesn’t see it as flirting, just regular conversation. Klaus may be book smart, but he’s not exactly versed in things like relationships.”

Y/n knew this was true. They had known the Baudelaires long enough to know that they weren’t very experienced when it came to romantic feelings. Most of the experience they did have was from the people they had encountered when their unfortunate events had first started to occur.

“Whatever, I’m still not gonna tell him.”

“Tell who what?” Y/n was again startled by another Baudelaire sibling, Klaus. It seemed that Fiona had gone to steer the submarine in the needed direction, because she was out of the room. 

“Actually, we were talking about-” Y/n put their hand over Violet’s mouth to stop her from exposing them.

“Nothing!” Y/n had said that louder than they intended to. They cleared their throat. “We weren’t talking about anything.”

Klaus gave Violet a look. Y/n couldn’t decipher what the look meant, he looked confused, but there was some kind of message in his eyes. Violet apparently knew the message because she made up some excuse to leave.

“I’ll go check on Sunny.” She left quickly, leaving Klaus and Y/n alone in the room.

“Shouldn’t you go back to Fiona?” Y/n immediately hit themself mentally for the question. Why did they feel the need to bring Fiona up now that she and Klaus had finally taken a break from flirting with each other?

“Why would I go back to Fiona?” Klaus looked even more confused. Y/n couldn’t help rolling their eyes.

“Why wouldn’t you? You two were flirting and close together so much that I’m half surprised you didn’t start kissing right there.” Why was Y/n digging themself into an even deeper hole?

Klaus laughed.

Why the hell was he laughing?

“Y/n, are you jealous?” He asked, looking intently at them. They averted their eyes, knowing that looking at him would reveal everything. They didn’t feel like jumping out of the submarine right now.

“That’s absurd.” They scoffed. “Public displays of affection are just disgusting, that’s all.” Klaus laughed again.

“Disgusting? Really?” He took Y/n’s hands in his, making them look at him. “Y/n, there was nothing affectionate about my conversations with Fiona.”

“Maybe not on your side, but she seemed to think differently.”

“Why do you care so much?”

“I don’t want to see some girl flirting with the guy I like. Is that such a crime?” Y/n started punching themself on the inside again. Klaus looked pleasantly surprised.

“Last time I checked, it’s not.” Y/n couldn’t understand why he was being so cheeky. “If it makes you feel any better, though, I have it on good authority that the guy you like isn’t interested in Fiona.”

Oh. 

“Oh, um… Is the guy I like interested in anyone?” Y/n asked. They had a feeling where this was going, but you could never be too sure about these kinds of things. Klaus nodded.

“Yes, he seems to like a particular someone.”

“And that is?”

Klaus moved closer to Y/n, leaning down. Their lips were so close to touching yet so far.

“Guess.”

[overthestars-and-offtoneverland]

Fuck it. V.F.D but make it Magical

So, I've made some posts where I make AUs that kick V.F.D's cult levels up to 11, but woe is you I thought about something for too long again.

The Mythological Creatures AU

V.F.D is a secret organization where nonhumans hide in plain sight using magic and other methods to pass themselves off as humans.

The Eye Tattoo is now a magical seal used to help them hide their true forms. This can either be achieved through an actual mark on the skin or through a pendant/trinket worn somewhere on the body. Humans are aware of the existence of nonhumans, but typically fear them.

(Gonna split this in two Sugar Bowl Gen and Unfortunate Gen)

Sugar Bowl Gen:

Olaf: Changeling/Shapeshifter (His disguises are still see-through because something always looks viscerally wrong about him. Very Uncanny Valley)

Olaf’s Troupe:

Bald Man With Warts – Human (Not Everyone is Nonhuman)

Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender (Orlando) – Human (Not Everyone is Nonhuman)

The White-Faced Women – Ghosts (Haunted Olaf’s Theater, Now haunting Olaf until they leave in-story)

Fernald – Gillman (Think Creature From The Black Lagoon because I’ll get rid of the fishhooks joke over my dead body)

The Snicket Siblings: Algea (Often mistaken for angels due to their vulture wings, these are creatures that are the physical personification of sorrow.)

Beatrice: Angel (Fallen, taking a bit of inspiration from Dante’s Inferno. Feels thematically appropriate)

Bertrand: Sirin (Often mistaken for angels due to their owl wings, these are creatures that are the physical personification of joy)

Monty: Naga (Because of course I’m gonna make snake uncle a snake!)

Josephine: Banshee (Think of the fact that her anxiety is heightened because she can’t tell if her screams are because she’s scared or because someone’s going to die, and it could be her this time. Like the scream that happened the day Ike died)

Georgina Orwell: Samodiva (A type of fairy known for hypnotizing men and driving them insane)

Sir: Smoke/Smog Monster (Born from the lumbermill’s smoke production. His cigars help him keep a physical form)

Charles: Warlock (Human born with magical ability and connection. Magically bound to Sir)

(The Lumbermill Workers are all humans, which makes them easier to control and manipulate)

Esme: Pixie (Passes herself off as a regular fairy to hide her true nature)

Jerome: Satyr (No specific reason, but Satyr’s are known for being docile and made a fool of in theatrical productions if you want to stretch)

Hector: Human (Not everyone can be nonhuman. I like to think nonhumans are actually not allowed in the Village of Foul Devotees unless they are a type of bird creature. So, if he were a nonhuman, Hector would be a Harpy. Alternatively, he is a Harpy, but he’s hiding his true form like V.F.D associates do to avoid persecution)

Olivia Caliban (Miranda Caliban by Extension): Oracle (Human born with magical abilities and the gift of prophecy. Ishmael often dismisses Miranda’s prophecies. Kind of a Cassandra situation)

Captain Widdershins: Tannin (Sea Serpent, think a Water Naga. Some sources refer to this creature as “The Whale” because they are sometimes presented with the head of a boar and the body of the whale. It’s a Moby Dick reference!)

The Denouement Triplets: Shadow Creatures (They morph and move through shadows, sometimes even blending together. This makes it even harder to tell Ernest and Frank apart, and nearly impossible to find Dewey. They can morph into shadows to prevent harm to their physical form… If they’re fast enough.)

Ishmael: Poltergeist (A malevolent spirit haunting the island and its residents. Keeps his physical form by stealing the life force and free will of those who allow him to. His powers do not work on the unwilling.)

(Olaf’s Mentors are both Demons.)

(Mr. Poe and family are humans)

I'm open for suggestions for any characters I missed.

Like, what was Ike before he died?

Gustav? Sally? R?

How about our Netflix Originals? I'd love your opinions on Jacqueline, Larry, and Babs.

See you in Part Two to discuss the kids!

[eye-candy-film-enjoyer]

I’ve finally cooked it up.

My fancast for a Wes Anderson adoption to A Series of Unfortunate Events

(Quick note, I’m excluded the Baudelaire orphans, Quagmire triplets, and Carmelita Spats because I know fuck all about child actors. All the child actors I liked are all adults now.)

Willem Dafoe as Count Olaf

Ralph Fiennes as The Narrator/Lemony Snicket

Bill Murray as Mr Poe

Saoirse Ronan as Kit Snicket

Frances McDormand as Chief Justice Strauss

Mathieu Amalric as Uncle Monty

Tilda Swinton as Aunt Josephine

Jeffrey Wright as Sir

Dev Patel as Charles

Anjelica Huston as Dr. Georgina Orwell

Bryan Cranston as Vice Principal Nero

Scarlett Johannson as Esme Squalor

Ed Norton as Jerome Squalor

Benicio Del Toro as Hector

Jason Schwartzman as Jaques Snicket

Wes Anderson as The Last Chance General Store Owner

(You are not allowed to question this one)

Bob Balaban as Hal

Jeff Goldblum as Captain Widdershins

Adrien Brody as Dewey Denouement

Brian Cox as Ishmael

Owen Wilson as the henchperson of indeterminate Gender

Luke Wilson as the henchman with a hook for a hand