#Can't cook for shit etc
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in a few months I'll soom be 18 and it's so...I don't know how to explain it but my childhood and part of my teenagehood were so awful(it's still not great but now my life is aqful for kinda different reasons) and for so much of it I felt so isolated(in part I isolated myself but my parents didn't really do much to help) and alone for a number of reasons and didn't even get to feel like a normal kid or teenager and now as I am finally feeling like a teenager (kind of) and doing stuff normal teenagers do (i guess) my childhood is gonna be over.
My childhood is gonna be over and I barely even got to experience it, to make the msot out of it. I hated myself since I was 5 (one. Of my earliest memories). For a while I was so ridden with anxiety and depression I could barely focus on anything else aside from school. I barely had friends. I had to grow up too fast mentally while at the same time I lack skills that other people my age or younger already know how to do(in part because neither my parents nor anyone else properly tried to teach me, like tying my shoelaces for example). I'm (pretty obviously) neurodivergent and undiagnosed and while I didn't know this as a child, I still felt different and not in a good way. I'm a nervous & ackward wreck because of all this.
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chasedeys · 3 months ago
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https://www.tumblr.com/chasedeys/764001136892100608
This makes me think of Joe’s obsession with crawfish , and a time when he did go back home he tagged Joe in a ig story showing a BIG BUCKET full of it . That had me thinking like unprovoked something as small as food has you thinking about Joe huh Ja’Marr 😭🥹
YEAH GOD THAT THING ALKAJSKSK shouldve mentioned that to my fav joemarr list bc i have Thoughts on it!
like im not fully sure of the context like was it off-season? on a break? bye week that im not even certain if they practice or whatever?? but what im getting is that ja'marr was back in louisiana getting to eat some damn good food and joes however many thousands miles away and!! he still!! thinks!!!! of him!!!!! to just tag him in a pic of him eating crawfish with probably his entire family!!!!!!!
my guess is that the burrow family probably came by a lot, especially during lsu days, just to have a big cookout where joe demolishes a lot of crawfish idk and ja'marr remembers it and he's thinking of the last time joe came by and ate and tagged him to be so fucking annoying about how he gets to eat some bomb ass seafood boil while joe...doesn't
or like when they last parted joe maybe quipped how ja'marr better eat some good crawfish back home so joe can live vicariously through him and ja'marr tagged him as proof that he was in fact eating some good crawfish
joe replies back with a '👍🖕' and ja'marr replies to that with a '😂' x30
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denkies · 1 month ago
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Omg i haven't been updating lately but guys I'm moving out of my abusive household :D it's so surreal and anxiety inducing and change is scary but i will persist!!!!!!!
#basically for a while I've been paying all my mom's bills while she refuses to get a job and psychologically abuses me#the bills thing isn't inherently abusive! sometimes ppl need help! but the way she treats me is#any time i stand up for myself or ask her to please stop manipulating me‚ she calls me a narcissistic abuser and selfish and awful stuff#she steals rent money from me to the point that i have to hide it‚ and tells me I'm being selfish and immature if i spend money on myself#like stuff that isn't really necessary but makes me happy#not even like expensive shit‚ she gaslights the hell out of me if i spend more than $20 on a frivolous item#and it's not that she can't work‚ she just doesn't want to. she's into mormon tradwife shit and is like ''i need a man to provide''#she's worked as a line cook/at call centers/delis/hotels etc etc. she just doesn't /want/ to work#this is also bc she thinks she's the bride of Christ and is like ''the day of reckoning is coming so i don't need a job''#also she regularly goes through my room and takes stuff and like‚ goes through under my bed to see what I'm hiding#which is super invasive and weird#and she got super verbally abusive 2 years ago when i was physically disabled (literally using a cane) and couldn't work#Anyway. our rent has been $1475 and i also pay electricity and wifi and every other bill under the fucking sun#and she tried to get me to sign the lease and i said no! cuz me and my cousin are actively looking for a place to rent together#so i might be out in 10 days or by the end of the month depending on what the apartment office says#I've been packing up my stuff and I'm gonna be staying with my cousin and her fam for a couple weeks#it's way closer to my work and I'm gonna take my cat and stuff so it's chill. big changes are really scary cuz autism but I'll persist#a.txt
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bullmotif · 6 months ago
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the urge to ignore your assigned summer readings in favour of starting yet another Dostoevsky book that will ruin your life
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solidcarbon · 2 months ago
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#i'd stayed alone for a few days before. for a week. for weeks#but this week was something for some reason#a fight against depression or whatever shit is in my head and i lost it#it was so shitty i can't even describe HOW. all i know that i was supposed to rest and i didn't rest#ED STUFF DON'T READ IF IT TRIGGERS ETC ETC more food was thrown out in these 8 days than i ate#wake up feel awful feel hunger drag yourself out of the bed to the kitchen#realise you in no condition for cooking#or for making a simple sandwich or something#look at food and think “aye i don't like that :(( i don't want that :(( i feel like dying but i can't force myself to eat :((ok back to bed”#LITERALLY hunger HURTS and i CAN'T eat just fucking CAN'T#you feel like you'll collapse on the floor any minute soon and.... yeah you guessed right#it's not like any typical ed i know and not what i could find when digging information abt it#'cus i also sometimes INTO food and even consider it tasty and even WANT it.......#and i tend to cope with stress with sweets sometimes#like WHAT THE FUCK it frustrates me so fucking bad#idk what to do#except for going to therapy. but i can't afford therapy rn#nor i can tell my mother#just need someone who'll repeatedly poke me with reminders to EAT. several times at a time#ED SECTION ENDED!!!#i wanted to say something ant anxiety but forgot what. for good i guess#need positivity. just a bit of it. today i've done half of the stuff i was supposed to do a week ago and i'm up to finishing it when#i'll get home#and everything else is probably ok.#fictional blorbos halping me survive day 948#dame can't shut up#vent post
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kurv4 · 1 year ago
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binghe and mbj entering a psychic war over who is more of a trophy wife
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depresseddepot · 2 years ago
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don't know how to describe it without metaphors. audhd feels like I have 10 strings hooked into my body pulling me in opposite directions and leaning towards one string to try and "fix" that problem (cooking, cleaning, classwork, etc) just makes the other strings pull tighter and hurt more. this point of this whole post is to explain that when I see someone older than me who also struggles with exactly the same things to the same extent that I do, it makes a couple of those strings loosen and stop pulling. not forever, because they always start pulling again, but having the expectation lifted of needing to have a "normal functioning life" by age whatever is so nice. everything still hurts but for now at least that part of my brain can rest.
#i understand how the reverse can seem too#but idk. its always been such a weight off my shoulders#probably in part for selfish reasons but it helps me like. slow down#like i cannot solve all of my problems tonight. i probably can't even solve them in the next 20 years#so i can slow down. other people are alive like this. other people make their lives work like this. i can do it too#i need to be medicated so fucking badly but i can't until im off my parents health insurance#and even then im so scared it'll make my autism symptoms harder for me to deal with and ill like. lose my job or something#but i can't fucking live like this so idk what to do! lmao!#ive been trying to pay closer attention to my anxiety and stress lately so i can pinpoint causes and like. try to stop them#but all ive learned is that i am never Not stressed.#if my room is cleaned im not eating well. if im exercising well im not cleaning well.#if im on top of classwork im not taking care of myself at all. etc etc#it is always a push and pull. i can't just solve these problems#because i have to clean well and eat well and exercise often and sleep well and cook often and socialize often and work hard and save money#and and and#im always not doing something to make room for something else and bc of that i will ALWAYS have those strings pulling me so tightly it hurts#i know in my head how i can loosen the strings but that all comes at the expense of living like a ''normal'' person#i will have a dirty house. i will have lots of canned and frozen foods. i will leave my house for work only.#im so tired my bones hurt. my strings are tight again and classes are starting again soon and my room is a mess and i ate like shit today#and i havent excersized in a while and im not showering as often as i should and im drinking too much and im sleeping too much#im so tired#vent#sorry#i feel like i need to curl up and die. like my body is sending some signal that there isn't much more i can fucking take#and that this continuous pushing and struggling and picking up the pieces is worthless#i feel like that blood robot. im old and rusted and slowing down and i have achieved nothing#i will die having not achieved anything and i will be struggling until my very last second#i shouldn't have been the twin that survived. they would have been so much better than this
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itsbeginningtostart · 11 months ago
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9am timeslot let's go. :~) At the halfway dinner I proposed the idea of getting myself a mobile phone assuring them I would just pay more because I'm one of the top earners here. The host shot it down immediately. Apparently the rule specifically stated that mobile phones were just not allowed in general which is??? Like it's 2024? Anyway, 5G or whatever. I skimmed the rule the first time because there are 17 pages stapled together, front and back except for the last one. But they brought me aside later to tell me that if I make it to one month here, I can buy myself a laptop if I want. So I'm gonna do that lol.
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teaboot · 2 months ago
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I feel like if you're using a lot of disposable plastic bags in your day to day life, you've gotta do something sustainable to make up for it. Like using bamboo toilet paper or eco friendly cat litter or something, yknow
Honestly I exaggerate for comedic effect, while I DO routinely use ziplock bags to hold spaghetti I cook maybe once a month and the bag itself is usually for freezer storage. I actually throw out maybe one bag a week? I DO hate washing plates and tupperware and junk but that usually just means I eat sandwiches without a plate.
I agree though that needless waste should be avoided, and I do avoid it- biodegradable bags and recyclables, empty butter tubs used to store leftovers, etc.
This said, though, not applicable necessarily for myself but for a lot of others- I feel that it's importat to remember that there are many people who legitimately NEED things like plastic straws, or catheters, or pre-packaged foods
And the idea that that's a moral failing that individuals need to personally make up for when a single billionaire blows out more CO2 in a long weekend than I will in my whole life on a superjet meet-cute in the Bolivian rainforest between humvee drag races funded by the river-polluting textiles plants they planted in a third world country to avoid EPA laws and give an entire village stillbirths and stomach cancer is an idea that those very same bigwigs have spent a LOT of time and money investing in planting in the public psyche.
Like- Glass bottles are infinitely recyclable, so why are so many drinks in plastic now? Loads of drinks manufacturers used to buy them back and clean them for re-use, so why did they stop? If they chose to make something out of a limited and environmentally irresponsible material, why is it my failing to track down a correct process of disposal for them? What if there are none in my area? Do I lobby for more recycling plants in my area? Do I set aside some of my limited time outside the pain factory of my job- which I have more than one of, thanks to rising costs of things just like that drink I just emptied- to properly dispose of this company's waste FOR them?
Say coca-cola just rolled up to your town and started dumping millions of empty plastic bottles in the street, going, "wow, you should really think about building and staffing a recycling depot, it would be really shameful of you to just put these in the trash." When companies purposefully use materials with limited lifespans- because yes, even plastic can only be reused so many times- and tell you it's your own fault if it harms the environment- that's essentially what they're doing, just with more steps.
Yes, its important to be as environmentally concious as we can in our day to day life, but responsible sustainability is not catholicism. We don't get good boy points from our lord and savior Captain Planet every time the average low-income household gathers together to hold hands and repent for a single-use plastic that allows them to access something they need.
Entire families could eat trees and shit dead lithium batteries for years and still not do as much damage to the planet as an average dye plant or braindead celebrity does in a week just for fun, and I'm mad about it
...this went on longer than intended.
TL/DR: DO recycle and minimize waste, but don't beat yourself up over the little waste you can't avoid, and follow the money.
EDIT: Part 2
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writersdrug · 4 months ago
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Convincing bartender Simon to make one of those overly decorated and sweet cocktails or even add it to the menu because it’s cute and you know it’d do well on the gram and attract the ladies. He’d huff and puff but do it anyway
Like one of these with cotton candy, glitter, and sprinkles etc!: https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/825988387943179970/
OMG wait I soooo want to try that-
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The video ends, and Simon stares at the picture of the drink with a furrowed brow.
"Looks like somethin' you'd see at a bridal shower." He comments, handing you back your phone.
"Doesn' it?" You say with a smile, shoving your phone into your back pocket. You lean your arms over the bar and poke his side. "Come oooonnnnnn, Simon - imagine how many sales you'd make on something like that! People would love it."
"Imagine the money I'd lose, havin' t' buy bags of candy floss..." he grumbles, hiding his smirk behind his mask when you groan dramatically.
"You could do it as a promotional thing...? Like- ladies' night... in October?"
He snorts. "'Ladies' Night in October', hmm? N' what are ladies celebratin'?"
"Ok, fine- forget Ladies' Night. What about something for Halloween?"
"Like wot?" He grunts, grabbing a glass from the stack and pouring out one of the taps.
"I dunno... something fun, but practical - Oh! You could- like a Moscow Mule, but just serve it in a different glass and use edible glitter!"
Simon quirks his brow as he slides the beer glass to a customer. "Edible glitter?" He asks, wiping his hands on his rag. "Didn't know there was such a thing."
You nod quickly, your eyes full of excitement. "Yeah! God, I could pick up a bunch from the baker's supply down a few blocks. You could call it 'Witches' Brew.'"
He turns it over for a moment - in his opinion, it's ridiculous. He runs a pub, not a college bar. He would have scoffed at the idea of someone else had brought it up - but, it's you bringing it up, and that's a completely different story. You have such a brilliant gleam in your eye that melts his heart. He can't say no to you, especially after making you cry last week. He's still carrying out his penance for that.
"You think it'd sell?"
"Oh, for sure! I can make an insta post about it to get some attention."
He clicks his tongue, turning to the POS and seemingly uninterested by it. "Fine - if you spend anythin' promotin' it, let Price know. He'll reimburse ya."
You let out a triumphant whoop and slide of the barstool. He lets out a huff as you trot back to your tables, a noticeable pep in your step. He chances through the window on the kitchen door to see if his food is ready - what he's met with is Johnny's face, staring through the warming counter as he stands at the stove, a smug grin resting on his lips.
Simon can practically hear the cook's thoughts. Whipped bastard.
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You had left without saying goodbye that night. You waited by the counter, rocking eagerly on your toes as Simon grabbed your tips from the night before out of the safe. As soon as he handed them to you, you snatched them and ran out the door. He was a bit irked by that, standing there with a stubborn frown as you pranced out of the restaurant - maybe you're still not back to being cheeky and chipper yet after last week. He can live with that... for now.
However, not twenty minutes later, you come stumbling back in with a paper bag in hand and a smile on your face, panting like you'd just run a marathon. Simon's anxieties quell at the sight of you.
"Got it!" You say breathlessly, walking to the edge of the bar and dropping the bag onto it. Simon folds his arms over his chest as you reach in and pull out a small bottle of glitter. You hand It to him and he takes it, holding it up to the dim light above.
"You can eat this shit?" He asks, brows furrowed.
"Mhmm!" You chirp, settling into a barstool. "Now, bartender - I'll have a Moscow Mule."
He sets the glitter down and grabs a clear glass, working on gathering the ingredients. "Ya only call me that when you want something."
"I'm calling you what you are." You respond, watching as he skillfully mixes everything together, pouring vodka from the jigger between two fingers, tossing in lime juice and topping it off with ginger beer. As shameful as it is to admit, you're kinda attracted to the skill he presents.
"Should be callin' me boss." He says, topping the drink off with a straw.
You slide off your stool and chuckle. "Yeah, you'd be into something kinky like that."
Simon has to bite the inside of his cheek to distract himself from the thought of you - nope. He won't even entertain the idea. He simply steps back a bit as you wedge yourself behind the bar (yes, he actually forces himself to give you enough room - he doesn't need you feeling hiw aroused he is).
You grab a bottle of the glitter and dash some into the drink. After swirling it with the straw, the liquid becomes iridescent with purple shimmer that billows about the glass. You look up at him with a satisfied smile.
"Witches' Brew." You announce, holding the drink out to him.
You look happy - an observation that makes Simon smile, even if he wasn't the one to cause your happiness. He lifts his mask, grabs one of the straws and plugs it, before bringing it to his mouth and sampling the drink.
"Tastes like a mule."
"But it looks like a potion, right?"
"'S this glitter goin' to be in my gut whenever I get autopsied?"
You laugh, grabbing the glass and leaving Simon behind the bar. "That would be a cute party trick." You call over your shoulder.
Simon watches you, arms folded over his chest and his eyes curious. You set the drink on the opposite end of the bar, pulling your phone from your pocket and pointing the camera to the glass. You grimace; your arm reaches over the bar to grab the rag lying over the faucet, and quickly wipe down the bartop. He huffs, grabbing his phone from the register and pulling up his group text with Soap and Price.
Ghost: got ourselves a marketing team.
He looks back up at you - you're hunched over, taking picture after picture of the drink. You twirl the straw in the liquid every few seconds, kicking up the glitter and making it reflect the low lighting of the bar.
Hus phone buzzes.
Price: ??
Ghost: she's making a drink for october and promoting it in social media
Soap: clever girl
Soap: what drink?
Ghost: moscow mule, but in a clear glass and with some edible glitter shit. it's pretty neat.
Soap: picture?
Price: Promoting? Will this cost me anything?
Simon chuckles. He pulls up the camera on his phone and aims it at you-
Except you're in a different position. You're perched so nicely on a barstool, holding your phone at arm's length and your drink in the other hand. You're smiling up at your camera, nose scrunched as you pose for a selfie. Your hair is down, your back is arched, and - did you tug your neckline down? You most certainly did. You're breasts weren't that pronounced before.
Without thinking, Simon takes a photo. The shutter clicks loudly: you look at him, as do the three patrons sitting at the bar.
Fuck. He panicks, clearing his throat and lowering his phone. "Jus' showin' the lads what you're up to." He says, but you can see the tension in his shoulders as he quickly sends the picture to the chat and puts his phone in his pocket.
You smirk - whether it was truly just for Price and Soap, or if it was for himself, you felt a little flattered that you'd caught him in the act. You hoped for the latter.
Simon exhales heavily and rests his palms on the counter. His face burns beneath his mask as he tries to calm his racing heart. Fuck- was that weird? Course it fuckin' was. Goddamn creep.
His phone buzzes again. He sighs and pulls it into his hand.
Price: Cute thing, isn't she?
Simon immediately frowns, any previous shame now replaced with a fire in his chest.
"Fuckin' wot?"
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gungoo4lifer · 1 year ago
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O GOT SO JSPPY WHEN İ SAW THE NOTİFİCATİON PLSSSSSS i was startimg to get hungry. Thank you for the food. Ate every single crumb. Licked the plate clean. ATE the plate.
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since we got a gungoo moment in the newest chapter along with goo's appearance... the gungooer demands a gungoo fic. 😈
You are most definitely The gungooer! Just when I thought about turning off my ask box cos my inactivity is getting dire on here (by my standards) and my requests are going unanswered because inspiration is not what it once was...
Gun Park x Goo Kim: Steal
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Goo steals his clothes.
Mocks his style, the dull and drab palettes. Not flashy enough. Material too coarse. Tailoring rushed and unskilled.
Nitpicks at imaginary flaws. The high end brands that are still too low end for him.
Takes them anyway. A tie, a shirt. An entire suit, a whole outfit. Insists that he wears them better.
Gun disagrees, but he finds it hard to look away. His tie knotted against Goo's throat. His fabrics draping Goo's skin.
.
.
Goo steals kisses.
At stop lights, cheek angled towards the irate passenger. Cars honking when the countdown to green has long gone. Mischievous and grinning wide, refusing to budge until the toll has been paid.
Hidden and covered under an umbrella. Sheltered from the rainstorm and the world. Petrichor rising, mingled with aftershave and blood of dying enemies.
A peck, a brush of lips. Teasing, playful.
You are unprofessional, Gun tells him, lips swollen and kiss bruised.
You're a fucking idiot, Gun says. Retreats back into his seat and Goo drives on. Revs to sixty in no time at all, smug and pleased.
Goo always gets his way.
.
.
Gun steals quiet moments of peace.
Hard fought for silence where they can just be. Just exist without expectation.
Where he can look. And touch. And appreciate.
Walking shoulder to shoulder, hands brushing together. Hands-
Searching for each other in the blackness of night. Bodies sweat sheened and mouths panting.
Goo reading and distracted. Focused on his books and his fictional characters and the plot unravelling.
Gun studies his sharp profile like a textbook. The disarming intelligence in his eyes. Glasses slipping down his nose, long fingers readjusting.
Hands calloused and talented. For fighting and other things. Left more scars on his body than he cares to count. Touched him more times than he cares to remember.
No. That's a lie. He remembers each and every time.
.
.
They've stolen each other's present.
Would have stolen each other's past too, if only they had met sooner.
Was fated to have always crossed paths. In this life-
Maybe before, maybe the next.
No doubt will take each other's future too.
Choke it, shatter it. Drench it in violence and scars and bruises and-
Death.
It's a sure thing. A certainty. Death by the other's hand. Whispering their name, broken and diminished, one last time.
Can't exist with or without the other. A fitting end to their strange relationship.
It's only in their nature.
Or-
Maybe-
Perhaps-
A future with a fractured, fragile peace.
A co-existence in a way that only they know. One they have carved out for themselves. Survival, of the fittest with the fittest.
Two beta fishes, two silverbacks.
Still full of violence and brutality. But-
A future together.
Where they can continue to steal time for each other.
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lizzy019 · 4 months ago
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──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆────
Simon Riley who definitely swoons every time he sees you angry or upset. He likes seeing that furrow of your brow, your comebacks and the fury in your tone. It's somehow extremely hot to him, despite him not knowing why. He doesn't admit this to you, ever.
Simon Riley who was super hesitant to take off his mask around you. Sure, he knew he could trust you, but he was nervous. Would you even like it? The scarring, the cuts, the busted lip of his and the eye bags hidden under his warpaint? But when he took it off, he was assured he looked handsome by you showering him in kisses and loving words. (He probably got shy after.)
Simon Riley who can't cook for shit, but would definitely like to learn for you. If you can cook or if you can't, he will do his best to learn a few simple dishes so he could say that he's a decent cook.
Simon Riley who hates when you mock his accent sometimes. But he never does anything to retort or defend himself, he takes your teasing because he knows you enjoy it. Though, it does end in some fun and playful wrestling, often ending in laughing fits and some good cuddles after.
Simon Riley who can't stand your shower routine. He absolutely hates the way you clean yourself, and he often convinces you that he should clean you himself. While you don't know how to feel about this, you smile as he gently lathers soap on your body. Just don't expect this to be a one-way thing, he wants to be pampered a little too.
Simon Riley who loves cats so much that he adopted 4 strays. He got them all checked at the vet, paid whatever amount of money to get them their shots, prescriptions, proper food, etc. He'd definitely pamper the little furballs like they were his children.
Simon Riley who probably owns a really nice suit, but never got it tailored after his military work. Every time he puts it on, he winces because the sleeves of the jacket are too tight. You have to convince him that it looks better, that there's more muscle definition while he wears it. It was his favourite outfit after that.
Simon Riley who would wholeheartedly give you the most random massage. Like- full on massage. His warm hands were definitely the most heavenly thing you've ever felt, and the little callouses and cuts on his fingers just made everything more perfect.
Simon Riley who doesn't know how to handle you when you're on your period. He gets you snacks, drinks, blankets, your heating pad, some extra sanitary things, but he doesn't know how to handle your mood swings. One minute, you're all cuddly and sad, and the next it seems he's done something wrong and you're mad at him. But then you're laughing?
Simon Riley who adores when you need his help with opening jars, reaching things on higher shelves, doing a load of laundry while you do something else, it makes him feel useful. But just don't tell him to do the dishes, he probably dropped one or two and they broke.
Simon Riley who literally sleeps with a rock hard pillow. He can't sleep on a fluffy pillow, they hurt his neck. But he LOVES a springy bed and a thick duvet blanket. You don't understand why, neither does he.
──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆────
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WIBTA if I intentionally included an allergen in some food so a racist couldn't eat it?
I (21M, white) recently found out that I have to attend a Thanksgiving meal with a terrible fucking person. My boyfriend "Tim" wants to go to his old roommate's/best friend's (Jacob) Thanksgiving. Jacob is great! He and Tim have been friends since they were kids, and Tim used to spend a lot of time at Jacob's house since his own home life was... not great. And Jacob's immediate family is wonderful, as well. However, Jacob's uncle "Dickwad" is racist. I went to Jacob's Thanksgiving last year and Dickwad was a dickwad. It started out okay, he and I talked about cars, but after a few beers Dickwad was very clearly racist. He also kept bragging about how he threatened a homeless man with a gun (the homeless man was trying to break into his car - it's pretty common in this area) and called him several racist derogatory terms. He never said the N-word, but it was only a matter of time, so I left quickly.
Well, Tim wants to go again this year. Everyone hates Dickwad but Jacob's parents say they can't NOT invite him since he's their brother. I say cut the bitch off, but it's not my family, and I don't want to leave Tim alone there since Dickwad has been cruel to Tim before (Tim is Asian and queer, but Dickwad thinks me and Tim are just friends and no one is about to tell him differently) and since I don't get to see Jacob that often. The rest of Jacob's family is chill and I know they would be disappointed if I didn't come.
Well, Tim recently informed me that if I'm making something to bring to Thanksgiving, Dickwad is allergic to cumin. How allergic? Not much. He'd get hives if he ate it, but he's fine being near it, touching it, etc. He just can't consume it. Everyone knows I love to cook, and I'm a damn good cook, too. So I'm planning on making something with cumin so Dickwad can't have any, because fuck him, and fuck his guns, too. No one else there is allergic to cumin. I figured if anyone asks, I'll tell them I didn't know/forgot. I asked Jacob what he thought and he thought it would be hilarious and told me to do it. I haven't said anything to Tim because he's a lot nicer and will probably try to stop me.
I don't know if this will get posted in time, but whatever. WIBTA if I put an allergen in food so a racist piece of shit can't eat it?
What are these acronyms?
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russeliarat · 2 years ago
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Clearly I very much don't know my limits yet because the urgesTM are back
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fox-guardian · 2 years ago
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As funny as it would be for there to be another sans vs reigen standoff, I Do think it'd be really funny if we got Cecil to go all the way. Especially since, in my opinion, he stands the test of time and has come all the way around to the new brand of sexyman.
Like, yes, he was, in WTNV's early days, given the twink treatment. Dapper style, youthful features, etc. But he was never like that canonically.
He dresses horrifically (affectionate), he's canonically an older man even in the podcast's beginning, and he is and never has been a twink (he is neither thin, nor fat. Implying at thinnest, straight-sized, and at biggest, mid-sized).
Obviously this doesn't change the fandom's sexymanification of him, but it does lead him to fit more nicely into the sexyman that the aging tumblr userbase has recently developed:
The Babygirl.
Listen. Apart from the above, he can't cook for shit, he's petty, he's written Jaws slash fic and had his intern beta read it, he is CANONICALLY a dilf, he grows his own weed, he loves his husband So Goddamn Much, he won't shut up about how much he carnally desires said husband, he mentions his kinks on the fucking air, AND HE EVEN HAS A FUCKING TUMBLR.
I think he fits the bill for the pathetic older queer man that tumblr has grown so very Normal about. He is so very powerful. And after ten years of being this way I think he should be allowed to go all the way to the top. I think he's earned it.
Sure, if he doesn't stand a chance in the final four, I'll accept sans vs reigen. But if it gets close enough, say, above 40%.... Maybe we could push to go all the way. For the bit. For one of the original sexymen of tumblr history. For our dear gay uncle, Cecil Gershwin Palmer. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
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chrissv4mp · 8 months ago
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make a movie with you that we'd have to hide , CHRIS S.
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summary: you can't help but be obsessed with everything about your boyfriend, and one night, you ask him if you two could try something... different.
pairing: chris stuniolo × fem!reader
warnings: SUPER subby!chris, sorta shy!chris, pet names (ma, baby, love, good boy, baby boy, pretty boy, etc.), handjobs, p in v, unprotected sex, recording, begging, overstimulation, degradation, choking if you squint, name-calling (slut, etc.), just pure filth🤷‍♀️
a/n: chris......... these photo dumps have me screaming, i think i'm transitioning to a chris girl😖
"clothes on the counter for you, try 'em on. if i'm allowed, i'll help you take 'em off..." - LUNCH , billie e.
the door shut softly, and the next thing you heard were chris's footsteps coming down the hall.
his lips curved into a smile the second he caught sight of you, stretching his arms put before falling into your embrace on the couch.
"hi, baby," you muttered, pressing a soft kiss to his neck.
chris exhaled, kissing your cheek, "hi,"
the brunette boy pulled away, staring deep into your eyes before smiling softly, "hi, ma."
he kissed your cheek before getting up, hanging his hoodie up behind the front door before going into the kitchen.
you sighed, moving the blanket off of you before following your boyfriend.
staring wasn't unusual between you two. he always looked so good, and chris had always said you looked gorgeous every second of the day.
but right now, he looked better than ever. his grey t-shirt was a bit small for him, so whenever he moved his arms it would ride up, exposing his v-line and some of his lower abdomen.
his jeans were bigger around his waist, causing them to fall a little lower. you weren't complaining, cause this was the best sight you've seen.
"y/n, baby, are you there?" you didn't even notice your boyfriends repeating your name until he snapped his fingers.
your eyes went back up to his in an instant, blood rushing to your cheeks at the fact that he might've seen you staring.
but chris wouldn't care, he knew what he was doing when he got ready this morning.
"sorry. i'm here, just zoned out." you laughed, walking closer to him and pulling him into a hug.
the boy chuckled, rubbing your back and giving your head a quick kiss before moving toward the fridge.
his eyes moved around the food inside before he spoke again, "should i cook? there's still that steak we bought on wednesday,"
he looked back at you, and you stared at his blue eyes just a little longer than usual before giving him a reply, "sure,"
"i mean, who's turning down professional chef, christopher sturniolo?" you joked, leaning against the kitchen counter.
chris giggled, looking back at the fridge before opening the freezer and grabbing out the packaging the steak was in.
"not even nick and matt can resist." chris smiled, grabbing the scissors to cut open the plastic.
you watched silently as chris carefully cut the packaging, eyes fixated on his hands and fingers that so delicately moved.
chris couldn't bear the silence, even if it was comfortable, "so, nick, matt, and i tried gummy food vs. regular food. shit was disgusting,"
he laughed, adding onto his topic, "also nick broke a glass, and almost the camera with a gummy donut."
you smirked, chuckling. your mind went blank for a few seconds before an idea popped into your mind.
chris was always vlogging with his brothers, and he loved to be the center of attention of everything they did.
if he liked the audience so much, then why not create a movie? a movie that was just for you and chris to see, make a movie that you two would have to hide.
"nick? seriously, out of the three of you, i would've never guessed him," you replied, the idea still lingering in your mind.
how would you even bring it up? it would be awkward, and chris might even think it's weird.
but he always told you to come to him whenever, so why were you so scared now?
"that was amazing, chris," you complimented, placing your hand on his thigh under the table.
he smiled, blushing slightly as he looked down, "thanks."
the brunette boy stood up, grabbing both of your plates and taking them to the sink. before he turned the water on, you grabbed his wrist.
"hey, i got it, go upstairs and take a shower. you've already done enough, 'kay?" you said just above a whisper, running your thumb over his palm.
he smiled softly, kissing your forehead before placing the dishes down in the sink, "you're the best. i love you, ma."
"love you, too, chris." you smiled, taking over his place at the sink as you listened to him walk up towards the stairs.
before he reached them, you called out, "i left you some clothes on the bathroom counter, too!"
he thanked you before continuing his way up to the bathroom.
rinsing off the plates and forks, you placed them on the drying rack before opening the dishwasher.
you grabbed the clean dishes from the dishwasher, putting them away in the cabinets before grabbing the dirty ones and placing them in.
as you finished, you decided to pass the time by going on your phone, lying back down on the couch before getting lost in the tiktoks on your for you page.
once you got bored, you went to instagram, going to the triplets' account and looking over their new friday photo dump.
chris was on the fourth slide alongside nick, and their friend, nate. his shirt was riding up his stomach and his boxers were showing just the slightest.
he smiled innocently, holding out the peace sign as his arm hung around nate's shoulder.
you crossed your legs, biting your lip as your eyes went over the picture again. he looked so good in it, but he also looked like he was so innocent.
fuck, you just wanted to ruin him for anyone else. you wanted to let everyone know that chris was yours.
if he allowed you tonight, you'd help him take off his clothes.
you remember picking out his red plaid pajama pants and a black wife-beater. he always looked good in that.
you decided to walk upstairs to your bedroom, it was too quiet downstairs and a bit too dark for your liking.
as you walked past the bathroom, you heard heavy breathing even over the sounds of water hitting the shower floor.
stopping right in front of the bathroom, you put your ear against the door. you gasped quietly as you heard chris moan. it was kind of high-pitched, and right after, he whimpered your name.
"fuck," you groaned quietly, deciding to just continue your walk to the bedroom.
something to tease him about later. so impatient, he couldn't even wait a few minutes longer to get off.
chris crawled onto the mattress, the edge of the bed dipping as he made his way over to you at the headboard.
his hair was still damp, water dripping off the ends every other minute.
"i missed you all day," he whispered, lying on your chest as he nestled his head into the crook of your neck.
your hands threaded into his hair, massaging his scalp as he lay comfortably.
"i missed you, too." you muttered, kissing his head.
his hands moved up your body, sneaking under the fabric of your shirt and continuing their way to your chest.
you sighed, feeling him toy with the fabric of your bra.
"missed all of you.." he mumbled, kissing your neck and occasionally nipping at it.
his touches weren't making the heat between your thighs any better. if anything, they just made you wetter.
you pulled on his hair softly, your grip tightening with every new mark he left on the soft skin of your neck.
"chris," you gasped, hands going down to his waist as you gripped it softly.
he whimpered at your motions, bucking his hips against yours and eliciting a groan from your throat.
a smirk came to your lips as you felt his dick bulging from underneath his pants and boxers, and the moment he stopped sucking your neck, you flipped him over on his back.
chris gasped silently, lips parted as he stared up at you with eyes full of lust.
"didn't you just get off, love?" you asked in a whisper, caressing his cheek and running your thumb over his bottom lip.
his face went red, turning his head to the side to try and hide.
you quickly grabbed his chin, turning his head back so that he could look straight at you.
"don't be so rude," you smiled, "can't you just answer my question? please?"
he sighed, biting his lip as he looked anywhere but your eyes. he hesitated before speaking, "yea- yes, mhm. i did, ma."
your hand went lower, traveling down his jawline and stopping at his neck. you wrapped your fingers around him, putting the slightest amount of pressure down.
"yeah? do you think you're better at getting yourself off than i am?" you teased, watching as his face contorted into a look of worry.
he shook his head frantically, and you applied more pressure to his neck for him to stop.
releasing your hand just a bit, you began again, "then why, hm?"
chris bucked his hips, his eyes rolling back as he whimpered out his answer, "was thinkin' 'bout you, fuck.. 'jus so pretty."
your frowned in fake sympathy, tilting your head a little to see his face better in the dimly-lit room.
humming, you looked around the room, eyes landing on the small digital camera chris had on his nightstand.
"hey, y'know what would make up for your mistake, baby boy?" you muttered, watching as chris's lips parted.
"what?" he whispered, finally making eye contact with you.
staying quiet, you got off him, walking around to his side of the bed and grabbing the camera.
chris sat up, eyes following your every movement as you went into your shared closet. he raised an eyebrow, clueless and confused.
when you came back to the bed, you put up his tripod, setting the camera onto it before adjusting the settings and placing it so that the camera was pointed toward the bed.
before chris could spill his thoughts, you spoke, "is this okay?"
he didn't even hesitate, nodding quickly. chris liked the idea of secret sex-tapes, ones that only you two would see.
he never told you many of his fantasies, keeping to himself every time because he would doubt you'd say yes to him.
before getting on the bed, you pressed the "record" button.
the side of the bed dipped as you crawled over to chris, pushing him to lay down again before trapping him in a heated kiss.
chris was already painfully hard, and the way you shifted around on his lap didn't make his case any better, gasps and whimpers being trapped between your two lips.
when he moaned, you slipped your tongue past his lips, exploring his mouth and running over his teeth as you groaned.
his hands went to your waist, holding you with possession as he guided your movements.
your free hand went lower, sneaking under his plaid pajamas and palming him through the soft fabric of his boxers.
chris couldn't reciprocate the kiss anymore within a few seconds, gasps, and whimpers falling from his mouth into yours.
"feels s'good," the brunette boy sighed, eyes staying shut even as you pulled away to trail kisses down his neck.
you could feel the damp spot of pre-cum on his boxers, and it made you impossibly wetter.
"so worked up," you muttered before sucking on his pulse point, hearing as chris begged in that whiny tone of his.
he wasn't even speaking coherently, blabbering out inaudible words as he gripped your waist tighter.
you left a hickey every time you went lower, leaving a trail of marks all the way to the neck of his wife-beater.
"need you, need you s'bad. please, please, ma." he groaned, eyelids fluttering open at the loss of stimulation on his clothed cock.
"be patient, i know you can." you crawled down his body, stopping right before the edge of the bed before tugging on his plaid pajama pants.
chris lifted his hips, helping you as your hands tugged the fabric down to his ankles.
before chris could beg again, you tugged his boxers down, revealing his dick that looked painfully hard.
"need you, mamas. need your hands, please, you're s'good," he whined, bucking his hips into nothing at the thought of your hands around him.
placing a hand on his hips, you stopped his movements.
he groaned out in annoyance before watching you spit in your hand and move it to his cock.
"shit," he gasped shakily, the feeling of your hand moving up and down his length making him shudder.
your thumb circled his tip, gathering the pre-cum from there and spreading it along his length.
your hand began to move faster, making chris moan even louder and buck his hips as best he could. it was all so overwhelming for him, and it was just the first round.
"god, baby, s'good to me." the brunette said in between moans, eyes rolling to the back of his head as his back arched slightly.
"better than your own hand?" you asked, and chris nodded quickly.
you laughed before crawling back up his body, capturing his lips in a kiss once again as you continued the movements with your hand.
chris was already so sensitive, making him more vocal and needy as he chased his high. he couldn't help it when you always looked so fucking gorgeous.
"g'nna cum, fuck, i'ma cum..!" the boy moaned against your lips, his thighs shaking as he continued bucking his hips.
your thumb circled his tip every time you stroked him, making those pretty whimpers fall from his red, puffy lips.
"c'mon, pretty boy, cum for me," you muttered in a seductive tone, and chris let out a low moan before doing just that.
gasps fell from his lips every second as he came down, your hand slowing down just a bit but not exactly stopping. not even when he came back.
he shook his head slowly, eyes squeezed shut from the pleasure that became more overwhelming as you pushed him past his second orgasm of the night.
"too much, baby, please," he didn't know what he was begging for, it felt so good but it also felt like it was too much.
hair stuck to his forehead from the sweat that formed there, and chris threw his head back into the pillows at your reassuring whispers.
"oh, but you wanted me so bad, pretty boy.." you kissed his jawline softly, whispering close to his ear, "you can take it."
"no, no.. can't," he whined, lips growing redder from how hard he bit them.
you rolled your eyes teasingly, the pace of your hand speeding up as you spoke, "you were acting like such a slut earlier, made it seem like you could take more than one,"
he groaned at your words, his resolve fading as he gave into you. his chest rose and fell rapidly, breathing heavy as he tried to keep eye contact with you.
"good boy, always so good," you praised, cupping his cheek with your free hand.
tears swelled in chris's eyes from the overstimulation, quiet sobs slipping from his lips from the pleasure.
it didn't long for chris to cum again, his thighs shaking as he whined loudly.
"see, you're so amazing, baby boy," you cooed, getting off the bed to strip yourself of your own clothes.
chris just stared, scooting up to sit against the headboard and sighing as he stared at every inch of your body.
"so pretty, fuck," he muttered, his dick getting hard just at the sight of your body.
he never knew someone would ever have this effect on him.
you crawled back on the bed, standing on your knees and lining chris's cock up with your entrance.
chris didn't have time to process what you were doing before you sunk down on his cock fully, making him moan out.
"one more for me?" you muttered, pecking his lips before beginning to roll your hips.
it didn't take long for chris to help you bounce on his dick, making it all the more pleasurable as you rode him.
the sounds of skin against skin filled the room along with both of your moans mixing together.
your hands tugged at his hair, making chris whine louder as he bucked his hips frantically into your pussy.
"oh my god..!" chris squirmed beneath you, nails digging into the exposes skin of your waist as he stared up at you.
your mouth hung open, gasps and moans falling out as you continued to ride him, picking up your pace.
"c'mon, baby, one more.." you muttered, eyes fixated on your boyfriends face.
chris cried out as he reached the edge, holding it as he stuttered out something, "need t'cum, please lemme cum, ma!"
you nodded, and a few seconds after chris came undone, so did you.
the brunette boy let out quiet whimpers as he came down once again, his grip on your waist loosening.
"fuck," you whispered, getting off of chris and sitting beside him.
he looked over at you, kissing your cheek with a smile, his eyes droopy from how tired he was.
"i love you," he whispered, resting his head on your bare shoulder.
"i love you, too." you replied, tilting your head to rest on his.
. . . . . . . .
tags: @starsturns234 @joemamaaa42069 @sturniolohisteric @whosthislyssbitch @sturniclo
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