#CW: Suicide

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[hamrikaa]

I know a few of my bg3 artworks are already on here, but I thought I'd still share them again ✨️

[rememberwren]

Thinking about Simon Riley standing on a bridge in the dead of night on Christmas Eve trying to get the energy to jump off. Snow falling down and dampening all the sounds around him.

All the sounds except the crunching of boots as someone approaches, someone bundled up to the gills in their coat and scarf (but no hat on to cover the ridiculous haircut that makes them look years younger, as if the cherry red of their nose didn’t do that already).

“Planning on takin’ a swim?”

“No. Hoping I sink.”

“Big lad like you very well might.”

“Ta.”

“Come back to mine,” he says. “Sleep on it.”

“Always hit on men tryin’ to die?”

“They’re usually the only ones desperate enough to say yes. Got a clean couch and a cup of coffee in it fer ye.”

“Prefer tea.”

“I’m walking away then!”

A snort. He sticks out a hand, fingers stiff and pale from the cold. No gloves. Cautiously says: “Name’s Simon.”

“John.”

“You won’t try to stop me in the morning?”

“No promises.”

“Lead the way to this couch then, Johnny.”

[himecommunism]

estrogen revenant

[derangedrhythms]

I tried to murder myself: to keep from being an embarrassment to the ones I loved and from living myself in a mindless hell. 

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath — 12th December 1958

[adurna0-art]

"With deference to the hands that move creation—" Garathran for @artists-guild-of-exandria's End of an AGE: Calamity project!

[phyrestartr]

Heyyy I'm not sure if you take requests but I have an idea-

Reincarnated! Husband sukuna x Dead spouse (husband) Male Reader: this one is kind of like sukuna fucks up a lot, I think this can work out as an omegaverse? He cheats, fucks around, or doesn't even give af about m reader who is his fated pair, but then m! reader died and since they were mated he's like “shit I can't live without him” so he tries to be good to him the next life and they have happy family the end.

Replay (This Time I'll Get It Right) | Sukuna x Male!Reader (Part 1 of 2)

W/C: 1.6k #alpha!sukuna, omega!reader, mentions of suicide, mentions of murder, ABO dynamics, mentions of stalking, mentions of toxic exes, sukuna sucks, sukuna sucks less eventually, reincarnation, next lives, angst, drama, hurt/comfort, toxic relationships, infidelity/cheating

NOTE: Thank you for your patience!! It's still not quite done, but I wanted to post the first part up while i think of the rest of the story (got a vague idea of how it'll go, so should come out soon). Ty for the req!

tags: @kamote-kuneho @prettorett @memedealer-exe @tr4nniez @better-imagination-9 @flowersatwork @memedealer-exe @silvern1006

♪ Here With Me - d4vd

♪ Watch the sunrise along the coast

As we’re both getting old ♪

Sukuna puffed on a cigarette, staring out at the city lights. You always liked coming here, to this little cliff hanging above the city–especially when you were stuck on lyrics or tabs of whatever song you were working on. This hillside spot was cheesy and stupid, but you loved the way it felt like an old-school chick flick when you drove up here in your beater.

In this spot, Sukuna realized you had an old soul, one that basked in the simple, mundane things like stargazing and city-watching. It was a step away from feeding pigeons in the park, your producer decided. The way that made you laugh still sent his heart on a wild chase. That, too, was the first moment he realized he wanted you more than just a collaborator. 

And, maybe, if he had pushed aside the partying, the drugs, the women, he might’ve bothered checking his phone. He might’ve been able to apologize for wrongs done and words said, to get back on the right track. He might've not found out about you on the news. Maybe he could have given you everything you wanted–

But he couldn’t. Not anymore. 

♪ I can’t describe what I’m feeling

And all I know is we’re going home ♪

Even after locking you down and starting on that stupid journey to start a family, his spirit still yearned to wander free. 

So it did. 

Primal wants controlled him. He allowed them to steer him away from the safety of your touch and into the gnashing jaws of excitement, of danger. All because the two of you were starting to make it–you were starting to leave your mark on this world, and Sukuna let the fame and greed get to him. 

But how could he not jump at the chance to fuck the famous and infamous? How could he stay faithful to just you, a smalltown boy, when big city celebrities reached out to him, pulling him into big deals and bigger beds? How could he–

His phone blitzed to life again, ringing in the hollow quiet of a too-expensive car. The call went to voicemail, leaving him in the pits of Tartarus again, drowning in the frigid rain beating against his car windows like a million bullets trying to seek the death penalty.

Did angels do that? Take revenge for their own kind? He’d understand it. Jin, an angel in his own right, exiled his Luciferian twin from the celestial plane, barring him from what was left of that tiny spark of love and hope he called “family.” 

♪ So please don’t let me go, oh

Don’t let me go ♪

His phone rang again. He remembered picking it up once upon a time, listening to your shaky voice as you told him the worst and best news he’d ever heard in his entire existence: “I’m pregnant.” 

Sukuna didn’t know what true fear and excitement were until that moment. You laughed through waterworks, lifted by Sukuna’s uncontrolled motor-mouthing and celebrating as he hooted and hollered on the other line. The women your husband was with gave him weird looks, but he didn’t care–you were pregnant. You were going to–

You were going to have his kid. His pup. A shared little joy, a spark of hope for the future. And then–then someone took that away. 

The sorry waste of life, the obsessive ex you vehemently feared, left behind a note for whomever found the tragedy: “I'll take care of them from now on.”

Sukuna knew there had to be more to it, there had to be more of an explanation, but the media wasn't interested; they only wanted to use and abuse your name and face for articles and news reports, not to reminisce on you nor the woe of a murder-suicide.

How come no one cared? Why did no one fucking care?

♪ Save your tears, it’ll be okay

All I know is you’re here with me ♪

He snapped. Sukuna kicked the dashboard. His boot cracked against the console again and again and again until your siren song died in a quick fit of static. He crashed his heel into the broken screen a dozen more times, each impact punching shout after shout out of his tight throat as the weight of the fucking sky collapsed on him. He wasn’t Atlas. He couldn’t hold it up. He never could, not by himself.

Sukuna heaved in breaths. His stomach swirled and churned with nausea. He held his head and leaned back, screaming into the thunder that shook the world with a vital roar, hiding heartbroken howls.

Why? Why? Why? 

“Deep breaths, Sukuna,” your voice cooed. It came from the darkness, from the forgotten corners of his mind. Why were–ah, right. He’d been here before, overcome with agony and grief. Unable to breathe, unable to cope, unable to exist.  

He followed your instructions. 

“In. Out. In. Out.”

In. Out. In. Out.

The phone rang again. Sukuna answered. He hoped whoever it was would tell him this was all just a bad joke. A bad dream. It wasn’t real. 

“Finally,” Wasuke sighed on the other end of the line. “Kid, where the fuck are you?”

Sukuna stared up at the roof of the car. Words smeared and oozed like molasses in his mind. He couldn’t understand the words he knew he could understand. 

“Sukuna.” 

“What the fuck do I do?” Sukuna asked. His voice quivered. Chipped and cracked.

His father fell quiet. But he was wise. So fucking wise and so good at everything that came with life and death, morality and love. 

“Become a better man,” he said, like it was so simple. 

Sukuna scoffed. “H-How the fuck–”

“Quiet, kid.” Wasuke sighed. “That boy loved you. He had faith in you as a partner and a father. Remember that. Honour that, and become the man he knew you could be.”

Sukuna didn’t know his heart could break more, but it did. 

He sobbed. To his father, to himself, to you, to that unborn joy, to whatever fuckhead created life and love in the first place. He cried for forgiveness, for a second shot. 

“I’ll try,” Sukuna bit out. “I’ll try.” 

–

♪ I wish I could live through every memory again

Just one more time before we float off in the wind ♪

Sukuna woke up to that song. It was the same one that played in his nightmares, the same one that robbed him of sleep until he lost his mind and–and–

“What the fuck happened?” Sukuna croaked to whatever singing nymph fluttered around him. 

The damn song stopped, leaving Sukuna in just a second of tumultuous silence. 

Beep. Beep. Beep. 

The rhythmic chirping of some machine–a heart monitor, maybe? A metronome?--kicked up into double time, jamming an ice pick into his skull further and further with every hellish second that passed by. He could almost hear the radio static, the warp of a ballad calling to him. And it wouldn't stop. It wouldn't stop. Why wouldn't it stop? Why? Why? Why?

“Hey,” your voice cooed. Your hand rested atop of Sukuna's and squeezed. “Can you hear me?” 

Sukuna cracked a tired eye open to look up at you; you were perfect. God-given. A blessing he needed to see right now with your gentle eyes and kind smile, the gentle scent of lavender and vanilla cutting through the disgusting sterility of the room. 

“Can hear you,” Sukuna rasped. His hand tried to turn to hold yours, and you helped by slipping your palm into his. His heart rate slowed with the rhythm of the machine. 

You nodded and covered your clasped hands with your other one. “Good. You probably don't remember, but you were in an accident. A car side-swiped you when you were on your motorcycle.”

“No shit.” 

“Yes shit. But you're alright. Would recommend wearing a helmet from now on.” You pat his hand before slipping both of yours free. “I'll call the doctor and your family. They'll be glad to know you're awake, Itadori-san.” 

He wanted to ask you to stay. He didn't want you to go, not right then, maybe not at all. 

But you flashed him another comforting smile and slipped out of the room before he could object.

–

His father came by. Jin and his son, too. Uraume and Yorozu scolded him for not wearing a helmet. The ragtag group of hooligans he unfortunately associated with (just for the sake of going to their fancy-ass parties, he reasoned) came and went, too; Gojo gave him headaches, Getou made it worse, Ieiri wasn’t so bad.

Then there was you. You were always humming some sort of tune, whether it be the song from his nightmares or something he'd never heard before. Sukuna liked it, the sound of your voice, but you'd always clam up the second you realized someone might hear. 

It led him to pretend to be asleep far too many times during his recovery. Your songs eased his wildfire spirit, let it simmer down and curl up comfortably in a ring of stones to keep those near safe and warm without the fear of being burned alive. Hell, they could probably even make some s’mores if they wanted. 

Eventually, though, Sukuna wanted to know more. And what better person to ask than the burgeoning med student herself?

“Oh, [Name]?” Ieiri asked, sitting beside Sukuna’s bed and looking over the machines connected to Sukuna with rapt attention. “He’s a new-ish nurse from what I get. Pretty cute, huh? Apparently passed his exams no problem and–” 

Sukuna rolled his eyes. “If you don’t know relevant shit then just–”

“He’s single. Omega. Likes men. Kinda older than us. Gojo and Getou got rejected already.” 

That shut Sukuna up. 

[exhelluvafan]

I really wish that Helluva gets cancelled when 2025 arrives.

The amount of damage this show has singlehandedly done is just too much, including but not limited to: 3 confirmed deaths because of suicide derived from bullying over shipping discourse.

[metamatar]

how to be in a relationship when you are suicidally depressed but do not want to be manipulative (opinionated, by former suicidal but still depressed idiot). this is no guarantee that you aren't accused of it ofc, but this like. a good faith try at not being it.

wrote this because i feel like. everyone wants you to know that if you're suicidal you don't have like. the right? to be in a relationship which is unfair. and fuck that. but, i feel like there's way to manage? cope? with suicidality that are better than others.

do not use criticism directed at you as an opportunity to inform someone you're suicidal. it should def never be a part of an argument about something else, even if that's how you feel. exit the argument with a "sorry i cant deal with this right now, be back in x hours" if you're feeling suicidal because of an argument then please do coping mechanisms unrelated to your partner. making someone feel like they can't criticise you or you'll kill yourself is like the no. 1 thing you shouldn't do. it makes all relationships pretty false if someone can't be intimate/honest with you and the threat of suicide is so high stakes it stuffs all criticism. you can explain why 48 hours later. i cannot emphasise the value of your cool down even tbh for your suicidal feelings. i will kill myself after 48 hours is an underrated coping mechanism.

if you notice a specific criticism triggering you more than twice, let your partner know its a real trigger. they should ideally notice that you exited from a conversation multiple times for a specific reason. then you should have a conversation about whether that criticism is a deal breaker for you guys and if and how you want to work on it.

ideally, when you do tell your partner about being suicidal. it should be when you're not otherwise having a conflict and be clear about how close you are to making plans and maybe commit to checking in every few hours. the emmengard scale is very useful is communicating what kind of suicidal you are. if you do intend on a killing yourself, making someone feel complicit in it only makes sense if you want to actually blame them for it? like idk think about if you want them to really feel responsible.

be clear about the fact that you don't expect them to fix you and make it clear to them that they can't fix you. mental health is too complicated for that. can your relationship be a positive factor? yes, hugely so imo. can you involve them in setting up better routines and offering affirmations? def. its very valuable. but locating someone as the sole locus of responsibility is something most people really can't cope with, and tbh if that's what you're looking for, you should be upfront. maybe there's someone who wants that, but most people really cannot do it. you can't save me, but I would like your help in my attempt to save myself is imo. a decent attitude?

[heartandsoulcomic]

Too late.

(This was not a good plan, Chara.)

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[moeggoi]

You don't have to do anything any more. Ever.

[kanohirren]

like clockwork

[historicity-was-already-taken]

Just some random thoughts. All under a cut for obvious reasons.

How many people who survived the Holocaust truly survived? How many people walked out alive, but empty? How many ended their own lives? How many did so, but had it covered up by their families because mid century attitudes about suicide? Like my grandmother’s cousin: his mother took cyanide while they were in the same slave labor camp (one of Schindler’s, I think) and he had to bury her in secret by night. He came to the US after the war, but died in the 1950s from a “car accident.” Collision with a tree.

And how many died not from direct suicide, but by neglecting their health, and developing depended on substances which eventually killed them? Yitzhak Zuckerman himself said, that if it hadn’t been for Zivia, he probably would have drank himself to death.

I’m sure there are studies on this, but I haven’t really crossed into work on survivors beyond the Survivors—>Their Boomer Kids—>Millennial Grandkids cycle of trauma and remembering.

Anyway, just some stray thoughts.

[queenoftheimps]

Lestat's little, broken-sounding "Did you hurt yourself?" hits so, so much more now that the show's confirmed that Nicki did, in fact, die by suicide, the same as he did in the books.

There's been commentary for literal decades about how Lestat has a type, but I do think there are heart-breaking implications to a lot of his actions in Season One when you know he's lived through the suicide of one companion and is with a second one with suicidal ideations.

His treatment of Claudia was never okay, and Claudia was absolutely correct to be furious with him. But I do think everything from her being turned (because Louis is desperate and begging) to him dragging her off of the train (because Louis is actively considering the sun) is colored by him trying to avoid repeating history.

[ozziescribbler]

TW: suicide

Statements "James Somerton doesn't deserve to die and I hope he's okay.", "Harry, Kat, Todd or Jessie (?!) bear no blame for James' self-harm and calling them murderers is abhorrent." and "Threatening or committing suicide is often a DARVO manipulation/revenge tactic." are allowed to all be true at the same time and not mutually exclusive.

[mint-8]

Platonic Yandere Doctor

Content/Trigger warning: Mentions of suicide, death and drug abuse.

You have a weak immune system, or perhaps you are simply very clumsy, either way you and your family are very accustomed to going to the hospital and having to pay a lot of bills. Thankfully your parents can afford it, but it used to be necessary for your small family to move around a lot due to your guardian’s professions, however as of lately your family has finally found their ideal home and settled down in a nice suburban area with great clinics all around. It’s now time to find you a new permanent doctor!

- Yandere Doctor who has studied in the best schools in the country and has worked in huge hospitals in all the major cities but who, after so many years of never ending grind, decided to open their very own clinic in one of the wealthiest areas of the state. Some might say to give back to society in a smaller manner, others would argue is a retirement of sorts after so much time spent stressing in high end medical cases. But nobody knows they have grown tired of it all.

- Yandere Doctor was born in poverty and desperately wished for the wealth and respect they lacked in their formative years. They saw how the elite would rule the world and the way they lived, so they made it their life goal to become part of them, to become someone worthy of everyone’s admiration and adoration. They studied hard for many years, investing grueling hours during their intern years and spent every waking moment they ever had to develop themselves as the best doctor that they could ever be. And yet, it left them with nothing. They memorized every book, every illness and know to heart their exact requirements to be cured, and it still left them empty.

- Yandere Doctor who thought that perhaps it was the stress of the hospital. Yes, it must be that! It isn’t allowing them to reach their full potential! And how could a small clinical in a suburban area help with that? They don’t know for sure. Maybe they are lying to themselves, to have some sort of hope that this will be different, so they won’t have to jump off the highest floor of their hospital. A small clinic wouldn’t be as tall, so they would only break their legs at most.

- Yandere Doctor who opened their small clinic to great fanfare. Newspaper and media outlets gave them a lot of free publicity and many famous personalities started to moved to the neighborhood so they could be treat by the smartest doctor of their era! (The words of the newspapers, not theirs).

- Yandere Doctor who couldn’t describe the feeling that swept through them like a tsunami to a small beach when they met their very first patient, you. Little, innocent and sickly you who came to their clinic in hopes that they could cure the cold that has been bugging you for weeks already.

- Yandere Doctor who prescribes the best medicines and even offers that you stay in the clinic for a couple nights in order to monitor your progress. Who cares about the other patients? They don’t want your symptoms to get worse sweetheart, your doctor will personally make sure your stay it’s as pleasant as possible. Only the best bedding, and the best food. Oh, and your parents can only visit for 20 minutes. For their health, of course. Nothing else.

- Yandere Doctor who looks forward to your weekly visits and checkups! They know they shouldn’t wish for their gavorite patient to get sick so often that they have to come by every day, but they can’t help themselves! Oh, and you definitely get special treatment as well. Being placed first in any waiting list, given priority at all times, and your doctor will gladly make your visits as accommodating as they possibly can!

- Yandere Doctor who has never felt like this before! They suddenly have a desperate need to protect and care for the weak you. They have finally realized what their colleagues meant when they would talk about that… gratifying feeling whenever they would save a patient’s life or cure their illness! They just weren’t supposed to be this obsessed, though…

- Yandere Doctor who becomes your permanent doctor for… everything! Whether it’s surgery or a broken bone, they will make sure to erase your pain as swiftly as possible! Your parents might whine about the costs or whatever, but your doctor knows exactly how to deal with them! They have worked for some dangerous people, so it’s simply a matter of cashing in some favors, making a few phone calls, and boom! Your parents are off the picture! Now, now, there’s no need to cry. Your doctor can become your legal guardian for the time being until they are found! (If they can even find them)

- Yandere Doctor who thrives as your main caretaker! They have finally found their purpose in life! No more will they stay awake in the night for hours questioning their existence. No longer will they have mental breakdowns in their house or in a utility closet after a shift. And no longer will they be tempted to mix those pills with their vast collection of alcohol. They don’t have time for that, they must take care of you now!

- Yandere Doctor who keeps you locked up in their abode and who will only let you leave for the necessary amount of sunlight and exercise required so your health won’t plummet. They will get the best nutritionists and medicines so your state will continue to be stable. And, they will let you attend school as well. But the moment they see that your mental health is getting worse (I mean, of course, it would be bad, your parents are dead) they are taking you off there and straight up to online schooling!

“Don’t you worry darling. I’ll take of everything. Just eat your greens and drink your water, ok? I only want you to be happy :)”