#Caleb the crab

[stardustedknuckles]

Also forgot that the Kamordah episode is when Caleb and Yasha have their private chat and like I love Caleb, but it's extremely funny to me that he took the chance to reach out and relate to Yasha - with good intentions - in the wake of her darkest moment and biggest regret, talking about how they were similar and lost on their paths from the darkness, only for her to fall in love less than 24 hours later. Like. Lmao. Get good buddy.

[sergeantsporks]

Evelyn: It’s okay. Burying themselves is a normal Grimwalker behavior. They do it when they’re stressed, or also just because, depending on the Grimwalker. He’s fine.

Caleb: WHAT IF MOLE CAN’T BREATHE?! WHAT IF HE’S SUFFOCATING, HOW WOULD WE KNOW?! WHAT IF I WAIT TOO LONG TO CHECK AND HE’S DEAD?! SHOULD I DIG HIM UP? WILL THAT HURT HIM?!

[cosperclick]

Started this game on Game Pass last night and it's real good! And hard!!

obsessed with the april fools day joke from the another crab's treasure devs

[tartsinarat]

The world’s gonna know your name. What’s your name, man? Alexander Hamilton Philip Wittebane /j

But yeah anyways I finally did an au redesign of Philip

tbh all I did was intensify the hobo wet cat energy and added some lil colour tweaks

I did add some lil details just to make him and Pip echo each over design wise tho it’s mostly tiny stuff like Philip’s beard spiky-ness is meant to be similar to how Pip’s hair spikes out at the bottom

Another fun lil echo detail is Philip partially destroyed gloves, it’s meant to mimic Pip’s fingerless gloves

But yeah a detail that’s hardly noticeable but I found neat to mention is his slightly dead eyed and intense af gaze, my explanation is that he’s already killed Caleb (is still not grappling well with that situation), got cursed by Evelyn (he’s grappling with this situation even worse than the other) and is barely hanging on mentally

Dumb idea I thought of rn that’ll I’ll draw at some point, is a scene of the au version Elsewhere and elsewhen and it’s just Pip dragging away Lilith and Luz for important “crab kingdom” business so he can get Philip off their back for a sec and attempt to smack some reality into Luz and Lilith about how Philip is shady as fuck and has a murder-y vibe but failing miserably because of Philip’s wet cat energy and manipulation skills lmao

[aspenonpawzzz]

Assigning theriotypes to toh characters 

-hunter: I think wolf (obviously) but he gives coyote, mako shark, deer, and snow leopard vibes as well!

-willow: bear. She’s a bear. Just trust me.

-Gus: ummm… giving dragon kin, maybe raccoon vibes!

-Luz: ok. Otter, but also she’s dogkin! She just gives dogkin vibes

-Amity: domestic cat. But she also gives sirenkin vibes!! 

-eda: o w l. O W L. 

-king: batkin or vampirekin!! 

-raine: their a fox cladotherian, and bathearted!! Also they’re a manta ray!

-Lilith: stray domestic cat, and raven kin.

-belos: I’d say he’d be deer kin, maybe cryptid kin? But he also seems like a hyena to me!

-Darius: octopus. He’s an octopus! Also gives black panther energy!!

-eberwolf: he’s a canine cladotherian, and tiger kin!!

-collector: my baby is space kin, and fennec fox kin!! 

-boscha: that bitch is a fucking crab. Sorry crab kin’s but it’s just THERE.

-vee: snakekin, poly kin, and axloltol kin!

-Caleb: he’s wolf kin, specifically Great Plains wolf. Maybe also star-kin!!

-Evelyn: she is a sparrow and a red fox!! She’s also fire concept kin!

-papa titan:  I give him…. T-Rex paleotherian!!

-Camila: I thought about this, and she’s a mouse!!

-odaila: she is a raccoon. I will not elaborate.

-ed and em:  emira is a horse, and Edric is a farm dog!!

-bump: demon kin. The biblical demons.

-mattholoume: ok.. he’s.. a snake. M-Kay?

-alador: R A T. HES A R A T.

[crimeronan]

I think what’s even funnier is that from Belos’ POV there’s nothing weird about Luz and Hunter. In his mind Hunter is her Caleb so him being attached to her at the hip and willing to do anything to keep her from harm is a resounding success in his mind. “Absolutely nothing weird or wrong here,” says Belos. “This is exactly what I wanted to happen :)” <- guy who’s going to get crazy murdered about this in several years time

there's something darkly funny and awful to me about belos being someone who DOES know what appropriate boundaries are, in that he's very good at Pretending to have them in public, while also being the devil behind closed doors. and him having pushed hunter and luz into this codependent relationship on purpose, because fuck ya boundaries this is what i want it's great for me and i'm not going to develop crippling murderous jealousy about it. absolutely nothing weird or wrong here indeed :)

and the two of them not even ending up as fucked up as they by all accounts Should Have....

like. luz hating herself for every time she pretended to be possessive and controlling to please belos, all "The Darkness Is In Me.... I Am The Evil I Am The Ruin......" honey. sweetheart. you could Easily have come out of this ACTUALLY being that possessive and controlling. that you did not is nothing short of a miracle!!

"i have panic attacks when hunter isn't there" ...of course you do??? "hunter has panic attacks when i'm not there" OF COURSE HE DOES????

crab bucket survivors, the both of you. go crazy murder your dad and take a Nap.

[petrichor-galore]

I look forward to people reading my book and falling in love with my characters. Samual, a smart kid who acts more mature than he looks and thinks he’s smarter than he is. Caleb, a teen who would hug a bear if he thought it needed one, he also has crab magic. Malguinne, a Gandalf-like old wizard who has never met a bandit that wasn’t target shaped to him. And Puppies. He needs no introduction. You will love Puppies, I have no doubt of that.

[tiny-vermin]

Sorry if this is possibly a bit of an enroachment of ur privacy but are you also from singapore?? Bc i saw u talking abt caleb & veth eating chili crab messily and went 👁👁

yes!!!!! i am from sg :) always happy to see another sg critter here....

bonus essek soup from 2021 ft laksa, mee soto, bak kut teh, etc. no yong tau foo cus hes my enemy. i think in my mind essek is a soup kambing lover. like doesnt it just seem like the kind of thang he would eat.

[dudduk4992]

A beached surfer, part 1

Caleb sighed, looking out onto the beach. It was a perfect day, with not a cloud in the sky, the brilliant yellow sand was teeming with people, talking, sunbaking, playing volleyball, building sandcastles, and splashing in the water. Everywhere he looked, he saw people enjoying the sun.

The hotel next door teamed with tourists, just like it seemed to do every summer when Caleb’s dad sent him here to work at his uncle’s restaurant, “The Seaside Crab”  where Caleb worked during his summers instead of enjoying it like everyone else. It always seemed worse to think about, but when he got there it wasn’t so bad, especially since his uncle actually paid him properly now, and with all the tourism they were reeling in, Caleb could only imagine what his bank account would be looking like. Caleb sighed again,

"Caleb! Stop mucking about and clear some tables!" Caleb heard his big sailor-looking uncle yell from within the confines of the kitchen at the front of the restaurant. Caleb gulped and quickly zoomed around the restaurant, clearing tables one at a time.

As Caleb cleaned up another table, stacking the dishes and wiping at the stains on the table, he resumed his daydreaming position at the large wooden bar, adjacent to a long, tall wall lined with glass windows. As he stared even longer, his eyes stayed in the same position, looking out the window despite hearing the front of the cafe's door jingle.

A shadow shunted his daydreaming; he noticed a tall, blonde, wide figure standing at the bar in his peripheral vision. It took Caleb a moment or two to realise that the stranger was waiting for him. "Could I get an iced tea, two lemons please?" Caleb heard the hunky surfer say in his deep voice. It was none other than the legendary Kanen Ariki. A local legend around Marina Beach. He was the only surfer to catch some huge waves, not to mention his insane popularity. When he wasn’t surfing or partying, he worked as a lifeguard at the beach.

Kanen was Polynesian and only 21, two years older than Caleb- and was fully ripped. Big, buff and covered head to toe in muscle, he had a massive chest with huge, meaty pecs and pink cherry-sized nipples, his thighs and calves enormous, and his abs well defined. His face was wide and handsome with a strong jawline, his eyes bright brown with a cut through his left eyebrow. He had various rings in both ears, as well as a double piercing through his right eyebrow and belly button.

His hair was cut in short curtains and dyed blonde while the roots remained black. The hunk also had some impressive Polynesian tattoos; several bands around his right arm, wrist and leg, as well as some triangles, reaching up to the bottom of his belly button. He wore a blue faded singlet, black board shorts and no shoes.

"I- uh, ohhhh..." Caleb Stuttered, gazing in awe at the surfer, he completely forgot what he was doing as he watched Kanen take a table number and sit down.... right next to where Caleb was cleaning. Was this really happening!? Caleb couldn't believe it!

"Hey man, not to rush you, but my stomach’s telling me it’s time to eat," Kanen said with a laugh, noticing that Caleb was stuck daydreaming for almost ten minutes.

"Oh! sorry!" Caleb yelped. "What can I get you today? we have some specials on, if you’re interested, I can show you what they are..." Caleb trailed off, gazing at the blond hunk's breathtaking abs.

"Uh yeah, I'll just get a club sandwich, extra meat, extra cheese, and double side pickle, please. And two iced teas while you're at it" Kanen says with a wink, his voice filled with that deep swagger many surfers carried.

“Right... right, is there anything else?” Caleb murmured.

“Nope! You’re good to go…” Kanen squinted at Caleb’s name tag. “Caleb.” Kanen looked up with a grin. “Nice to meet you, Caleb.” It took Caleb everything he had not to melt at the surfer hunk’s words.

“That… that should be ready soon sir.” Caleb piped, turning and hurrying over to the counter. As he did, he quickly scribbled the order on a piece of paper. However, what Caleb didn’t realize was that he had scribbled Kanen's order underneath a previous order that had come and gone, a family meal in fact. Caleb blindly handed his uncle the order without noticing and went back to clearing tables and taking more orders, sneaking glancing at Kanen when he could. Ten minutes passed as Caleb continued to work, occasionally glancing up at Kanen while he did.

Caleb eventually began to zone back into his work, prioritizing his tasks, rather than gazing at Kanen. Caleb was in the middle of clearing a recently emptied table when he heard someone approach him from behind. He turned around and found himself staring at Kanen, who stood there with a smile on his face.

"Hey there again." Kanen greeted him. "Sorry to bother you, Caleb- but I was just wondering if you knew when my food would be ready? It’s been nearly fifteen minutes." Kanen said with an innocent smile.

Caleb felt his eyes widen. He hadn't realized how much time had passed since he took Kanen's order. "Oh- uh, lemme go check for you." Caleb said quickly as he rushed off to the counter, where his uncle was busy cooking.

"Hey, Uncle Finn!" Caleb gasped. "A customer asked when his food would be out, he's been waiting for fifteen minutes."

"Well, I sure as hell won't be able to figure out his meal if you don't tell me what it is!" Uncle Finn grunted back as he chopped the head off a fish.

"Uhh... '1 club sandwich, double pickle and extra everything' plus two ice teas... For Kanen Ariki." Caleb said aloud, feeling a little embarrassed by the situation.

Uncle Finn glanced across the orders above his head and frowned. "Son, I dunno what you did wrong but I don't have that order here." He muttered. "I DO have an order for one Kanen Ariki, and it does have that sandwich and those ice teas, but there's more than what you said."

Before Caleb could say a word, his uncle placed a full tray on the bench, and it was indeed not what Kanen had ordered; 2 extra large burgers and sides of chips, a large panini, a regular garden salad, A T-bone steak, 2 plates of fish and chips, A regular lasagna, a basket of garlic bread- and of course, the two ice teas and the club sandwich to top it all off.

"Oh Caleb..." Uncle Finn leaned on the counter and covered his eyes. "How did you mess this up." he looked up with a tired smile. "You truly are one of a kind, lad."

Caleb felt himself grow pale as he realized he had messed up.

"I- I'm so sorry..." Caleb murmured, and the boy felt his face go from pale to beet red.

Uncle Finn chuckled and placed a hand over his shoulder. "Don't worry about it kid. I know you'll do better next time, you always do. Just apologize and tell the guy there was a mixup and give him the things he ordered- bring the rest back to me so I can bin it."

Caleb nodded silently and took the tray of food, turning on one heel and quickly made his way across the restaurant. As he approached Kanen's table, he found Kanen smiling at him, but his smile quickly turned to confusion as Caleb set the tray down on the table.

"Hey bro... I didn't order all of this?" he said, confused.

"No you didn't." Caleb confirmed, avoiding eye contact. "I- uh… there was a mixup in the kitchen... and your order got put down with a previous order- but here."

Caleb picked up the plate with the gigantic club sandwich on top. Uncle Finn had used an entire loaf of bread, sliced through the half, and put all of the fixings inside to create the biggest sandwich both Caleb and Kanen had ever seen in their lives.

"W-woah dude... I said club sandwich, not a surfboard panini!" Kanen practically yelped, grinning from ear to ear. "Guess I'm getting my money's worth!" The tanned surfer laughed, a hand resting on his exposed belly. "Seriously dude... thanks for this... you're awesome!" He said. "But I wanted to ask, what's gonna happen to all of this?"

"Uh, I'll probably have to dump it." Caleb replied. "I can't give it to other customers who ordered the same thing. Health code, you know?"

Kanen looked down at the food with a frown. "You can't throw this all away. There's enough food here for a whole family..." he said, gesturing with his hands at the large amount of food in front of him.

"I know." Caleb felt awful, but he really didn't know what else could be done.

"Here, just leave it with me and I'll eat as much of it as I can." Kanen replied with a shrug.

Caleb blinked. "What?"

"It's either that or the garbage disposal, and I hate it when good food is wasted." Kanen grinned. "So yeah, leave it with me."

"Uh... okay, are you sure?" Caleb murmured, placing it all on the table, including the drinks, before picking the empty tray up.

"Yeah man, no worries, I'll see how much I can polish off. Thanks again!" Kanen smiled.

Caleb nodded and left it at that and hurried back to his uncle to give him the tray. When he got to the counter, Uncle Finn was watching Kanen closely. "So he decided to keep all that food huh? Better than chucking it in the bin I say." Uncle Finn said with a chuckle. "He's got one big ass feed ahead of him!"

"Uhh yeah..." Caleb murmured, still blushing as he glanced back to the surfer boy and his massive meal.

***

Kanen wasn't sure if he would even be able to eat this much food. Here, he had arrived for a simple sandwich, and now he had a family-sized feast on top of that. Kanen worked on his original order first, drilling through the club sandwich at a steady pace. The mix of meat, cheese, pickle and lettuce made an explosion of flavour in his mouth as the young stud savoured every bite of the huge sandwich. He ate slowly, enjoying each and every morsel. As he neared the end of his sandwich, Kanen noted that he felt full, his stomach holding its regular curve after a simple meal like this- but his meal was far from over.

"Wow, that was amazing..." Kanen murmured to himself as he took a long sip from his first iced tea, before sighing and wiping his mouth with a napkin. He already felt kinda stuffed though, he thought looking down at his bulging gut.

But there was no time to waste, the food was there, and it needed to be eaten. After he finished the sandwich, Kanen dug into his burger with gusto. The paddy was juicy and fresh, stuck to a slice of melted cheese and accompanied by fresh crisp lettuce, tangy sauce, onions, bacon and tomato. It tasted incredible as he ate it, savouring every bite. With one burger done, the second followed in no time at all. With both now in his steadily growing belly, the young stud took a moment to finish the rest of his first iced tea, sucking down the sweet peach juice like water after a run.

"*BUARRP!*" Kanen belched and blushed as two customers close by glanced at him, Kanen ran a hand over his developing stomach under his singlet, before working on his two sides of chips, each slice of fried potato cooked to perfection as he drowned them in tomato sauce and tore into them ravenously.

The young surfer felt like he could take on the world, his gut was slowly expanding and so full of good food that it felt like he had swallowed a small soccer ball. He had never eaten this much in one sitting before, but he had to admit that he felt great. His muscles were well-fed, and his mind was clear, he felt good, and he was ready to tackle anything that came his way.

With that thought in mind, Kanen worked on his last side of chips and began eating slowly as he watched the people around him. After a few minutes, Kanen moved on his panini. The crust was crisp and the fillings were warm and delicious. The beef was tender and the cheese gooey, the flavors mixing together perfectly. Even though he already felt overly stuffed, Kanen devoured the panini in only a few bites, pausing to take sips from his second iced tea until both the tea and panini were gone.

Kanen burped again, this time not feeling as embarrassed, largely because of how stuffed the surfer stud felt. His slightly bloated muscle gut had expanded substantially, stretching his singlet even further than before as his underbelly dug into the hem of his boardshorts. Kanen knew he wasn't going to be able to fit into his pants for a while.

Now Kanen sat there, stuffed to bursting, yet content. He stared at the remains of his meal; the salad, Steak, double order of fish and chips, basket of garlic bread, and large lasagna, and wondered if he should just leave it there. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. If he did, then he would feel guilty for wasting such a large amount of food, and besides- something about this whole situation he had ended up in felt... good?

In a way eating all this food made Kanen feel amazing. The very idea of pushing the limits of his stomach, even though he was stuffed to the brim made Kanen's body tingle, and the thought of how big his gut would become made him more excited. Kanen took a deep breath and made his decision, he was going to finish every last piece of this food, and then he was going to enjoy a good long rest.

Eager now, Kanen filled a glass of water and downed it in one gulp before he started with the garden salad and garlic bread; The salad was light and refreshing, while the Garlic bread was hot and gooey and crispy. By the time he was done, the surfer was sweating and moaning, his belly was distended so much that it now jutted off of his body a good few inches. He could feel it stretching his singlet further, his gut pushing against the fabric as it grew. it had even begun to slide up due to the great volume of his gut, revealing a slither of his hairless belly.

Steadily running out of steam, Kanen turned his attention to the large steak. Kanen cut the steak into bite sized pieces and began going to work; the meat was tender and juicy, he found after the first mouthful, the juices running down his chin and dropping onto the singlet straining itself around his enormous gut. The steak was served with a side of fries and salad, both of which the hunk was able to finish off with relative ease. Kanen pulled at his boardshorts, which were unbelievably tight now. Kanen burped again, feeling up his tank of a belly, enjoying the fullness and tightness it caused.

He had no doubt that many of the customers in the restaurant were staring at him, especially the ones who had been here since the start and had seen how much food he had consumed. After finishing off the Steak, Kanen felt his gut throbbing now, his abs and stomach muscles burning tight as his belly begged him to stop eating, and that only made him want to eat more.

Kanen realized that if he was gonna get through the remains of the food, he was gonna need more drinks. By some streak of luck, the waiter boy Caleb passed by to clear a table, although Kanen could see that Caleb was also using this opportunity to stare at the surfer's impressive belly.

"Hey... *URP* Caleb?" Kanen spoke up with a long breath.

Caleb turned right around to face him, his cheeks flushed red. Caleb couldn’t belive how huge he had grown!

"Y-Yeah?" Caleb asked nervously, his eyes darting between Kanen's bulging gut and the huge amount of food that was still piled on the table.

"Do you *HIC* think you could grab me two more of those *BUUARP* iced teas?" Kanen asked, resting his hands on his belly.

"Uh... yeah of course," Caleb replied, his voice shaking as he quickly walked over to the kitchen, returning five minutes later with two bottles of iced tea.

"Thanks," Kanen replied with a shy smile.

"No problem... just let me know if you need anything else," Caleb said,  his face growing redder by the second. "I- need to go clear more tables." Caleb rushed off and Kanen couldn't help but laugh to himself. The poor guy looked so flustered, but he didn't blame him. Kanen could only imagine what a sight his gut must be for everyone else.

The fish and chips were by far the hardest to eat, although the battered Cod and chips were crunchy and tasty, they were both dry, and Kanen found himself gulping down a whole iced tea between the two servings. As he polished off the seafood, Kanen felt his belly grow tighter and tighter, it was beginning to push against his waistband as his gut now took up a good portion of his lap. It seemed like he might have to pull down his board shorts if it continued to get any larger.

Kanen had to stop himself from laughing as he marveled at how big his stomach had gotten, he had never been this big before. "Holy shit..." Kanen muttered, looking down at his stomach, which groaned and growled as it struggled to digest the mass amount of food inside. After another glass of water to wash down his throat, the young surfer made his way to his final course, the lasagna.

As he cut into the lasagna, he was surprised to find that it was still warm; the cheese, mince, sauce and pasta sheets melting as he placed the first forkful into his mouth. Kanen had to stifle back a moan as he ate, the taste was incredible. Even though he felt on the brink of bursting point, Kanen devoured the dish with relish, watching his obscenely huge muscle gut creep forward a bit with each delicious, gooey mouthful.

Part of Kanen knew he had eaten past his limit, and yet somehow he was still pushing on, the engorged stud stuffing himself with every ounce of willpower he had. It felt like an eternity before the plate was empty, his gut bloated and stretched beyond its limits, the weight of his belly pressing on his thighs as he sat there. When he was done, Kanen felt like a new man. His belly was stretched to its maximum capacity, obscenely huge and distended, making him look 9 months pregnant. But Kanen was happy with the blissful fullness that came with eating so much food. The weight of everything he had eaten, the pressure in his gut, the strain of his abs and the heat of digestion made him feel so tired.

"Ahhhhhhh!" Kanen moaned loudly as he threw back his head and let loose another deep, manly belch, the sound echoing throughout the restaurant. He closed his eyes, trying to hold in the next one but failing miserably. "Bwuaaarrrp!" Another loud belch escaped the surfer's lips as he looked at the large stack of empty plates in front of him. Something about it made Kanen feel proud, like he was some sort of gluttonous beast who was being rewarded for his excesses.

And so, Kanen struggled to stand up from his seat, his belly was so heavy and his abs stretched to the absolute limit, his legs felt like jelly as it took the stud a moment to adjust to his newfound weight. His singlet had ridden up so much that it only encompassed half of his overgorged belly. Kanen felt all eyes on him as he swaggered over to the counter slowly, holding his gut in both hands like a newborn as he tried not to burp loudly again.

Up at the counter, Kanen found Caleb waiting; a look of complete awe on his face as he gazed upon the young surfer's huge stomach.

"I believe I... *HIC* have a *BUUARRPP* meal to pay for..." Kanen chuckled, patting his belly proudly.

"Oh my God," Caleb gasped. "I can't believe you ate all that." Caleb began to grin from ear to ear. "That was incredible man... I've never seen someone pack away that much food!"

"Thank you *BWARP* Caleb..." Kanen laughed slowly. "I think I've *HIC* had my fill..." Kanen chuckled, his stomach wobbling slightly as he let out another burp, handing the young waiter his credit card, but Caleb shook his head.

"It’s on the house man." Caleb smiled. "You earned it."

***

Kanen lay sprawled out on the hood of his car as he watched the late afternoon sun dwindle on the horizon, the sky turning orange as the evening approached. The young stud had one arm behind his head, and the other wrapped around his gargantuan gut, releasing satisfied burps as he sighed contently. He felt so full... so fucking full... but so good too. The tightness, the weight, the size of his belly all felt incredible.

Kanen let out a long sigh as he brought his hand from his swollen belly down to hard manhood, stroking himself idly as he basked in the glow of his accomplishment. This had been quite possibly the most fun he'd ever had in his life. Eating so much food had left him completely exhausted and drained, his muscles ached and his mind was fuzzy from all the food he had forced into his system, but despite all that, Kanen wanted to see what other places did with order mix-ups.

This summer was going to be fun with people like Caleb around.

[avtvmnalvibes]

Fallin’ For Ya

A/N: Hi y’all!! This is my first fic I’m posting to tumblr. I have my AO3 account in my bio, and you can find all my previous fics + this one posted there. Shoutout to @dopp-likes-yanderes because one of the asks on their blog inspired this fic this past May, and it’s been sitting half finished in my google docs account from now until today. Thank you for giving me your blessing to post this!! Also note that I’m on mobile so if anything is formatted really weird that’s the culprit. Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!!

CW: female!reader, biblical references, Philip being a Puritan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Philip Wittebane was seething.

His day had started out as it normally did these days. Go to the market, limp about, look pathetic in hopes of finding some abominable creature to trick into being his sacrifice. It had taken a turn for the worse however when the brother’s of that disappointment Blue Fang had shown up and demanded both payment and information, taking his journal and taunting him. He kept up the act, inwardly calculating whether they could be reasoned with or tricked, or whether or not he could kill them without repercussions, when he had been saved by a foolhardy young witch who was oddly eager to accompany him. Her knowledge of the Collector made her easier prey then he ever could have hoped for, and he had decided that things were finally coming up Wittebane, when suddenly.

“…and this is my Aunt uh….Dirtrude and uh-“

“(Y/N) will do just fine, Luzura.”

He felt something creep up his spine, both pleasant and unpleasant, turned his gaze slightly to the side, and felt his mouth fall open.

Caleb was laughing from beyond the grave, he knew it. In fact, if he didn’t know any better, he would say that Caleb had orchestrated this, some supernatural, eternal, annoying older brother ability to push him to his limits. Because there, in front of him, stood the most gorgeous creature he had ever seen in his life. Pure temptation, the likes of which he had only heard in sermons and in his brother’s voice when he talked about her.

Hence the seething.

He listened to ‘Luzura’ chatter on about something about crabs, or toe-gres, or something else of little consequence compared to the emotions he was trying to keep at bay. He was NOT like Caleb. Caleb had been weak, he had succumbed to temptation, fornication, and witchcraft. Philip was a good, God-fearing man, who would take a HUMAN wife, thank-you-very-much and be fruitful with HER.

His internal rant was broken up by a shriek, and he came to as someone crashed into his back. Hands clutched onto his chest and back, perfume filling the air, and he pushed down the sharp, breath-catching arousal that came with the feeling. He turned around sharply, gripping her waist with aggression, hard enough to bruise, and was stopped short before he could react in any way shape or form.

Her kerchief, the one that had been tied round her head, had slipped in her fall, and had revealed her ears.

Her round ears.

He finally allowed the attraction that he had been fighting back to flood his body, and he felt his blood coursing through his veins, warming him and turning his brain foggy as he stared at the woman, the human woman in front of him. The very sensations he had been attempting to drown out just seconds ago were allowed back. The feel of her body, warm beneath his, the scent of her. He had never been so aroused in his entire life, and all he could do was internally crow to his brother, to beyond the grave.

“See? I can only be tempted by a human woman! You who so quickly gave into a mistress of Satan, a follower of the Devil, but not me!”

His focus was returned by the sound of her voice, her face so close to his that he could feel her breath across his face and neck.

“Oh, Mr. Wittebane, are you alright? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to grab you like that, I-“

“Don’t trouble yourself for one second Miss (Y/N), I assure you, I am not in the least bit angry.”

She seemed taken aback at this, and tilted her head to the side.

“….You’re not?”

He grinned, giddier than he ever had as a boy, and wound his arms tighter around her waist, pulling her close to him and delighting in the way her face flushed and breath quickened.

“On the contrary! My dear Miss (Y/N), I have but one question; why didn’t you tell me that you too were human?”

She paled, one hand darting up to cover her ear, and he found that he quite preferred her flustered to frightened.

“I’m terribly sorry for deceiving you Mr. Wittebane but, well…you know better than anyone how hard it can be for a human on the Boiling Isles. Besides, we didn’t know whether you would take kindly to another human…so we elected that it was best to hide it.”

We…we? Oh! Right. He’d been so enraptured that he’d forgotten that they had company. He looked over to their other traveling companions and found that they had reassured themselves of her well-being when he had caught her and had begun to amble ahead, moving slowly so as not to leave them behind.

“I understand Miss (Y/N). You’re quite right of course; I know the trials a human on the Boiling Isles faces all too well. I must confess to being a tad offended that you could think me hostile towards other humans, however the logical side of me understands your caution and finds it prudent.”

She turned her face up to him, her chin resting on his chest as she faced him fully, and he felt something within his chest clench. Dear God��

“Your forgiveness is deeply appreciated Mr. Wittebane.”

“Philip. Please.”

He spoke before he could stop himself, words spilling over his lips, which he clamped shut before any more of the contents of his heart and mind could be revealed.

He saw a flush rise up her cheeks, and felt one of his own creep up to match, heart pounding desperately in his chest she had to have felt it given her proximity.

“Alright Mr.- Philip. Then you must call me (Y/N). No ‘Miss’ in front of it. Just (Y/N).”

He grabbed her hand and raised it to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles and lingering, savoring the moment as if it was the last meal he would ever receive.

“(Y/N)….it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

She exhaled shakily, eyes wide and lips parted, and Philip Wittebane swore he’d never seen a more beautiful sight. Like Adam before Eve, he had never felt such an assured sense of belonging to someone in his whole life.

“Hey, are you guys alright back there? You’ve been standing still for like, 10 minutes.”

He turned his head to look behind him, and saw Luzura staring at them with an expression of concern on her face, Dirtrude next to her still scribbling away in her little notebook and muttering something about ‘Deadwardian Balustrades’.

“We’re just fine Luz,”

(Y/N) called out, and he took a great deal of satisfaction in the breathiness of her voice.

That satisfaction was quickly replaced by disappointment and annoyance as she left his hold and his arms, though he was reassured slightly by her catching his arm as she walked past, holding onto the sleeve of his coat as they walked side by side.

“So…Philip. How much longer until we get to where we’re headed?”

Luzura’s voice piped up. For a moment Philip prepared to create the transportation circle of glyphs, body several steps ahead of him, when suddenly, he did what he was best at; he thought. And in this brief moment of thought, his mind stalling his body before he could move to scratch a single glyph into the dirt beneath his feet, he came up with a plan. It was a little rushed admittedly, and less a full fledged plan as much as it was a little subterfuge that he would use to shape the rest of the events that followed into the result he desired, but still. When the result would be marrying the woman he was increasingly sure was the yoke mate that William Whately had described in his sermon The Bride Bush, how could he resist enacting it?

“Oh dear! The time we spent lingering back there has cost us. I’m afraid we won’t make it before nightfall.”

Everyone’s faces morphed into varying degrees of horror and dismay.

“But it’s not safe to travel during the night! And we’re too far from Bonesborrough to head back now!”

Dirtrude’s voice was shrill with panic, eyes darting around as if she could see imaginary creatures swooping in and carrying them off as they attempted to travel safely. Perfect.

“Thankfully, I’ve explored these stretches of woods many times before. I know a safe place to spend the night nearby. I often find I’d rather risk the cruelty of nature as opposed to that of the townspeople.”

The whole party looked at him in pity, and he felt a thrill as (Y/N) laid her other hand on his shoulder, drawing his attention to her as she gazed up at him.

“How far away is this place?”

“Not far. A little ways behind us, but not enough that we shan’t reach it before the sun sets, and not so out of the way that it will inconvenience us when we get our start tomorrow.”

(Y/N) looked around at her companions, conferring silently with them until she nodded and turned her attention back to him.

“Lead the way then Philip.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Philip wrote in his journal, his work illuminated by the fire they had set for warmth. His description of (Y/N) was coming along nicely, her temperament and mannerisms unfolding easily beneath his pen.

He looked over to his side, and saw her face illuminated by the fire, resting and peaceful.

“Soon neither of us shall have to worry about any danger the Boiling Isles have to offer.”

He muttered, as he began a few detailed sketches of her. Her as she lay beside him now, her blushing as she looked up at him, her face broken out into a smile.

“Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.”

Never before had the meaning of the Word of God seemed so clear to him. William Whately’s words rang through his head once again, his teachings on the virtues necessary for marriage striking a chord beyond the academic and theological interest he had once observed the sermon with.

“We’ll find our way home (Y/N), don’t fret. Once I’ve rid this world of evil, I’ll be able to take you home to Gravesfield and marry you.”

He blew gently on the ink to dry it, observing her likeness fondly as he turned to gaze upon the real thing. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Sweet dreams my love.”

[drev-the-procrastinator]

Ohhh thanks for the tag Ev!! Ohoo let's see

Last song: Meet Me In The Woods by Lord Huron

Currently watching: Sorta Mob Psycho II, all the drama on my dash about the 2nd season is kinda making me wanna try Good Omens, planning a BNHA rewatch, and also gotta rewatch some Owl House for a little fic thing uvu

Currently reading: Operation Hail Mary by Andy Weirrrrrrrrrr I LOVE that book. Although I am reading it in Finnish so it's actually Operaatio Ave Maria. There's also a Terry Pratchett book I'm in the middle of, but I don't remember the English name rn... Oh! And I also gotta read some articles on gathering oral history for my bachelor's degree essay materials qvq

Current obsession: my own fics always but specifically the TOH fics!! so elegantly named hypothetical toh fic, the road trip fic (less obsessed with this one atm ngl) aaaand toh fic 3 :) I wrote a whole 200 words of one of them today!!! Also low-key obsessed with playing minecraft with my friends :)

Tagging @mimuliliava, @zyrafowe-sny, @unholycross aaaand @peach-oolong-tea, if you want :)

Tagged by @voxofthevoid

Last Song: Home to Me by Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. Got the whole album after hearing it on @words-writ-in-starlight's Kencyrath playlist!

How dare you love me like you've never known fear When you've got more troubles than minutes in the year And a voice like your father's tells you nothing good's for free Well that may be, but you're walking home to me

Currently Watching: Brain not currently accepting video input? Really wanna finish Spy x Family and watch Nimona tho. And Mr. and Mrs. Smith

Currently Reading: Uhhh. Uhhhhhhh.

Non-fiction (Academic)- Collecting, Preserving, and Interpreting the History of Electronic Games by Jon-Paul C. Dyson for an essay I should be writing about the "discourse community" around archiving video games and connected materials

Non-fiction (Leisure)- Word by Word: The Secret Life of Dictionaries by Kory Stamper and The Billionaire's Vinegar by Benjamin Wallace (it's about wine fraud)

Fiction- direly tempted to, instead of writing my essay, start either In the Watchful City by S. Qiouyi Lu (an extrasensory human, Anima, starts to question ær job maintaining and protecting ær city when a cabinet of curiosities comes to town) (FUN PRONOUNS) or Tentacle by Rita Indiana (trans masc protagonist in the Dominican Republic tries to get transition drug and also prevent environmental disaster with time travel)

Fanfiction- where are they fucking hiding the Star Wars clone shenanigans. This fandom is massive why can't I find more CLONES and (this is important) co-dependence and polyamory. Anakin is a background character unless it gets me more Padme and Obi-wan being considerate and kind translating directly to bottoming has gotten old fast

Current Obsession: I have brainworms about GrimmIchi and have recently been consumed by Don't Starve Together (game).

Tagging: Gabe (above), @aethersea @tanoraqui @smallblueandloud @thesuninperigee @starcloud-nova @firecoloredwater and @mothman-etd

[enchantedchocolatebars]

Fic Request: Evelyn decides to make kid Philip happy by pretending to be an evil witch in his little witch hunting game. Pip chases her around, gets the poor defenseless witch cornered and stabs her. Evelyn plays dead for a little bit and uses her “evil magic” of kisses and tickles.

Playing Witch Hunt With Evelyn

Fic schedule is here

"Oh, Philip," Evelyn called out sweetly to the small brunette boy with a melodic hum as she entered her sitting room with a plate of crab apple slices cut in the shape of crab hands.

They were a healthy and tasty snack that she had prepared for him.

During Caleb's absence, the red head was doing a little babysitting for her boyfriend.

"I hope you're hungry because I have-"

"Take that you fowl witch!"

Evelyn's golden eyes saw little Philip swinging his wooden sword around with his mask on, slicing up an imaginary witch.

"This'll teach you not to mess with the witch hunter general of Gravesfield!"

The line had the witch chuckling softly to herself.

"He's so adorable," She sighed and then an amusing idea came to her mind as a mischievous grin slowly spread across her lips.

She knew that the idea she had would not fail to make Philip happy.

Re-entering the kitchen, Evelyn places the plate of apple slices on the counter before returning to the sitting room.

Putting her hood up, she starts to speak.

"Some witch hunter you are," she playfully and loudly scoffed, causing Philip to turn around upon hearing her boisterous voice.

"You forgot to catch me!" Evelyn cackled wickedly before running away.

Philip's blue eyes glowed with a genuine glee under his mask as he smiled widely.

He was so glad that Evelyn wanted to play his favorite game with him.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU WITCH!" Philip happily shouted as he gave chase.

The two goobers ran all around the house while merrily laughing, with Philip nearly getting Evelyn with his sword, until he finally managed to corner the wicked witch.

"Say your prayers, she-demon," The young boy spat before "stabbing" (he simply just poked her on her side) Evelyn.

"Nooo!" She cried out as she dramatically fell to the ground, playing dead with her tongue hanging out.

The witch was now deceased... until she uses her evil magic to revive herself from the dead and attack the small witch hunter with hugs, kisses, and tickles.

"Evelyn, stop it!" Philip laughed brightly, his mask falling off.

"I'm back!" Caleb announced as he came through the front door.

"Caleb!" Pip beamed as he raced over to his brother and received a hug from him. "Me and Evelyn were playing witch hunt! It was fun! I ended up killing her!"

"Oh, you did?" Caleb chuckled. "That's awesome!" He told Philip as he looked over his brother's shoulder at Evelyn.

Smiling, he mouthed, 'Thank you' to her.

Giggling, Evelyn mouths back, 'You're welcome' to him.

[thatbloodstainfromcaleb]

I MADE A CALEB SHIMEJI! he's still a wip btw so hes not EXTREMELY good but here he is, HES SO STUPID (there's lots of funny stuff) IF YOU WANNA HAVE HIM DOWNLOAD THE APP "Shimeji" ITS THE WEIRD CRAB THINGY, I didn't plan on it for computer cause Originally it was just for me but I didn't want him to be hidden from the world so yk, you guys can TRY this website https://shimejis.xyz/ though im not a 100% sure it's safe, but here's the drive

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1PQrztJDUmeIaCQwoOAzCtendDSVqB6Ux

IF ITS NOT WORKING ON YOUR SIDE TO GET THE LINK TRY TO OPEN IT IN BROWSER BY COPYING IT! IF THAT STILL DONT WORK ILL TRY SOMETHING ELSE

ITS REALLY CONFUSEING ON CONPUTER BTW HES ALSO HUGE ON CONPUTER SO LIKE IM TRYING TO FIX THAT BUT CURRENTLY I THINK IT ONLY WORKS ON PHONE OR TABLET

Update!

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1RGnS9PG0244HHnITwWxxNuFaIMT2ArwB

Drive for pc version! You needa download it and etc but its fun! Have fun with the little dudes if there's a bug I needa fix tell me please!

ALSO

IF YOU USE HIM, PLEASE REPOST THIS OR TEXT ME HERE OR LIKE @ ME IN A POST PLEASE! ID LOVE TO SEE IT AAAA,

I MIGHT make a Philip one because this took forever.. I might make only Hunter or Philip next though, MAYBE.

[real-total-drama-takes]

Pet headcanons for the new cast:

-Wayne has a dog but it likes Raj more than him

-Priya’s parents probably gave her a pet bear or something as part of her training.

-Millie has a cat. I think it’d be an orange tabby or a tuxedo cat

-Julia also has a cat but it’s one of those fancy-looking ragdoll cats

-Ripper has a turtle

-Nichelle would have one of those little dogs that can fit into a handbag or purse and it would be her pride and joy

-Zee has a hamster or a guinea pig

-Bowie has one of those little fluffy dogs like a labradoodle or something.

-Axel would have a german shepherd or a golden retriever

-Raj has both a dog and a cat. He sets up dog playdates with Wayne’s dog

-Scary Girl would have a tarantula or some other typically “scary” pet for the novelty of it

-Chase doesn’t have pets because I refuse to believe that someone who likes animals would find his prank funny

-Emma has a bunny

-MK has a saint bernard

-Damien has hermit crabs and fish

-Caleb has birds. I know we don’t know a lot about Caleb but I think he’d like birds.

.

[bebemoon]

Thanks so much for doing the Caleb moodboard! I submitted the request, and I think it's a really cute look, especially with the gymnast/olympics context lol. I've been looking for an excuse to get some more jewelry so I just ordered the necklace actually. It felt like fate in a small way since I'm a cancer and my husband pointed out to me it really does have a crab-like motif

oh thank god you like it—and enough to get that necklace too^^ how neat… and it really does look crab-like.. hope you like it when it arrives !

[petrichor-galore]

I am about to publish my first book!

Hey! I am very new to all of this, but I wrote a fantasy book a while back and have been trying to get it published for the better part of the year. Unfortunately, it's not a good fit for the market at this time so agents aren't interested in it. So I have decided to publish it myself. I will soon publish it on Amazon once I have my cover finished but I wanted to start making posts to broadcast my book.

The title is The Children of magic and this is the premise:

It was supposed to be a simple mission: Escort the mage to the capital. After all, Samuel and his father have done jobs like this many times before. It’s a relatively safe job. The main road is only slightly infested by murderous bandits. Goblin ambushes are seldom more than a nuisance. And both Samuel and his father are technically trained experts in their roles as Warden and apprentice. What could possibly go wrong? 

Everything. Now Samuel and Caleb, the failed-to-be-escorted mage, must journey halfway across the kingdom to save Samuel’s father from the clutches of the Dark Lord. Along the adventure there will be daring escapes, gobs of goblins, a stranger from another world, and…crab magic?

I will give more updates as I get closer to publication.