#COMING 3RD OF MAY

[dazzlep0p]

Guys.

Guys.

GUYS.

THE TRAILER IS HERE GIRLIES AND IT'S ON TWITTER

[autumnwhistles]

On c!Martyn and Caring

Martyn and loyalty are two words that, in discussions, tend to go hand-in-hand. Whether it's praising his devotion to Ren or analysing his betrayals, he can never escape that contradiction. Is he loyal, or not?

I think it goes deeper than that. While c!Martyn is full of contradictions, it isn't only loyalty that's at the core. Rather, it's the wider subject of how he interacts with players at all, how close he gets to them, and how he reacts to caring.

It's both a question of how much, and how deeply, and contradictions are found in both aspects. On one hand, Martyn is a very solitary player. CC!Martyn says as much – that he tends to play a solo game, despite having a "person of interest" each time he'll check in on (whose back he has "until [he doesn't], until [his] sword goes in it"). On the other, he's extremely sociable – though he rarely gets close to others, he spends almost all of his time talking to others, joking with them, heading from group to group. On one hand, he's completely focused on self-preservation, willing to backstab and betray at a moment's notice if it suits his game. On the other, he has a capacity for honour and loyalty, and – crucially – losses do affect him deeply. Again, CC!Martyn describes this contradiction very well.

There are always these two conflicting wishes within him – for self-protection (whether from physical or emotional harm), but also despite himself, for care. And two quotes represent the contradiction. One in-universe:

I learned there was nothing in this world for me – nothing but walls, corners, edges. And you know what, you showed me life. As much as I’ve taken it from you, you gave it back to me in buckets’ fulls. - Shortly after Ren's beheading, 3rd LIfe

And one from CC!Martyn:

[Ren's final death in 3rd Life] was the moment that kind of broke character!Martyn and made him more selfish moving forward. - Martyn's post-Limited Life lore stream

A wish, and the consequences of indulging in it. It's a balance he'll have to walk for as long as the games continue.

So, let's explore it.

Pre-Win

It's pretty clear that walls, corners and edges are the only thing Martyn has seen for a long time now. After so many games, so much bloodshed without ever an end in sight – even after winning, nothing changes – it's hard to search for anything else. But back, back before the Red King's rise, seeing the world that way wasn't enough.

3rd Life

Martyn starts, as he always does, as a wanderer. He's a bit of an outsider from the beginning – he's not a Hermit, he was never a member of X-Life or any of Scott's other series, and though he has been in one MCC team with Scott and another with Joel, the people he's truly familiar with (the EVO crew) are by far in the minority. It's only really BigB and Skizz in the same boat.

It's no surprise, then, that he takes the first chance to form an alliance he gets (with members he's all familiar with) – the Blue Sword boys. But though he does think about the alliance far longer than the others do, it's not so much of an emotional commitment. We're still at the stage where he thinks there's "nothing in this world for [him]", after all.

There's another similarity between early game Martyn and the Martyn we're more familiar with: he's focused on survival from the start. He's always worried about Ren being too kind, about Ren spilling secrets. He hides his own resources (eg the Ender chest), he spends most of his time away from Dogwarts, he's ready to leave if Ren doesn't toughen up. In many ways, pre-Red Winter Martyn isn't all too different from post-3rd Life Martyn. He's always been worried about the impacts of others on his game.

What he's not worried about yet is the emotional impact on himself of others dying.

So he indulges in that life Ren has shown him gladly. He gladly takes up the mantle of Hand, of protector, taking no effort to hide his loyalties or to emotionally distance himself, and leaving no contingencies in case things go wrong.

Then, Ren dies.

Only a few metres away from Martyn, but out of his line of sight.

C!Martyn breaks. He'll live with the knowledge of the consequences of caring forever.

And we see this in...

Last Life

Is it better to have loved and lost, or to never have loved at all? For C!Martyn, it's cleary the latter. And there's one clear change in his alliances this time round that shows this: contingency plans.

Especially at the start, Martyn doesn't tie himself closely to the Southlands. He has options to escape them – Ren especially is an option if things go wrong, and later down the line he forms a whole secret alliance (the Shadow Alliance) as well. Of course, this means he'd have the option to use the Southlands to escape the Shadow Alliance as well, though since the Southlands does considerably worse in every metric, this never really becomes necessary.

He isn't tied as closely to Ren this time, either. Though they are allied, he's completely fine with attacking him in the Battle Royale at the end. Of course they planned to fight if they were the final two in 3rd Life, but there are still two pairs of alliances left – Scott and Pearl, and technically Martyn and Ren – and sticking with his doesn't cross Martyn's mind. Maybe accepting Ren's going to die, helping participate in that himself, is easier than trying to protect him and failing again.

So, Martyn makes efforts. But, despite this, he does end up getting close with his allies, especially with the Southlanders (excluding Grian) he had so many plans to escape from. He makes a habit of imitating Mumbo's intro at the start of each session; he votes to keep Jimmy in the alliance even after Jimmy had betrayed them by running away with a life they were passing around as a test of loyalty (Martyn's own life, no less). Viewing the world as only walls and corners wasn't enough for him back in 3rd Life, and no matter how reluctantly he tries to always give himself an out if things go wrong, it clearly isn't enough for him here, either – he does start to genuinely involve himself with them, genuinely care for them.

This care works, yet again, to Martyn's own detriment. Though it doesn't cause his death this time, he mourns them enough to hallucinate their presence – and, importantly the 'promise' of bringing them back to life is what the Voice (a mysterious entity that's been talking to him and telling him what to do for most of the season) uses to keep him obedient.

Martyn: And what if I don't like it your way? Voice: Do as we say. Martyn: W-Why should I? Voice: We can bring them back. Martyn: I don't believe you... Voice: We tell no lies Martyn: Fi-Fine! - LL Ep 8 intro, right after the hallucinations (seriously if you haven't watched any of his POV watch these moments). They're not brought back, of course.

He cares! No matter how much he tries to stop, or pretend he doesn't, c!Martyn is someone who cares deeply. That's something often missed in him.

And that's exactly why he takes so many measures against it.

Double Life

Devotion didn't work, and contingencies didn't, either. So, what does Martyn immediately do in Double Life after finding his soulmate? Cut Pearl off, even after both have been similarly abandoned. He can't take that chance again – he's learned twice now that having close bonds with others, whether you intend to turn on them or not, only ever leads to tragedy. He's learned that the hard way.

But... there is still someone Martyn tries to get close to. Cleo. It's the only time we ever see him actively trying to make a connection with someone, and whether tactics played a role in it or not, I think this is for one main reason: as they're soulbound, their lives are linked. For once, there's no risk of your closest friend dying before your eyes. For once, you don't have to plan to betray and escape, because it's not just one person winning the games – it's both of you, together.

And, for once, this works out for him! They don't win, of course – but when it comes down to it, him and Cleo do work together in their final moments. She doesn't turn on Martyn when he attacks Scott, and she fights Pearl with him. For once, he and his ally die together. In fact, this is the only time he arguably lost because he was too distant from others – it was his rejected ally who killed him, and it was him instantly turning on Scott after they were the final four which lead to the fight starting so soon. I do think Pearl and Scott were more likely to win even if Martyn had done things differently – both of them are very good in fights, and though Martyn is too, it's not Cleo's strong suit – but it's an interesting thing to note...

...Not that it changes anything about Martyn's mindset heading into the next game.

Limited Life

Why would Martyn's mindset change? After all, he successfully avoided what hurt the most, and so he instead doubles down. Yes, he's teamed with Scott – and even then, he's alone for the entire first episode, and only goes to Scott in the second after it's clear others have already formed their groups (numbers are a tactical advantage, after all) – but it's never meant to last. He'll protect him while others are standing, but the intention was always to betray him, to kill him eventually, thinking about it at least as early as Episode 4. To Martyn, their alliance is "fleeting and fragile" (linked in the previous clip), and there's even an excitement that comes from thinking about the betrayal. So, when the time comes to do this, he doesn't hesitate – though the Watchers' amplification of emotions did play a role (also in the lore stream), he's quick to turn on him and cut him down, expressing no apparent regret or remorse. Yet again, a success for Martyn!

...The thing is, all this comes at a cost. Those buckets' fulls of life he saw with Ren have emptied long ago, the corners and edges taking up his entire vision. Everyone is a number, a tactic, a liability, and the one who gave him those bucketfulls is fone. And in the end, being successful in his betrayal doesn't even change anything. Though part of his soul is protected from fragmenting (more info on what that means here), he can't know that. He's just thrust into another game with the same players, still missing Ren, to kill once again. He wanted so much for things to be over, to be the last one standing – "none of these niceties, this is a death match for a reason".

But... nothing changes. If surviving doesn't get you anything, and that was your only aim, that was what you gave everything for (alongside avoiding pain)... what, exactly, do you have to live for?

Post-Win

Secret Life

Now, I admit Secret Life came out at a time my interest in the Life Series was at a low, so I haven't actually watched anyone's perspective though (I did watch most of Martyn's, but the closest I got was watching nearly all of Etho's, since this was around the time of Decked Out 2. And I loved watching Etho play Decked Out 2). But there are two things to note with Martyn here. One, he's being a lot more reckless, partly because he's used to relying on hearts returning, but I think it's also because of the win being so inconsequential. Is there a point in spending all that effort surviving till the end?

Two, he's allied with... Jimmy?

If Martyn ends up hurt when his allies die before him, why ally with the player known for dying first?

Again, part of it may be tactics. Martyn nearly always spends the first episode wandering instead of immediately forming alliances, so he tends to team up with whoever's in a similar boat. But still – why pick the person known for permadying first? The person who Martyn had already been hurt by the death of once, in Last Life?

Maybe he's confident after Double Life and Limited Life. Maybe he thinks he's successfully managed to tread the line between 'useful ally' and 'friend you actually care about', and will be successful again. Maybe because Jimmy is so consistently first out, him dying early is more of an inevitability than a possibility (in Martyn's mind) – it won't come as a shock, and Martyn can be prepared. Maybe the fact that Jimmy did die that way in Last Life makes his inevitable death less impactful this time round.

Maybe it's also because he now knows winning gets you nothing, and he'd like to see those bucketfulls again.

Though it often doesn't show in the Life series itself, Jimmy is probably the closest person to him after Ren. For Martyn, the Life series is a direct continuation of EVO – a very long-running series in which his closest bond was with Jimmy, going through it all as a duo. He does express a wish to get close to him in 3rd Life because of this, but after Jimmy rejects him for Scott, Martyn stops bringing it up.

But they're close to each other, and met each other in a context other than the death games. Maybe this alliance is a way of trying to find that life again. I wish I'd followed the series closely enough at the time to see if it was successful, and I'll find out soon enough.

...Whatever the motivation, though, Martyn is there again when he dies (even after he's not the first out). And no matter how careful he might've been being, no matter how successfully he treaded the line the two times before – once again, it hurts.

"These idiots are just laughing. They have absolutely no idea … what they just unleashed. The hound of hell is coming. There will no bark. Only BITE." - Martyn internally, at the end of Episode 6.

So you'd think that after this, Martyn reverts to keeping his distance, right? He tried something and it didn't work, so he dials it all the way back?

In another world, maybe that would've happened. The thing is, there's one difference.

Ren.

Wild Life

This is the first season since Double Life where he spent the first session with someone else, and the first season ever where he goes with that person immediately and then sticks in an alliance with them until the very end. For once, it's a conscious and immediate choice to stick with one person (one not lifebound to him) – Ren's been gone too long, so die first or not, it doesn't matter.

Maybe that isn't the whole story, though. Because the recklessness, worse than ever, continues.

...Let's take a break, and remind ourselves of 3rd Life. Martyn was one of the last Greens, only dying in session seven, and was the second-last player on Green if we exclude BigB, who wasn't physically there in session 7 and so couldn't die (only Impulse outlived him). Let's remind ourselves of Last Life, which is even more impressive – he died for the first time in session 8, after half the server had been eliminated, and was the last Yellow standing. Even then, he successfully managed to hide for a long time, only dying because he got sick of knowing he was always being hunted and decided to mark his location to the Reds with lava to go out in a final stand, coming third overall. In Double Life, we have the same pattern – though he and Cleo went to Yellow after Martyn miscalculated when pushing her on a cliff, the pair were once again the last Yellows, and Martyn once again came third. He's actually the only player in Double Life who didn't die himself once (...though that's on a technicality, since he was directly behind his and Cleo's first deaths). In Limited Life, though he had a rough start, he won.

If pre-win Martyn is good at one thing, it's survival.

But after?

We've already talked about Secret Life, but Wild Life takes this newfound recklessness to the extreme. This isn't about placement – it certainly impacts it, but his last two deaths especially were caused by something else (...sort of) – but about the way his life is treated as an afterthought, completely secondary to the antics he wants to do in that moment. He comes across a wheat farm people are saying is trapped, and the first thing he does is pick a piece of wheat, stand on it and break it, to see if that's the one that explodes (none do, but he does this multiple times!). He starts a game of chicken under a ledge people are actively throwing TNT minecarts off of, involving himself in every round. He drops down to Yellow due to flicking a suspicious trapdoor in the middle of someone's base (because he was "bored")... and his immediate reaction to this is "okay, good"??? Though that may be because he can use the death to guilt trip others for resources, or to distract people so Skizz could try to get some kills (as he was trying to before), it still shows that he values his life very little. He's killed by Pearl because he turns his back to a player with a grudge against him (Martyn just blew up her entire team barring her), who'd already placed down an End Crystal (which was then destroyed by Martyn's bow) in the same interaction. He volunteers himself for a plan (by Grian) which involves him definitely dying and turning Red – Grian's pitch is "is anyone up for a massive sacrifice mission?" – due to being the distraction keeping everyone in place while Grian shoots an End Crystal at the place Martyn has gathered them. He does ask Ren if it's okay with him (clipped there tooo) before agreeing, but that's the only consideration he takes. With his first death to Scar, there wasn't much indication Martyn would be suddenly pushed off, so I'll let it slide (Scar was still Red, though). Scar attacking him the final time was similar... but it should be noted that Martyn died to his own creeper, saying "I at least thought we would both go out together" as a response (though he did die this way back in Last Life too, with an End Crystal instead). This is not someone who's okay. And Ren does pick up on this – not that it does anything in the end.

As a result, Martyn goes out before Ren – only his second time dying before an ally (BigB outplaced him in 3rd Life by one), and his first ever time dying before his closest.

And I can't help but think – was this the reason he was being so reckless? I'm sure being restless played a role as well, but if you don't care about getting to the end anymore since nothing awaits you there... the only way to escape the pain of losing an ally is being the one to die first. This way he gets to both genuinely enjoy the time he spends with someone, unafraid of what caring might cause, and to not feel the pain of losing them.

If this were the case, it would be a selfish move. But as we established at the very beginning – Martyn has always been one to protect himself.

Conclusion

What happens when you're trapped in a death game? When you know how everything will end, that those close to you will die; when you know yourself well enough to know you'll be affected? When you try not to care, but something inside you still aches for that little bit more – but also when, ultimately, you're your fist priority?

...In discussions of c!Martyn and loyalty, a thought that's often brought up is that Martyn never really cared about his allies in the first place. He was always planning to betray them to win, after all. Of course, the latter is true – at least before his win. But I think the reason behind it is a little muddled.

Martyn doesn't betray others because he doesn't care.

He betrays them because he knows he will.

[a-woman-unkind]

people already stressing about their christmas lists in october meanwhile my heart is set on one thing and one thing only:

[lanasgirlfr]

GLADIATOR 2 SPOILERS⚠️‼️

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OFC THEY GOT HIS AHH🙏🏻😭💀🤣🤣

[dailyjevil]

Day 231 of posting Jevil every day

[elsannej]

Save me movie Symbrock save me

(I am being very sincere - it's not lookin' good on the comic front)

[kinsagi]

All the people in reddit talking about how Hiori is "plot armor," "convenience," "buffed," "forced," etc., completely ignoring the seeds were planted as early as the 3rd selection

[stiffyck]

I just now realized that I may or may not have made a mistake. Um. If I made a mistake I am quite possibly fucked for like a year lmfao

[serpentface]

Given what you've said about braids and their relation to traditional feminity in the Wardi Empire how does it impact Couya as an odonii priestess and as an upperclass women very involved in politics. How is Couya wearing a men's cloak viewed? What are gender expectations for odonii priestesses?

Partially elaborated in another post, but I can expand. It's complicated because Odonii experience reduced pressure to conform to expected women's roles, and a degree of 'masculinity' is accepted and normalized.

This is most prominent in that they do not marry and are expected to remain celibate (marriage and childbearing is otherwise basically a given for women, especially in the upper classes in which marriages are almost invariably arranged and a means of brokering alliances between families). This both frees them from very practical social restrictions and costs, but also of perceived spiritual pollution otherwise considered inevitable to women via pregnancy and as receiving sexual partners.

Their involvement in the military sphere (otherwise considered wholly the realm of men under normal circumstances) also by proxy frees them of certain dress standards. A lot of their base clothing would be considered 'masculine' in other contexts, being less physically restrictive and more practical for free movement. (This style of clothing would also be associated with poverty- ie women who have to perform hard labor, but this association is offset via expensive blue dyes and other visual signifiers).

They occupy a unique, somewhat nonbinary space in the cultural gender framework- they are considered women but without flaws and weaknesses considered otherwise innate or inevitable to women (and in a material sense they are afforded legal rights and privileges otherwise only accessible to men). So a degree of 'masculinity' can be not only accepted but deemed highly positive, reflective of their superior qualities. But this is only the types of 'masculinity' already implied by their roles and function (ie physical strength, practical dress, an assertive and commanding personality, etc).

This doesn't mean they are entirely freed of gender presentation norms. Couya wearing a men's style cloak is in the 'acceptable' range (would be clocked as pretty masc, but acceptably so for her station- masc dress=freedom of movement and a display of strength, appropriate for someone who serves as a physical embodiment of military might). Frequently wearing hair loose and unbraided is Not similarly appropriate. It's not just that she's diverging from an expected women's beauty standard, but that it also culturally indicates laziness, looseness, and inappropriate masculinity. It (combined with everything else) crosses the line from appropriately de-feminized to inappropriately masculinized, and will receive some scrutiny and judgment. But the very, very powerful social status of Odonii means that most of the consequences are immaterial.

So Couya more or less gets away with it, but this has contributed to her being generally unliked and a frequent subject of gossip and jokes (tends to be of the 'good thing no one has to marry THAT' and 'she swore virginhood because no one was gonna fuck her anyway' ilk, including from other priestesses). And more of this social scrutiny means her other unfavorable traits become more apparent (social awkwardness, inappropriate bluntness, etc).

Just in general she was not set up for success. She is technically an illegitimate child- her father had an affair after his wife's second son was born fatally premature. She was claimed and given the family name to avoid the associated shame on her father and legal mother above anything else.

From a young age she was considered slow, antisocial, strange, devastatingly unconcerned with presentation, and annoying (she's autistic and does not exist in a context where that is like, understood and going to be readily supported), which only further disincentivized her parents putting any real efforts into developing her into a suitable female heir. They were kind of just running through the bare minimum motions of raising her. She grew up with the (TREMENDOUS) benefits of a very wealthy family, but had no chance at receiving a good inheritance and would have been married off at the first profitable chance. She and Janeys both experienced some pretty horrific parental abuse after Faiza was selected as an Odonii (chosen by the Odomache herself, a Big Fucking Deal) and removed from the household, and this four year period kind of shaped everything she is now.

Faiza was the only member of Couya's immediate family who actually liked her, and was motivated enough to get her out of there to persuade a senior priestess to select Couya as an Odonii. Their parents readily encouraged this once the possibility became clear (becoming a high-status priestess would be of greater benefit to the family than anything Couya could have provided via marriage, and it was a little concerning that they were losing out on another chance of producing legitimate heirs, but it would be alright since they had a legitimate son who was Totally going to do that). Couya performed very well in this context and was inducted and sworn, which pretty much saved her from a life of privileged misery.

She takes her role very seriously, and on a more personal level her unconventional presentation is a matter of pride. She's kind of flaunting her status by consistently presenting this way and experiencing few consequences worse than mockery. She gets to behave and present in ways that she was punished for throughout her childhood, and there's nothing anyone can really do about it. There's definitely a "FUCK YOU MOM" undercurrent to it, but it also pleases her on its own terms. (On a less profound level, she just prefers this style of clothing, likes having a masculine presentation, and doesn't like how braided hair feels).

So like all that being said, her status as an Odonii is a powerful protection against things that would otherwise be RUINOUS for a woman of her stature, and she is Not a good case study for how her presentation would affect a woman of her political standing. She gets away with a lot and faces mainly petty social consequences.

[sunmisbf]

every time i see an nctzen say frequency is so neo or so nctcoded i die a little inside

[yunogf]

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[monopoly-mountain-requests]

A moodboard for a 3rd Life Grian fictive with wing stretches and sand.

[ryanthel0ser]

AUGH MY BRAIN IS JUST ROTATING DANTE VERGIL AND NERO AROUND I HAVE THINGS TO DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

But like

Dante who resents his demon side because of what happened to his family as a kid and because of what happened to Vergil and to the other people he cares about but doesn't show a shred of his fear and trauma, hiding it behind jokes and cockiness (except in dmc2 which is post Nero Angelo and has him believing he's lost the only family he had left which explains why he's so "not Dante" in that game) but he uses that demon side to fight against them and get his revenge. I don't doubt he's often had the thought "if it wasn't for my father none of this would've happened" or even "if I wasn't part demon the people I care about wouldn't have targets on their backs."

Vergil on the opposite end resents his humanity because of what happened to his family. He believes his humanity is what held him back, it was his weakness, if he had more power he could've stopped the attack and saved his mother. And that becomes his mission, while he still hates demons he believes that gaining more demonic power and becoming more like Sparda will finally make him powerful enough, he won't have that weakness. Yet, no matter what he does somehow Dante is still better. Dante doesn't even want this, why does he always succeed, he gets everything. Mother saved him, she didn't even look for me. It isn't till after Vergil has been separated into V and Urizen that he's forced to deal with his humanity as V. He is forced to go on a personal journey until he combines with Urizen and becomes Vergil again (visions of v is so beautiful at showing this I cry so hard reading those final panels).

And then there's Nero. He spent most of his life completely unaware of the Sparda bloodline. He saw his demon arm as a curse for a long time because he knew the Order would hate him and possibly try to kill him because he has some kind of demonic connection. He was partially right about this, but they were hypocrites and creating their own demons to fight. Now he knows he's a descendant of Sparda, but despite this demon side he knows who he is. He knows what's important to him, and this demonic power can be used to protect the people he loves like Kyrie, she loves him regardless of this demonic side. He's in touch with both his humanity and the demon within, we see this culminate in DMC5. He's that balance between Dante and Vergil, he's truly a successor to Sparda's legacy. And he didn't even know he was a part of it until he was nineteen.

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

this is probably off topic but like i was rereading sea glass gardens & i was just giggling at the fact that kamo (the good one ofc not the one who took back shots for the greater evil) is just…obsessed with getting this middle school delinquent approval & MEGUMI JUST NOT REMEMBERING HIS NAME???

like imagine dedicating your spare time to impress the adopted child of the strongest who is also the zenin’s heir (if gojo fucking goes crazy or kicks the bucket) who is also the ten shadows user, trying to compliment him, hyping up his skills by saying he has more potential than the current zenin head, only for him to not know your name 😭. & the fact he apologized for it? i’m cacklingggg. you truly embraced megumi’s silent menace tendencies. tbh i was so convinced that kamo had a crush on megumi & was just flirting with him for the whole exchange event 😭.

(also maki’s little story of her interaction with megumi in their childhood? i cried a little. like the fact megumi being a menace to naoya & the clan & taking mai away was like mai’s happiest memory? i really can’t wait to see mai’s appearance here)

also i can’t believe megumi is half dead & blind & he’s already known as “yuuta’s boy”. this is giving when you’re a high school senior & you just forcibly take a underclassmen under your wing & everyone just calls that underclassmen your school kid.

like imagine in a happier universe where shibuya didn’t happen & yuuta pops tf out & introduces himself to the first years. imagine the hilarity of nobara & yuuji trying to figure out how tf yuuta is able to cling onto megs, tease him, & knows little details about him without getting his head chewed off 😭.

honestly..yuuta’s unhealthy platonic feelings about megs makes me wonder gojo’s reaction bc i imagine him being so insufferable like he just assumes that “omg my distant relative have a crush on my emotional support child”

ANYWAYS I LOVE YOUR STORY !! i can’t wait for the next update, your writing is literally so beautiful that i have to re read it multiple times to take everything in (i’m kinda slow). it’s gotten to the point where i accepted your fic as canon 😭. i promise you in a few months your fic is gonna be known as THE JJK FIC. i’m manifesting it. <3

So I’m never gonna get there in the fic because sea glass gardens cuts off pre season 1, but I like to headcanon that Yuuta desperately wants yuuji to like him (he’s megumis friend and also Yuuta feels an obligation to look out for him because they were both sentenced to death) but yuuji is just NOT having it because he’s the one person in the world that yuuji feels almost seething jealousy for. He is not a jealous person. He has never been a jealous person. But Yuuta is living his perfect life, which is a fact that Yuuta would be surprised to learn, because he is not living anyone’s perfect life. From yuujis perspective, Yuuta is:

Inexplicably close to Megumi. Megumi is somehow his boy. Yuuji didn’t think Megumi would tolerate being anyone’s boy.

(He doesn’t tolerate it it’s somehow the best and worst kept secret in the school. Everyone knows Megumi is Yuuta’s boy except for Megumi himself. Megumi insists Yuuta’s like this with everyone while panda silently shakes his head where Megumi can’t see him.)

He’s got some kind of secret history with Megumi that no one will talk about (since I imagine that the second years would legitimately keep their word and not talk about what the Zenin did to him behind his back) but whatever it is it makes Megumi trust and rely on him more than anyone else??? How is the son of a bitch doing it???

He was also sentenced to death but got it suspended and like. Yeah. Yuuji would like to live that dream existence.

The fucking legally adopted child of Nanamin??? How?????

It’s a lot of

Yuuji, glaring at him angrily from across the room: he’s the perfect man

Nobara: why do you say that like you’re mad

Yuuji: why am I not him!!!

Yuuta’s just. Despondent. He wanted yuuji to like him so so bad.

Considering canon Megumi didn’t tell them he had an entire sister until they were at his old school and people were asking after her, I doubt that even waterboarding could get out of him “yeah so I met the second years when my bio family violated the no contact protocol that started because of how dangerously abusive they were and basically tortured me for a week, up to the point of my Actual Death. I was blind for a while. I guess okkotsu senpais protective of me because when we first met he Literally Had To Restart My Heart and Lungs. Also we held hands multiple times in the immediate aftermath.” So I think Yuuji and Nobara would be aware that there’s something weird about how Yuuta and Megumi met but have absolutely no idea what that weird thing is.

(Panda: look it’s really not weird how protective Yuuta is of Megumi considering all that Megumi was going through when they first met

Nobara: What was Megumi going through when they first met

Panda:

Nobara:

Panda: I’ve said too much.)

I have a serious reading of Kamo and a self indulgent reading of Kamo and a Kamo that’s somewhere in the middle.

The serious reading of Kamo is that Kamo was a kid who grew up in a bad situation with very little control over his own life and saw Megumi as the one who could possibly understand him. They both were born outside of their clans but their inherited technique had the ability to elevate them to clan heir. He persisted in trying to compliment him and form common grounds with him out of isolation and a desire for someone to understand his lot in life. Megumi, meanwhile, would see Kamo as exactly who he doesn’t want to become. Kamo has accepted his place in his clan; megumi is violently rejecting it. He doesn’t want to be the same as Kamo because he doesn’t want to be anywhere near the Zenin clan.

The thing is that out of all the characters, Kamo’s really the best one we have to kind of represent the more common views of the jujutsu world. like, he very consistently is shown to be able to make his own assessments about what judgment call the higher ups and the wider jujutsu elite are going to make or expect, and part of it is his desire to fulfill his role as kamo clan heir. And Kamo? Accepts out of hand that Megumi is going to be formally brought into the Zenin clan once he graduates.

Like, he's in the fight during the goodwill event, and he's just like "yeah so when we both graduate we'll both be working to support a major clan in the jujutsu world" and megumi's like "the hell are you talking about. i'm going to kill you with this elephant."

It is probably a common expectation that gojo keeping Megumi from the Zenin clan is not going to stretch into perpetuity. Like. Right now, megumi is a minor. Gojo very easily can control who has access to him. When he’s an adult working in the society, the same trick of preventing all contact isn’t gonna work. Those are his coworkers now. They’re going to get more and more opportunities to bring him back into the fold. The Zenin are just playing a waiting game to get Megumi back and everyone sort of has just accepted that fact.

Kamo is what the Zenin clan expect Megumi to one day be for them, and I think it puts Megumi a bit at odds with him. Megumi has no interest in living the way Kamo does, and a little internalized fear about it happening anyway. Refusing the Zenin clan is the only control he’s ever really exerted over his life and future. He never got to pick being a jujutsu sorcerer, but he chose not to go with them. All of kamos priorities and mindset remind Megumi of all the things he’s messed up about, and it sets them at odds.

The self indulgent reading is that Kamo had a huge crush on Megumi and spent the entire goodwill event trying to execute his four year long plan towards holding his hand only to be thwarted by the fact that Megumi was completely dazzled by a himbo he knew for less than two weeks three months ago.

And the reading above is just the serious reading with the added fact that Kamo also had a huge crush on Megumi.

The thing with Mai partially came from something that Gege apparently released as background lore. In the goodwill event, Mai says that she never told maki when she had her first love, and i was like "that's weirdly specific, I wonder who that is" and then I googled it, and the answer was apparently either Megumi or Maki herself, and I said, "Huh, I Don't Like That" and decided we weren't doing that.

Now, to be clear, I do get making that decision on a level as a writer. Like, the Zenin clan is enormously fucked up and explicitly practices intermarriage. That is the kind of thing where you may include it because it's so fucked up and perfectly exemplifies how fucked up it is. a clan that explicitly is practicing incest is going to heavily skew how relationships amongst family members develop and form and it's going to be a fucked up dynamic amongst closely related people.

But also I Don't Like It And We're Not Doing That.

I did like the idea of Megumi and Maki occupying a somewhat similar place in Mai's mind. Like, Maki is in a league of her own, there's too much history there for anyone to come close to her in a relationship, but Mai's fondest memories of Maki were specifically with Maki occupying a sort of companion and protector role. Maki was in the same "level" as mai. They were both vulnerable kids in a bad situation who were looked down on by their family. They were both fast tracked to be servants. But Maki was the brave one, the capable one, the one who guided her when she was afraid and promised to always be there, and that's where a lot of mai's complex emotions around maki come from: mai was afraid and maki was strong and maki was there to hold her hand, and then suddenly she wasn't anymore.

Once I put Megumi in the Zenin compound as a little kid (since it's unclear what contact Megumi had with his bio family pre-season 1 and how extensive it was), I knew that 1) the zenin would not be putting him anywhere near Mai and Maki, and 2) that I wanted them to have met anyway.

So I liked the idea of Maki and Megumi occupying similar spaces in mai's mind because they both had briefly been viewed by Mai as companions and protectors. Megumi's contact with Mai was way more limited than Maki's was, but Megumi sort of swept into her life at a time where Mai really did need it most.

Mai would have been right at the age where most kids get their technique, if they get any at all, and we can sort of assume that mai may have figured out what hers was late if Maki didn't know about it. She just failed to get the ten shadows technique, and was a freshly confirmed failure in terms of power. She was just feeling the sting of her family's rejection, and Megumi, meanwhile, was the one who was supposed to be the most special and blessed of them all.

And he was the only one who didn't reject her out of hand, other than her sister. He stuck his own neck out to protect her. They all played together. There's not a lot of good memories than any of the three of them have on the Zenin compound, but I think that all of them secretly thought of that day as one of the best they can remember from childhood.

And it sort of was a huge deal for Mai. Everyone was treating her like she was dirt under their heel, but there was Megumi, the presumptive heir to the clan, the Ten Shadows himself, and he played with her. He was her friend. I think that would have been kind of a landmark moment for little mai. not only is that the acceptance and kindness she desperately needed, but I think it was also sort of source of hope for her that she could have a place in the Zenin compound one day without it being utter garbage. Megumi was assumed to take over the entire clan one day, and he was kind to her. He was her friend. He didn't let Naoya treat her badly, when Naoya was the one who was likely going to be heir if Megumi hadn't inherited the ten shadows. Naoya was at the top of the food chain, but Megumi still stood up for her, even though her own parents wouldn't have. So maybe when he grew up and became clan head, he wouldn't let people mistreat her and maki anymore. They could all be happy together, and Mai couldn't imagine a future where she and maki got to be happy before. Even though the clan leadership cracked down pretty hard on them for that stunt, it didn't make a dent in how overwhelmingly happy it made her.

Megumi going no contact probably would have been a huge blow, especially considering her age. She lost her hope and her only friend who wasn't her sister in one fell swoop, and she really was too young to have the tools to understand just how much Megumi needed to be kept away from her family for his own safety.

Mai, back then, was living in such a warped life that she didn't really realize how bad her family was, especially to Megumi. and that's not so much a comment as to how bad it was for her there versus him, but more that she had very little context as to what his life there was like. she was never supposed to meet him. She mostly heard about him secondhand, and that's all being filtered through the zenin's unique. All she ever heard was about how the ten shadows had finally been reborn, and how the clan was blessed for it, and how upset they all were that they had to give him back to gojo. No one even wanted her. Megumi seemed like he was living a much better life than anyone at the zenin compound could expect, so what cause would gojo have to take him away?

She was just a little girl who didn't really have friends other than her sister and him. She wanted to play with him again. She didn't understand much outside of that.

Of course, she's had time to grow up and kind of put her memories of the past in a more reasoned context. Maki came to the conclusion that Megumi probably didn't have the best time there a while ago, and this incident has really put it into perspective for her that he must have cut off the zenin because they were dangerously abusive towards him. Like, she mostly never saw him, but she has a lot of memories of him 1) being hauled out of a training room unconscious 2) being on sixteen hour days at the age of six, and 3) being violently unhappy whenever he was in the compound. Mai, to a lesser extent, likely has a similar awareness that he didn't go no contact for shits and giggles, it was because her family's fucking bonkers and abused him badly enough for gojo to pull the plug. of course, how that's shaped mai's mindset towards megumi now is still yet to be seen.

I know what it is, of course. it is seen for me. you all have yet to see it.

Gojo can and will make his own existence everyone else's problem and yuuta is sooo right to not want him to know. like. he wouldn't kick yuuta's ass. but that doesn't mean he'd be good about it.

I'm so glad you like the story! thank you for your kind words!!!

[ace-succo]

My goal in life at the moment is making a book accurate Dracula adaptation one day... because there is no way that they're all just so bad (I'm talking about the one with Winona Ryder) (I have no idea about the others but they're probably better)

[sapphoslibrary]

the amount of gen z “leftists” who lack even basic education on the american political system is genuinely astounding and terrifying