#Canadian Idiot

[theknucklehead]

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! (well, Canadian Thanksgiving at least) Here's to celebrate.

[fountainpenguin]

"Always hear the same kind of story; break your nose and they'll just say 'Sorry...'" (x)

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Pixels Imperfect series ~ Double Life - Boat Boys

“Canadian Idiot” - 23k words

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Paper Boats [Etho & Joel series]

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

I've been drawing preview images for some of my 'fics that didn't have them yet. Here's a pretty post for a personal favorite!

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Summary: Etho is a fox hybrid who aggros on people who cause him damage. During Double Life, Joel and Etho are soulbound. And Joel causes Etho a lot of damage. The mob-strengthening full moon doesn’t help.

AKA - That one 'fic where Etho bites Joel a bunch of times and Joel stomachs it like the good little soulmate he is.

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

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Canadian Idiot

"Where is Etho? Why hasn't he come home? I'm SO worried…"

🖤  💛  ❤️

Act 1. Scene 2. Introductions are behind them; the Hero's Journey has begun. They balance on the precipice hand in hand, except they're nowhere near hand in hand because Joel has done nothing wrong and Etho's about to bring him crashing down. With a label like Act 1, Scene 2 melting in your brain, you're practically encouraged to overstep; make mistakes. Isn't that a proper story outline? You start by introducing goals. Then faults. 'Tell me one thing your protagonist does wrong…'

It's Etho, not Joel, who does something wrong. Wrong and immoral and without consent, and he's shaking - he's shaking - as he slips his hand above the milk-white bed sheets. He slightly cranes his neck, lifting just a little from his pillow. He's already squirmed closer to Joel more than he'd admit to anyone outside the Boat. Joel's cradled against him, stomachs and knees and hips flush and ticklish and warm. Joel's hand rests atop the blankets. Atop Etho's chest, pretty much.

And Etho's itchy, pain swelling deep inside. His breath's all clogged in the back of his throat. A problem that Joel doesn't have, because Joel's some kind of insect hybrid and he breathes through the spiracles down his torso… which Etho can feel both on the outside of his legs (because Joel is shirtless under the blankets) and threaded through his own body (because they share every flickery touch, even in the way they breathe).

I wonder if Joel ever gets sick of feeling "my" breath in the back of his mouth. That's gotta be a weird feeling when he doesn't have lungs…

In Act 1, Scene 2, Etho initiates the Rising Action. He lays his own hand on the far side of Joel's. His eyes are glowing - the candles and furnaces are glowing too - and it's warm and rosy and golden brown down in the depths of The Relation. Etho's shaking as he nudges Joel's fingers higher up the blankets, from their random flop (is it random?) across Joel's chest and up to Etho's neck. Conflicting pixels bristle when they come into contact. They tense up, even while Joel stays sleepy and mild-mannered. Etho stares down at those gleaming pixels and watches them re-situate themselves, building up their little barrier so they stay firmly Joel's and his own pixels remain firmly Etho's.

There's unwavering trust in the way Joel lets himself sleep, curled against Etho's side. The pixels in their legs blended together long ago, making mermaids out of them. They don't even itch. They're perfectly melted inside each other, heels and toes overlapping as easily as the edges of their hitboxes do.

Etho can feel the easy flutter of mingled bits and pieces shifting between them, pixels bumping and evaluating their neighbors and occasionally switching back and forth. He's got bits that used to belong to Joel in his ankles, probably. The colors have probably already changed over. You wouldn't even be able to tell. It's nothing. It's normal. Everybody does this. They're sharing a bed. They're sharing hearts and health and pain; exchanging pixels during hitbox overlap isn't nearly as weird.

It's not like I'm anxious and 65 anymore. I've got a couple thousand years in me. I've shared my bed before. This isn't weird.

It's not like this in the singleplayer, though, where he sleeps alone.

And it's not like this on Hermitcraft. Where he sleeps alone.

And it wasn't like this in his wool castle on 3rd Life. Where he slept alone.

And it wasn't like this in Last Life. Bdubs slept on the far side of their shared room, his narcoleptic phantom soul knocking him out cold hours before Etho crept to bed. And slept alone.

Etho squirms, which blurs his foot with Joel's and sends a static ripple up his leg. He stops so it won't seize up in the pit behind his knee. His pixels need a minute to orient again, sluggish in their sleep just like the softly breathing Joel. The air is stuffy inside The Relation's lower room. Etho already pulled his mask off before bed; it lies (rumpled and unfolded) on the crafting table to his left. Though dry, the air is cool against his exposed skin. His tongue traces across the curve of each and every pointed tooth inside his mouth.

I have to.

The closest he'll come to voicing it. He tries to fold his hands away. He grips his own wrist, grinding it in the wrinkles of blankets tucked against his stomach. Candles flicker in the edges of his vision. He stares across the captains' quarters, rotating his hand back and forth, forcing it to press his stomach. To calm some kind of hunger that doesn't stem from there.

He does not personify the aggro instincts creeping up his spine. They don't envelop him in words. Offering words to the thought would mean caving in, admitting its strength and hold against him. Etho stares without blinking at the far wall and twists his wrist in that space between stomach and guts. Tight. Unyielding. Firm.

It's never been this bad on-server before…

It's twisted. It writhes in him, like a snake dropped down his pants, spiraled around his leg, and looped to slither up his spine and wrap around his throat. It's a full-body shiver that leaves him opening and closing his hands, palming his knees through the bed sheets. He has really pointy knees. Etho presses, rubbing his hands up and down and all around in circles, but it doesn't help.

He needs to. This. He needs- he just does. He can curl his legs and writhe and grimace all he wants to, but he can't hold it in forever… like Bdubs can't help but lunge when Etho's pushing at the boundary of long nights with no sleep.

Can't.

He sinks down in the pillows, exhaling, and tugs the white covers of the bed up to his chest again. It shifts Joel's arm. Etho can feel it through the blankets. He can feel the touch of soft, carefully crafted wool on the back of that hand as clearly as his own. Joel's expertise with wool leaves absolutely no question that he thrives on the Empires server, weaving banners on a loom. There's no itchiness to the blankets. They're so soft, they may as well be silk or cream.

This ship feels like a cake, lit by the candles on the wooden shelves. As the wind gusts against the outside of their base, it creaks the boards and Etho shivers, shifting one leg a little tighter between both of Joel's. Pillager grunts carry down the hill. He can hear their distant pacing. The constant loading of crossbow bolts. The way they mutter, bending heads.

Do pillagers ever snuggle with their friends late at night? Maybe not. They're just mobs; maybe they aren't programmed with a sleep schedule. He's never charged inside an outpost to find them startled and fumbling out of bed.

[Cnt'd on AO3 - Link at top]

[versus-weird-al]

Please listen to both songs before you vote!

"American Idiot"

"Canadian Idiot"

[rastronomicals]

2:53 PM EDT August 12, 2024:

"Weird Al" Yankovic - "Canadian Idiot" From the Compilation album   The Essential Weird Al Yankovic (October 27, 2009)

Last song scrobbled from iTunes at Last.fm

So … who knew that the cover to Weird Al’s Greatest Hits collection was a tribute to Dino?

Not me, that’s for sure.

File under: Accordion Crimes

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[yrsonpurpose]

ALEX ALBON & JENSON BUTTON Canadian GP 2023

[silentreigns]

I think it's very fucked up that RedBull instructed Checo to deliberately break the rules so he doesn't trigger a safety car that may impact the chances of Max winning. Like he's already getting made fun of and bullied constantly, and the team is not helping the situation at all. It's like RedBull is trying to make him look like a moron

[livetogether--diealone]

Lewis & Seb trying not to flirt in public challenge, failed - Canada 2019

Photos by Will Taylor-Medhurst, Mark Thompson

[mushroominaforest]

cool individual . points at you

I showed my best friend your ask and I thought her response was funny so I drew it lol

She doesn’t seem to think it’s a great idea to tell me I’m cool. (She also said that you’re wrong because I’m a giant nerd)

[mansionfreaks]

What do u guys usually eat at the mansion? or does anyone take it upon themselves to cook something that isnt KD?

hi its eeeeejay . have the blog password now on my phone. asked for it bc u keep asking abt food. Love to cook honestly know thags crazy but its awesome

[thxrgism]

the mouthguards in hockey are there to prevent the players from kissing. hope that helps.

[aventvrina]

took some time for myself cause sometimes you need to step away before you get burnt out. gonna say this here cause i've been feeling a certain way lately coming around so i'm gonna emphasize on a few things. this isn't aimed at anyone in particular, just something that weighted on my mind recently:

i'm doing this for fun, don't come for me if i'm replying to x or y i'm already busy as it is let me write what i have a muse for please

don't try to guess my level of interest based on written length or quality, it literally has nothing to do with it. it does have to do with my level of tiredness of the day so i will apologize for that but don't make it personal cause it is not

i generally don't care for portrayal accuracy, you won't see me coming for you about it so please don't do that to me too. work with what i offer not with what's on your mind about aventurine

don't be afraid to drop things, i'm not unreasonable i know that i'm making a lot of people wait and if it's too much to you it's ok you can break it off. like i said this is a hobby. no hard feelings over anything friend

saturday i'm gonna lock in after the gym and clear everything so expect a queue soon. after wards i'll work on owed asks and only then will i be open again to plot.

anyways, as always, have fun guys and good luck on all your pulls (oh and per @inominati's advise eat a pudding !! it works)

[clove-pinks]

I'm on the website of the Canadian Regiment of Fencible Infantry, which is a War of 1812 historical reenactment group, and in their gallery section there are pictures from 2014 when they went to the White House in costume for the 200th anniversary of the Burning of Washington OH MY GOD

They posed in the front of the White House like this!!

They went on a White House tour dressed like this!!

The tour guide has to be pretty entertained, I'm dying. I cannot stess enough that they are dressed like enemy troops who captured the White House and burned it down in 1814.

Can this even be done anymore?? I never thought that 2014 would look like a comparatively carefree and innocent time.

[versus-weird-al]

Winner #89!

The results are in and the winner of our eighty-ninth poll - "American Idiot" (Green Day) vs. "Canadian Idiot" (Weird Al) - is...

"American Idiot"!

"American Idiot" got 75.7% of 37 votes, while its opponent "Canadian Idiot" got 24.3%. 0% of voters elected to see results.

So far the score is...

Originals: 15, Weird Al: 47

Bonus Medley Score:

Originals: 11, Weird Al: 16

[rastronomicals]

6:05 PM EST December 30, 2023:

"Weird Al" Yankovic - "Canadian Idiot" From the album The Essential Weird Al Yankovic (October 27, 2009)

Last song scrobbled from iTunes at Last.fm

File under: Accordion Crimes

[muirneach]

the difference between team world and team europe is that carlitos is the only kid on team europe and team world are all kids or at least very silly adults

[mariocki]

Death Weekend (The House by the Lake, 1976)

"They'll go away."

"They won't go away! Can't you see that? They're not gonna go away. For God's sake, can't you guess what they're gonna do next?"