#But you cannot carry on like this
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if all I’m good for hurting what’s the point time and time again I prove to myself I hurt people i hurt milo by treating him the way I did then by not considering the ramifications of one of my kinks and how that may affect him then by not moving on and giving him space I’ve caused him pain I’m a leech to my friends and family I’m just so tired
#It’s a good thing he’ll move on get engaged his pain will heal hopefully#And me well I’m bad at letting go so I’ll just hurt myself on repeat#I just feel as if I’ve brought so much pain into this world I’m constantly depressed and have to lean on others#And I feel just like Jericho simply causing pain without even realizing it#And yet because I still love him#I still want to say I’ll wait#That I want to get better to give him the best I can#Because he deserves that#Or I go back to my drifting alone and in silence to let myself rot and maybe one day I’ll restart this whole damn process and maybe get to#Heal#this just feels like a cycle#so ouroboros here’s the deal bite down or let go#But you cannot carry on like this
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This wine tastes like pigs blood!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#jin zixun#wei wuxian#su she#(Su She needs to have his carrie moment before he can have his Carrie Moment.#Which means he needs to exist as a punching bag before he can hit 'em with the rebound).#My first draft of this comic had WWX slurping LWJ's wine per actual scene canon#As it really is a great scene of how WWX is willing to absorb the scandal and harm that befalls others.#It had a lot less to do with it being LWJ and more so that WWX just happens to be the kind of person who refuses to turn a blind eye.#It could have been any Lan who was being pressured (inappropriately) to drink (do not pressure anyone to drink irl PLEASE).#Because this is a romance plot it of course *is* LWJ. But don't forget that in this moment they aren't on great terms.#It's not a knight in shining armor moment - it's a 'you were being treated unjustly and I have the power to absolve you from that.'#And as we are very soon about to see - WWX certainly cannot turn away from those who need aid he can provide.#And like Jin Guangyao; that kindness is also his downfall.#By the way - that you all for the amazing community commentary on the last comic. I really loved reading everyone's thoughts!#Suyao shippers...I get it now. You had me at 'wen ning and WWX parallels'. I'll be back with a treat for you soon.#And yes 'everyone' does include the ironically named tumblr user jin zixun.#Who blocked me right before the character makes his pd-mdzs debut.#I hope you are well. You seem like you were having a real bad time yesterday.
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once you learn enough about evolutionary biology you start seeing ghosts everywhere
#everything alive carries within it the traces of its ancestors' niches#and also some niches are just eerily *empty* where they were once full#and im not talking like “the megafauna here got eradicated by human intervention and hunting and habitat loss”#i mean it in the “there hasn't been a proper aerial macropredator since the azadrchids went extinct 65 million years ago”-sense#which is something you cannot unthink or unsee#especially in island ecosystems
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Vampire Mercedes lore doodles (and vampire Lorenz bullying)
#carrying over my posts from twitter choo chooooo#these were stewing on twit for a bit cuz I had other doodles I wanted to doodle#BUT ALAS even doodles take time and energy. maybe in 3-4 months from now#2023 art#fe3h#mercedes von martritz#Lorenz Hellmen Gloucester#in this AU mercedes can go outside and enter rooms and stuff she just cannot see her reflection#lorenz cannot eat certain things but otherwise hes good to go#well that and the blood drinking stuff#i can't write fics but i would like everyone to imagine in their head the comedy hijinks of Ingrid Felix and Ashe trying to hunt a vampire#while Mercie Annie and Sylvain are like woah vampire?? so weeeeird#Annie knocking over and smashing things into every mirror while mercie stands there like#'you could have also just put a sheet on it...?“#meanwhile Dimitri is fighting his own demons he has no idea what's going on communication is dead just like his dad#Lorenz going on a lore dump about Gloucester's history w vampires#hilda rolls her eyes but when she looks over at Claude he's furiously taking notes the absolute nerd
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This one is a kind child
#rest well phos... you deserve it#man. hnk ending. end of a fucking era#manga that made me discover i was trans and got me really into art#(i was already drawing but i genuinely think hnk was like a launchpad for me. i cannot escape it sdfjhsdfsa)#its just. so much#fuck#anyways the insp for this one was mainly the textpost thats like''i hope death is like being carried to your bedroom when you were a child''#ok tags time#houseki no kuni#hnk#land of the lustrous#lotl#宝石の国#hnk phosphophyllite#phosphophillyte#my art
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Jessie gets her license.
#congrats to me on yet another wildly unfunny comic#one of those ideas that'd only be funny if it was animated and also only if you are me#the idea was there.#can't say I didn't try#put too much time into this to not post it so#still figuring out how to consistently draw Jessie#pokemon#pokeani#meowth#rocketshipping#kojimusa#team rocket#I cannot stop thinking about them#I might have to actually watch the later seasons for more content of them but#I cannot stand James' newer voice#he sounds like he's on the verge of crying constantly. Although that's probably accurate.#may have to find the sub versions just so I can power through it#I did watch some of the Sun and Moon anime though#I loved their little food truck. They should have quit Team Rocket and just carried on the food truck business. Wear pink hats all day#anyway listen to Me And You VS the World by Space!! It's my all time Rocketshipping song and it fits them so well
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i'm here to feed the velvet and veneer enjoyers... enjoy
heyy it's DBTAU omggg i said i was gonna draw it at some point xD
there's still a few concepts i needa doodle but have these for now
(credit to @ohpuppetofmine for suggesting the au idea!)
(also for those who don't know what this au is about, check my asks about it aaand chocosourlemon)
#chocosourlemon has been carrying this au for the most part xD#thank you for the heavy lifting#i haven't been able to draw this until now so HEY#art#uglydolls#lou uglydolls#dbtau#dollsbandtogether#velvet and veneer#trolls velvet#trolls band together#trolls 3#trolls veneer#trolls floyd#trolls crimp#digital art#digital fanart#dollpurgatoryart#CANNOT GET OVER VENEER. HE LOOKS LIKE GREEN LOU. LMAOOO
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No, listen, you don’t understand, this line haunts me. Why is this never picked back up?? Did anyone actually tell Apollo that his son said this???? Apollo met with all three people who were in this room, did any of them pass the message on??? If so, why don’t we see it???? Actually, why is Asclepius barely mentioned AT ALL in ToA???????? WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ASCLEPIUS???????
#trials of apollo#toa apollo#lester papadopoulos#pjo asclepius#sunny speaks#this line carries so much weight yet it’s just dropped#my one complaint with ToA is too little Asclepius#you CANNOT convince me Apollo does not feel some type of way about how his son is being treated#only like#two casual mentions of Asclepius throughout the whole book series is CRIMINAL
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clipping our carabiners together so we do not get lost <3
#art#digital art#original character#wlw art#oc: the changeling#oc: augustus#the changeling doesn't really carry keys/keychains it only wears the carabiner bc augustus gave hers to it <3#i had to draw this super close up for 2 reasons. 1) i want to use it as the avatar so it has to be coherent small#but also 2) you Cannot think about the characters' height differences.#i was originally going to have their carabiners hooked on the full scale pics of them i did earlier and like immediately was like#OH changeling is far too short for them to be able to pull this off. but close up we don't have to think about it.#perhaps they're just sitting next to each other... don't worry about it <3
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what is considered "beautiful" by society is inevitably sexist, racist, ableist, classist, transphobic, and bigoted. it targets and attacks any perceived difference, and it particularly villainizes women of color while co-opting aesthetics; as if features and cultural norms can be worn as accessories.
and the scary thing! you can see all of these things, know them to be true logically, and also know that you are treated better if you are perceived as beautiful. if you have ever been treated as "ugly", you know exactly how much society reviles you if you don't manage to scamper along and perform to their rules.
and how are you supposed to balance that? do you want a nose job to fix your broken nose, or have you just recently been seeing videos about how many people look better after nose jobs. do you want to lose weight to feel good, or is it that when you lose weight people treat you better. do you want to wear this outfit, or is it just the thing that's least likely to get you harassed. do you want to get lip injections for your reasons or is your whole reason that you don't feel beautiful unless you get those lip injections?
and the definitions shift. the goals get more specific. in the way that you only become aware of your tongue when someone mentions it; parts of your body are introduced as problems. i had never heard the term "hip dip" until about a year ago - and it was in the context of how to get rid of this. i'm 30, i know this shit is invented, and yet! i still find that strange voice saying but do you think someone is going to notice?
how the fuck am i supposed to say "this is my genuine choice i am making for my body" when i also know that years of my life have been spent socializing me to accept this as my inevitable fate? how do i know i'm actually doing this out of love for my body - or am i doing it for how i want others to see me, which will be lovely enough to feel loved? how am i supposed to recover when my unhealthy habits are seen as self-discipline but if i relax i'm openly mocked for "letting time win"? how the fuck am i supposed to say "i'm doing it for me" when i'm also very aware that i'm doing it to stop myself from being teased or demeaned? is it my choice if the other option is being bullied?
we are living in a hostage negotiation - either consent to the demands or spend the rest of your life being treated like you're a despicable person.
#i also have things to say about how gender plays into this#but it became like 1450 pages#so i saved the rest in a draft#btw? hip dips used to be like valued in the 90s & 2000s during the ultra thin craze#which is so fucking wild to me bc i am old enough to REMEMBER that people WANTED them#bc they're literally the shape of your bones. they're your hipbones showing. & you literally CANNOT 'target' that area#that would be like targeting your elbow. it's a fucking JOINT.#it is a place where you either do or do not carry mass. the lower ur bodyfat percent and the higher ur thigh & glute strength#the less that you will carry weight there#which is even MORE fucking cruel bc !!! the type of people who are already trying to improve themselves helplessly#are going to be aware of their body! and ur literally GIVING them an insecurity they LITERALLY do not decide!!!!#“it rounds out ur figure” here's something my guy! maybe people shouldn't have to look uniform and sleek !!!#maybe you just want to fuck a manatee !!!#if we're really at the point that you have to apologize for LITERALLY HAVING BONES.....#like sorry my legs had to connect somewhere in my form :( i will hide that from u. my apologies ur honor#(fashion bloggers gagging bc there's evidence other people have skeletons)
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Casey Stoner, Pushing the Limits
GP11:
GP12:
x
#casey stoner#brr brr#//#i realised i had one important take about the casey/vale rivalry that isn't linked to my actual thesis about them because. listen#i think about this line like. once a week. it haunts me in my sleep. i cannot carry this burden on my own any longer#casey. casey. is it really cOVERED?? with luminous yellow?? COVERED????#i'm not massively fond of the shade of red either but i don't think valentino was involved in making it more orange#my man saw the tiniest hint of yellow and was like 'what the fuck is this'#like valentino's LEATHERS are a wee bit yellow but that's!! not!! the bike!! also casey YOU had the aussie flag on your bloody bike number#the green is also on nicky hayden's gp12 btw like it's LITERALLY JUST THE NUMBER that's yellow#YOU DON'T EVEN SEE THE SEAT WHEN HE'S SITTING ON THE GP11 CASEY IT'S A RED BIKE#i don't have a coherent point about this but it is a LITTLE fascinating! like this made it into his autobiography!!#it's such an interesting thing to even notice no? like you're thinking about their stunning blood red being contaminated?#Does He View Valentino Rossi As An Infection? this is some symbolically potent shit when u think about it#do u think all valentino's victims have like. some kind of deeply ingrained aversion to the colour yellow. pavlovian response and all that#to be clear i find this very funny and i support casey in being a bit demented about valentino. who amongst us#heretic tag
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Spoilers relating to character creation under the cut (screenshot of rook standing next to emmrich to be precise - no story spoilers)
So apparently this is the tallest you can be compared to emmrich as an elf (height isn’t gender locked which is great) but WHEN I TELL YOU MY SHORT ASS ROOK IS GONNA BEND THAT MAN OVER HIS OWN DESK REGARDLESS
(Screenshot from @ghildirthalen on twitter)
#full head shorter or not I will be carrying him up those stairs and throwing him around like a ragdoll#I will fuck him six ways to sunday and you cannot stop me#tall spooky bean pole and his short king dom#dragon age spoilers#veilguard spoilers#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#emmrich volkarin
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Adaine Abernant, the oracle of my HEART. i love her and her hair of indeterminant length
#adaine abernant#adaine o'shaughnessey#adaine fantasy high#fantasy high#d20#dimension 20#fhsy#d20 fhjy#shes a nerd with a sword and formerly an orb#i wonder if she kept the orb somewhere. backup focus for when she doesnt want to carry the sword#or if she someday buys like. a wizard wand.#love the sword but girl you cant bring that to dinner#my art#i cannot believe i almost forgot my art tag
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I think Niko should come back from her trip to the snowy spirit realm or wherever she is with the ability to turn into a polar bear because of the bear luck charm (And then she helps Tragic Mick turn into a walrus again because you never know when the good you do comes around)
But mostly I just think it would be very good for everyone to get into trouble and Niko to be dressed in her amazing adorable outfits and underestimated by everybody and then suddenly there's a fuck off big giant bear there instead
#dead boy detectives#I don't actually think the show will do this#I just think it would be kind of funny but also kind of great#It would tie into Mick's story of shape changing! And Mick gave her the charm! Sedna!#But also POLAR BEAR HERE TO HELP SOLVE YOUR SPOOKY PROBLEM#They could have polar bear cuddle piles!#She could carry them all!#...I'm talking myself into this now#Niko the world's most gentle polar bear#Sometimes she gets stuck because she's still working out the shape changing#And then they're all like “...shit how do we hide a polar bear in the centre of London”#“This is.... my dog” Crystal says desperately and unconvincingly because you cannot hide a polar bear as a dog
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the thing about trauma and i think the reason im always more compelled by characters who lash out as a result of it instead of being made stronger by it is that it’s pointless. none of that shit happened for a reason. there’s nothing you’re supposed to do now that it happened. i can’t stand narratives that romanticise trauma bc the reality of it is that you went through that for no reason and you have to just deal and keep going. there’s nothing beautiful or brave about it. no one is writing you for it to mean something. it’s just… there
#like even good victims of trauma who do respond well and bravely and become better for it - none of that happened BECAUSE of their trauma#it happened bc of how they chose to respond to it. it happened because of THEM#trauma is inherently a non-human thing it cannot have emotions like bravery it cannot be personified#it’s just an object you carry with you and some people bear it better than others#i think a lot of people bc of narratives we see in media find themselves irl looking for some Great Purpose behind their trauma#like it had a point all along and some greater being is writing it in a concise way that makes narrative sense#but this is real life and it was pointless and im sorry that it didn’t mean a fucking thing. now get up and keep going#sorry if this is super negative lmao 😭
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Already said this but since everybody is too busy on the failmance happening im gonna say it again: Vi starting their confrontation by saying “never thought [my sister] would orphan kids” only to be stopped from killing jinx. By an orphan kid.
#its about how jinx specifically calls vi her sister. thats WHY she has to kill her she wont balk from that#but vi disowns her as a sister (crazy bc she was her only blood family but thats nbd in zaun) bc thats the only way she can kill jinx#vi just GASSED zaun and is a COP now jinx should be disowning her#it wouldve been SO good if jinx flipped the s1 finale situation#and started asking what vander or mylo or claggor would think while wearing his stolen goggles#if vi wasnt so hot yall would actually call out her bad decisions or red flags but go off ig#bc this scene is also after she watched jayve KILL a kid. not even orphan one! and she was LITERALLY like ‘so? kids be dying.’#anyway the fact that isha is also aware of cait trying to shoot jinx so she hugs her. puts her head in the mf WAY on purpose#and vi has to have the same moment as jayce. ‘what have we done’ you became the very thing you swore to hate sweetheart :))#to have a child from zaun. your home btw. look at you in an enforcer uniform and shes full of fear and rightous fury.#its that day on the bridge again. vi had that same look in her eyes when vander carried her away. when did her lines and her values become#so easy to sway. well bc she loves someone of course. but she betrays you too. i can only laugh#its stupid bc s1 jinx is literally only doing what vi grew up wanting to do for vander. like actually.#bc its the same that they cannot steal from topside so it wouldve meant stealing and fighting and eventually killing people in oposition#like your sister was building nail bombs at 9 years old. you encouraged her. ‘theyll work eventually’ and then she kills and vis like 😰😰🤢🤢#bc she only sees silco. ugh kill me#can somebody talk about THEM please yknow one of the main focuses of the show#arcane#netflix arcane#arcane season 2#arcane s2#arcane spoilers
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