#Can you tell that I have ADHD and it's a concept that brings me so much joy. lmao

[quinngefail]

Then uh just this drawing, more closely following the initial sketch I did here because I just loved the look of it, but it didn't completely fit the vibe of the comic lmao-

What is he yapping about !!

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

followed you for the ceri adhd academic support post (bc damn I hope my lecturers next year are as good as that)

I have just found your phil posts. I hope he is doing well in his certainly not a front vape shop job. I have questions as to what the rabid dog story is though. (I looked through the vote for phil tag and unfortunately couldn’t find it).

hope you, yours, and phil have a good day :)

The wild thing is, I can't even remember the rabid dog story now. He threw that detail out while telling a completely different story in the way that Phil does - he has no concept of what would be interesting to others. I remember he was on a beach and had to swim out to sea to avoid them. No idea if they were genuinely rabid or just aggressive and therefore rabid in Phil's mind. I'll have to ask him to tell me it again!

Although, I do have an update: he is no longer working at the definitely-not-a-front vape shop. Which is fine, he was only in it for the chance to practice his maths in peace while making some money, and we did have to tell him off when he decided to check the till history for the year's earnings and prove it was a front (oh it so is), but then it got a new manager who decided employees had to be More Professional.

So he didn't like some things that are arguably fair enough like the fact that Phil was practicing maths at the front desk, but also things that are arguably not fair enough, like, for example, that Phil had made a little man out of blue tack, and had named the little man out of blue tack, and all the customers knew the name of the little man out of blue tack.

So Phil was let go. So he's gone back to standup for a while, while he finishes his last year of uni.

He's also passed all his maths exams, and got a 2:1 average, which gives this post a pleasing symmetry as it brings us back round to Ceri and academia.

Good luck with your studies! My strongest piece of advice is to make sure you engage with student support when things go wrong - more can be done than you realise, and even when it can't, the academic office looks much more kindly on students at exam board if there's a record of them trying to engage.

[scientia-rex]

I had one of those days where I just had too many feelings to fit inside my skin, and I’ll have to recover from it.

Telling a patient she has breast cancer. Telling a patient she has dementia. Calling a patient at 6:30pm, still sitting at my desk, because even though I finished seeing patients at 5pm, I have work to do. Doing an endometrial biopsy on a patient who may have cancer. Calling a company so I can get the password to a website so I can recredential every three months so my clinic can charge for my work. Working with an assistant on whom I’ve also done an endometrial biopsy. My regular MA is out with COVID. I’m getting a year-end bonus for the first time in my life. Some idiot kid thinks I don’t know how ears work. I saw back to back ADHD patients; one is a trans woman who paused her transition because she can’t afford it. One is a kid who did loops around the exam room chairs the whole time I talked to his mother. His mother was frosty towards me at first because I was running late because I was telling a patient she had breast cancer, and she was crying, and her daughter was crying, and when her partner died of a different cancer last year the hospice workers were homophobic and she’s afraid of hospice. A different idiot kid thinks I don’t know how soap works. The ADHD kid’s mom warmed up to me when she realized I cared and knew what I was talking about. The kid said, “AHEM. What’s up, chicken butt?” I laughed and high fived him. I gave his mom the Vanderbilt forms to assess ADD symptoms across multiple environments. I saw a patient who had a certain air about her that I recognized intimately, and at the end I asked what she did, and she was a doctor, too. I knew it had to be something like that. When I explain medical concepts I aim for lay language, but I can see when people get faintly impatient with me for it, and I’ll add in more and more technical language and see when they start looking confused; she didn’t. I could watch every new patient take in my brightly-colored hair, combined with the utterly forgettable rest of me, all browns and grays and dress slacks and comfortable shoes, because the hair is my one concession to my deep need for attention; in the exam room, I need to recede into the background so the patient can be the focus. Studies have shown that patients don’t like it when doctors disclose that they have the same medical issues. It might seem like bonding, but it shifts the focus away from where it belongs: the patient. That island of time is theirs. The breast cancer patient’s daughter said to me, “Thank you for spending the time with us. I know you didn’t have the time.” And I said, “From each according to their something or other, to each according to their needs. It’s lukewarm Marxism.” I don’t think she heard it all, or took it all in, which was good. I had a migraine that made my head feel three sizes too big with a steady drumbeat of pain despite taking two Ubrelvy, two Aleve, and two Tylenol, plus 100mg of caffeine and a propranolol and a Zofran. You have to disconnect each patient from the next. I can’t bring the breast cancer patient’s grief and heaviness into a room where a little boy is doing hand-stands and telling me silly puns. One of the nurses brought me a sublingual Toradol from a stash—someone’s purse, somewhere—because she wanted me to feel better, and I felt tears stinging my eyes because she cared about me. I couldn’t afford to cry. I just told a woman she has dementia and she doesn’t believe me. I told her to bring her husband to our next visit. I ended my clinic day doing an endometrial biopsy, trying to pass a uterine sound through a stenotic cervix, but I’ve done this before enough times to know to have the set of dilators ready. I dilated her cervix gently but firmly, with the back pressure of the tenaculum, until I could get the sound in, and then I left the sound there while my assistant handed me the sampling pipelle, because if you remove it there’s a good chance the cervix will tighten down again and you’ll have to repeat the dilation. The patient was holding her husband’s hand and chanting to him under her breath, in pain despite the Xanax I gave her.

I’m a doctor. It’s everything to me.

[acesw]

Disabled Characters in Reverse: 1999 - Part 3

Welcome to the final installment of this list of the game's disabled characters (for now), and we are ending it with the most interesting of them: the neurodivergent characters!

These characters are particularly special since a lot of them are mainly speculated, but they draw heavy parallels to their respective conditions that they had to be taken note of.

Now because there are so many characters, they became an entire category of their own instead of being lumped with the previous post, and this became undoubtedly one of the longest texts I've written down among most of the analysis posts I've made for this game.

I hope that you enjoy reading this final piece, let's get started.

Autism: 37, Horropedia, Melania, Balloon Party, Avgust

All of these characters are incredibly similar to each other, and yet they all have their share differences. For example, both Horropedia and 37 are characters that embody one of the main stereotypes about autism: Incredibly intelligent characters who fixate on specific subjects. 37’s focus is on mathematics, while Horropedia’s is the horror genre. Even their personalities are quite similar: arrogant yet kind and understanding people.

They lace their speech with associations to their topic of interest, and will infodump about it unprompted. The two of them also struggle to pick up social cues, nor can tell if the information they’re sharing is unsolicited because the information is normal to themselves.

However, the difference between them in this is that Horropedia is more carefree about it, whilst 37 is more self-aware about the fact that she can’t come to a mutual understanding with others.

The rest of the characters here also share these traits, but they all stand out in their own ways:

Melania’s intricate way of making plans tends to be in the form of academic exams. These tend to be her greatest motivator when it comes to doing work, and gets easily frustrated when having to change them. She also has a set routine that she gets easily surprised by sudden interruptions.

Balloon Party’s speech is found to be unconventional (i.e. the speech impediment from earlier, the tone of her voice is found to be naturally flat) and is paired with word association and echolalia.

Avgust has a unique understanding of the world around him, with him associating everything and everyone with more innocent concepts. (e.g. his father’s death is often referred to as him “sleeping in the mines”) None of these mean that he doesn’t understand things like death as what they are, only that he’s very young among the cast and has been raised in a healthy environment that allows him to continue thinking this way for a bit longer.

ADHD: Regulus & Eagle

With Regulus, it’s more of a headcanon than it is backed by evidence, but the main points that can be found for her are her restlessness, lacking attention span, and her impulsivity. They’re common aspects (hyperactive) in ADHD, and thus they aren’t exactly conclusive.

But I also found that Regulus also tends to bring her interests to light when navigating through conversations, and this with the reasons mentioned above makes me personally believe that Regulus does not just strictly have ADHD, but still overall neurodivergent.

Eagle seems to have the inattentive type of ADHD. A more established indicator of her likely having it is through her anecdote, where she was said to have had some sort of attention-deficit. In that anecdote, Eagle mainly acts on her own impulses such as jumping to try to find the missing boy scout, and even helping X if it meant that it progressed her mission.

She struggles to take rejection and constantly tries to prove herself to be able to gain the acceptance she’s looking for. It made me believe that she has Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. (RSD)

While these alone aren’t conclusive either, they still give me enough reason to believe that Eagle could be implied to be neurodivergent too.

AuDHD (Autism + ADHD): Vertin, Marcus, AliEn T

From the earlier points, we find that some of the mixed traits that make for auDHD are found in Vertin, Marcus, and AliEn T. All three of them are quite emotional (even Vertin in spite of her stoicism) and impulsive people, where they tend to jump into action when they have a rough plan set in mind. They also have their own interests (wildlife, reading, Earth) and tend to get absorbed into their own thoughts quite often. Because of the latter, they tend to lead themselves into executive dysfunction. Some things about them differ, however.

Starting with Vertin, most of the “obvious” signs are present in her childhood, where she was restless and curious of the world beyond SPDM, making it difficult for her to focus in school. Yet, she still kept up with topics that interested her, going as far as skipping classes to learn in her own way.

She has gotten punished often for her “defiance,” and ended up being radicalized by it and by the trauma she faced in Chapter 3. Currently, she masks quite heavily to a degree, leaving her main indicators to be her tactile tendencies (i.e. touching things and others out of curiosity) and her becoming absorbed to her own thoughts.

Meanwhile, Marcus is an incredibly anxious person. She often relied on someone like Hofmann to socialize with others and make decisions for her since she struggled greatly in that aspect. She can be easily upset by things and even by her own overthinking, taking rejection quite poorly before resorting to immediately coming up with ways to resolve it.

She often retreats back to reading to be able to ground herself from any stress. But now with everything that’s happened, Marcus has begun working on herself and mustering the courage to be able to push her limits independently.

We’re not entirely sure about how AliEn T’s home society is structured, but it can be argued that his and our societies tend to parallel each other. For example, AliEn T is seen as a bit eccentric to his kind like the regional manager and co-workers because of him being emotionally prone and being very fixated on the Earth. (which his society collectively avoids)

A lot of his notes about his home in the anecdote imply that in his home society, they have their equivalent of some of the struggles found in the neurodivergent experience, which is why he and Officer Williams in the anecdote could empathize with each other.

Others / Related but non-diagnostic: Mesmer Jr., Isolde, Pickles, Kaalaa Baunaa, Tooth Fairy, Blonney

As I explained in the previous post, Mesmer Jr. and Isolde both greatly suffer from conditions that particularly stem from their trauma and subsequent C-PTSD.

Again, Mesmer Jr. is heavily hinted to have OCD, while Isolde has many disorders linked to C-PTSD. (formerly named as "hysteria") Due to the nature of their respective conditions, they both deserve a place here in this list.

It can be assumed that Pickles is neurodivergent due to him being nicknamed as an “indigo pup.” While this might be related to his arcane skill, the nickname is also intriguing because it's like the term “indigo children.” 

“Indigo children” are classified as those who are incredibly intelligent and possess special talents or powers according to the New Age concept. However, this classification is closely associated with neurodivergence due to the similar descriptions.

Meanwhile, Kaalaa Baunaa, Tooth Fairy, and Blonney have shared stories in which they've had to maintain some form of distance towards their arcanist identities due to the hostile nature of their environments. They embraced it as part of themselves in the end, though.

Kaalaa Baunaa has been an avid researcher ever since she was young, and enjoys maintaining punctuality through routines. However, she had been often discriminated against in her initial workplace, where her arcanist identity had been picked out first before taking her research in consideration; even her research had been disregarded due to the “unconventional” methods that she applied to conduct them.

It can be considered a familiar feeling among neurodivergent people and it is incredibly frustrating when it happens. For KB, it had gotten bad to the point of her (and Kumar) getting kicked out of their institution, but it never stopped either of them from continuing to do their work.

Tooth Fairy and Blonney both grew up in mixed societies, where they had to force themselves to conform to be able to be accepted in both human and arcanist social spaces.

Tooth Fairy, while achieving this balance in her college years, had never been treated as an equal by either side due to both her arcanist identity and frequency to interact with humans. She was bullied for it and was even taken advantage of when she made the medicine in her character story. These experiences led her to accept her own identity and eventually stop overtly conforming to both societies.

Blonney meanwhile moved to a predominantly human society, where she greatly conformed to human ideals and trends to “fit in” with the humans. But she was still off-handedly discriminated against due to simply just being an arcanist. She tried really hard to suppress herself, to the point that she dimmed her own “light” and was unable to use her personalized arcane skill. But when she came back to Green Lake, her mask slowly fell apart, and then it reignited her passion, which allowed her to begin accepting herself again.

Honorable Mentions

Sonetto, Matilda, Sotheby, Ezra, Jessica - Autism (mainly credited from: @/H0LOdm on twt)

While these are mainly headcanon, some of these characters here do display neurodivergent traits in their own ways, most especially the latter 3 of these characters here. They all struggle to pick up social cues and tend to struggle in (conventionally) socializing/empathizing with others.

Sotheby and Jessica in particular both lace their language using their interests and the environment they grew up in. Ezra also uses his interests in fungi as a conversation starter with others, eager to see any mushrooms that might be potentially found anywhere.

Final Notes and Thanks

When I started writing these down I didn't really think much of it outside of the fact that there were so many characters who were particularly neurodivergent, which then further extended to the rest of the disabled characters as well. I tried my best to word these as respectfully as I can, and that I hope people could find fun in reading these as much as I did writing them.

I give my acknowledgements to these people for their help and support for the creation of list in entirety: Jager, Lupjo, Reg, Bee ( @e-0timely ) , Abyss ( @abyss-idiot ), and Tokki

Considering the nature of this list, I want to say that are non-conclusive and can be interpreted in any way you want. As I said in my previous version of this post, "...Every experience is different, and I think these characters here openly show that."

Feel free to add your own insights, corrections, and even your own headcanons here. Thanks for reading, and have the two links to the first two lists down here.

Physically Disabled Characters Psychologically Disabled Characters

[phoenixyfriend]

Remember my post about Anakin pulling a Mike Murdock? Yeah, no, I have a full on AU concept now (with contributions by @threebea! indented)!

He lies so hard about having a brother that the universe invents a twin from scratch for him. It happens when Anakin is like twelve.

Anakin was just committing to the bit on a mission because he was bored.

The Force was also bored.

Oh no Anakin force manifests a sibling Obi-Wan: …That's not how the Force works. Anakin: You tell the Force that. Obi-Wan: Well, I suppose this would be your half-brother since the Force is your shared parent. Obi-Wan after the initial shock: This might as well happen.

New brother is better at some things and worse at others, as any person is. Anakin is, naturally, a fucking mess about all that, worries he'll be replaced, etc.

Obi-Wan just brings this to the Council and nobody can DENY this Skywalker from the Jedi after they already took the first one. So. Mace volunteers.

This Skywalker is a bit more Force than Anakin, got glowing eyes and visions and the Animal Communion buff. But is worse at flying, worse at tech, and unfathomably worse at people. Which is a FEAT, since Anakin's not too hot at social skills in the first place.

Mace has his hands full in many ways, including "keep this child from walking face first into the wall."

Obi-Wan: We are not calling him Anagain.

Anakin had many mixed feelings but! If he's going to have family then he's going to commit!

The other option is that the brother is younger by enough that the Older Brother instincts kick in, but I think the one-sided twin rivalry is funnier.

Anakin: I'm a big brother now. Anagain: I think we're supposed to be twins. Anakin: I have more worldly experience. Anagain: I'm taller. Anakin: wut Anagain: alpha twin alpha twin (that's his nickname until you come up with actual name lol) Obi-Wan: Well, I'm taller than both of you, and while that is the case you both need to listen to me. Anagain: (flash of foresight) So, not for long Obi-Wan: What? Anagain: Nothing. Mace: (the Shatterpoints are blinding) Yeah, I'll be taking this one. More seriously tho, Anakin definitely torn between what if everyone likes him better he's born from the force what if he's the chosen one what if and also: I have a brother I have family I need to take care of him. Probably some fun twin force bond too. Oh man Sheev after digesting all of that would definitely try to get some jealousy going.

Anakin talks about the new brother with terms like Freshly Hatched and Innocent Baby and it's mostly a joke except that now HE thinks Palps is a creep when it's aimed at Not Him.

Palpatine: When do I get to meet him? Anakin: [absolutely not] Mace won't let him [Yeah that'll work] Mace: Yeah, absolutely not, he didn't help save Naboo there's no reason for my Padawan to have a relationship with the Supreme Chancellor

I've decided to call the brother Aion (EY-yon). I like the whole thing about Anakin's name being based on Ananke, even if it's a disputed thing, so I go for Greek myth when doing alt names for siblings.

Mace still bitter about having to let Palps get time with Anakin not about to do the same if he can help it. Although that comic takes place later eh (handwaves) still The Jedi might try to be hush hush about where aion came from anyway since he would fall directly under Jedi business

Help I'm imagining Mace and Obi-Wan on a walk and the twins are on child leashes. Anakin because ADHD will have him trying to run off to look at something. And Aion because he's going to be so distracted by visions that he will walk into traffic.

"Can we send a letter to mom so she knows he exists?" The other thought was ANAKIN holding the child leash for Aion, and then Obi-Wan or Mace holding the one for Anakin. Lil chain.

Aion: Hey… I know I've only existed for a few months, and yes my memories of before are sort of built by the Force, but I'm pretty sure the Supreme Chancellor is evil. Mace: You saw that in a vision? Aion: No, he's just super creepy. Bad vibes.

Obi-Wan: Of course he's evil, he's a career politician. Anakin: What about your friend from Alderaan? Obi-Wan: That's different.

One of these boys is constantly zoning out. The other is smiling, but the smile contains murder.

They're both adhd but with wildly different sides of it.

EXACTLY

Also.

Aion: [silent, a bit upset but mostly chill] Anakin, holding his hand: He asked for no pickles!

[signanothername]

I’m now convinced the reason why Dream finds out he’s autistic is because of either blue or ink

Both of which is where they assume he knows he’s autistic and just say to someone else or in a conversation with mentioning they are both autistic

I feel like blue is more likely because I hc that blue knows he’s autistic, either from diagnosis or from extensive study and self diagnosis

And it’s worse because Blue had clocked Dream as autistic really early on, either subconsciously or consciously, this is the entire reason they get along as well as they do and it’s why Dream feels better around blue not just from the whole autism sense thing but also because BLUE HAS BEEN ACCOMMODATING HIM THE WHOLE TIME

HE JUST NEVER BROUGHT IT UP BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WAS RUDE AND THST DREAM WAS SELF CONSCIOUS ABOUT IT

My very dear follower Tatogender, tell me how does it feel to have the biggest brain on earth?

CAUSE THATS EXACTLY WHAT I BELIEVE TOO EEEEE

Cause I completely agree! Blue does know about his own Autism! (I like to believe he’s self diagnosed after extensive research) And he almost immediately realized that Dream’s Autistic and therefore kept accommodating Dream’s needs! And he’s the one that ends up bringing the concept of Autism up, and you have zero idea how Dream experiences the relief of finally understanding himself and that he’s not alone in his Autism, but also the frustration of years of internalized ablesim and shame he felt for things he shouldn’t have felt ashamed about (the boi is gonna experience a shutdown over it)

To me, Ink doesn’t really know about his own Autism (at first) he only knows about his Adhd, but he does know that Dream’s Autistic! Ink just never brought it up cause he assumed Dream already knew about it and cause his memory doesn’t really help (but imma leave it at that here cause I have an ask in my inbox asking about Ink’s Audhd so imma ramble about it there)

BUT YES YES YESSSSS!!! DREAM FEELS SO COMFORTABLE AROUND BLUE CAUSE BLUE KEPT ACCOMMODATING HIM AAAAAH

AND YOU CAN IMAGINE THE GUILT BLUE WOULD FEEL FOR BRINGING IT UP SO LATE, BUT DREAMS LIKE SUPER THANKFUL BLUE BROUGHT IT UP AT ALL REGARDLESS CAUSE BETTER LATE THEN NEVER YKNOW???

(Dream being besties with the Swap bros will be the end of me guys they make me so soft /pos)

———

Apple twins autism post

[starboishifting]

shiftblr for noobs!

𝒽𝒾! 𝓌ℯ𝓁𝒸ℴ𝓂ℯ 𝓉ℴ 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝒻𝓉𝒷𝓁𝓇! 𝒾 𝓈ℯℯ 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓉𝒾𝓀𝓉ℴ𝓀 𝒷𝒶𝓃 𝒽𝒶𝓈 𝒷𝓇ℴ𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓉ℴ ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀𝓎𝒶𝓇𝒹! 𝒹ℴ𝓃'𝓉 𝓌ℴ𝓇𝓇𝓎, 𝓌ℯ'𝓋ℯ 𝑔ℴ𝓉 𝓅𝓁ℯ𝓃𝓉𝓎 𝓉ℴ 𝑔ℴ 𝒶𝓇ℴ𝓊𝓃𝒹.

having said that, there are absolutely some things you need to know;

we don't care about how many followers you have. i don't mean that harshly at all, but there are so many people on this site that if you worried every moment about how many people follow you, you'll forget to love the content you make (credits to @ophiespeaks because i saw it on their blog, first).

no, your random posting will not annoy us. you can post whatever you want, whenever you want, however much you want, and no one will give half a damn. a large chunk of us are autistic/adhd, so we all have a pretty solid understanding of the concept of hyper-fixation and will not judge you in the slightest.

you are more than welcome to make your blog as pretty or cohesive as you want, but you are in no way obligated to do so! but if you choose to, i personally recommend this site for emojis and pretty texts, that's what i use. also, it's good to know that on the app, you can only add 10 images per post, but you can add 30 on desktop.

do not, and i mean do not, bring your controversy here. no, shifting is not genetic. no, race changing is not evil. yes, you can change your gender and have a thousand d/rs for one franchise and you don't need to clean or drink water or do methods or anything to shift. you can do nothing and shift, you can do anything you want to shift. but never, ever, under any circumstances tell someone they're doing something wrong. they're not.

that brings me to my next and final point; the only thing that you can do wrong with shifting is thinking you will instead of knowing you have.

that's all, lovelies! i hope that you have a wonderful time here, and please always stay respectful!

[drdemonprince]

Have you ever found it worth floating the possibility to probably autistic people and maskers (close friends, family, etc) that they might be autistic?

I have tried it a couple times and it seems to just make people get really defensive and upset with me (which I can handle), but then also people start to hold me at arms length. My intention is to bring us closer together by talking about our shared struggles and how to improve our lives (which was totally fine in the past talking about our shared traits without the autism label), but attaching the possibility of autism to it has the opposite effect. The people I’m around are VERY adhd-affirming, and I see how having that connection over the mutual struggle brings my adhder loved-ones together, and I really crave that type of connection with the people I already love and have so much in common with.

You shouldn't tell someone what you think their identity ought to be, no matter your intentions.

For one, many people who are masking or undiagosed harbor deeply stigmatized views about what Autism even is, and so they will not take the statement as a positive declaration of belonging, but rather an accusation that they have failed to conceal what is most frightening or vulnerable about themselves. Exposing their most hidden side will make them feel very unsafe and judged, even if your intention is the opposite.

Telling someone that you think they might be neurodivergent also suggests that you know them better than they know themselves, which is untrue, and may feel invasive and unwelcome to hear.

Your friend could be the most obviously Autistic to ever Autistic from your point of view, but the choice of how to self-define still falls solely on them. There are many different ways for a person to interpret their experience, and they might arrive at some other word or concept that better does their experience justice from their perspective.

our identities exist to help us make sense of our lives and express who we are to people, on our terms. Most neurodivergent people are absolutely sick of always getting defined from an external point of view. We don't need member of our own community doing that to us further.

If you have benefitted from coming to understand yourself as Autistic, you can and should speak about that openly and positively. That will be enough incentive for anyone else in your life who is neurodivergent to explore the possibility for themselves. If you vibe easily with someone because you share traits in common or seem to naturally understand one another, let that be enough. Tell the person you feel comfortable around them and that spending time with them helps you to accept yourself. That is a much greater compliment than telling someone who they must be.

[gloomiebearwritings]

Reiden, Fujin, Erron, Kabal, and Kitana with an s/o that has ADHD?

Sorry if it's too much or it makes you uncomfortable you can decline the request!

Sorry for takin' so long, I went on a break for a bit there! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ) I had to leave out Kabal and Kitana as I'm a little rusty still, but I did add Old and Current timeline Raiden! ❤️❤️❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Old Timeline Raiden

ADHD was a new concept to him, at least in terms of being named- but he’s seen a few people before with the same behaviors.

It takes him some time to learn all your little quirks and routines, or lack thereof.

May sometimes become impatient, but always apologizes for his behavior- which over time gets better.

You were asked about by just about everyone, and it seemed to frustrate him more than it did you. Resting off in a room away from everyone else, Raiden takes the brunt of most of everyone’s curiosity for you.

“Y/N needs rest- there is too much going on right now.”

He made sure his voice was stern enough to make his stance clear, “No one is needed that badly right now.”

Though a bit later he catches Johnny going towards your room, stopping him before he gets to the door, “What did I say, Johnny?”

“I was just tryin’ to bring some water!” 

“I will take the water. Go on.”

Current Timeline Raiden

When you first brought it up to him he joked about how Kung Lao must have it too. 

He’s more open to your needs, learning what you need to get things done and feel more comfortable.

Quite patient and understands you’ll have times of being overwhelmed, and tries to help you in those moments.

“Hey, you alright?” he asks you, seeing you utterly spaced out at all the noise. 

When you shake your head “no” he sighs, offering you his hand and giving a reassuring smile. Once he’s got you to your feet he brings you out of sight of everyone else, letting you pick a spot to calm down. 

“Johnny can be a little loud, I know…”

Sitting next to you he uses himself as a comforting barrier between you and the group, “You stay here as long as you need, okay? There’s no rush.”

Fujin

He has a better understanding of it than you’d expect considering his time among humans.

By far the most patient and open about things, offering to help remind you of things.

Will help create routines to help curb bad habits, and steer you away from getting too distracted. 

You felt a gentle nudge on your shoulder, breaking you out of your disconnected daze.

“You seem distracted, did something cross your mind?” 

His voice was sweet, face just as sweet as he leaned over to see yours more. When you shook your head “no” he gave a soft smile, “Overworked yourself? Maybe we should take a minute to refresh you?”

He opened the windows in the room to let fresh air in and brought you something to drink. 

“Have this to start, but let me know if you need anything else…”

Erron

Not the most knowledgeable about the subject, but granted he’s never had to think too hard about things like this before.

Willing to learn however, albeit a little slow when it comes to getting used to new routines.

He will leave little notes around the house for you though, little reminders for things either of you need to do or get. 

He’d left a note on the dining table telling you he’d be home later than usual because he’d be swinging by the market. Which really you didn’t notice until it was almost an hour after he’d normally have been home that it caught your eye. 

Though it seemed like only a minute later he was home, putting things away before coming over to you to give you a friendly little pinch, “Sorry for bein’ out so long…”

Looking at the clock out of curiosity you realize it was 2 hours ahead of when you last looked at it. He chuckled as he realized you must’ve gotten distracted given your mildly confused expression, “Least you didn’t miss me too bad?” he teased.

[adamnablelittledevil]

Just finished Part I of The Vampire Lestat and here are my first impressions (I skipped IWTV *for now* since the show has already covered it... I'll read it eventually):

I can't tell yet if I like it or not.

So far, I enjoy the concept and the characters seem to be compelling. In terms of eventfulness, there hasn't been much, but I do have some interest in these people. They all appear to be complicated and have a lot of baggage, which I guess makes them appealing and gives the story potential. Let's see where this goes.

I don't hate, but I also don't love Anne's writing style. I don't think she narrates and describes things very well, she lingers on stuff I don't care that much for and doesn't provide details on things I'm actually curious about? There are some abrupt changes that annoy me sometimes as well.

I do believe this might be an attempt to get ourselves in the mind of Lestat and how he process to the world around him, though? It would make sense considering how chaotic he is.

Another thing I like is how he got so obsessed with the 20th Century, music and theater. The descriptions really give me the idea of someone experiencing the world for the first time (in a while) and considering how isolated he was growing up or after everything that happened with Louis/Claudia, it makes sense that he is so fascinated by all these discoveries. And it's really immersive and sweet to see how he in awe he is with all of it.

He also speaks like he is somebody born in the 1700s. So I give her credits for that as well.

Pretty sure Lestat is neurodivergent at this point (ADHD is basically a yes from me, maybe he has dyslexia and/or autism too).

And his memory is trash. So often he doesn't know if he actually did something, or if it were someone else, or if it was just a thought... I'm like, ARE YOU OKAY (he isn't)? By the way, this is painfully relatable because I also have poor short (and long-term) memory. Heaven help him (and moi).

That boy is a water sign if I've ever seen one.

He cries A LOT. I don't remember ever seeing any (book/show/movie) character cry that much, specially in such a short time lol. And the fact this is coming from a man and not a woman... There you go with defying gender norms, king!

Lestat having Borderline Personality Disorder isn't even a headcanon at this point, but a FACT.

He probably hasn't been hugged enough times in his life and it SHOWS.

Even with the abuse in his family, his frustration with his mother and the "malady of mortality", he manages to stay optimistic in a way that feels so childlike and naive that makes my heart warm and ache for him. I'm like, you deserve better.

Again, I don't know if I'm enjoying or not, but I do like the fact I can imagine Sam's Lestat doing all of this on season 3. Picturing Sam bringing these moments to life is the BEST PART of the reading.

Would I still read these books if the show never existed? That's what I need to find out.

I can see why some people got so invested in this character, though. At least for now. Some stuff hit close to home and I find myself rooting for him. I imagine that for the ones who read it at as a teenager, it must've made them feel less alone and seen to some extent.

At this moment, it's Lestat > Gabrielle > Nicholas for me.

Lestat's father isn't a person I care about, but depending on how the show adapts him, I guess it could be a good opportunity for a blind actor. It would be killing two birds with one stone, because it would develop Lestat's backstory, but also give space for a category that barely gets any job in the industry. I would love to see a powerful guest star that is a an actual disabled person playing a disabled character. Sure, we would hate him, but if someone manages to show their potential, book more roles and maybe even earn an award or nomination, why not?

Whenever Lestat talks about kissing his mother I get confused if the incest is already happening or not lol. Because I normally would just imagine a platonic kiss on the cheek or forehead and I haven't seen anything explicitly inappropriate. I don't know if it's because I'm reading the Brazilian Portuguese version, or if Anne wasn't that clear, or maybe I'm slow and naive, but nothing big seems to have happened? But I'm familiar with those spoilers, so... Anyway, whatever. It's not like I was counting the days to read about incest, so I don't really care about it being evident or not. I just mean that for now they seem to be more of a "parent that didn't want kids, but cares for him in a distant, but still real way and child that seeks for any crumbs of love and affection" kind of relationship.

Speaking of that, Lestat is SO DESPERATE for love, omg. Nicki was basically the first person besides his mother that was nice to him and he told the guy ALL OF HIS LIFE STORY AND FELL IN LOVE almost immediately? Get up!

Peak BPD/ADHD/maybe autistic/water sign/Scorpio behavior. MY GOD.

Still don't know how to picture Gabrielle and who I fancast playing her. I do think I have some sense of who she is now, which is nice. I also have some actors that could pass for Sam's parent and have the appropriate age to play her in my mental library, but I can't form a face yet. Not the face of a real actress or even an imaginary face, it's just a blur so far. Which sucks because I loooooooooove imagining fancasts, specially for a show as great as this one, but I'm just waiting for the revelation to come to me lmao.

[orchard-keeper]

!!!~Fic Recs~!!! (Pt. II)

Here is a follow-up to my last post of Fic Recs (in which I listed my favorite completed multi-chapter ROTTMNT fics).

In this post I'll be recommending ongoing multi-chapter fics. In no particular order, here they are:

There Must Be Something in the Water by Filsamek

-This fic has been such a delight to read. The premise is interesting and even chilling, and the ways in which the turtles have to puzzle out how to solve the problem at hand has been exciting to follow along with. Very interested to see how the conflict will be resolved and what further Mystic concepts the author will introduce!

Blood, Water, and Thicker Things by JumpingInMuddyPuddles

-While this fic has but 4 chapters thus far, I am absolutely psyched for future updates! This is, in a way, a "sick fic" but combined with Leo pushing his needs aside and facing imminent danger while suffering AND featuring a Leo-Donnie team-up mystery with action and high-stakes...! In the words of Donnie in Lair Games: Nom nom. Nomnomnom.

The Old College Try by theashemarie @theashemarie

-There is just something about this fic that grips me in such a way that it almost hurts to discuss. Leo's characterization feels very accurate and very real, and somehow the ways in which he struggles with his identity in general as well as his identity surrounding intelligence/academia really hit me in the heart. I don't know if it's because I already relate to Leo so much, or if its because of my own (academic) experience of feeling like no one will take me seriously and having that odd and alienating (ADHD-related no doubt) infantalization grate on me, but... the ways in which Leo has to confront his relationship with his place on the team, the character he plays, his true interests and passions, and his relationship with his brother who has claimed the title of "the intelligent one" is hard-hitting. Add to that the struggles of humanity/fitting in with society, of the seemingly inherent selfishness of valuing your own pursuits despite risks or pitfalls therein... the tension is amazing. Oh, did I mention-- this is about Leo and Donnie going to university lmao. But its actually also about so much more, as you can see... Overall: this author is a master of character depiction and I cannot wait to see how the rest of the story unfolds...! Donnie in this fic is also so wonderfully rendered. Best of all are Leo and Donnie's interactions in such a foreign setting, and them having to (re-)learn to navigate one another's feelings this new environment brings out. Ah! Good, good stuff. And if that does not convince you, there's also action, a prominent villain, impossible choices....!

All the Ashes in My Wake by paperxcrowns @crows-murder

-Ooh, I can just tell this one is setting up to be some serious Leo angsting. The premise works so well, and I'm eagerly awaiting for that moment when Leo can no longer keep hiding things from his brothers and the dam breaks. The suspense of wondering how that's going to happen is so, so good. Also, insane dramatic irony that is causing sooo much angst. Leo's brothers hurting him/unknowingly forcing him to do things because of a curse... Dramatic! Irony! Delicious.

Last Grain of Sand in the Hourglass by TjLockticon @last-hourglass

-This fic is a sort of alternate take on the ending of the movie, wherein Leo stays trapped in the prison dimension, but not because Mikey's portal failed– rather, because it brought Future Leo back to the past instead. The ensuing chaos and angst is really well-done, and my favorite parts were actually how each brother came to terms with the situation and how to react around this version of their brother, all while their 'true' brother is still trapped and suffering. The chapters with Present Leo in the prison dimension are a really unique take on his experience there. Another thing I found very intriguing is how Leo's Mystic powers and his swords are included in the plot. I'm looking forward to seeing what further angst lays ahead and how the author chooses to resolve the complexities of feeling introduced with the bros getting attached to Future Leo and also Casey's suffering at the idea that this situation cannot endure, and he will lose his sensei all over again. Wild!!

Alpha Stage by snailsnaps @snailsnaps

-Oh I have so much to say about this fic. The premise is so heart-wrenching and interesting, and scratches that itch (in a way) of having had the planned turtle tots episode canceled. And yet, Donnie is still totally himself, mentally, despite being tot-sized. What is a total delight is the art in this fic. Each illustration is so charming and impeccable and adds to much to the story. I keep coming back to it, and I'm excited to see where the author takes the narrative!

The Same Little Faces by awkwardusagi

-This fic also scratches the itch of the canceled turtle tot episode, but the focus on this one is particularly on Leo being turned back into a tot! I love this take because the author explores the dynamic between Mikey getting to be a big bro for the first time, Donnie and Raph witnessing this, and Splinter giving all of them tips and tricks he knows about how to wrangle hyperactive turtle mutant babies. It also has the interesting and really innovative idea that tot Leo retains the memories and experiences of teenage Leo in his subconscious, and this plays a significant role in the plot. I won't say much more, but the cast of characters and how they slot into the big kerfuffle at hand is also so fun! Particularly my favorite Hippo and Worm duo... and Señor Hueso! The relationships explored are so captivating and heart-wrenching in their tenderness. Leo's insecurities manifested in the form of a turtle tot who cannot hide away their pain from their family... ahhh! It's overall super fun and super sweet and I felt so gripped by the narrative. I'm really interested to see how the author will resolve the conflict!

I May Be Invisible, but I Still Look Good by Dandy @dandylovesturtles

-Ohhhh my gosh, where to even begin with this fic... It follows Leo's (mis)adventures dealing with a Mystic curse that renders him invisible, intangible, and inaudible. I feel like I can't say much about the plot because I don't want to spoil the experience of reading it– each installment of puzzle-solving regarding Leo's curse is so unique and intense and gratifying to experience, so I won't go into too much detail. Leo's characterization is so wonderful and feels so real. His thoughts and reactions and struggles and how he chooses to endure them and cope with them is just... so Leo. Which means that there is a lot of silent suffering, of course! We love to see it. (I'll also briefly note that this extends to all the brothers! I just mention Leo particularly because we are in his head.) The author's ability to depict Leo's panic attacks and dissociation is my favorite I've encountered. It's also, of course, entirely heartbreaking to read. The enemies and the Mystic curse are incredibly engaging as well; they feel very much like classic fantasy adventure obstacles/antagonists that I used to read as a child, which is such a fun thing in the setting of Rise, and fits in very well. It's so believable within the universe. I'm super excited to see how the breaking of the curse will play out! I've probably re-read the fic in its entirety 2-3 times now, and each time it was equally as engrossing. Not only that– the author is such a master that I've noticed foreshadowing interlaced throughout, and that has been such a delight! This fic inspires me, and invigorates me, and leaves me wanting to read basically anything else from the author. I cannot recommend it enough!

Mutant Ninja Midlife Crisis by a_platypus

-This fic includes Future Leo being transplanted into the past, but his meeting with the turtles and April and Casey as well as the circumstances surrounding his presence are not so innocent. The tension and dramatic irony created by this set-up are gripping and exciting. And kinda makes me wanna smack a Leo (or two). The dialogue and relationships are so well-written, and the pacing is really nice. Everything feels very in-character and believable and intense. Also, just an aside, but the interactions between Present Leo and Future Leo feel so believable, and the way they change how they relate to one another over time feels very organic and natural. It's handled and presented very well, and is one of the central reasons I'm excited to see how the plot progresses moving forward.

The Aftermath by Starrcrossrose

-This fic is set post-movie, and focuses on the healing process Leo (and the others) have to undergo, and all the complicated emotions involved. There's particular emphasis on the relationship between Leo and Donnie. The author does an amazing job showing the reader what is going through both their heads and how they're struggling under the burden of Leo's decision to sacrifice himself, as well as the circumstances surrounding this (namely, Leo's mental health). It's heart-wrenching to see them both struggle under this burden and knowledge, and even more so to witness how it drives a wedge between them. Another aspect of this fic that I love is the angst surrounding the idea that Leo is doing all he can to cope and to heal, but his family is so worried and so anxious for him that they push him to recover more quickly, and this actually ends up complicating things and even making things harder for Leo. The frustration is real! The depiction of a well-meaning family making a suffering family member feel even more isolated, ironically, feels very realistic and therefore all the more maddening and heartbreaking. The recent chapters made me have to go and like. Lie down. It's that intense. And that good.

As before, I did my best to figure out which authors have accounts on here and tag them, but if I've missed you/you know the author's @, please let me know and I'll update the post!

[dreamsy990]

so 358/2 days, amiright? heres my thoughts

this game is just. god its an emotional rollarcoaster

i guess ill start with the things i dont like!! which is mostly the gameplay. i dont really mind the mission structure shockingly (i like being able to roam around but having a clear goal makes things easier for my adhd ass, and i think the miniature storylines are very good for the most part) but i simply could Not get into the combat. especially coming off of kh2 it feels so stiff and unfun to play the only part of the game where i enjoyed the combat was fighting riku at the very end. i think the panel system is okay but i dont like that levels take up space. why did they do that.

story-wise, i dont like the retcons!! a lot of the ones i take issue with are very minor but things like roxas only fighting riku once instead of the implied multiple times (even the dialogue doesnt make sense when you change that, why does roxas say 'how many times do i have to beat you' when theyve only fought once?) are the kinds of inconsistencies that just annoy me.

im also a little bit annoyed at the very concept of this game at all. i think roxas worked just fine as a character without this game. it feels sort of unnecessary in the grand scheme of things. also, xion. i love xion, dont get me wrong, but i dont think she adds anything to the series over all. thats not to say she doesnt add anything to this game because shes a great character and i love her, but shes just. kind of like this game in that if you got rid of her i dont think it would really change the narrative so much.

BUT DESPITE THAT ALL!!!!!!!! i fucking ADORE this game. it is genuinely so full of charm and soul that i just cant bring myself to dislike it. i think this is one of the best written games in terms of dialogue. every scene (at least for me) hit exactly as emotionally hard as i think it was meant to. i was laughing at demyx's antics and crying at xions death and yelling at saix and i think thats exactly how the game is meant to be seen.

days at its heart is a slice of life. its working a 9 to 5 its going through a depressive episode its losing friends its grieving its making fun of your coworkers its living. its a game about life and i love that.

this game really did make me forget that axel roxas and xion dont get a happy ending. i spent so much time looking forward to them making up that i forgot that roxas ran away. hell i almost forgot that xion died.

days is emotional and its story and its characters are just so fucking good. the conflicts all felt very real and you can tell exactly where everyones coming from. the way axel roxas and xion fall apart hits so fucking close to home. but god damnit if axel had any good communication skills like half of this could be avoided

its also one hell of a love letter to axel's character. hes always been one of my favorites (he recently earned first place) and i think this game does him a lot of justice. hes trying to do good. he wants to keep everything together he wants to be there for his friends he wants to make things right but he just cant. its just AUGH its so fucking good

that thing about axel's characterization really also applies to roxas. i dont have much to say about him beyond the fact that i think it does his character very well. also tism. hes so autism.

i kind of like the very limited graphics too. sue me i enjoy low quality games. the hands are not animated and they all have two expressions (blinking and not blinking) and their weapons are flat and im living for it. the very few fully animated cutscenes are good too!!

the (real, i dont count riku) final boss is unfortunately very easy. you can just stand directly in front of her and mash a she wont hit you its too easy but vector to the heavens did mess me up a bit. also earlier scene but "ill always be there to bring you back" with the other promise playing over it? fucked me up man. yoko shimomura is once again killing it

i cant believe roxas didnt get to go to the beach.

i have to give this game a 9/10. its writing is incredible but the gameplay could use a lot of work. its just not fun to play. but again the characters, emotions, and music all make up for that tenfold.

[tanasha-not-yet]

Whats your favourite fish. Or your top 3 favs

im really not a fish pro as i claim to be but i certainly have favs. may be a bit corny, but they deserve attention and they will get it

1. OARFISH or king of the herrings (or queen♥️)

• big girl

• looks scary As Fuck (panik)

• but shes actually harmless and can't even move fast (kalm)

• but if you see a big one near the shoreline it means that the sea is getting hella stormy bc nothing aside from poseidon himself can bring This up (panik)

• the way she swims is kinda goofy, shes so long that sometimes she just waves w her dosal fin and thinks that's enough. girl is doing The Bare Minimum and honestly? productivity is overrated.

nothing can beat oarfish for me, though marine life is fascinating and here are other fishies that deserve attention

top 3 lil aquarium bois:

1. glofish. i remember seeing a giant vertical aquarium with these in the zoo when i was little and it probably changed me forever. they somehow managed to put the thing that makes jellyfish glow in their regular fish - im telling you, GLOfish is not just a name.

2. gourami. when we had axolotls we also had these baddies in the aquarium with them. they may seem pretty regular when you google them, but they are literally aliens. their ventral fins are long and thin and honestly pretty useless for swimming ig.... they use their fins... to touch things. have you ever seen a fish with arms. it was magic for little me.

3. ghost glass catfish. wish i saw them irl, unfortunately i only came across it when i googled the references for subnautica spices. they're described as energetic social guys, and damn i Wish there was a way to light an aquarium to make them shoot rainbows from time to time. sometimes the variety of catfish forms fascinates me, like they all have whiskers but they're soo different! we had little spotted catfish that liked hanging on the walls and an adhd shark catfish who was constantly swimming from side to side (ig they need it to make their gills move, same as sharks) but there are so much more including giant ones even.

top 3 deepsea esoteric bimbos:

1. barreleyes. idk which particular spices is the one from the pic, they all are quite similar for me bc i haven't spent much time researching. they all are equally gorgeous cousins for me. no comments. you knew i would put it here; i knew i would put it here; she deserves to be displayed and cherished. they say she can move her pretty eyes but i haven't found any good footage. the concept kinda reminds me of that squid w one big eye for looking down and one little eye for looking up. they are very.. direction oriented girls, tho there is a spices that looks forward w her barrel eyes.

2. goblin shark. they're just a lil person. a lil sib. not very photogenic, their photos are quite creepy but the video of their attack may actually be the best illustration to the word 'ñom' ive ever seen. they goofy. look at them. just caught a fishy and pretend it's not them. they make me feel Emotions

3. snailfish. ive watched a bunnch of whalefall vids but i don't remember the decomposers being fish? like usually they're some mollusks like octopi, or mb crabs or worms. but apparently i missed these guys, they looked pretty fishy, i checked them and boom. snailfish. these bros do the important job of cleaning the bottom. pretty boys, it's a pity that i haven't discovered them earlier. i usually don't like the boney deepsea gulper eels or anglerfish so it's nice to see such pretty creatures down there. also poor crabs lol, these fish lay eggs in them :(

top 3 beautiful 'regular' fishies

1. gobys!!! damn himbos, they cant find a way without a map and they have no pens to draw maps so they are disoriented ! found one in a dolphin's skull, he was legitimately like 'where exit :('

2. ruffs!!! i didn't even dare touch the adult versions, even lils are so sharp 😭 i get you bbg i get you. they have sharp spines and they are Mad at you all the time. i connect with them on a deeper level.

3. me. im a nice fish.

[milfygerard]

Not to tell you how to run your own blog but I loved the discussions full of nuance and would love to see them more often. But also on the other hand I know people who did that often enough that they ended up a target of hate too. Apologies for sending the super chaotic album analysis ask, I was running on fumes too, it was 5am and I hadn't gone to bed yet. The winter months come and I always have trouble waking up before the sun sets, and falling asleep before the sunrise.

Anyway I am not diagnosed with anything, never really could be with where I am, even more so as a woman (we don't even have ADHD meds, those with a diagnosis travel abroad just to buy them) but I have an inkling I might be ND because of many factors but mainly due to feeling like I'm an alien my entire life which no one seems to understand. I've thought about going abroad to get a diagnosis and then I read about what they were doing to ND people during covid and I went fuck that I'll stay wondering and alive. As for Taylor I think the biggest pointer for me was seeing her directing Me! and saying she needs to do less "dead face" or whatever she called it when looking at the footage. I went, oh I know that, it's the thing I also tell myself to do when surrounded by people. Later on I learned why that might be a thing I do lmaooo

the absolute dread i felt getting this anon notif like oh no...it begins

I appreciate the very valid concerns, ive seen how swifties can react to and treat blogs that post too much about subjects they don't like or see as valid. I also have mutuals ive seen get on the wrong end of swiftie harassment and it definitely seems overwhelming at the very least. I have a bit of luck/disguise on my end because ive kind of deduced that swifties seem to not care too much about me if they arent mutuals bc i am not technically a swiftie blog. She's definitely the special interest ive been talking about the most, but I don't post about her solely, I don't have her as my icon or in my url (girard <3) or mentioned anywhere that i'm a swift enjoyer except for me tagging her posts for mutuals who don't wanna see it. My actual posts that I write about her rarely get a Ton of notes and i make them pretty sparsely while also talking about and reblogging a ton of other random shit. I think this helps lessen the likeliness that I'll get someone who like...obsessively reads my blog to point out how stupid dumb and stupid my takes are and get attached to me in like a lolcow sense of trying to provoke me into arguing or entertaining them. If i do start getting some of that, I'll probably just turn off anon and asks for awhile and eventually theyll forget I exist or maybe even block me, imagine that <3

For the second part, I do encourage you to look into whatever neurodivergencies you think you may have even if a literal doctors diagnosis isnt a possibility! Part of the reason im pretty comfortable with tossing around words like autism is because I don't see professional diagnosis as a be all end all, nor do I think its bad to give yourself a "wrong" diagnosis while trying to understand yourself. Even if you don't end up identifying with autistm, I think being around autistic circles and learning about coping mechanisms and thought processes for other neurodivergencies can be so helpful for understanding yourself and your brain, and can bring really helpful. Like, I don't personally have DID or severe psychosis but talking to and reading write ups from mutuals has let me learn about them as like mundane mental health issues/NDs that anyone could have as well as issues i have had in the past with mild hallucinations or conceptions of personality. Most mental illnesses and NDs are treated very strangely and cruelly in general society and are considered aberrant or inherently bad or painful, but these are normal and often neutral (or positive! Which is often ignored or not considered) aspects of peoples lives.

If you are curious about self diagnosis, the most reliable and popular test online is the RAADS-R questionnaire which theres a great version of on embrace autism which i also definitely recommend scrolling through. They also have interesting articles, alternate tests and articles and tests for other neurodivergencies like OCD, which really opened my eyes to the likeliness that I've been suffering with undiagnosed OCD for pretty much my entire life. Theres also an autism forum if you want a broader spread of information and advice that might not be immediately accessible to you. I didnt touch on taylor much in this response (the dead face thing is extremely real, that and her talking about deciding to make the blood in anti hero purple glitter glue because she doesnt feel like a real normal human being in that directors on directors interview) but I do hope the other stuff is helpful and not too rambly <3 autism forever

[lady-laureline]

There's been a lot of discussion about the validity of neurodivergent self-diagnosis, including a fair bit of fuss about the notion that there is a whole swathe of people faking their disability for attention, so I think it's a great time to dissect a few fun topics such as representation, intersectionality, prejudice and privilege (this post is unapologetically long).

Tl;dr for the people at the back: cracking down on perceived fakes has unintended consequences. If you don't know what you're talking about, what is "believable" is not for you to decide.

×××

To those with concerns, a few questions. What was your first encounter with disability? A joke in a movie, perhaps, or an insult you heard at school?

Incidentally, did you know the brain uses your first impression as the foundation for your understanding of any concept? This can be tricky to reflect on (we all have a built-in resistance to changing our minds), but if you are comparing the people you see online to Rain Man you might have some catching up to do.

There's this insidious notion of being "reasonably disabled". People tend to go for an all-or-nothing dichotomy without really thinking about it, which is detrimental to literally everyone in between. Personally, I think it has something to do with our discomfort around being bad at something. As if being blind was somehow more legitimate than having poor eyesight - it sounds ridiculous, but tell me there isn't a part of you that thinks this way.

Likewise, there are plenty of neurodivergent folk that are able to function in society, but will not quite match up to the neurotypical standard in certain contexts, whether we lack the performance skills or just have a different taste in things. Y'all seem to be having difficulties translating a theoretical understanding of this into not cringing like we're bringing down the average grade.

×

Okay, but aren't we talking about a medical diagnosis? Surely that should be left to the professionals? Yes & no. Hope you don't mind that I explain with the help of anecdotal evidence.

I am at a point where I am feeling pretty good about how I identify, i.e. officially diagnosed with adhd, and self-diagnosed as autistic. Through a combination of digging through online resources and a whole lot of recuperation, I've been able to put many of the struggles I was fighting blind with into a framework I am able to understand. I feel more like a person than I ever have in my life, and that, for me, is the greatest benefit of a diagnosis, official or not.

While I am certainly not ruling out seeking a doctor's confirmation of my autism at some point, there is some trepidation involved.

A non-trivial part of this is my adhd diagnosis experience. This was during the pandemic, I was just coming to terms with being burnt out and was so so ready to finally get some answers as to why. An immigrant (read: used to paying for healthcare) living in the UK, I naturally opted to seek guidance and support from the National Healthcare Service at this vulnerable time in my life. If you're familiar with the NHS, you can probably guess how it went to bother this already overwhelmed and underfunded organisation that definitely did not want to deal with my trauma dumping.

After being coerced to try an SSRI "to find out what's under all that anxiety" and having a terrible time with it, plus feeling legitimately gaslight in my pursuit of getting to the bottom of what it would actually take to get approved for an assessment, I found out about my right to choose and swiftly obtained both my diagnosis and prescription via Psychiatry UK, a private organisation.*

A decidedly shitty experience overall, but I ended up with a lot of useful insight into navigating the bureaucracy, and I can safely say that taking (the right) medication has helped a lot with symptom management, and thus, life in general.

×

Now, autism has been in the public eye much longer than adhd and has accumulated more research over the years, but its implementation is far from adequate, especially for autistic adults. Some of the studies that shaped the understanding of doctors practicing today betray the derogatory and/or infantilising beliefs of doctors of the past.

So I have concerns about the toll another clinical runaround might have on my mental health. It would take a lot of work, too - prior to assessment, you are more or less expected to build a convincing case for yourself, which means you have to do enough research to persuade a medical professional who may or may not be inclined to think of all this neurospicy nonsense is a waste of time.

Even if I did get approved for an autism assessment with the NHS, the waiting list is years (yes, years) long. Private care is prohibitively expensive, unless you're desperate enough. Or, you know, rich. I've seen prices in the thousands (yes, thousands).

I'm also unsure, in practical terms, what I stand to gain from an official diagnosis as opposed to, say, seeking out a local branch of the autistic community. Not because I don't trust institutions, but because "access to accommodations" rarely gets elaborated on further, and is not a guarantee. There are also situations where the label would create incompatibility where there previously was none - for example, certain immigration policies reject autistic people outright. Not that I'm thinking of moving to New Zealand, but still.

There's a lot to consider. I haven't gotten around to making an exhaustive list of pros and cons and I don't think I'll have the energy for it anytime soon. Please feel free to add your two cents if you'd like.

×

Alright, so an official diagnosis isn't quite the no-brainer you thought it was, but "that doesn't excuse people labelling themselves for the fun of it".

Buddy. Friend. Kindred spirit o' mine.

We are doing this because we are having difficulty surviving in a world that wasn't built for us. I don't know what your definition of "fun" is, but I can think of a few other things I'd rather be doing than grappling with burnout and existential crises for half of my twenties - because that's what happens when you grow up being told that your lived experience isn't real. That you couldn't possibly feel this way, because the rest of the class feels fine.

People worrying about fake disabilities are still trying to fit neurodivergent content into a neurotypical point of view. They see someone trying to normalise the disabled experience and think: "If I did that, I'd be doing it for attention," then carry on to brutally mock them as some sort of righteous punishment for being too weird online.**

I have had to sift through a metric ton of trauma to build my identity back up from scratch. Really puts the "fun" in "dysfunctional". And believe it or not, I have had a relatively easy time of it.

About that intersectionality:

My trials as a disabled immigrant have been frustrating, but I'm also a young, straight-passing, cis white woman. People of colour go undiagnosed at far higher rates - their symptoms are overlooked more, and when they are recognised they are often misconstrued as threatening. Trans people get written off altogether, because transitioning apparently means there are no other medically relevant aspects of your life? Same thing if you're overweight.

I cannot speak with authority on these experiences, but I can say that defining someone by a single facet of their personhood is redundant and insulting, and causes real harm when that preconception bars access to the care they need. It's high time we put work into understanding how our differences interact, and hammer home the fact that intersectionality isn't the exception, it's the rule.

If there's one thing that's going to make it harder to recognise the signs of genuine neurodivergence, it's facing constant doubt. Which we do, about our struggles themselves, and the severity of them. The things that happen to us either happen to nobody, or they happen to everybody - so don't be such a bummer, it's neither the time nor the place, etc.

Maybe there is no adequate time or place for these conversations by design. Maybe the discomfort you feel has less to do with sensing pretense and more to do with rejecting something you don't understand. Maybe it's possible for us to think, speak, and act a little differently than you do, all while being sincere. Maybe letting us exist as we are won't make the world implode.

Food for thought.

×

I'll end on this note, because there is always someone who needs to hear it: Whatever the rest of your life looks like, if you are neurodivergent, you are part of the community. I believe you. You belong.

×××

*In the case of the NHS being unable to provide adequate care, it is a patient's right to request access to an alternative healthcare provider, free of charge. This is known as the right to choose. I've linked Psychiatry UK because they have a comprehensive explanation (and they were nice to me), however their waiting lists have also extended into oblivion.

**Like when Chloé Hayden (actor, author and disability rights advocate, with diagnosed auDHD) received overwhelming backlash (after posting a video of herself displaying unmasked joy) that led to her stepping away from social media.

[sunshine-in-a-bottle]

Okay pls tell me how rivals would be amzing for mass effect AU

(Mass Effect was the first game i ever cried about (happy tears though))

OK OK OK OK LISTEN TO ME LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN I HAVE A WHOLE THING ABOUT THIS I HAVE HALF WRITTEN FANFICTION AND VAGUE STORY IDEAS AND HAVE REDOWNLOADED MASS EFFECT SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS

ok so first of all listen to me Commander Shepard is Techno. Listen to me he was Earthborn, fighting in the pits of his city, and then he became a Hero and he's the very best at what he does as a human and he is a Soldier and what the fuck do you mean the government is just going to ignore this very obvious threat. Its Time For Techno To Go Off The Fucking Rails I Guess. Fuck the police and fuck the government there is a Giant Ass Murder Thing attempting to destroy the galaxy and Techno actually likes living there sometimes. And maybe he picks up some old friends, some new ones, maybe he learns he doesn't have to do things by himself. There are people he can rely on, friends even. And they mean so much to him. He'd do anything for them. He'd sacrifice himself for them even. (People always hc that Techno's totem scars are cracks down his face. In Mass Effect 2, when Shepard's brought back to life, they have facial scars too. Commander Techno, awakened, with scars glowing gold.)

Listen To Me. Listen. Dream as a Quarian. The Mask The Faceless The Hated By All For Bringing The Geth. And he's a scientist and he loves his family, his flotilla, he wants to bring back things to how they used to be. He wants their homeworld back. He wants so much, and when he has the chance to bargain with Techno and the Council, he takes it. He's going to use every advantage he has to bring his family home. But he's also Just A Guy. He's got a fun little LED smile on his mask, he gets So Excited over the stuff in Techno's ship. Techno Do You Know What This Cool Thing Powering Your Ship Does Because I Do I Have To Talk About It Now. Dream has a million tools and traps for his enemies and his adhd demands he infodump about the concept of Life and Death and What Does It Mean To Have A Soul and How Does This Relate To AI. Dream thinks AI can love, Dream thinks that his little combat drone is adorable and he calls it affectionate pet names. He has no sense of self preservation even when his suit is the only thing keeping him alive. Techno brings him with on almost every mission, because even if Dream can be annoying as fuck sometimes, he's also incredibly useful.

(Its an injustice, how the quarians are treated. Techno sits with him at the ship's core, and Dream grips the railing so tightly he hears it creak.)

Dream's ideas of AI maybe Actually Having Souls and maybe being able to work with the geth are not popular ones, so him sharing it with Techno is a sign of trust. He is so much less open with a lot of the other people on the ship. He needs to look strong, because he is. Because anything less will get him crushed by the system that scorns him.

When he hears about Techno's sacrifice, Dream is quiet. A trusted ally, a friend, family? He could have been considered family. They relied on each other to save the world together, and Techno told him that his ideas werent foolish (mostly,) and when Dream finally succeeded and got to build a house on his homeworld, he had wanted to invite Techno to come see.

(when he meets Techno again, he's wary. Doesn't want to get his hopes up that its really him, and not some clone that Cerberus made to get him off his guard. But Techno cracks a smile and knocks on his helmet and makes fun of him like he used to, and despite everything, its still him.)

Techno has a Lot of thoughts about Cerberus (A lot of them consist of Fuck These Guys) and a lot of thoughts about his own humanity. People accuse him of being a fake, less than human, a computer that just thinks he's Techno, Not A Person. He was brought back from death, is it really still him? (It is, Philza says, it always will be) but it haunts him. Its only when he cuts ties with Cerberus and takes off with their ship that he can breathe. He still has his ideals. He's still himself, at his core.

Listen I have More Thoughts Many Thoughts But Thats For Another Time I Am Zooming But Listen To Me They Are So Important Do You Understand My Rivalsduo My Boys My Guys