#Cantina do Lucas

[doyoulikethissong-poll]

John Williams - Star Wars - Main Title 1977

Star Wars (later retitled Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope) is a 1977 American epic space opera film written and directed by George Lucas. Set "a long time ago" in a fictional galaxy ruled by the tyrannical Galactic Empire, the story follows a group of freedom fighters known as the Rebel Alliance, who aim to destroy the Empire's newest weapon, the Death Star. When the Rebel leader Princess Leia is captured by the Empire, Luke Skywalker acquires stolen architectural plans of the Death Star and sets out to rescue her while learning the ways of a metaphysical power known as "the Force" from the Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.

"Star Wars (Main Title)" is a musical theme composed and conducted by John Williams. The composition draws influence from Erich Wolfgang Korngold's score for the 1942 film Kings Row and Gustav Holst's Jupiter from his orchestral suite, The Planets. The 1977 London Symphony Orchestra recording peaked at number ten on Billboard Hot 100 and number thirteen in Canada RPM Top Singles. Meco's disco version of "Star Wars Theme/Cantina Band" from his album Star Wars and Other Galactic Funk was a global hit in the same year. The soundtrack album itself peaked at number 2 on the Billboard 200 in 1977, and became the best-selling symphonic album of all time; it was certified Gold and Platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America, and won numerous accolades including an Academy Award, a Golden Globe Award, a BAFTA Award, and Grammy Awards in the categories of Best Original Score Written for a Motion Picture or a Television Special and Best Instrumental Composition (for the "Main Title"). In 2004, it was preserved by the Library of Congress into the National Recording Registry, calling it "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant". In 2005, the American Film Institute named the original Star Wars soundtrack as the most memorable score of all time for an American film.

"Star Wars (Main Title)" received a total of 91,8% yes votes! Previous Star Wars-related polls: #209 "Seagulls! (Stop It Now)".

[mariacallous]

The last time Donald Trump entered the White House and menaced efforts to stop the climate from overheating, affronted world leaders closed ranks against him.

Such defiance and unity are practically unthinkable this time.

Trump’s peers are disunited, focused inward and have already largely abandoned the vanguard of the fight to stop the planet from burning up. 

Their list of excuses, in fairness, contains many serious considerations. Wars and trade disputes have eroded international cooperation. A pile-up of global and domestic challenges has pushed climate change down — or off — the agenda when world leaders meet. The European powerhouses that eagerly claimed the climate mantle after Trump’s 2016 election are now fumbling through a house of mirrors as they confront economic decline, populism and what French President Emmanuel Macron warns could be the failure of the EU project. Many of these problems, by the way, will likely become even more daunting during a Trump presidency.

Simply put, leaders are distracted. The global order of recent generations is crumbling. It is, lamented U.N. climate change chief Simon Stiell in a recent speech, a “moment of profound fracture between nations and within them.” 

It’s also an inauspicious backdrop for the annual U.N. climate summit, which begins on Monday in Baku, Azerbaijan. The COP29 conference is doomed to be defined not only by Trump’s return to power, but also by the absence of those who might resist him.

What else to make of the list of leaders planning to miss the talks? Joe Biden is skipping. As is Macron, who once reveled in countering Trump’s gleeful climate denial. The European Union’s top executive, Ursula von der Leyen, who has made it her personal mission to deliver world-leading climate targets for 450 million people, is also a pass. Germany’s Olaf Scholz was supposed to go, but his government collapsed a day after Trump’s election, leading to his quick withdrawal. The host of next year’s climate talks, Brazilian President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, is out thanks to a minor brain hemorrhage — and no, that’s not a metaphor. 

Trump won’t be there either, of course, having a whole government to set up in Washington.

“Is there any leader that sees climate as a key driver of contemporary politics and society?”  asked Luca Bergamaschi, founder of the Italian climate think tank Ecco.

“Probably not.”

Trump’s return finds the world’s leaders more Star Wars cantina than Plato’s Symposium. And it raises a question that will shape not only this year’s global climate talks but also the future of humankind: Do political leaders really matter when it comes to stopping the planet from burning up?

[feltpool]

Copyright cash grab

I think the thing that bothers me most about current Star Wars is that it lies so hard about what it’s really doing, like we’re not going to work it out anyway.

Fandom cannot create new canon, it can only work with what it has, open up the cracks, fill in the plot holes and put a new spin on things. But the show creators don’t have that limit, and yet have devolved to reusing the same old plot and structure we’ve seen before and hiding it under a different set of faces.

I suppose it’s meant to be clever, but fanfic has been re-spinning these stories for literal decades now so it just feels like a pallid and obvious cash grab as well as a way for Disney to lay claim to the older Lucas-made canon as now belonging to them.

Personal opinion and potential spoilers behind the cut

Mando spins its story around the core structure of the OT movies while doing its utmost to pretend that it isn’t doing that. Instead of starting with the feisty space princess whose home has been destroyed by the Empire it sneaks in via Solo and focuses on a lone gunslinger doing any dodgy job for money while throwing him about in the mud a lot, role flipping Yoda and Luke, and hiding it all under a layer of Mandalorian armour. But the constant references to other parts of SW get old fast, and they leap right in there from the very start regardless of people only majorly starting to complain about that from Season 3. It was always there, we just weren’t so overloaded by the constant stream of really obvious ones back in Season 1.

And The Bad Batch follows this exact same pattern, the only major difference is that it’s framed around the core plot of the prequel movies and overall tends to bury its true purpose under fewer Rebels references. Sure it’s tying up a bunch of loose ends from multiple seasons of TCW, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to like it.

Add to this the other shows that only got made in order to support these^ two shows.

TCW Season 7 sets up everything the other shows need to have already been established in order to work. The Bad Batch setup is established, Trace, Rafa, and their convenient little Coruscant hiding place gets laid down for later plot use, and the Mandalore arc sets up the rest.

Tales of the Jedi explicitly covers how Anakin treated Ahsoka behind closed doors and how he used others to actually carry that out so that it can be reused later. Amongst other plot relevant details it showed us the relationship between Dooku and Mace, how Dooku was pissed when Mace got a promotion he hadn’t even been trying to claim, and how Dooku was directly offered the chance to drop all of what he was doing and to walk away with the Jedi – and still chose not to.

Half of The Book of Boba Fett was just a dumping ground for anything that didn’t conveniently fit into either of the other two shows but that they didn’t want to leave out (you can’t claim copyright over something you haven’t put onscreen), and boy did it show that they didn’t waste any money covering that part if they could help it. Orphan Boba gets to re-enact Luke’s back story of getting and losing a new family out in the sands of Tatooine, while Vanth gets to lose his arm and get a robotic replacement, it covers the question of what happened once Jabba was dead, drops in a much cuter version of the scene where the Luke defeats the rancor, features a cantina complete with familiar players, and shoves not-Chewbacca in there because having a Wookiee in the main story would be way too much of an obvious nod to the OT setup they’re still trying to pretend isn’t happening. However, it was permitted to drop in a couple of future plot points such as what happens to your brain/memory once you get a deep tissue, full body, bacta treatment, and giving Boba his 3 seconds of playing both Solo getting thrown wetly around by a Wookiee, and the Emperor as he rescues Fennec from certain death by having her Vaderized.

In all fairness this has taken a certain level of effort to re-spin. Aspects of one movie or TCW have been given to the other show, roles have been split between characters to make things less obvious. Hunter gets Anakin’s wig, while Hemlock gets his hand, and Echo gets to play Vader but in reverse order (starting as a cyborg and not becoming one). Or things have been approached from a different angle (usually reversed), like how Bo rescues Din and Grogu from the dianoga pit on the boat instead of getting them into the garbage masher in the first place. Pieces have been recycled from all prior SW visual canon as well as many games, books, and comic books, in addition to many references to non-SW movies.

But some things have been lifted straight out of fanfiction. The outfit that Riyo Chuchi wears when we first see her in TBB mimics Fox’s armour as closely as it possibly can without actually being clone armour, and Foxiyo is a small ship that has zero canonical basis – so far at least. Not that this would be the first time that SW has blatantly ripped off someone else’s work for their ideas or spaceship designs, but being able to data scrape AO3 must make this a lot easier to do than back when you had to pay people to manually cruise the internet.

Whether the Ahsoka show will continue this pattern and frame it around the plot of the sequel movies while pretending it’s nothing more than Rebels Season 5 remains to be seen, but having Jacen Syndulla reframed as the new Kylo Ren is definitely nothing I will ever need to see.

.

Obviously I’m glossing over a lot of the finer detail and references here because I’d be here all day otherwise and I’m trying to limit potential spoilers.

[lowcharismaparty]

I sometimes reflect on what Star Wars was, in Lucas’ concept, in the early days, before the industry of success got ahold of it, and I sometimes can’t stop thinking about the tiny glimpses we get of what could have been. Like I’m very confident that the stuff in the Leonard Maltin interview about “I have twelve movies planned” is all bullshit (maybe he had several drafts of ways the story could have gone, but there was no grand plan beyond the one film in 1977). And I’m also very confident that Darth Vader was just the scary, mostly soulless, dark knight that guarded the castle where the princess was being held. That Obi Wan was not obfuscating the truth when he explained that Darth had been a Jedi who had turned and killed Luke’s real, normal, blandly heroic father. And don’t get me wrong, once the box office came in, and a sequel was inevitable, it’s super smart to decide to get into what the deal with Vader really is. And it’s inspired to make that evil monster the actual person that Luke so desperately wants to meet—nay, become. Leading a protag up to a door they’ve been desperately wanting to their entire lives and then opening that door to reveal the worst possible nightmare they could see... that’s just good storytelling, friends! (Which is why is was so smart to have Rey’s parents be nobodies, but I digress.) Still, there’s something magical about that early, untouched moment, when the Star Wars universe could be a million different things, and I honestly think Lucas was still intending to make it a kind of mildly dark universe, with some touches dystopia in it. I think the Clone Wars was originally a much cooler, nigh apocalyptic conflict, where illegal and horrifying cloning technology had been invented and no one could tell if you were you or a clone of you. You never knew if you were fighting beside brother or secret replacement spy and the very privilege of individuality was under threat. Heck, maybe the rise of the Empire was due to society being on the precipice of hellish chaos. The public was scared shitless, and an authoritarian regime with the power to actually prevent the threat had a certain “lesser of two evils” appeal. Lucas had just completed THX 1138, so it’s not much of a leap to think his mind was still in that zone a little bit, and while Star Wars was more of a rollicking adventure, it’s a very rich world that can have swashbuckling adventure in the foreground but hints of bleakness in the deep background. Anyway, I’ve been thinking about the extremely weird and inconsistent way the franchise has treated droids and droid ownership over the years and it occurred to me that this moment in the beginning of the Cantina scene really stood out. For the rest of this movie, droids are helpers. Tools. Some have the idea that maybe they could be more, but that’s considered silly, since that’s obviously just a byproduct of their programmed behaviors. They act sort of like people, so they sometimes forget they aren’t actually capable of being people. I imagine there being a scene where Han could have said “Fine, C-3PO, you be in charge. What would you have us all do?” and 3PO just stares in silence, completely unprepared, and indeed unable, to live as an organic, sapient being; making choices beyond the simple behaviors installed into them at the factory. I can completely understand that this way of depicting them is also pretty troubling, but it’s a lot more understandable (and honestly realistic) than the way the franchise has it, where they very clearly are sentient / sapient, and there is no way something like a restraining bolt ISN’T slavery. Going back to the surly Cantina bartender, if droids *are* just tools, why does he care if they’re there? You could posit a number of things (and I’m sure many have, and good on them): maybe droids are known to be listening devices, and he wants to protect the lovely little hive of scum and villainy he’s fostered. Maybe droids are clumsy (they are) and he’s sick of them stepping on his patrons’ squishy alien feet or knocking over drinks. Maybe the fact that droids can easily pick out every word of every conversation at the same time results, not in spooky spying, but in the droid being unable to help themselves from butting into any conversation they feel they could add some value. Greedo’s just finishing his many uses of the classic phrase “mclunky” when R2 beeps and whirs that “mclunky” is actually a malapropism based on a mis-translation of a rhodian phrase that technically means the opposite of how it’s commonly used today. Droids are super smart but also completely dumb, so of course they’d “um actually” without warning. Or maybe the grumpy bartender has an anti-droid rule because modern technology has just gotten too ubiquitous and this old hipster misses the days when people were actually present, instead of always on their phones—I mean, uh, droids. But all of these are logical reasons. Story reasons. And I’ve become weary of such technicalities. Maybe as I’ve gotten older (read: old) I’ve become much more interested in the logic of character behavior. The response feels emotional, and it’s immediate. To me, his reaction reads as fear. As if droids represent a real threat. I wonder if the specter of the Clone Wars still lingers in a lot of people’s memories and the idea of creatures that act like trustworthy people but are in fact made by a corporation with their own goals and agenda is too much to bear. What if the clones were originally created as a way to replace labor or monotonous tasks (think Calvin and his duplication machine). When most normal people were horrified at this use of biological beings, droids were created to do all the things people didn’t want to. So to many, droids are just metallic clones. Like the uncanny valley (where most of the effects in the prequels live) come to life. Or with the recent ever-presence of the Empire, maybe droids just feel too close to storm troopers and, more generally, the machinery of fascism. There’s rumors that storm troopers actually are droids. That’s how there’s so many. This bartender just wants his little cantina to be a respite from the slow rot of the once-simple world outside. It’s also striking that no one else is taken aback by the quickness and firmness of him laying down the law in his bar. This is a no droids establishment, and that’s apparently not an uncommon sentiment. And while there’s a whole other essay about how that’s truly the first instance of the franchise having a super yikesey way of approaching the droids’ rights issue, I can’t help but feel there’s a darker element that Lucas was toying with, but ended up dropping when it became clear that Star Wars meant a lot of money from kids and their families, and hinting at darkness in your universe is the enemy of money. Okay thanks bye.

[foone]

Because I'm me, I had to check.

In my copy, I didn't check which version it is and it doesn't say, so... ± a few seconds for CGI creatures.

Obi-Wan tells Luke "blah blah wreched hive, blah blah, we must be cautious" 42 minutes and 26 seconds into A New Hope.

We've got establishing shots and then the "These aren't the droids you're looking for" scene. Luke does NOT start a gunfight while in a car surrounded by armed cops asking questions. Good for him.

Next scene: They arrive at the cantina. Obi-Wan WARNS LUKE AGAIN: "Watch your step, this place can be a little rough." at 43:47. It has been a minute and a half of movie time, and Obi-Wan is already telling ANOTHER SKYWALKER to be careful.

Muppets, the droids get thrown out, luke gets a drink, argument begins at 45:37 when... (oh, Lucas save me, I'm going to have to do this correctly)

OH WHAT THE BABY ... YODA? IS GOING ON HERE?! You're telling me the Mos Eisley Cantina has a name, and it's not "Mos Eisley Cantina"?!

It's Chalmun's Spaceport Cantina?

OK BACK ON TRACK HERE!

At 45:37, an argument starts, when PONDA BABA shoves Luke Skywalkre. That's Ponda Baba, a male Aqualish (from the water-covered planet Ando, in the Lambda Sector of the Mid-Rim. So he, Ponda Baba, shoves Luke. Presumably at the direction of his employer, DOCTOR CORNELIUS EVAZAN.

The good doctor is, in fact, Human! He's not an alien, he's simply disfigured because he's a cosmetic surgeon gone mad.

And no, I don't mean he operated on himself, don't be silly. He operated on patients, horribly disfiguring* them in creative ways. He's the Mutilator of Milvayne, and a bounty hunter disfigured* him and he barely survived but was rescued by Ponda Baba.

The whole twisted-surgery thing wasn't his only crime. He also worked with Dryden Vos, the public face of the crime syndicate Crimson Dawn, to create THE DECRANIATED: Horrific prefect-servants created by taking humans, and removing their free will... and much of their head. This whole thing in his backstory, added to the character from the first movie with like, 30 seconds of screentime? this all came from a character that was going to appear for a few seconds in Star Wars: Episode VII The Force Awakens.

was going to, because they didn't actually include that minor background character in the film! This is all backstory that was invented later to add to a character from a movie they're not even in, because they got dropped in preproduction, to a character from a 1977 film in which he appears for THIRTY NINE SECONDS.

The Star Wars fiction is fucking fractal, and I hate that as much as I love it. You can zoom in infinitely and just find more tiny bits of kinda stupid backstory that exist because someone in 1983 made a comic where we learned that the blue elephant guy had four kids, but one was adopted**

Anyway, where was I? A couple footnotes and a tangent or three ago I was saying that THE ARGUMENT STARTS AT 45:37!

Meaning that from the moment Obi-Wan tells THE SKYWALKER KID to Be Cautious**** to BARFIGHT BEGIN, the amount of movie time that elapses is THREE MINUTES AND ELEVEN SECONDS!

Meaning! That when Obi-Wan told Luke that this is the worst place, in all the galaxy, we gotta be really fucking careful... It kept the kid out of trouble for LESS THAN 5 OF YOUR EARTH MINUTES!

So the two warnings did not really help. I mean, much. Maybe without them Luke would have tried to fight his way out of the "Not The Droids You're Looking For" scene before Obi-Wan could even whip out the mind-control.

If I could add a second readmore, I would put it here.

Anyway... yeah. Skywalkers, man. I bet you the real reason Obi-Wan made his sacrifice while fighting Vader on the death star is that he just saw Luke run in and it finally hit him: Oh my god there's two of them. here. at the same time. He's just had enough of this, man. Enough of these Skywalkers.

And those punks don't even leave him alone when he's DEAD. He's gotta go "LUKE USE THE FORCE LUKE IT'S STRONG WITH YOU IT'S A GOOD DAY TO DIE! QAPLA! OR WHATEVER WE SAY HERE" before his body is even cold... wait he didn't leave a body. Nevermind, metaphor canceled!

He has to come back and tell luke stuff, then he's gotta tell Luke to find Yoda, and then even once Luke has found yoda he's gotta keep showing up and talking to them and just let the man rest, please. He has been dealing with FUCKING SKYWALKERS FOR ... a while.

I'm not going to calculate how many years it is. The calendar used by star wars is a whole other thing. And there's enough things as it is, frankly.

\* Why doesn't this word start with "dys"? What the greek is going on here?** \** Of course I checked! It's from Anglo-Norman "desfigurer". Not related to the ancient greek "dys" at all, apparently. \*** I want to clear: I made that one up, because I don't want to have to go look up the real weird shit in the blue elephant's backstory. I'm not even going to look up his name, and no, I don't remember it, I am not that kind of star wars fan. \**** Arguably Obi-Wan did say "we must be cautious" and it would be a very skywalker move to justify not being cautious because obi-wan is being cautious for the two of them. "we" were indeed be cautious. Specifically, Obi-Wan was being cautious. The Skywalker dived headfirst into the first dangerous thing he found, and Obi-Wan had to rescue them. \***** Imagine if you will, a hypothetical scene where Leia is also there and there's three of... WAIT NO THIS ISN'T HYPOTHETICAL, this is what happens! Leia is standing over by the Falcon when Obi-wan sees Luke at the end of the Obi-Wan/Vader Saber Fight. Obi-wan can see THREE SKYWALKERS: Vader, Luke, Leia. No wonder he dies 10 seconds later. No I didn't go back and time it, shut up.

U can watch Star Wars so many times and it doesn’t prepare u for how dumb Star Wars is. For one thing I think we gloss over how kenobi (who has definitely been at the club. Please.) describes the mos eisley cantina as the worst most villainous place ever and then u get inside and it’s a pack of muppets vaping

[absentwritersblog]

5.

La situación de los Uley - García había empeorado considerablemente desde que Joshua había perdido su empleo y su nuevo pasatiempo era desmayarse intoxicado en la cantina de su viejo amigo Frank, el cual siempre llamaba a Grace para que fuera a buscar a su padre y se lo llevara del lugar antes de cerrar o de que siguiera espantando a la mínima clientela que ese lugar podría tener.

Lucas observaba cómo su hermana mayor además de hacerse cargo del hogar, trabajaba largas jornadas nocturnas en una bencinera que atendía las veinticuatro horas diarias, y cubría algunos turnos en la semana durante las tardes como garzona e n una cafetería ubicada en el centro de la ciudad. El chico no podía evitar sentirse culpable al ver las marcadas y pronunciadas ojeras en el delicado rostro de Grace, sabiendo que él podía aportar de la misma manera si no tuviera que terminar su último grado de preparatoria de manera presencial. Había intentado constantemente dejarlo y retomar las clases de manera online en algún momento en que la vida le permitiera tomar un respiro, pero Grace se encontraba totalmente en contra de la idea, apelando a que era una aberración que alguien tan inteligente y con tan buen futuro como él desperdiciara su vida trabajando para mantener al resto.

Anna, la pequeña Annie, vivía diariamente la encrucijada que conllevaba ser una preadolescente embarazada y sin ninguna estabilidad que la rodeara. Maldecía a los dioses por ser hija de dos padres negligentes que nunca se preocuparon por ella, maldecía constantemente por ser la menor y que todos pensaran que ella dependía del resto. No la malentiendan, siempre se encontraría agradecida de todo lo que habían hecho sus hermanos por ella, pero deseaba fervientemente que por solo un instante la vieran como lo que realmente era: Una mujer igual de fuerte que su hermana, igual de inteligente que su hermano. Aunque claramente con las noticias de un embarazo a su corta edad nadie nunca pensaría en describirla con esos adjetivos, al contrario, se había convertido en una carga doble, y ser testigo de cómo su hermana se desvivía por alimentarla y cómo su hermano ideaba planes económicos para sobrevivir cada mes eran un recordatorio constante de todo lo que ella había hecho mal.

Pero, ¿Cómo iba a saber que sus acciones no eran las correctas? Nadie vivió lo que ella vivió, nadie entendía que se había enamorado de un chico mayor que le había jurado y profesado amor eterno con la luz de una brillante luna llena como único testigo. Nadie supo que jugaron con ella y sus sentimientos, que arrebataron su inocencia a través de un palabreo barato y repetido. Nadie la ayudó a no creer en las vil mentiras de un aprovechador que la engatusó diciendo lo importante que era lo carnal en el amor, que los preservativos eran un impedimento para amarse en su totalidad. Nadie estuvo con ella cuando el chico, al ver un test de embarazo positivo, la amenazó por arruinarle su vida. Nadie la sostuvo cuando cayó al abismal agujero negro y sin fin de la depresión.

Cuando le contó la noticia a sus hermanos, la lluvia de críticas no tardó en llegar, ¿Cómo no? Si solo era una muchacha de catorce años jugando a ser adulta. Lucas quería matar al padre, pero nunca logró que su hermanita soltara un nombre, alguna pista sobre quién podría ser. Grace, por otro lado, intentó hablarle sobre el aborto, pero sus palabras solo llegaron a oídos sordos. Annie no era capaz de concebir la idea de eliminar lo que estaba creciendo dentro de ella, creía vehementemente que sería una buena madre, al contrario de lo que fue la suya. 

-Si querías llamar la atención, pudiste haberlo hecho de otra forma- Le dijo Joshua un día, mientras Anna terminaba de limpiar los platos de la cocina.

-No busco llamar la atención. Al contrario de ti, no necesito arruinarle la vida a los demás para vivir-.

-Pero, ¿No es justamente eso lo que estás haciendo?-.

Sus palabras retumbaron en la cabeza de la pequeña Annie, tanto así que terminó en una consulta médica esperando impaciente su turno para ser atendida. Sola. Aún estaba a tiempo de tomar la decisión correcta.

De cualquier manera, sabía que su destino estaba marcado por la soledad y la amargura.

Cuando volvió a casa, horas después, se encontró con una oscuridad absoluta y un silencio tan fuerte y violento que provocaba pensamientos de ansiedad en su cerebro. Su hermana se encontraba en un turno cerrando la cafetería, absorbida por la necesidad de mantener en pie un hogar que no le pertenecía; su padre debía de estar tirado en alguna acera cercana, inundándose del rocío y la humedad que flotaban a esas horas mientras dormía para pasar la borrachera; Lucas ni siquiera había llegado a casa ni tampoco tenía idea de dónde se podía encontrar, probablemente estaba con alguna chica, ya que su fama de rompecorazones no era en vano.

Anna paseó por su casa, primero la planta baja, recorriendo con sus dedos las viejas fotografías familiares esparcidas por el lugar, luego el segundo piso, donde, pieza por pieza, pensó en los integrantes de una familia rota, casi tan rota como ella, que luchaban día a día por sobrevivir en esta selva llamada vida. Quizás, algún día, ella podría tener su propio hogar, su propia familia, y llenar todos los rincones con recuerdos felices.

Ya no podía más, Annie se encontraba al borde de un ataque de ansiedad y nervios que venía creciendo hace meses en su cuerpo, de la misma manera que crecía y se desarrollaba esa pequeña masa de células de la que no pudo deshacerse. 

En la consulta, le comunicaron que tenía dieciséis semanas de embarazo y que en el Estado de Seattle era cumplía la legalidad el proceso hasta las veintitrés semanas, lo que Anna no esperaba era que le realizaran una ecografía en la que pudo observar a su primogénito, ya del porte de un aguacate, pero en este caso con brazos y piernas desarrolladas y moviéndose activamente. 

No pudo hacerlo. Se retractó, sintió vergüenza de sí misma, se vio cobarde.

Se paró frente al espejo de su pequeña habitación, e instantáneamente tocó su pequeña panza, notando un bulto que antes no se encontraba. Si usara ropa ajustada, se podría ver que no era su cuerpo, el que normalmente era delgado y alto. Sintió la urgencia de golpear algo mientras las lágrimas amenazaban con salir e impulsivamente tiró un golpe de puño cerrado al espejo, rompiéndolo en pedazos y provocando un alboroto que retumbó en el silencio de su hogar.

No saciada con su acción, pateó los muebles de su habitación, con frustración tiró libros y cuadernos por los aires, golpeó las almohadas hasta que volaron pequeñas motas de algodón sintético, tomó su colchón y con todas sus fuerzas lo lanzó hasta el otro lado de su pieza. Gritó hasta que sus cuerdas vocales no le permitieron más, tiró de su cabello y lloró hasta que se cansó. Hizo un ademán de patear la puerta pero falló en el proceso y cayó al suelo. Ni las frías y ásperas tablas la sacaron de su estado, al contrario, se convirtieron en su refugio y posicionada en modo fetal, siguió llorando.

Al mismo tiempo pero a una prudente distancia, Lucas soplaba suavemente antes de beber un sorbo del té recién preparado que le habían servido. Podía sentir un par de ojos curiosos fijos en su dirección, evaluando cada uno de sus movimientos, pero eso no le importó. Carraspeó sutilmente luego de tragar la infusión de hierbas y levantó la mirada, decidido.

-O te subes al barco y te hundes con nosotros, o desapareces para siempre- Dijo luego de un momento de tenso silencio. Esperó la respuesta de su acompañante, quien mirada pensativo hacia la nada.

-Si me subo al barco, no es para hundirme, es para ayudarlos a remar- Respondió. Lucas lanzó una pequeña risa burlona.

-Eres igual a Grace, con esa necesidad moral y ética de salvar al resto… Solo me interesa salvarla a ella-.

-Entonces cuenta conmigo. Sólo les deseo lo mejor, después de todo, somos hermanos-.

-Medio hermanos- Corrigió Lucas, esta vez con una pequeña sonrisa. Internamente, se encontraba agradecido con que Sam lo hubiera recibido en su casa y hubiera escuchado sus planteamientos y necesidades, sintiendo inmediatamente una conexión con él. Su medio hermano mayor inspiraba una serie de sentimientos arraigados a la lealtad y al cuidado, lo hacía sentir como un niño pequeño pidiendo ayuda para atrapar al monstruo que se escondía bajo su cama por las noches. Solo Grace lo había hecho sentir así antes: Querido, escuchado, con la seguridad de que alguien estaba velando por él. Esperaba, más bien confiaba, en que junto a Sam podría aprender a ser el sostén del hogar y finalmente lograría dejar libre a su hermana de toda responsabilidad ajena para que pudiera ser feliz.

[temp-check]

Monday's temperature check (procès-verbaux of 5-6)

Happy belated Star Wars Day, everyone.  May the Forth be ever in your favor!

As we remember this most hallowed of holidays let us all agree that a long time ago, in a galaxy that now feels very far away indeed, Han shot Greedo first.  Who are you going to believe, me, your lying eyes or George Lucas?  Back before George Lucas turned to the Dark Side, the original trilogy was a little less CGI and a little more reliant on the special effects by camera trick and scale models.  In 1997 Lucasfilm first released altered “special editions” of the first trilogy, adding new or revised scenes, computer-generated effects and expanded worlds. Many of Lucas’s edits of the original movies were cosmetic changes. An extended shot here. A beep there. More computer-generated background figures, some replacing models or puppets, and color changes. But some changes shifted character arcs, such as the famous scene in the original “Star Wars” with the bounty hunter Greedo and Han Solo at the Mos Eisley Cantina. In that 1977 release — later retitled “A New Hope” — Han shoots and kills the bounty hunter, without much provocation. Since the 1997 edition, Han fires in self-defense, an edit that drew ridicule from some fans, who took up “Han shot first” as a battle cry.  This sort of edit goes on all the time by those in the art world.  Going back to 1564, the Council of Trent and Popes Clement VII and Paul III put their foot down (or is it feet down?) and demanded that the more ‘prominent’ nudes that decorated the alter wall of the Sistine Chapel be covered up and made slightly more decent. So much so, Daniele da Volterra was commissioned to paint underwear, or braghe, on the naughty naked ones. Unfortunately, this afforded da Volterra the nickname ‘Braghettone’ after his job. For those who don’t speak Italian, that means ‘Big Pants’.  In 1990, the Vatican set out to restore the frescos in the chapel and removed some of the egregious updates.  Does that mean we’ll have to wait four centuries for restoration to Star Wars?  Maybe the crew of the Enterprise (NCC-1701) can do it.  Maybe the tech-legal team of Everdeen, Mellark and Abernathy can pull it out. 

Stay safe!

Tom

We’re still waiting for the Starbucks restoration of the famous Michelangelo masterpiece, “The Creation of Dark Roast”

[omniversalobservations]

Star Tours (January 1987)

Picture this: the literal stage is set for the ribbon-cutting ceremony. And as the Star Wars soundtrack blasts, out walks Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia, Han Solo and a group of Ewoks onto the stage. What do they do? Well, they reenact a generic Star Wars scene, they defeat Darth Vader and then… they dance. Yes, Leia then channels her inner Black Swan by gracefully dancing across the stage, accompanied by her partners Han and Luke — who are both equally as poised in their dancing. It’s at this moment that I should note Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill did not reprise their roles for this bit. But that certainly would have been a sight. Then, Vader appears again, leaves. And it’s done, as if that wasn’t the second weirdest affair Star Wars fans have ever witnessed. Immediately after that, the Mos Eisley Cantina band breaks out and begins playing their signature tune. A few cantina regulars hit the stage, and R2-D2 and C-3PO walk out to introduce “Master George” and “Master Michael” — or, rather, George Lucas and then-CEO Michael Eisner, that is. Sprinkle all that on top of Mickey and Minnie’s inevitable appearance and Eisner calling C-3PO “3..CP3–” and, well, it’s just a moment to remember. Source: Dork Side of the Force

(images via YouTube)

[cglenwilliams]

Lak Sivrak.

Who is that?

Well, as you might have guessed already from the name, he's a Star Wars character.

Lak Sivrak was a Shistavenen scout who accepted contracts from the Galactic Empire. After discovering and becoming sympathetic with a small settlement of members of the Rebel Alliance, he decided not to report them to the Empire. When his failure to report was discovered, he became a fugitive hiding out on border worlds.

He followed his lover, Dice Ibegon, into the Alliance where he became one of their best intelligence officers. Ibegon died in the Battle of Hoth, but Sivrak continued fighting for the Alliance. In the Battle of Endor his ship was damaged beyond repair and he was left drifting in space. The force ghost of Ibegon appeared and offered Sivrak an opportunity to essentially go back in time and do it all over again, telling Sivrak that if he just walked away from the Alliance and never joined it, he would remain safe and sound. Sivrak chose not to accept the offer, and for his noble sacrifice he became a force ghost as well, allowing him to remain with his beloved in the afterlife.

This is the story of the wolf-headed guy that George Lucas cut out of the original Star Wars when he made the Special Editions.

The only reason he's part of Star Wars is that the budget was tight for the cantina scene. Make-up artist Rick Baker stretched the budget by using off-the-rack Halloween masks and costumes, including a wolfman mask.

But, in a story familiar to anybody who knows Star Wars, Lucas looked at the background character in one scene and decided -- hey, there's another opportunity to sell a billion toys. So Lak Sivrak became a character with a fully fleshed-out back story despite the fact that he has literally only seconds of screen time in the orignal film.

And he became such a fan favorite that the deletion of Lak Sivrak from the canon -- Hell, the deletion of him from the cantina scene -- was a major sticking point for fans of the series. How dare you cut Lak Sivrak? He has such an amazing story! It's a story of a heartless mercenary learning to love and learning to stand for something! And you just cut him out‽ HOW DARE YOU.

i love it when fans create a complete characterisation for a background character who doesn't matter at all. it's like we collectively grabbed the shittiest doll in the toybox and decided that it was our favourite

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 103

Midnight

"Midnight"

Plot Description: The Doctor is trapped on planet Midnight, alone, powerless, and terrified

I know I said it last time, but it bears repeating. If I went through what Donna went through last episode, I would also be taking the spa day over the adventure. She has her priorities right

I'm so excited to see Colin Morgan in this episode. He's so fun.

Okay. I know...logically, we can't exactly HAVE music from other planets, but if George Lucas can create a music styling for a cantina scene, why does Midnight have only old Earth songs? Also, why are the only beings here human or approximately human?

This ride would be my hell and that's even before the mysterious alien reveals its presence. It's a sensory NIGHTMARE

Now...now I'm not sure which is worse. The sensory nightmare of the entertainment system the Doctor just put out of commission OR having to spend the next four hours doing small talk with strangers

Oh, but they do get along so well. Til the vehicle breaks down. In the middle of no where!

Fuck. The panic sets in SO. QUICKLY. and...sadly, so realistically.

The...the repetition starting with the three knocks. I...it's so fucking creepy.

Why IS it after her? Is it just because she's the loudest in the group?

ROSE!!

I know it's because he's a teenager but Jethro is SUCH a teenager, making the alien repeat things like "666"

Oh...oh no...no...no I hate this part. She's gonna start talking quicker than him soon enough.

Dee Dee, no

It's a good speech, Doctor. It's just not good enough.

AND THERE IT IS. THE MOMENT SHE SPEAKS FIRST AND IT PROGRESSES SO FUCKING QUICKLY. IT'S TERRIFYING

Loooooook, I know the Doctor is out of commission right now but that doesn't mean any of you know what the fuck is going on. This is a life form you have claimed can't POSSIBLY EXIST because there's NO LIFE on Midnight. AND YET. So while Dee Dee's hypothesis is unpopular, it doesn't mean it's wrong. And why are you all pretending to be experts in this all of a sudden? And then also asking Jethro??

I think the scariest part is that it possibly? likely? learned murder through the fact that this group was a-okay with tossing Skye out into Midnight's elements. What would have happened if it had been treated with kindness instead of fear?

[bogleech]

I have received confirmation that Star Wars aliens are indeed an unfamiliar topic to the average person these days. Growing up I knew it as the biggest fiction fandom in the world, which only really changed around 2000 when Pokemon and then Harry Potter became more exciting to kids. Until I got into Pokemon myself, Star Wars creatures were definitely my own biggest hyperfixation. So this is the kind of thing I just assume EVERYONE who follows me is already familiar with but here are my top 5 Star Wars aliens, with lore that I promise I’m not making up no matter how stupid it ever gets:

Dice Ibegon: a hand puppet seen for literally one second in the Cantina scene, actually some kind of sandworm-like prop. A published “Expanded Universe” story, i.e. canon at the time, decided Dice was a female “Lamproyd” who could see through time with her force powers, and also that the wolfman here, Lak Sivrak, was her lover. Both their species gauged sexiness by nothing but deadliness, see, and they’re both apex predators from their home planets, or something. Part of their relationship was based on the fact that she can see his inevitable moment of death.

As an aside, the special editions digitally replaced Lak Sivrak with an elephant monster because he was really always just a store-bought generic werewolf mask and George Lucas thought it looked too awful. I do not think anyone ships Dice with this nobody.

BUBOICULLAAR: I loved this froggy guy so much, seen momentarily in Jabba’s palace, that I used to pretend to be him like other little kids pretended to be a dog or cat sometimes. Another published canon story reasoned that he was a highly sapient being but his species survives partially by pretending to be dumb animals and even playing the part of pets. Another alien implanted a bomb in Bubo to try and assassinate Jabba but Bubo easily removed it and used it to blow up the assassin instead, not because he cares about Jabba the Hutt but because the guy was going to use him as a bomb

LOJE NELLA: this prop was nicknamed “Toadstool Terror” by the production crew, and I saw it referenced in a book without any pictures, so it tormented me for many years trying to figure out who “Toadstool Terror” was. It wasn’t even readily available information on the internet for years; I actually scoured books and magazines about “Return of the Jedi’s development and eventually I did spot this alien, correctly deducing that this had to be Toadstool Terror because of the mossy mushroom shape. Loje Nella never got much of a story added, just the “real name.” Conceptual artwork shows her with a tapering worm body and a pair of cricket-like legs, but some HACK at some point apparently gave her a humanlike body for a random book cover and other HACKS thought that was the canon design of her species.

“WOL CABBASHITE:” a thing stuck on the ceiling in only this shot with a tongue that wiggles around. The name was given by a Star Wars magazine which established that these are force-sensitive, barnacle-like intelligent aliens who live for thousands of years.

AMANAMAN: this is the alien people originally compared to a big dick but I thought he looked like a cross between a frog and a banana and I thought he was the coolest thing ever. I especially thought he was cool because he just looked weird, awkward and kind of goofy yet he carries around a bunch of rotting human heads and even part of a carcass. I actually saw him in a magazine about creature effects before I even knew he was from Star Wars and he gave me nightmares, so he was basically a bogeyman to me at 5 or 6 years old. Said magazine was in my late Grandmother’s ultra-creepy basement so I associate him with exactly that place. It had an unfinished wall that opened into a deep, dark crawlspace so that’s where he lived. Expanded Universe lore just reasoned he was from a race of like, tribalistic jungle headhunters which I always thought was lazy and bad. Unfortunately that’s still in the Disney canon. We’re really out here still assuming the first alien we see represents an entire planet’s culture??? I think Amanaman is just a twisted fucker is all. I think this is like aliens see Leatherface running around and assume that’s just what humans are.

[the-fandom-abyss]

Support

Brooke Davis x Fem!Reader (Platonic)

Genre: Fluff ♡

Word Count: 738 words

Rachel Cantina the name on the top of everyone's tongue. The new girl knew how to cause a stir, first it was Nathan, then it was Lucas and then she finally landed on you. She caught wind that you were different, that your taste in romantic partners were opposite to hers. This is what she used to fuel her fire, she teased and tormented you every chance she got. If it wasn't in the hallways, it was in class. If it wasn't in physical education, it was when you were watching cheer practice. She was quick and efficient, there was never any witnesses. That is why Brooke wasn't made aware until she found you crying right before her practice.

"Y/N what's wrong?" Her hand instinctively wrapped around your waist to pull you closer to her. Worry settled into her emotions as this was not a common occurrence for you to cry. This must have been building and that's what worried her the most. Even though it was too late, you tried to wipe the tears from your cheeks and force a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes.

"I'm okay" not even the tone of your voice was convincing. Brooke had seen and there was no way to sweep this under the rug. She wouldn't leave you until she figured out what pushed you to this state. The look she gave was enough to make you sigh, a few more tears slipping down your cheek.

"Someone on the squad is giving me a hard time" Brooke's anger began to burn, one of her girls is terrorising you and she knows exactly who it is. The whirlwind named -

"Rachel" she seethed, this was the last straw. She will show that girl her place and she better stay in it or else.

"How did you know?" When your eyes reached hers, she could see the pain swirl within them. This boiled her anger to breaking point, her disagreements with Rachel mixed with yours, was too much to contain.

"She's the only bitch on the team"

"That's not true"

"Hey! I'd like to think I'm doing better!" The small giggle from you was enough to calm Brooke down, even if that was only for the moment. She pulled you into a tight hug, showing that she supports you, wholeheartedly. When she let go, you could see the determination on her face and you knew there was no stopping her now. She held your hand in hers and led you into the gymnasium. With confidence, she marched towards Rachel who was entertaining the squad with gossip. The contrast between her gentle tap on Rachel's shoulder and the storm brewing inside, was phenomenal. Rachel turned around without a clue on what to expect from the captain.

"I don't know what your problem is, but I will kick you off this team, if you can't be a decent human being" This was Brooke's version of being calm, only those that knew her understood how close to the edge she was.

"Please don't tell me this is about her" Rachel gestured towards you, who happened to be standing behind Brooke.

"It has everything to do with her" Brooke took a step forward, invading Rachel's personal space. Rachel was ready for the challenge, her next words were chosen carefully for the reaction she wanted.

"I didn't know you were one of them"

"One of them?"

"Yeah, you know, dykes, lesbos, boy wannabes" Rachel looked around the room, hoping to see someone in agreement with her. When she noticed that no one could hold eye contact with her, was when she realised she was out numbered.

"That's it" Before Rachel could fully turn her head to face Brooke, her fist collided with her cheek. Gasps vibrated off the walls of the gymnasium, while Rachel tried to collect herself. "You are off the squad and I don't want you coming anywhere near Y/N again. If you do, I'll bruise your other eye" Brooke fiercely grabbed your hand, dragging you out of the gym. You looked back over your shoulder to see Rachel clutching at her throbbing face. The girls that once stood by her, collected their things and followed in Brooke's footsteps. You couldn't help the way your heart skipped at the sight of the squad on your side. You finally felt like you belonged for the first time since meeting Rachel and it felt good.

[thecleverqueer]

Random thoughts during The Star Wars Holiday Special:

*Oh shit! They’re interrupting the Incredible Hulk for this!

*What’s immediately lovely about this is the fact that it wasn’t digitally remastered… It’s in the same awful formatting that it was presented in originally in the 1970s…because Lucas tried to bury it and failed. It’s still available on YouTube.

*Chewbacca has a family… a wife (named Malla), a son (named Lumpy) and a father (named Itchy). They have green shag carpet in their tree house on Kashyyyk. They’re not at all as well put together as Chewbacca. The father looks like he was done up on a very tight budget. Though Malla looks like she uses a great Wookiee conditioner. There are no subtitles, so I have no idea WTF is going on.

*There’s a weird dance/ acrobatics/ juggling sequence on a holo-table. It’s got Lumpy all hella excited, but then he whines annoyingly when it’s over… Like, very, VERY annoyingly.

*Luke is wearing those fierce black boots that he wears in The Return of the Jedi. Fierce.

*The Wookiees are placing desperate calls on a machine that is making Galaga noises. Hopefully, they’re not using the fulcrum sub-space frequency?

*There is an imperial officer with a pornstache in this shop run by Art Carney… and he hands him a cube with… beta fish in it? Because Wookiees like them? Also, Carney’s puns… awful… absolutely awful.

*Is this… A drag queen cooking show? Making a bantha roast? In 1978? How many arms does she have? OMG! This is bananas!

*Then, it violently shifts into an epic space battle between the Millennium Falcon and an Imperial convoy…on Life Day. Fascists just don’t break.

*Art Carney just straight up drugs Chewbacca’s dad…. Like he goes on a kaleidoscopic acid trip that kind of turns into wet dream with some ASMR/ musical number with Diahann Carole. This is so WTF? Seriously. I’m not high enough for this.

*Holy shit! Carrie Fisher is drunk AF!! It’s like she read the script and was like “F*^% it”… and just went with it. She’s literally stumbling. On god.

*What in the hell is a Wookiee-ookie?

*The Fascists have come crashing into the Wookiee crib to ruin Christmas.

*Wait, wait, wait…. It’s Jefferson Starship in a box?! And, the fascist officer loves it! I’m not even sure I’ve ever heard this song before. What? Is? This??

*Lemme stop right now and say this is NOT something one should watch sober. Not at all…

*Now there’s a cartoon. Luke is flying around in a Y-wing… which is weird. Chewbacca runs the Millennium Falcon into an ocean of strawberry jam. There’s a Loch Ness monster being ridden by Boba Fett? Why are C-3PO’s eyes blinking?

*Oh! This is the Boba Fett Cartoon.

*Wait, wait… wait, “Star-log update:” WTF!!!? This is STAR WARS, not STAR TREK! I’m so confused.

*Luke and Han Solo are hanging up-side down for some reason. Boba Fett is working with Vader. No surprise. Okay. Turns out, Chewbacca knew… apparently Boba Fett smells bad. “Star-log 3241”… this is Star Wars, right? …um, right!?!

*Back to the fascists destroying the Wookiee house. They tore the head off the bantha plushie. Sorry bastards!

*I’m trying to figure out this Harvey Korman bit. Is he an android? Or… is this supposed to be funny? What am I supposed to be feeling while watching this?

*Ha ha ha!!! They’re shitting on Tatooine! They’re calling it a shit hole where no one wants to live! I told you! I’ve told you all this before!

*They do have some hella jiving Bith Bands on Tatooine though. Say what you will about the thuggery and villainy and downright scumbaggery, but those bands jam, man.

*Bea Arthur is running a cantina on Tatooine. And, apparently, she’s, uh, fallen victim to a simp? He drinks from a volcanic hole on the top of his head. I’m too sober for this.

*Does Bea Arthur have a Pantoran bouncer!?! OMG!

*Oh no. It’s a Bea Arthur musical number. She’s singing. I repeat, she’s singing. She’s giving everyone in the bar a round on the house. Oh. No. And, Holy balls! There’s a giant chinchilla in the corner of this cantina! Jesus Christ!

*Chewy and Han made it home. There’s a weird affectionate sequence. Now they’re getting these clear balls with lights in them. What’s happening?

*Now they’re all in red robes walking across the Galaxy into a Star or some shit… or maybe they’re in a Wookiee church? I genuinely have no clue what’s going on.

*R2 and C-3PO show up out of nowhere… no wait, Luke, Leia and Han are there at the Wookiee church!

*Leia is giving a drunken speech about fighting fascism and darkness this holiday season! Hell yeah! Every holiday season! F*^% fascists! F*^% the Empire!

*Um. Another musical number… I didn’t know Carrie Fisher sang, but here we are. There she is drunkenly hugging Chewbacca.

*Chewy is reliving “A New Hope” in his mind to the music that they play at the ending where they basically screwed him out of his medal.

*Now they’re eating a meal, and saying a Wookiee prayer? Who TF do the Wookiees pray to!? Why must all galaxies be tainted with evangelical religions? How did their tentacles reach so goddamned far!? Dammit, man. This is why no one in the galaxy far, far away can be gay! It’s taboo there too!

*Okay. Holy shit. It’s over. I’ve never watched it all the way through, but it’s bad. Bad, bad, like uncomfortable, watching a slow moving train wreck bad, like a venereal disease on Lucas’s legacy bad because it will never go away.

*But yeah, if you haven’t seen it… go… watch it. You cannot call yourself a true Star Wars fan until you have.

[yiliy]

I don't understand Tusken Raiders discourse to be honest.

From either side. Those that praise Book of Boba Fett for finally humanizing them nor those who are complaining about Star Wars not allowed to have villains (although I do have problems with making Rebels and Empire more grey but that's a discussion for another time).

In The Phantom Menace novelization child Anakin finds a wounded Tusken, helps him and guards him all night until the rest of his people come pick him up. That scene was approved (or maybe even devised) by George Lucas.

Slaughtering them in AotC is in Lucas's words Anakin's first step towards the dark side, even though they kidnapped and tortured his mother, and is shown as a horrible thing that echoes through the Force so much that Yoda can feel it on Coruscant.

Luke is never shown to be anything other towards them than wary to enter their territory.

And Obi-Wan who is a few hours later chopping off arms in the cantina uses trickery to get them away from Luke but never considers hurting a single one.

So what's the big change?

[mechristopheles]

Everything Wrong with The Last Jedi

The Last Jedi earned writer-director Rian Johnson a fountain of rage from the internet. What was the problem precisely and why did it manifest in Johnson's movie?

The problem started way back with Episode IV: A New Hope. In the late 1970s, a debut science fiction movie by unknown George Lucas blew away his audience. He took what was derided as a tacky homage to serial shows screened at matinées, and embedded it into public consciousness, overwriting the Western as the bedrock of American mythology in the same way Nirvana's grunge murdered hair metal.

Star Wars launched careers. It was a powerhouse. Even nonsense like holiday specials and ewok movies were forgiven and brushed aside. Two other films followed and completed an epic but satisfying story of tragedy, action and soap opera. Sure, there were glitches and silly nonsense like teddy bears at war, but it was all fun.

Then there were prequels which, while a cultural event, never kept the high of the first trilogy. They were clumsy and patched together with new CGI technology. The faults were plenty. The strength of the original trilogy was that Lucas was part of a creative team. With the prequels, Lucas was the high priest surrounded by an entourage who couldn't say no. It was a dismal failure. The prequels became what critics called the original trilogy tacky. The internet channelled toxic fan nostalgia towards Lucas and the prequels. Lucas, defeated by the backlash, sold off his property to Disney and walked away.    

The news of a new trilogy was heard with trepidation. The prequels existed and fans learned to deal with them. The Force Awakens, helmed by JJ Abrams, was met with thunderous approval from the fan base. This was the Star Wars they wanted to see. It had the spirit of the original with less reliance on CGI and incredible sets. The Force Awakens crushed the box office and earned billions. Star Wars was back at the top of its game. However, there was a small problem. The Force Awakens is shit.

Don't get me wrong, The Force Awakens has excellent production, a great cast and engaging visuals -- everything about it looks and sounds excellent -- but at its heart, it was creatively bankrupt. A Force Awakens is A New Hope fan fiction. The premise is simple: "what if Luke and Leia were swapped at birth so that Leia grew up on Tatooine and Luke was raised as royalty and was discovered by the emperor after he entered the Imperial academy as a teen?" That's all it is. Numerous critics have noticed the beats of A Force Awakens match A New Hope almost precisely. A Force Awakens is boring. JJ Abrams can only raise tension if the characters run on screen and scream dialogue at each other.

As much hate as the prequels got, they were original stories. They had character arcs, drama and plot. Star Wars fans loved A Force Awakens because they sat in a train riding A New Hope's rails. They were suckered. It had another cantina scene, another Yoda and another Death Star. Nobody brought anything new to that show apart from Finn, and he was relegated to side antics as a goofy comic role. The more people thought about the movie, the less sense it made.

Rian Johnson broke A Force Awakens and was right to do so. He made the right decision. Johnson is an accomplished filmmaker. He made great movies before The Last Jedi and continues to do so. Johnson also showed the audience that Star Wars was a setting people could use to tell a million new stories. Rather than make another Skywalker movie, he destroyed it with a hammer. The crappy Emperor 2.0 was killed by Leia and Luke. The rebel empire 2.0 was scattered.

Johnson also showed new stories. He had Rose Tico and Finn engage in an adventure that wasn't a shitty retread of Empire Strikes Back, and fans bitched because it wasn't a shitty retread. If Johnson didn't break the new Star Wars trilogy, maybe the Mandalorian and Andor would have never been made. It's possible Disney's new direction to create new Star Wars content that diverges from the original trilogy came from Johnson.

Everything wrong about The Last Jedi is everything right about Johnson as a creative filmmaker and Star Wars fan.

[grifonecoronato]

Yeah, we'll disagree on a lot, and that's okay. Get ready for a long post!

On Obi-Wan Deceiving Luke

I know there were behind-the-scenes reasons for this, so I won't push back super hard. All I'll say is that the consequence of a retcon for the audience is that the character's actions are now fair game for being examined as if the retcon had never happened.

I Only Use Qui-Gon Jinn as an Example Jedi

Yes, fair.

But I'll push back with this: he's the only Jedi we meet in The Phantom Menace that takes active decisions to drive the plot of the movie. The other Jedi are either sidekicks who are left behind (Obi-Wan) or wise men who never leave their conference rooms (the Jedi Council).

Also, when The Phantom Menace came out, it had been nearly twenty (20) years since we'd seen a Jedi on screen, since The Return of the Jedi. So Qui-Gon was our very first re-introduction to the Jedi, and the movie absolutely positioned him as a hero archetype we were meant to root for. He is, in short, a stand-in for ALL Jedi, just like Obi-Wan was in A New Hope.

So when Qui-Gon takes the decision to cheat at dice, it implies that the Jedi are a-ok with cheating.

That's hubris.

Watto's Dice Were Loaded

I don't know what the supplemental materials say, but I know that in The Phantom Menace, there is no hint that those dice are loaded.

But okay, let's say that the supplemental materials are correct, and Watto's a bad guy who cheats. I can get behind that.

So explain why earlier in the film, Qui-Gon used the Jedi Mind Trick on Watto to get him to accept currency that was worthless to him (i.e. the Jedi tried to defraud the merchant).

That's not a good look for the guardians of justice, is it? It shows that they're prepared to throw the Force around to get what they want, regardless of how it might impact people.

That's hubris.

Anakin Participated in the Pod Race Instead of Someone Else

Again, I understand the behind-the-scenes reason for this: it's a kid's movie so Lucas felt it was important to have the child character take an active role in the plot. Plus, that character is Anakin, so we wanted to see him innocent and having fun, even if we know as adults that what he was doing was dangerous.

That explains why the more responsible option -- that spunky Jedi Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi pilot the Pod Racer, rather than risking the life of a child -- was never considered.

But in-universe, the characters made a choice to let a child risk their life, so they could get money (I know that money was earmarked for repairing their ship so they could get off-world, but still... the prize was money).

So that choice remains fair game for critique.

The Jedi Set the Dominoes...

The Jedi didn't fall only because Darth Sidious plotted to kill them; he definitely delivered the final blow, don't get me wrong. But the prequels and Clone Wars shows the Jedi acting in ways that go contrary to their stated ideals.

Some of these have been commented on by other sources, such as the extensive use of war crimes committed by the Jedi (the use of false-surrender tactics, torture, invasions of neutral worlds, etc).

But I'll point out a far smaller scene that I think merits examination...

In Attack of the Clones, Obi-Wan draws his weapon in a Coruscant cantina and fatally injures someone, then he and Anakin quickly usher that person out while saying to the patrons "Jedi business. Go back to your drinks."

The implication of Anakin's line is that nobody should question what the Jedi just did. Nobody should be concerned in Obi-Wan's skill with his lightsaber or the possibility that he could have sliced someone else nearby accidentally with his spin. And with regard to the person they fatally injured... as far as the patrons know, did she deserve it? Was she summarily executed by the Jedi? Were the Jedi hunting her with the intent to kill? Did the Jedi kill the right person?

Who can say?

This scene is eerily reminiscent of secret-police tactics, like the KGB or Gestapo. And it speaks volumes about what life on Coruscant is like with the Jedi: namely, you don't question the Jedi. Ever. They act, and you forget about it an move on with your life.

...and Darth Sidious Topples Them

The Jedi Order fell for three major reasons:

it was too dogmatic about the nature and possibilities of the Force,

it was too uncertain of their place in the galaxy that didn't seem to need them as much as past generations,

it was too concerned with the opinions and processes of the government instead of the needs of the everyday people.

And when Mace Windu says, "we should inform the Senate that our use of the Force is diminished", the Order's solution was to double-down on its orthodoxy (which is a typical pattern for almost any organisation facing change: adopt conservatism for the feeling of safety it provides, while allowing stagnation).

But the true self-inflicted coup-de-grace was when the Jedi Order accepted to be generals in the Clone Wars. That was the point of no-return. So why did they accept?

They accepted because it allowed the Order to answer all of its anxieties at once:

it let its members practice the Force actively without considering their actions, as they were fighting droids and not living beings,

it gave the Jedi Order a clear role for the Galaxy so that people would recognise the need for the Jedi once more,

and it gave the Jedi Order prestige in the Senate at a time when many Senators were caring less and less about them.

And while Palpatine set it up that trap, it was the Jedi who fell for it all on their own.

That's not me saying it, either; George Lucas himself said the Jedi were never meant to be generals and soldiers, and that this was the final straw for them as an Order.

Back to the Acolyte

What's important to remember about The Clone Wars is that they are told from the Jedi's perspective. The Jedi are, individually, portrayed as cool-as-hell, capable, amazing, and heroic.

And as individuals, the Jedi can indeed be heroes.

But as an institution, it is vulnerable. And that's what fascinates writers of The Acolyte. They wanted to show the cracks in the system that led the Jedi to the point they're in by the time of The Phantom Menace.

Because after all, the Jedi went from being around for 1000 generations (that's like 40,000 years), to being basically forgotten Galaxy-wide in a span of 15 years.

How was the galaxy so willing to accept Palpatine's propaganda, if the seeds weren't already planted?

The Guardians of Peace and Justice

(spoilers for The Acolyte)

In A New Hope, Obi-Wan describes the Jedi as the "guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic"...

...okay, but what does that mean, exactly? On its surface, Star Wars positions the Jedi as agents of pure goodness (at least if we're to take Obi-Wan's description at face value).

But The Acolyte asks us to wrestle with that question on a practical, everyday level for the galaxy's citizens. After all, a religious order whose charge is to be "guardians of peace and justice", coupled with the fact that its members are armed, implies that militarisation is part of their mandate.

Faith-based police, in other words.

Orthodox Star Wars fans seem to hate this portrayal of the Jedi as cops; Jedi in The Acolyte tend to throw their weight around the citizens of the galaxy, routinely using intimidation to get what they want, and when they make mistakes they have an institution that provides them with cover and support.

With all these traits in mind, The Acolyte positions the Jedi not as agents of pure goodness, but as imperfect members of an institution that prioritises its own protection at least as much as its duty to the Republic's citizens.

So... not just faith-based police, but corrupt faith-based police!

But if you look at the story George Lucas told in the prequels, the Jedi's portrayal in The Acolyte keeps faith with how they were portrayed, and what they will eventually become.

Jedi as Superheroes

So if not cops, how do orthodox Star Wars fans want the Jedi portrayed?

I've been watching Star Wars since the 80s, and to my surprise, the Jedi we've seen in the (canon) movies, and TV shows have surprisingly few scenes with everyday citizens. Usually, the Jedi in these stories are involved in larger-than-life struggles, like blowing up the Death Star, commanding Clone Troopers, or talking in the Jedi Council chambers about politics and Force stuff.

When Jedi do encounter citizens, they are positioned as superhero archetypes: they hear a call for help from beleaguered citizens, rush in to resolve the dispute -- usually through talk and diplomacy, but also with violence and lightsabers -- and then fly off into hyperspace.

Two recent examples come from Tales of the Jedi and Jedi Survivor, both of which feature Jedi acting on their own volition in places where there is no formalised local security.

In the Tales of the Jedi episode "Justice", Count Dooku and Qui-Gon Jinn defend villagers who are holding a Senator's son hostage, and act against the tyrannical Senator who's starving the villagers. Toward the climax of the episode, Dooku reveals that he never informed the Senate that he was undertaking this rescue operation, and thus he and Qui-Gon Jinn were acting without oversight (which is not something Jedi are supposed to do, especially if they're trying to rescue a Senator's son!).

In Jedi Survivor, Cal Kestis saves a villager from being killed by the Bedlam Raiders. This story takes place during the Reign of the Empire era, when the Jedi are almost all dead, so Cal is taking decisions without Senate oversight.

In essence, Dooku, Jinn, and Kestis are free to act as superheroes because no one else is able to do anything. By acting, these Jedi "restore peace and justice".

The Jedi's Hubris

The Original Trilogy portrays three Jedi: Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Luke, and each is a paragon of goodness. Well... Obi-Wan deliberately misleads Luke about his father, and both Yoda and Obi-Wan conceal Leia's true parentage and her relationship to Luke...

... small potatoes stuff.

But when the Prequel Trilogy came out, the Jedi were portrayed very differently. These Jedi:

...attempted to defraud a merchant of his livelihood...

... cheated at games of chance...

... and were happy to risk the life of a child on a dangerous race.

But it was for the greater good, right? There were more pressing concerns at play than one junk trader's livelihood, and besides the kid was Force-sensitive, so he'd be fine in a high-octane contest.

The prequel Jedi had good intentions, after all.

But that's exactly the kind of permissiveness that led to the Jedi's downfall. And it is this attitude that The Acolyte showcases the most in its Jedi characters.

In episode 1, "Lost/Found", Jedi Knight Yord Fandar boards a Trade Federation ship to find, question, and arrest Osha. He comes aboard without permission, and when the captain doesn't immediately give him the answers he seeks, Yord outstretches his hand as if to use the Force against him.

The captain and first mate are terrified, and immediately reveal what Yord wants to know.

In episode 3, "Destiny", the Jedi tresspass into the witches' compound, in order to rescue the children they believe are being mistreated.

The scene is very tense, with the witches being very apprehensive of these Jedi and their intentions.

These actions, and many more, were taken because the Jedi had "noble intentions", as Sol puts it. And if the intentions are what matters most, the way they fulfil those intentions are of secondary concern.

Because the Jedi cannot be perceived as having done wrong, less their political enemies use that to undermine them.

That's hubris. And that was George Lucas' intent, which Leslye Headland fulfilled to a tee.

Because Headland absolutely knows her stuff when it comes to Star Wars.

The Jedi's overarching story says that the Order was destroyed because of their own hubris. Darth Sidious was just an instigator, and he only had to topple a few dominoes, which the Jedi Order had already set up by themselves.

But at the same time, we can't accept the overarching story that the Jedi fell from hubris, and then get upset when the Jedi are portrayed as acting hubristically.

The Jedi on The Acolyte had good intentions but they acted badly. That's the whole point: to sow the story seeds for what comes later.

In short, The Acolyte nailed it.